Original subtitles

Europe...

1944.

The second world war was now its fourth year.

The stage was set for the most exciting...

I can't take it, Wyatt. If something now doesn't happen

I'll open my skull with a hacksaw and start playing with my brains.

I'm sensing you a bit... perturbed?

I know how the war ends. Let's drop the bomb and move on.

...we see the germans had the opportunity to win the war

if not for one small mistake.

Oh, God. Here it comes.

Putting Colonel Klink in charge...

BOTH: ...of stalag 13.

So what are you saying?

You're bored with history?

History, school, life-- it's all so dull.

Don't you wish you could skip over the lame, boring parts and get to the fun?

I kind of like school. And what's the point of complaining?

It's not like we can do anything about it.

True. There's nothing we can do about it.

- However... - No!

We don't understand her powers.

They're beyond our control.

The woman is capable of anything.

She could actually... ( Gasps ) ...improve our lives.

( Both Yelling )

# ...Something like a recipe #

# Bits and pieces #

# Bits and pieces #

# My creation #

# Is it real? #

# It's my creation #

# Ooh, my creation #

# It's my creation #

# RT and from my hand #

# Why don't people understand #

# My intentions? #

What can I do for you boys?

Nothing.

Big thing!

Here's the deal.

We're tired of having to wait through the lame

IFE to get to the exciting stuff.

It's not that bad.

We were hoping you'd have a few ideas.

I could fill your lives with nothing but excitement.

- For example... - ( Mariachi Music Playing )

( Gunfire )

( Music Stops )

WAYNE: Hey! What's that racket up there?

My dad's going to kill me.

That was a little too big but on the right track.

Right, Wyatt?

Whatever you come up with we got to have absolute control

or I'm not doing it.

I got it.

We need a remote-- only one that will speed up time whenever we want.

Hmm.

What, you recharged the batteries?

Just try it.

Cool. A remote for the clock.

I don't want to rag on your handiwork but we're looking

for something that would speed up the big picture not just clocks in general.

Oh, good. You ladies are home.

It's story time with big brother Chett.

We don't want to hear a stupid hunting story.

Shut your stinking hole.

I'd listen up or I'll snap the ribs from your spine like breadsticks.

All right.

Check it out.

It must have been tuesday.

No, wednesday.

No, wait a minute.

What's the day the trash comes?

Wednesday, right?

Okay, so the day before--

Tuesday--

I wake up, and I...

( Fast-Forwarding )

...and then the cat blew chunks on the carpet.

Great story, huh, girls?

How did I do?

BOTH: Yes!

Can I hold it?

I need to feel its cool, dark metal against my skin.

We remember what Lisa said.

This thing affects all of time so use it sparingly only in extreme situations.

Gotcha.

When we left off yesterday the americans were about to join

the allied was effort.

To recap the devastating attack of Pearl Harbor was still a recent memory.

Hit it.

( Fast-Forwarding )

Who can tell me the names of the participants?

- ( Bell Rings ) - BOTH: Yeah!

Life without the boring parts.

- I could get comfy with this. - Yeah, me too.

I have to admit this chia pet wouldn't be half as fun in real time.

Whatever cranks your cheese wheel.

( Door Closing )

He's here.

Afternoon, puke licks.

Afternoon, puke licks.

- What did you call me? - Puke bag.

Butt cramp.

Skank boy.

Take your pick, dick. ( Yelling )

Chett will learn from this and that brings me joy.

But I can't help feeling there's a greater purposis remote.

I suppose we could go back in time and avert world wars and snuff out disease.

I'm talking about chicks.

Gary, it's illegal to go around freeze-framing women and taking off their clothes.

I'm talking about relationships.

With this remote, we can skip over all that lame getting-to-know-you

talky-touchy-feely crap and get to the good parts.

- Can I help? - Do you have to explode in like that?

Well, excuse me.

Who put a kink in your hose?

I'm sorry but tierine time-space continuum tends to make me edgy.

How do we know he's not, like, awake in there

and watching everything we're doing.

Relax. It's your personal remote.

You are the only two people who have any idea that time

is starting or stopping speeding up or slowing down.

To everyone else, life proceeds as normal.

WYATT: Where are we in all this?

You'll have experienced everything.

You just won't have any memory of it.

It's what you wished for--

the ability to skip through the boring parts.

So we could use it on dates.

Sure, if you want to.

I don't know.

I'm not sure we should mess with the forces of romance.

Wyatt, if we don't let me explore the wide world of women

we're doing a disservice to science.

WYATT: To you want.

Who am I to stand in the way of science?

Thank you.

Ready?

( Yelling ) What the...?

- Hi. - Hi, Gary.

I can't stay out late and I don't like movies and I don't eat fried foods.

Let the fun begin.

You know, I had an okay time tonight.

You did?

Nothing seemed unusually...

unusual?

Everything was fine.

I guess this is where I kiss you good night.

Whoa. I made it clear.

I just want to be friends.

- Geez, Gary. - Right.

Well, I guess this is where I kiss you good night.

You took me to that dump you made me pay and

then your nosebleed ruined my blouse.

Kiss this!

- Good night, Gary. - Yeah, well...

- Good night. - Wait a minute.

I thought maybe... I don't know...

Do you want to kiss?

You want to kiss?

Me? After everything that probably happened on this date?

After the way I probably treated you?

After the stupid things I probably said?

I'm losing the mood here.

- That was nice. - Yes, it was.

Good night, Gary.

Yeah, well... good night.

Wait a minute.

I thought maybe... I don't know...

Do you want to kiss?

That was...

Good night, Gary.

Want to go out again?

- Next saturday? - Great.

I can't believe we've been only dating a week.

It feels like longer.

To you, maybe.

Is this a button or a zipper thingy?

Gary, stop!

When do you want to go out again?

I don't know.

How about thursday?

Something tells me you're not having a good time.

It's that stupid remote.

I thought you were having fun with it.

Gary's having fun with it.

I'm stuck watching clocks spin.

Every time he fast-forwards through his dates

my universe goes on a caffeine high.

I don't remember what day it is anything I did this week--

I can't even watch TV.

Althrough it does liven up Pbs.

You're just mad at Gary for having a little fun with his newfound toy.

"A little fun"?

Hmm. I see your point.

He's playing with the forces of natures all just to get girls.

Ugh.

See? It's all fun until someone loses a sandwich.

It's so romantic out here.

Sometimes, if I close my eyes it reminds me of the farm

we used to spend summers at when I was...

( Fast-Forwarding )

...and other times I just wish I could live there for the rest of my life.

( Fast-Forwarding )

I really like you, Gary Wallace.

Mmm... me too.

I think that's enough for tonight.

Maybe I'll see you in school this week.

It's kind of a special week for me, you know.

Right. Special, special.

Yes! I like this.

Wyatt. Hey, Wyatt!

Wait up!

Where you been?

I haven't seen you all week.

Gee, you still know what a week is?

I figured days, weeks, and months were all one big blur to you.

Hey, that's Sarcasm.

You having a good time?

Me? Hell, yeah.

Got my remote.

Got continuous lip action.

What's not good?

Your life may be continuous lip action but mine's like a bad carnival ride.

You want to skip to the weekend and talk?

No, Gary. I have a french test and I would like to savor every second of it,

so if you don't mind could we move through life at normal speed for the next 40 minutes?

Oh, what crawled up his shorts?

Hey, watch where you're going.

Donna! You see that?

I stopped that big heavy door with my little face.

I hate you, Gary Wallace!

- Come again? - I thought I meant something to you

and now you do this.

Um, could you maybe give me a little hint?

See, my memory...

- Oh, you make me so mad! - ( Gasps )

And what is it with you and this stupid remote?

No! Don't!

Whatever you're about to say, forget it!

Hey, Ted.

How's it going?

Hi, Donna.

There a problem here?

Give me the remote and we can have a heart-to-heart

about whatever it is you're rambling about.

You want it, bonehead? Go get it.

GARY: No!

What?

- Donna? - I hate you, Gary Wallace!

Hey, Donna.

- There a problem here? - Oh, no.

I'm trapped in time.

- I hate you, Gary Wallace! - Here we go again.

Donna.

What a surprise.

I thought I meant something to you.

You're right-- it is low.

Could I have that?

What is it with you and this remote?

Hey, Donna.

There a problem here?

No. No problem here. Give me that.

No. No!

- Leave her alone, loser. - You want this?

Go get it.

GARY: No!

Let me guess.

You hate me.

That's right. I thought...

You do mean something to me.

Oh, then you realize what you did I do.

What I did was terrible--

So terrible, it's indescribable.

I bet you can't even describe it.

Can you?

After all we've been through you forgot my birthday.

Birthday? Forget?

I didn't forget.

Check it out.

Surprise.

Come on, Ted.

# Happy birthday to you # # Happy birthday to you... #

You're pathetic.

And you're too mature to throw that remote.

There are now ten minutes left.

There are now ten minutes left.

Oh, no. What's happening?

# Happy birthday to you... #

I hate you, Gary Wallace!

I just wanted to sing you happy birthday.

- It is your birthday. - My birthday was yesteday.

You didn't even get me a card.

I must have told you five times in the last week.

Do you ever listen?

Of course I listen to you.

Ted!

Oh, yeah?

Then what's my favorite movie, huh?

Who's my favorite group?

Where do I spend my summers?

I know that one.

Some farm, right?

You don't know a thing about me.

Okay, you got me.

I don't know a thing about you.

I just want that remote.

Ted!

I'm sorry.

Ted's being detained.

I'll take that.

Leave her alone, loser.

There are ten minutes left.

Uh, something is very wrong here.

Est-ce qu' il y a un probleme?

Yeah. I really got to...

Uh-uh. En francais.

Je vais aller de la... de la... mon ami, um...

There are ten minutes left.

- Monsieur Donnelly. - Sorry. Go to run.

Not as fast, young man.

What do we know about running in the hall?

Now, I know this may sound like I'm coming down on you

but I remember one eyeless lad skewered by his own el marko.

I don't have time!

There are now ten minutes left.

( Groaning )

Lisa.

Get me out of this loop.

Please, make it stop.

Once a wish is in motion, I can't turn it off.

I can't do it anymore.

You can't give up, Gary.

There is a way out.

I hate you, Gary Wallace!

I'll never get that remote.

You really want it back that badly?

Skipping the dull parts hasn't made your life any better.

Maybe those dull parts are more important than you think.

Are you just going to lie there?

Otherwise...

I hate you, Gary Wallace!

There are now ten minutes left.

Monsieur Donnelly.

Ah, what the hell.

Viva la france!

- Good morning, sir. - Good morning.

I think Wallace here needs a little attitude adjustment.

GARY: Go ahead. You might as well hit me.

I mean, I would if I was you.

I missed my girlfriend's birthday!

No present, no card.

Not even a phone call.

I'm jerk.

I thought I meant something to you.

Ted, do you mind?

I'm starting to lose feeling in my brain.

You know why I didn't but you anything?

Because there's no present in the world that could

express how deep my feelings run for you.

You're not buying any of this, are you?

Nope.

Go fetch.

Wyatt!

Incoming!

Yes!

Get me out of here.

Fast-forward, pause, freeze-frame-- something.

Not this time.

I promise you'll get to hit me.

Just a minute.

Donna! Wait.

Okay, I admit it.

I never really paid any attention to you or the relationship.

I just wanted to make out with you.

And that's your apology?

Yes.

No.

I don't know.

I'm trying to be honest here, okay?

I like you a lot.

I really do but I love making out with you.

You dress incredibly hot.

You smell...

so good and you have the softest lips in the entire universe.

I kiss you...

I'm in heaven.

I don't know whether to hit you or pull you in some dark corner.

Well, I... I'd definitely go for door number two.

You're pretty twisted, Wallace.

But awfully cuddly, don't you think?

I got to go.

I'll see you later, Gary.

later?

As in date later?

You're a pal.

Thanks for not zapping me out of there.

Any time.

And if you ever again force me to deal with my real-life

situation head-on I'll kill you.

Okeydoke.

Mr. Wallace... would you care to do the honors?

With pleasure.

... And if you ever, ever mess with my gun rack again I'm going

to ram my fist down your throat and pull out your colon.

Got it, girls?

I don't think we'll be needing this anymore.

Captioned by Grantman Brown