Original subtitles

CRAVE ORIGINAL SERIES

I can't believe that lispy man's sister took all the bottles.

What a bitch. What are we supposed to do with our dry vineyard?

Panic and shit ourselves? I guess you'd rather hear solutions?

First, I get fired, now we lose the wine. We gotta find a way to make money!

There's gotta be another stash somewhere...

Right.

Lemme think, if I were wine,

where would I like to grow old?

Dunno what's in this wine, but it's shaking my teeth loose.

I think I just swallowed my molars.

If this wine is too robust even for us,

then there's no way the general public is gonna like it.

I bet we could shine a penny with it.

Let's be honest, this wine isn't ready.

Don't worry, it's in a vat, it just needs to breathe.

Can't we give it mouth-to-mouth or something so we can sell it?

Is that Martin?

- What are you saying? - You tensed up and zoned out.

If you hate him texting you all the time, you should tell him.

- He's just checking in. - Really?

Is that why you didn't invite him to our housewarming?

Oh, clients!

Hi!

Sorry, we're closed. Low inventory. But we're working on it.

- Marie-Lyne Joncas, owner. - Pierrette.

Hi. I'm Eve CÃ'té, co-owner.

- Sorry. - We're the staff.

Nice to meet you!

Do you usually come in at 11:15 am?

In my experience, workdays start earlier.

What experience?

As a fan of Farmer Wants a Wife .They--

We always start at 11 on Mondays, after aquafitness at the community centre.

- Staying fit is so important. - Yes.

What about the rest of the week? -Well... it depends.

On?

Medical appointments, choir practice, and...

the humidity factor.

OK. So, rain makes your joints stiffen. -Yes.

When this was still Gladys's, who was in charge of the wine-making process?

Who and where is he? How can I reach him?

- Jean's dead, isn't he? - Of course he is.

Does anyone know how to make wine? -Well you do!

Why else would you buy a vineyard?

Excuse us one moment.

C'mere.

My condolences... for Jean.

- Thanks. - What a loss.

I'll cancel my gig, 'cause we gotta find a solution.

That's insane. Go do your gig.

Unless you're avoiding Montreal because of Martin?

- Not at all! - Just a theory.

I need you to take care of the mortgage while I sell my condo.

Find I'll go make us some money.

Speaking of money, it's my mom.

Hi, Mom!

You know the next visit is at 11:30. -Yeah, yeah.

Do what you do best: bullshit with a smile! And sell that condo!

I lost my key!

Why don't you leave one under the mat?

Why even lock the door? Go knock at my neighbour's.

She has a key and works from home.

- Hm? - Best maple fudge ever!

- Really? - Sorry, Grandma!

They can't make wine but they're great at everything else!

Did Gladys inform you that we're holding our monthly community meetings here?

No... -We're having a general meeting tonight.

"General meeting"? Sounds serious. -It is.

I'm the chairwoman.

OK! How quaint! Can we join?

Oh no, it's for old people.

You're much too young and pretty.

Flattery will get you everywhere, Frank.

Sorry for leaving you alone with the seniors!

Don't worry about it.

At some point, I'll be the one going to Montreal

so, I'm fine with being in charge. -You're the best!

I'm glad to do it.

- I owe you one! - Sure.

Try to get them to share what they know, so we can do something

about our wine that smells like...

- ripe period panties-- - Ew! Eve, c'mon! I just ate a granola bar.

I don't wanna puke mini-marshmallows. This wine better start breathing now!

Too bad Tommy-Jay's in British Columbia. He could've...

lent a hand. He's my handyman.

Pretty sure he's more into you than wine.

I'm telling you, we're in love. Well,

I love him, don't know about him.

- You know... - You don't want to pressure him.

Martin again?

You're so lucky! I'm sure you can't wait for him to ramble on

the right kind of tin foil is best for baked potatoes.

Laugh it up now, 'cause this stops after the wedding.

I promise... because he really is 'the one'

you didn't invite to our housewarming and don't seem to miss at all.

Yep, he is 'the one'. -It's deeper than that. It's complicated.

No, Eve, it's actually very simple. Just admit it,

he's not your type. Just say it. -He's totally my type.

We want a guy with a Bridgerton body

and Farmer Wants a Wife values, who gets up at the break of dawn

to feed 240 pigs, wearing a suit,

who can hold your boobs in one handwhile pouring you a glass of red.

How hard is that?

- He's so not your type. - Look, I love him.

In fact I'm listening to a podcast called What Comes After Yes .

- Wow. - Marriage changes you.

- You can't understand. - Nope.

Again? -I'm just sharing my location with him.

Yumm!

- Bye! - Bye!

- It's bigger than I thought. - Ah,

you can't expect Marie-Lyne Joncas to live in a shoe-box!

No, my daughter needs room for all her creativity.

Ah, yeah... sure...

I mean, I'm not sure who Marie-Lyne Joncas is.

Excuse me?

Hope your afternoon's free 'cause I'm about to tell some tales.

Did you know that I got pregnant the very first time I fucked her dad?

During the first month of my pregnancy I ate a whole jar of pickles!

And the hormones! Nipples the size of salami!

OK guys, we can do it! I need you!

You must have some wine-making experience.

'Cause we need this wine to age and breathe ASAP.

You hit the jackpot 'cause I was named the Venise-en-Québec's Golden Palate

two years running.

You have before you the 1991-1992 Miss Golden Palate!

Wow. We have royalty with us!

- Hi! - Oh, hi!

- How was it yesterday? - Yesterday?

- The housewarming. - Good.

Martin, Stéphanie hugs the walls. You can't show her face.

Sorry for not knowing the rules of you and ML's childish game.

Why do you like these stupid things?

Don't talk like that in front of her. She's right here.

- Are you changing the subject? - What subject?

The housewarming you didn't invite me to so you'd be focused.

How was it?

Good. Great.

- I'm happy. - At first,

I was a bit upset that I wasn't invited

but I did get some work done.

See, I can focus too.

OK. -Look what I found on Marketplace.

Can you believe these bath beads are from 1996?

Did you know florists charge $50 per centrepiece?

Fifty bucks!

- Why are you telling me this? - It's for our wedding.

Today's our wedding planning day. It's on the shared calendar!

Why do I bother colour-coding things and setting up alarms if you never check it?

Sorry, bae. My mind's on the vineyard.

It's a big enterprise.

So... it says here

that the wine must be completely fermented.

- Is it completely fermented? - How the fuck should I know?

It didn't leap out of the vat to tell me!

Sorry.

Really. It's not you guys,

I'm just stressed out 'cause I need to sell our disgusting wine!

Can you forgive me?

Sure.

Eve, all I'm asking

is that you check your schedule on Sundays before starting the week.

It's not too much to ask, is it? -No, it's not.

Good. OK. How about a Ceasar?

Can't. I got a gig.

But it's not on the calendar!

- You're dodging! - I'm filling in for José Gaudet

who came back from Turkey with a second hair transplant and an infection.

So I just came by to get my jacket. Let's just decide later.

We can't! We'll lose all our deposits.

We'll have to break the bank eventually. I'm not hoping for Lady Di's wedding

but I don't want it to look like a garage party either.

We're saving up to buy a home. We can't spend it all on just one day.

Not to mention that you just bought a vineyard

to live out your little fantasy with ML.

- Come on... - You know...

I don't think she's a good influence. Ever since you two got back together,

there's been a distance between us.

I don't like her.

Really? She only has great things to say about you. Gotta go. Bye.

Love you.

Love you too.

Eve, I need to vent before I commit elder abuse!

That bad?

I'm going crazy here. Stéphane better find me a gig pronto!

Sure. Sorry, I can't talk. I have some jokes to write

and Martin insists on planning the whole wedding today.

All your problems would go away if you just cancelled the wedding,

but yeah, keep me posted, I need to get my niece a dress.

Your "niece"? You only got me that doll 'cause you think my fiancé's a sap.

Don't talk about Stéphanie that way!

Bring her next time, she'll feel right at home here.

Forget that, just focus on the plonk.

If Eve won't leave her mountain of work, then Martin will go to the mountain.

Miss Golden Palate, when do you think

our wine will be ready to drink?

I'd say in... a good 10 years.

- More or less. I don't know. - You don't know?

My medication has changed my palate. Everything tastes like metal to me now.

It's true.

- Hi! - Hi?

Eve, this is Mélodie.

Mélodie Levac, 37, Martin's ex.

Mélodie "DRAMA QUEEN" LEVAC

Eve can't stand her and her innocent doe eyes.

Mélo runs a wedding planning business and agreed to give us a friend discount.

A discount? Do you often go to your clients' gigs?

I don't mind! I couldn't wait

to tell you about Martin's amazingly unique idea for your wedding.

I wanted to keep it a surprise but I couldn't wait!

Martin knows you so well. He had a stroke of genius for someone...

who loves scuba diving like you do!

A destination wedding in the Maldives?

Since we both love diving, I had a flash: an underwater wedding!

We bonded over diving, why not get married in water?

Not the reception, just the ceremony. -We'd be in the ocean in a suit and gown?

Of course not! C'mon. In a pool.

The very same where we got our diving certification!

- Centre Claude-Robillard! - What a stroke of genius!

Who gets married in a public pool? -Exactly! No one does!

If you'd prefer an audio guide for all the objects, I personally narrated one.

That won't be necessary. I'll take it. -The apartment?

- Yes. - But you haven't seen the...

- the bathroom and bedroom yet. - No need.

Just knowing Marie-Lyne once lived here is more than enough for me.

I can get you lots of inclusions. I know her, you know.

- Marie-Lyne Joncas, Sr. - I knew it!

JUSTINE "HUGE FAN" Justine, 37, you might recognize heras the groupie receptionist from the spa.

The type of person who tends to love a lot!

Like here.

I love her so much! I bet I know your daughter better than you do!

No, no, I saw their first show 37 times.

I dyed my hair brown the same day Marie-Lyne did!

I've got a tattoo of the both of them.

- I can see that. - Right here.

Forever.

Hello? -Looks like you'll have to tell Martin

we won't be able to drink our plonkat your wedding.

We could sell it in the cleaning products aisle.

Don't worry, given our theme, I doubt we'll be drinking much.

Wine, that is.

Did you say "theme"? They're having a theme weddings! Hey!

Oh my God! What's the theme?

I want everything to fit: my clothes, makeup, date!

Maybe you should think about bringing a whale.

This is literally the best day ever!

Let me guess the theme! I know!

- Free Willy! - Nope. It's an underwater theme.

Because I love scuba diving.

Thanks for the head's up so I can order a tiny scuba and little fins for Stéphanie.

Wait, no scuba! She has no face.

Sorry, gotta go to soundcheck. I'll call you back.

Yeah, yeah!

- Wow! Are these real pictures? - Sure are.

Oh my God! Ha!

Hold on! Hold on!

That's so amazing!

- This is just so cool! - OK, enough.

Oh no! I can't believe it. I just got an offer.

No! Really? Maybe I can match it?

- $7.2 million. - Really?

- What will I do? - Dunno.

- Anyone seen my lines? - Eve...

About the dress, do you prefer a mermaid cut

or a princess gown? -I don't know. Look! I need some space.

We'll discuss this some other time. Thanks for coming, Mélodie. Talk soon.

Sweetie, why don't you wait for me at home? I need to focus.

Sure, I understand. Sorry. I'm just... eager to wed...

the girl of my dreams.

I'll give you a lift, Mélo. -You can reach me on my phone at any time.

Where are my fucking lines?

They didn't really...

Fuck.

Are they holding a meeting or a rave?

We told you this was a private event.

Private my ass. I own the place! This is what you call a general meeting?

Hey.

So, how did it go?

How do you think it went?

Thanks for coming by, ruining my lines and pulling focus.

Yeah, it didn't go great. -Oh well. I have two menu options

for the wedding to cheer you up.

Indian lentil stew, the most budget-friendly recipe I found,

and/or,

tofu steak with a balsamic glaze.

Stew for an underwater wedding?

In what galaxy would I ever want a wet-ass wedding with legumes?

I wouldn't even eat that in the Merzouga desert!

Eve, you're under a lot of pressure from work and the vineyard... I get that.

You're the one pressuring me with the wedding!

Too mushy!

You're right, I shouldn't have dropped by your workplace, but...

come one, you're either at work or at the vineyard.

Well, no one criticizes me at work. -But I do, is that it?

I agreed to all your requests.

What requests? I can't even say anything, you've already planned everything!

Mélodie says that planning is my love language.

I don't want a life planner, but a life partner!

All you care about is the fucking wedding and keeping me on a leash!

"The fucking wedding"?

Is that really how you see 'our' wedding, Eve?

You never said we couldn't swing here.

I didn't know it was an option!

Look, I'm sex-positive, ladies. And I applaud your... stiffness, FranÃ♪ois.

Just like the northern lights, you gotta enjoy it while it lasts.

Sorry, I'm getting a call.

Be right back.

Hey girl, I really need to talk. -So do I! You're never gonna believe it

the old geezers are having monthly orgies in our community room!

Gladys let them use it as a way to pay for their work.

Orgies? Another tall tale of yours?

I'm only telling you 'cause it's a problem.

Hello? Are you still there?

Just imagine the things I saw, and heard, and smelled!

Oh my God, I can still picture

Pierrette going down on FranÃ♪ois. Why did I eat another cereal bar?

Quit eating those! You never learn.

I can't wait to see you acting it out for me.

- I need to kick 'em out first. - Let them get dressed first.

And take pictures! - Don't worry, I'm filling the cloud! Bye.

Well...

I spoke with Eve

and we unfortunately decided to let you go, as employees.

- What? No! - Yeah...

Gladys wouldn't have wanted this. -If you talk to her, let me know,

but in the meantime, Eve and I are running the show

and that's that. Just so we're clear,

you'll have to hold your little sex parties elsewhere.

We can't go back to Manon Comeau's unheated barn!

I get that, but you've been fired

so why would I let you use this space?

To avoid being called an ageist.

Yeah! -FranÃ♪ois was a reporter, you know.

He can start a scandal in just a few clicks of his iPad!

I thought you were staying in Montreal. -Nope.

So, listen, I fired the three swingers.

But they'll keep holding their monthly soirées here.

I couldn't do anything, they're expert manipulators.

That said, I did manage to charge them a small rental fee.

Why the long face?

I dumped Martin.

Fine, say it.

My God, he was so wrong for you! You're too hot for him.

He was so annoying and clingy! And not that cute.

But I'm here and I love you and everything will be OK.

You brought Stéphanie with you!

You suck and I hate you.

Right back at you. "For better or for worse", as they say.

Prepare yourself.

When are we getting to 'the best'? -Ah, that...

You want the best? Hold on.

Let me get on the Cloud and show you FranÃ♪ois' dick.

I can't believe it's over with Martin. -Free the pussy!

You must first learn to taste waste.

Do you remember when we started out? We vowed to be honest with each other!