Original subtitles

The plane! The plane!

Well, good morning, Tattoo. Good morning.

It certainly is a lovely day.

If you say so, boss.

Tattoo?

Come on, boss, let's go meet our guests.

Wait, Tattoo. What is happening?

Boss, we're late. Let's go.

Smiles! Smiles, everyone!

Tattoo, will you tell me what's happening?

Oh, nothing much, boss. We have a very special guest coming today.

A very special guest? Who?

Oh, here are some of the guests coming.

Mmm, they are beautiful ladies. Who are they, boss?

Miss Myra Collinsky and Miss Gladys Boylin

all the way from Terre Haute, Indiana, where

they are nurses in the county hospital.

What's that stuff they're carrying?

Oh, they are posters of their favorite movie stars.

Oh, that's Clark Gable and Leslie Howard from Gone with the Wind.

Indeed it is, my friend.

Miss Collinsky and Miss Boylin are the world's greatest fans of that film.

Both have seen it 135 times.

And it is their joint fantasy to be a woman like Scarlett O'Hara

and fall in love with someone like Rhett Butler or Ashley Wilkes.

They both want to be like Scarlett O'Hara?

Yes, or someone very like her.

But, boss, how can we bring them back to the Civil War?

That's strange.

What's that, boss?

Our next guest, a Mr. Oottat, is supposed to be on the plane,

but I don't see him.

Maybe Mr. Oottat is already here.

Already here. How could that be possible?

Because Mr. Oottat is me.

How do you spell Oottat backwards?

Oottat, Tattoo. Tattoo, you?

Right, me.

Well, that's very inventive, my friend.

Do I take it you want to live out a fantasy?

Sure, you already made all the preparation for it, when you got the letter.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. The letter, which you now say came from you.

Now, let me see if I remember.

Um, uh, "Dear Mr. Roarke.

"I am a very highly thought of executive in a responsible job

"which requires me to handle a variety of people and accommodate there needs."

By the way, you misspelled "their."

Well, nobody's perfect. Continue.

"I want my own needs fulfilled for once.

"Therefore, it is my fantasy to be admired, adored and loved

"by many beautiful women and to be the master of all I survey.

"Yours truly, Mr. H. L. Oottat."

"H. L."?

Hot Lips.

Boss, you're gonna give me my fantasy. Please?

My dear guests, and Mr. Oottat,

I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Hello, foxy baby.

Beat it, shrimpo.

Tattoo, I've been looking for you.

Boss, I was looking for you, too. And I'm really steamed.

What seems to be the difficulty?

My fantasy.

Women were supposed to go banana over me.

Yes.

I struck out 10 times and one lady hit me with her purse.

Tattoo, you of all people should know

that a fantasy is not an automatic occurrence.

Certain adjustments have to be made. The proper time must arrive.

Be patient a little longer.

Why don't you have a coconut boom-boom while you wait?

Ooh la la, boss, she's a dynamite chick.

How come I never saw her around here?

Luana just started today. She lives on one of the outermost islands,

so she has quite a bit to learn.

Well, enjoy your drink.

Can I have a coconut boom-boom, please?

Nooyeeowee!

Now I cannot even get a girl to serve me a drink.

Some fantasy. Hmm.

Luana, what's wrong?

Nooyeeowee! Look!

It is Nooyeeowee.

After so many years, we've finally found him.

Uh-huh.

Don't let him out of your sight. I will tell the others.

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee. Nooyeeowee.

Our prayers have been answered.

Nooyeeowee has been found. You know what must be done.

We give thanks, Nooyeeowee, God of Love.

Thanks that you will soon be among us once more.

Mr. Roarke, would you look at us?

These terrific dresses were in our bungalow. Wherever did you find them?

You both look utterly charming.

Antebellum womanhood at its peak of perfection.

Why, sir, aren't you the one with the words?

I'll bet all the ladies in Atlanta purely swoon

after a fine gentleman like you.

When does our fantasy begin, Mr. Roarke?

When can we be Scarlett O'Hara?

Oh, I'm sorry, ladies.

I'm afraid there's been an enormous misunderstanding.

Well, you can't possibly be Scarlett O'Hara herself.

You mean we don't get our fantasy?

Well, you see, Gone with the Wind was a piece of fiction.

I could hardly send you to a place that never existed,

except in Margaret Mitchell's imagination.

You mean, we don't get to be Southern belles at all?

Oh, there is an alternative where you might be Southern heroines,

like Scarlett O'Hara, if that is acceptable.

It's acceptable, of course. But how?

Well, you see,

somewhat like the phenomenon that sometimes occurs in the Bermuda Triangle.

On certain rare occasions, here on Fantasy Island,

a strange geomagnetic condition develops,

one which allows a person to step back into another time.

You mean, back to Georgia, during the Civil War?

Can you really do that?

If conditions are right, yes.

But I must warn you. It could be dangerous.

You must return when I tell you or be trapped forever.

Atlanta, here we come.

What do we do now?

Well, you simply step into this buggy and start off down that road.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Roarke,

if we can't be Scarlett O'Hara, who should we be?

Yes. You might call yourself Magnolia Blossoms.

It was the code name of a legendary Angel of Mercy for the Confederacy.

The Florence Nightingale of the South, many called her.

Oh, the doors of any great plantation house

would be honored to open for such a grand lady.

Magnolia, honey, what are we waiting for?

Bye now.

You see, I'm the real mind behind all Fantasy Island operations.

I don't let it go to my head, though.

But let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you.

Hey, come back, you silly girl.

Don't be shy. I'll find you.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Ahh! Help! Put me down!

What's going on? Put me down! Help! Help!

You set me up, you traitor. Help! Help!

Do not be angry, Nooyeeowee.

We are only taking you to our island

where all wait to greet you as our God of Love.

What did you say?

The God of Love. That is what Nooyeeowee means.

All our people are waiting for you.

Hmm, God of Love. Mm-hmm.

Tell me, are there many beautiful girls like you on your island?

Many more beautiful than me.

Well, in that case, let's go.

What are you waiting for? Paddle. Faster! Faster!

You see anything?

Maybe it isn't gonna work.

Hello? Anybody there?

Guess not.

Wait a minute. I think I hear something.

Sounds like thunder. It must be raining ahead.

Whoa.

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, no!

Whoa! Whoa! What's going on?

Oh!

Let's get out of here.

Will you look at that? Those are real bullet holes.

What's the matter with that Mr. Roarke?

Does he think we came to Fantasy Island to join the army?

Who's that? Whoa!

Ma'am? Help me, please?

Looks like a gunshot wound.

Just like home.

Emergency receiving on Saturday night.

Come on.

Are you hurting bad?

Pretty bad, ma'am.

I think you're gonna be all right.

Here.

I'm sorry.

I done real good in the fightin', ma'am.

I was right behind the captain and we was chargin'.

Only trouble was I...

I didn't even see who shot me.

Let's get him in the buggy. Right.

Up you go, easy. Okay?

Easy does it.

Watch it.

This fantasy sure is a bust. If that Mr. Roarke

was here, I'd tell him a thing or two.

What would you tell me, Miss Collinsky?

Oh, very well done.

Even if you don't like your fantasy,

I'm sure this young man will always be grateful for it.

He'd most certainly have bled to death without your help.

We were happy to help, Mr. Roarke,

but we sure didn't bargain for all this shooting and stuff.

But, ladies, you wanted to come back to the Civil War era

and there was a Civil War during that era.

Gettysburg and Shiloh, Bull Run and Richmond.

We know all that really happened, Mr. Roarke.

But, well, we wanted it to be different.

Like in Gone with the Wind at Tara,

with Scarlett and Rhett and Melanie and Ashley.

Well, everything was pretty and everyone loved each other.

That's what we wanted to be a part of.

I see.

Well, I am very sorry things haven't worked out as you wished.

We can only hope they will improve.

In the meantime, your patient needs help.

I believe there is a house down this road where you can leave him.

Oh, no. Here they come again. What do we do, Mr. Roarke?

Mr. Roarke?

Come on. Hyah!

Are we there yet?

Soon, Nooyeeowee.

Paddle, but don't go over such big waves.

Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Where are we?

This is your home, Nooyeeowee.

Home. Your people are calling you.

Well, let's go.

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Well, good old Nooyeeowee. When you got it, you gotta use it.

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee!

Welcome, Nooyeeowee.

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Nooyeeowee! Nooyeeowee!

Wow! The boss really did it this time.

For many tides, there have been no fish in the sea

and my people have been hungry.

So I have prayed for the return of Nooyeeowee, God of Love,

who brings forth riches from the deep waters.

And now my prayers have been answered. Let us all bow to Nooyeeowee

and do his bidding for he has returned to bring us good fortune.

Oh, Nooyeeowee, please take me.

Oh, no, take me. Take me.

Hold it, girls. Hold it.

I take you. No, I take you. No you. Oh, it's no use. I cannot make up my mind.

I take you all.

Whoa! Would you help us, please?

Ladies, may I have your attention, please?

In her hour of need,

the Confederacy has called upon her sons to defend her sacred soil.

But now, she must call upon her daughters to give all they can.

In short, ladies, we need hard money, gold, to buy guns

for General Beauregard's troops,

who at this very moment are facing the rampaging hordes

of that devil Sherman not 20 miles from this very spot.

May I have your hat, sir?

Please, ma'am.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

And you, madame? Thank you.

It's better to have your men back, than the rings they represent.

Thank you, ma'am.

This is just like the scene where Melanie donates Ashley's ring.

We don't have a wedding ring between us.

That's not the first time I've noticed that.

Look, it's Ashley and Rhett just like in Gone with the Wind.

Isn't he beautiful?

He's gorgeous.

Ladies, would you like to contribute?

The purses that Mr. Roarke gave us.

Maybe there's something in there.

Yeah.

Is this all right?

Ma'am, a magnificent gift. A magnificent gift!

Madame, you must forgive me.

But I seem to have forgotten your name.

Oh, uh, it's Magnolia. Magnolia Blossoms.

Magnolia Blossoms?

The Confederate Angel of Mercy. I should have known.

Madame, this house is honored to welcome you.

Why, thank you, sir.

General Lee has stated that you are worth an entire brigade

to the army of Northern Virginia.

And General Sherman promised to jail you for the entire war,

if he ever catches you.

Miss Magnolia, you must promise me the first dance at the cotillion tonight.

Please.

I'm sorry, Lieutenant, the lady promised that dance to me.

And yours to me, I hope.

You ladies know Captain Rawlins and Captain Hampstead?

Ma'am,

why don't we step inside. It's much cooler.

It's a grand day for Six Oaks.

Three heroes of our cause under our roof

and each one under that devil Sherman's sentence of death.

Ride back through the lines to General Sherman's headquarters.

Tell him our man was right.

Fine catch of Southern dandies down there at Six Oaks.

Among them are Rawlins and Hampstead.

Yes, sir.

No more grapes. No more mango. They give me bellyache.

Nooyeeowee is ready to hear your problems.

You first, buddy.

Oh, Wise Nooyeeowee,

I say this goat belongs to me because I found it wandering in my garden.

No, the goat belongs to me.

I can't help it if it went for a walk and wandered over there.

Hear the judgment of Nooyeeowee.

Where is your wife?

She is visiting his wife in his garden.

You mean, she just wandered around to visit?

Yes.

Well, in that case,

you keep the goat and he can keep your wife. Next case.

A goat for a wife? That's not a fair trade.

Then, give him back his goat.

Next case.

It is my turn, Nooyeeowee. I, Kona, ask you to sanction my marriage to Luana.

Well, it's okay with me.

What about Luana? Luana, you wanna marry, uh...

What's his name?

What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?

I only asked if you wanna marry him.

You wish my opinion, Nooyeeowee?

That's why I ask for.

No. I do not wish to marry him.

Well, in that case you don't have to.

Next case. CROWD: Yeah. Yeah.

Give me a papaya.

You have taken Luana from me. You and she must remember that gods rise and fall.

And when they fall, they are but men. And men may die.

What a sore head.

Nooyeeowee, beware of him. He's deadly dangerous. Now he hates you.

Don't worry. Us gods, we don't scare easy.

Hey! Who wants to dance?

Mr. O'Grady called you captain.

Well, why aren't you in uniform?

I'm just a sailor, ma'am.

I know. A blockade runner.

You take cotton to England and bring back guns.

Make money on both trips.

Well, I'm flattered you've heard of me.

Actually, you remind me very much of somebody

I've read about and seen many times.

Do I detect that you're in love with the gentleman?

I don't know if he's a gentleman. But I love the type.

It's nothing that couldn't be transferred.

To me, possibly?

Magnolia, I don't know why I'm so attracted to you,

but it's though we were meant to meet and love.

You'd love my home. It's very beautiful and peaceful there.

I miss it very much.

I know. And as you enter, you're facing a grand stairway.

Oak, very old and polished. And it fans out at both sides at the top.

You've been there then.

Just guessing.

I'd like to show it to you.

I think you'd fit in very well in my home.

Should we have a glass of punch on the terrace?

I'd love it.

I think I love you.

I think I love you, too.

Excuse me. I must talk to my cousin. I'll only be a minute.

Oh, I'm in love.

Oh, I think we've both got it pretty bad.

Let's not change places. You stay as Magnolia and have Rawlins

and I'll stay as Melody and have Ashley. Uh, Hampstead.

You've got a deal.

Hampstead, the Blue Bellies are outside.

Blue Bellies! Blue Bellies are outside!

Blue Bellies! Blue Bellies are outside!

I'm sorry, sir. Rawlins and Hampstead got away.

Don't worry about it, Captain.

You still got the biggest catch.

Magnolia Blossoms, and she's right here in this room.

Which one of you ladies is the notorious Magnolia Blossoms?

I am. No, I am.

No, I am. I am.

I am.

No, I am.

Ladies, this way please.

I fooled you.

What's that? What's wrong?

What's wrong? What's that noise?

Wonderful news, Holy One.

A huge school of fish has been sighted off the reef.

Good fishing has returned, thanks to Nooyeeowee.

You have heard, Nooyeeowee, your bounty has been returned to us.

I and my people thank you.

Don't mention it.

Nooyeeowee has delivered the fish to his people.

And now, as it is foretold in ancient legends,

he will deliver the catch safely into our hands

and drive away the hungry sharks that are attacking already.

Go quickly, Nooyeeowee!

Fly over the reef and drive the sharks from the fish, which were meant for us.

Fly!

Fly! Fly! Fly!

Wait a minute! I can't fly to drive the sharks away

unless you give me a helicopter. I'm not a bird.

Look! I cannot help myself. I'm not a bird!

I can't fly!

The Nooyeeowee is a false god.

He has mocked us by bringing us fish,

which we must battle the sharks to keep.

Yeah.

To the stockade with him. And let us tend to our fishing.

As I said little one, when gods fall, they are but men and men may die.

To the stockade!

Yeah!

Ahh! Down!

Put me down! Let me go! Let me go!

Let me out! Let me out!

I'm your boss. Let me out! I'm Nooyeeowee.

Open the door. Come back!

Oh, boy. I think I'm in a lot of trouble.

Well, any regrets?

For having the best time of my life? No way.

Yeah, me either.

Weren't they the prettiest things you ever saw?

Gorgeous. And we'll never see them again.

Whoa.

Hey. What?

Open up, trooper. We're from General Sherman's headquarters.

We want to see the prisoners.

Look, it's them.

Why'd y'all come back?

Why, for you, of course.

You think we'd leave you after what you did for us?

Came to get you out of here.

Look, we can continue this better at my home.

Act like you're our prisoners

and we're taking you to General Sherman's headquarters.

Open up, trooper!

Union uniforms, gentlemen? That makes you spies.

The penalty for that's the firing squad.

You may say goodbye to the ladies, if you wish.

Oh, no.

This isn't the way it's supposed to end.

This way, gentlemen.

That wall will do.

Gun powder. We gotta do something. Come on.

Hit the dirt!

Come on.

Get after 'em!

Go! Go!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Why are we stopping here?

Ladies, you must come with me now.

Oh, no, Mr. Roarke. Please, not yet. Not yet.

I'm sorry. Your fantasy's over.

I think you'd better go with this gentleman. I'm sure he knows what's best.

Without you, what'll happen to me?

Frankly, my dear, I...

I very much give a damn.

Mr. Roarke, do they get away?

Only time will tell.

What is it?

The fishermen are returning. If we hurry, there is still some time.

I've hidden a boat in the lagoon

and the other women of the village have helped me.

When you allowed Luana to speak her heart and to refuse Kona,

you gave courage to all women of the island.

We wish to repay you for that now.

Yes. We will not be dictated to by men from this day forward.

Now, hurry.

Come on.

Hurry. Paddle up the river. That is another way to leave our island.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Goodbye. Thank you.

Bye.

No, not that way. Long, even strokes. Even strokes.

Long strokes. That's right. Long strokes.

Even strokes. Or you'll never get away.

Long, even strokes.

Long, even strokes.

Long, even strokes. Long, even strokes.

Faster, Nooyeeowee! Faster!

Boss, thank you. You saved me!

Boss, can you slow down? Don't make so much big waves!

Hey, boss, slow down!

Thank you.

Well, ladies, was your fantasy satisfactory?

Only partially, Mr. Roarke.

Oh?

It ended too soon. But that wasn't your fault.

I'm sorry if you're gonna be uncomfortable in the plane.

But we have some more important guests.

Yes, several other fantasizers will be returning with you.

Oh, that's okay.

I don't believe it.

You?

Yep. You see, my mother was always a real nut

about Gone with the Wind. And by the time I was eight, she kept telling me

that I looked like Rhett Butler.

And I heard that I looked like Ashley for so long that

we had to live it just once.

Of course.

Thank you, Mr. Roarke. Oh, you're very welcome.

Thank you. It's been a pleasure. Goodbye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Well, my friend, I hope you're not too disappointed

that your reign as a love god was, uh, rather brief.

Well, I'm not disappointed at all.

As a matter of fact, I think I'm much more mature now,

after my fantasy.

More mature? You?

Definitely.

Before I was Nooyeeowee,

the only thing I thought was wild girls, wild parties...

No.

But now I'm into a much seriouser hobby.

Oh?

Stamp collecting.

Well, stamp collecting offers many educational possibilities, yes.

And I'm gonna take full advantage of it.

Good.

Please, Mr. Tattoo, will you come teach me now?

Teach you what, Orellia?

To play a great new game Tattoo told me about. It's called Post Office.