All language subtitles for shed-of-the-dead-2019-uncut-720p-1080p-bluray-x264-getit

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:15,482 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:18,028 --> 00:00:21,496 The battle was all but over. 3 00:00:21,498 --> 00:00:23,631 The forces of good, the living 4 00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:26,767 had fallen by the thousands. 5 00:00:26,769 --> 00:00:30,904 The risen dead swept over them in a vile, 6 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:35,942 and cankerous wave that knew not when to break. 7 00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:39,379 But as long as their fearless leader, 8 00:00:39,381 --> 00:00:42,815 the mighty Casimir the Destroyer, 9 00:00:42,817 --> 00:00:47,486 battle mage, warrior, and renowned tactician 10 00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:50,122 still drew breath, 11 00:00:50,124 --> 00:00:53,926 there was yet some hope. 12 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:58,562 And as the horde of hell's spawn dead, 13 00:00:58,564 --> 00:01:01,866 raised by the evil necromancer. 14 00:01:01,868 --> 00:01:05,937 Morana, grew closer, unwittingly lured 15 00:01:05,939 --> 00:01:07,972 into a fatal pincer movement, 16 00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:12,910 through the otherwise impassable sulphur swamps of Sagra, 17 00:01:12,912 --> 00:01:17,915 Casimir knew he had them in the palm of his hand. 18 00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:20,650 Knew that a historic victory 19 00:01:20,652 --> 00:01:24,154 was but a single blow away. 20 00:01:24,156 --> 00:01:26,923 There was no escaping the fury 21 00:01:26,925 --> 00:01:30,559 of Casimir's blazing damnation. 22 00:01:30,561 --> 00:01:35,164 The magically conjured flames burned hard and fast 23 00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:38,869 devouring the undead in a matter of seconds. 24 00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:44,171 And for the first of many times to come, 25 00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:47,708 Casimir looked down triumphant 26 00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:50,010 upon the carnage he had wrought. 27 00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:54,181 Upon the victory he had single-handedly wretched 28 00:01:54,183 --> 00:01:59,086 from the rotten jaws of almost certain defeat. 29 00:02:33,952 --> 00:02:38,088 Casimir would not rest until his nemesis Morana had fallen. 30 00:02:40,926 --> 00:02:44,928 Along with her scurrilous lapdog of a so-called swordsman, 31 00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:46,932 Sir Brandt. 32 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,436 Fuck sake. 33 00:02:53,938 --> 00:02:56,605 Oh! Mr. Parsons. 34 00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:59,742 Afternoon. Trevor isn't it? 35 00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,612 Last time I checked! 36 00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:05,246 Right. I've been meaning to have a word. 37 00:03:05,248 --> 00:03:07,951 See the thing is that some of us here. 38 00:03:11,487 --> 00:03:12,488 Sorry! 39 00:03:14,157 --> 00:03:18,259 Fundamentally, some of us here. 40 00:03:18,261 --> 00:03:21,261 W-we take pride. 41 00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:23,797 I'm not sure how to- 42 00:03:23,799 --> 00:03:25,866 your plot's a disgrace. 43 00:03:28,803 --> 00:03:30,670 Well, it's a little on the barren side but 44 00:03:30,672 --> 00:03:32,605 it's got some post-apocalyptic charm. 45 00:03:32,607 --> 00:03:33,739 Clearly. 46 00:03:33,741 --> 00:03:36,008 Disgrace is a very strong word. 47 00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:39,911 But it's accurate. Look around you. 48 00:03:39,913 --> 00:03:43,915 Do you see anything out of place in my plot? No, nothing. 49 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:44,983 It's beauty. 50 00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:48,687 Ted and Irene may be slow, but they're methodical. 51 00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,822 Even Birch keeps his end up. 52 00:03:50,824 --> 00:03:53,624 Peter, almost as annoying as you are, 53 00:03:53,626 --> 00:03:55,859 but at least he knows what he's doing. 54 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,762 And Doc doesn't do anything at all, but he's tidy. 55 00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:00,731 Now you, on the other hand, 56 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,300 you are more than letting the side down. 57 00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,636 To be honest gardening isn't really my thing. 58 00:04:05,638 --> 00:04:08,237 Jesus Christ! Why do you have an allotment then? 59 00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:11,007 Why do you come here and spoil it for the rest of us? 60 00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:12,675 I'd be willing to put up a fence. 61 00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:15,680 Look, we've gotten together and signed a petition. 62 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,750 We're giving it to the landlord tomorrow morning. 63 00:04:20,752 --> 00:04:24,953 And I sincerely hope he decides to evict you, 64 00:04:24,955 --> 00:04:26,687 and your terrible hair-do. Good day! 65 00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:29,557 What? No! No, no, no, no, no, no! I'll tidy up. 66 00:04:29,559 --> 00:04:33,063 I'll, I'll plant some seeds! I'll, I'll, plant the crap fu... 67 00:04:35,933 --> 00:04:36,934 God. 68 00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:49,611 Oh! 69 00:05:01,922 --> 00:05:03,257 Oooh! 70 00:05:10,598 --> 00:05:12,330 Woo! 71 00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:15,222 Harriet, why don't you come round to mine after work? 72 00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:16,956 I've got some pear vodka. 73 00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:18,791 Oh, yes, please! 74 00:06:18,793 --> 00:06:21,327 Funny innit like, us sitting here doing nothing, 75 00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:24,964 makes you more tired than when you're busy, eh? 76 00:06:24,966 --> 00:06:26,899 You're not wrong Bobbi. 77 00:06:26,901 --> 00:06:30,002 It's a bit like shagging, if you think about it. 78 00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:32,304 The more you do it, the more you want it. 79 00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:35,309 It only makes you more horny. It's really annoying. 80 00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:38,178 I wouldn't know. 81 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,679 When are you going to be done? 82 00:06:41,681 --> 00:06:45,817 Oh, it's just my Derek now. A little quick half hour. 83 00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:49,019 But I'll do him quick today, yeah? 84 00:06:51,023 --> 00:06:53,424 There she blows. 85 00:06:53,426 --> 00:06:55,128 Hi darling! 86 00:06:56,895 --> 00:07:01,332 Aww, I love presents. Thank you. 87 00:07:01,334 --> 00:07:03,300 Do you want a little shower? 88 00:07:03,302 --> 00:07:07,069 - I'm clean as a whistle. - Mmm. 89 00:07:07,071 --> 00:07:10,373 Well, I'll have to blow you to find out won't I? 90 00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,376 Yes! 91 00:07:14,178 --> 00:07:15,179 Hmm. 92 00:07:20,317 --> 00:07:21,851 Trevor? 93 00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:25,422 Doc! 94 00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:29,959 I didn t sign the petition by the way. 95 00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,861 Thanks. 96 00:07:33,863 --> 00:07:38,265 My motto is, "Live and let live". 97 00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:39,801 I appreciate that. 98 00:07:51,246 --> 00:07:53,179 Don't come in here asking where your dinner is. 99 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,182 While you've been flouncing around at your allotment, 100 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,784 I've been at work all day. So, no. I haven't cooked yet. 101 00:07:59,786 --> 00:08:04,756 Oh, hi Trev! Nice T-shirt! Mmm. 102 00:08:05,825 --> 00:08:09,260 Trevor! I didn't say I was hungry. 103 00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:11,028 I heard you think it. 104 00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,032 No, well, we left you some. 105 00:08:14,434 --> 00:08:17,034 Thanks. 106 00:08:17,036 --> 00:08:19,038 That's very generous of you! 107 00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:23,773 I'm the one bringing the money in while you're indulging 108 00:08:23,775 --> 00:08:26,310 in some pathetic male fantasy. 109 00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:29,379 Well, as Harriet can attest, it is possible to do both. 110 00:08:29,381 --> 00:08:31,481 You know, maybe you should just embrace the dual nature of your 111 00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:33,950 business, and call the salon, "Hand Job". 112 00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:36,219 Oooh! You're looking very pretty today Harriet. 113 00:08:36,221 --> 00:08:38,154 Would you mind if I, umm? 114 00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:43,124 I'm going off to Graham's. Help me, God! 115 00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:50,098 He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he, your husband? 116 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,146 Yeah, well, you know what I think? 117 00:09:06,148 --> 00:09:08,482 I think you should unleash some of that old 118 00:09:08,484 --> 00:09:10,251 Casimir vengeance on him. 119 00:09:10,253 --> 00:09:12,151 Graham, I'm not going to kill someone 120 00:09:12,153 --> 00:09:14,387 for trying to evict me from my bloody allotment. 121 00:09:14,389 --> 00:09:17,357 Or you could get that guy you think's a serial killer to 122 00:09:17,359 --> 00:09:19,492 dissolve him in a vat of acid or something. 123 00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:22,027 I didn't say he was a serial killer. I said he was creepy, 124 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,929 and it's weird his plot is bare earth. 125 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,599 Or maybe you could put pesticide in his Horlicks, 126 00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:29,834 dress him up as a scarecrow, and hide him in plain sight? 127 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,604 What is wrong with you? I'm not going to kill anyone. 128 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,205 Yeah, well you weren't this squeamish when you were 129 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,208 fire-bombing my zombies earlier. 130 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,412 You really have no grip on the real world do you? 131 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,116 Well I guess you could learn how to garden. 132 00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:52,289 Oh, I got that picture of Harriet you wanted. 133 00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:53,490 But this is the last time, alright? 134 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,192 Everybody's starting to think I'm a weirdo. 135 00:09:56,194 --> 00:10:00,195 My sweet Lady Harriet Morana. 136 00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:04,266 Sir Brandt at your service! 137 00:10:04,268 --> 00:10:07,336 I can't believe you're basing Morana on her. 138 00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:10,406 Oh, yes! She's fit! 139 00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:13,575 Plus, Sir Brandt gets to bed her! 140 00:10:13,577 --> 00:10:16,411 Only because no one else in her army has a pulse. 141 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:19,514 Yes, she has a whole legion of skeletons at her command, 142 00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:21,915 yet it is I, Sir Brandt, 143 00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:24,452 who gets to bone her! Haha. 144 00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:26,521 You know, there are far hotter women on the internet, 145 00:10:26,523 --> 00:10:27,921 some wearing a lot less? 146 00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:29,290 Arrrgh, aargh, no, no, no, no, n... 147 00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,225 What is your problem with the internet? 148 00:10:31,227 --> 00:10:33,460 Online Gamers. 149 00:10:33,462 --> 00:10:37,364 Heathens. Heathens, man! 150 00:10:37,366 --> 00:10:40,334 Oh, go on, send me that picture would you?! 151 00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:42,068 I don't even know why you have a mobile phone. 152 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:43,537 You never bloody leave the house! 153 00:10:43,539 --> 00:10:46,406 Hey, don't knock my Agoraphobia. 154 00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:50,175 Plus, I need a way to get my DLA you know. My er... 155 00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:52,977 Dragon Living Allowance. Yes, very good. 156 00:10:52,979 --> 00:10:54,446 Why can't I have a dragon? 157 00:10:54,448 --> 00:10:57,150 Well, firstly Morana is a necromancer. 158 00:10:58,352 --> 00:11:01,453 Well, why can't I have an undead dragon? 159 00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:04,288 - Sending. - No, no, wait! Wait! 160 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:06,623 - Ahhh! - Ahahaha. 161 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,058 Whoops! 162 00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:09,161 You cheat! 163 00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:12,296 When they're down, they're down! 164 00:11:12,298 --> 00:11:14,298 Shouldn't leave your phone on the battlefield! 165 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,433 Curse you Casimir! 166 00:11:16,435 --> 00:11:20,503 The dead shall rise, and tear your world asunder! 167 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,638 Tell that to a couple of D8's. 168 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,173 Boom! 169 00:11:28,546 --> 00:11:30,548 Arrrggh. 170 00:11:39,956 --> 00:11:41,458 Arrrgh. 171 00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:00,409 Bobbi? 172 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:10,482 Ssstupid, bloody whale. 173 00:12:10,484 --> 00:12:13,252 Bobbi, d... 174 00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:18,993 I'll be on the sofa. 175 00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:28,533 Hello and welcome back. Ah, 176 00:12:28,535 --> 00:12:29,767 Right, coming up 'you are what you eat' 177 00:12:29,769 --> 00:12:34,138 we look at the pitfalls and benefits of a protein only diet. 178 00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:37,208 But first, Dick. What do we make of this macabre business? 179 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,243 Oh ho. Just in case you're tuning in for the first time 180 00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:41,144 folks, what Dave is referring to is the apparent 181 00:12:41,146 --> 00:12:43,012 grave robbing in Nunhead cemetery. 182 00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,482 Hahaha. I think, I think grave robbing is a bit strong... 183 00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:47,350 No, no, no. We-well, what would you call it then? 184 00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:49,519 Ahh-uhh, prrff, Halloween pranks? 185 00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:51,488 Haha, Well it's not like the corpses just got up and 186 00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:52,722 walked off is it? Hahaha! 187 00:12:52,724 --> 00:12:55,090 Hahaha I'd like to see! 188 00:12:55,092 --> 00:12:58,561 So Dave, what's in store for us today in terms of the weather? 189 00:12:58,563 --> 00:13:01,129 Well Dick, it's a proper Autumnal day out there today, 190 00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:04,600 but you can expect a lot of heavy low lying fog tonight. 191 00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:06,669 So, do be careful if you're out and about. 192 00:13:06,671 --> 00:13:09,137 Trevor? 193 00:13:09,139 --> 00:13:10,140 Trevor! 194 00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:14,276 Trevor you planning on sleeping all day?! 195 00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:18,245 - TREVOR!? - Whaa! 196 00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:20,447 Ow! What, Jesus? 197 00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,648 Just because you're between jobs, 198 00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,450 doesn't mean you can lay around doing fuck all every day! 199 00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:25,185 You should be out looking for a job! 200 00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:27,087 And pick your dirty clothes up from the floor. 201 00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:28,221 Is that for me? 202 00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,422 No, you make your own. 203 00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:31,457 And your dad's golf clubs are over there, so take 'em to the 204 00:13:31,459 --> 00:13:33,292 charity shop because it's not like you play, is it? 205 00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:34,660 I might have to start. 206 00:13:34,662 --> 00:13:35,695 You know what Trevor, 207 00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:38,666 you know better than to fucking argue with me! 208 00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:42,103 - Pfftt. - Oh! 209 00:13:46,707 --> 00:13:49,241 God, I swear you only started smoking to aggravate my asthma! 210 00:13:49,243 --> 00:13:52,377 You ungrateful sod! I'm doing it to lose weight, for you! 211 00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,144 Yeah, is that why you didn t eat all the extra large 212 00:13:54,146 --> 00:13:55,112 pizza as well? 213 00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:57,649 Do you know what Trevor? I'm going to work. 214 00:13:57,651 --> 00:14:01,219 You know, remember work?! You fucking lazy sod! 215 00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:08,124 Ahhh! Fuck. 216 00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:10,427 Oh, Christ. 217 00:14:10,429 --> 00:14:12,128 Kill me! 218 00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,130 Come on, boy! 219 00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:17,534 I am a very, very bad horse. 220 00:14:17,536 --> 00:14:20,737 Horses don't talk! 221 00:14:20,739 --> 00:14:22,538 Quiet! 222 00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:25,675 Horses just buck! 223 00:14:26,678 --> 00:14:28,410 Stop. 224 00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:31,479 Haha! 225 00:14:44,294 --> 00:14:46,663 Giddy up! 226 00:14:49,231 --> 00:14:52,699 Come on! Oh, woah! Derek? 227 00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:54,901 Dereeeek? 228 00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:57,104 Come on. T-t-t-t-t. 229 00:14:58,707 --> 00:14:59,708 To-oot? 230 00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:02,678 Darling? 231 00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:07,178 Remember the safe word! 232 00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:11,684 Well, that's not it! Come on, it's banana. 233 00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:13,852 Derek? 234 00:15:13,854 --> 00:15:15,186 DEREK? 235 00:15:17,324 --> 00:15:19,757 Dark cow! 236 00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,527 Oh, yeah. I gave you some pizza! 237 00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:24,361 Stupid bloody friend. 238 00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:28,600 Little ho. Little pfft. Fucking stupid! Gosh, she's such a lit... 239 00:15:28,602 --> 00:15:31,568 Bloody wha... I'm stupid. Must have she grab my cock in the 240 00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:33,303 night club. Next thing I know, 241 00:15:33,305 --> 00:15:35,638 I'm bloody married to her for life. 242 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,342 Poor Derek! 243 00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,543 All he wanted was an early morning ride, wasn't it? 244 00:15:40,545 --> 00:15:44,313 It's alright. Go on. 245 00:15:44,315 --> 00:15:46,215 Well, you know, he wanted to play his favorite game, 246 00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,650 you know, that. 247 00:15:47,652 --> 00:15:49,819 Horsey play. 248 00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:52,754 He loved that! 249 00:15:52,756 --> 00:15:55,890 No, but I just kept on really pushing it, and saying, 250 00:15:55,892 --> 00:15:58,893 "giddy up, giddy up, faster" spanking his ass! 251 00:15:58,895 --> 00:16:01,296 And I was getting really into it, and- 252 00:16:01,298 --> 00:16:05,900 It just uh, it got too much for him. And he collapsed on me. 253 00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:07,101 Oh, he didn't?! 254 00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:09,236 And there was nothing I could do, and I was saying, "Say the 255 00:16:09,238 --> 00:16:11,772 safe word, say the safe word". 256 00:16:11,774 --> 00:16:13,874 And he didn't. He just kept on going, " Pfffft" 257 00:16:13,876 --> 00:16:16,644 And I forgot, he's got such a delicate little heart. 258 00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:17,845 Oh, his little heart! 259 00:16:17,847 --> 00:16:19,245 And that's why I really liked him, 260 00:16:19,247 --> 00:16:21,717 cause he was actually a real gent. 261 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,819 Poor Derek. 262 00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:29,354 Oh, God. 263 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:33,593 Oh, Bobbi. Oh, do you know what? 264 00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:35,597 He's still wearing my buttplug. 265 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,767 He is. He's still wearing my buttplug. They're gonna find 266 00:16:41,769 --> 00:16:43,802 my buttplug up there. That's not dignified. 267 00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:45,269 He wouldn't have want that. 268 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,304 Nope. Nope. 269 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,641 That's awkward. 270 00:16:49,877 --> 00:16:51,742 Stupid cow. 271 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,311 Stupid. I might as well just put a bloody bed in here 272 00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,578 and be done with it. 273 00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:57,315 ...Bloody. 274 00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,320 Parsons! 275 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,922 What? 276 00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,758 Is it true? Are you distilling vodka? 277 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:09,626 What's it to you? 278 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,827 What's it to me, you little cock head?! 279 00:17:11,829 --> 00:17:13,529 Not that you'd be affected by it, 280 00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,397 but a number of us had our potato crops 281 00:17:15,399 --> 00:17:16,665 plundered last year. 282 00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:18,967 - Aww! - And I'd be willing to bet 283 00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,637 that if you are indeed distilling vodka, 284 00:17:21,639 --> 00:17:23,872 then you're probably the plunderer. 285 00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:26,809 Hahahaha. I'm the potato plunderer? 286 00:17:26,811 --> 00:17:29,309 Me? Whose allotment looks like a pile of shit?! 287 00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:31,779 Do you think I could be bothered to dig up potatoes? 288 00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:33,881 Look at my hands. Look how clean they are. 289 00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,983 You think I could be bothered to muddy them up to get your 290 00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:39,519 dirty ass potatoes because this is a little bit of "newsflash", 291 00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:41,689 they're available in a fucking supermarket, 292 00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:43,657 and they're a pound! But then you probably didn't know that 293 00:17:43,659 --> 00:17:46,358 did you? You bloody wanna be English moron. 294 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,527 You watch your tone, you little twat! 295 00:17:48,529 --> 00:17:50,596 Twat?! Hahahaha. 296 00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,465 Twoa! Twat! What are you gonna do now? 297 00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,500 Bludgeon me with that spade? Give it to me! 298 00:17:54,502 --> 00:17:56,302 'Cause if there's gonna be any bludgeoning happening today, 299 00:17:56,304 --> 00:17:57,770 I will not be on the receiving end! 300 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:58,671 You are mad! 301 00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:01,372 You don't know the fucking half of it! 302 00:18:01,374 --> 00:18:03,808 Yeah, run! Run little American boy! 303 00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,578 It's pronounced, "twot" You bloody American! 304 00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,446 I'm Canadian! 305 00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:16,722 Mr. Parsons? Mr. Parsons? 306 00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:21,425 Mr. Parsons?! 307 00:18:27,333 --> 00:18:28,799 Bobbi! Bobbi, something terrible has happened! 308 00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:29,933 Get out! 309 00:18:29,935 --> 00:18:31,934 What the hell are you doing? 310 00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,369 - What are y... - Go away! 311 00:18:33,371 --> 00:18:36,407 Oh! Oh! Oh! God! Oh! 312 00:18:36,975 --> 00:18:39,407 Well, on that note, I don t think he'll be coming back! 313 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,845 Mm mmm. Oooh, that's nice! 314 00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:45,480 For a moment, I actually felt like Casimir! 315 00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,083 I was like moving towards him, and he was like, stepping back. 316 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:52,386 I could see the fear in his eyes. It was... 317 00:18:52,388 --> 00:18:56,892 - What? - What is that, on your shoulder? 318 00:18:56,894 --> 00:19:00,095 Oooh! Oh, God! Christ! 319 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:04,299 Oh, God. Bobbi was giving Harriet a wax on her lady bits. 320 00:19:04,766 --> 00:19:06,599 - Hand it over! - What? 321 00:19:06,601 --> 00:19:07,767 - Give it. - No! 322 00:19:07,769 --> 00:19:09,636 - Yes. Yes! - No. 323 00:19:09,638 --> 00:19:11,138 No way! 324 00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:12,639 - Come on, now. - That's sick man. 325 00:19:12,641 --> 00:19:13,773 I'm not doing it. 326 00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:16,778 I'll give you one sword of Chronos. 327 00:19:18,713 --> 00:19:21,513 Sword of Chronos and an extra D8 on my combat roles? 328 00:19:21,515 --> 00:19:24,018 Ahhh, D4? 329 00:19:26,053 --> 00:19:27,519 Just don't do anything disgusting with it. 330 00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:28,522 Ah. 331 00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:32,624 I can smell her Labia. 332 00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:34,760 You are a revolting man! 333 00:19:34,762 --> 00:19:36,093 I know. 334 00:19:36,095 --> 00:19:38,462 So, you were saying? 335 00:19:38,464 --> 00:19:40,798 Right. Yeah, so he kinda hobbles off, falls over, 336 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,568 and doesn't bloody get up again. 337 00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,117 Oh, fuck. 338 00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,088 Oh, God. 339 00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:10,592 Bloody hippie leaving his bloody tools laying around. 340 00:20:10,594 --> 00:20:12,560 So that's the serial killer? 341 00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:14,462 A hippie serial killer, really? 342 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,797 Oh, it's a great cover. 343 00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:18,600 No. Birch is the hippie. Doc is th... 344 00:20:18,602 --> 00:20:19,901 Serial killer! 345 00:20:19,903 --> 00:20:20,902 Creepy cowboy guy. 346 00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:22,104 Anyway, you're meant to tread on the rake and 347 00:20:22,106 --> 00:20:24,705 have it hit you in the face. You're not meant to fall on it 348 00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,540 and have it brain you. It's just not funny! 349 00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:29,077 Oh. It kinda is. 350 00:20:29,079 --> 00:20:31,445 Well, and convenient! 351 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,147 So, what'd you do next? 352 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,815 I managed to drag him back to my shed. 353 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,516 Ahh! 354 00:20:37,853 --> 00:20:39,854 Nearly bloody killed me. 355 00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:47,994 I'm gonna have to go to the Police. 356 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,795 No way, man! You'll look guilty as hell. 357 00:20:49,797 --> 00:20:50,730 It was an accident. 358 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,832 Well, so why did you move the body then? 359 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,133 I don't know. 360 00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:56,501 What if somebody heard or saw the argument? 361 00:20:56,503 --> 00:20:57,569 I don't know! 362 00:20:57,571 --> 00:20:59,804 Well, you should definitely dispose of the corpse. 363 00:20:59,806 --> 00:21:02,473 Graham, you really have no grip on the real world. 364 00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:04,910 Oh, spoken like a true hypocrite. 365 00:21:04,912 --> 00:21:07,913 Why don't you just bury it in the serial killer's plot? 366 00:21:07,915 --> 00:21:09,915 Oh, that's at the other end of the allotment. 367 00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:12,116 Finish me off dragging his fat ass back there. 368 00:21:12,118 --> 00:21:14,785 Well, bury it in yours then. I mean if it's as messy as you say 369 00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:16,719 then nobody will ever find it. 370 00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:19,123 Christ! Even the thought of dragging him another foot 371 00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:21,524 gives me a bloody asthma attack. 372 00:21:21,526 --> 00:21:23,559 Arrffff. 373 00:21:49,218 --> 00:21:50,753 Ohh. 374 00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:59,793 I'll think of something. 375 00:21:59,795 --> 00:22:01,928 Maybe. 376 00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:35,892 I think you should unleash some of that old 377 00:22:35,894 --> 00:22:38,530 Casimir vengeance on him. 378 00:22:47,772 --> 00:22:50,039 Some imagination you've got?! 379 00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,640 It's my fantasy. 380 00:22:51,642 --> 00:22:54,643 Ha! You could've given me some armor or something. 381 00:22:54,645 --> 00:22:56,645 And I mean, what the hell's that supposed to be? 382 00:22:56,647 --> 00:22:58,647 Like I said, it's my fantasy. 383 00:22:58,649 --> 00:23:00,151 Really? 384 00:23:03,887 --> 00:23:06,821 Suck on that, Potter! 385 00:23:06,823 --> 00:23:10,058 You can have her Sir Brandt. Make the most of it. 386 00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:13,728 For she will soon be as dead as the vile creatures she commands. 387 00:23:13,730 --> 00:23:18,632 Oh yeah? We'll see about that. 388 00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:43,024 Ha-ha! You cannot defeat us both Wizard! 389 00:23:44,159 --> 00:23:45,224 Yield! 390 00:23:45,226 --> 00:23:48,660 The cold lure of this grave-robbing vixen was enough 391 00:23:48,662 --> 00:23:51,296 to turn you from faith, eh, Palladin? 392 00:23:51,298 --> 00:23:56,000 Ha. Do not mock my new faith, Bumblebore! 393 00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:58,936 and you know nothing of the heat that heat that lies between 394 00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:03,408 that Vixen's legs. But you will feel the sting of her blade, 395 00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:07,143 When she cuts your legs from beneath you. 396 00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:18,121 Sorry! I thought you were one of them. 397 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:21,827 Don't waste any time. Find your sanctuary. Go to ground! 398 00:24:25,729 --> 00:24:26,995 What? 399 00:24:26,997 --> 00:24:30,000 It's the big one! I must document everything! 400 00:26:20,436 --> 00:26:23,836 There remains a multitude of unanswered questions first and 401 00:26:23,838 --> 00:26:27,273 forth most regarding the cause of this horrible turn of events. 402 00:26:27,275 --> 00:26:29,175 I can't believe, but when it comes down to it, 403 00:26:29,177 --> 00:26:32,110 the only fact that matters is the one we can no longer ignore. 404 00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:35,480 And that is, that it seems, and I still find it hard to put into 405 00:26:35,482 --> 00:26:38,217 words, despite having seen evidence first hand. 406 00:26:38,219 --> 00:26:43,021 We're genuinely in the midst of an actual zombie apocalypse. 407 00:26:43,023 --> 00:26:46,258 Now joining me in discussion for these "end of days" 408 00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:48,459 is Kevin Bartlett. Now Kevin, hello and welco... 409 00:26:48,461 --> 00:26:51,062 Yeah, yeah, hi John. What I'd like to say I'm happy to be here 410 00:26:51,064 --> 00:26:54,498 Er quite! So, er what's your take on this whole debacle? 411 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:57,301 Well, first of all, I could've predicted this would happen. 412 00:26:57,303 --> 00:27:00,204 I-I did it, I know, I know but I-I look. I mean look, 413 00:27:00,206 --> 00:27:02,838 We've been obsessed forever, with bloody zombie this and 414 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,475 zombie that. Do you know how many zombie films are churned 415 00:27:05,477 --> 00:27:06,809 - out each year. - Quite a few I'm sure. 416 00:27:06,811 --> 00:27:10,413 Er yep, m-my theory, and you mentioned earlier about not 417 00:27:10,415 --> 00:27:13,583 knowing the "how" of all this. Well, I'll tell you exactly how 418 00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:17,254 this has all fucking happened. Sorry, can I swear John? Well 419 00:27:17,256 --> 00:27:20,054 it doesn't matter now does it? It's simple, and testament to 420 00:27:20,056 --> 00:27:23,224 the towering power of the media and the public conscience. 421 00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:25,927 We've spent so long fawning over these shuffling bags of bones, 422 00:27:25,929 --> 00:27:30,399 reveling in film after film, TV shows, books, video games, and 423 00:27:30,401 --> 00:27:33,935 hoaxes, people have been genuinely waiting for this day. 424 00:27:33,937 --> 00:27:37,337 And why? Because with this kind of PR it would be rude to have 425 00:27:37,339 --> 00:27:39,373 a fucking zombie apocalypse. 426 00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:43,379 - Er Kevin, can I stop you there. - Yeah, wha-what's going on bud? 427 00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:50,083 I think. I thi... 428 00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:51,786 No, no! 429 00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:59,058 Let's get to the roof! 430 00:27:59,060 --> 00:28:00,226 Well, to the helicopter! 431 00:28:00,228 --> 00:28:02,463 Fucking helicopter? What? 432 00:28:28,554 --> 00:28:30,256 Ohh! 433 00:28:55,378 --> 00:28:56,544 It's alright for you. 434 00:28:56,546 --> 00:28:59,647 You don t have to hack up and bury the people you kill! 435 00:29:09,325 --> 00:29:11,193 Casmir the Cremator. 436 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,862 That's got a bit of a ring to it! 437 00:29:17,666 --> 00:29:19,534 Right, back to work. 438 00:29:26,574 --> 00:29:28,607 Ooh, oh! 439 00:29:28,609 --> 00:29:31,276 Ohh. Ugh. 440 00:29:35,048 --> 00:29:37,115 Alight Mr. Parsons. 441 00:29:37,117 --> 00:29:39,620 Let's not keep your legs waiting! 442 00:29:42,188 --> 00:29:44,355 Unfortunately you're going to be spending the rest of eternity in 443 00:29:44,357 --> 00:29:47,023 my disgrace of a plot. 444 00:29:47,025 --> 00:29:49,560 I'll try and tidy up for you. 445 00:29:49,562 --> 00:29:53,096 God, I'll be glad to see the back of you. 446 00:29:53,098 --> 00:29:54,099 Ugh. 447 00:29:56,703 --> 00:29:59,904 God! You are one ugly bastard! 448 00:30:01,339 --> 00:30:04,041 Ahh! What the fuck?! 449 00:30:06,277 --> 00:30:08,279 Ahh! Ahh! Oh, God! 450 00:30:12,683 --> 00:30:15,383 Get off my crotch! Ahh! 451 00:30:15,385 --> 00:30:18,188 Ahh! Ahhh! 452 00:30:19,556 --> 00:30:21,558 Bloody open you. 453 00:30:23,427 --> 00:30:26,694 Ahh! Aahhh! 454 00:30:26,696 --> 00:30:31,030 Ugh! Help! Heeeelp! 455 00:30:31,032 --> 00:30:34,101 I've got half a gardner in here! He's trying to kill me! 456 00:30:34,103 --> 00:30:36,605 Help me! Heeeelp! 457 00:30:41,710 --> 00:30:45,111 Please, help! He's got my legs, he's got my legs! 458 00:30:45,113 --> 00:30:47,112 He's got, ohh god he's got! 459 00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:50,117 You fucking door! Ahhh!!! 460 00:30:52,454 --> 00:30:56,556 Pleeease! Ahh! Ahhhhh! 461 00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:59,124 Oh, God! Oh, God! 462 00:31:05,465 --> 00:31:10,401 Oh, God! Ahh! Ahh! Ahhh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh, God! 463 00:31:10,403 --> 00:31:12,303 Ahh, God! 464 00:31:31,656 --> 00:31:33,658 Ohh! Ohh! 465 00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:42,498 - You! - Ahh. Ahhhh. Aghhhhh! 466 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:44,166 The only thing is, you were actually more annoying 467 00:31:44,168 --> 00:31:45,667 when you were alive. 468 00:31:48,639 --> 00:31:50,640 Help! Help! 469 00:31:54,744 --> 00:31:57,578 Heeeeelp! Agh! 470 00:31:57,580 --> 00:32:00,347 Aghh! Heeeeelp! 471 00:32:09,591 --> 00:32:13,192 I know a cry for help when I hear one. 472 00:32:13,194 --> 00:32:15,196 Come on, Birchy boy! 473 00:32:18,366 --> 00:32:22,168 Ahh! Ahhh! Aaaaahhh! 474 00:32:28,408 --> 00:32:31,209 Four bars, half battery! Booyahhhhh! 475 00:32:31,211 --> 00:32:33,411 Right, Bobbi. 476 00:32:33,413 --> 00:32:34,414 Right. 477 00:32:36,716 --> 00:32:38,782 Come on, Bobbi. Come on. Answer, answer. 478 00:32:38,784 --> 00:32:40,551 Answer the phone. 479 00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,632 There's more of them. They've got her. 480 00:32:55,199 --> 00:32:57,198 Aghhaaahh! 481 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,343 I have to make another call. Don't you ever get tired? 482 00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:10,579 Shhh! 483 00:33:13,483 --> 00:33:17,351 Thank you for calling 999, the UK's leading emergency service. 484 00:33:17,353 --> 00:33:19,721 Your call is currently in a queue and will be dealt with 485 00:33:19,723 --> 00:33:22,826 as soon as one of our operators becomes available. 486 00:33:23,593 --> 00:33:26,159 For God's sake! 487 00:33:39,274 --> 00:33:42,474 Your call is important to us. Thank you for your patience. 488 00:33:42,476 --> 00:33:44,276 - Please continue to ho... - For God's sake! 489 00:33:55,756 --> 00:33:58,456 Oh, you like that do you? Ohhh! 490 00:34:05,565 --> 00:34:08,766 Who'll be at home, who'll be at home, who'll be at home? 491 00:34:08,768 --> 00:34:11,838 Tsk, tsk, tsk. Graham 492 00:34:13,305 --> 00:34:15,839 Oooh, Mistress Morana! 493 00:34:15,841 --> 00:34:19,976 Oh! Oh, mistress! 494 00:34:19,978 --> 00:34:21,978 Oh! Ughh. 495 00:34:25,884 --> 00:34:29,318 Jesus, T! You scared the crap out of me! 496 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,386 Good thing I'm on the crapper. 497 00:34:31,388 --> 00:34:34,757 God, that is a disgusting image! Look, look, I need your help. 498 00:34:34,759 --> 00:34:35,858 Kinda busy. 499 00:34:35,860 --> 00:34:37,692 Doing what? 500 00:34:37,694 --> 00:34:40,963 Umm, polishing my sword. 501 00:34:40,965 --> 00:34:43,631 Look, even though you've got a sword, I know that means your 502 00:34:43,633 --> 00:34:46,233 penis! Can you just put it away in your pants and fucking come 503 00:34:46,235 --> 00:34:49,238 and help me? We've got a situation. 504 00:34:52,741 --> 00:34:54,341 What's that noise? 505 00:34:54,343 --> 00:34:59,246 That's the situation. Mr. Parsons is now 506 00:34:59,248 --> 00:35:01,281 zombie Parsons! 507 00:35:01,283 --> 00:35:02,948 Hahaha! shut up. 508 00:35:02,950 --> 00:35:05,618 I'm serious Graham! Look, I only called Bobbi. 509 00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:08,254 I think they already got her. 510 00:35:08,256 --> 00:35:12,024 Wait a minute. Am I on bloody speaker phone? And who's they? 511 00:35:12,026 --> 00:35:15,730 Do you b...? The bloody zombies that's who! 512 00:35:19,933 --> 00:35:21,900 I'm not the first person you called? 513 00:35:21,902 --> 00:35:24,703 You're not the second either. I've got bloody 999 on hold as 514 00:35:24,705 --> 00:35:25,704 we speak. 515 00:35:25,706 --> 00:35:28,573 Ha, you put 999 on hold? 516 00:35:28,575 --> 00:35:30,975 Well they put me on hold first! 517 00:35:30,977 --> 00:35:32,844 Yeah, I hate it when they do that. 518 00:35:32,846 --> 00:35:35,378 It's bloody ridiculous. Anyway look, I'm trapped in the shed 519 00:35:35,380 --> 00:35:37,413 somehow. I can't get out. And I need you to come down here... 520 00:35:37,415 --> 00:35:39,515 Well, I can't. 521 00:35:39,517 --> 00:35:41,451 What? Something more pressing? 522 00:35:41,453 --> 00:35:44,387 Look, ughh. Just twat the thing over the head and 523 00:35:44,389 --> 00:35:47,623 bash your way out. I mean, it's a shed. I'm sure you'll manage. 524 00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:49,559 Are you, are you kidding me? 525 00:35:49,561 --> 00:35:52,461 Look, I've gotta go. I'll see you tonight, alright? 526 00:35:52,463 --> 00:35:53,996 No. 527 00:35:53,998 --> 00:35:56,565 No! No. 528 00:35:56,567 --> 00:35:59,269 No! Ahhh! 529 00:35:59,870 --> 00:36:03,505 Fuuuuuck! Fuck! Idiot! 530 00:36:03,507 --> 00:36:05,640 Ahhhhhh! 531 00:36:05,642 --> 00:36:08,509 Ohhh. 532 00:36:08,511 --> 00:36:11,881 Ohhhhh, yessss! 533 00:36:12,315 --> 00:36:15,549 Is this call a genuine emergency? If so... 534 00:36:31,066 --> 00:36:34,268 Ahh! Ahh! Ahhhh! Ahhh! Ahh! 535 00:36:42,943 --> 00:36:45,778 My shoe! My shoe! 536 00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:48,046 Ugh! Ahh! 537 00:36:48,048 --> 00:36:49,715 That's my bloody shoe! 538 00:36:49,717 --> 00:36:52,617 Give me my shoe! Give me my bloody shoes! 539 00:36:52,619 --> 00:36:55,354 That was my last pair of Nike's! 540 00:36:55,554 --> 00:36:57,387 Please continue to hold. 541 00:36:57,389 --> 00:36:59,422 One of our operators will be with you shortly. 542 00:36:59,424 --> 00:37:00,992 Now, a word from our sponsors. 543 00:37:00,994 --> 00:37:05,062 Are you suffering from stabbing pain, headaches? 544 00:37:05,064 --> 00:37:08,765 The kind of stubborn pain that sits right behind your eyes 545 00:37:08,767 --> 00:37:10,766 and won't go aw... 546 00:37:10,768 --> 00:37:12,470 Ahhh! 547 00:37:15,473 --> 00:37:19,510 No! no, no! Nooo! Not now! Not now! Nooo! Nooo! 548 00:37:38,895 --> 00:37:40,862 Ahh! Ahhh! 549 00:37:50,973 --> 00:37:53,874 Hahahaha. Hahaha. Ahh. 550 00:38:07,521 --> 00:38:09,821 Oh, you wanna get that roof fixed! 551 00:38:09,823 --> 00:38:10,824 You mind? 552 00:38:29,709 --> 00:38:32,577 By the way, I did take your potatoes. 553 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:37,180 Sorry mate, I seriously thought you were joking earlier! 554 00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:39,515 It's fine. 555 00:38:39,517 --> 00:38:41,684 What, so you wore a helmet, but you didn't bring a sword? 556 00:38:41,686 --> 00:38:43,853 Yeah, look, it's one thing walking around town wearing 557 00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:45,921 this, which, by the way, is a very clever move, 558 00:38:45,923 --> 00:38:48,790 but I can't be dragging a sword around town. 559 00:38:48,792 --> 00:38:50,592 It's bloody heavy for starters. 560 00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:53,195 Well, at least you got over your agoraphobia. 561 00:38:53,197 --> 00:38:55,529 Yeah, yeah alright, I'm not agoraphobic. Fine. 562 00:38:55,531 --> 00:38:56,765 Surprise. 563 00:38:56,767 --> 00:39:00,102 Look, at least I came, yeah? It's bloody dangerous out here! 564 00:39:00,104 --> 00:39:02,003 I saw two women eating another woman. 565 00:39:02,005 --> 00:39:03,838 What, did you watch it on your phone? 566 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,207 Not like that! And I saw some hippie 567 00:39:06,209 --> 00:39:08,675 chewing some blokes arm off! 568 00:39:08,677 --> 00:39:10,679 Oh, bloody vegans! 569 00:39:12,781 --> 00:39:14,614 I think we should head to the coast. 570 00:39:14,616 --> 00:39:16,549 - What? - Well, there might be boats. 571 00:39:16,551 --> 00:39:18,684 - That's a stupid fucking idea! - No, it's not. 572 00:39:18,686 --> 00:39:20,819 Yes it is. Where's Bobbi? 573 00:39:20,821 --> 00:39:23,089 - I dunno. I think they got her. - You think? 574 00:39:23,091 --> 00:39:24,224 Can't be sure. 575 00:39:24,226 --> 00:39:25,927 Harriet's with Bobbi. 576 00:39:27,862 --> 00:39:30,796 We need to save our women! 577 00:39:30,798 --> 00:39:33,731 We really, we, we really don't. 578 00:39:33,733 --> 00:39:35,934 I cou... 579 00:39:35,936 --> 00:39:39,103 So my thinking is, you know what choice does she have? 580 00:39:39,105 --> 00:39:42,507 Suicide? Becoming a sex slave for a heavily armed gang? 581 00:39:42,509 --> 00:39:44,609 Donating her brain to the hungry? 582 00:39:44,611 --> 00:39:45,843 Well none of that's likely to happen. 583 00:39:45,845 --> 00:39:48,146 I think it's more likely than her shacking up with you in some 584 00:39:48,148 --> 00:39:50,614 post-apocalyptic wasteland. 585 00:39:50,616 --> 00:39:53,216 Hahahaha. You wait. 586 00:39:53,218 --> 00:39:56,186 Chicks dig a knight in shining armor! 587 00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:57,988 What the hell? 588 00:39:57,990 --> 00:40:02,726 God! I think it's Peter? Well, part of him. 589 00:40:02,728 --> 00:40:04,795 What, you can tell just from his arm? 590 00:40:04,797 --> 00:40:06,195 No. 591 00:40:06,197 --> 00:40:07,732 The camera. 592 00:40:12,236 --> 00:40:16,571 My name is Peter Jones. I'm a-well, I'm doing my masters in 593 00:40:16,573 --> 00:40:20,577 agriculture, but that's doesn't matter right now. Start again. 594 00:40:22,212 --> 00:40:26,814 My name is Peter Jones, and I'm a concerned citizen. 595 00:40:26,816 --> 00:40:29,783 If you're watching this these could be the very last recorded 596 00:40:29,785 --> 00:40:33,154 thoughts of mankind. It's not too late for you though. 597 00:40:33,156 --> 00:40:37,192 You can escape. These things are slow and cumbersome. 598 00:40:37,194 --> 00:40:41,594 Ahh! Ahh-ahh! Ahhhh! ahhh! 599 00:40:41,596 --> 00:40:46,065 Ah-ahhaha! Ahh-ha! Oohoohoo! Ahhh! 600 00:40:46,067 --> 00:40:48,601 Ahhh! Oh, God! 601 00:40:48,603 --> 00:40:51,804 Oh, Jesus! Oh, Christ! 602 00:40:51,806 --> 00:40:56,608 Ahh-haha! Aaaah! Ah-ha! 603 00:41:04,251 --> 00:41:05,917 Documenting the zombie apocalypse? 604 00:41:05,919 --> 00:41:07,052 Who the hell's gonna watch it? 605 00:41:07,054 --> 00:41:08,922 Us apparently! 606 00:41:10,223 --> 00:41:12,957 Oh, Christ! And now they're best buddies. Great. 607 00:41:12,959 --> 00:41:14,792 Well, if you cant eat 'em, join 'em. 608 00:41:14,794 --> 00:41:16,894 Right, I'll take Peter, you take Ted! 609 00:41:16,896 --> 00:41:17,862 What about her? 610 00:41:17,864 --> 00:41:20,331 She's got a dodgy leg. She'll be a while. 611 00:41:20,333 --> 00:41:23,067 Come on, you! 612 00:41:23,069 --> 00:41:25,071 Come ooon, youuu! 613 00:41:27,605 --> 00:41:29,738 Ahh! Take that you idiot! 614 00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:32,741 Ah! Yes! Ugh! Ug! h 615 00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:35,844 - Do they die this way? - I'm not sure! 616 00:41:35,846 --> 00:41:39,850 - Take that! Take that! - Ugh! Ugh! 617 00:41:40,751 --> 00:41:43,254 - Ahh! - Oh, God. No! 618 00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:57,100 No, Doc. No, no, It's, it's me. Ahh! 619 00:42:01,303 --> 00:42:03,737 Thank you? 620 00:42:03,739 --> 00:42:04,905 Yeah, thanks Doc. 621 00:42:04,907 --> 00:42:06,608 Don't mention it. 622 00:42:09,645 --> 00:42:11,978 You look like you've been busy. 623 00:42:11,980 --> 00:42:14,413 It's like fucking Christmas. 624 00:42:14,415 --> 00:42:17,183 I've got a more traditional approach to 625 00:42:17,185 --> 00:42:19,187 Christmas myself but, 626 00:42:21,255 --> 00:42:24,890 You know I don't know why you're looking so shocked Trevor. 627 00:42:24,892 --> 00:42:29,195 I saw what you did to Parsons. Very impressive. 628 00:42:29,197 --> 00:42:30,727 Thank you. 629 00:42:30,729 --> 00:42:33,233 So, ugh, what's in the bag? 630 00:42:34,401 --> 00:42:37,770 - You don't want to know. - Huh, I do. Hm. 631 00:42:40,173 --> 00:42:41,772 Oh! 632 00:42:41,774 --> 00:42:44,242 - Oh, heads! - Heads? 633 00:42:44,244 --> 00:42:46,945 Yeah! hahaha. 634 00:42:49,814 --> 00:42:52,382 What's in the other bag? 635 00:42:52,384 --> 00:42:54,218 You really don't want to know. 636 00:42:54,220 --> 00:42:56,222 Hm. Pretty open-minded. 637 00:43:03,428 --> 00:43:06,630 Oh! Fu... ohh! 638 00:43:07,731 --> 00:43:08,997 Ohh! 639 00:43:08,999 --> 00:43:13,368 Lady parts. You know, If you soak 'em in vinegar long enough, 640 00:43:13,370 --> 00:43:17,405 Just like calamari. 641 00:43:17,407 --> 00:43:20,174 We have to go! 642 00:43:20,176 --> 00:43:21,976 Ah, I've got to go and see my wife. 643 00:43:21,978 --> 00:43:24,011 Yeah, and Harriet. 644 00:43:24,013 --> 00:43:26,313 Well, hasta la vista guys. 645 00:43:26,315 --> 00:43:27,848 Maybe see you around? 646 00:43:27,850 --> 00:43:29,717 Yeah, better hope not. 647 00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,153 Especially if you're one of them. 648 00:43:32,155 --> 00:43:34,287 You know they're not human. 649 00:43:34,289 --> 00:43:38,825 Best thing to do is, you see 'em, kill 'em. Simple right? 650 00:43:38,827 --> 00:43:41,928 Noted. Thank you very much. Very useful. 651 00:43:41,930 --> 00:43:43,363 I would hope you'd do the same for me. 652 00:43:43,365 --> 00:43:45,864 - Yeah. - You see me shuffling around, 653 00:43:45,866 --> 00:43:49,371 kill me. 'Cause I don't wanna be one of the living dead. 654 00:43:52,206 --> 00:43:55,773 I wanna be one of the dead, dead. 655 00:43:55,775 --> 00:43:57,777 Dead, dead. Got it. 656 00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:06,350 Well, don't worry. I'll clean up your mess. 657 00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:07,884 Alright. 658 00:44:07,886 --> 00:44:09,353 Okay, thank you. 659 00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:12,255 I told you he was a serial killer! 660 00:44:12,257 --> 00:44:15,093 Ahhaaahh! 661 00:44:19,465 --> 00:44:21,264 That's something you don't see everyday. 662 00:44:21,266 --> 00:44:23,132 Yeah. 663 00:44:23,134 --> 00:44:25,167 This is your street isn't it? 664 00:44:25,169 --> 00:44:30,072 Yeah, alright, keep up with me. Keep your eyes open. Let's go! 665 00:44:30,074 --> 00:44:32,474 Bollocks! 666 00:44:49,926 --> 00:44:51,428 Oh! 667 00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:04,036 Lie still, Sir Casimir! 668 00:45:04,038 --> 00:45:07,008 You are wounded. But you will live. 669 00:45:08,076 --> 00:45:10,077 I'll make sure of it. 670 00:45:15,182 --> 00:45:18,451 So beautiful. Who are you? 671 00:45:18,453 --> 00:45:22,120 My name is Ophelia. And these are my sisters, 672 00:45:22,122 --> 00:45:24,124 Iphelea and Upheleme. 673 00:45:29,563 --> 00:45:34,233 We are honored to tend to someone so brave as you. 674 00:45:35,835 --> 00:45:39,436 We are humbled by your presence. 675 00:45:39,438 --> 00:45:44,309 Yet, I would still beg for one small favor. 676 00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:46,978 Anything. 677 00:45:49,948 --> 00:45:52,615 A kiss 678 00:45:52,617 --> 00:45:55,918 from your brave lips. 679 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,922 Should you have the strength, sire? 680 00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:00,424 Hmm. 681 00:46:20,008 --> 00:46:23,209 My sisters would ask the same favor. 682 00:46:23,211 --> 00:46:25,914 should you have the strength? 683 00:46:30,951 --> 00:46:32,987 Think so. 684 00:46:35,657 --> 00:46:37,189 - Oh! - Hahaha. 685 00:46:37,191 --> 00:46:38,357 Welcome back, T! 686 00:46:38,359 --> 00:46:41,661 Oh, Thanks. 687 00:46:41,663 --> 00:46:43,896 How long was I out? 688 00:46:43,898 --> 00:46:45,631 Oh, a couple of days. 689 00:46:45,633 --> 00:46:48,166 Oh, Christ! What's it like out there? 690 00:46:48,168 --> 00:46:51,002 Hahaha. Just kidding! 691 00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:53,037 Before you start on me, 692 00:46:53,039 --> 00:46:56,107 you look like a bloody zombie because you're covered in blood. 693 00:46:56,109 --> 00:46:59,344 If you'd come to the front door. Oh, no sorry, wait. 694 00:46:59,346 --> 00:47:02,212 I suppose you lost your keys as well as your inhaler. 695 00:47:02,214 --> 00:47:05,282 Do you know what Trevor? You are so rubbish when it comes to 696 00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:08,352 crisis like this, you really fucking are. 697 00:47:08,354 --> 00:47:11,455 Oh, come on Bobbi, he's just woken up, give him a break. 698 00:47:11,457 --> 00:47:14,460 No, because he's a lazy bastard, Harriet! 699 00:47:15,627 --> 00:47:17,660 Why's she wearing my shirt? 700 00:47:17,662 --> 00:47:20,864 I think that's obvious. Hmhmmhmm. 701 00:47:21,932 --> 00:47:25,434 Well, faced with the imminent prospect of death 702 00:47:25,436 --> 00:47:30,272 they, uh, finally gave into their sapphic whims. 703 00:47:30,274 --> 00:47:32,073 What? 704 00:47:32,075 --> 00:47:34,076 I think they had sex! 705 00:47:37,447 --> 00:47:39,449 Now, that I'd like to see. 706 00:47:44,253 --> 00:47:46,188 Well, half of it anyway. Haha. 707 00:47:47,591 --> 00:47:49,723 Hey, don't stretch that. That's my favorite. 708 00:47:49,725 --> 00:47:52,427 It was until you "tittied" it up! 709 00:47:55,130 --> 00:47:59,031 Oh, Christ! Oh, I need to take a shower. 710 00:47:59,033 --> 00:48:01,735 There's more pressing things than you washing Trevor. 711 00:48:01,737 --> 00:48:04,704 Are there Bobbi? Are there really? 'Cause let me tell you 712 00:48:04,706 --> 00:48:07,439 something. While you've been in here munching on your friend, 713 00:48:07,441 --> 00:48:10,342 the world out there has gone to absolute shit! 714 00:48:10,344 --> 00:48:13,011 So before this apocalypse really kicks in, 715 00:48:13,013 --> 00:48:15,247 I'd like one last shot at some hot water, okay? 716 00:48:15,249 --> 00:48:17,749 So my suggestion to you is, shut your fucking mouth, 717 00:48:17,751 --> 00:48:20,152 and put the immersion on! 'Cause right now, 718 00:48:20,154 --> 00:48:22,620 I really wanna wash these fucking brains off me. 719 00:48:22,622 --> 00:48:24,755 I don't think there's any need to swear at me 720 00:48:24,757 --> 00:48:27,558 Yes, there is actually! There's every fucking need! 721 00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,326 And may I point out that thus far, 722 00:48:29,328 --> 00:48:31,995 the only injury I've received is from my fuckwit of a wife 723 00:48:31,997 --> 00:48:34,698 and not from a fucking zombie! 724 00:48:34,700 --> 00:48:39,669 - Trevor? - Apology fucking accepted! 725 00:48:39,671 --> 00:48:43,005 Right, I'm now going upstairs to take a shower. 726 00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:45,073 Stay away from the doors and windows, alright? 727 00:48:45,075 --> 00:48:47,477 Just keep quiet, everything will be fine, 728 00:48:47,479 --> 00:48:50,582 we'll sort everything else out when I get back. 729 00:48:57,420 --> 00:48:59,422 Well, that was awkward. Err? 730 00:49:44,364 --> 00:49:47,064 So, you "Bi" then? 731 00:49:47,066 --> 00:49:48,833 Who said that? 732 00:49:48,835 --> 00:49:51,036 Well, you know, you and Bobbi? 733 00:49:52,806 --> 00:49:55,473 Maybe I'm a lesbian. 734 00:49:55,475 --> 00:49:57,741 Maybe? What, you don't know? 735 00:49:57,743 --> 00:50:00,677 No darling, you don't know. 736 00:50:00,679 --> 00:50:05,682 Nah, I don't buy it. All that stuff at the salon. 737 00:50:05,684 --> 00:50:08,687 We all want a happy ending Graham. 738 00:50:11,790 --> 00:50:14,523 Well, 739 00:50:14,525 --> 00:50:17,661 I guess we're never going to get one now. 740 00:50:20,197 --> 00:50:21,198 Trevor? 741 00:50:23,835 --> 00:50:25,001 - What? - Oh, for God's sake, 742 00:50:25,003 --> 00:50:28,703 I've seen that pathetic excuse for a penis enough times. 743 00:50:28,705 --> 00:50:32,139 Well your vagina s. rubbish. what do you want? 744 00:50:32,141 --> 00:50:34,642 Oh, for God's. Is that any way to talk to your wife? 745 00:50:34,644 --> 00:50:38,379 Eh? Anyway, look, I just wanted to say 'sorry'. 746 00:50:38,381 --> 00:50:40,648 You know, about, about the old Harriet thing. 747 00:50:40,650 --> 00:50:42,683 And I know you're pissed off. 748 00:50:42,685 --> 00:50:45,885 - I'm really not. - But, if it's any consolation, 749 00:50:45,887 --> 00:50:48,588 it's 'cause she wanted a threesome with us. 750 00:50:48,590 --> 00:50:49,422 She what? 751 00:50:49,424 --> 00:50:53,493 Ah. See, I thought you'd like that. 752 00:50:53,495 --> 00:50:56,498 Just. 753 00:51:17,750 --> 00:51:20,818 How is he? 754 00:51:20,820 --> 00:51:21,821 Ugh. 755 00:51:23,221 --> 00:51:27,225 Ugh. Morana! Morana! Oh, God! 756 00:51:28,660 --> 00:51:32,796 Oh, yeah. Morana. Oh, Morana. 757 00:51:32,798 --> 00:51:36,799 - Ohhhhh! - Oh, Casimir! 758 00:51:36,801 --> 00:51:39,668 You're so HUGE! 759 00:51:39,670 --> 00:51:42,438 Much bigger than Sir Brandt. 760 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,940 Oh, yes! Fill me! 761 00:51:44,942 --> 00:51:49,611 Morana you dirty little temptress! Aghh, Ohh! 762 00:51:49,613 --> 00:51:53,715 Oh yes, I've never been filled like this before! 763 00:51:53,717 --> 00:51:57,518 Feel my power Morana! Feel my power inside you! 764 00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,521 Fill me with your staff of power! It's so good! 765 00:52:00,523 --> 00:52:04,425 Oh, you're so huge! Oh, Casimir! 766 00:52:04,427 --> 00:52:06,693 - Feel my power! - Oh! Oh! Give it to me! 767 00:52:06,695 --> 00:52:09,596 - Ohh! Ohh! - Give it to me! 768 00:52:09,598 --> 00:52:11,531 - Ohh! - Casimir! 769 00:52:11,533 --> 00:52:13,432 Alright, lover. Do you mind if I sit of your face 770 00:52:13,434 --> 00:52:15,468 while you fuck my friend? Haha! 771 00:52:15,470 --> 00:52:19,575 Ooh! Oh! Oh, God! Oh! 772 00:52:22,242 --> 00:52:23,976 - What the hell? - Zombies! 773 00:52:23,978 --> 00:52:27,512 - They've got in! - My face! 774 00:52:27,514 --> 00:52:30,415 - It's Harriet's fault! - Hey! 775 00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:31,919 You muppets! 776 00:53:17,260 --> 00:53:19,596 Feel my, feel my power! 777 00:53:21,565 --> 00:53:23,765 I could of sworn I heard something. 778 00:53:23,767 --> 00:53:25,533 Like what? 779 00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:27,902 I dunno. 780 00:53:27,904 --> 00:53:32,773 Fucking Trevor. Why'd he have to come back? 781 00:53:32,775 --> 00:53:37,444 I know, right. When we were having so much fun! 782 00:53:37,446 --> 00:53:40,547 I'm wet just thinking about it. 783 00:53:40,549 --> 00:53:42,514 You're a very bad girl! 784 00:53:42,516 --> 00:53:46,520 There! Didn't you hear that? 785 00:53:59,799 --> 00:54:00,832 Ahh! 786 00:54:03,570 --> 00:54:06,573 Ah, Stop! Ah! Ohh! 787 00:54:08,675 --> 00:54:11,609 Oh, my God! Run! Zombies! 788 00:54:11,611 --> 00:54:13,312 Zombies! 789 00:54:22,721 --> 00:54:24,521 - What the hell? - Zombies! 790 00:54:24,523 --> 00:54:27,858 - They've got in! - My face! 791 00:54:27,860 --> 00:54:31,660 What did I say? Tell me, what did I say? 792 00:54:31,662 --> 00:54:34,362 I said, stay away from the doors and windows. 793 00:54:34,364 --> 00:54:37,032 These things. Anything but advertise our presence. 794 00:54:37,034 --> 00:54:39,467 That's all you had to do. Literally everything. 795 00:54:39,469 --> 00:54:42,637 And yet I get five minutes to clean up and somehow you, 796 00:54:42,639 --> 00:54:46,540 mouth breathers, manage to let in pervy Uncle Fester! 797 00:54:46,542 --> 00:54:48,109 It wasn't me T! 798 00:54:48,111 --> 00:54:51,345 I know Graham. I know. 799 00:54:51,347 --> 00:54:53,514 My face, it really hurts! 800 00:54:53,516 --> 00:54:55,849 I'm sorry about that Harriet, I really am, although 801 00:54:55,851 --> 00:54:56,918 I could say, I told you so. 802 00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,686 Oh, don't be so bloody smug Trevor. 803 00:54:59,688 --> 00:55:03,056 And why shouldn't I be smug, Bobbi? For once something 804 00:55:03,058 --> 00:55:07,360 terrible has happened and it isn't my bloody fault! Hahahaha! 805 00:55:07,362 --> 00:55:08,363 Ugh. 806 00:55:09,798 --> 00:55:10,799 Fuck. 807 00:55:27,548 --> 00:55:29,049 Ahhhhhh? 808 00:55:40,059 --> 00:55:41,060 Ohh. 809 00:55:46,431 --> 00:55:49,600 Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shh! 810 00:56:00,511 --> 00:56:01,512 Christ! 811 00:56:12,822 --> 00:56:15,558 Shh! Shhh! Shhh! 812 00:56:20,530 --> 00:56:23,964 Wait. Wait. 813 00:56:23,966 --> 00:56:25,966 I Think they've headed to the bedroom. 814 00:56:25,968 --> 00:56:28,702 We need to make a break for it. 815 00:56:28,704 --> 00:56:30,170 Make a break for it? 816 00:56:30,172 --> 00:56:33,206 Ugh, yes! The compound is breached! 817 00:56:33,208 --> 00:56:35,108 What we gonna do about her? 818 00:56:35,110 --> 00:56:36,642 Well, she comes too! 819 00:56:36,644 --> 00:56:40,813 No, she's been, uh... 820 00:56:40,815 --> 00:56:43,916 Listen, if we go, we've gotta go now! 821 00:56:43,918 --> 00:56:45,517 I can't go out in just a towel! 822 00:56:45,519 --> 00:56:46,585 Oh, man up! 823 00:56:46,587 --> 00:56:47,786 I'll man up when you give me your bloody clothes. 824 00:56:47,788 --> 00:56:50,089 Well, why don't you go to the bedroom then, and slip into 825 00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:51,556 something a little more comfortable, 826 00:56:51,558 --> 00:56:53,490 with dead fucking Derek?! 827 00:56:53,492 --> 00:56:55,059 - Shit! - No, he's right. 828 00:56:55,061 --> 00:56:56,895 He needs clothes. 829 00:56:56,897 --> 00:56:58,897 Thank you, Graham. 830 00:56:58,899 --> 00:57:02,499 You're gonna have to kill Derek. 831 00:57:02,501 --> 00:57:06,503 You expect me to wrestle a zombie in just a towel? 832 00:57:06,505 --> 00:57:09,472 That's really, that's really supportive. Thank you. 833 00:57:09,474 --> 00:57:13,811 Fucking sake! Do not leave me alone with him! 834 00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:17,014 I'm still here Bobbi! 835 00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:20,083 I know, I know mate. I just meant... 836 00:57:20,085 --> 00:57:22,952 Bloody Derek! 837 00:57:22,954 --> 00:57:24,955 I gave him a discount even. 838 00:57:27,191 --> 00:57:28,558 I did! 839 00:57:30,694 --> 00:57:33,795 Fine. Fine. 840 00:57:33,797 --> 00:57:35,797 I'll do it. 841 00:57:35,799 --> 00:57:37,499 I'll deal with Derek. 842 00:57:37,501 --> 00:57:38,600 Oh, you don't have to do that mate. 843 00:57:38,602 --> 00:57:41,902 No, no, no. No, no. It's okay. I'll take care of it. 844 00:57:41,904 --> 00:57:45,572 Ugh, I'll distract him while you go and get on a pair of 845 00:57:45,574 --> 00:57:47,576 bloody trousers and shit. 846 00:57:49,645 --> 00:57:52,212 You'd do that just for me? 847 00:57:52,214 --> 00:57:53,582 Yes, mate. 848 00:57:55,885 --> 00:57:58,284 Give us a hug! 849 00:57:58,286 --> 00:58:00,987 Uhh, okay. Enough of that. 850 00:58:00,989 --> 00:58:01,921 That's uhh... 851 00:58:01,923 --> 00:58:04,759 That, that was not, not to do with that. 852 00:58:06,593 --> 00:58:09,862 Okay, ugh, we'll be right back. 853 00:58:25,279 --> 00:58:26,646 Ughhuhh. 854 00:58:36,755 --> 00:58:39,089 Harr-Harriet? 855 00:58:39,091 --> 00:58:42,625 What's happening to me? 856 00:58:42,627 --> 00:58:45,629 You're going to be okay, alright? You're gonna be fine. 857 00:58:53,337 --> 00:58:55,039 Stay behind me. 858 00:59:03,279 --> 00:59:06,282 I can't believe Derek actually bit me. 859 00:59:08,018 --> 00:59:11,788 He's usually so gentle with me. 860 00:59:14,991 --> 00:59:18,994 Yeah. I-I-I told Trevor that you'd have a threesome with us. 861 00:59:22,663 --> 00:59:23,999 Oh, God. 862 00:59:29,071 --> 00:59:31,937 I really didn't, I didn't mean it. 863 00:59:31,939 --> 00:59:33,905 This is for fucking the lovely Morana! 864 00:59:33,907 --> 00:59:36,710 You festering piece of offal! Ahh! 865 00:59:37,711 --> 00:59:38,712 Ahh! 866 00:59:50,222 --> 00:59:52,925 Go on, Trevor! I've got this! 867 00:59:59,832 --> 01:00:03,069 Ahhh! Ahha! Ahhhh! 868 01:00:09,174 --> 01:00:10,175 Ah! 869 01:00:17,415 --> 01:00:19,749 See! All those times you bitched at me for leaving 870 01:00:19,751 --> 01:00:21,985 clothes on the floor. And now it pays off! 871 01:00:24,922 --> 01:00:28,023 Is she turning? 872 01:00:28,025 --> 01:00:30,858 Oh, I think so, yeah. 873 01:00:30,860 --> 01:00:33,195 Right so, that's you fully dressed then? 874 01:00:33,197 --> 01:00:35,199 Well, it's a start isn't it? 875 01:00:38,700 --> 01:00:42,136 Harriet? I know seems horribly inappropriate but 876 01:00:42,138 --> 01:00:44,371 do you think I could possibly have my t-shirt now? 877 01:00:44,373 --> 01:00:46,072 Oh, for fucks sake Trevor, come on! 878 01:00:46,074 --> 01:00:47,073 What? 879 01:00:47,075 --> 01:00:48,942 Just why don't you get some dirty ones out the 880 01:00:48,944 --> 01:00:50,743 laundry basket or something? Why? 881 01:00:52,380 --> 01:00:54,880 You've got to be shitting me! 882 01:00:54,882 --> 01:00:56,915 Graham. 883 01:00:56,917 --> 01:00:59,284 Cheers mate! 884 01:00:59,286 --> 01:01:02,289 Hey, I told you I had it? 885 01:01:04,792 --> 01:01:06,293 Now I have! 886 01:01:08,428 --> 01:01:09,629 What? 887 01:01:15,702 --> 01:01:18,136 - What, I've got two. - Ugh. 888 01:01:18,138 --> 01:01:20,173 I'd forgot it was in there, alright? 889 01:01:25,410 --> 01:01:29,246 I have laid waste to your enemy my lady! 890 01:01:29,248 --> 01:01:31,950 Vengeance is yours! 891 01:01:34,752 --> 01:01:36,353 We're fucked mate. 892 01:01:36,355 --> 01:01:37,954 You two should probably get out, 893 01:01:37,956 --> 01:01:41,023 you know, before any of the others find their way in. 894 01:01:41,025 --> 01:01:42,026 Yeah. 895 01:01:50,368 --> 01:01:52,867 I'll never forget this. 896 01:01:52,869 --> 01:01:55,373 Oh, right, Trev. Come on, let's go. 897 01:01:59,942 --> 01:02:03,076 So long, Sir Brandt! 898 01:02:03,078 --> 01:02:05,346 Farewell, brave Casim... 899 01:02:05,348 --> 01:02:08,516 Oh, for fucks sake. Come on, Sir Wankalot. Let's go. 900 01:02:08,518 --> 01:02:11,220 - Sorry. - Bye, Bobbi. 901 01:02:17,392 --> 01:02:19,394 Thought you might need this. 902 01:02:22,197 --> 01:02:24,297 I didn't know you cared. 903 01:02:24,299 --> 01:02:26,000 Oh, don't be silly. 904 01:02:28,502 --> 01:02:30,704 Well, I'm sorry about Harriet. 905 01:02:31,772 --> 01:02:35,874 I'm sorry about. 906 01:02:35,876 --> 01:02:37,878 - Graham. - Yeah. 907 01:02:56,529 --> 01:02:58,995 Graham? 908 01:02:58,997 --> 01:03:00,563 I know my love. 909 01:03:00,565 --> 01:03:04,101 This is the only end I could of wished for too. 910 01:03:08,072 --> 01:03:10,939 I want 911 01:03:10,941 --> 01:03:15,877 to ea-eaaa... 912 01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:20,881 I, I want you. 913 01:03:20,883 --> 01:03:23,152 I want you. 914 01:03:31,227 --> 01:03:33,226 Come on, let's beat this thing. 915 01:03:35,998 --> 01:03:38,000 - Come on. - We should get going. 916 01:03:39,268 --> 01:03:41,034 Were you serious about that threesome by the way? 917 01:03:41,036 --> 01:03:42,469 Because, umm, if you were, 918 01:03:42,471 --> 01:03:44,571 there might still be other people alive. 919 01:04:48,198 --> 01:04:49,199 Balls! 920 01:04:52,468 --> 01:04:54,470 - Double balls! - Yeah! 921 01:04:56,172 --> 01:04:59,473 Hey, numb nuts! 922 01:04:59,475 --> 01:05:01,908 Say hello to my little friend! 923 01:05:01,910 --> 01:05:02,909 Ahh! 924 01:05:07,483 --> 01:05:09,184 Ahhhhh! 925 01:05:12,187 --> 01:05:14,522 Ain't no ice cream in your fucking future! 926 01:05:16,157 --> 01:05:18,090 Doc! Thank God! 927 01:05:18,092 --> 01:05:21,394 Well, don't thank him. I'm the one doing all the heavy lifting! 928 01:05:21,396 --> 01:05:23,995 - Is this the wife? - Oh yeah, Bobbi. 929 01:05:23,997 --> 01:05:26,398 - Bobbi Doc, Doc Bobbi. - Nice! 930 01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:27,699 Hiya! 931 01:05:27,701 --> 01:05:29,200 Why don't you take the lady, 932 01:05:29,202 --> 01:05:32,169 and I will handle the rest of these fuckers! 933 01:05:32,171 --> 01:05:34,071 Lady? 934 01:05:34,073 --> 01:05:36,641 Ah, it's just a figure of speech, no offense intended. 935 01:05:36,643 --> 01:05:38,610 No, none taken at all. 936 01:05:38,612 --> 01:05:41,044 Wh-why don't you come with us? 937 01:05:41,046 --> 01:05:44,615 No, I'm having too much fun. 938 01:05:44,617 --> 01:05:47,550 But why don't you take her some place nice and quiet 939 01:05:47,552 --> 01:05:49,986 and start to work on repopulating. 940 01:05:49,988 --> 01:05:52,991 Looks like she's got some child-bearing hips. 941 01:05:56,127 --> 01:05:58,527 I'll see you around. 942 01:05:58,529 --> 01:06:00,531 Haaaaaaa! 943 01:06:04,168 --> 01:06:06,301 So why can't you just be like Doc then, Trevor? 944 01:06:06,303 --> 01:06:07,736 I'm not going to be like him. He's a weirdo. 945 01:06:07,738 --> 01:06:10,038 Right. Well, you're meant to be the fucking hero. 946 01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,073 Did you see him? He had, he had a bag full of vaginas 947 01:06:12,075 --> 01:06:14,742 and who wears a cowboy hat outside bloody East London? 948 01:06:14,744 --> 01:06:16,310 - Wel... - I, I'm taking you somewhere. 949 01:06:16,312 --> 01:06:17,745 Alright? 950 01:06:17,747 --> 01:06:19,480 I'm taking you somewhere safe, and things are going to be 951 01:06:19,482 --> 01:06:21,249 better. We're going to be able to live off the land. 952 01:06:21,251 --> 01:06:23,116 We're going to be able to start again. Everything's gonna 953 01:06:23,118 --> 01:06:24,285 be great, alright? I promise you. 954 01:06:24,287 --> 01:06:27,223 Everything's going to be incredibly, incredibly amazing. 955 01:06:33,762 --> 01:06:36,230 So, this is your somewhere safe then? 956 01:06:42,103 --> 01:06:46,070 Well, I like to say "get a life". 957 01:06:46,072 --> 01:06:48,139 Precious commodity now. 958 01:06:48,141 --> 01:06:51,144 Yeah, well maybe you're a sad excuse for one. 959 01:06:54,247 --> 01:06:57,449 I'm glad you're still alive Trev. 960 01:06:57,451 --> 01:06:58,452 Thanks. 961 01:07:00,186 --> 01:07:01,687 Wait here. 962 01:07:14,266 --> 01:07:15,434 Oh, Christ! 963 01:07:17,769 --> 01:07:20,472 Trev? 964 01:07:24,609 --> 01:07:25,610 Trevor? 965 01:07:27,445 --> 01:07:30,613 So? 966 01:07:30,615 --> 01:07:31,781 Come in! 967 01:07:31,783 --> 01:07:32,982 Cheers! 968 01:07:37,688 --> 01:07:40,691 Well, at least it's not raining. 969 01:07:41,692 --> 01:07:44,325 Well, only 'cau-cause your toys would get wet. 970 01:07:44,327 --> 01:07:46,761 - They're not toys. - No. Well, yeah they are. 971 01:07:46,763 --> 01:07:48,596 No, yo-you wouldn't understand. 972 01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:51,632 No, Trevor. I understand. I understand that this is your 973 01:07:51,634 --> 01:07:54,400 hide-out, and that you'll do anything else except prepare 974 01:07:54,402 --> 01:07:55,603 for the fucking world to end. 975 01:07:55,605 --> 01:07:58,171 But, yeah. I guess I should of seen that coming should I? 976 01:07:58,173 --> 01:07:59,405 - Jesus! - Trevor, Trevor?! 977 01:07:59,407 --> 01:08:02,442 How are we meant to survive if all you're doing is playing with 978 01:08:02,444 --> 01:08:05,444 toys and brewing whatever the fuck are in them bottles? 979 01:08:05,446 --> 01:08:08,113 It's not brewing, it's distilling! And it-it's vodka! 980 01:08:08,115 --> 01:08:10,482 Right! Okay, then. Well, I'll tell you what we'll do. 981 01:08:10,484 --> 01:08:13,820 We'll get really, really pissed on your moonshine, yeah? 982 01:08:13,822 --> 01:08:16,688 And then with any luck, hopefully, hopefully we'll be 983 01:08:16,690 --> 01:08:19,291 that fucking pissed we won't feel a thing when the zombies 984 01:08:19,293 --> 01:08:22,360 come and fucking eat us! 985 01:08:22,362 --> 01:08:23,427 - What is that? - Lea-leave it! 986 01:08:23,429 --> 01:08:24,695 - What Is that? - Come on, I just came 987 01:08:24,697 --> 01:08:27,198 in here deliberately before you so you wouldn't have to see it. 988 01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:30,436 You don't want to see it. It's messy. 989 01:08:33,806 --> 01:08:35,306 Are you protecting me? 990 01:08:35,308 --> 01:08:36,840 No, I just don't want you throwing up in my shed. 991 01:08:36,842 --> 01:08:39,843 - Are you being a gentleman? - Hardly. 992 01:08:39,845 --> 01:08:42,345 Oh, Trevor! 993 01:08:42,347 --> 01:08:43,813 The one that used to be so sweet. 994 01:08:43,815 --> 01:08:46,181 - Don't be ridiculous - He's back! 995 01:08:46,183 --> 01:08:47,519 Shut up! 996 01:08:50,689 --> 01:08:54,557 Look Trevor, you know, you know about Harriet? 997 01:08:54,559 --> 01:08:57,459 It's okay. I forgive you. 998 01:08:57,461 --> 01:09:00,796 Really? Because I-I was afraid you were dead. 999 01:09:00,798 --> 01:09:03,866 You know, I just wanted pleasure before I was too. 1000 01:09:03,868 --> 01:09:06,267 Totally understandable. 1001 01:09:06,269 --> 01:09:08,636 Ah, but, at least there weren't any men involved. 1002 01:09:08,638 --> 01:09:09,704 There is that. 1003 01:09:09,706 --> 01:09:12,506 And you weren't dead. 1004 01:09:12,508 --> 01:09:13,843 Not yet. 1005 01:09:16,445 --> 01:09:18,813 You know we could. 1006 01:09:18,815 --> 01:09:20,314 What? 1007 01:09:20,316 --> 01:09:22,917 Well, it's been a long time hasn't it? 1008 01:09:22,919 --> 01:09:25,919 Jesus Bobbi, are you trying to seduce me? 1009 01:09:25,921 --> 01:09:30,124 Oh, Trevor. I remember the time where you didn't need seducing. 1010 01:09:31,359 --> 01:09:34,927 What was it that you used to call it? 1011 01:09:34,929 --> 01:09:36,631 Staff of power. 1012 01:09:37,832 --> 01:09:39,599 - Oop! - Oh! 1013 01:09:39,601 --> 01:09:44,169 - There it is! Eeheehee haha - Oh. There it is! 1014 01:09:44,171 --> 01:09:46,671 - Ugh. Mmm. - Oh, Trevor. 1015 01:09:46,673 --> 01:09:49,808 God, it feels a bit cold you know. 1016 01:09:49,810 --> 01:09:53,179 Maybe I should get my warm mouth over it, yeah? 1017 01:09:56,916 --> 01:10:00,283 Ouch! For fucks sake! 1018 01:10:00,285 --> 01:10:02,786 Bastard fucking. 1019 01:10:02,788 --> 01:10:04,955 Christ almighty little shit! 1020 01:10:04,957 --> 01:10:08,257 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Careful with him! 1021 01:10:08,259 --> 01:10:10,861 - Careful with him? With him? - Can I, can I just have him? 1022 01:10:10,863 --> 01:10:14,196 It's a piece of metal you twat, that went straight into my leg. 1023 01:10:14,198 --> 01:10:16,766 Straight into my leg as I was about to suck your dick. 1024 01:10:16,768 --> 01:10:17,934 You ungrateful sod! 1025 01:10:17,936 --> 01:10:19,969 Please, just, just, just, just give him to me please. 1026 01:10:19,971 --> 01:10:21,436 Just, just, just let me have him. 1027 01:10:21,438 --> 01:10:24,239 Oh God, Gandalf the fucking gay! 1028 01:10:24,241 --> 01:10:25,242 Casimir. 1029 01:10:29,445 --> 01:10:31,812 Cas-im-there, now! 1030 01:10:37,787 --> 01:10:39,489 God damn it! 1031 01:10:41,557 --> 01:10:42,725 Woman! 1032 01:10:45,594 --> 01:10:47,894 - Shit! - Oh, please Trevor! 1033 01:10:47,896 --> 01:10:49,898 Man the fuck up! 1034 01:10:54,236 --> 01:10:56,603 Oh, shhhit! 1035 01:10:59,474 --> 01:11:02,341 They came back. 1036 01:11:02,343 --> 01:11:04,242 Back? Wh-what do you mean back? 1037 01:11:04,244 --> 01:11:05,746 Back here. 1038 01:11:06,781 --> 01:11:08,783 They're the allotment tenants. 1039 01:11:11,485 --> 01:11:14,953 Well, maybe they're headed somewhere familiar? 1040 01:11:14,955 --> 01:11:16,888 - Bit like yourself? - It's dawn of the dead Bobbi. 1041 01:11:16,890 --> 01:11:18,089 This isn't a fucking shopping mall! 1042 01:11:18,091 --> 01:11:21,291 Well, either way the gardeners are back. You know, you know 1043 01:11:21,293 --> 01:11:24,996 maybe the-they're hungry for some fleshier shit 1044 01:11:24,998 --> 01:11:26,563 than fucking cabbage. 1045 01:11:26,565 --> 01:11:27,734 Yeah. 1046 01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:32,236 Fuck. 1047 01:11:33,271 --> 01:11:37,406 Trev, you reckon we should shut the door lock? 1048 01:11:37,408 --> 01:11:39,742 Trev? 1049 01:11:39,744 --> 01:11:42,045 Fuck off. 1050 01:11:42,047 --> 01:11:43,748 Fuck off! 1051 01:11:56,059 --> 01:11:59,527 Shit, can't stop making it fucking hurt. 1052 01:11:59,529 --> 01:12:00,530 God. 1053 01:12:12,808 --> 01:12:13,809 Fuck. 1054 01:12:25,820 --> 01:12:27,887 I bet every shed on this allotment has fucking 1055 01:12:27,889 --> 01:12:32,392 built in super cool zombie killing gun stuff. 1056 01:12:37,765 --> 01:12:40,466 You could of at least brought a golf club Trevor! 1057 01:12:48,909 --> 01:12:52,442 Trevor? Trevor say something. 1058 01:12:52,444 --> 01:12:54,446 Ma-maybe I'm immune. 1059 01:13:07,691 --> 01:13:12,094 Ah, come Casimir! 1060 01:13:12,096 --> 01:13:16,365 We have been at odds for as long as I can recall, and 1061 01:13:16,367 --> 01:13:20,402 now I must offer you an Olive branch 1062 01:13:20,404 --> 01:13:22,704 in your time of need. 1063 01:13:22,706 --> 01:13:24,839 Along with some sage advice 1064 01:13:24,841 --> 01:13:27,875 to assist you in your predicament. 1065 01:13:27,877 --> 01:13:32,445 Thank you, Sir Brandt. I appreciate your counsel. 1066 01:13:32,447 --> 01:13:37,452 Do you recall the Autumn campaign some five years past? 1067 01:13:38,955 --> 01:13:43,890 Perhaps you can remind me of the particulars. 1068 01:13:43,892 --> 01:13:47,127 Hahaha. My Lady Morana, 1069 01:13:47,129 --> 01:13:50,563 great strategist that she was, 1070 01:13:50,565 --> 01:13:54,834 had ordered her main force to assault your castle, 1071 01:13:54,836 --> 01:13:58,536 whilst sending her seventh battalion of zombie volunteers 1072 01:13:58,538 --> 01:14:02,841 into the otherwise impenetrable swamp of Sagra since they would 1073 01:14:02,843 --> 01:14:06,845 be immune to the poisonous fumes therein. 1074 01:14:06,847 --> 01:14:10,448 Hahaha. Yes, I do recall. 1075 01:14:10,450 --> 01:14:14,985 A glorious pincer movement. Hahaha. She, uh, cleverly 1076 01:14:14,987 --> 01:14:16,987 fed you the information 1077 01:14:16,989 --> 01:14:20,123 by sacrificing her scouts 1078 01:14:20,125 --> 01:14:22,125 A worthy opponent. 1079 01:14:22,127 --> 01:14:25,095 Knowing that you would have to divide your forces and 1080 01:14:25,097 --> 01:14:29,465 fight a losing battle on two fronts. 1081 01:14:29,467 --> 01:14:30,900 But you, 1082 01:14:30,902 --> 01:14:34,503 you brave Casimir, 1083 01:14:34,505 --> 01:14:38,040 took it upon yourself to take on the seventh alone, 1084 01:14:38,042 --> 01:14:41,978 from a hillside overlooking the swamp, by hurling balls 1085 01:14:41,980 --> 01:14:44,980 of fire into the combustible lowlands, 1086 01:14:44,982 --> 01:14:48,717 incinerating the entire battalion single-handed. 1087 01:14:48,719 --> 01:14:50,785 Yes. Yes! 1088 01:14:50,787 --> 01:14:53,654 before returning to your men and 1089 01:14:53,656 --> 01:14:56,157 successfully repelling my attack. 1090 01:14:56,159 --> 01:14:59,692 Yes, yo-you, you're saying I should leave Bobbi. 1091 01:14:59,694 --> 01:15:02,196 No you twat! Well that as well probably. 1092 01:15:02,198 --> 01:15:05,400 I'm saying you should torch the fuckers! 1093 01:15:08,237 --> 01:15:10,603 I've got it. I know what we have to do. 1094 01:15:10,605 --> 01:15:11,606 What? 1095 01:15:13,541 --> 01:15:15,574 Right, they're all round the front, yeah? 1096 01:15:15,576 --> 01:15:16,742 And? 1097 01:15:16,744 --> 01:15:18,810 We douse the shed in Trevoff. 1098 01:15:18,812 --> 01:15:19,878 Trevoff? Fucking hell. 1099 01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:22,915 We douse the shed in Trevoff, open the front door, 1100 01:15:22,917 --> 01:15:25,717 climb out the back, make a break for it, I'll make one into 1101 01:15:25,719 --> 01:15:27,920 a molotov. We'll chuck it in. Burn them to death. 1102 01:15:27,922 --> 01:15:30,756 More death. You, you know. Just, they won't do anything. 1103 01:15:30,758 --> 01:15:31,758 Yeah. 1104 01:16:04,554 --> 01:16:07,058 I'm saving one so we can celebrate later. 1105 01:16:27,810 --> 01:16:30,813 You know it only takes one of us to open the door? 1106 01:16:33,682 --> 01:16:35,948 I'm not leaving you. 1107 01:16:35,950 --> 01:16:37,652 Yes, you are. 1108 01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,821 Like you said you might be immune. We can't know for sure. 1109 01:16:41,823 --> 01:16:43,055 - Trevor? - We can't assume. 1110 01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:45,891 assume makes an ass out of you and me. That's a famous phrase. 1111 01:16:45,893 --> 01:16:47,026 Trevor? 1112 01:16:47,028 --> 01:16:51,230 - Assumption is the mother of... - Trevor! 1113 01:16:51,232 --> 01:16:53,934 God, you know better than to argue with me. 1114 01:16:57,270 --> 01:16:59,639 Just don't let me become one of them. 1115 01:17:07,612 --> 01:17:11,283 And you were right. I did start smoking to annoy you! 1116 01:17:15,121 --> 01:17:17,123 Right, just go. You'll be alright. 1117 01:17:19,624 --> 01:17:22,627 Just don't make me ask you again, alright? Now, go! 1118 01:17:26,630 --> 01:17:28,233 I said, go! Go. 1119 01:17:54,123 --> 01:17:57,223 You fucking bitches! 1120 01:18:45,036 --> 01:18:49,439 In the months that passed, Trevor learned to tend the land. 1121 01:18:49,441 --> 01:18:53,876 To survive. He'd all but forgotten Casimir. 1122 01:18:53,878 --> 01:18:56,812 Hell, he'd become Casimir. 1123 01:18:56,814 --> 01:18:58,948 A bloody hero, as much as any 1124 01:18:58,950 --> 01:19:03,952 man alone can be. The real heroes he often 1125 01:19:03,954 --> 01:19:07,856 reflected as he worked, were those that died so 1126 01:19:07,858 --> 01:19:12,861 that he might live. Bobbi. Graham. He would always 1127 01:19:12,863 --> 01:19:14,865 remember their sacrifices. 1128 01:19:22,704 --> 01:19:24,204 They're not human anymore. 1129 01:19:24,206 --> 01:19:28,210 They're dead. When you see 'em, you kill 'em. 1130 01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,980 And I hope you'd do the same for me? 1131 01:19:33,982 --> 01:19:36,781 'Cause I don't wanna be one of the living dead. 1132 01:19:36,783 --> 01:19:39,254 I wanna be one of the dead, dead. 1133 01:19:42,123 --> 01:19:45,924 And he'd eventually learn the most basic of lessons 1134 01:19:45,926 --> 01:19:49,161 for surviving a zombie apocalypse. 1135 01:19:49,163 --> 01:19:54,165 When you find a good weapon, you bloody well hold on to it! 1136 01:20:00,742 --> 01:20:04,774 Subtitles by explosiveskull 82600

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.