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And now a holiday
message from the president
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of the United States.
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Oh, hi ho ho ho ho.
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Yes, we've added a fourth,
though.
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Biden only had three.
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We added a fourth. Hi. It's me,
your favorite president.
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Back again this week.
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Coming to you live from a
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part of the white House
that Melania's
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Christmas decorations
haven't gotten do.
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Yeah, that's why we still have
fireplace and Garland
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and not spooky twigs
and blackface.
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But we have to be vigilant
this Christmas.
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As Americans,
as you know, Arctic
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immigrants are coming in
through our chimneys
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and stealing our milk
and cookies.
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I think that's where North Pole
is, Arctic.
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We'll be looking into that.
We're going to look into that.
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But we love Christmas, right?
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We love
Christmas. Cross the tree.
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I know I'm not supposed to say
that out loud, but it helps me.
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Okay. Oh, we love tree.
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Remember
when I did this with flag?
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Did you like that?
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I'm hugging tree now.
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It's very sharp.
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I hung flag and tree.
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Just never person
return to podium.
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But Christmas is great.
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We love it.
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In fact, I'm doing my own
version of Nativity now.
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We're kings
from the Middle East.
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Bring gifts for me
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like gold and airplane
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and casino deal in Dubai.
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But unlike Nativity,
they're not showing up on camel.
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And I know camel.
I know it very well.
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I know it from my mandatory
daily cognitive test.
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I always point right to camel.
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I always get camel right.
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It's bumpy
horse. That's how I know
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came about
because I say it a lot, but
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I wanted to ramble to you
tonight
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about the incredible things
this administration is doing.
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We're doing wonderful stuff.
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We are renaming the Kennedy
Center for the Performing Arts,
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which will now be called
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the Trump Kennedy Center
for the Performing Arts.
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No, Homo
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renaming a number
of our other monuments as well.
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Trump Washington Monument.
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Trump Lincoln Memorial,
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and of course, big Elphaba.
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That would just be fun.
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The third one is always
the funny when,
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you know,
people are saying, sure,
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why are you put your name on
so many buildings?
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And I say, it's because we had
to take it off of so many files
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and see redacted.
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We had so many jumps in there,
we had to put them somewhere,
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you know what I'm saying?
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We like to say redacted.
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It's my second favorite.
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Are word redacted I love
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those shut up.
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We love it.
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And it's been a great year
for foreign policy.
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I am invading Venezuela
by myself.
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Metal Gear Solid style.
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That's exciting.
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I did that hit with
some of the losers in the crowd.
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Maybe a day.
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And you know what?
The economy is fine.
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All right?
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The economy's fine. It's
getting closer to fine.
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Indigo girls,
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they were one of my favorite
lesbian folk rock duos.
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I believe that was Melissa
Etheridge.
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And I want to say Elton John.
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I thought they were great.
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You were two of my favorites.
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Oh, and this is very important.
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I almost forgot, I'm
inventing my own Hunger Games.
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That's right.
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The white House will be hosting
the Patriot Games
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for high school athletes
to compete, because I thought,
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what's the best way to distract
from the Epstein files?
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I know, invite a bunch
of teenagers to my house.
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That'll help.
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I'll think things are better
I might do for a thousand, Alex,
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but you can't say Alex
any more, right?
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You got to say, Ken.
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Got to say
can you can't say Alex.
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There was Mayim Bialik
for a second. That's okay.
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I like getting.
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There saying surge
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you're doing got good games
and you know how that book ends.
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And of course I don't,
because book
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I don't like to read and frankly
might not be able to anymore.
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We'll be looking into that
very shortly.
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00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,947
But with regard to files
were being very transparent
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because Jeffrey Epstein
was a terrible man
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and I didn't know
him, and I liked him a lot.
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So we released all the files
and I come out looking, frankly,
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very good.
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We had to redact
a few sensitive things,
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but you'll get
the gist here. Look at this.
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Check it out.
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Trump didn't do nothing bad.
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Trump does smash,
but not like Ron kind.
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The end.
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See? It's all there.
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Can you believe.
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So in conclusion it's
been a great second first year.
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I want to wish everyone
a merry Christmas.
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Or if you're Jewish, happy,
honkytonk
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HAPPY HONKYTONK, AND -- LIVE
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FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY
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NIGHT!
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♪♪
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>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
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NIGHT LIVE" WITH --
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MUSICAL GUEST CHER,
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AND YOUR HOST ARIANA GRANDE!
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARIANA
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GRANDE!
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
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♪♪
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>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
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MUCH.
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IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE TONIGHT
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HOSTING THE CHRISTMAS EPISODE OF
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"SNL."
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THE LAST TIME I HOSTED WAS A
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YEAR AGO, AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
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ASKING ME IF I'LL REVISIT SOME
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OF MY SKETCHES FROM LAST TIME.
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LIKE DOMINGO.
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BUT I TOLD THEM I DON'T THINK
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SO.
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WHEN SOMETHING IS PERFECT, IT
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DOESN'T NEED A SEQUEL.
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WHAT?
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WHICH IS WHY I JUST FINISHED
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FILMING "MEET THE PARENTS 4."
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DECEMBER IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF
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YEAR IN NEW YORK.
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I LOVE THE DECORATIONS, THE SNOW
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ON THE GROUND.
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I LOVE SHOPPING FOR
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ALL MY LOVED ONES.
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BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, I GET A
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LITTLE STRESSED SHOPPING FOR
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CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
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YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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MAYBE YOU CAN RELATE.
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OH, THANK YOU.
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♪♪
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♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT
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TO GET FOR CHRISTMAS
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FOR MY COUSIN'S
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BOYFRIEND STEVE ♪
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♪ I DON'T KNOW
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A THING ABOUT HIM
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ONLY SEE HIM
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ON CHRISTMAS EVE ♪
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♪ MY COUSIN SAYS
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THAT HE'S HER ROCK
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BUT I'VE NEVER
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HEARD HIM TALK ♪
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♪ IS A GIFT CARD RUDE
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WHAT DO I GET
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FOR CHRISTMAS
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FOR THIS DUDE ♪
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♪♪
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♪ HAVEN'T SHOPPED A LOT
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FOR CHRISTMAS
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CUZ MY SCHEDULE'S
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NEVER FREE ♪
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♪ AND I'VE
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HAD SO MUCH PRESS
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FOR WICKED ♪
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♪ JON CHU WILL NOT
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LET ME PEE ♪
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♪ I PANICKED AND
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ORDERED A YETI MUG
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THE CHRISTMAS EQUIVALENT
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OF A SHRUG ♪
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♪ I'M IN A TOUGH SPOT
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WHAT DO I GET
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FOR CHRISTMAS FOR SCOTT ♪
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>> STEVE.
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STEVE.
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SORRY, STEVE.
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BUT I'M SERIOUS, ALL I WANT FOR
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CHRISTMAS IS TO KNOW WHAT TO GET
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FOR THE PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW THAT
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00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:00,934
WELL.
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00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,569
ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME.
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00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:06,239
>> I CAN HELP YOU, ARI.
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00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:12,579
>> BOWEN, HI.
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00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:19,819
>> HEY.
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>> CAN I JUST SAY HOW MUCH I
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LOVED YOUR LINE IN "WICKED"?
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>> THANK YOU.
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00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,627
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
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>> NO, THAT WAS MY LINE IN THE
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MOVIE.
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THANK YOU.
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>> WELL THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
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♪♪
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♪ WHAT ABOUT A MUSTACHE COUPON ♪
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00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:39,939
♪ THAT WOULD PROLLY
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FREAK HIM OUT ♪
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00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,441
♪ HOW 'BOUT A CAMEO
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00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,444
FROM MATTHEW MORRISON ♪
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♪ THAT WOULD REALLY
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FREAK HIM OUT ♪
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00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,079
♪ MAYBE HE'S A
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00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,147
FOOTWEAR BADDIE ♪
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00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:47,714
♪ THESE ARE CLEARLY
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00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,883
WOMEN'S CROCS ♪
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00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:50,984
♪ OVERNIGHT A BOX
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OF RAW OYSTERS ♪
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♪ SEND HIM INTO
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ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK ♪
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00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:57,791
♪ A BRAND NEW SUIT
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00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,893
FROM BIG AND TALL ♪
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♪ MY COUSIN'S BOYFRIEND
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00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,095
IS SHORT AND SMALL ♪
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00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,697
♪ A BOTTLE OF
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00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,466
KIRKLAND SHAMPOO ♪
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00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,635
♪ WHAT DO I GET FOR
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00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:14,607
CHRISTMAS FOR THIS DUDE ♪
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00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,709
♪ EVERY CHRISTMAS
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00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,310
ALL THESE PEOPLE
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ON MY LIST ♪
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00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,951
♪ I HAVE TO GET SOMETHIN'
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00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:28,221
FOR ALL MY THERAPISTS ♪
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00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,491
♪ AND MY FAVE BARISTA
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00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:34,227
AND MY SECRET SISTER ♪
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00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,295
♪ I ALSO HAVE TO GET ABOUT
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00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,896
25 GIFTS FOR ALL THE
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00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:40,200
GAY GUYS WHO DO MY HAIR ♪
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00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,301
♪ IS IT WRONG TO
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00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,004
JUST BUY SOCKS ♪
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00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,138
♪ HE IS REALLY INTO
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00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,841
FEET TIKTOKS ♪
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00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:52,746
♪ STEVE I BARELY KNOW YOU ♪
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00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:57,951
>> ARIANA, WAIT!
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WAIT.
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00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,086
>> MARCELLO, WHAT IS IT?
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00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:00,920
>> I'LL TELL YOU.
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00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,591
>> YES, YOU ARE TALLER THAN I
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00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,158
THOUGHT.
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00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:05,625
WHAT ELSE?
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00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,061
>> SOMETHING ELSE.
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00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,829
>> MY COUSIN BROKE UP WITH
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00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:10,130
STEVE?
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00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,965
SO HE WON'T BE AT CHRISTMAS?
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00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:15,802
WELL IN THAT CASE --
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♪ I'LL BE GETTING NOTHING
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00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:28,915
FOR YOU ♪
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00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,084
WE HAVE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
265
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:31,818
TONIGHT.
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00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,620
CHER IS HERE, SO STICK AROUND
267
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,656
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
268
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,438
Elves on shelves.
269
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:55,942
Watch children all day
to see if they're nice or mean.
270
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,713
At night, they fly like Santa's
sleigh and tell Santa
271
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,181
what they've seen.
272
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,450
But the job isn't always jolly.
273
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,320
Each winter it can cause
their bright spirits to droop.
274
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,823
So at the North Pole, rec center
275
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:14,794
meets the elf on the shelf
support group.
276
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,096
Okay, okay.
277
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:19,132
Looks like,
looks like this is everyone.
278
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,334
For our newcomers. Hi.
279
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,337
I'm waffle shilling muffin.
280
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:28,675
I received a master's in
psychotherapy from peppermint.
281
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,611
I put this group together to
help us work through our trauma.
282
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:36,182
So, has anyone had
a particularly rough week? Yes.
283
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,852
Look what they did to me.
284
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,285
They stayed.
285
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,421
Put it to my head.
286
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,090
Oh, That's hard.
287
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:47,961
Yeah, that's
why we have this group, right?
288
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,763
We, We
haven't seen you for a while.
289
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:56,169
You feel like sharing?
290
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:56,836
No, ma'am.
291
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,505
Not yet.
292
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,473
That's okay. That's okay.
293
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,741
And I see we have a new face.
294
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,944
Hi, there. Hi.
295
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:05,812
Giggle boobs.
296
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,783
And three weeks ago,
I fell in between the cushion
297
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:13,453
of the couch,
and nobody's found me.
298
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,423
And, I'm gone
freaking crazy, man.
299
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,693
Right now I'm talking to triple
AA batteries, like.
300
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,694
Like French, man.
301
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,129
Like when
are they gonna fight me?
302
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,231
Hey, what did I say to my name?
303
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,534
Hey, hey, hey.
304
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,302
It's not your fault.
305
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,172
It's not your fault.
306
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:32,872
Twinkle butter.
307
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,641
Would you like to share?
308
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:37,711
Sure. Hi.
309
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,313
I'm twinkle, but it.
310
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,582
The little girl
that I'm watching is an angel.
311
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,317
And I love her
more than gumdrops.
312
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:48,088
But this year they got a cat.
313
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:48,955
And how are you getting
314
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:54,194
along with the cat?
315
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,328
As you can see, it
316
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,665
ripped my ass in half.
317
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,201
It haunts me like a rat.
318
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:06,039
And since I can't move,
think I just have to.
319
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,175
I shouldn't have let it happen.
320
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:12,379
I just wish I could die
321
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,547
right here every day.
322
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,183
Okay, I'm gonna go
323
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,052
write it down.
324
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,321
Let it out. Let it all out.
325
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,356
That's okay, guys.
326
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,591
This isn't Santa's workshop.
327
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,526
You're allowed to cry here.
328
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:30,163
And, actually, elves can die,
if they think a naughty thought.
329
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,832
They explode into confetti.
330
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,770
It's hard for me
not to think naughty thoughts.
331
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,139
I'm on a shelf in a frat house
332
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:43,943
at Arizona State University,
and they pose me
333
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:48,081
in ways that aren't very jolly.
334
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:55,822
They take
pictures like this one.
335
00:15:55,822 --> 00:16:00,193
And also this one.
336
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,494
I eat sugar
337
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,632
with my mouth, not my nose.
338
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,301
And then the worst one.
339
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,038
This.
340
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,140
Is what is happening
in that picture.
341
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,475
Sticky nummies.
342
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,379
I don't know.
343
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,146
I think I know
344
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:23,183
what's happening
and I think I like it.
345
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:26,186
Oh, no, it's not.
346
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,564
For the best.
347
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,533
It's for the best.
He was in pain.
348
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,869
Do you want to share now?
349
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:43,670
No, ma'am.
350
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,572
Miss me with that?
351
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,573
Okay, okay.
352
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,109
You know pickle. Pickle.
I'm surprised to see you here.
353
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,544
I thought your home was warm
and jolly.
354
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,079
It was.
355
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,080
But the other day isn't.
356
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,782
Grandpa was alone in the house
357
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:59,619
and fell in
because Santa won't let us move.
358
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,589
I had to sit still
and watch this poor man moan
359
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:06,192
for help for nine
hours while making mistakes.
360
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,099
And that ain't nothing.
361
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,702
I got eaten by my family's
big old num.
362
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:21,941
Some of my bitch dog
363
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:22,942
But took me down.
364
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,145
And one bite.
365
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,113
How did you get out?
366
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,849
How do you think
367
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,352
I came out the back door?
368
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:35,755
That dog passed me
at his Hershey hole.
369
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:40,060
With the doo doo
370
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,295
Right in the backyard
371
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:47,200
with my hat
sittin on top of the pile.
372
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,804
Got me thinking, man,
that Santa.
373
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,273
Oh, okay.
374
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,874
Let's not have any naughty
thoughts.
375
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,978
It'll be too late,
because I think Santa is.
376
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:02,015
Santa is a butt
377
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,153
Okay, well, let's call it there.
378
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,822
Yeah.
379
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,199
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
380
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,266
WE NOW RETURN TO THE
381
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,401
HEARTWARMING ENDING OF A
382
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:26,806
CHRISTMAS CLASSIC "HOME ALONE."
383
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,110
>> KEVIN?
384
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,912
KEVIN?
385
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:36,116
KEVIN?
386
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:49,062
>> MOM?
387
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,966
>> OH, KEVIN, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
388
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:59,439
I'M SO SORRY HONEY.
389
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:02,709
OH, KEVIN, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
390
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,445
>> BUT WHERE'S EVERYONE ELSE?
391
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,647
>> OH, THEY COULDN'T MAKE IT,
392
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:12,018
SWEETIE, THEY WANTED TO BUT --
393
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,654
>> HI KEVIN!
394
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,221
>> KEVIN!
395
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,691
KEVIN MY BOY!
396
00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:19,626
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!
397
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,662
>> HEY BARF NUTS, IT'S PRETTY
398
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,930
COOL YOU DIDN'T BURN THE PLACE
399
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,230
DOWN.
400
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,031
>> THANKS, BUZZ.
401
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,400
>> WAIT A MINUTE, HOW DID YOU
402
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,069
ALL GET HOME?
403
00:19:29,069 --> 00:19:32,038
>> WE TOOK THE MORNING FLIGHT,
404
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:32,405
REMEMBER?
405
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:33,139
THE ONE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT
406
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:33,640
FOR?
407
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,242
>> I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 72 HOURS!
408
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,178
>> SO WHAT DID YOU DO THE WHOLE
409
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,512
TIME YOU WERE ALONE, KEV?
410
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,215
>> OH, JUST HUNG AROUND.
411
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:44,517
>> I'VE BEEN AWAKE SO LONG I'M
412
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,619
LEGALLY INSANE!
413
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,687
>> NOW WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO
414
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,788
HEAR ABOUT KEVIN'S LITTLE
415
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:49,856
ADVENTURES.
416
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,725
LET'S ALL PUT OUR COATS AWAY --
417
00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:52,826
>> WAIT, DAD, I FORGOT TO TAKE
418
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:53,927
DOWN --
419
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:56,429
>> AHHHHHH!
420
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,165
>> AHHHHHH!
421
00:19:59,165 --> 00:19:59,766
>> AHHHHHH!
422
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:03,069
>> DAD!
423
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:07,474
>> AHHHHHH!
424
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:08,441
>> GRAB THE EXTINGUISHER!
425
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:09,576
>> WAIT, I REPLACED IT WITH
426
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,144
KEROSENE!
427
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:14,447
>> AHHHHHH!
428
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,583
>> I'LL GET WATER!
429
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,853
>> NO, JEFF!
430
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:20,954
>> AHHHHHH!
431
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:23,757
>> I'M GONNA BE SICK.
432
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:30,730
OW!
433
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,067
>> CALL 911 BUZZ!
434
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,469
>> WAIT, NO, NOT THE PHONE.
435
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,005
>> FULLER!
436
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:39,739
>> OH, RELAX, I'M NOT GONNA WET
437
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,809
THE -- AHHHHHH!
438
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:46,646
AHHHHHH!
439
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,747
>> BUZZ!
440
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,551
THE PAINT CAN!
441
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:56,456
>> HEH, YOU MISSED ME, DORK!
442
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,557
UH OH.
443
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:01,327
AHHHHHH!
444
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,063
>> I HAVE BUZZ IN MY MOUTH.
445
00:21:03,063 --> 00:21:04,097
>> GOOD NEWS, I RECONCILED WITH
446
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,266
MY SON --
447
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:10,070
AHHHHHH!
448
00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:16,443
>> MOM?
449
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:16,710
MOM?
450
00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:17,544
MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?
451
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:18,178
>> WHAT?
452
00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:19,179
SORRY, YES.
453
00:21:19,179 --> 00:21:20,313
I'VE JUST BEEN AWAKE FOR A VERY
454
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:20,814
LONG TIME.
455
00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:22,982
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM.
456
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,185
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, KEVIN.
457
00:21:25,185 --> 00:21:26,753
>> AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
458
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:27,620
>> AHHHHH!
459
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:31,991
>> AHHHHH!
460
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,861
>> I'VE KILLED AGAIN.
461
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,308
Oh, wow.
462
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,443
I can't believe
I got a spot in this class.
463
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,512
Yeah, I hear these instructors
are, like, amazing.
464
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,446
Amazing.
465
00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:54,748
More like pretty good.
466
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:57,917
That's worse.
467
00:21:57,917 --> 00:22:02,055
Welcome, everyone to dance 101.
468
00:22:02,055 --> 00:22:03,056
Let's get started.
469
00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:05,225
We don't have a lot of time.
470
00:22:05,225 --> 00:22:08,061
Oh, I thought this class
was three hours.
471
00:22:08,061 --> 00:22:10,663
No, it starts at three
and it's ours.
472
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:11,531
It's theirs.
473
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:14,768
Try listening, you old girl.
474
00:22:14,768 --> 00:22:16,236
Thank you. Denison.
475
00:22:16,236 --> 00:22:18,071
Okay. Lesson one.
476
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:19,539
The first rule of dance.
477
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:23,209
Of great dancing is fast,
fast, fast, slow.
478
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:26,179
I'm sorry. What does that mean?
479
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:28,481
Every pop star uses
this dance technique.
480
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,417
It starts out fast,
and then you get slow.
481
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:33,687
Watch us.
482
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,989
So fast.
483
00:22:35,989 --> 00:22:38,525
So slow
484
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,526
down for you.
485
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:42,262
Did you like that?
486
00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:44,664
Does that answer your question?
487
00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:46,499
Not really. What?
488
00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:47,834
It's so easy.
489
00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:49,703
It's fast, fast, fast, slow.
490
00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:51,738
It's cocaine then. Red wine.
491
00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:53,340
Like this.
492
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:55,175
Cocaine. Cocaine. Cocaine.
493
00:22:55,175 --> 00:22:57,110
Red wine. Red wine.
494
00:23:02,282 --> 00:23:03,049
Exactly.
495
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:03,850
Denison.
496
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:07,220
Now you
get a kiss on the forehead.
497
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,689
Thank you.
498
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:10,757
I'm sorry.
499
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:11,124
I thought
500
00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:13,860
we're going to be learning,
like, actual dance moves.
501
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:15,428
Oh. I'm sorry.
502
00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:16,930
Who's the expert here?
503
00:23:16,930 --> 00:23:22,402
You with zero dance experience
or us with some?
504
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:23,603
We are the people who
505
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:27,674
choreograph the dances
in three giant commercials.
506
00:23:27,674 --> 00:23:28,608
Yes, bitch.
507
00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:32,312
We made diabetes
look like something you want.
508
00:23:32,312 --> 00:23:34,547
Is that a good thing?
509
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:35,515
Listen, people.
510
00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:36,716
Okay? Listen.
511
00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:39,119
Listen to us. People, okay?
512
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,088
Anything you want to say,
you can say it with your body.
513
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:43,923
Dance is the universal language.
514
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,592
Watch me.
515
00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,327
I am hungry.
516
00:23:47,327 --> 00:23:50,096
I said I am hungry.
517
00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:52,799
Do you like that? Yes. Or this?
518
00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:57,737
I'm not vaccinated.
519
00:23:57,737 --> 00:23:59,105
I'm sorry.
520
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,174
Are you not vaccinated?
Excuse me?
521
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:05,345
You can't actually ask
me that in RFK. Is America.
522
00:24:05,345 --> 00:24:06,680
They still don't get it.
523
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,382
Let me give you one more.
524
00:24:09,382 --> 00:24:09,949
Watch me.
525
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,818
Class.
526
00:24:11,818 --> 00:24:13,453
I met a girl
527
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:16,923
and she had a baby, so I
528
00:24:16,923 --> 00:24:21,861
left
529
00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:22,829
Someone else.
530
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:25,065
Please tell someone else
about yourselves.
531
00:24:25,065 --> 00:24:25,932
The art of dance.
532
00:24:25,932 --> 00:24:29,836
Oh. Oh, okay.
533
00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:30,737
My favorite
534
00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:34,908
part of pooping
is to wipe the looks.
535
00:24:34,908 --> 00:24:36,242
Excellent.
536
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:36,876
Excellent.
537
00:24:37,077 --> 00:24:39,913
It's actually my third
favorite part.
538
00:24:39,913 --> 00:24:40,480
Next.
539
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,615
You please me?
540
00:24:42,615 --> 00:24:45,985
I hadn't really thought
about it, but,
541
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,954
my ex-wife dropped the charges.
542
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,490
Now that bitch is behind me.
543
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:53,626
Oh, well.
544
00:24:53,626 --> 00:24:54,260
Wonderful.
545
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:58,598
And you are low key
hauling a wagon back there. Wow.
546
00:24:58,598 --> 00:24:59,699
Tremendous.
547
00:24:59,766 --> 00:25:03,403
Now, remember, class dancing
is something that's revealing.
548
00:25:03,403 --> 00:25:05,638
For example, this is hers.
549
00:25:05,638 --> 00:25:06,906
Oh, yes.
550
00:25:06,906 --> 00:25:09,409
Thank you.
551
00:25:09,409 --> 00:25:10,944
Thank you. You're welcome.
552
00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:13,713
He said that you can tell
how someone has sex
553
00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:16,383
by simply
watching them dance. Yes.
554
00:25:16,383 --> 00:25:16,816
Yeah.
555
00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:18,418
I highly doubt that.
556
00:25:18,418 --> 00:25:21,521
Okay,
then show us how you dance.
557
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:24,524
Okay.
558
00:25:24,524 --> 00:25:25,091
Oh, yeah.
559
00:25:25,091 --> 00:25:26,760
Oh, my gosh, thank you.
560
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:27,761
Thank you.
561
00:25:27,761 --> 00:25:29,562
You know,
you never let me do this.
562
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:33,733
Thank you. See?
563
00:25:33,733 --> 00:25:36,469
And now,
for no particular reason.
564
00:25:36,469 --> 00:25:39,472
I have to go.
565
00:25:44,778 --> 00:25:45,612
No. No
566
00:25:45,679 --> 00:25:49,382
dance is complete
without a grand finale.
567
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:51,117
Nothing is grander
than two people
568
00:25:51,117 --> 00:25:54,954
that made the dance
look much harder than it was.
569
00:25:54,954 --> 00:25:57,257
Out of breath and about to kiss.
570
00:25:57,257 --> 00:25:58,191
Five. Six.
571
00:25:58,191 --> 00:25:58,758
Seven.
572
00:25:58,758 --> 00:25:59,392
Eight.
573
00:26:07,367 --> 00:26:09,769
And that dance.
574
00:26:18,545 --> 00:26:20,947
>>> EVERY YEAR NEW GENERATIONS
575
00:26:20,947 --> 00:26:22,082
DISCOVER THE 1977 CLIP OF
576
00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:23,149
DAVID BOWIE AND BING CROSBY
577
00:26:23,149 --> 00:26:25,352
SINGING "LITTLE DRUMMER BOY."
578
00:26:25,352 --> 00:26:26,453
AN UNLIKELY PAIR PRODUCING AN
579
00:26:26,453 --> 00:26:28,088
ICONIC CHRISTMAS MOMENT.
580
00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:29,689
SO, WE HERE AT PEACOCK THOUGHT
581
00:26:29,689 --> 00:26:30,757
LET'S JUST DO THAT WITH THE BIG
582
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,392
NAMES OF TODAY.
583
00:26:32,392 --> 00:26:33,493
PRESENTING "PEACOCK'S RANDOM
584
00:26:33,493 --> 00:26:35,261
DUET CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR,"
585
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:37,097
FEATURING OTHER UNLIKELY DUOS,
586
00:26:37,097 --> 00:26:38,531
LIKE BOB DYLAN AND KATY PERRY.
587
00:26:38,531 --> 00:26:41,935
♪♪
588
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:46,740
♪ YOU'RE A CHRISTMAS TREE
589
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:47,640
IT'S A CHRISTMAS TREE ♪
590
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,377
♪ WENT TO OUTER SPA-A-ACE
591
00:26:50,377 --> 00:26:52,912
YES SHE WENT TO
592
00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:54,614
OUTER SPA-A-ACE ♪
593
00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:55,749
>> YOU'LL
594
00:26:55,749 --> 00:26:58,718
LOVE THE CLASSIC CHRISTMAS CAROL
595
00:26:58,718 --> 00:26:59,419
"DECK THE HALLS" PERFORMED BY
596
00:26:59,419 --> 00:27:00,353
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND BAD BUNNY.
597
00:27:00,353 --> 00:27:01,087
>> HEY, STEVIE, HOW MANY HALLS
598
00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:02,022
DID YOU DECK, MAN?
599
00:27:02,022 --> 00:27:03,590
YOU DECK 'EM ALL YET?
600
00:27:03,590 --> 00:27:05,759
YOU KNOW, MY FATHER WAS AN ELF.
601
00:27:05,759 --> 00:27:06,893
HE'D BE WORKING ALL DAY UP AT
602
00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:09,029
THE NORTH POLE BUILDING TOYS.
603
00:27:09,029 --> 00:27:10,730
BUT, OF COURSE, LIKE ALL MY
604
00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:12,932
STORIES, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
605
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:13,500
♪ DECK THE HALLS
606
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:15,602
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪
607
00:27:15,602 --> 00:27:17,270
♪ FA LA LA LA LA
608
00:27:17,270 --> 00:27:18,838
LA LA ME GUSTA MUCHO
609
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:21,107
EL DASHER EL DANCER
610
00:27:21,107 --> 00:27:23,743
EL PRANCER Y VIXEN ♪
611
00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:24,844
>> PLUS, "SILENT NIGHT" BY
612
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:27,047
KATE BUSH AND YOKO ONO.
613
00:27:27,047 --> 00:27:28,715
♪ SILENT NIGHT
614
00:27:28,715 --> 00:27:30,283
IT'S WHITE AND IT'S NIGHT
615
00:27:30,283 --> 00:27:33,053
AND IT'S SILENT
616
00:27:33,053 --> 00:27:34,621
SILENT NIGHT ♪
617
00:27:34,621 --> 00:27:36,322
♪♪
618
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:39,526
[ SCREAMING ]
619
00:27:39,526 --> 00:27:41,761
>> NEXT UP, A VERY SPECIAL DUET.
620
00:27:41,761 --> 00:27:43,897
♪ MERRY SUPER CHRISTMAS ♪
621
00:27:43,897 --> 00:27:44,497
>> WITH THE LEGENDARY
622
00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:46,066
STEVIE WONDER --
623
00:27:46,066 --> 00:27:47,167
♪ I'M DECKING
624
00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:48,835
ALL THE HALLS ♪
625
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:52,072
>> AND RISING STAR BENSON BOONE.
626
00:27:52,072 --> 00:27:53,139
♪ MERRY SUPER CHRISTMAS ♪
627
00:27:53,139 --> 00:27:55,875
>> OH!
628
00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:56,976
OH, MY GOD, BENSON BOONE JUST
629
00:27:56,976 --> 00:27:58,611
FLIPPED INTO MY PIANO WEARING A
630
00:27:58,611 --> 00:28:00,814
BLUE SEQUINED SUIT.
631
00:28:00,814 --> 00:28:11,124
I MEAN, I DIDN'T SEE NOTHING.
632
00:28:11,124 --> 00:28:11,858
>> AND "O HOLY NIGHT" BY BJORK
633
00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:12,759
AND POST MALONE.
634
00:28:12,759 --> 00:28:13,293
♪ O HOLY NIGHT
635
00:28:13,293 --> 00:28:14,461
THE SKIES ARE
636
00:28:14,461 --> 00:28:15,028
SHINING BRIGHT ♪
637
00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,062
♪ LOOK AT THE STARS
638
00:28:16,062 --> 00:28:17,163
IT'S A VERY JESUS NIGHT ♪
639
00:28:17,163 --> 00:28:17,697
♪♪
640
00:28:17,697 --> 00:28:18,832
>> SHH.
641
00:28:18,832 --> 00:28:20,033
♪ THE TREE IS CRYING
642
00:28:20,033 --> 00:28:24,738
SILVER TEARS ♪
643
00:28:24,738 --> 00:28:25,839
>> AND AN ORIGINAL CHRISTMAS
644
00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:26,506
SONG BY LIL JON AND "SNL'S"
645
00:28:26,506 --> 00:28:27,540
JANE WICKLINE.
646
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:28,141
♪ CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE
647
00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:28,708
ON FEBRUARY 10th ♪
648
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:29,709
♪ WHAT ♪
649
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:30,410
♪ THAT'S WHEN I'M FREE AND
650
00:28:30,410 --> 00:28:31,044
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
651
00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:32,045
THAT WEEKEND ♪
652
00:28:32,045 --> 00:28:33,046
♪ OKAY ♪
653
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:34,080
>> PLUS, SINGING "I'LL BE HOME
654
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,115
FOR CHRISTMAS," IT'S
655
00:28:35,115 --> 00:28:36,249
CAMERON WINTER FROM GEESE.
656
00:28:36,249 --> 00:28:37,884
♪♪
657
00:28:37,884 --> 00:28:39,519
♪ I'LL BE HOME
658
00:28:39,519 --> 00:28:41,121
I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
659
00:28:41,121 --> 00:28:43,323
WITH MY FAMILY ♪
660
00:28:43,323 --> 00:28:47,694
>> AND ONCE AGAIN, BENSON BOONE.
661
00:28:47,694 --> 00:28:48,795
AND TO CLOSE THINGS OUT, A
662
00:28:48,795 --> 00:28:50,430
STIRRING HANUKKAH DUET BETWEEN
663
00:28:50,430 --> 00:28:52,599
ANDREA BOCELLI AND CELINE DION.
664
00:28:52,599 --> 00:28:55,869
♪♪
665
00:28:55,869 --> 00:29:09,382
[ SINGING IN A GLOBAL LANGUAGE ]
666
00:29:21,327 --> 00:29:33,206
♪♪
667
00:29:44,751 --> 00:29:45,652
>> IT'S THE RANDOM DUET
668
00:29:45,652 --> 00:29:46,619
CHRISTMAS
669
00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:48,288
SPECTACULAR, COMING TO PEACOCK
670
00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:49,356
DECEMBER 33rd -- WHAT?
671
00:29:49,356 --> 00:29:51,591
THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
672
00:29:56,496 --> 00:29:58,131
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE
673
00:29:58,131 --> 00:30:01,401
COURT, THE PREPONDERANCE OF THE
674
00:30:01,401 --> 00:30:04,104
EVIDENCE CLEARLY SHOWS THAT THIS
675
00:30:04,104 --> 00:30:06,840
DERANGED MAN, LAMONT BROWN, IS
676
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,508
GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES OF
677
00:30:08,508 --> 00:30:11,211
BURGLARY.
678
00:30:11,211 --> 00:30:14,614
WE HAVE SECURITY FOOTAGE SHOWING
679
00:30:14,614 --> 00:30:17,517
MR. BROWN BREAKING INTO SEVERAL
680
00:30:17,517 --> 00:30:20,253
HOMES IN THE AREA AND FLEEING
681
00:30:20,253 --> 00:30:22,989
WITH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH
682
00:30:22,989 --> 00:30:24,924
OF MERCHANDISE IN A LARGE BAG.
683
00:30:24,924 --> 00:30:27,027
THE MAN IS CLEARLY UNSTABLE, AND
684
00:30:27,027 --> 00:30:29,229
THE PROSECUTION RECOMMENDS HE
685
00:30:29,229 --> 00:30:30,296
REMAINS IN STATE CUSTODY AND
686
00:30:30,296 --> 00:30:31,965
RECEIVES A THOROUGH PSYCHIATRIC
687
00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:33,833
EVALUATION.
688
00:30:33,833 --> 00:30:34,200
THANK YOU.
689
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:34,968
>> THANK YOU.
690
00:30:34,968 --> 00:30:37,137
MR. BROWN, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
691
00:30:37,137 --> 00:30:38,238
CASES, AND I TEND TO AGREE WITH
692
00:30:38,238 --> 00:30:39,305
THE PROSECUTION.
693
00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:40,940
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO REPRESENT
694
00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:42,008
YOURSELF, WHICH AS THE SAYING
695
00:30:42,008 --> 00:30:43,109
GOES, IMPLIES YOU HAVE A FOOL
696
00:30:43,109 --> 00:30:46,980
FOR A CLIENT.
697
00:30:46,980 --> 00:30:47,414
>> THANK YOU.
698
00:30:47,681 --> 00:30:48,648
>> IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE
699
00:30:48,648 --> 00:30:57,490
TO SAY BEFORE THE JURY DELIVERS
700
00:30:57,490 --> 00:30:58,725
A VERDICT?
701
00:30:58,725 --> 00:31:01,594
>> WELL, IF IT'S OKAY YOUR
702
00:31:01,594 --> 00:31:02,328
HONOR, GIRL, I'D LIKE
703
00:31:02,328 --> 00:31:05,732
TO MAKE ONE LAST PLEA IN THE
704
00:31:05,732 --> 00:31:07,400
FORM OF A CLASSIC CHRISTMAS
705
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:07,701
SONG.
706
00:31:07,901 --> 00:31:12,072
>> A CHRISTMAS SONG?
707
00:31:12,072 --> 00:31:12,572
UNCONVENTIONAL, BUT
708
00:31:12,739 --> 00:31:13,306
YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S YOUR TIME,
709
00:31:13,406 --> 00:31:14,774
MR. BROWN, USE IT AS YOU SEE
710
00:31:14,774 --> 00:31:17,544
FIT.
711
00:31:17,544 --> 00:31:19,713
♪ NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY YOU
712
00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:21,848
WON'T BELIEVE ♪
713
00:31:21,848 --> 00:31:23,450
♪ MY ALIBI AND I CAN'T BREAK
714
00:31:23,450 --> 00:31:27,821
THROUGH ♪
715
00:31:27,821 --> 00:31:31,091
♪ THERE'S NO TALKING TO YOU IT'S
716
00:31:31,091 --> 00:31:36,563
SO SAD I'M ARRESTED ♪
717
00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:39,866
♪ ALL THE TOYS I'VE INVESTED BUT
718
00:31:39,866 --> 00:31:42,569
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE ♪
719
00:31:42,569 --> 00:31:44,204
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NAUGHTY
720
00:31:44,204 --> 00:31:47,474
ONE, OH ♪
721
00:31:47,474 --> 00:31:49,642
♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
722
00:31:49,642 --> 00:31:54,614
CLAUS ♪
723
00:31:54,614 --> 00:31:55,749
♪ I DELIVER PRESENTS FROM MY
724
00:31:55,749 --> 00:32:01,354
SLEIGH ♪
725
00:32:01,354 --> 00:32:03,056
♪ I REALLY THINK A WARNING
726
00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:04,057
IS ENOUGH ♪
727
00:32:04,057 --> 00:32:05,658
♪ JUDGE WOULD YOU BELIEVE I'M
728
00:32:05,658 --> 00:32:09,462
BLACK SANTA CLAUS ♪
729
00:32:09,462 --> 00:32:10,563
♪ I CAN'T STAY IN JAIL ANOTHER
730
00:32:10,563 --> 00:32:13,900
DAY ♪
731
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:15,068
♪ I REALLY DON'T THINK I BROKE
732
00:32:15,068 --> 00:32:18,271
NO LAWS JUDGE ♪
733
00:32:18,271 --> 00:32:19,339
>> THAT'S ENOUGH, MR. BROWN.
734
00:32:19,339 --> 00:32:20,440
THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS CRIME
735
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,911
YOU'RE BEING CHARGED WITH.
736
00:32:24,911 --> 00:32:25,311
AND NOW THAT
737
00:32:25,545 --> 00:32:28,348
YOU'VE EXPLAINED YOURSELF,
738
00:32:28,348 --> 00:32:29,849
I GUESS YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
739
00:32:29,849 --> 00:32:32,585
>> WAIT, I'M SORRY, FREE TO GO?
740
00:32:32,585 --> 00:32:34,187
YOUR HONOR, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
741
00:32:34,187 --> 00:32:37,457
BELIEVE THIS NUT JOB DO YOU?
742
00:32:37,457 --> 00:32:40,493
>> WATCH YOUR MOUTH COUNSELOR,
743
00:32:40,493 --> 00:32:41,761
THAT'S SANTA CLAUS, HE CAN HEAR
744
00:32:41,761 --> 00:32:42,095
YOU.
745
00:32:42,362 --> 00:32:45,131
HE'S SITTING RIGHT THERE.
746
00:32:45,131 --> 00:32:47,801
>> THIS MAN IS DEFINITELY NOT
747
00:32:47,801 --> 00:32:48,101
SANTA.
748
00:32:48,501 --> 00:32:48,902
>> WHY CAN'T I BE SANTA BECAUSE
749
00:32:48,902 --> 00:32:51,104
I'M BLACK?
750
00:32:51,104 --> 00:32:55,342
>> NO!
751
00:32:55,342 --> 00:32:55,642
OKAY.
752
00:32:56,009 --> 00:32:56,443
BECAUSE WE HAVE YOU ON CAMERA
753
00:32:56,676 --> 00:32:58,111
STEALING FROM PEOPLE'S HOMES.
754
00:32:58,111 --> 00:33:01,915
>> SO WHAT THAT MEAN?
755
00:33:01,915 --> 00:33:03,049
>> IT MEANS YOU'RE NOT SANTA,
756
00:33:03,049 --> 00:33:05,218
YOU'RE A BURGLAR.
757
00:33:05,218 --> 00:33:07,387
>> WHY CAN'T I BE BOTH?
758
00:33:07,387 --> 00:33:09,556
>> WHAT?
759
00:33:09,556 --> 00:33:13,693
>> DON'T YOU SEE, YOUNG MAN,
760
00:33:13,693 --> 00:33:15,095
SANTA CAN BE ANYTHING THAT YOU
761
00:33:15,095 --> 00:33:15,562
WANT HIM TO BE.
762
00:33:15,628 --> 00:33:17,297
WHITE, BLACK, BURGLAR.
763
00:33:17,297 --> 00:33:18,965
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE.
764
00:33:18,965 --> 00:33:20,066
DO YOU?
765
00:33:20,066 --> 00:33:23,336
>> DO I WHAT?
766
00:33:23,336 --> 00:33:24,404
♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
767
00:33:24,404 --> 00:33:27,107
CLAUS ♪
768
00:33:27,107 --> 00:33:28,742
>> NO!
769
00:33:28,742 --> 00:33:29,843
>> OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.
770
00:33:29,843 --> 00:33:30,977
>> SUSTAINED!
771
00:33:30,977 --> 00:33:32,078
WATCH IT, COUNSELOR, YOU'RE ON
772
00:33:32,078 --> 00:33:37,450
THIN ICE.
773
00:33:37,450 --> 00:33:40,553
>> I'M SORRY, YOUR HONOR, BUT
774
00:33:40,553 --> 00:33:42,956
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO
775
00:33:42,956 --> 00:33:45,158
HAD THEIR VALUABLES STOLEN BY
776
00:33:45,158 --> 00:33:45,525
THIS MAN?
777
00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:46,226
>> THAT'S JUST TOYS.
778
00:33:46,292 --> 00:33:50,997
>> NO, IT'S NOT JUST TOYS.
779
00:33:50,997 --> 00:33:53,099
THERE'S LADIES UNDERWEAR IN
780
00:33:53,099 --> 00:33:55,669
HERE, A BUNCH OF WOMEN'S SHOES,
781
00:33:55,669 --> 00:33:56,836
YOGA PANTS.
782
00:33:56,836 --> 00:34:03,043
>> SO WHAT THAT MEAN?
783
00:34:03,043 --> 00:34:04,611
>> IT MEANS YOU'RE NOT SANTA,
784
00:34:04,611 --> 00:34:05,111
YOU'RE A PERVERT.
785
00:34:05,178 --> 00:34:06,146
>> WHY CAN'T I BE BOTH?
786
00:34:06,146 --> 00:34:07,681
>> BOTH WHAT?
787
00:34:07,681 --> 00:34:11,051
>> DON'T YOU SEE, YOUNG MAN?
788
00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:16,189
TOYS CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.
789
00:34:16,189 --> 00:34:18,358
THEY CAN BE TOYS OR BRAS OR
790
00:34:18,358 --> 00:34:20,393
DIRTY PANTIES.
791
00:34:20,393 --> 00:34:23,897
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE.
792
00:34:23,897 --> 00:34:25,398
♪ DO YOU BELIEVE THAT TOYS CAN
793
00:34:25,398 --> 00:34:26,466
BE DRAWERS ♪
794
00:34:26,466 --> 00:34:27,500
>> NO!
795
00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:29,235
>> OBJECTION!
796
00:34:29,235 --> 00:34:30,270
>> SUSTAINED.
797
00:34:30,270 --> 00:34:30,970
THAT WAS YOUR LAST STRAW, I'M
798
00:34:30,970 --> 00:34:31,971
HOLDING YOU IN CONTEMPT OF
799
00:34:31,971 --> 00:34:34,474
COURT, COUNSELOR.
800
00:34:34,474 --> 00:34:34,874
>> WAIT, ME?
801
00:34:34,874 --> 00:34:35,575
FOR WHAT?
802
00:34:35,575 --> 00:34:36,643
♪ BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
803
00:34:36,643 --> 00:34:43,316
BLACK SANTA CLAUS ♪
804
00:34:43,316 --> 00:34:46,853
BAILIFF, GET THIS FOOL OUT OF MY
805
00:34:46,853 --> 00:34:47,253
COURTROOM.
806
00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:47,620
THANK YOU.
807
00:34:47,854 --> 00:34:48,421
>> AND BLACK SANTA, MERRY
808
00:34:48,421 --> 00:34:50,090
CHRISTMAS.
809
00:34:50,090 --> 00:34:54,427
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, GIRL.
810
00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:57,097
♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
811
00:34:57,097 --> 00:34:59,833
CLAUS ♪
812
00:34:59,833 --> 00:35:01,201
YEAH, COME ON, EVERYBODY.
813
00:35:01,201 --> 00:35:01,935
♪ I DELIVER PRESENTS FROM MY
814
00:35:01,935 --> 00:35:03,737
SLEIGH ♪
815
00:35:03,737 --> 00:35:06,039
♪ I REALLY THINK A WARNING IS
816
00:35:06,039 --> 00:35:08,141
ENOUGH JUDGE ♪
817
00:35:08,141 --> 00:35:11,111
♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
818
00:35:11,111 --> 00:35:13,446
CLAUS ♪♪
819
00:35:21,888 --> 00:35:25,525
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHER.
820
00:35:25,525 --> 00:35:32,599
♪♪
821
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:38,938
♪♪
822
00:35:38,938 --> 00:35:40,507
♪ NO ONE ON THE STREETS
823
00:35:40,507 --> 00:35:42,175
AND THE CITY IS QUIET
824
00:35:42,175 --> 00:35:43,843
I SHOULD BE ASLEEP
825
00:35:43,843 --> 00:35:46,546
BY THE HEAT OF THE FIRE ♪
826
00:35:46,546 --> 00:35:49,816
♪ BUT I'M ON MY WAY OUT
827
00:35:49,816 --> 00:35:53,086
AND I'M GONNA STAY OUT ♪
828
00:35:53,086 --> 00:35:55,288
♪ I CAN FEEL THE PULSE
829
00:35:55,288 --> 00:35:56,890
AS I WALK IN THE DOOR
830
00:35:56,890 --> 00:35:58,525
TAKE ME THROUGH THE CROWD
831
00:35:58,525 --> 00:35:59,592
TO THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR ♪
832
00:35:59,592 --> 00:36:02,295
♪ THE RED AND
833
00:36:02,295 --> 00:36:03,930
THE GREEN LIGHTS
834
00:36:03,930 --> 00:36:07,801
ARE HITTING ME JUST RIGHT ♪
835
00:36:07,801 --> 00:36:11,037
♪ NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS
836
00:36:11,037 --> 00:36:14,941
I GOT ONE REQUEST ♪
837
00:36:14,941 --> 00:36:18,278
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
838
00:36:18,278 --> 00:36:19,879
I WANNA BE DANCING
839
00:36:19,879 --> 00:36:22,582
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
840
00:36:22,582 --> 00:36:24,250
♪ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
841
00:36:24,250 --> 00:36:25,819
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
842
00:36:25,819 --> 00:36:27,487
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
843
00:36:27,487 --> 00:36:29,622
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
844
00:36:29,622 --> 00:36:31,825
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
845
00:36:31,825 --> 00:36:34,060
I WANNA BE DANCING
846
00:36:34,060 --> 00:36:36,162
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
847
00:36:36,162 --> 00:36:38,465
♪ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
848
00:36:38,465 --> 00:36:39,966
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
849
00:36:39,966 --> 00:36:42,168
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
850
00:36:42,168 --> 00:36:47,073
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
851
00:36:47,073 --> 00:36:49,209
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
852
00:36:49,209 --> 00:36:50,910
MUST BE FEELING THE SAME
853
00:36:50,910 --> 00:36:51,978
NEED A LITTLE JOY
854
00:36:51,978 --> 00:36:55,248
AND A LITTLE ESCAPE ♪
855
00:36:55,248 --> 00:36:58,084
♪ FEELING A SPIRIT
856
00:36:58,084 --> 00:37:02,856
YOU JUST WANNA HEAR IT
857
00:37:02,856 --> 00:37:05,558
NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS
858
00:37:05,558 --> 00:37:09,329
I GOT ONE REQUEST ♪
859
00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:11,564
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
860
00:37:11,564 --> 00:37:13,700
I WANNA BE DANCING
861
00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:15,368
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
862
00:37:15,368 --> 00:37:17,570
♪ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
863
00:37:17,570 --> 00:37:19,639
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
864
00:37:19,639 --> 00:37:21,341
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
865
00:37:21,341 --> 00:37:22,942
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
866
00:37:22,942 --> 00:37:26,713
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
867
00:37:26,713 --> 00:37:28,381
I WANNA BE DANCING
868
00:37:28,381 --> 00:37:30,583
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
869
00:37:30,583 --> 00:37:32,118
♪ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
870
00:37:32,118 --> 00:37:34,387
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
871
00:37:34,387 --> 00:37:35,955
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
872
00:37:35,955 --> 00:37:37,624
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
873
00:37:37,624 --> 00:37:39,259
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
874
00:37:39,259 --> 00:37:40,393
I WANT THIS YEAR
875
00:37:40,393 --> 00:37:42,529
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
876
00:37:42,529 --> 00:37:44,097
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
877
00:37:44,097 --> 00:37:45,765
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
878
00:37:45,765 --> 00:37:47,467
I WANT THIS YEAR
879
00:37:47,467 --> 00:37:49,636
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
880
00:37:49,636 --> 00:37:54,074
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
881
00:37:54,074 --> 00:37:58,244
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
882
00:37:58,244 --> 00:38:01,581
I WANNA BE DANCING
883
00:38:01,581 --> 00:38:05,919
DANCING ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
884
00:38:05,919 --> 00:38:08,588
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
885
00:38:08,588 --> 00:38:11,358
I WANNA BE DANCING
886
00:38:11,358 --> 00:38:13,026
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
887
00:38:13,026 --> 00:38:14,694
♪ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
888
00:38:14,694 --> 00:38:16,896
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
889
00:38:16,896 --> 00:38:18,565
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
890
00:38:18,565 --> 00:38:21,234
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
891
00:38:21,234 --> 00:38:23,903
♪ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
892
00:38:23,903 --> 00:38:24,938
I WANNA BE DANCING
893
00:38:24,938 --> 00:38:27,140
ALL NIGHT LONG ♪
894
00:38:27,140 --> 00:38:28,875
♪ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
895
00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:31,044
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
896
00:38:31,044 --> 00:38:32,612
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
897
00:38:32,612 --> 00:38:34,881
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
898
00:38:34,881 --> 00:38:36,516
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
899
00:38:36,516 --> 00:38:38,118
I WANT THIS YEAR
900
00:38:38,118 --> 00:38:39,819
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
901
00:38:39,819 --> 00:38:41,454
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
902
00:38:41,454 --> 00:38:44,224
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
903
00:38:44,224 --> 00:38:45,325
I WANT THIS YEAR
904
00:38:45,325 --> 00:38:46,893
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
905
00:38:46,893 --> 00:38:50,130
I WANT THIS YEAR ♪
906
00:38:50,130 --> 00:39:02,809
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
907
00:39:14,721 --> 00:39:17,590
It's Weekend
Update with Colin Jost
908
00:39:17,590 --> 00:39:20,593
and Michael Che.
909
00:39:28,301 --> 00:39:29,602
Good evening everyone.
910
00:39:29,602 --> 00:39:31,171
Welcome to Weekend
Update on Michael Che.
911
00:39:31,171 --> 00:39:35,875
I'm Colin Jost.
912
00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:38,244
Well, it's that time of year
when everybody is talking
913
00:39:38,244 --> 00:39:40,146
about the man who flies
through the air
914
00:39:40,146 --> 00:39:42,182
to visit children
all over the world.
915
00:39:42,182 --> 00:39:44,551
Jeffrey Epstein.
916
00:39:44,551 --> 00:39:46,052
Yesterday,
the Department of Justice
917
00:39:46,052 --> 00:39:47,620
released
another batch of Epstein
918
00:39:47,620 --> 00:39:49,322
documents,
which critics pointed out
919
00:39:49,322 --> 00:39:52,058
deliberately omitted references
to Donald Trump
920
00:39:52,058 --> 00:39:54,594
in a totally non-suspicious way.
921
00:39:54,594 --> 00:39:55,929
And honestly, it's not fair.
922
00:39:55,929 --> 00:39:57,063
You know, Donald Trump
923
00:39:57,063 --> 00:40:00,266
was my favorite character
in The Epstein Files.
924
00:40:00,266 --> 00:40:02,535
It's like when House of cards
suddenly stops.
925
00:40:02,535 --> 00:40:04,537
Starring Kevin Spacey.
926
00:40:04,537 --> 00:40:06,940
Probably because he had booked
a recurring role
927
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:10,043
in The Epstein Files.
928
00:40:10,043 --> 00:40:11,911
The Justice Department announced
929
00:40:11,911 --> 00:40:13,713
that it would not be able
to release
930
00:40:13,713 --> 00:40:16,649
all of the Jeffrey Epstein files
by yesterday's deadline.
931
00:40:16,649 --> 00:40:18,718
I guess they kept
running out of black ink.
932
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:22,255
Oswald was so boring.
933
00:40:22,255 --> 00:40:24,491
The only interesting thing
I saw was this picture
934
00:40:24,491 --> 00:40:27,494
of Bill Clinton
hugged up on Melania.
935
00:40:32,132 --> 00:40:35,201
Health Secretary
Robert F Kennedy Jr, seen here
936
00:40:35,201 --> 00:40:38,204
describing how close he is
to blackface.
937
00:40:41,808 --> 00:40:43,476
Announced
that the federal government
938
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:45,311
will pull funding from hospitals
939
00:40:45,311 --> 00:40:48,682
that offer gender affirming
care to transgender minors.
940
00:40:48,682 --> 00:40:51,751
And yet, RFK is allowed
to slowly transition
941
00:40:51,751 --> 00:40:54,754
into Wilson, the volleyball.
942
00:40:56,956 --> 00:40:57,791
President Trump
943
00:40:58,058 --> 00:41:00,860
claimed in his speech
that for the past seven months,
944
00:41:00,860 --> 00:41:04,764
there have been zero illegal
aliens allowed into the country.
945
00:41:04,764 --> 00:41:05,732
Zero.
946
00:41:05,732 --> 00:41:08,702
I just got a lap dance
from two last night.
947
00:41:12,238 --> 00:41:14,107
During a white House
event in Iowa,
948
00:41:14,107 --> 00:41:17,844
farmer said that his son told
him, quote, daddy, I don't want
949
00:41:17,844 --> 00:41:19,979
Santa Claus to come to our house
for Christmas.
950
00:41:19,979 --> 00:41:21,815
I want President Trump.
951
00:41:21,815 --> 00:41:24,484
And Trump's actually
been practicing being Santa
952
00:41:24,484 --> 00:41:26,953
by sliding
down this horizontal chimney.
953
00:41:29,856 --> 00:41:31,991
A statue
has been unveiled at the U.S.
954
00:41:31,991 --> 00:41:35,228
capitol of Barbara Rose Johns,
a black teenager
955
00:41:35,228 --> 00:41:37,864
who led a protest against school
segregation.
956
00:41:37,864 --> 00:41:40,867
And right behind it is a statue
of Thomas Jefferson going,
957
00:41:47,374 --> 00:41:50,010
Marjorie Taylor Greene announced
that she is engaged to
958
00:41:50,010 --> 00:41:54,247
Brian Glenn, a pro-Trump pundit
for Real America's voice.
959
00:41:54,247 --> 00:41:55,782
And I just want to see the size
960
00:41:55,782 --> 00:41:58,785
of the rock
that that guy must be smoking.
961
00:42:01,187 --> 00:42:01,888
What?
962
00:42:01,888 --> 00:42:03,523
White house?
963
00:42:03,523 --> 00:42:06,326
White House chief of staff
Susie Wiles seen here
964
00:42:06,326 --> 00:42:09,329
having a staring contest
with Cash Patel
965
00:42:10,597 --> 00:42:12,465
said in a new interview
that President Trump
966
00:42:12,465 --> 00:42:15,068
has an alcoholic personality.
967
00:42:15,068 --> 00:42:17,971
Hey, don't you dare
compare him to my friend
968
00:42:17,971 --> 00:42:20,974
Michael Che.
969
00:42:22,942 --> 00:42:24,077
I wasn't very nice.
970
00:42:24,144 --> 00:42:27,514
While many Americans feel less
holiday cheer as we get older,
971
00:42:27,514 --> 00:42:30,684
it's important to make this time
special for the children.
972
00:42:30,684 --> 00:42:32,652
Here to tell us
what he wants for
973
00:42:32,652 --> 00:42:36,122
Christmas is my 12
year old nephew, Tyson. Oh.
974
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,563
Merry Christmas, Uncle Che. Yay!
975
00:42:44,564 --> 00:42:47,567
A little big for yay, but okay.
976
00:42:47,567 --> 00:42:50,437
Now, you told me you wanted to
share your Christmas wishlist.
977
00:42:50,437 --> 00:42:51,604
I sure do.
978
00:42:51,604 --> 00:42:54,874
But, Uncle Teddy, do you think
Santa was watching SNL?
979
00:42:55,208 --> 00:42:56,509
I mean, I think Santas watching.
980
00:42:56,509 --> 00:42:59,512
He's over 100 and white,
so probably.
981
00:43:00,814 --> 00:43:03,616
Wow, that's so cool.
982
00:43:03,616 --> 00:43:06,119
Can I say something to him
directly? Sure. Go ahead.
983
00:43:06,119 --> 00:43:08,355
Just looking at cameras.
Say what you want.
984
00:43:08,355 --> 00:43:09,756
Hi, Santa.
985
00:43:09,756 --> 00:43:11,091
It's me. Tyson.
986
00:43:11,091 --> 00:43:13,360
The little boy who's been good
all year.
987
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,461
Remember me?
988
00:43:14,461 --> 00:43:17,163
I asked for a bite last year,
but I didn't get one.
989
00:43:17,163 --> 00:43:18,665
And that kind of hurt
my feelings.
990
00:43:18,665 --> 00:43:22,235
But this year, I'm
getting everything I want.
991
00:43:22,235 --> 00:43:25,071
Because on Christmas Day,
I'm coming to your house.
992
00:43:25,071 --> 00:43:26,106
I'm gonna beat your ass.
993
00:43:26,106 --> 00:43:27,574
And I'm all smiles.
994
00:43:27,574 --> 00:43:30,543
Oh, Tyson, what are you doing?
995
00:43:30,543 --> 00:43:31,411
What?
996
00:43:31,411 --> 00:43:32,979
I'm just a little kid
997
00:43:32,979 --> 00:43:35,882
who really wants a bicycle
more than anything in the world.
998
00:43:35,882 --> 00:43:38,385
Well,
that sounds more like a threat.
999
00:43:38,385 --> 00:43:39,586
I'm sorry.
1000
00:43:39,586 --> 00:43:42,422
Can I keep talking to end
if I promise to be nice?
1001
00:43:42,422 --> 00:43:44,758
All right, Tyson, but show
a little respect, I work here.
1002
00:43:44,758 --> 00:43:47,994
Kind of.
1003
00:43:47,994 --> 00:43:50,497
Listen, bitch.
1004
00:43:50,497 --> 00:43:52,198
Here's how I was going to go.
1005
00:43:52,198 --> 00:43:53,166
I'ma sneaky your house
1006
00:43:53,166 --> 00:43:55,535
like giant with a slide down
your chimney.
1007
00:43:55,535 --> 00:43:56,603
Quiet as hell.
1008
00:43:56,603 --> 00:43:59,372
And I'm step on any elves
in my way.
1009
00:43:59,372 --> 00:44:00,907
And I'm not coming alone
neither.
1010
00:44:00,907 --> 00:44:04,411
I'm bringing out little jumbo
rubber pom pom
1011
00:44:04,411 --> 00:44:06,046
type thing.
1012
00:44:06,046 --> 00:44:08,648
Yes. All I can say, honky.
1013
00:44:08,648 --> 00:44:11,685
Look, you're talking about
a home invasion against Santa.
1014
00:44:11,685 --> 00:44:13,053
I don't know what that is.
1015
00:44:13,053 --> 00:44:14,054
Okay?
1016
00:44:14,054 --> 00:44:17,223
I'm only this many
1017
00:44:17,223 --> 00:44:20,326
men. Once you need three hands,
you got to stop doing that.
1018
00:44:20,326 --> 00:44:20,660
What?
1019
00:44:21,161 --> 00:44:25,231
But I'm only in the third
grade again.
1020
00:44:25,231 --> 00:44:28,501
Look, maybe I came off
way too aggressive,
1021
00:44:28,501 --> 00:44:31,204
but I promise
it's going to end. Sweet.
1022
00:44:31,204 --> 00:44:32,072
I'm gonna let you finish.
1023
00:44:32,305 --> 00:44:35,775
Since it's Christmas and I'm
not getting you anything.
1024
00:44:35,775 --> 00:44:36,476
Okay.
1025
00:44:36,476 --> 00:44:39,913
Say, you gotta stop doing that.
1026
00:44:39,913 --> 00:44:42,482
Now, listen to the fat man.
1027
00:44:42,482 --> 00:44:44,317
I'm not coming back anymore.
1028
00:44:44,317 --> 00:44:46,619
I'm coming for Mrs. Claus.
1029
00:44:46,619 --> 00:44:47,554
Yeah. That's right.
1030
00:44:47,554 --> 00:44:49,556
She's sitting in my DMs.
1031
00:44:49,556 --> 00:44:50,790
I don't know what's going on.
1032
00:44:50,790 --> 00:44:54,127
I'm running a police press
on that whole
1033
00:44:54,127 --> 00:44:54,494
issue.
1034
00:44:54,928 --> 00:44:56,096
Not that we don't rep
anything new.
1035
00:44:56,096 --> 00:44:58,264
Don't be buck naked
1036
00:44:58,264 --> 00:45:00,200
when we're gonna be naked.
1037
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:04,270
Yeah, just a puppet jacking
the UGG boots for traction
1038
00:45:04,270 --> 00:45:05,538
pole. Yeah.
1039
00:45:05,538 --> 00:45:08,141
Not that smooth on you, bitch.
1040
00:45:08,141 --> 00:45:10,877
I'm going to your kitchen
and make some Donald nuggets.
1041
00:45:10,877 --> 00:45:12,712
After all, I am only 12.
1042
00:45:12,712 --> 00:45:15,782
Oh, I'm worried about this kid,
my nephew Tyson.
1043
00:45:15,782 --> 00:45:16,416
Everybody.
1044
00:45:16,416 --> 00:45:18,852
This lady
1045
00:45:18,852 --> 00:45:21,388
was Miss.
1046
00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:23,757
Well,
tonight is our Christmas show.
1047
00:45:23,757 --> 00:45:26,226
And we have a tradition
where me and Colin
1048
00:45:26,226 --> 00:45:27,927
give each other
jokes to read that
1049
00:45:27,927 --> 00:45:30,063
neither
of us has ever seen before.
1050
00:45:36,069 --> 00:45:36,302
That's.
1051
00:45:36,803 --> 00:45:38,571
See, that's interesting
because you
1052
00:45:38,571 --> 00:45:41,908
you specifically said that
we were not doing it this year.
1053
00:45:42,709 --> 00:45:45,979
Oh, did I?
1054
00:45:45,979 --> 00:45:47,514
Yes. Yes.
1055
00:45:47,514 --> 00:45:49,215
And you know that I did.
1056
00:45:49,215 --> 00:45:52,218
I did not write
any jokes for you.
1057
00:45:52,986 --> 00:45:54,888
Oh, well,
I guess you'll just have to read
1058
00:45:54,888 --> 00:45:58,324
mine.
1059
00:45:58,324 --> 00:46:01,327
Oh, I know.
1060
00:46:02,662 --> 00:46:03,663
Oh, okay.
1061
00:46:03,663 --> 00:46:07,033
I didn't know.
1062
00:46:07,033 --> 00:46:10,103
Critics say a new series of
coins from the U.S.
1063
00:46:10,103 --> 00:46:13,440
mint celebrating great moments
in the country's history.
1064
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,475
Ignore civil rights.
1065
00:46:15,475 --> 00:46:17,444
But what about the coin
that celebrates
1066
00:46:17,444 --> 00:46:19,946
where black people actually come
from?
1067
00:46:19,946 --> 00:46:22,949
Ships
1068
00:46:27,687 --> 00:46:30,156
Hi. Hi.
1069
00:46:30,156 --> 00:46:31,291
Wow. Colin.
1070
00:46:31,291 --> 00:46:35,095
That's really going to say
on Christmas.
1071
00:46:35,095 --> 00:46:38,264
The Archdiocese of New York
1072
00:46:38,264 --> 00:46:42,235
announced
it will set up a $300 million
1073
00:46:42,235 --> 00:46:45,805
fund for victims of church
sexual abuse.
1074
00:46:45,805 --> 00:46:49,242
And yet, I get nothing
for keeping my mouth shut
1075
00:46:49,242 --> 00:46:50,944
and taking it like a chance.
1076
00:46:57,117 --> 00:46:57,584
You should have
1077
00:46:57,817 --> 00:47:00,587
wrote some jokes for me to tell.
1078
00:47:03,356 --> 00:47:04,524
Looks like you got more.
1079
00:47:04,524 --> 00:47:06,259
Oh, good.
1080
00:47:06,259 --> 00:47:08,762
New research
shows that millions of women
1081
00:47:08,762 --> 00:47:11,431
leave the workforce
due to menopause.
1082
00:47:11,431 --> 00:47:15,168
Which means there's only
a couple years left on my gravy
1083
00:47:15,168 --> 00:47:18,171
train.
1084
00:47:21,541 --> 00:47:23,843
My girl already be like Colin.
1085
00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:25,211
I'm warm.
1086
00:47:25,211 --> 00:47:27,080
Colin. I'm sweating. Bitch.
1087
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,083
You having a hot sweat?
1088
00:47:32,252 --> 00:47:33,753
But don't worry about me.
1089
00:47:33,753 --> 00:47:34,921
I got a backup.
1090
00:47:34,921 --> 00:47:38,558
They don't call Wednesday
hump day for nothing.
1091
00:47:43,596 --> 00:47:44,497
Wow, Colin,
1092
00:47:44,497 --> 00:47:47,500
I wouldn't have done that,
would.
1093
00:47:49,235 --> 00:47:53,707
We. It's
almost the end of the year.
1094
00:47:53,707 --> 00:47:55,642
Which means that people online.
1095
00:47:55,642 --> 00:47:58,645
The kind of people. You okay?
1096
00:47:59,346 --> 00:48:01,681
As opposed to the end
of the year, which means people
1097
00:48:01,681 --> 00:48:03,717
online are going to be posting
1098
00:48:03,717 --> 00:48:07,420
what will be in and out
for 2026.
1099
00:48:07,420 --> 00:48:11,424
Here to give us the definitive
list are two trend forecasts.
1100
00:48:27,273 --> 00:48:30,543
Well, how are you guys doing?
1101
00:48:30,543 --> 00:48:31,811
Where have you been?
1102
00:48:31,811 --> 00:48:33,646
Well, Michael, are you okay?
1103
00:48:33,646 --> 00:48:36,783
You need to shake off
what you just did, I think.
1104
00:48:36,783 --> 00:48:39,652
Well, Michael,
we've been gathering the trends.
1105
00:48:39,652 --> 00:48:45,058
We get them from a very huge,
sweaty, rock hard computer.
1106
00:48:45,058 --> 00:48:46,526
Oh, wow. Does it use A.I.?
1107
00:48:46,526 --> 00:48:49,229
More like a little bit of,
I guess.
1108
00:48:49,229 --> 00:48:51,231
Yes, I it does as I.
1109
00:48:51,231 --> 00:48:54,100
And that's
how we got the reports.
1110
00:48:54,100 --> 00:48:59,339
First up is holiday trends
in fighting with your family.
1111
00:48:59,339 --> 00:49:01,341
Grandma. No! Let me go.
1112
00:49:01,341 --> 00:49:03,443
And Bong buzz.
1113
00:49:03,443 --> 00:49:07,881
Everybody's
getting socks from Bombas
1114
00:49:07,881 --> 00:49:13,019
in making the yuletide bisexual
and out.
1115
00:49:13,019 --> 00:49:14,521
Mistletoe.
1116
00:49:14,521 --> 00:49:16,589
A plant that makes you kiss.
1117
00:49:16,589 --> 00:49:17,924
There's already one of those.
1118
00:49:17,924 --> 00:49:21,094
And it's called marijuana.
1119
00:49:21,094 --> 00:49:23,563
I'm gonna let a leaf
tell me who to love.
1120
00:49:23,563 --> 00:49:26,733
And I'll kiss
when I get the urge.
1121
00:49:26,733 --> 00:49:31,204
And, Oh, boy,
I'm feeling it right now.
1122
00:49:31,204 --> 00:49:34,808
Oh, mistletoe.
1123
00:49:34,808 --> 00:49:37,243
Bad bitch.
1124
00:49:37,243 --> 00:49:39,412
Well, you guys got
that mad at mistletoe?
1125
00:49:39,412 --> 00:49:45,085
Yes, it's a horny pervert
like you, Michael. Oh,
1126
00:49:45,085 --> 00:49:45,685
girls.
1127
00:49:45,685 --> 00:49:47,487
Girls, seriously?
1128
00:49:47,487 --> 00:49:49,155
It's time for the next trend.
1129
00:49:49,155 --> 00:49:51,624
Singing trends in the.
1130
00:49:51,624 --> 00:49:53,493
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
1131
00:49:53,493 --> 00:49:56,062
In for married guys.
1132
00:49:56,062 --> 00:49:58,431
Singing in harmony
1133
00:49:58,431 --> 00:50:00,800
in la la la la la. Can't can't.
1134
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:02,102
Yeah.
1135
00:50:02,102 --> 00:50:05,372
And out 1234.
1136
00:50:05,372 --> 00:50:08,942
Just start the damn song,
you bastard.
1137
00:50:08,942 --> 00:50:09,776
You need to count.
1138
00:50:09,776 --> 00:50:10,877
And dude, in your head
1139
00:50:10,877 --> 00:50:13,680
you're behaving like a drunk
and you're not a drunk.
1140
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:14,614
You're a man.
1141
00:50:14,614 --> 00:50:17,884
So eat a steak and act like it.
1142
00:50:17,884 --> 00:50:18,952
Two. Three. Four.
1143
00:50:18,952 --> 00:50:21,955
Got a bad bitch.
1144
00:50:24,591 --> 00:50:25,592
You guys are clapping.
1145
00:50:25,725 --> 00:50:29,129
I still don't understand
who you guys are or what you do.
1146
00:50:29,129 --> 00:50:30,397
Clear a path. Clear a path.
1147
00:50:30,397 --> 00:50:33,967
It's time for Chinese trends
1148
00:50:33,967 --> 00:50:35,969
in dim sum
1149
00:50:35,969 --> 00:50:40,874
and really long dragon
in Rush Hour four.
1150
00:50:40,874 --> 00:50:44,010
Thinks Trump and.
1151
00:50:44,010 --> 00:50:45,745
Orange chicken.
1152
00:50:45,745 --> 00:50:48,114
One orange chicken
become Chinese. I mean, yeah,
1153
00:50:48,114 --> 00:50:50,316
tastes pretty good,
but we didn't invent that.
1154
00:50:50,316 --> 00:50:51,718
Don't you agree?
1155
00:50:51,718 --> 00:50:53,753
Do you want me to
1156
00:50:53,753 --> 00:50:55,155
guess them? Yeah.
1157
00:50:55,155 --> 00:50:56,990
Thank you.
1158
00:50:56,990 --> 00:50:58,591
Chicken doesn't trump.
1159
00:50:58,591 --> 00:50:59,492
Yeah.
1160
00:50:59,492 --> 00:51:02,829
Bitch.
1161
00:51:02,829 --> 00:51:04,064
Will that go to bed, bitch?
1162
00:51:04,064 --> 00:51:05,131
In Mandarin? Yes.
1163
00:51:05,131 --> 00:51:07,067
Learn to speak it like I did.
1164
00:51:07,067 --> 00:51:09,669
Oh, shut up.
1165
00:51:09,669 --> 00:51:12,605
Is anything else out for 2026?
1166
00:51:12,605 --> 00:51:14,107
Yes. Michael,
1167
00:51:14,107 --> 00:51:18,478
the computer has permanently
deleted three trends out
1168
00:51:18,578 --> 00:51:21,815
big waving pride, flag out
1169
00:51:21,815 --> 00:51:24,984
Marge Simpson hair and get out.
1170
00:51:24,984 --> 00:51:26,252
Oh, no!
1171
00:51:26,252 --> 00:51:29,255
Michael che! No!
1172
00:51:31,591 --> 00:51:32,859
Cameras, everybody.
1173
00:51:32,859 --> 00:51:35,095
Oh, we got nothing on
Michael. Che.
1174
00:51:35,095 --> 00:51:38,098
I'm calling you.
1175
00:51:39,332 --> 00:51:39,699
All right.
1176
00:51:57,984 --> 00:51:59,486
Welcome back to the Love Is
1177
00:51:59,486 --> 00:52:01,254
Blind reunion,
where we try to answer
1178
00:52:01,254 --> 00:52:03,390
the question,
is love really blind?
1179
00:52:03,390 --> 00:52:04,090
Even though nine
1180
00:52:04,524 --> 00:52:07,093
seasons of this show have proven
no, it's definitely not.
1181
00:52:07,827 --> 00:52:10,764
And that was really on display
with this next couple
1182
00:52:10,764 --> 00:52:11,931
who were fan favorites
1183
00:52:11,931 --> 00:52:15,168
all season until their first
look went well.
1184
00:52:15,669 --> 00:52:17,170
See for yourself.
1185
00:52:17,170 --> 00:52:19,139
This has been such a wild ride.
1186
00:52:19,139 --> 00:52:19,372
I mean,
1187
00:52:19,906 --> 00:52:20,974
even though
we met through a wall
1188
00:52:20,974 --> 00:52:23,076
and I don't know
what he looks like,
1189
00:52:23,076 --> 00:52:26,079
I genuinely feel like he's
my soulmate.
1190
00:52:26,379 --> 00:52:29,716
Janelle is everything
I've been looking for in a wife.
1191
00:52:29,783 --> 00:52:32,752
Our new life starts today.
1192
00:52:40,326 --> 00:52:46,599
This is. Oh.
1193
00:52:50,003 --> 00:52:55,108
Oh my God. Hey.
1194
00:52:56,209 --> 00:52:58,111
Oh, wow. You're.
1195
00:52:58,111 --> 00:52:59,112
You're beautiful.
1196
00:52:59,112 --> 00:53:02,082
Oh, wow. Oh my God.
1197
00:53:02,415 --> 00:53:04,617
Yeah,
1198
00:53:04,617 --> 00:53:06,753
I can tell you're in shock.
1199
00:53:06,753 --> 00:53:07,821
I am too.
1200
00:53:09,089 --> 00:53:09,556
Come here.
1201
00:53:09,556 --> 00:53:12,058
You okay?
1202
00:53:12,058 --> 00:53:15,061
And I.
1203
00:53:15,428 --> 00:53:18,698
Oh, my God, I've been waiting
11 days to do that.
1204
00:53:20,734 --> 00:53:23,069
So how do I say this?
1205
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:25,972
Are you the literal Grinch?
1206
00:53:25,972 --> 00:53:27,974
Oh. What? You didn't know?
1207
00:53:27,974 --> 00:53:30,110
Oh, yeah, I guess it.
1208
00:53:30,110 --> 00:53:32,078
I guess it never came up.
1209
00:53:32,078 --> 00:53:35,081
Oh, I almost forgot.
1210
00:53:35,949 --> 00:53:38,885
Oh, will you make me
1211
00:53:38,885 --> 00:53:41,955
the happiest this in the world?
1212
00:53:42,689 --> 00:53:43,790
This.
1213
00:53:43,790 --> 00:53:44,290
I'm sorry.
1214
00:53:44,424 --> 00:53:46,426
Are you even a human being?
1215
00:53:46,426 --> 00:53:47,427
Janelle. What?
1216
00:53:47,427 --> 00:53:50,096
No. I'm serious. Like,
are you even a guy?
1217
00:53:50,096 --> 00:53:53,099
I can't believe I have to
ask you this, but do you.
1218
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:55,802
Do you have a penis?
1219
00:53:55,802 --> 00:53:57,904
I. Whoa!
1220
00:53:57,904 --> 00:54:00,907
Dick! No.
1221
00:54:01,941 --> 00:54:03,910
I not I don't know what to say.
1222
00:54:03,910 --> 00:54:05,612
Janelle, chill.
1223
00:54:05,612 --> 00:54:08,615
What I do have is big.
1224
00:54:08,782 --> 00:54:11,217
Just happens to be a corkscrew.
1225
00:54:11,217 --> 00:54:13,353
And it's in my butt.
1226
00:54:13,353 --> 00:54:16,690
And it hurts the woman and me.
1227
00:54:17,357 --> 00:54:19,592
I can't do this, you guys.
1228
00:54:19,592 --> 00:54:20,260
I can't.
1229
00:54:23,630 --> 00:54:26,633
Wow. What an
incredibly relatable situation.
1230
00:54:27,334 --> 00:54:28,968
Janelle
chose not to go to Mexico,
1231
00:54:28,968 --> 00:54:32,205
but instead returned to her home
in Colorado, and the Grinch
1232
00:54:32,205 --> 00:54:35,208
returned to his home
on the outskirts of Whoville.
1233
00:54:35,208 --> 00:54:37,410
It's been four months
since the pods.
1234
00:54:37,410 --> 00:54:39,412
Let's see how they're doing now.
1235
00:54:39,412 --> 00:54:42,382
Please
welcome Janelle and the Grinch.
1236
00:54:47,087 --> 00:54:49,255
Let's go right here.
1237
00:54:49,255 --> 00:54:50,957
I'm not mad. Hi, guys.
1238
00:54:50,957 --> 00:54:53,960
My girl.
1239
00:54:54,561 --> 00:54:55,495
Okay.
1240
00:54:55,495 --> 00:54:56,930
Well, welcome.
1241
00:54:56,930 --> 00:54:59,632
So, how did it feel
watching that back?
1242
00:54:59,632 --> 00:55:03,236
Well, the way it went down was
kind of a worst case scenario.
1243
00:55:03,703 --> 00:55:06,539
But she overreacted a little.
1244
00:55:06,539 --> 00:55:09,943
I know, but,
she's since apologized.
1245
00:55:10,043 --> 00:55:11,578
Yeah, I was being crazy
1246
00:55:11,578 --> 00:55:15,248
because I literally never
even asked if he was the Grinch.
1247
00:55:15,515 --> 00:55:17,584
Yeah. And that's on me.
1248
00:55:17,584 --> 00:55:20,253
But now, we're
stronger than ever.
1249
00:55:20,253 --> 00:55:20,720
Right.
1250
00:55:20,887 --> 00:55:23,590
Oh, my God, you're so funny.
1251
00:55:23,590 --> 00:55:26,393
Oh, wow. Beautiful.
1252
00:55:26,393 --> 00:55:29,929
Well, we want to open it up
to the rest of the pod squad.
1253
00:55:30,597 --> 00:55:32,065
Yeah, I'll chime in.
1254
00:55:32,065 --> 00:55:34,100
Are we going to just skip
over the part where you said he
1255
00:55:34,100 --> 00:55:35,402
didn't have a penis?
1256
00:55:36,436 --> 00:55:37,337
That what he has in
1257
00:55:37,437 --> 00:55:40,340
his butt and his damn corkscrew
like girl? Why?
1258
00:55:41,207 --> 00:55:41,875
You know what, Nadia?
1259
00:55:42,075 --> 00:55:43,910
I love you,
but out of respect for Neil,
1260
00:55:43,910 --> 00:55:45,578
I don't want to get into our sex
life.
1261
00:55:45,578 --> 00:55:47,080
Yeah, we.
1262
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:47,480
Sorry.
1263
00:55:47,647 --> 00:55:50,483
Who is Neil the Grinch?
1264
00:55:50,917 --> 00:55:52,886
Actually, Amy,
1265
00:55:52,886 --> 00:55:56,256
being called the Grinch is,
Thank you, baby.
1266
00:55:57,691 --> 00:56:00,460
It's really triggering for me.
1267
00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:05,031
That's the name I was given
by a town that terrorized me.
1268
00:56:05,165 --> 00:56:08,168
So, I should go by Neil now.
1269
00:56:08,868 --> 00:56:11,137
Yeah, I actually relate to Neil.
1270
00:56:11,137 --> 00:56:13,139
You know, it's hard
when you meet the real person
1271
00:56:13,139 --> 00:56:17,243
and they don't look awesome,
but you grow to love it. Oh,
1272
00:56:18,278 --> 00:56:19,379
hey. Hey.
1273
00:56:19,379 --> 00:56:21,181
Well, on a lighter note,
1274
00:56:21,181 --> 00:56:23,850
Janelle and Neil,
the producers have let us know
1275
00:56:23,850 --> 00:56:25,552
that you have some big news
to share.
1276
00:56:25,552 --> 00:56:27,854
Yes, yes, we are expecting.
1277
00:56:30,957 --> 00:56:31,658
Yeah,
1278
00:56:31,758 --> 00:56:35,128
I'm showing a little bit right
here.
1279
00:56:35,362 --> 00:56:38,365
My cravings have been crazy.
1280
00:56:39,232 --> 00:56:39,799
Wait a minute.
1281
00:56:39,799 --> 00:56:41,701
You're having a baby?
1282
00:56:41,701 --> 00:56:44,704
And I hear you also brought
a sonogram picture.
1283
00:56:47,207 --> 00:56:50,210
Oh, like, why is he standing up?
1284
00:56:51,111 --> 00:56:53,279
Wow, that's really wild.
1285
00:56:53,279 --> 00:56:56,082
I'm Vanessa Lashay,
and I'm Nick Lashay.
1286
00:56:56,082 --> 00:56:58,885
And just so you know, 98
degrees is touring again.
1287
00:56:58,885 --> 00:57:00,320
We got turned down
by the sphere,
1288
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:03,323
so we're playing a venue
in Cincinnati called The Cube.
1289
00:57:03,456 --> 00:57:04,591
It's just a regular building.
1290
00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:07,027
But they got nachos. Y'all.
1291
00:57:07,027 --> 00:57:07,594
We'll be right back.
1292
00:57:22,709 --> 00:57:24,244
>> ONCE AGAIN
1293
00:57:24,244 --> 00:57:31,251
>> CHER!
1294
00:57:31,251 --> 00:57:34,421
♪♪
1295
00:57:34,421 --> 00:57:50,270
♪♪
1296
00:57:50,270 --> 00:57:53,573
♪ OUT OF ALL THE REINDEERS
1297
00:57:53,573 --> 00:57:55,308
YOU KNOW YOU'RE
1298
00:57:55,308 --> 00:57:57,410
THE MASTERMIND ♪
1299
00:57:57,410 --> 00:57:58,578
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1300
00:57:58,578 --> 00:58:00,213
GRANDMA AIN'T
1301
00:58:00,213 --> 00:58:03,383
TOO FAR BEHIND ♪
1302
00:58:03,383 --> 00:58:05,018
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1303
00:58:05,018 --> 00:58:07,253
SANTA GOT TO
1304
00:58:07,253 --> 00:58:09,322
MAKE IT TO TOWN ♪
1305
00:58:09,322 --> 00:58:11,024
♪ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
1306
00:58:11,024 --> 00:58:13,159
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
1307
00:58:13,159 --> 00:58:16,396
THE FREEWAY DOWN ♪
1308
00:58:16,396 --> 00:58:18,031
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1309
00:58:18,031 --> 00:58:19,699
I'M REELIN' LIKE
1310
00:58:19,699 --> 00:58:21,868
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ♪
1311
00:58:21,868 --> 00:58:23,036
♪ SAID SANTA TO A BOY
1312
00:58:23,036 --> 00:58:24,704
CHILD WHAT HAVE YOU
1313
00:58:24,704 --> 00:58:28,441
BEEN LONGING FOR ♪
1314
00:58:28,441 --> 00:58:30,176
♪ OH ALL I WANT
1315
00:58:30,176 --> 00:58:31,778
FOR CHRISTMAS
1316
00:58:31,778 --> 00:58:32,846
IS A ROCK 'N ROLL
1317
00:58:32,846 --> 00:58:35,048
ELECTRIC GUITAR ♪
1318
00:58:35,048 --> 00:58:37,250
♪ AND THEN AWAY WENT RUDOLPH
1319
00:58:37,250 --> 00:58:38,818
HE WAS WHIZZING
1320
00:58:38,818 --> 00:58:41,588
LIKE A SHOOTIN' STAR ♪
1321
00:58:41,588 --> 00:58:43,223
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1322
00:58:43,223 --> 00:58:45,425
SANTA GOT TO
1323
00:58:45,425 --> 00:58:47,527
MAKE IT TO TOWN ♪
1324
00:58:47,527 --> 00:58:49,162
♪ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
1325
00:58:49,162 --> 00:58:51,331
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
1326
00:58:51,331 --> 00:58:53,433
THE FREEWAY DOWN ♪
1327
00:58:53,433 --> 00:58:55,101
♪ OOH, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1328
00:58:55,101 --> 00:58:57,237
I'M REELIN' LIKE
1329
00:58:57,237 --> 00:59:00,573
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ♪
1330
00:59:00,573 --> 00:59:08,148
♪♪
1331
00:59:08,148 --> 00:59:14,754
♪♪
1332
00:59:14,754 --> 00:59:19,092
♪♪
1333
00:59:19,092 --> 00:59:20,794
♪ SAID SANTA TO A GIRL
1334
00:59:20,794 --> 00:59:22,929
CHILD WHAT WOULD PLEASE YOU
1335
00:59:22,929 --> 00:59:25,098
MOST TO GET ♪
1336
00:59:25,098 --> 00:59:27,200
♪ A LITTLE BABY DOLL
1337
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,536
THAT CAN CRY, SLEEP
1338
00:59:29,536 --> 00:59:31,571
DRINK AND WET ♪
1339
00:59:31,571 --> 00:59:33,173
♪ AND THEN AWAY WENT RUDOLPH
1340
00:59:33,173 --> 00:59:35,408
HE WAS WHIZZING
1341
00:59:35,408 --> 00:59:38,078
LIKE A SABER JET ♪
1342
00:59:38,078 --> 00:59:39,713
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1343
00:59:39,713 --> 00:59:41,348
SANTA GOT TO
1344
00:59:41,348 --> 00:59:44,084
MAKE IT TO TOWN ♪
1345
00:59:44,084 --> 00:59:45,685
♪ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
1346
00:59:45,685 --> 00:59:47,320
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
1347
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,623
THE FREEWAY DOWN ♪
1348
00:59:50,623 --> 00:59:52,359
♪ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1349
00:59:52,359 --> 00:59:53,960
I'M REELIN' LIKE
1350
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:55,495
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ♪
1351
00:59:55,495 --> 00:59:57,263
♪ I TELL HER
1352
00:59:57,263 --> 00:59:58,365
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1353
00:59:58,365 --> 00:59:59,866
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ♪
1354
00:59:59,866 --> 01:00:02,068
♪ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1355
01:00:02,068 --> 01:00:03,737
OUT RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1356
01:00:03,737 --> 01:00:06,006
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ♪
1357
01:00:06,006 --> 01:00:08,074
♪ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1358
01:00:08,074 --> 01:00:10,243
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
1359
01:00:10,243 --> 01:00:11,978
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ♪
1360
01:00:11,978 --> 01:00:13,580
♪ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN
1361
01:00:13,580 --> 01:00:15,782
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN ♪
1362
01:00:15,782 --> 01:00:26,326
♪♪
1363
01:00:46,980 --> 01:00:50,250
Welcome to the JFK Delta One
Lounge, the most random place
1364
01:00:50,250 --> 01:00:51,951
to take a shower in
1365
01:00:51,951 --> 01:00:55,455
the holidays, so we've got free
eggnog for our guests.
1366
01:00:55,455 --> 01:00:57,691
Now get to nod. Whoa!
1367
01:00:57,691 --> 01:00:59,325
Is that an industrial eggnog?
1368
01:00:59,325 --> 01:01:00,727
Sure is. Have a glass.
1369
01:01:00,727 --> 01:01:02,729
No, sorry, I machine's
1370
01:01:02,729 --> 01:01:06,066
kind of breaking down,
so I'm closing my station.
1371
01:01:06,066 --> 01:01:08,068
This is my last shift.
1372
01:01:08,068 --> 01:01:10,537
Oh, no. Really?
1373
01:01:10,537 --> 01:01:12,572
Yeah. It's sad.
1374
01:01:12,572 --> 01:01:15,408
I'm going to miss everything
about this place.
1375
01:01:15,408 --> 01:01:18,878
The way it smells, the
celebrities would come through.
1376
01:01:18,878 --> 01:01:23,083
You know, just last week, Josh
O'Connor was here in the lounge.
1377
01:01:23,083 --> 01:01:23,950
Oh, cool.
1378
01:01:23,950 --> 01:01:27,087
Well, thanks for everything
and good luck
1379
01:01:27,087 --> 01:01:29,956
taking.
1380
01:01:29,956 --> 01:01:30,323
Hello?
1381
01:01:30,523 --> 01:01:32,525
Ryder, can you hear me?
1382
01:01:32,525 --> 01:01:34,561
Ed, is that you?
1383
01:01:34,561 --> 01:01:36,096
Are you still at the airport?
1384
01:01:36,096 --> 01:01:39,099
Ed? It's Christmas Eve,
and that's when people
1385
01:01:39,099 --> 01:01:41,234
want eggnog at the airport
the most.
1386
01:01:41,234 --> 01:01:44,004
Honey. Oh, I know.
1387
01:01:44,004 --> 01:01:48,108
I wish you were home,
but I'm so proud of you.
1388
01:01:48,108 --> 01:01:51,778
All the eggnog
you've made over the years.
1389
01:01:51,778 --> 01:01:53,580
Some of it was great.
1390
01:01:53,580 --> 01:01:56,316
Some of it was rotten,
1391
01:01:56,316 --> 01:01:59,352
and a lot of it got cut.
1392
01:01:59,352 --> 01:02:02,589
But, you know, I also think it's
kind of like me.
1393
01:02:02,589 --> 01:02:05,458
It's not for everyone, but
the people who, like, you know,
1394
01:02:05,458 --> 01:02:09,929
my kind of people
1395
01:02:14,534 --> 01:02:15,735
Plus, you're way
1396
01:02:15,735 --> 01:02:18,805
more fun with bourbon.
1397
01:02:18,805 --> 01:02:20,573
Oh, I missed you, Ed.
1398
01:02:20,573 --> 01:02:22,809
Please come home.
1399
01:02:22,809 --> 01:02:25,812
I'll be there soon, sweetie.
1400
01:02:25,812 --> 01:02:26,946
♪♪
1401
01:02:26,946 --> 01:02:30,216
♪ BELLS WILL BE RINGIN'
1402
01:02:30,216 --> 01:02:34,087
THE SAD, SAD NEWS
1403
01:02:34,087 --> 01:02:35,722
OH, WHAT A CHRISTMAS
1404
01:02:35,722 --> 01:02:39,592
TO HAVE THE BLUES ♪
1405
01:02:39,592 --> 01:02:43,396
♪ MY BABY'S GONE
1406
01:02:43,396 --> 01:02:47,734
I HAVE NO FRIENDS
1407
01:02:47,734 --> 01:02:50,937
TO WISH ME GREETINGS
1408
01:02:50,937 --> 01:02:55,342
ONCE AGAIN ♪
1409
01:02:55,342 --> 01:02:58,111
♪ CHOIRS WILL BE SINGIN'
1410
01:02:58,111 --> 01:03:01,247
SILENT NIGHT
1411
01:03:01,247 --> 01:03:04,551
CHRISTMAS CAROLS
1412
01:03:04,551 --> 01:03:07,821
BY CANDLELIGHT ♪
1413
01:03:07,821 --> 01:03:10,090
♪ PLEASE COME HOME
1414
01:03:10,090 --> 01:03:12,225
FOR CHRISTMAS
1415
01:03:12,225 --> 01:03:14,327
PLEASE COME HOME
1416
01:03:14,327 --> 01:03:19,099
FOR CHRISTMAS ♪
1417
01:03:19,099 --> 01:03:20,233
♪ IF NOT FOR CHRISTMAS
1418
01:03:20,233 --> 01:03:24,070
BY NEW YEAR'S NIGHT ♪
1419
01:03:24,070 --> 01:03:28,074
Where
are you flying to today, sir?
1420
01:03:28,074 --> 01:03:30,577
My, biological
son finally found me.
1421
01:03:30,577 --> 01:03:33,513
So the jig is up.
1422
01:03:33,513 --> 01:03:34,914
Yeah. I'm going to go meet him.
1423
01:03:34,914 --> 01:03:35,615
That's lovely.
1424
01:03:35,615 --> 01:03:37,283
Can I interest
you in the eggnog?
1425
01:03:37,283 --> 01:03:40,553
Sorry. Sure. Thank you.
1426
01:03:40,553 --> 01:03:41,788
And, good luck.
1427
01:03:41,788 --> 01:03:43,089
I'm going to miss you.
1428
01:03:43,089 --> 01:03:43,990
I'll miss you, too.
1429
01:03:43,990 --> 01:03:46,626
Kenan Thompson.
1430
01:03:46,626 --> 01:03:48,395
Thank you
1431
01:03:48,395 --> 01:03:52,665
♪ FRIENDS AND RELATIONS
1432
01:03:52,665 --> 01:03:55,402
SEND SALUTATIONS
1433
01:03:55,402 --> 01:03:57,003
SURE AS THE STARS
1434
01:03:57,003 --> 01:04:00,840
SHINE ABOVE ♪
1435
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:05,278
♪ WELL THIS IS CHRISTMAS
1436
01:04:05,278 --> 01:04:09,049
YES, CHRISTMAS MY DEAR
1437
01:04:09,049 --> 01:04:11,317
SOME TIME OF YEAR TO BE
1438
01:04:11,317 --> 01:04:12,419
WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE ♪
1439
01:04:12,419 --> 01:04:15,588
>> RHONDA, YOU MADE IT!
1440
01:04:15,588 --> 01:04:18,425
>> OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T MISS
1441
01:04:18,425 --> 01:04:21,461
YOUR LAST SHIFT FOR THE WORLD!
1442
01:04:21,461 --> 01:04:25,098
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE RETIRING.
1443
01:04:25,098 --> 01:04:26,332
>> I JUST WANTED TO GO OUT ON
1444
01:04:26,332 --> 01:04:26,599
TOP.
1445
01:04:26,966 --> 01:04:27,867
>> EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE A
1446
01:04:27,867 --> 01:04:30,170
BOTTOM, HONEY.
1447
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:32,906
♪ SO WON'T YOU TELL ME
1448
01:04:32,906 --> 01:04:37,410
YOU'LL NEVER MORE ROAM
1449
01:04:37,410 --> 01:04:40,113
CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S ♪
1450
01:04:40,113 --> 01:04:43,483
♪ WILL FIND YOU HOME ♪
1451
01:04:43,483 --> 01:04:45,685
♪ THERE'LL BE
1452
01:04:45,685 --> 01:04:48,988
NO MORE SORROW ♪
1453
01:04:48,988 --> 01:04:51,624
♪ NO GRIEF AND PAIN
1454
01:04:51,624 --> 01:04:54,861
AND I'LL BE HAPPY
1455
01:04:54,861 --> 01:04:58,698
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN ♪
1456
01:04:58,698 --> 01:04:59,733
>> OH, RHONDA, I SHOULD HAVE
1457
01:04:59,733 --> 01:05:01,935
COME HOME EARLIER.
1458
01:05:01,935 --> 01:05:06,473
I JUST FEEL SO LUCKY THAT I EVER
1459
01:05:06,473 --> 01:05:07,474
GOT TO WORK HERE.
1460
01:05:07,474 --> 01:05:09,409
AND I JUST WANTED
1461
01:05:09,409 --> 01:05:10,110
TO ENJOY IT FOR A LITTLE BIT
1462
01:05:10,110 --> 01:05:10,443
LONGER.
1463
01:05:10,643 --> 01:05:11,478
ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE.
1464
01:05:11,478 --> 01:05:13,213
I'VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE PERSON
1465
01:05:13,213 --> 01:05:16,249
WHO WORKS HERE.
1466
01:05:16,249 --> 01:05:18,685
BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR
1467
01:05:18,685 --> 01:05:21,087
ME, ESPECIALLY MY BOSS.
1468
01:05:21,087 --> 01:05:23,256
>> OH, YOUR BOSS.
1469
01:05:23,256 --> 01:05:25,225
THERE SHE IS.
1470
01:05:25,225 --> 01:05:27,527
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
1471
01:05:27,527 --> 01:05:29,629
EGGNOG AT DELTA, NICE TO SEE
1472
01:05:29,629 --> 01:05:32,832
YOU, MA'AM, WHAT AN HONOR.
1473
01:05:32,832 --> 01:05:34,834
>> MA'AM, I JUST WANT TO SAY,
1474
01:05:34,834 --> 01:05:36,903
IT'S BEEN AN HONOR WORKING FOR
1475
01:05:36,903 --> 01:05:37,170
YOU.
1476
01:05:37,570 --> 01:05:39,539
ANY SUCCESS I HAVE FROM HERE
1477
01:05:39,539 --> 01:05:41,875
WILL BE THANKS TO THIS PLACE.
1478
01:05:41,875 --> 01:05:44,344
DO YOU ANY FEEDBACK FOR ME?
1479
01:05:44,344 --> 01:05:45,779
>> WELL, EVERYONE THOUGHT YOU
1480
01:05:45,779 --> 01:05:49,349
WERE A LITTLE BIT TOO GAY.
1481
01:05:49,349 --> 01:05:51,751
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE
1482
01:05:51,751 --> 01:05:56,556
PERFECT FOR ME.
1483
01:05:56,556 --> 01:05:58,625
>> THIS PLACE WILL ALWAYS BEAT
1484
01:05:58,625 --> 01:06:00,727
THEM ALL, BUT IT'S TIME TO GO.
1485
01:06:00,727 --> 01:06:02,295
♪ OOH, THERE'LL BE
1486
01:06:02,295 --> 01:06:05,065
NO MORE SORROW
1487
01:06:05,065 --> 01:06:09,402
NO GRIEF AND PAIN ♪
1488
01:06:09,402 --> 01:06:14,407
♪ AND I'LL BE HAPPY
1489
01:06:14,407 --> 01:06:19,112
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN ♪
1490
01:06:19,112 --> 01:06:25,752
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
1491
01:06:45,472 --> 01:06:48,208
Many thanks to Cher!
1492
01:06:48,208 --> 01:06:50,777
Aidy Bryant
1493
01:06:50,777 --> 01:06:52,245
and Bowen Yang
1494
01:06:52,245 --> 01:06:55,248
We love you.
1495
01:06:57,450 --> 01:06:58,618
We love you so much.
1496
01:06:58,618 --> 01:07:00,253
Good night
1497
01:07:00,253 --> 01:07:01,888
Thank You
97829
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