All language subtitles for its.always.sunny.in.philadelphia.s08e08.720p.bluray.x264-demand

[ Woman ] And you were
disrespectful to me.

[ Woman ♪2] That's the past.
God, get a life.

This is my life, you bitch.

[ Gasps ]
You... bitch!

Oh! You slut.

Stupid-
[ Electricity Crackles ]

[ Frank ] Hold still, Charlie.
You're flickering.

Sorry. It's-
Trying to get you good images,

but I keep getting shocked
a little bit.

- Don't let that affect your work.
- No, I'm really trying not to.

It's just that, you know, I had to run
the wires from the other building-

[ Electricity Crackles ] [ Groans
] building, and the, you know-

There's asbestos in the
ducts, which wasn't good for-

[ Electricity Crackles ]

Good for breathing,
so I'm tired.

Why are you watching this crap?
Come on. Turn the TV off.

Let's-Let's go out. Let's
go do something. I'm bored.

Hey. Let's go dancing, huh?
I want to do something.

- Dancing?
- We're watching Real H0 use wives-

There's nothing real about this shit,
Frank. You know that. Come on.

Real women
don't even look like that.

HEY, guys.

That is what
real women look like.

- Dee, are you sick?
- No, I feel great.

Oh, I haven't had a chance to shower for a
few days. I've been gaming like a loon.

You've been what?

Gaming. I've been playing
this online video game.

It is awesome.
Charlie, speaking of which,

you want to come play my avatar for me for
a little bit while I run some errands?

- I don't want my crops to die.
- Nah. I'm kind of busy...

working for the guys, Dee. Shit!
[ Electricity Crackles ]

Yes, he's working for us. He
will do nothing of the sort.

We're going dancing.

- Come on!
- What if I give you three bucks?

You're our employee.
You do what we say.

I pay your rent.
Do not drop those wires.

Hey, Charlie, to live is to dance.
Let's go.

- Charlie, what if I gave you five bucks?
- You owe me five bucks!

[ Electricity Crackles ]
[ Screams ]

Ah, shit!
Screw it!

Son of a bitch! Shit!

All right, tell you what. [Panting]
I'm gonna go with Dee, okay?

I'm getting sick of this shit.
I really am.

You know, they treat me like a dum-dum
and a grunt, and... I have potential.

You know?
[ Panting ]

I could go places.
I could do things.

Who knows?

I might even
rule the world one day.

Rule the world, huh? Yeah, if
that happens, I'll blow myself.

Okay, so it's called
TechPocalypse, right?

And we're post-apocalypse, and
we have to rebuild civilization.

This is me, ZingingCutie23.

[ Charlie ] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.

ZingingCutie23?

Are you pretending
that you're 23 years old?

- No.
- It seems like it.

No, I-lt's-It's a random
number that I picked.

It's a random number? I just picked
a number to put at the end of-

You know what?
Just watch over my tribe,

and make sure nobody,
you know, takes it over,

and I'll give you your money, okay?
Okay. VVait.

Hold on a second.
What is that?

That's you.
You're one of my subjects.

That's me? Why am I in the game?
Is that Mac?

Of course that's Mac. You guys are
all here. See, Mac's my handmaiden.

[ High-pitched Voice] How do you do?
How do you do?

And Dennis is a midget blacksmith.
[ Babbling j

Frank is
a mute half-donkey.

[ BrayiflQ 1

- And you're my jester.
- Why am I eating out of a trough?

[ Dee ] Made sense.
Are you kidding me?

So let me get this straight.
You've been playing

this game for, like,
a week straight...

just so you feel like
you lord over all of us?

Is that what this is? Charlie, do
you want your five bucks or not?

I want my five dollars.
It's just pathetic, Dee.

Okay, well, maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.

I really do need the money though.
Yeah, well, then get to work.

In advance? No, not in advance.
We'll see how well you do.

All right. I got this.
I got this.

♪♪ [ '80s Dance Pop]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Yeah.

See? This is what
I'm talking about, guys. Huh?

I mean, playing
online video games...

and watching stupid reality
shows-that's not real life.

It's keeping people
from experiencing real life.

This is real.

It's real,
but it feels weird as shit.

There's nobody else
in the bar dancing.

We're setting the tone, Frank. You know,
we will lead, and others will follow.

- I'm stopping.
- Oh, come on. Don't stop.

Look. All right. Let's go do some shots,
and that'll get you guys fired up,

and we'll come back out, and we'll
do some more of this or whatever.

You know, you can do the move, and-
Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Hey, uh, bartender three
shots of whiskey. Come on.

I know you guys. You're the
donkey man and the princess.

We don't know what you're talking about.
Take a hike, Bozo.

Geek.

Check it out. Look at this.
This is you, right?

This-This is Frank and-and Mac
from ZingingCutie's tribe?

- What the hell is this?
- This is Dee's online video game,

and she's created characters
for all of us.

She's humiliating us virtually. VVho cares?
It's a video game.

What do you mean, who cares?
This is starting to piss me off.

Stop getting invested
in fake realities.

Let's live real life.

I don't know, Dennis.
My anger feels very real.

Yeah, well, it's not real. It's not.
Are you feeling it?

Okay? It's not real. And you know what
it also isn't? It also isn't epic, okay?

And you know what is epic? Doing these
shots, going out there and dancing.

Come on. Do it. Do the shot.
I'll do the shots.

I'll just do the shots.
How about that?

[ Woman ]
♪ Loves me, loves me ♪

- Oh! [Grunts] - 'P I/Ve always
have a real good tinve ♪♪

[ Grunts ]

Oh, mama got a smartphone.

Okay, you know, I tell you what, Carl.
Let's settle for a “C” trade.

We'll call it a day on that. I gotta run.
ZingingCutie44 is back, so I'm out.

[ Chuckles ]
Changed your name.

What the hell are you doing, Charlie?
I told you to just feed my crops.

I did. I fed your crops,
and then I gathered some rocks,

and I built a little wall
around your tribe.

Then I used the leftover rocks to dam
the river so that you could fish.

Now you're doing well in the game.
You sucked at it, all right?

All you did was spend your money on stuff
you don't need, just like in real life.

I don't do that. Yes, you do.
VVhat'd you get at the store?

I bought a smartphone so that I
can play the game on the go.

What's going on
with the fingernails?

- Well, I had those done like Flo-Jo.
- Why?

- I just thought it would be funny.
- It's craziness.

Look, Dee. This is your problem.
I could take

this money, I could feed
myself for a month.

I would buy milk, I would buy
flour, I'd buy vitamins-

I'd boil them down to little
energy balls to sustain me.

But whatever. Forget it.
Enjoy your game.

Enjoy all your new followers,
and you're welcome.

Oh, shit! Charlie, you
got me 31 new followers?

Yeah.

That's amazing! Hey, do
you want to maybe team up?

- No, 'cause I don't want to be a slave.
- Come on, Charlie. Please.

I need you.

It's like, when I'm doing good in
the game, I'm doing good in life.

I want to make fun of you for saying
that, but I know what you mean.

- It's like I'm thriving.
- You're thriving. Yeah, I did feel that.

You felt that? I did. I felt that.
I never get to thrive.

I want to be the guy who thrives for once.
Right? Me neither.

Tell you what. Make me your
king, and let's get rocking.

Ooh, no. I don't want to do that,
'cause we'd have to be married,

and that would be awful.
Okay. I'll see you later.

No, no, no. Sit down, sit down, sit down.
I'll make you my king.

Just accept my request
to consummate.

Consummate? what is that?
Have sex.

Oh.

So, um, we should have sex then?

In the game.

Yeah, in the game. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Either way. Uh,
so, push enter hard,

or one, like, slow push,

and you do your thing,
or a little circular action?

Just push the button, Charlie.
Just push the button.

[ Clicks ]
[ Moans Softly ]

[ Sighs, Clicks Tongue ]

That was good, right?
Was it?

I think.

You see me, Frank? You see me coming?
I see you.

I see you. Oh, here comes another guy.
I'm gonna fight him.

Mac attack! Fight!

- [Buzzing]
- [ Fan' Noise ]

I lost again! Goddamn it!

How do I keep losing?
I'm huge.

Stop fighting
every guy in the game.

The fighting is the best part.
It's the only reason I'm playing.

Oh, my God. Will you guys please shut up?
I'm hungover as shit.

We're playing TechPocalypse.
[ Dennis Groans]

Mac is a soiled fool,

and I am a gorgeous girl
with big cans,

and I'm banging all the
fishermen in sight for fish.

And I'm also being catty with
all the women in the game,

like I'm a Real Housewife.

Look, Dennis. I-I'm 6'10”.

I've always wanted to be 6'10”.

Hey, look, Mac.
You're 5'9”.

And, Frank, you're a man-
an ugly old man!

You're not understanding this,
Dennis,

but... I think I have something that
could help you wrap your head around it.

♪♪ [ '80s Pop]

I've ne ver had
my hair cuz' in a bedroom.

Well, one thing I've learned from
cutting hair all these years, Danielle,

is you don't have to go
to a high-end salon...

to get a high-end
salon-quality cut.

Why are we watching Dennis's sex tape?
[ Both ] Shh.

It's cold. I know. Well, we'll
make it hot in a minute.

Don't worry about that.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Groans ]
Well, don't-

Well, it's always-there's always
so much-so much preamble.

Okay, here we go.
Oh. Oh. Um, all right.

[ Mac] All right.
[ Frank ] VVhoa.

Now, Dennis,
how does this make you feel?

Powerful.
Yes.

Of course. But how does it
affect you... sexually?

- I'm very aroused right now.
- I, too, am aroused.

I'm starting to swell up. Yeah.

See, now all three of us are aroused,
and there's not a woman in the room.

See, this is no different
than sports or video games.

It's all a virtual experience.

No, no, no. Bullshit.
This was real, okay?

This happened.
I did this.

All right? I drew this
woman in, I styled her

hair, I entered her with
almost no resistance.

I did these things.

[ Mac ] You say it's real,
but what even is reality?

Yeah, who knows? We don't even
know if we're in this room.

We could be in a turtle's
dream in outer space.

What are you talking about? I'm gonna go
out into the real world again today...

and have real experiences.

I'm gonna draw those people in
to me, okay?

A turtle's dream.
That's crazy. Lunacy.

[ Backup Singers]
♪ All night ♪

[ Man ] ♪ Al! night long ♪ ♪ Al!
Night ♪

'r Yeah If

[ Charlie ] Tell me
something, Queen of Thrones,

how about we stop being enemies, we
start becoming friends here, huh?

Charlie, I just got a new nose,

and I'm flying to Miami
to get my lips inflated.

Can you hang on one second?
Dee, what are you buying?

- How are you paying for that?
- We have plenty of money.

I know we have money.
We have money because I-

All right.
You know what? Yes, fine.

Buy your lips, buy your noses,
buy whatever you're gonna buy.

Don't interrupt me when
I'm running our tribe,

okay? 'Cause that's
kind of a big deal.

I know. I'm sorry.
So don't interrupt.

Okay. Do me a favor, refill my
bowl of energy balls, okay?

- Please. Make yourself useful.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry about that, Queen of Thrones.
Let me step into my office here.

[ Frank ]
Hey, bitch!

Frank, you are SweetPeaches69?

How did you get
so many followers?

What can I say? Some girls are
more popular than others.

Are you wearing a mink coat?

What, this old thing?

Guy gave it to me
for going down on him.

I've been getting
a lot of gifts lately.

I just got sent a
whole box of peaches-

real ones.

I'm eating like a goddamn islander.
[Laughs]

I'm living a pretty classy life
these days.

Ooh, you should come
to my party.

I'm gonna meet a lot of
my online friends there.

It's gonna be
a very classy affair,

but you can come anyway.
[Laughs]

Well, look, we could sit here, we
could talk cheesesteaks all day long,

but maybe you and I could
get together at my

bar, settle these things
once and for all.

Charlie, we gotta talk.
Whoa!

We're going to a party-a real one.
Frank's throwing it.

Yes, I know what's going on. I
know everything that's happening.

Do you know he has
a bunch of followers?

Do you know that he's parading around
in a mink coat, and he humiliated me?

I'm a queen, okay? I should
be the one wearing mink,

and I should be
throwing digs at him.

You know what I mean? I should
have a lot more followers.

You want mink, Dee?
Yeah.

You want a mink coat? You
want a nice, real mink coat?

You know, not a virtual one
like Frank?

Don't dick around. Are you serious?
I'm dead serious.

I trade with a guy online.
He has a clothing store.

I could give him some
crops, maybe a follower

or two, and he'll
give you a mink coat.

For me? A mink coat?
Would you like that?

I would love that. You would
like that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, yeah. You know how
that's not gonna happen?

VVhat? It's not gonna happen if
I'm not playing the goddamn game!

Because when
I'm not playing the game,

people are attacking
our tribe, okay? Yeah.

And that's a lot of pressure.
That's a lot of stress.

Too much. It's too much for you.
And we could

lose everything. We could
lose everything...

that we have worked for-

Everything!
I wasn't thinking.

No, you're not really
the thinking kind though.

I'm kind of the thinking one in the
relationship, so-Right. Thank you.

Be pretty. You know, talk to me right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get my energy balls.

- Unbelievable.
- Hey, Charlie. We need to talk, dude.

[ Chuckling ]
Well, well, well.

- If it isn't the soiled fool.
- Frank told you about that?

Uh, no. Everyone's talking about it online.
It's hilarious.

You destroyed your computer.
You bashed it

to bits. I'm assuming
it got you in the eye.

- Is that what's going on there?
- It bashed me back a little bit.

- You should win those fights.
You shouldn't lose... I did win!

It just got a couple good shots in.
Hey, Charlie. Hey.

Hey, listen, I want to tell you something.
What are you doing? Um, Dee-

Yeah? You're not gonna
offer our guest any?

Of course I-Of course. That's
what I was doing. Yeah.

Hey, Mac. Hey, did you-did you
want an energy ball or two?

Yeah. Go ahead. Have as many
as you want-Is that enough?

Yeah, that's good.
Okay.

There you go. Here you go.
You need to fuel up.

Have a bunch of balls.
Yeah, I do. Thank you.

Okay.
Thank you.

Don't touch. No, no. I know.
I didn't mean that.

- And stop groveling. Just... Let
me know if you need anything.

You're not pretty
when you do that, so-

Wow!

You, like, totally psychologically,
like, annihilated her.

- [ Chuckles ]
- Now look.

You're good at building. I'm good at
destroying. We should totally team up.

Wait. You know what?

Can you do me a favor? Can you
watch her for a little while...

while I go meet a girl
that I met online?

- A real girl?
- Yeah, real girl.

- She's probably fat. Fat girl?
- She's probably very fat.

Most likely a fat girl. If she's got
any fat friends, I'm into that.

If she has any fat
friends, I'll let you know.

Or ugly.

- Yeah. Or ugly.
- If they're sick, that's fine too.

Yeah, or ugly or sick or-or male or
female, or whatever it is that you like.

That's not the point. The point
is, you know how women get.

You know, she catches wind that I'm
meeting a girl, she's gonna go-

Oh, totally, totally.
I hate women.

Yeah, I know that
you feel that way, but...

do what I'm asking, and then I
can help you out with the game.

[ Clears Throat]
Okay. Do what?

- Watch Dee.
- Oh. Okay. Yeah.

Hello. Hi.
Anyone?

Come on. Hello. Hi.

It's unbelievable. Does anybody
want to experience this?

Anyone want to experience me?
For real?

[ Recorded Female Voice]
Oasis Sensory Deprivation.

Enter a new dimension.

Change your perception.

Experience a new reality.

Experience a new reality.

Stop getting invested
in fake realities.

- I'm 6'10”.
- You're 5'9”.

- [Babbling]
- What even is reality?

- Oh.
- This is real.

- [ Braying]
- How do you do?

We could be in a turtle's dream
in outer space.

[ British Accent]
What is real?

Is this real? Am I?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm you.

Oh.

That's an amazing accent.

I like yours as well.

I think I know what reality is,
but maybe I don't.

Everything in life is becoming
more and more virtual.

Aw, don't be such a wanker.

Life is all in your mind.

If you believe it to be real,
then it's real.

I'm so confused, British Dennis.

You create your own reality.

I've known beggars to be kings
and kings to be beggars,

all because they believed it so.

It's your choice.

It's my choice.

It's your universe.

It's my universe.

And you are God.

I... am God.

Oh. No, no.
Oh. Oh, no.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Charlie?

Hey.

Julie, right?

The Queen of Thrones!
[ Chuckles ]

The second most powerful
player in the game.

And you are
the Mighty Rat Slayer.

'Tis I! 'Tis I!
It's nice to meet you.

Yeah, I'm sorry-I'm sorry. I haven't
had a chance to tidy myself.

You know, when you're playing the
game, you get caught up and-

Have a seat. Have a seat. Okay.

Wow, this is-It's cool to meet
someone from the game, you know.

I brought you something.
You did?

It's nothing really.
It's just, um,

the best cheesesteak
in Philadelphia.

[Laughs]
You dog!

Uh, I'll be the judge of that, all right?
You little rascal, you.

I don't normally meet people
from the game, but-Right.

You seem like such a nice guy.
Thanks. Yeah, yeah.

You know-

This is embarrassing, but I got
you something too, you know.

I don't want-I don't want to
make you feel weird, but here.

Oh. How thoughtful.
I wonder what it is.

[ Chuckles ] It's not much.
Just a box of spiders.

[Yelps ] what the hell? VVell,
while we've been sitting here,

my followers have
burned your land,

they've raped your people, and
they've destroyed your tribe.

You thought you could make a move on me,
Queen of Thrones? Well, you were wrong.

What? I just wanted
to have lunch with you.

Oh, right.

Oh, let's have lunch because we're
hungry, and we want to eat food.

Bullshit! You think I'd
give up all this for lunch?

You stupid, fat pig.
I'm not fat.

No, you're not fat, but you-
you were supposed to be.

My friend Mac said you'd be fat.
Whatever. You're a dick.

And your breath
smells like dog food.

[ Groans ]

Whatever, you bitch!

I got the power now!

I'm doing good in the game,
so I'm doing good in life!

[ Frank]
Oh. Look who's here.

Well, it's nice that you came.
A little overdressed.

You said this was
a classy affair, Frank.

It was a classy affair
until you showed up.

[All Laughing ]

You bitch.

Where are your
101 dalmatians tonight?

- [All Laughing ] - [ Laughs ]
He's better at the zings than you.

That bitch. I totally burned her.
All right, Dee.

Give me your phone, give me your headset.
I gotta get back online ASAP.

I just made some big things happen.
Big things, baby! Boom!

No.

She's not with you anymore, bro.

Hold on. Shut up. VVh-Why is
the soiled fool talking to me?

I don't need you anymore, Charlie.
I'd like a divorce.

[All ]
Ooh!

Wait.
What are you talking about?

I know you were gonna leave
me for the Queen of Thrones,

so I've slept with Mac
to humiliate you.

[ Chuckles ] She's humiliated you
and herself by sleeping with me.

- I'm good at the game now.
- Oh, my God, Dee. You stupid idiot.

Do you have a brain
in your head?

I was tricking that girl so
that I could destroy her tribe.

We're the most powerful tribe in the
whole game now! what are you doing?

[ Gasps ] You know, I-l
guess maybe I hadn't

really thought the
whole thing through.

No, you didn't think!
Because you don't think!

You're just a stupid
kept housewife, okay?

Zing it, girl!

Frank, shut the hell up!

How dare you
all conspire against me!

How dare you! You know what?
I want everyone out.

Everyone get out of
my apartment, okay?

No, not you, not you and not you.
The three of you, sit.

Get out!

Okay, I think
we can all agree...

that this game is the most important
thing that ever happened to us, right?

- [ Dee ] Absolutely, yeah.
- It's very important.

That's true. [ Charlie ] It's
a hugely important thing.

So, because I'm a nice guy,

you know,
'cause I'm a cool dude,

I'll let you live, all right?

But, Mac and Frank, you gotta give
me your shares of Paddy's Pub. Done!

What?
Yes!

And, Dee, you're gonna have to do
all the Charlie work in the bar...

from here till-oh, I don't
know-how's eternity sound?

[ British Accent]
Stop, Charlie!

This game has gone on-[
Accent Falters ] long enough.

- Oh, shit.
- Are you doing an accent?

- Yeah, I was doing a British-It was
a British accent. - That was British?

I had it so good in my head. Oh, I was
doing a really good British accent.

Doesn't matter. Anyway-

Charlie, you think
you have all the power?

Well, you don't.

You see, the only thing
bigger than a king...

is a god.

You think you're a god? I'm the
one who's thriving, Dennis.

I mean, look at me.

You look like you're covered
in Hawaiian Punch.

Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Mmm.

I am the god of my own
universe, Charlie.

I decide my own reality, and I've
decided all of your realities as well.

So, you see, I unplugged it.

You... unplugged reality?

I don't understand what he's saying.
Me neither.

I just-I deleted all of your
characters from the game.

- What?
- I erased all your people.

- How did you do that?
- Well, it was easy.

You guys all have the same password-
“paddyspub.” [ Dee ] Shit.

Oh, that's my password for everything.
Mine too.

Yeah.
Why would you do that though?

Why would you delete
our characters?

Because the goddamn game
was irritating to me.

I thought it was really stupid,
and it really is just, you know,

sort of that simple,
so I ended the game, you know.

That's the end.

Doesn't have to be a whole big
thing every single time, you know.

That's life. That's just
sort of how-how shit goes.

[ Chuckles ] Sometimes
things just sort of... end.

[ Man ] ♪ All night long ♪ ♪ All night ♪

♪ All night
All night long ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night ♪

[ Grunts ]
♪ All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
♪

♪ All night
All night ♪

♪ All night
[ Grunts ] J ♪

[ Voices Speaking Backwards]