Original subtitles

_

Still not snowing.

I'll start the coffee.

Thanks, hon.

Whoa.

Good morning, everyone.

Didn't mean to startle you, Ann.

- Hey, Tony. - Looking limber, sponse.

Thanks, pal. I'm doing the best with what God gave me.

The anti-siphon valve came in, so we have

a real shot of finishing this bathroom by Christmas.

Yeah, I'd really like to believe that.

Ann, I got it.

But you didn't block me in again, did you?

Damn it.

I'll be right back.

This gonna happen every morning at 7:00?

Well, we are dealing with a three-person crew

with varying degrees of sobriety, so, yeah,

every day's gonna have a little, uh, suspense.

By the way, we're trimming the tree tonight.

Bridget and Doug are coming.

Can you guys please pick up some lights for me?

Sure. Text me what you need.

I just told you. Lights.

Okay. Yeah, just text me.

This... this is unconscionable.

And no breakfast?

You know, you could get your own place.

Don't play chicken with me, old man.

I'm your most likely caregiver.

Funny.

- No food upstairs. - Can't hear you

'cause of the mess happening above us.

_

I need to tell you something.

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, Doug and I got in a fight.

- Aw, sweetie. - Oh, honey.

- It's okay. - Oh.

- What happened? Tell me. - It's okay.

Um, it's complicated.

Yeah, well, you guys can talk about it later.

- We're going to Gaby's Skillet. - Yeah.

Right. We're going to Gaby's Skillet,

'cause Dad didn't cook breakfast anyway.

- So, you know... - Oh, really?

You know, I saw an apartment for rent over on McCallen.

Big, giant sign in the window.

- He's never moving out. - No.

I don't get it.

Why'd you tell Doug you cheated?

He's my husband. I owed him the truth.

Kind of feels like you're cherry-picking

which vows to observe,

- but we're here for you. - Uh...

- Ugh, I have to tell Mom. - She's gonna be so judgmental.

She made me feel so bad about ruining her credit score.

I just want, like, a giant stack of pancakes, you know?

- Yeah, uh, comfort good is good, - Um...

- but, um... - Just, uh, remember what happened

after your breakup with Paul.

Can you guys be nice for, like, two minutes?

We just don't want you to, uh, spiral.

You had to get all new jeans.

Hey, we got Corbett's Christmas party tonight,

- so that'll be some good diversion. - Yeah.

- No. Not going. - What?

It's the-the most sacred part of the Christmas season.

Everyone from high school's gonna be there.

Comparing. Judging. Looking for a reason

to knock old Superstar Bridget down a notch.

Who the hell calls you Superstar Brid...

- Yeah. - Let her have this one.

Yes. I told you we'd bump into 'em here.

- What's up, guys? Hey, man. - Hi.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey.

- Where's Doug? - Um, he's working.

What? On a weekend?

He's a holiday villain. I love it.

He's a monster.

- Yeah. - Uh, what are you two

paramours up to?

Having brunch with some of my friends.

All expats. I'm trying to win 'em over

with some American doughnuts.

- That's nice. - They love you.

They're on the fence.

- But I got this. - Yeah, you do.

- Yeah, you do. - See you later.

- Yeah, you do. - Bye, guys.

Bye.

If it's any consolation,

- you never had a shot. - Just...

Wait, shot for what?

Wait, you have a thing for Marco's girlfriend?

- Ew. - Are you seriously

judging my crush, you infidel?

Hey, stop fighting.

You're both godawful people.

What was wrong with Ali? 'Cause she sounded amazing.

She was. Is. Just...

- I'm starting to think I'm the problem. - Starting to think?

I love her Instagram. She has great boots.

- In her recent... - Oh. They just pop.

They-they draw your eyes to her feet.

Honestly, I-I should've just moved in with her, right?

Yes. Obviously.

Ah. Sean?

Stop answer shopping.

You blew it.

- You consistently blow it. - Yeah.

- You want some help with that? - No.

I'm sweating 'cause you got the thermostat set at 85,

- not because I have cancer. - All right.

And because you look

- particularly fetching in... - Mm.

Oh, no. I just had a bagel.

Oh, I like bagels, honey.

I can hear them. I can hear the kids.

- They're coming. - We've lost our window.

I know.

Ew. The middle of the day.

Good for you guys. I guess.

Are you horny?

Uh, where-where's my stuff?

I moved you into your brother's room.

No. No, no, no, no. That's not fair.

I have to sleep with Mr. Apnea?

Hey, no, no, no. Leon's the one that snores.

It's a symphony, dude.

It'll be fun. We'll have night talks.

- Mm. - Oh. Honey, honey.

Oh. Oh, right, right. Okay.

Hey, remember I said no fireworks

- in the house, right? - Hey.

So, now that it's just the two of us...

tell me what happened. Was this about starting a family?

You know what, I-I just really don't want to talk about it.

Are you having money problems?

Mom, I know you mean well, but come on.

You know, when your dad and I were first married,

we had a huge fight. I just want you to know.

I went and stayed at Aunt Kathy's for a few days.

I mean, this is back when your father was drinking.

You know, he was having trouble maintaining an erection,

- and he was really bugged about it. - Nope.

I mean, I don't want to go into specifics...

You're in them, Mom. You're in the specifics.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

It's just that, you know, we, as women,

we wear many hats.

I mean, at the end of a long day,

you really don't want to be taking care of others

- and their feelings, you know? - Yeah.

Am I a feminist? Maybe I am.

Maybe I've always been a feminist. I don't know.

But whatever's going on with you and Doug,

you've got to put yourself at the top of your to-do list.

Said Michelle Obama.

- Yeah. - She was married to the president.

- No, I've heard of her. - Marriages...

They ebb and flow and they ebb and flow.

Believe me, I know.

I know.

- I'm here for you. - Thank you.

No, I want you to under...

Oh, we're h... Tony.

Tony! I am trying to have a conversation

with my daughter about self-care

and how you can't pour from an empty cup.

A moment of quiet reflection.

- Please! - Sorry!

Okay, well, obviously, I shouldn't have been talking

about your father's...

erection.

Blew it.

Hey, Ali, it's me.

Um, I've been doing a lot of thinking,

and-and you're right. I'm an idiot.

I-I want to make this work. I want to move in together.

I miss you. Call me.

Please. I want to be with you.

Call me.

Whoa.

You laid your heart on the line.

The rest is up to her.

Tony. I don't think we've officially met.

I had a lapse of judgment.

So, what I had thought of as a bit of...

labor theater, uh, turned out,

in hindsight, to be a Class D felony.

Sean, you can have your job back.

Thank you, Meg. Thank you.

You are surrounded by ice,

- but it hasn't penetrated your heart. - But you're working

- weekend nights and all holidays. - Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes. Uh, Presidents' Day weekend

is gonna be a bit tricky.

- All holidays. - I got a deposit on a rental.

But I get it. You know what, how 'bout this?

We'll circle back closer to the date.

I'm trusting you with these.

Ah.

Meg...

I won't disappoint you.

Why do you keep checking that?

I called Ali, told her I want to move in together.

I regretted it the instant I hung up.

Your picture should be up in women's locker rooms.

I mean, you present as a nice guy,

- but you're a monster. - Yo, get dressed.

We're going to Corbett's.

Bridget, I really think you should come, because...

I'm in. I can't spend the night getting grilled by Mom.

Beautiful. Wheels up in an hour.

You know, I think Bridget made this.

- No, I made it. It was me. - All right, we're leaving.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're trimming the tree.

- That was a real thing? - Yeah, that was a real thing.

Made cookies, mulled cider. We're trimming the tree.

Like, we're making a night of it?

We just never do that. We always just put them up whenever.

Well, it's not often that we're all under one roof,

and I thought it would be fun to do together.

It just feels like this isn't time-sensitive.

And we got Corbett's Annual Christmas Party, which is...

an actual real thing.

Oh. Corbett's Annual Christmas Party.

Can I talk to you guys for a second in the other room?

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Good.

This is really, really,

- really important to your mother. - Why?

I don't know. Okay? But she's been talking

- about it for days. - Feels like it's

coming from something she saw on Pinterest.

She can't go randomly

- inventing traditions. - Okay.

This is what we're gonna do, alright?

You're putting up ornaments, you're eating cookies,

you're hanging tinsel, and you're gonna do it all

while acting really, really, really festive.

- Festive's a relative... - Festive!

Hey, hon?

The kids have changed their minds

Yes.

Thank you. Great, great.

Home stretch, home stretch.

You know, you guys are really rushing it.

And you're-you're wasting all the good ones

- on the back. - You're obsessed

with the elves. They're creepy.

- Star? - Yeah.

Oh, star.

- Hey. - Know what that means?

- Oh. - Christmas tree.

- Lovely. - Think that was the last of 'em.

- No. No, no. - Yeah, it's a Christmas tree.

- This whole night was real special. - No, no, no.

There's more, there's more, there's definitely more, right?

There's the next... What's the next thing, honey?

Um... it's fine.

- Go. Go to the party. - Thank you very much.

- Mwah. - Don't worry, Dan's driving.

- Bye. - Okay.

- Hey, Tony. - Hey, Tony.

- Hey, boss? - Yes?

Uh, thinking about packing it in for the night.

All right, thanks, Tone. Sounds good.

I'm proud of you.

- It's a hell of a tree. - Yep.

I'll just tell the crew.

You know, hon, it's his first Christmas without his family.

Maybe we should give him some cookies.

Yeah. No one else is gonna eat 'em.

All right.

Listen.

It's a great tree.

Yep. I just wanted this Christmas to be special,

- I know. - Because...

I know.

And it will be. Okay?

♪ I ask Thee to stay ♪

♪ Close by... ♪

I'm just...

gonna move some of the elves up front. Okay?

Christmas must be a rough time for Corbett.

Oh, so sad. Losing both parents in the same year.

Yeah, it's a tragedy.

But also a windfall.

Left him a four-bedroom, free and clear.

It's already appreciated four percent.

Check Zillow. I'm not lying.

How you holding up, Corbett?

Taking it day-to-day.

Spanking chumps like you in foos.

- Score! - Thought there was no spinnies.

However, that counts.

And you suck.

And if you ever need to talk, you know I'm here.

Means the world, man.

Ugh. Everyone's gonna be wondering

where Doug is, right?

Guess Bridget isn't so perfect after all.

Who's the salutatorian now?

Bridge, I think people have bigger fish to fry.

Like, what the hell happened to Roebuck's hair?

Does he live near a power plant or something?

- No, seriously, where did it go? - I don't know.

So fast.

Oh, crap.

I'm gonna go hide.

Wh-What?

Okay.

Hey, Cole showed.

- Oh, Miller? - Yeah.

You hear he sold one of his companies for a hundred million?

Yes, I heard. We've all heard.

Went right to his head, too.

You know, I DM'd him a year ago. Never hit me back.

That's the guy you should pitch your funeral fireworks thing to.

He's a major venture capitalist.

I don't need that kind of money.

- What kind of money? - Conceited money.

- This 'cause he didn't hit you back? - No.

It's... very telling.

He's vainglorious.

Hey, Bridget. How are you?

Hey, I'm good, Monty, I'm good.

How are you?

Um, you coaching still... wrestling, right?

- Yeah, yeah. Leading the conference. - Oh.

My heavyweight just snapped his femur during a match.

- Ouch. - Kind of shook the whole team.

But we ended up getting this fat kid from choir.

- Oh. - He's a natural.

Wow.

Doug here?

- Um, he's sick. - Is it a cold?

- I don't really know. - Did it spread to his chest?

- Yeah, Monty, I couldn't tell ya. - You know what I tell my guys

when they're sick... Plenty of beef broth, zinc,

and then just sweat it all out.

Does he have access to, like... like, a steam room

- or any kind of... - Oh, my God, he's not sick, okay?

- I made it up. - Wh-Why?

Because I just don't really want to answer any questions right now.

It's a party, Monty.

Party.

♪ If you love your Christmas... ♪

It's funny how things work out.

If I had finished this job

like I was supposed to three months ago,

I wouldn't be here right now.

God laughs at all our plans.

She sure does.

Are you gonna avoid me all night?

That was the plan.

Should we talk about what happened?

We're probably gonna keep seeing each other all week, so...

Look, I'm really sorry I kissed you.

Better you than Uncle Roger.

You know, Marco's actually one of my best friends.

Um... it's recently come to my attention

that I'm a monster.

Mm. And a terrible tipper.

- What? No. - Hmm? Hmm.

Um...

are we good?

We're fine.

Should... should we hug or something?

- No. I think we got it covered. - Right,

right, right. No hug. Yeah, that was my instinct, yeah.

All right, everyone, I'm calling it.

What the hell? Excuse me. Corbett,

what the hell are you doing? This...

It's-it's 10:45.

Neighbors just had a baby. I promised we wouldn't go past 11:00.

- So just un-promise them... - I can't.

Devon's colicky. Karen hasn't been sleeping.

"Devon's col... Karen hasn't been slee..."

Do you even hear yourself?

Last year, we watched the sun come up.

- We were gods. - I'm a homeowner now.

I'm actually block captain.

What does block captain even mean?

It means I need to walk the walk.

- Okay, just put the music back on. - I'm sorry,

- are you a homeowner? - I'm sorry, are you a host?

- Are you a homeowner? - Are you a host?

- Listen to me. Look at me. - Hey...

this feels like a weird fight brewing,

so I'm just gonna say, Dave, I had a lot of fun,

- but, uh... - No, you didn't. No.

You were starting to have a lot of fun, before this one...

- Sean! - My shoes are off.

Okay, look, everybody, the party's not over.

It's just switching locations.

We're going to the rink to play broomball.

That played better than I thought it would.

Follow me.

Can Cora play on your team?

I promised Corbett that I would take him out in the Tesla.

It's-It's okay. I don't need a babysitter.

No, baby, I know you don't need a babysitter.

I just feel weird showing the Tesla

in the middle of the party.

We talked about me being too much of a bro.

It really is okay. Go.

Nah, it's a bro move.

I'm not gonna do it. Mm.

Are you sure?

Yes.

The best.

- The best. Corbett. - Mm.

Are you kidding me? Chocolate?

Wash your hands.

All right, what's the score?

Uh, it's, uh, it's tied.

But we're drunker, so I feel good about our chances.

- Whoa! - Broomball

- was an epic idea. - Yeah? Thanks.

Is it, uh, D-DM worthy, or...?

- What? - No, I...

It's totally not a b-big deal.

I-I just, uh, sent you, like, four direct messages,

and you never replied to any of them, so I...

I haven't checked my Twitter in, like, two years.

I would've loved to have reconnected.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, dude.

Come on, man, you're Sean Moody.

There's always a bit of magic about you.

- Good to see you, man. - Yeah, likewise.

Yeah.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

Have you ever thought of cremation

as half of a good idea?

Hey. Sorry I grilled you about Doug's cold.

- I get nervous at parties. - No.

I was really rude.

- I'm just going through some stuff. - Yeah.

Sean told me that you guys are having problems.

Really? He's incapable of keeping a secret.

I went through a divorce last year...

Not that you're going down that road.

He just thought, uh,

I don't know, I might be good to talk to.

Suck it, sieve.

Who cares? I'm not even trying.

- Game. - Listen, I don't know what's going on.

It's none of my business, but...

are you okay?

I just lit my life on fire

and I just don't feel very good about myself.

Well, if it's a confidence booster at all,

I knew, like, six guys in high school

who had a crush on you.

That shouldn't make me feel better, but it does.

- Six guys? - Yep.

That's crazy.

Anyway, call me if you ever want to talk.

Practice gets out at 5:30.

Unless they're loafing and then I make them run suicides

till they puke, but...

- I'm around. - Okay.

Hey, Resolfi, it's not a pro tryout, okay?

Let's just take it down a notch.

Oh! I got it, I got it, I got it.

And then we shoot your ashes into the sky

in a spectacular display

of color and light and awe.

The sixth stage of grief:

applause.

It's brilliant.

Yeah, it is.

Wait, seriously?

Yeah, man. I'm telling you, it's a home run.

I mean, it is. I just...

If you're doing some kind of cool guy prank, uh...

I've taken a lot of arrows on this one, so...

Oh, stop it, dude. I'm in.

I'm gonna give you 750K.

All right? I want to be your angel investor.

Unless I'm being a little presumptuous?

Uh, uh... I, uh... You know, okay.

I've gone down the road with some folks,

so I've got some hard conversations in front of me,

but I-I love the idea

of keeping this local, so...

- All right. - Yeah.

- Let's make some money. - I love money.

All your jewelry's great.

I think my favorite one is the...

- the pendant with the-the thingy. - Thanks.

I get a lot of compliments, not a lot of buyers.

- Can I be honest? - Mm-hmm.

These photos aren't doing you justice.

I took them myself on my phone.

What, th-they weren't taken by a near-sighted child?

You jerk.

Okay. If you want, I could...

I could reshoot them for you.

I do carry the lights for one

of the premiere furniture photographers in New York.

- Maybe. - Maybe?

I need to see your stuff first.

Do you have a website?

Are-are you kidding me?

- What do you care? - Wow.

You're going to law school, anyway.

Okay. Um...

I-I've been shooting mostly black and white lately.

- And, um... - Cora, babe. We need ya.

They're talking a lot of nonsense.

Well, I guess I'll have to judge your life's work later.

I guess you will.

Daniel, nice scarf, bro.

Ali, hey.

Uh, how are you?

You got my message, cool.

Cool, cool, cool. Um, yeah, about that, um...

Everybody out!

Sean Moody!

Why don't we get out of here

and crunch some numbers back at your place?

Sean Moody!

Run! Run!

You've disappointed me!

Hey.

Need a ride?

Oh, thanks. Um, I'm just gonna go with my brothers.

All right. Hang in there.

Thanks.

Dumbasses.

- Oh, cheers, man. - Mm.

Mmm. Mmm.

You know where we should open up our European office?

- Madrid. - Madrid.

- People die all the time there. - What?

Oh, actually,

- people die all the time everywhere. - Yeah.

Oh, my God, we're gonna make so much money.

- Let's make some money. - Oh, that's right.

Hey, do you want to watch every Wesley Snipes movie?

Babe, you watching this?

I've been hands-free for, like, a minute.

Now my eyes are closed.

Thanks for getting me.

Of course.

I cheated on Doug.

Want to get some pancakes?

Yeah.

Yeah, I really do.

- That sounds... - Well, put your seat belt on.

Ali.

Best surprise ever?

Best surprise ever.

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