Original subtitles

(theme song playing)

Guess what!

Elaine Nardo is going to Europe!

How can she do that?

Because her ex-husband just showed up out of the blue

and took her kids for four weeks,

leaving her free as a bird!

All right! Let's give her a going-away party.

Yes! ELAINE: Okay.

No!

If Elaine Nardo doesn't care enough to tell us personally,

then to hell with her.

Elaine, I didn't know you were planning to go to Europe.

No, I haven't been.

That's what so great about this.

But when Vince showed up and took those kids, I thought,

why not see some of this planet before you die?

Go to Europe!

Look, I am so excited about it,

I cannot stand it.

Well, I think it's great to be so spontaneous and off-the-cuff,

but don't you have to think about it first?

It's off season and cheap.

Why don't you come with me?

Me? No, I can't do that. Yes!

No.

I can.

Please don't take this the wrong way, Nardo.

I want to show you Rome.

I want you to see the Sistine Chapel

just the way Michaelangelo saw it.

(grunts)

Come on, Alex, I'm serious about this.

I know you've always wanted to go to Europe.

So, why not now?

Come on, aren't you the one

who's always saying how great it is

that we can just pick up and go when we want to?

Look, Elaine, just forget about it, I can't do it.

Never mind why.

Don't ask me, please. Just leave me alone.

Alex, come on, now.

This is me you're talking to.

Why don't you just tell me the reason?

(chuckling): Okay.

But you know the reason.

No, I don't.

Elaine,

it has been our history that there has been

a certain attraction between you and me here.

Especially you for me.

Oh... you're being silly.

Look, it's every decent man's fantasy

that Europe is filled with steamy, sultry women

just waiting to throw themselves

at the feet of some American stud.

Okay, Alex, you're going to miss

what could be the best time

of your suspicious, fearful, little life.

You could go off with Monique,

whenever you want to.

And I'll go off with Aldo.

Alex, we will have

the security of a friend with us.

That's why it'll always be wonderful.

It'll be open but protective.

Adventuresome but familiar.

The perfect vacation.

It has been the lesson of my life that nothing

that ever sounds that good ever really happens.

Isn't it worth the chance?

Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

Now, you're saying that

if I met someone right off the bat,

and I just went off and left you...

Fine.

(chuckling)

You mean, if you had something to do one day,

and you wanted to do it with me and I just said,

"Sorry, there's someplace else I'd like to be,"

you wouldn't look hurt?

Absolutely not.

(scoffs)

All right, wait a minute, what if,

what if I met someone in an Alfa Romeo,

and I said, uh, "I'm sorry,

but I'll catch up with you in Rome, Elaine."

I'll see you in Rome.

Sounds good, but, uh,

I'm still not sure I should do it.

Who didn't clean the puke out of cab 415?

And yet...

(jet engine roaring)

How's the French coming along?

Just fine.

Answer me in French.

(with French accent): Just fine.

(laughing)

Oh, she's very pretty, huh?

Yeah, only in a sort of stunning way.

You know, I think she's alone.

Why don't you go say hello to her?

I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking about it.

She just glanced over here.

Come on, Alex, you're on your way to Europe,

so get on your way. Please, you're embarrassing me.

I'm not going to walk over and talk to her

while I'm sitting here talking to you.

Alex, isn't this what our pact is about?

Come on, if you want to go say hello to her,

you go say hello.

Okay...

You know, Elaine, it's really great

traveling with you, I mean that.

(clears throat) Excuse me.

The, uh, walk over here

was the longest walk of my life,

but the walk back is going to be even longer if you don't smile.

Get lost.

Let's just forget that it didn't work out right away.

Uh, I'm in a kind of funny social position here,

and I'd, I'd be very obligated to you as a human being

if you'd just let me sit next to you

for just a couple of seconds.

If I have to mace you, I will.

(chuckling): That's not mace, that's Binaca.

Even Binaca, when you get it in your eye, still stings.

Alex, how'd it go?

Oh, it's a little too early to tell.

Todd Bentley, this is Alex Reiger.

Hi, Todd.

How do you do there, Mr. Reiger, sir?

Huh, please, don't call me "sir."

I'm sorry, Mr. Reiger.

Would you not call me "Mr. Reiger"?

What's the difference in our ages anyway, six or seven years?

I'd say more like 12, sir.

All right, so I'm the oldest guy on the plane.

Are you satisfied now?

Is he bothering you now?

Is this your Rubik's Cube?

Yes, it's my Rubik's Cube.

Alex, calm down.

Uh, Todd has just asked us to jog to Germany.

Oh, good.

Why don't you just run on ahead?

We'll catch up later.

Todd, I heard you

playing your guitar in the boarding area.

You played so well.

ALEX: We could have walked and saved the bus fare.

ELAINE: Alex, we're in Europe.

ALEX: Every penny counts.

"The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh

in front of Buckingham Palace."

Right, right, I got it.

"A nice couple we met at the hotel."

(laughing): Oh.

Oh, I got it, I got it.

Hmm, arrows pointing to our room.

Oh, nice touch.

(both laugh)

This is fun.

Hey, Alex, why don't we meet every day

for postcard writing, you know, like at 5:00?

And that way, no matter where we are or what we're doing,

we'll have some time together.

Oh, I don't know, Elaine, I don't know.

Better not count on that. Oh.

I mean, I don't want to get us both tied down.

And there's this Julie Christie look-alike I've had my eye on.

Oh, great.

Well, make it if you can.

My goodness, you look great!

Oh, James, hi.

James, this is Alex.

Ah, Alex, Elaine's platonic friend.

Hi.

Have you, uh, met any of those,

um, steamy, sultry women yet?

Ah, the butt of private jokes, I see.

Look, um, excuse us, but Elaine and I

really must be pushing off. Oh, yes, okay.

I'll see you tomorrow?

Cheerio. Bye-bye.

Wait, James. All right.

Alex?

You do have something to do tonight, don't you?

Why? Here in London?

I hardly know where to start.

(chuckling): Oh.

You're welcome to come with us if you'd like.

(laughing): On your date?

Where are you going?

We're taking a moonlight boat ride up the Thames.

Well, all right, but tell me if I get in the way.

No, no, no, it's all right, it's all right. You go ahead.

And thanks for asking.

There's a lot here I can do on my own. Okay.

Maybe even pick up a wench or two.

Ooh!

Break some hearts, you rogue.

(with English accent): You've got it. Bye.

Ha!

Do you mind?

Thanks.

Watch this.

Oh!

Oh, excuse me, excuse me.

I'm terribly sorry.

Terribly sorry.

I'm really very sorry.

God...

(Greek music playing)

WOMAN: ¶ La la la

MEN: Opa! Yasu! Opa!

¶ Yasu, la la la, la la la ¶

Opa! Yasu!

(woman singing in Greek)

Opa! Yasu! Opa!

Ow!

(singing in Greek)

Opa! Yasu!

Opa! Yasu!

Opa! Yasu!

Oh! Yasu! Yasu!

Yasu!

Opa!

Opa!

(all whooping and laughing)

(groans)

ELAINE: Whoo! Elaine, Elaine,

what made us think that it would be good

to be here when the fisherman came in with the fish?

Oh, Alex, this place has atmosphere.

Unfortunately, it may not wash out of

our clothes.

(laughs)

The smell offends you?

(laughs)

Ah, I love the smell.

Ooh!

It's the smell of life.

Fish...

and friendship.

And who's contributing what?

Who cares?

That's the beauty of it.

Oh, look at this, Elaine, Elaine.

"The ruins of the temple of Apollo."

(dry chuckle)

"We didn't do this."

(laughs) (laughs)

Alexo, you must be a Greek.

Because a Greek, uh, cherishes above all life,

friendship and laughter.

(laughs)

(laughs)

I love this man!

No. Hold on.

I love this man!

Mwa!

Ah, we-we need...

We need more-more ouzo.

Huh? Oh, yes. Yes, yes.

Please. (speaking Greek)

I'll, I'll bring more ouzo, huh?

Okay. Mwa! (laughing)

Elaine, I like Oumas, but he isn't really your type.

Oh, Alexo, to us Greeks,

there is no type.

Only the sea and love, and love of the sea.

(both laughing)

Okay, one postcard, and then I have to go, okay?

Wait. You can't.

This is our postcard time.

We agreed to write postcards together every day.

Alex, we agreed to write postcards every day if we could.

So far, we haven't missed a day.

Yeah, but you've been cutting down on the time.

And today, you were late, and you brought Oumas.

Okay, all right, I can stay a while longer.

No, no, I mean,

am I wrong? I mean, just tell me if I'm wrong...

ELAINE: It's okay.

(mutters) What's the matter?

Elaine, there's this, uh, beautiful girl that I met, and,

uh, I told her to meet me here, and, uh...

Oh. She's a model from Paris.

I didn't even know she would show up.

Yo! Yo! Desiree!

I'm in here. I'm in here.

She's coming.

She's coming in.

Elaine, excuse me. My date is shimmering in the doorway.

ALEX: Desiree.

(Alex laughs)

You look lovely.

Elaine Nardo, this is Desiree.

Hello. Hello. How do you do?

Uh, I really must be going.

Um, Oumas promised to dive into the Aegean and get me a sponge.

Funny.

Uh, I'll see you later.

Sure.

Why? You want to go?

No, no, no, let's go. Okay, okay.

Come, I'll show you Athens by night.

ELAINE: Good night.

Have fun, you two.

ALEX: Okay. Bye.

OUMAS: Bye-bye.

Ah.

Alex, you're not dressed.

No, no, it's you who's dressed too much.

Oh.

What, uh... What did you have in mind to do?

Oh, I don't know.

Walk, talk, lay down my life.

Well, uh, don't worry.

We have plenty of time to, uh, stop by your hotel

and, uh, oh, you can change before we go to

the casino, no?

The casino?

Uh, excuse me, uh, Desiree.

I'm a working man.

Just how expensive is this casino?

Oh, well, excuse me for asking this, Alex,

but, uh, what is it you do for a living?

I'm a ca... taxi driver.

Oh! A taxi driver?

It's not the same job as it is over here.

You see, taxi drivers are held in very high esteem in America.

There's a waiting list.

People commit suicide if they can't get in.

Now, doctors, over in America,

you wouldn't want to talk to them.

Riffraff.

As I was saying, how expensive is this casino?

Well, I'm afraid

that if you have to ask, uh, you cannot afford it.

I have to ask.

Well, look, I am so sorry, Alex,

but, um, I really have

to go to the casino tonight.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What kind of a woman are you?

I mean, you meet a guy, and you like him,

and just because he can't afford to take you to a nice place,

you're gonna dump him?

What kind of a person is that?

French.

("Blue Danube" playing)

Ah, Viennese food is so rich and wonderful and expensive.

(wry chuckle)

Yeah, I agree with you.

Why smile when we're all gonna die?

I'll have a clear broth for now.

What-what... what comes with that?

A sprig of parsley.

Can you substitute meatloaf?

Hello.

Ah.

All dressed for another great evening, huh?

Who is the lucky Prussian?

Oh, Alex, you're broke.

Why don't you let me loan you some money?

Of course. I've been waiting for you to loan me money.

What'd you think I was going to say?

I'd rather be hungry? Pride?

Give me money.

(laughs) Thank you.

Where are you going?

Why are you asking me this?

It's become my hobby.

I'm going to a dinner party.

Oh.

Thank you.

Well, it's a lovely gown.

Oh, thank you.

It's an original.

One of your dates buy it for you?

No, he designed it for me.

Don't be bitter.

This is not bitterness. This is admiration. (sighs)

The guy you met in France owned a vineyard.

The guy in London was a member of Parliament.

And that aging contessa in Italy

who called you daughter.

And that monk who broke a 30-year vow of silence

just to say wow.

In Spanish!

Yo!

You haven't enjoyed Europe.

Oh, what makes you say a thing like that?

I got the idea that night in Barcelona

when, uh, I heard you in the next room

crying yourself to sleep.

You heard that?

Oh, I don't know.

(sighs) Maybe I was expecting too much from Europe.

I-I-I thought it was all gonna be romance,

but instead, it's just all Europe.

I know.

I saw countries and people and culture,

but I didn't meet that woman on a cobblestone street

who doesn't speak a word of English,

and without a word, makes the greatest night of my life.

I wanted a night like that.

You solved the cube!

Oh, my gosh, how did you do that?

I tore off the little color spots

and put them where they should be.

Oh.

You know, Alex, maybe I'll cancel my plans tonight,

and then you and I could spend

our last evening in Europe together.

I don't know. Would you like that?

I don't know. I don't know.

Elaine, I mean, if you and I went out together tonight,

you know, with the moon and the Danube

and the schnitzel in the air,

and me being one of the most depressed tourists

you'll ever find on this whole damn continent,

I don't know what might happen.

I mean, before we left the United States,

I was... I-I-I-I was afraid of that.

Now I don't even know why

I'm afraid of that.

Oh, Elaine, I'm just a broken man who's very grateful

for the fact that you're even talking

to me. Thank you for talking to me.

Thank you for talking to me!

Am I saying this?

Thank you for talking to me!

Aw.

Oh, I was hoping you'd say just that.

Is this postcard addressed to me?

Oh, no. No, no, no, I-I was gonna mail... I was gonna...

No, no, no, no, no. Come on, Alex, let me see this.

"Dear Elaine,

"the time we spent writing postcards together

was the best part of my trip."

(sighs)

I don't know what to say.

Say "Aw."

Aw?

I know.

I love it.

(laughs)

But you weren't supposed to read this

until we got back to New York,

and it wouldn't spoil our friendship.

Oh, right.

Yeah, let's not spoil our friendship.

No.

You know, Alex,

we've known each other for four years now.

Yeah.

And we've seen each other

depressed, neurotic,

sad, angry, hostile,

stupid, ugly.

And yet, we've still remained friends.

Maybe our friendship is strong enough

to survive one night of...

love.

You want to go for a walk?

I'd love to.

(sighs)

I finally got a date in Europe.

("Blue Danube" playing)

WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters.

(grumbling)