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1
00:00:00,904 --> 00:00:03,165
[instrumental music playing]
2
00:00:31,416 --> 00:00:34,199
["King Frat" playing]
3
00:00:46,272 --> 00:00:49,890
♪ King Frat, King Frat
4
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:53,021
♪ Welcome, everybody
Come and join the party ♪
5
00:00:53,057 --> 00:00:56,153
♪ King Frat, King Frat
6
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:59,284
♪ The place is always crowded
Kids are always loaded ♪
7
00:00:59,319 --> 00:01:03,007
♪ All the kids are playing
Everybody's stayin' ♪
8
00:01:03,042 --> 00:01:06,173
♪ Always something
Crazy to do ♪
9
00:01:06,207 --> 00:01:09,374
♪ Everybody knows
The place is a zoo ♪
10
00:01:09,408 --> 00:01:11,844
♪ Kids are having
The times of their lives ♪
11
00:01:11,879 --> 00:01:12,818
[all yelling and laughing]
12
00:01:12,853 --> 00:01:15,080
♪ You can too
13
00:01:15,114 --> 00:01:16,332
[laughing]
14
00:01:21,447 --> 00:01:24,891
♪ King Frat, King Frat
15
00:01:24,926 --> 00:01:28,057
♪ Booze is always flowing
Smoke is always blowing ♪
16
00:01:28,092 --> 00:01:31,606
♪ Causing such a riot
Place is never quiet ♪
17
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,563
♪ Pulling stunts to put
The dean on the spot ♪
18
00:01:34,597 --> 00:01:37,834
♪ When you run against
The campus' shot ♪
19
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:41,104
♪ Once you've seen him
There's no way to deny it ♪
20
00:01:41,138 --> 00:01:44,131
♪ Sweet enough
21
00:01:44,165 --> 00:01:47,018
♪ King Frat, King Frat
22
00:01:47,053 --> 00:01:50,254
♪ Always on the run
Never meet the guardian ♪
23
00:01:50,289 --> 00:01:53,350
♪ King Frat, King Frat
24
00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:56,516
♪ Everybody's laughing
What a time they're having ♪
25
00:01:56,551 --> 00:02:00,414
♪ Joking with their buddies
And teasing all the others ♪
26
00:02:00,448 --> 00:02:02,153
[whistle blowing]
27
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,207
♪ It's a circus game
Instead of a school ♪
28
00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:11,581
♪ And the clowns are trying
To break every rule ♪
29
00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:14,782
♪ If you wanted
You can come join the fun ♪
30
00:02:14,817 --> 00:02:17,287
♪ If you run
31
00:02:25,046 --> 00:02:26,542
[tires squealing]
32
00:02:43,694 --> 00:02:46,199
Oh, God. Would you
look at that?
33
00:02:49,853 --> 00:02:53,401
♪ King Frat, King Frat
34
00:02:53,435 --> 00:02:56,393
♪ Place is always funky
Everybody's talking ♪
35
00:02:56,428 --> 00:02:59,629
♪ King Frat, King Frat
36
00:02:59,664 --> 00:03:02,899
♪ Campus isn't moving
Because of what they're doing ♪
37
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,239
♪ Causing a sensation
And waking up the nation ♪
38
00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,562
Gross!
39
00:03:11,597 --> 00:03:15,459
Bobby, I can't believe
those guys haven't been
kicked out of school yet.
40
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:18,103
One more look
at those hairy butts,
and I'm gonna puke.
41
00:03:18,138 --> 00:03:21,234
They still haven't found
the films they made
in the girls' locker room.
42
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:25,653
Betty, if I had a nickel
for every pair of panties
they've stolen from me...
43
00:03:25,687 --> 00:03:27,497
They're a bunch
of jerk-offs!
44
00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:28,993
Assholes!
45
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:31,150
[all laughing raucously]
46
00:03:40,997 --> 00:03:44,579
♪ King Frat, King Frat
47
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,807
♪ The guys are always teaming
Imagine what they're steaming ♪
48
00:03:46,841 --> 00:03:47,711
[farting]
49
00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:49,798
♪ King Frat, King Frat
50
00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,434
You rascals!
51
00:03:51,468 --> 00:03:52,895
[groans]
52
00:03:58,462 --> 00:04:00,131
[groaning]
53
00:04:11,926 --> 00:04:13,770
[Dean Doyle]
I'm the dean of students
at this college,
54
00:04:13,804 --> 00:04:16,657
and I'll deal
with the Pi Kaps
in my own way.
55
00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:18,432
But, sir, they're
running rampant again.
56
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,102
I'm letting them
run rampant.
57
00:04:21,703 --> 00:04:24,312
Got a new strategy
this year.
58
00:04:24,346 --> 00:04:27,583
I'm not gonna bother
getting them
kicked off campus.
59
00:04:27,617 --> 00:04:30,436
I'm not gonna bother
getting their charter revoked.
60
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,567
I'm gonna straighten out
the Pi Kaps personally.
61
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:44,109
Just like I straightened out
the state pen
when I was warden there.
62
00:04:44,143 --> 00:04:46,892
But, sir, wasn't that prison
burned down to the ground
by inmates?
63
00:04:47,761 --> 00:04:48,909
[blows]
64
00:04:48,945 --> 00:04:50,371
Don't ever mention that.
65
00:04:51,136 --> 00:04:52,459
Don't ever mention that!
66
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,685
When I take over...
[chuckles]
67
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,329
I'm gonna have everybody
walking the line.
68
00:04:57,364 --> 00:05:00,599
Fraternities, faculty,
everybody.
69
00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:04,009
And what I'd do
to Pi Kappa Delta,
70
00:05:04,044 --> 00:05:05,052
[chuckles]
71
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:07,662
that will be a cornerstone
of my presidency.
72
00:05:08,289 --> 00:05:09,506
♪
73
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:20,953
[clattering]
74
00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:32,747
[men laughing]
75
00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:41,097
[Splash] Did you see
that old lady
seeing my black ass?
76
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,150
"Look at that black ass!"
77
00:05:43,915 --> 00:05:45,446
-Hey, Splash.
-Yeah?
78
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,838
I think I was recognized.
79
00:05:46,872 --> 00:05:50,422
What, did you have
a harelip on your ass?
80
00:05:50,456 --> 00:05:52,231
Hey. I'll see you.
I got to go to work.
81
00:05:55,084 --> 00:05:56,266
Let's get the beer.
82
00:05:56,302 --> 00:05:57,414
[laughing]
83
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:01,381
Whoo!
84
00:06:10,392 --> 00:06:13,036
Hey, Chief! Chief!
85
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:22,778
Here's your ration, Chief.
86
00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:26,535
Uh-uh!
It's suds call.
87
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:28,170
Hey! What's happening?
88
00:06:28,205 --> 00:06:29,875
Hey, Kevin,
it's suds call.
89
00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:32,589
Oh, no, no, I can't.
I got to go to the library,
do some studying.
90
00:06:32,623 --> 00:06:33,528
Next time, though, okay?
91
00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:36,347
-Okay.
-[laughs] Hey, Jock.
92
00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:38,260
Don't strain yourself.
Yes, good.
93
00:06:38,295 --> 00:06:41,043
Hmm. Hey, Chief,
how you doing, huh?
94
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,010
[gulping]
95
00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:50,890
Hey, hey!
Suds call! All right!
96
00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:53,324
Listen up and look up.
Here you go!
97
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:57,117
Here's one for you,
there's another one for you,
98
00:06:57,152 --> 00:06:59,135
there's one for you,
99
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:02,162
and here's
a last one for you.
100
00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:05,398
Hey, listen up.
Here's a kiss
for you, darling.
101
00:07:05,432 --> 00:07:06,616
[farts]
102
00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:08,215
[laughing]
103
00:07:12,217 --> 00:07:13,504
[dripping]
104
00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:20,462
-[bell clanging]
-Hey! Beer call!
105
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,011
Come and get it
if you want 'em, all!
106
00:07:24,881 --> 00:07:26,273
-Hey!
-Hey!
107
00:07:26,307 --> 00:07:28,847
Hey! There you go!
108
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:32,361
Got your lunches over here.
Now, look at it.
109
00:07:32,396 --> 00:07:34,309
Come and get it.
Get it here.
110
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:36,606
Get your stuff.
111
00:07:36,641 --> 00:07:38,311
[movie projector whirring]
112
00:07:38,345 --> 00:07:40,885
[GrossOut]
Hey, you jerk-offs.
How about some beer?
113
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,216
Hey, hey!
Hey, what's going on?
114
00:07:43,251 --> 00:07:45,617
Ooh, movies! All right!
115
00:07:45,652 --> 00:07:46,765
Whoo-hoo!
116
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,748
[man 1] Hey!
117
00:07:48,783 --> 00:07:51,392
GrossOut,
you are fucking gross.
Get out of there!
118
00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:52,888
-[man 2] Come on!
-[man 3] Hey!
119
00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:54,801
[man 1] Come on!
I've been waiting
all week to see her!
120
00:07:54,837 --> 00:07:56,959
-[man 4] Oh, my God!
-[man 1] Jesus Christ!
121
00:07:56,993 --> 00:08:01,621
Will you get out of there,
you stupid shit?
122
00:08:01,656 --> 00:08:03,812
[man 1] Hey, here's
where they notice.
Watch this.
123
00:08:03,848 --> 00:08:05,309
Watch, here's
where they notice.
124
00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:07,188
[all laughing]
125
00:08:09,345 --> 00:08:10,667
♪
126
00:08:37,457 --> 00:08:39,927
I don't know what's coming.
127
00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:43,893
Hey, Splash, you take care
with Dionysus here, okay?
128
00:08:45,563 --> 00:08:47,163
Yeah, don't get his feet wet.
129
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,895
You motherfucker.
130
00:09:01,846 --> 00:09:03,446
[sniffing]
131
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,011
Needs something.
132
00:09:05,047 --> 00:09:07,273
Pepper. Pepper, that's it.
133
00:09:10,787 --> 00:09:13,501
Oh. [spits] God.
134
00:09:22,859 --> 00:09:24,600
GrossOut, where is Kevin?
135
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,096
Beats the shit
out of me, Chief.
136
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,348
How about some spags?
137
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,157
No, no.
White man food.
138
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,645
It don't matter.
It ain't done yet, anyway.
139
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,854
Look like... dog dropping.
140
00:09:38,342 --> 00:09:39,351
[sniffs]
141
00:09:39,386 --> 00:09:41,264
Smell like pig shit.
142
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:44,744
I know. I make
all your favorites.
143
00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:46,204
[toilet flushing]
144
00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,485
Chief, the toilets
are running again.
145
00:09:50,519 --> 00:09:53,546
I tell you,
I tell all of you,
146
00:09:53,581 --> 00:09:56,956
you put in toilet number one,
you put in toilet number two.
147
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:59,947
You put in something else,
it's not my fault.
148
00:09:59,983 --> 00:10:01,618
Hey, GrossOut,
is that stuff ready yet?
149
00:10:01,652 --> 00:10:03,218
Patience, Fred.
150
00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:09,063
[spits]
151
00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:11,255
That's ready.
152
00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:17,100
And that's ready.
153
00:10:19,049 --> 00:10:20,684
Hey, my gum.
154
00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:23,815
Mmm.
155
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,206
That ain't it.
156
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,825
Where the fuck is that?
157
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:46,012
You work hard, Kevin.
That good. You genius.
158
00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:47,647
You have bright future.
159
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:50,326
You'll be a rich man
before you 30 years old.
160
00:10:51,022 --> 00:10:54,849
Red man like me?
No way.
161
00:10:54,884 --> 00:10:58,050
Ten years I go
to the school on G.I. Bill,
162
00:10:58,085 --> 00:10:59,511
still a sophomore.
163
00:10:59,928 --> 00:11:01,424
I am screwed.
164
00:11:02,642 --> 00:11:03,790
[sighs]
165
00:11:03,826 --> 00:11:07,513
Kevin, do you know
how Yellowstream
get its name?
166
00:11:07,548 --> 00:11:09,566
You know how Yellowstream
get its name?
167
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,071
I tell you many times.
168
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:15,202
But we're friends,
blood brothers.
169
00:11:15,237 --> 00:11:19,064
Let me tell you
how Yellowstream
get its name, Kevin.
170
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:21,360
[tribal music playing]
171
00:11:21,395 --> 00:11:25,709
Many years ago,
my people, the Kissawong,
lived on this very land.
172
00:11:25,744 --> 00:11:29,676
Hunted the forests,
fished in the streams.
173
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,972
It was our land.
174
00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:35,103
Then the white man came
and drove my people
up the river
175
00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:38,200
into the rocky hills
where not even
a gopher could live.
176
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:42,131
My ancestors
didn't like that.
177
00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:47,768
My ancestors pissed
in white man's water
for 50 years.
178
00:11:47,802 --> 00:11:49,820
White man never knew.
179
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:53,021
Fucking dummies!
180
00:11:53,055 --> 00:11:56,118
[chanting in native language]
181
00:12:06,485 --> 00:12:08,921
Beer, Chief. Beer?
182
00:12:09,477 --> 00:12:10,452
Oh.
183
00:12:18,766 --> 00:12:21,655
Okay, okay.
Santa Claus is here.
184
00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:23,534
Now, who ordered what?
185
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:24,890
[clanging]
186
00:12:24,925 --> 00:12:26,247
How did it go
tonight, Splash?
187
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:28,821
Just like having your own
personal department store.
188
00:12:28,857 --> 00:12:32,405
Say, where is GrossOut?
I just happen to have
his history paper.
189
00:12:34,562 --> 00:12:35,885
[farts]
190
00:12:35,919 --> 00:12:37,380
[exhales]
191
00:12:40,547 --> 00:12:43,748
Holy shit!
Fart contest!
192
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:47,817
Whoo! What?
193
00:12:47,853 --> 00:12:50,357
I say, what was Alpha
doing with this, huh?
194
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:52,236
Question is,
what are we
gonna do with it?
195
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,314
Yeah. [chuckles]
196
00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:55,472
Hey. Hey, guys!
197
00:12:55,506 --> 00:12:57,072
Look at this.
Look at this.
198
00:12:57,107 --> 00:12:58,986
The Daily Crock
is sponsoring the contest.
199
00:12:59,021 --> 00:13:00,342
That undercover rag.
200
00:13:00,378 --> 00:13:02,221
GrossOut, I told you,
if you keep reading that thing,
201
00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:03,718
your pecker's gonna
fall off.
202
00:13:03,752 --> 00:13:07,476
Yeah, but look, it says,
"First annual fart contest..."
203
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:10,259
Wait, wait.
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
204
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:11,824
Oh, yeah.
It's for real.
205
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,782
Holy shit!
Five hundred bucks
for first prize.
206
00:13:14,816 --> 00:13:16,277
Kevin, how many kegs
of brew is that?
207
00:13:16,312 --> 00:13:18,156
Thirty-seven point eight
at today's market closing.
208
00:13:18,191 --> 00:13:20,800
Holy shit,
37-point-fucking-8
kegs of brew.
209
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:22,261
Can you imagine that?
210
00:13:22,297 --> 00:13:23,897
Man, we can party
all the way
to St. Patrick's Day!
211
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:25,115
[all exclaiming]
212
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:27,376
Uh, there's
an entrance fee, guys.
213
00:13:27,411 --> 00:13:28,211
How much?
214
00:13:28,246 --> 00:13:29,846
Shit, too much, 50 bucks.
215
00:13:29,881 --> 00:13:34,230
Anything is too much.
Our treasury is already
blown, you guys.
216
00:13:34,265 --> 00:13:36,282
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
217
00:13:36,318 --> 00:13:38,718
We got a cherry coming in here
tomorrow night, a new pledge.
218
00:13:38,753 --> 00:13:41,571
Uh, Tommy...
Tommy something
or the other.
219
00:13:41,605 --> 00:13:46,303
I think his parents
could be persuaded
to sponsor us.
220
00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:49,643
[laughs]
You guys are just...
just too, too much.
221
00:13:49,677 --> 00:13:51,104
Do you think we got
a chance at winning?
222
00:13:51,139 --> 00:13:52,982
Does GrossOut
have an asshole?
223
00:13:53,539 --> 00:13:54,792
[farts]
224
00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:55,731
[laughing]
225
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,680
That's how
I spell "relief."
226
00:13:59,141 --> 00:14:00,567
♪
227
00:14:05,403 --> 00:14:06,795
[typewriter clacking]
228
00:14:48,406 --> 00:14:51,607
[church bell tolling]
229
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,728
[organ music playing]
230
00:15:47,308 --> 00:15:50,788
[Dean Doyle] Members of
Yellowstream community,
231
00:15:50,822 --> 00:15:54,893
this is indeed
a sad day for us all.
232
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:59,729
We've come together today
to mourn the untimely passing
233
00:15:59,763 --> 00:16:05,156
of one of the most respected
and revered members
of our community.
234
00:16:05,192 --> 00:16:10,793
Our beloved president,
Robert J. McGafferty
235
00:16:10,828 --> 00:16:16,255
It's heartwarming to see
so many students
and friends here today.
236
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:20,221
The mark of a man
is the love
he leaves behind,
237
00:16:20,256 --> 00:16:23,283
and we are a college
full of love
238
00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:25,266
for this fine
administrator...
239
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,344
[sobbing]
240
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:29,371
...educator,
and public servant.
241
00:16:30,172 --> 00:16:31,911
[continues indistinctly]
242
00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,757
Hey, look, there's
a vent we can use.
243
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:55,013
He was the youngest president
Yellowstream has ever had,
244
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,840
and his term of office
was unfortunately marred
245
00:16:58,875 --> 00:17:02,041
by a general relaxation
of the discipline
246
00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:05,068
for which Yellowstream
has been known.
247
00:17:05,103 --> 00:17:09,452
And not all of us agreed
with Bob's handling
of student affairs.
248
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:11,539
Man, this is some
dynamite shit!
249
00:17:11,574 --> 00:17:13,697
It's too bad we gotta
waste it like this.
250
00:17:13,731 --> 00:17:15,889
Well, it might be
a waste of good shit,
251
00:17:15,923 --> 00:17:18,289
but at least it's going
to a better calling.
252
00:17:18,323 --> 00:17:19,471
[blowing]
253
00:17:21,003 --> 00:17:22,916
[Dean Doyle] He was always
the first to admit
254
00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:26,395
that he may have been
too easy on them.
255
00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:29,909
But all that's
going to change.
256
00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:33,667
The board of directors
is selecting a new president,
257
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:36,937
who, hopefully, will correct
the mistakes of the past.
258
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:37,946
[crowd giggling]
259
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:41,426
Who will move the school
back where it belongs,
260
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,765
where "discipline"
is not a dirty word,
261
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:49,114
and bizarre behavior
can be dealt with severely.
262
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,106
[muffled laughs]
263
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:57,673
I'm sorry that strikes you
as funny over here.
264
00:17:57,707 --> 00:18:00,039
He spent his entire life
in academia.
265
00:18:00,073 --> 00:18:05,014
He's never had the opportunity
to discover what people do
266
00:18:05,049 --> 00:18:07,867
when all restraints
are lifted.
267
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,920
Right here,
268
00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:12,390
right here on this campus,
we have a fraternity.
269
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,617
And I'm not mentioning
any names.
270
00:18:14,651 --> 00:18:18,792
This fraternity feels
as though they have the run
of the entire school.
271
00:18:18,826 --> 00:18:19,766
[crowd laughing]
272
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:24,393
Well, they're in
for a big surprise!
273
00:18:24,428 --> 00:18:26,932
What the hell
is so damn funny?
274
00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:28,499
[all laughing]
275
00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:31,317
I wasn't warden at state pen
for nothing.
276
00:18:31,351 --> 00:18:34,030
I know how to deal
with people.
277
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:36,814
I won't make
the same mistakes
McGafferty made.
278
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,135
He was weak.
279
00:18:38,171 --> 00:18:40,537
He thought
you could make students
listen to reason.
280
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,102
You were a fool!
281
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,076
[hysterical laughter]
282
00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:44,468
And see where it got you.
283
00:18:44,503 --> 00:18:46,417
Well, now it's my turn!
284
00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:49,512
You rat-fat-faced,
mealy-mouthed weasel!
285
00:18:49,548 --> 00:18:51,635
I'll bury you myself!
286
00:18:52,888 --> 00:18:56,262
Those punk heads, they think
that college is summer camp!
287
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,663
You farty freak!
288
00:18:58,698 --> 00:19:00,611
You coddled
and babied them.
289
00:19:00,646 --> 00:19:02,142
Are you listening to me?
290
00:19:02,177 --> 00:19:03,047
Listen!
291
00:19:11,014 --> 00:19:12,475
Good riddance!
292
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:19,955
[yelling]
293
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,347
You schmuck!
294
00:19:21,382 --> 00:19:22,634
Hell, yeah!
295
00:19:22,669 --> 00:19:24,827
This is the time, baby!
296
00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:27,087
[yelling indistinctly]
297
00:19:28,131 --> 00:19:30,880
I'll dig the hole myself!
298
00:19:30,915 --> 00:19:32,689
[laughter continues]
299
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:49,146
♪
300
00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:01,427
Oh, yeah.
301
00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,551
So how do you like it?
Neat, huh?
302
00:20:07,585 --> 00:20:08,803
This can't be it.
303
00:20:08,838 --> 00:20:11,169
Oh, God! Tommy dear,
304
00:20:11,203 --> 00:20:13,291
when Dad and I said
you could pledge a fraternity,
305
00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:15,901
we had no idea you'd choose
something like this.
306
00:20:15,935 --> 00:20:17,988
We thought perhaps
you'd choose a nice house.
307
00:20:18,023 --> 00:20:20,040
A fraternity like
Alpha Omega.
308
00:20:20,076 --> 00:20:22,093
No, Mom! Gee!
309
00:20:22,128 --> 00:20:23,485
[Chief] Yeah!
310
00:20:24,285 --> 00:20:26,060
-Whoo!
-Oh, my God!
311
00:20:27,104 --> 00:20:29,470
[yelling in native language]
312
00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:32,183
[exclaiming]
313
00:20:32,218 --> 00:20:34,757
-Chief, Chief, Chief!
-What was that?
314
00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:36,636
Ah! Missed him again.
315
00:20:36,672 --> 00:20:39,176
Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Mathews.
316
00:20:39,211 --> 00:20:42,238
Oh, how good of you
to bring Tommy with you!
[laughs]
317
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,369
Oh, hi, I'm Kevin.
Pi Kappa Delta's
pledge master.
318
00:20:45,404 --> 00:20:48,013
Oh, and that over there,
that was Chief Latrine.
319
00:20:48,049 --> 00:20:51,110
Hey, did you know
that he's a true
Kissawong Indian?
320
00:20:51,144 --> 00:20:52,849
No, listen, you don't have
to worry about him.
321
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,145
He's a little shell-shocked
since the Korean War.
322
00:20:55,181 --> 00:20:57,303
You know, we can't take him
to a Chinese restaurant.
323
00:20:57,337 --> 00:20:59,530
[laughs] He thinks he's back
in Pork Chop Hill again.
324
00:20:59,564 --> 00:21:01,339
[laughs] Get it?
Pork Chop... Forget it.
325
00:21:01,373 --> 00:21:03,322
Hey! Hey, hey, Tommy.
How you doing?
326
00:21:03,357 --> 00:21:04,679
You're all ready
for initiation day?
327
00:21:04,713 --> 00:21:06,940
Hey, GrossOut is still here.
You remember the whole--
328
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:08,401
We'll just get
Tommy settled.
329
00:21:08,436 --> 00:21:10,384
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
330
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:13,029
No parents are allowed inside
when we initiate a pledge.
331
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,385
Oh, but there's
no need to worry.
332
00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:16,891
Yellowstream has a fine
ambulance service.
333
00:21:16,925 --> 00:21:18,560
[laughing]
334
00:21:18,596 --> 00:21:19,883
[whistle blowing]
335
00:21:20,369 --> 00:21:21,761
[door opens]
336
00:21:21,796 --> 00:21:23,222
[drum roll playing]
337
00:21:23,814 --> 00:21:26,006
Guys, meet the Mathews.
338
00:21:26,041 --> 00:21:27,467
Mathews, meet the guys.
339
00:21:32,129 --> 00:21:33,451
[creaking]
340
00:21:36,513 --> 00:21:38,462
[growling]
341
00:21:39,157 --> 00:21:40,340
[laughs]
342
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,706
Uh, there is a one-time
initiation fee, sir.
343
00:21:42,741 --> 00:21:44,341
Did Tommy
explain that to you?
344
00:21:44,376 --> 00:21:45,732
What for?
345
00:21:45,768 --> 00:21:48,829
Oh, well, to assure that Tommy
doesn't get initiated.
346
00:21:48,865 --> 00:21:50,882
What kind of a con game
is this?
347
00:21:50,917 --> 00:21:54,048
Uh, George, I think
the boy is serious
348
00:21:54,082 --> 00:21:56,588
and, um, sincere.
349
00:21:56,622 --> 00:21:57,597
How much?
350
00:21:57,632 --> 00:22:00,032
Oh... $500.
351
00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:01,945
Five hundred dollars?
352
00:22:05,529 --> 00:22:08,243
Ah, here's the official
Pi Kap courtesy car.
353
00:22:10,714 --> 00:22:12,070
[Mrs. Mathews gasps]
354
00:22:12,105 --> 00:22:12,975
Hello, everybody.
355
00:22:13,010 --> 00:22:15,027
[laughs] And if you folks
are ready,
356
00:22:15,063 --> 00:22:17,219
it will take you back
to the station.
357
00:22:17,254 --> 00:22:19,585
Oh, you, sir,
keep writing, please.
Thank you.
358
00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:27,692
-Tommy, remember to brush
your teeth every night.
-Okay, Mom.
359
00:22:27,726 --> 00:22:29,257
-And no late
school nights, you hear?
-Okay.
360
00:22:29,293 --> 00:22:32,493
-And remember to change
your underwear every day.
-Oh, Mom!
361
00:22:32,528 --> 00:22:34,302
-Watch out, watch out.
-Make a hole. Make a hole.
362
00:22:34,928 --> 00:22:35,868
Whoops.
363
00:22:35,902 --> 00:22:38,198
[GrossOut]
Make another hole up there.
364
00:22:40,530 --> 00:22:43,348
Let me introduce you
to Fred, our president.
365
00:22:43,383 --> 00:22:44,566
Do you know that
he's been kicked out
366
00:22:44,601 --> 00:22:46,444
of some of the best
schools in the country?
367
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,636
[Fred] Come on, Tommy,
I'll show you around.
368
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,480
[laughing]
369
00:22:50,515 --> 00:22:53,646
Call once a week, son,
and write when you can.
370
00:22:53,682 --> 00:22:56,847
Aw. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's really nothing
to worry about, sir. Really.
371
00:22:56,882 --> 00:22:58,865
We've never lost
one of them yet, you know?
372
00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:01,753
Well, just watch yourself
here, Mrs. Mathews.
Watch your head.
373
00:23:01,788 --> 00:23:03,631
[laughs] Come on,
we haven't lost one yet.
374
00:23:03,667 --> 00:23:05,301
There you go.
375
00:23:05,336 --> 00:23:07,702
So, uh, where do
the other pledges sleep?
376
00:23:07,737 --> 00:23:09,825
There are no other pledges.
377
00:23:09,859 --> 00:23:11,912
You mean
I'm the only one?
378
00:23:11,947 --> 00:23:13,513
Yeah, well,
consider it an honor.
379
00:23:13,547 --> 00:23:15,565
Pi Kaps don't pledge
just anyone, you know?
380
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,722
-[burps]
-Think of all
the attention you'll have.
381
00:23:17,757 --> 00:23:20,297
Excuse me, I gotta make
a fundraising call.
382
00:23:20,331 --> 00:23:22,593
Uh, yeah, operator?
How much is that?
383
00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:23,985
Eighty-five cents.
384
00:23:24,959 --> 00:23:26,803
Just a minute.
I'll deposit.
385
00:23:31,151 --> 00:23:32,509
Yes, you're quite welcome.
386
00:23:32,961 --> 00:23:34,074
Have a nice trip.
387
00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:36,266
Ta-ta!
388
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:40,963
[urinating]
389
00:23:40,998 --> 00:23:43,468
-Hi.
-Hey!
390
00:23:43,503 --> 00:23:46,669
Gumbroski is the name,
and drinking is my game.
391
00:23:46,703 --> 00:23:49,173
This here is Griselda.
Say hi, Griselda.
392
00:23:49,209 --> 00:23:50,079
[Griselda]
I love you.
393
00:23:50,113 --> 00:23:51,052
[GrossOut laughs]
394
00:23:51,088 --> 00:23:53,627
-Hello, Dad. Fred.
-[speaking indistinctly]
395
00:23:53,662 --> 00:23:55,854
Fred. Fred, your son.
396
00:23:55,889 --> 00:23:58,046
You know what I like
best about her?
397
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,376
She don't tell,
she don't swell,
398
00:24:00,412 --> 00:24:02,012
she is grateful as hell,
399
00:24:02,047 --> 00:24:03,613
she's disease-free,
400
00:24:03,647 --> 00:24:06,117
and best of all,
she don't talk back.
401
00:24:06,152 --> 00:24:07,405
[Griselda]
I love to please you.
402
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,658
[GrossOut laughs]
403
00:24:08,692 --> 00:24:10,919
The point is, I'm really
getting myself together,
404
00:24:10,954 --> 00:24:14,363
getting my, as they say
around here, my shit together.
405
00:24:14,398 --> 00:24:16,138
You wanna have
a go at her?
406
00:24:16,172 --> 00:24:18,747
Go ahead,
you don't gotta worry
about me being jealous.
407
00:24:18,781 --> 00:24:20,452
[Griselda]
I love it.
I love it.
408
00:24:20,486 --> 00:24:21,739
Make sure you give her
a good scrubbing
409
00:24:21,774 --> 00:24:23,409
-when you're done
with her, though.
-Me?
410
00:24:23,444 --> 00:24:25,914
Yeah, you. Go ahead.
Go right down the hall.
They're...
411
00:24:25,949 --> 00:24:26,993
Griselda, right?
412
00:24:27,027 --> 00:24:29,046
Yeah. That's
her name, Griselda.
413
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,437
[Griselda]
I love you.
414
00:24:33,742 --> 00:24:34,647
[burps]
415
00:24:36,178 --> 00:24:38,161
♪
416
00:25:09,786 --> 00:25:11,074
[laughing]
417
00:25:19,146 --> 00:25:20,607
[toilet flushing]
418
00:25:24,086 --> 00:25:25,860
[Kevin] Hey, hey.
Listen to this.
419
00:25:25,895 --> 00:25:27,217
"Habitual bean-eating
420
00:25:27,252 --> 00:25:28,922
will multiply
the normal production
421
00:25:28,957 --> 00:25:31,218
of intestinal gas
several times.
422
00:25:31,253 --> 00:25:33,236
University of California,
Berkeley
423
00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:34,906
found that raisins
and apple juice
424
00:25:34,941 --> 00:25:36,297
doubled gas output.
425
00:25:36,333 --> 00:25:38,699
Bananas increased it
by 50 percent,
426
00:25:38,733 --> 00:25:40,438
grape juice by 20 percent,
427
00:25:40,472 --> 00:25:43,708
and orange juice
and apricot nectar,
not at all.
428
00:25:43,743 --> 00:25:45,482
Flatus is..."
429
00:25:46,144 --> 00:25:47,710
Fart.
430
00:25:47,744 --> 00:25:49,519
"...is sometimes
a sign of returning health
431
00:25:49,553 --> 00:25:53,346
and surgeons use
its occurrence after surgery
as a signal for recovery."
432
00:25:53,380 --> 00:25:54,598
[laughs]
433
00:25:54,633 --> 00:25:55,990
Listen to this one!
434
00:25:56,024 --> 00:25:58,460
"During electro surgery
inside the colon,
435
00:25:58,494 --> 00:26:02,252
flammable intestinal gases
have occasionally
led to explosions,
436
00:26:02,287 --> 00:26:04,583
sometimes with
fatal consequences."
437
00:26:04,618 --> 00:26:05,871
[all laughing]
438
00:26:07,158 --> 00:26:08,375
Are you ready?
439
00:26:09,419 --> 00:26:10,707
I'm ready.
440
00:26:12,133 --> 00:26:13,281
[farts]
441
00:26:15,230 --> 00:26:16,517
[exhales]
442
00:26:16,552 --> 00:26:17,874
How's that, guys, huh?
443
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:19,718
Oh, shit, GrossOut.
444
00:26:19,752 --> 00:26:21,701
I've heard little kids
do better than that.
445
00:26:21,735 --> 00:26:22,988
Yeah, if that's the best
you can do,
446
00:26:23,023 --> 00:26:25,285
maybe we'd better forget
the entrance fee, huh?
447
00:26:25,319 --> 00:26:27,302
Well, come on, guys.
How about give me
half a chance?
448
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:29,042
This is a big opportunity
for me.
449
00:26:29,077 --> 00:26:30,955
You never know.
I might be able
to make my living at it.
450
00:26:30,990 --> 00:26:33,217
[Fred] Well, then,
you're gonna have
to get with it.
451
00:26:33,252 --> 00:26:34,817
Now you drink this.
452
00:26:34,852 --> 00:26:36,383
[bubbling]
453
00:26:36,418 --> 00:26:38,401
Oh, God!
454
00:26:38,435 --> 00:26:40,384
What's in it, Chief?
It-- Ugh.
455
00:26:40,419 --> 00:26:42,089
Smells like
it got turds in it.
456
00:26:42,123 --> 00:26:43,724
What is it exactly, Chief?
457
00:26:43,758 --> 00:26:45,012
Hairy buffalo punch.
458
00:26:45,046 --> 00:26:46,821
Hairy buffalo, huh?
459
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,952
Two sips,
and you'll be getting
to smell like one.
460
00:26:49,987 --> 00:26:51,030
Now drink it.
461
00:26:51,065 --> 00:26:52,387
Oh, no way!
462
00:26:52,422 --> 00:26:54,023
That stuff
really work, Chief?
463
00:26:54,057 --> 00:26:56,215
Do white man
shit on toilet?
464
00:26:56,249 --> 00:26:58,232
Down the hooch, GrossOut.
465
00:26:58,267 --> 00:27:01,468
Ugh! Man, you can die
from that shit.
466
00:27:01,502 --> 00:27:04,321
Well, we got a hearse
we could bury you in.
467
00:27:04,355 --> 00:27:05,295
[laughs]
468
00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:06,721
Okay, Jock.
469
00:27:06,756 --> 00:27:09,365
I'm sincerely sorry
for what I'm gonna have
to do now, GrossOut.
470
00:27:09,679 --> 00:27:10,827
No, no!
471
00:27:10,862 --> 00:27:12,288
Okay, Chief,
pour it down.
472
00:27:12,775 --> 00:27:14,167
[groaning]
473
00:27:18,829 --> 00:27:20,430
[stomach rumbling]
474
00:27:20,812 --> 00:27:22,795
[grunting]
475
00:27:26,448 --> 00:27:27,736
[explosion]
476
00:27:30,276 --> 00:27:32,015
[crashing]
477
00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:38,452
I told you it works.
478
00:27:38,765 --> 00:27:39,738
[groans]
479
00:27:40,121 --> 00:27:41,861
[burps]
480
00:27:43,148 --> 00:27:44,400
[indistinct chattering]
481
00:27:44,436 --> 00:27:45,480
[Tommy]
You see that, GrossOut?
482
00:27:45,514 --> 00:27:46,593
[Fred] I see it.
483
00:27:46,628 --> 00:27:48,507
Let me handle this.
484
00:27:49,759 --> 00:27:52,438
Oh, look
who's on your left.
485
00:27:52,473 --> 00:27:54,177
-Hey, Nancy, girls.
-Hey.
486
00:27:54,212 --> 00:27:56,195
I want you to meet Tommy,
our new pledge.
487
00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:57,204
-Hi.
-Hi.
488
00:27:57,239 --> 00:27:58,909
Say, maybe you girls
would like to join us
489
00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:00,405
for a little
quiet dinner tonight?
490
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,606
Quiet dinner
at the Pi Kap house?
You're sick. [laughs]
491
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,224
Oh, we'll go out.
Sort of a celebration.
492
00:28:07,259 --> 00:28:08,581
What's the occasion?
493
00:28:08,616 --> 00:28:11,712
Pi Kaps are about to come
into a large sum of money.
494
00:28:11,747 --> 00:28:13,382
-Hmm.
-Come on, we'll spring
for Chinese.
495
00:28:13,417 --> 00:28:14,705
What do you say?
496
00:28:14,739 --> 00:28:17,453
-Why not?
-Okay!
497
00:28:17,488 --> 00:28:20,062
♪ Chinese tonight
498
00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:22,602
♪ Egg noodles makes it right
499
00:28:22,637 --> 00:28:24,029
♪ Just hold my hand
500
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:26,777
[gong chiming]
501
00:28:27,334 --> 00:28:29,526
[oriental music playing]
502
00:28:32,970 --> 00:28:35,336
[indistinct chattering]
503
00:28:35,371 --> 00:28:37,667
[laughing]
504
00:28:44,729 --> 00:28:46,052
Mmm.
505
00:28:48,487 --> 00:28:50,645
Ooh, broccoli. Mmm.
506
00:28:55,307 --> 00:28:56,663
Fish. [chuckles]
507
00:28:57,254 --> 00:28:59,656
Mmm. Mmm.
508
00:29:00,038 --> 00:29:01,986
Mmm. Mmm.
509
00:29:03,343 --> 00:29:05,987
Mmm. Mmm.
510
00:29:06,892 --> 00:29:07,936
Mmm.
511
00:29:12,702 --> 00:29:13,642
[blows nose]
512
00:29:19,974 --> 00:29:21,087
[burping]
513
00:29:25,854 --> 00:29:26,758
[spits]
514
00:29:32,638 --> 00:29:35,421
Well, here's one for you.
515
00:29:37,439 --> 00:29:39,144
And another one for you.
516
00:29:41,128 --> 00:29:43,771
Uh, I think I've had
enough, GrossOut.
517
00:29:44,641 --> 00:29:45,754
"Enough"?
518
00:29:45,789 --> 00:29:48,955
A Pi Kap never [burps]
has enough.
519
00:29:48,990 --> 00:29:49,720
Drink it.
520
00:29:49,756 --> 00:29:52,295
Well, I would if I could,
521
00:29:52,330 --> 00:29:53,757
but I can't.
522
00:29:56,053 --> 00:29:58,453
Come on, it's time
for our first lesson.
523
00:30:02,281 --> 00:30:03,776
[woman yelling in Chinese]
524
00:30:03,812 --> 00:30:06,699
You gotta put away
the sentiment, man.
You gotta drink the brew.
525
00:30:06,733 --> 00:30:09,343
-At least a half
a case a night.
-Half a case?
526
00:30:09,378 --> 00:30:12,336
Minimum half a case.
Hey, it ain't no sweat.
527
00:30:12,370 --> 00:30:13,797
I had to start someplace.
528
00:30:13,831 --> 00:30:15,257
Look, I didn't know
how to do it
529
00:30:15,293 --> 00:30:17,102
till I learned
the Pi Kappa secret.
530
00:30:17,136 --> 00:30:18,250
The secret?
531
00:30:18,284 --> 00:30:20,059
Yes, secret. Look,
I've taught the best of them,
532
00:30:20,094 --> 00:30:21,555
and I've taught
the worst of them.
533
00:30:21,590 --> 00:30:23,365
You know that asshole Fred?
534
00:30:23,399 --> 00:30:26,252
Well, he couldn't drink
a banana daiquiri
before I showed him the trick.
535
00:30:26,287 --> 00:30:27,296
"The trick"?
536
00:30:27,331 --> 00:30:30,010
The trick, the secret,
it's all the same.
537
00:30:30,044 --> 00:30:31,783
It comes out
the same anyhow.
538
00:30:31,819 --> 00:30:32,793
[burps]
539
00:30:33,662 --> 00:30:36,237
-You see this finger?
-Yeah.
540
00:30:36,272 --> 00:30:38,603
-Just a finger, huh?
-Yeah, just a finger.
541
00:30:38,638 --> 00:30:41,351
-Notice anything
about this finger?
-No.
542
00:30:41,387 --> 00:30:42,778
Well, watch this.
543
00:30:43,404 --> 00:30:44,831
[gagging]
544
00:30:46,605 --> 00:30:47,579
[vomiting]
545
00:30:51,163 --> 00:30:53,111
[man speaking in Chinese]
546
00:30:54,781 --> 00:30:56,382
That's what you call...
547
00:30:56,973 --> 00:30:58,295
[coughs and burps]
548
00:30:58,330 --> 00:31:01,705
...the Class III recycled
Lee Wong special.
549
00:31:01,739 --> 00:31:02,644
[spits]
550
00:31:03,757 --> 00:31:06,019
[coughs] Now I'm set
for the night.
551
00:31:06,054 --> 00:31:08,454
The secret to drinking
is puking?
552
00:31:08,489 --> 00:31:10,716
Shh! Not so loud.
553
00:31:10,750 --> 00:31:11,690
God.
554
00:31:11,724 --> 00:31:13,151
[woman speaking in Chinese]
555
00:31:15,204 --> 00:31:16,735
Go ahead, you do it.
556
00:31:20,735 --> 00:31:21,919
[gagging]
557
00:31:24,145 --> 00:31:25,329
Aw, hold it.
558
00:31:25,363 --> 00:31:27,242
Just wait a minute.
That ain't right.
559
00:31:27,276 --> 00:31:31,104
Look, I don't wanna have
to show you this again,
so watch carefully this time.
560
00:31:33,679 --> 00:31:35,279
[gagging]
561
00:31:35,766 --> 00:31:37,227
[vomiting]
562
00:31:43,733 --> 00:31:45,230
Go ahead, you try it.
563
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:47,039
[man] Okay.
564
00:31:49,474 --> 00:31:51,597
[gagging and coughing]
565
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,702
I'm sorry, GrossOut,
I just can't do it.
566
00:31:57,476 --> 00:31:59,076
It's okay, Tommy.
567
00:31:59,111 --> 00:32:00,955
Come here.
I wanna talk to you.
568
00:32:02,243 --> 00:32:03,703
[gagging]
569
00:32:03,739 --> 00:32:05,026
[vomiting]
570
00:32:05,999 --> 00:32:07,496
[coughing]
571
00:32:08,539 --> 00:32:09,827
[panting]
572
00:32:11,845 --> 00:32:15,499
Anybody can do it.
You just gotta want to.
573
00:32:18,177 --> 00:32:20,403
Come on, kid, let's go.
574
00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:22,421
You did it,
just like a trooper.
575
00:32:22,457 --> 00:32:23,849
[laughs]
576
00:32:26,075 --> 00:32:27,571
[clears throat]
577
00:32:28,823 --> 00:32:30,563
Would you like
to take care of this?
578
00:32:51,612 --> 00:32:52,725
[grunting]
579
00:32:56,830 --> 00:32:57,804
[woman squeals]
580
00:33:04,485 --> 00:33:06,711
[Fred] Oh, my God!
It's happening again!
581
00:33:06,747 --> 00:33:09,774
Oh, Tommy, we gotta get him
to a hospital. Poor guy.
582
00:33:09,808 --> 00:33:12,383
I told him not to eat...
Oh, Jesus Christ!
583
00:33:12,417 --> 00:33:15,305
Hurry. He's not gonna
make it this time.
584
00:33:15,862 --> 00:33:17,080
Oh, Jesus.
585
00:33:19,585 --> 00:33:21,115
[men laughing]
586
00:33:22,924 --> 00:33:25,777
That was terrific.
How'd you learn
how to do that?
587
00:33:25,813 --> 00:33:26,786
Talent.
588
00:33:26,821 --> 00:33:30,022
It's just talent, my friend.
589
00:33:30,056 --> 00:33:33,988
Did you see that cook's face
when I was rolling around
on the floor?
590
00:33:34,023 --> 00:33:35,241
[in Chinese accent]
"Oh, hey, big boy,
591
00:33:35,275 --> 00:33:37,084
what you doing down there
on the floor, huh?"
592
00:33:37,815 --> 00:33:38,859
[vomits]
593
00:33:38,893 --> 00:33:39,937
Oh, shit!
594
00:33:39,973 --> 00:33:43,104
Oh, no, puke!
That's yuck!
595
00:33:47,453 --> 00:33:49,262
[indistinct chattering]
596
00:33:56,012 --> 00:33:57,681
Kevin, Kevin,
where's the Chief?
597
00:33:57,716 --> 00:33:59,456
Don't worry about it.
He'll be here.
598
00:33:59,490 --> 00:34:03,178
That stuff has to be prepared
at the last minute
in order for it to work.
599
00:34:03,214 --> 00:34:04,640
Any competition?
600
00:34:04,674 --> 00:34:06,623
Hell, no. There's a bunch
of candy-asses down there.
601
00:34:06,658 --> 00:34:07,667
Are you boys ready?
602
00:34:07,701 --> 00:34:09,650
-Which one of you
is the contestant?
-Me.
603
00:34:09,685 --> 00:34:12,016
I should have known.
You have such a big bum.
604
00:34:12,051 --> 00:34:13,477
Please, don't be nervous,
605
00:34:13,511 --> 00:34:14,799
because if you're nervous,
you can't get a good fart.
606
00:34:14,834 --> 00:34:16,782
Be calm. Calm.
That's the main thing.
607
00:34:18,383 --> 00:34:20,470
-[cheering]
-[fanfare playing]
608
00:34:20,505 --> 00:34:22,210
I'm on! I'm on!
609
00:34:22,731 --> 00:34:24,818
[audience cheering]
610
00:34:28,785 --> 00:34:30,734
Simmer down.
Simmer down, please, please.
611
00:34:30,768 --> 00:34:34,526
Shh! Folks, simmer down.
This is it, the main event.
612
00:34:34,561 --> 00:34:38,283
Welcome to our first annual
Daily Crock Benefit
Fart Contest,
613
00:34:38,318 --> 00:34:39,571
you beautiful people.
614
00:34:41,032 --> 00:34:43,572
Now, before we start,
let me ask you all a question.
615
00:34:43,606 --> 00:34:45,138
Anybody know
what a fart is?
616
00:34:45,172 --> 00:34:46,146
Nobody.
617
00:34:46,182 --> 00:34:47,503
A fart is the sharpest thing
in the world.
618
00:34:47,538 --> 00:34:50,043
Goes right through the pants
without leaving a hole.
619
00:34:50,078 --> 00:34:51,539
Huh, it stinks.
What can we do?
620
00:34:51,573 --> 00:34:53,731
[all groaning]
621
00:34:53,765 --> 00:34:55,053
-And now--
-[motorcycle revving]
622
00:34:59,158 --> 00:35:00,620
[audience cheering]
623
00:35:07,612 --> 00:35:10,988
Holy shit! Do you know
who that is?
624
00:35:11,022 --> 00:35:11,787
Who?
625
00:35:11,823 --> 00:35:14,363
That's Bucky Zackabreski, man.
626
00:35:14,397 --> 00:35:18,398
-The Bucky Zackabreski?
-The Bucky Zackabreski. Yeah.
627
00:35:18,433 --> 00:35:21,077
The Bucky Zackabreski
you told me about?
628
00:35:21,112 --> 00:35:24,104
The same Bucky Zackabreski
that used to go out
629
00:35:24,139 --> 00:35:27,375
with a certain
J.J. "GrossOut" Gumbroski
at high school?
630
00:35:27,409 --> 00:35:30,540
The same. The grossest
of the gross, man.
631
00:35:30,575 --> 00:35:33,602
[laughs] Yeah, well,
she doesn't look
so bad to me.
632
00:35:33,637 --> 00:35:35,689
Oh, wait till you
smell her farts.
633
00:35:35,725 --> 00:35:36,873
[audience cheering]
634
00:35:42,404 --> 00:35:45,153
Hey, J.J.
I heard you was entered.
635
00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:47,971
I've come to do battle with you.
Just like old times, huh?
636
00:35:48,006 --> 00:35:51,137
Don't call me J.J.,
and don't think you'd get me
in the toilet again either.
637
00:35:51,172 --> 00:35:53,990
Oh, J.J.,
it's been a long time.
638
00:35:54,025 --> 00:35:57,295
You're lookin' good as ever.
You lost some of that baby fat.
639
00:35:57,330 --> 00:35:58,826
But now you're
into new things.
640
00:35:58,861 --> 00:36:01,296
Looks like I got
some stiff competition.
641
00:36:01,332 --> 00:36:05,228
But just remember,
I taught you everything
you know.
642
00:36:05,263 --> 00:36:07,142
Ugh! [spits]
643
00:36:07,176 --> 00:36:11,143
Oh, just like that piggy
I went out in high school.
644
00:36:11,177 --> 00:36:12,465
See you later.
645
00:36:15,874 --> 00:36:17,753
[laughs]
646
00:36:17,788 --> 00:36:21,789
Sure, I can understand
that you'd wanna treasure
your virginity, Joan,
647
00:36:21,824 --> 00:36:24,120
but I treasure mine too.
648
00:36:24,154 --> 00:36:28,538
It's just that if you
keep it buried too deep,
you may never find it.
649
00:36:28,573 --> 00:36:30,069
I don't know, Tommy.
650
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:31,983
[fanfare playing]
651
00:36:32,018 --> 00:36:35,497
Quiet, please. Quiet.
Calm down. Calm down.
We're about to start.
652
00:36:35,531 --> 00:36:36,541
[laughing]
653
00:36:36,575 --> 00:36:39,324
Our contestants are all primed
and ready to go.
654
00:36:39,358 --> 00:36:41,690
Points will be awarded
on the basis of loudness,
655
00:36:41,724 --> 00:36:44,473
and each contestant gets
three chances to perform,
656
00:36:44,508 --> 00:36:45,969
and the total points scored
657
00:36:46,003 --> 00:36:47,813
will determine his
or her final standing.
658
00:36:47,848 --> 00:36:51,222
Now, each contestant
must break wind
within 20 seconds.
659
00:36:51,258 --> 00:36:53,762
Anyone drawing mud
will be disqualified.
660
00:36:53,797 --> 00:36:56,929
Ladies and gentlemen,
may the best asshole win.
661
00:36:56,963 --> 00:36:58,564
-[audience cheering]
-[fanfare playing]
662
00:37:07,644 --> 00:37:10,219
Let me explain to you
how this fartometer works.
663
00:37:10,254 --> 00:37:14,359
It was created by some
of the brilliantest minds
in the history of fartology.
664
00:37:14,394 --> 00:37:15,611
Now, the first level.
665
00:37:15,647 --> 00:37:16,586
[fartometer beeping]
666
00:37:16,620 --> 00:37:18,081
Hold your nose.
667
00:37:18,812 --> 00:37:20,517
The second level. Phew!
668
00:37:20,552 --> 00:37:21,561
[fartometer beeping faster]
669
00:37:21,595 --> 00:37:22,813
The third level. A stink.
670
00:37:22,849 --> 00:37:24,344
[fartometer beeping rapidly]
671
00:37:24,379 --> 00:37:26,397
-The fourth level.
Check your pulse.
-[fartometer blaring]
672
00:37:26,431 --> 00:37:27,963
Now let's get started!
673
00:37:28,624 --> 00:37:30,572
[cheering]
674
00:37:30,606 --> 00:37:33,495
From the Yellowstream College
School of Proctology,
675
00:37:33,529 --> 00:37:35,408
known as "The Amazing Anus,"
676
00:37:35,442 --> 00:37:37,808
Ira "Hemorrhoid" Cooperstein!
677
00:37:37,844 --> 00:37:40,348
-[fanfare playing]
-[audience cheering]
678
00:37:46,855 --> 00:37:48,386
[farts softly]
679
00:37:48,420 --> 00:37:49,290
[beeps]
680
00:37:49,325 --> 00:37:50,682
A flubber! A flubber!
681
00:37:50,716 --> 00:37:51,587
[audience murmuring]
682
00:37:53,292 --> 00:37:54,891
Good for only one point.
683
00:37:54,927 --> 00:37:56,422
[fanfare playing]
684
00:37:59,867 --> 00:38:01,746
-Kevin.
-Huh? What?
685
00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,033
-I wanna know something.
-What?
686
00:38:03,068 --> 00:38:04,633
How come if this is
a fart contest,
687
00:38:04,668 --> 00:38:06,755
you keep rubbing
my shoulders?
688
00:38:06,790 --> 00:38:08,217
All right, all right, all right.
689
00:38:08,251 --> 00:38:11,591
Stay loose, GrossOut,
stay loose. Concentrate.
690
00:38:11,627 --> 00:38:15,209
And there she is,
Miss Baked Beans of 1979.
691
00:38:15,245 --> 00:38:18,132
Our beautiful lady.
A nice round of applause.
692
00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:19,558
-[audience applauding]
-Yes, sir.
693
00:38:20,324 --> 00:38:21,994
Yes, sir!
694
00:38:22,029 --> 00:38:23,665
[audience cheering]
695
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:25,752
Position, please.
696
00:38:27,944 --> 00:38:28,918
Ooh.
697
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:31,875
[audience whistling]
698
00:38:31,909 --> 00:38:33,337
Please, let her concentrate.
699
00:38:33,371 --> 00:38:34,415
[chuckles]
700
00:38:34,449 --> 00:38:35,459
Oh, dear.
701
00:38:35,493 --> 00:38:36,258
[farts]
702
00:38:36,294 --> 00:38:38,103
[fartometer beeping]
703
00:38:38,137 --> 00:38:39,599
[audience cheering]
704
00:38:40,155 --> 00:38:41,477
[fanfare playing]
705
00:38:45,757 --> 00:38:48,645
And now from
Pete's Super 60 gas station,
706
00:38:48,679 --> 00:38:51,568
Frankie "Fartwell" Modjulario.
707
00:38:51,602 --> 00:38:53,307
-[fanfare playing]
-[audience cheering]
708
00:38:58,664 --> 00:39:02,701
He looks like a humdinger.
This boy looks like
a real winner. Yes, yes.
709
00:39:02,735 --> 00:39:04,197
[audience cheering]
710
00:39:05,171 --> 00:39:06,527
[Frankie grunting]
711
00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:13,973
What's the matter, Frank?
712
00:39:14,495 --> 00:39:15,574
Stage fright.
713
00:39:15,608 --> 00:39:17,243
You know you made
an ass of yourself?
714
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:19,853
[audience booing]
715
00:39:19,888 --> 00:39:21,175
[mutters indistinctly]
716
00:39:23,053 --> 00:39:24,619
[male host] Next.
Who we got next?
717
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:27,368
Miss Bucky Zackabreski!
718
00:39:27,402 --> 00:39:28,620
Oh, yes!
719
00:39:28,656 --> 00:39:30,359
-[fanfare playing]
-[audience cheering]
720
00:39:35,091 --> 00:39:37,179
Ooh, she's a beauty.
721
00:39:37,214 --> 00:39:38,327
Position, please.
722
00:39:39,058 --> 00:39:41,250
Hmm.
723
00:39:41,285 --> 00:39:43,094
-[farts]
-[fartometer beeping rapidly]
724
00:39:43,128 --> 00:39:45,216
And ace!
An atomic ace!
725
00:39:45,250 --> 00:39:46,642
[all cheering]
726
00:39:46,677 --> 00:39:48,347
[fanfare playing]
727
00:39:55,445 --> 00:39:56,663
Chief, where have you been?
728
00:39:56,697 --> 00:39:59,237
-You got the stuff?
-Of course I got.
729
00:39:59,272 --> 00:40:01,395
I go prepare now.
730
00:40:01,429 --> 00:40:05,534
And now, the contestant
you've all been waiting for,
the pride of Pi Kap frat.
731
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:10,753
Last but not least,
the inimitable
J.J. "GrossOut" Gumbroski!
732
00:40:10,788 --> 00:40:14,163
-[fanfare playing]
-[audience cheering]
733
00:40:20,599 --> 00:40:23,696
He looks like a champ to me.
Position, please.
734
00:40:23,731 --> 00:40:25,714
[audience chanting]
GrossOut! GrossOut!
735
00:40:25,748 --> 00:40:29,332
GrossOut! GrossOut!
GrossOut! GrossOut!
736
00:40:29,366 --> 00:40:30,933
[farts]
737
00:40:30,967 --> 00:40:32,498
[chanting continues]
738
00:40:32,533 --> 00:40:34,585
-[fartometer blaring]
-[male host] And ace!
An atomic ace!
739
00:40:34,621 --> 00:40:36,081
[all cheering]
740
00:40:36,117 --> 00:40:38,552
Wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful!
741
00:40:38,587 --> 00:40:40,709
-[fanfare playing]
-[audience cheering]
742
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:45,475
♪
743
00:40:53,408 --> 00:40:54,835
[audience applauding]
744
00:40:59,184 --> 00:41:00,332
[audience cheering]
745
00:41:14,039 --> 00:41:15,291
[audience cheering]
746
00:41:18,144 --> 00:41:22,041
♪ King Frat, King Frat
747
00:41:22,076 --> 00:41:24,755
♪ Place is never boring
Everybody's exploring ♪
748
00:41:24,789 --> 00:41:28,652
♪ Something's always brewing
Come, hear what they're doing ♪
749
00:41:29,243 --> 00:41:30,879
[fartometer blaring]
750
00:41:30,913 --> 00:41:32,374
[audience cheering]
751
00:41:37,593 --> 00:41:39,055
[rumbling]
752
00:41:39,507 --> 00:41:40,828
[explosion]
753
00:41:42,464 --> 00:41:43,751
[howling]
754
00:41:51,544 --> 00:41:53,180
[audience cheering]
755
00:41:57,146 --> 00:41:59,060
♪ King Frat, King Frat
756
00:41:59,095 --> 00:42:00,487
[fartometer beeping rapidly]
757
00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:03,408
♪ Without a reputation
Constant recreation ♪
758
00:42:03,444 --> 00:42:06,645
♪ King Frat, King Frat
759
00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:09,985
♪ See who comes the closest
Trying to be the grossest ♪
760
00:42:10,019 --> 00:42:12,942
♪ Always misbehaving
Everybody's waving ♪
761
00:42:12,976 --> 00:42:16,212
♪ King Frat, King Frat
762
00:42:16,247 --> 00:42:17,812
[all groaning in disgust]
763
00:42:17,848 --> 00:42:19,378
[coughing]
764
00:42:21,536 --> 00:42:23,518
[belches and groans]
765
00:42:23,553 --> 00:42:25,537
Oh, we're fucked, Kevin.
766
00:42:25,571 --> 00:42:27,693
Not so fast.
767
00:42:27,728 --> 00:42:29,920
Look, I got
a little gadget here
768
00:42:29,955 --> 00:42:31,590
for just such an emergency.
769
00:42:31,625 --> 00:42:34,548
Look, I bought this off
from a guy from the physics lab
for five bucks.
770
00:42:34,582 --> 00:42:35,974
It's an insurance policy.
771
00:42:36,009 --> 00:42:37,852
Now, he said
it would amplify the sound
772
00:42:37,888 --> 00:42:39,453
by at least 20 percent,
guaranteed.
773
00:42:39,488 --> 00:42:41,540
[chuckles]
Just stick it in.
774
00:42:43,559 --> 00:42:44,881
"Stick it in"?
775
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:48,882
[both] Stick it in.
776
00:42:48,916 --> 00:42:50,030
[fanfare playing]
777
00:42:55,179 --> 00:42:55,944
[farts]
778
00:42:55,980 --> 00:42:57,406
-[fartometer buzzing]
-A four.
779
00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:58,623
A lousy four.
780
00:42:58,658 --> 00:43:00,223
Let's give her
a nice hand there, folks.
Come on.
781
00:43:00,259 --> 00:43:01,441
This thing don't feel right.
782
00:43:01,476 --> 00:43:02,902
Why? What's wrong?
783
00:43:02,938 --> 00:43:04,885
It feels like it's slipping
or something.
784
00:43:04,921 --> 00:43:07,530
[male host] Next!
Who we got next out there?
Who's next?
785
00:43:07,565 --> 00:43:09,722
Everyone's waiting.
It'll be all right.
786
00:43:11,426 --> 00:43:14,523
Ah, yes!
J.J. "GrossOut" Gumbroski!
787
00:43:14,558 --> 00:43:16,019
How about it?
788
00:43:16,054 --> 00:43:17,585
[audience cheering]
789
00:43:18,350 --> 00:43:19,708
Quiet, please. Folks, quiet.
790
00:43:19,742 --> 00:43:21,447
This is the moment
you've all been waiting for.
791
00:43:21,481 --> 00:43:22,629
Please.
792
00:43:22,665 --> 00:43:23,917
Are you ready?
793
00:43:24,612 --> 00:43:25,900
Position, please.
794
00:43:25,935 --> 00:43:28,196
[audience chanting]
Fart, fart, fart!
795
00:43:28,649 --> 00:43:29,693
[farts]
796
00:43:29,727 --> 00:43:30,806
[fartometer buzzing]
797
00:43:30,841 --> 00:43:32,023
[defecating]
798
00:43:32,058 --> 00:43:33,832
Gumbroski has drawn mud.
799
00:43:33,868 --> 00:43:36,059
[all groaning]
800
00:43:36,094 --> 00:43:39,503
Ladies and gentlemen,
the winner and new champion,
801
00:43:39,539 --> 00:43:41,661
Bucky Zackabreski!
802
00:43:41,695 --> 00:43:44,097
Oh, you won the contest for me,
didn't you, J.J.?
803
00:43:44,131 --> 00:43:46,323
You still love me,
don't you, darling?
804
00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:47,679
[indistinct muttering]
805
00:43:47,715 --> 00:43:49,037
[groaning]
806
00:43:54,951 --> 00:43:56,517
[Percy] I don't
trust them, Dean.
807
00:43:56,552 --> 00:43:58,709
[Dean Doyle]
You don't have
to trust them, Percy.
808
00:43:58,743 --> 00:44:01,735
All you have to do
is keep your eyes on them.
809
00:44:01,770 --> 00:44:04,449
Surveillance, that's the key.
810
00:44:04,484 --> 00:44:07,720
As long as you know
what they're doing,
they can't surprise you.
811
00:44:07,755 --> 00:44:09,147
All right.
812
00:44:09,181 --> 00:44:12,591
Those Pi Kaps can't go
to the bathroom
813
00:44:12,625 --> 00:44:13,947
without me knowing about it.
814
00:44:13,983 --> 00:44:15,896
So when they make
their next movement,
815
00:44:15,930 --> 00:44:17,601
you'll be ready
and waiting, right?
816
00:44:17,635 --> 00:44:19,584
Wrong, Percy.
817
00:44:19,618 --> 00:44:22,471
You'll be ready
and waiting for 'em.
818
00:44:22,506 --> 00:44:24,420
As soon as the selection
committee meets
819
00:44:24,455 --> 00:44:26,751
to choose the next president
of Yellowstream,
820
00:44:26,786 --> 00:44:31,657
I expect to be moving
out of this office
and into a larger one.
821
00:44:31,691 --> 00:44:34,579
I've worked long
and hard for this.
822
00:44:34,614 --> 00:44:36,249
I'm the logical choice.
823
00:44:36,284 --> 00:44:40,181
They can't deny me.
I've brought this college
under control.
824
00:44:40,215 --> 00:44:42,303
I've made everybody
toe the line.
825
00:44:42,337 --> 00:44:43,938
All except the Pi Kaps.
826
00:44:44,494 --> 00:44:46,373
The Pi Kaps!
827
00:44:46,408 --> 00:44:48,531
That was McGafferty's fault.
828
00:44:48,565 --> 00:44:51,558
He wouldn't let me bear down.
829
00:44:51,592 --> 00:44:56,115
Well, now there's nothing
standing between me
and those guys. Nothing!
830
00:44:56,150 --> 00:44:57,298
[chuckles softly]
831
00:44:57,332 --> 00:44:58,898
They're finished.
832
00:44:58,933 --> 00:45:00,812
They just don't know it yet.
833
00:45:01,369 --> 00:45:02,656
[both laughing]
834
00:45:08,675 --> 00:45:10,275
["Standing at the Crossroads"
playing]
835
00:45:11,423 --> 00:45:12,537
[woman screaming]
836
00:45:12,571 --> 00:45:14,659
Get your hands
off my ass!
837
00:45:16,885 --> 00:45:20,122
♪ When I was
So much younger ♪
838
00:45:20,156 --> 00:45:23,566
♪ Didn't know
How to care ♪
839
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:27,741
♪ I was so fast and free
840
00:45:27,775 --> 00:45:30,628
♪ I was unaware
841
00:45:31,255 --> 00:45:34,734
♪ Seen it on my own
842
00:45:34,769 --> 00:45:37,656
♪ Somehow
I turned out great ♪
843
00:45:39,082 --> 00:45:40,753
Yeah, but it wasn't too long.
844
00:45:40,787 --> 00:45:43,189
Ooh, you already got
a beer, huh? Good music.
845
00:45:45,902 --> 00:45:47,398
♪ Crossroads
846
00:45:48,476 --> 00:45:50,982
♪ Now I'm at
The crossroads ♪
847
00:45:51,016 --> 00:45:52,825
♪ Of my life
848
00:45:52,861 --> 00:45:55,956
[Dean Doyle]
They're a mean,
rotten bunch, Percy.
849
00:45:55,992 --> 00:45:57,105
Watch your step.
850
00:45:57,140 --> 00:45:58,531
[Percy] 10-14.
851
00:45:59,158 --> 00:46:00,584
[armor rattling]
852
00:46:05,037 --> 00:46:06,534
[man yelling]
853
00:46:09,178 --> 00:46:10,673
[laughing]
854
00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:16,380
Hey, man.
I like your helmet.
855
00:46:20,624 --> 00:46:21,912
[Dean Doyle]
Percy, what happened?
856
00:46:21,946 --> 00:46:23,408
What the hell
is going on?
857
00:46:24,452 --> 00:46:26,678
I think they like my costume.
858
00:46:26,712 --> 00:46:28,348
Well, don't sit
on your ass, Percy.
859
00:46:28,383 --> 00:46:29,775
Get up and go inside.
860
00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:33,463
♪ Now I'm at
The crossroads ♪
861
00:46:33,497 --> 00:46:35,062
♪ Of my life
862
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:37,811
♪ Crossroads
863
00:46:39,064 --> 00:46:41,465
♪ Standing at
The crossroads ♪
864
00:46:41,499 --> 00:46:43,274
♪ Of my life
865
00:46:47,483 --> 00:46:49,745
[Dean Doyle]
Percy, what do you see now?
866
00:46:49,779 --> 00:46:50,963
[indistinct chattering]
867
00:46:57,399 --> 00:46:59,869
[Percy] I see a gorilla
dancing with a girl, Dean.
868
00:47:01,052 --> 00:47:04,497
And I see a campus cop
without a job.
869
00:47:04,531 --> 00:47:05,888
Cut the crap, Percy.
870
00:47:05,923 --> 00:47:07,419
Get on with it!
871
00:47:07,454 --> 00:47:08,567
Yes, Sir Dean.
872
00:47:08,602 --> 00:47:11,351
♪ I'm at the crossroads
Of my life ♪
873
00:47:11,385 --> 00:47:14,169
♪ Crossroads
874
00:47:14,203 --> 00:47:16,918
♪ Now I'm at
The crossroads ♪
875
00:47:16,952 --> 00:47:18,204
♪ Of my life
876
00:47:19,492 --> 00:47:21,197
♪ Crossroads
877
00:47:22,205 --> 00:47:24,711
♪ Standing at
The crossroads ♪
878
00:47:24,745 --> 00:47:26,450
♪ Of my life
879
00:47:27,354 --> 00:47:30,381
♪ If you're feeling down
880
00:47:30,417 --> 00:47:34,487
♪ And confused on
Which way to go ♪
881
00:47:34,522 --> 00:47:37,619
♪ Lost and at
The crossroads ♪
882
00:47:37,653 --> 00:47:41,480
♪ 'Cause that keeps you
Feeling alive ♪
883
00:47:41,515 --> 00:47:44,298
♪ And you might want
It out with me ♪
884
00:47:52,892 --> 00:47:54,666
♪ Crossroads
885
00:47:55,919 --> 00:47:58,215
♪ Now I'm at
The crossroads ♪
886
00:47:58,250 --> 00:48:00,337
♪ Of my life
887
00:48:01,102 --> 00:48:02,807
♪ Crossroads
888
00:48:04,234 --> 00:48:06,461
♪ Standing at
The crossroads ♪
889
00:48:06,495 --> 00:48:08,130
♪ Of my life
890
00:48:10,496 --> 00:48:12,584
Want a sip of beer, Griselda?
891
00:48:12,619 --> 00:48:15,158
J.J. J.J.,
where have you been?
892
00:48:15,194 --> 00:48:17,003
Do you know how long
I've been looking for you?
893
00:48:17,037 --> 00:48:18,394
No, how long?
894
00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:20,099
Oh, J.J., come on.
895
00:48:20,134 --> 00:48:22,360
We've had our bad times,
sure we have,
896
00:48:22,396 --> 00:48:24,935
but I'm not a woman
who holds grudges.
897
00:48:24,970 --> 00:48:26,988
I'm willing to forgive
and forget.
898
00:48:27,022 --> 00:48:28,414
How about it, huh?
899
00:48:28,449 --> 00:48:30,258
You think we should be
talking like this
in front of Griselda?
900
00:48:30,293 --> 00:48:33,250
Griselda?
You mean that balloon?
901
00:48:34,642 --> 00:48:37,251
-Kevin!
-Hi, Margie.
902
00:48:37,286 --> 00:48:38,469
What did you come as?
903
00:48:38,503 --> 00:48:40,070
Lady Godiva.
904
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,245
Good likeness.
905
00:48:44,279 --> 00:48:46,715
Oh, J.J.,
give me another chance.
906
00:48:46,749 --> 00:48:48,454
You won't be sorry.
907
00:48:49,011 --> 00:48:50,854
Oh, yes, I will.
908
00:48:50,890 --> 00:48:52,142
[groans]
909
00:48:52,176 --> 00:48:54,125
Look, I gotta go
take a dump.
910
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,830
You sit here, don't get up,
911
00:48:55,865 --> 00:48:59,136
don't move,
don't do nothing.
912
00:49:00,005 --> 00:49:02,093
[Middle Eastern music playing]
913
00:49:21,437 --> 00:49:22,759
Hey, you want a piece?
914
00:49:23,699 --> 00:49:25,125
You got a piece.
915
00:49:26,238 --> 00:49:27,387
[both moaning]
916
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:30,482
♪
917
00:49:38,380 --> 00:49:40,189
Oh, damn, Bucky!
918
00:49:40,225 --> 00:49:43,808
You don't even let a guy
take a good dump
without following him around.
919
00:49:43,843 --> 00:49:46,870
Oh, J.J., it's just like
old times, isn't it?
920
00:49:46,904 --> 00:49:50,279
It was the only time
to get you away
from that humanoid balloon.
921
00:49:50,314 --> 00:49:51,392
Oh, shit!
922
00:49:51,427 --> 00:49:54,385
Ooh, I love it when
you speak French to me.
923
00:49:54,419 --> 00:49:55,463
[groaning]
924
00:49:56,506 --> 00:49:57,550
[defecates]
925
00:50:06,561 --> 00:50:11,189
Long time ago,
my people, the Kissawong,
926
00:50:11,223 --> 00:50:14,007
lived on this very land.
927
00:50:14,042 --> 00:50:17,974
[Chief]
Hunted the forests
and fished the streams.
928
00:50:18,878 --> 00:50:20,618
Then the white man came.
929
00:50:20,652 --> 00:50:23,331
The white man came
and drove my people up--
930
00:50:23,366 --> 00:50:24,409
Let's do it. Come on.
931
00:50:24,445 --> 00:50:26,462
Now? In the middle
of the party?
932
00:50:26,497 --> 00:50:28,550
Yeah, now.
933
00:50:28,584 --> 00:50:30,429
I gotta tell you,
this is gonna be on my ass.
934
00:50:30,463 --> 00:50:31,647
Come on, come on.
935
00:50:32,204 --> 00:50:33,873
[music continues]
936
00:51:08,421 --> 00:51:09,535
[GrossOut] Damn it.
937
00:51:29,818 --> 00:51:31,209
[GrossOut] Damn it.
938
00:51:40,534 --> 00:51:41,508
Shh.
939
00:52:07,219 --> 00:52:08,994
[yells]
940
00:52:09,029 --> 00:52:10,907
I'll take the ball,
place it into my hand,
941
00:52:10,942 --> 00:52:13,342
take this ball,
place it into your hand,
and close it tight.
942
00:52:13,378 --> 00:52:15,639
There's a ball in my hand,
a ball in your hand,
943
00:52:15,674 --> 00:52:17,170
and a wand
and a pocket watch.
944
00:52:17,204 --> 00:52:19,814
One, two, three, mine's gone.
Open up your hand.
945
00:52:19,849 --> 00:52:21,241
Two balls.
946
00:52:22,527 --> 00:52:23,954
[man] That's crazy.
947
00:52:23,989 --> 00:52:25,624
One more time.
We're gonna do it
a little different this time.
948
00:52:25,659 --> 00:52:28,616
That leaves you
with two balls
and a magical wand.
949
00:52:28,651 --> 00:52:31,156
Watch. When I hit
the wand over like that,
950
00:52:31,191 --> 00:52:32,861
did you see it happen?
951
00:52:32,896 --> 00:52:34,079
Don't open up your hand.
952
00:52:34,113 --> 00:52:36,410
Could you rub your hand
over it like that,
if you would?
953
00:52:36,444 --> 00:52:38,115
Rub your hand over.
954
00:52:38,149 --> 00:52:40,968
I think something's happened.
What goes with two balls?
955
00:52:41,002 --> 00:52:42,080
[giggling]
956
00:52:42,116 --> 00:52:43,194
[all laughing]
957
00:52:44,272 --> 00:52:46,742
You don't know
what goes with two balls?
958
00:52:46,778 --> 00:52:47,787
Take a look and let's see.
959
00:52:48,552 --> 00:52:49,805
[all laughing]
960
00:52:52,066 --> 00:52:53,457
[gasps]
961
00:52:55,058 --> 00:52:57,111
I'm telling you,
it's Griselda!
962
00:52:57,145 --> 00:52:58,468
She don't eat garlic,
963
00:52:58,502 --> 00:53:01,495
she's never embarrassed me
in front of my friends,
964
00:53:01,529 --> 00:53:03,826
and most of all, Bucky,
965
00:53:03,860 --> 00:53:05,844
her farts smell
better than yours.
966
00:53:05,878 --> 00:53:09,045
-Oh, J.J.
-And don't call me J.J.!
967
00:53:09,079 --> 00:53:12,071
Oh, I love it
when you get angry.
968
00:53:14,124 --> 00:53:15,550
[slow music playing]
969
00:53:15,585 --> 00:53:17,325
[GrossOut] Guys,
I gotta get in there.
970
00:53:17,359 --> 00:53:19,412
I gotta go into the loo.
Look out.
971
00:53:26,058 --> 00:53:26,962
[burps]
972
00:53:35,277 --> 00:53:36,391
[urinating]
973
00:53:37,086 --> 00:53:38,757
[exhales]
974
00:53:39,626 --> 00:53:42,479
[woman] Get your hands
off my ass!
975
00:53:45,192 --> 00:53:46,724
[screams]
976
00:53:50,864 --> 00:53:54,760
Oh, J.J., I just love it
when you scream.
977
00:53:56,709 --> 00:53:58,136
Give me a description.
978
00:53:58,170 --> 00:54:02,415
It's about two feet
ten inches tall,
uh, 50 pounds,
979
00:54:02,449 --> 00:54:03,354
well-hung.
980
00:54:03,737 --> 00:54:04,955
Well-hung?
981
00:54:04,989 --> 00:54:06,381
Yeah, you know. It has a...
982
00:54:06,416 --> 00:54:09,164
[clears throat]
It has a large penis.
983
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,043
"Large penis."
984
00:54:11,078 --> 00:54:11,983
Look, Boyd.
985
00:54:12,017 --> 00:54:13,618
Hey, let me see that.
986
00:54:13,652 --> 00:54:15,949
Oh, my God,
they defiled him.
987
00:54:16,749 --> 00:54:18,524
Isn't that a rather
large wang
988
00:54:18,558 --> 00:54:20,890
for a statue
two feet ten inches tall?
989
00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:22,733
It's always been
that size, sir.
990
00:54:22,767 --> 00:54:24,021
Stood here for 40 years.
991
00:54:24,055 --> 00:54:25,830
It's our sacred phallus.
992
00:54:25,864 --> 00:54:27,569
Look what they've done to it.
993
00:54:27,604 --> 00:54:29,240
Your sacred phallus?
994
00:54:29,274 --> 00:54:31,117
-I think I know
who's behind this, Lloyd.
-Who?
995
00:54:31,153 --> 00:54:32,545
-So do I, Boyd.
-Who?
996
00:54:32,579 --> 00:54:35,119
And I think this is the rope
that's gonna hang 'em.
997
00:54:35,154 --> 00:54:36,406
Hang who?
998
00:54:36,442 --> 00:54:39,573
We strike tonight, Percy.
We get 'em in one swoop.
999
00:54:42,390 --> 00:54:43,748
Who?
1000
00:54:44,513 --> 00:54:46,078
[suspenseful music playing]
1001
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,071
[snoring]
1002
00:54:51,645 --> 00:54:55,820
They are a mean,
rotten bunch, Percy.
Watch your step.
1003
00:55:18,643 --> 00:55:19,757
[Percy] Psst!
1004
00:55:28,489 --> 00:55:29,881
[clattering]
1005
00:55:33,534 --> 00:55:35,796
All right, everybody, freeze!
1006
00:55:35,830 --> 00:55:37,222
We got a search warrant.
1007
00:55:37,258 --> 00:55:39,728
Signed too!
No tricks!
1008
00:55:41,780 --> 00:55:44,911
All right, I've got you
by the short hairs now!
1009
00:55:48,008 --> 00:55:49,469
Breaking and entering, huh?
1010
00:55:49,504 --> 00:55:50,757
Burglary!
1011
00:55:50,791 --> 00:55:53,505
Possession of
stolen property.
1012
00:55:53,539 --> 00:55:54,792
That's big time.
1013
00:55:54,827 --> 00:55:59,107
No parole,
no probation, no mercy--
1014
00:56:06,030 --> 00:56:10,344
I'll see this traveling
circle jerks of yours
in leg irons!
1015
00:56:10,379 --> 00:56:14,206
And you, you slob,
don't try to look
so innocent.
1016
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:17,754
I wasn't trying
to look innocent,
I was trying to look guilty.
1017
00:56:17,790 --> 00:56:20,016
Now, we've got a warrant
to search this place,
1018
00:56:20,051 --> 00:56:22,486
and you all know
what we're looking for.
1019
00:56:22,522 --> 00:56:24,017
So why don't you get smart?
1020
00:56:24,052 --> 00:56:26,000
Why don't you make it
easy on yourselves?
1021
00:56:26,036 --> 00:56:28,923
Turn over that statue
right now.
1022
00:56:28,957 --> 00:56:30,662
You're not accusing us
of stealing that--
1023
00:56:30,697 --> 00:56:33,063
Stuff a sock in it, son.
1024
00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:35,708
Percy, let's start searching.
1025
00:56:37,830 --> 00:56:39,012
Degenerate!
1026
00:56:41,378 --> 00:56:42,909
♪
1027
00:57:05,141 --> 00:57:06,150
Is there someone in there?
1028
00:57:09,316 --> 00:57:10,290
Answer me!
1029
00:57:11,230 --> 00:57:13,073
[farts]
1030
00:57:19,754 --> 00:57:20,623
[gags]
1031
00:57:22,224 --> 00:57:23,406
[coughing]
1032
00:57:33,009 --> 00:57:34,088
[clattering]
1033
00:57:51,171 --> 00:57:52,110
[sighs]
1034
00:57:57,572 --> 00:57:59,869
Oh, pardon me, miss.
1035
00:58:06,792 --> 00:58:07,731
Miss?
1036
00:58:09,576 --> 00:58:10,515
Miss?
1037
00:58:15,316 --> 00:58:16,742
Oh.
1038
00:58:20,604 --> 00:58:22,831
I love it. I love it.
1039
00:58:23,527 --> 00:58:24,814
Fornicate me.
1040
00:58:24,849 --> 00:58:26,345
Who, me? I'm married.
1041
00:58:26,380 --> 00:58:29,407
I love you.
Kiss me, kiss me.
1042
00:58:29,441 --> 00:58:30,520
Dean Doyle!
1043
00:58:31,076 --> 00:58:32,398
Dean Doyle!
1044
00:58:36,399 --> 00:58:38,418
I love to please you.
1045
00:58:40,540 --> 00:58:42,175
I'm a real girl.
1046
00:58:42,801 --> 00:58:44,923
[Percy] Dean Doyle!
1047
00:58:44,959 --> 00:58:47,394
Dean Doyle!
Dean Doyle!
1048
00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:49,585
Griselda!
1049
00:58:49,621 --> 00:58:51,847
I love you, I love you,
1050
00:58:51,882 --> 00:58:54,421
I love you, I love you,
I love you...
1051
00:58:54,457 --> 00:58:56,927
Filthy, disgusting degenerates!
1052
00:58:58,806 --> 00:58:59,884
[hissing]
1053
00:58:59,919 --> 00:59:02,042
You fucking murderers!
1054
00:59:03,085 --> 00:59:04,094
[yells]
1055
00:59:04,129 --> 00:59:05,903
Shit!
1056
00:59:05,938 --> 00:59:07,573
[crashing]
1057
00:59:10,913 --> 00:59:12,757
-I'll see you tomorrow.
-Okay, yeah. I'll see you.
1058
00:59:12,792 --> 00:59:13,974
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
1059
00:59:15,889 --> 00:59:17,071
[sighs]
1060
00:59:19,471 --> 00:59:21,455
♪
1061
00:59:35,093 --> 00:59:36,241
[grunts]
1062
00:59:47,306 --> 00:59:49,289
Bobby, come on.
1063
00:59:49,323 --> 00:59:52,246
Betty, did you have a good time
at the homecoming dance?
1064
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:53,602
I would have,
if it hadn't been
1065
00:59:53,637 --> 00:59:55,934
for that funny stuff
in the punch bowl.
1066
00:59:55,968 --> 00:59:58,751
You can't go
to a party anymore
where there's Pi Kaps
1067
00:59:58,787 --> 01:00:01,604
without having
those rubber things
floating around.
1068
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:03,205
Wow!
1069
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,049
This is terrific!
1070
01:00:05,084 --> 01:00:07,694
Bobby, I can't stand
those fucking guys.
1071
01:00:07,728 --> 01:00:10,094
They are such
total jerks.
1072
01:00:10,128 --> 01:00:12,460
Why don't they
kick 'em off campus?
1073
01:00:12,494 --> 01:00:14,199
Kick 'em off campus?
1074
01:00:14,235 --> 01:00:15,765
They ought to kick 'em
in the balls.
1075
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:17,505
They ought to string them up.
1076
01:00:17,539 --> 01:00:20,323
They're disgusting!
1077
01:00:20,357 --> 01:00:22,758
Come on, give me
a boost up the tree.
1078
01:00:22,793 --> 01:00:24,985
We're looking
for bigger game tonight.
1079
01:00:36,953 --> 01:00:38,484
[chuckling]
1080
01:00:38,518 --> 01:00:40,050
Can you see anything?
1081
01:00:40,084 --> 01:00:41,441
Mm-hmm.
1082
01:00:41,893 --> 01:00:43,564
Yeah. [chuckling]
1083
01:00:45,129 --> 01:00:46,486
Is she pretty?
1084
01:00:46,521 --> 01:00:47,808
Mm-hmm.
1085
01:00:51,740 --> 01:00:53,409
[sighs]
1086
01:00:53,445 --> 01:00:55,045
What's she wearing?
1087
01:00:58,141 --> 01:00:59,393
Not much.
1088
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,108
What is she doing now?
1089
01:01:07,361 --> 01:01:09,344
She's looking at me and...
1090
01:01:10,179 --> 01:01:11,710
and she's...
1091
01:01:11,745 --> 01:01:13,102
-[screaming]
-Screaming.
1092
01:01:13,136 --> 01:01:14,215
Oh, shit!
1093
01:01:16,407 --> 01:01:17,415
[grunts]
1094
01:01:17,903 --> 01:01:19,016
[groans]
1095
01:01:19,051 --> 01:01:21,590
[woman] I feel so awful
and so responsible.
1096
01:01:21,626 --> 01:01:24,305
-Should we take the mask off?
-Good idea.
1097
01:01:26,184 --> 01:01:29,419
Oh, my gosh.
He's so good-looking.
1098
01:01:29,454 --> 01:01:31,751
Why would he wanna go around
dressed as an ape?
1099
01:01:31,785 --> 01:01:33,454
It's a long story.
1100
01:01:33,490 --> 01:01:37,004
I feel so awful.
I hope he isn't badly hurt.
1101
01:01:38,952 --> 01:01:41,249
Are you okay?
Can you hear me?
1102
01:01:41,804 --> 01:01:43,371
[siren wailing]
1103
01:01:45,041 --> 01:01:46,641
[tires screeching]
1104
01:02:03,585 --> 01:02:04,941
Excuse us, ma'am.
1105
01:02:16,458 --> 01:02:18,754
-Can I go with him?
-Why not?
1106
01:02:22,442 --> 01:02:24,285
Come on,
let's follow in my car.
1107
01:02:29,991 --> 01:02:31,418
[tires screeching]
1108
01:02:33,158 --> 01:02:35,871
About time that jerk
took a tumble.
1109
01:02:35,906 --> 01:02:37,229
[siren wailing]
1110
01:02:45,822 --> 01:02:47,144
Air.
1111
01:02:47,178 --> 01:02:48,605
-[gasping]
-What?
1112
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:50,449
-Air. [coughs]
-Air.
1113
01:02:50,484 --> 01:02:52,224
-I can't breathe.
-Okay.
1114
01:02:52,258 --> 01:02:53,406
I can't breathe.
1115
01:02:55,633 --> 01:02:57,407
I can't breathe. [coughs]
1116
01:02:57,443 --> 01:02:59,008
You can't breathe?
1117
01:02:59,042 --> 01:03:01,618
Do... Do you want me
to undo this?
1118
01:03:01,652 --> 01:03:03,253
Yes, yes, hurry.
1119
01:03:03,287 --> 01:03:04,575
[panting]
1120
01:03:04,609 --> 01:03:06,836
-It's jammed.
I can't get it out.
-Hurry.
1121
01:03:08,784 --> 01:03:09,932
[groaning]
1122
01:03:19,048 --> 01:03:20,057
Is that better?
1123
01:03:20,091 --> 01:03:22,005
[chuckles] Yeah.
1124
01:03:27,119 --> 01:03:29,138
Tommy, why are you
still there?
1125
01:03:29,172 --> 01:03:31,573
You're not turning into
one of those jerk-offs,
are you?
1126
01:03:31,608 --> 01:03:33,173
Do I have a choice?
1127
01:03:34,704 --> 01:03:36,270
[siren wailing]
1128
01:03:43,993 --> 01:03:46,603
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
1129
01:03:46,638 --> 01:03:50,604
-Are you okay
-It's all right.
It's all right.
1130
01:03:50,638 --> 01:03:53,423
I want you to move.
You're on my stomach.
I can't breathe.
1131
01:03:53,457 --> 01:03:55,162
Could you move
down a little?
1132
01:03:55,196 --> 01:03:56,658
Yeah, a little. Yes.
1133
01:03:56,692 --> 01:03:58,641
You've got an erection!
1134
01:03:59,545 --> 01:04:01,250
Boy, I hope
he's not hurt too bad.
1135
01:04:01,285 --> 01:04:03,755
Don't worry. We'll be there
in a few minutes.
1136
01:04:09,844 --> 01:04:11,479
How is Kong doing?
1137
01:04:13,984 --> 01:04:15,410
[moaning]
1138
01:04:30,371 --> 01:04:31,902
[whimpering]
1139
01:04:33,085 --> 01:04:35,798
Okay, let me get a look
right in your ear.
1140
01:04:35,834 --> 01:04:37,329
Good. Very good.
1141
01:04:37,364 --> 01:04:38,651
Are you a real doctor?
1142
01:04:38,687 --> 01:04:42,269
The pain is not up there.
The pain is down here!
1143
01:04:42,305 --> 01:04:44,739
-I can't relieve myself.
-You can't what?
1144
01:04:44,775 --> 01:04:45,679
Relieve myself.
1145
01:04:45,714 --> 01:04:48,323
Urinate. I can't piss!
1146
01:04:48,359 --> 01:04:49,715
Doctor, he can't piss!
1147
01:05:03,805 --> 01:05:07,215
[woman over P.A.]
Dr. Jordan to emergency.
1148
01:05:07,251 --> 01:05:09,442
Four times a night
I go into the bathroom.
1149
01:05:09,477 --> 01:05:11,043
What happens? I dribble.
1150
01:05:11,077 --> 01:05:13,826
Dribble droplets, that's all.
I don't...
1151
01:05:13,860 --> 01:05:15,357
-It burns, my--
-Are you sure?
1152
01:05:15,391 --> 01:05:16,923
Huh? What happened? What?
1153
01:05:16,957 --> 01:05:19,740
Uh, listen, excuse me
just a moment.
1154
01:05:19,776 --> 01:05:22,036
But, Doctor... I...
1155
01:05:22,420 --> 01:05:23,358
[gasps]
1156
01:05:29,169 --> 01:05:32,996
This is impossible.
I mean, ask anybody.
1157
01:05:33,030 --> 01:05:36,023
This is medically impossible.
1158
01:05:36,057 --> 01:05:39,607
I mean, maybe in dogs
or
MAD
magazine,
but never in humans.
1159
01:05:39,641 --> 01:05:41,590
Doc, Doc, will you just
get us unhooked?
1160
01:05:41,624 --> 01:05:43,921
Maybe in apes.
No, not even apes.
1161
01:05:43,955 --> 01:05:45,381
Doctor, please!
1162
01:05:45,417 --> 01:05:46,843
I gotta get you guys
outta here.
1163
01:05:46,878 --> 01:05:49,383
Well, I sure can't go home
for the holidays like this.
1164
01:05:49,418 --> 01:05:51,609
Okay, let's get them out.
Come on, let's go.
1165
01:05:51,644 --> 01:05:53,349
How can they go
inside like that?
1166
01:05:53,384 --> 01:05:55,054
Wait. I have an idea.
1167
01:05:56,515 --> 01:05:58,429
This is unbelievable.
1168
01:05:58,463 --> 01:06:00,272
[woman over P.A.]
Dr. Jordan to emergency.
1169
01:06:00,308 --> 01:06:02,395
Dr. Jordan to emergency.
1170
01:06:02,430 --> 01:06:03,892
[doctor]
This is ridiculous.
1171
01:06:05,735 --> 01:06:07,857
Here we go.
Let's bring them
right down here.
1172
01:06:07,892 --> 01:06:09,876
How in the hell
did you get in this position?
1173
01:06:09,910 --> 01:06:11,267
Watch this guy.
1174
01:06:14,433 --> 01:06:15,546
Let's go.
1175
01:06:17,251 --> 01:06:19,374
Okay, watch this corner.
Watch this corner.
1176
01:06:19,408 --> 01:06:20,869
Okay, let's bring it
right down.
1177
01:06:20,904 --> 01:06:22,713
Okay. Slowly.
Right down. Come on.
1178
01:06:22,748 --> 01:06:24,731
Watch this, watch this.
Watch this.
1179
01:06:24,767 --> 01:06:26,854
Okay, okay, all right.
Take it easy.
1180
01:06:26,888 --> 01:06:29,150
All right, okay.
To the left. To the left.
1181
01:06:29,185 --> 01:06:31,168
You're going to have
to excuse us, ma'am.
1182
01:06:31,202 --> 01:06:33,534
We really have
an emergency here.
1183
01:06:33,568 --> 01:06:34,926
Excuse us.
Step right outside.
1184
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:37,604
Very, very, very good. Okay.
1185
01:06:44,354 --> 01:06:46,233
That girl must be
a real dog
1186
01:06:46,267 --> 01:06:48,563
if an ape put a bag
over her head.
1187
01:06:51,660 --> 01:06:54,966
[woman over P.A.]
Dr. Romero, Dr. Romero.
1188
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,114
Please call front desk.
1189
01:06:56,148 --> 01:06:58,479
You kids are something else.
1190
01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,889
You run around
fucking everything in sight.
1191
01:07:01,924 --> 01:07:06,134
But wait. Wait until
you will get older,
1192
01:07:06,168 --> 01:07:10,099
then it will be just enough
to take a good crap every day.
1193
01:07:10,135 --> 01:07:12,501
And a good piss too.
1194
01:07:14,066 --> 01:07:15,771
[grunting in pain]
1195
01:07:16,536 --> 01:07:18,693
Okay, okay, pull. Ow!
1196
01:07:18,728 --> 01:07:20,294
What's going on in there?
1197
01:07:21,338 --> 01:07:24,712
In my day, they just
threw cold water.
1198
01:07:24,747 --> 01:07:26,070
They didn't make
a production.
1199
01:07:26,104 --> 01:07:27,635
They cooled them off,
and that's all.
1200
01:07:27,669 --> 01:07:28,574
Do you know what I mean?
1201
01:07:28,609 --> 01:07:30,906
Okay, this way now.
No, no, this way.
1202
01:07:30,940 --> 01:07:31,914
One.
1203
01:07:35,045 --> 01:07:36,716
Okay, let's go again.
1204
01:07:36,750 --> 01:07:38,002
Two.
1205
01:07:40,125 --> 01:07:41,308
Okay. [panting]
1206
01:07:41,343 --> 01:07:44,265
Okay, come on, let's go,
one more time. Here we go.
1207
01:07:44,996 --> 01:07:46,214
Three!
1208
01:07:46,248 --> 01:07:47,327
[pops]
1209
01:07:47,362 --> 01:07:48,580
[crashing]
1210
01:07:49,484 --> 01:07:51,363
[dog howling]
1211
01:07:58,078 --> 01:07:59,434
Excuse me.
1212
01:08:11,020 --> 01:08:13,038
[romantic music playing]
1213
01:08:18,187 --> 01:08:21,144
Tommy, please, don't.
1214
01:08:21,179 --> 01:08:25,041
I like you. I really do.
But I can't.
1215
01:08:25,075 --> 01:08:28,451
I'm sorry, I just wish
things were simple.
1216
01:08:28,485 --> 01:08:30,051
Yeah. Me too.
1217
01:08:30,538 --> 01:08:32,139
I've got to go.
1218
01:08:32,173 --> 01:08:34,087
-Yeah.
-Tommy.
1219
01:08:41,463 --> 01:08:42,646
Good night.
1220
01:08:42,681 --> 01:08:44,177
[crashing]
1221
01:08:44,211 --> 01:08:46,856
I can't take it.
I just can't take it.
1222
01:08:46,890 --> 01:08:48,943
Do you mean to tell me
you've never gotten laid?
1223
01:08:48,977 --> 01:08:50,439
-Never?
-Ever.
1224
01:08:50,474 --> 01:08:51,970
It's unheard of
in a fellow of your age.
1225
01:08:52,004 --> 01:08:54,823
And a Pi Kap too.
Totally unacceptable.
1226
01:08:54,857 --> 01:08:57,780
We can't let this get out.
Let's de-pledge him.
1227
01:08:57,815 --> 01:09:00,390
De-pledge me?
Come on, you guys.
1228
01:09:00,424 --> 01:09:02,095
God, if I knew
it was that important,
1229
01:09:02,129 --> 01:09:03,556
I would have said
something before.
1230
01:09:03,590 --> 01:09:05,677
Well, then we'll have
to remedy the situation.
1231
01:09:07,104 --> 01:09:09,297
♪
1232
01:09:18,238 --> 01:09:19,212
Hey.
1233
01:09:23,909 --> 01:09:25,891
Well, Thomas, my boy.
This is your big day.
1234
01:09:25,927 --> 01:09:27,527
Wait. But I don't
know about this!
1235
01:09:27,562 --> 01:09:29,962
Give me that bag,
'cause you ain't
gonna need it.
1236
01:09:29,998 --> 01:09:31,424
Look, guys. I don't...
I don't know.
1237
01:09:31,458 --> 01:09:33,476
Maybe Joan's right.
Maybe I'm not ready.
1238
01:09:33,512 --> 01:09:35,042
Maybe I should wait
a little longer.
1239
01:09:35,077 --> 01:09:36,190
[laughs]
Oh, no way.
1240
01:09:36,225 --> 01:09:37,861
You do an afternoon delight.
1241
01:09:37,895 --> 01:09:39,356
Watch out, front teeth.
1242
01:09:39,391 --> 01:09:40,852
[GrossOut laughing]
1243
01:09:42,036 --> 01:09:43,879
[slow music playing]
1244
01:09:51,603 --> 01:09:52,577
[burps]
1245
01:09:53,273 --> 01:09:55,709
Oh, no, not you again.
1246
01:09:55,743 --> 01:09:57,100
What's happening?
1247
01:09:57,135 --> 01:09:59,187
I hope you didn't
bring that doll.
1248
01:09:59,223 --> 01:10:01,797
Imagine bringing
a thing like that in here.
1249
01:10:01,832 --> 01:10:03,015
It's disgusting!
1250
01:10:03,049 --> 01:10:04,406
-Don't make fun of my doll--
-No, it's all right.
1251
01:10:04,441 --> 01:10:06,946
It's okay. He doesn't
have it anymore.
1252
01:10:06,980 --> 01:10:08,547
Look, we brought in
a cherry here
1253
01:10:08,581 --> 01:10:10,426
and we're treating him
to a massage,
1254
01:10:10,460 --> 01:10:11,678
his very first massage.
1255
01:10:11,712 --> 01:10:12,930
We want your very best.
1256
01:10:12,966 --> 01:10:14,357
[Veronica] Our very best?
1257
01:10:14,392 --> 01:10:16,061
Money is no object.
1258
01:10:17,940 --> 01:10:19,263
Where'd you get that?
1259
01:10:19,297 --> 01:10:21,141
His father is paying for it.
1260
01:10:21,176 --> 01:10:24,133
Well, I see.
How thoughtful.
1261
01:10:24,168 --> 01:10:25,873
Let me get my staff
out here.
1262
01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:27,787
[whistle blowing]
1263
01:10:29,839 --> 01:10:31,962
All right, over here.
Thomas, my boy.
1264
01:10:32,936 --> 01:10:34,779
Look at the goodies.
1265
01:10:38,467 --> 01:10:39,511
[mouthing]
1266
01:11:07,449 --> 01:11:10,198
I was hoping
for someone really special.
1267
01:11:10,232 --> 01:11:13,920
Well, there is somebody
that comes by here
on a part-time basis.
1268
01:11:13,955 --> 01:11:16,182
If you want, I could see
if she can come over.
1269
01:11:16,216 --> 01:11:17,608
It will cost you
extra, though.
1270
01:11:20,844 --> 01:11:22,513
Well, there's only one
first time.
1271
01:11:23,453 --> 01:11:24,810
He deserves the best.
1272
01:11:26,167 --> 01:11:27,837
Good talent
is worth waiting for.
1273
01:11:27,872 --> 01:11:29,124
You might as well sit down.
1274
01:11:31,316 --> 01:11:33,056
[dialing]
1275
01:11:33,091 --> 01:11:35,665
-Mind if I smoke?
-Huh?
1276
01:11:36,187 --> 01:11:37,544
Mind if I smoke?
1277
01:11:37,578 --> 01:11:40,188
Of course not.
Do you mind if I fart?
1278
01:11:40,223 --> 01:11:41,266
[laughs]
1279
01:11:41,301 --> 01:11:44,049
Hello, Monica?
Hi, this is Veronica.
1280
01:11:44,085 --> 01:11:47,599
Listen, can you possibly
make it down here right away?
1281
01:11:47,633 --> 01:11:50,695
Yeah? I'll make it
worth your while.
1282
01:11:50,730 --> 01:11:52,017
Okay. See ya.
1283
01:11:52,609 --> 01:11:54,104
She's coming right over.
1284
01:11:55,496 --> 01:11:58,976
Hey, Father Leadpipe.
How is your bell now?
1285
01:11:59,010 --> 01:12:01,724
Oh, ringing as usual,
Veronica.
1286
01:12:01,759 --> 01:12:02,560
[both laugh]
1287
01:12:02,594 --> 01:12:04,542
Right this way, Father.
1288
01:12:04,577 --> 01:12:07,186
This way, Father.
This way. This way.
1289
01:12:10,039 --> 01:12:11,048
[burps]
1290
01:12:11,779 --> 01:12:13,867
Father?
1291
01:12:13,901 --> 01:12:15,989
[Veronica] Would you mind
making room for the Father?
1292
01:12:16,023 --> 01:12:18,355
No, I gotta go
take a dump anyhow.
1293
01:12:18,389 --> 01:12:19,815
Hey, where's the shitter?
1294
01:12:19,851 --> 01:12:21,903
The first door
to your right.
1295
01:12:21,938 --> 01:12:23,469
What are you doing
with these?
1296
01:12:23,503 --> 01:12:26,913
Oh, well, we put
these panties in bags,
1297
01:12:26,949 --> 01:12:28,548
and staple them shut.
1298
01:12:28,584 --> 01:12:30,114
Customers buy them.
1299
01:12:30,149 --> 01:12:32,376
-They buy 'em?
-Sure.
1300
01:12:32,410 --> 01:12:34,811
Sort of a souvenir
of the occasion.
1301
01:12:34,846 --> 01:12:36,168
How much do you charge?
1302
01:12:36,203 --> 01:12:37,281
Ten bucks a pair.
1303
01:12:37,316 --> 01:12:38,951
Ten bucks?
Kinda high, isn't it?
1304
01:12:38,986 --> 01:12:40,726
Not for these.
1305
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,100
Veronica, I think
I'm ready now.
1306
01:12:44,136 --> 01:12:46,362
Could you take the Father
to the men's room?
1307
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:48,623
Yeah, sure.
1308
01:12:48,658 --> 01:12:49,841
Come on, Father.
1309
01:12:54,190 --> 01:12:55,547
[defecating]
1310
01:12:57,530 --> 01:12:59,339
[sensual music playing]
1311
01:13:12,942 --> 01:13:14,752
The guy who comes here
to get laid,
1312
01:13:14,787 --> 01:13:16,839
he usually
has his shorts off.
1313
01:13:29,156 --> 01:13:30,478
Why don't you
roll over, honey?
1314
01:13:30,512 --> 01:13:32,669
We'll get right
to the good parts.
1315
01:13:37,331 --> 01:13:39,419
What the hell
are you doing here?
1316
01:13:39,454 --> 01:13:41,472
What are you doing here?
1317
01:13:45,125 --> 01:13:46,935
[Boyd] It's been
two days, gentlemen.
1318
01:13:46,969 --> 01:13:49,788
The police, Doyle,
no one's turned up a clue.
1319
01:13:49,822 --> 01:13:54,762
Our sacred Dionysus
is out there somewhere,
defiled, alone.
1320
01:13:54,797 --> 01:13:56,920
He must be returned.
1321
01:13:56,954 --> 01:14:00,085
I say it's time
we take matters
into our own hands.
1322
01:14:00,121 --> 01:14:01,442
How do we do that, Boyd?
1323
01:14:01,477 --> 01:14:03,461
Well, we know there's stuff
going on in the house,
1324
01:14:03,495 --> 01:14:06,035
and anyone capable
of walking out of here
with a hot comb
1325
01:14:06,070 --> 01:14:08,435
is capable of walking out
with Dionysus.
1326
01:14:08,471 --> 01:14:10,627
We're dealing with
an inside job.
1327
01:14:10,663 --> 01:14:11,567
One of us?
1328
01:14:11,601 --> 01:14:14,698
No, not a brother, a mother.
1329
01:14:14,732 --> 01:14:17,725
Pi Kaps have a man
planted right here.
I'm sure of it.
1330
01:14:17,759 --> 01:14:18,630
Who?
1331
01:14:20,091 --> 01:14:21,413
[Boyd] Splash.
1332
01:14:22,491 --> 01:14:23,709
Somebody called?
1333
01:14:23,743 --> 01:14:26,249
Splash, my friend,
could I have a word with you?
1334
01:14:26,597 --> 01:14:27,467
Yes, boss.
1335
01:14:27,501 --> 01:14:29,136
Maybe you can help me.
1336
01:14:29,172 --> 01:14:32,233
You remember that statue
we used to have here,
the one that disappeared?
1337
01:14:32,268 --> 01:14:33,416
Yes, boss.
1338
01:14:33,451 --> 01:14:34,808
Well, if we could get it back,
1339
01:14:34,842 --> 01:14:37,208
it might be worth
something for you.
1340
01:14:37,243 --> 01:14:40,305
Well, I think I might be able
to locate it for you.
1341
01:14:40,339 --> 01:14:42,148
That's what I thought.
Grab him.
1342
01:14:42,184 --> 01:14:43,784
Splash, you really fucked up.
1343
01:14:43,819 --> 01:14:46,811
In ancient Greece,
when a messenger was given
something important,
1344
01:14:46,846 --> 01:14:48,202
they often tattooed it
to his scalp
1345
01:14:48,238 --> 01:14:49,977
and let the hair
grow back out.
1346
01:14:50,011 --> 01:14:53,387
We have a message
for that sick fraternity
you belong to.
1347
01:14:53,421 --> 01:14:55,891
Only our message
isn't so secret.
1348
01:14:55,927 --> 01:14:57,039
Here it is.
1349
01:15:05,007 --> 01:15:08,660
Look, the suckers were over in,
Doyle's got us set up.
1350
01:15:08,695 --> 01:15:11,896
Now sooner or later,
he'll be back
with the storm troopers
1351
01:15:11,930 --> 01:15:13,983
and bust our collective asses.
1352
01:15:14,018 --> 01:15:16,975
I got yours, Chief.
One pepperoni
and peanut butter.
1353
01:15:17,010 --> 01:15:19,202
[sighs] Jesus. All you guys
think about is eating.
1354
01:15:19,236 --> 01:15:21,115
We're in a serious
situation here!
1355
01:15:21,150 --> 01:15:23,968
Well, a man can't fart
or belch without eating.
1356
01:15:24,004 --> 01:15:26,508
Is it too late to take
one more order?
1357
01:15:27,552 --> 01:15:28,804
Splash!
1358
01:15:29,883 --> 01:15:33,119
Oh, man!
Who did this, Splash?
1359
01:15:33,153 --> 01:15:35,624
Those asshole Alphas.
1360
01:15:35,658 --> 01:15:36,876
Goddamn it!
1361
01:15:36,911 --> 01:15:39,903
That's it, man.
They pushed us
too damn far.
1362
01:15:39,937 --> 01:15:43,869
Anybody that can't take
a harmless joke now and then
has gotta pay for it.
1363
01:15:43,904 --> 01:15:46,200
Aw, shit. Let's get him
to the couch.
1364
01:15:50,132 --> 01:15:51,210
Put this in.
1365
01:15:52,602 --> 01:15:54,341
Why'd they do it, Splash?
1366
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:56,429
That statue.
1367
01:15:56,464 --> 01:15:59,247
If we were smart,
we'd take that stone faggot
back to those turds
1368
01:15:59,282 --> 01:16:00,812
and forget this
whole damn thing.
1369
01:16:05,823 --> 01:16:07,423
Alphas!
1370
01:16:10,380 --> 01:16:12,920
Well, so much
for that argument.
1371
01:16:18,243 --> 01:16:19,461
[spits and burps]
1372
01:16:20,783 --> 01:16:22,210
Alphas!
1373
01:16:22,767 --> 01:16:24,263
You in there?
1374
01:16:24,297 --> 01:16:26,733
You little legend
of horseshits!
1375
01:16:28,855 --> 01:16:31,047
Show your faces, you...
1376
01:16:31,081 --> 01:16:33,064
chicken-shit faggots!
1377
01:16:33,935 --> 01:16:35,187
Yeah, you!
1378
01:16:36,822 --> 01:16:40,336
You take yourselves
so goddamn serious.
1379
01:16:40,371 --> 01:16:42,494
Don't you know
that all this is shit?
1380
01:16:43,989 --> 01:16:46,599
That you're a bunch of shits?
1381
01:16:46,633 --> 01:16:50,426
And that for the next
40 years of your lives
1382
01:16:50,461 --> 01:16:54,322
you're probably gonna be
shoveling that shit.
1383
01:16:54,358 --> 01:16:55,958
What's he talking
about, Lloyd?
1384
01:16:55,993 --> 01:16:57,767
Sounds like shit
to me, Boyd.
1385
01:16:58,533 --> 01:16:59,751
[spits]
1386
01:17:01,316 --> 01:17:04,377
Hey, pig fucker
and needle dick!
1387
01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:08,483
I got a present for you.
1388
01:17:10,397 --> 01:17:12,414
[glass breaking]
1389
01:17:12,449 --> 01:17:15,928
You want the rest of your
precious statue back,
1390
01:17:15,963 --> 01:17:17,667
you know where to find it.
1391
01:17:18,572 --> 01:17:21,043
It's Pi Kappa house.
1392
01:17:21,077 --> 01:17:23,861
It's King-fucking-Frat
on this campus.
1393
01:17:23,895 --> 01:17:27,688
It always has been,
it always will be!
1394
01:17:30,749 --> 01:17:32,698
This does it, Lloyd.
1395
01:17:32,732 --> 01:17:33,846
[crunching]
1396
01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:35,516
Despicable scumbags.
1397
01:17:35,551 --> 01:17:37,638
We've got to get
Dionysus back.
1398
01:17:38,474 --> 01:17:40,352
I think my foot's
bleeding, Boyd.
1399
01:17:40,387 --> 01:17:44,109
We hit them tonight.
We clobber that roach-trap.
1400
01:17:46,754 --> 01:17:49,955
[dramatic drum music playing]
1401
01:17:59,244 --> 01:18:03,037
Hey, when Dunstan Woods
comes to Pi Kap house,
1402
01:18:03,071 --> 01:18:05,089
it must be the fucking Alphas.
1403
01:18:05,124 --> 01:18:06,411
[laughs]
1404
01:18:08,220 --> 01:18:09,646
[horn blowing]
1405
01:18:09,682 --> 01:18:11,108
[chanting]
Alphas suck! Hey!
1406
01:18:11,143 --> 01:18:12,604
Alphas suck! Hey!
1407
01:18:12,639 --> 01:18:14,240
Alphas suck! Hey!
1408
01:18:14,274 --> 01:18:15,596
Alphas suck! Hey!
1409
01:18:15,631 --> 01:18:17,335
Alphas suck! Hey!
1410
01:18:17,371 --> 01:18:18,866
Alphas suck!
1411
01:18:18,902 --> 01:18:20,432
Alphas suck!
1412
01:18:20,467 --> 01:18:22,033
[all clamoring]
1413
01:18:24,050 --> 01:18:25,651
King-fucking-Frat!
1414
01:18:26,208 --> 01:18:27,704
[all yelling]
1415
01:18:28,782 --> 01:18:30,940
♪
1416
01:18:55,363 --> 01:18:59,260
Long time ago, my people,
the Kissawong tribe,
1417
01:18:59,294 --> 01:19:01,104
lived on this very land.
1418
01:19:01,695 --> 01:19:03,260
We hunted the forests...
1419
01:19:03,296 --> 01:19:04,827
[siren wailing]
1420
01:19:09,245 --> 01:19:13,003
I want this...
I want this terminated
immediately!
1421
01:19:13,037 --> 01:19:15,160
Go back to your dorms!
1422
01:19:15,194 --> 01:19:16,516
To your dormitories!
1423
01:19:16,551 --> 01:19:19,195
I want this...
I want this terminated
immediately!
1424
01:19:19,231 --> 01:19:21,353
Mayday! Mayday!
1425
01:19:22,953 --> 01:19:25,110
[Dean Doyle]
Go back to your dorms!
1426
01:19:25,145 --> 01:19:27,267
Go back to your dormitories!
1427
01:19:27,302 --> 01:19:29,007
I'll call up the riot squad,
1428
01:19:29,041 --> 01:19:31,163
and you all will be doing
hard time!
1429
01:19:33,982 --> 01:19:36,730
I want this...
I want this terminated
immediately!
1430
01:19:37,670 --> 01:19:39,479
Go back to your dorms!
1431
01:19:39,513 --> 01:19:40,627
[siren wailing]
1432
01:19:42,889 --> 01:19:44,663
I'll call up the riot squad,
1433
01:19:44,698 --> 01:19:47,516
and you all will be doing
hard time!
1434
01:19:49,151 --> 01:19:52,595
All right, I'll see you all
in solitary!
1435
01:19:52,631 --> 01:19:54,440
♪ When you say, bud
1436
01:19:54,474 --> 01:19:58,197
♪ King Frat, King Frat
1437
01:19:58,232 --> 01:20:01,050
♪ Place is never boring
Everybody's exploring ♪
1438
01:20:01,085 --> 01:20:04,599
♪ Something's always brewing
Come, hear what they're doing ♪
1439
01:20:04,633 --> 01:20:07,939
♪ Cutting loose and they're
Polluting the skies ♪
1440
01:20:07,973 --> 01:20:11,070
♪ Nothing's going to
Embarrass the guys ♪
1441
01:20:11,104 --> 01:20:14,236
♪ They'll do anything
That's going to help them ♪
1442
01:20:14,271 --> 01:20:17,298
♪ Make their plans
1443
01:20:19,386 --> 01:20:21,195
Oh, shit!
1444
01:20:25,543 --> 01:20:27,804
Oh, no, not you again.
1445
01:20:29,509 --> 01:20:30,727
[grunting]
1446
01:20:32,049 --> 01:20:33,023
Hey!
1447
01:20:35,633 --> 01:20:37,581
♪
1448
01:21:11,259 --> 01:21:12,721
♪
1449
01:21:17,209 --> 01:21:18,566
Give me five!
1450
01:21:26,324 --> 01:21:27,925
[groans]
1451
01:21:29,386 --> 01:21:31,682
All right, fire one!
1452
01:21:33,248 --> 01:21:35,474
[screams]
1453
01:21:35,510 --> 01:21:36,936
Get 'em. Get 'em, Kevin!
Get 'em, Kevin!
1454
01:21:36,970 --> 01:21:38,154
Fire two!
1455
01:21:38,745 --> 01:21:39,963
[screams]
1456
01:21:39,997 --> 01:21:41,250
[both laughing]
1457
01:21:41,285 --> 01:21:42,225
One more, one more.
1458
01:21:42,259 --> 01:21:44,973
All right. Fire three!
1459
01:21:45,703 --> 01:21:46,747
[screams]
1460
01:21:46,782 --> 01:21:48,069
[both laughing]
1461
01:21:48,696 --> 01:21:50,018
Do it again! Do it again!
1462
01:21:50,052 --> 01:21:51,723
Fire four!
1463
01:22:00,872 --> 01:22:02,403
You gotta forgive me
for this.
1464
01:22:11,971 --> 01:22:13,397
[sirens wailing]
1465
01:22:17,468 --> 01:22:18,860
[whistle blowing]
1466
01:22:22,166 --> 01:22:24,357
[clamoring]
1467
01:22:43,492 --> 01:22:45,267
[man chuckling]
1468
01:22:45,962 --> 01:22:47,876
[indistinct chattering]
1469
01:23:00,366 --> 01:23:01,723
You're our
legal mind, Gross.
1470
01:23:01,758 --> 01:23:03,498
What do you think
our chances are?
1471
01:23:03,532 --> 01:23:04,890
[farts]
1472
01:23:04,924 --> 01:23:06,386
That's what I thought
you'd say.
1473
01:23:07,707 --> 01:23:08,925
[murmuring]
1474
01:23:27,956 --> 01:23:31,540
I have news
for you, lemmings.
1475
01:23:31,575 --> 01:23:33,071
You know who the judge is?
1476
01:23:33,558 --> 01:23:34,602
Howard the Duck?
1477
01:23:34,636 --> 01:23:35,715
Perry Mason?
1478
01:23:35,750 --> 01:23:37,454
Chief Running Antelope?
1479
01:23:37,489 --> 01:23:39,890
No, you smartasses.
1480
01:23:39,925 --> 01:23:41,699
It's Crumneagle.
1481
01:23:41,734 --> 01:23:42,952
Crumneagle!
1482
01:23:42,986 --> 01:23:45,839
The hanging judge
of Yellowstream county!
1483
01:23:45,874 --> 01:23:46,883
[laughs]
1484
01:23:46,918 --> 01:23:47,926
[mimics choking]
1485
01:23:51,128 --> 01:23:53,528
Looks like Doyle
finally bought a ticket
to the funny farm.
1486
01:23:53,563 --> 01:23:56,138
I could give a shit,
that fuckin' murderer.
1487
01:23:56,172 --> 01:23:57,424
Fucking dummy!
1488
01:23:59,756 --> 01:24:01,148
All rise!
1489
01:24:01,182 --> 01:24:02,957
All ears, all ears, all ears.
1490
01:24:02,991 --> 01:24:06,436
Those having business
with the third circuit court
of Yellowstream county
1491
01:24:06,471 --> 01:24:09,011
the honorable
Judge Lester Crumneagle
presiding.
1492
01:24:09,045 --> 01:24:11,341
Draw near and come to order!
1493
01:24:17,917 --> 01:24:20,074
Bailiff, read the complaint.
1494
01:24:20,109 --> 01:24:21,431
[bailiff] Oh, yes,
Your Honor.
1495
01:24:21,466 --> 01:24:22,997
To speed things up,
Your Honor,
1496
01:24:23,031 --> 01:24:25,571
-I'll read what the defendants
are not charged with.
-Leadpipe.
1497
01:24:25,606 --> 01:24:27,346
Uh, very well.
1498
01:24:27,380 --> 01:24:31,207
The Pi Kaps are not charged
with grand theft auto
or rape.
1499
01:24:31,243 --> 01:24:35,313
Otherwise, there are 362 counts
lodged against them.
1500
01:24:35,870 --> 01:24:37,540
In addition, Your Honor,
1501
01:24:37,575 --> 01:24:39,871
building inspectors found
802 violations
1502
01:24:39,905 --> 01:24:42,201
of health, sanitation,
and building codes.
1503
01:24:42,237 --> 01:24:43,906
Uh, yes, well...
1504
01:24:43,942 --> 01:24:46,412
You Honor, I have important
information here
1505
01:24:46,446 --> 01:24:48,847
which may change the course
of these proceedings.
1506
01:24:48,882 --> 01:24:51,700
That's all been cut and dried,
Your Honor!
1507
01:24:51,735 --> 01:24:54,031
These animals
belong in a pen.
1508
01:24:54,065 --> 01:24:58,240
And I'm just the hairpin
that can make sure
they get special attention.
1509
01:24:58,276 --> 01:25:00,538
So let's knock off
this nonsense.
1510
01:25:00,955 --> 01:25:02,347
Who are you?
1511
01:25:02,381 --> 01:25:04,538
Dean Delbert Doyle.
1512
01:25:04,573 --> 01:25:07,670
Well, stick it, Doyle.
This is my courtroom.
1513
01:25:09,026 --> 01:25:11,879
Now, what is that
you were saying?
1514
01:25:11,913 --> 01:25:15,045
I'm talking about treaties,
Your Honor, Indian treaties.
1515
01:25:15,080 --> 01:25:18,142
Some remarkable research
has been done
by this young man,
1516
01:25:18,176 --> 01:25:22,178
and also because of some
recently discovered documents,
1517
01:25:22,212 --> 01:25:25,552
indicate that the land
upon which Yellowstream College
is located,
1518
01:25:25,588 --> 01:25:29,136
legally belongs
to the Kissawong Indian tribe.
1519
01:25:29,170 --> 01:25:30,945
[all murmuring]
1520
01:25:37,033 --> 01:25:40,617
Your Honor, I only want
to see justice done.
1521
01:25:40,652 --> 01:25:42,148
You want justice?
1522
01:25:42,182 --> 01:25:44,097
I'll show you justice.
1523
01:25:44,131 --> 01:25:45,732
Not guilty.
1524
01:25:45,766 --> 01:25:46,914
Case dismissed.
1525
01:25:46,950 --> 01:25:47,993
[groans]
1526
01:25:48,028 --> 01:25:49,698
Court...
1527
01:25:49,733 --> 01:25:51,125
has adjourned.
1528
01:25:51,159 --> 01:25:52,898
[cheering]
1529
01:25:57,700 --> 01:25:59,926
["King Frat" playing]
1530
01:26:10,399 --> 01:26:12,556
I love it. I love it.
1531
01:26:15,826 --> 01:26:18,436
But, sir, you can't put
the Alphas on probation.
1532
01:26:18,471 --> 01:26:20,280
We have a 3.8 grade average.
1533
01:26:20,314 --> 01:26:22,716
And whenever one of us
asks for a recommendation,
1534
01:26:22,750 --> 01:26:24,176
you write that
we're all fuck-ups.
1535
01:26:24,211 --> 01:26:26,995
"Fuck-ups"?
Did I say fuck-ups?
1536
01:26:27,620 --> 01:26:29,535
I mean to say "shitheads."
1537
01:26:30,856 --> 01:26:32,352
[belches]
1538
01:26:32,388 --> 01:26:34,684
[patriotic music playing]
1539
01:26:44,843 --> 01:26:46,130
[belches]
1540
01:26:47,243 --> 01:26:49,401
♪
1541
01:27:50,495 --> 01:27:53,139
♪
107303
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