Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:01,910
Welcome back.
2
00:00:01,910 --> 00:00:01,920
Welcome back.
3
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,310
Welcome back.
Give it up for Louis Cato
4
00:00:04,310 --> 00:00:04,320
Give it up for Louis Cato
5
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:08,505
Give it up for Louis Cato
and the great big joy machine.
6
00:00:08,505 --> 00:00:08,515
and the great big joy machine.
7
00:00:08,515 --> 00:00:08,750
and the great big joy machine.
>> [cheering]
8
00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:08,760
>> [cheering]
9
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:09,815
>> [cheering]
>> Oh my gosh.
10
00:00:09,815 --> 00:00:09,825
>> Oh my gosh.
11
00:00:09,825 --> 00:00:12,030
>> Oh my gosh.
>> [applause]
12
00:00:12,030 --> 00:00:12,040
13
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,910
>> Jon, Louis, [cheering] Louis, and they
14
00:00:14,910 --> 00:00:14,920
>> Jon, Louis, [cheering] Louis, and they
15
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,870
>> Jon, Louis, [cheering] Louis, and they
are Corey, [applause] Nega, Joe. Give it
16
00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:17,880
are Corey, [applause] Nega, Joe. Give it
17
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,150
are Corey, [applause] Nega, Joe. Give it
up for the band right now. The greatest
18
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:20,160
up for the band right now. The greatest
19
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,990
up for the band right now. The greatest
band [cheering] on TV.
20
00:00:21,990 --> 00:00:22,000
band [cheering] on TV.
21
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,710
band [cheering] on TV.
Beautiful.
22
00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:23,720
Beautiful.
23
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,880
Beautiful.
I also
24
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:24,890
I also
25
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:26,550
I also
>> [applause]
26
00:00:26,550 --> 00:00:26,560
>> [applause]
27
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,150
>> [applause]
>> I also just want to take a moment right
28
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:28,160
>> I also just want to take a moment right
29
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,190
>> I also just want to take a moment right
here. Yeah. I just want to give a Take a
30
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:30,200
here. Yeah. I just want to give a Take a
31
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,110
here. Yeah. I just want to give a Take a
moment right here. Have a seat
32
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:31,120
moment right here. Have a seat
33
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,390
moment right here. Have a seat
everybody. I want to thank everybody who
34
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:32,400
everybody. I want to thank everybody who
35
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,030
everybody. I want to thank everybody who
showed up last night to give me the
36
00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:34,040
showed up last night to give me the
37
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,030
showed up last night to give me the
Colbert Questionnaire. It was an
38
00:00:36,030 --> 00:00:36,040
Colbert Questionnaire. It was an
39
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,350
Colbert Questionnaire. It was an
extraordinary group of our old friends
40
00:00:38,350 --> 00:00:38,360
extraordinary group of our old friends
41
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,790
extraordinary group of our old friends
here on the show. We gave it How much
42
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:40,800
here on the show. We gave it How much
43
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,470
here on the show. We gave it How much
time do we allow it? Um 21 minutes. 21
44
00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:43,480
time do we allow it? Um 21 minutes. 21
45
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,590
time do we allow it? Um 21 minutes. 21
minutes and how long did it go? Uh 58
46
00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:45,600
minutes and how long did it go? Uh 58
47
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:45,950
minutes and how long did it go? Uh 58
minutes.
48
00:00:45,950 --> 00:00:45,960
minutes.
49
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,150
minutes.
>> Went to 58 minutes.
50
00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:47,160
>> Went to 58 minutes.
51
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:47,910
>> Went to 58 minutes.
>> [laughter]
52
00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:47,920
>> [laughter]
53
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,430
>> [laughter]
>> So uh you can go online and we've put up
54
00:00:50,430 --> 00:00:50,440
>> So uh you can go online and we've put up
55
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:51,990
>> So uh you can go online and we've put up
the whole thing, right? The whole thing.
56
00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:52,000
the whole thing, right? The whole thing.
57
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,150
the whole thing, right? The whole thing.
You can watch the whole thing right
58
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:53,160
You can watch the whole thing right
59
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,310
You can watch the whole thing right
there
60
00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:54,320
there
61
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,430
there
in all of its beautiful chaotic glory.
62
00:00:58,430 --> 00:00:58,440
in all of its beautiful chaotic glory.
63
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,190
in all of its beautiful chaotic glory.
Check it out. Now, folks, if you watch
64
00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:01,200
Check it out. Now, folks, if you watch
65
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:07,110
Check it out. Now, folks, if you watch
this show, you know that on every
66
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:07,120
67
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,190
I'm sorry, Louis, is that coming from
68
00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:08,200
I'm sorry, Louis, is that coming from
69
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,670
I'm sorry, Louis, is that coming from
one of your speakers over there? Uh
70
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:10,680
one of your speakers over there? Uh
71
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,150
one of your speakers over there? Uh
no, I don't think so. Do you hear what
72
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:12,160
no, I don't think so. Do you hear what
73
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,150
no, I don't think so. Do you hear what
I'm talking about though?
74
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:13,160
I'm talking about though?
75
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,670
I'm talking about though?
>> Yeah, yeah, no, I hear it. Okay, hold
76
00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:14,680
>> Yeah, yeah, no, I hear it. Okay, hold
77
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,150
>> Yeah, yeah, no, I hear it. Okay, hold
on. Um Is that Can you guys turn it off
78
00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:17,160
on. Um Is that Can you guys turn it off
79
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,270
on. Um Is that Can you guys turn it off
or Wait, it's gone. Okay.
80
00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:19,280
or Wait, it's gone. Okay.
81
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,470
or Wait, it's gone. Okay.
Never mind.
82
00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:20,480
Never mind.
83
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,230
Never mind.
Sorry.
84
00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:22,240
Sorry.
85
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,950
Sorry.
Fantastic.
86
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:23,960
Fantastic.
87
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,630
Fantastic.
Where we going?
88
00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:25,640
Where we going?
89
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,350
Where we going?
Folks, uh if you watch this show, you
90
00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:27,360
Folks, uh if you watch this show, you
91
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,110
Folks, uh if you watch this show, you
know I spent a lot of my time right over
92
00:01:29,110 --> 00:01:29,120
know I spent a lot of my time right over
93
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,990
know I spent a lot of my time right over
there in the new shipyard assembling the
94
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:31,000
there in the new shipyard assembling the
95
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,390
there in the new shipyard assembling the
most topical story hall using the finest
96
00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:33,400
most topical story hall using the finest
97
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,630
most topical story hall using the finest
graphics, flawless camera work,
98
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:35,640
graphics, flawless camera work,
99
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,310
graphics, flawless camera work,
direction, sound, and lighting all
100
00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:37,320
direction, sound, and lighting all
101
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,430
direction, sound, and lighting all
powered by a 2,000 horsepower marine
102
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:39,440
powered by a 2,000 horsepower marine
103
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,630
powered by a 2,000 horsepower marine
diesel engine of jokes. For the honor of
104
00:01:41,630 --> 00:01:41,640
diesel engine of jokes. For the honor of
105
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,910
diesel engine of jokes. For the honor of
helming the blissfully steady flybridge
106
00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:43,920
helming the blissfully steady flybridge
107
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,430
helming the blissfully steady flybridge
yacht of comedy that is my nightly
108
00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:45,440
yacht of comedy that is my nightly
109
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,830
yacht of comedy that is my nightly
monologue. But sometimes, just
110
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:46,840
monologue. But sometimes, just
111
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,830
monologue. But sometimes, just
sometimes, folks, while wrapping up 11
112
00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:48,840
sometimes, folks, while wrapping up 11
113
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,630
sometimes, folks, while wrapping up 11
years of gags about Doritos flavored
114
00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:50,640
years of gags about Doritos flavored
115
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,350
years of gags about Doritos flavored
liquor, three penis cadavers, and
116
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:52,360
liquor, three penis cadavers, and
117
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,830
liquor, three penis cadavers, and
cocaine sharks, I strip the copper wire
118
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:54,840
cocaine sharks, I strip the copper wire
119
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,550
cocaine sharks, I strip the copper wire
out of our control board and strap my
120
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:56,560
out of our control board and strap my
121
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,990
out of our control board and strap my
love of my staff and crew to my
122
00:01:58,990 --> 00:01:59,000
love of my staff and crew to my
123
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,430
love of my staff and crew to my
overturned desk and slap on some fans
124
00:02:01,430 --> 00:02:01,440
overturned desk and slap on some fans
125
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,350
overturned desk and slap on some fans
ripped out of our laser printers, then
126
00:02:03,350 --> 00:02:03,360
ripped out of our laser printers, then
127
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,150
ripped out of our laser printers, then
climb inside and putter away in the
128
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:05,160
climb inside and putter away in the
129
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,270
climb inside and putter away in the
unsinkable gratitude dinghy of news that
130
00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:07,280
unsinkable gratitude dinghy of news that
131
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,950
unsinkable gratitude dinghy of news that
is my segment.
132
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:09,960
is my segment.
133
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,956
is my segment.
Meanwhile
134
00:02:12,956 --> 00:02:12,966
135
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,231
>> [cheering]
136
00:02:16,231 --> 00:02:16,241
137
00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:18,150
[music]
138
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:18,160
[music]
139
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,350
[music]
>> It's sweeping the [cheering] nation,
140
00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:19,360
>> It's sweeping the [cheering] nation,
141
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,470
>> It's sweeping the [cheering] nation,
Chris.
142
00:02:20,470 --> 00:02:20,480
Chris.
143
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,126
Chris.
It's sweeping the nation.
144
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:22,136
It's sweeping the nation.
145
00:02:22,136 --> 00:02:22,781
It's sweeping the nation.
>> [music]
146
00:02:22,781 --> 00:02:22,791
>> [music]
147
00:02:22,791 --> 00:02:23,790
>> [music]
[applause]
148
00:02:23,790 --> 00:02:23,800
[applause]
149
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:28,190
[applause]
>> It's a salve for the soul.
150
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:28,200
151
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,949
Meanwhile
152
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:29,959
Meanwhile
153
00:02:29,959 --> 00:02:31,830
Meanwhile
A federal appeals court has struck down
154
00:02:31,830 --> 00:02:31,840
A federal appeals court has struck down
155
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,230
A federal appeals court has struck down
a 150-year-old ban on home distilling,
156
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:35,240
a 150-year-old ban on home distilling,
157
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,750
a 150-year-old ban on home distilling,
opening the door to making your own
158
00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:36,760
opening the door to making your own
159
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,350
opening the door to making your own
spirits at home.
160
00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:38,360
spirits at home.
161
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,150
spirits at home.
Experts say uh distilling spirits at
162
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:40,160
Experts say uh distilling spirits at
163
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,390
Experts say uh distilling spirits at
home is similar to making beer at home
164
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:42,400
home is similar to making beer at home
165
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,150
home is similar to making beer at home
in that the first step is to get
166
00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:44,160
in that the first step is to get
167
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,190
in that the first step is to get
divorced.
168
00:02:47,190 --> 00:02:47,200
169
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,110
Meanwhile, the world's largest Dr.
170
00:02:49,110 --> 00:02:49,120
Meanwhile, the world's largest Dr.
171
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,350
Meanwhile, the world's largest Dr.
Pepper bottle was just unveiled at the
172
00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:51,360
Pepper bottle was just unveiled at the
173
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,070
Pepper bottle was just unveiled at the
Dr. Pepper Museum and celebrates the
174
00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:54,080
Dr. Pepper Museum and celebrates the
175
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,430
Dr. Pepper Museum and celebrates the
iconic soft drink first created in Waco,
176
00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:56,440
iconic soft drink first created in Waco,
177
00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:00,390
iconic soft drink first created in Waco,
Texas in 1885. Yes, Waco, Texas. You
178
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:00,400
Texas in 1885. Yes, Waco, Texas. You
179
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,030
Texas in 1885. Yes, Waco, Texas. You
know their slogan, "Please say we're
180
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:02,040
know their slogan, "Please say we're
181
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:11,630
know their slogan, "Please say we're
famous for the soda."
182
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:11,640
183
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,790
Meanwhile the owner of the music of a
184
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:14,800
Meanwhile the owner of the music of a
185
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,430
Meanwhile the owner of the music of a
Charlie Brown Christmas and other
186
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:16,440
Charlie Brown Christmas and other
187
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,390
Charlie Brown Christmas and other
Peanuts television specials has filed
188
00:03:18,390 --> 00:03:18,400
Peanuts television specials has filed
189
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,670
Peanuts television specials has filed
four lawsuits yesterday against those
190
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:20,680
four lawsuits yesterday against those
191
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,070
four lawsuits yesterday against those
illegally using the famous song Linus
192
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:23,080
illegally using the famous song Linus
193
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,390
illegally using the famous song Linus
and Lucy. Now, Peanuts is a powerful
194
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:25,400
and Lucy. Now, Peanuts is a powerful
195
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,790
and Lucy. Now, Peanuts is a powerful
brand and corporation in and of itself.
196
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:27,800
brand and corporation in and of itself.
197
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,190
brand and corporation in and of itself.
Anyone illegally using that music is
198
00:03:30,190 --> 00:03:30,200
Anyone illegally using that music is
199
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,350
Anyone illegally using that music is
going to have to pay through the nose.
200
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:32,360
going to have to pay through the nose.
201
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,949
going to have to pay through the nose.
Louis.
202
00:03:33,949 --> 00:03:33,959
Louis.
203
00:03:33,959 --> 00:03:36,350
Louis.
Louis. Louis.
204
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:36,360
Louis. Louis.
205
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,030
Louis. Louis.
Excuse me, Louis. Is the band Is the
206
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:39,040
Excuse me, Louis. Is the band Is the
207
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,030
Excuse me, Louis. Is the band Is the
band right now playing the same Peanuts
208
00:03:41,030 --> 00:03:41,040
band right now playing the same Peanuts
209
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,630
band right now playing the same Peanuts
music that I just said people are being
210
00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:43,640
music that I just said people are being
211
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,270
music that I just said people are being
sued for for using without permission?
212
00:03:46,270 --> 00:03:46,280
sued for for using without permission?
213
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,932
sued for for using without permission?
Is that what he's doing?
214
00:03:47,932 --> 00:03:47,942
Is that what he's doing?
215
00:03:47,942 --> 00:03:53,172
Is that what he's doing?
>> [cheering]
216
00:03:53,172 --> 00:03:53,182
217
00:03:53,182 --> 00:03:53,990
[music]
218
00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:54,000
[music]
219
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,430
[music]
>> Yeah, is that what they're doing? Yeah,
220
00:03:55,430 --> 00:03:55,440
>> Yeah, is that what they're doing? Yeah,
221
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,630
>> Yeah, is that what they're doing? Yeah,
yeah. Oh, no, I hope this doesn't cost
222
00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:57,640
yeah. Oh, no, I hope this doesn't cost
223
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,722
yeah. Oh, no, I hope this doesn't cost
CBS any money.
224
00:03:59,722 --> 00:03:59,732
CBS any money.
225
00:03:59,732 --> 00:04:04,307
CBS any money.
>> [cheering]
226
00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:04,317
227
00:04:04,317 --> 00:04:05,617
[applause]
228
00:04:05,617 --> 00:04:05,627
[applause]
229
00:04:05,627 --> 00:04:06,949
[applause]
[cheering]
230
00:04:06,949 --> 00:04:06,959
[cheering]
231
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,230
[cheering]
>> Meanwhile,
232
00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:08,240
>> Meanwhile,
233
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,110
>> Meanwhile,
old school pharmaceutical brand swag is
234
00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:10,120
old school pharmaceutical brand swag is
235
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,230
old school pharmaceutical brand swag is
now hot on the thrifting scene. Like
236
00:04:12,230 --> 00:04:12,240
now hot on the thrifting scene. Like
237
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,949
now hot on the thrifting scene. Like
this scarf emblazoned with blue Viagra
238
00:04:14,949 --> 00:04:14,959
this scarf emblazoned with blue Viagra
239
00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:17,550
this scarf emblazoned with blue Viagra
pills or this lovely clock with the logo
240
00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:17,560
pills or this lovely clock with the logo
241
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,310
pills or this lovely clock with the logo
for the antidepressant Lexapro.
242
00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:20,320
for the antidepressant Lexapro.
243
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,030
for the antidepressant Lexapro.
It's a good looking clock. Plus, it's
244
00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:22,040
It's a good looking clock. Plus, it's
245
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,430
It's a good looking clock. Plus, it's
got that catchy slogan. What time is it?
246
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:24,440
got that catchy slogan. What time is it?
247
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,150
got that catchy slogan. What time is it?
I'll tell you what time it is and it
248
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:26,160
I'll tell you what time it is and it
249
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,710
I'll tell you what time it is and it
isn't time to fill your pockets with
250
00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:27,720
isn't time to fill your pockets with
251
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:37,790
isn't time to fill your pockets with
rocks and walk into the ocean.
252
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:37,800
253
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,190
Meanwhile,
254
00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:39,200
Meanwhile,
255
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,430
Meanwhile,
oh, wait a second. Hey, I just noticed
256
00:04:42,430 --> 00:04:42,440
oh, wait a second. Hey, I just noticed
257
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,870
oh, wait a second. Hey, I just noticed
another old friend in the audience. It's
258
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:44,880
another old friend in the audience. It's
259
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,710
another old friend in the audience. It's
It's Tig Notaro. Hi, Tig. Thanks. It's
260
00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:47,720
It's Tig Notaro. Hi, Tig. Thanks. It's
261
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,848
It's Tig Notaro. Hi, Tig. Thanks. It's
good to be
262
00:04:48,848 --> 00:04:48,858
good to be
263
00:04:48,858 --> 00:04:49,430
good to be
>> [cheering and applause]
264
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:49,440
>> [cheering and applause]
265
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:55,398
>> [cheering and applause]
>> Hey.
266
00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:55,408
267
00:04:55,408 --> 00:04:57,470
>> [applause]
268
00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:57,480
269
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,830
>> Hey, Stephen.
270
00:04:58,830 --> 00:04:58,840
>> Hey, Stephen.
271
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,190
>> Hey, Stephen.
Let me guess, you also think you're
272
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:01,200
Let me guess, you also think you're
273
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,990
Let me guess, you also think you're
going to be my guest tonight.
274
00:05:02,990 --> 00:05:03,000
going to be my guest tonight.
275
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,568
going to be my guest tonight.
No.
276
00:05:04,568 --> 00:05:04,578
No.
277
00:05:04,578 --> 00:05:05,430
No.
>> [laughter]
278
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:05,440
>> [laughter]
279
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,550
>> [laughter]
>> Really?
280
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:06,560
>> Really?
281
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,310
>> Really?
No, I just like to be at historic
282
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:08,320
No, I just like to be at historic
283
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:12,510
No, I just like to be at historic
events. I was at the Obama inauguration,
284
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:12,520
events. I was at the Obama inauguration,
285
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,703
events. I was at the Obama inauguration,
the moon landing and whatever this is.
286
00:05:15,703 --> 00:05:15,713
the moon landing and whatever this is.
287
00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:17,668
the moon landing and whatever this is.
>> [laughter]
288
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:17,678
>> [laughter]
289
00:05:17,678 --> 00:05:17,990
>> [laughter]
[applause]
290
00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:18,000
[applause]
291
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:18,909
[applause]
>> Tig,
292
00:05:18,909 --> 00:05:18,919
>> Tig,
293
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,550
>> Tig,
Yeah. you weren't at the moon landing.
294
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:21,560
Yeah. you weren't at the moon landing.
295
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,908
Yeah. you weren't at the moon landing.
I said what I said.
296
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:22,918
I said what I said.
297
00:05:22,918 --> 00:05:24,310
I said what I said.
>> [laughter]
298
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:24,320
>> [laughter]
299
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,790
>> [laughter]
>> Well, I mean, Tig, it's it's nice of you
300
00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:25,800
>> Well, I mean, Tig, it's it's nice of you
301
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,790
>> Well, I mean, Tig, it's it's nice of you
to be here to support me for my last
302
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:27,800
to be here to support me for my last
303
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,710
to be here to support me for my last
show.
304
00:05:29,710 --> 00:05:29,720
show.
305
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,510
show.
This is your last show?
306
00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:32,520
This is your last show?
307
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,270
This is your last show?
Yeah, how did you not know that?
308
00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:35,280
Yeah, how did you not know that?
309
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,310
Yeah, how did you not know that?
I have a very full life, Stephen.
310
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:39,320
I have a very full life, Stephen.
311
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,070
I have a very full life, Stephen.
Well, here's the deal. It's our last
312
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:41,080
Well, here's the deal. It's our last
313
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,630
Well, here's the deal. It's our last
show because we were canceled and I
314
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:43,640
show because we were canceled and I
315
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,950
show because we were canceled and I
don't really want to talk about it right
316
00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:44,960
don't really want to talk about it right
317
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,830
don't really want to talk about it right
now. Yeah, we'll get into it during my
318
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:46,840
now. Yeah, we'll get into it during my
319
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,763
now. Yeah, we'll get into it during my
interview as the last guest.
320
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:49,773
interview as the last guest.
321
00:05:49,773 --> 00:05:51,073
interview as the last guest.
>> [cheering]
322
00:05:51,073 --> 00:05:51,083
>> [cheering]
323
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:52,150
>> [cheering]
[applause]
324
00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:52,160
[applause]
325
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,430
[applause]
>> I got you. Ryan Reynolds
326
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:54,440
>> I got you. Ryan Reynolds
327
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,030
>> I got you. Ryan Reynolds
We'll break it down.
328
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:55,040
We'll break it down.
329
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,314
We'll break it down.
>> Ryan
330
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:56,324
>> Ryan
331
00:05:56,324 --> 00:05:57,030
>> Ryan
>> [applause]
332
00:05:57,030 --> 00:05:57,040
>> [applause]
333
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,750
>> [applause]
>> Ryan, it's it's great to see you, but I
334
00:05:58,750 --> 00:05:58,760
>> Ryan, it's it's great to see you, but I
335
00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,950
>> Ryan, it's it's great to see you, but I
I hate to tell you, buddy, you're you're
336
00:05:59,950 --> 00:05:59,960
I hate to tell you, buddy, you're you're
337
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,950
I hate to tell you, buddy, you're you're
not my last guest.
338
00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:01,960
not my last guest.
339
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,519
not my last guest.
Ouchy.
340
00:06:03,519 --> 00:06:03,529
Ouchy.
341
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,510
Ouchy.
>> [laughter]
342
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:04,520
>> [laughter]
343
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,910
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, well, you know, in that case, I'm
344
00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:05,920
>> Okay, well, you know, in that case, I'm
345
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,350
>> Okay, well, you know, in that case, I'm
just happy to be here, you know, pay my
346
00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:07,360
just happy to be here, you know, pay my
347
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,750
just happy to be here, you know, pay my
respects to the
348
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:08,760
respects to the
349
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:09,590
respects to the
uh one of the world's greatest
350
00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:09,600
uh one of the world's greatest
351
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,830
uh one of the world's greatest
entertainers on his last night at the Ed
352
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:11,840
entertainers on his last night at the Ed
353
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,630
entertainers on his last night at the Ed
Sullivan Theater.
354
00:06:13,630 --> 00:06:13,640
Sullivan Theater.
355
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,309
Sullivan Theater.
Wow, well, thank you.
356
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:15,319
Wow, well, thank you.
357
00:06:15,319 --> 00:06:19,830
Wow, well, thank you.
>> [applause]
358
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:19,840
359
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,630
>> Thank you so much, Ryan. That means so
360
00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:21,640
>> Thank you so much, Ryan. That means so
361
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,390
>> Thank you so much, Ryan. That means so
much to me. I was uh talking about your
362
00:06:24,390 --> 00:06:24,400
much to me. I was uh talking about your
363
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,754
much to me. I was uh talking about your
keyboardist, Kory Bernhard.
364
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:27,764
keyboardist, Kory Bernhard.
365
00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:31,350
keyboardist, Kory Bernhard.
>> [applause]
366
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:31,360
367
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,994
>> This is for you.
368
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:33,004
>> This is for you.
369
00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:38,889
>> This is for you.
>> [applause]
370
00:06:38,889 --> 00:06:38,899
371
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,510
[applause]
372
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:42,520
373
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,870
>> Thank you. Thank you. Please stop DMing
374
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:44,880
>> Thank you. Thank you. Please stop DMing
375
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,094
>> Thank you. Thank you. Please stop DMing
me. Never.
376
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:46,104
me. Never.
377
00:06:46,104 --> 00:06:49,909
me. Never.
>> [laughter]
378
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:49,919
379
00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:52,310
>> Meanwhile,
380
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:52,320
>> Meanwhile,
381
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,150
>> Meanwhile,
the New York Post recently profiled a
382
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:54,160
the New York Post recently profiled a
383
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,990
the New York Post recently profiled a
New York City man who makes himself
384
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:56,000
New York City man who makes himself
385
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,550
New York City man who makes himself
sushi from the bass he catches in the
386
00:06:58,550 --> 00:06:58,560
sushi from the bass he catches in the
387
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,430
sushi from the bass he catches in the
Hudson River.
388
00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:01,440
389
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,510
He will be missed.
390
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:03,520
He will be missed.
391
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,470
He will be missed.
We'll be right back with our very
392
00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:05,480
We'll be right back with our very
393
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,030
We'll be right back with our very
special final [music] guest.
394
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:08,040
special final [music] guest.
395
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:18,844
special final [music] guest.
Stick around.
396
00:07:18,844 --> 00:07:18,854
397
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:23,430
>> [music]
398
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:23,440
399
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,460
[cheering and applause]
30904
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof