Original subtitles

How could she give us a popquiz on friday? It doesn't matter.

It was a sucky week and it was destined to end with a sucky quiz.

It's the hayy twins-- joyful and smiley.

Welcome home, boys. Can it.

- We're not in the mood. - Maybe I can cheer you up.

Something to brighten your dark and gloomy lives.

"Cd Rom Deathforce" Unbelievable!

Where did you get this? This isn't even out yet.

I have connections.

Go ahead.

Pop it in.

BOTH: Yes!

- Choose your man. - I am Lethar.

I'll the Infero!

Ready to battle Zanthrax, the Walking Death Machine?

- I'm so glad you guys like it. - Let the Bloodbath begin.

- I just want to make you happy. - COMPUTER: Welcome to level one.

All right, we're in!

"Lisa, surprising us with this gift was a nice thing to do."

"Thank you very, very much, Lisa.

You're the best friend we have."

Hey, Lis, how about playtime munchies? Chips, dip, wings.

I'm not in the wing mood.

How about some frozen candy bars?

I live to serve.

Okay, here we go!

Whoo!

I got it! I got it!

All right, here we go!

Left! Left! Left!

You've been doing that for 12 hours.

What do you say we do something else?

How about hawaii? Climb a few volcanoes?

In a minute. He's going for the damsel!

- ( Explosion ) - Suck on your own blood, buddy!

- COMPUTER: Welcome to level seven. - Whoo!

We have to pick up more power pods to get the antimatter blasters.

- Where you going? - To whiz. Pause the game.

We're three levels from staying Zanthrax

and becoming masters of his world.

You can't go to the bathroom.

Lis?

- No. - Please?

Go ahead. Have a party.

( Whistling )

Huh, dry as a bone. Now, that's a handy little trick.

You are very talented.

Come on. Let's play.

I got him.

Watch out! Get it!

Use your blasters!

It's not me!

Here we go!

Get him! Get him!

- Yes! - Yes!

COMPUTER: Game over. Congratulations.

You are the victor. Zanthrax is dead.

Have a nice day.

- "Game over"? That's it? - It stops at level ten?

- How lame. - Yo, Lis, we need more levels.

I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?

- We need you to extend the game. - Whoa.

I thought you were actually saying something to me

that wasn't a whiny, selfish little command.

Oh, well. Enough of my crazy little fantasy.

What can your faithful, magic vending machine, Lisa

zap up for you now?

A few more levels-- something more challenging.

Yeah, but if you want to lay down for a while

- we can take a break. - No!

You want a real challenge? I'll give you a real challenge.

( Thunderclap )

When do you think we should start to worry?

I already have.

( Bell Rings )

- Maybe she won't do anything. - I've never seen her that mad.

Maybe she'll make gym class last all day.

Maybe this is our punishment--

Getting us all nervous over nothing.

( Gun Zapping, as in Video Game )

Gar! Gar, are you all right?

I can't move. What the hell was that?

( Stomping )

- Prepare to die. - ( Screaming )

( Screaming )

Oh, my God, it's Zanthrax!

Lisa must have made the video game come of life.

It wants to kill us.

I figured that out.

- What are we going to do? - ( Growling )

- The fire alarm. - Gary, we can't do that.

We'll end up in detention.

- ( Growling ) - ( Alarm Ringing )

We got to get to Lisa.

Hi, guys.

I'm making fluffernutters. You want some?

Do you know what's going on?

Ooh, sorry.

What's the problem? This level not challenging enough for you?

- Hey. - I think there's something you should see.

This is so like you. We act a little bit immature so you

get all pissy and bring Zanthrax the Walking Machine to life.

- You should take a look at this. - You wanted to play more levels

in that stupid game so I made you more levels,

- just like you told me to. - You're getting back at us.

You've twisted our words around.

All you did was whine and complain and you never thanked me.

- Guys! - BOTH: What?

Is this noticeable?

I hope you're happy. You had to blow a gaping,

charred hole out of the middle of my best friend

but you taught us a lesson.

Can you end this spell and put Gary back together?

I can't end the spell. It's out of my control now.

- WYATT: But what about Gary? - Yeah.

I'm dying here.

I'm sorry.

I thought you guys were good at this game.

Wy...

before I buy the farm there's something I have to tell you.

No. Just hang on. You're going to be okay.

- Lisa! - There's no time.

Remember the girl in fifth grade you had a crush on, Kim Larson?

You asked her put and she said no and went out with me instead?

Forget about it, Gary. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter right now.

I'm calling 911.

I told her you had head lice.

So she'd dump me and go out with you?

There's some sort of tunnel... and a light.

- PHONE: 911 Emergency. - Answer the question.

Please... forgive me.

Gary? Gary? Oh, man!

Don't die on me. Of course I forgive you.

You're my best friend. I'll never forget that.

This can't be happening.

What do you know, I'm back.

We each get five lives just like the game.

- Head lice? - It was fifth grade.

Besides, she dumped me so we're even.

- We are not. - You forgave me.

You were dead.

( Loud Pounding )

Oh, no. It's come for us.

( Growling )

( Pounding )

We need a plan.

We need five inch steel walls.

He moves fast for a big guy.

What are we going to do?

If this is just like the video game only real...

It's definitely real.

Then the only way we'll get out this is by killing Zanthrax.

He's shooting flame balls.

Where will we find firepower to match that?

What do you pucker-butts want?

It's kind of hard to explain.

There's this... Well, it's a... A uh...

What?

There's a seven foot bloodthirsty monster trashing the house.

We need you to kill it.

- What's this thing packing? - A fireball launcher.

Amateur.

- It didn't even phase him. - He's an ex-marine.

They live for this kind of thing.

You tell Mom and Dad and this stash I'll bury you alive in here.

Looks like we're going on a bug hunt.

Chett, I'm just curious.

Why do you have all this stuff?

Just exercising my constitutional right to bear arms, wuss-boy.

A man's got to hunt.

Semiautomatics for deer.

Grenades for pond fishing and flamethrowers are good

for anything that lives down a hole.

It doesn't seem very safe to have all this stuff.

Oh, sure. You whine about gun control but as soon as there's

a seven foot tall inter-dimensional space monster in your bedroom

then suddenly owning a gun makes sense.

Let's dance.

( Growling )

( Growling )

All right, you butt-ugly space monkey.

I don't know where you're from or why you're here.

All I know is... you are pathetic, life-force.

I would disembowel you, but you don't have any guts.

- ( Laughing ) - Oh, yeah?

You want a piece of this? Rip me open!

I'll show you who's got guts! Come back here.

- That bought us 30 seconds. - We need something really powerful.

We need those laser blasters from the game.

- Like these? - Gimme, gimme, gimme.

What do you say?

Never again will we complain, whine or think less

of any gift you give us out of the goodness of your heart.

We are humbled by your magnificence.

Close enough.

This is going to be so awesome.

We got monsters, ray guns and I got four lives left.

You still have four lives?

- What's your problem? - That's for Kim Larson.

- Now we're even. - I don't think so.

- You had it backwards, you idiot. - Shut up.

No, you shut up.

No, you shut up.

Guys, stop. When your game's over it's really over.

I suggest you increase the peace.

I'm sorry. I was mad, I had a ray gun...

Ditto.

- We got some monster butt to fry. - It's time to implement plan "A."

Search, locate, and annihilate.

( Grunting )

( Growling )

The damsel is mine.

The game is over. ( Laughing )

Okey-dokey.

What's plan "B?"

Lisa?

We got to go get her.

- What? - Where are we going to go get her?

In the computer. That thing took her with it.

- We got to go in there after her. - You can't go into a computer.

There isn't a little door that magically shrinks you.

Oh. But a creature from a computer game

can come to life and hurl fireballs at us.

- Guys, it's me, in here. - It can't be.

Zanthrax is holding me prisoner and I can't use my powers.

- You've got to get me out. - How? How do we get in there?

There's a little door that magically shrinks you.

It's the passageway between the two worlds.

- Where do we start? - I can't tell you.

- All I know is I smell brownies. - The damsel is the bride of Zanthrax.

If you attempt to resuce her I will rip the skin from you bones

and fill the rivers of virtual space with your blood.

( Laughing )

I think they make a nice couple.

Guys, help me. Get me out of here.

We got to go find that passageway.

That passageway's got to be here somewhere.

She said she smelled browines.

I got it. Stand back.

( Screams )

- What is this? - My dad made dinner last night.

It's got to be in here.

- Do we have any weapons left? - Nope.

- Extra points? - Uh-uh.

- How many lives do we have left? - None.

After you.

- Do you see anything yet? - Greasy builddup.

Stay out of the oven. Zanthrax set a trap.

It'll scramble your atoms.

( Screaming )

Talk to me. You okay?

That's the last time I crawl into your oven.

He's coming after you guys.

Forget about me and get out of the house.

- Good advice. Prepare to die. - ( Screaming )

Wait. You call yourself a monster?

- These are unharmed children. - She's got you there.

You can't just kill them. Where's the challehat?

If you were a really scary monster you'd make them suffer

an incredibly painful humiliating death.

I was with you until the incredibly painful death part.

- What are you saying? - Trust me.

We shall have a competition. If you win, she will go free.

- If you lose, you die. - Not much of second prize.

Because I will be victorious I will allow you to choose

the contest of battle. Make your choice now.

Think carefully about this. It's yours.

We choose, huh? All right, then. We choose to fight.

By... hot tubbing it in aspen with en vogue.

first one to second base wins.

( Water Splashing and Women Laughing )

WOMAN: Ooh, this is great!

Who's have thought?

His definition of second base is a little fuzzy if you ask me.

Silence. You have been beaten and now you must die.

Wait a minute. Double or nothing. One more contest.

One more contest. This time, if you win I'll give you

the secrets to my power in the other world.

- With it, you'll be unstoppable. - You can't do that.

- He'll be free to destroy our world. - It's our only hope.

I accept your wager. Choose your contest.

- Okay. - Hold on. This time I choose.

Where are we?

What is this?

It was the first thing that popped into my head.

Ready? Begin.

GARY: We're playing turbo pong for the future of the world?

- How can we lose? - But turbo pong?

( Beeps When Ball is Hit )

Ha. The points is mine.

One to nothing. Nice move.

You guys concentrate.

- She's right. We can do this. - I don't know, Gary.

He's a lot better at this than I thought.

Hey, if we play as a team, nothing can stop us.

Besides, we're only down by one.

- Hey, what are we playing to?! - Two.

He is a monster.

( Both Grunting )

Eat this, pirate pants!

Ah!

Yes!

There's something wrong with the paddles.

GARY: Nice try. One-up.

- Our serve. - Okay, game point.

Let's slaughter this thing and get out of here.

Not to put pressure on but if you miss this the world

as we know it comes to an end.

Why would that put any pressure on us?

All right, you walking scrap heap give it your best shot.

WYATT: I hate turbo pong.

I hate losing.

( Growling )

Yes!

You played fair and won. The damsel is yours.

You will be returned. Oh, and, uh...

( Chuckles ) Sorry about cheating back there.

Guys, you did it. I'm so proud.

And who says video games don't help you in the real world?

Yeah.

Nice ace on the last point, guys.

Sorry we got you so mad before.

I guess we did get a little carried away with Deathforce.

- Consider it deleted. - Good, because I really missed you guys.

I know you didn't really mean it but it felt like you were

taking me for granted and it hurt.

Lisa, we could never take you for granted.

Up for a little tetris for old time's sake?

Cool.

Hey, Lis, how about you fetch us up a couple

of root beer floats and some sandwiches, chop-chop.

What? Kidding. Joke.

- I'll get myself. - Chop-chop.

( Laughing )

Go help him.

Captioned by Grantman Brown