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[music]
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>> Yeah. Yes, you. Hey everybody, welcome
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>> Yeah. Yes, you. Hey everybody, welcome
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>> Yeah. Yes, you. Hey everybody, welcome
back. I am here as you can see with Paul
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back. I am here as you can see with Paul
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back. I am here as you can see with Paul
McCartney.
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McCartney.
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McCartney.
Um uh Paul, during the commercial break,
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Um uh Paul, during the commercial break,
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Um uh Paul, during the commercial break,
you were telling me the story I hope
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you were telling me the story I hope
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you were telling me the story I hope
you'd share with the audience. And tell
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you'd share with the audience. And tell
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you'd share with the audience. And tell
me if I got any of this wrong. There was
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me if I got any of this wrong. There was
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me if I got any of this wrong. There was
a point at which you and Ringo got into
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a point at which you and Ringo got into
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a point at which you and Ringo got into
a slap fight with Herman's Hermits.
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a slap fight with Herman's Hermits.
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a slap fight with Herman's Hermits.
What?
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What?
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What?
Uh uh Tom, did you hear that? Yeah.
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Do you know what that is? No.
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Do you know what that is? No.
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Do you know what that is? No.
This is not the night for technical
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This is not the night for technical
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This is not the night for technical
difficulties. I'm I I I I tell you what
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difficulties. I'm I I I I tell you what
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difficulties. I'm I I I I tell you what
what what we're going to do is I'm sorry
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what what we're going to do is I'm sorry
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what what we're going to do is I'm sorry
about this. We're going to take another
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about this. We're going to take another
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about this. We're going to take another
quick commercial break and we're going
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quick commercial break and we're going
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quick commercial break and we're going
to find that and fix it, right, Tom?
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to find that and fix it, right, Tom?
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to find that and fix it, right, Tom?
Okay. Uh I'm sorry. We'll be right back
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Okay. Uh I'm sorry. We'll be right back
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Okay. Uh I'm sorry. We'll be right back
with more Paul McCartney, everybody.
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>> [applause and cheering]
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>> [applause and cheering]
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>> [applause and cheering]
>> I'm so sorry about that.
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>> I'm so sorry about that.
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>> I'm so sorry about that.
Um
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Um
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Um
I I just don't know why tonight is the
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I I just don't know why tonight is the
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I I just don't know why tonight is the
night that it's happening, but Olivia,
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night that it's happening, but Olivia,
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night that it's happening, but Olivia,
if you could just help Paul. I'll be
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if you could just help Paul. I'll be
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if you could just help Paul. I'll be
right back as soon as we figure this
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right back as soon as we figure this
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right back as soon as we figure this
out, Paul. Thank you.
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out, Paul. Thank you.
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out, Paul. Thank you.
Okay, I'll be I'll be right back. Louis.
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What the is this?
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Not my Apple Watch. Now I'll never know
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Not my Apple Watch. Now I'll never know
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Not my Apple Watch. Now I'll never know
if it's time to stand up.
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if it's time to stand up.
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if it's time to stand up.
>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
>> What is this?
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>> What is this?
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>> What is this?
Stephen, maybe I can help explain.
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Stephen, maybe I can help explain.
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Stephen, maybe I can help explain.
Famed [cheering] astrophysicist and
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Famed [cheering] astrophysicist and
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Famed [cheering] astrophysicist and
[applause] actual friend of mine, Neil
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[applause] actual friend of mine, Neil
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[applause] actual friend of mine, Neil
deGrasse Tyson. Thank god you're here.
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deGrasse Tyson. Thank god you're here.
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deGrasse Tyson. Thank god you're here.
No, no. Thanks, science. I'm here. It's
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No, no. Thanks, science. I'm here. It's
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No, no. Thanks, science. I'm here. It's
just something you say, man.
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just something you say, man.
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just something you say, man.
What what is it? Well, it looks to me
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What what is it? Well, it looks to me
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What what is it? Well, it looks to me
like a textbook case of an
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like a textbook case of an
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like a textbook case of an
Einstein-Rosen bridge, also known as an
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Einstein-Rosen bridge, also known as an
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Einstein-Rosen bridge, also known as an
interdimensional wormhole. It's
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interdimensional wormhole. It's
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interdimensional wormhole. It's
gradually swallowing up all matter and
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gradually swallowing up all matter and
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gradually swallowing up all matter and
antimatter around it. Wow, that sucks.
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antimatter around it. Wow, that sucks.
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antimatter around it. Wow, that sucks.
>> [laughter]
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>> Stephen, it's a huge problem. You see,
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>> Stephen, it's a huge problem. You see,
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>> Stephen, it's a huge problem. You see,
the fabric of the universe is
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the fabric of the universe is
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the fabric of the universe is
underpinned by an immutable set of
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underpinned by an immutable set of
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underpinned by an immutable set of
physical laws. Two contradictory
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physical laws. Two contradictory
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physical laws. Two contradictory
realities cannot coexist without
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realities cannot coexist without
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realities cannot coexist without
rupturing the space-time continuum. Like
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rupturing the space-time continuum. Like
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rupturing the space-time continuum. Like
what?
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what?
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what?
Well, for instance, if a show is number
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Well, for instance, if a show is number
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Well, for instance, if a show is number
one on late night and it also gets
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one on late night and it also gets
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one on late night and it also gets
canceled. They canceled Gutfeld?
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canceled. They canceled Gutfeld?
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canceled. They canceled Gutfeld?
>> No, no, no. Your show.
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>> No, no, no. Your show.
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>> No, no, no. Your show.
All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
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All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
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All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
So, your cancellation has created a rift
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So, your cancellation has created a rift
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So, your cancellation has created a rift
in the comedy variety talk continuum.
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in the comedy variety talk continuum.
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in the comedy variety talk continuum.
And if it grows,
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And if it grows,
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And if it grows,
all of late night television could be
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all of late night television could be
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all of late night television could be
destroyed.
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destroyed.
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destroyed.
This is unbelievable.
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This is unbelievable.
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This is unbelievable.
Yeah, it kind of is unbelievable cuz in
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Yeah, it kind of is unbelievable cuz in
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Yeah, it kind of is unbelievable cuz in
reality, a wormhole doesn't suck. It's
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reality, a wormhole doesn't suck. It's
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reality, a wormhole doesn't suck. It's
just a portal you step through. And
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just a portal you step through. And
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just a portal you step through. And
where'd you get green? Have you been
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where'd you get green? Have you been
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where'd you get green? Have you been
watching too much Rick and Morty?
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Oh, no. It swallowed Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Oh, no. It swallowed Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Oh, no. It swallowed Neil deGrasse Tyson
before he could explain how we were
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before he could explain how we were
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before he could explain how we were
wrong about something.
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wrong about something.
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wrong about something.
>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
>> Damn it.
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>> Damn it.
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>> Damn it.
This can't be happening. If only I had
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This can't be happening. If only I had
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This can't be happening. If only I had
some sort of wise mentor figure I could
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some sort of wise mentor figure I could
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some sort of wise mentor figure I could
talk to.
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talk to.
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talk to.
JON STEWART!
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JON STEWART!
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JON STEWART!
>> [cheering]
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>> [cheering]
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>> [cheering]
[applause]
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[applause]
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[applause]
>> OH, JON. JON, do you know of any wise
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>> OH, JON. JON, do you know of any wise
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>> OH, JON. JON, do you know of any wise
mentor figures I could talk to?
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mentor figures I could talk to?
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mentor figures I could talk to?
No, actually, Stephen, I'm here on
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No, actually, Stephen, I'm here on
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No, actually, Stephen, I'm here on
behalf of Paramount. They wanted me to
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behalf of Paramount. They wanted me to
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behalf of Paramount. They wanted me to
read this statement. And they kind of
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read this statement. And they kind of
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read this statement. And they kind of
have to do what they say because, you
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have to do what they say because, you
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have to do what they say because, you
know, I'm not the one who got
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know, I'm not the one who got
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know, I'm not the one who got
canceled for stealing printer
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canceled for stealing printer
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canceled for stealing printer
cartridges.
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cartridges.
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cartridges.
That's not why I was canceled.
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>> [snorts]
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>> [snorts]
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>> [snorts]
>> Quote.
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>> Quote.
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>> Quote.
Paramount strongly believes in covering
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Paramount strongly believes in covering
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Paramount strongly believes in covering
both sides of any black hole that is
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both sides of any black hole that is
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both sides of any black hole that is
swallowing everything we know and love.
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swallowing everything we know and love.
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swallowing everything we know and love.
And the coverage must also include the
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And the coverage must also include the
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And the coverage must also include the
positive aspects of the insatiable
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positive aspects of the insatiable
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positive aspects of the insatiable
emptiness.
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emptiness.
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emptiness.
You know what?
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You know what?
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You know what?
That's fair. It is. I didn't think my
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That's fair. It is. I didn't think my
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That's fair. It is. I didn't think my
show would end like this, but still
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show would end like this, but still
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show would end like this, but still
grateful. Yeah, look Steven, I'm going
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grateful. Yeah, look Steven, I'm going
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grateful. Yeah, look Steven, I'm going
to be real with you. Um
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to be real with you. Um
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to be real with you. Um
I need to ask you something. Oh, of
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I need to ask you something. Oh, of
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I need to ask you something. Oh, of
course John. Let me just first take a
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course John. Let me just first take a
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course John. Let me just first take a
sip of water.
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sip of water.
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sip of water.
>> [laughter]
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>> Do you think you might be in a little
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>> Do you think you might be in a little
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>> Do you think you might be in a little
bit of denial?
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bit of denial?
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bit of denial?
>> [snorts]
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>> [snorts]
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>> [snorts]
>> No!
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>> No!
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>> No!
YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WET FACE!
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YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WET FACE!
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YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WET FACE!
I'M NOT DENIAL. WHAT DENIAL?
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I'M NOT DENIAL. WHAT DENIAL?
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I'M NOT DENIAL. WHAT DENIAL?
STEVEN, don't you see this hole isn't a
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STEVEN, don't you see this hole isn't a
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STEVEN, don't you see this hole isn't a
hole.
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hole.
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hole.
It's a metaphor.
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It's a metaphor.
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It's a metaphor.
Hey guys,
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Hey guys,
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Hey guys,
what are you talking about?
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00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:38,640
241
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,390
Okay, it's a literal hole.
242
00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:40,400
Okay, it's a literal hole.
243
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,909
Okay, it's a literal hole.
But the point is
244
00:04:41,909 --> 00:04:41,919
But the point is
245
00:04:41,919 --> 00:04:44,990
But the point is
the hole's here. You can't ignore it.
246
00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:45,000
the hole's here. You can't ignore it.
247
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,830
the hole's here. You can't ignore it.
The only choice you have now is how you
248
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:46,840
The only choice you have now is how you
249
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:50,310
The only choice you have now is how you
choose to walk through it. You can go in
250
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:50,320
choose to walk through it. You can go in
251
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,350
choose to walk through it. You can go in
kicking and screaming. That one. Or you
252
00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:53,360
kicking and screaming. That one. Or you
253
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,110
kicking and screaming. That one. Or you
can do what you've done
254
00:04:55,110 --> 00:04:55,120
can do what you've done
255
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,870
can do what you've done
for the past 30 years when faced with
256
00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:56,880
for the past 30 years when faced with
257
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,390
for the past 30 years when faced with
something dark.
258
00:04:58,390 --> 00:04:58,400
something dark.
259
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,070
something dark.
You stare it down
260
00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:00,080
You stare it down
261
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,470
You stare it down
and you can laugh.
262
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:02,480
and you can laugh.
263
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,150
and you can laugh.
I'm sorry John, just can't think of any
264
00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:04,160
I'm sorry John, just can't think of any
265
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,630
I'm sorry John, just can't think of any
jokes to say about my giant gaping hole.
266
00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:07,640
jokes to say about my giant gaping hole.
267
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,590
jokes to say about my giant gaping hole.
Really? Nothing? Good. No.
268
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:09,600
Really? Nothing? Good. No.
269
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,510
Really? Nothing? Good. No.
Well, I'm sorry I couldn't be more
270
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:10,520
Well, I'm sorry I couldn't be more
271
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:11,909
Well, I'm sorry I couldn't be more
helpful. Uh
272
00:05:11,909 --> 00:05:11,919
helpful. Uh
273
00:05:11,919 --> 00:05:14,270
helpful. Uh
got to go. I've got to get my 72 hours
274
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:14,280
got to go. I've got to get my 72 hours
275
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,830
got to go. I've got to get my 72 hours
of beauty sleep before my show on
276
00:05:15,830 --> 00:05:15,840
of beauty sleep before my show on
277
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,110
of beauty sleep before my show on
Monday.
278
00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:17,120
Monday.
279
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,430
Monday.
Thanks, John. Yeah. And John,
280
00:05:19,430 --> 00:05:19,440
Thanks, John. Yeah. And John,
281
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,790
Thanks, John. Yeah. And John,
before you go, I have something I need
282
00:05:20,790 --> 00:05:20,800
before you go, I have something I need
283
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,870
before you go, I have something I need
to say. Just in case this is the last
284
00:05:22,870 --> 00:05:22,880
to say. Just in case this is the last
285
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,550
to say. Just in case this is the last
time we ever speak.
286
00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:24,560
time we ever speak.
287
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,630
time we ever speak.
All right then, [music] say it.
288
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:26,640
All right then, [music] say it.
289
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,070
All right then, [music] say it.
But first, let me just grab a quick sip
290
00:05:28,070 --> 00:05:28,080
But first, let me just grab a quick sip
291
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,458
But first, let me just grab a quick sip
of water. Of course.
292
00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:29,468
of water. Of course.
293
00:05:29,468 --> 00:05:30,190
of water. Of course.
>> [laughter]
294
00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:30,200
>> [laughter]
295
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,790
>> [laughter]
>> John,
296
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:32,800
297
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,990
I love you.
298
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:37,000
299
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:44,270
I love you, too.
300
00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:44,280
301
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:49,108
I'm going to miss him.
302
00:05:49,108 --> 00:05:49,118
303
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:51,070
>> [applause and cheering]
304
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:51,080
>> [applause and cheering]
305
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,470
>> [applause and cheering]
>> How am I going to finish my show now?
306
00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:53,480
>> How am I going to finish my show now?
307
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,190
>> How am I going to finish my show now?
Maybe we can help.
308
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:56,200
Maybe we can help.
309
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,590
Maybe we can help.
Late Show Force 5? [cheering]
310
00:05:58,590 --> 00:05:58,600
Late Show Force 5? [cheering]
311
00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,790
Late Show Force 5? [cheering]
Oh, come on.
312
00:05:59,790 --> 00:05:59,800
Oh, come on.
313
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,350
Oh, come on.
>> Jimmy, Seth, John, Handsome Jimmy.
314
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:03,360
>> Jimmy, Seth, John, Handsome Jimmy.
315
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,750
>> Jimmy, Seth, John, Handsome Jimmy.
Thank god you're here when I need you
316
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:04,760
Thank god you're here when I need you
317
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,670
Thank god you're here when I need you
the most. We came to say we're going to
318
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:06,680
the most. We came to say we're going to
319
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,190
the most. We came to say we're going to
miss you. Late night is not going to be
320
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:08,200
miss you. Late night is not going to be
321
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,270
miss you. Late night is not going to be
the same without you. Yeah, without you,
322
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:10,280
the same without you. Yeah, without you,
323
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,190
the same without you. Yeah, without you,
where will Americans turn to see a
324
00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:12,200
where will Americans turn to see a
325
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,870
where will Americans turn to see a
middle-aged white man make jokes about
326
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:13,880
middle-aged white man make jokes about
327
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,510
middle-aged white man make jokes about
the news? The news? Why? What's going
328
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:16,520
the news? The news? Why? What's going
329
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,470
the news? The news? Why? What's going
on? It's okay. Yeah, don't worry about
330
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:18,480
on? It's okay. Yeah, don't worry about
331
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,470
on? It's okay. Yeah, don't worry about
Why [laughter] aren't you guys being
332
00:06:19,470 --> 00:06:19,480
Why [laughter] aren't you guys being
333
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,950
Why [laughter] aren't you guys being
pulled in, too?
334
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:20,960
pulled in, too?
335
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,270
pulled in, too?
You know what? Actually, one of these
336
00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:22,280
You know what? Actually, one of these
337
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,790
You know what? Actually, one of these
holes opened at my show last year, but
338
00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:24,800
holes opened at my show last year, but
339
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,190
holes opened at my show last year, but
it went away after about 3 days. Is that
340
00:06:27,190 --> 00:06:27,200
it went away after about 3 days. Is that
341
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,110
it went away after about 3 days. Is that
what's going to happen [cheering] to me,
342
00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:28,120
what's going to happen [cheering] to me,
343
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,870
what's going to happen [cheering] to me,
too?
344
00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:29,880
too?
345
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:36,310
too?
Shh.
346
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:36,320
347
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,070
At some point, this may come for all of
348
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:38,080
At some point, this may come for all of
349
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,630
At some point, this may come for all of
our shows, but Stephen, what's important
350
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:39,640
our shows, but Stephen, what's important
351
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,990
our shows, but Stephen, what's important
to remember is tonight it is going to be
352
00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:42,000
to remember is tonight it is going to be
353
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,310
to remember is tonight it is going to be
you.
354
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:43,320
you.
355
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,710
you.
Fellas,
356
00:06:44,710 --> 00:06:44,720
Fellas,
357
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,750
Fellas,
I'm scared. It's okay. Just do what you
358
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:46,760
I'm scared. It's okay. Just do what you
359
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,150
I'm scared. It's okay. Just do what you
do when you're scared. I can't. I didn't
360
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:49,160
do when you're scared. I can't. I didn't
361
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,950
do when you're scared. I can't. I didn't
bring another pair of pants.
362
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:50,960
bring another pair of pants.
363
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,550
bring another pair of pants.
Stephen, didn't you stop doing your show
364
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:52,560
Stephen, didn't you stop doing your show
365
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,030
Stephen, didn't you stop doing your show
after the 2016 election?
366
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:55,040
after the 2016 election?
367
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:55,750
after the 2016 election?
No, I didn't.
368
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:55,760
No, I didn't.
369
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,110
No, I didn't.
>> That's right. And did you stop doing
370
00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:57,120
>> That's right. And did you stop doing
371
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,230
>> That's right. And did you stop doing
your show during COVID? No, I didn't.
372
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:00,240
your show during COVID? No, I didn't.
373
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,710
your show during COVID? No, I didn't.
>> And did you stop doing your show when no
374
00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:01,720
>> And did you stop doing your show when no
375
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,030
>> And did you stop doing your show when no
one could tell if that dress was blue
376
00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:03,040
one could tell if that dress was blue
377
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,909
one could tell if that dress was blue
and black or white and gold? Yes, sir.
378
00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:04,919
and black or white and gold? Yes, sir.
379
00:07:04,919 --> 00:07:07,070
and black or white and gold? Yes, sir.
Absolutely white and gold.
380
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:07,080
Absolutely white and gold.
381
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,390
Absolutely white and gold.
No, you are just
382
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:08,400
No, you are just
383
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:12,630
No, you are just
objectively wrong. No, I I know I'm a
384
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:12,640
objectively wrong. No, I I know I'm a
385
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,430
objectively wrong. No, I I know I'm a
You work in the field.
386
00:07:15,430 --> 00:07:15,440
387
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,470
I heard
388
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:16,480
I heard
389
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,550
I heard
I heard Yanni. Guys, guys,
390
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:19,560
I heard Yanni. Guys, guys,
391
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,670
I heard Yanni. Guys, guys,
I think I get it now.
392
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:21,680
I think I get it now.
393
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,230
I think I get it now.
It looks like it's the end, and I wish
394
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:23,240
It looks like it's the end, and I wish
395
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,630
It looks like it's the end, and I wish
it wasn't,
396
00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:24,640
it wasn't,
397
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,030
it wasn't,
but that's not for me to decide.
398
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:27,040
but that's not for me to decide.
399
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,630
but that's not for me to decide.
All we have to decide is what to do with
400
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:28,640
All we have to decide is what to do with
401
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,830
All we have to decide is what to do with
the time that is given us.
402
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:30,840
the time that is given us.
403
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:35,470
the time that is given us.
So, you can wait your turn, hole. Yeah.
404
00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:35,480
So, you can wait your turn, hole. Yeah.
405
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,750
So, you can wait your turn, hole. Yeah.
You get out of here, hole. For the next
406
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:37,760
You get out of here, hole. For the next
407
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,950
You get out of here, hole. For the next
12 minutes, Colbert is the only one in
408
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:39,960
12 minutes, Colbert is the only one in
409
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,990
12 minutes, Colbert is the only one in
this theater who's going to suck.
410
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:43,000
this theater who's going to suck.
411
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,110
this theater who's going to suck.
Thanks, not handsome Jimmy.
412
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:46,120
Thanks, not handsome Jimmy.
413
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,230
Thanks, not handsome Jimmy.
Now, if you gentlemen excuse me, I've
414
00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:48,240
Now, if you gentlemen excuse me, I've
415
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,150
Now, if you gentlemen excuse me, I've
got a show to get back to. And I'm going
416
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:50,160
got a show to get back to. And I'm going
417
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,830
got a show to get back to. And I'm going
to finish it the way I want.
418
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:51,840
to finish it the way I want.
419
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,030
to finish it the way I want.
>> Wait, with what? Not more Lord of the
420
00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:54,040
>> Wait, with what? Not more Lord of the
421
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,190
>> Wait, with what? Not more Lord of the
Rings bull.
422
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:56,200
Rings bull.
423
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,470
Rings bull.
Hey.
424
00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:57,480
Hey.
425
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,630
Hey.
Are you happy? You made Elijah sad.
426
00:07:59,630 --> 00:07:59,640
Are you happy? You made Elijah sad.
427
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,670
Are you happy? You made Elijah sad.
>> Well,
428
00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:00,680
>> Well,
429
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,350
>> Well,
our work here is done. Strike force,
430
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:03,360
our work here is done. Strike force,
431
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,670
our work here is done. Strike force,
tell the
432
00:08:04,670 --> 00:08:04,680
tell the
433
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,750
tell the
Lord. And then you'll put like a cool
434
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:06,760
Lord. And then you'll put like a cool
435
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,230
Lord. And then you'll put like a cool
vanishing effect in post?
436
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:08,240
vanishing effect in post?
437
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,550
vanishing effect in post?
>> Yeah, we'll put in a video effect and
438
00:08:09,550 --> 00:08:09,560
>> Yeah, we'll put in a video effect and
439
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,310
>> Yeah, we'll put in a video effect and
you guys will disappear. Go The effect
440
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:11,320
you guys will disappear. Go The effect
441
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,550
you guys will disappear. Go The effect
will be above you, so you just get out.
442
00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:12,560
will be above you, so you just get out.
443
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,670
will be above you, so you just get out.
Like you will be gone. You will
444
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:13,680
Like you will be gone. You will
445
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,070
Like you will be gone. You will
definitely be gone. You will definitely
446
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:15,080
definitely be gone. You will definitely
447
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,510
definitely be gone. You will definitely
definitely put it in.
448
00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:18,520
449
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,870
Where did they go?
450
00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:21,880
451
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:26,310
Okay, Colbert. Let's get back out there.
452
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:26,320
Okay, Colbert. Let's get back out there.
453
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:30,240
Okay, Colbert. Let's get back out there.
>> [cheering]
454
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:30,250
455
00:08:30,250 --> 00:08:31,110
[applause]
456
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:31,120
[applause]
457
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,469
[applause]
>> Uh sorry about that. Uh we found out
458
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:33,479
>> Uh sorry about that. Uh we found out
459
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:37,790
>> Uh sorry about that. Uh we found out
what the problem was. Uh there was a um
460
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:37,800
what the problem was. Uh there was a um
461
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,510
what the problem was. Uh there was a um
There was a raccoon uh backstage and it
462
00:08:40,510 --> 00:08:40,520
There was a raccoon uh backstage and it
463
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,630
There was a raccoon uh backstage and it
uh it had gnawed through some electrical
464
00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:42,640
uh it had gnawed through some electrical
465
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,310
uh it had gnawed through some electrical
cables and it's an old building. What
466
00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:44,320
cables and it's an old building. What
467
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,829
cables and it's an old building. What
are you going to say?
468
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:45,839
are you going to say?
469
00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:47,430
are you going to say?
Uh and McCartney is gone. Can we find
470
00:08:47,430 --> 00:08:47,440
Uh and McCartney is gone. Can we find
471
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,829
Uh and McCartney is gone. Can we find
Paul McCartney? Get him back out here?
472
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:49,839
Paul McCartney? Get him back out here?
473
00:08:49,839 --> 00:08:52,110
Paul McCartney? Get him back out here?
Okay, in the meantime uh
474
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:52,120
Okay, in the meantime uh
475
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,270
Okay, in the meantime uh
let's do some more jokes.
476
00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:54,280
let's do some more jokes.
477
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,390
let's do some more jokes.
Uh what have we got? Uh oh, I've got
478
00:08:55,390 --> 00:08:55,400
Uh what have we got? Uh oh, I've got
479
00:08:55,400 --> 00:09:19,230
Uh what have we got? Uh oh, I've got
one. Uh knock knock.
480
00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:19,240
481
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,350
We are
482
00:09:20,350 --> 00:09:20,360
We are
483
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:20,676
We are
SO SHOCKED.
484
00:09:20,676 --> 00:09:20,686
SO SHOCKED.
485
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,350
SO SHOCKED.
>> [screaming]
486
00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:21,360
>> [screaming]
487
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,829
>> [screaming]
>> WHAT IS HAPPENING?
488
00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:24,839
489
00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:29,846
YEAH, [screaming] BONGO DONGO.
490
00:09:29,846 --> 00:09:29,856
491
00:09:29,856 --> 00:09:34,431
>> [screaming]
492
00:09:34,431 --> 00:09:34,441
493
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,110
[laughter]
494
00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:35,120
[laughter]
495
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,390
[laughter]
>> LOUIS, STEPHEN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
496
00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:38,400
>> LOUIS, STEPHEN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
497
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,330
>> LOUIS, STEPHEN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
YOU CAN GO TO COMMERCIAL. OH.
498
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:40,340
YOU CAN GO TO COMMERCIAL. OH.
499
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:48,841
YOU CAN GO TO COMMERCIAL. OH.
[screaming]
500
00:09:48,841 --> 00:09:48,851
501
00:09:48,851 --> 00:09:50,590
>> [screaming]
502
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:50,600
>> [screaming]
503
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:56,046
>> [screaming]
>> We'll be right back.
504
00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:56,056
505
00:09:56,056 --> 00:09:58,011
>> [applause]
506
00:09:58,011 --> 00:09:58,021
>> [applause]
507
00:09:58,021 --> 00:10:01,941
>> [applause]
[cheering]
508
00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:01,951
509
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:11,111
[music]
510
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:11,121
511
00:10:11,121 --> 00:10:13,732
[music]
512
00:10:13,732 --> 00:10:13,742
513
00:10:13,742 --> 00:10:15,762
[cheering]
40218
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