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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,766 I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my purse. I must have ten of'em. 2 00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:02,061 - Can you just ring mine first, please? - There's someone ahead of you, sir. 3 00:01:02,152 --> 00:01:04,275 I usually keep my change in my little change bear, but... 4 00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:07,279 That's almost interesting. How much is hers? 5 00:01:08,783 --> 00:01:10,905 - 5.26. - Just add it on, please. 6 00:01:10,994 --> 00:01:13,910 Hold on, hold on. If it's not in this one, it'll be in another one. 7 00:01:13,996 --> 00:01:17,115 - That'll be 9.65. - Thank you very much. - How sweet. 8 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,614 - You didn't have to do that for me. - I didn't do it for you. 9 00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:22,994 Check some bags next time. 10 00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:24,035 Jerk. 11 00:01:38,409 --> 00:01:41,943 - How can I help you, Governor? - Some dirtbag... 12 00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:44,823 dirtbag... from the attorney general's office... 13 00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:47,748 had dared to mention the word "jail." 14 00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:51,701 Waaah. 15 00:01:51,796 --> 00:01:54,796 Waaah! 16 00:01:54,881 --> 00:02:00,752 - Somebody call the "waaambulance"! - What? What did you say? 17 00:02:09,561 --> 00:02:13,261 Governor, do you know what the number one killer of politicians under the age of 60 is? 18 00:02:13,356 --> 00:02:15,681 - No. - Self-pity. 19 00:02:15,774 --> 00:02:18,015 Now, Governor, I'll be more than happy to help you out of this mess... 20 00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:20,435 that you so willingly seem to have stepped into. 21 00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:23,564 - But you ought to do something. - What's that? 22 00:02:23,657 --> 00:02:26,278 - Stop crying. - I'll try. 23 00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:29,570 No, I mean right now. You're giving me a headache. 24 00:02:44,926 --> 00:02:49,219 Excuse me, folks, anything more to drink? 25 00:02:49,304 --> 00:02:51,877 - Do y'all have any single-malt scotch? - Sure do. 26 00:02:53,266 --> 00:02:55,756 So, what do you do for a living? 27 00:02:58,271 --> 00:03:02,517 You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that. 28 00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:04,516 No. 29 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,770 Oh. Must be something on the Internet. 30 00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:12,736 Or finance. 31 00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,864 Genetic engineering, maybe, huh? 32 00:03:14,952 --> 00:03:19,115 - I'm an image consultant, okay? - Okay. 33 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,216 So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? 34 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:46,093 You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right? 35 00:03:47,147 --> 00:03:49,435 Right. 36 00:03:49,524 --> 00:03:51,432 Hey, look... 37 00:03:51,526 --> 00:03:54,859 I'm flying to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news... 38 00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:58,894 and I do not think that it's an accident that I'm sitting next to you. 39 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,947 I see. So the cosmic purpose... 40 00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:03,607 of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. 41 00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:08,032 - What do I get out of it? - We don't know yet. 42 00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:10,792 But I'll owe you. 43 00:04:26,306 --> 00:04:30,848 - If I do it, will you shut up? - Quiet as the dead. 44 00:04:33,312 --> 00:04:36,063 Your hair's too big, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... 45 00:04:36,148 --> 00:04:38,057 and your foundation's too orange. 46 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:41,648 Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. 47 00:04:41,737 --> 00:04:44,903 - I like your eyes... - Oh. Thank you. 48 00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:47,824 Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. 49 00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,865 But only when you're anchoring or in L.A. 50 00:04:49,952 --> 00:04:53,285 - When you're on assignment, take them out. - What about my accent? 51 00:04:53,372 --> 00:04:55,660 I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all." 52 00:04:55,748 --> 00:04:59,164 Don't ever stop saying "y'all." Your "y'all" is your trademark. 53 00:04:59,252 --> 00:05:02,003 Say "y'all," and you'll be promoted in six months. 54 00:05:02,088 --> 00:05:05,171 Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in 12. 55 00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:09,799 Well, thank you. 56 00:05:09,886 --> 00:05:11,427 You're welcome. 57 00:05:11,513 --> 00:05:15,261 Now, will you please shut up? 58 00:05:33,657 --> 00:05:38,152 All right, let me have him. Hello, Your Honour. How are you? 59 00:05:38,245 --> 00:05:40,616 Good. Thank you. 60 00:05:40,705 --> 00:05:42,495 Define "not exactly alone." 61 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,288 Your Honour, was this mannequin inflatable? 62 00:05:50,255 --> 00:05:52,461 You know if the press... 63 00:05:52,549 --> 00:05:54,790 Dodged one bullet. 64 00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:57,125 Listen, this is all gonna blow over. 65 00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:12,183 Hey! Did you see the... 66 00:06:13,776 --> 00:06:15,056 the... 67 00:06:18,572 --> 00:06:19,686 Yeah. 68 00:06:23,118 --> 00:06:25,193 Twelve cream pies are on their way over to the stadium. 69 00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:27,610 Bob Riley expects you in the owner's box at 3:00. 70 00:06:27,705 --> 00:06:31,702 Amy will meet you there. And why are you wearing a yellow tie? 71 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:34,958 Janet. How could you know I'm wearing my yellow tie? You can't even see me. 72 00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:37,286 I can hear the stress in your voice. 73 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:39,123 Whenever you're stressed, you wear the yellow tie... 74 00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:41,966 which makes you feel all-powerful, so you're probably gonna yell at me... 75 00:06:42,051 --> 00:06:45,669 which I'm not in the mood for, so don't. 76 00:06:45,763 --> 00:06:50,340 - Nice tie. - I am not stressed. 77 00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:53,517 There is nothing wrong with me. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. 78 00:06:53,603 --> 00:06:57,018 - Can I have today's work, please? - Take your phone off. You're with a human now. 79 00:06:57,105 --> 00:07:00,141 I did the ones and twos. There's a three, a four. 80 00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:03,685 I flagged the five in your mail. There's an eight on your desk to sign. 81 00:07:03,779 --> 00:07:06,447 And there's a ten standing in your office. 82 00:07:17,874 --> 00:07:19,997 Why did you let him in my office, Janet? 83 00:07:20,084 --> 00:07:23,001 He threatened me with a machete. 84 00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:25,244 He's your father, Russ. 85 00:07:29,259 --> 00:07:33,042 Wait 60 seconds and come in and tell me I'm late for something. 86 00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:36,422 - I hate you. - Fight fair. 87 00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:47,608 - That's a nice photo of you, uh, and Al De Niro. - Robert De Niro. 88 00:07:47,692 --> 00:07:50,728 Oh, it's a nice photo of you and Robert De Niro. 89 00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:54,354 Well, it would be, except that's Al Pacino. 90 00:07:54,447 --> 00:07:55,442 Oh. 91 00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:58,236 So, Dad, what can I do for you? 92 00:07:58,327 --> 00:08:00,484 Did you get the cheque I sent over this morning? 93 00:08:00,578 --> 00:08:02,985 Yes, yes, I did. 94 00:08:04,331 --> 00:08:07,118 But I didn't ask you for a cheque. 95 00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,782 I asked you to come over and help me lift a few things. 96 00:08:11,672 --> 00:08:13,664 Well, time is money, Dad... 97 00:08:13,756 --> 00:08:15,629 and my time is worth a lot more than a mover's... 98 00:08:15,717 --> 00:08:18,634 so I'm afraid the cheque is gonna have to do. 99 00:08:20,722 --> 00:08:24,137 Look, your sister and her family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 100 00:08:24,224 --> 00:08:27,260 You haven't seen your niece and nephew in a long time. 101 00:08:27,352 --> 00:08:31,729 - Uh, you may want some of those things in the attic. - Like what, Dad? 102 00:08:31,814 --> 00:08:35,894 - Some more of my childhood memorabilia? - You never know. 103 00:08:38,903 --> 00:08:41,109 How many times in the last 20 years that you lived in that house... 104 00:08:41,197 --> 00:08:44,815 have I ever asked you for anything, hmm? 105 00:08:44,909 --> 00:08:46,984 Anything at all? 106 00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:54,458 Um, you're late for a very big meeting. 107 00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:57,662 Dozens of irate and highly important people are clamouring for you. 108 00:08:57,753 --> 00:09:00,326 There is pandemonium, I'm sure, somewhere... 109 00:09:00,423 --> 00:09:03,257 and you really must go... right now. 110 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,627 Good luck with the move, Dad. Let me know how it goes. 111 00:09:23,235 --> 00:09:27,232 Call Fred and see how the market closed. Check the NASD AQ Bye. 112 00:09:27,322 --> 00:09:28,270 That's perfect. 113 00:09:28,489 --> 00:09:29,353 You look brilliant. 114 00:09:29,448 --> 00:09:32,235 Completely and utterly gorgeous. 115 00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:34,283 Don't look at me. Look out there. 116 00:09:34,369 --> 00:09:36,527 Have we signed a new client? 117 00:09:36,622 --> 00:09:39,955 We made a bet. If I make him look handsome, I get a free hot dog. 118 00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:44,121 - You're going to starve. - Not a chance. 119 00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:46,120 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 120 00:09:46,213 --> 00:09:49,248 - Just don't share it with jerko. - No way. 121 00:09:49,341 --> 00:09:52,010 Watch your cholesterol, hot dog boy. Let me have that for you. 122 00:09:52,093 --> 00:09:54,168 Hey, I worked hard for that! 123 00:09:54,262 --> 00:09:56,384 Amy, those hot dogs will kill you. 124 00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,380 Besides, we're about to have lobster in cream sauce. 125 00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:01,889 I don't want lobster in cream sauce. I want hot dog in mustard sauce. 126 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,885 Please stop biting your nails, Amy. 127 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:07,144 Nail. I only bite one. Why do you care anyway? 128 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,140 I care because you work for me. 129 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,723 When you bite your nails, you're advertising weakness. 130 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:14,310 Really? Advertising weakness with one little nail? 131 00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:16,443 - What's this advertise? - Nice. 132 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,737 - Hi, Mike. Is he in? - Waitin' for you. 133 00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:21,944 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 134 00:10:22,036 --> 00:10:23,743 Hello. 135 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:27,530 - Hello. - I haven't seen you in a couple of days. 136 00:10:27,624 --> 00:10:29,782 - How have you been? - Fine. Now can we go in? 137 00:10:29,877 --> 00:10:34,418 No. This is the bit where you ask me. 138 00:10:34,506 --> 00:10:36,498 We're very late. I don't have time to... 139 00:10:36,591 --> 00:10:39,793 Go on. Give it a whirl. 140 00:10:44,013 --> 00:10:46,930 Hi, Amy. How are you doing? 141 00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:52,348 Fine. We're really late. 142 00:10:55,149 --> 00:10:57,306 Hey, the cavalry is here! 143 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,317 Russ Duritz to the rescue! 144 00:11:00,404 --> 00:11:03,819 Here to save my sorry behind. 145 00:11:03,906 --> 00:11:06,942 Josh, look after him. 146 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,444 - Good luck. - Yeah. 147 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:10,492 Hi. I'm Josh, Mr Riley's assistant. 148 00:11:10,579 --> 00:11:12,571 - If you need anything... - I do. 149 00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:16,032 I need you to go up in the bleachers and find me a dozen 8- to 12-year-old kids. 150 00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:20,372 Eight boys, four girls. Five white, four Latino, three black. 151 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:23,546 - Have 'em back here in three minutes. - Okay. 152 00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:25,671 I need to use your Hi-8 for this one. 153 00:11:25,759 --> 00:11:27,834 So why is everybody busting my chops? 154 00:11:27,928 --> 00:11:29,920 And the way I see this thing... 155 00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:33,879 it's just a little misunderstanding. 156 00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:36,013 Okay, Bob, let me see if I can explain to you... 157 00:11:36,102 --> 00:11:38,853 how other people see this little thing. 158 00:11:38,937 --> 00:11:41,510 You see, to Joe Baseball Fan out there, you're the guy that promised... 159 00:11:41,607 --> 00:11:44,311 you would give five percent of each ticket sold this season... 160 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,354 to establishing a baseball camp for inner-city kids. 161 00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:50,149 You're also the guy that gave pictures to the press of kids... 162 00:11:50,239 --> 00:11:53,275 actually attending this camp which, in fact, does not exist. 163 00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:57,280 Yet. I was intending to get around to it, uh, eventually. 164 00:11:57,370 --> 00:12:01,154 - Ah. - I am a very busy guy. 165 00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:04,664 No, Bob, you're not a busy man. 166 00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:07,835 See, what you are is a "stoopid" man. 167 00:12:07,921 --> 00:12:11,206 A very stupid guy who only played Mr Charitable... 168 00:12:11,299 --> 00:12:13,208 because you wanted to suck up to city council... 169 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,883 so they'd build you a brand new baseball park. 170 00:12:16,971 --> 00:12:19,212 But guess what. Bye-bye, ballpark. 171 00:12:20,432 --> 00:12:23,598 Hello, jail. 172 00:12:23,685 --> 00:12:28,641 - So what's your big plan? - How do you feel about chocolate cream pie? 173 00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:32,728 Why? You gonna feed the kids cream pie to get me out of this mess? 174 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,984 No. The kids are gonna feed you cream pie and get you out of this mess. 175 00:12:36,071 --> 00:12:38,561 - Huh? - Bob... 176 00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,565 prepare to be pied. 177 00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:44,692 I deserve it! 178 00:12:44,787 --> 00:12:46,778 More pie in the face! 179 00:12:46,872 --> 00:12:49,244 Bob, the press is gonna eat this up. 180 00:12:49,332 --> 00:12:51,289 Amy, what do you think? 181 00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:54,626 - Amy? Amy? - You want to know what I think? 182 00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:58,167 I think there's something very creepy about all this. 183 00:12:58,257 --> 00:13:01,340 Amy, Amy, I swear to you... 184 00:13:01,427 --> 00:13:05,424 I will make sure that the editing of this tape is handled tastefully, okay? 185 00:13:05,514 --> 00:13:08,265 - I'm sure you will. - No, I promise. 186 00:13:08,349 --> 00:13:10,886 - We didn't do anything wrong today. - No. 187 00:13:10,977 --> 00:13:16,266 - We did the right thing by our client, Bob Riley. - I love him. 188 00:13:16,356 --> 00:13:21,597 Russ, today we shamelessly exploited innocent children... 189 00:13:21,694 --> 00:13:25,359 just to help some crook with his cash flow problems. 190 00:13:28,993 --> 00:13:31,779 Are you gonna finish this last piece of yellowtail? 191 00:13:31,870 --> 00:13:34,111 Russ, you should be concerned about this. You're turning 40 in... 192 00:13:34,205 --> 00:13:37,205 - Thank you so much for bringing that up. - You're at an age when... - What, and you're not at an age... 193 00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:39,284 Yes, we both are. 194 00:13:39,376 --> 00:13:43,953 Well, we can't go around any more talking about what we're going to be like when we grow up. 195 00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:45,624 We are up. 196 00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:50,802 - Is that it? - Yeah. 197 00:13:50,887 --> 00:13:54,469 - You finished? - Yeah, I'm finished. 198 00:13:54,557 --> 00:13:57,094 Good. 199 00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:00,303 Toshiya, if you get called a jerk four times... 200 00:14:00,395 --> 00:14:02,470 in the same day, does that make it true? 201 00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:05,101 - What, only four? Did you get up late? - Excuse me. 202 00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:08,274 - I'm asking Toshiya. - Just four times, a pattern. 203 00:14:08,361 --> 00:14:10,816 It have to be five times to be a fact. 204 00:14:10,904 --> 00:14:14,818 - Thank you very much. You see? There is hope. - Jerk. 205 00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:18,405 Thank you. 206 00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:26,284 Yo, Pedro, make sure this gets in the trash. 207 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,921 Yes! 208 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:41,967 That was fantastic! I can't believe you just did such a fantastic thing! 209 00:14:42,057 --> 00:14:44,049 Me neither. 210 00:14:44,142 --> 00:14:46,181 I must really be stressed out. 211 00:14:50,272 --> 00:14:52,264 Probably still in there. 212 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:57,018 You are not going Dumpster diving to look for that stinky, fish-encrusted tape. 213 00:14:57,112 --> 00:15:00,315 You're right. I shouldn't go in there. 214 00:15:00,406 --> 00:15:02,861 I'm wearing a $2,000 suit. Come on. I'll give you a boost. 215 00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,657 Come on, come on, come on. Distract yourself. 216 00:15:04,743 --> 00:15:07,530 Honour your instincts. Look at the moon. Look at it. 217 00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:11,570 - What? Look at what? - Look. 218 00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:16,623 Isn't it lovely? It's big, it's beautiful, it's... 219 00:15:16,712 --> 00:15:18,953 revolving around the earth, proving once again... 220 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:22,214 that the universe does not revolve around you. 221 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,339 It's worth a look, if you ask me. 222 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,842 Are you looking? 223 00:15:27,931 --> 00:15:29,839 - I looked. - Look again! - Okay... 224 00:15:29,932 --> 00:15:32,339 Okay! Amy... 225 00:15:32,435 --> 00:15:34,343 Quit fooling around, all right? I looked. 226 00:15:34,436 --> 00:15:36,344 Now can we go? 227 00:15:36,438 --> 00:15:39,641 - Come on, grumpy. - Hey, will you stop? 228 00:15:39,732 --> 00:15:42,436 I stopped. 229 00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,899 I want to show you something. Tell me if you think this is cute. 230 00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:51,364 Oh! Look at the moon! It's so big and round... 231 00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:54,203 and when I look at it, I'm all perky and excited and... 232 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:58,071 no one would ever know that I'm almost 30! Ooh! 233 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,241 What do you think? 234 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,741 Cute or just stupid? 235 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:11,335 You know, Russ, just when I think I've seen the worst... 236 00:16:11,427 --> 00:16:15,210 that there's no possible way you could be more of a jerk... 237 00:16:18,184 --> 00:16:21,766 you outdo yourself. 238 00:16:21,853 --> 00:16:23,975 And then... 239 00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:29,598 just when I'm about to leave, you do something. 240 00:16:29,693 --> 00:16:34,070 Like tonight, when you threw that tape away. 241 00:16:34,156 --> 00:16:38,449 Then I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you. 242 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:43,820 That's when I decide to hang around for five more minutes... 243 00:16:43,914 --> 00:16:45,953 see what happens next. 244 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,998 Bye. 245 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:18,019 Janet, I want you on the phone with the alarm company first thing in the morning, okay? 246 00:17:18,111 --> 00:17:20,779 There is no way anybody should ever get inside those gates. 247 00:17:20,864 --> 00:17:24,113 Ever! As a matter of fact, get 'em on the phone right now, and you tell them... 248 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,441 - It's 3:00 a.m. - Janet, I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning. 249 00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:29,452 They're supposed to be a 24-hour security service, okay? 250 00:17:29,538 --> 00:17:31,660 I want the sensitivity set on ten. 251 00:17:31,748 --> 00:17:34,783 I want electrocution. I want charred flesh. Do you understand? 252 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:38,160 - Write it down. Janet. - "Charred flesh." - Write it down! 253 00:17:38,254 --> 00:17:41,503 It was probably just some neighbourhood kid. I don't know why you're so upset. 254 00:17:41,590 --> 00:17:45,670 - I'm not upset. I'm just mad. - Okay. Mad. Not upset. 255 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,093 - You know, maybe we should get a new security company, okay? - Uh-huh. 256 00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:51,800 I want rottweilers. I want big, scary rottweilers. 257 00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:55,010 I want the guy who trains the rottweilers to be afraid to come over here, okay? 258 00:17:55,102 --> 00:17:58,268 - I want a moat with lava. - "Moat with lava." 259 00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,430 Trolls with that? Evil ones? 260 00:18:00,524 --> 00:18:03,014 No, Janet. No trolls. 261 00:18:03,109 --> 00:18:07,355 - Hello? Uh. Russ. It's Dad. Uh... - Hold on a second, Janet. 262 00:18:07,446 --> 00:18:10,897 - Honey, I'm so sorry. - I know I asked earlier... 263 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,528 but. Um. It'd be nice to have you here for dinner. 264 00:18:13,618 --> 00:18:16,535 I know Joanne and the kids would love to see you. 265 00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:19,193 And. Uh. Well. If your schedule opens up... 266 00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:25,416 - Janet, I am going to bed. - Good idea. Me too. 267 00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:28,076 I do not wish to talk to you or anyone else... 268 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,331 on this planet for the next three hours. 269 00:18:30,425 --> 00:18:32,381 - Guess what. Neither do I. - Goodbye. 270 00:20:14,558 --> 00:20:16,467 "Rusty." 271 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,513 Dad, you are really gettin' weird. 272 00:20:57,679 --> 00:21:00,170 Hey! 273 00:21:00,264 --> 00:21:02,755 Hey! 274 00:21:02,851 --> 00:21:05,423 Hey, stop! Stop! Come back! 275 00:21:05,519 --> 00:21:08,852 Come back here! Hey! 276 00:21:08,939 --> 00:21:11,643 Gotcha! Ow! Ah! 277 00:21:16,154 --> 00:21:18,905 Hey! Hey! 278 00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:42,467 Hey! Hey! 279 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,378 Get it outta here! 280 00:22:03,362 --> 00:22:05,318 Look out, idiot! 281 00:22:05,406 --> 00:22:08,157 Move it, you jerk! 282 00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:12,865 Hey! 283 00:22:37,017 --> 00:22:39,223 Hey! 284 00:22:39,310 --> 00:22:41,267 Hey! 285 00:22:47,234 --> 00:22:49,558 Hey! 286 00:22:49,653 --> 00:22:51,312 Hey! 287 00:23:22,641 --> 00:23:25,131 Uh, uh, good evening. 288 00:23:25,226 --> 00:23:28,310 Uh, a kid just... 289 00:23:28,395 --> 00:23:31,561 ran in here a moment ago, and, uh... 290 00:23:31,649 --> 00:23:34,221 Any of you see anything? 291 00:23:35,735 --> 00:23:38,308 Can any of you see anything? 292 00:23:38,404 --> 00:23:40,313 For we can fly 293 00:23:40,406 --> 00:23:45,446 'Cause this kid who, uh, was just here... 294 00:23:45,535 --> 00:23:47,491 Up. Up and away 295 00:23:47,579 --> 00:23:50,912 - He... - See you later. 296 00:23:50,998 --> 00:23:53,405 Hey! Officer! 297 00:23:57,505 --> 00:24:03,292 The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon 298 00:24:03,384 --> 00:24:05,791 It wears a nicer face 299 00:24:13,059 --> 00:24:15,597 Uh-uh. 300 00:24:25,321 --> 00:24:27,609 Good morning, Doctor. 301 00:24:27,698 --> 00:24:30,449 I'd like to get right to the point, if you don't mind. I've got a meeting in ten minutes. 302 00:24:30,533 --> 00:24:32,525 You're entitled to a 50-minute hour. 303 00:24:32,619 --> 00:24:34,860 Thank you, but I only require a five-minute hour... 304 00:24:34,954 --> 00:24:36,862 or however long it takes you to write a prescription. 305 00:24:36,956 --> 00:24:39,280 I see. 306 00:24:39,374 --> 00:24:41,781 Uh, we should talk about this. Why don't you sit down. 307 00:24:41,877 --> 00:24:44,248 No, thank you. I don't want to sit down. 308 00:24:44,337 --> 00:24:46,376 It all starts with sitting down. 309 00:24:46,464 --> 00:24:48,789 You sit down, and then before you know it... 310 00:24:48,883 --> 00:24:51,337 twelve years has gone by, and you're still talking about... 311 00:24:51,427 --> 00:24:53,335 the time you saw your mother naked in the shower. 312 00:24:53,428 --> 00:24:55,504 You saw your mother naked in the shower? 313 00:24:55,597 --> 00:24:59,464 No! I'm just saying I'm happy to stand, okay? 314 00:24:59,559 --> 00:25:01,551 Look, I-I-I don't want therapy. 315 00:25:01,644 --> 00:25:05,226 - I don't need therapy. - Why do you feel that way? 316 00:25:05,314 --> 00:25:08,683 Because I'm not like the other nutballs that roll through here, okay? 317 00:25:08,776 --> 00:25:11,266 I don't have a smoking problem. I don't have a drinking problem. 318 00:25:11,361 --> 00:25:13,851 I don't have a closet full of ladies' undergarments. 319 00:25:13,947 --> 00:25:18,738 Sit down, Mr Duritz, and tell me what the problem is. 320 00:25:18,826 --> 00:25:22,574 - No, you don't! - Mr Duritz, I'm not trying to trick you. 321 00:25:22,663 --> 00:25:25,070 I'm trying to understand your issues. 322 00:25:25,165 --> 00:25:28,747 Issue. Issue, singular. Just one. 323 00:25:28,834 --> 00:25:31,751 All right. What is it? 324 00:25:35,966 --> 00:25:38,920 For the last few weeks... 325 00:25:39,010 --> 00:25:42,176 I have been seeing a guy in a plane. 326 00:25:42,263 --> 00:25:44,753 Oh, I see. 327 00:25:44,849 --> 00:25:47,256 Not that kind of seeing! I mean... 328 00:25:47,351 --> 00:25:50,850 I've been hallucinating a guy in a plane. 329 00:25:50,937 --> 00:25:55,314 And these delusions, or whatever it is you people call them... 330 00:25:55,399 --> 00:25:57,107 seem to be getting worse. 331 00:25:57,193 --> 00:26:01,142 Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid. 332 00:26:01,238 --> 00:26:06,575 And you think this kid is a hallucination too? 333 00:26:06,660 --> 00:26:08,319 Yes. 334 00:26:08,411 --> 00:26:12,622 Is he someone you knew from your past, from your childhood? 335 00:26:12,706 --> 00:26:15,991 No, not from my childhood. I've forgotten my childhood. 336 00:26:16,085 --> 00:26:18,540 My childhood is in the past, where it belongs. 337 00:26:18,628 --> 00:26:22,127 But doesn't want to stay in the past, does it? 338 00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:28,426 Mr Duritz, I notice your eye is twitching. 339 00:26:28,512 --> 00:26:31,429 - I don't have a tic. - I didn't say you had a tic. 340 00:26:31,515 --> 00:26:35,298 It's not a tic. I have dry eyes. Why are you asking me about my dry eyes? 341 00:26:35,393 --> 00:26:38,642 - Why are you so upset? - Because I'm having hallucinations! 342 00:26:38,730 --> 00:26:41,303 And I'm asking you to make them go away... 343 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:45,478 with very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work. 344 00:26:47,237 --> 00:26:49,775 Please, ma'am. 345 00:26:52,741 --> 00:26:57,449 Mr Duritz, you will pick up your powerful medicine... 346 00:26:57,537 --> 00:27:00,324 and then you will... 347 00:27:00,416 --> 00:27:02,906 go home and take the rest of the day off. 348 00:27:03,001 --> 00:27:07,247 - Yes, ma'am. - This is for a total of four pills. 349 00:27:07,338 --> 00:27:10,422 They will help to keep you calm until tomorrow at 4:00... 350 00:27:10,508 --> 00:27:13,793 at which time I expect to see you back here in my office... 351 00:27:13,886 --> 00:27:16,921 for an appointment, which you must promise to keep. 352 00:27:17,013 --> 00:27:19,254 Yes, ma'am. 353 00:27:19,349 --> 00:27:22,682 You're having these hallucinations for a reason. 354 00:27:22,769 --> 00:27:25,389 - Yes, ma'am. - And Mr Duritz... 355 00:27:25,479 --> 00:27:28,349 you need to figure out what that reason is. 356 00:27:30,108 --> 00:27:32,016 Thank you. 357 00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:38,814 The woman in question. if I understand it correctly... 358 00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:41,195 she was your pilates instructor. 359 00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:45,152 - Um. Well... - Yeah, are you watching this? 360 00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:47,784 - Unfortunately, yes. - I mean. Not beautiful like you are. Honey. 361 00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:51,538 - Oh, that's good. - Why won't hejust say what I told him to say? 362 00:27:51,627 --> 00:27:54,295 - He's an actor. He's improvising. - Give me his cell phone number. 363 00:27:54,380 --> 00:27:56,206 They won't let him take his cell phone to the set. 364 00:27:56,298 --> 00:27:58,966 Well, just get me any number, okay, Janet? 365 00:27:59,051 --> 00:28:01,042 Coast Guard, the police. 366 00:28:01,135 --> 00:28:03,673 Just get me a number before he spontaneously combusts. 367 00:28:03,763 --> 00:28:05,885 Let me see if I can get the power taken out in Atlanta. 368 00:28:07,183 --> 00:28:09,507 Okay, go. 369 00:28:09,601 --> 00:28:12,637 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 370 00:28:12,729 --> 00:28:14,971 Okay, got it. Bye. 371 00:28:40,753 --> 00:28:43,670 - You! - Don't get mad. I'll clean it up. 372 00:28:46,384 --> 00:28:47,758 Don't move! 373 00:28:51,346 --> 00:28:55,344 Look, look, this has just gotta stop, okay? This is... This is wrong! 374 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,268 You can't just go around breaking into people's houses like this! 375 00:28:58,352 --> 00:29:00,391 It's against the law! 376 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,314 I'm just gonna call the police now, all right? 377 00:29:03,398 --> 00:29:05,390 Tell them... 378 00:29:21,206 --> 00:29:23,244 Do I know you? 379 00:29:23,333 --> 00:29:25,491 I don't know. 380 00:29:32,091 --> 00:29:33,999 Why do you keep comin' back here? 381 00:29:38,346 --> 00:29:40,254 I came back to get my plane. 382 00:29:41,558 --> 00:29:45,471 - And then I saw the popcorn. - Your plane? 383 00:29:45,561 --> 00:29:49,143 My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How'd you get it? 384 00:29:49,231 --> 00:29:52,017 That is my plane, okay? 385 00:29:52,108 --> 00:29:54,942 My dad just dropped it off over here. 386 00:29:55,028 --> 00:29:59,902 Okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I've had that plane for 30... 387 00:30:12,335 --> 00:30:14,492 thirty years. 388 00:30:14,586 --> 00:30:16,329 Then why does it have my name on it? 389 00:30:16,421 --> 00:30:19,505 Look. Right here. "Rusty." 390 00:30:22,177 --> 00:30:24,169 Russell Morley Duritz. 391 00:30:24,261 --> 00:30:27,677 I hate that stupid name! 392 00:30:27,764 --> 00:30:30,171 How'd you know my name? 393 00:30:30,267 --> 00:30:35,687 - Mother's name is Gloria. Your father's name is Sam. - How do you know all that? 394 00:30:35,772 --> 00:30:38,523 - Your sister's name is Joanne. - But everybody calls her... 395 00:30:38,608 --> 00:30:41,014 - Josie. - Josie. 396 00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:26,557 Hi. 397 00:31:28,485 --> 00:31:30,856 Hi. 398 00:31:30,945 --> 00:31:34,812 Are you who I think you are? 399 00:31:34,907 --> 00:31:37,362 I don't know. 400 00:31:37,451 --> 00:31:40,701 How did I get here? 401 00:31:40,787 --> 00:31:42,494 I don't know. 402 00:31:44,958 --> 00:31:47,199 Holy smokes. 403 00:31:47,293 --> 00:31:50,247 How old are you? 404 00:31:50,337 --> 00:31:53,207 Forty in a couple days. 405 00:31:53,298 --> 00:31:56,998 That is old. 406 00:31:58,344 --> 00:32:01,677 I'm turning eight in a couple days. 407 00:32:01,764 --> 00:32:04,930 Eight. 408 00:32:05,017 --> 00:32:07,009 You're eight. 409 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,717 I'm eight. 410 00:32:09,812 --> 00:32:12,053 This is scary. 411 00:32:12,148 --> 00:32:14,935 No. 412 00:32:15,025 --> 00:32:17,231 This is hilarious. 413 00:32:32,290 --> 00:32:37,628 All right. I'm just going to the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich. 414 00:32:37,712 --> 00:32:40,997 There's safety in sandwiches. 415 00:32:41,090 --> 00:32:45,169 See? There's safety in sandwiches, see? 416 00:32:45,261 --> 00:32:50,301 It's funny how he knew that we called Joanne "Josie." 417 00:32:50,390 --> 00:32:54,884 But only I know the secret name... 418 00:32:54,977 --> 00:32:59,721 I had for Aunt Cathy when she was having her epileptic spells. 419 00:32:59,815 --> 00:33:01,807 Aunt Spazzy! 420 00:33:03,985 --> 00:33:06,985 Safety. Safety in a sandwich. 421 00:33:07,072 --> 00:33:09,147 Safety in a sandwich. 422 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,240 Safety in a sandwich. Safety... 423 00:33:14,703 --> 00:33:15,901 Get out! 424 00:33:15,996 --> 00:33:18,284 Okay, hallucination? Get out! 425 00:33:18,373 --> 00:33:20,281 - Am I having a nightmare? - No. 426 00:33:20,375 --> 00:33:22,497 You are not having a nightmare, you see. 427 00:33:22,585 --> 00:33:25,502 You do not exist. 428 00:33:25,588 --> 00:33:30,165 I am having a nightmare, okay, and my nervous breakdown. 429 00:33:30,258 --> 00:33:32,927 This is my first nervous breakdown, so I'm not quite sure how they're supposed to go. 430 00:33:33,011 --> 00:33:35,846 But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming, you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming! 431 00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:38,467 Dreaming! Dreaming! Okay? 432 00:33:38,558 --> 00:33:40,680 I don't think you're dreaming... 433 00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:43,519 'cause you're talking, and your eye is sort of twitching. 434 00:33:43,603 --> 00:33:48,180 Hey! I don't have time to go crazy, okay? 435 00:33:48,274 --> 00:33:51,025 So if you want me to go crazy, you're gonna have to get on the phone... 436 00:33:51,111 --> 00:33:55,155 and call Janet just like everybody else and schedule an appointment! 437 00:33:56,741 --> 00:33:59,112 Ah. Ah, good. Okay. 438 00:33:59,201 --> 00:34:01,525 Make contact with the outside world. 439 00:34:01,619 --> 00:34:04,655 - Hi, Janet. It's Russ. - Hi. You okay? - No, no, good. 440 00:34:04,748 --> 00:34:08,745 Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No, I just came upstairs to return my calls. 441 00:34:08,834 --> 00:34:12,333 You wanna hear something funny? I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs. 442 00:34:12,421 --> 00:34:14,044 - Hey. - You see... 443 00:34:14,131 --> 00:34:17,665 - You dropped this. - Russ. Hello? 444 00:34:17,759 --> 00:34:21,459 Safety in a sandwich. Safety in a sandwich. Safety! 445 00:34:21,554 --> 00:34:24,424 Safety in a sandwich. 446 00:34:29,227 --> 00:34:31,800 You are just a hallucination! 447 00:34:31,897 --> 00:34:34,434 One that is about to disappear. 448 00:34:36,818 --> 00:34:39,308 Prepare to disappear! 449 00:34:44,032 --> 00:34:46,071 Prepare to disappear. 450 00:34:48,202 --> 00:34:50,111 I'm sitting on the floor. 451 00:34:50,204 --> 00:34:52,873 I'm taking the very powerful medication. 452 00:34:52,957 --> 00:34:56,325 Just waiting for it to kick in. Prepare to disappear! 453 00:35:08,845 --> 00:35:11,418 Disappeared? 454 00:35:11,515 --> 00:35:14,349 Very powerful medicine seems to be working. 455 00:35:17,561 --> 00:35:19,885 I'm still here. 456 00:35:52,593 --> 00:35:54,964 I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies into the Dumpster. 457 00:35:55,053 --> 00:35:56,961 I've got my limits. 458 00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:02,972 Do you remember when I had you sign those confidentiality papers at the office? 459 00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:05,466 - Yeah. - And do you remember me telling you... 460 00:36:05,562 --> 00:36:09,429 that if you ever said anything to anyone about anything that happens in this company... 461 00:36:09,524 --> 00:36:13,355 that I would not only sue you, but I would bring you to financial ruin? 462 00:36:13,444 --> 00:36:16,314 Snore. 463 00:36:16,405 --> 00:36:18,396 Okay, then. 464 00:36:35,255 --> 00:36:39,299 You can, uh... You can see him? 465 00:36:40,635 --> 00:36:44,217 Yes, I, um, can. 466 00:36:44,304 --> 00:36:47,055 You could see a little boy standing there? 467 00:36:47,140 --> 00:36:49,630 Yes. 468 00:36:49,726 --> 00:36:51,932 I'm pretty sure. 469 00:36:53,187 --> 00:36:55,179 Okay. 470 00:36:58,984 --> 00:37:02,150 This little boy is me at age eight. 471 00:37:02,237 --> 00:37:04,644 And I want you to make him disappear. 472 00:37:04,739 --> 00:37:06,446 - He's you? - Yeah. 473 00:37:06,532 --> 00:37:07,646 - At age eight? - Mm-hmm. 474 00:37:07,742 --> 00:37:11,656 And you want me to make him disappear? 475 00:37:11,745 --> 00:37:14,532 Please. 476 00:37:14,623 --> 00:37:17,030 - How was the therapist this morning? - Do it, Janet! 477 00:37:17,125 --> 00:37:21,454 - How am I supposed to make a kid disappear? - Hey, you are the assistant! 478 00:37:21,546 --> 00:37:23,454 Figure it out, okay? 479 00:37:23,547 --> 00:37:25,705 You yelled at me! That is great. That... That helps. 480 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,507 I feel I'm thinking more clearly. 481 00:37:27,592 --> 00:37:31,886 I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch with my, my magic assistant powers. 482 00:37:33,014 --> 00:37:36,347 Alakazam, alakazam. Dalakazam kazoo. 483 00:37:36,433 --> 00:37:38,924 Boom! Presto! Ha! 484 00:37:39,020 --> 00:37:43,348 - Hi. - Didn't work. 485 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,681 I should've worn my magic bra and panties. 486 00:37:47,068 --> 00:37:48,894 Get in the car. 487 00:37:50,488 --> 00:37:53,239 - I'm really disappointed in you, Janet. - Oh, fired, I hope. 488 00:37:53,324 --> 00:37:56,942 - No. Forget about your bonus. - Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental? 489 00:37:57,035 --> 00:37:59,989 My boss appears to have lost his mind. 490 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,700 Sure you wouldn't rather stay here with me? 491 00:38:02,790 --> 00:38:04,283 I'll be okay. 492 00:38:09,004 --> 00:38:13,914 Waaah! Waaah! Somebody call the "waaambulance"! 493 00:38:15,469 --> 00:38:17,710 What are you crying about anyway? 494 00:38:17,803 --> 00:38:19,427 I just wanna go home. 495 00:38:19,514 --> 00:38:21,719 Well, I'm trying to get you home, okay? 496 00:38:21,807 --> 00:38:24,593 - Am I in trouble? - You're gonna be in trouble if you wipe that snot... 497 00:38:24,685 --> 00:38:27,769 on my calfskin seat... Don't do it. 498 00:38:27,854 --> 00:38:29,893 Just try and remember where you live, okay? 499 00:38:29,981 --> 00:38:34,025 - You should know that. - Well, I don't know that. We moved 12 times. 500 00:38:34,109 --> 00:38:36,101 We move a dozen times? 501 00:38:36,195 --> 00:38:40,986 - Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times. - What happens? 502 00:38:41,074 --> 00:38:43,113 What happens? A big truck comes... 503 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,201 they put all your stuff inside, and you move to another house. 504 00:38:46,287 --> 00:38:49,702 - Twelve times. - Look! There it is right there! Remember it now? 505 00:38:59,215 --> 00:39:03,426 - No. - Look, that's where we fell off the roof last year. 506 00:39:03,511 --> 00:39:09,215 That's the bush we fell onto. And that's where the really big possum crawled under the house. 507 00:39:09,308 --> 00:39:12,308 - Remember? - Yeah, that was one of life's big events... 508 00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:14,350 when the possum crawled under the house. 509 00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:18,268 - How could I forget? - You don't remember the possum? 510 00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,348 It was, like, this big! 511 00:39:20,442 --> 00:39:23,727 And it had really long teeth. 512 00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:28,031 He took our sneaker in his mouth and ran off with it. You've gotta remember that. 513 00:39:28,115 --> 00:39:30,321 Hey, I don't remember the possum, okay? 514 00:39:31,536 --> 00:39:33,693 I hardly remember living here at all. 515 00:39:33,787 --> 00:39:36,953 But you do, and that's all that counts. Get out. 516 00:39:39,834 --> 00:39:44,163 Wait. The house. It's different. 517 00:39:45,839 --> 00:39:48,923 - Bye, honey. - Who are they? 518 00:39:54,014 --> 00:39:56,718 What am I gonna do? 519 00:40:00,185 --> 00:40:01,429 What now? 520 00:40:04,063 --> 00:40:07,064 Hey, will you knock off the waterworks, okay? 521 00:40:07,150 --> 00:40:11,444 You know what the number one killer of kids under the age of 8 is? Self-pity. 522 00:40:11,529 --> 00:40:13,604 And you're already pitiful enough. 523 00:40:13,697 --> 00:40:15,985 Well, at least I don't do this! 524 00:40:18,910 --> 00:40:20,736 Nice. 525 00:40:23,372 --> 00:40:28,994 Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 526 00:40:29,086 --> 00:40:31,493 Chester! 527 00:40:31,588 --> 00:40:34,956 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 528 00:40:36,509 --> 00:40:38,797 Chester! 529 00:40:38,886 --> 00:40:42,301 Come on, Chester! Chester! 530 00:40:42,389 --> 00:40:44,298 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 531 00:40:44,391 --> 00:40:46,762 - Chester! - Kid, will you stop that yelling? 532 00:40:46,852 --> 00:40:49,769 - Chester! - Hey! Now! 533 00:40:51,147 --> 00:40:53,353 Where's Chester? 534 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,476 - Who is Chester? - My dog. 535 00:40:56,568 --> 00:40:58,892 The dog I'm going to get when I grow up. 536 00:40:58,987 --> 00:41:03,234 - Oh. - The world's greatest dog. 537 00:41:03,324 --> 00:41:05,696 The one who rides in the back of my truck... 538 00:41:05,784 --> 00:41:08,785 plays Frisbee, goes everywhere I go. 539 00:41:08,871 --> 00:41:12,702 - Chester! - Bad news, kid. 540 00:41:12,791 --> 00:41:16,539 - No dog here. - What do you mean? 541 00:41:16,628 --> 00:41:19,747 I mean no dog. There's no dog here. 542 00:41:19,838 --> 00:41:24,049 - I don't own a dog. - No dog? No dog? 543 00:41:24,134 --> 00:41:28,083 - I grow up to be a guy with no dog? - That's right. 544 00:41:28,179 --> 00:41:32,093 - Why don't I have a dog? - Because I don't want a dog, okay? 545 00:41:33,309 --> 00:41:36,475 I can't take care of a dog. 546 00:41:36,562 --> 00:41:38,850 I travel all the time for work. 547 00:41:38,939 --> 00:41:41,145 You travel for work? 548 00:41:41,232 --> 00:41:43,983 I grow up to fly jets, right? I knew it! 549 00:41:44,069 --> 00:41:46,855 I knew I would grow up to fly jets! 550 00:41:46,946 --> 00:41:48,938 Uh, no. 551 00:41:49,031 --> 00:41:52,566 - No, I don't fly jets? - Not really, no. 552 00:41:52,659 --> 00:41:56,277 - What do I do then? - You're an image consultant. 553 00:41:56,371 --> 00:41:59,573 What's that? 554 00:41:59,665 --> 00:42:01,491 Uh, it's... 555 00:42:01,584 --> 00:42:04,786 - What does a consultant do? - Consult. 556 00:42:04,878 --> 00:42:07,665 But what do I do? 557 00:42:07,756 --> 00:42:10,460 You don't do anything. You tell other people what to do. 558 00:42:10,550 --> 00:42:12,589 That's the fun of it. You boss people around. 559 00:42:12,677 --> 00:42:14,633 Like this. Stop talking! 560 00:42:19,767 --> 00:42:22,850 Shouldn't there be a lady here somewhere? 561 00:42:22,936 --> 00:42:26,850 What do you mean, a lady living here? No. I live alone. 562 00:42:26,939 --> 00:42:29,893 I thought you said you were 40. 563 00:42:29,984 --> 00:42:33,020 I said I was almost 40. So? 564 00:42:33,112 --> 00:42:36,147 So, I'm 40, I'm not married... 565 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,193 I don't fly jets, and I don't have a dog? 566 00:42:41,577 --> 00:42:43,865 I grow up to be a loser. 567 00:42:46,457 --> 00:42:50,074 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 568 00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:53,204 That's my name too 569 00:42:53,296 --> 00:42:56,830 Whenever we go out the people always shout 570 00:42:56,925 --> 00:42:58,963 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 571 00:42:59,051 --> 00:43:00,877 Da na na na na na na 572 00:43:00,970 --> 00:43:04,385 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 573 00:43:04,473 --> 00:43:07,426 That's my name too 574 00:43:07,517 --> 00:43:10,636 Whenever we go out the people always shout 575 00:43:10,728 --> 00:43:13,052 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 576 00:43:13,147 --> 00:43:16,064 Da na na na na na na 577 00:43:16,149 --> 00:43:19,683 Wow! Look at it! Man! 578 00:43:19,777 --> 00:43:23,857 Gee! Holy smokes! Holy Moses! 579 00:43:23,948 --> 00:43:25,856 Look at the moon! 580 00:43:27,660 --> 00:43:30,115 - Wow! Far out! - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop that yelling! 581 00:43:30,203 --> 00:43:32,361 - Holy Moses! - What are you doing up? 582 00:43:32,456 --> 00:43:34,531 Look at it! It's huge! 583 00:43:34,624 --> 00:43:38,158 What is with you people? It's the moon, okay? 584 00:43:38,252 --> 00:43:40,659 You travel 30 years across time... 585 00:43:40,755 --> 00:43:43,625 and all you can do is stand out here and scream about the moon coming up? 586 00:43:43,715 --> 00:43:47,665 But you can see the man in the moon really good tonight! 587 00:43:47,761 --> 00:43:49,883 Well, did he speak to you? 588 00:43:49,971 --> 00:43:52,047 Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? 589 00:43:52,139 --> 00:43:54,630 Did he blow fart bubbles out of his butt, huh? 590 00:43:54,726 --> 00:43:56,717 Because if he didn't, then there really isn't any reason... 591 00:43:56,810 --> 00:43:58,885 to be excited about the moon, is there? 592 00:43:58,979 --> 00:44:02,513 Sorry. I'll never get excited again. 593 00:44:02,607 --> 00:44:04,516 Obviously. 594 00:44:05,902 --> 00:44:07,395 Wait! 595 00:44:07,487 --> 00:44:09,728 Can I ask you a question? 596 00:44:11,657 --> 00:44:15,440 Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes? 597 00:44:18,788 --> 00:44:22,832 Because there is a, uh... 598 00:44:22,916 --> 00:44:25,489 a band of, uh... 599 00:44:31,841 --> 00:44:36,052 Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? 600 00:44:36,136 --> 00:44:38,258 Or better yet, go away! 601 00:44:38,347 --> 00:44:42,724 I knew it! I grow up to be a guy who doesn't know anything! 602 00:44:44,393 --> 00:44:47,097 And who doesn't have a dog! 603 00:44:52,818 --> 00:44:56,317 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 604 00:44:56,405 --> 00:44:59,405 That's my name too 605 00:45:05,204 --> 00:45:07,196 Kid? 606 00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,091 Good. 607 00:45:27,766 --> 00:45:31,597 Maybe Russ here can explain it a little bit better than I've been able to. Russ? 608 00:45:31,686 --> 00:45:33,642 Here's how we see things, Mr Vivian. 609 00:45:33,729 --> 00:45:36,266 Call me Vivian. 610 00:45:36,356 --> 00:45:38,265 Okay. Vivian. 611 00:45:38,358 --> 00:45:40,682 You're going public, you're making an IPO... 612 00:45:40,777 --> 00:45:42,685 your software's brilliant, and that's all great. 613 00:45:42,778 --> 00:45:45,944 But if you wanna make Fortune 500, you have to understand... 614 00:45:46,032 --> 00:45:48,569 that at a certain point, people are gonna want to get a good look at you. 615 00:45:48,659 --> 00:45:50,236 And that's where things get a little dicey. 616 00:45:50,327 --> 00:45:52,996 Dicey. That's right. Very, very dicey. 617 00:45:53,079 --> 00:45:56,282 I don't see why I have to change a thing. 618 00:45:56,374 --> 00:45:58,745 Okay. Let's look at this. 619 00:45:58,835 --> 00:46:01,242 - You live in a cabin... - I won't cut my hair... 620 00:46:01,336 --> 00:46:04,290 and I won't shave my beard. 621 00:46:06,216 --> 00:46:08,291 Let me give it to you straight, Z.Z. 622 00:46:08,385 --> 00:46:11,385 If you wanna ride your cow to Farm Aid, you don't have to change a thing. 623 00:46:11,471 --> 00:46:13,379 But if you wanna make the front page of the Wall Street Journal... 624 00:46:13,473 --> 00:46:16,010 there is one thing you're going to have to change. 625 00:46:17,435 --> 00:46:19,142 The, uh... 626 00:46:21,772 --> 00:46:25,472 To, um... Uh... 627 00:46:28,903 --> 00:46:31,607 - Someone you know? - What? 628 00:46:31,696 --> 00:46:34,899 - Friend of yours? - No! 629 00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:37,280 It... It's a little boy. 630 00:46:37,368 --> 00:46:40,238 - Hello! - I don't know any little kids. 631 00:46:40,330 --> 00:46:42,737 - I'm starving! - Just tragic that parents... 632 00:46:42,832 --> 00:46:44,823 would send their kids out to beg like that. 633 00:46:44,916 --> 00:46:47,038 - Very, very sad. - I can't believe it. - Russ! 634 00:46:47,127 --> 00:46:49,997 Russ Duritz, I'm hungry! 635 00:46:50,088 --> 00:46:54,381 Feed me! Ugh! I'm hungry! 636 00:46:54,466 --> 00:46:58,795 If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please. 637 00:46:58,887 --> 00:47:01,424 What are you doing here? I thought you disappeared. 638 00:47:01,515 --> 00:47:04,848 - I don't know how to disappear. I'm hungry! - Hello. 639 00:47:07,645 --> 00:47:09,933 I'm Amy. Who are you? 640 00:47:10,022 --> 00:47:12,014 I'm Rusty. 641 00:47:13,358 --> 00:47:16,312 And who is Rusty? 642 00:47:16,402 --> 00:47:18,359 - My nephew. - Your nephew? 643 00:47:18,446 --> 00:47:20,319 Yes. My sister's kid. 644 00:47:20,407 --> 00:47:24,534 - The one who's going to college in the autumn? - No. The other one. 645 00:47:24,619 --> 00:47:27,738 Melissa? 646 00:47:27,830 --> 00:47:30,746 Yes, Amy. This is Melissa. 647 00:47:30,832 --> 00:47:32,788 No, it is the other one. 648 00:47:32,876 --> 00:47:36,042 - The one she doesn't like to talk about. - Oh, I see. 649 00:47:36,128 --> 00:47:38,286 Which completely explains why you never told me about him. 650 00:47:38,381 --> 00:47:40,836 Maybe I don't tell you every thing. 651 00:47:43,676 --> 00:47:45,668 So are you having fun with your uncle? 652 00:47:45,762 --> 00:47:49,344 Not really. He made me sleep outside... 653 00:47:49,432 --> 00:47:51,589 he didn't give me any breakfast... 654 00:47:51,684 --> 00:47:53,760 and he doesn't have a dog. 655 00:47:53,852 --> 00:47:55,761 That is a problem. 656 00:47:55,855 --> 00:47:58,641 - You made him sleep outside? - He slept in a tent. 657 00:47:58,732 --> 00:48:00,854 - You've got a tent? - It was his tent. 658 00:48:00,942 --> 00:48:03,646 You didn't give him any breakfast. 659 00:48:03,736 --> 00:48:07,864 He can stand to miss a meal. 660 00:48:07,948 --> 00:48:11,992 Rusty, are you hungry? 661 00:48:12,077 --> 00:48:15,112 - Starved. - Let's go and get some bacon and eggs. 662 00:48:15,204 --> 00:48:17,492 No, no, no, no. Rusty can't have bacon and eggs. 663 00:48:17,582 --> 00:48:19,490 I've gotta get him back to his mom right now. 664 00:48:19,583 --> 00:48:21,824 Don't forget Kenny's this afternoon. 665 00:48:21,919 --> 00:48:24,623 - Bye, Rusty! - Bye! 666 00:48:24,713 --> 00:48:27,120 Nice to meet you. 667 00:48:33,762 --> 00:48:37,712 - Just get that moony look off your face. - I like that Amy lady. 668 00:48:37,808 --> 00:48:40,476 I bet she likes dogs. 669 00:48:40,561 --> 00:48:42,932 I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm stuck with you... 670 00:48:43,021 --> 00:48:44,929 or the idea that I don't know what to do about it. 671 00:48:45,023 --> 00:48:46,979 Why don't we eat something? 672 00:48:47,066 --> 00:48:50,814 Why? Because you don't know what to do, you just wanna stuff your face? 673 00:48:50,902 --> 00:48:54,401 No, because it says to up there in the sky. 674 00:48:59,493 --> 00:49:03,407 Okay. Why don't we eat something? 675 00:49:07,251 --> 00:49:09,159 What can I get ya? 676 00:49:09,252 --> 00:49:12,371 Um, I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 677 00:49:13,506 --> 00:49:16,422 - Just bring him something healthy, okay? - Sorry, sir. 678 00:49:16,509 --> 00:49:19,130 We only serve starchy, sugary, salty food... 679 00:49:19,219 --> 00:49:22,670 high in fat and cholesterol that tastes delicious. 680 00:49:22,764 --> 00:49:25,052 Comforts people deep down inside. 681 00:49:25,142 --> 00:49:27,846 Okay. I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 682 00:49:27,935 --> 00:49:30,852 - You want a milk shake with that? - Chocolate, please. 683 00:49:30,938 --> 00:49:33,854 Extra whipped cream. 684 00:49:33,941 --> 00:49:38,436 - And for you? - You know, I think I'd just like the magic bean omelet. 685 00:49:38,528 --> 00:49:43,023 Aw, did somebody not get their coffee today? I'm gonna go get it! 686 00:49:43,116 --> 00:49:45,571 Maybe you can bring it before the diner disappears. 687 00:49:45,659 --> 00:49:47,781 What are you lookin' at, Sparky? 688 00:49:48,953 --> 00:49:50,862 Oh, man. 689 00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:56,706 - What are you doing here? - Having French toast, pancakes and bacon. 690 00:49:56,794 --> 00:50:00,293 That's not what I'm talking about. What did you come here for? 691 00:50:01,589 --> 00:50:04,506 I don't know. My model aeroplane? 692 00:50:04,593 --> 00:50:07,427 Well, you already got that, and we're still screwed up. 693 00:50:07,512 --> 00:50:10,714 We're even more screwed up than we were before. 694 00:50:12,808 --> 00:50:16,011 - What am I gonna do with you? - What do you wanna do with me? 695 00:50:16,102 --> 00:50:18,178 I want to put you on a diet, chubby! 696 00:50:18,272 --> 00:50:21,023 Fix you up so you aren't such a pathetic loser. 697 00:50:21,107 --> 00:50:24,855 This is what I do for a living, okay? 698 00:50:24,944 --> 00:50:28,727 Making people look good is what I do. 699 00:50:28,822 --> 00:50:32,071 Problem is... 700 00:50:32,159 --> 00:50:35,527 there's so much to do with you, I don't know where to start. 701 00:50:35,620 --> 00:50:38,490 Well, I'd like to not get my butt kicked so much. 702 00:50:38,581 --> 00:50:41,332 Kids are always laughing at us. 703 00:50:41,417 --> 00:50:45,248 It sorta hurts my feelings. 704 00:50:45,337 --> 00:50:47,080 Why didn't I think of this before? 705 00:50:47,171 --> 00:50:50,207 This is what you came for, okay? 706 00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:53,751 I just gotta teach you how to fight. By the way... 707 00:50:53,844 --> 00:50:55,753 they're not laughing at us, they're laughing at you. 708 00:50:55,846 --> 00:50:57,921 When you get to be me, they laugh, they die! 709 00:50:58,015 --> 00:51:00,801 - They laugh, they die? - Yes. 710 00:51:00,892 --> 00:51:03,845 You laugh, you die! You laugh, you die! 711 00:51:03,936 --> 00:51:06,142 You laugh, you die! Pow! Pow! 712 00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:10,274 Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! 713 00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:13,525 - Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, shut up! Shut... 714 00:51:13,611 --> 00:51:16,730 - Hey, guess what. - What? - I gotta pee. 715 00:51:16,823 --> 00:51:20,737 Are you sure you know someone who can teach me how to fight? 716 00:51:20,827 --> 00:51:23,447 Yeah, I think I could find somebody. 717 00:51:25,998 --> 00:51:28,951 Isn't it cool how we both have to go at the same time? 718 00:51:29,042 --> 00:51:33,086 Yes. I'll cherish this moment for a lifetime. 719 00:51:44,785 --> 00:51:47,322 - I'm just gonna have one more piece. Just one... Just one more piece. - What do you think of this one? 720 00:51:47,412 --> 00:51:49,404 - Hey! - It's too short. - Oh, God. 721 00:51:49,497 --> 00:51:52,830 Please tell me that's not... Hey. 722 00:51:52,917 --> 00:51:54,908 You're five weeks away from defending your title. 723 00:51:55,002 --> 00:51:56,994 - What are you doing eating pizza? - But I... I'm a nervous eater. 724 00:51:57,088 --> 00:51:59,543 - Beat it. - You'd be nervous too if you was getting married tomorrow. 725 00:51:59,631 --> 00:52:04,292 Yeah, I'd be nervous that my bride would dump me because I'm a big, fat tub of lard. 726 00:52:04,386 --> 00:52:07,137 - Hi, Giselle. - Hi, Russ. 727 00:52:10,099 --> 00:52:13,432 - What is that? Is that 20 more pounds? - No. 728 00:52:13,519 --> 00:52:16,969 - Hey! Put the... - Damn, he won't even let you eat, huh? 729 00:52:17,063 --> 00:52:19,388 - Does he look like he needs any pizza? - Who is he? 730 00:52:19,483 --> 00:52:21,640 This is Russ's nephew, Rusty. 731 00:52:21,734 --> 00:52:25,399 Oh, I didn't know you had two nephews. 732 00:52:25,487 --> 00:52:27,942 - How do I look, baby? Look. - Mmm, like Adonis. 733 00:52:29,365 --> 00:52:32,152 Hey, hey, Adonis. Adonis. 734 00:52:32,244 --> 00:52:34,948 - What? - Can I use your boxing ring? 735 00:52:35,037 --> 00:52:37,113 I wanna give pudge-boy here some lessons. 736 00:52:37,206 --> 00:52:41,120 - Maybe you could step in, show him a few moves. - Yeah, I would be glad to. 737 00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:47,418 That way, you can punch his lights out the next time he tries to call you pudge-boy. 738 00:52:47,507 --> 00:52:49,498 Groovy! 739 00:52:52,136 --> 00:52:55,302 First things first. You tryin' to get knocked out or something? 740 00:52:55,389 --> 00:52:58,224 All right, well, then get your hands up then. You gotta protect that chin. 741 00:52:58,308 --> 00:53:00,430 I pop you on that chin, that's it. 742 00:53:00,518 --> 00:53:04,432 Remember, this is number one, this is number two. You punch one, two. 743 00:53:04,521 --> 00:53:07,890 One, two. Go ahead. Try it. One... That's it. That's it. 744 00:53:07,983 --> 00:53:10,355 - Get out of the way. - Come on. 745 00:53:11,820 --> 00:53:14,145 Come on. Good. Come on. Come on. 746 00:53:16,324 --> 00:53:19,942 - You hit me. - Yes, unfortunately, I did hit you... 747 00:53:20,035 --> 00:53:22,442 and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. 748 00:53:22,537 --> 00:53:24,695 Or maybe I will. Come on. 749 00:53:24,790 --> 00:53:26,865 Fight. Yeah. Come on. Come on. 750 00:53:26,958 --> 00:53:30,041 Come on, kid. Fight. Come on. Come on. 751 00:53:30,128 --> 00:53:33,995 - Hit him. One, two. One, two. - Go on, Rusty. Punch his lights out! 752 00:53:34,090 --> 00:53:36,331 - Hey. Whose side are you on? - Throw it. Throw it. 753 00:53:42,472 --> 00:53:44,927 Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, little Tyson! 754 00:53:45,015 --> 00:53:47,422 What are you gonna do next, bite his ear off? We don't hit 'em when they're down. 755 00:53:47,518 --> 00:53:51,052 - They hit me when I'm down. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who? Who? Who? 756 00:53:51,146 --> 00:53:54,978 - The kids at school. - Kid's havin' some trouble at school. 757 00:53:55,066 --> 00:53:57,603 Well, why didn't you say that, Russ? I'm teachin' the boy boxin'. 758 00:53:57,694 --> 00:53:59,686 He don't need that. He needs street fightin'. 759 00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:02,234 Why don't you show him that WWF scissors hold? Show him that one. 760 00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:05,110 - Here we go. Ready? - Whoa! 761 00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,738 Now that I can use. 762 00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,867 Get off me. 763 00:54:18,045 --> 00:54:19,953 Have you noticed how alike those two are? 764 00:54:20,047 --> 00:54:22,122 Makes sense. They're related, right? 765 00:54:23,925 --> 00:54:25,917 I suppose so. 766 00:54:29,847 --> 00:54:32,419 Russ Duritz's office. How may I help you? 767 00:54:32,516 --> 00:54:34,473 - Yeah, it's me. What's up? - Oh. It's you. 768 00:54:34,559 --> 00:54:37,476 I hadn't heard from you in four hours. I'd assumed you were dead. 769 00:54:37,562 --> 00:54:40,017 - Hey, how's mini-you? - That's hilarious, Janet. 770 00:54:40,106 --> 00:54:42,857 - What's up? - You got 19 messages, last count. 771 00:54:42,941 --> 00:54:44,518 - You want 'em? - Let me have 'em. 772 00:54:44,610 --> 00:54:48,109 Let's see, uh... Bob Riley. 773 00:54:48,196 --> 00:54:51,778 Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Bob Riley. 774 00:54:51,866 --> 00:54:55,530 Bob Riley. I'm sure there's another one in here. Just a second. Here's Bob Riley. 775 00:54:56,453 --> 00:54:58,445 Hey! 776 00:55:00,498 --> 00:55:02,324 Hey, Amy. Where are you going? 777 00:55:02,417 --> 00:55:04,409 My place for some ice cream. See you there. 778 00:55:04,503 --> 00:55:06,660 - Ice cream? - Bye! 779 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:18,509 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 780 00:55:18,598 --> 00:55:20,673 Are you our girlfriend? 781 00:55:22,851 --> 00:55:25,602 That's a funny way of putting it. 782 00:55:25,688 --> 00:55:27,846 Mostly, no. 783 00:55:29,066 --> 00:55:31,638 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 784 00:55:31,734 --> 00:55:34,403 Are you our nephew? 785 00:55:35,947 --> 00:55:37,939 Mostly... 786 00:55:39,992 --> 00:55:42,068 no. 787 00:55:43,954 --> 00:55:46,871 - But you are related, aren't you? - Uh-huh. 788 00:55:48,333 --> 00:55:50,740 - How close? - Pretty. 789 00:55:50,835 --> 00:55:52,957 How close is pretty close? 790 00:55:53,963 --> 00:55:55,587 Pretty darn. 791 00:55:59,342 --> 00:56:01,548 Oh, my God. 792 00:56:01,636 --> 00:56:03,343 - Hi. - He's your son. 793 00:56:03,429 --> 00:56:06,050 - What? - He's your son! You have a son! 794 00:56:06,140 --> 00:56:08,761 Hey! Whatcha... Get off! Hey! 795 00:56:08,851 --> 00:56:10,889 And all this time you never even breathed a word! 796 00:56:10,978 --> 00:56:15,603 And you're some deadbeat dad who had visitation rights today or something. 797 00:56:15,690 --> 00:56:17,813 - Amy, do you know how... - And who's the mother, anyway? 798 00:56:17,900 --> 00:56:21,897 Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. I know. It's that Swedish chick, isn't it? 799 00:56:21,987 --> 00:56:24,691 Yeah, that Ingesborg or Smorgasbord or whatever her name is. 800 00:56:24,782 --> 00:56:28,613 - Inga? - Not that I care, of course, about who or where or what you do! 801 00:56:28,702 --> 00:56:32,913 - Amy, he is not Swedish. - And I'm not his son. 802 00:56:32,997 --> 00:56:34,740 Honest. 803 00:56:36,917 --> 00:56:39,834 Then who are you? 804 00:56:45,883 --> 00:56:48,374 Russ? 805 00:56:49,970 --> 00:56:54,631 Because I've been watching the two of you together, and I swear to God... 806 00:56:54,725 --> 00:56:56,716 there's something very... 807 00:56:57,685 --> 00:56:59,428 strange going on. 808 00:57:01,105 --> 00:57:03,939 - We have to tell her. - We are not going to tell her. 809 00:57:04,025 --> 00:57:06,776 - Tell me what? - Come on. Do it! 810 00:57:06,860 --> 00:57:09,979 Hey! Zip it! We're not gonna tell her, okay? 811 00:57:10,071 --> 00:57:13,107 Besides, she won't believe us anyway. She'll just think you take after me. 812 00:57:13,199 --> 00:57:15,737 - Then do the knuckle. - That's not gonna convince her. 813 00:57:15,826 --> 00:57:19,277 Then tell her something only I would know, and then she can ask me about the same thing. 814 00:57:19,371 --> 00:57:23,035 - Like Aunt Spazzy. - How is that gonna work? Think about it. 815 00:57:23,125 --> 00:57:25,995 - Then show her the scar. - Anybody could have a scar. 816 00:57:26,086 --> 00:57:28,872 - What about the birthmark? - Well, that could be a coincidence too. 817 00:57:28,963 --> 00:57:31,500 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 818 00:57:31,591 --> 00:57:34,507 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 819 00:57:34,593 --> 00:57:36,419 - She will! - She won't! - She will! - She won't! 820 00:57:36,512 --> 00:57:38,420 - She will! - Hey! 821 00:57:38,513 --> 00:57:40,588 I wish I was standing on a carpet. 822 00:57:47,104 --> 00:57:49,890 - Told ya. - Amy. 823 00:57:51,232 --> 00:57:55,526 ...aboard that ship in... ...which process the potatoes into a variety of products. 824 00:58:01,241 --> 00:58:03,814 - Stop biting. - Leave me alone. 825 00:58:05,203 --> 00:58:08,737 I'm advertising terror and bewilderment. 826 00:58:08,831 --> 00:58:14,833 Holy smokes. Ninety-nine channels, and there's nothing on. 827 00:58:16,464 --> 00:58:18,954 How can this be? 828 00:58:21,968 --> 00:58:23,959 I have no idea. 829 00:58:25,929 --> 00:58:27,921 Look at him. 830 00:58:28,015 --> 00:58:30,303 He's so embarrassing. 831 00:58:31,810 --> 00:58:34,680 You're not embarrassing. 832 00:58:34,770 --> 00:58:36,312 You're adorable. 833 00:58:39,692 --> 00:58:42,360 Then. You're adorable then. 834 00:58:45,071 --> 00:58:47,526 Stop picking! 835 00:58:47,616 --> 00:58:51,150 Look at that haircut. I look like Herman's Hermits. 836 00:58:51,244 --> 00:58:55,621 And I "shpeak" like I got a mouth full of "shpit." 837 00:58:55,706 --> 00:58:57,615 Well, of course you do. 838 00:58:57,707 --> 00:59:01,407 Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me? 839 00:59:06,799 --> 00:59:09,254 No. 840 00:59:09,343 --> 00:59:11,584 Why? 841 00:59:11,678 --> 00:59:13,753 Do you despise you? 842 00:59:16,891 --> 00:59:19,975 When I look at him, all I see are awful memories. 843 00:59:20,060 --> 00:59:22,977 Memories I have been spending most of my life trying to forget. 844 00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,272 I'm sorry. 845 00:59:42,705 --> 00:59:45,243 Hello? Kenny. 846 00:59:45,333 --> 00:59:47,906 Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow? 847 00:59:48,002 --> 00:59:50,492 My God, the wedding tomorrow. Hang on a minute. 848 00:59:50,588 --> 00:59:53,125 Wedding tomorrow. What am I gonna do with him? 849 00:59:53,215 --> 00:59:55,586 - We'll take him with us. - What? 850 00:59:55,675 --> 00:59:59,886 To an important event? Are you out of your mind? Take him with us? 851 00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:03,173 This is an important event with people who respect me. 852 01:00:03,266 --> 01:00:05,839 - He's gonna humiliate me. - Hey! 853 01:00:05,934 --> 01:00:10,347 - Ohh. - Hey! I forbid you to bond with this boy! 854 01:00:10,438 --> 01:00:14,186 What, Kenny? Who got sick? 855 01:00:29,998 --> 01:00:33,995 Thank goodness your nephew replaced little James. 856 01:00:34,085 --> 01:00:38,212 None of the other children was fat enough to fit in his clothes. 857 01:00:45,678 --> 01:00:48,844 It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. 858 01:00:48,930 --> 01:00:53,674 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah - Yester-me. Yester-you 859 01:00:53,768 --> 01:00:58,097 - Yesterday - Ooh-ooh 860 01:00:59,815 --> 01:01:01,973 What happened to 861 01:01:03,819 --> 01:01:06,226 The world we knew 862 01:01:08,198 --> 01:01:11,364 When we would dream and scheme 863 01:01:11,450 --> 01:01:15,779 -And while the time away - Don't worry. 864 01:01:15,871 --> 01:01:20,661 Just take it off and shove it under the table when no one's looking. 865 01:01:20,750 --> 01:01:22,243 - Really? - Yeah. 866 01:01:25,296 --> 01:01:29,163 - Where did it go - Where did it go 867 01:01:29,257 --> 01:01:32,424 That yester-glow 868 01:01:32,511 --> 01:01:33,673 - Ha-ha. - Hello. 869 01:01:33,761 --> 01:01:38,174 - How are you? - When we could feel the wheels of life 870 01:01:38,265 --> 01:01:40,423 Turn our way 871 01:01:40,518 --> 01:01:44,811 Yester-me Yester-you 872 01:01:44,897 --> 01:01:46,520 Yesterday 873 01:01:48,233 --> 01:01:51,518 - I know. Ohh... - I had a dream 874 01:01:51,611 --> 01:01:53,187 So did you 875 01:01:53,279 --> 01:01:57,691 Life was warm and love was true 876 01:01:59,326 --> 01:02:04,781 - Two kids who followed all the rules - Holy smokes. 877 01:02:04,872 --> 01:02:06,531 - Russ! Russ! - Yester-fools 878 01:02:06,624 --> 01:02:09,293 -And now. Now it seems - Excuse me, Clarissa. 879 01:02:09,376 --> 01:02:12,827 - You're interrupting us. We're dancing. - But it's really important. 880 01:02:12,922 --> 01:02:16,290 - Not now, kid. - But it's really, really, rrrr... 881 01:02:16,383 --> 01:02:22,586 Werejust a cruel and foolish game we had to play 882 01:02:22,679 --> 01:02:25,514 - Drivin' you crazy, huh? - Yeah. - Yester-me. Yester-you 883 01:02:25,599 --> 01:02:28,220 - It's different when they're your own. Speaking of which, - Yesterday 884 01:02:28,310 --> 01:02:31,144 when you gonna give up your evil ways and settle down? 885 01:02:31,230 --> 01:02:33,268 - As soon as you become available again, Clarissa. - When I recall 886 01:02:33,356 --> 01:02:35,562 - I'm serious. - So am I. - What we had 887 01:02:35,650 --> 01:02:39,730 I feel lost I feel sad 888 01:02:41,738 --> 01:02:46,731 - With nothing but the memory of - Amy, I have a question. 889 01:02:46,826 --> 01:02:48,948 - Oh. Yester-love - A big one. 890 01:02:49,037 --> 01:02:52,037 - Okay. -And now. Now it seems 891 01:02:52,123 --> 01:02:54,161 What about that pretty woman you came with today? 892 01:02:54,249 --> 01:02:56,537 - You mean Amy? Nah, we work together. - Those yester-dreams 893 01:02:56,627 --> 01:03:01,371 - I've known her for a really long time. - I know we haven't known each other very long. 894 01:03:01,464 --> 01:03:05,711 Don't worry about me. When I meet the right person, I'm sure I'll get around to asking. 895 01:03:05,801 --> 01:03:08,256 - Yester-me. Yester-you - In case I never get around to asking... 896 01:03:10,139 --> 01:03:12,130 - Yesterday - Somebody's making a move right now. 897 01:03:12,223 --> 01:03:15,888 Oh. Come on and sing it Yester-me 898 01:03:15,977 --> 01:03:17,720 - Yester-you - Amy... 899 01:03:17,812 --> 01:03:21,262 - Yesterday - Will you marry me? 900 01:03:21,356 --> 01:03:24,310 Oh. Yester-me 901 01:03:24,401 --> 01:03:26,559 - Yester-you - Okay, let's go. - Hey! 902 01:03:26,653 --> 01:03:29,689 - Yesterday - Let me go, you big jerk! 903 01:03:30,823 --> 01:03:32,862 Wait a minute. Stop. He asked me a question. 904 01:03:32,950 --> 01:03:34,658 - Don't you want to know what I was going to say? - No. 905 01:03:34,743 --> 01:03:37,993 - No? - No. He had no right asking you what he did, okay? 906 01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,286 - You and I aren't even... - Well, we are! - Since when? 907 01:03:40,373 --> 01:03:42,946 - MYOB! - What? 908 01:03:43,042 --> 01:03:48,283 Mind your own beeswax. Do you or do you not want to know what I was going to say? 909 01:03:48,380 --> 01:03:51,795 - What were you gonna say? - Yeah, what were you going to say? 910 01:03:51,883 --> 01:03:54,753 Try it again. Less practised indifference. 911 01:03:54,845 --> 01:03:57,714 More warmth. 912 01:03:57,805 --> 01:04:00,722 - What were you going to say? - What were you gonna say? 913 01:04:00,808 --> 01:04:03,214 So you want to know what I was going to say. 914 01:04:05,770 --> 01:04:08,936 - Take a walk. - I'm the one who asked her. - Just go away. 915 01:04:21,201 --> 01:04:23,952 - What were you going to say? - I was going to say... 916 01:04:25,121 --> 01:04:27,492 - I'll have to think about it. - Oh, really? - Yes. 917 01:04:27,581 --> 01:04:30,784 Because, impossibly, what had previously seemed to me... 918 01:04:30,876 --> 01:04:34,327 to be the worst idea in the universe has, over the last 12 hours... 919 01:04:34,421 --> 01:04:36,828 transmogrified into not such a terrible idea... 920 01:04:36,923 --> 01:04:40,172 opening a very small window of opportunity for you. 921 01:04:40,260 --> 01:04:42,252 - For me? - Yeah. 922 01:04:42,344 --> 01:04:47,219 Ah. And what if I didn't want to take advantage of this opportunity? 923 01:04:47,307 --> 01:04:51,601 A part of you obviously wants to, and it is that part of you that is causing me... 924 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,555 to think about it. 925 01:05:09,744 --> 01:05:11,819 Are you... 926 01:05:11,913 --> 01:05:14,533 asking me... 927 01:05:14,623 --> 01:05:16,781 to think about it? 928 01:05:19,002 --> 01:05:21,788 Wait. Wait a minute. 929 01:05:21,879 --> 01:05:24,001 If you'll just wait, I... 930 01:05:24,090 --> 01:05:26,082 I'm gonna go get the valet... the car... 931 01:05:26,174 --> 01:05:28,925 the car from the... 932 01:05:31,805 --> 01:05:35,387 But now. Now he was ready to start feeling the love. 933 01:05:35,474 --> 01:05:37,762 Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon with the visiting Orioles... 934 01:05:37,935 --> 01:05:41,683 Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage him with chocolate cream pies... 935 01:05:41,772 --> 01:05:45,852 as a way to say. "I'm sorry. " for what he claims is a simple case of miscommunication. 936 01:05:47,110 --> 01:05:50,064 Uncle Bob knows how to party! 937 01:05:53,365 --> 01:05:55,440 This is so much fun! 938 01:06:00,747 --> 01:06:05,041 - Some of these guys... - So you crawled through the Dumpster behind the bar after I left. 939 01:06:12,591 --> 01:06:16,374 I shot that. I'm part of this. 940 01:06:17,512 --> 01:06:19,883 Tell me, do you know for certain that he turned the funds over... 941 01:06:19,972 --> 01:06:21,964 or is he maybe still sitting on them? 942 01:06:24,518 --> 01:06:26,593 Poor little Amy. 943 01:06:26,687 --> 01:06:29,011 Mixed up with a rotten boss... 944 01:06:29,105 --> 01:06:31,263 who feels obligated to his clients. 945 01:06:32,691 --> 01:06:35,727 - Do you know that the number one killer of young men... - Russ! 946 01:06:35,820 --> 01:06:38,939 The person I am pitying here is not me. 947 01:06:41,407 --> 01:06:43,648 Look, it's all my fault. 948 01:06:43,743 --> 01:06:46,364 I made the big, stupid mistake. 949 01:06:49,373 --> 01:06:50,783 I thought you'd change. 950 01:06:57,631 --> 01:07:00,335 I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. 951 01:07:03,302 --> 01:07:06,552 Do you want to know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? 952 01:07:12,185 --> 01:07:14,676 You could have been great. 953 01:07:54,472 --> 01:07:56,927 Man. Man! 954 01:07:58,100 --> 01:08:01,184 When do we ever stop blowing it? 955 01:08:02,312 --> 01:08:05,348 Russ, we've gotta change. 956 01:08:07,108 --> 01:08:09,100 We have to change. 957 01:08:19,619 --> 01:08:22,287 That's pretty cool, how we both have to, uh... 958 01:08:39,637 --> 01:08:42,970 - It's our birthday tomorrow. - Yeah, I know. 959 01:08:43,056 --> 01:08:46,140 - Could I ask you a question? - Sure. 960 01:08:46,226 --> 01:08:48,764 - What happens next? - What do you mean? 961 01:08:48,853 --> 01:08:50,845 I mean to me. 962 01:08:51,981 --> 01:08:56,441 Between being me and becoming you. What happens? 963 01:08:56,527 --> 01:09:01,187 - Do I ever do anything right? - Well, sure you do. You do a lot of things right. 964 01:09:01,281 --> 01:09:03,818 - Like what? - Well... 965 01:09:05,368 --> 01:09:08,284 you make it through grade school alive, barely. 966 01:09:09,454 --> 01:09:13,072 In high school, while you're still a loser... 967 01:09:13,167 --> 01:09:15,408 you're no longer stupid. 968 01:09:15,502 --> 01:09:18,751 You work your butt off and you get good grades. 969 01:09:18,838 --> 01:09:22,538 Very good grades. You end up winning a scholarship to UCLA. 970 01:09:23,675 --> 01:09:26,545 - I'm smart? - Very smart. 971 01:09:26,636 --> 01:09:28,758 But you're still a loser. Hop in. 972 01:09:35,353 --> 01:09:37,974 Scoot over. 973 01:09:38,063 --> 01:09:41,646 In college, things start to get a little bit better. 974 01:09:41,733 --> 01:09:45,979 You join the track team, find a speech therapist... 975 01:09:46,070 --> 01:09:48,145 you continue to work your butt off... 976 01:09:48,239 --> 01:09:50,908 and you graduate at the top of your class. 977 01:09:50,991 --> 01:09:53,695 You eventually go after a master's degree in business. 978 01:09:53,785 --> 01:09:56,192 Where I work my butt off. 979 01:09:56,288 --> 01:09:58,908 Story of your life, kid. 980 01:09:58,998 --> 01:10:02,532 The good news is that, while you are currently a pathetic dweeb... 981 01:10:02,626 --> 01:10:04,618 eventually you grow up to be me... 982 01:10:04,712 --> 01:10:07,284 a high-powered, affluent chick magnet. 983 01:10:07,380 --> 01:10:09,372 Who doesn't have a dog or a chick. 984 01:10:11,342 --> 01:10:14,924 Is that how you see me? A dogless, chickless guy? 985 01:10:15,013 --> 01:10:18,215 - With a twitch. - Right. 986 01:10:18,307 --> 01:10:22,351 - When do I get that? - I forget. 987 01:10:22,436 --> 01:10:24,677 - When do I learn how to drive? - When you're 16. 988 01:10:24,771 --> 01:10:26,928 - When do I get a car? - When you're 18. 989 01:10:27,023 --> 01:10:28,814 When do I get a hickey? 990 01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:33,025 - When you're 17. - When do I find out what a hickey is? 991 01:10:34,571 --> 01:10:36,646 Not tonight. 992 01:10:41,494 --> 01:10:44,067 Russ? 993 01:10:44,163 --> 01:10:47,863 - Yeah, kid. - I get what you do now. 994 01:10:47,958 --> 01:10:50,413 I mean, I get what I do. 995 01:10:50,502 --> 01:10:52,578 When I grow up, for a living. 996 01:10:52,670 --> 01:10:56,086 - I figured out how to explain. - Let me hear it. 997 01:10:56,173 --> 01:10:59,174 You help people lie about who they really are... 998 01:10:59,260 --> 01:11:02,711 so that they can pretend to be someone else, right? 999 01:11:05,515 --> 01:11:06,925 Yeah. 1000 01:11:07,893 --> 01:11:10,928 See? That's not hard to explain. 1001 01:11:12,271 --> 01:11:13,848 That's pretty good. 1002 01:11:14,982 --> 01:11:18,267 - Good night, buddy. - Good night, kid. 1003 01:11:26,284 --> 01:11:30,779 This is ABC-7 Los Angeles. Now. Eyewitness News. 1004 01:11:30,871 --> 01:11:34,121 Good evening. Everyone. And welcome. I'm Harold Greene. 1005 01:11:34,207 --> 01:11:36,246 Good evening. Y'all. I'm Deirdre Lafever. 1006 01:11:36,334 --> 01:11:41,124 Tonight's top story: Another high-speed chase on a Los Angeles freeway... 1007 01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:44,664 this time involving a mother of eight in a stolen minivan. 1008 01:11:44,759 --> 01:11:48,127 The chase started about 8:30 this evening when police first no... 1009 01:11:50,471 --> 01:11:53,175 I know. Thanks, Don. See you tomorrow. 1010 01:11:54,308 --> 01:11:56,465 I heard the "y'all." 1011 01:11:57,603 --> 01:11:59,097 It works. 1012 01:12:03,191 --> 01:12:04,981 Well, it's Mr Image Consultant. 1013 01:12:06,653 --> 01:12:09,143 So, what do you think? 1014 01:12:09,238 --> 01:12:11,396 Don't tell me. My hair's still too big. 1015 01:12:11,491 --> 01:12:13,945 No, it looks good. 1016 01:12:14,034 --> 01:12:17,616 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Comfort of strangers and all that? 1017 01:12:19,706 --> 01:12:22,243 If what you're telling me is true... 1018 01:12:22,333 --> 01:12:25,832 that has got to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. 1019 01:12:25,919 --> 01:12:27,994 Makes perfect sense to me. 1020 01:12:29,256 --> 01:12:31,711 - It does? - Why wouldn't your 8-year-old self... 1021 01:12:31,800 --> 01:12:33,459 time travel here to give you a hand? 1022 01:12:33,552 --> 01:12:37,216 I mean, you're obviously in trouble. It'd straighten you out. 1023 01:12:37,305 --> 01:12:39,593 You think he's here to straighten me out? 1024 01:12:39,681 --> 01:12:43,548 Well, of course. You didn't think it was the other way around, did you? 1025 01:12:47,897 --> 01:12:51,182 Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... 1026 01:12:51,275 --> 01:12:55,107 but maybe he's here for you to remember some things. 1027 01:12:55,195 --> 01:12:57,520 Ever thought about that? 1028 01:13:00,367 --> 01:13:02,359 Not till just now. No. 1029 01:13:03,661 --> 01:13:05,036 Darlin', look. 1030 01:13:07,206 --> 01:13:09,874 You're turnin' 40 tomorrow. 1031 01:13:09,958 --> 01:13:14,784 You haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life. 1032 01:13:14,879 --> 01:13:16,871 - And no, no, money doesn't count. - Hey... 1033 01:13:18,091 --> 01:13:22,004 You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family... 1034 01:13:22,094 --> 01:13:25,593 and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you. 1035 01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:28,764 Who? Amy? Please. 1036 01:13:28,850 --> 01:13:32,716 Look, she's not the only woman in the world, okay? 1037 01:13:32,811 --> 01:13:34,803 She... She works for me. 1038 01:13:34,897 --> 01:13:37,981 She's neurotic. She bites her nails. 1039 01:13:38,066 --> 01:13:40,105 Nail. 1040 01:13:42,278 --> 01:13:44,069 This one. 1041 01:13:45,990 --> 01:13:48,065 Oh, my God. 1042 01:13:52,579 --> 01:13:57,323 Excuse me. Um, while he's gettin' a clue, could I... could I get a warm-up, please? Thank you. 1043 01:14:00,961 --> 01:14:03,796 Okay. Don't stop. Go on. 1044 01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:07,712 - What's it like? - He keeps asking about his future... 1045 01:14:07,801 --> 01:14:09,425 my past. 1046 01:14:09,511 --> 01:14:11,917 - Haven't really told him much. - Good. 1047 01:14:12,013 --> 01:14:14,135 "Good"? You think that's good? 1048 01:14:15,558 --> 01:14:18,095 Why? What would you do? 1049 01:14:18,185 --> 01:14:20,722 Wh... If little Deirdre was suddenly here... 1050 01:14:20,813 --> 01:14:24,263 burstin' out of her St Mary's uniform, askin' me what comes next? 1051 01:14:24,357 --> 01:14:26,598 Yeah. 1052 01:14:26,692 --> 01:14:31,436 I'd say, "Baby, don't you worry about a thing. 1053 01:14:31,530 --> 01:14:34,150 Everything is just gonna be great." 1054 01:14:36,451 --> 01:14:40,531 I-I mean, how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we're kids, really? 1055 01:14:43,207 --> 01:14:47,620 I-I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts? 1056 01:14:47,711 --> 01:14:50,795 Or prima ballerinas? 1057 01:14:52,715 --> 01:14:55,964 We just all do the best we can. 1058 01:15:05,893 --> 01:15:08,134 Time for me to take big Deirdre home. 1059 01:15:10,481 --> 01:15:12,971 You know, if you wanna learn about your childhood, seems like you're online... 1060 01:15:13,067 --> 01:15:15,937 with a pretty good source, you know what I mean? 1061 01:15:16,027 --> 01:15:20,488 Yes, I am. Deirdre, thanks for taking the time to help. 1062 01:15:23,326 --> 01:15:25,651 Well, don't ever stop asking for help, Russ. 1063 01:15:27,663 --> 01:15:29,287 You just might get it. 1064 01:15:31,750 --> 01:15:33,825 - Thanks. - You take care. 1065 01:15:36,212 --> 01:15:38,916 Bye, y'all. 1066 01:15:39,006 --> 01:15:41,164 Bye. 1067 01:15:53,394 --> 01:15:56,727 Hi, Janet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late. 1068 01:15:56,813 --> 01:15:58,936 It's okay. Russ. I think I'll recover. 1069 01:15:59,024 --> 01:16:02,606 I just want you to cancel all my appointments tomorrow and move 'em to Friday. 1070 01:16:02,694 --> 01:16:05,979 -Anything else? - No, that's it. 1071 01:16:06,072 --> 01:16:08,906 - Okay. You've got it. - No, wait. 1072 01:16:08,991 --> 01:16:11,066 There is something else. 1073 01:16:12,369 --> 01:16:15,868 I want you to find out why the full moon looks orange sometimes when it rises. 1074 01:16:17,165 --> 01:16:20,664 - Okay. Sure. - Thanks, Janet. Good night. 1075 01:16:38,767 --> 01:16:42,218 Hey, kid. Rusty. 1076 01:16:45,022 --> 01:16:48,391 - Hi. - Hey. 1077 01:16:50,110 --> 01:16:54,854 Wanna help me with something? I think it might get you back to your time. 1078 01:16:54,948 --> 01:16:57,403 - Sure. - Good. 1079 01:17:00,244 --> 01:17:02,320 Anything about me? 1080 01:17:03,372 --> 01:17:05,447 Yeah. Anything that'll take me back. 1081 01:17:08,168 --> 01:17:10,741 You know how I like to find caterpillars... 1082 01:17:10,837 --> 01:17:12,960 and put 'em in jars and feed 'em... 1083 01:17:14,215 --> 01:17:16,290 and watch 'em make cocoons? 1084 01:17:21,012 --> 01:17:24,595 - No. - And then one day... 1085 01:17:24,682 --> 01:17:27,089 they break out, and it's really cool. 1086 01:17:29,603 --> 01:17:31,844 No. Not a clue. 1087 01:17:31,939 --> 01:17:34,608 But keep goin'. Tell me some more stuff. 1088 01:17:34,691 --> 01:17:37,228 Remember last summer at Josie's birthday party... 1089 01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:40,485 when I got Parmesan cheese stuck up my nose? 1090 01:17:42,531 --> 01:17:46,065 - Got any sixes? - Nope. Go fish. 1091 01:17:47,786 --> 01:17:50,952 - Got any fours? - Negative. Go fish. 1092 01:17:54,793 --> 01:17:56,701 Got any sevens? 1093 01:17:59,130 --> 01:18:01,335 Tell me some more about Dad. 1094 01:18:03,175 --> 01:18:05,167 Sometimes... 1095 01:18:05,260 --> 01:18:07,335 he lets me help him work on the car. 1096 01:18:07,429 --> 01:18:11,556 But if I do something wrong, he yells at me. 1097 01:18:13,267 --> 01:18:16,054 Sometimes he buys me ice cream afterwards. 1098 01:18:16,145 --> 01:18:19,228 But still, I don't like messing up. 1099 01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:23,109 Like last week, I lost a screw. 1100 01:18:24,777 --> 01:18:26,650 I was afraid to tell him. 1101 01:18:28,489 --> 01:18:31,193 I found it later on in my pocket. 1102 01:18:31,282 --> 01:18:33,570 Look, I still have it. 1103 01:18:38,748 --> 01:18:41,499 I'm afraid to give it back to him. 1104 01:18:43,794 --> 01:18:46,415 Got any nines? 1105 01:18:49,423 --> 01:18:51,546 No. 1106 01:18:51,634 --> 01:18:54,753 My homeroom teacher last year was fat Mrs Kinkelman. 1107 01:18:54,845 --> 01:18:57,679 She was so much better than Mr Lupus. 1108 01:18:57,765 --> 01:19:00,136 He had that purple bump on his face. 1109 01:19:00,225 --> 01:19:02,466 I don't remember the bump guy. What grade was that? 1110 01:19:02,560 --> 01:19:04,967 How come you're asking me all this stuff? 1111 01:19:05,063 --> 01:19:06,722 'Cause I'm forgetting something. 1112 01:19:06,815 --> 01:19:09,435 I'm forgetting this one event that meant something to me... 1113 01:19:09,525 --> 01:19:12,525 and if I can remember that one thing, maybe I can get you home. 1114 01:19:12,611 --> 01:19:14,982 Are you sure it's not the purple bump? 1115 01:19:15,072 --> 01:19:17,823 - It's not the bump, kid. - It was a pretty big bump. 1116 01:19:17,907 --> 01:19:19,946 - Tell me more about second grade. - Why? 1117 01:19:20,035 --> 01:19:22,110 Nobody had a bump in second grade. 1118 01:19:24,413 --> 01:19:27,579 My best friend was Tim Wheaton, until a few months ago. 1119 01:19:27,666 --> 01:19:29,622 Remember him? 1120 01:19:29,709 --> 01:19:33,208 - No, I don't. - His house smells like fish sticks. 1121 01:19:34,296 --> 01:19:36,288 - No. - Well, he was my best friend... 1122 01:19:36,382 --> 01:19:38,837 until he started hanging out with Vince... 1123 01:19:38,925 --> 01:19:41,546 and these other creepy guys. 1124 01:19:41,637 --> 01:19:45,052 He threw a rock at me, and we haven't been friends since then. 1125 01:19:45,140 --> 01:19:48,472 - He threw a rock at us? - Oh, yeah. 1126 01:19:48,559 --> 01:19:51,049 - Why? What happened? - Oh, those guys get together... 1127 01:19:51,145 --> 01:19:53,718 every recess in the corner of the playground yard... 1128 01:19:53,814 --> 01:19:55,853 where they like to pick on kids. 1129 01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,356 Back behind the kindergarten. 1130 01:20:00,445 --> 01:20:02,900 Yeah. Where the yard monitor can't see you! 1131 01:20:02,989 --> 01:20:05,479 - Where that big sliding board is? - Yeah, the really huge one! 1132 01:20:05,574 --> 01:20:07,862 - You remember it! - Go on. Don't stop. 1133 01:20:07,951 --> 01:20:10,656 There's four of them, and if they don't like you... 1134 01:20:10,745 --> 01:20:13,200 they make your life a nightmare! 1135 01:20:20,379 --> 01:20:23,878 And the worst thing about them is they're really mean to animals. 1136 01:20:23,965 --> 01:20:26,171 Especially this one three-legged dog. 1137 01:20:28,636 --> 01:20:30,379 Tripod! 1138 01:20:30,471 --> 01:20:32,962 Tripod! The dog's name is Tripod! 1139 01:20:33,057 --> 01:20:36,259 I know the dog's name! I know everything, kid. 1140 01:20:36,351 --> 01:20:38,343 I know why you're here! This is the event! 1141 01:20:38,436 --> 01:20:40,594 Vince Kajinski, the fight! It's the fight! 1142 01:20:40,689 --> 01:20:44,686 It was my eighth birthday. It was 32 years ago. 1143 01:20:44,776 --> 01:20:47,313 Today! Ha-ha-ha! 1144 01:20:54,283 --> 01:20:57,034 Holy smokes. 1145 01:20:59,079 --> 01:21:01,320 Look at the car! 1146 01:21:03,042 --> 01:21:05,366 Look at your clothes! 1147 01:21:08,463 --> 01:21:10,454 Holy smokes. 1148 01:21:11,633 --> 01:21:14,170 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1149 01:21:14,260 --> 01:21:18,423 - We did it, kid! - Am I home? Is it really 1968? 1150 01:21:23,393 --> 01:21:25,800 No doubt about it, kid. What time's recess? 1151 01:21:25,895 --> 01:21:28,811 - 10:30. - Hang on, kid. 1152 01:21:28,898 --> 01:21:31,768 We've got 15 minutes to change our life. 1153 01:21:31,858 --> 01:21:33,897 Okay, now listen. This is gonna happen real fast... 1154 01:21:33,986 --> 01:21:35,859 so you gotta remember what Kenny told you, all right? 1155 01:21:35,945 --> 01:21:39,859 - One, two, one, two. - One, two... - Keep your head down, keep swingin'. 1156 01:21:49,791 --> 01:21:53,705 Look, look, look! There's the really big slide, remember? 1157 01:21:56,005 --> 01:21:58,958 It used to be a lot bigger. 1158 01:21:59,049 --> 01:22:00,792 Here's what I remember: 1159 01:22:00,885 --> 01:22:04,882 Some really bad guys tie up that three-legged dog, Tripod. 1160 01:22:04,971 --> 01:22:06,928 When you try to stop 'em, you get really thrashed. 1161 01:22:07,014 --> 01:22:09,386 Oh, no. Do I save him? 1162 01:22:09,475 --> 01:22:12,262 No. You go down after only one punch... 1163 01:22:12,353 --> 01:22:14,428 thereby solidifying your reputation as a loser... 1164 01:22:14,521 --> 01:22:17,093 for the next eight years, all the way through high school... 1165 01:22:17,190 --> 01:22:19,396 and ruining our life from that moment on. 1166 01:22:19,483 --> 01:22:21,938 Oh, holy smokes. 1167 01:22:22,028 --> 01:22:25,811 Any second now, Vince Kajinski and his cohorts are gonna come around that corner. 1168 01:22:27,032 --> 01:22:29,819 - Look. There they are. - Hey, boo! 1169 01:22:31,453 --> 01:22:34,157 They're gonna say something to you to get you to come over there. 1170 01:22:34,247 --> 01:22:37,033 Once you get back there, they have Tripod tied up. 1171 01:22:38,667 --> 01:22:42,285 - Any questions? - Yeah. What's a cohort? 1172 01:22:43,547 --> 01:22:45,503 Hey, Rusty, come over here. 1173 01:22:45,591 --> 01:22:49,041 It's your birthday, right? We got a present for you. 1174 01:22:49,135 --> 01:22:53,002 Look, kid. You don't have to do this at all. 1175 01:22:53,097 --> 01:22:56,845 - You don't have to fight today. - Come on. Hurry up! 1176 01:23:00,353 --> 01:23:03,721 No. If I don't go against them today... 1177 01:23:03,814 --> 01:23:06,731 I'll have to fight tomorrow or the next day... 1178 01:23:06,817 --> 01:23:09,390 and today, you're here with me. 1179 01:23:09,486 --> 01:23:13,068 That's right. I'm here with you today. 1180 01:23:14,908 --> 01:23:16,946 I can do this. 1181 01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:20,733 You can do it. Don't be afraid. 1182 01:23:20,830 --> 01:23:22,822 Here I come! 1183 01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:26,408 I'll be right here. 1184 01:23:36,134 --> 01:23:37,544 What took you so long? 1185 01:23:37,636 --> 01:23:40,126 - Come on, Rusty. - I just saw it... 1186 01:23:40,221 --> 01:23:42,676 - Yeah, hurry up. - A big surprise. 1187 01:23:42,766 --> 01:23:45,256 It's really far out. 1188 01:24:04,284 --> 01:24:06,905 Come on, man. It'll be great. Why don't you go? 1189 01:24:06,995 --> 01:24:10,529 - Yeah. - It'll be fun. There's your present. - Cool, huh? 1190 01:24:13,084 --> 01:24:15,870 - What are you doing? - This stinkin', three-legged dog is worthless. 1191 01:24:15,961 --> 01:24:18,961 We'll see him run. Light the firecrackers. 1192 01:24:19,048 --> 01:24:22,997 Let the dog go. You guys are dirtbags. 1193 01:24:23,093 --> 01:24:26,592 - What did you call us? - Dirtbags! 1194 01:24:26,679 --> 01:24:29,348 - Good shot. - Look at flabby. - We rule. 1195 01:24:29,431 --> 01:24:32,135 What a dope. 1196 01:24:32,226 --> 01:24:35,310 - That was far out. - Right on. - Yeah, right on. 1197 01:24:35,395 --> 01:24:37,186 - We rule. - Wait, Vince. 1198 01:24:37,272 --> 01:24:39,229 Turn around. 1199 01:24:40,692 --> 01:24:44,274 Oh, that's how it's gonna be. 1200 01:24:44,361 --> 01:24:46,899 - Come on, Vince. Get him! - Stop it! 1201 01:24:49,032 --> 01:24:50,989 Come on! 1202 01:24:51,075 --> 01:24:54,194 - Get him! - Come on! Get him! 1203 01:24:56,497 --> 01:24:58,987 - Up against the wall! - Come on, Vince! 1204 01:24:59,083 --> 01:25:01,573 - Stop! - Come on, wimp! 1205 01:25:01,668 --> 01:25:04,419 Are you gonna cry? 1206 01:25:04,504 --> 01:25:07,587 - One, two. - Gonna run to your mom? - One, two. 1207 01:25:07,674 --> 01:25:09,962 One, two! 1208 01:25:12,011 --> 01:25:14,584 - Say uncle! Say uncle! - No. 1209 01:25:14,680 --> 01:25:16,921 - Apologize! - No. 1210 01:25:17,015 --> 01:25:19,257 Say uncle! Apologize! 1211 01:25:19,350 --> 01:25:21,093 Uncle. I'm sorry. 1212 01:25:27,399 --> 01:25:29,391 Yes! You won. 1213 01:25:29,485 --> 01:25:32,983 - Holy smokes! You did it! - Yabba-dabba-doo! 1214 01:25:33,071 --> 01:25:35,063 Ha-ha! Yabba-dabba-doo is right. 1215 01:25:35,157 --> 01:25:38,323 - You won the fight. You really did it. You won the fight. - I did it. I did it! 1216 01:25:38,409 --> 01:25:40,816 That's all! I did what I had to do. 1217 01:25:40,911 --> 01:25:42,903 Everything's gonna be different now. 1218 01:25:44,164 --> 01:25:45,907 Yeah, I guess so. 1219 01:25:45,999 --> 01:25:49,248 Over. That is all. Yes. 1220 01:25:51,295 --> 01:25:53,002 That's all, right? 1221 01:25:56,216 --> 01:25:58,707 - Oh, no. - What? 1222 01:26:01,012 --> 01:26:02,672 It's not over. 1223 01:26:03,514 --> 01:26:06,431 This gets worse, kid. Much worse. 1224 01:26:06,517 --> 01:26:08,889 What are you talking about? I won the fight. 1225 01:26:08,978 --> 01:26:11,598 It wasn't the fight. That wasn't it. 1226 01:26:16,234 --> 01:26:18,225 It's not over. 1227 01:26:22,740 --> 01:26:24,732 Ice on the eye, son. 1228 01:26:28,495 --> 01:26:31,412 Mr Branch, I put all the reports on your desk. 1229 01:26:41,173 --> 01:26:43,959 Mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. 1230 01:26:44,050 --> 01:26:47,833 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 1231 01:26:47,928 --> 01:26:50,465 I'm sorry you had to come in, Mrs Duritz. 1232 01:26:50,556 --> 01:26:53,343 We all know you haven't been well. 1233 01:26:53,433 --> 01:26:58,260 Please, don't punish him, Mr Branch. 1234 01:26:58,354 --> 01:27:00,346 It's his birthday today. 1235 01:27:08,947 --> 01:27:11,782 - Mom, Daddy's home. - Daddy? 1236 01:27:11,866 --> 01:27:13,443 Gloria. 1237 01:27:13,535 --> 01:27:16,108 What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? 1238 01:27:16,203 --> 01:27:17,994 - I'm fine. - Come on, dear. - I'm fine. 1239 01:27:18,081 --> 01:27:21,034 Shh, shh, shh. Get you inside. 1240 01:27:21,125 --> 01:27:23,829 You stay there! 1241 01:27:23,918 --> 01:27:26,788 Please don't scare him. He's had a hard day. 1242 01:27:26,880 --> 01:27:30,046 Gloria, the doctor said you weren't to leave the house. 1243 01:27:42,310 --> 01:27:44,800 - What is the matter with you? - I'm sorry. 1244 01:27:44,896 --> 01:27:48,478 How could you do this to your mother? What are you trying to do, kill her faster? 1245 01:27:48,566 --> 01:27:51,352 - What? - We're gonna lose her. 1246 01:27:51,443 --> 01:27:55,570 God, and you pull some stunt like you did today. You're killing her! 1247 01:27:55,655 --> 01:27:58,323 I found the screw, Dad. The screw. 1248 01:27:58,407 --> 01:28:01,407 - Stop cryin'. - Here's the screw, Dad. 1249 01:28:01,493 --> 01:28:04,198 Look! Here it is. Here it is. I found it. 1250 01:28:04,287 --> 01:28:07,406 - Just stop cryin'. - Please, Dad, look at the screw. 1251 01:28:07,498 --> 01:28:10,119 - Here it is. - Stop crying! 1252 01:28:10,209 --> 01:28:12,450 Stop. 1253 01:28:12,544 --> 01:28:15,498 You gotta grow up, now. 1254 01:28:15,589 --> 01:28:17,581 Do you understand? 1255 01:28:17,674 --> 01:28:20,627 - Yes, sir. - Grow up. Grow up! 1256 01:28:44,990 --> 01:28:47,563 Mom's dying. 1257 01:28:49,285 --> 01:28:52,451 - I know. - Soon? 1258 01:28:53,706 --> 01:28:56,374 Yeah. 1259 01:28:56,458 --> 01:28:58,200 Before your next birthday. 1260 01:28:58,293 --> 01:29:00,036 Did I do it? 1261 01:29:03,381 --> 01:29:06,050 No. 1262 01:29:06,133 --> 01:29:08,125 No, you didn't do it. 1263 01:29:10,887 --> 01:29:13,556 It's not your fault. 1264 01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:16,475 Dad was just saying those things because he's scared. 1265 01:29:18,686 --> 01:29:21,769 'Cause he knows that he has to raise you alone, and he doesn't know how to do it. 1266 01:29:25,609 --> 01:29:27,897 I thought you never cried. 1267 01:29:31,364 --> 01:29:33,403 Not since my eighth birthday. 1268 01:29:35,076 --> 01:29:37,696 Guess I'm starting up again. 1269 01:29:37,786 --> 01:29:41,404 - How come? - 'Cause I just figured out where I got that twitch from. 1270 01:29:42,540 --> 01:29:44,698 Somebody call the "waaambulance." 1271 01:29:46,043 --> 01:29:49,293 Yeah. Yeah. 1272 01:29:49,380 --> 01:29:51,419 Gonna need 'em now, huh? 1273 01:29:57,095 --> 01:29:59,846 Come on. You wanna get outta here? 1274 01:30:01,391 --> 01:30:03,429 Let's go. 1275 01:30:07,772 --> 01:30:09,763 Let's go get something to eat. 1276 01:30:09,856 --> 01:30:13,059 Okay. But I'm eating whatever I want. 1277 01:30:17,821 --> 01:30:20,490 This is disgusting. Let me have some of yours. 1278 01:30:20,574 --> 01:30:21,854 - Hey! - Hey! 1279 01:30:23,994 --> 01:30:26,698 - You don't seem all that mad. - About what? 1280 01:30:27,914 --> 01:30:29,989 That we didn't change anything. 1281 01:30:30,083 --> 01:30:32,656 Like the fact that we're still gonna have to fight Vince Kajinski... 1282 01:30:32,752 --> 01:30:34,624 every week all through grade school? 1283 01:30:35,754 --> 01:30:38,078 - Yeah. - And we'll still be ugly through high school? 1284 01:30:38,173 --> 01:30:40,498 - But not stupid. - Not stupid. 1285 01:30:41,885 --> 01:30:44,042 And that we spend our college years... 1286 01:30:44,136 --> 01:30:47,421 as a chickless, dogless jerk with a twitch? 1287 01:30:47,515 --> 01:30:50,135 And still not have a family when we're 40? 1288 01:30:53,144 --> 01:30:54,602 Yeah. 1289 01:30:55,855 --> 01:30:57,978 What's done is done. 1290 01:30:59,108 --> 01:31:01,016 Yeah. 1291 01:31:02,819 --> 01:31:07,646 But, hey, this is our birthday. Okay? 1292 01:31:08,575 --> 01:31:11,243 Happy birthday, kid. Cheers, kid. 1293 01:31:19,126 --> 01:31:21,367 Hello, boy. How are you doin'? 1294 01:31:21,461 --> 01:31:23,749 - Who are you? - Chester, come on, boy. 1295 01:31:33,138 --> 01:31:37,632 Did you hear what he just called his dog? 1296 01:31:37,725 --> 01:31:39,349 Chester. 1297 01:31:52,697 --> 01:31:54,523 Can that... 1298 01:31:55,657 --> 01:31:58,029 be that? 1299 01:31:58,118 --> 01:32:01,985 - No way. - Can't be. 1300 01:32:06,626 --> 01:32:09,116 Here you go. 1301 01:32:31,481 --> 01:32:34,397 You like the old plane? 1302 01:32:37,069 --> 01:32:39,394 Uh-huh. 1303 01:32:40,739 --> 01:32:42,529 Yeah. 1304 01:32:43,659 --> 01:32:45,651 You did all this. 1305 01:32:47,662 --> 01:32:49,654 You put that plane on my doorstep. 1306 01:32:49,747 --> 01:32:54,159 Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a particularly nice touch. 1307 01:32:55,752 --> 01:32:58,207 Yeah. It was. 1308 01:32:58,296 --> 01:33:01,082 I bet you got a lot of questions. 1309 01:33:02,883 --> 01:33:05,718 - Yeah. - Well, I wouldn't worry about it. 1310 01:33:05,803 --> 01:33:09,136 You got 30 years to figure 'em out. 1311 01:33:09,223 --> 01:33:12,342 Right now I gotta go. Family's waitin'. 1312 01:33:36,288 --> 01:33:38,660 It was especially nice seeing you again. 1313 01:33:41,293 --> 01:33:44,827 - I'll see you. - See ya. 1314 01:33:47,548 --> 01:33:49,540 Bye. 1315 01:33:54,221 --> 01:33:56,711 Holy smokes. 1316 01:34:12,111 --> 01:34:14,483 We did it. 1317 01:34:21,245 --> 01:34:23,913 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1318 01:34:23,997 --> 01:34:26,119 - We did it! - We did it! 1319 01:34:26,207 --> 01:34:28,365 Yeah-ho-ho! 1320 01:34:28,459 --> 01:34:31,495 - I'm okay! We're okay! - We're okay! 1321 01:34:31,586 --> 01:34:33,993 We're okay! 1322 01:34:34,089 --> 01:34:36,211 - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. 1323 01:34:36,299 --> 01:34:39,216 - No, you're a pilot. - I'm a pilot. - We grow up to be pilots! 1324 01:34:39,302 --> 01:34:42,256 We grow up to be pilots! Hey! 1325 01:34:42,346 --> 01:34:44,753 - Did you see our dog? - What's his name? - Chester. 1326 01:34:44,848 --> 01:34:48,430 - Chester, the world's greatest dog! - The world's greatest dog! 1327 01:34:48,519 --> 01:34:51,969 Yes! Hoo-Ha, Hoo-Ha... One, right, left, left... 1328 01:34:52,063 --> 01:34:54,388 - Did you see our family? - Yeah. 1329 01:34:55,524 --> 01:34:57,516 Wild. 1330 01:34:58,902 --> 01:35:01,108 That old lady looked familiar. 1331 01:35:02,239 --> 01:35:05,193 Yeah. I thought so too. 1332 01:35:17,961 --> 01:35:21,210 - Look at us go. - Yeah. 1333 01:35:21,297 --> 01:35:23,123 Look at us go. 1334 01:35:28,471 --> 01:35:32,965 I am not a loser! 1335 01:35:47,153 --> 01:35:49,145 Look at us go. 1336 01:35:53,784 --> 01:35:55,776 Kid? 1337 01:36:08,089 --> 01:36:10,080 Bye, kid. 1338 01:36:16,930 --> 01:36:18,922 Thanks. 1339 01:36:39,116 --> 01:36:41,784 Hello? 1340 01:36:41,868 --> 01:36:43,575 I'm here. 1341 01:36:45,579 --> 01:36:48,152 Russ? 1342 01:36:48,249 --> 01:36:51,831 - Russ? - Hi, Janet. I'm back here. I'll be out in a second. 1343 01:36:51,919 --> 01:36:55,168 Hey, a couple of questions. Why am I not at the office? 1344 01:36:55,255 --> 01:36:57,247 Why are you not at the office? 1345 01:36:57,340 --> 01:36:59,747 - And where have you been? - Did you call my dad? 1346 01:36:59,842 --> 01:37:02,511 Yes, I told him you'd be there Sunday to help him move. 1347 01:37:02,595 --> 01:37:05,845 He almost had a heart attack, if that was your intention. 1348 01:37:05,931 --> 01:37:07,888 What about the plane tickets to Hawaii? 1349 01:37:07,974 --> 01:37:11,259 I booked 'em. Two first-class seats. You leave at 2:00. 1350 01:37:14,355 --> 01:37:17,059 Thank you. Got a pen? 1351 01:37:17,149 --> 01:37:21,193 Change these names on here. Use my credit card. 1352 01:37:27,408 --> 01:37:30,325 Russ! Ha-ha-ha! 1353 01:37:30,411 --> 01:37:33,327 - I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. - Aloha, Janet. 1354 01:37:33,414 --> 01:37:37,707 I love Hawaii. I love Hawaii! 1355 01:38:42,766 --> 01:38:45,601 Do you want to come in? 1356 01:38:45,685 --> 01:38:47,677 Yes. 106896