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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:04,069
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:24,249
Who am I kidding?
3
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:27,218
I just don't have it in me to be
a good television executive.
4
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,988
I'm... I'm too concerned
about people liking me.
5
00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:32,056
I-I'm too afraid
to get tough.
6
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,591
Janine, when you're against
the wall,
7
00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:35,126
you always come through.
8
00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:36,661
But I've got something
really unpleasant to do,
9
00:01:36,728 --> 00:01:38,396
and I don't think
I can do it.
10
00:01:38,464 --> 00:01:39,697
You'll do it,
because your sense
11
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:41,166
of responsibility
will make you do it.
12
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,400
And you'll do it great.
13
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:43,535
JANINE:
I don't think so.
14
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:44,803
I'm so nervous
about it.
15
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,204
MAN:
Janine, you can do it.
16
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,740
Maybe you're right.
17
00:01:49,808 --> 00:01:52,644
Of course, I'm right.
18
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,078
Okay, here goes.
19
00:01:54,146 --> 00:01:55,846
I'm gonna have
to fire you.
20
00:01:55,914 --> 00:01:57,348
What?
21
00:01:57,416 --> 00:02:00,151
Mitch, if the ratings don't
come up next week, you're fired.
22
00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:01,286
Nothing personal.
23
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:02,554
No.
24
00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:05,056
Oh, driver,
I'll get out here.
25
00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,258
Mitch, thanks.
26
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:08,859
Oh, you helped me again.
27
00:02:08,927 --> 00:02:10,228
Thanks a million.
28
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,729
You're welcome.
29
00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:14,165
I don't know what
I'm gonna do without you.
30
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,636
Oh, God!
31
00:02:18,704 --> 00:02:20,305
(clears throat)
Ah.
32
00:02:20,372 --> 00:02:23,575
You can't live with 'em,
you can't live without 'em.
33
00:02:26,512 --> 00:02:29,180
You're in television, right?
34
00:02:29,248 --> 00:02:30,415
Oh, yeah.
35
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:34,452
You look pretty young to
be a network executive.
36
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,687
Well, it's a young man's
profession.
37
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:38,656
In my business,
you can be burnt out
38
00:02:38,724 --> 00:02:40,358
by the time your skin clears up.
39
00:02:40,425 --> 00:02:41,726
Uh-huh.
40
00:02:41,793 --> 00:02:45,563
You know, I've
always wondered
41
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:50,068
how the networks decide
what shows to put on.
42
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,104
It's a lot of complex variables.
43
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:56,541
We-We look at sex,
education, income.
44
00:02:56,608 --> 00:02:57,976
It's-It's very scientific.
45
00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:01,179
Oh, then how come
you took off Star Trek?
46
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,081
What?
47
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:06,751
That was my
favorite show.
48
00:03:06,818 --> 00:03:08,686
I really miss
49
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:11,356
Star Trek.
50
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:16,160
Well, actually,
that wasn't even my network.
51
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,061
But the point is is that...
52
00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:19,430
The only guy I didn't like
53
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:21,832
was the leader
of the Romulans.
54
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,235
Well, you see...
55
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,703
It wasn't the actor's fault.
56
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,204
It was the script.
57
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:31,009
They gave him things to say
that no Romulan would ever say.
58
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:35,012
Right.
59
00:03:36,315 --> 00:03:39,150
Well, I guess you might
as well drive me home now.
60
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:42,053
I-I live at Central Park West
and 68th...
61
00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,358
So...
62
00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:50,228
any, uh, new
shows coming on?
63
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,730
Oh, yeah, sure,
all the time.
64
00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:54,865
For instance, we're trying out
a couple tonight.
65
00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:56,734
Any good?
66
00:03:56,802 --> 00:03:59,471
Well, the first one
is very, very, very good.
67
00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:00,838
We're very excited
about it.
68
00:04:00,906 --> 00:04:03,541
It's-It's a special
one-hour presentation
69
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:05,076
of Hometown Girl.
70
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:07,812
That's our most popular
daytime soap opera.
71
00:04:07,879 --> 00:04:09,280
That one's a winner.
72
00:04:09,348 --> 00:04:11,416
Oh, what's the other one?
73
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:12,783
That one's trouble.
74
00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:14,051
It's musical variety.
75
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,255
Oh, oh, oh.
I love musical variety.
76
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,291
What is it?
77
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:23,494
The Pittsburgh Steelersat Marineland.
78
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,163
Oh. Oh.
79
00:04:26,231 --> 00:04:28,666
Would you mind
hearing an opinion?
80
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,569
You've got it backward.
81
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,771
The marine show will win big.
82
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,041
The soap opera
will get clobbered...
83
00:04:37,108 --> 00:04:40,044
everywhere except Chicago.
84
00:04:42,347 --> 00:04:44,382
Were you ever in the business?
85
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:47,319
No, I-I just have these hunches.
86
00:04:47,386 --> 00:04:48,787
For no reason at all,
87
00:04:48,854 --> 00:04:51,622
I'll suddenly see something
happening in the future,
88
00:04:51,690 --> 00:04:53,123
and it usually comes true.
89
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,326
Yeah, well,
let's-let's make a deal, okay?
90
00:04:55,393 --> 00:04:57,294
You don't tell me
how to program television shows,
91
00:04:57,362 --> 00:04:58,396
and I won't tell you
92
00:04:58,463 --> 00:04:59,564
how to drive a cab, okay?
93
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,831
Okay!
Okay.
94
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,867
(horns honking)
95
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:06,637
(horns honking loudly)
96
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,839
Why are you heading
97
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:09,807
into the exit
of the Lincoln Tunnel?
98
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,776
Oh, oh, oh!
Remember our deal.
99
00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:13,778
(tires squealing,
loud honking of horns)
100
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,286
Does anyone happen to know
101
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:24,822
why there's white powder
all over Louie's cage?
102
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:27,191
Oh, yeah, I bet
I know what that is.
103
00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:28,793
That's rat poison.
104
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,129
It'll never work.
105
00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:34,733
He brings his own lunch.
106
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,267
No, no.
107
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,636
Louie's convinced that we
have a mouse in the garage,
108
00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:41,005
so I-I bet he dusted
his cage with that stuff.
109
00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:44,575
What's going on
here?
110
00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:48,012
Jim, we're trying to figure out
what this white powder is.
111
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,947
Oh.
112
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:54,618
No, no, no, Jim!
113
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:55,720
What?
114
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,154
That could be
rat poison!
115
00:05:57,222 --> 00:06:00,257
Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh.
116
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,894
Nope. Flour.
117
00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:05,763
Flour?
118
00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:07,231
Hey! Get away from there!
119
00:06:07,299 --> 00:06:08,566
Don't touch anything!
120
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:09,567
Oh?
121
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:10,735
Aha!
122
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,003
What?
123
00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:13,404
Just as I thought.
124
00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:14,305
What? What? What?
125
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,807
My little plan worked.
126
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,177
What does that look
like to you?
127
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,211
A set of tiny
footprints!
128
00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:22,513
(laughs)
129
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:24,282
And what does that tell you?
130
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,584
You just had a dance lesson?
131
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,154
We got a mouse, Reiger.
132
00:06:30,222 --> 00:06:31,255
A mouse!
133
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:32,456
He walked
through the powder,
134
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:34,592
and now he's tracking it
all over the garage.
135
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:35,826
Well, well.
136
00:06:35,894 --> 00:06:38,396
His little footprints
are gonna lead me right to him.
137
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,463
(laughs)
138
00:06:39,531 --> 00:06:41,399
ALEX:
The American sportsman
in action.
139
00:06:43,635 --> 00:06:45,470
I'm gonna find out
where he's hiding.
140
00:06:45,537 --> 00:06:47,972
Then I'm gonna surround
the place with mousetraps.
141
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:51,376
As soon as that little sucker
moves a muscle,
142
00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:53,277
Minnie's a widow.
143
00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:55,045
No, wait.
144
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:56,481
Louie, come on!
145
00:06:56,548 --> 00:06:59,149
Come on, you're not gonna
really set traps, are you?
146
00:06:59,217 --> 00:07:00,651
Traps are so cruel.
147
00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:03,387
Please, I hate to
see even a helpless
little mouse suffer.
148
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,189
LOUIE:
Yeah, and as
soon as that
149
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:08,392
helpless little mouse
scurries across the floor,
150
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,094
you know who's gonna be
151
00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,563
standing on that table,
152
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,565
screeching like a banshee,
don't you?
153
00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:14,866
Maybe I would,
154
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,968
but that still don't mean
you should kill it.
155
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,070
He's back in there.
156
00:07:19,137 --> 00:07:20,371
(mutters)
157
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:21,639
No. Wait.
158
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:22,874
Louie?!
159
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:26,777
No time for love, Nardo.
160
00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:29,647
I'm looking for a mouse here.
161
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:33,751
Louie, you don't want to have
to spend money on traps, do you?
162
00:07:36,087 --> 00:07:38,189
If you let us catch
the mouse alive,
163
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,325
then not only have we saved
his life,
164
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:43,161
but we'll save you a couple
of bucks, too.
165
00:07:46,031 --> 00:07:49,266
You always know how
to appeal to my finer
instincts, Nardo.
166
00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:50,601
All right, okay, go ahead.
167
00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:51,602
ELAINE:
Okay.
168
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,037
You try it your way,
169
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,806
but if you guys don't
catch him pretty quick,
170
00:07:55,874 --> 00:07:58,408
little pink-eyes
gets a metal necktie.
171
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,911
Ee-ee-ee!
172
00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:05,183
Hi. Do you
remember me?
173
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:06,817
I'm the guy
in television.
174
00:08:06,885 --> 00:08:08,719
Oh. Raymond Burr!
175
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,759
No, no, no, I'm not...
I'm not Raymond Burr.
176
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,293
My name is
Mitch Harris.
177
00:08:16,361 --> 00:08:19,530
I'm the television
executive you had in
your cab last night.
178
00:08:19,598 --> 00:08:21,032
Oh, yeah?
179
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,867
Uh, what can I do for you?
180
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,535
I need your help
desperately.
181
00:08:24,602 --> 00:08:26,770
Everything that
you predicted
182
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,672
about last night's
shows came true.
183
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,575
You were even right
about Chicago.
184
00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:32,243
Oh, it's no big deal.
185
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,678
Yes, it is!
186
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:37,582
What-What you did went against
all conventional wisdom.
187
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,984
Oh, it's just some
kind of crazy knack.
188
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,654
Jim, I have to
ask you a favor.
189
00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:45,089
I want you to come
into my office
190
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,424
and do what you did
last night in the cab.
191
00:08:47,492 --> 00:08:49,060
You know, just-just
tell me your hunches
192
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,461
about television shows.
193
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,062
My job is hanging
by a thread!
194
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:54,565
I-I'm just asking
for a few hours of your time.
195
00:08:54,632 --> 00:08:57,334
It's been a
long-standing
policy with me
196
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,304
to turn down any executive
offers that came my way.
197
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:02,206
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
198
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,880
Jim, if you had had this
chance a few years ago,
199
00:09:08,947 --> 00:09:11,181
you could have
saved Star Trek.
200
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,819
Oh.
201
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,087
Star Trek!
202
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,922
Oh.
203
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,157
What do you say, Jim?
204
00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:22,660
Shall we boldly go
205
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:25,029
where no man has
ever gone before?
206
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,834
Louie,
207
00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:33,270
I need to take the rest
of the afternoon off.
208
00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:35,072
I'm gonna go save television.
209
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:47,751
MITCH:
See anythingthat impresses you so far?
210
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,020
Oh, yeah, yeah.
211
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:53,490
The one where the train
smashed into those cars,
212
00:09:53,525 --> 00:09:55,426
and then the cars
go through the house
213
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:56,594
and over the cliff.
214
00:09:56,661 --> 00:09:57,895
Oh, you mean Stunt Wife.
215
00:09:57,962 --> 00:09:59,130
Yeah.
216
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,832
Well, you pray for ideas
like that to come along.
217
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:07,205
Ah, look, Jim,
218
00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:09,173
there's something
that I haven't mentioned yet,
219
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,641
but in case somebody walks in,
220
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:12,977
I think we're gonna need
an identity for you.
221
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:15,178
Identity?
222
00:10:15,246 --> 00:10:17,281
Well, to explain
what you're doing here.
223
00:10:17,348 --> 00:10:19,350
You know, I mean,
if people found out
224
00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:21,618
that I was basing my decisions
on your hunches,
225
00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:24,322
it might not sit too well
with the top brass.
226
00:10:24,389 --> 00:10:26,557
Let me see. Who could you be?
227
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,593
No offense,
but you don't really look
228
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,261
like my lawyer
or my accountant.
229
00:10:30,328 --> 00:10:33,898
Oh, I suppose
a periodontist is out.
230
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:38,235
Shoeshine! Perfect.
231
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:41,538
I've got a brush and polish
in this top drawer.
232
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:43,273
If someone walks in
from upstairs,
233
00:10:43,341 --> 00:10:45,209
you came
to shine my shoes.
234
00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:46,811
Okay, Jim?
235
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:49,981
It would really save a lot
of embarrassment, you know?
236
00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:51,983
Well, okay.
237
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,350
I don't mind.
238
00:10:53,418 --> 00:10:54,585
Terrific!
239
00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:58,389
Okay, now let's take a look
at this schedule.
240
00:10:58,456 --> 00:11:02,293
You see, Tuesday night is always
the biggest problem.
241
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,262
It has been for years.
242
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:06,764
Excuse me,
Mr. Harris.
243
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,800
Oh, I'm, uh,
just looking
over the schedule
244
00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:11,835
before I shine
his shoes.
245
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,707
Okay, now these are the shows
246
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,675
that we're considering
for Tuesday night, Jim.
247
00:11:19,811 --> 00:11:22,747
(clicking)
248
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:24,381
MAN (on TV):
What's the matter?
249
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:26,083
You never seen one
of these before?
250
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:28,118
(canned laughter)
251
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:32,823
WOMAN (on TV):
Yeah, but under the bed.
252
00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:34,291
Not on your head.
253
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:35,793
(canned laughter)
254
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,828
(applause)
255
00:11:39,564 --> 00:11:40,798
Comedy.
256
00:11:40,865 --> 00:11:43,100
Oh, oh, oh.
257
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:44,335
(laughs)
258
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:50,107
And here's-here's a game show
that tested very well.
259
00:11:50,175 --> 00:11:51,943
It's kind of
an updated version
260
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:54,611
of Truth or Consequences
with celebrity contestants.
261
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,613
MAN (on TV):
All right, if you guess right,
262
00:11:56,681 --> 00:11:59,616
you'll move one step closer
to the giant jackpot.
263
00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:01,618
But if you guess wrong,
264
00:12:01,686 --> 00:12:04,554
well, you know what happens
to your celebrity partner.
265
00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:06,623
(laughter)
266
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:12,529
What's in that big tank
over Paul Lynde's head?
267
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:14,365
Melted cheese.
268
00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:15,299
(sputters)
269
00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:18,336
This is great!
270
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:21,205
Yeah, it is--
it is great.
271
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,707
We kind of see it, though,
as a summer replacement.
272
00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:25,709
This is a winner!
273
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:27,644
I'm sure!
274
00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:29,713
(grunts)
275
00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:34,084
Well, yeah--
276
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:37,454
the problem would be, I guess,
where to place it.
277
00:12:37,489 --> 00:12:40,457
Maybe Tuesday...
278
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,259
Hold it!
Hold it!
279
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,061
Uh, hunch, hunch.
280
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:47,532
Friday!
281
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:49,433
Friday?
282
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,435
Uh...
283
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,872
well, maybe Friday at 8:00?
284
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,173
Uh, 9:00!
285
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,941
9:00?
286
00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,943
At 9:00 on Friday
287
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,980
the competition has
a new James Bond movie
288
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:05,816
and Brooke Shields Turns 17.
289
00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,786
You want to put a game show
on opposite that?
290
00:13:09,854 --> 00:13:11,722
I'm just tellin' you my hunch.
291
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:15,092
I've got a crazy feeling
it could win there.
292
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,466
9:00 on Friday?
293
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,235
(mutters):
Don't-don't talk.
294
00:13:29,174 --> 00:13:30,608
I can't believe
295
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,443
that I'm letting a cabdriver
off the street
296
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:33,611
do my job for me.
297
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:35,613
Hey, don't feel bad.
298
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:38,482
If you could do your
job, you would!
299
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:56,734
Okay, I've got
the mousetrap.
300
00:13:56,801 --> 00:13:58,335
Jason finished it
this morning.
301
00:13:58,403 --> 00:13:59,604
Wow!
302
00:13:59,671 --> 00:14:02,106
That's an impressive little
device your son cooked up.
303
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:03,674
Yeah, it looks slick.
304
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:06,177
But I don't think it's
gonna work.
305
00:14:06,244 --> 00:14:08,746
I mean, no mouse is
gonna be dumb enough
306
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,948
to walk right
up in here
307
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,783
and get himself caught.
308
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:19,122
Don't get encouraged, Nardo.
309
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:22,860
Just because Banta fell for it,
doesn't mean a mouse will.
310
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:23,961
(phone ringing)
311
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,862
Hello.
312
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,064
Yeah, just a minute.
313
00:14:27,131 --> 00:14:28,198
Jim, telephone.
314
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,400
It's right there in your hand.
315
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,103
Jim!
316
00:14:33,171 --> 00:14:34,405
Huh?
317
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,941
It's a phone call for you!
318
00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:38,342
The guy at the network.
319
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,311
Oh, yeah.
320
00:14:43,882 --> 00:14:46,817
Hi, Mitch, how's it goin'?
321
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:49,086
We did?
322
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,855
Wow, that's terrific!
323
00:14:51,923 --> 00:14:54,858
You're welcome.
324
00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:57,361
If you can't tell me
how happy you are,
325
00:14:57,429 --> 00:15:00,364
why did you call?
326
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,699
(mumbling)
327
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:04,201
Okay, yeah.
328
00:15:04,269 --> 00:15:07,204
I'll-I'll drop by later
this afternoon.
329
00:15:07,272 --> 00:15:08,905
Okay.
330
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,207
(sighs)
331
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,342
Jim, what happened?
Tell us.
332
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,477
The network won Friday night
in the ratings
333
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:15,546
for the first time
in two years.
334
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:16,948
ELAINE:
Oh, that's wonderful.
335
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:18,182
TONY:
I can't believe it.
336
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:18,915
You're kidding me!
337
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,917
Oh, do you know
what this means?
338
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,320
This means you're gonna be
a big shot at the network.
339
00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:25,722
I mean, you're gonna have an
office and an expense account.
340
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:27,124
This is your ticket
outta here, Jim.
341
00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:29,393
Oh, they must be paying you
a fortune.
Ooh!
342
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,928
Uh, well, "fortune" is
a relative term.
343
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,364
Well, how much are
they paying you?
344
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:35,466
Nothing.
345
00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:38,835
But what are they
doing for you?
346
00:15:38,903 --> 00:15:40,237
Nothing.
347
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:42,573
Uh, as a matter of fact,
348
00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:46,109
they treat me like
a shoeshine boy.
349
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:47,310
Why?
350
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,646
Well, it's probably
my own fault.
351
00:15:49,681 --> 00:15:52,583
While I'm there,
I shine the guy's shoes.
352
00:15:54,085 --> 00:15:56,420
Jim, this is ridiculous.
353
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:57,954
You're being taken advantage of.
354
00:15:58,022 --> 00:15:59,490
That guy's gonna get
all the credit
355
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,425
and you're not gonna get
any recognition at all.
356
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,427
Hey, it's thanks enough to me
357
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:06,096
that he's walking around
with a nice shine on his shoes.
358
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,034
Every time he
gets a compliment
on his shoes,
359
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,802
it reflects on me.
Jim!
360
00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:14,638
I'm not talkin'
about shoes!
361
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:16,707
God, sometimes
you can infuriate me,
362
00:16:16,774 --> 00:16:17,874
you know that?
363
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,376
ELAINE:
Oh, wait a minute,
Alex.
364
00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:20,777
What are you getting
so upset about?
365
00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:21,912
It's not his fault.
366
00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:24,448
Yes, it is his
fault, Elaine.
367
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:28,885
Some people in this world
make themselves victims,
and Jim is one of them.
368
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:32,189
People who invite other people
to walk all over them.
369
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:33,924
He's letting that guy
walk all over him.
370
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:35,826
Wait a minute, Alex.
371
00:16:35,927 --> 00:16:36,827
What can I do?
372
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,496
How can I change?
Help me.
373
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,163
Jim, there's only
one person--
374
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:42,999
there's only one person in this
life that can help you.
375
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:44,568
There's only one person
you can trust.
376
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,036
I do trust you, Alex.
377
00:16:46,104 --> 00:16:47,471
Not me, damn it!
378
00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:50,374
Jim, when do you finally stand
up and assert yourself?
379
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:52,976
August.
380
00:16:53,044 --> 00:16:54,611
August?!
381
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:56,446
Wrong answer.
You say when.
382
00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:58,115
Now, Jim, now!
383
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,951
Start standing up for
yourself right now!
384
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:03,954
You have dignity and value
as a human being
385
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:06,257
and it's high time that that
Mitch person knew it.
386
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,557
Dignity?
Yes!
387
00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:08,692
Value?
That's right.
388
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,060
Thank you, Alex.
389
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:13,130
This little conversation has
been an eye-opener for me.
390
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:14,698
If you'll excuse me,
391
00:17:14,765 --> 00:17:16,700
I'm gonna go have a little talk
392
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,736
with that old buddy of mine,
Mitch.
Good!
393
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,472
About a little thing
called human dignity.
394
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:22,706
Attaboy, Jim.
395
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:32,015
(grunts)
396
00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:42,660
Hi, Jim.
397
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:44,728
Don't give me that.
398
00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:48,766
I've got a little news
for you, Mitch.
399
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,703
I'm not gonna be shining
shoes anymore.
400
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,671
And not just because
I'm outta black.
401
00:17:54,739 --> 00:17:56,306
It's more than just that.
402
00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:57,841
It's a lot more.
403
00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,977
It's got to do with a little
thing called human dignity.
404
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,113
You ever heard of that, Mitch?
405
00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:05,048
I've been doing your
work for you.
406
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:06,816
You've been taking
all the credit.
407
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,654
Jim, you're right.
408
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:15,926
The only explanation I can give
you is that I was afraid.
409
00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:18,195
I was afraid that if
they found out,
410
00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:19,630
I'd-I'd lose my job.
411
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,698
And I know that's
no excuse,
412
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:24,101
Jim, but I wasn't just
thinking of myself.
413
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,337
I was thinking of them.
414
00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:30,106
You know them?
415
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:32,108
Yes, Jim.
416
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:33,643
These are my children,
417
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:35,913
Arlene, Bennet
and Dorothy.
418
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,647
Boy,
419
00:18:37,682 --> 00:18:40,183
I bet they say some
cute things.
420
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:41,618
They do.
Like what?
421
00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:43,320
Well, I can't think of
anything now...
422
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,822
Well, I'll take
your word for it.
423
00:18:45,890 --> 00:18:48,092
You know, maybe it would
be good for them.
424
00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:50,160
Maybe it'd be good
for all of us
425
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:52,596
to cut back a little bit,
not have it so soft.
426
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:54,531
Oh, that would be terrible.
427
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,300
Bennet's gonna
need braces.
428
00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:58,101
No, no...
429
00:18:58,169 --> 00:19:00,604
don't-don't try to talk
me out of it, Jim.
430
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,439
My mind's made up.
431
00:19:02,507 --> 00:19:04,941
Mitch, they're having a victory
party down the hall.
432
00:19:05,009 --> 00:19:06,943
Everybody's asking
for you, so come on.
433
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:08,945
No, no, Janine,
come in, please.
434
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:10,947
I have something
to tell you.
435
00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:13,551
I had nothing to do
with the schedule.
436
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:17,588
That man is the one
who did it all.
437
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:20,524
Jim, here, is
a programming genius.
438
00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:24,461
Well, I guess the cat's
outta the bag.
439
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,434
Mitch, they're waiting
for us at the party.
440
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,835
I can't go
441
00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:33,804
up there and take credit
for something that he did.
442
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:35,072
Oh, Mitch,
all of us here
443
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:36,740
are always asking
people's opinions
444
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:37,941
about television.
445
00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:39,776
All our friends,
our lovers,
446
00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:41,111
the man on the street,
447
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:43,046
even the shoeshine boy.
448
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:45,982
I've gotten advice,
darn good advice,
449
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:47,651
from my hairdresser.
450
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:50,687
My nephews picked
our 6:00 news team.
451
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:53,523
Now, what does it matter
in the final analysis
452
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:54,825
how we arrived at
those choices?
453
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:55,926
The point is
454
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,894
we made the final decisions
455
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,896
and we stuck to them.
456
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:01,898
Now I'm going to that party.
457
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:03,567
The champagne's getting warm.
458
00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:05,569
It was nice meeting you.
459
00:20:05,636 --> 00:20:07,538
I'll see you at the party,
Mitch.
460
00:20:07,605 --> 00:20:10,541
Yeah, I'll-I'll see you
at the party.
461
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:12,142
JIM:
I love
462
00:20:12,209 --> 00:20:13,477
champagne.
Jim!
463
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,445
Uh... Jim!
464
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:17,147
And-and do they
have shrimp?
Jim? Jim...
465
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:18,682
Those-- I love those
big shrimp.
Right.
466
00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:20,384
Yeah, Jim, you know,
and I'd-I'd love
467
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,218
to invite you
to the party,
468
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,289
but I-I think it would be
a little bit awkward
469
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,490
having you there.
470
00:20:28,326 --> 00:20:30,060
You understand?
471
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,495
Uh... yeah...
472
00:20:32,563 --> 00:20:34,497
You sure?
I guess so.
473
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,500
Sure.
474
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:45,075
But-but listen,
475
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:48,111
first thing Monday morning
I'm gonna talk to someone
476
00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:49,913
about getting you an
office and a salary.
477
00:20:49,981 --> 00:20:51,915
No, no, no, no, I...
478
00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:55,352
I can't accept any money.
479
00:20:55,419 --> 00:20:58,689
I just wouldn't feel right.
480
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:02,693
My ability to see glimpses of
the future is a gift from God
481
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:06,697
and I refuse to abuse it
482
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:09,366
or taint it
483
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:13,003
by using it for financial gain.
484
00:21:14,405 --> 00:21:17,073
Well, Jim, if that's
how you feel...
485
00:21:17,141 --> 00:21:20,811
Uh, you can pay me
for the shoe shine.
486
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:22,913
How much do I owe you?
487
00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:26,583
$150,000.
488
00:21:38,863 --> 00:21:41,598
(bells ringing)
489
00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:54,711
Aha!
490
00:21:54,779 --> 00:21:57,681
Uh-huh!
491
00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:03,153
At last we meet!
492
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,155
Uh-huh!
493
00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:11,995
What to do, what to do...
494
00:22:17,035 --> 00:22:20,103
I could flush you.
495
00:22:20,171 --> 00:22:23,507
Send you bodysurfing
down the tubes.
496
00:22:25,042 --> 00:22:27,978
A little sewer snack
for some alligator.
497
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:34,118
I could leave you in this jar
498
00:22:34,185 --> 00:22:36,120
for another 15 minutes.
499
00:22:36,187 --> 00:22:38,055
(mimics gasping)
500
00:22:43,828 --> 00:22:46,496
Just my luck you're a baby.
501
00:22:46,564 --> 00:22:48,365
All right,
502
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:50,367
I'll give ya a fair chance.
503
00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:53,036
Heads, I set you free.
504
00:22:53,104 --> 00:22:56,206
Tails, you're a dead mouse.
505
00:22:56,274 --> 00:22:57,007
Ready?
506
00:22:57,075 --> 00:22:58,741
Huh? Huh?
507
00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,410
Here, look here.
508
00:23:00,478 --> 00:23:02,412
Huh? Huh? Huh?
509
00:23:05,583 --> 00:23:06,683
Tails!
510
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,652
Surf's up!
511
00:23:12,223 --> 00:23:14,424
Nah, I was only kiddin'.
512
00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:15,359
It's heads.
513
00:23:15,426 --> 00:23:17,193
Look, look.
514
00:23:17,228 --> 00:23:18,961
All right, all right,
get outta here.
515
00:23:19,029 --> 00:23:20,897
Go on.
516
00:23:20,965 --> 00:23:23,900
Get outta my garage.
517
00:23:23,968 --> 00:23:25,902
Go on, go on.
518
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:28,071
(laughs)
519
00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:35,012
(theme song playing)
520
00:23:57,802 --> 00:23:59,102
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
521
00:23:59,170 --> 00:24:00,170
(man grumbling)
34946
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