All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S05E22

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

Milla: I CAN'T EVEN
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

MY CHILDREN HAVE TO DO
EVERYTHING FOR ME.

Charity:
I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER.

Nikki:
I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

[ Crying ]
IT'S MISERABLE.

Brittani: MY BODY IS THE MOST
DISGUSTING THING IN THE WORLD.

**

Woman:
I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.

June: I'M RISKING MY LIFE
FOR A BETTER LIFE.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

-OOH, CHILD!
-PULL. GOOD. THERE YOU GO!

GOOD JOB.

Teretha:
I'M GETTING STRONGER, BUT I KNOW
I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.

Paula: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

**

Susan: I AM NOW EXPRESSING
MYSELF AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH.

Milla: I'M SO HAPPY
ABOUT THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE.

June: I AM LIVING LIFE, AND
I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT.

I'M MORE MOTIVATED THAN EVER.

I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW.

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Laura: I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED
IN THIS BODY.

IT'S JUST HUMILIATING.

THERE'S SOME DAYS I WANT TO DIE.

WE DO MOSTLY EVERYTHING FOR HER.

SHE NEEDS SOMEBODY ALL THE TIME.

Laura: [ Crying ]
IT'S AN UGLY FEELING.

I DON'T WANT NOBODY TO EVER HAVE
TO GO THROUGH THIS.

EVERY TIME I HAVE A STRESS
IN MY LIFE, I TURN TO SWEETS.

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M FAILING.

I FEEL LIKE I'M GIVING UP.

AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING

OR I'M NOT GONNA BE
AROUND MUCH LONGER.

I'M A LITTLE SCARED
TO FIND OUT MY WEIGHT.

WHOA.

LAURA IS PHYSICALLY IN ONE
OF THE WORST SHAPE I HAVE SEEN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET CONTROL
OF YOUR EATING,

AND I NEED YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS
OVER THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS.

THIS IS STEAMED CHICKEN
WITH VEGETABLES, BELL PEPPER,

ONION, AND MUSHROOMS.

IT'S VERY DIFFERENT
THAN WHAT I WAS EATING.

Joey: SHE'S REALLY STICKING
TO HER DIET,

SO I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

Laura: OH, MY GOSH.

YOU'VE LOST
QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT,

SO I'M GOING TO APPROVE
YOU FOR SURGERY.

WE'RE GONNA SCHEDULE YOU
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

[ LAUGHS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan:
LAURA HAS VERY LARGE LIVER THAT
COVER UP A PART OF THE STOMACH,

AND THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE
TO DO A BYPASS.

SO WE HAVE TO DO
A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY.

THIS SURGERY
WILL STILL HELP HER,

BUT NOT AS MUCH
AS A FULL BYPASS.

Laura: I'M TRYING TO GET MY LIFE
BACK, BUT I STILL CRAVINGS,

AND I'VE BEEN THROWING UP A LOT

BECAUSE I'M EATING MORE
THAN MY STOMACH CAN HOLD.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO DIE.

Joey: LAURA IS MY LIFE.

SHE'S BEEN THERE WITH ME
THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

COMING THAT CLOSE TO DEATH
MADE ME REALIZE

HOW MUCH OF MY LIFE I'VE WASTED.

I'VE TAKEN ALL THIS PAIN
AND BITTERNESS,

AND ALL I DID WAS EAT
INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, ONE OF
MY OLDER COUSINS MOLESTED ME.

I BLAMED MY MOM
FOR WHAT HAPPENED,

AND I NEVER LET THAT GO.

I BLAMED YOU,
BUT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
LAURA HAS PROVEN THAT SHE CAN

GET HER EMOTIONAL
EATING UNDER CONTROL.

WE JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE

THAT WE KEEP THIS GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

Laura: ME LOSING WEIGHT
IS HARD ON JOEY.

Joey: I FEEL LIKE
I'M ON THE SIDELINES.

SHE DON'T NEED ME AS OFTEN,

AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED
OF LOSING HER

WITH ALL THE CHANGES
WE'RE GOING THROUGH.

Laura:
THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM.

I NEED TO LOSE
THE WEIGHT FOR ME.

JOEY AND I ARE GOING TO SEE
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR TODAY.

OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS REACHED
ITS BREAKING POINT,

AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GET MAD

WHEN I'M JUST TRYING
TO HELP YOU.

BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE
I'M THAT BIG PERSON AGAIN.

Woman: THAT'S A CHOICE
THAT YOU STAY NOW,

OR A CHOICE
THAT YOU CAN LEAVE.

AND I WOULD NEVER
LEAVE YOU.

WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO STAY?

BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THIS EXTRA SKIN
MAKES ME FEEL DISGUSTING,

AND I AM VERY EMBARRASSED
OF MY BODY.

THIS PART IS REALLY ANNOYING.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
I'LL REMOVE THAT SMALL MASS.

BUT UNTIL YOU LOSE MORE WEIGHT,
REST OF YOUR BODY

IS NOT READY SKIN SURGERY.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
WE REMOVED ABOUT 5 POUNDS
OF MASS IN LOWER ABDOMEN,

AND IT'S GOING TO HAVE
A BIG IMPACT

ON HER ABILITY TO BE ACTIVE.

Laura:
THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN VERY LONG,

AND I STILL HAVE
MORE WORK LEFT TO DO,

BUT I'M GONNA REACH MY GOALS.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
ABOUT LOSING 300 POUNDS

IS ALL THE CLOTHES
I CAN WEAR NOW.

BUT I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT,

SO THEY GET BAGGY
ON ME REALLY QUICK.

SO I STILL CAN'T GO OUT
AND BUY A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.

BUT WHEN I HOLD
AN OUTFIT UP TO ME,

THAT REMINDS ME OF HOW BIG I WAS
AND HOW FAR I'VE COME.

AND IT REMINDS ME
THAT I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK

TO THE SIZE I WAS.

I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO BEING
THAT PERSON I WAS BEFORE.

I'M HAPPY WHERE I'M AT NOW,
AND I KNOW THAT

AFTER I'M DONE WITH EVERYTHING,

I'M GONNA BE A BETTER PERSON.

THIS SHIRT USED TO FIT ME,
LIKE, RIGHT THERE,

SO LIKE HALF OF MY STOMACH
WOULD SHOW.

AND NOW THIS -- IT WILL FIT ME,
LIKE, RIGHT THERE.

I LOVE ALL THE WAYS
MY LIFE IS BETTER.

I'M MORE ACTIVE NOW
THAN I WAS BEFORE.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANYONE
TAKE CARE OF ME NOW.

I DO EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF.

TO BE INDEPENDENT IS AWESOME

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
TO ASK NOBODY FOR ANYTHING.

SO I WANT TO KEEP GOING
AND DO EVEN MORE.

AND I'M HOPING TO GET
TO MY TARGET WEIGHT THIS YEAR

SO I CAN GET OUT
AND FIND A JOB AND JOEY

AND I CAN FINALLY MOVE OUT
OF MY PARENTS' HOUSE,

BECAUSE MY MOM HAD TO HELP TAKE
CARE OF ME WHEN JOEY COULDN'T.

BUT NOW THAT I DON'T NEED EITHER
OF THEM TO WATCH AFTER ME,

I COULD START WORKING,

THEN WE CAN AFFORD
OUR OWN PLACE.

SO I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO DO
SO MUCH AS SOON

AS I FINISH
MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO STOP
OR SLOW DOWN ANYTIME SOON.

I'M AROUND A HUNDRED POUNDS
FROM MY TARGET WEIGHT,

AND I WANT TO KEEP GOING
AND LOSE

WHAT I NEED NO MATTER WHAT.

BUT IT'S BEEN
A LITTLE HARDER LATELY

BECAUSE I HAVE
A TOOTH INFECTION

AND IT'S MAKING THE REST
OF MY BODY STRUGGLE.

SO WHAT I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH LATELY IS MY SYSTEM

IS ALWAYS ON A MEDICATION
TO HELP IT HEAL --

ANTIBIOTIC AFTER ANTIBIOTIC
AFTER ANTIBIOTIC.

AND IT JUST REMINDS ME
OF HOW MUCH STRAIN

I PUT ON MY BODY
FOR SO MANY YEARS

AND HOW IT CAN'T HANDLE EVEN
THE SIMPLEST THINGS SOMETIMES.

SO I'M JUST GRATEFUL TO HAVE
LOST THE WEIGHT I HAVE.

BECAUSE I KNOW IF THIS WOULD'VE
HAPPENED BEFORE I DID,

I PROBABLY WOULDN'T
BE ABLE TO SURVIVE IT.

SO RIGHT NOW, I'M STRUGGLING
UNTIL I CAN RECOVER FROM THIS.

SO, HOW DID YOU SLEEP
LAST NIGHT?

I'M TAKING THOSE
MUSCLE RELAXERS.

SO YOU PASSED OUT, HUH?

ONCE I TAKE IT,
IT IS ALL LIGHTS OUT.

I JUST FORGET.

SO, I'M WORKING TO IMPROVE
MY BODY RIGHT NOW,

AND I'M STILL WORKING
THROUGH THINGS EMOTIONALLY, TOO.

THE HARDEST ISSUE IS PROBABLY
ALL THE DIFFICULTY JOEY

AND I ARE HAVING.

FOR ALMOST 15 YEARS,
OUR RELATIONSHIP

HAS REVOLVED AROUND HIM
TAKING CARE OF ME.

AND NOW THAT ALL THAT'S CHANGED,
WE'RE HAVING TO WORK THROUGH

HOW IT'S ALTERED
OUR RELATIONSHIP.

AND I DON'T THINK JOEY WANTS ME
TO KEEP LOSING MORE WEIGHT.

IN FACT, HE TOLD ME, "NO,
I DON'T WANT YOU TOO SKINNY."

AND THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS LIKE,
"WHERE DID YOUR BUTT GO?"

SO JOEY IS HAVING A HARD TIME
WITH HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST.

SO WE'RE STILL WORKING TO FIND
THE BALANCE BETWEEN US.

AND HE SAID HE WANTS
THE OLD ME BACK.

CAN I HAVE
THE LITTLE SQUARE CHEESE?

Joey: I'LL DO ANYTHING
SHE NEEDS ME TO DO,

BUT, REALLY, SHE DON'T NEED ME

SO I'M JUST KIND OF
ON THE SIDELINES.

AND IT IS HARD FOR ME
'CAUSE I WANT HER TO NEED ME.

Laura: AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE
ALL HE'S DONE FOR ME,

I'M NEVER GOING BACK
TO THE WAY I WAS.

AND JOEY IS GOING TO HAVE
TO SUPPORT THAT.

AND RIGHT NOW I'M PUSHING MYSELF
EVEN HARDER

BECAUSE MY WEIGHT LOSS
HAS BEEN PLATEAUING.

AND FOR THE LAST 5 MONTHS,
I'VE ONLY LOST 10 POUNDS,

SO I'M EATING AS LITTLE
AS POSSIBLE RIGHT NOW.

BUT I'M NOT SURE
IF IT'S HELPING ME.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE --
"OH, I'M GONNA GET THE GASTRIC,

AND I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT."

IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

I SEE DR. NOW AGAIN
IN A MONTH,

AND I'M REALLY HOPING THAT
MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS PICKED UP.

BUT IF IT HASN'T, THEN I REALLY
DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE I CAN DO.

Chay: I HATE MY LIFE.

I'M 23 YEARS OLD,

AND I CAN HARDLY
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

AND THAT SCARES ME.

AND I GET VERY AGGRAVATED
WITH MYSELF 'CAUSE I THINK,

"HOW COULD YOU LET IT
GET THIS FAR?"

I HAD A VERY DARK CHILDHOOD.

I HAVE A LOT OF PAIN
AND ANGER TOWARDS MY MOM.

EVERYTHING SHE DID MADE ME FEEL
LIKE NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE ME.

SO, WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD,
I CAME TO LIVE

WITH MY GRANDPARENTS
PERMANENTLY.

FOOD WAS MY COMFORT.

IT WAS THE ONLY THING
THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER.

IT WAS THE ONLY THING
THAT MADE ME FEEL

LIKE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

AND 10 POUNDS HERE LEADS TO 20
POUNDS, LEADS TO 40 POUNDS,

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
GEEZ LOUISE, YOU'RE 600 POUNDS.

AND I KNOW IF I KEEP
LIVING LIKE THIS,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE
MUCH LONGER.

WOW!

I'M CONCERNED THAT CHAY THINKS
THAT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

IS GOING TO SOLVE
ALL HIS PROBLEMS.

YOU'RE USING FOOD
TO COPE WITH LIFE.

SO I WANT TO SEE YOU
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EATING

BEFORE WE DO
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

AND LOSE 40 POUND
OVER NEXT COUPLE MONTHS.

Chay: I DON'T THINK I CAN
DO THIS WITHOUT MY GRANDMA.

AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT.

I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP.

SO, IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS,

AND YOU HAVE LOST
ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

WHY IS THAT?

MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED
AWAY VERY SUDDENLY.

LOSING SOMEONE IS HORRIBLE,

BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE
GOOD ENOUGH

TO LIVE LIKE YOU ARE.

I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO A
THERAPIST TO HELP YOU WITH THIS.

I'M STEPHANIE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

-NICE TO MEET YOU.
-COME ON BACK.

OKAY.

MY GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME,
AND SHE PASSED AWAY,

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP,
AND THEN I EAT.

THE FEELINGS ARE GONNA
GO SOMEWHERE.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING
AND THEN LET IT OUT.

I'M TRYING AND WILL TAKE CONTROL
OF MY HEALTH AND MY WELL-BEING.

MY WEIGHT HAS TO BE DOWN
TO AT LEAST 550 POUNDS,

AND THIS MAY BE MY LAST CHANCE
TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

YOU DID GREAT
WITH YOUR WEIGHT LOSS.

I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
READY FOR SURGERY.

[ LAUGHS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan:
TODAY WE'RE DOING
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON CHAY.

SO NOW HE'LL BE ABLE
TO EAT MUCH LESS.

BUT THE BIG FACTOR IS GOING
TO BE HE KEEPS DEALING

WITH HIS EMOTION IN HEALTHY WAY.

Chay: THE PAIN FROM MY MOM
HAS DRIVEN ME MORE TO FOOD

THAN ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.

SO I HAVE TO FIND A WAY
TO LET IT GO.

I COULDN'T EXACTLY
COUNT ON YOU.

BECAUSE I'M AN ADDICT,
AND I REGRET THAT.

HEARING MY MOM SAY THAT SHE
COULD'VE BEEN BETTER AS A MOM,

I FINALLY FEEL LIKE
SHE'S HEARD WHAT I'M SAYING

AND THAT MY VOICE
IS FINALLY BEING RECEIVED.

CHAY, YOU HAVE COME
A LONG WAY.

YOU'RE DOING VERY GOOD.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I'M HOPING THAT IT'LL GET BETTER
AS I DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS

MORE AND MORE.

ONCE I LOSE THE WEIGHT,
IT WILL BE POSSIBLE FOR ME

TO BE THE PERSON
I'VE ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS,

AND THAT PERSON IS A WOMAN.

AND THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO COME OUT TO MY FAMILY.

THAT'S ONLY 14 POUND
IN 2 MONTHS.

THAT'S NOT
A LOT OF PROGRESS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'VE COME TO ADMIT TO MYSELF
THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON.

ARE YOU GOING TO PURSUE
GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

I WANT TO HAVE SURGERY, TOO.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE

TWO VERY MAJOR CHANGES
AT THE SAME TIME.

SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT
FOR ANYTHING VERY BIG

UNTIL YOU GET CLOSE
TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT.

TA-DA!

I AM INDEED A TRANS WOMAN.

YEAH, YOU GOT MY SUPPORT.

WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD
MY SUPPORT FROM THE BEGINNING.

Chay: MY GENDER IDENTITY
WAS DEFINITELY PART

OF MY INNER CONFLICT,
WHICH CAUSED ME TO OVEREAT.

I'M REALLY HOPING MY WEIGHT LOSS
HAS BEEN ENOUGH

TO FINALLY QUALIFY
FOR SKIN SURGERY.

I THINK YOU'RE DOING GREAT
AND YOU'RE READY

FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN REMOVAL.

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR
EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED.

I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG,
AND I FEEL LIKE

I'M FINALLY STARTING MY LIFE
AS THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

BUT I'VE BEEN TOO AFRAID TO BE.

THE LAST TWO YEARS HAVE BEEN

THE MOST LIFE-CHANGING
YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I WAS JUST UNDER 600 POUNDS
AND STUCK AT HOME ALL DAY.

AND I'VE GONE FROM BEING
TOO BIG TO GO ANYWHERE

TO NOW HAVING A JOB

AND TAKING CARE
OF MYSELF DAY TO DAY.

BUT I'M STILL LIVING
WITH MY UNCLE AND HIS FAMILY.

AND THAT'S BEEN TOUGH
BECAUSE THEY HADN'T SIGNED UP

TO LOSE WEIGHT LIKE I HAD.

AND PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING
ABOUT LIVING HERE IS THE FOOD

THAT'S AROUND ME ALL DAY LONG.

SO IT'S UP TO ME TO BE
AROUND UNHEALTHY FOOD

AND NOT GIVE IN TO EATING
ANY OF IT.

IT DOES MEAN I END UP SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME IN MY ROOM

SO I CAN JUST GET AWAY
FROM IT ALL.

AND I'M TRYING TO SAVE UP MONEY
TO GET A PLACE OF MY OWN NOW

BECAUSE I THINK LIVING ALONE
WOULD CAUSE ME

TO HAVE LESS TEMPTATIONS
TO CHEAT ON MY DIET.

BUT RIGHT NOW I'M DOING MY BEST.

AND SOME DAYS
ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS.

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY
WITH HOW I'M DOING OVERALL.

AND I KNOW, THIS NEXT MONTH,
THINGS WILL BE EVEN BETTER

WHEN I'VE RECOVERED FROM
MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

THAT I'M HAVING.

BECAUSE I'LL BE ABLE TO DO
EVEN MORE AFTER THAT,

SO I CAN'T WAIT.

I'M LOOKING IN THE MIRROR,
AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.

I AM JUST SO OVER
ALL THIS EXCESS SKIN.

I WANT IT GONE.

IT'S JUST BAGGAGE
THAT NEEDS TO GO --

NOT BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT LOOKS,
BUT THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL.

I WANT DR. NOW
TO GET RID OF THIS.

ALSO, I'D LIKE HIM
TO GET RID OF THIS.

IT JUST POKES OUT
WHENEVER I PUT MY ARM DOWN.

IT'S JUST FLOPPY
AND FLIMFLAMMY.

AFTER I GET SKIN SURGERY,
I'M GONNA FEEL A LITERAL

AND METAPHORICAL LIGHTNESS

BECAUSE THE EXTRA WEIGHT
WILL BE GONE.

IT'S JUST A REMINDER OF THE LIFE
I USED TO LIVE

AND HOW EMOTIONAL I USED TO BE.

I'M DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD
TO THE REFLECTION

I SEE IN THE MIRROR
AFTER SKIN SURGERY.

SO I'M SO READY FOR THIS
BECAUSE IT WILL NOT ONLY MEAN

I CAN GET AROUND A LOT BETTER,

BUT IT MEANS I CAN START
TO TAKE OTHER STEPS IN MY LIFE

THAT I WANT AND THAT
I CAN KEEP MOVING FORWARD

WITH MY GENDER-REASSIGNMENT
SURGERY.

I LIVE MY ENTIRE LIFE, 24/7,

AS A WOMAN
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM.

I'M NOW AS "MISS CHAY,"
WHICH IS KIND OF FUNNY.

BEING CALLED MISS, IT'S LIKE,

"DAMN, I'M OLD ENOUGH
TO BE CALLED MISS?"

I HAD ORIGINALLY
PICKED THE NAME LOLA

'CAUSE IT WAS A NAME
I ALWAYS LIKED,

BUT ONCE PEOPLE STARTED
CALLING ME THAT,

I REALIZED I DON'T LIKE IT
SO MUCH FOR MYSELF.

SO I DECIDED TO JUST KEEP
MY REGULAR NAME, CHAY.

SO, I'M JUST EXCITED ABOUT
ALL THE THINGS ON THE HORIZON,

AND MY EXCESS-SKIN-REMOVAL
SURGERY

IS GONNA BE A HUGE LEAP
IN MY PROGRESS

AND WILL HOPEFULLY HELP ME START
TO LOSE EVEN MORE.

I KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA BE AN EASY
OPERATION, BUT I'M READY FOR IT.

Laura: I'M HEADED TO SEE
DR. NOW TODAY, BUT I'M SCARED

BECAUSE MY WEIGHT LOSS
HAS SLOWED SO MUCH

THAT I'M WORRIED I'M ABOUT
TO START GAINING AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT TO GAIN THE WEIGHT
BACK THAT I'VE LOST

AND THAT I WORKED SO HARD FOR.

IN THE BEGINNING,
I WAS LOSING RAPID WEIGHT.

AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I DON'T LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I EAT,
WHAT I DON'T EAT.

THE WEIGHT JUST STAYS THE SAME.

SO I'VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD
JUST TO PICK UP THE PACE

SINCE I'VE ONLY BEEN
LOSING A COUPLE POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT,
I WAS AT 297.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
LOSING 15 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO THAT WOULD MEAN
I NEED TO BE AT 267 TODAY.

Woman: 289.

YEE!

I'M HAPPY.

YOU'RE LOSING WEIGHT SO...

I KNOW.
I'M HAPPY.

...THAT'S GOOD.

I KNOW THAT'S STILL NOT AS MUCH
AS IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE,

BUT I FEEL GREAT

BECAUSE THE SCALE'S SHOWING

THAT I'M LOSING WEIGHT AGAIN.

AND THAT'S MORE THAN
I'VE LOST FOR MONTHS.

SO I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

GOOD.

SO, YOU LOST
8 POUNDS TODAY,

BUT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS
HAS BEEN VERY MINIMAL

FOR GOING ON
FIVE MONTHS NOW.

SO THAT IS A BIG CONCERN FOR ME,
AND SO I THINK THE BEST THING

AT THIS POINT WILL BE A REVISION
ON YOUR GASTRIC SLEEVE

TO MAKE IT A FULL BYPASS TO HELP
STOP YOU FROM GAINING AGAIN.

SO IF I DON'T HAVE IT, THEN I
WILL GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK,

RIGHT, WITH THE SURGERY
I HAVE NOW?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU HAVE EATING DISORDER,

AND THIS HAS BEEN
CONSTANT STRUGGLE

-FOR YOU TO CONTROL IT.
-ALL MY LIFE.

AND WITH THE GASTRIC BYPASS,
IT WILL BE MUCH EASIER

TO CONTROL
YOUR EATING DISORDER.

AND THAT HOPEFULLY
WILL GIVE SOME IDEA

TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABIT
ON A PERMANENT BASIS

AND MAINTAIN HEALTHY WEIGHT.

LAURA SHOULD NOT HAVE
ANY TROUBLE LOSING AT LEAST

15 POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT AT THIS POINT,

SHE LIKELY HAS
STRETCHED HER STOMACH BACK OUT,

SO WE NEED TO INTERVENE.

IF WE DON'T, SHE'LL CONTINUE
TO STRETCH HER STOMACH BACK

AS SHE OVEREATS,

AND THEN SHE'LL START
TO GAIN RAPIDLY.

THERE IS NO REASON YOU SHOULDN'T
MAKE IT TO YOUR TARGET WEIGHT

IN THE NEXT
10 MONTHS OR SO,

BUT WE NEED TO HELP YOU
GET THERE.

OKAY.

SO WE'RE GONNA COMPLETE
YOUR GASTRIC BYPASS

WITH THIS OPERATION,

AND THAT'S GONNA BE
MORE EFFECTIVE

FOR YOUR WEIGHT LOSS, OKAY?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SO EXCITED, AND I'M HAPPY
THAT YOU'VE CHANGED MY LIFE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M HAPPY THAT I GOT
APPROVED FOR SURGERY

BECAUSE THE SURGERY MEANS
HAVING MY INDEPENDENCE

AND HAVING MY LIFE BACK.

NOW I'M JUST NERVOUS BECAUSE

I JUST DON'T WANT
NOTHING TO GO WRONG.

Chay: THERE ARE SO MANY
REALLY GOOD THINGS

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SOON.

BUT I'M JUST REALLY
STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT DEPRESSED
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I'M JUST TIRED.

I JUST GOT OUT OFF WORK,
AND I'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.

SO THE OTHER OBSTACLE I'M FACING
WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS

IS THAT I'M WORKING PRETTY MUCH
NONSTOP RIGHT NOW

AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

SO A CONVENIENCE IS FAST FOOD,
WHICH I KNOW I SHOULDN'T EAT.

BUT ALL I WANT IS SOMETHING
QUICK AND EASY AND TO GO HOME

AND GET IN MY PAJAMAS
AND JUST GO TO BED.

TONIGHT, I'M HAVING A BURGER FOR
DINNER FROM A FAST-FOOD JOINT

BECAUSE IT'S FAST, IT'S EASY,

IT DOESN'T TAKE
ANY EFFORT ON MY PART.

BUT IT'S STILL NOT LIKE IT
WAS A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

I'D GO GET FRIED FOOD
ONCE OR TWICE A DAY.

AND WHEN I GO BACK,
IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING BACK

TO SOMETHING COMFORTABLE,

WHICH IS WHY I KNOW I HAVE TO BE
EXTRA CAREFUL NOT TO LET MYSELF

FALL BACK INTO MY OLD HABITS

IN THE SAME WAY.

Woman: YOU CAN GO
WITH YOUR ORDER.

GIVE ME
THE NUMBER TWO COMBO.

WILL THAT BE ALL?

THAT'S IT.

BUT WHEN I'M TIRED,
THAT'S WHEN I GIVE IN

AND I DO STUFF
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T.

AND THEN I FEEL SICK
TO MY STOMACH

AND JUST GROSS
BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE DONE.

IT'S ME AGAIN.

THANK YOU.
OH, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE,
HONEY BUNS.

YOU, TOO.

SOMEONE CAN SAY IT TAKES JUST
AS MUCH TIME TO GET A BURGER

AS IT DOES TO MAKE A SALAD,

BUT ONE REQUIRES ME TO STAND UP

AND STAY ON MY ACHING FEET,
AND ONE DOESN'T.

BUT I GET SCARED BECAUSE
I DON'T WANT TO START TO GIVE IN

AND FALL BACK INTO OLD HABITS.

I KNOW FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

I'M GONNA BE BATTLING
GAINING ALL MY WEIGHT BACK.

AND WHEN I GIVE IN,
THAT'S WHEN THAT POSSIBILITY

IS AS CLOSE AS IT CAN EVER GET

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP
BACK TO BEING 600

IS JUST TO DO IT AGAIN.

SO I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LET THIS
HAPPEN AND START TO GAIN.

AND I'M JUST SO BUSY AT WORK.

I ASKED DR. NOW TO MOVE
MY SURGERY TO NEXT MONTH.

SO I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED
A LITTLE BIT LONGER,

AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE,
NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM,

THAT I CAN'T JUST GO
FOR THE EASY OPTION.

BECAUSE IF I DO, I KNOW
I'LL RISK LOSING EVERYTHING.

AND NOTHING IN THE WORLD WOULD
BE WORTH LETTING THAT HAPPEN.

I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW

FOR MY PRE-OP
APPOINTMENT TODAY.

THANK YOU.

MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY IS
SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW,

AND DR. NOW WANTS ME
TO COME IN TO MAKE SURE

EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD
FOR SURGERY.

BUT I'VE HAD A FOUR-HOUR BUS
RIDE HERE TO JUST THINK ABOUT

AND WORRY WHAT MY WEIGHT
IS GOING TO BE

SO I'M JUST NOT LOOKING FORWARD
TO THE SCALE TODAY.

AND I'M A LITTLE QUEASY
FROM THE STRESS OF THINKING

ABOUT THAT THE WHOLE TIME

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN
A REALLY HARD MONTH

WITH HOW MUCH I'M WORKING

AND THE FACT THAT I NEED
TO SAVE UP TO MOVE OUT.

IT'S ALSO BEEN A LITTLE HARD
STARTING MY LIFE AS A WOMAN

BECAUSE I KNOW SOME OF MY FAMILY

STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT
OR HOW TO RESPOND TO ME.

SO I'M STILL WORKING HARD
FOR MY FRESH START,

AND I'M SO READY FOR IT.

CHAY GUILLORY?

BUT THE STRESS OF WORK AND
EVERYTHING MAKES ME WANT TO EAT,

AND I GIVE IN SOMETIMES.

AND I RISK GOING BACK
TO BEING 600 POUNDS.

SO I'M JUST REALLY HOPING

I HAVEN'T MESSED UP
MY WEIGHT LOSS.

BUT IF I HAVE,
IT WILL BE DEVASTATING TO ME.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
FOR MY SURGERY.

SO I'M JUST HOPING THAT THINGS

ARE NOT ABOUT
TO GET ALL MESSED UP.

Chay: I'M AT DR. NOW'S
FOR MY PRE-OP APPOINTMENT,

AND I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT

IF I'VE DONE ANYTHING
TO MESS UP MY WEIGHT LOSS.

I WAS AT 378 AT MY LAST CHECKUP,

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
LOSING 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

SO THAT MEANS I NEED
TO BE DOWN TO 338 TODAY.

Woman: 393.

OKEYDOKEY.

I'M REALLY UPSET RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO BE GETTING CLOSER
TO THE 200s,

NOT GETTING CLOSER TO THE 400s.

SO I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD
TO WHAT DR. NOW'S GONNA SAY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW WE DOING, CHAY?

I'M OKAY, I GUESS.

WELL, I SEE
YOU'RE GAINING AGAIN.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON?

A LOT OF THE TIME,
I'LL EAT SOMETHING,

AND I DON'T EVEN REALIZE
IT'S HAPPENED

UNTIL IT'S ALREADY
OVER WITH.

LIKE, I'LL JUST CHEW IT UP
AND SWALLOW,

AND IT'S LIKE,
"WAIT, I JUST ATE SOMETHING."

IS THAT SOME FORM
OF SLEEP-EATING?

I DON'T KNOW.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT YOU DON'T REALIZE

WHAT YOU'RE EATING,
BUT THAT'S NOT REALITY.

YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE.

IT'S JUST A FORCE
OF HABIT, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S LIKE I DO IT MINDLESSLY.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE SABOTAGED
MYSELF REALLY BAD,

AND I THINK I'VE MESSED UP
MY SURGERY.

WELL, WE NEED TO FOCUS ON
GETTING YOU TO LOSE AGAIN

AND FIGURE OUT
WHAT'S DRIVING YOU TO FOOD.

CHAY IS STARTING TO RUN TO FOOD
TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONS AGAIN.

AND HER FIRST
SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

WAS SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW,

BUT THAT WILL HAVE
TO BE CANCELLED

BECAUSE WEIGHT GAIN

WHILE RECOVERING
FOR THIS OPERATION

WILL CAUSE DISFIGUREMENT

AND WILL LEAD TO INFECTION
AND HEALING DIFFICULTIES.

BUT THE PRIORITY IS TO ADDRESS
THE CORE EMOTIONAL ISSUE

THAT'S DRIVING HER TO OVEREAT.

I THINK I'VE REALLY LET MYSELF
GET DOWN IN A RUT

AND HELD MYSELF
BACK AND...

JUST FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE WASTE
AND A TOTAL FAILURE.

WELL, FIRST, YOU'RE CORRECT
ABOUT YOUR SURGERY.

IT IS NO LONGER A SAFE OPTION
RIGHT NOW WITH YOU GAINING,

SO THAT WON'T BE
HAPPENING TOMORROW.

OKAY.

AND, SECOND,
YOU'RE NOT A WASTE.

YOU KNOW THAT, CHAY.

BUT YOU NEED TO START
BACK UP WITH THERAPY

IF THAT'S HOW YOU
FEEL RIGHT NOW

AND FIGURE OUT
WHAT IS THE CORE ISSUE

DRIVING YOU
TO OVEREAT AGAIN.

OKAY.

DO YOU THINK SEEING A THERAPIST
MIGHT CHANGE THE SITUATION?

IT DEFINITELY
WOULDN'T HURT.

SO SINCE YOU'RE IN TOWN
RIGHT NOW,

I'M GONNA GET YOU
IN THERAPY TOMORROW.

OKAY.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THE SEX-ASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

I'M STILL WAITING
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU SAID TO WAIT

UNTIL I WAS AT A MORE MANAGEABLE
WEIGHT TO MAKE ANY MAJOR MOVES.

AND THAT MAY NEVER
COME TRUE.

IF I DON'T KICK MYSELF
IN THE BUTT, IT SURE WON'T.

YOU NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK
AND LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT?
I'LL SEE YOU.

ALL RIGHT.
SEE YA, DOC.

ALL RIGHT.

Chay:
I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

THAT DR. NOW CANCELLED
MY SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT I DON'T BLAME HIM.

THERE ARE THINGS
I REALLY WANT --

SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY

AND MY GENDER REASSIGNMENT
BEING THE BIGGEST THINGS.

BUT DR. NOW IS RIGHT --

THAT I'M NEVER
GOING TO GET THERE

IF I DON'T DO
WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO.

SO I'M JUST GOING TO TRY
TO TAKE THIS TIME TO RESET

AND THINK THROUGH THINGS

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO START
GAINING EVEN MORE RIGHT NOW.

Laura:
I WANT TO HAVE THE SURGERY,

BUT IF THE PREGNANCY RESULTS
COME BACK POSITIVE

I WILL NOT BE
HAVING THE SURGERY.

I GUESS I WILL BE HAPPY,
BUT THIS IS SOMETHING

I REALLY WANT AS WELL,
SO I GUESS I WILL BE TORN.

JOEY AND ME HAVE WANTED KIDS,

BUT THIS IS NOT
HOW WE PLANNED IT.

WE WEREN'T GOING TO TRY
TO START A FAMILY

UNTIL I GOT TO MY TARGET,

AND THE SURGERY WAS GOING
TO HELP ME GET THERE.

AND I'M SCARED
IF I DON'T HAVE IT TODAY,

THEN IT MAY MEAN THAT I'M GOING
TO LOSE MY CHANCE TO KEEP GOING.

SO I'M REALLY HOPING
I'M NOT PREGNANT RIGHT NOW.

LAURA, YOUR PREGNANCY
TEST CAME BACK.

IT'S NEGATIVE.

-THANK YOU.
-OKAY.

SO WE CAN JUST PROCEED
AS PLANNED.

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE I WANTED
TO HAVE MY SURGERY.

Joey: OH, YOU NEED
HAVE THE SURGERY.

OKAY?

Laura:
I'M SO RELIEVED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE THE MORE I THOUGHT
ABOUT THIS SURGERY,

THE MORE I REALIZED
JUST HOW BAD I NEED IT.

MY WEIGHT LOSS IS COMING
TO A COMPLETE STOP,

SO I HAVE TO GET THIS SURGERY
TO GET BACK ON TRACK.

-HI!
-HI!

HI!

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

HI, MAMA.

IT MEANS A LOT
THAT Y'ALL ARE HERE TO SEE ME.

I AM PROUD OF YOU BECAUSE
YOU HAVE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.

THANK YOU.

YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED
WHAT YOU SET OUT TO DO.

Laura:
I'M HAVING A LOT OF ANXIETY
AND FEELING VERY NERVOUS.

THEY PUT ME IN THE SAME ROOM
AS MY FIRST SURGERY,

SO IT'S JUST FREAKING ME OUT.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
OKAY?

IT'S VERY RISKY AND I'M SCARED
THAT ANYTHING COULD GO WRONG.

BUT I'M TAKING THIS RISK
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE

TO ACCOMPLISH A GOAL

THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO ACCOMPLISH ALL MY LIFE,

AND SURGERY IS
THE ONLY OPTION TO DO IT.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
TODAY WE'RE PERFORMING
A REVISION SURGERY ON LAURA

TO CONVERT HER GASTRIC
SLEEVE INTO A FULL BYPASS.

THE SLEEVE OPERATION
IS A GOOD TOOL FOR A PATIENT

TO LOSE WEIGHT BY REDUCING
THE SIZE OF THEIR STOMACH.

AND MANY TIMES, THAT'S ENOUGH.

BUT IN SOME CASES,
WE NEED TO DO A FULL BYPASS

TO ENSURE WEIGHT LOSS CONTINUES
AND IS MAINTAINED.

CAN YOU TURN
THE ROOM LIGHT OFF?

SO, WHAT WE ARE DOING TODAY

IS REDUCING THE SIZE
OF LAURA'S STOMACH AGAIN

TO ADDRESS
HOW SHE HAS STRETCHED IT,

AND THEN BYPASS THE INTESTINE

SO IT WILL HAVE A MORE PROFOUND
AFFECT ON THE WEIGHT LOSS.

BUT THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS
WITH THIS OPERATION.

THERE IS ANESTHESIA RISK.

AND BEFORE,
LAURA HAD ANESTHESIA,

HAD DIFFICULTY WITH BREATHING.

WE HAD TO KEEP HER
ON A BREATHING MACHINE.

SO WE NEED TO BE CAREFUL,
BUT WE NEED TO MOVE QUICKLY TOO.

Carmen:
I'M CONCERNED ABOUT LAURA.

THE LAST TIME
THEY DID THE SURGERY,

WE WERE AFRAID WE WERE
GOING TO LOSE HER.

YES, I THINK IT WILL BE
WORTH IT FOR HER HEALTH,

SO HOPEFULLY IT WILL
BE OVER SOON.

Joey:
LAURA MEANS THE WORLD TO ME,

AND WE'RE JUST HOPING
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
THIS REVISION SHOULD HELP HER

TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND MAKE IT
TO HER TARGET WEIGHT HERE

IN THE NEXT SIX TO EIGHT MONTHS.

BUT THIS RECOVERY IS GOING
TO BE MORE DIFFICULT FOR LAURA

THAN THE FIRST ONE

AND HER WILL TAKE LONGER
FOR HER TO RECOVER.

BUT THAT FIRST ONE,
SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE

BETWEEN 30 TO 40 POUNDS.

OKAY, LIGHTS UP.

ALMOST DONE.

ALL RIGHT.

LAURA'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

Woman: WE'RE ALL DONE.
YOU DID GREAT.

SO, WE'RE GETTING HER
TO RECOVERY RIGHT NOW.

AND WE PROBABLY WILL KEEP HER
HERE FOR A WEEK TO A WEEK

AND HALF BECAUSE SHE HAS
A VERY LOW THRESHOLD OF PAIN,

SO WE'LL MAKE SURE
SHE'S RECOVERING WELL.

BUT THIS NEXT ONE IS GOING
TO BE DIFFICULT FOR LAURA.

SHE HAS BEEN WORKING
TO HER CORE ISSUES,

BUT IF THERE ARE STILL THINGS
THAT SHE'S PUSHING DOWN

AND AVOIDING,

WE'LL START TO SEE IT

WHEN HER WEIGHT LOSS
COMES TO A STOP AGAIN.

BUT HOPEFULLY,
THAT WON'T BE THE CASE.

Chay:
I'M NOT EXACTLY WHERE I WANT
TO BE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW,

SO I'M GOING TO SEE
THE THERAPIST AGAIN TODAY.

WHEN DR. NOW MENTIONED IT,

I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.

AND I'M REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO SHARING

AND GETTING SOME THINGS
OFF MY CHEST,

WITH ALL THE STRESS
OF EVERYTHING LATELY

AND HOW IT'S AFFECTING ME.

'CAUSE NOW I'M TERRIFIED
THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP GAINING

AND END BACK WHERE I WAS.

AND I'M HOPING TALKING TODAY

WILL HELP ME START
TO TURN ALL THIS AROUND

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
I'M STARTING TO LOSE CONTROL.

-CHAY?
-HI, THERE.

HI, I'M LOLA.

-IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
-NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

WHY DON'T YOU COME
ON BACK WITH ME?

ALL RIGHTY.

AND JUST HAVE A SEAT.

OKAY.

SO, CHAY.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BIGGEST
CHALLENGES FACING YOU RIGHT NOW?

IF I EAT SOMETHING,
I BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT IT,

AND I SAY, "OKAY, I'M NOT GOING
TO DO THIS ANYMORE."

AND THEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN,

AND THEN I CONTINUE
TO BEAT MYSELF UP.

IT'S JUST THIS REALLY
VICIOUS CYCLE.

OKAY.

SO, IN ORDER FOR YOU
TO COMBAT YOUR FOOD ADDICTION

AND TO DEVELOP
HEALTHY BEHAVIORS,

YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT
AT THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND,

AND NOT IN A WAY
IN WHICH YOU BERATE YOURSELF

EVERY TIME
YOU FALL OFF THE WAGON.

FROM MY EXPERIENCE,
FOOD ADDICTION

IS THE HARDEST ADDICTION.

WITH FOOD, YOU HAVE TO FACE
YOUR VICE EVERY DAY

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
JUST STOP EATING.

YOU HAVE TO EAT
TO LIVE.

YOU EAT TO LIVE,
BUT NOT LIVE TO EAT.

YES.

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE'S
SOMETHING JUST BELOW THE SURFACE

THAT YOU'RE AVOIDING EXPRESSING
ANY EMOTIONALITY ABOUT.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU FIND IS
YOUR GO-TO EMOTION?

IS IT FEAR?

IS IT SADNESS?
IS IT JOY?

I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY.

I WALK HEAD DOWN, WALK FAST,
DON'T CALL FOR ANY ATTENTION.

IF YOU DON'T MAKE
EYE CONTACT WITH PEOPLE,

THEY WON'T
SPEAK TO YOU.

IT TROUBLES ME, CHAY,
THAT YOU WALK AROUND

AVOIDING EYE CONTACT,
HEAD HELD DOWN.

WHAT MESSAGE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE SENDING ABOUT YOURSELF?

THAT I DON'T WANT
TO BE BOTHERED.

OR THAT YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE SEEN.

I FEAR YOU'RE REALLY HALTING
THE PROGRESSION OF YOUR LIFE,

OF YOUR WEIGHT LOSS,

OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
POTENTIALLY YOURS TO HAVE,

WITH AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR.

I TRUST NO ONE.

IT SHOWS.

CAN YOU TELL ME AT WHAT AGE,
CHAY, DID YOU START TO RECOGNIZE

THAT YOU WERE
IN THE WRONG BODY?

I DON'T KNOW.
EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE.

WHEN DID YOUR FAMILY
BECOME AWARE?

OH, WHEN I TALKED
TO MY MOTHER ABOUT IT,

SHE SAID SHE JUST ALWAYS
SUSPECTED SOMETHING.

BUT I CAME OUT
TO MY FAMILY.

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE
FOR YOU?

IT WAS LIKE A GOOD
50/50 SPLIT...

OKAY.

...OF EITHER OKAY
AND NOT OKAY.

ARE YOU PART OF
A TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY AT ALL?

THERE ISN'T REALLY A COMMUNITY
WHERE I'M FROM 'CAUSE I LIVE

IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

IT'S ESSENTIAL FOR YOU
TO FEEL CONNECTED AND ACCEPTED,

AND TO JUST BE ABLE TO HAVE
THAT COMMUNAL FEEL

WITH OTHER PEOPLE

THAT HAVE TRAVELLED
A SIMILAR PATH.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

SO, CHAY, I FEEL REALLY
ENCOURAGED THAT YOU CAN GET BACK

TO YOUR WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

IS THAT SOMETHING
YOU'RE PREPARED

TO MAKE
A TRUE EFFORT IN?

I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO START,
FIRST AND FOREMOST,

WITH GETTING
MY WEIGHT LOSS BACK

IN THE DIRECTION
IT NEEDS TO GO IN.

THAT'S MY MAIN GOAL.

OKAY.

-THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHAY.
-THANK YOU.

OKAY.
TRAVEL SAFELY.

THANK YOU.

I THINK MY SESSION TODAY
WAS REALLY GOOD.

IT'S A LOT OF STUFF
TO THINK ABOUT

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK FINDING
A TRANSGENDER SUPPORT GROUP

IS GOING TO BE EASY.

THERE'S JUST NONE
AT ALL WHERE I LIVE.

AND I DO FEEL
LONELY AND ISOLATED

BECAUSE I JUST FEEL LIKE
I'M NOT WELCOMED ANYWHERE,

AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT.

BUT I'LL ADMIT, I HAVEN'T
REALLY LOOKED THAT HARD

FOR ANY SORT OF SUPPORT
GROUPS IN THAT AREA.

SO THAT'S WHAT I'LL WORK ON
WHEN I GET BACK,

AND MAYBE THAT WILL HELP
WITH HOW I FEEL.

BUT I'M NOT HOLDING
MY BREATH RIGHT NOW.

Laura: IT'S BEEN A MONTH
SINCE MY SURGERY,

AND HAVING A FULL BYPASS FEELS
TOTALLY DIFFERENT

THAN GETTING THE SLEEVE.

I THOUGHT LIFE WAS GOING TO BE
THE SAME AS THE FIRST SURGERY,

BUT IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

IT MIGHT BE STRESS AND IT
MIGHT BE MY ENVIRONMENT,

BUT IT'S MUCH HARDER THIS TIME.

AND THE HEALING PROCESS
IS DIFFERENT,

AND I'M JUST HAVING A DIFFICULT
TIME THIS TIME AROUND.

BABE, I NEED TO TAKE
MY NAUSEA PILL.

SO, JOEY IS HAVING
TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

AND HE'S LIKING THAT
A LOT RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF
WHEN I WAS 600 POUNDS

AND WHEN HE HAD TO DO
EVERYTHING FOR ME,

SO IT MAKES HIM FEEL NEEDED.

JOEY'S ALWAYS READY TO JUMP IN
AND BE THE SUPERMAN AND HELP ME.

HE LIKES FOR ME
TO DEPEND ON HIM.

BUT I'M NOT LIKING HAVING
TO BE DEPENDENT AGAIN,

SO I'M JUST TRYING TO GET BACK
TO A PLACE WHERE I'M RECOVERED.

I WAS JUST ABLE
TO GET OFF LIQUIDS

AND GO BACK TO SOLID FOOD,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN BARELY
HOLD ANYTHING DOWN RIGHT NOW.

[ GAGS ]

SO I'M JUST FOCUSING
ON GETTING BETTER,

BUT FEELING AS SICK
AS I DO IS REALLY STRESSFUL.

AND I JUST NEED PEACE AND QUIET
TO REST AND RECOVER,

SO I'M STILL STAYING IN BED
MOST OF THE DAY

EXCEPT WHEN I'M SUPPOSED
TO GET UP AND TAKE MY WALKS.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING
BECAUSE WHEN I BEND OVER,

I START GETTING DIZZY AND STUFF.

I THINK IT'S JUST
BECAUSE I'M NOT EATING.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO GET UP

AND MOVE AROUND
TO RECOVER PROPERLY

SO I DON'T DEVELOP
ANY COMPLICATIONS,

SO I GET UP AND WALK
WITH JOEY TWICE A DAY.

YOU READY
FOR THE WALK?

[ SIGHS ]

AND ONCE I GET OUT THERE,
I START TO ENJOY IT.

YOU'RE WALKING
TOO FAST ALREADY.

WHAT?

YOU'RE ALREADY
WALKING TOO FAST.

RIGHT NOW, JOEY AND ME ARE
STAYING AT HIS GRANDMOM'S HOUSE.

I NEEDED TO GET OUT AND AWAY
FROM THE STRESS OF MY FAMILY

BECAUSE EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE
A PART OF OUR BUSINESS,

AND THEN THEY TAKE SIDES
WITH EITHER ME OR JOEY.

AND THE FIGHTING
JUST GETS WORSE THEN.

SO IF WE'RE GOING TO MAKE
THIS WORK, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY

TO GET A PLACE OF OUR OWN.

BECAUSE IF OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE,

WE NEED TO SHUT
EVERYONE OUT RIGHT NOW.

STOP.

THEY STRESS ME OUT.

BUT BECAUSE I'M NOT ABLE TO WORK
YET, WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

SO UNTIL WE DO, I'M WORRIED JOEY

AND ME ARE JUST GOING
TO KEEP FIGHTING

AND OUR RELATIONSHIP

IS JUST GOING TO KEEP
GETTING WORSE...

AND THAT, IN THE END,
OUR RELATIONSHIP

WILL NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

Chay: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND
A TRANSGENDER SUPPORT GROUP

SINCE SEEING THE THERAPIST,
BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH LUCK YET.

I'M TRYING TO BATTLE
MY LONELINESS IN OTHER WAYS,

EVEN IF IT MAKES ME
FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

SO I'M FORCING MYSELF
TO GO OUT MORE AND DOING THINGS

LIKE TAKING WALKS IN THE PARK.

AT LEAST IT KEEPS ME
AROUND PEOPLE

AND NOT ISOLATED IN MY ROOM.

AND I'M GETTING EXERCISE,
AND THAT'S GOOD.

IT IS QUITE THE STARK CONTRAST
FOR ME TO PUT ON WORKOUT CLOTHES

AND GO DO
ANY SORT OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.

BECAUSE I HATE EXERCISE.

SO I USUALLY JUST TRY TO WALK
A GOOD 30 MINUTES

AND JUST TRY TO WALK
AS FAR AS POSSIBLE

WITHIN THAT TIME FRAME.

NO MATTER IF I'M WALKING
OR GROCERY SHOPPING

OR ANY ACTIVITY,

WHEN I'M DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO
AND I HAVE A GOAL IN MIND

AND I'M OUT AND ABOUT,
I JUST ZONE THE WORLD OUT

AND I'M JUST FOCUSED
ON WHAT I GOT TO GET DONE.

AND I'VE DEVELOPED A BAD HABIT
OF AVOIDING PEOPLE

BY JUST FOCUSING
ON WHAT I'M DOING

BECAUSE IT'S SCARY
TO FACE PEOPLE.

IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE,
BECAUSE I'VE GOTTEN USED

TO JUST IGNORING
EVERYONE AROUND ME

SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THE COMMENTS

ABOUT MY WEIGHT OR THE FACT

THAT I'M TRANSITIONING
TO LIVING AS A WOMAN.

[ WOLF WHISTLES ]
LOOKING GOOD!

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.

THIS IS THE VERY REASON
I AVOID GOING OUT.

AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU
TELL YOURSELF TO IGNORE IT,

YOU REALLY CAN'T.

HEY, FATTY!
WHOO!

SO I'M REGRETTING
DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE IT IS VERY CLEAR THAT NO
ONE AROUND HERE WANTS ME HERE.

I DON'T FIT IN WITH MY FAMILY.
I DON'T FIT IN THIS COMMUNITY.

AND I THINK I WAS A FOOL IF
I THOUGHT I COULD COME OUT HERE

AND NO ONE WOULD MAKE COMMENTS.

Laura: IT'S BEEN ABOUT
TWO MONTHS SINCE MY SURGERY,

AND I'M ANXIOUS TO SEE
WHAT MY WEIGHT IS.

THE DOCTOR SAID
THAT I'D LOSE THE MOST

DURING THE FIRST MONTH
AFTER THE SURGERY.

LAURA PEREZ?

SO I JUST HOPE IT'S A LOT,
AND I'M HOPING THE DOCTOR

WILL SAY THAT HE'LL START
MAKING PREPARATIONS

FOR MY SKIN SURGERY.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO GET DOWN
TO 250 TO QUALIFY FOR THAT,

AND I WAS AT 289 BEFORE,

SO THAT'S ALMOST 40 POUNDS

I'D HAVE TO HAVE LOST
IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS.

YEE!

THAT'S MORE THAN I LOST
IN THE LAST HALF YEAR.

I'M PRACTICALLY AT 250.

THIS EXCESS SKIN IS LIKE
CARRYING A SACK OF POTATOES

WITH YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

SO I HOPE DR. NOW THINKS
IT'S ENOUGH

AND I CAN GET
MY SKIN REMOVAL NOW.

THE MOMENT THAT I SAW
THAT NUMBER, I WAS HAPPY

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T WEIGHED
THAT LITTLE BIT IN YEARS.

I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT
IN JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TIME.

THIS DOES VALIDATE
A LOT THAT I'VE PUT IN,

ALL THE WORK I'VE PUT IN.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO.
-HI.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 258.

THAT'S THE LOWEST YOU HAVE BEEN
FOR A LONG TIME, HUH?

SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL.

HOW IS YOUR EATING
COMING ALONG?

I DON'T HOLD NOTHING DOWN.

I JUST WAKE UP,
LIKE, NAUSEATED.

IT'S NORMAL.
YEAH.

WELL, THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL
AFTER YOU GET GASTRIC BYPASS

BECAUSE YOU HAVE
A VERY SMALL STOMACH.

YOU EAT VERY SMALL.

THAT'S A BIG STEP DOWN.

AND IF YOU DON'T EAT,
YOU GET NAUSEATED,

-SO YOU HAVE TO START EATING...
-YOU HAVE TO EAT, YEAH.

...RIGHT, AND THE STOMACH
IS GOING TO GET USED TO IT.

BUT LET ME TAKE A LOOK AND SEE
HOW YOUR EXTRA SKIN LOOKS.

THAT'S A LOT OF SKIN,
BUT IT'S STILL A LOT OF FAT.

SO YOU STILL NEED
TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

BEFORE YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN
REMOVAL AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN.

BUT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE
AROUND 15 POUNDS A MONTH,

SO KEEP AT IT.
YOU'RE DOING WELL.

STICK TO YOUR DIET AND MAKE SURE
YOU'RE GETTING ENOUGH PROTEIN.

OKAY.

AND IF STAY ON TRACK,

BY NEXT MONTH,
YOU SHOULD BE READY.

-OKAY.
-OKAY?

-THANK YOU.
-ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING
THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.

OKAY.

I'M GLAD THAT DR. NOW IS HAPPY
WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

BUT I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

THAT I'M NOT GETTING
SKIN SURGERY RIGHT NOW.

BUT I KNOW I CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT
HE WANTS ME TO TO GET THERE.

Chay: I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN
GOING OUT MUCH THIS PAST MONTH,

AND I'VE BEEN FEELING
REALLY HOPELESS.

I HAVEN'T FOUND A SUPPORT GROUP,
SO I'VE GIVING UP ON FINDING

ANY TRANSGENDER GROUPS
IN THIS AREA,

AND I'M JUST DEPRESSED
RIGHT NOW.

AND OUTSIDE OF WORK,
I'M JUST STAYING IN MY ROOM

BECAUSE EVER SINCE GETTING
BULLIED AT THE PARK,

I'VE JUST LOST ALL MOTIVATION.

AND I DON'T REALLY
CARE RIGHT NOW.

I'VE STOPPED TRYING.
I'VE STOPPED CARING.

I'VE STOPPED PUTTING
FORTH ANY EFFORT.

THERE JUST IS A WHOLE LOT
OF SELF-DOUBT, I GUESS.

IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING IN LIFE
THAT I TRIED TO AIM FOR

OR ACHIEVE,

SOMETHING COMES ALONG
THAT PREVENTS THE GOAL

FROM COMING TO FRUITION
JUST, LIKE, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

AND IT'S LIKE, "WHY EVEN TRY?"

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GET TO
WHERE YOU JUST FEEL SO BEAT DOWN

AND SO TRODDED ON

AND JUST FEEL LIKE,
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,

EVERYTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I DON'T LIKE THE PERSON
I SEE IN THE MIRROR,

AND I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T EVEN
SEE THE POINT OF TRYING,

BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING
TO GO ANYWHERE.

NO MATTER WHAT, I'M GOING
TO END UP BACK WHERE I STARTED.

AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S REALLY
ANYTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

I WILL JUST END UP ALONE
AND TRAPPED IN MY ROOM.

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT.

SO RIGHT NOW, I'M THINKING ABOUT
JUST GIVING UP ON EVERYTHING.

Chay: I'VE HAD A REALLY BAD
COUPLE OF MONTHS,

AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH BEING DEPRESSED.

I'M STILL REALLY STRUGGLING
WITH BEING MOTIVATED AT ALL.

I HAD REACHED OUT TO A LOT
OF TRANSGENDER GROUPS AND PEOPLE

AFTER TALKING WITH A THERAPIST

TO SEE IF THERE'S ANYONE
THAT I CAN MEET WITH.

AND I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH LUCK.

BUT LAST WEEK, A LADY
NAMED DEEDEE RESPONDED.

SHE'S NOT IN MY AREA, BUT SHE
CAN MEET WITH ME IN HOUSTON.

SO I STILL DON'T HAVE
ANYONE WHERE I LIVE,

BUT I'M EXCITED TO TALK TO HER

AND TO SEE
WHAT I CAN LEARN FROM HER.

DEEDEE'S A TRANSGENDER WOMAN
AND ACTIVIST,

SOMEONE WHO CAN TEACH ME
A FEW THINGS.

IT'S DEFINITELY GOOD
TO HAVE SOMEBODY

WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR STRUGGLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MIGHT BE
ABLE TO LEARN FROM DEEDEE.

I JUST HOPE I MEET SOMEONE
WHO COULD BE A FRIEND

AND SOMEONE THAT I CAN TALK TO.

-HELLO.
-HI, THERE.

-HOW ARE YOU?
-I'M GOOD.

COME ON IN, COME ON IN,
COME ON IN.

ALL RIGHTY.

SO, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY.

WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON WITH YOU,
ESPECIALLY HERE RECENTLY?

MY -- LIKE, MY TRANSITION
HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE STRUGGLE.

MY FAMILY, WE HAD A LITTLE
ROUGHNESS AT FIRST,

BUT I WAS NEVER DISOWNED
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
BEING WHO YOU ARE

AND AFFIRMING
WHO YOU ARE NOW?

BECAUSE SOMETIMES
IT'S DIFFERENT FROM WHEN YOU,

YOU KNOW, KIND OF STARTED
YOUR WALK IN LIFE.

JUST GO THROUGH
THE MOTIONS.

I DON'T REALLY THINK
ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.

I JUST -- I WAKE UP...

MM-HMM.

...AND I GO
ABOUT MY DAY.

SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY

OF TRANSITIONING?

I NEVER THOUGHT
TO REALLY MAKE POINTS

TO THINK
ABOUT THE STARTING.

MM-HMM.

LIKE, I NEVER MADE
MENTAL NOTES OF IT.

I GUESS IT'S BEEN ABOUT
TWO YEARS SINCE THIS STARTED.

SO, I WANT TO FIND OUT
A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT THE TOWN
THAT YOU'RE FROM.

HOW IS IT FOR THE LGBTQ
COMMUNITY THERE?

IT'S JUST, WHERE I LIVE,
YOU KNOW,

EVERYTHING'S SO SPREAD OUT
'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S COUNTRY.

MM-HMM.

I KNOW THAT WHEN
IT'S A SMALL TOWN,

EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY,
JUST ABOUT.

DID YOU SEE PEOPLE THAT RESEMBLE
YOU THAT YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITH?

SO, NOBODY REALLY LIVES
CLOSE TO EACH OTHER

FOR THERE REALLY TO BE

A SUPER-CLOSE-KNIT
LGBTQ COMMUNITY.

OKAY, OKAY.

BUT I THINK THAT ONE
OF THE THINGS

THAT YOU SHOULD DO
IS AFFIRM THE FACT

THAT YOU WERE ACTUALLY
ABLE TO TRANSITION.

AFFIRM THAT BUT ALSO
RECOGNIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE

THAT THERE ARE
OTHER SISTERS

THAT WE HAVE OUT THERE
AND BROTHERS.

MM-HMM.

AND I WANT YOU
TO NEVER FORGET

THAT YOU ARE STILL
A PART OF THE WORLD,

THE WHOLE LGBTQ COMMUNITY.

AND I WILL TELL YOU THIS.

I HOPE TO ENCOURAGE YOU.

WHEN LIFE THROWS YOU
A CURVEBALL,

I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE
THE TYPE OF PERSON

WHO DOESN'T MIND
STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE

AND WHO DOES
NOT MIND SWINGING.

I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE
TO DO THAT.

AND I WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE
YOU TO CONTINUE TO BE

WHO YOU ARE SO THAT
YOU CAN BE VISIBLE.

AND I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE
TO USE THOSE THINGS

TO MAKE YOU
MORE POWERFUL,

YOU KNOW, AS A PERSON
DURING THIS JOURNEY,

'CAUSE THIS STUFF
GETS HARD.

AND SOMETIMES,
IT GETS REAL.

WELCOME TO YOUR
TRANSITION, DEAR.

[ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH
FOR COMING BY.

I REALLY, REALLY
APPRECIATED IT.

IT WAS A PLEASURE.
I APPRECIATE IT, ALSO.

OKAY.

AND I GUESS
WE GOT THE MEMO, HUH?

-BLUE DRESSES.
-I'M TELLING YOU.

-BE SAFE, OKAY?
-THANK YOU.

-BYE.
-BYE-BYE.

Chay:
I'M FEELING A LITTLE BETTER,
AND I REALLY LIKE DEEDEE.

SHE HAD A LOT OF WISDOM,

AND SHE REALLY HELPED
OPEN MY EYES.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE CONNECTED
TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF ME.

THAT IS A COMMUNITY.

SO THE THING THAT RESONATES

THE MOST WITH ME
FROM THE MEETING TODAY

IS THAT NO MATTER
HOW SMALL OF A TOWN

I LIVE IN, I'M STILL
PART OF A COMMUNITY.

I AM JUST LIKE
THE PERSON NEXT TO ME.

MY EXPERIENCES MAY BE DIFFERENT,
BUT I BLEED JUST LIKE THEY DO,

SO I NEED TO BE ABLE
TO HAVE THEIR BACK,

AND I NEED TO BE
ABLE TO SPEAK UP

FOR THE MEMBERS
OF OUR COMMUNITY.

SO I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY
TO BE BETTER AND TO DO BETTER

BECAUSE OF THAT.

Laura:
THIS HAS BEEN A GOOD MONTH.

JOEY AND ME FINALLY
GOT A PLACE OF OUR OWN.

I JUST NEEDED TO BE DONE
WITH ALL THE STRESS

OF BEING AROUND FAMILY
AND DEALING WITH THEM.

-BABY?
-YEAH.

I JUST BOUGHT
THIS BLOUSE.

I DIDN'T EVEN
GET TO WEAR IT.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS, MAN.

I'M HOPING BEING AWAY
FROM OUR FAMILIES

WILL HELP US TO STOP FIGHTING

AND GIVE US A CHANCE
TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.

WE HAVEN'T LIVED ON
OUR OWN IN A WHILE.

BUT WHERE WE LIVING,
IT WAS REALLY BAD,

AND I TOLD HIM
I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

AND HOPEFULLY
THIS ENVIRONMENT WILL CHANGE US.

BUT SO FAR,
THAT HASN'T BEEN THE CASE.

WHY IS THIS CHAIR HERE?

OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T OPEN THIS REFRIGERATOR
WITHOUT THAT CHAIR.

I'M GOING TO FIX IT.
CALM DOWN.

HERE I COME.

WE STILL NEED TO WORK
THROUGH A LOT OF ISSUES.

WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO GET A...

I'LL SERVE IT.
JUST SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.

SIT DOWN.

AND WHEN WE FIGHT,
JOEY JUST GETS AGGRESSIVE

AND HE GETS AN ATTITUDE
REALLY BAD.

AND ALL OF IT REVOLVES
AROUND THE FACT

THAT I'M LOSING THE WEIGHT
AND I'M INDEPENDENT NOW.

AND HE CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING ME ANYMORE.

YOU ARE MESSY.
YOU MAKE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN.

YOU MAKE A MESS
IN MY FRIDGE.

BUT HE'S GETTING VERY POSSESSIVE
BECAUSE I TOLD HIM

I WANT TO GET A JOB
AND I WANT TO HAVE A CAREER.

AND HE WOULD JUST START SAYING,
"NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET A JOB.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THIS.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY AT HOME."

SO I GUESS ME LOSING THE WEIGHT
HAS REALLY MESSED UP HIS HEAD.

[ GROANS ]

[ Crying ] IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD
BECAUSE I WORKED SO HARD

TO BE WHERE I'M AT.

AND HE MAKES ME FEEL BAD.

[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]

[ SCOFFS ]

-WOULD YOU LIKE CRACKERS?
-NO.

-YOU WANT CRACKERS?
-YEAH, YEAH, PLEASE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS IS, A BUFFET?

YEAH.

BUT I WANT TO DO WHATEVER
I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE,

AND JOEY'S GOING TO HAVE
TO LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT

I'M BECOMING THE ME
THAT I WANT TO BE.

AND IF HE DOESN'T, WELL,
THEN, I HAVE TO LET HIM GO,

EVEN IF I DO LOVE HIM.

IF I HAVE TO GIVE UP MYSELF
FOR US TO BE TOGETHER,

THEN I'M NOT DOING IT.

SOMETIMES I JUST GET
SO DEPRESSED.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO
BECAUSE HE JUST SAYS,

"I WISH I HAD
THE OLD ANGEL BACK."

AND I'M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE.

Laura: I'M BACK FOR MY NEXT
APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW,

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING
TO STICK TO MY DIET,

EVEN WITH ALL THE STRESS
AND FIGHTING WITH ME AND JOEY.

LUCKILY, I STILL DON'T HAVE MUCH
OF AN APPETITE MOST DAYS.

LAURA PEREZ?

BUT I'M HOPING I'VE FINALLY
LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT

TO GET APPROVED
FOR MY SKIN REMOVAL TODAY.

MY LAST WEIGHT WAS AT 258,
AND I SHOULD BE 228 TODAY.

I JUST REALLY HOPE I'VE DONE
THAT, BECAUSE THE EXCESS SKIN

IS STARTING TO GET UNBEARABLE.

OKAY, 225.

YEE!

MAN!

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER
WHEN I WEIGHED THAT LITTLE.

225!

IT'S AMAZING.

I'M REALLY IN SHOCK.

PART OF ME NEVER REALLY THOUGHT
I COULD GET DOWN TO THIS SIZE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO.
-HELLO.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, YOU'RE LOSING
A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT.

SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

I'M DOING GOOD.

I JUST HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN
EATING SOLIDS TOO MUCH.

AND SO, WHAT SEEMS TO BE
A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

I'VE NOTICED THAT I'M GETTING
A LITTLE DIZZY AND STUFF,

AND I STILL HAVE NAUSEA.

I STILL THROW UP.

HOW OFTEN
DO YOU THROW UP?

THERE'S DAYS WHERE
I'LL HOLD THE FOOD DOWN,

AND THEN THERE'S DAYS
WHERE IT WON'T --

IT WON'T STAY DOWN.

THAT'S NORMAL.

SOME NAUSEA AND DIZZINESS
IS PART OF TRANSITIONING

FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS,

AND THAT WILL GO
AWAY SHORTLY.

BUT HOW IS THE EXTRA SKIN
DOING ON YOUR STOMACH?

REALLY LOOSE --
EVERYWHERE.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, LET ME TAKE A LOOK
AT YOUR EXTRA SKIN

AND SEE HOW THINGS ARE.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF EXTRA SKIN,

AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU
LOST THE FAT YOU NEED.

LAURA IS STILL DOING VERY WELL,
AND I'M PROUD OF HER.

SHE'S PUSHING HER
LIMITS A LITTLE,

BUT SURGERY IS HELPING
TO PREVENT ANY OVEREATING.

VOMITING CAN BE A RESULT
OF EATING GREASY FOOD

THAT THE BODY REJECTS NOW
BECAUSE OF THE BYPASS.

AND IT'S NOT UNUSUAL PEOPLE
DEVELOP INTOLERANCE

TO CERTAIN FOOD
AFTER THE BYPASS,

BUT THAT USUALLY GOES AWAY
IN A FEW MONTHS.

SO HER BYPASS REVISION
IS WORKING,

AND SHE'S LOSING
WHAT SHE SHOULD EACH MONTH.

YOU'RE REALLY GETTING
TO THE POINT THAT THE EXTRA SKIN

IS GOING TO BE NECESSARY
TO BE REMOVED

TO GET ALL THAT
HANGING TISSUE.

SO WHEN WE TAKE
THAT EXTRA SKIN OFF

YOU'RE GOING TO BE
UNDER 200.

OH, YES.
I'VE NEVER WEIGHED THAT LITTLE.

OFFICIALLY, YOU ARE
APPROVED FOR SKIN SURGERY

TO HAVE EXCESS SKIN
AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN REMOVED.

THANK YOU.

WE'LL GET YOU ON THE SCHEDULE
FOR NEXT MONTH,

AND I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

GREAT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
I'M REALLY PROUD OF LAURA
AND HOW FAR SHE HAS COME.

SHE'S WORKED HARD, AND SHE HAS
LOST AROUND 500 POUNDS

OVER THE LAST TWO
TO THREE YEARS.

SHE'S COME A LONG WAY
SINCE SHE WAS 600 POUNDS.

FIRST TIME I SAW,
LAURA WAS ON OXYGEN

AND WAS UNABLE TO WALK,
UNABLE TO BREATHE.

BUT NOW SHE IS WALKING FREELY,

SHE'S NOT OXYGEN-DEPENDENT
ANYMORE.

SHE HAS MADE A SIGNIFICANT
IMPROVEMENT IN HER ABILITY

TO WALK AND BE ACTIVE.

AND I HAVE NO DOUBT
SHE'S GOING TO KEEP GOING,

AND SHE'LL BE SUCCESSFUL
IN THE LONG TERM.

Chay:
SINCE TALKING WITH DEEDEE,

I'VE BEEN REALIZING
MY RESPONSIBILITY

FOR WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE
I'VE BEEN BACK TO SEE DR. NOW,

AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH BEING DOWN

AND WANTING TO GIVE UP.

BUT DEEDEE'S BIGGEST INSIGHT
TO ME WAS THAT, NO MATTER WHAT,

I HAVE A COMMUNITY OUT
THERE THAT SUPPORTS ME.

SO I HAVE TO BE
THE BEST ME I CAN BE

FOR WHEN THEY MAY NEED ME

AND TO BE ABLE
TO GIVE BACK TO THEM.

SO I'M DONE BEING DOWN
AND SULKING ABOUT MY SITUATION,

AND I'M READY TO TRY AGAIN.

I'VE MISSED SOME
OF MY APPOINTMENTS,

AND I KNOW I'VE PROBABLY
BEEN GAINING AGAIN.

SO I WANT TO FIX THAT.

AND I'M MAKING AN APPOINTMENT

TO GO BACK AND SEE DR. NOW
IN A MONTH.

MY GOAL IS TO LOSE AS MUCH
WEIGHT AS POSSIBLE AND TRY

AND GET MY EXCESS-SKIN-REMOVAL
APPROVAL AGAIN.

BUT JUST LIKE BEFORE,
IT'S NOT EASY.

AND I WORK FIVE
AND SIX DAYS A WEEK.

SOMETIMES, I WORK
MORE THAN THAT.

I'VE WORKED 11 DAYS STRAIGHT,
NOT HAD A DAY OFF.

SO THAT'S STILL
MY BIGGEST OBSTACLE...

BECAUSE WHEN I GET OFF OF WORK
I DON'T WANT TO COOK.

I'M JUST SO TIRED, AND IT'S
JUST JUNK TO EAT AT HOME.

SO IF I WANT TO EAT HEALTHY,
MY ONLY OPTION IS TO MAKE IT,

AND I DON'T FEEL UP TO IT.

STANDING AT THE STOVE IS THE
LAST THING I REALLY WANT TO DO,

SO I GO FOR SOMETHING
CONVENIENT.

SO MY STRATEGY RIGHT NOW
IS TO JUST EAT A LITTLE OF

WHAT'S HERE AT THE HOUSE,

AND KEEP MY PORTIONS
AS SMALL AS POSSIBLE.

BUT MY FAMILY DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT MY DIETARY NEEDS,

AND THEY JUST HAVE
A LOT OF JUNK AROUND.

AND SO, THE ONLY
LONG-TERM SOLUTION

IS THAT I HAVE TO MOVE OUT.

BUT UNTIL I CAN SAVE UP TO DO
THAT, I CAN'T JUST AVOID IT ALL.

I'M AROUND THIS FOOD ALL DAY,

SO I THINK JUST GIVING
IN A LITTLE RIGHT NOW

AND EATING A TINY BIT
WILL HELP ME GET BACK ON TRACK.

BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE MONTH

UNTIL MY NEXT APPOINTMENT
WITH DR. NOW,

SO RIGHT NOW MY GOAL
IS TO LOSE JUST ENOUGH

TO GET APPROVED
FOR SKIN REMOVAL.

AND I'M HOPING IF I WORK HARD,
THAT I'M ABLE TO DO THAT.

BECAUSE IF I DON'T AFTER
ALL THIS TIME, I'M WORRIED

DR. NOW MAY EVEN GIVE UP ON ME.

Chay: I'M BACK TO SEE
DR. NOW AGAIN,

AND IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

I WAS UP TO 393 BECAUSE
I HAD GAINED 15 POUNDS,

BUT I'VE BEEN WORKING
REALLY HARD

FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS
TO FIX THAT.

CHAY GUILLORY?

SO I'M FEELING CONFIDENT
I'M BACK ON TRACK,

BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH
PROGRESS I'M MAKING NOW.

BUT EITHER WAY,
I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

378.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

I'M HAPPY WITH THAT.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
I'M BACK TO EXACTLY

WHAT I WAS EIGHT MONTHS AGO,

SO IT DOESN'T FEEL
LIKE MUCH OF A VICTORY

EVEN THOUGH I LOST.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HI THERE, DOC.

-HOW ARE YOU?
-I'M OKAY.

-HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF?
-ALL RIGHT.

SO, IT'S BEEN
ABOUT EIGHT MONTHS

SINCE THE LAST TIME
YOU WERE HERE.

SO I'M GLAD
YOU'RE LOSING THEN,

BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO
WHERE YOU SHOULD BE RIGHT NOW.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M HUNGRY A LOT MORE.

DO YOU FEEL THAT HUNGER
IS PSYCHOLOGICAL

OR PHYSICAL HUNGER?

NO, IT'S PHYSICAL.
I FEEL IT.

I FEEL THE GROWLING
IN MY STOMACH.

SO, HOW OFTEN
ARE YOU EATING NOW?

I TRY TO ONLY EAT
ONCE OR TWICE A DAY.

I'M WORRIED IF I EAT
MORE THAN ONCE A DAY

THAT I'LL EAT TOO MUCH.

NO, YOU'RE EATING MORE
THAN YOU'RE TELLING ME.

AND YOU'RE NOT ADMITTING
TO YOURSELF

THAT THE ISSUE
IS EMOTIONAL.

NO, I THINK I'VE MESSED UP
MY BYPASS SURGERY.

IT'S JUST I'M HUNGRY
ALL THE TIME.

CAN I BE APPROVED
FOR REVISION ON MY BYPASS?

YOUR BYPASS SURGERY
IS FINE.

IF THERE'S NOTHING WRONG,
THEN WE CAN'T REVISE IT, OKAY?

SO, YOU DON'T NEED
THE REVISION.

YOU NEED TO CONTINUE
WITH YOUR THERAPY.

UNTIL YOU DO THAT,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE

WHAT YOU NEED, OKAY?

YES, SIR.

I'M GLAD CHAY IS BACK AND READY
TO GET BACK ON THE PROGRAM.

BUT HER WEIGHT LOSS,

FOR BEING GONE FOR EIGHT MONTHS,
IS NEGLIGIBLE,

AND SHE IS CLEARLY OVEREATING

AND GIVING ME
EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK

WHEN IT IS VERY SIMPLE.

THERE ARE UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL
ISSUES DRIVING HER TO OVEREAT.

AND UNTIL SHE'S READY
AND WILLING TO DEAL

WITH THOSE ISSUES,

SHE WON'T MAKE
MUCH PROGRESS.

BUT SINCE I'M BACK DOWN
TO WHERE I WAS, DO YOU THINK

I'M READY FOR
SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY AGAIN?

UNTIL YOU START MAKING
YOUR WEIGHT LOSS CONSISTENT,

I'M NOT CONFIDENT THAT
YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL.

I UNDERSTAND.

SO YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO,
BUT YOU CAN DO IT, CHAY.

YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND
YOUR MOTIVATION.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

ALL RIGHT, DR. NOW.

Chay:
IT WASN'T A BAD DOCTOR'S VISIT.

IT WASN'T AS POSITIVE
AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE,

BUT IT WASN'T
A BAD DOCTOR'S VISIT.

BUT MY GOAL RIGHT NOW IS TO
WORK REALLY HARD TO GET APPROVED

FOR SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY AGAIN.

AND IF I COULD DO THAT SOON,
AT LEAST THIS YEAR

WON'T FEEL LIKE A WASH,

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
SPENT THE WHOLE YEAR

NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS.

Laura: THIS PAST MONTH
HAS BEEN EXTREMELY HARD

AND DISAPPOINTING.

WE COULDN'T KEEP UP
WITH THE RENT ON OUR NEW PLACE,

AND WE FELL BEHIND.

SO WE GOT EVICTED, AND THAT
WAS REALLY HARD TO TAKE.

WE WERE HOMELESS, BUT MY SISTER
SAID WE CAN COME STAY WITH HER.

SO I'M BACK LIVING WITH FAMILY.

AND MY SURGERY GOT POSTPONED
BECAUSE MY TOOTH INFECTION

CAME BACK.

AND DR. NOW SAID
THAT THEY CAN'T DO SURGERY

ON A PATIENT RECOVERING
FROM AN INFECTION.

SO UNTIL I'M CLEARED
FOR SURGERY AGAIN,

I'M JUST FOCUSING
ON EATING HEALTHY

AND LOSING WEIGHT

UNTIL I CAN GET
MY EXCESS SKIN REMOVED.

BUT I CAN'T WAIT BECAUSE
IT'S GETTING SO PAINFUL,

AND THE ONLY WAY I CAN EVEN
GET AROUND WITH IT RIGHT NOW

IS THAT I WEAR
COMPRESSION GARMENTS.

BUT HAVING THE SKIN REMOVED
IS GOING TO HELP ME

EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY.

BUT I'M JUST REALLY
UNHAPPY RIGHT NOW

WITH HOW THINGS ARE GOING.

AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,

JOEY AND ME SEEM TO BE
FIGHTING MORE THAN EVER.

SOMETIMES HE DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
THAT MY BODY'S DIFFERENT.

EVERYTHING'S ALWAYS MY FAULT.

WE FIGHT A LOT

BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH
IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS NOW.

AND I WANT TO KEEP BECOMING MORE
INDEPENDENT AND GET A JOB

AND HAVE A CAREER.

HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO DO THAT.

I TOLD HIM I WANT TO GO
TO BEAUTY SCHOOL,

AND HE GOT REALLY UPSET.

BUT NOW THAT I CAN GO OUT,

I DON'T WANT TO JUST
STAY HOME ALL DAY.

I'M NOT 600 POUNDS ANYMORE,
SO I DON'T NEED TO BE TRAPPED.

BUT IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD
THAT I DON'T THINK THAT

THERE'S A WHOLE LOT
OF HOPE FOR US RIGHT NOW.

WHAT DO YOU SEE
IN OUR FUTURE?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

WHY DO YOU
ACT LIKE THAT

BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING?

ALL THE THINGS THAT
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, YOU KNOW?

[BLEEP] THAT WE'VE
BEEN THROUGH,

THAT WE'VE BEEN HOMELESS
AND ALL THAT.

NO, BUT WE WERE.

IN THE LAST YEAR,
WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH --

I'M TIRED OF THIS [BLEEP]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M OVER HERE
MAKING FOOD FOR YOU.

-OKAY, I LOVE THE FOOD!
-NO.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BAD THINGS
THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH

IN THE LAST YEAR.

ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, WE'VE HAD ROUGH TIMES.

YES.

I'VE BEEN SICK.

YES, YOU WERE SICK,
MY LOVE.

[ SCOFFS ] YOU DON'T --
YOU DON'T TALK.

YES, BUT YOU --

YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

YES, I AM SAYING STUFF,

BUT I'M NOT SAYING
THAT WE'RE HOMELESS.

OKAY, WELL,
SCRATCH THE HOMELESS.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS YOU
HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.

POOR?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE HAVE FAMILY.

I'M NOT -- I'M TALKING ABOUT
WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH.

YEAH, WE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT OF [BLEEP]

OKAY, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE --
THAT'S WHAT --

I KNOW.
I'M TELLING YOU THAT.

YES, WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT OF STUFF.

Joey: IT'S BASICALLY LIKE
I'M TRYING TO RELEARN

HOW TO BE WITH THIS NEW PERSON.

IT'S, LIKE,
SHE GETS MAD FOR EVERYTHING

AND IT'S, LIKE, NOT EVEN
ANYTHING TO GET MAD ABOUT.

AND I'M LIKE, "COME ON, WE DON'T
NEED TO BE ARGUING FOR THIS."

WE SAY OKAY, AND THEN WE JUST
ARGUE ABOUT ANOTHER DUMB THING.

SHE SAYS THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE GOES THROUGH,

BUT I'VE BEEN WITH HER
FOR LIKE 15 YEARS

AND I KNOW
WHAT SHE GOES THROUGH.

I FEEL THE SAME PAIN SHE DOES.

WE'RE GOING TO LOSE EACH OTHER
FOR JUST AN ARGUMENT.

THAT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT.

I WANT MY WIFE TO BE HAPPY.

AND I DON'T MAKE HER HAPPY.

Laura: MAYBE WE'RE NOT MEANT
FOR EACH OTHER.

HE THINKS THAT I'M THE ONE
THAT'S CHANGED, BUT I HAVEN'T.

IT'S JUST THAT HE LOOKS
AT ME DIFFERENT

BECAUSE I LOOK DIFFERENT.

I DON'T SEE A LONG TERM.

[ Crying ]
I NEED HIM TO HELP ME.

I DON'T NEED PHYSICAL HELP.
I NEED EMOTIONAL.

AND TALK TO ME, COMMUNICATION.

I FEEL LONELY AND I DON'T
HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK TO.

Chay: I'VE BEEN WORKING ON
A PLAN TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK,

SO I'VE MADE A GOAL CHART.

A GOAL CHART IS JUST
A VISUALIZATION

OF THE THINGS YOU WANT TO HAPPEN

THAT YOU'RE TRYING
TO MANIFEST IN YOUR LIFE.

WEIGHT LOSS IS THE CENTER OF IT,

AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN THE OTHER
THREE ASPECTS HAVE TO HAPPEN --

EXERCISE, DIET, SKIN REMOVAL.

BUT THE ONE PART OF THE PROCESS
I'M DREADING IS THE EXERCISE.

BUT READY OR NOT, I'M STARTING
IT TOMORROW MORNING.

IT'S TIME I GET MORE SERIOUS
ABOUT MY LIFE CHANGE,

WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT.

TODAY, I'M HEADED
TO THE GYM TO WORK OUT.

AND I'M HOPING THAT THIS WILL BE

WHAT I NEED TO GET ME BACK GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

BUT I HATE THE GYM.

THE GYM IS THE DEVIL.

I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO
AND A SHORT TIME TO DO IT IN,

SO I HAVE TO GET MOTIVATED.

BUT THAT IS NOT MY FORTE, SO THE
ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO DO THIS

AND STICK TO IT IS I HAVE
A PERSONAL TRAINER.

HI, THERE.

GOOD MORNING.

I'M CHAY.

MY NAME IS BRITANY.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU, TOO.

SO, ARE YOU READY
TO GO GET STARTED?

AS READY AS I'LL EVER BE.

OKAY.

YOU CAN START
RIGHT HERE.

SO, YOU CAN BRING IT UP
AS MUCH AS YOU WANT

FOR YOUR INTENSITY.

YOU'LL BE DONE
WITH THIS IN NO TIME.

YEAH, 'CAUSE
I'M GONNA BE DEAD.

NO, YOU WON'T.

[ LAUGHS ]

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN
APPLYING MYSELF LIKE I SHOULD,

AND I HAVE TO CHANGE THAT.

BUT I KNOW I CAN GET THERE
AND GET MY NEXT SKIN REMOVAL

AND KEEP GOING FROM THERE
UNTIL I GET TO MY TARGET.

AND I MAY NOT HAVE MADE A LOT
OF PROGRESS PHYSICALLY,

BUT I DO FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE
A LOT OF PROGRESS

WITH MY EMOTIONS
AND MY SOCIAL ANXIETY.

AND I DON'T FEEL
AS LONELY AS I DID,

BECAUSE I KNOW I'M CONNECTED
TO A COMMUNITY OUT THERE

THAT CARES ABOUT ME REGARDLESS
OF WHERE I AM.

AND JUST REALIZING THEY'RE OUT
THERE HAS HELPED ME SOME,

IN A WEIRD WAY.

I CHEATED ON THAT LAST ONE,
BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT.

IT'S OKAY.
YOU STILL DID IT.

ONE BIG THING I'M TAKING A LEAP
AND DOING IS MOVING OUT

AND GETTING A PLACE OF MY OWN.

I FOUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE
IT'S RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET

FROM MY MOM IN THE SAME,
LIKE, LITTLE COMPLEX.

AND SHE'S LIKE,
"HEY, IT'S FOR RENT.

COME LOOK AT IT."

AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND IT.

IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT AT LEAST
I'M ON MY OWN AND IN A PLACE

WHERE I CAN PREVENT
THE TEMPTATION ALL AROUND ME.

BUT THE CHANGE THAT I'VE MADE
THAT I'M MOST EXCITED ABOUT

IS THAT I'VE AUDITIONED
FOR A PLAY,

AND I'VE GOT A LEAD PART.

I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE
AND HAD DISCOVERED ACTING.

I GOT TO GO BACKSTAGE
AND TRANSFORM.

I'VE BEEN HELPING OUT
AT THE THEATER FOR A LONG TIME,

BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THE COURAGE
TO TRY OUT FOR ANYTHING BIG.

AND I DECIDED TO JUST GO FOR IT
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M JUST GETTING MY FEET WET,
BUT I LOVE IT.

I'M PLAYING A WOMAN
NAMED CLAIREE,

AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS
CHARACTER SPEAKS TO ME.

SHE IS ME.

I'M AN OLD LADY, AND SO IS SHE.

MORNING, TRUVY.

I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING PROGRESS,

AND SO I'M PLANNING
ON GOING TO BE DR. NOW

IN A COUPLE WEEKS,
THEN SHOW HIM MY WEIGHT LOSS

AND GET APPROVED
FOR SKIN REMOVAL AGAIN.

SO I'M WORKING HARD FOR THAT.

I'M GOING TO START THIS
NEXT YEAR OFF RIGHT,

AND BY DOING WHAT I FAILED
TO DO THIS PAST YEAR.

RIGHT NOW, I'M MORE MOTIVATED
AND DEDICATED

TO WHAT I NEED TO DO THAN EVER.

I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO
AND A LOT OF WORK AHEAD OF ME.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M EXCITED
ABOUT THE JOURNEY AGAIN.

AND THAT MAKES ME EXCITED
ABOUT WHAT'S TO COME,

AND I'M ACTUALLY FEELING HAPPY.

Lauren: I TOLD JOEY THAT
I WANTED TO START BEAUTY SCHOOL

TO BECOME A MAKEUP SPECIALIST.

AND JOEY WAS ADAMANTLY
AGAINST IT.

BUT I'VE JUST DECIDED THIS IS
WHAT I WANT AND I'M DOING IT,

SO I TOLD HIM
HE CAN DEAL WITH IT.

-HI!
-HI.

EVELYN.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.

I'M LAURA PEREZ.

COME ON IN.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

-GREAT.
-GREAT!

Laura: I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP
LIVING DEPENDENT ON ANYONE,

AND I'M READY TO START
DOING EVERYTHING I WANT.

DR. NOW SAYS THAT MY SYSTEM

IS STILL RECOVERING
FROM THE INFECTION,

BUT THAT I SHOULD BE READY
FOR MY SKIN REMOVAL

IN THREE TO FOUR WEEKS.

SO, I'M JUST NOT SITTING
AROUND UNTIL THEN

BECAUSE ONCE I HAVE IT,

IT WILL PUT ME OUT
FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

SO, I'M EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT
I CAN DO TO START MY CAREER.

SO, TELL ME, WHAT IS IT THAT
REALLY DRAWS YOU TO THIS FIELD?

I LIKE MAKING PEOPLE
FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL, YEAH.

WELL, YOU HAVE
A GREAT STORY.

I THINK WITH YOUR STORY,
YOU WOULD BE ABLE

TO RELATE TO PEOPLE.

SO, THIS, AGAIN,

SO, WE DO HAVE
THE ABILITY TO QUALIFY YOU

FOR, UH, FEDERAL FUNDS.

AND IT'S A COURSE
OF ABOUT SIX MONTHS.

WE CAN GET YOU IN AND REALLY
GET YOU STARTED ON A NEW CAREER.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LAURA.
YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE
PLEASURE MEETING YOU.

-IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE COMING HERE,

I WASN'T REALLY SURE IF I WAS
GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS

BECAUSE OF THE MONEY AND TIMING.

BUT THIS IS PERFECT.

SO I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW

ABOUT ALL THE WAYS
MY LIFE IS CHANGING.

HI, LAURA.
I'M STEPHANIE.

-NICE TO MEET YOU.
-NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU
COME ON BACK?

RIGHT THIS WAY.

WITH ALL THE TROUBLE
BETWEEN ME AND JOEY,

I DON'T WANT MY EMOTIONS
TO SEND ME RUNNING BACK TO FOOD,

SO I'M GOING TO THERAPY
EVERY OTHER WEEK.

I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO CONTINUE
TO LEAN INTO SEEING YOURSELF

AS MORE THAN JUST WHAT
YOUR BODY IMAGE IS, OKAY?

DOES THAT SOUND
ALL RIGHT?

-SOUNDS GREAT.
-OKAY, GOOD.

Laura: SO, I'M WORKING ON ME
RIGHT NOW TO GET READY

FOR SOME HARD MONTHS AHEAD.

AND THE QUESTION IS
IF JOEY CAN GET TO KNOW

AND LOVE ME LIKE THIS.

BECAUSE I DO LOVE HIM,

BUT IF HE CAN'T ACCEPT ME
MAKING THE CHANGES

I WANT IN MY LIFE,

THEN I CAN'T BE
WITH HIM ANYMORE.

HE CAN'T CONTROL ME OR TELL ME
I CAN'T HAVE A SAY IN THINGS.

THAT'S NOT THE PERSON
I AM ANYMORE,

BECAUSE I'M NOT
TRAPPED IN A CHAIR

OR MY BED ALL DAY LIKE I WAS.

SO I KNOW THESE NEXT FEW MONTHS
AREN'T GOING TO BE EASY,

AND I'M SETTING MYSELF UP

TO BE READY
FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS.

IN A MONTH AFTER
MY SKIN REMOVAL,

MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY
WILL BE CLOSE TO BEING OVER,

AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT.

I'VE WORKED HARD TO GET HERE,
AND I'M READY TO BE

WHO I'VE WANTED TO BE

AND TO GET OUT IN THE WORLD
AND SEE WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF.

AND NOTHING'S GOING TO STOP ME
FROM DOING THAT, NO MATTER WHAT.