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CRAVE ORIGINAL SERIES

If someone had told me

a few years ago that I would end up here with my best friend,

in flowing skirts...

I would never have believed them.

Remember when we used to get drunk on cooking wine?

Look at us now, owning our own vineyard!

Life is full of surprises. -We're literally living our dream, people!

All of this, thanks to good ol' Gladys. -Who's having her own kind of special day.

Condolences!

Is it me or are all your friends super boring?

That's Lise Bouchard, 65, Marie-Lyne's mom.

LISE "LIVE WIRE" BOUCHARD

She's so proud of her daughter, she's her #1 fan.

She's a retired accountant who's somewhat hyper.

Lise craves attention, especiallyfrom her daughter.

Oh and she can be a lot when she's ready to party.

Hey, this party's a bore! Where's my Ravi and his laughter-inducing weed?

Not now, Mom. We're at Gladys's funeral.

But it's your housewarming!

Couldn't they have moved it to another day? Poor baby.

After all the bad news you've had. -What bad news?

Just an ingrown toenail, not World War II.

- It wasn't a pretty sight. - Sure wasn't.

Don't worry about your show. For all we know,

producers are fighting over the privilege of working with you!

Isn't hosting one talk show enough? -Sure is! Don't know what she's going on--

Is NadÃ.ge coming? -No. She's in Finland for a conference

- on renewable energy. - She's so busy!

Busy as a bee.

Have you seen the cold buffet over there?

- It's for the funeral, McFly. - Funeral?

- Yeah. - Oh!

That explains the morbid flowers! -And the urn,

and the sad music that's been playing on the speakers for two hours.

This is such a reckless purchase,

but what a great venue for your wedding, Eve.

If I get married. This is hypothetical.

But yes, it is a beautiful spot for a wedding.

- Hey, it's Ravi! - Hi!

You didn't tell ML about your wedding?

Won't she find it strange

to be asked to go shopping for a corseted, sleeveless, high-slit wedding dress?

It's not the right time. It's our first day as wine-growers, I'll tell her later.

BTW, nice dress! So, you do listen to me! -Yeah!

What? -You didn't tell Eve your show got canned?

It's not the right time. She'll flip out if she finds out I lost my job.

You're Québec's biggest star! It'll be all over the internet.

- I'm not the biggest star. - Top 3, then.

Nope, but thanks. I haven't figured out what to do, so butt out!

- OK? - What? I would never.

Sure, c'mon.

You look great in that skirt!

- Hi! - Hey!

- Lise! - Hi, Ravi!

- Don't forget... - I never travel without.

- Dead lady food? - Um, no thanks.

Did you pick up a hitchhiker or is he for ML?

Nah, he's my buddy. No Martin? I miss his drab know-it-all vibe.

Watch it. You're talking about Eve's common-law partner.

As least for now!

When's he getting here?

What do you mean, 'when'? -Like in, when is he getting here

to lecture us about the wine he can't drink because of his acid reflux.

He's busy and can't come. -Is there another sale on pork chops?

- Hey, girls! - What?

- I got something for you two. - OK!

Remember when you told me to find a goal and projects?

Absolutely. -Well, it didn't fall on stoned ears.

I had...

- a business epiphany! - You're kidding.

It's a...

cleaning business!

- Oh! - Right?

The Golden Duster! We offer

a discreet, turnkey service. My buddy's my first employee. This is Paco!

- Hi. - You're my first clients!

Oh, so a... cleaning business.

Housework. Done exclusively by men.

Your dad will be so proud. Didn't he want you to become a surgeon?

I could make it big... It's a super surgical line of work!

I haven't told my dad, so zip it. -OK!

I'm like a proud mama with zero expectations for her son.

- Aw, thanks! - I'm proud of you too

but buying a vineyard put us in the red, so we can't afford a cleaning man...

No, that's my gift! Paco is gonna clean the whole place before the grand opening

for free! A gift from the Golden Duster! -Thanks, Paco!

Could you also detail Ravi's car?

Last time I was in your car, I sat in shepherd's pie.

Who eats shepherd's pie while driving? -Ravi does.

My condolences, Marc... and... everybody.

Now that you've had time to say goodbye to Gladys,

we've heard enough funeral songs.

Fhank you

eferybody for...

faying a last goodbye

to fhe fantaftic woman that was Gladys.

Who's this?

Dunno but I bet she'll mention angels. -I'll take that action.

OK, bye. Yeah...

Oh my, it's...

- my sister Karen! - Who?

My sister.

Mom and her hadn't spoken for years.

What is fhe doing here?

- Hello. - Hello.

Eve CÃ'té, Marie-Lyne Joncas. We bought the place.

I know we like to introduce you to newcharacters, but we don't know her.

KAREN "WE DON'T KNOW HER!!!"

But that won't stop us from judging her hippie outfit.

Karen. This was my mother's vineyard.

You're Gladys's daughter. My sympathies,

- our sympathies. - Yeah.

I'm not here to say goodbye. No, we'll meet again in heaven,

- when the angels reunite us. - Within the first minute.

I'm exercising my rights and claiming what's mine.

Marc's handling all her personal effects.

If you're looking for a mahogany jewellery box, we haven't seen it.

Or the rings that were inside.

I have my mom's handwritten will, her holograph will.

We sympathize with what you're going through

but if you want our help, use words we can understand.

- Speak for yourself. - You're clueless too!

Remember when Celine Dion sang with a dead Elvis?

He was right there as a holograph.

Fhe can't just faltz in here. Fhe never even fent Mom a birfhday card.

I don't know how fhe found out fhat Mom died.

And whaf fhe fuck is fhat will?

It states that she inherited the cellar, and the bottles inside it.

So, our revenue for the next six months.

And so... um, like,

never mind.

OK.

This will was made six months after Marc's.

It can be challenged, but that takes time and money.

And... that takes time and money, so...

Do you want me to go and talk to her? I'm told my energy turns people away.

I'll go with you. She doesn't scare me. -Watch out...

She's deceitful and manipulative.

I spent a year at the police academy, and she's feisty.

Tell me, who's scary now?

Who's this walking around butt naked?

What the hell, Ravi? Why is Paco in the buff?

Ah, that's my feminist statement. I thought,

women deserve a treat after all they've endured.

I had a brainstorm! Cleaning men

but naked!

- And Paco's my most exhibitionist buddy. - Great concept!

On behalf of all women, thank you.

Yeah, amazing but not right now.

OK?

Sorry, Marc.

Hey, thanks for this unforgettable dusting session!

But not right now. So, take your dick and go clean somewhere else.

We're grieving here.

Mom, I see this as the key to your heart and I vow to honour your legacy.

I'll be the good cop, you the bad cop.

Hi, Karen. We're a bit confused because

Marc told us you you had no contact with your mother.

The vineyard we bought came with a wine cellar,

so step off before we come to blows.

Marc didn't know Mom and I recently reconnected.

So, you're a liar too? Do you know how much we spent on this, Karen?

- And the sacrifices we-- - OK, OK, enough!

Sorry.

Tell us about your mother, Karen. And feel free to cry.

I cut ties with her when she said I couldn't marry Eric.

That sucks. We don't choose whom we love.

She thought it was just a sex thing.

- Moms always worry, right? - Ugh! We all have a past, Karen!

Write a book, start a podcast, take hormones, but we don't give a fuck!

- Excuse me? - Too harsh?

- Lemme handle it. - OK.

- But I've got my eye on you! - Excuse us.

- Excuse her. She's... - I don't like her energy.

So, you and your mother?

You have to tell her your talk show got cancelled!

Lies lead to bickering, to another breakup,

and to everyone losing money!

You, me...

Me.

I never lied to her. I didn't say I still had my talk show.

But she thinks you do, and therefore have the means

to fund this ridiculous idea of producing wine in a subarctic climate!

I'll have you know this is a 'continental zone'. And there's no need to tell Eve

because you'll get me a new project! Right?

She's one of our biggest stars! -Mom!

- I'm not but thanks. - ML,

I always saw you as leading this duo.

- Of course. - But it's all over the internet.

Eve is bound to find out. -Not if she doesn't have her phone!

- Did you steal her phone? - Yeah!

Oh my God! Great initiative! You're good!

Good or ridiculous? Depends who you ask...

It was either that or gouging her eyes out, so!

Now I know where you get your fire from.

- What are you doing? - Unlocking her phone--

Don't! It's private!

Plus, I know her code.

Ah, it's locked.

I know! Too many failed attempts. Hey,

gimme a drag! I'm frazzled!

The only thing I want is to stop Eve from going online

and reading about ML's talk show. -Even I can see it's a terrible plan.

Thank you, Ravi. Finally someone who hasn't completely lost it!

It's only for now. I'll tell her in due time.

But now just... OK?

Don't say anything. I'm in enough hot water as it is.

Eric was involved in organized crime, but he had such a beautiful aura.

Did Gladys eventually warm up to him?

- Eric died. - Murdered? Shot?

No. Heart attack. In his mistress's bed.

But I'm not worried, I'll see him again in the after-life.

Sure, with the angels and everything.

Speaking of secrets, I'm also getting married but I haven't told ML yet.

We just got back together and we're really close now.

- What's his name? - Martin.

Sorry, it... I miss my Eric.

He's always on my mind. He was... my great love.

Is it the same with you and Martin?

Kinda.

I'm thirsty. Let's drink a bottle from the cellar.

We can drink wine together but not my wine.

Wine that's not your wine.

I never expected having a hard time finding wine on a vineyard.

Funny.

Be right back.

- Hey. - Hey. So, did you break her?

I'm trying active listening first but damn, she's stroking

the key around her neck like it's a clit. -Did she spit on it first?

No? Anyone?

Has anyone seen my phone?

- Your phone? No... - That sucks.

Have you seen it? -Let's take the bottles out of the cellar!

I'm sure she has no idea how many there are.

We'll distract her while you grab most of 'em.

- Not bad! - Yeah!

Tommy-Jay Labonté, 39. Gladys's neighbour.

A local brewer whose eyes instantly flood your basement,

TOMMY-JAY "THE HUNK" LABONTÃ%

A real charmer. On paper, the perfect bate for ML's puss.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Are you a friend of Gladys's? -Tommy-Jay Labonté, owner of Abracadabrew,

- the nanobrewery next door. - The what?

Abracadabrew?! Nice!

What a great pun!

It's... magical.

Not that laugh. -Gladys didn't tell you about me?

No, we'd definitely remember. So... tell us about yourself.

- Please... talk. - We had a kind of arrangement.

Gladys and I shared machinery, split advertising costs,

welcomed Wine Route visitors, we were...

very neighbourly,

even better, we were a community.

- Oh, wow, that's... - So, yeah, I'd like us to...

pursue this relationship,

albeit a professional one,

based on care

in memory of Gladys and our relationship.

I do! I mean...

We'll consider it. I mean, what's yours is mine, ours! Damnit.

- We're open to it. - Great.

I brought you some sour beer I brewed in honour of my two moms.

Two moms? He does seem over-breastfed.

"Mouthwateringly Butch!"

(forced laughter)

You certainly are the king of puns. -So crazy!

What the hell? -Her mouth never completely shuts.

By the way, do you know where I could find the key to the cellar?

Oh... around here? I really don't know.

But I've got a copy at home. -Could we borrow it? We can't find ours.

Of course. I'll be right back. -I'll come with you! I mean, I should...

really help look for it. Two is always better than one.

Bye! -This is gonna end with ML in tears.

- $5 she fucks him. - That's your daughter!

Exactly! So, who's in?

You think he's her type? Do you also wanna bet it'll get dark tonight?

If we all bet on her, where will we get the payout from?

I wasn't expecting such nice company today.

Now, we need to find that key...

Only you would know...

Know what you could do to help?

Kiss me. That would really help.

I mean, if it can help you find the key, then of course.

Your beer isn't the only mouthwatering thing here.

So, does this mean you don't have a shorty?

I do. But I got tall cans too.

It's custom and turnkey. ItIt's called the Golden Duster. We just started.

I'd be interested. Would your Paco like

- to try some of my wine? - From the cellar?

- Yeah. - Sure. Of course.

Hey Paco! Go and take a break with Karen.

Right?

The witch is under a spell. 10-4

The key at Tommy-Jay's is a no-go.

How come?

I mean, the house is a mess.

Finding it will take hours. He'll need to go in deep.

You look like you started already. -So?

- Do you have the key? - She looked all over Tommy-Jay,

but couldn't find it. Girls,

there's a lady with a key who's denying you access to your bottles,

your only source of revenue, so let's go see

the lady with the awful necklace and stop her from getting the bottles

in order to sell 'em and make some money.

Jesus, Stéphane!

Insight, discernment, firmness?

Don't self-actualize, Stéphane, you might realize we're underpaying you.

Really?

I don't get it.

Where's Paco? Where's Karen?

I texted him. He left his clothes in my car, so he can't be far.

Karen must have left with the key. Fuck.

Guess I'll have to go back to Tommy-Jay's...

- Guys! The door's unlocked! - What?

Oh my God, yes, yes, yes!

- Oh my God! - What?

Jesus!

- What the hell? - There's nothing left!

Hold on, there's a note.

"I curse you, inheritance thieves!"

Then there's something in Latin.

"PS: Marie-Lyne, Eve is marring Martin

"but you suck so much she didn't want to tell you."

That's not true. -Karen must have stolen the wine!

- You're getting married? - Karen can talk to angels,

she must have had a vision.

- Eve's engaged. - Shut up.

When we you planning on telling me? You told Stéphane and Karen before me?

I thought we weren't just co-owners but friends!

Who should be looking for the wine! It's a lot of money

now that ML lost her talk show. -You lost your job?

- It's all over the internet! - I lost my phone!

- Ah... - What the fuck?

- You had my cell all along? - It must have fallen...

- ...into her boot. - Yep.

She's upset I hid something from her, but the Internet found out before I did?

None of this explains how that lady...

- The dead lady's daughter. - Karen!

...grabbed the whole thing so fast. I only left her ten--

- You left her alone? - Ten minutes tops.

I went into the woods to smoke up. Didn't want to do it in front of the crazy lady.

What did you do?

- Fuck! No... - Ravi? What is it?

How was I to know Paco and Karen would do this to us?

- Buff if you'd know, right? - This isn't funny.

Now we're stuck paying the mortgage on a vineyard that generates no income.

With immature vines we don't know how to harvest!

If only you'd thought it through.

We... we'll help you. -Sure! We'll rent it for weddings,

parties... to the Knights of Columbus, that sorta thing.

We're all in this together.

Let's stick to the truth from now on and be honest with each other.

- Honest. - Honest.

Please.

It's not like you could do worse than the Masked Depilator segment on your show.

So, honesty? I don't think you love Martin enough to marry him.

Honesty? I think that skirt makes your hips look super fat.

That's low.

OK, OK, let's keep that friendship going and find that wine!

- C'mon, let's go, gang! C'mon! - Watch that thumb ring of yours!

Hope I can still fit in here with my fat hips.

What are we supposed to do now? -I'd say, panic and shit ourselves.

We're the staff.

We're planning the wedding today! It's on the shared calendar!