All language subtitles for The First Temptation Of Christ (Eng)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:07,924 [crickets chirping] 2 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,634 [Melchior] It's that way. 3 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,761 [gentle chiming] 4 00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,638 It just got complicated. 5 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,056 [whimsical music playing] 6 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,224 NETFLIX PRESENTS 7 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:20,520 I'm confused... I thought it was that way. 8 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,607 I'm confused. Are you sure this is the way? 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,569 -[Caspar] I've been following you. -[Balthazar] You must follow the star. 10 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,404 [Caspar] Stop with this star thing! 11 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,282 Last time, we chased nothing but an ordinary comet. 12 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,534 -We ended up in Greece! -[Balthazar] Are you complaining? 13 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,244 PORTA DOS FUNDOS' CHRISTMAS SPECIAL SHOW 14 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:39,080 [Balthazar] Wasn't it worth it? The beaches, Mykonos! 15 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,250 Beautiful, exciting people... [beatboxes] 16 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:45,211 [Melchior] It's this way. I've got a good feeling. Come on. 17 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,839 -[Caspar] A good feeling... -[Balthazar] That's what scares me. 18 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,966 [menacing music playing] 19 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:53,511 THE FIRST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST 20 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,812 Are they still living at that manger house? 21 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,773 -Yes. -I don't mean to raise hell, 22 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,900 but Joseph could've bought a better place already. 23 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,735 -With what money? -Isn't he a woodworker? 24 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,945 Yeah, the worst woodworker in the whole world. 25 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,864 I asked him to make me a table once. 26 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:16,993 It was so uneven that I used it to level my old table. 27 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,162 Seriously, after 30 years, nobody knows the way? 28 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,956 It's too far, Caspar. It's impossible to remember. 29 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,751 That's why only animals go to their parties. 30 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,710 It's Thelma! 31 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,922 -Thelma! No? Is it her? -Who, Melchior? 32 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,174 -No, it's not Thelma. -Who's Thelma? Who's Thelma? 33 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,802 A Roman girl I met at the crucifixion. 34 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,054 We made plans to go to Jesus' house together. 35 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,139 Are you bringing Thelma to the Lord's house? 36 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,434 Why? Isn't my name on the list? She's my plus-one, it's etiquette. 37 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,646 You can't bring a pick-me-up to a family party, Melchior. 38 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,816 Caspar, no one will notice Thelma in all that fuss. 39 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,443 What fuss? It's an intimate get together! 40 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:53,029 -It's a petit comité. -That's annoying too. 41 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,948 -What? -They only invite us to the baptism, 42 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,617 baby shower, bridal shower. It's like we're a bunch of old maids. 43 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,537 You're starting to sound crazy. Come on, let's go. 44 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,080 -It's hard for me. -What? 45 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,957 The long walk, buying gifts, it's-- 46 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,166 -[Melchior] Huh? -[scoffs] 47 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,961 Buying gifts? We saw you plucking these back there. 48 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,505 -You've just picked them. -It's the intention that counts. 49 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,508 -The guy's God's son. -What, he doesn't like flowers? 50 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,970 Just so you know, I'm bringing snacks to the party. 51 00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,638 -Now let's go. What? -Melchior! 52 00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,348 You're a wise man, not a caterer. 53 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,601 My ham and cheese roll-up is so good, you'll feel like rubbing your face on it. 54 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:26,354 They're Jews, and you're bringing pork, dumb ass? 55 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,607 Did I say pork? I said ham! 56 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,193 Nobody has to eat it if they don't want to. 57 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,654 The Shiva worshippers will be there. 58 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,031 -They'll eat it. Now let's go. -Shiva worshippers? Right... 59 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,200 -[Balthazar] Quit arguing. -[Caspar] All right! 60 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,618 [chicken clucks] 61 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,579 Guys, the place is too quiet. 62 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,580 [goat bleats] 63 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,374 I'm embarrassed I invited Thelma to such a lousy party. 64 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,501 -[cow mooing] -Judging by the silence, it must be bad. 65 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,879 -It's boring. -Well, we could-- 66 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,255 -Let's get out of here. -No, no! 67 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,757 -Let's go before someone sees us. -No, we go in, 68 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,760 and say we just came by to say hi 'cause we have other plans. 69 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,512 -Great! Other plans. -Okay? 70 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,806 -Got it, Caspar? -[Caspar] Yes, it's all good. 71 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,391 -All right, let's go. -Come on. 72 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,436 -[door creaks] -[Balthazar] It's open, man. 73 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,354 -[Caspar] It's not here. -[Balthazar] It is. 74 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,981 [Melchior] It's so dark in here. Hello? 75 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,066 [group] Surprise! 76 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,401 [yelps] 77 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:16,571 -[Balthazar] Are you nuts? -[Joseph] Holy shit, it must have hurt! 78 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157 -He scared me! -You hit my jaw! 79 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,450 ♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪ 80 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,409 What's this? 81 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,369 -No! -It ain't Jesus, Auntie! 82 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,997 You're fucking strong. Goddammit! 83 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,749 Gosh! Are you demented, Aunt? 84 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:28,875 ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ 85 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:29,792 Aunt! 86 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,085 It's not him, Aunt! 87 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,420 [guest] Enough, Auntie. 88 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:36,090 Stop-- Get the shredded papyrus off the floor, will you? 89 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,842 -That's enough. -It was hard to do. 90 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,762 Come on in. Surprise parties can't start late. 91 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,849 I'm late because I was buying him these beautiful flowers. 92 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,103 -Has everyone brought flowers? -But mine has all the colors. 93 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,189 -They are all colorful. -No. 94 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,524 -What's up, Three Wise Men? -Hi, Joseph. 95 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,110 -Would you like a drink? -Yeah, sure. 96 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,487 What have you got? 97 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,614 -We've got water. -Water? 98 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,574 It's from a waterfall next door. 99 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,661 It's small, but the water is purified by the rocks. 100 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,663 -It's tasty. -But it's water. 101 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,916 There's no wine 'cause Jesus doesn't work miracles yet. 102 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:14,712 I wonder how Jesus will deal with being God's son, miracles and stuff. 103 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,797 -He'll be fine. -Oh! 104 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,173 -He's so sweet. -You startled me. 105 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,759 -He really is. -[Joseph] I'll talk to him. 106 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,720 I wrote a speech with all my love. 107 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,347 -Did you write it? -It's lovely. 108 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,390 [laughs] 109 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:28,309 I made some drawings, so I think he'll understand. 110 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,144 -He's 30 years old, huh, Joseph? -Thirty! 111 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,439 -Time flies. -Is that myrrh? 112 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,066 -I... -Did you bring myrrh again? 113 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,901 -Darling. -Wait a minute. 114 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,404 -What's wrong with myrrh? -Someone's gotta say it. 115 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,072 First the flowers, now the myrrh. 116 00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,074 -I'll bring nothing next year. -Calm down, Balth. 117 00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,285 -Does that work for you? -I told you. 118 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,786 -[Balthazar] What? -Balth. 119 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:47,954 Don't "Balth" me. 120 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,872 -Respect royalty, Mary. -You've changed. 121 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,125 Mary! He's a king! 122 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,419 -It went to his head. -Don't do that, please! 123 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,505 -I told you. -I brought the food you wanted. 124 00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,798 See? He likes me. 125 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,926 -Let me see. It's not pork, right? -It's delicious. 126 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,386 -It smells good. -Is it okay? 127 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,387 Holly sh--! 128 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,681 -Mm! -It's delicious. You can't stop eating. 129 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,599 It is delicious. What's in it? 130 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,061 -That's-- -Soy! It's soy. [chuckles] 131 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,480 -Melchior made it. -Soy, huh? 132 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,150 -Soy, yeah. -How do you make it? 133 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,484 Ah... 134 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,321 [stammers] Well, it's a roll-up. The name says it all. 135 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,866 You roll the dough with the soy on it, and that's that. 136 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,118 -Then bake it. -But how do you cook the soy? 137 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,662 -Does she think I'm Palmirinha? -[Caspar laughs] 138 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,290 I've actually invited her. But can't you tell me? 139 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,917 -Well, soy is about individual taste. -Don't be silly! 140 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,002 Tell me. 141 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,587 -I've never had this. It's yummy. -I... 142 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:41,007 I personally like to make it... [stammers] I like a free-range soy. 143 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,261 Right? Out in the field, so it can work out, 144 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,847 eat grass, drink water from the creek. 145 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:52,101 Until it reaches the right age and weight. 146 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,479 Then you slaughter it, cut its neck with an axe, 147 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:57,690 -[Caspar] No... -kill the soy, and that's it. Right? 148 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:01,402 -Yeah, that's it. [chuckles] -Cut the neck? I'm not sure I follow. 149 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,364 It's Melchior's family secret! Right? [laughs] 150 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,407 It's Mom's stuff. You know her. 151 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,493 -Didn't your mom use to breed pigs? -[goat bleats] 152 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,496 -It was soy. -Quiet. Jesus is here. Shh! 153 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,663 Shh! Get down. 154 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:13,956 [guest] Turn off the lights. 155 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,334 [shushes] 156 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,629 [door opens] 157 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,507 -Surprise! -[all] Surprise! 158 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,425 -Fuck! -[grunts] 159 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,760 Dammit, Leonor! 160 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,263 -Are you trying to kill me? -I don't think I'll survive this party. 161 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,556 ♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪ 162 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,474 Are you dumb, Auntie? 163 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,685 -Where's Jesus? -He spent 40 days in the desert, 164 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187 but he'll be right back. 165 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,606 Forty days is too long, honey. 166 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,941 Why? What's wrong? 167 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,026 He's finding himself, leave him be. 168 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,196 I do. I'm just worried. I'm his father, Mary. 169 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,489 [Mary] We know that. Stop it. 170 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,783 -I'm a father, I feel it. -That's self-affirmation-- 171 00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,576 -Hey. -Oh, my God. 172 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,081 -You've got something here. -[dings] 173 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,374 [all laugh] 174 00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:00,128 Darling, did you really invite him? 175 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:03,756 Did you want me not to invite his father? 176 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,300 His father? Are you kidding me, Mary? 177 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,179 -He said he wouldn't come, Joseph. -Wait. What? 178 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,640 -When did you talk to him? -Well... 179 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,892 -"Well" what, Mary? -I don't know... Yesterday. 180 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,812 Yesterday? How? I spent the entire day with you. 181 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,356 -Tell me the truth. -You're so annoying. 182 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,150 -Am I? -Last night, whatever. 183 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,193 -At night. -What? At night? 184 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,987 -Yeah. -While I was asleep? 185 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,405 -Good evening. -Fuck. 186 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,490 -[Mary] Good evening. How are you? -[God] How are you? 187 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,408 [Joseph grumbles] 188 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,286 -I brought you both a small gift. -[Mary] Oh! 189 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,706 -Thank you. You shouldn't have. -Really shouldn't. 190 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,375 -For us both. -Wow! Great, thanks. 191 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,253 Beautifully wrapped. I love the fabric. 192 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,214 Aw! Look, Joseph! Didn't I tell you 193 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,592 we needed a painting to brighten up the house? 194 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:48,676 It's our family. Look. 195 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,970 -Yeah. -I remember. You said it. 196 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,263 [indistinct chatter] 197 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,432 -What? You remember? -What? 198 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:55,933 It's a figure of speech. 199 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,226 You've been listening to our conversations? 200 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,563 -Don't make a scene. -This is an invasion of privacy. 201 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,273 -It's an abuse of power! -We love it! 202 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,232 Yes, we do. 203 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,109 -[Mary] Thank you. -I'm glad you like it. 204 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,694 -I'm very happy. -[Mary] It's beautiful. 205 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,155 Did you see it? I'm half-painted! 206 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,948 -[Mary] That's art! -Art? 207 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,118 The artist didn't have time to finish painting everyone. 208 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,704 Ah... He didn't have time. Great artist. 209 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,706 -What's his name? -It's me. 210 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,667 Aren't you the Almighty God? 211 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,961 Isn't he the God of Perfection? 212 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,756 He can barely finish a painting. [forced laugh] 213 00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,551 I had a lot of things to do, Joseph. 214 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,678 He's teasing me, Mary. 215 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056 -I also brought angel wings. -[Mary] Mm. 216 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,266 But they're not to fly, they're for eating! 217 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,352 [laughs] 218 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,062 -[Joseph] Hold on. -"They're not to fly!" 219 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:41,979 [laughs] 220 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:45,107 -Mary, please! -Have you lost your sense of humor? 221 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,235 Noah came up with that one ages ago! 222 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,695 I'll tell this one to Jesus so he can spread it. 223 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:52,240 -Make yourself at home. -Oh, it practically is. 224 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,660 -Is he kidding me? -Will you ruin the party? 225 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,913 Okay. Hey, look! Is your stand-up act over? 226 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,248 Are you done? 227 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,000 Here's your applause. Now go away. 228 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,252 [forced laugh] 229 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,379 -What's going on, guys? -Son! 230 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,547 Yeah... [chuckles] 231 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,341 Surprise! 232 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:11,592 Oh, boy. 233 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,637 Give me a hug, honey! 234 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,181 Wow! We have a full house! 235 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,892 That's nobody. Go away. He's nobody, guys. 236 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,187 -J said everyone would be sleeping. -Do I sing again? 237 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,815 -No, Auntie. -She's so cute. I loved your outfit. 238 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,817 -Whose birthday is it? -[Jesus] No one... Mine. 239 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,696 You monster, you didn't tell me! I didn't buy you a gift! 240 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,991 -Your hair's all messed up. -He's something else. 241 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,909 Who's he? Won't you introduce your friend? 242 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,411 -It's me! -Who's who? 243 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,246 -I'm Orlando. -[Mary] How are you? 244 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,539 How's it going? [chuckles] 245 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874 Introductions are not needed, he's leaving. 246 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,209 Where is he from? 247 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128 From the desert, Dad, you don't know him. 248 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,880 -What do you mean? -From the desert, I... 249 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,091 -Auntie Lupita! -Is he a fairy? 250 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,092 Hey... 251 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,511 -I've seen a black one too. -No! 252 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,221 -Don't mind her-- -Let her be. 253 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,264 Eat this. 254 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,558 Take her away. Now! 255 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,185 My aunt says the same thing about lepers and lefties. 256 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,604 [Jesus] Come back later. 257 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,024 Mom, you have to tell me about these things. 258 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,611 How was I supposed to know you were spending 40 days out there? 259 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,654 You didn't tell me! Imagine how I felt. 260 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:18,159 You're right, I'm sorry. I loved the party you threw me. 261 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,410 I'm so sorry, Mom. 262 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:22,455 How did you know I was coming back today? 263 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,040 -Your uncle-- -Hey. 264 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,000 -Uncle Vitorio! I've missed you. -Hey, champ. 265 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:29,420 -How are you? -[chuckles] I'm fine. 266 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,505 -What about that beard? -Do you like it? 267 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,633 -Yeah, I love it. -It's the desert. 268 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,010 -We let go a little bit. -You let it grow. 269 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:39,930 -But why did you shave your chest? -It's... Well, it's for swimming. 270 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182 -Swimming? -[Joseph] Jesus! 271 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,976 My dear son, my big boy. 272 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,980 The son I've loved and cared for for 30 years now. 273 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,608 I've got you a gift, kiddo. 274 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,610 Dad made you something beautiful. 275 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,154 -Wow! For me? -[Joseph] Yeah, for you! 276 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,198 -How does it work? -Listen, son. 277 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,658 Check it out, just for you. 278 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,410 [plays jarring melody] 279 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,086 Oh, we got the concept already. 280 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,838 -We figured it's a great flute. -Thanks a lot. 281 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,257 I've also made you a present. Here it is. 282 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,343 -[gentle chiming] -[gasps] 283 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,886 -[God] Check it out. -Oh my! 284 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,930 You can even play with just one hand. Watch. 285 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,015 [jazz piano melody plays] 286 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,398 Wow! 287 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,316 [whoops] 288 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,901 -[guests cheering] -[Orlando] Awesome! 289 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:34,902 Shush! 290 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,779 -[Orlando] What a great sound. -[Mary] Great! 291 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,614 Can you do that on flute, Joseph? 292 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,950 [stammers] It's a different... beast. 293 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,953 It sure is. One day, I'll teach you to play the Beatles. 294 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,246 -What's that? -J! 295 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,456 I'm in love with your family. 296 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,292 I was telling Auntie Lupita how we met. 297 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,502 I don't think she got it. 298 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,921 -You don't have to. -It's a great story! 299 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,423 It's not interesting at all. 300 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,425 -[Orlando] It sure is! -[Jesus] Aren't we eating? 301 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,135 I was about to tell her how we do it. 302 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,136 [shouts] No! 303 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,554 Not that! Are you crazy? 304 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,222 -[Mary] Why? -I was about to tell... 305 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,100 -Nobody wants to know. -Let him talk, we want to know. 306 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,102 -He doesn't know how to tell it. -Don't I? 307 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,479 -I was bathing in an oasis. -[Jesus] He doesn't know. 308 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,189 -I was naked. -[Joseph] And then? 309 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,442 And then I asked for directions. 310 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,902 -I asked, and he gave it to me. -You bet I did. 311 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,195 I sure gave it to him. 312 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,113 Aunt Lupita! 313 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,574 ♪ Oh, Lord, pour your bless... ♪ 314 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,951 -Don't pour your drink! -That's not it! 315 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,828 -Stop it! -No! 316 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,123 Give it to me. She's naive. She doesn't understand. 317 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,500 -Give me your hand... -Jesus, let me tell you something. 318 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,793 [Jesus] Mm. 319 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,463 There's a difficult talk coming up. 320 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:39,216 Relax, fill your heart with love, and get ready. 321 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,470 -Look, keep an open mind. -Keep an open mind. 322 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,430 -[Caspar] Open mind. -All right. 323 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,016 It's so annoying. Okay. Mm? What's up? 324 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,392 -Son... -Yeah. 325 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,103 Your father, Uncle Vitorio, and I want to talk to you in private. 326 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,229 What is going on? 327 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,440 -It's important. -What is it? Say it. 328 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,900 It's difficult. I've found... 329 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,985 Did you find my diary? 330 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:01,280 [shouting] You went through my things! Do I open your drawers? 331 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,824 There's nothing in my diary! 332 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,577 This is so annoying. I have no privacy in this house! 333 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,745 That's why I'm leaving! 334 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,372 Am I the only one who can't have relationships? 335 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,417 -Jesus... -Is it a crime for a boy to have dreams? 336 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,796 Can't I dream about a cousin? I have blood in my veins! 337 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,007 -What diary? -You didn't find it? 338 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,218 -It wasn't a diary. -There's no diary, guys! [chuckles] 339 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,428 -I don't have a diary! What? -[Joseph chuckles] 340 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,513 [Jesus chuckles nervously] 341 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,640 I thought it would be a good time for us to talk. 342 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,558 Oh, that's it? So let's talk right here. 343 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,436 Not here, son. Let's go to our room, please. 344 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,771 -[Jesus] Why? -It's for the best. 345 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,649 -[Joseph] Let's go. -Orlando, make yourself at home. 346 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,276 I get along with everyone, you know that. 347 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,320 Lupita and I are besties already. 348 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,281 -[chuckles] -Plus, I'm in love with this king's bling. 349 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,199 It's gold. 350 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,576 No kidding! 351 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,955 I can't believe it. What rock is that? 352 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,915 [mooing sound plays on keyboard] 353 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,124 [chuckles] 354 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,752 -[neighing sound plays on keyboard] -[chuckles] 355 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,337 [quacking and barking sounds play] 356 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,756 [upbeat music playing on keyboard] 357 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,174 [chuckles] 358 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,884 [chirping and barking sounds play] 359 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,638 -[chirping sounds play] -[laughs] 360 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,103 Honey, you know we love you a lot, right? 361 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,066 Honey... let me do the talking. 362 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,277 I'll say it, I... 363 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,571 -Okay. -I've been preparing myself... 364 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:28,367 for this for 30 years, so... let me say it. 365 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,577 [inhales sharply] 366 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,453 Jesus... 367 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,831 [breathes deeply] 368 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,292 ...we're here to tell you that... 369 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,169 -I'm your father. -[shouts] Son of a bitch! 370 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,839 -What was that? -You fucking son of a bitch! 371 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,717 -What? -He knew I wanted to say it, Mary. 372 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,260 He would know anyway. 373 00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,762 But we agreed I would fucking tell him! 374 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:51,140 What's happening? Is Uncle Vitorio my father? 375 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,143 -There's no Uncle Vitorio, I'm God. -He doesn't know how to say it! 376 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,644 I invented speech, dear. 377 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,063 You're so full of yourself. You have no tact. 378 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,441 -[sighs] Look, son. -Stepson. 379 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,067 He's my son, your stepson at best. 380 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,486 -You're an absent father! -Absent? 381 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,156 I'm omnipresent, I'm always here. 382 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,033 He jerks off, I'm right next to him. 383 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,243 What? That's not right. 384 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,746 -He's so vulgar, he-- -That's enough. 385 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,790 Is it over? Aren't we respecting each other anymore? 386 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,711 Mom, just to be clear, Uncle Vitorio is God? 387 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,880 There's no Uncle Vitorio! I'm sorry. 388 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,884 We made that up to not confuse you. 389 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,136 I'm God and your father. That's what you need to know. 390 00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,389 What about Joseph? How are we related? 391 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,309 Joseph is... How can I say this? He's a surrogate father. 392 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,270 He makes me so angry when he says shit like that! 393 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,398 -He's like a babysitter. -I'll throw a cabinet at him. 394 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:44,276 Try to make a curved staircase, an open-concept kitchen. 395 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,986 I'll break a plank on your neck, you prick! 396 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,197 -I annihilated dinosaurs with a fart. -Fuck off! 397 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,116 So you and Mom... 398 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,660 -No. -No? 399 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,036 Nothing happened between us. 400 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,079 -Nothing. -Nothing. 401 00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,665 -Nothing. Please, c'mon, no. -[Jesus] Mm. 402 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:58,791 I mean... 403 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,752 -What? -"I mean" what? 404 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,754 -Well... -"Well" what? 405 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:07,049 -Did you forget the... -What does he mean, Mary? 406 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,759 -What? -What was that, Mary? 407 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,929 -I... got inside her. -What did you say, fucker? 408 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,681 -Repeat what you just said! -Stop it! 409 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,808 -You don't know me! -[Mary] Joseph! 410 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,101 Are you crazy? 411 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,812 -Chill out, dude. -Show some respect! 412 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,648 -I can get inside of you too. -I'm friends with a Roman! 413 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,233 Mary, calm Joey down. 414 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,026 -Joey, my ass, man! -[God] Joey... 415 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,153 -I make axe handles! -Joey... 416 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,072 -Don't mess with me. -Hey! Cut it out! 417 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,117 -The boy's desperate. Are you happy? -I don't understand! 418 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,453 Honey, 30 years ago, 419 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,457 Angel Gabriel said I would give birth to God's son, and I accepted. 420 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,543 Then your father-- 421 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,754 I mean, your adoptive father, Joseph, 422 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,425 the best man I've ever met, also accepted. 423 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,844 -I'm God's son? -Exactly. 424 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,139 Now I need you to spread the word. 425 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,557 -What word? -Mine. 426 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,101 Say it to one person, who will say it to another two, 427 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,145 who'll say it to another three, and so forth. 428 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,354 Like a pyramid scheme? 429 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:06,483 Relax, son. Life has other plans for you. 430 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,610 What about my plans? Huh? 431 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,779 What about my dreams? My calling? 432 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,532 -What is it, honey? -I'm glad you asked, Mom. 433 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,744 I was in the desert doing exactly that, trying to get to know myself better. 434 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,288 What I realized, with Orlando's help, is that... 435 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,248 I want to specialize in juggling. 436 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,501 [scoffs] 437 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,920 -What? -[chuckling] Juggling... 438 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,967 Let's forget about juggling. Now you have superpowers. 439 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,635 What do you mean? 440 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,139 -Um... Let me just... -What? 441 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,599 What's up? 442 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:42,061 Nothing, just-- See this? Huh? 443 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,187 -[dings] -Done. 444 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,188 What? [scoffs] 445 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,607 -[chuckling] He's crazy, what the... -[screams] 446 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,443 -[Mary] Your arm, Joseph! -What have you done? 447 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,654 -Joseph, calm down. What is this? -[Joseph groans] 448 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,990 What have you done to my dad? 449 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,618 -[Joseph, screams] -Stay with me, look at me. 450 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,995 -[Mary] Stay with me. -Is that my arm? 451 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,288 Look at this! 452 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,706 ♪ God's people... ♪ 453 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,291 Put it back. Work a miracle. 454 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,127 I've never done this before. Excuse me, Dad. 455 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,837 Calm down, man! 456 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,589 -Easy. Don't... -[yelps] 457 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,591 I think it's in. It should be working. 458 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,510 [Joseph] Fucking asshole! 459 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,011 -[Jesus] That was easy. -It fucking hurts! 460 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,305 -Did I do that? -Never do that again! 461 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,890 If you do that again, you won't-- 462 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,642 -[dings] -He did it again! 463 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,977 Why are you doing this? Joseph, stay with me. 464 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,522 -[Jesus] Look at his arm. -[Mary] Joseph? No! 465 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:27,940 Joseph. 466 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,275 -[Joseph] Put it back. It hurts! -Hold on! 467 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,528 I think I have to twist it. It's not about strength. 468 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,863 -[yelps] -See? [giggles] 469 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,781 [Joseph groaning] 470 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,158 -I'm quite liking it. -I told you. 471 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,161 You have to understand that you're God now. 472 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,874 -Okay, but... -Now you can do anything. 473 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,169 Can I backpack with Orlando? 474 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,712 Almost anything. 475 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,048 Honey, you have different challenges now. 476 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,675 [bright instrumental music playing] 477 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,302 I don't know. I liked my life before. 478 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,728 I'm not sure I want new challenges, Mom. 479 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,147 [wind blowing] 480 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,898 But being God's son is a blessing. 481 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,025 I think I'd rather be Joseph's son. 482 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,028 Aw! [laughs] 483 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,405 Suck it! 484 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,866 Joseph doesn't have money. 485 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,285 He doesn't have powers, talent, 486 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,787 not even the community's respect. 487 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,499 He's not ashamed of being limited, but he allows me to be who I am. 488 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,585 Thanks, champ. I love you too. 489 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,421 Did I ever have a choice in my life? 490 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:37,301 Or was everything decided by those who didn't even check with me? 491 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,346 I know it's a lot to process now, Jesus, 492 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,308 but your life has a greater purpose. 493 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,770 -I need to think. -Leave him alone for now. 494 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:49,771 -Okay. -Come on. 495 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,232 -Let's go. -Okay. 496 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,320 Let's go. Jesus wants to think about all this. 497 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,405 Sure, you can go. 498 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,949 He wants to be alone. 499 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,202 Yeah, but in my case, it doesn't make a difference. 500 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,579 -I'll "leave" then. -[Joseph] Let me talk to him. 501 00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:06,496 Hey. 502 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,832 -Oh, wow! -I'm sorry, son. 503 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,542 -I spaced out for a bit. -I'm sorry. 504 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,711 Could you snap your fingers that way? 505 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:15,714 Raise your hand. Give me your hand, here. 506 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:16,632 [chimes play] 507 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,342 [Orlando] Guys, the water turned into wine! 508 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,259 Thank you, son. 509 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,303 -[piano music playing] -[Mary] Joseph, hear that? 510 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,804 -[Mary] What's that? -[Joseph] I do. 511 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,182 [bright piano music continues] 512 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,439 [playing tune of "Jingle Bells"] 513 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,191 ♪ God is very good ♪ 514 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,069 ♪ He created the world in seven days ♪ 515 00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,112 ♪ And sometime after that ♪ 516 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,406 ♪ He drowned his kids ♪ 517 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,366 [exclaims] 518 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:46,495 ♪ He created Adam and Eve Who had sex with each other ♪ 519 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:51,041 ♪ If there was only one family How are we even here? ♪ 520 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:51,959 ♪ Hey! ♪ 521 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,546 ♪ Let us not dwell on the details We must have faith ♪ 522 00:20:57,005 --> 00:21:01,385 ♪ God is almighty He doesn't make a lot of sense ♪ 523 00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:06,390 ♪ Jesus Christ, his firstborn He is so exciting ♪ 524 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:11,061 ♪ In the heat of the desert I saw the size of his... power ♪ 525 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,938 -[cheers] So beautiful! -Bravo! 526 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,023 Thank you! 527 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,026 I'm still working on my rhymes. It'll get better. 528 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,279 I'll sing another one later. 529 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:23,323 I wrote a very religious song about raining men. 530 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,533 -You'll love it. -Sure. 531 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,368 -Let's eat. -Let's eat! 532 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,120 Let's eat! 533 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,664 -Wasn't dinner served already? -Can you play this? 534 00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:34,042 This... I can use it as a wedge. The keyboard is wobbling. 535 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,169 Joseph, you got this one right! 536 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,255 [Melchior] Guys, this is Thelma. 537 00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:44,094 Hi! It was hard to find the place, but I did, and here I am. 538 00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:47,014 -Who's Thelma? -She's a friend. 539 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,181 A friend of mine. 540 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,183 -Would you like a quick bite? -I charge upfront. 541 00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,894 Didn't I tell you to dress decently? 542 00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,481 -And I did. This is decent. -You must be cold. 543 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,608 -Nope, I'm pretty hot. -No, that's great. 544 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,027 -You're great like that. -[laughs] 545 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,571 -You don't feel cold in the bedroom. -[Melchior chuckles] 546 00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,032 -Mary, pleasure. -One of the Pontius' girls? 547 00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,035 No! Mary is the birthday boy's mother. 548 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,995 She's his mother. It's her house. 549 00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,456 Mother? Wow, congratulations. 550 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,124 You could make big bucks. 551 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:15,792 What do you mean? 552 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:18,879 She's just praising how religious we are. 553 00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:21,298 -Mary is virgin, so please-- -Virgin? 554 00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:23,633 -[Thelma] Would she like to get started? -Deal with it. 555 00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,969 -I'll handle it. -[Caspar] Come here, I gotta talk to you. 556 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,889 My finder's fee is 30%. Do you have sparkling wine? 557 00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:30,807 Yes, we have wine. 558 00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,267 Leonor, here. 559 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:33,894 I'm Jesus' father. 560 00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:35,729 -[Thelma] Cool! -I work with custom furniture. 561 00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,814 If you need anything, just holler. [chuckles] 562 00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,484 Shush! Of course she's not a prostitute! 563 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,860 She's... 564 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,030 [slurping] 565 00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:48,367 -She's just hungry. -She's either a whore or an ostrich. 566 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,327 -Which one is it? -[Melchior] She's just a person 567 00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:53,830 who doesn't want to be oppressed in this sexist system you live in, 568 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,707 -in the society you live in. -Is that so? 569 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,876 So tell her... Oh, my! 570 00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,545 ...to abide by the rules of this society for today. 571 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,340 Look! Melchior! Look, Melchior! 572 00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,175 -You're such a bully! -[Caspar] Am I? 573 00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,052 -Oh, am I? -You are. 574 00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:09,054 You criticize all my girlfriends! 575 00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:10,764 I could punch you in the face. 576 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,184 -Thelminha, come here... -Sparkling wine! 577 00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,685 -Here! -Take mine! 578 00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,187 Try mine, it's sweet. 579 00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,815 -Who put raisins in the rice? -I did! 580 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,942 I cooked this entire spread. 581 00:23:22,025 --> 00:23:24,569 -I also added cloves to the turkey. -But why, Joseph? 582 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,323 Apples straight from our backyard to the potato salad. It's delicious! 583 00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,659 And there's no chocolate cake this year, folks! 584 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,245 Guess what? The surprise is a walnut cake 585 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,665 with three layers of juicy prunes and rum-- 586 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,251 Joseph, tell you what, don't change anything else. 587 00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,753 Come on, Balth, you must try the candied fruit. 588 00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,338 -I loved it! -Did you, Orlando? 589 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,049 I did! These dishes just needed some cilantro. 590 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,968 -I forgot! I have some. -Add it now. 591 00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:49,886 Mary knows where it is. Where's Mary? 592 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,347 -Isn't she with J? -Maybe. 593 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,307 -What's that? [laughs] -Production left it here. 594 00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,268 -I'll add cilantro here. -There's no need! 595 00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,353 -Trust me. -Let's start the Secret Santa! 596 00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,439 Good call, Do Carmo. Let's start! [chuckles] 597 00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:01,982 Mine's Balthazar. 598 00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,151 You can't say it, Auntie 599 00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,485 Is it charades, then? 600 00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:10,532 Jeez, Aunt Lupita is on borrowed time in this world. 601 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:13,618 Guys, I didn't bring a gift, but I can give a one-hour gift card. 602 00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:16,621 Like, let's say my Secret Santa is you. 603 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,707 [duck quacks] 604 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:24,045 -Cool party, huh? -[exhales sharply] 605 00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:26,131 -It's just incense. -It's me, Mary. 606 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,300 Those folks are cool. 607 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:30,051 Have you seen Joseph around? 608 00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:32,053 -Huh? Have you? -[whooshes] 609 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,931 -Are you gonna keep running from me? -[Mary] Show some respect. 610 00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,516 -When, Mary? -Show some respect. 611 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,393 You're no secret smoker. I know you. 612 00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,562 -I've been in your head. -This is my house, Vitorio. 613 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,772 I love it when you call me that to tease me. 614 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,065 -Stop it, Vitorio. -[inhales] 615 00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:46,860 I love this manger and goat poo smell. 616 00:24:46,943 --> 00:24:48,737 -Stop it. -I've just created a big rock. 617 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,322 -Do you feel it? -I do. 618 00:24:50,405 --> 00:24:52,365 -[Thelma speaks indistinctly] -[Mary yelps] 619 00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:54,451 [Mary] That's how Noah put the animals in the ark. 620 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,203 Cool story, God. 621 00:24:56,536 --> 00:24:57,787 We're looking for... 622 00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,165 We're looking for everyone. 623 00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:04,169 -[Mary] Aren't you Melchior's guest? -Yes, Melchior. I wonder... 624 00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,255 if he's not there in the bushes. 625 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:11,218 -[Mary] No one left the house. -I think I'll take a look anyway. 626 00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:12,552 [Mary] What for? 627 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:15,514 Wow, I smell tobacco. 628 00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,765 -There he is. -Is he? 629 00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:18,266 -Go straight. -Over there. 630 00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:20,310 I saw him there in the shadows. 631 00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:24,773 -This is crazy. -I know, right? [clears throat] 632 00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:25,732 [Mary] Yeah... 633 00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:27,776 -Let's leave this place. -What are you doing? 634 00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,694 -Let's run away together. -Stop it. 635 00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,906 Humanity's already compromised. It may as well explode. 636 00:25:33,156 --> 00:25:34,032 -So? -No. 637 00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,244 I'll build us a hotel by the beach. You'll have your own business. 638 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,703 I can't. 639 00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:41,289 You can do anything. I've waited 30 years for this. 640 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:42,666 What if Jesus doesn't accept it? 641 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,668 I'll find some other idiot. 642 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,878 -Anyone can be in charge here. -Let me talk to him. 643 00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:49,839 -Do you want to go to another planet? -Stop it, Vitorio. 644 00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:51,466 -[whispering] Let's go to Mars. -Stop it. 645 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,759 -Let's go to Jupiter. -Please... 646 00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:54,386 -Or Uranus. -Do you have to whisper? 647 00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:57,013 -Uranus is far and hot. -Don't talk like that. 648 00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:59,808 -But I'll keep you warm with my beard. -Your voice. 649 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,434 You know what it can do. 650 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,603 You don't have to use that voice. 651 00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,021 -Stop it! -What's wrong? 652 00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,399 Stop it, Vitorio. Are you insane? 653 00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,651 -Mary, you're messing with my life. -You're insane! 654 00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:11,861 -You're fucking with my head. -What's going on? 655 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:13,196 You drive me insane, Mary. 656 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,239 -Come here. -Stop it. 657 00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,241 I've just created another rock. Feel it. 658 00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:17,576 -[Joseph] Mary! -Oh! It's Joseph. 659 00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,411 It's Joseph. He's coming. 660 00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:21,580 Go. He'll see us. 661 00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,331 What? Mary? 662 00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:24,958 Where's this woman? 663 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,168 -Do you want me to make him blind? -Stop it. 664 00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:28,753 -[God] It'll be quick. -Stop. 665 00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:30,672 Want me to give him a limp? It's trendy now. 666 00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,383 -There's two in every corner. -Well, perhaps-- 667 00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:36,052 -Let's do this. -Stop it! I'm going crazy. 668 00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:37,804 [breathing heavily] 669 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,640 -Promise you'll think about it? -I'll talk to Jesus first. 670 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,601 You deserve a man who values you. 671 00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,811 -All right, let me go. -Go. 672 00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:47,522 For the sake of me. 673 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,608 [ominous music playing] 674 00:26:50,191 --> 00:26:51,860 -May I help you? -Excuse me. 675 00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:54,112 -Where are you going? -I live here. 676 00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,865 -Jesus is resting. -What? 677 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,410 He was exhausted. But I'll let him know you came by. 678 00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:01,828 Okay? Later. 679 00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:03,455 -I'm his mother. -I know. 680 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:06,416 -Would you like to leave a note? -Don't tease me, okay? 681 00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:08,793 I know where you came from. I know your type. 682 00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,212 I'm know people who had fathers kill their sons. 683 00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:13,048 -It's Mary, right? -Mrs. Mary to you. 684 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,468 I'll call you Maricota. Maricota, J is exhausted. 685 00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:19,846 Those 40 days in the desert were entrancing. 686 00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:23,141 He did a lot of things he didn't even know he could. 687 00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:25,393 So shall we let him rest, Minnie? 688 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,812 First of all, "Minnie," my ass. 689 00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,607 Okay? Yeah. This is the true Mary. 690 00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:34,194 This is the real Proud Mary, the one who steps on the serpent's head. 691 00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:36,446 And my son won't be manipulated by a desert beggar. 692 00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:39,658 -It's not begging, it's volunteering. -I'll tell you what. 693 00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:41,159 I'll get into that room, 694 00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:44,204 or your next volunteering job will be for an NGO, 695 00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:47,957 rescuing your rotten, half-eaten balls from the bottom of the Dead Sea. 696 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,126 -Jeez Louise! -Excuse me. Thank you. 697 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,670 So aggressive. 698 00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:54,047 Jesus. Did you lock it? 699 00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:56,800 -He probably did. -He never locks his door. 700 00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:59,427 Let your bird fly, Minnie. 701 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,345 [Mary] Jesus! 702 00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,513 [clicks tongue] 703 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:04,057 He's asleep. It must be the tea. 704 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:06,267 -What tea? -He was feeling confused. 705 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,145 He said he needed to think, to ease his mind, 706 00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:10,814 so I made him tea. 707 00:28:10,897 --> 00:28:14,984 -What kind of tea? -I found it hidden in your kitchen. 708 00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:18,071 -Did you use Joseph's tea for glaucoma? -Is it strong? 709 00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,239 How much did you use? 710 00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:23,493 Jesus was thirsty, poor thing. He drank it all. 711 00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:24,869 [knocking on door] 712 00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:25,829 [Mary, echoing] Honey? 713 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,039 [Jesus] This tea didn't do the trick. 714 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:30,500 -[Mary] It's Mom, baby. -[knocking on door] 715 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,502 -[Mary] Honey? -Orlando? 716 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,171 -[Mary] Honey? -Orlando! 717 00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:37,298 [ominous music continues] 718 00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,011 [high-pitched ringing] 719 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,888 [relaxing piano music playing] 720 00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:46,099 -[crow cawing] -[birds chirping] 721 00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:56,359 -[Joseph] Life has other plans for you. -[Mary] Your life has a greater purpose. 722 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:57,986 CONGRATULATIONS, ADULT JESUS XXX YEARS 723 00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,738 [Balthazar] Keep an open mind. 724 00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,322 [Aunt Lupita] Is he a fairy? 725 00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:04,159 [Melchior] I wonder how Jesus will deal with being God's son. 726 00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:07,328 [God] You have to understand that you're God now. 727 00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:10,081 Now you can do anything. 728 00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:11,750 [crow cawing] 729 00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:13,460 [Jesus] Where am I? 730 00:29:14,461 --> 00:29:16,671 [Buddha] You're inside your head. 731 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:21,718 [birds chirping] 732 00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:22,927 Who are you? 733 00:29:23,386 --> 00:29:25,930 We've all been through this dilemma. 734 00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:28,057 I'm Buddha, he's Shiva. 735 00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:33,062 -Who are you? -[alien] Tom Cruise will explain one day. 736 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:35,940 And there's Jah, but he's hard to reach. 737 00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:39,194 I could eat some beans, if you have any. 738 00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:41,780 There's Allah too. Look. 739 00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:45,617 Er... Allah's gonna be right back, right? 740 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,286 Yeah, he's too shy. 741 00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:50,538 Aren't you supposed to have four arms? 742 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,582 Fuck. Agnaldo! 743 00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,794 Hold on, I'm coming. Sorry! On my way. 744 00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:59,130 Just a minute, sorry. I was on my lunch break. 745 00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:00,465 Hello, everyone. 746 00:30:00,548 --> 00:30:02,300 -Take your place. -Calm down. 747 00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:06,137 Jesus, being a God is super fun. 748 00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:09,390 -I had other plans. -[Shiva] We all did. 749 00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,601 Do you think I wanted to be here painted in blue, 750 00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:13,061 rubbed from behind by Agnaldo? 751 00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:16,523 -I'm not having fun either. -But why me? 752 00:30:16,606 --> 00:30:20,026 Bottling up anger is like holding burning coal to throw at someone. 753 00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:22,153 -It burns you. -[alien] Cut the shit, Buddha! 754 00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:23,488 What? 755 00:30:23,571 --> 00:30:26,157 Every time you don't know the answer to something, 756 00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:28,409 you make something up to pretend you know it all. 757 00:30:28,493 --> 00:30:29,911 And you know nothing. 758 00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,747 -I know more than you. -What's the meaning of life? 759 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:35,124 Well, the meaning of life... 760 00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,460 is a leaf floating down a river, 761 00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,796 -with no water, no borders, just... -[chuckles] 762 00:30:39,879 --> 00:30:43,716 These ridiculous clichés only work with your followers. 763 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,511 -It doesn't pan out here. -[alien] Admit you don't know! 764 00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:48,388 I could eat some ice cream. 765 00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:52,016 -Guys, let's focus. -What are you afraid of, Jesus? 766 00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:56,062 I'm afraid of failing, of being misinterpreted. 767 00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,898 Just write everything down. No one will get it wrong. 768 00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:01,025 But am I the right person for this? 769 00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:02,694 [alien] Relax, man! 770 00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:06,406 People are gullible. They'll literally believe in anything. 771 00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:07,782 Look at me! 772 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:10,493 Look at Shiva! Look at this guy! 773 00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:11,411 Do you want a drag? 774 00:31:11,744 --> 00:31:13,746 Do you think I have to accept it? 775 00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:17,166 I think this opportunity won't come knocking again, man. 776 00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:20,044 Well, thank you. You've cleared my head. 777 00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:21,296 That's it, Jesus. 778 00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:23,590 -Keep on learning and-- -[Agnaldo] You idiot! 779 00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:26,009 -What the hell! -[Agnaldo] I can't take it anymore! 780 00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:27,302 -[Shiva] What's wrong? -Enough! 781 00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:29,429 -[Agnaldo] I can't take this! -I was just saying-- 782 00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:30,722 [alien] He's annoying! 783 00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:33,516 [Jesus] Calm down, everyone. You don't need to do that. 784 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,684 I'm leaving. 785 00:31:34,767 --> 00:31:36,394 -High five. High five. -[chuckles] 786 00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,813 -Where's the other one? -[Jah] Hey, bro. 787 00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:43,151 Did you realize you'll be father and son at the same time? 788 00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:46,237 -That shit's dope, bro. -[alien] Don't mind him. He's long gone. 789 00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:47,906 [echoing] I'm high as a kite. 790 00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,991 [tense music playing] 791 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,453 [Jesus grunting] 792 00:31:58,166 --> 00:31:59,459 Where am I? 793 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:02,921 Oh, shit. 794 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:05,632 Damn it! 795 00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:06,674 [grunts] 796 00:32:12,305 --> 00:32:15,433 [Mary] I'll name this painting "The Baptism of God's New Son." 797 00:32:19,145 --> 00:32:20,521 -Damn it! -[Melchior] No? 798 00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:23,191 -[all] Again? -[Melchior] I can't believe it. 799 00:32:23,274 --> 00:32:25,151 -It'll work this time. -[Melchior] Are you sure? 800 00:32:25,234 --> 00:32:26,694 You tried so many times... 801 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,363 [Mary] The burgundy looks a bit-- 802 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,281 -You know what? It's done. -[dings] 803 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:32,075 -[God] You're all set. -[gasps] 804 00:32:32,158 --> 00:32:34,786 And you've been baptized. I do this, and we're done. 805 00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:35,954 Thank God! 806 00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,330 What's going on? 807 00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:39,624 -Jesus! -Thank you, Lord! 808 00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:42,001 -He's back! -[all cheering] 809 00:32:42,085 --> 00:32:43,211 He's back! 810 00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:45,171 I knew you'd come back. 811 00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:47,382 -I'm so glad. -[Jesus] Come back from where? 812 00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:49,092 You were gone for a week. 813 00:32:49,175 --> 00:32:50,885 It felt like five minutes. 814 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:52,929 Joseph's tea is strong. I told you. 815 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:55,515 We thought you'd given up on your mission. 816 00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:58,267 -No, I was thinking about it. -[Orlando] J, relax. 817 00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,936 I told them who you really are. 818 00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:03,898 I told them you're wild. You're a naughty Capricorn. 819 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,817 Sometimes too naughty. 820 00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:07,610 -[laughs] -Look, Orlando-- 821 00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:11,447 The Three Wise Men helped me. 822 00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:14,951 And you're absolutely right, no one can choose your path. 823 00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:16,953 Orlando was a blessing in this household. 824 00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:19,080 -Stop it, you! -[Mary] He was! 825 00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:22,542 Do the stand-up bit about me telling Abraham to kill his son again. 826 00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:25,086 I'll do it! On my way here, 827 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,964 I ran across Abraham with an axe. 828 00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,799 -I said, "Abraham!"-- -I know that one. 829 00:33:29,882 --> 00:33:33,386 He didn't write it. You're stealing someone's joke! 830 00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:35,847 -Jeez! -I'm here to say exactly-- 831 00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:37,348 J, chill out. 832 00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,435 -What's up? -You're late. I'm God's son now. 833 00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:42,228 You can go back to Joseph. 834 00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:44,397 -Orlando. -[eerie music playing] 835 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,482 I think it's time you call me Lucifer. 836 00:33:46,941 --> 00:33:49,152 -[Balthazar] Holy fuck. -Call me Lucifer. 837 00:33:49,485 --> 00:33:54,240 It was so easy to tempt you back in the desert, Jesus. 838 00:33:54,323 --> 00:33:55,324 What do you mean? 839 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,118 I did it in the blink of an eye. 840 00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:02,040 I can't believe you were someone else this whole time. 841 00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:02,957 Aw! 842 00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,751 Were you using me, bro? 843 00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:08,337 -I believed in you, dude. -Ah... 844 00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,006 I thought it was real, 845 00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:11,841 I thought I was special. 846 00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:14,844 But no, you were just using me. 847 00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:16,637 You're toxic, you know that? 848 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,223 You're a piece of trash! 849 00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:20,808 [laughs, inhales] 850 00:34:23,269 --> 00:34:25,521 -Lucifer, I order you-- -Out! 851 00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:29,609 -[grunts] -My God! 852 00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:33,071 Wow, I like this power! 853 00:34:33,654 --> 00:34:35,490 You're done, Grandpa! 854 00:34:35,573 --> 00:34:38,242 God's time is over. 855 00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:41,329 -His son will have to take over. -I said I'll do it if-- 856 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:43,831 I took over his power, I'm his son. 857 00:34:44,624 --> 00:34:47,168 Who will be my First Lady? 858 00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,212 [Mary gasps] 859 00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:50,171 Gross. 860 00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:53,007 I can't seem to find it-- Hey! 861 00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:55,843 Take your hands off my wife, right now... 862 00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:58,888 Goddamn! 863 00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:02,600 [yelps] It's over! 864 00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,811 It's time for my revenge. 865 00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:08,064 [groaning] 866 00:35:08,981 --> 00:35:10,149 Aw! 867 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:11,943 -[dings] -[mice squealing] 868 00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:15,696 -[Lucifer] They could act in Cinderella. -My godfathers! 869 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,740 Son, I don't know what's happening to me. [grunts] 870 00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:19,992 Only you can save us. 871 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:25,248 Orlando. 872 00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:30,378 It'll be the easy way or the hard way. 873 00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:33,297 Mmm. Look at her! 874 00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:36,050 [electricity crackling] 875 00:35:38,594 --> 00:35:39,428 [grunts] 876 00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:44,308 Seriously? Fish? 877 00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:47,353 Sorry, I'm still learning. [chuckles] 878 00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:50,022 [clicks tongue] Mary, go grab some bread. 879 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,442 I'll show you some real skills. 880 00:35:53,901 --> 00:35:54,861 Oh, my God. 881 00:35:58,573 --> 00:35:59,866 [groaning] 882 00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,536 [energetic electric guitar music playing] 883 00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:07,248 [Lucifer] It's useless, Jesus. 884 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,792 You're not big enough to fight me. 885 00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:10,751 Come with me. 886 00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:13,129 Let's rule the world together. 887 00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:17,091 Nobody will be able to stop us. 888 00:36:17,466 --> 00:36:19,802 [spits] I'll show you skills. 889 00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:23,639 It's no use trying. I can do whatever I want with you. 890 00:36:24,390 --> 00:36:25,308 [grunts] 891 00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:27,685 That's it. Spin. 892 00:36:27,768 --> 00:36:30,021 Spin, spin, and stop! 893 00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,148 Do the Macarena now! 894 00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:35,568 Hand on your head, that's it! 895 00:36:35,651 --> 00:36:38,821 Can you twerk? Go all the way down. 896 00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,740 You got it, queen! 897 00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:41,991 All right. Show me. 898 00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:43,409 That's it. 899 00:36:43,659 --> 00:36:45,578 Do the limbo dance, come on. 900 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,997 There you go. Let me see. 901 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:51,667 That's right. On one leg now. 902 00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:55,213 [humming] Run from the dragon! Where is it? 903 00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:57,006 There he is! Run! 904 00:36:57,089 --> 00:36:59,634 You're a hobbit! Get the diamond! 905 00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,761 Get it in the cave and run from the dragon. 906 00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:04,764 It spat fire at you! Get down! 907 00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:08,392 Get up! Grab the diamond. Go into the cave! 908 00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:11,103 And... cut! I'm tired. 909 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,272 [body thuds] 910 00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:20,404 [tense music playing] 911 00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,998 [echoing] Come on, Mary. Dance! 912 00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:33,125 Dance away! 913 00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:35,211 [laughs] 914 00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:47,473 Mice! There are mice here! 915 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:52,853 [God] Son, he is among us. 916 00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,939 [laughing] 917 00:37:57,108 --> 00:38:00,236 Orlando, you... you're right. 918 00:38:00,319 --> 00:38:01,612 I know. 919 00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,030 God's time is over. 920 00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:04,156 That's right. 921 00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:07,243 And there can only be one son of God on earth. 922 00:38:07,326 --> 00:38:09,870 I like smart people. 923 00:38:09,954 --> 00:38:11,956 And that son... 924 00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:14,875 He can be anywhere. 925 00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,087 What do you mean? 926 00:38:19,588 --> 00:38:21,382 He is among us. 927 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:23,384 [chuckling] I'm not sure I follow. 928 00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,970 God is everywhere. 929 00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:30,016 I see him right there with a broken hip. [chuckles] 930 00:38:30,099 --> 00:38:34,020 But he is also inside each one of us, 931 00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,814 including you. 932 00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,318 How's that? I'm not sure I-- 933 00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:41,319 No? 934 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,739 -[Lucifer] What's this? -[grunting] 935 00:38:47,533 --> 00:38:48,409 [gasps] 936 00:38:50,494 --> 00:38:52,830 What? Where's Jesus? 937 00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:57,918 [chuckles] Forget it, he left. He's a coward. 938 00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,504 He knows he can't-- 939 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,131 He knows-- 940 00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:03,299 [eerie music playing] 941 00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,594 I'm feeling-- He kno-- 942 00:39:07,636 --> 00:39:08,512 [yelps] 943 00:39:09,096 --> 00:39:12,391 I ate something that didn't agree with me. 944 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,019 [groans] It's just a heartburn. 945 00:39:15,853 --> 00:39:17,271 [scoffs] 946 00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:21,525 [yelps] 947 00:39:21,984 --> 00:39:24,070 -[splats] -[screams] 948 00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,780 [energetic rock music playing] 949 00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,490 Fuck you! 950 00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:30,493 -[Mary] Joseph! -Mary! 951 00:39:30,576 --> 00:39:31,786 -[Mary] Are you okay? -[Joseph] Yeah. 952 00:39:31,869 --> 00:39:32,828 Look at me. 953 00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,207 What's this? 954 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,542 Oh, my God, Balthazar. 955 00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:44,715 Is this jam? [crunches] 956 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,760 [Aunt Lupita] I saw mice around here. 957 00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:49,178 Where are they? 958 00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,722 Do you get now why I need you, son? 959 00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:54,058 Yes, Dad. 960 00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,560 Evil always comes back. 961 00:39:56,644 --> 00:39:57,812 It's unbelievable. 962 00:39:57,895 --> 00:40:00,398 -Are you all right, Jesus? -I am now, Mom. 963 00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:02,233 [Aunt Lupita] Shoo! Go away! 964 00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:05,277 I'm glad you've accepted your mission, son. 965 00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:07,655 I haven't accepted yet, Dad. 966 00:40:07,738 --> 00:40:09,532 What do you mean? 967 00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,868 -You just said you understand. -I do, but I haven't accepted it. 968 00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,371 I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of everything. 969 00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:16,288 [sighs] 970 00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:19,291 Besides, it's not a good fit for me, you know? I-- 971 00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:22,795 I'm not sure I agree with your style. 972 00:40:22,878 --> 00:40:25,256 Getting a father to kill his son just for laughs. 973 00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:28,300 Turning an entire city into stone after killing everyone. 974 00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:31,387 Holding Jonah inside a fucking whale for a whole month. 975 00:40:31,637 --> 00:40:33,139 That's wrong. 976 00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:35,891 I'm into juggling, beads, 977 00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:37,184 music, 978 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:38,853 poetry... 979 00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,063 I know our styles are different. 980 00:40:41,564 --> 00:40:43,983 Sometimes my pranks go too far. 981 00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:45,192 But hear me out. 982 00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,653 -You just turned 30, right? -Mm? 983 00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:51,532 So how about we try a three-year internship? 984 00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:53,284 -Is that possible? -Sure. 985 00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:56,412 If you don't want to do it when you turn 33, 986 00:40:56,954 --> 00:41:00,416 I'll find someone else, and you go back to your poetry, 987 00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,461 your music, and all that. 988 00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,588 Wait. Is this for real? 989 00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,215 If I change my mind three years from now, 990 00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:10,759 everything goes back to how it was? 991 00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:13,012 Absolutely. At 33, you're free to go. 992 00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:14,680 Promise? 993 00:41:15,347 --> 00:41:16,474 I'm God, I don't lie. 994 00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:20,102 Okay. But under one condition. 995 00:41:20,227 --> 00:41:22,021 [clears throat] Wha--What is it? 996 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:24,106 [scoffs] 997 00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:27,109 I want to choose the 12 men who'll follow me. 998 00:41:27,776 --> 00:41:29,361 Oh, I see. 999 00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:32,781 You know it doesn't have to be twelve men, right? 1000 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,950 -They could be women. -I know, 1001 00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:37,536 but I already have 12 guys in mind. 1002 00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:41,123 -Of course you do. -Guys, what happen-- [grunts] 1003 00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:43,042 -[God] Son of a bitch! -[Mary] You killed him. 1004 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:44,084 He's dead. 1005 00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:47,046 He scared the shit out of me. He came out of nowhere. 1006 00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:50,591 There's no need for that. That's what I was talking about. 1007 00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,510 Resurrect him already. 1008 00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,554 -There's a fire over there. -Where? 1009 00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,223 Mary, come with me. 1010 00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:58,807 -Come quick. -No. I can't. 1011 00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,184 -[Joseph] In this house, -[gasps] 1012 00:42:00,267 --> 00:42:01,810 a fire would spread in a heartbeat. 1013 00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:03,812 I want to create a girl with you. 1014 00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,981 -[Joseph] Where's the fire? -Nowhere. Stop it. 1015 00:42:06,065 --> 00:42:07,274 -What? -What? 1016 00:42:07,691 --> 00:42:09,151 [Lazarus] It's so unnecessary. 1017 00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:11,153 -There you go. -[groaning] 1018 00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,408 -Say goodbye to your mom. -[Mary] Bye, son. 1019 00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,661 -Bye. Thanks for everything. -[Joseph] Love you, son! 1020 00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,037 I love you. 1021 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,747 -Bye, Auntie. -[Mary] May God be with you. 1022 00:42:21,830 --> 00:42:24,375 Sorry about this mess. Wow! 1023 00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,168 Are we going to Heaven? 1024 00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:28,963 Oh, this? No. We're going to Galilee. 1025 00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:32,383 I just like a grand, dramatic exit, with light effects and all. 1026 00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:34,176 The poor love these things. 1027 00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:36,053 -[Joseph] Lord! -[Mary] What is it, Joseph? 1028 00:42:36,136 --> 00:42:37,263 [Joseph] I wanna talk to him. 1029 00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:39,515 Hear me out, God. 1030 00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:41,642 I was very immature 1031 00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:45,563 in this unnecessary fight 1032 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,815 over Mary's and Jesus' love. 1033 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,317 So I wanted to apologize. 1034 00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,279 I was wondering if we could... [chuckles] 1035 00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:55,489 [inhales] ...if we could be friends. 1036 00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:57,199 Sure. 1037 00:42:57,283 --> 00:42:58,158 -Friends? -Friends. 1038 00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,326 Friends! [groans] 1039 00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,995 -[God] Shall we? -What was that for? 1040 00:43:01,078 --> 00:43:02,913 -[God] It was a handshake. -[Joseph] My arm! 1041 00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,040 [Joseph] It fucking hurts! 1042 00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:07,167 [lively music playing] 1043 00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,767 Subtitle translation by Daiana Kirschner 73347

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