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1
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,929
HARRY:
Wow, what a day huh? What a day.
2
00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,299
I guess.
3
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,005
Harry, why'd you call me
down here?
4
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,595
Just to talk.
It was a battle, you won.
5
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,929
Congratulations.
6
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,936
-Thanks.
-I mean, representing
Sophie Lennon--
7
00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:22,019
you're a real macher
now, Susie.
8
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,654
You know what, forget coffee.
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,901
Linda, bring the champagne.
The '49 Dom.
10
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,903
-We need to celebrate.
-Harry, no.
11
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,565
What, '49 Dom not
good enough for you?
12
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,573
-You know what I mean.
-You didn't bring a lawyer.
13
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:32,775
Are there any left?
14
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,405
I'm just surprised,
that's all.
15
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:35,952
You asked me to come down,
so I came.
16
00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:37,705
I didn't know it was
a whole lawyer thing.
17
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:38,657
What, you thought
I asked you here
18
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,706
-for a cheese tasting?
-Mr. Drake,
19
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:41,998
Groucho Marx is on the line.
20
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,632
-Tell him I'll get back to him.
-Yes, sir.
21
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:48,010
Look at that.
Groucho waits for you.
22
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,393
You should see something.
23
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:55,307
Now, normally
I'd hand this over to your team.
24
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,597
But you didn't know this was
a whole lawyer thing.
25
00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,851
-What is this?
-It's my contract with Sophie.
26
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,154
You knew that
I had one, right?
27
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:03,227
Yes, Harry,
I wasn't born yesterday.
28
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,232
And that it goes for another
five and a half years.
29
00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,234
You knew that, too, right?
30
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,605
-Yeah, I did.
-Good.
31
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,612
Because for that period of time,
I own everything.
32
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,565
She tells a joke, I own it.
33
00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,826
She makes a funny face,
I own it.
34
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,038
She cuts a fart,
and someone laughs, I own it.
35
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,498
-You get me?
-Yeah, I get it.
36
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,000
She cuts the cheese,
you get a slice.
37
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,580
What, you think this is funny?
38
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:24,585
No, but I do think you're
just trying to scare me.
39
00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:26,337
How am I doing?
40
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,338
I've got to use
the facilities.
41
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,380
Follow the signs.
42
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,352
(toilet flushes)
43
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:38,267
Five and a half years?
Fuck me.
44
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,137
-(indistinct conversation)
-(footsteps approaching)
45
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,984
(knock on door)
46
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,768
(door rattling)
47
00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,565
Hey, what part of I'm in here
taking a shit
48
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,068
don't you understand?
49
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,489
-Local commercials.
-I beg your pardon?
50
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:55,120
You've got her for national
commercials and TV and movies
51
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,117
and radio and her live act
and print ads,
52
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,159
and for some reason, any event
featuring a live animal,
53
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,623
but you do not have her
for local commercials.
54
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,674
-HARRY: Is that so?
-Yep.
55
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,127
Nothin', nada, zip, ha!
56
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,337
Wow, you got me.
57
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,298
Gentlemen, how did we leave
all that lucrative
58
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,839
Sophie Lennon local commercial
money on the table?
59
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,183
I'm-I'm livid.
60
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,597
Susie, I got to tell you,
it's truly been a pleasure.
61
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,731
But now I got to
go call Groucho Marx,
62
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:26,308
and you got to go call Guido's
Body Shop in Staten Island
63
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,015
and line up a local commercial.
64
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:31,065
Sophie'll look great sitting
on top of a Pontiac.
65
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:33,450
Just make sure
a chimpanzee in a top hat
66
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,407
isn't sitting up there
next to her.
67
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,027
'Cause then, it's mine.
68
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,704
Good luck, Susie.
69
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,372
Yeah.
Thanks a million, Harry.
70
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,411
Sure.
Oh, hey, uh,
71
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,285
did she mention
Strindberg yet?
72
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,752
-Who?
-(chuckles)
73
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,212
I'm gonna let you have
that one, too.
74
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,462
Strindberg.
My gift to you.
75
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,054
Have a good day.
76
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,510
(door opens)
77
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,723
(door shuts)
78
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,311
SUSIE: Guys ever trade places
just for fun?
79
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,807
♪ ♪
80
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,984
-Dead dogs.
-Not this again.
81
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,150
You'd be fine living
in a building full of dead dogs.
82
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,608
Rose, they don't store
the dead dogs in the building.
83
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,320
They cart them out
as soon as they're dead.
84
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,990
You're suddenly an expert.
85
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,819
The veterinarian is in
the basement of the building.
86
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,365
We'll never see the dead dogs.
87
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,698
The spirits of the dead dogs
will be
88
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,043
galumphing through the building.
89
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,617
ABE:
Dead dogs don't have spirits.
90
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,122
And if they did,
they wouldn't galumph,
91
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:26,964
-they would trot or canter.
-Ugh.
92
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,459
MIDGE:
This is officially
the dumbest conversation
93
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,750
you two have ever had.
94
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,633
I liked that place on 65th,
and it was affordable.
95
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,301
ROSE:
Because it was on top
of a construction zone.
96
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,930
Lincoln Center.
97
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,006
Once it's finished,
we can walk to the opera.
98
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,012
We'll be in wheelchairs
by the time
99
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,103
they finish Lincoln Center.
100
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,007
ABE:
So we'll roll to the opera.
101
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,266
-(sighs)
-You guys are moving out
in a week.
102
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,807
You have to make a decision.
103
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:45,810
Your father's being stubborn.
104
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:46,851
Your mother's
being stubborn.
105
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,404
-What about my kitchen?
-ABE: Oh, please.
106
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,647
There better not be a bathtub
in my kitchen.
107
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,479
We got bigger fish
to fry, Zelda.
108
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,034
You want me to fry fish,
I need a decent kitchen.
109
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,779
Brisket in an hour or so, guys.
110
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,700
Where is everybody? We need
to get things going here.
111
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,911
We-we need to know
what all they're going to take.
112
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,412
I still don't know
how we're supposed to know
113
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,213
what we're not gonna need
in a place we haven't found yet.
114
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,416
So you'd prefer
to pack everything we own
115
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,537
into a one-bedroom,
like we're the Collyer brothers.
116
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,344
We're not the Collyer brothers.
They had an apartment.
117
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,708
They'll be pulling our
decomposing bodies out,
118
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,965
first yours, then mine,
crushed under a pile of garbage.
119
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,218
Why is my body
the first to decompose?
120
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,430
This is officially
the second-dumbest conversation
121
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,851
you guys have ever had.
122
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:24,519
ASTRID:
Hello!
123
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,476
Thank God-- a distraction.
124
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:32,024
-Hello, Astrid.
-Hello, Rose.
125
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,154
How are you feeling, dear?
126
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,030
Oh, I'm carrying
a human life inside me.
127
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,198
-Mystery solved.
-Yeah.
128
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,737
-(gasps)
-Hi, Mom.
129
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,370
What is this?
130
00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,077
Astrid had a premonition,
a dream.
131
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,077
It was about my face.
There were gnomes, I don't know.
132
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,619
Bottom line,
shaving is bad luck.
133
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,792
I'm just being cautious.
You can't be too cautious.
134
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:50,961
-I'm gonna need a straw.
-Want to touch?
135
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,840
-Not really.
-ETHAN: Esther's gone!
She ran away! Esther's gone!
136
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,048
-ASTRID: What?
-NOAH: Oh, my God.
137
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,628
Esther's not gone,
ignore him.
138
00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,223
Oh. Baruch hashem.
Mwah. Touch my belly?
139
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,639
-It's a mitzvah.
-Maybe later.
140
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,347
ETHAN:
She's gone!
She's really gone!
141
00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:05,758
-NOAH: Ethan.
-He wants to be an only child,
142
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,266
and he's been trying to will it
into existence.
143
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,308
ABE:
Rose. I want to talk to you
144
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,312
about the dead dogs
in the bedroom.
145
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,774
Good. Because I have
a lot more to say about this.
146
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,436
ETHAN:
Esther's gone, Mommy.
147
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,114
There are dead dogs
in the bedroom?
148
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:22,363
-What is this?
-Esther's gone!
I'm an only child!
149
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,116
-Esther's gone!
-MIDGE: U-turn, kiddo!
150
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:30,211
Ever since I got pregnant,
I've been dreaming like mad.
151
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,747
I know.
We saw the beard.
152
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,960
(whispers):
No. Sex dreams.
153
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,381
I haven't had sex dreams
since I converted to Judaism.
154
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,380
-You think there's a connection?
-(Abe and Rose arguing
in distance)
155
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:40,132
I'm just so nervous
all the time.
156
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,224
I keep thinking
that something's gonna go wrong.
157
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,639
You are healthy
158
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:47,057
-as a very pretty,
skinny horse, Astrid.
-Oh.
159
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,927
But you'll have to move this
hand out of the way eventually.
160
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,234
The doctor's
gonna have to get in there.
161
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,937
ABE:
So, you're saying
a rat has a soul?
162
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,097
-A rat?
-ROSE: Yes.
163
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,895
It's small and ugly,
but it's there.
164
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,358
This brisket
looks very undercooked.
165
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,188
That's what happens
when pesky brothers
166
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,943
keep opening oven doors.
167
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,485
Just saying.
168
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,238
Touch my belly.
169
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,990
I would love to.
170
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,372
Really?
171
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,369
(chuckles)
You're gonna be a mommy.
172
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,662
I know.
173
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,865
-(door opens)
-MOISHE: Ding-dong!
174
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:13,995
SHIRLEY:
We're here!
175
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,091
MOISHE:
Where's the free stuff?
176
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,126
-Japan?
-France.
177
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,800
Huh. Looks like Japan.
178
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,468
We got a lot of rooms
179
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,507
at our new place
in Forest Hills.
180
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,300
-Lot of space to fill.
-ABE: Yes, I believe
181
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,854
you've mentioned that before,
Moishe.
182
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,507
Just tell us
what you'd like to take.
183
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,055
Our finishes are beautiful,
184
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,769
so we're holding the furniture
to a very high standard.
185
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,099
-ROSE: As you should.
-Nope.
186
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,354
-What?
-MOISHE: Sorry.
187
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,935
Doesn't pass the tush test.
188
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,190
The tush tells me
whether it's happy or not.
189
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,193
That tush-- it's a gift.
190
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,945
Trust the tush.
191
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,356
Taiwan?
192
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,664
France again.
It's quite expensive.
193
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,448
I'm sure it's expensive.
Just doesn't look it.
194
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,702
-Nope.
-Oh.
195
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,253
-Tush always knows.
-Trust the tush.
196
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,956
Fine, Moishe.
Don't take anything.
197
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,206
The bowl with the nuts
is something we could use.
198
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,339
The nuts we don't need,
but we could use the bowl.
199
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,261
I'm waiting
for your tush to chime in.
200
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,506
ROSE:
Take the bowl, Moishe.
201
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:03,668
MIDGE:
He wasn't kidding!
202
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,375
Ethan wasn't kidding!
203
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,215
Esther's gone.
She ran away.
204
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,601
Oh, God. Oh, God.
205
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:09,847
Oh, God.
206
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,388
-(Esther crying)
-She was just coming out
207
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,141
-to greet her daddy.
-Oh, thank God.
208
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,393
Esther, what were you thinking?
209
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,265
ETHAN:
Told you.
210
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,152
MIDGE:
Got a few things
211
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,769
set aside for the cab ride
to your place
212
00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,476
to keep the kids occupied,
and everything else
213
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,196
is boxed and labeled
and ready to go.
214
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,857
Good thing
I brought my forklift.
215
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,565
I just got everything together.
216
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,945
Even carved out time
to make one last brisket.
217
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,743
-Really? I don't smell it.
-(Abe and Rose arguing
in distance)
218
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,366
MOISHE:
Are you taking
the tablecloth, Shirl?
219
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,173
SHIRLEY:
I can cut it into doilies!
220
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,956
-ROSE: Then come up
with another idea.
-ABE: Fine.
221
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,380
Look, Midget,
Mom found one of my old books.
222
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,419
Tom Swift
and His Magnetic Silencer.
223
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,972
-Still holds up.
-ABE: North Manhattan. Inwood.
224
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,047
-The oven's not working.
-Yeah, I told you that.
225
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,682
-Zelda?
-Yes, Miss Miriam?
226
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,179
See if Mrs. Fulber
is awake, coherent
227
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,100
and willing to cook my brisket
for two hours at 375.
228
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,019
-Right away.
-ROSE: You're trying
to move us to the Bronx.
229
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,437
ABE:
Few dead dogs don't sound
so bad now, do they?
230
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,436
-ROSE: Who are you?
-How long's that been going on?
231
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,148
-Fire escape.
-ABE: Stop with the histrionics.
232
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,479
ROSE:
Histrionics? This from a man
who quit not one
233
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,534
-but two jobs in the same day.
-(doorbell ringing)
234
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,953
-Dawes.
-Miss Myerson.
235
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,452
-Come in.
-Look, Dawes,
236
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,584
I'm not sure how caught up
you are on all this,
237
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,882
but I'm in business
with your boss now, okay?
238
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,337
And I just think
it would be smart
239
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,296
for you to maybe drop
the attitude,
240
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:26,007
-treat me
with the respect that I...
-Jenkins.
241
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,008
(Susie grunts)
242
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,470
What the fuck?
243
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,510
DAWES:
Your coat, miss.
244
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,934
This isn't over.
245
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,602
SOPHIE:
Hello, Susie.
246
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,351
-Sophie, hi.
-(Sophie chuckles)
247
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,192
So, here we are.
248
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,898
-Off to the races.
-Yes, ma'am, off to the races.
249
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,939
(chuckles)
Let's repair to the library.
250
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,532
DAWES:
I'll be here, miss.
251
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,084
(men laughing,
speaking indistinctly)
252
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,787
Sounds like the writers
have a winner.
253
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,158
Let's check in.
254
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,416
MAN (whispering):
Hey.
255
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,207
-(shushing)
-Hello, boys.
256
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,171
-Hi, Sophie.
-Remember me, Sophie?
257
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,551
Oh, I heard laughter.
258
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,667
-What do you got for me?
-TED: Phil. Phil.
259
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,384
Well, I think we've got
a couple of winners here
260
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,965
-for you, Sophie.
-SOPHIE: Let's see.
261
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,100
Psst. Herb.
262
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,056
Oh! Hi, Susie.
263
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:17,057
-You're working for Sophie, huh?
-HERB: Yeah.
264
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,769
Going on 20 years now.
265
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,059
-We used to be married.
-(chuckles)
266
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,523
Which one are you laughing at,
Sophie?
267
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,862
The one about the potholes?
That was mine.
268
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,147
The Aunt Jemima joke?
That was mine.
269
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,111
-Keep going.
-TED: Okay, Sophie.
-You got it, Sophie.
270
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,861
-Thanks, Sophie.
-You got it, Sophie.
-Coming right up.
271
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,863
Susie, what time is it?
272
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,985
Uh, around 3:00.
273
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,201
A.M. or P.M.?
274
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,331
You're joking, right?
275
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,907
Could you get word to my mom?
276
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,292
Tell her I'm okay?
277
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,328
I got to go.
278
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,587
Welcome to the library.
279
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,177
Books feed me.
280
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,639
Wow, looks like
you ate all of them.
281
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,310
-Beg your pardon?
-I just said "impressive."
282
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,979
Sit.
283
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,978
I want to show you something.
284
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,691
Yes.
285
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:08,691
Very exciting. Here.
286
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,074
-Strindberg.
-Mm, you've heard of him.
287
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,071
-Actually, I have.
-Mm-hmm.
288
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,533
He's one
of the great playwrights.
289
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,283
A true master.
290
00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,155
I was at an orgy once,
291
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,621
and the man behind me
kept raving on and on
292
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,293
about August Strindberg.
293
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:26,132
Turned out to be Eugene O'Neill.
Small world, huh?
294
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,998
-Ain't it, though?
-(chuckles)
295
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:31,005
Miss Julie. My dream role.
296
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,758
Now give me your thoughts.
297
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,179
Who do you see for Jean?
298
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,508
(chuckles):
Oh, God. So many.
299
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,774
-Lunt?
-Lunt's good. Love Lunt.
300
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,926
-Yes.
-Or Pope.
301
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,064
The pope could do it.
Does he speak English?
302
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,311
-Michael Pope, the actor.
-Of course, yes.
303
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,444
-Michael Pope. He's good, too.
-Mm-hmm.
304
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,021
Hey, a-are we talking
Broadway here?
305
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,066
You don't think
it should be off-Broadway.
306
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,279
-No, I'm just wondering.
-Do you not believe in me?
307
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,070
-No, I do.
-If I wanted to be with someone
308
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,323
who didn't believe in me,
309
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:57,815
I'd have stayed
with Harry Drake.
310
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,866
No, it should be on Broadway.
Absolutely.
311
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,330
Well, then,
I need your assurance.
312
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,210
I need to know
that this will happen
313
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,996
and that your other commitment
will not get in the way.
314
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,041
No, it won't.
It absolutely won't.
315
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,125
I hear she's opening
for Shy Baldwin.
316
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,670
-She is.
-He was rude to me
in Paris last year.
317
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,594
Shy Baldwin.
318
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,553
I ran into him
on the Boulevard Saint-Michel,
319
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,433
and he practically elbowed me
320
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,260
-to the Rue du Bac.
-Shouldn't have done that.
321
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,675
-You're not going
on the road with her, are you?
-Well,
322
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,144
just for a couple legs.
323
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,944
Just to get her settled.
She's bad with keys.
324
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,647
But you'll be in New York with
me more often than not, yes?
325
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,608
-Pretty much.
-More than you're with her?
326
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:31,859
-Yes, I think that...
-Yes?
327
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,940
-Look, you'll never know...
-You're prioritizing me
328
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,645
over all else, yes?
329
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,355
And I'm phrasing these things
as questions,
330
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:38,696
but they are not.
331
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,120
Look, you'll always be
my number one.
332
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,460
Good. Good.
333
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,457
So, Strindberg.
334
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,709
-Is he local?
-(laughs)
335
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,461
Very good. Oh!
336
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,173
That's funnier than anything
those losers gave me.
337
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,934
-(chuckles) Write that down.
-Oh, sure. Geez.
338
00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,047
-"Is he local?" Zing!
-(laughs)
339
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,295
So, I can't type,
340
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,056
but I actually hunt-and-pecked
these up myself--
341
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,518
thank you-- with carbons
so that everyone gets a copy.
342
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,689
-Take one to share
and pass it down.
-What is it?
343
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,687
It's a schedule
for Ethan and Esther.
344
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,649
Everyone wants a piece of them
while I'm gone,
345
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,190
so I'm doling them out
as fairly as possible.
346
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,194
And thank you all for this.
347
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,696
I couldn't do this tour
without your support.
348
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,067
-We got a very faint copy.
-MIDGE: Now, each time
349
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,775
the kids are taken
to a new recipient, please bring
350
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,695
all their toys,
books, clean clothes,
351
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,413
et cetera, so they'll have
everything they need.
352
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,834
-Except their mother.
-Let's keep things
constructive here.
353
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,963
-I can hardly read our copy.
-MIDGE: Obviously,
354
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,500
they spend the most time
with their dad.
355
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,593
-As it should be.
-There are multiple weekends
356
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:34,958
slotted with Moishe and Shirley.
357
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,165
"Weekends."
That's the word.
358
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,724
I was wondering why
we got multiple wieners.
359
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,138
And if Astrid's up to it,
there'll be a few sleepovers
360
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,718
with her and Tolstoy
and the little bun in the oven.
361
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,723
(chuckles) You haven't touched
my tummy yet, Shirley.
362
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,885
Jews don't do that.
363
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,773
-Is that new?
-MIDGE: And our friends Imogene
364
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,940
and Archie
are gonna have them over
365
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,268
a couple of times
to play with their kids.
366
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,653
Any questions
while Midge is gone, ask me.
367
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,820
We're not on the list.
368
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,608
-Well, not yet.
-ABE: Not yet?
369
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,741
We're their grandparents.
370
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,067
-We made the list.
-Yeah, we made the list.
371
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,373
Wh-Why are we not on the list?
372
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,987
I held off
putting you on the list
373
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,954
-until you land somewhere.
-ROSE: Oh.
374
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:08,004
I see. You don't want them
curled up with us
375
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,538
-in our Bowery flophouse.
-Mama...
376
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,002
With our patched clothes
and our smallpox blankets.
377
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,503
You don't have a place to live
right now. As soon as you do...
378
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,755
So your going off
to be a comedian
379
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,416
means I don't get to see
my grandchildren.
380
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,545
-Mama, no.
-If we took that place on 65th,
there'd be no issue.
381
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,183
Oh, fine, great,
and with the wrecking balls,
382
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,180
-we won't need our alarm clock.
-Why are you mad at me?
383
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,892
-It's your fault
your daughter's a comedian.
-How so?
384
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,563
-Yeah, how so?
-ABE: It's that German edge
she gave you.
385
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,812
The Lehman blood.
You gave her the oompah.
386
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,944
-Papa.
-Well, it was your penis
she was talking about on stage.
387
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,651
Not mine.
388
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,071
-Whoops.
My mother just said that.
-Yep. (chuckles)
389
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,200
ABE:
Because penis is a funny word.
390
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,068
I've learned this
about comedians:
391
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:46,034
-they say funny words
for cheap laughs.
-Guys, please.
392
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,366
If you had a penis, she'd be
talking about you, not me.
393
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:52,121
Wouldn't you talk about your
mother's penis if she had one?
394
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,245
For hours and hours and hours.
395
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,792
I don't know why
you won't come stay with us.
396
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,165
It's the answer
to all your problems.
397
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:58,712
You live in a one-bedroom
in Poughkeepsie.
398
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,505
And that beard is a fire hazard.
399
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,719
And your kitchen, Noah,
is for shit.
400
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,338
NOAH:
This is ridiculous.
401
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,965
-We have a pullout
in the living room.
-ROSE: A pullout?
402
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,262
MOISHE:
Question: what's the word
next to pineapple?
403
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,055
-(overlapping chatter)
-About that crack.
404
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,599
-About the "oompah."
-The first part.
405
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,142
Where would you...
Why would she write "pineapple"?
406
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,595
-I can't really...
-What would that reference?
407
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,856
-Pineapple?
Yeah, switch with me.
-ABE: They're aggressive.
408
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,898
-ASTRID: Abe, take our bed.
We'll sleep on the pullout.
-It does not say "pineapple."
409
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,902
I want a cookie.
410
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:24,946
Well, first we have to say
goodbye to the apartment.
411
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,330
-Why?
-'Cause it's going away.
412
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,787
You won't see it anymore,
and Mommy grew up here,
413
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:34,168
so let's say "Goodbye, hallway."
414
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,167
-"Goodbye, bedroom."
-Esther ran away.
415
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,960
I'm holding her, kid.
416
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,014
I want a cookie.
417
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,933
Goodbye, hallway.
418
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,522
♪ I'll take Manhattan... ♪
419
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,347
Goodbye, bedroom.
420
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,732
ZELDA:
Just one cookie, young man.
421
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:58,939
♪ The Bronx and Staten Island,
too... ♪
422
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,646
Goodbye, fire escape.
423
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,654
♪ It's lovely going through... ♪
424
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,526
Goodbye, windows.
425
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,744
Goodbye, bed.
426
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,535
♪ The zoo... ♪
427
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,420
Goodbye, girls.
428
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,046
I'm tired of arguing.
429
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,048
-I'm tired of arguing, too.
-I've begged for an extension
430
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,551
from the university,
but they won't budge.
431
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,434
What about Leo Siegal?
432
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:32,061
He's teaching in Europe this
year, so his apartment's empty.
433
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,018
-He put his brother in it.
-Oh. Then I guess a hotel.
434
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,440
We'd eat through our savings.
435
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,058
We'll keep our clothes
to a minimum.
436
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,564
Bring only the essentials.
437
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,896
Take that tiny place on 65th,
wear earplugs.
438
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,532
I called them a half hour ago.
439
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,569
-It's already gone.
-(moans)
440
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,573
And I don't want you
without your clothes.
441
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,775
And I don't want you
without your books.
442
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,195
And if Zelda doesn't have
a decent kitchen,
443
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,964
she'll cook us poison mushrooms
on our faulty hot plate.
444
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,998
We're out of time.
We're out of options.
445
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,422
What do we do?
446
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,920
Something will reveal itself.
447
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,343
So many rooms.
448
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,723
You just can't bring
your furniture.
449
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,972
You've done it again.
450
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,064
The perfect brisket.
451
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,690
I hope Mrs. Fulber enjoyed
the more than half
452
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,517
-she kept for herself.
-Hey, come on.
453
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,733
-It was 49% at most.
-Like I wouldn't notice?
454
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,355
Let the old woman have something
for the whiskey to wash down.
455
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,993
She could've asked.
That's all I'm saying.
456
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,819
(chuckles)
I should gather the kids.
457
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,155
Get them home
before they're dead asleep.
458
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,121
Too late. When I kissed them
good night, I woke them both up.
459
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,712
Were they cranky?
460
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,707
They swore like sailors.
461
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,379
They get that from you.
462
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,379
(chuckles)
463
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,381
You're leaving tomorrow.
464
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,973
You ready?
465
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,968
I've packed, unpacked
and repacked,
466
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,850
so... yes.
467
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,849
♪ We'll turn Manhattan... ♪
468
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,483
-Joel, I don't need money...
-Come on.
469
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,311
Got to keep you in beer
and cigarettes.
470
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,356
♪ An isle of joy... ♪
471
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,372
Wait.
472
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,368
♪ I'll take Manhattan... ♪
473
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,830
I'm really nervous.
474
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625
You're gonna be great.
475
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,646
♪ Fly me to the moon ♪
476
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:47,398
♪ And let me play
among the stars ♪
477
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,612
♪ Let me see
what spring is like ♪
478
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,532
♪ On Jupiter and Mars... ♪
479
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,951
Jesus Christ, how many more
people are they gonna shove
480
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,910
-in this tin can?
-I think Shy bought out
the whole plane.
481
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,871
Ooh, hi, could I get a gin
and... Guess not.
482
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,213
I mean, isn't there, like,
a maximum capacity or something?
483
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,209
Oh, great. Look who's here.
484
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,711
Wow, a little louder, please.
Hi, Slim.
485
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,094
Ha, and his name's Slim.
Hysterical.
486
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,511
He's a great guy.
487
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,879
No, he's three or four
great guys.
488
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,006
You have got to calm down.
489
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,723
What are you doing?
What are these?
490
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,183
-Postcards.
-We're still in New York.
491
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,644
I promised the kids.
I promised Imogene.
492
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,484
It's fucking Idlewild Airport.
They could subway here.
493
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,861
You're bending it.
494
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,318
You made the plane.
That's a good start.
495
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,358
Hey, Slim's not bringing snacks,
is he?
496
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,781
-What?
-So, Reggie, will our room
497
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,991
have two double beds
or two twin beds?
498
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,951
That's a good question.
Let me check that for you.
499
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:40,331
What kind of beds are in Susie
Myerson and Midge Maisel's room?
500
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:43,500
It's right here. The answer is
that's below my pay grade.
501
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,330
Got it.
502
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,705
You eat a bad oyster
or something?
503
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,171
I'm fine.
504
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:50,051
This isn't your first
plane ride, is it?
505
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,588
(scoffs)
First plane ride. Get this guy.
506
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,835
Plane's a rental.
507
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,555
SHY:
Whoops, fun's over.
Reggie's back!
508
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,637
-REGGIE: Oh, now, come on.
-(laughter)
509
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,773
CAPTAIN (on P.A.):
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome aboard.
510
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,770
This is Captain Ron Schur,
your pilot for this flight,
511
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:10,113
along with my copilot Darryl
and navigator Chris.
512
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,319
Rats, I didn't
space this out right.
513
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,530
Now I'll have to curl
the writing around the edges.
514
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:17,741
-Sloppy...
-Miriam. The captain's speaking.
515
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,582
Did he say something
about crashing or catching fire?
516
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:23,578
We'll be flying at an altitude
of approximately 30,000 feet.
517
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,671
Yeah, good luck with that.
518
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:27,997
And after a stop for fuel
in Kansas City, we should
519
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,172
have an on-time arrival
at our final destination,
520
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,551
the great city of Lost Wages.
521
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,340
-(laughter)
-Good, a funny pilot.
522
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:36,553
Love the focus here.
523
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,683
Uh, excuse me, could I get...
524
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,890
Guess not.
525
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,516
Time to take your seats.
We are about to take off.
526
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:46,228
-Buckle up, please, everyone.
-Oh, hey, great.
527
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,229
Success.
Could I get a gin and tonic?
528
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,521
I'm sorry, we're taxiing.
You needed to order sooner.
529
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,475
Guess I should've tried
to order sooner, then.
530
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,105
That's on me.
531
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,822
Jesus Christ.
I'm halfway through this thing,
532
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,242
there hasn't been one laugh.
533
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,910
Maybe it gets funny later?
534
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,528
Why are you reading the plays
of August Strindberg?
535
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,746
Oh, just for fun.
536
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,826
-Susie.
-Sorry. Putting it away.
537
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,253
Gin and tonic.
538
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,671
I like you way
more than that other lady.
539
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,090
-Gin?
-Bromo-Seltzer.
540
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,298
I don't need it.
541
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,378
-You need it.
-Take it back.
542
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,672
Drink it.
543
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,637
I'll have you
and your sour stomach removed.
544
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,507
Over Omaha.
545
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,140
Happy flying.
546
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,143
SHY:
Here he comes.
Everybody look busy.
547
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:30,935
-(laughter)
-REGGIE: Hey, knock it off, man.
548
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,190
Very bad idea.
549
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,823
How do these things weigh
a thousand tons
550
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,701
and stay in the air?
551
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,778
It's against the laws of God
and nature and just heaviness.
552
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,584
I don't have an answer.
My father would, or my brother.
553
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:48,209
-Can we go talk to them now?
-Nope. We're going to Vegas.
554
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,247
(rattling)
555
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,247
-Lift your legs.
-What?
556
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,875
Lift your legs.
It lightens the load.
557
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,262
-Susie, lifting your legs is...
-Lift your goddamn legs!
558
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,298
-Lifting.
-(low rumble)
559
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,972
-Is it supposed to be this loud?
-Hang on.
560
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,681
Holy fuck.
561
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,564
Susie.
562
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,526
Susie, you can't hold
your breath the whole flight.
563
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,356
Yes, I can.
564
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:20,822
This is the first of a million
flights and a million tours.
565
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,079
Open 'em.
566
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:28,288
Come on. Open your eyes.
567
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:29,909
(exhales)
568
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,916
We're still here.
569
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,208
Look out the window.
570
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,720
Oh, my God.
571
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,929
Amazing, huh?
572
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,600
We're on top of the world.
573
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,600
♪ Fly me to the moon ♪
574
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,686
♪ And let me play
among the stars ♪
575
00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:58,403
♪ Let me see
what spring is like... ♪
576
00:21:58,443 --> 00:21:59,993
HENRY:
Pulling up to the hotel, boss.
577
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,608
So what's the deal
on the ground?
578
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,534
Reggie said it's a level nine.
579
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,663
Level nine.
Well, here we go.
580
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:08,080
-You ready?
-Ready for what?
581
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,329
-No fun in warning you.
-(crowd clamoring)
582
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:13,922
HENRY:
Hang on to your hat.
583
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:21,547
(fans shrieking, clamoring)
584
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:31,389
Jesus, what the fuck
is wrong with you people?
585
00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:36,895
♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪
586
00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:41,990
♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪
587
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:47,155
♪ Luck, if you've ever
been a lady ♪
588
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,240
♪ To begin with ♪
589
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,365
♪ Luck be a lady tonight... ♪
590
00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:55,924
SHY:
All right.
591
00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,208
(laughing)
592
00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:00,422
-There it is.
-Sin City.
593
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:03,803
Ooh. A little warning
would've been nice.
594
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:06,801
Shy Baldwin.
Welcome back to the Phoenician.
595
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,224
Hello, Angie. Good to be back.
596
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,012
And who are these
lovely young ladies?
597
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,636
Let's take a quick picture.
Come on.
598
00:23:11,682 --> 00:23:13,642
-That the big guy?
-That's the big guy.
599
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:16,194
Angie Calibresi--
the head of food and beverage.
600
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:17,649
Ah, I see.
601
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,728
The head of food and beverage
is the big guy?
602
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,244
The guy who orders the pickles
and orange juice?
603
00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,486
Oh, you're cute.
You're a cute one.
604
00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:26,109
Why am I cute?
I mean, I know why I'm cute,
605
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,775
but why am I cute in the way
you mean I'm cute?
606
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,034
It's not food and beverage.
607
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:30,785
It's food and beverage.
608
00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:32,197
You just said
the same thing twice.
609
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,825
No, he's saying that Angie,
610
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:36,121
he's the head
of food and beverage.
611
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:39,915
-Same words again.
-Food and beverage.
612
00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:41,631
I'm feeling a little blonde
right now.
613
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,051
The guy's a mobster!
614
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,182
Of my heart.
615
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:48,007
Ladies, I can take you
to your room.
616
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,802
Good timing.
617
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,846
♪ Tonight. ♪
618
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,599
Right this way.
619
00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:57,728
-Wow.
-This is a really nice hotel.
620
00:23:57,770 --> 00:23:59,360
There's a hallway.
621
00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:02,527
I've never stayed in a hotel
with a hallway.
622
00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:04,737
-Holy...
-Shit.
623
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,528
MIDGE:
What is this?
624
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:09,532
-Your weird ask.
-My weird what?
625
00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,834
It's the thing I asked for
in your contract.
626
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:13,578
He kept hounding me,
and when he asked what it is,
627
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,789
I blanked and said the room
628
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:16,539
should be filled
with teddy bears.
629
00:24:16,581 --> 00:24:18,501
-Yellow ones.
-I said it was
your favorite color.
630
00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:20,751
-My favorite color's pink.
-I panicked.
631
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,173
I'll be back with the rest
of your bags.
632
00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,171
Thank you.
633
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,973
You see my spanking new
Samsonite I bought for the trip?
634
00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,798
I did. Snazzy.
635
00:24:28,843 --> 00:24:31,513
Mm-hmm. I am traveling in style.
636
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,604
Okay, I'm gonna have to teach
you how to pack.
637
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,599
Hey, let's go downstairs.
638
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,231
That casino's calling out to me.
639
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,647
♪ Volare... ♪
640
00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:43,149
SUSIE:
That should've been something.
641
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,651
That should've
been something.
642
00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:48,113
Cherry, orange, cherry.
That should've been something.
643
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,324
Lemon, lemon, orange.
That should've been something.
644
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:52,584
(grunts)
Cherry, jackpot, kumquat.
645
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:54,237
-That should've been something.
-I think that's a blueberry.
646
00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:56,495
-That's a retarded blueberry.
-Bell, blueberry, bell.
647
00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:58,537
-That should've been something.
-(machine ringing)
648
00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,541
-Aah! I won!
-You won!
649
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:03,093
-I'm rich!
-Look at all those pennies
pouring out.
650
00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:05,087
-Just think
if they were nickels.
-That would be so amazing.
651
00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,299
-And the drinks are free.
-It's still paying out.
652
00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:10,430
I love Vegas!
653
00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:12,468
What's a "don't pass" bar?
What's a field?
654
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,351
What are odds?
Are odds good?
655
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:16,468
What's craps/eleven?
What's yo-eleven?
656
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,925
What's a come line?
What's a don't come line?
657
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:19,185
Blow on 'em, sweetie.
658
00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:21,227
-Really?
-Why? Why does she blow on them?
659
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,060
For luck.
660
00:25:23,105 --> 00:25:25,515
DEALER:
No more bets.
661
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:27,816
-DEALER: Six the hard way.
-(cheering)
662
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,280
-Good job, honey.
-He gave me money.
663
00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:32,531
Why? Why does she get money?
'Cause he got a six?
664
00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:34,083
What's a hard way?
Is there a soft way?
665
00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:35,906
What's that bet?
What's that bet?
666
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:38,502
W-Why does 12 pay double?
Why does two pay double?
667
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:39,707
What's C.E.?
668
00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:42,117
Yes!
Ooh, I get a blackjack.
669
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,536
BLACKJACK DEALER:
That's great, darling.
670
00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:45,174
-Split.
-Why'd you split that?
671
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,591
-What's a split?
-Should I blow on your cards?
672
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,089
-I'm gonna double.
-You're doubling?
673
00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,510
-Do you blow on cards?
-Why are you doubling?
674
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,218
-Stand.
-You're standing on that?
675
00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:53,009
-Is blowing just for craps?
-Why'd you stand on that?
676
00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:54,682
-Dealer has 20.
-Yes!
677
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,180
-No.
-What happened?
678
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,063
♪ Volare... ♪
679
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,310
That should've been something.
That should've been something.
680
00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:03,312
That should've been something.
Hey, Susie?
681
00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:06,324
-That should've been something.
-That should've been something.
682
00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:08,817
-Susie.
-That should've been something.
683
00:26:08,859 --> 00:26:11,319
That should've been something.
684
00:26:11,362 --> 00:26:13,112
-(machine rings)
-Ah!
-You won?
685
00:26:13,155 --> 00:26:15,655
-Eh, just a finger fuck.
-What time is it?
686
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,580
I don't know, 7:30, 8:00?
687
00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,828
Holy shit, it's after midnight.
688
00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:22,620
-We've been here
six straight hours?
-Guess so.
689
00:26:22,665 --> 00:26:24,245
I just realized I've really got
to go to the bathroom.
690
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:26,342
Yeah, me, too.
691
00:26:26,377 --> 00:26:27,997
Hey, what have you guys
been up to?
692
00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,045
Uh, Midge blew a guy's hard six.
693
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,469
-What?
-No, I blew on a guy and he got
a hard six and he gave me money.
694
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:33,678
That didn't sound good, either.
695
00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:34,928
-Bathroom.
-Later, Henry.
696
00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:36,389
♪ Just like
birds of a feath... ♪
697
00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:42,101
Come on, come on, come on.
698
00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:44,853
-Come on, Carole.
-Go to your room, Howard.
699
00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,725
HOWARD:
But your room's right here.
One drink.
700
00:26:46,772 --> 00:26:50,442
-Worst offer
I've had today, Howard.
-(sighs)
701
00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:52,114
SUSIE:
Oh, sweet relief!
702
00:26:52,153 --> 00:26:55,953
Sweet, sweet relief.
703
00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:57,990
(snoring)
704
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:03,537
Oh, my god. Susie.
705
00:27:03,581 --> 00:27:05,331
-Get up, get up.
-What?
706
00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:07,254
-Get your coat. Come on. Hurry!
-Why? What's happening?
707
00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:08,673
Put your coat on. Hurry!
708
00:27:08,711 --> 00:27:10,551
I'm getting it. Geez!
709
00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:12,758
♪ And every time it rains,
it rains ♪
710
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:15,088
-♪ Pennies from heaven ♪
-♪ Shoobie, doobie ♪
711
00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:16,764
♪ Don't you know... ♪
712
00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,352
-Hey, our machines are free.
-Forget the machines.
713
00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,638
Coming through, coming through.
714
00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:23,232
Follow me, follow me.
715
00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:26,017
♪ Fortune's falling
all over town... ♪
716
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:29,272
-Susie!
-You're on the marquee!
717
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:32,645
-For the whole world to see.
-It's the big time, baby.
718
00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:34,323
Take a picture.
719
00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:35,992
(squealing, laughing)
720
00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:38,530
♪ Every time it rains,
it rains ♪
721
00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:41,164
♪ Don't you know
each cloud contains ♪
722
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:43,792
♪ You'll find
your fortune falling ♪
723
00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:46,249
♪ All over town, all over town,
all over town ♪
724
00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,040
♪ Be sure that
your umbrella... ♪
725
00:27:48,084 --> 00:27:50,674
From here, we go to L.A.,
San Francisco,
726
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,551
then Chicago, Miami.
727
00:27:52,588 --> 00:27:54,668
-Reg, what about sleep?
-(laughter)
728
00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:55,925
-Over here, Shy.
-Yes, sir.
729
00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:58,006
How you liking the weather
we got here, Shy?
730
00:27:58,052 --> 00:28:01,392
New York was 40 degrees
when we left, so I'm loving it.
731
00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:02,850
Thank you for that thoughtful
732
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:04,560
and Pulitzer-worthy
question, sir.
733
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,810
Really impressive.
734
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,481
Let's see if anyone
can top that.
735
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,900
Yes, the State Journal.
736
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,768
Lots of pretty girls here,
huh, Shy?
737
00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:13,025
(sighs) You did it, my man.
You did it.
738
00:28:13,067 --> 00:28:14,897
I can say I've been
all over the world,
739
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:16,784
and there are pretty girls
everywhere,
740
00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,491
but none as pretty as here.
741
00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:20,371
-(laughter)
-Okay, San Diego Union.
742
00:28:20,408 --> 00:28:21,578
Midge Maisel, right?
743
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:23,617
I'm Angie. I didn't get
a chance to meet you.
744
00:28:23,661 --> 00:28:25,411
Yes, Angie, of course,
745
00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,544
head of food and bev...
746
00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:29,251
Uh, nice to meet you, Angie.
747
00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:31,251
Uh, this is my manager,
Susie Myerson.
748
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:32,553
-Hello.
-Great to meet you.
749
00:28:32,586 --> 00:28:34,416
Shy is wild
about your girl here.
750
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:35,633
Shy's got taste.
751
00:28:35,673 --> 00:28:38,013
Oh, I'm so sorry, honey,
here I am ignoring you.
752
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,340
Ladies, this is my
beautiful wife, Roberta.
753
00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:41,756
I got taste too, huh?
754
00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:43,184
-Hello.
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
755
00:28:43,222 --> 00:28:45,222
I'll be at the show tonight.
You knock 'em dead.
756
00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:47,306
Will do.
757
00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:49,441
-Nice guy.
-REGGIE: Okay,
758
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:52,058
Reno Evening Gazette, show me
your inner Eric Sevareid,
759
00:28:52,106 --> 00:28:53,686
my brother, what do you got?
760
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,482
You going steady
with anybody, Shy?
761
00:28:55,526 --> 00:28:58,946
-Can I talk to you
off to the side, Mr. Gazette?
-Easy, Reg, I'll answer.
762
00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:00,698
You know,
I've talked about it before.
763
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,529
Had a love of my life
and she got away.
764
00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:04,735
Recorded an entire album
about this woman.
765
00:29:04,785 --> 00:29:05,945
Then I got a Grammy.
766
00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:08,285
Not saying it was
an even trade off, but close.
767
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:09,830
(laughter)
768
00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:11,504
REPORTER:
Who's your biggest
influence, Shy?
769
00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:12,672
SHY:
Oh, man, that's tough to say.
770
00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,090
-Shit.
-SHY: Is "everyone"
a good answer?
771
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:16,509
Are you kidding me?
772
00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:18,877
For me, Mr. Nat King Cole
was my....
773
00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:21,184
-SUSIE: Fuck!
-(crowd gasps)
774
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:23,548
Stepped on a nail. Ow.
775
00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:29,098
SHY:
Uh, Nat took me
under his wing,
776
00:29:29,143 --> 00:29:31,603
and now I'm looking
to reach out and do the same
777
00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:33,305
for the next generation.
778
00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:35,685
-Susie Myerson and Associates.
-Reggie, look,
I didn't mean to...
779
00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:37,403
-I'm talking.
-Sorry.
780
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,703
How is it you stand here
and shout the ultimate profanity
781
00:29:39,737 --> 00:29:40,987
in the middle
of my boy's presser?
782
00:29:41,030 --> 00:29:42,620
Well, I don't know if that's
the ultimate profanity.
783
00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:44,236
I mean, I can think of, like,
three or four others...
784
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,833
I'm not here to fucking discuss
785
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:47,498
what the fucking worst
fucking dirty word is.
786
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:49,156
I'm here to tell you
to be professional.
787
00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:51,955
You're part of Shy's entourage.
You're part of my team.
788
00:29:51,999 --> 00:29:55,039
-Don't you want to know
what I was mad about?
-Not even a little bit.
789
00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:57,585
Reggie, I'm sorry,
but this picture--
790
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:59,630
i-it's not the kind of picture
I want out there.
791
00:29:59,673 --> 00:30:02,133
You didn't give us any other,
so we used what we had.
792
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:04,756
Yes, because you wouldn't pony
up the money for those pictures.
793
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,603
Hey.
This is not my problem.
794
00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:09,519
Bring us another picture,
or stick with the panty pose.
795
00:30:09,558 --> 00:30:13,098
Sorry. Everybody's
full of shit today. Not you.
796
00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:16,815
You. Them!
797
00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:20,647
-Panty pose.
-I'll fix this.
798
00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,994
All right, guys,
let's try it again.
799
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:25,910
A two, three, four.
800
00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,240
(band starts playing)
801
00:30:30,955 --> 00:30:33,665
Wait, now, hold it,
hold it, hold it.
802
00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:35,207
-(band stops playing)
-Forget the tune,
803
00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:37,001
we can't even get past
the second bar.
804
00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:40,014
Someone's throwing an F-sharp in
that does not belong.
805
00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:42,927
SHY:
So this tune's not gonna be
ready. Is that what's happening?
806
00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:44,967
Somebody speak.
807
00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:47,680
You know,
just take five, everyone.
808
00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,931
And five, not ten.
809
00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:56,808
(sighs) What,
they've never heard of ice?
810
00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:59,435
-You.
-Hello.
811
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:02,243
-You're lucky.
-Why am I lucky?
812
00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,948
Sound check for you is,
"Mic check, one, two,"
813
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,159
and you're done.
814
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,698
Oh, it's much more
complex than that.
815
00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:09,791
Sometimes I slip and say,
"Check mic, four, six,"
816
00:31:09,827 --> 00:31:11,037
and it all goes to hell.
817
00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,828
(laughs)
Don't do this.
818
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:15,331
-Don't do what?
-Try and cheer me up.
819
00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:17,044
-Is that what I'm doing?
-SHY: Takes a while
820
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:19,754
to get back into road-mode.
You miss your bed.
821
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:21,005
You miss the quiet.
822
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:22,836
Listen to me,
I'm already losing my voice.
823
00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,341
Your voice sounds fine.
824
00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:26,643
When you're a grizzled veteran
like me, you'll understand.
825
00:31:26,677 --> 00:31:28,297
You're all of 33.
826
00:31:28,345 --> 00:31:31,055
Only on the outside.
827
00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:33,558
Hey, Lester, let's talk about
what we're doing for the encore,
828
00:31:33,601 --> 00:31:36,601
and why you're wearing that
terrible shirt to rehearsal.
829
00:31:41,609 --> 00:31:43,609
(piano playing)
830
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,499
♪ ♪
831
00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,892
(piece ends)
832
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:44,963
-♪ Now you say you're ready... ♪
-(indistinct conversations)
833
00:32:45,005 --> 00:32:47,005
(speaking Chinese)
834
00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:51,140
♪ Bet your bottom dollar ♪
835
00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:53,638
♪ I'm so happy I could holler ♪
836
00:32:53,681 --> 00:32:55,431
♪ Ring-a-ling ♪
837
00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:57,524
♪ Ring-a-ling,
ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling ♪
838
00:32:57,559 --> 00:32:58,769
♪ Ring-a-ling... ♪
839
00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:00,271
(speaking Chinese)
840
00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:02,562
(register opens)
841
00:33:07,152 --> 00:33:10,072
♪ I just patiently waited ♪
842
00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,784
♪ Each time you were
infatuated... ♪
843
00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:14,454
-What are you doing here?
-I'm here to eat.
844
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:18,083
-Here?
-It's near the club.
845
00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,292
-Hm.
-What?
846
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,132
You have any idea
what you ordered?
847
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:23,837
Nope.
I just pointed at things.
848
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,207
Okay.
Do you like feet?
849
00:33:26,255 --> 00:33:28,875
Depends on how they're prepared.
850
00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:30,344
Do you like a lot of feet?
851
00:33:30,384 --> 00:33:32,644
-Did I just order
a bunch of plates of feet?
-You sure you don't
852
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,428
want to go to a Chinese
restaurant that has hamburgers
853
00:33:34,471 --> 00:33:36,851
and apple pie?
This place isn't that.
854
00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:40,480
This is my local place.
I'm staying.
855
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:42,019
What's that?
856
00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:44,772
Do you like digestive systems
and feet?
857
00:33:44,815 --> 00:33:47,645
-Oh, boy.
-Can I take a swing at this
for you?
858
00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,453
That might be for the best, yes.
859
00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:51,486
Hey.
(speaking Chinese)
860
00:33:57,661 --> 00:33:59,251
This place has very good food,
861
00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:00,578
but weirdly is terrible
with feet.
862
00:34:02,416 --> 00:34:03,996
Oh. Sorry.
(chuckles)
863
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,592
No, please, sit.
864
00:34:06,628 --> 00:34:09,508
I ordered too much
for one anyway.
865
00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:11,548
(speaking Chinese)
866
00:34:14,303 --> 00:34:15,473
Who are you?
867
00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:17,142
Mei Lin.
868
00:34:17,181 --> 00:34:18,641
-That's your real name?
-Yes.
869
00:34:18,682 --> 00:34:20,682
-It's pretty.
-(scoffs)
870
00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,636
-You're blushing.
-No, I'm not.
871
00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:25,106
-You're human.
-Oh, scuttlebutt.
872
00:34:25,147 --> 00:34:26,317
Can I have a sip?
873
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:27,816
You old enough?
874
00:34:29,193 --> 00:34:30,823
Guess you're old enough.
875
00:34:30,861 --> 00:34:32,571
♪ And I didn't have
nothing but time ♪
876
00:34:32,613 --> 00:34:34,573
♪ Oh, ring-a ling... ♪
877
00:34:34,615 --> 00:34:36,065
-Were you born here?
-Nope.
878
00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:38,236
I was born
in a different restaurant.
879
00:34:38,285 --> 00:34:40,905
-Who do you work for?
-I'm in medical school.
880
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,414
-Really?
-Really.
881
00:34:42,456 --> 00:34:45,206
-And I help out family.
-I never met a woman doctor.
882
00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:47,540
Yeah, technically,
you still haven't.
883
00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:48,796
Who do you work for?
884
00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,837
Slave driver, actually.
You're looking at him.
885
00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:53,222
Bold.
886
00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:55,798
What was that about,
with the money?
887
00:34:55,844 --> 00:34:57,554
Hey, food.
888
00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,466
(speaks Chinese)
889
00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:00,465
♪ Ring-a-ling,
ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling... ♪
890
00:35:00,516 --> 00:35:01,886
I'm on to you.
891
00:35:02,935 --> 00:35:04,685
It's not polite.
892
00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:08,148
♪ Baby, oh, take
this diamond ring. ♪
893
00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:10,150
(indistinct conversations)
894
00:35:10,192 --> 00:35:13,402
-Hey, do you have a mirror?
-Sorry. Two minutes to curtain.
895
00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:19,786
-Whoa.
-Is it noticeable?
896
00:35:19,827 --> 00:35:21,367
That your hair has a boner?
Yeah.
897
00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:22,791
-Shit.
-Was this on purpose?
898
00:35:22,830 --> 00:35:24,460
Reggie threw me in
with Shy's hair girl,
899
00:35:24,498 --> 00:35:26,328
and when I came out,
this was my head.
900
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:28,205
-Does Shy's hair girl hate you?
-Where were you?
901
00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:29,882
If you were there,
you could've kept them
902
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,510
from turning me
into my cousin Chava.
903
00:35:31,547 --> 00:35:33,047
I tracked down the photographer
904
00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:35,840
that took photos when we arrived
and I got this.
905
00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:37,934
This is possibly worse.
906
00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,810
But it's funnier
and you can't see your skivvies.
907
00:35:39,847 --> 00:35:41,217
I'm yawning,
908
00:35:41,265 --> 00:35:43,345
I'm clutching my purse
like my cousin Chava's mother.
909
00:35:43,392 --> 00:35:45,312
Right now, it's this
or the panty pose.
910
00:35:45,352 --> 00:35:46,852
-Don't call it that.
-One minute.
911
00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:49,475
-Shit.
-Take a deep breath.
912
00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:52,033
Opening for Shy
was theoretical before.
913
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,607
Now it's not. These people
are all here to see Shy.
914
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:56,113
-They don't care about me.
-40 seconds.
915
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,414
What's with the gloves?
You got one on and one off.
916
00:35:58,448 --> 00:35:59,868
I couldn't decide.
What do you think?
917
00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,538
I think you should wear
both or neither.
918
00:36:01,577 --> 00:36:03,327
-30 seconds.
-Is that necessary?
919
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:06,080
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the Phoenician Showroom.
920
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:08,173
-20 seconds.
-Really? That's just egregious.
921
00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:12,418
ANNOUNCER:
Please give a warm Las Vegas
welcome to rising comedy star...
922
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:13,632
Way to underplay it.
923
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,842
ANNOUNCER:
...Mrs. Maisel.
924
00:36:15,883 --> 00:36:17,183
-(audience applauding)
-Tits up.
-Tits...
925
00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:20,467
-You're on.
-I know. Up.
926
00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:29,104
-You guys supposed to be here?
-Wrong side, wrong side.
927
00:36:29,146 --> 00:36:31,146
-Oh, shit.
-(applause dies down, stops)
928
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:39,571
-Thank you, thank you.
-(sporadic applause)
929
00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:41,195
-(indistinct chatter)
-Well, well, well,
930
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:43,581
Las Vegas, Nevada.
931
00:36:43,619 --> 00:36:46,249
The city that was built,
like, what, a week ago?
932
00:36:46,288 --> 00:36:48,418
It's so new,
its bris is tomorrow.
933
00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:50,417
WOMAN:
Can we get another
bottle of wine?
934
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:51,999
I'm from New York, so, for me,
935
00:36:52,044 --> 00:36:55,264
a desert is Bergdorf's when
they're low on Handmacher suits
936
00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:57,087
or Barney Greengrass
when they're out of lox.
937
00:36:57,132 --> 00:36:59,342
(woman laughs)
938
00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:01,644
My hair is giving me vertigo.
939
00:37:01,678 --> 00:37:03,388
This is not my normal "do."
940
00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:04,600
Would you rather hear Gunsmoke?
941
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,220
I may be able to get
a radio signal.
942
00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:08,016
MAN 1:
This shrimp cocktail
is to die for.
943
00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:09,480
WOMAN 2:
Well, then give me some.
944
00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:10,979
Sounds like you're all
enjoying the food.
945
00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:13,441
MAN 1:
It's the best shrimp cocktail
I've ever had.
946
00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:15,322
I've heard good things
about the shrimp cocktail.
947
00:37:15,359 --> 00:37:17,529
(chatter continuing)
948
00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,569
No wonder this city
has flashing lights everywhere,
949
00:37:19,613 --> 00:37:21,493
it's the only way
to get people's attention.
950
00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:22,871
Maybe tomorrow
instead of an updo,
951
00:37:22,908 --> 00:37:24,948
-I'll dress
like a Christmas tree.
-(laughter)
952
00:37:24,993 --> 00:37:28,753
CROWD:
♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
953
00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:29,999
Sounds like
we've got a birthday.
954
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,500
That's always fun,
at least until you hit 25 or so.
955
00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:34,382
-MAN 2: Sing something!
-MAN 3: Yeah, sing something.
956
00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:35,839
Oh, you don't want me to sing.
957
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,509
Luckily, you got Shy Baldwin
coming up soon,
958
00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:38,967
and he's gonna
see to that for you.
959
00:37:39,007 --> 00:37:42,387
-(cheers, applause)
-Hey, you're listening.
960
00:37:42,427 --> 00:37:45,637
-Some of you, at least.
-WOMAN 3: Berta! Berta!
961
00:37:45,681 --> 00:37:47,681
Berta!
962
00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:51,144
-So my home, New York, is a
-WOMAN 3: Berta!
963
00:37:51,186 --> 00:37:53,016
-is a very old city.
-Berta, we're over here!
964
00:37:53,063 --> 00:37:55,943
-It told Philadelphia to...
-Over here. Turn right. Right!
965
00:37:55,983 --> 00:37:58,033
-Uh, told Philadelphia to...
-WOMAN 3: No, turn right,
then go straight!
966
00:37:58,068 --> 00:37:59,238
-Told Philadelphia...
-Straight!
967
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:01,317
Berta, for Pete's sake,
get over to your damn table
968
00:38:01,363 --> 00:38:03,123
before this poor woman
has a stroke.
969
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,406
-(laughter)
-It's full of shrimp cocktail.
970
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:05,739
There you go,
there's your incentive.
971
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,294
Yeah, hustle now. Kiss, kiss
and sit your tuchus down.
972
00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:09,538
-MAN 4: Sit down, Berta.
-(laughter)
973
00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:11,749
I'm from New York.
I know I already said that,
974
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:14,130
but it's been so long ago,
some of you might've forgotten.
975
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:16,287
(chatter continuing)
976
00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:17,496
Anywho...
977
00:38:17,546 --> 00:38:20,256
And I was like,
"Take the A train, it's faster."
978
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:23,638
-(scattered laughter)
-MAN 5: (mocking) You must
take the A train.
979
00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:26,427
So you're not exactly
a subway material crowd,
980
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:29,181
and you didn't much like
the jokes about food, children,
981
00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:32,944
or traveling,
and you don't like me much.
982
00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:35,808
-What are you, my ex-husband?
-(laughter)
983
00:38:35,856 --> 00:38:37,816
Hey, there we go.
We're on a roll.
984
00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:39,858
-Hey, light's blinking.
-What?
985
00:38:39,901 --> 00:38:44,071
-You're done.
-Oh. Guess my set's over.
986
00:38:44,114 --> 00:38:46,164
Gee, you're like my kids,
I finally get you quiet
987
00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:49,369
and then Grandpa shows up
with a suitcase full of donuts.
988
00:38:49,411 --> 00:38:51,461
(laughter)
989
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:55,286
So let me introduce you to the
man who needs no introduction,
990
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,553
ladies and gentlemen,
the great Shy Baldwin.
991
00:38:58,587 --> 00:39:00,587
(cheering, applause)
992
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:13,187
So... drink?
993
00:39:13,226 --> 00:39:15,306
Oh, yes.
994
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,363
(cheering, applause continue)
995
00:39:27,157 --> 00:39:31,657
♪ They say that falling
in love ♪
996
00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:36,213
♪ Is wonderful ♪
997
00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:40,459
♪ It's wonderful ♪
998
00:39:41,505 --> 00:39:44,795
♪ So they say ♪
999
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:52,677
♪ And with the moon up above ♪
1000
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:56,104
♪ It's wonderful ♪
1001
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,114
♪ Wonderful ♪
1002
00:39:58,146 --> 00:40:03,276
♪ It's wonderful ♪
1003
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:08,568
♪ So they tell me ♪
1004
00:40:08,615 --> 00:40:13,155
♪ I can't recall
who said it... ♪
1005
00:40:13,203 --> 00:40:15,713
Why, why,
why was everybody eating?
1006
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:17,577
At the dinner show?
No idea.
1007
00:40:17,624 --> 00:40:19,334
I was a stammering idiot.
1008
00:40:19,376 --> 00:40:21,586
I already told them you need
a mic that comes off the stand.
1009
00:40:21,628 --> 00:40:22,998
That'll help.
1010
00:40:23,046 --> 00:40:25,216
I hope Berta's happy
with her seat.
1011
00:40:25,257 --> 00:40:28,007
Stupid, deaf, late-arriving,
1012
00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:29,851
direction-challenged Berta.
1013
00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:32,346
-ANGIE: Midge. Susie.
-Uh-oh.
1014
00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:33,929
Are we in trouble?
1015
00:40:33,974 --> 00:40:36,354
-We're gonna find out.
-ANGIE: Come on.
1016
00:40:36,393 --> 00:40:38,563
Get over here, superstar.
Have a seat.
1017
00:40:38,603 --> 00:40:39,983
-Come on.
-Thanks.
1018
00:40:40,021 --> 00:40:42,361
Uh, yeah. Thanks, Angie.
1019
00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:44,939
That was a great laugh
you got at the end there.
1020
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:47,485
Stupendous.
The whole place erupted.
1021
00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:50,069
Yeah, I guess I finished strong.
1022
00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,075
Strong?
You were a knockout.
1023
00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:54,447
Just keep in mind,
the crowd is from all over.
1024
00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:57,084
So they don't know
what a Bergdorf's is.
1025
00:40:57,122 --> 00:40:58,502
(laughs)
1026
00:40:58,540 --> 00:41:00,130
-(quietly): Good point.
-Cece does, though.
1027
00:41:00,167 --> 00:41:01,747
Oh, I haven't introduced you.
1028
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,923
This is my girlfriend Cece.
1029
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:05,672
Really nice to meet you.
1030
00:41:05,714 --> 00:41:07,264
I love your hair.
1031
00:41:07,299 --> 00:41:09,469
-Thank you, Cece.
-ANGIE: Joey,
1032
00:41:09,509 --> 00:41:11,719
these ladies had a rough night.
Bring food.
1033
00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:15,521
Um, shrimp cocktail, steak,
baked potato, all the trimmings.
1034
00:41:15,557 --> 00:41:17,177
Go, go.
1035
00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:19,345
Chin up.
You're gonna be great.
1036
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:23,574
Tony, I got to talk to you.
Excuse me.
1037
00:41:23,607 --> 00:41:26,147
♪ You're stopping people ♪
1038
00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:31,113
♪ Shouting that love is grand ♪
1039
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,776
♪ And... ♪
1040
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,454
MIDGE:
I need to write more patter.
1041
00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:35,792
SUSIE:
Eat something.
You'll feel better.
1042
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,997
-Patter for all 50 states?
-Miriam.
1043
00:41:38,038 --> 00:41:40,618
Hey, Illinois.
Two L's and an "oy."
1044
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,285
Least there's an "oy"
in Illinois.
1045
00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:45,054
Oh, God, I'm panicking,
but depressed.
1046
00:41:45,086 --> 00:41:46,546
I'm panicking, but slowly.
1047
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:49,048
A nice, prolonged panic.
1048
00:41:49,090 --> 00:41:51,090
-All right. Let's go.
-What?
1049
00:41:51,134 --> 00:41:52,554
-Come on.
-Ow. Susie, ow.
1050
00:41:52,594 --> 00:41:54,604
-Come on out.
-(grunts)
1051
00:41:54,638 --> 00:41:59,268
♪ So they say. ♪
1052
00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:07,857
(cheering, whooping, applause)
1053
00:42:14,366 --> 00:42:16,446
You know, I hit a jackpot
the other night. Yeah.
1054
00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:18,583
-I met a mute woman
that liked to cook.
-(laughter)
1055
00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:20,580
MIDGE:
What are you doing?
1056
00:42:20,622 --> 00:42:22,212
I want to take a shower.
1057
00:42:22,249 --> 00:42:23,999
I want to put my feet up
and my hair down.
1058
00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:25,542
I want some shrimp.
Room's the other way.
1059
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,375
I know where the room is.
1060
00:42:27,420 --> 00:42:28,960
COMEDIAN:
Yeah, the nice thing
about playing Vegas
1061
00:42:29,005 --> 00:42:30,965
is half of you had
such a great day at the tables,
1062
00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,587
you'll laugh at anything.
1063
00:42:32,634 --> 00:42:33,934
The other half
had such a bad day,
1064
00:42:33,969 --> 00:42:35,599
nothing I say
could make it worse.
1065
00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:37,717
-That's a load of bullshit.
-Now, my favorite game
1066
00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:39,564
is slots,
because it reminds me a lot
1067
00:42:39,599 --> 00:42:41,309
of having sex with a woman:
1068
00:42:41,351 --> 00:42:44,151
you keep trying
and nothing ever happens, huh?
1069
00:42:44,187 --> 00:42:45,897
I don't want to watch
stand-up comedy.
1070
00:42:45,939 --> 00:42:48,149
I don't want to be reminded
of my abject failure.
1071
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,821
You're not watching it.
You're doing it.
1072
00:42:49,859 --> 00:42:51,399
What? No.
1073
00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:52,904
No more bitching and moaning.
1074
00:42:52,946 --> 00:42:54,906
Get back up there
and say something funny.
1075
00:42:54,948 --> 00:42:57,578
Like "I'm a comedian"? That's
fairly hilarious right now.
1076
00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:59,237
-COMEDIAN: Who here's married?
-MIDGE: Susie.
1077
00:42:59,286 --> 00:43:01,246
Huh? Yeah.
My birthday coming up,
1078
00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:02,828
my wife asked me what I wanted.
1079
00:43:02,872 --> 00:43:04,332
I told her a divorce.
1080
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:06,254
Yeah, I visited my parents
last week. It was the first time
1081
00:43:06,293 --> 00:43:08,503
-we didn't get in a fight.
-Come on.
-No. I don't want to perform.
1082
00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:09,955
-No.
-Also my first time
going to the cemetery.
1083
00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:11,545
Eddie Major,
ladies and gentlemen.
1084
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,049
-Give him a nice hand.
-(scattered applause)
1085
00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:15,932
I guess that's it for me,
everyone. Uh,
1086
00:43:15,969 --> 00:43:17,929
-see you tomorrow.
-Get back on that horse.
-The horse can go to hell.
1087
00:43:17,971 --> 00:43:19,851
-Go.
-Shoot the horse.
1088
00:43:19,889 --> 00:43:21,849
-Get up there.
-I want my teddy bears.
1089
00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:23,061
SOUND GUY:
Ladies and gentlemen,
1090
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,941
please welcome Mrs. Maisel.
1091
00:43:24,978 --> 00:43:26,768
Hello.
1092
00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:30,153
Welcome to the night that
will not end. (whoops softly)
1093
00:43:31,401 --> 00:43:33,651
So, tonight,
ladies and gentlemen, I failed.
1094
00:43:33,695 --> 00:43:35,855
Oh, did I just fail.
1095
00:43:35,905 --> 00:43:37,615
-(scattered applause)
-Yes.
1096
00:43:37,657 --> 00:43:40,157
Applaud me. I need it.
Even if it's mocking.
1097
00:43:40,201 --> 00:43:42,661
I have no pride left.
1098
00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,834
Earlier tonight,
I was in the big room.
1099
00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:47,253
That room over there none of you
can afford. Hence, you're here.
1100
00:43:47,292 --> 00:43:48,672
-(chuckling)
-It's a nice room.
1101
00:43:48,710 --> 00:43:50,340
The drinks
have actual booze in them.
1102
00:43:50,378 --> 00:43:52,418
And I went onstage
in that nice big room
1103
00:43:52,464 --> 00:43:55,974
with the super boozy drinks
and I just bombed.
1104
00:43:56,009 --> 00:43:57,839
Anyway, I'm getting back
on the horse, because
1105
00:43:57,886 --> 00:44:00,596
failure is our right
as Americans.
1106
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,848
-(scattered laughter)
-People have fought and died
1107
00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:06,101
so I can do stupid things like
leave the sugar out of a cake
1108
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:08,194
or forget to bring
an extra diaper with me
1109
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:09,939
when I take the baby
to the park.
1110
00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,571
More than once,
she's come home
1111
00:44:11,608 --> 00:44:13,938
with the New York Times sports
section wrapped around her ass.
1112
00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:16,775
It's what they had in the trash.
1113
00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,951
Plus, the Red Sox won, so...
1114
00:44:20,825 --> 00:44:23,325
Failure is how we grow.
1115
00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:24,750
Actually, it's how men grow.
1116
00:44:24,788 --> 00:44:26,118
It's how women shrink.
1117
00:44:27,540 --> 00:44:30,670
Women are not allowed to fail.
1118
00:44:30,710 --> 00:44:32,500
And when we finally get
an opportunity to do something
1119
00:44:32,545 --> 00:44:35,295
that isn't normally done
by our sex, we get one chance.
1120
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:36,840
One.
1121
00:44:36,883 --> 00:44:38,263
How come men fail
and people say,
1122
00:44:38,301 --> 00:44:39,841
"You gave it
the ol' college try,"
1123
00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:41,176
but women fail and they say,
1124
00:44:41,221 --> 00:44:42,931
"You gave it
the ol' college try,
1125
00:44:42,972 --> 00:44:44,522
but you shouldn't be
in college"?
1126
00:44:44,557 --> 00:44:46,137
(laughter)
1127
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:47,814
(whooping)
1128
00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:50,022
You know, you come to Vegas
and you gamble.
1129
00:44:50,063 --> 00:44:51,613
And my question is,
1130
00:44:51,648 --> 00:44:54,438
is life not enough of a risk
for you people?
1131
00:44:54,484 --> 00:44:56,694
Have you never walked
through a wet field
1132
00:44:56,736 --> 00:44:58,696
in high heels
at an outdoor wedding?
1133
00:44:58,738 --> 00:45:01,868
Or put on mascara
in a moving car?
1134
00:45:01,908 --> 00:45:04,288
Or said to your mother,
"What do you think?"
1135
00:45:04,327 --> 00:45:07,867
You really need to look
for more risk?
1136
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:10,544
-Hey, it's my boss!
-(gasping)
1137
00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:13,173
At least until an hour ago.
Are you still my boss?
1138
00:45:13,211 --> 00:45:14,921
I don't know. You're saving
all the good stuff for them.
1139
00:45:14,963 --> 00:45:16,263
Ladies and gentlemen,
1140
00:45:16,297 --> 00:45:18,877
my favorite performer
in the world--
1141
00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:20,505
at least until he fires me--
1142
00:45:20,552 --> 00:45:22,392
Shy Baldwin.
1143
00:45:22,429 --> 00:45:24,059
(cheering, applause)
1144
00:45:24,097 --> 00:45:26,387
Oh, sure,
we're having some laughs.
1145
00:45:26,433 --> 00:45:29,233
A prettier face comes along,
and I'm chopped liver.
1146
00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:30,479
Fine.
1147
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,900
I cede the stage.
1148
00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:33,898
Oh, now, come on.
1149
00:45:33,940 --> 00:45:35,110
I just sang for my supper.
1150
00:45:35,150 --> 00:45:36,530
A man can get tired.
1151
00:45:36,568 --> 00:45:38,948
A man can get tired
laying bricks.
1152
00:45:38,987 --> 00:45:41,527
-Ooh. (chuckles)
-SHY: Oh, so you're mocking
my stamina?
1153
00:45:41,573 --> 00:45:44,373
-Yes, I am.
-Okay, okay.
1154
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,789
-I can sing.
-Let me know if you feel faint!
1155
00:45:46,828 --> 00:45:48,198
-I'm good.
-(cheering)
1156
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,116
I am trained
in rescue breathing.
1157
00:45:50,165 --> 00:45:51,955
Oh, I see.
It's a mutiny.
1158
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:55,630
Uh, Tim,
get your ass up here and play.
1159
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,670
All right, what am I singing?
1160
00:46:00,675 --> 00:46:03,045
(playing "Is You Is
or Is You Ain't My Baby")
1161
00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:04,724
(cheering, applause)
1162
00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:06,722
That-that ain't my song.
That's Reggie's song.
1163
00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,274
You can borrow it!
1164
00:46:08,308 --> 00:46:09,808
Why, your voice
don't work no more?
1165
00:46:09,851 --> 00:46:11,601
-I'm not who went flat tonight.
-Oh, I see.
1166
00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:13,104
You're in a fighting mood.
1167
00:46:13,146 --> 00:46:15,516
Get up here.
1168
00:46:15,565 --> 00:46:17,935
Mm, he's throwing down, Reg.
1169
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:20,614
Come on. Don't slow-walk me.
Get up here.
1170
00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:23,283
If I do,
I can't be responsible
1171
00:46:23,323 --> 00:46:24,783
-for what happens.
-Uh-huh.
1172
00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:26,954
People gonna find out
who the real star is.
1173
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:29,043
♪ I got a gal ♪
1174
00:46:29,078 --> 00:46:31,248
♪ Who's always late ♪
1175
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:34,379
♪ Any time we have a date ♪
1176
00:46:34,417 --> 00:46:36,787
♪ But I love her ♪
1177
00:46:36,836 --> 00:46:40,966
♪ Yes, I love her ♪
1178
00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:45,297
(harmonizing): ♪ Is you is
or is you ain't my baby? ♪
1179
00:46:45,345 --> 00:46:47,635
(cheering, whistling)
1180
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:51,850
♪ The way you're acting lately
makes me doubt ♪
1181
00:46:51,893 --> 00:46:54,773
♪ Makes me doubt ♪
1182
00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:59,322
♪ Yous is still my baby, baby ♪
1183
00:47:01,361 --> 00:47:03,321
So, you back?
1184
00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:04,663
Oh, yeah.
1185
00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:05,987
I'm back.
1186
00:47:06,032 --> 00:47:07,412
♪ Somebody new ♪
1187
00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:09,790
♪ Or is my baby ♪
1188
00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:13,617
♪ Still my baby true? ♪
1189
00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,745
-Yeah.
-(cheering, applause)
1190
00:47:34,269 --> 00:47:36,899
Hey.
You seen my guys?
1191
00:47:38,106 --> 00:47:40,066
(laughing,
indistinct conversations)
1192
00:47:40,108 --> 00:47:43,568
So, the come line
is exactly like the pass line.
1193
00:47:43,611 --> 00:47:45,991
And you can have as many
come bets out there as you want.
1194
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:47,910
And you put odds
behind all of 'em?
1195
00:47:47,949 --> 00:47:49,739
If you want a chance
to beat the house, yeah,
1196
00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:51,914
-you back 'em all up with odds.
-Okay, hold on, hold on.
1197
00:47:51,953 --> 00:47:53,503
-I got to write this down.
-All right.
1198
00:47:53,538 --> 00:47:55,578
You carve it into slices
halfway through
1199
00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:57,173
and then it's back in the oven.
1200
00:47:57,208 --> 00:47:59,088
It's a controversial method,
but I stand by it.
1201
00:47:59,127 --> 00:48:01,587
This brisket is magic.
1202
00:48:01,629 --> 00:48:03,759
You'll see. It grants wishes.
1203
00:48:03,798 --> 00:48:06,258
In you go.
(grunts)
1204
00:48:06,301 --> 00:48:08,931
Got gougères,
my mother's favorite.
1205
00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:10,260
-Who wants some?
-I do.
1206
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,595
-I'll take one.
-Me, too.
1207
00:48:11,639 --> 00:48:13,219
Now, don't wolf
the appetizers, boys.
1208
00:48:13,266 --> 00:48:15,306
Taste them first.
1209
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:17,481
Ooh. Believe me,
1210
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,900
Manischewitz is best enjoyed
in small quantities.
1211
00:48:20,940 --> 00:48:22,730
Anyone else?
1212
00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:24,985
-Hey.
-Hi.
1213
00:48:25,028 --> 00:48:26,648
Thanks for the party.
1214
00:48:26,696 --> 00:48:28,406
One more room service
club sandwich
1215
00:48:28,448 --> 00:48:30,068
and I'd beat someone to death
with my bass.
1216
00:48:30,116 --> 00:48:31,156
We haven't officially met.
1217
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,740
I'm Midge.
I'm the comic.
1218
00:48:32,785 --> 00:48:34,245
I know. You're
a couple rooms down from me.
1219
00:48:34,287 --> 00:48:35,537
I saw you the other night.
1220
00:48:35,580 --> 00:48:37,000
I didn't think you'd remember.
1221
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,000
I wasn't drunk.
1222
00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:40,211
Howard was drunk.
And slow.
1223
00:48:40,251 --> 00:48:42,381
He's handsy but harmless.
1224
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:43,960
You're hysterical.
1225
00:48:44,005 --> 00:48:45,295
Thanks.
You're...
1226
00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:47,430
-bass-y.
-Thanks.
1227
00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:49,637
Not really up
on my musician lingo.
1228
00:48:49,677 --> 00:48:51,887
Just keep cooking homemade meals
for these animals,
1229
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,889
and they'll be happy
to teach it to you.
1230
00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:55,811
For that and other reasons.
1231
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,480
Yeah.
Boys will be...
1232
00:48:57,518 --> 00:48:58,558
Pigs.
1233
00:48:58,603 --> 00:49:00,563
-You married?
-Nope.
1234
00:49:00,605 --> 00:49:02,105
Got kids, though.
1235
00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:03,438
Me, too.
Two.
1236
00:49:03,483 --> 00:49:05,443
Three.
All under ten.
1237
00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:07,315
Got a little homesick yesterday.
1238
00:49:07,362 --> 00:49:09,112
Hence, brisket.
1239
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:11,525
It's not easy,
being on the road.
1240
00:49:11,574 --> 00:49:13,284
But what else are we gonna do--
1241
00:49:13,326 --> 00:49:15,406
stay home?
Dust?
1242
00:49:15,453 --> 00:49:16,413
Fuck dust.
1243
00:49:16,454 --> 00:49:18,294
Hello, Carole.
1244
00:49:18,331 --> 00:49:19,751
Hello, Howard.
1245
00:49:21,084 --> 00:49:22,754
Let's have a drink one day.
1246
00:49:22,794 --> 00:49:24,754
I'll explain
the rules of the road to you.
1247
00:49:24,796 --> 00:49:26,166
I would love that.
1248
00:49:26,214 --> 00:49:27,844
Hey!
1249
00:49:27,882 --> 00:49:29,842
What the hell is going on here?
1250
00:49:29,884 --> 00:49:32,104
Guess you guys decided
you're rehearsed enough.
1251
00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:33,676
-Is that it?
-I'm sorry.
1252
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:36,181
It's my fault.
I made a brisket.
1253
00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:39,024
-A what?
-My famous Passover brisket.
1254
00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,690
It's the reason
the angel of death spared us.
1255
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:45,019
So, Midge makes a brisket...
1256
00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:46,896
and no one invites me?
1257
00:49:46,943 --> 00:49:48,863
(laughter)
1258
00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:51,113
Hell, you guys
have rehearsed enough.
1259
00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,945
-Gimme a drink.
-MAN: Gotcha, boss.
1260
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:55,700
I had a hunch you had
something to do with this.
1261
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:57,123
Gougère?
1262
00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:59,711
If you make me fat,
I'll fire you.
1263
00:49:59,747 --> 00:50:01,367
STU:
They payoff big,
so if the table is hot
1264
00:50:01,416 --> 00:50:03,376
and you're in the black,
back up your place bets
1265
00:50:03,418 --> 00:50:04,918
-by throwing...
-SUSIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on, hold on.
1266
00:50:04,961 --> 00:50:06,841
Oh!
1267
00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,089
So, your girl gonna get good?
1268
00:50:09,132 --> 00:50:10,592
She's already good.
1269
00:50:10,633 --> 00:50:12,343
Your girl gonna get good?
1270
00:50:12,385 --> 00:50:14,845
Yeah.
She's gonna get good.
1271
00:50:14,887 --> 00:50:17,517
'Cause if she can't tell jokes,
she can always be the tour chef.
1272
00:50:17,557 --> 00:50:19,927
Mmm.
This gougère is righteous.
1273
00:50:19,976 --> 00:50:22,186
She's gonna get fucking good.
1274
00:50:22,228 --> 00:50:23,518
Hey.
1275
00:50:25,064 --> 00:50:27,234
REGGIE:
♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
1276
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:28,855
MAN:
Aw, here come Reggie.
1277
00:50:28,901 --> 00:50:33,281
♪ Open the door and let me in ♪
1278
00:50:33,322 --> 00:50:36,702
♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
1279
00:50:36,743 --> 00:50:40,203
♪ Richard, why don't you
open that door ♪
1280
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,406
(whoop)
1281
00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:45,586
-♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
-All right!
1282
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:48,836
♪ Open the door and let me in ♪
1283
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,800
-(man whoops)
♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
1284
00:50:52,842 --> 00:50:57,262
♪ Richard, why don't you
open that door ♪
1285
00:50:57,305 --> 00:51:01,595
-♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
-(whooping)
1286
00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:04,022
♪ Open the door and let me in ♪
1287
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:06,191
-(doorbell rings)
-REGGIE: ♪ Help me, Richard! ♪
1288
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:09,030
ALL:
♪ Open the door, Richard ♪
1289
00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:12,646
♪ Richard, why don't you
open that door. ♪
1290
00:51:12,695 --> 00:51:14,525
(cheering, applause)
1291
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:16,532
("Runnin' Away" by Sly
and the Family Stone playing)
1292
00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:18,414
♪ Runnin' away ♪
1293
00:51:18,451 --> 00:51:21,161
♪ To get away ♪
1294
00:51:21,204 --> 00:51:22,874
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
1295
00:51:22,914 --> 00:51:27,214
♪ You're wearing out
your shoes ♪
1296
00:51:30,713 --> 00:51:34,303
♪ Look at you fooling you ♪
1297
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:36,182
♪ Making blues ♪
1298
00:51:36,219 --> 00:51:39,639
♪ Of night and day ♪
1299
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,310
♪ Hee-hee-hee-hee ♪
1300
00:51:41,349 --> 00:51:44,809
♪ You're stretching out
your dues ♪
1301
00:51:50,483 --> 00:51:52,363
♪ Look at you fooling you ♪
1302
00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:21,010
♪ Shorter cut is quicker but ♪
1303
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:24,135
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
1304
00:52:24,183 --> 00:52:27,603
♪ Time is here to stay ♪
1305
00:52:32,233 --> 00:52:35,443
♪ Look at you fooling you ♪
1306
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,316
♪ The deeper in debt ♪
1307
00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:39,453
♪ The harder you bet ♪
1308
00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:42,030
♪ Hee-hee-hee-hee ♪
1309
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:45,866
♪ You need more room to play ♪
1310
00:52:50,710 --> 00:52:52,710
♪ Look at you fooling you. ♪
98150
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