Original subtitles

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

Milla: I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

MY CHILDREN HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME.

Charity: I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER.

Nikki: I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

[ Crying ] IT'S MISERABLE.

Brittani: MY BODY IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE WORLD.

**

Woman: I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.

June: I'M RISKING MY LIFE FOR A BETTER LIFE.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

-OOH, CHILD! -PULL. GOOD. THERE YOU GO!

GOOD JOB.

Teretha: I'M GETTING STRONGER, BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.

Paula: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

**

Susan: I AM NOW EXPRESSING MYSELF AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH.

Milla: I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE.

June: I AM LIVING LIFE, AND I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT.

I'M MORE MOTIVATED THAN EVER.

I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW.

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Laura: I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED IN THIS BODY.

IT'S JUST HUMILIATING.

THERE'S SOME DAYS I WANT TO DIE.

WE DO MOSTLY EVERYTHING FOR HER.

SHE NEEDS SOMEBODY ALL THE TIME.

Laura: [ Crying ] IT'S AN UGLY FEELING.

I DON'T WANT NOBODY TO EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.

EVERY TIME I HAVE A STRESS IN MY LIFE, I TURN TO SWEETS.

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M FAILING.

I FEEL LIKE I'M GIVING UP.

AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING

OR I'M NOT GONNA BE AROUND MUCH LONGER.

I'M A LITTLE SCARED TO FIND OUT MY WEIGHT.

WHOA.

LAURA IS PHYSICALLY IN ONE OF THE WORST SHAPE I HAVE SEEN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET CONTROL OF YOUR EATING,

AND I NEED YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS.

THIS IS STEAMED CHICKEN WITH VEGETABLES, BELL PEPPER,

ONION, AND MUSHROOMS.

IT'S VERY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I WAS EATING.

Joey: SHE'S REALLY STICKING TO HER DIET,

SO I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

Laura: OH, MY GOSH.

YOU'VE LOST QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT,

SO I'M GOING TO APPROVE YOU FOR SURGERY.

WE'RE GONNA SCHEDULE YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

[ LAUGHS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan: LAURA HAS VERY LARGE LIVER THAT COVER UP A PART OF THE STOMACH,

AND THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO DO A BYPASS.

SO WE HAVE TO DO A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY.

THIS SURGERY WILL STILL HELP HER,

BUT NOT AS MUCH AS A FULL BYPASS.

Laura: I'M TRYING TO GET MY LIFE BACK, BUT I STILL CRAVINGS,

AND I'VE BEEN THROWING UP A LOT

BECAUSE I'M EATING MORE THAN MY STOMACH CAN HOLD.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO DIE.

Joey: LAURA IS MY LIFE.

SHE'S BEEN THERE WITH ME THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

COMING THAT CLOSE TO DEATH MADE ME REALIZE

HOW MUCH OF MY LIFE I'VE WASTED.

I'VE TAKEN ALL THIS PAIN AND BITTERNESS,

AND ALL I DID WAS EAT INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, ONE OF MY OLDER COUSINS MOLESTED ME.

I BLAMED MY MOM FOR WHAT HAPPENED,

AND I NEVER LET THAT GO.

I BLAMED YOU, BUT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: LAURA HAS PROVEN THAT SHE CAN

GET HER EMOTIONAL EATING UNDER CONTROL.

WE JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE

THAT WE KEEP THIS GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

Laura: ME LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD ON JOEY.

Joey: I FEEL LIKE I'M ON THE SIDELINES.

SHE DON'T NEED ME AS OFTEN,

AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED OF LOSING HER

WITH ALL THE CHANGES WE'RE GOING THROUGH.

Laura: THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM.

I NEED TO LOSE THE WEIGHT FOR ME.

JOEY AND I ARE GOING TO SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR TODAY.

OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS REACHED ITS BREAKING POINT,

AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GET MAD

WHEN I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU.

BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M THAT BIG PERSON AGAIN.

Woman: THAT'S A CHOICE THAT YOU STAY NOW,

OR A CHOICE THAT YOU CAN LEAVE.

AND I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU.

WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO STAY?

BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THIS EXTRA SKIN MAKES ME FEEL DISGUSTING,

AND I AM VERY EMBARRASSED OF MY BODY.

THIS PART IS REALLY ANNOYING.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'LL REMOVE THAT SMALL MASS.

BUT UNTIL YOU LOSE MORE WEIGHT, REST OF YOUR BODY

IS NOT READY SKIN SURGERY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: WE REMOVED ABOUT 5 POUNDS OF MASS IN LOWER ABDOMEN,

AND IT'S GOING TO HAVE A BIG IMPACT

ON HER ABILITY TO BE ACTIVE.

Laura: THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN VERY LONG,

AND I STILL HAVE MORE WORK LEFT TO DO,

BUT I'M GONNA REACH MY GOALS.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT LOSING 300 POUNDS

IS ALL THE CLOTHES I CAN WEAR NOW.

BUT I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT,

SO THEY GET BAGGY ON ME REALLY QUICK.

SO I STILL CAN'T GO OUT AND BUY A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.

BUT WHEN I HOLD AN OUTFIT UP TO ME,

THAT REMINDS ME OF HOW BIG I WAS AND HOW FAR I'VE COME.

AND IT REMINDS ME THAT I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK

TO THE SIZE I WAS.

I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO BEING THAT PERSON I WAS BEFORE.

I'M HAPPY WHERE I'M AT NOW, AND I KNOW THAT

AFTER I'M DONE WITH EVERYTHING,

I'M GONNA BE A BETTER PERSON.

THIS SHIRT USED TO FIT ME, LIKE, RIGHT THERE,

SO LIKE HALF OF MY STOMACH WOULD SHOW.

AND NOW THIS -- IT WILL FIT ME, LIKE, RIGHT THERE.

I LOVE ALL THE WAYS MY LIFE IS BETTER.

I'M MORE ACTIVE NOW THAN I WAS BEFORE.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANYONE TAKE CARE OF ME NOW.

I DO EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF.

TO BE INDEPENDENT IS AWESOME

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO ASK NOBODY FOR ANYTHING.

SO I WANT TO KEEP GOING AND DO EVEN MORE.

AND I'M HOPING TO GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT THIS YEAR

SO I CAN GET OUT AND FIND A JOB AND JOEY

AND I CAN FINALLY MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS' HOUSE,

BECAUSE MY MOM HAD TO HELP TAKE CARE OF ME WHEN JOEY COULDN'T.

BUT NOW THAT I DON'T NEED EITHER OF THEM TO WATCH AFTER ME,

I COULD START WORKING,

THEN WE CAN AFFORD OUR OWN PLACE.

SO I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO DO SO MUCH AS SOON

AS I FINISH MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO STOP OR SLOW DOWN ANYTIME SOON.

I'M AROUND A HUNDRED POUNDS FROM MY TARGET WEIGHT,

AND I WANT TO KEEP GOING AND LOSE

WHAT I NEED NO MATTER WHAT.

BUT IT'S BEEN A LITTLE HARDER LATELY

BECAUSE I HAVE A TOOTH INFECTION

AND IT'S MAKING THE REST OF MY BODY STRUGGLE.

SO WHAT I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH LATELY IS MY SYSTEM

IS ALWAYS ON A MEDICATION TO HELP IT HEAL --

ANTIBIOTIC AFTER ANTIBIOTIC AFTER ANTIBIOTIC.

AND IT JUST REMINDS ME OF HOW MUCH STRAIN

I PUT ON MY BODY FOR SO MANY YEARS

AND HOW IT CAN'T HANDLE EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS SOMETIMES.

SO I'M JUST GRATEFUL TO HAVE LOST THE WEIGHT I HAVE.

BECAUSE I KNOW IF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED BEFORE I DID,

I PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SURVIVE IT.

SO RIGHT NOW, I'M STRUGGLING UNTIL I CAN RECOVER FROM THIS.

SO, HOW DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

I'M TAKING THOSE MUSCLE RELAXERS.

SO YOU PASSED OUT, HUH?

ONCE I TAKE IT, IT IS ALL LIGHTS OUT.

I JUST FORGET.

SO, I'M WORKING TO IMPROVE MY BODY RIGHT NOW,

AND I'M STILL WORKING THROUGH THINGS EMOTIONALLY, TOO.

THE HARDEST ISSUE IS PROBABLY ALL THE DIFFICULTY JOEY

AND I ARE HAVING.

FOR ALMOST 15 YEARS, OUR RELATIONSHIP

HAS REVOLVED AROUND HIM TAKING CARE OF ME.

AND NOW THAT ALL THAT'S CHANGED, WE'RE HAVING TO WORK THROUGH

HOW IT'S ALTERED OUR RELATIONSHIP.

AND I DON'T THINK JOEY WANTS ME TO KEEP LOSING MORE WEIGHT.

IN FACT, HE TOLD ME, "NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TOO SKINNY."

AND THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS LIKE, "WHERE DID YOUR BUTT GO?"

SO JOEY IS HAVING A HARD TIME WITH HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST.

SO WE'RE STILL WORKING TO FIND THE BALANCE BETWEEN US.

AND HE SAID HE WANTS THE OLD ME BACK.

CAN I HAVE THE LITTLE SQUARE CHEESE?

Joey: I'LL DO ANYTHING SHE NEEDS ME TO DO,

BUT, REALLY, SHE DON'T NEED ME

SO I'M JUST KIND OF ON THE SIDELINES.

AND IT IS HARD FOR ME 'CAUSE I WANT HER TO NEED ME.

Laura: AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE ALL HE'S DONE FOR ME,

I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO THE WAY I WAS.

AND JOEY IS GOING TO HAVE TO SUPPORT THAT.

AND RIGHT NOW I'M PUSHING MYSELF EVEN HARDER

BECAUSE MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN PLATEAUING.

AND FOR THE LAST 5 MONTHS, I'VE ONLY LOST 10 POUNDS,

SO I'M EATING AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE RIGHT NOW.

BUT I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S HELPING ME.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE -- "OH, I'M GONNA GET THE GASTRIC,

AND I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT."

IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

I SEE DR. NOW AGAIN IN A MONTH,

AND I'M REALLY HOPING THAT MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS PICKED UP.

BUT IF IT HASN'T, THEN I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE I CAN DO.

Chay: I HATE MY LIFE.

I'M 23 YEARS OLD,

AND I CAN HARDLY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

AND THAT SCARES ME.

AND I GET VERY AGGRAVATED WITH MYSELF 'CAUSE I THINK,

"HOW COULD YOU LET IT GET THIS FAR?"

I HAD A VERY DARK CHILDHOOD.

I HAVE A LOT OF PAIN AND ANGER TOWARDS MY MOM.

EVERYTHING SHE DID MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE ME.

SO, WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD, I CAME TO LIVE

WITH MY GRANDPARENTS PERMANENTLY.

FOOD WAS MY COMFORT.

IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER.

IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME FEEL

LIKE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

AND 10 POUNDS HERE LEADS TO 20 POUNDS, LEADS TO 40 POUNDS,

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, GEEZ LOUISE, YOU'RE 600 POUNDS.

AND I KNOW IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE MUCH LONGER.

WOW!

I'M CONCERNED THAT CHAY THINKS THAT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

IS GOING TO SOLVE ALL HIS PROBLEMS.

YOU'RE USING FOOD TO COPE WITH LIFE.

SO I WANT TO SEE YOU TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EATING

BEFORE WE DO WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

AND LOSE 40 POUND OVER NEXT COUPLE MONTHS.

Chay: I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT MY GRANDMA.

AND I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT.

I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP.

SO, IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS,

AND YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

WHY IS THAT?

MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY VERY SUDDENLY.

LOSING SOMEONE IS HORRIBLE,

BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE GOOD ENOUGH

TO LIVE LIKE YOU ARE.

I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU WITH THIS.

I'M STEPHANIE. NICE TO MEET YOU.

-NICE TO MEET YOU. -COME ON BACK.

OKAY.

MY GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME, AND SHE PASSED AWAY,

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP, AND THEN I EAT.

THE FEELINGS ARE GONNA GO SOMEWHERE.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING AND THEN LET IT OUT.

I'M TRYING AND WILL TAKE CONTROL OF MY HEALTH AND MY WELL-BEING.

MY WEIGHT HAS TO BE DOWN TO AT LEAST 550 POUNDS,

AND THIS MAY BE MY LAST CHANCE TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

YOU DID GREAT WITH YOUR WEIGHT LOSS.

I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY.

[ LAUGHS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY WE'RE DOING WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON CHAY.

SO NOW HE'LL BE ABLE TO EAT MUCH LESS.

BUT THE BIG FACTOR IS GOING TO BE HE KEEPS DEALING

WITH HIS EMOTION IN HEALTHY WAY.

Chay: THE PAIN FROM MY MOM HAS DRIVEN ME MORE TO FOOD

THAN ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.

SO I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO LET IT GO.

I COULDN'T EXACTLY COUNT ON YOU.

BECAUSE I'M AN ADDICT, AND I REGRET THAT.

HEARING MY MOM SAY THAT SHE COULD'VE BEEN BETTER AS A MOM,

I FINALLY FEEL LIKE SHE'S HEARD WHAT I'M SAYING

AND THAT MY VOICE IS FINALLY BEING RECEIVED.

CHAY, YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY.

YOU'RE DOING VERY GOOD. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I'M HOPING THAT IT'LL GET BETTER AS I DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS

MORE AND MORE.

ONCE I LOSE THE WEIGHT, IT WILL BE POSSIBLE FOR ME

TO BE THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS,

AND THAT PERSON IS A WOMAN.

AND THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT TO MY FAMILY.

THAT'S ONLY 14 POUND IN 2 MONTHS.

THAT'S NOT A LOT OF PROGRESS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'VE COME TO ADMIT TO MYSELF THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON.

ARE YOU GOING TO PURSUE GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

I WANT TO HAVE SURGERY, TOO.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE

TWO VERY MAJOR CHANGES AT THE SAME TIME.

SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING VERY BIG

UNTIL YOU GET CLOSE TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT.

TA-DA!

I AM INDEED A TRANS WOMAN.

YEAH, YOU GOT MY SUPPORT.

WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD MY SUPPORT FROM THE BEGINNING.

Chay: MY GENDER IDENTITY WAS DEFINITELY PART

OF MY INNER CONFLICT, WHICH CAUSED ME TO OVEREAT.

I'M REALLY HOPING MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN ENOUGH

TO FINALLY QUALIFY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

I THINK YOU'RE DOING GREAT AND YOU'RE READY

FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN REMOVAL.

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED.

I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG, AND I FEEL LIKE

I'M FINALLY STARTING MY LIFE AS THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

BUT I'VE BEEN TOO AFRAID TO BE.

THE LAST TWO YEARS HAVE BEEN

THE MOST LIFE-CHANGING YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I WAS JUST UNDER 600 POUNDS AND STUCK AT HOME ALL DAY.

AND I'VE GONE FROM BEING TOO BIG TO GO ANYWHERE

TO NOW HAVING A JOB

AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF DAY TO DAY.

BUT I'M STILL LIVING WITH MY UNCLE AND HIS FAMILY.

AND THAT'S BEEN TOUGH BECAUSE THEY HADN'T SIGNED UP

TO LOSE WEIGHT LIKE I HAD.

AND PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING ABOUT LIVING HERE IS THE FOOD

THAT'S AROUND ME ALL DAY LONG.

SO IT'S UP TO ME TO BE AROUND UNHEALTHY FOOD

AND NOT GIVE IN TO EATING ANY OF IT.

IT DOES MEAN I END UP SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN MY ROOM

SO I CAN JUST GET AWAY FROM IT ALL.

AND I'M TRYING TO SAVE UP MONEY TO GET A PLACE OF MY OWN NOW

BECAUSE I THINK LIVING ALONE WOULD CAUSE ME

TO HAVE LESS TEMPTATIONS TO CHEAT ON MY DIET.

BUT RIGHT NOW I'M DOING MY BEST.

AND SOME DAYS ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS.

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH HOW I'M DOING OVERALL.

AND I KNOW, THIS NEXT MONTH, THINGS WILL BE EVEN BETTER

WHEN I'VE RECOVERED FROM MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

THAT I'M HAVING.

BECAUSE I'LL BE ABLE TO DO EVEN MORE AFTER THAT,

SO I CAN'T WAIT.

I'M LOOKING IN THE MIRROR, AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.

I AM JUST SO OVER ALL THIS EXCESS SKIN.

I WANT IT GONE.

IT'S JUST BAGGAGE THAT NEEDS TO GO --

NOT BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT LOOKS, BUT THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL.

I WANT DR. NOW TO GET RID OF THIS.

ALSO, I'D LIKE HIM TO GET RID OF THIS.

IT JUST POKES OUT WHENEVER I PUT MY ARM DOWN.

IT'S JUST FLOPPY AND FLIMFLAMMY.

AFTER I GET SKIN SURGERY, I'M GONNA FEEL A LITERAL

AND METAPHORICAL LIGHTNESS

BECAUSE THE EXTRA WEIGHT WILL BE GONE.

IT'S JUST A REMINDER OF THE LIFE I USED TO LIVE

AND HOW EMOTIONAL I USED TO BE.

I'M DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE REFLECTION

I SEE IN THE MIRROR AFTER SKIN SURGERY.

SO I'M SO READY FOR THIS BECAUSE IT WILL NOT ONLY MEAN

I CAN GET AROUND A LOT BETTER,

BUT IT MEANS I CAN START TO TAKE OTHER STEPS IN MY LIFE

THAT I WANT AND THAT I CAN KEEP MOVING FORWARD

WITH MY GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

I LIVE MY ENTIRE LIFE, 24/7,

AS A WOMAN BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM.

I'M NOW AS "MISS CHAY," WHICH IS KIND OF FUNNY.

BEING CALLED MISS, IT'S LIKE,

"DAMN, I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE CALLED MISS?"

I HAD ORIGINALLY PICKED THE NAME LOLA

'CAUSE IT WAS A NAME I ALWAYS LIKED,

BUT ONCE PEOPLE STARTED CALLING ME THAT,

I REALIZED I DON'T LIKE IT SO MUCH FOR MYSELF.

SO I DECIDED TO JUST KEEP MY REGULAR NAME, CHAY.

SO, I'M JUST EXCITED ABOUT ALL THE THINGS ON THE HORIZON,

AND MY EXCESS-SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

IS GONNA BE A HUGE LEAP IN MY PROGRESS

AND WILL HOPEFULLY HELP ME START TO LOSE EVEN MORE.

I KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA BE AN EASY OPERATION, BUT I'M READY FOR IT.

Laura: I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW TODAY, BUT I'M SCARED

BECAUSE MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS SLOWED SO MUCH

THAT I'M WORRIED I'M ABOUT TO START GAINING AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT TO GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK THAT I'VE LOST

AND THAT I WORKED SO HARD FOR.

IN THE BEGINNING, I WAS LOSING RAPID WEIGHT.

AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I DON'T LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I EAT, WHAT I DON'T EAT.

THE WEIGHT JUST STAYS THE SAME.

SO I'VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD JUST TO PICK UP THE PACE

SINCE I'VE ONLY BEEN LOSING A COUPLE POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT, I WAS AT 297.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LOSING 15 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO THAT WOULD MEAN I NEED TO BE AT 267 TODAY.

Woman: 289.

YEE!

I'M HAPPY.

YOU'RE LOSING WEIGHT SO...

I KNOW. I'M HAPPY.

...THAT'S GOOD.

I KNOW THAT'S STILL NOT AS MUCH AS IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE,

BUT I FEEL GREAT

BECAUSE THE SCALE'S SHOWING

THAT I'M LOSING WEIGHT AGAIN.

AND THAT'S MORE THAN I'VE LOST FOR MONTHS.

SO I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

GOOD.

SO, YOU LOST 8 POUNDS TODAY,

BUT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN VERY MINIMAL

FOR GOING ON FIVE MONTHS NOW.

SO THAT IS A BIG CONCERN FOR ME, AND SO I THINK THE BEST THING

AT THIS POINT WILL BE A REVISION ON YOUR GASTRIC SLEEVE

TO MAKE IT A FULL BYPASS TO HELP STOP YOU FROM GAINING AGAIN.

SO IF I DON'T HAVE IT, THEN I WILL GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK,

RIGHT, WITH THE SURGERY I HAVE NOW?

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE EATING DISORDER,

AND THIS HAS BEEN CONSTANT STRUGGLE

-FOR YOU TO CONTROL IT. -ALL MY LIFE.

AND WITH THE GASTRIC BYPASS, IT WILL BE MUCH EASIER

TO CONTROL YOUR EATING DISORDER.

AND THAT HOPEFULLY WILL GIVE SOME IDEA

TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABIT ON A PERMANENT BASIS

AND MAINTAIN HEALTHY WEIGHT.

LAURA SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY TROUBLE LOSING AT LEAST

15 POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT AT THIS POINT,

SHE LIKELY HAS STRETCHED HER STOMACH BACK OUT,

SO WE NEED TO INTERVENE.

IF WE DON'T, SHE'LL CONTINUE TO STRETCH HER STOMACH BACK

AS SHE OVEREATS,

AND THEN SHE'LL START TO GAIN RAPIDLY.

THERE IS NO REASON YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE IT TO YOUR TARGET WEIGHT

IN THE NEXT 10 MONTHS OR SO,

BUT WE NEED TO HELP YOU GET THERE.

OKAY.

SO WE'RE GONNA COMPLETE YOUR GASTRIC BYPASS

WITH THIS OPERATION,

AND THAT'S GONNA BE MORE EFFECTIVE

FOR YOUR WEIGHT LOSS, OKAY?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SO EXCITED, AND I'M HAPPY THAT YOU'VE CHANGED MY LIFE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M HAPPY THAT I GOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY

BECAUSE THE SURGERY MEANS HAVING MY INDEPENDENCE

AND HAVING MY LIFE BACK.

NOW I'M JUST NERVOUS BECAUSE

I JUST DON'T WANT NOTHING TO GO WRONG.

Chay: THERE ARE SO MANY REALLY GOOD THINGS

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SOON.

BUT I'M JUST REALLY STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT DEPRESSED OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I'M JUST TIRED.

I JUST GOT OUT OFF WORK, AND I'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.

SO THE OTHER OBSTACLE I'M FACING WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS

IS THAT I'M WORKING PRETTY MUCH NONSTOP RIGHT NOW

AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

SO A CONVENIENCE IS FAST FOOD, WHICH I KNOW I SHOULDN'T EAT.

BUT ALL I WANT IS SOMETHING QUICK AND EASY AND TO GO HOME

AND GET IN MY PAJAMAS AND JUST GO TO BED.

TONIGHT, I'M HAVING A BURGER FOR DINNER FROM A FAST-FOOD JOINT

BECAUSE IT'S FAST, IT'S EASY,

IT DOESN'T TAKE ANY EFFORT ON MY PART.

BUT IT'S STILL NOT LIKE IT WAS A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

I'D GO GET FRIED FOOD ONCE OR TWICE A DAY.

AND WHEN I GO BACK, IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING BACK

TO SOMETHING COMFORTABLE,

WHICH IS WHY I KNOW I HAVE TO BE EXTRA CAREFUL NOT TO LET MYSELF

FALL BACK INTO MY OLD HABITS

IN THE SAME WAY.

Woman: YOU CAN GO WITH YOUR ORDER.

GIVE ME THE NUMBER TWO COMBO.

WILL THAT BE ALL?

THAT'S IT.

BUT WHEN I'M TIRED, THAT'S WHEN I GIVE IN

AND I DO STUFF I KNOW I SHOULDN'T.

AND THEN I FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH

AND JUST GROSS BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE DONE.

IT'S ME AGAIN.

THANK YOU. OH, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE, HONEY BUNS.

YOU, TOO.

SOMEONE CAN SAY IT TAKES JUST AS MUCH TIME TO GET A BURGER

AS IT DOES TO MAKE A SALAD,

BUT ONE REQUIRES ME TO STAND UP

AND STAY ON MY ACHING FEET, AND ONE DOESN'T.

BUT I GET SCARED BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO START TO GIVE IN

AND FALL BACK INTO OLD HABITS.

I KNOW FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

I'M GONNA BE BATTLING GAINING ALL MY WEIGHT BACK.

AND WHEN I GIVE IN, THAT'S WHEN THAT POSSIBILITY

IS AS CLOSE AS IT CAN EVER GET

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP BACK TO BEING 600

IS JUST TO DO IT AGAIN.

SO I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LET THIS HAPPEN AND START TO GAIN.

AND I'M JUST SO BUSY AT WORK.

I ASKED DR. NOW TO MOVE MY SURGERY TO NEXT MONTH.

SO I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED A LITTLE BIT LONGER,

AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE, NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM,

THAT I CAN'T JUST GO FOR THE EASY OPTION.

BECAUSE IF I DO, I KNOW I'LL RISK LOSING EVERYTHING.

AND NOTHING IN THE WORLD WOULD BE WORTH LETTING THAT HAPPEN.

I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW

FOR MY PRE-OP APPOINTMENT TODAY.

THANK YOU.

MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW,

AND DR. NOW WANTS ME TO COME IN TO MAKE SURE

EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD FOR SURGERY.

BUT I'VE HAD A FOUR-HOUR BUS RIDE HERE TO JUST THINK ABOUT

AND WORRY WHAT MY WEIGHT IS GOING TO BE

SO I'M JUST NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SCALE TODAY.

AND I'M A LITTLE QUEASY FROM THE STRESS OF THINKING

ABOUT THAT THE WHOLE TIME

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A REALLY HARD MONTH

WITH HOW MUCH I'M WORKING

AND THE FACT THAT I NEED TO SAVE UP TO MOVE OUT.

IT'S ALSO BEEN A LITTLE HARD STARTING MY LIFE AS A WOMAN

BECAUSE I KNOW SOME OF MY FAMILY

STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT OR HOW TO RESPOND TO ME.

SO I'M STILL WORKING HARD FOR MY FRESH START,

AND I'M SO READY FOR IT.

CHAY GUILLORY?

BUT THE STRESS OF WORK AND EVERYTHING MAKES ME WANT TO EAT,

AND I GIVE IN SOMETIMES.

AND I RISK GOING BACK TO BEING 600 POUNDS.

SO I'M JUST REALLY HOPING

I HAVEN'T MESSED UP MY WEIGHT LOSS.

BUT IF I HAVE, IT WILL BE DEVASTATING TO ME.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS FOR MY SURGERY.

SO I'M JUST HOPING THAT THINGS

ARE NOT ABOUT TO GET ALL MESSED UP.

Chay: I'M AT DR. NOW'S FOR MY PRE-OP APPOINTMENT,

AND I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT

IF I'VE DONE ANYTHING TO MESS UP MY WEIGHT LOSS.

I WAS AT 378 AT MY LAST CHECKUP,

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LOSING 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO THAT MEANS I NEED TO BE DOWN TO 338 TODAY.

Woman: 393.

OKEYDOKEY.

I'M REALLY UPSET RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO BE GETTING CLOSER TO THE 200s,

NOT GETTING CLOSER TO THE 400s.

SO I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT DR. NOW'S GONNA SAY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW WE DOING, CHAY?

I'M OKAY, I GUESS.

WELL, I SEE YOU'RE GAINING AGAIN.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON?

A LOT OF THE TIME, I'LL EAT SOMETHING,

AND I DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT'S HAPPENED

UNTIL IT'S ALREADY OVER WITH.

LIKE, I'LL JUST CHEW IT UP AND SWALLOW,

AND IT'S LIKE, "WAIT, I JUST ATE SOMETHING."

IS THAT SOME FORM OF SLEEP-EATING?

I DON'T KNOW.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU DON'T REALIZE

WHAT YOU'RE EATING, BUT THAT'S NOT REALITY.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE.

IT'S JUST A FORCE OF HABIT, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S LIKE I DO IT MINDLESSLY.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE SABOTAGED MYSELF REALLY BAD,

AND I THINK I'VE MESSED UP MY SURGERY.

WELL, WE NEED TO FOCUS ON GETTING YOU TO LOSE AGAIN

AND FIGURE OUT WHAT'S DRIVING YOU TO FOOD.

CHAY IS STARTING TO RUN TO FOOD TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONS AGAIN.

AND HER FIRST SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

WAS SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW,

BUT THAT WILL HAVE TO BE CANCELLED

BECAUSE WEIGHT GAIN

WHILE RECOVERING FOR THIS OPERATION

WILL CAUSE DISFIGUREMENT

AND WILL LEAD TO INFECTION AND HEALING DIFFICULTIES.

BUT THE PRIORITY IS TO ADDRESS THE CORE EMOTIONAL ISSUE

THAT'S DRIVING HER TO OVEREAT.

I THINK I'VE REALLY LET MYSELF GET DOWN IN A RUT

AND HELD MYSELF BACK AND...

JUST FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE WASTE AND A TOTAL FAILURE.

WELL, FIRST, YOU'RE CORRECT ABOUT YOUR SURGERY.

IT IS NO LONGER A SAFE OPTION RIGHT NOW WITH YOU GAINING,

SO THAT WON'T BE HAPPENING TOMORROW.

OKAY.

AND, SECOND, YOU'RE NOT A WASTE.

YOU KNOW THAT, CHAY.

BUT YOU NEED TO START BACK UP WITH THERAPY

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW

AND FIGURE OUT WHAT IS THE CORE ISSUE

DRIVING YOU TO OVEREAT AGAIN.

OKAY.

DO YOU THINK SEEING A THERAPIST MIGHT CHANGE THE SITUATION?

IT DEFINITELY WOULDN'T HURT.

SO SINCE YOU'RE IN TOWN RIGHT NOW,

I'M GONNA GET YOU IN THERAPY TOMORROW.

OKAY.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE SEX-ASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

I'M STILL WAITING 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU SAID TO WAIT

UNTIL I WAS AT A MORE MANAGEABLE WEIGHT TO MAKE ANY MAJOR MOVES.

AND THAT MAY NEVER COME TRUE.

IF I DON'T KICK MYSELF IN THE BUTT, IT SURE WON'T.

YOU NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT? I'LL SEE YOU.

ALL RIGHT. SEE YA, DOC.

ALL RIGHT.

Chay: I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

THAT DR. NOW CANCELLED MY SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT I DON'T BLAME HIM.

THERE ARE THINGS I REALLY WANT --

SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

AND MY GENDER REASSIGNMENT BEING THE BIGGEST THINGS.

BUT DR. NOW IS RIGHT --

THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THERE

IF I DON'T DO WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO.

SO I'M JUST GOING TO TRY TO TAKE THIS TIME TO RESET

AND THINK THROUGH THINGS

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO START GAINING EVEN MORE RIGHT NOW.

Laura: I WANT TO HAVE THE SURGERY,

BUT IF THE PREGNANCY RESULTS COME BACK POSITIVE

I WILL NOT BE HAVING THE SURGERY.

I GUESS I WILL BE HAPPY, BUT THIS IS SOMETHING

I REALLY WANT AS WELL, SO I GUESS I WILL BE TORN.

JOEY AND ME HAVE WANTED KIDS,

BUT THIS IS NOT HOW WE PLANNED IT.

WE WEREN'T GOING TO TRY TO START A FAMILY

UNTIL I GOT TO MY TARGET,

AND THE SURGERY WAS GOING TO HELP ME GET THERE.

AND I'M SCARED IF I DON'T HAVE IT TODAY,

THEN IT MAY MEAN THAT I'M GOING TO LOSE MY CHANCE TO KEEP GOING.

SO I'M REALLY HOPING I'M NOT PREGNANT RIGHT NOW.

LAURA, YOUR PREGNANCY TEST CAME BACK.

IT'S NEGATIVE.

-THANK YOU. -OKAY.

SO WE CAN JUST PROCEED AS PLANNED.

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE MY SURGERY.

Joey: OH, YOU NEED HAVE THE SURGERY.

OKAY?

Laura: I'M SO RELIEVED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SURGERY,

THE MORE I REALIZED JUST HOW BAD I NEED IT.

MY WEIGHT LOSS IS COMING TO A COMPLETE STOP,

SO I HAVE TO GET THIS SURGERY TO GET BACK ON TRACK.

-HI! -HI!

HI!

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

HI, MAMA.

IT MEANS A LOT THAT Y'ALL ARE HERE TO SEE ME.

I AM PROUD OF YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.

THANK YOU.

YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHAT YOU SET OUT TO DO.

Laura: I'M HAVING A LOT OF ANXIETY AND FEELING VERY NERVOUS.

THEY PUT ME IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY FIRST SURGERY,

SO IT'S JUST FREAKING ME OUT.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT. OKAY?

IT'S VERY RISKY AND I'M SCARED THAT ANYTHING COULD GO WRONG.

BUT I'M TAKING THIS RISK BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE

TO ACCOMPLISH A GOAL

THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH ALL MY LIFE,

AND SURGERY IS THE ONLY OPTION TO DO IT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY WE'RE PERFORMING A REVISION SURGERY ON LAURA

TO CONVERT HER GASTRIC SLEEVE INTO A FULL BYPASS.

THE SLEEVE OPERATION IS A GOOD TOOL FOR A PATIENT

TO LOSE WEIGHT BY REDUCING THE SIZE OF THEIR STOMACH.

AND MANY TIMES, THAT'S ENOUGH.

BUT IN SOME CASES, WE NEED TO DO A FULL BYPASS

TO ENSURE WEIGHT LOSS CONTINUES AND IS MAINTAINED.

CAN YOU TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF?

SO, WHAT WE ARE DOING TODAY

IS REDUCING THE SIZE OF LAURA'S STOMACH AGAIN

TO ADDRESS HOW SHE HAS STRETCHED IT,

AND THEN BYPASS THE INTESTINE

SO IT WILL HAVE A MORE PROFOUND AFFECT ON THE WEIGHT LOSS.

BUT THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS WITH THIS OPERATION.

THERE IS ANESTHESIA RISK.

AND BEFORE, LAURA HAD ANESTHESIA,

HAD DIFFICULTY WITH BREATHING.

WE HAD TO KEEP HER ON A BREATHING MACHINE.

SO WE NEED TO BE CAREFUL, BUT WE NEED TO MOVE QUICKLY TOO.

Carmen: I'M CONCERNED ABOUT LAURA.

THE LAST TIME THEY DID THE SURGERY,

WE WERE AFRAID WE WERE GOING TO LOSE HER.

YES, I THINK IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR HER HEALTH,

SO HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE OVER SOON.

Joey: LAURA MEANS THE WORLD TO ME,

AND WE'RE JUST HOPING EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS REVISION SHOULD HELP HER

TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND MAKE IT TO HER TARGET WEIGHT HERE

IN THE NEXT SIX TO EIGHT MONTHS.

BUT THIS RECOVERY IS GOING TO BE MORE DIFFICULT FOR LAURA

THAN THE FIRST ONE

AND HER WILL TAKE LONGER FOR HER TO RECOVER.

BUT THAT FIRST ONE, SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE

BETWEEN 30 TO 40 POUNDS.

OKAY, LIGHTS UP.

ALMOST DONE.

ALL RIGHT.

LAURA'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

Woman: WE'RE ALL DONE. YOU DID GREAT.

SO, WE'RE GETTING HER TO RECOVERY RIGHT NOW.

AND WE PROBABLY WILL KEEP HER HERE FOR A WEEK TO A WEEK

AND HALF BECAUSE SHE HAS A VERY LOW THRESHOLD OF PAIN,

SO WE'LL MAKE SURE SHE'S RECOVERING WELL.

BUT THIS NEXT ONE IS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT FOR LAURA.

SHE HAS BEEN WORKING TO HER CORE ISSUES,

BUT IF THERE ARE STILL THINGS THAT SHE'S PUSHING DOWN

AND AVOIDING,

WE'LL START TO SEE IT

WHEN HER WEIGHT LOSS COMES TO A STOP AGAIN.

BUT HOPEFULLY, THAT WON'T BE THE CASE.

Chay: I'M NOT EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW,

SO I'M GOING TO SEE THE THERAPIST AGAIN TODAY.

WHEN DR. NOW MENTIONED IT,

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.

AND I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING

AND GETTING SOME THINGS OFF MY CHEST,

WITH ALL THE STRESS OF EVERYTHING LATELY

AND HOW IT'S AFFECTING ME.

'CAUSE NOW I'M TERRIFIED THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP GAINING

AND END BACK WHERE I WAS.

AND I'M HOPING TALKING TODAY

WILL HELP ME START TO TURN ALL THIS AROUND

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M STARTING TO LOSE CONTROL.

-CHAY? -HI, THERE.

HI, I'M LOLA.

-IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. -NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON BACK WITH ME?

ALL RIGHTY.

AND JUST HAVE A SEAT.

OKAY.

SO, CHAY.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES FACING YOU RIGHT NOW?

IF I EAT SOMETHING, I BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT IT,

AND I SAY, "OKAY, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS ANYMORE."

AND THEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN,

AND THEN I CONTINUE TO BEAT MYSELF UP.

IT'S JUST THIS REALLY VICIOUS CYCLE.

OKAY.

SO, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO COMBAT YOUR FOOD ADDICTION

AND TO DEVELOP HEALTHY BEHAVIORS,

YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT AT THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND,

AND NOT IN A WAY IN WHICH YOU BERATE YOURSELF

EVERY TIME YOU FALL OFF THE WAGON.

FROM MY EXPERIENCE, FOOD ADDICTION

IS THE HARDEST ADDICTION.

WITH FOOD, YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR VICE EVERY DAY

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST STOP EATING.

YOU HAVE TO EAT TO LIVE.

YOU EAT TO LIVE, BUT NOT LIVE TO EAT.

YES.

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING JUST BELOW THE SURFACE

THAT YOU'RE AVOIDING EXPRESSING ANY EMOTIONALITY ABOUT.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU FIND IS YOUR GO-TO EMOTION?

IS IT FEAR?

IS IT SADNESS? IS IT JOY?

I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY.

I WALK HEAD DOWN, WALK FAST, DON'T CALL FOR ANY ATTENTION.

IF YOU DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH PEOPLE,

THEY WON'T SPEAK TO YOU.

IT TROUBLES ME, CHAY, THAT YOU WALK AROUND

AVOIDING EYE CONTACT, HEAD HELD DOWN.

WHAT MESSAGE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SENDING ABOUT YOURSELF?

THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED.

OR THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN.

I FEAR YOU'RE REALLY HALTING THE PROGRESSION OF YOUR LIFE,

OF YOUR WEIGHT LOSS,

OF EVERYTHING THAT'S POTENTIALLY YOURS TO HAVE,

WITH AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR.

I TRUST NO ONE.

IT SHOWS.

CAN YOU TELL ME AT WHAT AGE, CHAY, DID YOU START TO RECOGNIZE

THAT YOU WERE IN THE WRONG BODY?

I DON'T KNOW. EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE.

WHEN DID YOUR FAMILY BECOME AWARE?

OH, WHEN I TALKED TO MY MOTHER ABOUT IT,

SHE SAID SHE JUST ALWAYS SUSPECTED SOMETHING.

BUT I CAME OUT TO MY FAMILY.

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE FOR YOU?

IT WAS LIKE A GOOD 50/50 SPLIT...

OKAY.

...OF EITHER OKAY AND NOT OKAY.

ARE YOU PART OF A TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY AT ALL?

THERE ISN'T REALLY A COMMUNITY WHERE I'M FROM 'CAUSE I LIVE

IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

IT'S ESSENTIAL FOR YOU TO FEEL CONNECTED AND ACCEPTED,

AND TO JUST BE ABLE TO HAVE THAT COMMUNAL FEEL

WITH OTHER PEOPLE

THAT HAVE TRAVELLED A SIMILAR PATH.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

SO, CHAY, I FEEL REALLY ENCOURAGED THAT YOU CAN GET BACK

TO YOUR WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

IS THAT SOMETHING YOU'RE PREPARED

TO MAKE A TRUE EFFORT IN?

I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO START, FIRST AND FOREMOST,

WITH GETTING MY WEIGHT LOSS BACK

IN THE DIRECTION IT NEEDS TO GO IN.

THAT'S MY MAIN GOAL.

OKAY.

-THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHAY. -THANK YOU.

OKAY. TRAVEL SAFELY.

THANK YOU.

I THINK MY SESSION TODAY WAS REALLY GOOD.

IT'S A LOT OF STUFF TO THINK ABOUT

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK FINDING A TRANSGENDER SUPPORT GROUP

IS GOING TO BE EASY.

THERE'S JUST NONE AT ALL WHERE I LIVE.

AND I DO FEEL LONELY AND ISOLATED

BECAUSE I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M NOT WELCOMED ANYWHERE,

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT.

BUT I'LL ADMIT, I HAVEN'T REALLY LOOKED THAT HARD

FOR ANY SORT OF SUPPORT GROUPS IN THAT AREA.

SO THAT'S WHAT I'LL WORK ON WHEN I GET BACK,

AND MAYBE THAT WILL HELP WITH HOW I FEEL.

BUT I'M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH RIGHT NOW.

Laura: IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE MY SURGERY,

AND HAVING A FULL BYPASS FEELS TOTALLY DIFFERENT

THAN GETTING THE SLEEVE.

I THOUGHT LIFE WAS GOING TO BE THE SAME AS THE FIRST SURGERY,

BUT IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

IT MIGHT BE STRESS AND IT MIGHT BE MY ENVIRONMENT,

BUT IT'S MUCH HARDER THIS TIME.

AND THE HEALING PROCESS IS DIFFERENT,

AND I'M JUST HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME THIS TIME AROUND.

BABE, I NEED TO TAKE MY NAUSEA PILL.

SO, JOEY IS HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

AND HE'S LIKING THAT A LOT RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF WHEN I WAS 600 POUNDS

AND WHEN HE HAD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME,

SO IT MAKES HIM FEEL NEEDED.

JOEY'S ALWAYS READY TO JUMP IN AND BE THE SUPERMAN AND HELP ME.

HE LIKES FOR ME TO DEPEND ON HIM.

BUT I'M NOT LIKING HAVING TO BE DEPENDENT AGAIN,

SO I'M JUST TRYING TO GET BACK TO A PLACE WHERE I'M RECOVERED.

I WAS JUST ABLE TO GET OFF LIQUIDS

AND GO BACK TO SOLID FOOD,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN BARELY HOLD ANYTHING DOWN RIGHT NOW.

[ GAGS ]

SO I'M JUST FOCUSING ON GETTING BETTER,

BUT FEELING AS SICK AS I DO IS REALLY STRESSFUL.

AND I JUST NEED PEACE AND QUIET TO REST AND RECOVER,

SO I'M STILL STAYING IN BED MOST OF THE DAY

EXCEPT WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO GET UP AND TAKE MY WALKS.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE WHEN I BEND OVER,

I START GETTING DIZZY AND STUFF.

I THINK IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT EATING.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO GET UP

AND MOVE AROUND TO RECOVER PROPERLY

SO I DON'T DEVELOP ANY COMPLICATIONS,

SO I GET UP AND WALK WITH JOEY TWICE A DAY.

YOU READY FOR THE WALK?

[ SIGHS ]

AND ONCE I GET OUT THERE, I START TO ENJOY IT.

YOU'RE WALKING TOO FAST ALREADY.

WHAT?

YOU'RE ALREADY WALKING TOO FAST.

RIGHT NOW, JOEY AND ME ARE STAYING AT HIS GRANDMOM'S HOUSE.

I NEEDED TO GET OUT AND AWAY FROM THE STRESS OF MY FAMILY

BECAUSE EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A PART OF OUR BUSINESS,

AND THEN THEY TAKE SIDES WITH EITHER ME OR JOEY.

AND THE FIGHTING JUST GETS WORSE THEN.

SO IF WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THIS WORK, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY

TO GET A PLACE OF OUR OWN.

BECAUSE IF OUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE,

WE NEED TO SHUT EVERYONE OUT RIGHT NOW.

STOP.

THEY STRESS ME OUT.

BUT BECAUSE I'M NOT ABLE TO WORK YET, WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

SO UNTIL WE DO, I'M WORRIED JOEY

AND ME ARE JUST GOING TO KEEP FIGHTING

AND OUR RELATIONSHIP

IS JUST GOING TO KEEP GETTING WORSE...

AND THAT, IN THE END, OUR RELATIONSHIP

WILL NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

Chay: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A TRANSGENDER SUPPORT GROUP

SINCE SEEING THE THERAPIST, BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH LUCK YET.

I'M TRYING TO BATTLE MY LONELINESS IN OTHER WAYS,

EVEN IF IT MAKES ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

SO I'M FORCING MYSELF TO GO OUT MORE AND DOING THINGS

LIKE TAKING WALKS IN THE PARK.

AT LEAST IT KEEPS ME AROUND PEOPLE

AND NOT ISOLATED IN MY ROOM.

AND I'M GETTING EXERCISE, AND THAT'S GOOD.

IT IS QUITE THE STARK CONTRAST FOR ME TO PUT ON WORKOUT CLOTHES

AND GO DO ANY SORT OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.

BECAUSE I HATE EXERCISE.

SO I USUALLY JUST TRY TO WALK A GOOD 30 MINUTES

AND JUST TRY TO WALK AS FAR AS POSSIBLE

WITHIN THAT TIME FRAME.

NO MATTER IF I'M WALKING OR GROCERY SHOPPING

OR ANY ACTIVITY,

WHEN I'M DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND I HAVE A GOAL IN MIND

AND I'M OUT AND ABOUT, I JUST ZONE THE WORLD OUT

AND I'M JUST FOCUSED ON WHAT I GOT TO GET DONE.

AND I'VE DEVELOPED A BAD HABIT OF AVOIDING PEOPLE

BY JUST FOCUSING ON WHAT I'M DOING

BECAUSE IT'S SCARY TO FACE PEOPLE.

IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE, BECAUSE I'VE GOTTEN USED

TO JUST IGNORING EVERYONE AROUND ME

SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE COMMENTS

ABOUT MY WEIGHT OR THE FACT

THAT I'M TRANSITIONING TO LIVING AS A WOMAN.

[ WOLF WHISTLES ] LOOKING GOOD!

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.

THIS IS THE VERY REASON I AVOID GOING OUT.

AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TELL YOURSELF TO IGNORE IT,

YOU REALLY CAN'T.

HEY, FATTY! WHOO!

SO I'M REGRETTING DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE IT IS VERY CLEAR THAT NO ONE AROUND HERE WANTS ME HERE.

I DON'T FIT IN WITH MY FAMILY. I DON'T FIT IN THIS COMMUNITY.

AND I THINK I WAS A FOOL IF I THOUGHT I COULD COME OUT HERE

AND NO ONE WOULD MAKE COMMENTS.

Laura: IT'S BEEN ABOUT TWO MONTHS SINCE MY SURGERY,

AND I'M ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT MY WEIGHT IS.

THE DOCTOR SAID THAT I'D LOSE THE MOST

DURING THE FIRST MONTH AFTER THE SURGERY.

LAURA PEREZ?

SO I JUST HOPE IT'S A LOT, AND I'M HOPING THE DOCTOR

WILL SAY THAT HE'LL START MAKING PREPARATIONS

FOR MY SKIN SURGERY.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO GET DOWN TO 250 TO QUALIFY FOR THAT,

AND I WAS AT 289 BEFORE,

SO THAT'S ALMOST 40 POUNDS

I'D HAVE TO HAVE LOST IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS.

YEE!

THAT'S MORE THAN I LOST IN THE LAST HALF YEAR.

I'M PRACTICALLY AT 250.

THIS EXCESS SKIN IS LIKE CARRYING A SACK OF POTATOES

WITH YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

SO I HOPE DR. NOW THINKS IT'S ENOUGH

AND I CAN GET MY SKIN REMOVAL NOW.

THE MOMENT THAT I SAW THAT NUMBER, I WAS HAPPY

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T WEIGHED THAT LITTLE BIT IN YEARS.

I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT IN JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TIME.

THIS DOES VALIDATE A LOT THAT I'VE PUT IN,

ALL THE WORK I'VE PUT IN.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HI.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 258.

THAT'S THE LOWEST YOU HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME, HUH?

SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL.

HOW IS YOUR EATING COMING ALONG?

I DON'T HOLD NOTHING DOWN.

I JUST WAKE UP, LIKE, NAUSEATED.

IT'S NORMAL. YEAH.

WELL, THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL AFTER YOU GET GASTRIC BYPASS

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VERY SMALL STOMACH.

YOU EAT VERY SMALL.

THAT'S A BIG STEP DOWN.

AND IF YOU DON'T EAT, YOU GET NAUSEATED,

-SO YOU HAVE TO START EATING... -YOU HAVE TO EAT, YEAH.

...RIGHT, AND THE STOMACH IS GOING TO GET USED TO IT.

BUT LET ME TAKE A LOOK AND SEE HOW YOUR EXTRA SKIN LOOKS.

THAT'S A LOT OF SKIN, BUT IT'S STILL A LOT OF FAT.

SO YOU STILL NEED TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

BEFORE YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN.

BUT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE AROUND 15 POUNDS A MONTH,

SO KEEP AT IT. YOU'RE DOING WELL.

STICK TO YOUR DIET AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE GETTING ENOUGH PROTEIN.

OKAY.

AND IF STAY ON TRACK,

BY NEXT MONTH, YOU SHOULD BE READY.

-OKAY. -OKAY?

-THANK YOU. -ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.

OKAY.

I'M GLAD THAT DR. NOW IS HAPPY WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

BUT I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

THAT I'M NOT GETTING SKIN SURGERY RIGHT NOW.

BUT I KNOW I CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT HE WANTS ME TO TO GET THERE.

Chay: I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN GOING OUT MUCH THIS PAST MONTH,

AND I'VE BEEN FEELING REALLY HOPELESS.

I HAVEN'T FOUND A SUPPORT GROUP, SO I'VE GIVING UP ON FINDING

ANY TRANSGENDER GROUPS IN THIS AREA,

AND I'M JUST DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW.

AND OUTSIDE OF WORK, I'M JUST STAYING IN MY ROOM

BECAUSE EVER SINCE GETTING BULLIED AT THE PARK,

I'VE JUST LOST ALL MOTIVATION.

AND I DON'T REALLY CARE RIGHT NOW.

I'VE STOPPED TRYING. I'VE STOPPED CARING.

I'VE STOPPED PUTTING FORTH ANY EFFORT.

THERE JUST IS A WHOLE LOT OF SELF-DOUBT, I GUESS.

IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING IN LIFE THAT I TRIED TO AIM FOR

OR ACHIEVE,

SOMETHING COMES ALONG THAT PREVENTS THE GOAL

FROM COMING TO FRUITION JUST, LIKE, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

AND IT'S LIKE, "WHY EVEN TRY?"

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GET TO WHERE YOU JUST FEEL SO BEAT DOWN

AND SO TRODDED ON

AND JUST FEEL LIKE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,

EVERYTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I DON'T LIKE THE PERSON I SEE IN THE MIRROR,

AND I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T EVEN SEE THE POINT OF TRYING,

BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING TO GO ANYWHERE.

NO MATTER WHAT, I'M GOING TO END UP BACK WHERE I STARTED.

AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S REALLY ANYTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

I WILL JUST END UP ALONE AND TRAPPED IN MY ROOM.

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT.

SO RIGHT NOW, I'M THINKING ABOUT JUST GIVING UP ON EVERYTHING.

Chay: I'VE HAD A REALLY BAD COUPLE OF MONTHS,

AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH BEING DEPRESSED.

I'M STILL REALLY STRUGGLING WITH BEING MOTIVATED AT ALL.

I HAD REACHED OUT TO A LOT OF TRANSGENDER GROUPS AND PEOPLE

AFTER TALKING WITH A THERAPIST

TO SEE IF THERE'S ANYONE THAT I CAN MEET WITH.

AND I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH LUCK.

BUT LAST WEEK, A LADY NAMED DEEDEE RESPONDED.

SHE'S NOT IN MY AREA, BUT SHE CAN MEET WITH ME IN HOUSTON.

SO I STILL DON'T HAVE ANYONE WHERE I LIVE,

BUT I'M EXCITED TO TALK TO HER

AND TO SEE WHAT I CAN LEARN FROM HER.

DEEDEE'S A TRANSGENDER WOMAN AND ACTIVIST,

SOMEONE WHO CAN TEACH ME A FEW THINGS.

IT'S DEFINITELY GOOD TO HAVE SOMEBODY

WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR STRUGGLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO LEARN FROM DEEDEE.

I JUST HOPE I MEET SOMEONE WHO COULD BE A FRIEND

AND SOMEONE THAT I CAN TALK TO.

-HELLO. -HI, THERE.

-HOW ARE YOU? -I'M GOOD.

COME ON IN, COME ON IN, COME ON IN.

ALL RIGHTY.

SO, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY.

WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON WITH YOU, ESPECIALLY HERE RECENTLY?

MY -- LIKE, MY TRANSITION HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE STRUGGLE.

MY FAMILY, WE HAD A LITTLE ROUGHNESS AT FIRST,

BUT I WAS NEVER DISOWNED OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ARE

AND AFFIRMING WHO YOU ARE NOW?

BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT'S DIFFERENT FROM WHEN YOU,

YOU KNOW, KIND OF STARTED YOUR WALK IN LIFE.

JUST GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS.

I DON'T REALLY THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.

I JUST -- I WAKE UP...

MM-HMM.

...AND I GO ABOUT MY DAY.

SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY

OF TRANSITIONING?

I NEVER THOUGHT TO REALLY MAKE POINTS

TO THINK ABOUT THE STARTING.

MM-HMM.

LIKE, I NEVER MADE MENTAL NOTES OF IT.

I GUESS IT'S BEEN ABOUT TWO YEARS SINCE THIS STARTED.

SO, I WANT TO FIND OUT A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT THE TOWN THAT YOU'RE FROM.

HOW IS IT FOR THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY THERE?

IT'S JUST, WHERE I LIVE, YOU KNOW,

EVERYTHING'S SO SPREAD OUT 'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S COUNTRY.

MM-HMM.

I KNOW THAT WHEN IT'S A SMALL TOWN,

EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY, JUST ABOUT.

DID YOU SEE PEOPLE THAT RESEMBLE YOU THAT YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITH?

SO, NOBODY REALLY LIVES CLOSE TO EACH OTHER

FOR THERE REALLY TO BE

A SUPER-CLOSE-KNIT LGBTQ COMMUNITY.

OKAY, OKAY.

BUT I THINK THAT ONE OF THE THINGS

THAT YOU SHOULD DO IS AFFIRM THE FACT

THAT YOU WERE ACTUALLY ABLE TO TRANSITION.

AFFIRM THAT BUT ALSO RECOGNIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE

THAT THERE ARE OTHER SISTERS

THAT WE HAVE OUT THERE AND BROTHERS.

MM-HMM.

AND I WANT YOU TO NEVER FORGET

THAT YOU ARE STILL A PART OF THE WORLD,

THE WHOLE LGBTQ COMMUNITY.

AND I WILL TELL YOU THIS.

I HOPE TO ENCOURAGE YOU.

WHEN LIFE THROWS YOU A CURVEBALL,

I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE THE TYPE OF PERSON

WHO DOESN'T MIND STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE

AND WHO DOES NOT MIND SWINGING.

I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO DO THAT.

AND I WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONTINUE TO BE

WHO YOU ARE SO THAT YOU CAN BE VISIBLE.

AND I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO USE THOSE THINGS

TO MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL,

YOU KNOW, AS A PERSON DURING THIS JOURNEY,

'CAUSE THIS STUFF GETS HARD.

AND SOMETIMES, IT GETS REAL.

WELCOME TO YOUR TRANSITION, DEAR.

[ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR COMING BY.

I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATED IT.

IT WAS A PLEASURE. I APPRECIATE IT, ALSO.

OKAY.

AND I GUESS WE GOT THE MEMO, HUH?

-BLUE DRESSES. -I'M TELLING YOU.

-BE SAFE, OKAY? -THANK YOU.

-BYE. -BYE-BYE.

Chay: I'M FEELING A LITTLE BETTER, AND I REALLY LIKE DEEDEE.

SHE HAD A LOT OF WISDOM,

AND SHE REALLY HELPED OPEN MY EYES.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE CONNECTED TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF ME.

THAT IS A COMMUNITY.

SO THE THING THAT RESONATES

THE MOST WITH ME FROM THE MEETING TODAY

IS THAT NO MATTER HOW SMALL OF A TOWN

I LIVE IN, I'M STILL PART OF A COMMUNITY.

I AM JUST LIKE THE PERSON NEXT TO ME.

MY EXPERIENCES MAY BE DIFFERENT, BUT I BLEED JUST LIKE THEY DO,

SO I NEED TO BE ABLE TO HAVE THEIR BACK,

AND I NEED TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK UP

FOR THE MEMBERS OF OUR COMMUNITY.

SO I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO BE BETTER AND TO DO BETTER

BECAUSE OF THAT.

Laura: THIS HAS BEEN A GOOD MONTH.

JOEY AND ME FINALLY GOT A PLACE OF OUR OWN.

I JUST NEEDED TO BE DONE WITH ALL THE STRESS

OF BEING AROUND FAMILY AND DEALING WITH THEM.

-BABY? -YEAH.

I JUST BOUGHT THIS BLOUSE.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO WEAR IT.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS, MAN.

I'M HOPING BEING AWAY FROM OUR FAMILIES

WILL HELP US TO STOP FIGHTING

AND GIVE US A CHANCE TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.

WE HAVEN'T LIVED ON OUR OWN IN A WHILE.

BUT WHERE WE LIVING, IT WAS REALLY BAD,

AND I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

AND HOPEFULLY THIS ENVIRONMENT WILL CHANGE US.

BUT SO FAR, THAT HASN'T BEEN THE CASE.

WHY IS THIS CHAIR HERE?

OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T OPEN THIS REFRIGERATOR WITHOUT THAT CHAIR.

I'M GOING TO FIX IT. CALM DOWN.

HERE I COME.

WE STILL NEED TO WORK THROUGH A LOT OF ISSUES.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET A...

I'LL SERVE IT. JUST SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.

SIT DOWN.

AND WHEN WE FIGHT, JOEY JUST GETS AGGRESSIVE

AND HE GETS AN ATTITUDE REALLY BAD.

AND ALL OF IT REVOLVES AROUND THE FACT

THAT I'M LOSING THE WEIGHT AND I'M INDEPENDENT NOW.

AND HE CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING, INCLUDING ME ANYMORE.

YOU ARE MESSY. YOU MAKE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN.

YOU MAKE A MESS IN MY FRIDGE.

BUT HE'S GETTING VERY POSSESSIVE BECAUSE I TOLD HIM

I WANT TO GET A JOB AND I WANT TO HAVE A CAREER.

AND HE WOULD JUST START SAYING, "NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET A JOB.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THIS.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY AT HOME."

SO I GUESS ME LOSING THE WEIGHT HAS REALLY MESSED UP HIS HEAD.

[ GROANS ]

[ Crying ] IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD BECAUSE I WORKED SO HARD

TO BE WHERE I'M AT.

AND HE MAKES ME FEEL BAD.

[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]

[ SCOFFS ]

-WOULD YOU LIKE CRACKERS? -NO.

-YOU WANT CRACKERS? -YEAH, YEAH, PLEASE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, A BUFFET?

YEAH.

BUT I WANT TO DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE,

AND JOEY'S GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT

I'M BECOMING THE ME THAT I WANT TO BE.

AND IF HE DOESN'T, WELL, THEN, I HAVE TO LET HIM GO,

EVEN IF I DO LOVE HIM.

IF I HAVE TO GIVE UP MYSELF FOR US TO BE TOGETHER,

THEN I'M NOT DOING IT.

SOMETIMES I JUST GET SO DEPRESSED.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO BECAUSE HE JUST SAYS,

"I WISH I HAD THE OLD ANGEL BACK."

AND I'M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE.

Laura: I'M BACK FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW,

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING TO STICK TO MY DIET,

EVEN WITH ALL THE STRESS AND FIGHTING WITH ME AND JOEY.

LUCKILY, I STILL DON'T HAVE MUCH OF AN APPETITE MOST DAYS.

LAURA PEREZ?

BUT I'M HOPING I'VE FINALLY LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT

TO GET APPROVED FOR MY SKIN REMOVAL TODAY.

MY LAST WEIGHT WAS AT 258, AND I SHOULD BE 228 TODAY.

I JUST REALLY HOPE I'VE DONE THAT, BECAUSE THE EXCESS SKIN

IS STARTING TO GET UNBEARABLE.

OKAY, 225.

YEE!

MAN!

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHEN I WEIGHED THAT LITTLE.

225!

IT'S AMAZING.

I'M REALLY IN SHOCK.

PART OF ME NEVER REALLY THOUGHT I COULD GET DOWN TO THIS SIZE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO. -HELLO.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, YOU'RE LOSING A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT.

SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

I'M DOING GOOD.

I JUST HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN EATING SOLIDS TOO MUCH.

AND SO, WHAT SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

I'VE NOTICED THAT I'M GETTING A LITTLE DIZZY AND STUFF,

AND I STILL HAVE NAUSEA.

I STILL THROW UP.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU THROW UP?

THERE'S DAYS WHERE I'LL HOLD THE FOOD DOWN,

AND THEN THERE'S DAYS WHERE IT WON'T --

IT WON'T STAY DOWN.

THAT'S NORMAL.

SOME NAUSEA AND DIZZINESS IS PART OF TRANSITIONING

FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS,

AND THAT WILL GO AWAY SHORTLY.

BUT HOW IS THE EXTRA SKIN DOING ON YOUR STOMACH?

REALLY LOOSE -- EVERYWHERE.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR EXTRA SKIN

AND SEE HOW THINGS ARE.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF EXTRA SKIN,

AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU LOST THE FAT YOU NEED.

LAURA IS STILL DOING VERY WELL, AND I'M PROUD OF HER.

SHE'S PUSHING HER LIMITS A LITTLE,

BUT SURGERY IS HELPING TO PREVENT ANY OVEREATING.

VOMITING CAN BE A RESULT OF EATING GREASY FOOD

THAT THE BODY REJECTS NOW BECAUSE OF THE BYPASS.

AND IT'S NOT UNUSUAL PEOPLE DEVELOP INTOLERANCE

TO CERTAIN FOOD AFTER THE BYPASS,

BUT THAT USUALLY GOES AWAY IN A FEW MONTHS.

SO HER BYPASS REVISION IS WORKING,

AND SHE'S LOSING WHAT SHE SHOULD EACH MONTH.

YOU'RE REALLY GETTING TO THE POINT THAT THE EXTRA SKIN

IS GOING TO BE NECESSARY TO BE REMOVED

TO GET ALL THAT HANGING TISSUE.

SO WHEN WE TAKE THAT EXTRA SKIN OFF

YOU'RE GOING TO BE UNDER 200.

OH, YES. I'VE NEVER WEIGHED THAT LITTLE.

OFFICIALLY, YOU ARE APPROVED FOR SKIN SURGERY

TO HAVE EXCESS SKIN AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN REMOVED.

THANK YOU.

WE'LL GET YOU ON THE SCHEDULE FOR NEXT MONTH,

AND I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

GREAT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT. ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M REALLY PROUD OF LAURA AND HOW FAR SHE HAS COME.

SHE'S WORKED HARD, AND SHE HAS LOST AROUND 500 POUNDS

OVER THE LAST TWO TO THREE YEARS.

SHE'S COME A LONG WAY SINCE SHE WAS 600 POUNDS.

FIRST TIME I SAW, LAURA WAS ON OXYGEN

AND WAS UNABLE TO WALK, UNABLE TO BREATHE.

BUT NOW SHE IS WALKING FREELY,

SHE'S NOT OXYGEN-DEPENDENT ANYMORE.

SHE HAS MADE A SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT IN HER ABILITY

TO WALK AND BE ACTIVE.

AND I HAVE NO DOUBT SHE'S GOING TO KEEP GOING,

AND SHE'LL BE SUCCESSFUL IN THE LONG TERM.

Chay: SINCE TALKING WITH DEEDEE,

I'VE BEEN REALIZING MY RESPONSIBILITY

FOR WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN BACK TO SEE DR. NOW,

AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH BEING DOWN

AND WANTING TO GIVE UP.

BUT DEEDEE'S BIGGEST INSIGHT TO ME WAS THAT, NO MATTER WHAT,

I HAVE A COMMUNITY OUT THERE THAT SUPPORTS ME.

SO I HAVE TO BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

FOR WHEN THEY MAY NEED ME

AND TO BE ABLE TO GIVE BACK TO THEM.

SO I'M DONE BEING DOWN AND SULKING ABOUT MY SITUATION,

AND I'M READY TO TRY AGAIN.

I'VE MISSED SOME OF MY APPOINTMENTS,

AND I KNOW I'VE PROBABLY BEEN GAINING AGAIN.

SO I WANT TO FIX THAT.

AND I'M MAKING AN APPOINTMENT

TO GO BACK AND SEE DR. NOW IN A MONTH.

MY GOAL IS TO LOSE AS MUCH WEIGHT AS POSSIBLE AND TRY

AND GET MY EXCESS-SKIN-REMOVAL APPROVAL AGAIN.

BUT JUST LIKE BEFORE, IT'S NOT EASY.

AND I WORK FIVE AND SIX DAYS A WEEK.

SOMETIMES, I WORK MORE THAN THAT.

I'VE WORKED 11 DAYS STRAIGHT, NOT HAD A DAY OFF.

SO THAT'S STILL MY BIGGEST OBSTACLE...

BECAUSE WHEN I GET OFF OF WORK I DON'T WANT TO COOK.

I'M JUST SO TIRED, AND IT'S JUST JUNK TO EAT AT HOME.

SO IF I WANT TO EAT HEALTHY, MY ONLY OPTION IS TO MAKE IT,

AND I DON'T FEEL UP TO IT.

STANDING AT THE STOVE IS THE LAST THING I REALLY WANT TO DO,

SO I GO FOR SOMETHING CONVENIENT.

SO MY STRATEGY RIGHT NOW IS TO JUST EAT A LITTLE OF

WHAT'S HERE AT THE HOUSE,

AND KEEP MY PORTIONS AS SMALL AS POSSIBLE.

BUT MY FAMILY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT MY DIETARY NEEDS,

AND THEY JUST HAVE A LOT OF JUNK AROUND.

AND SO, THE ONLY LONG-TERM SOLUTION

IS THAT I HAVE TO MOVE OUT.

BUT UNTIL I CAN SAVE UP TO DO THAT, I CAN'T JUST AVOID IT ALL.

I'M AROUND THIS FOOD ALL DAY,

SO I THINK JUST GIVING IN A LITTLE RIGHT NOW

AND EATING A TINY BIT WILL HELP ME GET BACK ON TRACK.

BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE MONTH

UNTIL MY NEXT APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW,

SO RIGHT NOW MY GOAL IS TO LOSE JUST ENOUGH

TO GET APPROVED FOR SKIN REMOVAL.

AND I'M HOPING IF I WORK HARD, THAT I'M ABLE TO DO THAT.

BECAUSE IF I DON'T AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I'M WORRIED

DR. NOW MAY EVEN GIVE UP ON ME.

Chay: I'M BACK TO SEE DR. NOW AGAIN,

AND IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

I WAS UP TO 393 BECAUSE I HAD GAINED 15 POUNDS,

BUT I'VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD

FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS TO FIX THAT.

CHAY GUILLORY?

SO I'M FEELING CONFIDENT I'M BACK ON TRACK,

BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'M MAKING NOW.

BUT EITHER WAY, I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

378.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

I'M HAPPY WITH THAT.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I'M BACK TO EXACTLY

WHAT I WAS EIGHT MONTHS AGO,

SO IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE MUCH OF A VICTORY

EVEN THOUGH I LOST.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HI THERE, DOC.

-HOW ARE YOU? -I'M OKAY.

-HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF? -ALL RIGHT.

SO, IT'S BEEN ABOUT EIGHT MONTHS

SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE.

SO I'M GLAD YOU'RE LOSING THEN,

BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHERE YOU SHOULD BE RIGHT NOW.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M HUNGRY A LOT MORE.

DO YOU FEEL THAT HUNGER IS PSYCHOLOGICAL

OR PHYSICAL HUNGER?

NO, IT'S PHYSICAL. I FEEL IT.

I FEEL THE GROWLING IN MY STOMACH.

SO, HOW OFTEN ARE YOU EATING NOW?

I TRY TO ONLY EAT ONCE OR TWICE A DAY.

I'M WORRIED IF I EAT MORE THAN ONCE A DAY

THAT I'LL EAT TOO MUCH.

NO, YOU'RE EATING MORE THAN YOU'RE TELLING ME.

AND YOU'RE NOT ADMITTING TO YOURSELF

THAT THE ISSUE IS EMOTIONAL.

NO, I THINK I'VE MESSED UP MY BYPASS SURGERY.

IT'S JUST I'M HUNGRY ALL THE TIME.

CAN I BE APPROVED FOR REVISION ON MY BYPASS?

YOUR BYPASS SURGERY IS FINE.

IF THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, THEN WE CAN'T REVISE IT, OKAY?

SO, YOU DON'T NEED THE REVISION.

YOU NEED TO CONTINUE WITH YOUR THERAPY.

UNTIL YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE

WHAT YOU NEED, OKAY?

YES, SIR.

I'M GLAD CHAY IS BACK AND READY TO GET BACK ON THE PROGRAM.

BUT HER WEIGHT LOSS,

FOR BEING GONE FOR EIGHT MONTHS, IS NEGLIGIBLE,

AND SHE IS CLEARLY OVEREATING

AND GIVING ME EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK

WHEN IT IS VERY SIMPLE.

THERE ARE UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL ISSUES DRIVING HER TO OVEREAT.

AND UNTIL SHE'S READY AND WILLING TO DEAL

WITH THOSE ISSUES,

SHE WON'T MAKE MUCH PROGRESS.

BUT SINCE I'M BACK DOWN TO WHERE I WAS, DO YOU THINK

I'M READY FOR SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY AGAIN?

UNTIL YOU START MAKING YOUR WEIGHT LOSS CONSISTENT,

I'M NOT CONFIDENT THAT YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL.

I UNDERSTAND.

SO YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO, BUT YOU CAN DO IT, CHAY.

YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND YOUR MOTIVATION.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

ALL RIGHT, DR. NOW.

Chay: IT WASN'T A BAD DOCTOR'S VISIT.

IT WASN'T AS POSITIVE AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE,

BUT IT WASN'T A BAD DOCTOR'S VISIT.

BUT MY GOAL RIGHT NOW IS TO WORK REALLY HARD TO GET APPROVED

FOR SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY AGAIN.

AND IF I COULD DO THAT SOON, AT LEAST THIS YEAR

WON'T FEEL LIKE A WASH,

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SPENT THE WHOLE YEAR

NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS.

Laura: THIS PAST MONTH HAS BEEN EXTREMELY HARD

AND DISAPPOINTING.

WE COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH THE RENT ON OUR NEW PLACE,

AND WE FELL BEHIND.

SO WE GOT EVICTED, AND THAT WAS REALLY HARD TO TAKE.

WE WERE HOMELESS, BUT MY SISTER SAID WE CAN COME STAY WITH HER.

SO I'M BACK LIVING WITH FAMILY.

AND MY SURGERY GOT POSTPONED BECAUSE MY TOOTH INFECTION

CAME BACK.

AND DR. NOW SAID THAT THEY CAN'T DO SURGERY

ON A PATIENT RECOVERING FROM AN INFECTION.

SO UNTIL I'M CLEARED FOR SURGERY AGAIN,

I'M JUST FOCUSING ON EATING HEALTHY

AND LOSING WEIGHT

UNTIL I CAN GET MY EXCESS SKIN REMOVED.

BUT I CAN'T WAIT BECAUSE IT'S GETTING SO PAINFUL,

AND THE ONLY WAY I CAN EVEN GET AROUND WITH IT RIGHT NOW

IS THAT I WEAR COMPRESSION GARMENTS.

BUT HAVING THE SKIN REMOVED IS GOING TO HELP ME

EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY.

BUT I'M JUST REALLY UNHAPPY RIGHT NOW

WITH HOW THINGS ARE GOING.

AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,

JOEY AND ME SEEM TO BE FIGHTING MORE THAN EVER.

SOMETIMES HE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT MY BODY'S DIFFERENT.

EVERYTHING'S ALWAYS MY FAULT.

WE FIGHT A LOT

BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS NOW.

AND I WANT TO KEEP BECOMING MORE INDEPENDENT AND GET A JOB

AND HAVE A CAREER.

HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO DO THAT.

I TOLD HIM I WANT TO GO TO BEAUTY SCHOOL,

AND HE GOT REALLY UPSET.

BUT NOW THAT I CAN GO OUT,

I DON'T WANT TO JUST STAY HOME ALL DAY.

I'M NOT 600 POUNDS ANYMORE, SO I DON'T NEED TO BE TRAPPED.

BUT IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD THAT I DON'T THINK THAT

THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF HOPE FOR US RIGHT NOW.

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN OUR FUTURE?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE THAT

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING?

ALL THE THINGS THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, YOU KNOW?

[BLEEP] THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH,

THAT WE'VE BEEN HOMELESS AND ALL THAT.

NO, BUT WE WERE.

IN THE LAST YEAR, WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH --

I'M TIRED OF THIS [BLEEP]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M OVER HERE MAKING FOOD FOR YOU.

-OKAY, I LOVE THE FOOD! -NO.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BAD THINGS THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH

IN THE LAST YEAR.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, WE'VE HAD ROUGH TIMES.

YES.

I'VE BEEN SICK.

YES, YOU WERE SICK, MY LOVE.

[ SCOFFS ] YOU DON'T -- YOU DON'T TALK.

YES, BUT YOU --

YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING. YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

YES, I AM SAYING STUFF,

BUT I'M NOT SAYING THAT WE'RE HOMELESS.

OKAY, WELL, SCRATCH THE HOMELESS.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.

POOR? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE HAVE FAMILY.

I'M NOT -- I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH.

YEAH, WE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF [BLEEP]

OKAY, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE -- THAT'S WHAT --

I KNOW. I'M TELLING YOU THAT.

YES, WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF STUFF.

Joey: IT'S BASICALLY LIKE I'M TRYING TO RELEARN

HOW TO BE WITH THIS NEW PERSON.

IT'S, LIKE, SHE GETS MAD FOR EVERYTHING

AND IT'S, LIKE, NOT EVEN ANYTHING TO GET MAD ABOUT.

AND I'M LIKE, "COME ON, WE DON'T NEED TO BE ARGUING FOR THIS."

WE SAY OKAY, AND THEN WE JUST ARGUE ABOUT ANOTHER DUMB THING.

SHE SAYS THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE GOES THROUGH,

BUT I'VE BEEN WITH HER FOR LIKE 15 YEARS

AND I KNOW WHAT SHE GOES THROUGH.

I FEEL THE SAME PAIN SHE DOES.

WE'RE GOING TO LOSE EACH OTHER FOR JUST AN ARGUMENT.

THAT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT.

I WANT MY WIFE TO BE HAPPY.

AND I DON'T MAKE HER HAPPY.

Laura: MAYBE WE'RE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.

HE THINKS THAT I'M THE ONE THAT'S CHANGED, BUT I HAVEN'T.

IT'S JUST THAT HE LOOKS AT ME DIFFERENT

BECAUSE I LOOK DIFFERENT.

I DON'T SEE A LONG TERM.

[ Crying ] I NEED HIM TO HELP ME.

I DON'T NEED PHYSICAL HELP. I NEED EMOTIONAL.

AND TALK TO ME, COMMUNICATION.

I FEEL LONELY AND I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK TO.

Chay: I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A PLAN TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK,

SO I'VE MADE A GOAL CHART.

A GOAL CHART IS JUST A VISUALIZATION

OF THE THINGS YOU WANT TO HAPPEN

THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO MANIFEST IN YOUR LIFE.

WEIGHT LOSS IS THE CENTER OF IT,

AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN THE OTHER THREE ASPECTS HAVE TO HAPPEN --

EXERCISE, DIET, SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT THE ONE PART OF THE PROCESS I'M DREADING IS THE EXERCISE.

BUT READY OR NOT, I'M STARTING IT TOMORROW MORNING.

IT'S TIME I GET MORE SERIOUS ABOUT MY LIFE CHANGE,

WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT.

TODAY, I'M HEADED TO THE GYM TO WORK OUT.

AND I'M HOPING THAT THIS WILL BE

WHAT I NEED TO GET ME BACK GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

BUT I HATE THE GYM.

THE GYM IS THE DEVIL.

I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO AND A SHORT TIME TO DO IT IN,

SO I HAVE TO GET MOTIVATED.

BUT THAT IS NOT MY FORTE, SO THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO DO THIS

AND STICK TO IT IS I HAVE A PERSONAL TRAINER.

HI, THERE.

GOOD MORNING.

I'M CHAY.

MY NAME IS BRITANY.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU, TOO.

SO, ARE YOU READY TO GO GET STARTED?

AS READY AS I'LL EVER BE.

OKAY.

YOU CAN START RIGHT HERE.

SO, YOU CAN BRING IT UP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT

FOR YOUR INTENSITY.

YOU'LL BE DONE WITH THIS IN NO TIME.

YEAH, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BE DEAD.

NO, YOU WON'T.

[ LAUGHS ]

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN APPLYING MYSELF LIKE I SHOULD,

AND I HAVE TO CHANGE THAT.

BUT I KNOW I CAN GET THERE AND GET MY NEXT SKIN REMOVAL

AND KEEP GOING FROM THERE UNTIL I GET TO MY TARGET.

AND I MAY NOT HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS PHYSICALLY,

BUT I DO FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS

WITH MY EMOTIONS AND MY SOCIAL ANXIETY.

AND I DON'T FEEL AS LONELY AS I DID,

BECAUSE I KNOW I'M CONNECTED TO A COMMUNITY OUT THERE

THAT CARES ABOUT ME REGARDLESS OF WHERE I AM.

AND JUST REALIZING THEY'RE OUT THERE HAS HELPED ME SOME,

IN A WEIRD WAY.

I CHEATED ON THAT LAST ONE, BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT.

IT'S OKAY. YOU STILL DID IT.

ONE BIG THING I'M TAKING A LEAP AND DOING IS MOVING OUT

AND GETTING A PLACE OF MY OWN.

I FOUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET

FROM MY MOM IN THE SAME, LIKE, LITTLE COMPLEX.

AND SHE'S LIKE, "HEY, IT'S FOR RENT.

COME LOOK AT IT."

AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND IT.

IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT AT LEAST I'M ON MY OWN AND IN A PLACE

WHERE I CAN PREVENT THE TEMPTATION ALL AROUND ME.

BUT THE CHANGE THAT I'VE MADE THAT I'M MOST EXCITED ABOUT

IS THAT I'VE AUDITIONED FOR A PLAY,

AND I'VE GOT A LEAD PART.

I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE AND HAD DISCOVERED ACTING.

I GOT TO GO BACKSTAGE AND TRANSFORM.

I'VE BEEN HELPING OUT AT THE THEATER FOR A LONG TIME,

BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THE COURAGE TO TRY OUT FOR ANYTHING BIG.

AND I DECIDED TO JUST GO FOR IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M JUST GETTING MY FEET WET, BUT I LOVE IT.

I'M PLAYING A WOMAN NAMED CLAIREE,

AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CHARACTER SPEAKS TO ME.

SHE IS ME.

I'M AN OLD LADY, AND SO IS SHE.

MORNING, TRUVY.

I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING PROGRESS,

AND SO I'M PLANNING ON GOING TO BE DR. NOW

IN A COUPLE WEEKS, THEN SHOW HIM MY WEIGHT LOSS

AND GET APPROVED FOR SKIN REMOVAL AGAIN.

SO I'M WORKING HARD FOR THAT.

I'M GOING TO START THIS NEXT YEAR OFF RIGHT,

AND BY DOING WHAT I FAILED TO DO THIS PAST YEAR.

RIGHT NOW, I'M MORE MOTIVATED AND DEDICATED

TO WHAT I NEED TO DO THAN EVER.

I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO AND A LOT OF WORK AHEAD OF ME.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE JOURNEY AGAIN.

AND THAT MAKES ME EXCITED ABOUT WHAT'S TO COME,

AND I'M ACTUALLY FEELING HAPPY.

Lauren: I TOLD JOEY THAT I WANTED TO START BEAUTY SCHOOL

TO BECOME A MAKEUP SPECIALIST.

AND JOEY WAS ADAMANTLY AGAINST IT.

BUT I'VE JUST DECIDED THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND I'M DOING IT,

SO I TOLD HIM HE CAN DEAL WITH IT.

-HI! -HI.

EVELYN. GOOD TO MEET YOU.

I'M LAURA PEREZ.

COME ON IN. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

-GREAT. -GREAT!

Laura: I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP LIVING DEPENDENT ON ANYONE,

AND I'M READY TO START DOING EVERYTHING I WANT.

DR. NOW SAYS THAT MY SYSTEM

IS STILL RECOVERING FROM THE INFECTION,

BUT THAT I SHOULD BE READY FOR MY SKIN REMOVAL

IN THREE TO FOUR WEEKS.

SO, I'M JUST NOT SITTING AROUND UNTIL THEN

BECAUSE ONCE I HAVE IT,

IT WILL PUT ME OUT FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

SO, I'M EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT I CAN DO TO START MY CAREER.

SO, TELL ME, WHAT IS IT THAT REALLY DRAWS YOU TO THIS FIELD?

I LIKE MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL, YEAH.

WELL, YOU HAVE A GREAT STORY.

I THINK WITH YOUR STORY, YOU WOULD BE ABLE

TO RELATE TO PEOPLE.

SO, THIS, AGAIN,

SO, WE DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO QUALIFY YOU

FOR, UH, FEDERAL FUNDS.

AND IT'S A COURSE OF ABOUT SIX MONTHS.

WE CAN GET YOU IN AND REALLY GET YOU STARTED ON A NEW CAREER.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LAURA. YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE MEETING YOU.

-IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU. -THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE COMING HERE,

I WASN'T REALLY SURE IF I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS

BECAUSE OF THE MONEY AND TIMING.

BUT THIS IS PERFECT.

SO I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW

ABOUT ALL THE WAYS MY LIFE IS CHANGING.

HI, LAURA. I'M STEPHANIE.

-NICE TO MEET YOU. -NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON BACK?

RIGHT THIS WAY.

WITH ALL THE TROUBLE BETWEEN ME AND JOEY,

I DON'T WANT MY EMOTIONS TO SEND ME RUNNING BACK TO FOOD,

SO I'M GOING TO THERAPY EVERY OTHER WEEK.

I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO CONTINUE TO LEAN INTO SEEING YOURSELF

AS MORE THAN JUST WHAT YOUR BODY IMAGE IS, OKAY?

DOES THAT SOUND ALL RIGHT?

-SOUNDS GREAT. -OKAY, GOOD.

Laura: SO, I'M WORKING ON ME RIGHT NOW TO GET READY

FOR SOME HARD MONTHS AHEAD.

AND THE QUESTION IS IF JOEY CAN GET TO KNOW

AND LOVE ME LIKE THIS.

BECAUSE I DO LOVE HIM,

BUT IF HE CAN'T ACCEPT ME MAKING THE CHANGES

I WANT IN MY LIFE,

THEN I CAN'T BE WITH HIM ANYMORE.

HE CAN'T CONTROL ME OR TELL ME I CAN'T HAVE A SAY IN THINGS.

THAT'S NOT THE PERSON I AM ANYMORE,

BECAUSE I'M NOT TRAPPED IN A CHAIR

OR MY BED ALL DAY LIKE I WAS.

SO I KNOW THESE NEXT FEW MONTHS AREN'T GOING TO BE EASY,

AND I'M SETTING MYSELF UP

TO BE READY FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS.

IN A MONTH AFTER MY SKIN REMOVAL,

MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY WILL BE CLOSE TO BEING OVER,

AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT.

I'VE WORKED HARD TO GET HERE, AND I'M READY TO BE

WHO I'VE WANTED TO BE

AND TO GET OUT IN THE WORLD AND SEE WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF.

AND NOTHING'S GOING TO STOP ME FROM DOING THAT, NO MATTER WHAT.