Original subtitles

[♪ theme music playing]

Hey, Bob. Hey, Linda.

-[Linda] Hi, Teddy. -Hi, Teddy.

Good Lord, I'm hungry.

I had to work through lunch to finish your drywall job.

I thought I was gonna die.

Boy, do I need a burger right now.

Oh, we ran out of burgers.

-What? -I'm just kidding.

Don't do that to me, Bob!

I'm hungry and fragile. [sighs wearily]

One Eggsit Through the Swiss Shop Burger, please.

Finally! Lunch.

I mean, it's 4:30 already.

It's almost an early dinner at this point.

But it's not, Linda. It's lunch.

Dinner's a whole other meal I'm definitely still having in two hours.

-Are we clear? -Yeah, yeah, sure.

Crap, is it already 4:30? I'd better go.

Today's the last day I can return the mini blowtorch and the store closes at 6:00.

Aw, you had fun with that thing, and you never have fun.

Yeah, but I can't justify the cost,

mostly because whenever I used it,

no one seemed to notice or care.

It kind of just tastes like what a normal tomato tastes like. Sorry.

It's fine. I just... I used a blowtorch.

Oh, my God! Why?

Forget it, I'm gonna go.

Okay, I'll be back before the dinner rush.

And hopefully, the kids will be back soon from wherever they went.

Uh, they said they were gonna work remotely from the pier

and send us a Zoom link, but I never got it.

A lot of chitchat today, not a lot of cooking.

Okay, okay. Jeez.

Hey, kids. Did you enjoy whatever you were doing

while you were shirking your duties here?

-"Shirk" did. -How dare you?

I flush my doodies.

I mean, sometimes.

Yeah, not often. Bye.

What were you kids doing?

We let Tina buy us stuff

at the gumball machines on the boardwalk.

[mouthful] I got a giant gumball and it's hurting my jaw

quite a bit right now.

But I'm not gonna quit and let the gumball win.

Aw, never mind, I am. [spits]

And I got this temporary tattoo of a turtle riding a skateboard.

Oh, it's gone. That was really temporary.

And Jimmy Jr. gave me this ring.

Ooh!

I wouldn't say he gave it to you.

I mean, he handed it to me and said something like...

Hold on to this, Tina, as a token of our connection,

both emotional and physical.

[blows air]

Here.

Uh, no, I'm pretty sure he said...

Zeke and I are gonna go wrestle on the beach.

Will you hold this for me and I'll come get it from you later?

I don't want it to fall out of my pocket

like what happened with my Sacagawea coin.

Sure, but if you read between the lines...

How's that burger coming, Linda?

No pressure. But my stomach's starting to eat itself.

It's coming. Kids, can one of you give me a hand in here?

On it. Better take this baby off.

It's too gorgeous to be covered in burger grease.

Yeah, that's what I used to think about myself.

-But here we are. -[♪ comical sting]

Sorry I'm returning you, blowtorch.

But we had some good times, right?

[in altered voice] Oh, don't pretend you care about me, Bob.

[in normal voice] What? I totally care about you.

You're great. You're... you're just too expensive.

It's not you, it's me.

I'm... [sighs] I'm poor.

[Bob in altered voice] If I'm so great,

how come you never gave me, like, a cool name?

[in normal voice] A cool name? Uh...

Okay, fine. Uh...

What about "Flamez" with a "z"?

[Bob in altered voice] Oh, that's good.

Can I tell that to the next person that buys me?

[in normal voice] Sure, go ahead.

[in altered voice] I hope they're hot, like me.

[in normal voice] Ah, classic Flamez.

[in altered voice] Yeah. [laughs]

[in normal voice] Oh, elevator. Don't mind if I do.

[employee] Almost as you nag us!

[Hugo] I'm not nagging, I'm enforcing safety protocol!

Hugo? Oh crap.

-[Hugo] If I had fire ants... -Come on.

-Come on. -...I'd invest in a tube of caulk.

[employee] You're a tube of caulk!

[Hugo] I'm a tube of justice!

Damn it!

Ugh. Bob.

Hugo, I see you're busy aggravating people.

Oh, and I see you're walking around looking like a dumb slob,

carrying a bag of something stupid, I'm guessing.

Well, this has been wonderful.

But I will now bid you a hateful farewell--

-[elevator screeches] -Uh, why did we stop?

I don't know.

Oh. Oh, no!

Uh, this isn't good.

-[buzzing] -Hello? Is anyone there?

[repairman] New phone. Who is this?

Um, I was, I'm...

[repairman laughs] Just kidding.

What-What's the problem?

My system's telling me you're at the mall.

Are-Are you stuck?

Uh, yeah, we are.

[repairman] Makes sense. No one calls me to say how well the elevator's working.

But don't worry. I'll send someone and we'll get you moving in no time.

Okay, great.

[repairman] I don't know why I said "no time."

Sometimes it takes a long time.

-Oh. -[repairman] How many souls in there?

-Two, if you count Bob. -Souls?

[repairman] It's airline talk, and elevators are like the airplanes of malls.

Anyway, since there's two of you,

and you seem to know each other,

you can keep each other company during this potentially very long week.

[Bob and Hugo] Oh, my God!

-[♪ tense sting] -[Bob sighs]

I really wish I had taken the escalator.

[scoffs] Bob on an escalator.

I literally can't think of a funnier image.

What? Wh-What does that mean?

You, traveling at a 45-degree angle?

I mean, come on.

This is a nightmare.

Oh, tell me about it, Bob.

Have you smelled you?

At least when Ron and I inspect your restaurant,

the bad food odor covers up BO.

Where is Ron? Did he quit?

No, he's taking a personal day.

He said he has appointments and errands.

Oh, is one of his appointments with Doctor "I Hate The Guy I Work With"?

How dare you?

I am Ron's mentor,

as I have told him many, many times.

[repairman] Hey, how's it going in there?

[dejectedly] So, so great. Um...

Is there an ETA on the repair person?

I'm just hoping this doesn't take too long for so many reasons.

Also, I have to return something before the place closes.

[mockingly] Ooh, I'm Bob. I'm returning something.

I have to get to places too, Bob.

I need a new tie.

Oh, does Baby Gap sell ties?

You son of a bitch!

Just please tell your repair person

that this is an especially bad stuck elevator situation,

because the man I'm stuck with is the most annoying person in the world.

And please also tell them that Bob's restaurant is disgusting.

[repairman] I'll put it in the notes.

Mm. Oh...

It's in me. I'm whole again.

Boy, I feel like I blacked out there for a little bit.

Yeah, you were shoving it in so fast.

It was like the burger police were coming and you had to destroy the evidence.

At one point, it sounded like you were speaking in tongues.

Leave Teddy alone, kids.

So he eats like a wild hog, he was hungry.

[Tina] Excuse me while I bust my way back

to that meaningful purple monster ring.

Tina's gone Gollum with that thing.

I've never gotten all the way through the movie.

Does Gollum turn back into a real boy?

-I don't know. -[Tina] Where's my ring?

It-It's not where I left it! Where is it?

Did you look on the floor?

[Tina] Of course I looked on the frickin' floor, woman!

-Tina! -Now she's full-blown Gollum.

[Tina grunts] I'm gonna try and lift the grill.

-Tina! No. -[Tina] Ow, that's hot!

People are pointing, Bob.

They're pointing at us and laughing.

No one is pointing at us and laughing, Hugo.

Oh, okay, those guys are.

Wait, those are the food court guys.

[gasps] I bet they did this.

-What? -It all makes sense.

This is no accident.

This is retaliation against me!

That's ridiculous.

They always say

I'm too nitpicky with my citations.

-Yeah, you are. -Bah!

"Bah"? What's "bah"?

Like "Bah! You don't know what you're talking about!"

O-Okay, even if they wanted to get--

Bah-bah-bah. What? Spit it out!

You want me to say what I'm gonna say?

-Not really. -Okay, fine. I won't.

-Good! -Then we won't talk.

Let's just sit here with your mouth shut!

Mm-hmm.

-Okay, fine. Say your stupid thoughts. -[sighs]

Even if they wanted to get revenge on you,

you think they'd know how to stop an elevator?

Maybe the elevator repairman is in on it!

Hugo, not everyone is out to get you.

You're just being paranoid.

Paranoid, or para-smart?

I mean, if I'm being honest, Hugo,

I've definitely thought about getting revenge on you.

I just don't know where quicksand is.

Well, I have taken quicksand and thick mud survival training, so I would be fine.

Agh! Jimmy Jr. trusted me with this purple monster ring

because I seem like a trustworthy person.

But then I lost it almost immediately.

Who's the monster now, huh?

Who's the monster now?

Calm down, honey. You're freaking out.

Let's retrace your steps.

Or just trace our hands? Make turkeys?

Okay, okay. I took off the ring and I put it here,

and then Mom said, "Can you put this egg on top of the burger

and walk it out to Teddy while I fart near the back door?"

-Classy. -So I put the egg on the burger,

and then I brought it out to Teddy.

I gave him the burger and then he ate it...

Oh, my God! Did the ring end up under the egg?

-[♪ tense music plays] -Did Teddy eat the ring?

-What? -No.

Teddy would know if he ate that thing. It was huge!

I don't know, Mom, this is Teddy we're talking about.

-Remember when he ate that scrunchie? -Right.

-And when he ate one of his earbuds? -Oh, yeah.

And the other earbud.

I mean, stuff gets near the plate, I just get confused.

So, I guess it's possible I ate the ring.

Oh, Teddy...

[screams] No!

[Hugo] What are you guys up to?

[Bob] Huh, interesting.

They're leaving and you're wrong about everything.

Of course they're leaving, because they're on to their next move.

Time to pull some strings.

I know someone at the Department of Community Affairs.

They have jurisdiction over elevator maintenance.

If our friendly repairman is working with the food court people,

this guy will be able to help us.

-[phone buzzing] -Ugh!

Okay, he's not picking up.

Well, looks like I'll have to interrupt one of Ron's appointments.

-[phone buzzing] -♪ Da-da-da ♪

♪ On a bicycle built for Ron ♪

-On your left. -[buzzing continues]

-Damn it! -[repairman] Hello?

Oh, uh, yes! Hi. Hello.

[repairman] Good news and bad news.

-Okay... -I got this, Bob. What is the news?

[repairman] Good news is, turns out it's just a fuse.

Took him a little while to figure it out.

These things can be a little con-fuse-ing.

Yeah, that's funny.

Um, what's the bad news?

[repairman] The bad news is my guy doesn't have the fuse that he needs.

But I've got one here and I'm gonna drive it over myself.

I should be there in 20 minutes.

Or a bit more, depending on how long it takes me to find my keys.

Oh, there they are.

Nope, that's my iPod Nano.

Ah, no. Couldn't your guy just lower a ladder down

through the trap door on the ceiling?

And then we could climb out?

[repairman] Okay. You've seen too many movies.

Let me guess. You want us to grab you

from the top of the elevator and pull you to safety

right before it drops to the ground and explodes?

-Uh, that's, uh... -[repairman] And then you ride off

spooning Keanu Reeves on the back of a motorcycle.

Uh, what... What movie is that?

[repairman] Listen, there's way more liability if we try to extract you

than if you just wait safely in the car until the elevator is fixed.

-Yeah, Bob. -[sighs]

[repairman] Repairman, out. See you souls soon.

-[intercom buzzes] -Huh...

The food court people that hate you came back,

and now they're carrying a box and a crowbar...

Crowbar. Probably to pry the doors open above us.

-Uh... -The box is probably a weapon box.

Full of weapons.

Why are they looking up here so much?

Probably deciding which weapon to use on which person.

Oh, my God.

[mockingly] "Oh, my God. Hugo's right about everything?

"And I'm Bob, and I'm an idiot?"

Is that what you're trying to say?

Ugh! Now I have to be trapped in an elevator with you

while people are doing a revenge on you?

Well, I'm gonna eat the rest of my tuna fish sandwich.

No!

Maybe there's a perfectly normal reason

the food court guys have a box and a crowbar.

Maybe it's one of their birthdays,

and they just got a really bad piñata?

Oh, you're so naive.

You wouldn't know a plot to destroy you

if someone spelled it out on your greasy face!

Well, that's the great thing about living a life where I don't make everyone mad.

I don't have to worry about plots to destroy me.

-Bah! -Oh, no!

Where are they going?

[♪ sly music playing]

That was such a sneaky walk.

-They slunk! -They did.

Oh, my God, we're dead.

Dear Lord, please let them kill Bob first. Amen.

So, Teddy, I need you to understand,

the stakes have never been higher

for you to poop something out as quickly as possible.

Jimmy Jr. could come get his ring any minute.

I mean, I also just feel like it's not good to have one of those rings inside me.

What if it's toxic, or it gets stuck in my colon forever?

Yeah, sure. All that stuff too.

Jeez, it's been like five cups of coffee.

-Still nothing? -Not yet.

Kids, stop trying to make Teddy poop.

People's bodies aren't a Play-Doh fun factory.

It's okay, Linda. I wanted to have a ton of coffee.

Can you see my heart beating through my shirt?

Just leave him alone, kids.

Sure, sure. Got it, Mom. We'll leave him alone.

Yeah, we're not gonna leave him alone.

I think we need to step it up.

What's that stuff Dad drank when he was constipated?

Ugh, not just Dad. I've also had to drink the poo brew.

That stuff's gross. But it works.

What's it called? Something "mag--"

Magnesium citrate. I think there's still some upstairs in the medicine cabinet.

Whatever it takes. Don't judge me

if all the weird stuff comes out too. Okay, kids?

Oh, we expect nothing less.

It'll be like in Jaws when they cut open the shark.

-I'll be right back. -Cover me.

Okay, so I'm gonna go upstairs for a minute

to, um, change my barrette.

I-I'm not really feeling this one.

-Oh, thank God. -Finally!

Okay...

Do you guys really not like this barrette?

-It's fine, Tina. Just go! -Right, right.

[sighs] Where are they?

I miss how it was when we could see them.

Hugo, I hope you're thinking about

how much this is your fault and how awful you are.

This is not my fault!

I'm just doing my job.

I'm not the reason they have fire ants crawling all over their customers.

It's not my fault their can opener didn't meet national food safety standards,

and I had to impound it.

You impounded a can opener?

Big time! As you should know, Bob,

when can openers aren't cleaned properly,

they harbor and spread dangerous bacteria.

So, yeah, I'll impound the hell out of them.

The food service industry is a jungle.

So us food inspectors, we're basically like Tarzan.

-What? -Tarzan, Bob. Read a book!

Tarzan loved the jungle.

He wanted to live in the wild.

He kept it clean!

[sighs] I'm gonna blowtorch through the glass.

-[clatters] -What was that?

Huh. Hopefully the repair guy?

Hello? Hello?

When people are revenger-ing, they don't say "Hello."

They either say nothing, or they say, "Revenge time!"

Who ever says "Revenge time"?

Revengers!

Kids, I told you. Leave Teddy alone.

Here's a BM you should be interested in.

Bussing them tables.

Nah, this is more rewarding, but thank you.

-[phone ringing] -Tina, get the phone.

-Uh, okay. -[ringing continues]

-Bob's Burgers. -Hi, Tina.

Ah! I-I mean... Hi, Jimmy Jr.

Why did you go, "Ah"?

No reason. Uh, what's up, buddy?

I was just calling to see if you were around

so I could come pick up my rubber monster ring.

I would have texted you, but as I'm sure you're aware, you don't have a cell phone.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Did you know I collect those monster rings?

-What? -Yeah, since I was little.

Finally got the purple one. Kind of a dream come true.

Thanks again for keeping it safe for me.

Uh, yep, yep. Super safe.

Okay. See you soon.

Okay, bye.

That was Jimmy Jr. He's on his way to get his ring.

I's a special purple one to complete his collection!

Oh, God, please let the magnesium stuff work!

What? You gave Teddy magnesium stuff?

This is an emergency situation, Mom.

It's not the time to have an ethics debate about whether or not

it's okay to force someone to drink medicine

so they'll poop out a purple rubber monster ring, okay?

Tina Ruth Belcher!

[Teddy, muffled] I wasn't forced to drink it, Linda.

I want this thing out of me.

I want my body back.

Use that energy. Poop that ring!

We believe in you, Teddy.

Poop like no one's listening.

Hi.

Anything else for ya?

Just the check.

[♪ ominous music playing]

-Hello up there? -[overhead rattling]

[whispers] Should we call the police?

I don't know, it might be too late.

Oh God, should we just try and get out of here?

-Uh, through the hatch? -And then what?

We, uh, fight whoever's up there? On top of the elevator?

[whispers angrily] That's a terrible plan!

-How would we even get up there? -Um...

One of us gets on all fours, and the other stands on their back?

And since they're mad at you, I feel like you should be the one to fight them.

I will explain to them why they're in the wrong.

Yeah, they'll like that.

Okay, climb up.

[Bob grunting]

-Can't... quite... reach it. -[Bob grunts] Hugo...

[straining] One... inch away.

[sighs] Crap, let's switch.

Oh, there's a lot of you.

What the...

Fire ant! Ah! Get off! Get off!

What? Don't shake it down on me.

Sorry. Ugh, another one!

Sorry I shook that one down on you too.

[screams] It bit me. It hurts. Ow!

Uh, I think one just went down my shirt!

Not my nipple!

Ow! Vengeance is upon us!

Ow! Another one got me!

Ow! One bit me on my bald spot.

Ugh, I want to get down.

No, you gotta get up there and fight them.

It's our only chance of survival.

Did I mention I'm not great at fighting?

Oh, wow, that's so hard to believe.

-Go! -[sighs] Fine.

-[employees] Ah! -And... there you are.

Okay, this is the part where I pull myself up and fight you.

But that's seeming hard.

Am I doing it?

This is bad. You said we wouldn't get caught.

Hey, hey, hey. We won't.

There's no cameras around here.

Nobody saw us except this guy.

But you'll be cool, right?

-No! -Oh, man!

Bob, are you fighting them yet?

-Can you be better at it? -[Bob] Hold on.

Please don't pour fire ants on us, especially on me.

Because I'm innocent.

I mean, can't we just forget the whole thing?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It is way too late for that.

Plus, he deserves it.

Every inspection, all those ticky-tack citations.

And then blaming us for the ants.

Those are not our fault!

That is a mall management issue.

That guy has made our life hell.

So now we fight fire with fire ants.

Mm-hmm. Poetic justice.

We've been collecting them to dump in his car,

and then the elevator broke.

I mean, it was an opportunity we could not pass up.

But I'm in here too.

And I didn't do anything to you.

Also, I'm like you.

I'm a restaurant person so you're gonna fire at one of your own.

All right, well, uh... How about this?

We'll pull you out, and then revenge back on.

-Here, grab my arm. -[Hugo] Bob, what the hell?

Why haven't I heard the cries of our enemies yet?

Come on.

[both grunting]

[Hugo grunting]

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I can't do this.

'Cause you're not strong enough?

No. I mean... Yes. But just let me go.

-[Bob shouts] -[Hugo] Ow!

It's like having a hairy piano fall on me.

Look, food court people.

I just want to say, Hugo also comes to my restaurant,

-and makes my life miserable. -Hey!

-'Cause he's horrible, and annoying,

-and petty. -[Hugo grumbles]

And just the sight of his squished little face

-makes me so mad. -Bob!

But as obnoxious as he is, we do kind of need him.

I mean, all the rules and regulations crap he does,

keep customers safe, right?

So we can hate him and want to dump fire ants on him

while he's trapped in an elevator.

But we shouldn't actually do it because, you know, then we become the bad guys.

Tell them about how I'm Tarzan.

[sighs] I'm not gonna do that.

So do what you have to do,

but I can't believe I'm saying this,

I'd rather be in here with Hugo getting fire ants poured on me

than up there with you doing the fire ant pouring.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go cower in this corner over here.

Uh... Me too!

Why aren't they saying anything?

I don't know. I'm so scared.

I'm gonna tuck my pants into my socks.

-[overhead rattling] -[Bob] Oh.

They closed the...

[both crying out]

-Oh, my God -Ahh!

-[elevator dings] -Hey, look at you.

I knew you two would end up friends.

Oops, look out, there's a fire ant!

Agh! That was close.

Those things bite, you know.

-[Tina] Anything? -[Teddy] Nothing.

Nothing's coming out.

I'm sorry, Tina.

I'm so sorry I failed you. Forgive me.

How come that magnesium stuff isn't working on you?

Are you some sort of super human?

It's not the best super power...

-Aah! Jimmy's gonna be here any minute. -[bell rings]

-And we don't have the-- -Hey, guys.

Hey, Jimmy J, how's it going? You good? You well?

Uh... Yeah.

Good. Great. Good. Good.

So do you have my ring handy?

Yep. Uh-huh. So handy.

Uh, but, like, right now? Or did you mean, um, later?

Well, now it's good, because I just talked to you on the phone,

and I said I was coming right over and I'm standing here.

I still can't believe I got the one ring I was missing.

I guess magic does exist, huh, guys?

So... where is it?

Uh...

It's really close, like, just a few feet from here.

Uh, why are you all standing by the bathroom?

We think Jason Momoa might be in there?

Oh, cool. Um...

So, can I have my ring now, Tina?

[sighs] Well, I have some news that might be difficult to hear.

Jason Momoa is not in there.

Our handyman Teddy is in there,

and any second now, he's going to poop out--

Here you go, Jimmy Jr., here's your finger thingy.

Oh, thanks, Mrs. Belcher.

[exclaims]

'Kay, bye. Good luck with whatever you're pooping out in there, I guess.

[Teddy, muffled] Thanks so much!

[bell over door rings]

And I saved the day.

Where the hell did you find it, Mom?

It was pinned between the table next to the grill and the wall.

I tripped and bumped into the table and it fell and rolled right out.

You're lucky I'm a klutz.

Yep. You're Mr. Bean with boobs and we love ya!

Oh my God, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You're off the hook. Teddy.

You don't have to poop anymore! Ever!

[Teddy] Thank God. Pressure's off.

Oh, wait! I think the launch sequence has begun.

And it cannot be disabled.

O-Okay, Teddy. Okay...

-[Teddy] A rocket is rumbled. -Okay, okay.

[Teddy] T minus five and counting here!

We're stepping away. Back up. Back up.

Hey, everybody.

-Hey, Bob. -[kids greeting]

So, guess who got stuck in an elevator at the mall with Hugo?

-Me. -The mayor!

-Oh, you said it was you! -Yup.

-Was it awful? -Yeah, but then it was okay.

It's a long story.

Also, I'm keeping the blowtorch. I earned it.

Can you skip to why you're holding soft pretzels? Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

The food court people at the mall gave them to me as sort of an apology.

They took one look at you and they were like, "I'm sorry"?

There's ants all over them.

Oh, dear. Yeah, let's just toss that bag

-in the dumpster. -I can eat around them.

[Teddy, muffled] Bob! You say you have pretzels?

Can I have one?

Just shove it under the door.

♪ Who's the man with the cleanest hands? ♪

♪ Impounding openers of the can ♪

♪ It's Hugo ♪

♪ Hugo ♪

♪ Who's the guy with the eagle eye? ♪

♪ Making sure people eating your food don't die ♪

♪ It's Hugo ♪

♪ Hugo ♪

♪ Customer protector ♪

♪ He's a hero health inspector ♪

♪ Public safety, he's got it ♪

♪ And he's a little bit like Tarzan ♪

♪ Hugo ♪

[♪ funky music playing]

-♪ Aw, yeah! ♪ -♪ Hugo ♪

♪ There goes Hugo ♪

[♪ vocalizing]