All language subtitles for its.always.sunny.in.philadelphia.s08e07.720p.bluray.x264-demand

[ Group Chattering ] [
Man ] No, it's not.

[ Man ♪2 ] You gotta
think outside the box.

Come on, people.

The shareholders' meeting
is next week.

If we don't act fast, this company will
be stripped down and sold for scrap.

I say we cut a deal
with the Wheeler Group.

You want to make a deal with the
people who are threatening to gut us?

What choice do we have?

No. There is one man
who can save this company-

its founder.

[All Groaning ]

The man is from a different era.

He's a Neanderthal.

An animal.

Yeah, and just
the animal we need.

Bring in... the Warthog.

[ Grunting, Snorting ]
Oh!

[ Charlie ] Hey, Frank, how do you
know that these are crows' eggs?

Because I saw a crow.

Hurry up. I can't stay here much longer.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Oh, my God. There's a whole untapped world
of bird eggs-[ Ringing Continues ]

That we're not even
taking advantage of-

Get the phone!
Oh, shit!

Hello!

[ Man ]
Is this the Warthog?

I ain't heard that name
in a long time.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Oh, boom! Twenty-four hours is up.
The found wallet is ours.

Let's pop this bad boy open
and see what we've won.

Mr. Brian LeFevre
from Quebec, youlose.

♪ Boom,
I got your wallet ♪

♪ Boom,
I got your credit card ♪

♪ Boom, I got your money;
Oh, shit.

Is that Canadian?
Ah, throw it in the trash.

I'm not gonna throw it in the trash.
Might be worth more than ours.

We'll exchange it. What's this?
Phillies tickets.

For today! Oh, shit. Looks like
we're going to the Phillies game.

Always check your breath. Right.

[ Both Exhaling ]

And when you shake
their hands-Yeah.

Make sure your hands are bone dry.
Dry hands.

- Never wet and clammy.
- I got it. Guys, quick announcement.

I'm gonna be popping these crows' eggs
in the fridge here so they don't spoil.

Do not touch them.
They are ours.

We won't. Guys, why are
you dressed like that?

Some scumbag company is trying to take
over the business that I founded,

and I'm not gonna
stand for that.

Yeah. No, we're not
gonna stand for that.

Frank's taking me under his wing.
He's gonna

teach me how to swim
with the sharks.

- Charlie can't read.
- He'll adapt.

He'll adapt to reading? Okay, you know
what? We don't need them. All right?

We have plenty of fun things
to do today, okay?

That's right. VVhile you
guys are crunching numbers,

we're gonna be soaking up some
sun at the Phillies game,

courtesy of one
Mr. Brian LeFevre.

- Who the hell is that?
- The guy whose wallet we found at the bar.

What are you gonna do
if he comes looking for it?

LJh, kMlhHn to suck a boner.
Exactly.

♪ Boom,
I got your wallet ♪

♪ Boom,
I got your credit card ♪

♪ Boom, I got
your Phillies tickets ♪♪

[Crowd Cheering ]

Yeah, I've never been in-
[Gasps]

[ Dee ] Oh, shit. [
Dennis] Oh, my God.

[Whistles ]
Awesome.

Oh, fine dining
and baseball food.

Hey, there's more. Oh, hello.
Free batteries.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Calm down. Calm down.

What's in here?
Free shit. Free shit.

Guys, calm down.
Look at all these coasters.

Jesus Christ!

Act like you belong here.

Now listen to me. The fact
that we're in a box...

leads me to believe that
there are definitely

gonna be other people
coming here today,

and they're probably gonna be
friends with this LeFevre guy.

So we need to talk about an exit strategy.
We don't want to get caught.

Okay, exit strategy.
All right, I'll run the op.

This the only entrance
and/or exit.

Therefore if somebody comes in, I will
spring off the balcony to safety.

No. No, no, no. That's a 50-foot drop.
Yes, of course.

And I'm a professional,
so I will tuck and roll.

Oh, you're gonna tuck and
roll through a 50-foot drop?

Dennis, if I had a gun with me, I'd be
spraying bullets into the air as I fell.

No, no, no. We don't have time for
these types ofscenaflos, okay?

I'm talking about coming up with a
real plan, a real exit strategy.

[ Door Opens ] If we get caught,
we could get in a lot of-

Excuse me. ls one
of you Brian LeFevre?

Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah. Hi.

It's nice to finally
put a face to the name.

I'm Andrew Kane.
Of course.

And Bill Larkin.

Oh, Bill. Okay, now see,
from our conversations,

I would have pegged
you fim"BHL [Laughs]

Oh, yeah, we get that sometimes.
Yeah?

And that must make you
Prudence LeFevre.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Hi, honey.
Hi.

- And you are?
- Vic Vinegar, bodyguard.

I don't shake,
so don't even try.

Bodyguard?
[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, I mean, he's really more of a driver.
He drives us around.

I protect their bodies.
He protects the car.

Well, I mean, we got all
week to talk about business,

so let's just kick back
and watch this game, huh?

Who needs a beer?

I do. Oh, I'd love a beer.
Thank you.

Vic, you're working.
Come on.

You're working.
You are.

A bodyguard. You gotta
drive too, stupid. Yeah.

Cheers.
[Chattering ]

Cheers, huh?
All right.

Charlie, I want a list of the top 1 O
shareholders of the company, A.S.A.P.

Right. And call the press.
Put out a press release.

Tell them the VVarthog is
back in business. Okay.

Also, there are too many
minorities and women working here.

What's up with that? I got all that.
I'm on it. I'm on it.

Um, excuse me, excuse me. VVh0 is this man?
Um, Charles Kelly.

I'm gonna be advising
the Warthog...

in matters of business
and all the what have you.

Oh, everything. Right-hand man.
You got it?

There's gonna be some changes
around here, you understand? Yeah.

Ah, look at this.

This poor kid.
Nobody's helping him.

Hey. Hey, kid.

What's happening?
What is it?

Sorry, sir.
The darn thing won't print.

You mind if I take a look-see?
Oh, no.

I think it's a paperjam.

Yeah, there's the culprit.

Thanks, Mr. Warthog.

Little jam. It was in tray
three, and you didn't check.

[ Both Laughing ]

It just was hiding back there.

It was like
a little piece of paper.

[ Both Laughing ]

Let me-Whoa, let me
ask you a question.

Did I just do your job for you?

Excuse me?

Did I-Did I just
do your job for you?

[ Low Growl ]

[Growling Continues]

Uh, I-I guess so.

You're fired!
Get the hell out of here.

Go on! Pack your shit up
and get out of here.

If we're gonna turn
this company around,

we got to start cutting the
crust off this shit sandwich.

Fire in the hole, everybody.
Come on, work!

So what do you think of our
latest proposal, LeFevre?

I think closing at 31's a
pretty fair deal, don't you?

Thirty-one?

VVell, you know, guys, these things
tend to be a little complicated.

[ Exaggerated Canadian Accent]
Oh, I think ya can do better.

Oh, you, uh-
You looked over the proposal?

Sh-She glanced at it. We're
not-Tell us more about it.

Yah, I sure did,
and I tell you what,

I seen better-looking moose turds in
Rick Moranis's backyard, ya hosers.

Hmm?

She's got a sense of humor
that would just-

You know, it gets frustrating.

Hey, come talk to me for a second.
Excuse me, guys.

Uh, just-
[ Chuckles ]

V\lhat the hell are you doing, Dee?
We're Canadian.

You sound like
a cartoon character.

Guys, let's get out of here.
Everybody's treating me like the help.

Well, you should have thought about that
before you blurted out “bodyguard.”

Mmm. Oh, I got an idea. Promote me to vice
president. That way we can talk shop.

Mac, these gentlemen are courting
me for my business savvy.

How's it gonna reflect on me if I
promote my bodyguard to \/.P...

after a two-minute conversation
at a ball game?

It's not gonna reflect on you at all
because you're not Brian LeFevre.

I'm not what?

Dude, clearly
you were floundering.

Mac, I was gathering information so
that I can more fully become this man.

Look, look.

This is about much more
than just business.

This is about the thrill of
wearing another man's skin,

feeling his innermost
wants and desires...

and being in control
of his every single move.

That's how you get off.

Now don't you guys
want to get off with me?

I don't know.
What?

I want you to get off with me.
Okay, okay.

Just follow my lead. Guys,
we're gonna get off together.

[Crowd Cheering, Applauding ]

Gentlemen-

[ Chuckles ] I'm just
confused about one thing.

Now, you got me out of bed,

you put me on a plane, rolled out the
red carpet for, what was it, 31?

Vic, get my coat.
Let's get out of here.

Now hold on a second, LeFevre. Give
us a shot. We will persuade you.

Get ready for a great week.

[ Bat Hits Ball In Distance]
[Crowd Cheers]

Little longer in the sock, huh?

Higher in the thigh.
[ Chuckles ]

So tell me the rundown for
tomorrow, Charlie. Okay.

We got a 8:30 appointment
in the morning...

to play racquetball
in these new outfits.

Then we're gonna head over to Barney's.
We're gonna shop for Rolexes.

After that, we zip by Atwater,

where you're having your office completely
redone back to its former 1980s glory.

And then we have a 5:00 sushi dinner with
Mr. Nakashori. That all sound right?

VVhoo! Sounds great, Charlie.
Good.

VVell, Frank, I'm a little confused
about one thing. What's that?

Who pays for all this?

What do you mean, who pays for it?
The company pays for it.

All right, well, then,
here's my second question.

What does Atwater make?

What do you mean, like, how much
money does the company make?

Oh, no, I mean what do we make?

I don't follow.
We make money.

No, I know we make money.
I mean, what do we create?

We create wealth.

No, no, no. I mean, what do we build?
What do we design, you know?

Because I have some ideas that
could really help the company.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. We don't build
anything. Leave that to the Chinks.

Speaking of which, I want this
sushi dinner to be the tits.

Oh, okay. So you want it to
be, like, really expensive.

No, I want to eat sushi off
of some Jap broad's tits.

Oh.
Hmm.

All right, guys, listen.

I whipped us up a couple
of backstories here,

so take a look at these cards.

On the front, you're gonna find
your biographical information.

On the back, that's your
emotional blueprint. Hmm.

I have my own backstory, Dennis.

I'm an entrepreneurial bodyguard with
his own line of fitness products.

I want to pitch the guys that.
No, no.

Guys, guys, guys, please.
You got to trust me, okay?

Just follow my lead, and I
am gonna get you off...

in ways you never
believed existed.

I'm in. I'm not. I don't even
know what you're talking about.

- I just want to do some business stuff.
- No. Uh, there they are.

Okay, LeFevre, we have a
surprise you are gonna love.

Ah. Really?

Trust me. Uh, we know
exactly what you like.

Head on down to the members'
locker room and see for yourself.

Dennis, I have business savvy.

I can be more than just the
bodyguard, okay? I've got ideas.

Oh, you got ideas? Pitch me
one of your ideas right now.

Right now? Off the top of my head?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, bodyguards.
What about bodyguards?

Training bodyguards, putting
them in a facility and-

What about them?
Oh, what about a resort?

That's a totally
different thing.

Are you saying that
because we're in a resort?

Stick to the one thing.
What about bodyguards?

A resort for bodyguards?
Oh, my God.

Oh, hey.
You must be Mr. LeFevre.

Uh, yeah, that's me. Surprise.
I'm all yours.

I was told there'd just be one,
but I can take both of you.

Might get a little sore,
but I'll manage.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, I'm out of here.
Okay.

Wait. What?

Hey, hey, where you going?

LeFevre's into banging little
Asian boys, so we're done, right?

Look, if we're gonna do this thing,
we need to see things through.

Dennis, are you gonna have sex
with a tiny Asian boy?

I'm gonna see how far I can go.

Okay.
Are you with me?

No. No, I'm going to leave now.
That's your goddamn problem, pal.

You don't know your limits because
you're not willing to push yourself.

I know my limits. This is my limit.
I quit. You quit?

Yes!
Guess what, pal.

You can't quit, 'cause you're fired, Vic!
You're out of here.

See? You got no commitment, Vinegar.
You're finished.

You're never gonna
get anywhere in life.

[ Sighs ]

All right, LeFevre, time to put
your money where your mouth is.

Let's kick things up a notch.

So only the one set of clubs?

Yeah, you're a caddy. Clubs.
This is a golf-Good.

Yeah, okay. Well, that's better
than what I was about to-

[ Chuckles ]

Whoo! Let me, um-

Give me a minute. I need
to switch gears. I almost-

Yeah?
Uh, yeah.

Good. Take your time.
Okay.

Okay, first off,
your dry cleanings all done.

The company jet's been upgraded. I
got rid of that piece of trash.

Nice!
Okay. Now, secondly,

I found out who the controlling
shareholder of Atwater is. VVho?

Brian LeFevre.

Who?

Brian LeFevre.

The wallet they found?
Holy shit!

Yeah. He was probably
there to see me.

Dennis has been going around
pretending to be him...

and stringing along
the Wheeler guys.

This is great, Charlie.

We keep the Wheeler guys off
our asses, and we fix Atwater.

Right? Pretty good.
Good move.

Oh, Nakashori's here.
Yeah, but this is-

Hello, Mr. Nakashori.

[ Exaggerated Japanese Accent]
Ah, welcome, welcome.

You bring us a great honor
to join with us,

and, uh, we have
many, uh, naked woman...

and the fish
for pleasure for you.

Charlie, what are you doing? what
are you talking broken English for?

No, no, no. I thought they could
understand me better if I-

No, no, no. Sit down.

Let's eat some sushi,
and we'll talk business later.

Enjoy yourself.

So, a few interesting facts
about our city.

Uh, there's been an abundance
of crow eggs all around Philly.

Uh, and crows seem to be getting bigger,
uh, by the year and the day, even.

And their eggs, of course,
are getting bigger as well.

Perhaps our companies,
with this information,

could find a way to create
some products off these new-

[ Muttering ]
Charlie, Charlie.

Excuse us.

Charlie, come here.
Listen to me.

Look at me.
Yeah.

You're fired.
What?

You're fired.
Why?

Because you're not getting it. It's
not sinkin' in. I don't get it?

VVhere did you get that awesome insider
info from about Brian LeFevre, huh?

That was pretty big. That was
good, Charlie. That's good.

But you keep talking about products
and quality and-and making things.

But that-that-

I'm sorry.
You're out.

Well, thanks for the insider info,
Mac, but that did not work.

Frank canned me.

He did?
Yeah!

What a dick! Dennis wouldn't even
listen to my business ideas.

Are you serious? I'm brimming with
all these great business ideas.

Tell me about it.
I don't know what to do with it.

Ipflched so many good ideas,
or I tried to, at least.

And Frank shoots 'em down 'cause
he doesn't care about-[ Groans ]

I wish we could go into
business together, you know?

That would be-That would be good.
It would make sense.

You and I understand each other.
We click, you know?

I have to warn you though that
it's all about the product for me.

Are you serious?
Yeah.

That's what I was saying to Frank. That's
what people care about-the product.

It's all about the product, right?
He only cares about money.

Money has nothing to do with it. Oh,
you and I are on the same page.

We're always clicking with- And
we have insane business savvy.

- Excuse me.
- No one respects our business savvy,

- and that's a big part of it.
- Excuse me!

- I need to speak to the owners.
- Yeah, that's us.

Does the name Brian LeFevre
mean anything to you guys?

Okay, LeFevre, enough.

We took you out on the yacht.
We took you to the zoo.

We took you
to that massage parlor...

and paid to have 'em
jerk you both off.

Mm-hmm. The meetings
about to start.

We need to know, are
you gonna sell or not?

Guys, we are almost there.
I promise you, we are so close.

[ Frank]
Oh, Okay!

All right, I want to welcome
all of you Atwater investors,

and especially our controlling
shareholder, Mr. Brian LeFevre.

There he is.

Thanks, Frank.
Thank you.

All right, I'm very excited about
your passion for the company,

so let's get
right down to business.

[ Charlie ]
Not so fast!

There's something you all need to
know about Atwater! [ Both Laughing ]

Prepare to have your minds blown.
We got a video.

Boom!
Huh?

' N' [ Heavy Meta! ]
- What up?

- Are you ready for the best idea ever?
- [ Bell Dings ]

- Do you have money?
- [ Cash Register Dings ]

- Do you want even more money?
- [ Cash Register Dings ]

Well, guess what.
We've got a great idea for you.

I- No, I told you not to-Stay out
of my peripheral through the whole-

Two, one. Fight Milk!

The first alcoholic,
dairy-based protein drink...

for bodyguards-
By bodyguards!

I drink it every morning so
I can fight like the crow.

- [ Crow Squawks ] - Just get
out of the way. There we go.

[ Mac j I! is all about
the product' shot'.

Where do I stand?

Don't do the whole-I wanted
them to see the whole thing.

Fight Milk!
[ Crow Squawks ]

- Crow's egg!
- [ Crow Squawks ]

- Milk!
- [ Crow Squawks ]

[ Crow Squawks ]

Made fresh. By bodyguards.
And Charlie.

What up?
Well, you're-

Watch as profits soar
high as a crow.

[ Cash Register Dinging ]

[ " I Squawks ] " I Squawks ]

Watch your profits soar
high as a crow.

[ Sq uawks ] Ow. Sorry.

V\/ait. I thought we said
I was gonna-Profits go-

Yeah, go with your right.
To the right hand.

Anyway, who wants to invest?

So what's this got to do
with Atwater?

Oh, nothing.

No, um, we just didn't want to
lead with the Atwater news...

because we figured you wouldn't
stick around to watch the video.

- [ Frank ] So what's the news?
- Oh! Yeah, right.

- Well, that's not Brian LeFevre!
- [ Murmuring ]

This is Brian LeFevre.

[Shareholders Groaning ]
Yeah.

Oh, God.

Apparently he came
to the bar to talk to Frank,

and I didn't recognize him from
his picture in his wallet.

But I did recognize it when I saw
that dead face in the morgue.

Yeah, I was like, I remember
that dude, yeah. Yeah.

He came to the bar, and I
remember he had to take a piss.

Yeah, he was having
a couple drinks and-

But Charlie was in the
bathroom cleaning it out.

I was working. I'm like, “Dude,
take it out to the alley.”

And then I guess he's out in the alley.
He comes back in.

He forgot his wallet.
Mac's like, “I.D. please.”

Yeah, he doesn't get in without an I.D.
That's just the rule.

The guy's got no I.D., so now he's roaming
around the alleyway looking for his wallet.

Crackhead comes up to him, says,
“Hey, man, give me your money.”

The guy's like, “I can't. I got
no money.” He's like, “Bullshit.”

He got stabbed a bunch
around the abdomen and-

[ Clears Throat ] kind of
bled out and sort of died.

Why do you got his finger?
[Mac] Oh.

[ Both Laughing ]

Well, the whole finger thing is-
This was a miscommunication.

This is a stupid thing, man.
This guy here-

He's like, “Dude, get a fingerprint.”
And I heard, “Get a fingertip.”

And I chopped his finger off really quick,
and then I'm like, “Is this what you want?”

He started screaming, you know.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

If Brian LeFevre is dead, then
who the hell are these people?

Just a couple of people
who totally got off, bro.

What? You did?
Mmm!

Are you serious?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Just... during this?
Whoo-hoo!

Big time. Yeah.

I got off a couple times when we were
watching the video presentation.

Then when he called me out for not being
Brian LeFevre? VVhoo! That got me big time.

- That did it?
- Oh, man, did I get off.

Yeah. Then he showed the finger.
That was the big one.

The dead finger got you off? I am so
confused. That was the climax, really.

Oh, my God. It was amazing.
It was mostly sexual.

Goddamn you, okay? I could've
gotten some cash out of these men.

I could've gotten
a free pair of shoes, but no.

You said, “Hang in there. I'll help you
get off. I'll help you get off, Dee.

I'll show you how.” And then
you leave me all on my own...

to try and just get off all by myself
without-I did everything that I could.

I don't understand why you couldn't
get off. That's not my fault.

Some women just don't know how.

What?
I don't know what it is.

Sometimes it's only
the guy who gets off.

Well, look, I don't know what
the hell's going on over there.

But I can tell you something-

that there is something really palpable,
wonderful going on over here.

I love this company.

I love it more than life. I built
this company with these hands.

Built it from the ground up.

This is a comp-
[Cell Phone Rings]

Wait. Excuse me.

Hello?

It's done? Oh.

Good. Right.

All right, that's it. It's over. You
can all go. The company's gone.

[ Murmuring ]
What are you talking about?

I stripped the company, sold it to
the Chinks, and they shut it down.

- [ Murmuring ] - In a
sense, you're all fired.

Out. You can all go.
Thank you and good-bye.

Get out. Get out. Go.

Hey, Frank, whoa, whoa. I-
Dude, I do not understand.

I thought you loved the company.
I do.

But not more than money, and I
just made a shitload of it.

You get it?
Yeah.

See, Charlie?

Speaking of which,

tell me more about this crowtein.
[ Cro w Squa wks j

[ Voices Speaking Backwards]