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1
00:00:02,434 --> 00:00:05,369
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:24,716
Come on, Tony.
3
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,617
You just have
to accept the fact
4
00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:28,520
that Latka has
multiple personalities.
5
00:01:28,554 --> 00:01:30,088
Vic Ferrari is one
of them.
6
00:01:30,122 --> 00:01:31,289
But it's not fair.
7
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:33,058
I mean, Latka
works here all year,
8
00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,559
and then Vic
takes his vacation.
9
00:01:34,593 --> 00:01:36,227
Well, look at it this way, Tony.
10
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,563
If Latka takes a vacation,
it's a dull vacation,
11
00:01:38,597 --> 00:01:39,897
but if Vic takes it...
12
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:42,534
(laughs)
13
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:44,569
Deal 'em.
14
00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:56,148
(as Vic):
Hey, guys.
15
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,282
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
16
00:01:57,316 --> 00:02:01,819
Hey, I know you're gonna
break some hearts today.
17
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,822
Hey, uh...
hey, Vic, uh,
18
00:02:03,856 --> 00:02:05,624
you all set on
your vacation?
19
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:09,193
Well, I found an outrageous
condo in Sugarloaf.
20
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:12,830
Four bedrooms, fireplace.
21
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:13,665
A hot tub?
22
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:14,832
Well, it will be
23
00:02:14,866 --> 00:02:16,367
when I get into it.
24
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:18,403
(laughs)
25
00:02:18,437 --> 00:02:19,971
I'm sorry.
26
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:23,174
I couldn't
resist.
27
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,311
(high-pitched sigh)
28
00:02:26,345 --> 00:02:28,679
I couldn't resist.
29
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:30,248
Hey, uh, Vic, do you know,
this sounds pretty expensive.
30
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:31,482
Where are you gonna
get the money?
31
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,985
Well, I'm not gonna pay
for it all myself.
32
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,620
I'm gonna have roomies.
33
00:02:35,654 --> 00:02:37,855
I have to find four guys
by Tuesday.
34
00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:39,157
You know, it's very hard
35
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:40,992
to find the right kind
of people.
36
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,761
Why, are-are you looking
for good skiers?
37
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:46,397
Oh, Elaine, you're so naive.
38
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:47,866
Give me a hug.
39
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,434
Uh, no, thank you.
40
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,204
Anyway, let-let me
tell you the plan.
41
00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:54,372
It's always good
42
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,708
to have one guy
who likes to cook.
43
00:02:56,742 --> 00:02:58,777
I mean, uh, that way,
you get your meals,
44
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,411
and you also get a reputation
45
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:02,414
for breaking down
the male/female stereotypes.
46
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:04,415
Also, it's good to have a guy
47
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,018
who looks good in a turtleneck
and plays the guitar.
48
00:03:07,052 --> 00:03:08,787
Namely, moi.
49
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,024
Then it's always good
to have a loser along.
50
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:14,725
That way,
when you bring him along,
51
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,261
everyone thinks
you're sensitive.
52
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,062
Then you always...
53
00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:20,898
Of course, you need
some Austrian guy named Nicky.
54
00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:23,968
Don't ask me why,
but somehow it works.
55
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:27,204
(humming)
56
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,906
You know...
57
00:03:28,941 --> 00:03:30,275
(clears throat)
58
00:03:30,309 --> 00:03:35,380
...that Vic
may have charm,
59
00:03:35,414 --> 00:03:37,482
he may
have looks,
60
00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:39,317
and he may have charisma,
61
00:03:39,351 --> 00:03:42,186
but there's one thing
he'll never have.
62
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,722
This.
63
00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:55,900
Charisma does not have jelly
in the middle.
64
00:03:59,938 --> 00:04:01,239
Play.
65
00:04:01,273 --> 00:04:03,207
(Louie whistling)
66
00:04:08,814 --> 00:04:11,950
Well, why are you
in such a good mood?
67
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,418
Well, if you really
want to hear about it.
68
00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:17,255
I had a big
fight with my
mother last night,
69
00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:19,090
and I really
let her have it.
70
00:04:19,124 --> 00:04:21,359
She didn't know what
hit her. (grunts)
71
00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:23,561
Well, congratulations, Louie!
72
00:04:23,595 --> 00:04:25,429
You did a job
on your mother.
73
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,465
Now it's Miller time.
74
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,002
All right,
all right.
75
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:32,937
First of
all, let me
give you
76
00:04:32,971 --> 00:04:34,339
a little
background
on this.
77
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,408
You see...
78
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,042
my mom belongs
79
00:04:38,076 --> 00:04:41,713
to this club called
Life Begins At 70.
80
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:45,350
All right, the
whole club consists
81
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:47,418
of three women, two men,
82
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:51,589
and somebody so shriveled
up, it's anybody's guess.
83
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,625
Louie,
84
00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:55,493
has it ever occurred to you
85
00:04:55,527 --> 00:04:57,861
that old people have a dignity
86
00:04:57,896 --> 00:05:00,431
and a wisdom and a beauty
87
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,533
that you will never
appreciate or approach,
88
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:04,535
no matter what age
you get to?
89
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,437
Well, it may look like
that to you, Reiger,
90
00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:08,339
because you're a little
closer to the bucket.
91
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,941
Bah!
92
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,843
All right, all
right, so anyway,
93
00:05:11,877 --> 00:05:13,477
in this little
club of Ma's,
94
00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:15,446
they get together
every once in a while
95
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,416
to have a little fun, right?
96
00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:20,919
They have, uh, guest speakers.
97
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,220
This one time,
98
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,189
they had a guy come in
who found a rock,
99
00:05:25,257 --> 00:05:27,525
and he talked about it
for an hour and a half.
100
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,928
A couple of weeks ago,
101
00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:36,067
they had this old bird come in
and show travel slides.
102
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,403
After the excitement died down,
103
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:41,406
the old guy with the slides
asked Ma
104
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,973
if he could take her home.
105
00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:44,842
Little shuffle.
You know what I mean?
106
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:45,777
(laughs)
107
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,745
So, anyway,
that day,
108
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,582
I work a double shift--
109
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,583
16 hours.
110
00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,718
I mean, I'm sweaty,
111
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:57,655
I'm tired,
I smell like a goat.
112
00:05:58,924 --> 00:06:00,959
All I want to do is go home,
113
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,962
hose myself down
and put on the feedbag.
114
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:06,364
So, I peek
into the living room.
115
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,399
What do I see?
116
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:10,401
There's Ma
117
00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:13,537
sitting on the...
on the sofa with this guy.
118
00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:16,407
They're staring out
into space like this.
119
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:17,909
I thought they were dead.
120
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,677
(laughs)
121
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:23,748
It turns out, they're smitten.
122
00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:25,716
(laughs)
123
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:30,421
So anyway...
124
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:35,025
Hey, schizo?
125
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:39,630
The next thing you know,
she's talking about marriage.
126
00:06:39,664 --> 00:06:41,765
Marriage? Check, please.
127
00:06:53,979 --> 00:06:56,448
Come on, big fella.
128
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,754
All right, to make
a long story short,
129
00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:04,489
she's talking
about marriage.
130
00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:06,257
She wants to
marry the guy.
131
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:08,326
I tell her she's nuts,
132
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,562
and then she comes back
with all these answers
133
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,496
about wanting to share her life
134
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,833
and not having
many years left.
135
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:17,769
So then, I come in
with my topper.
136
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:24,776
I tell her if she marries
this guy, I'm no longer her son.
137
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:25,943
Wah!
138
00:07:25,977 --> 00:07:27,211
(laughs)
139
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:30,448
Oh, Louie,
how could you?
140
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:33,050
How could you do this
to your own mother?
141
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,319
You haven't heard the worst,
Nardo.
142
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,290
The guy she wants to marry...
143
00:07:40,325 --> 00:07:42,760
is Japanese!
144
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,065
So?
145
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:50,534
My little old Italian mother
is engaged
146
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:53,371
to Itsumi Fujimoto.
147
00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:55,606
Huh?
148
00:07:55,674 --> 00:07:58,309
And he's planning
to take her to Japan.
149
00:07:58,343 --> 00:08:01,079
So you made her
give him up, huh?
150
00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:04,114
And just spoiled
her last chance at happiness.
151
00:08:04,149 --> 00:08:06,417
You are really a worm!
152
00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:08,086
(snorts)
Ugh.
153
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,054
I bet it broke
her little heart.
154
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,257
She'll get over it.
155
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:16,027
She cried a little bit,
put a minor curse on me...
156
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,831
MRS. DE PALMA:
Louie? Hey, Louie,
157
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:21,098
I want to
talk to you.
158
00:08:21,132 --> 00:08:22,366
(groans)
159
00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:26,604
Oh. Uh, hey,
everybody, hold it.
160
00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:29,107
Uh, this is
my mother.
161
00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:30,642
I want everybody
162
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,377
to treat her
with enormous respect
163
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:35,412
and excellent
manners.
164
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:39,450
If it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't be here.
165
00:08:39,484 --> 00:08:41,652
Hey, you're
forgetting your father
166
00:08:41,686 --> 00:08:43,621
and a cheap
bottle of wine?
167
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:50,428
Oh, Mrs. De Palma, it is
such a pleasure to meet you.
168
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:51,862
Who are you?
169
00:08:51,897 --> 00:08:53,698
Oh. Um, I'm
Elaine Nardo.
170
00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:55,066
Oh, Louie's girl.
171
00:08:58,337 --> 00:08:59,970
Alex.
172
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,773
ALEX:
Yeah, uh, hi,
Mrs. De Palma.
173
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,274
I'm Alex Reiger.
174
00:09:03,308 --> 00:09:07,077
Oh, you're the Jewish fella
that Louie's always helping out.
175
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:10,147
I can't tell you
176
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:12,516
how much we love your
son, Mrs. De Palma.
177
00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:13,851
I really can't tell you.
178
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,954
Uh, Tony, uh,
you're next.
179
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:17,822
I'm Tony Banta,
Mrs. De Palma.
180
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:18,890
Oh.
181
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,391
I can't believe
182
00:09:20,425 --> 00:09:22,994
what Louie says about you.
183
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:26,197
What city are we in?
184
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:32,369
Is... is this a
trick question?
185
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:35,006
Well, I'll be darned.
186
00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:37,708
Oh. Hey, Mrs. De Palma,
187
00:09:37,742 --> 00:09:39,410
I've been waiting
to meet you.
188
00:09:39,444 --> 00:09:40,644
Um...
189
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,247
(speaking Italian)
190
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,448
Oh.... (speaking Italian)...
Italiano?
191
00:09:44,482 --> 00:09:45,816
Sì, si.
Oh.
192
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,351
(speaking Italian)
193
00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:53,825
Oh.
194
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,627
Ma, down here.
195
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:57,795
Hey, Tony,
196
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,096
what-what...
what did
she say?
197
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,632
Well, my Italian's a little
rusty, Alex, but she said...
198
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,836
I think she said, uh, her son's
acting like a jackass.
199
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,571
Or... Or else he's acting
like an asparagus?
200
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,309
No, it's probably jackass.
201
00:10:11,343 --> 00:10:13,644
Well, you are
the expert.
202
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:16,580
New cabbie?
203
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:23,655
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
204
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,957
This is Louie's mother,
Mrs. De Palma.
205
00:10:25,991 --> 00:10:27,959
Oh.
206
00:10:29,394 --> 00:10:33,965
Your son is one
of the finest human beings
207
00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:36,134
I've ever known
in my life.
208
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:45,409
And you let him drive a cab?
209
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,749
Look, if this has
anything to do
210
00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:53,818
with Itsumi Fujimoto...
211
00:10:53,852 --> 00:10:56,587
Louie, I still want
to marry him.
212
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,322
I thought that
was settled.
213
00:10:58,356 --> 00:11:00,558
You-you've got no reason
to marry that man.
214
00:11:00,592 --> 00:11:02,526
Companionship.
215
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:05,363
Companionship.
Companionship.
216
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:08,332
Is that all you old
people ever think about?
217
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:14,171
Louie...
218
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,507
will you
talk to him?
219
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:18,475
Will you meet him?
220
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,311
Why should I do that?
221
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,779
You meet him,
222
00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:24,949
and if you don't like him,
I won't marry him.
223
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:28,653
You promise?
224
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,253
I promise.
225
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,691
Okay.
226
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,526
Will you sit with him?
227
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,095
Sure.
228
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,362
Will you talk to him?
229
00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:39,731
Sure.
230
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,431
Will you be nice to him?
231
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:43,167
Ma!
232
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:46,337
I had to go for it.
233
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,724
Hello, my dear.
234
00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:10,661
(groaning)
235
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,397
I take it this is Mr. Fujimoto.
236
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,634
No, this always
happens to me in bars.
237
00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:22,640
I love your sense of humor.
238
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:27,277
Speaking of which,
this is my son, Louie.
239
00:12:27,312 --> 00:12:29,947
How do you do,
Mr. De Palma?
240
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,115
(grumbling)
241
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:32,950
Up, up.
242
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,685
Up.
243
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,587
Bow, bow.
244
00:12:40,125 --> 00:12:41,926
All right, you
want to talk to me?
245
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,427
Let's go over here
and talk.
246
00:12:43,461 --> 00:12:44,962
Very well.
247
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,832
Excuse us, Gabriella.
248
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:50,201
By the way,
you look lovely today.
249
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:51,602
Thank you.
250
00:12:51,636 --> 00:12:53,838
Come on, people are
trying to eat in here.
251
00:12:56,407 --> 00:12:58,743
I'll just sit here
and smoke.
252
00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:01,979
Smoke your brains out,
crazy lady.
253
00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:08,218
Louie, I understand
from your mother
254
00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:10,187
that you are opposed
255
00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:12,623
to the idea
of our getting married.
256
00:13:12,657 --> 00:13:14,558
All right, now let's get
to the point here.
257
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:18,195
I got a question for you.
258
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:20,965
Have you ever known
another woman?
259
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:25,469
Of course, I am 83 years old.
260
00:13:25,503 --> 00:13:28,672
Who hasn't known
another woman at my age?
261
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,875
Well, all right,
don't chew my head off here.
262
00:13:30,909 --> 00:13:35,078
Ma, you can't marry
this old geezer.
263
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:38,115
He's pillowed half the Orient.
264
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,487
Louie, I'm gonna marry him.
265
00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:46,224
You said if I don't like him,
you won't marry him.
266
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:48,459
I lied.
267
00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:55,432
Look, I told you this before
and I'm gonna tell you again,
268
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:59,937
if you marry this guy,
I'm not coming home tonight
269
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:04,375
and I'll never set foot
in that apartment again.
270
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:07,278
And I'll no longer be your son.
271
00:14:07,312 --> 00:14:11,315
I'm sorry you feel that way.
272
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,551
Let's go, Itsu.
273
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,827
Sayonara, Louie.
274
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,439
(Louie snoring)
275
00:14:35,473 --> 00:14:36,473
ALEX:
I can't believe
Louie's doing this,
276
00:14:36,507 --> 00:14:37,574
living in the garage.
277
00:14:37,608 --> 00:14:39,110
(LATKA (as Vic):
Hey, guys.
278
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:40,778
Okay, hey, oh!
279
00:14:43,815 --> 00:14:46,250
Boss man isn't up yet, huh?
280
00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:47,618
No, uh, Vic, he's not.
281
00:14:47,652 --> 00:14:49,219
Tell him that I left early
282
00:14:49,254 --> 00:14:50,821
to beat the weekend traffic.
283
00:14:50,855 --> 00:14:52,956
You found all those
guys for the condo?
284
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,760
Oh, yeah, yeah, hey,
congratulate me, men.
285
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,329
The team is assembled
and we're on our way
286
00:14:58,363 --> 00:15:01,832
to a holiday of hormones.
287
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:04,735
Okay, pray for powder, soldiers.
288
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:12,243
(alarm clock buzzing)
289
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:14,979
(Louie grumbling)
290
00:15:15,013 --> 00:15:18,648
(banging sounds, Louie mumbling)
291
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,217
(stuff clattering)
292
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:23,186
(Louie snarling, growling)
293
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,791
(Louie coughing, gagging)
294
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:32,462
(groaning)
295
00:15:37,635 --> 00:15:39,970
(loud yawning)
296
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,305
(groaning)
297
00:15:41,339 --> 00:15:42,306
(yawning)
298
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,574
(groaning)
299
00:15:43,608 --> 00:15:46,209
As my guide, and I watch
from the bushes,
300
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:49,380
we are amazed...
301
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,714
by the astounding
302
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,482
similarities
to a human being.
303
00:15:55,887 --> 00:15:59,256
What are you bozos doing here?
304
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,925
What are you all dressed up for?
305
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:03,227
We're on our way to your
mother's wedding, Louie.
306
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:06,730
Oh, is it today?
307
00:16:06,764 --> 00:16:08,365
Yeah.
308
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,201
Well...
309
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:15,272
I'm afraid you made one
little mistake, Reiger.
310
00:16:15,306 --> 00:16:18,509
I don't have a mother anymore.
311
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:21,879
Hey, uh, he's walking his soap.
312
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:29,420
Louie, Louie.
313
00:16:29,454 --> 00:16:31,187
Get out of here.
Louie, wait, Louie!
314
00:16:31,222 --> 00:16:32,623
Go on.
Louie, Louie.
315
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,858
Wait a minute, Louie!
316
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:36,526
(shower starts)
Look, Louie,
I wouldn't
317
00:16:36,561 --> 00:16:38,996
be here except that I think
it might make a big difference
318
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,232
to your mother if you
showed up there today.
319
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,367
LOUIE:
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, go on.
320
00:16:43,401 --> 00:16:46,870
Oh, come on, Louie, for once in
your life, don't be so... you.
321
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:54,478
You think
you know it all, huh?
322
00:16:54,512 --> 00:16:57,681
You think you got it all
figured out, don't you?
323
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:04,121
Well, let me tell you something.
324
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,756
You get used to a way of life.
325
00:17:06,791 --> 00:17:07,991
You don't pick it.
326
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:13,464
Me and Ma had a deal.
327
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:14,798
We had an agreement.
328
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,134
It was unspoken,
there were no papers signed,
329
00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:20,437
but it was a deal just the same.
330
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:22,038
And now she's throwing it away.
331
00:17:22,073 --> 00:17:24,141
And let me tell you
something else, Reiger.
332
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:26,343
I would've never
done this to her.
333
00:17:26,411 --> 00:17:27,644
Wait, are you telling me
334
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:29,980
that you were never
gonna get married?
335
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:33,083
Of course I'm gonna get married.
336
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,052
But even if I did get married,
337
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:38,255
I'd always have a place
in my home for her.
338
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,457
I'd have given her a room.
339
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:43,894
Maybe even furnished it.
340
00:17:43,928 --> 00:17:47,164
Even if my wife, Fleurette,
didn't want me to.
341
00:17:47,198 --> 00:17:48,466
Fleurette?
342
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,600
Yeah, whatever
her name will be.
343
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:51,935
Fleurette?
344
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:54,205
Yeah, I pulled it
out of the air.
345
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,139
You pull Jane or Sally
out of the air.
346
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:58,775
You don't pull Fleurette
out of the air.
347
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:00,410
You pull Fleurette out of long,
348
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:03,380
hot sweaty nights
of total frustration.
349
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,682
All right, I'm a romantic.
350
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:07,250
So sue me.
351
00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:10,788
The point is that
Ma is leaving me.
352
00:18:10,822 --> 00:18:16,092
She's busting us up and yet
I look like the bad guy.
353
00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:20,231
Everybody's sympathizing
with her 'cause she's got
354
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,233
the gray hair,
355
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:26,070
the little, little face
and that cute little walk.
356
00:18:29,474 --> 00:18:32,743
And I'm the one who had his
life yanked out, Reiger.
357
00:18:34,145 --> 00:18:38,082
That woman means
everything to me, Reiger.
358
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,384
She's my mama.
359
00:18:40,418 --> 00:18:43,553
And all the things
she did for me.
360
00:18:45,489 --> 00:18:51,295
She cooked my food,
cleaned my clothes,
361
00:18:51,329 --> 00:18:54,598
she clipped my toenails.
362
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,534
Clipped your toenails, Lou?
363
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,202
That woman clipped
your toenails,
364
00:18:59,237 --> 00:19:01,037
and you're not gonna
go to the wedding?
365
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:07,144
God, when you put it
like that...
366
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:12,917
You're right, Reiger,
I gotta go.
367
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,052
Of course I gotta go.
Of course, Lou!
368
00:19:15,086 --> 00:19:15,952
Oh, but I don't know.
369
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:17,020
I'm not sure.
370
00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:18,922
It might be a mistake
the way I feel.
371
00:19:18,956 --> 00:19:20,924
I mean, it might
work on my guts.
372
00:19:20,958 --> 00:19:23,694
You know, there's no telling
what I'd do when I get there.
373
00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:26,529
There's a nasty side to
me you've never seen.
374
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:27,664
I've seen it.
375
00:19:27,698 --> 00:19:30,100
Look, Lou, see,
you're not gonna do anything.
376
00:19:30,134 --> 00:19:32,035
I'm telling you, you're not
gonna do anything to ruin it.
377
00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:33,804
If you can't trust yourself,
trust me.
378
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:39,209
You're sure?
I'm sure, Lou,
I'm sure.
379
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:41,745
You're right, Reiger,
I'm gonna go.
380
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:42,980
Good, Lou, good.
381
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:44,581
You know something, Reiger?
382
00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:45,448
What?
383
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:46,650
I feel great!
384
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,720
I feel like I got a
warm glow inside me.
385
00:19:49,754 --> 00:19:51,188
And you know why?
386
00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:52,456
Why, Lou, why?
387
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:56,493
Because no matter what
happens at that wedding,
388
00:19:56,527 --> 00:19:59,529
no matter what disgusting
and revolting thing
389
00:19:59,563 --> 00:20:02,565
that I might do,
it's your fault.
390
00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:19,483
ELAINE:
I think everything
is so beautiful.
391
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:20,718
TONY: Yeah.
392
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,318
This is a joke.
393
00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:23,520
Louie.
394
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:26,423
Boss, you'll love it.
395
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:29,827
It's a very moving ceremony.
396
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,762
How do you know, Iggy?
397
00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:36,567
I'm a student of the
world's religions.
398
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:38,335
It figures.
399
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:43,973
A shinto wedding is one of the
three best ways to get married.
400
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:49,780
The best weddings
are Polish for the dancing
401
00:20:49,814 --> 00:20:52,682
and Shinto for the poetry.
402
00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:53,617
What's the third?
403
00:20:53,651 --> 00:20:56,987
Vegas.
404
00:20:57,021 --> 00:20:58,421
For the glitter.
405
00:20:58,490 --> 00:20:59,556
Oh.
406
00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:01,258
I can't take this.
Louie!
407
00:21:01,292 --> 00:21:02,960
Louie, take it easy.
408
00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:04,962
This is a holy place.
409
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:10,067
Who's that guy?
410
00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:12,402
This is the Shinto priest
411
00:21:12,470 --> 00:21:14,270
and his attendants.
412
00:21:18,843 --> 00:21:21,177
He brought the whole family.
413
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:26,416
(grumbling)
414
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,151
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie.
415
00:21:28,219 --> 00:21:30,354
Next comes the groom
416
00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:32,155
and then the bride.
417
00:21:42,066 --> 00:21:43,734
Dad.
418
00:21:43,768 --> 00:21:45,602
This is ridiculous!
419
00:21:45,636 --> 00:21:47,437
My mother can't do this.
420
00:21:47,471 --> 00:21:48,905
She'll never adapt!
421
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:53,911
Who's that?
422
00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:57,547
Oh, no!
423
00:21:57,581 --> 00:21:59,450
(pounding floor)
424
00:22:01,519 --> 00:22:03,887
LOUIE:
That's mom!
425
00:22:03,921 --> 00:22:07,191
She looks like a scarecrow
in a rice paddy.
426
00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:15,032
JIM:
This is the
purification rite.
427
00:22:15,066 --> 00:22:17,501
He's casting out the demons.
428
00:22:17,535 --> 00:22:19,335
Louie, you'd better
hang on to your seat.
429
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:24,641
I'm glad you're having
a good time, Nardo.
430
00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:30,947
This is the sacred norito.
431
00:22:30,949 --> 00:22:34,484
It's a message
to the divine power
432
00:22:34,518 --> 00:22:37,054
that a marriage is
about to take place.
433
00:22:37,088 --> 00:22:39,723
It's fun being
the smart one.
434
00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:50,600
This is the san san kudo.
435
00:22:52,603 --> 00:22:55,839
After your mother drinks
from that cup three times,
436
00:22:55,873 --> 00:22:57,874
she'll be married.
437
00:22:57,909 --> 00:23:00,978
She will?!
Yep.
Hang on, Louie, Louie.
438
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,448
JIM:
One...
439
00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:08,618
Two...
440
00:23:08,653 --> 00:23:09,752
I gotta stop this!
Louie, no!
441
00:23:09,787 --> 00:23:10,787
Mom!
442
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:13,323
ALEX:
Please don't, Louie.
443
00:23:13,357 --> 00:23:14,457
Too late.
444
00:23:24,535 --> 00:23:26,703
All right, in that case...
445
00:23:40,284 --> 00:23:42,185
I give you my blessing.
446
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:44,554
Grazie, figlio mio.
447
00:23:52,296 --> 00:23:55,332
Grazie.
448
00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:07,177
(theme song playing)
449
00:24:31,669 --> 00:24:33,036
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
450
00:24:33,070 --> 00:24:34,037
(man grumbling)
29999
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