Original subtitles

CRAVE ORIGINAL SERIES

BARE WINE

So, check this out! Anything I can do to help, Ma'am?

What's that thing on your ear?

This? It's from Tommy-Jay.

He made it by hand with a feather from a dead pheasant he found on his property.

Ah. -It's a three-week anniversary present.

What?

Huh?

Say that again. -A three-week anniversary present.

Stop mumbling. We all know you're in a throuple.

If I say that word, I'll hear myself and realize the presence of another pussy.

And I wasn't down for-- Stop laughing! This isn't funny!

But you were down for wearing a cockatiel?

'Course not! So, what can I do to help?

You looked after the vineyard when I was in France,

and after me with the whole Martin debacle.

Yeah. -Let me take care of everything today.

This launch is right up my alley! So sit back and relax.

Pour yourself a glass of our first batch of half-decent wine and have fun.

- That's so nice of you. - Ready, girls?

- Oh! Wow! - We sure are!

Shall we? I donned my James Bond suit so nothing would go wrong.

Double-O-Seven is in da house! We're off to a great start.

I'm Ouellette. Stéphane Ouellette.

Just kidding.

Nice!

I got a call from Fabrice Gagnon. -The director?

He's making a Mylène Paquette biopic and wants ML to play her.

- Yeah! Great news! - Hold on.

Didn't she row across the Atlantic? -Yep!

So, it's a two-hour flick about a fed-up girl with a sore ass in a small boat?

No. It's gonna be big! Like our own Cast Away!

And you'll be a movie star!

I always thought of myself more as an Amy Winehouse type,

but I'll take Mylène Paquette!

There's just a slight hitch.

The director wants you, everyone wants you. The role is 99% yours.

- But? - You need to do a self-take.

Right. They tell you they want you but you still need to prove your worth.

That's so depressing! - Yeah, I told him that.

I was like, "Fabrice, come on!" - Look,

today is all about the wine launch. This can wait till tomorrow.

Let me stop you right there. They need the self-take by 5 PM today.

What? People are arriving and we need to go out and charm 'em!

Hey, as Mylène Paquette would say, one storm at a time!

See? I'm already in character! Let's go!

You should do that on the self-take! -On my way!

Thanks for being here, everyone!

Thanks to everyone to be there today. Friends, family...

- Go back to French. - ...the media.

Go ahead.

So this is truly a special moment for us, and we're happy to share it with you.

Yes! So...

We're officially introducing...

Les Crues' Wine!

Oops!

- Good! - Yep!

How did you come up with the name? -We were drunk!

You can't improve on perfection!

Les Crues' Wine is simple, to the point, and catchy!

Finding a name is a waste of time better spent drinking!

Good one!

Cheers, everyone!

Cheers!

Yumm.

Oh!

I think I might have spilled some. -Drink slow.

It's strong, 18%. -It'll make you weak in the knees.

Look at us. Business owners.

Yeah!

Hey, thanks for letting me hand out flyers.

Don't mention it. You're always there for me.

And even though it's a rather unusual business, I wish you luck,

that you become a millionaire, and that you buy me a donkey.

- David C-ass-idy? - Yep!

- Still not over it, huh? - You're gonna make me cry.

What?

This lady would like to hear more about the Mental Break package.

Oh, the Mental Break package! Excellent choice!

So, we've replaced soap with...

Oh! Flawless party!

Well done, Eve! I'm impressed!

So am I. Instead of spilling all over yourself before the event, you waited.

That's 'cause I used my non-dominant hand and...

- Why did you even wear white? - Think I should change?

Everything has to go perfect today.

Yes, OK, got it.

I love watching you do so well with the Dusters.

You have a project, and ambition. You know I recognize your worth.

And I think you're ready.

Ready? For what? To stop pretending you're not the boss?

No-no-no.

You're ready for ML.

She doesn't seem ready for me. Not with that randy Tommy-Jay!

Hey, listen here.

I wanna be a grandma, OK?

And I refuse to do that with four parents in a throuple.

How will they share custody?

Monday in BC, Tuesday through Thursday here on the island? Friday in Montreal?

And then every fourth weekend? You need to go for it!

- Yeah. - Think of my grandkids, OK?

Double-O-Seven is back!

You changed?

Kinda.

What a wonderful event!

It reminds me of the interprovincial track and field championships.

- Sorry, what? - In 1995.

- You ran track and field? - No! My brother did.

Sorry for being late!

André!

This is André... Something,

the Golden Dusters' best and most efficient employee.

Looks like our Stéphane might be interested in his polishing skills.

ANDÉ "TOP DUSTER"

- Hey! Hey! Stéphane! Hello!? - Hey...

This is André, my top Duster!

- Oh yeah, he's... - Our most popular Duster!

Sure...

Hm...

I...

Hi. -Hi, right. That's what I wanted to say.

OK...

I always knew my daughter would become a movie star!

Good thing I paid for those braces when you were--

Mom... OK, I need you to tell me stuff to get the ball rolling

so they see I can be vulnerable. OK, great, it's rolling. Let's go!

Say it. - That bigamist of yours,

Tommy-Jay, I can't stand him!

Too serious. You need to accept the fact that we're together!

There's only one man who deserves you and fits you like a glove

and that's Ravi! - Ravi?

OK! That's the right mood for the self-tape!

Stay with it and start rowing! - I dunno, Mom...

You're stirring soup in a cauldron! Just row! C'mon!

I'm starting to accept that I'm not just smoking when abroad.

Guess I'm listening to the smoker in me.

Well, I try to. My mom doesn't even know.

She probably guessed it 'cause I never bring home girls. Or boys for that matter.

She'd probably have a stroke if I told her.

She's from a different generation

and firmly believes that homosexuality is caused by a potassium deficiency.

She's got a long way to go. - OK.

- I'm oversharing, aren't I? - Yeah.

All this to say... I find you very attractive.

So, there, I said it.

Well...

I'm not sure I understood everything

but... thanks.

OK.

By the way,

I'm not straight.

Damn potassium, am I right?

So,

maybe I could invite you out for a drink?

- No. - Right, that's what I thought.

Poor kid. I knew the moment I met him 20 years ago that he was in love with you.

And you're toying with him

like it's a joke! -I'm not toying with him. He's my BFF!

It's just...

that I never saw him that way...

as a potential boyfriend.

What's up? You look serious. Did I miss something?

That I'm in a throuple!

In a fucking thruple! It's so hard for me to admit this!

And my mom said I was cruel to Ravi. It's been a long day.

OK, enough!

Now,

raise your hand, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

C'mon!

I swear.

On Stéphanie Couillard's life!

You're so dramatic! I swear on Stéphanie's life.

Good. Now, your mother's right.

You're not in a thruple. It's a quartet.

A quartet!? I don't see any strings.

Ravi's the fourth member of your thruple.

Don't forget what's-her-name? The shifty guy's wife's wife!

That's five people! - Got it, Lise.

Marie-Lyne...

Ravi is in love with you. How can you not see that?

- I don't! - Stop denying it!

I got that you weren't into him before 'cause he was a man-child. But now,

he's a businessman.

And he took out his eyebrow piercing.

He impresses me. Ravi's just a late bloomer. And a genuine good guy!

And you know how rare those are!

So, look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't have any feelings for Ravi.

I don't have any feelings for Ravi.

If that's really the case,

then tell him.

He needs to know.

C'mon, Mom! No!

- Look at that-- - Stop recording!

Stop! - Beautiful!

It's not that I'm not into you

but I don't want people finding out I'm gay.

Ah, OK.

I'm the Dusters' top salesman.

If the ladies learn I like men, I'm gonna lose their business.

So, to quote you, I'm smoking in secret.

Rock Hudson hid it his entire life, and he didn't seem unhappy.

Right.

Not here. - OK.

- Thanks. - Here you go.

Well done, you. The turnout's great.

Cheers. - Thanks.

Thanks. You've got two missions today:

talk to Ravi and get the rower's part.

Leave the rest up to me. I planned for absolutely everything.

I trust you.

Marie-Lyne Joncas and Eve Côté?

My name is Claude L'Espérance from the Ministry of Agriculture.

As he just said, that's Claude from the Ministry of Agriculture.

CLAUDE L'ESÉRANCE "THE MINISTRY OF AGRICULTURE GUY"

What crappy timing, really!

How can we help you? -I'm here about the soil decontamination.

- Did you plan for this too? - Nope.

The former owner purchased a large quantity of soil for the vines,

which is standard practice.

So standard!

We know that 'cause we're winemakers.

But she failed to have it tested. I analyzed the soil during an inspection.

That's perfectly normal, because Mister...?

- Claude. - Mister Claude's a professional.

Right, Eve? - The best.

Indeed, nothing gets by me. The soil sample was positive for lead.

Really?

And that's bad? 'Cause I have lead pipes and I'm perfectly healthy.

- Her blood work is spotless! - And so is my stool.

Lead won't alter the taste of wine, but it's still bad.

Hm.

I informed the former owner through her son Marc.

We gave them a year to show us that the soil had been decontaminated.

I assume they did it?

- Did they do it? - You bet!

Right away, Claude. Marc took immediate action.

He unleaded the whole place! - Yes.

Good. All I need is the document attesting to that.

Otherwise I'll have to retest the soil. -Yes. It's just that...

We need to find it. -We'll go get it! Stay right here.

Can I take this?

Shit. Got her voicemail! What the fuck?

- Who are you calling? - Nadège? ML Joncas.

Is our soil contaminated?

'Cause the Ministry of Agriculture wants to know if it still is! So call me!

- She lead us on! - Good one.

But enough with the lead jokes.

That party took too much planning for there to be a scandal!

- So what should we do? - Lemme think.

You better think fast.

We can't let them drink poison wine!

I've got an idea!

- Where are you going? - Getting backup!

- Contaminated soil? That's bad. - You think? So, what should we do?

- He gave us this. - OK...

Where's the pencil pusher? - In the kitchen.

I've got a plan. Yep.

- She's got a plan. - Hope it's not murder.

She wouldn't do that. -Even opened her four chest freezers?

I don't want that image in mind! -Girls, come on!

Lise Bouchard.

Hello.

Marie-Lyne Joncas's mother.

I'm the girls' administrative assistant .

They gave me this.

You want the soil decontamination certification document?

- Exactly. - Yeah, it's back in Montreal.

In a security box.

Best practices and everything. We'll mail it to you when we get back.

I need it tomorrow at the latest. -Definitely. 100%.

Thanks, Claude.

Goodbye, Claude.

OK, now on to phase two.

OK? - Yeah.

Enjoying yourselves?

Shit. There's still tons of wine left.

No worries. Let's just start putting the bottles away

until they're all gone.

Let's not cause a panic.

I get that but are we poisoning those who are still drinking?

Montreal still has lead pipes, the air is toxic, microplastics are everywhere

and there's mercury in fish! We're all getting poisoned.

That's no reason to serve them lead wine. I'm calling it off!

That girl could never get rid of a body.

Hurry up.

- Please come in. - What's your problem?

With life or just you?

Girls, please... -Don't "girls please" me! You fucked up!

- What are you talking about? - You sent Claude to see the girls!

I didn't.

'Cause Joncas left me a voicemail!

It wasn't me!

It's very fishy! Like your fucking organic deodorants!

I have a reputation in the wine industry!

Our plan was working until you blew it! -We agreed to stay calm.

I'm calm!

If it wasn't you, then who spilled? -Dunno.

But that doesn't change our agreement. Where's my half of the money?

No way we're giving you anything now! You can rot in hell for all I care!

I'll be in the car! It reeks in here!

Honey... Honey!

Excuse me!

Thank you for being with us today, unfortunately ML and I forgot

that we were hosting a benefit tonight.

It's for kids...

that are...

getting their tonsils out.

So, business is one thing but giving back is more important!

You too can give back. Let's start with your glasses. Here's some Limoncello.

Drink up and leave!

OK? Thank you! Don't forget to sign the guestbook on your way out.

What is she doing? She's telling all the buyers to leave!

Stéphane,

the soil's contaminated. We managed to get rid of the narc. I'll explain later.

So keep smiling and thank everyone for coming. OK?

The guestbook is here. - Yep.

Right here.

Thank you! - OK...

Thank you!

Shit.

Remember when we bought a vineyard? -Not really. I was wasted.

Sorry for talking you into it. It was a terrible idea.

No need to apologize, it's my fault too. -OK.

Excuse me, is it true that the soil is contaminated?

- It was ML's idea! - What?

Everyone, stop drinking!

There's lead in the wine!

No, no...

Hold on, it's just a misunderstanding. Let me clarify--

Yeah, plus lead isn't that bad! Think of leaded gas!

Look, I spent my childhood sucking on a doll painted with lead

and I'm still alive! - Look!

Hey!

You heard her,

Les Crues made us drink leaded wine!

Hey, hey, hey!

- You've blood on your hands! - Yo, dickwad!

It's not like we planned a mass murder with lead! C'mon!

Hey, ML! ML!

- You, clear out! - You, come with me.,

She sure knows how to appease people!

Leaded or not, I need a drink! Want one?

I must have been one hell of an asshole in the past to deserve this karma!

Yeah, I don't think you were a fragile princess.

I know this sucks, but I know you,

you'll bounce back and weather the storm. Like you always do.

Might as well make the most out of tomorrow's hangover, um...

We need to talk.

OK? I'm listening.

Um...

Mom and Eve think you're in love with me

and that I'm in denial about loving you too.

Um... OK.

Wow.

You caught me by surprise.

Um...

Do you love me?

Um...

Let's just say...

- That...? - I often picture m--

Sorry, can you take that earring off? It's distracting me.

Yeah. It's starting to burn anyway.

I don't think he cleaned that feather. Anyway, please continue.

Let's just say...

that I often picture me...

and you...

kissing.

And it was...

perfect.

And that it made you realize that...

this is what you'd been looking for all this time.

That...

That's love. -I feel like I might regret this but...

- ML. - Ravi.

I've often tried to hide them,

to pretend they...

weren't real,

to bury my feelings deep inside,

but they keep bubbling up.

You're in here.

But...

also in here.

A lot.

Since... forever.

Um, Ravi...

- That was cringy. - Yeah, totally.

But also really romantic.

Really?

Ah!

There you are!

Yeah, I'm here...

It's gonna be OK, Sunshine. I'm here for you. Oh, you took the earring off.

- It was burning. - It's OK.

Hey!

What's wrong with you?

You and your stupid live ruined our credibility!

Your credibility? You're lying to people!

What are you talking about? We didn't know the soil was contaminated!

We're looking for the fucking documents! We just learned about it!

We didn't want to create panic while we handle this!

I thought you knew.

You think my dream is to go bankrupt by poisoning people with lead?!

I'm so sorry. Had I known, I'd never have done it.

And I kinda liked you.

Well, before mistaking you for a liar.

Any way you could forgive me? - Just go.

You missed your shot.

I've gone through the paperwork, and nothing indicates

that the soil has been decontaminated.

Well, we got screwed and we didn't even enjoy it.

Jesus we're fucked!

They had to know they were selling you contaminated land.

Still, we need proof.

Shit!

What? -Everyone knows about the leaded wine.

- Like who? - Everyone. There's memes.

LEADED OR UNLEADED WINE?

How are we gonna get out of this mess?

We're all in this together.

Girls, we need to talk.

You've got 10 seconds to leave before I smash your head with my fist!

You need to show me that you care.

At this stage, we cannot rule anyone out as a suspect.