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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,039
What are you doing?
2
00:00:01,104 --> 00:00:03,904
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I'm on drugs, you see.
3
00:00:03,932 --> 00:00:06,612
And we want Alan Williams to do it.
You do?
4
00:00:06,812 --> 00:00:09,011
Yes, yes.
5
00:00:09,012 --> 00:00:12,212
And I love you!
6
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:14,612
I can't stop thinking about you.
7
00:00:14,812 --> 00:00:19,572
Nice to... meet you.
So long! Bye.
8
00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:44,899
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
9
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,612
What's going on?
It's Michael's.
10
00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:08,438
Bloody hell!
I know, it's immense!
11
00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:10,937
He's got French bread and
chocolate muffins!
12
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,788
Hey! What you doing? Put it back.
I don't want a muffin.
13
00:01:13,789 --> 00:01:17,177
Oh, good God. Who's that?!
No one. Tom, go home.
14
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,578
I can't move.
Is he your boyfriend? No!
15
00:01:19,778 --> 00:01:21,497
Emma never came home last night.
16
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,058
Yeah, well, she met up with
an old friend or something.
17
00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:26,098
Yeah, right! Slapper.
18
00:01:26,138 --> 00:01:29,177
Shut up, Ben!
And put that bloody muffin back.
19
00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:32,198
You can't just take things
that aren't yours.
20
00:01:34,938 --> 00:01:37,818
Hi, Ems, it's me.
Great night, wasn't it?
21
00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:43,738
Hey, listen, give me a call, let me
know you're all right. Ta-ra!
22
00:01:47,378 --> 00:01:52,218
Ben! Why do you always take all
the milk? You're so selfish!
23
00:01:52,418 --> 00:01:53,477
Muffin!
24
00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:55,098
Shut up, Tom!
25
00:02:06,138 --> 00:02:10,318
Do as I say, not as I do. Right?
26
00:02:21,498 --> 00:02:23,738
Perfect shoes for the walk of shame,
these.
27
00:02:23,938 --> 00:02:27,257
I'm sorry I can't give you a lift,
but.. Don't be daft.
28
00:02:27,258 --> 00:02:29,458
I've booked a taxi
from the end of the road.
29
00:02:31,198 --> 00:02:34,938
Emma, you'll be all right today.
Just act normal, OK?
30
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:37,698
OK.
31
00:02:47,938 --> 00:02:51,418
Thanks for looking after me.
Oh, don't come so close, you're minging.
32
00:02:51,518 --> 00:02:53,978
All right?
Yeah.
33
00:02:54,078 --> 00:02:57,337
Me and him made quite a night of it
last night, didn't we, presh? Yeah.
34
00:02:57,338 --> 00:02:59,258
Certainly looked that way.
35
00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,777
Have you heard of Rylan?
36
00:03:01,778 --> 00:03:02,877
Who?
37
00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:06,138
Goodbye.
Yeah, see you later. Maybe.
38
00:03:08,838 --> 00:03:11,318
What?
Oh, I'm not judging.
39
00:03:11,418 --> 00:03:13,817
My cousin's seeing someone
20 years younger.
40
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,078
And he's doing her the world
of good. Sorry?
41
00:03:16,098 --> 00:03:18,997
Your, er, your boyfriend.
42
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,537
Don't be ridiculous,
it's just Tom Myers.
43
00:03:22,538 --> 00:03:26,357
Oh, by the way, your food shop's
been and gone.
44
00:03:26,358 --> 00:03:30,378
What? They said half-past!
Don't worry, he left it all at mine.
45
00:03:33,358 --> 00:03:36,698
Well, come and get it then!
I haven't got all day!
46
00:03:39,578 --> 00:03:42,038
And are you aware of the dress code
for tomorrow night?
47
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:45,298
Black tie, Aunty Tanisha told me.
Good.
48
00:03:45,338 --> 00:03:47,898
Well, we're off to deliver these,
aren't we, Abhra?
49
00:03:47,998 --> 00:03:51,098
And when I get back, I'm going to
teach you all about Loss Leaders.
50
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,477
Is it a game? Like Candy Crush?
51
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:57,978
No. It's a technique for attracting
passing trade. Fascinating area.
52
00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:01,818
Great. I can't wait!
53
00:04:03,578 --> 00:04:05,437
Let's go, Abhra!
54
00:04:05,438 --> 00:04:11,238
Ry. Get yourself over here now,
you big old spicy crab!
55
00:04:11,258 --> 00:04:14,178
Exfoliator?
Thank you.
56
00:04:15,718 --> 00:04:17,178
So how come they bag it up for you?
57
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,918
I said not to.
You know, environment, plastic bags.
58
00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:24,818
So... do you want to borrow some of
mine then? Erm, please.
59
00:04:27,738 --> 00:04:31,078
Thanks.
Oh, this is yours too.
60
00:04:31,098 --> 00:04:34,678
It's half empty. Yeah, I borrowed
a drop to put in my tea. You don't mind, do you.
61
00:04:34,758 --> 00:04:39,818
It's not that. It's just...
And Ben had a bit of an accident with one of your muffins.
62
00:04:39,898 --> 00:04:43,077
What, did it ACCIDENTLY
fall into his mouth?
63
00:04:43,078 --> 00:04:45,497
Yeah, I told him not to,
but you know what kids are like.
64
00:04:45,498 --> 00:04:49,337
So essentially, you've been
pilfering my groceries? You what? No, it's fine...
65
00:04:49,338 --> 00:04:52,118
I'll pay you back, give me
the receipts! I said it's fine.
66
00:04:52,218 --> 00:04:55,298
I'm sorry, Michael, but I will not
be besmirched in my own home.
67
00:04:55,299 --> 00:04:56,818
I was not besmirching.
68
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,097
Yes, you were basically
accusing me of theft
69
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,648
when all I did was take
the tiniest bit of milk...
70
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,697
Half a pint!
If that's not besmirching then I don't know what is.
71
00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:06,618
Objection, your honour.
Overruled.
72
00:05:06,738 --> 00:05:09,218
I am more than willing to refund
your costs but I put it to you
73
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:12,038
that in comparison with the
redelivery charge you'd incur,
74
00:05:12,058 --> 00:05:16,478
not to mention use of MY bags,
half a pint of milk... Don't forget the chocolate muffin.
75
00:05:16,718 --> 00:05:19,238
Plus the best part of a chocolate
muffin is an absolute bargain!
76
00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:21,778
Do you rest your case?
Yes, I rest my case.
77
00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:25,598
Is that my bacon?
Yes, it's your bacon. Thank you.
78
00:05:25,638 --> 00:05:28,218
You can keep the milk.
Can't stop! I'm late!
79
00:05:28,318 --> 00:05:30,058
Woah, hold your horses, young lady!
80
00:05:30,138 --> 00:05:33,398
You've got enough time to tell me
where you stayed last night.
81
00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:36,158
Mum, I'm 19.
And I'm nosey.
82
00:05:36,218 --> 00:05:38,618
Amy's, all right? I stayed at Amy's.
83
00:05:38,619 --> 00:05:42,338
Well, that's funny, because she come
home on the bus, with us.
84
00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:45,338
Not Amy Edwards.
Amy Parker, from college.
85
00:05:45,518 --> 00:05:48,078
God, Mum, you're unbelievable.
86
00:05:52,558 --> 00:05:56,797
Ready for me?
Ah, Jack. Jack, Abs.
87
00:05:56,798 --> 00:05:59,677
Good as gold he was for me
last night,
88
00:05:59,678 --> 00:06:03,237
but then I think he finds me
very calming!
89
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,657
I come bearing tickets, my friends.
90
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:08,537
Cheers, Jack. What's the damage?
Oh great! What do I owe you?
91
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:11,417
You never said you was going
tomorrow night?
92
00:06:11,418 --> 00:06:13,258
Since when are you
my social secretary?
93
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:16,378
There's nothing social about it,
Dai! It's a business event!
94
00:06:16,379 --> 00:06:22,618
Actually, it's a charity dinner.
It's so much more than a charity dinner, Jagadeesh Chaudhary.
95
00:06:22,718 --> 00:06:23,898
Is it?
96
00:06:24,018 --> 00:06:27,257
It's an opportunity for the entire
Pontyberry trade fraternity
97
00:06:27,258 --> 00:06:29,018
to gather together in one place,
98
00:06:29,198 --> 00:06:31,798
which is why I want YOU on my table.
99
00:06:31,898 --> 00:06:34,937
We've got a lot in common,
you and me.
100
00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:39,178
What with you being a small
businessperson of high standing.
101
00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,498
I look forward to it, Aunty Brenda.
102
00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:44,998
And I plan to bring my neice...
broaden her horizons.
103
00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:48,858
She looks like she do enjoy a bit
of broadening, that one.
104
00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:51,318
I'm a small businessperson
of high standing.
105
00:06:51,418 --> 00:06:53,338
Why can't I sit at the table?
106
00:06:54,778 --> 00:06:57,177
Right, I've sorted them wipers out.
Ah, Alan!
107
00:06:57,178 --> 00:07:00,058
I have two spare tickets available
for tomorrow.
108
00:07:00,059 --> 00:07:02,038
Gala dinner, Al!
Charity thing, I'm going!
109
00:07:02,138 --> 00:07:04,217
Can I persuade you take them off
my hand?
110
00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:06,618
You'd would need to bring
somebody, of course.
111
00:07:16,538 --> 00:07:18,538
I've got a bone to pick with you.
What?
112
00:07:18,618 --> 00:07:21,498
Sneaking away early last night,
you missed all the fun.
113
00:07:21,698 --> 00:07:24,538
Mrs Wong copped off with
Rylan's bodyguard! Did she?
114
00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:29,178
Stock room tonight please, Emma.
That place is a tip. OK.
115
00:07:38,578 --> 00:07:42,537
You took your time.
Yeah, I knows it. Sorry, beaut.
116
00:07:42,538 --> 00:07:45,438
Well, you'll just have
to be punished.
117
00:07:45,478 --> 00:07:47,818
Go on, straight to the
naughty corner.
118
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:51,078
Oh, man! I loves the naughty corner!
119
00:08:03,478 --> 00:08:07,897
OK, Mrs Wong, by her, has agreed
to help us with catheter insertion.
120
00:08:07,898 --> 00:08:12,858
A delicate procedure that requires
accuracy, confidence and ambition.
121
00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:16,298
Always inform
the patient of what you are up to.
122
00:08:16,378 --> 00:08:19,698
If there is even a hint of surprise
in a procedure like this,
123
00:08:19,718 --> 00:08:22,937
you set yourself up for a whole
world of pain.
124
00:08:22,938 --> 00:08:26,998
You'll cause clenching, shouting,
leaking. You name it.
125
00:08:27,098 --> 00:08:29,978
And that's just you, never mind
the patients.
126
00:08:32,538 --> 00:08:34,858
OK, people, what I did there
was I made a jOKe.
127
00:08:34,938 --> 00:08:37,198
And it put everyone at their ease.
128
00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:41,378
Remember that humour and tube
insertion always go hand in hand.
129
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:44,598
Now, let's get this show
on the road.
130
00:08:44,678 --> 00:08:46,338
Stella.
131
00:08:50,298 --> 00:08:53,778
As predicted, you look rancid.
132
00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:56,538
And your responses are slow.
133
00:08:56,738 --> 00:08:58,938
Even Mrs Wong, by her, looks more
alive than you do.
134
00:08:59,018 --> 00:09:02,718
Go out on a weeknight again
and I'll be forced to give you a fixed penalty point.
135
00:09:02,778 --> 00:09:05,018
Kerplum?
136
00:09:05,118 --> 00:09:08,578
Now, start inserting.
137
00:09:12,958 --> 00:09:15,778
Might I have a quick word?
Might I say no?
138
00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:22,298
It's about the dinner.
Now obviously, it's a big thing my going with Andy this year.
139
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:26,298
First time, and not you.
It's not like people don't know we're divorced.
140
00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:29,497
I thought you could take Katy,
as your plus one. Sorry?
141
00:09:29,498 --> 00:09:31,358
So you don't have to go on your own.
142
00:09:31,418 --> 00:09:33,497
I'm not going on my own.
I've got a date.
143
00:09:33,498 --> 00:09:37,178
Well, good for you. Yeah.
Who is she?
144
00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:40,497
Pardon?
Your date, who are you taking?
145
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:43,558
Does it matter who I'm taking?
What difference does it make?
146
00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:45,338
All I'm asking is who you're taking.
147
00:09:45,538 --> 00:09:48,838
Doesn't she exist?
Stella, OK? I'm taking Stella.
148
00:09:48,858 --> 00:09:50,378
That little fat woman
from next door?
149
00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,578
Yes, all right? Now can I get on?
150
00:09:55,898 --> 00:09:58,458
Huh!
151
00:10:04,842 --> 00:10:08,742
Why are you here? There's no
hospital shuttle Thursdays. I know.
152
00:10:08,762 --> 00:10:11,502
It's about our, erm...
153
00:10:12,373 --> 00:10:13,433
..date.
154
00:10:13,553 --> 00:10:15,253
Well, go on then.
155
00:10:15,853 --> 00:10:18,693
Don't mind Shirley! I tell
you everything, don't I?
156
00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:24,953
OK, erm, I'm worried it might be
a little bit over the top for a first date, but erm...
157
00:10:25,153 --> 00:10:27,373
how do you fancy going to this?
158
00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,512
Blimey!
159
00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:32,173
It's too much, I always
get it wrong.
160
00:10:32,373 --> 00:10:34,892
Why, how many dates do you go on?
What?
161
00:10:34,893 --> 00:10:37,453
What do you think Shirley?
Will I enjoy it?
162
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,413
Bit of dinner, a bit of dancing.
163
00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:43,372
And a raffle! And a raffle?
How can I resist?
164
00:10:43,373 --> 00:10:45,773
Brilliant! Well, I'll see you
there then.
165
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:48,373
Yeah. You will.
166
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:03,492
Ah! Hi! Glad I caught you.
167
00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:06,093
What do you want?
I just want to apologise.
168
00:11:06,253 --> 00:11:08,973
I think we got our wires crossed
earlier, with the shopping.
169
00:11:09,073 --> 00:11:11,852
I was only larking about.
So I'm sorry if I offended you.
170
00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:13,653
It was nothing,
I had a hangover so...
171
00:11:13,654 --> 00:11:16,592
Look, I got to get on.
Mind if I join you?
172
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:20,093
I'm just taking him around the block
for a wee. Ah, lovely!
173
00:11:20,173 --> 00:11:22,413
I've been stuck in the office
all day, so...
174
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:30,073
This is nice, the reservoirs of
Pontybury. Pontyberry. Pontyberry.
175
00:11:31,753 --> 00:11:34,573
I like your coat.
All right, what are you after?
176
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:37,453
Michael cockin' Jackson!
Hello bastard be.
177
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,533
Just the man I'm looking for.
178
00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:43,773
Sorry, do I know you?
Eh, crackin' cockin' night last night, weren't it, Stell?
179
00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:47,773
Yeah, superb. What it is - my
husband's mother have gone demented.
180
00:11:47,853 --> 00:11:49,753
So we've stuck her in a home.
181
00:11:49,773 --> 00:11:51,912
Now, is he entitled to move
into her house?
182
00:11:51,913 --> 00:11:53,933
Or do we have to share it
with his bastard sister?
183
00:11:53,993 --> 00:11:58,193
Even though he's not seen
hare nor hound of their mother for the past 40 cockin' years.
184
00:11:58,233 --> 00:12:03,193
Sorry, I don't erm...
Go to Citizens' Advice. OK?
185
00:12:03,213 --> 00:12:07,173
Well, thanks for that, chief!
Call yourself a solicitor?
186
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,893
I've had better legal advice off
that bastard dog!
187
00:12:11,073 --> 00:12:14,193
Oh, what now?
188
00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:19,073
Anyway, the thing is, I just
wondered if you wanted to come to a ball with me?
189
00:12:19,074 --> 00:12:23,972
A ball? Well not a ball ball.
Just a charity dinner dance really.
190
00:12:23,973 --> 00:12:25,772
We do it every year.
It's a lot of fun.
191
00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:30,093
Nah, not really my cup of tea,
to be honest. There's a raffle!
192
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:32,012
Raffles are one big scam.
193
00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,253
Donna Mackan,
who by the way, is on the PTA,
194
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:39,533
wins a dinner for two at Bocci's
every year. EVERY year. Please come.
195
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:43,093
Sorry?
Please come as a favour to me... because...
196
00:12:43,094 --> 00:12:44,972
Because what?
197
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,993
Because I've already told my ex-wife
that you're coming. I panicked.
198
00:12:47,994 --> 00:12:50,853
Oh, charming. So it's not like you
enjoy my company
199
00:12:50,873 --> 00:12:53,613
or you find me attractive,
or anything like that.
200
00:12:53,813 --> 00:12:57,073
Attractive, well, I hadn't thought
about that... Of course I'll come!
201
00:12:57,074 --> 00:13:00,453
Really? Oh, thank God.
But you'll have to pay, I'm skint.
202
00:13:00,493 --> 00:13:02,613
Totally, of course!
203
00:13:11,213 --> 00:13:13,853
Welcome home! Where's Jack?
204
00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:15,833
We just dropped him at my Mam's.
205
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:18,193
We went them to tell her
our big news, like.
206
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:21,473
What big news?
I hear congratulations are in order.
207
00:13:21,474 --> 00:13:24,073
How did you know?
Luke, what's going on?
208
00:13:24,173 --> 00:13:26,633
I asked Zoe...
They're getting married, Stell!
209
00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:29,612
And not a moment too soon.
210
00:13:29,613 --> 00:13:32,973
At last, a bit of joy in his tragic
mess of a life.
211
00:13:33,173 --> 00:13:35,173
Shut up!
212
00:13:36,173 --> 00:13:39,333
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
213
00:13:39,353 --> 00:13:41,993
Hey, easy!
214
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:52,653
Ah! Finished!
215
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:56,573
Never underestimate the power
of a to-do list.
216
00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:58,892
I try really hard not to, Uncle.
217
00:13:58,893 --> 00:14:01,773
For months I've been meaning
to do all these things.
218
00:14:01,953 --> 00:14:04,932
The day I make a list,
they all get done.
219
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:07,313
Replace the front mat.
Check.
220
00:14:07,553 --> 00:14:09,253
Clean out the penny chew buckets.
Check.
221
00:14:09,293 --> 00:14:11,372
Oil the door.
Check
222
00:14:11,373 --> 00:14:14,713
Fix the blindspot on the CCTV.
223
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,712
Oh, so you did this when?
224
00:14:16,713 --> 00:14:19,733
First thing this morning,
why do you ask?
225
00:14:19,873 --> 00:14:23,753
No reason, other than a strong
desire to learn.
226
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:27,493
Excellent. Excellent.
227
00:14:31,533 --> 00:14:33,452
And I've seen your nuts!
228
00:14:33,453 --> 00:14:37,233
Big bloody jar of them stuffed
behind the tea urn!
229
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,633
Don't think it's gone unnoticed.
230
00:14:39,693 --> 00:14:43,052
You, nibbling away all day like
Tufty the sodding squirrel.
231
00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:46,893
Yeah? Well, how am I supposed
to last till teatime on what SHE tells us to eat?
232
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:50,273
I'm a grown man, them's starvation
portions.
233
00:14:50,293 --> 00:14:52,653
Right then, you lot!
To quote Will.I.Am,
234
00:14:52,853 --> 00:14:56,972
everybody in the club,
all eyes on us.
235
00:14:56,973 --> 00:14:58,533
Well, all eyes on me really, but...
236
00:14:58,573 --> 00:15:00,653
Sorry, Nadine,
not everyone's here yet.
237
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,572
Dieting waits for no woman, Alan.
238
00:15:02,573 --> 00:15:04,653
You just ask Kirstie Alley.
239
00:15:04,713 --> 00:15:07,993
Oh, it's you.
240
00:15:08,213 --> 00:15:11,293
Charming!
I thought it might be Celia.
241
00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,453
I've asked her to that Gala thing
tomorrow night.
242
00:15:13,653 --> 00:15:15,473
Oooh, I'm going that!
Who with?
243
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:18,653
Fella next door.
244
00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:22,073
No, it's not like that! I'm just
doing him a favour, that's all.
245
00:15:22,193 --> 00:15:23,373
OK!
246
00:15:23,553 --> 00:15:25,633
So! It hasn't escaped my notice
247
00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:28,653
that some of you are on a night out
tomorrow night.
248
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:32,173
I can't say I approve.
You're going!
249
00:15:32,273 --> 00:15:34,092
Yes, but I'm not locked in combat
250
00:15:34,093 --> 00:15:37,133
with a high dependency on
carbohydrates, am I, Aunty Brenda?
251
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,533
In my opinion, a night out,
or a date...
252
00:15:39,713 --> 00:15:42,433
I'm not going on a date!
He's the one going on a date!
253
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:46,093
..is tantamount to a nutritional car
crash - to be avoided at all costs.
254
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,852
To be honest, If I was in your shape
255
00:15:47,853 --> 00:15:49,292
I'd be taking the
Mariah Carey approach
256
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:50,813
and living in a cupboard
for a month.
257
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:16,632
I'll have to get it, it's my Mum.
258
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,413
All right?
259
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:20,252
Where are you, now? Why?
260
00:16:20,253 --> 00:16:23,613
Because I haven't seen you all day
and loads has happened!
261
00:16:23,693 --> 00:16:28,173
Him next door has asked me to that
Gala dinner thing, so you'll have to do my hair.
262
00:16:28,373 --> 00:16:29,993
Right.
263
00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:33,233
But... the big news...
264
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,252
is that Luke and Zoe
are getting married!
265
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:38,373
Right.
266
00:16:38,393 --> 00:16:40,712
Did you hear what I just said?
267
00:16:40,713 --> 00:16:43,472
What? Yeah, that's brilliant.
268
00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:46,692
I know! Isn't it?
269
00:16:46,693 --> 00:16:48,973
Emma, are you all right?
270
00:16:49,173 --> 00:16:51,683
Yeah, sorry.
Look, Mum, I'll call you in a bit.
271
00:16:51,684 --> 00:16:54,133
I'm in the middle of
something at the mo.
272
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:02,873
Parvadi?
273
00:17:02,893 --> 00:17:06,033
Parvadi?
Argh! Shit!
274
00:17:06,073 --> 00:17:09,413
Sorry, Uncle. You just gave me
a bit of a shock.
275
00:17:09,433 --> 00:17:12,933
What is this?
Oh, it was just a bit quiet
276
00:17:12,973 --> 00:17:16,172
and I thought I'd use the time
to learn about the CCTV,
277
00:17:16,173 --> 00:17:18,392
in case it ever failed.
278
00:17:18,393 --> 00:17:19,833
Excellent, I admire your enthusiasm.
279
00:17:19,853 --> 00:17:21,773
Thanks.
So let's have a look then.
280
00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:26,753
What? No! I've got some things...
It's quite straightforward, you put the disc in and press replay...
281
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,813
..to do that you wanted me to do
that I haven't done yet, so...
282
00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:44,012
This is quite a bad situation,
isn't it?
283
00:17:44,013 --> 00:17:45,932
Cockers?
Keckers.
284
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:50,733
You have had intimate
relations in my shop with... Cockers?
285
00:17:50,833 --> 00:17:53,063
Keckers, Uncle!
If it's any consolation,
286
00:17:53,064 --> 00:17:55,213
I only let him go to outside
top deck.
287
00:17:55,393 --> 00:17:59,213
You have betrayed my trust.
But, Uncle... I am ashamed of you.
288
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:09,113
Does this mean
I can't go to the ball now?
289
00:18:09,133 --> 00:18:11,013
Only I've got my outfit sorted
and everything...
290
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:24,333
Ooh. Oh! A nice cup
of tea... some sugar...
291
00:18:24,533 --> 00:18:30,253
Oh, don't mind me!
We were just going over the last few details for tonight.
292
00:18:30,353 --> 00:18:34,753
What time do you want me there
for the welcome address? Er, Jan?
293
00:18:34,754 --> 00:18:40,153
Erm... Look, we thought Andy might
do it this year, just for a change.
294
00:18:40,173 --> 00:18:42,633
Fine, whatever.
295
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:47,972
You know what you could be in charge
of? The raffle. Do the raffle.
296
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:51,333
So that's all I'm good for now,
is it? You're all self-pitying...
297
00:18:51,553 --> 00:18:54,473
The raffle is a very important...
Fine! OK, I'll do the poxy raffle!
298
00:18:54,573 --> 00:18:56,693
You happy now?
299
00:18:58,413 --> 00:19:02,252
The thing is, Al, you've just got
to be yourself for this Celia.
300
00:19:02,253 --> 00:19:04,493
You might be dressed up like
George Clooney
301
00:19:04,673 --> 00:19:06,572
but she's going out with you
for who you are,
302
00:19:06,573 --> 00:19:08,933
not because you're
some unobtainable film star.
303
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:12,163
So what you're saying is I'm average
looking and very available.
304
00:19:12,164 --> 00:19:14,732
You're not average-looking,
you're very handsome.
305
00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:16,653
And very lovely. She's a lucky girl.
306
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:20,753
Thanks, Stell, just been a long time
since I did all this, you know?
307
00:19:20,813 --> 00:19:22,553
Right. Here goes.
308
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,792
I feel a bit of a twat,
to be honest.
309
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,233
Well, you don't look
a bit of a twat.
310
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:37,273
No, we'll do, won't we?
311
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:47,113
Is it all right if my mum comes
in today to get her hair done?
312
00:19:47,213 --> 00:19:50,413
I don't mind doing her, like. Only
she's got some do on this evening.
313
00:19:50,613 --> 00:19:54,092
Gala dinner thing.
Oh, the charity night up at the Manor house? Yeah, I think so.
314
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,012
Yeah, I'm going to that.
Are you?
315
00:19:56,013 --> 00:19:58,113
Yeah, a lot of local
business people go.
316
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,052
Just let me know,
I'll see you tonight.
317
00:20:01,053 --> 00:20:04,253
Hi, you all right?
If you want... to come through.
318
00:20:12,284 --> 00:20:15,264
Emma, slow down, you're going
way too fast. Am I?
319
00:20:15,337 --> 00:20:17,138
Yeah, it's got to be
the balls of the fingers.
320
00:20:17,139 --> 00:20:19,079
Not the actual fingertips.
Right.
321
00:20:21,659 --> 00:20:25,778
Here. Grasp firmly.
322
00:20:25,779 --> 00:20:30,638
And... start at the nape
of the neck...
323
00:20:30,639 --> 00:20:34,379
..and move up to behind the ears...
324
00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:37,939
You got that?
Uh-huh.
325
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,939
Yeah, certainly got that.
326
00:20:40,959 --> 00:20:43,599
I'm just going to get some more
conditioner, Mrs Peel.
327
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:55,318
Oh, my God! What are you like?
It's your fault.
328
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:58,658
Oh, don't go tonight.
Let me stay over again.
329
00:20:58,659 --> 00:21:01,999
Ems, I have to go.
But I'm desperate!
330
00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:05,519
How desperate?
Really fucking desperate!
331
00:21:05,619 --> 00:21:07,538
Emma!
Yeah?
332
00:21:07,539 --> 00:21:10,418
Your mam's here.
OK.
333
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:14,258
She brought Alan with her,
he wants doing, an' all. You can fit him in, can't you?
334
00:21:14,259 --> 00:21:17,109
He got no hair!
What am I supposed to do with him?
335
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,539
Just buff him up and make him
all shiny?
336
00:21:25,779 --> 00:21:28,199
Hi, Michael Jackson.
I've got an appointment.
337
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,119
Oh, yeah, you're with Lauren.
338
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,339
Coo-ee!
339
00:21:32,439 --> 00:21:35,378
Oh, hello, there!
Here's my date for this evening!
340
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:38,878
Well, it's not actually a date.
Aww, look at him going all red now.
341
00:21:38,879 --> 00:21:40,259
He's one of the organizers, he is,
342
00:21:40,339 --> 00:21:43,538
he can't very well turn up without
a beautiful woman on his arm.
343
00:21:43,539 --> 00:21:45,779
And I'm very grateful!
344
00:21:45,959 --> 00:21:49,298
Hey, Michael, I was thinking,
I quite fancy going tonight.
345
00:21:49,299 --> 00:21:52,639
Do you?
Don't suppose there's any tickets left, are there?
346
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,159
I can probably get you one.
Oh, wicked!
347
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,299
You're finishing with me?
Yeah.
348
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:04,658
But I thought we had a thing,
you know?
349
00:22:04,659 --> 00:22:07,699
You and me, against the world,
playing in the naughty corner.
350
00:22:07,879 --> 00:22:11,858
I know, and we shared some
happy times over those 72 hours and I'll never forget you,
351
00:22:11,859 --> 00:22:13,949
but my Uncle's really pissed off.
352
00:22:13,950 --> 00:22:16,659
He used the 'shame' word
and that's, well...
353
00:22:16,759 --> 00:22:18,739
The thing is I can't risk
annoying him any more
354
00:22:18,799 --> 00:22:20,619
because then
he'll send me back home.
355
00:22:20,659 --> 00:22:22,679
And as much as I find it
boring staying here,
356
00:22:22,739 --> 00:22:24,339
it's even more boring back there.
357
00:22:24,539 --> 00:22:26,199
It's feckin' feck.
358
00:22:26,259 --> 00:22:28,919
And also I really want
to go to this ball thing,
359
00:22:28,959 --> 00:22:31,059
so it's hasta la vista, baby.
360
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,839
Actually, do you think you could
snog my face off one last time?
361
00:22:35,859 --> 00:22:38,319
Just to top me up, like.
362
00:22:46,579 --> 00:22:48,979
This Gala dinner..
363
00:22:49,079 --> 00:22:52,719
..what do you think?
Black tie or blazer?
364
00:22:52,799 --> 00:22:55,539
I'm not really sure to be honest,
Dai.
365
00:22:55,739 --> 00:22:58,198
I'm much happier in my blazer.
366
00:22:58,199 --> 00:23:00,139
It's always better
to be comfortable.
367
00:23:00,159 --> 00:23:05,779
Or would I be comfortable if I get
there and find I'm underdressed?
368
00:23:05,979 --> 00:23:08,019
That is the question.
369
00:23:08,219 --> 00:23:11,039
I'm going to try the blazer again.
370
00:23:14,939 --> 00:23:17,359
Oh, Luke!
371
00:23:17,459 --> 00:23:19,218
When did you get out?
372
00:23:19,219 --> 00:23:20,819
Not long. Miss me?
373
00:23:21,019 --> 00:23:22,678
Tsk!
374
00:23:22,679 --> 00:23:26,539
I don't want no trouble, that's why
I'm here. I want to make peace.
375
00:23:26,579 --> 00:23:28,819
Bollocks.
I'm serious. Don't get me wrong,
376
00:23:29,019 --> 00:23:31,059
I'm not asking to be your mate.
377
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:34,578
I just want things to be OK,
for Jack,
378
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,899
he's part of both our lives now
and I want to be part of his.
379
00:23:37,939 --> 00:23:39,799
So?
380
00:23:43,919 --> 00:23:46,899
He's turning into a great boy,
is Jack. I know.
381
00:23:47,099 --> 00:23:49,449
And he's grown so much since
I last saw him.
382
00:23:49,450 --> 00:23:52,019
You should have seen his face
when I gave him his teddy.
383
00:23:52,199 --> 00:23:53,779
Teddy?
384
00:23:53,979 --> 00:23:56,039
Yeah, didn't he show it to you yet?
385
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,039
Course.
386
00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:03,359
Nice one! All right.
387
00:24:03,379 --> 00:24:05,639
See you about then, Lukey.
388
00:24:13,779 --> 00:24:15,679
What do you think?
389
00:24:15,699 --> 00:24:20,099
Blimey, Em! You do realise
the average age tonight is 52, don't you?
390
00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:22,418
You'll be giving them all
cardiac arrest. Oh, shut up!
391
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:24,339
You look beautiful.
392
00:24:24,519 --> 00:24:27,698
Abhra's just playing in his cot,
he'll settle down in a minute.
393
00:24:27,699 --> 00:24:30,359
Thanks for having him again tonight.
Absolutely no problem.
394
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,469
Didn't give her much choice,
did you?
395
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:36,338
You never do because you only
think about yourself. Thanks a lot!
396
00:24:36,339 --> 00:24:38,559
Luke, what's the matter, presh?
397
00:24:38,579 --> 00:24:41,339
I'll be back in a bit.
What about dinner?
398
00:24:42,579 --> 00:24:45,458
Sorry, the door was open.
No, it's fine.
399
00:24:45,459 --> 00:24:49,298
OK, we ready?
Yep!
400
00:24:49,299 --> 00:24:51,059
You both look very nice, by the way.
401
00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,959
You don't scrub up so bad yourself,
Michael Jackson.
402
00:24:53,979 --> 00:24:54,579
Thanks.
403
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,459
Right! Let's go Gala.
404
00:25:02,219 --> 00:25:05,139
Black tie refers to the men,
not the women.
405
00:25:05,259 --> 00:25:09,619
Is this not right? Dang!
I so wanted to get it right!
406
00:25:09,799 --> 00:25:13,039
For God's sake! Look, Uncle,
I know you're still cross with me
407
00:25:13,139 --> 00:25:15,479
and I'm really sorry
about the Keckers thing...
408
00:25:15,539 --> 00:25:18,619
Cockers. Cockers -
but I've finished with him now.
409
00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:21,998
He is history! Gone! Skidaddled!
Kaput!
410
00:25:21,999 --> 00:25:26,299
I really want to concentrate
on my work because I LOVE retail.
411
00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:29,038
Do you?
Yes.
412
00:25:29,039 --> 00:25:30,098
Hm.
413
00:25:30,099 --> 00:25:33,879
Please don't send me back home,
I couldn't bear it.
414
00:25:33,939 --> 00:25:37,298
All right.
Hiya.
415
00:25:37,299 --> 00:25:40,178
Glad to see you two have
sorted out your differences.
416
00:25:40,179 --> 00:25:43,699
I'm going to go on ahead,
I've got to check something. Oh, OK.
417
00:25:43,799 --> 00:25:47,378
Parvadi was just telling me how
committed she is to her career.
418
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,259
Which has made me very happy.
419
00:25:49,299 --> 00:25:51,218
I still have so much left
to teach her.
420
00:25:51,219 --> 00:25:53,619
Shall we?
Yes!
421
00:26:06,639 --> 00:26:10,219
All right?
Yeah.
422
00:26:10,259 --> 00:26:14,999
Oh, here you are! How lovely.
423
00:26:15,039 --> 00:26:19,519
Hiya! Stella, you look great.
Ah, thank you.
424
00:26:19,539 --> 00:26:22,419
Hired this, I did, from Frocks 4 U,
it was so cheap!
425
00:26:22,619 --> 00:26:25,778
You'd never know.
You look lovely, too.
426
00:26:25,779 --> 00:26:29,459
Doesn't she though, hm? We almost
didn't make it here at all.
427
00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:35,978
You must be Andy.
Sorry, yes... Stella!
428
00:26:35,979 --> 00:26:39,719
Well we are all sitting on
the same table, which is fun.
429
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,619
Fantastic, can't wait.
430
00:26:50,279 --> 00:26:53,739
Thank you.
You did brilliantly.
431
00:27:06,099 --> 00:27:08,029
Ah, Lukey! What you drinking mate?
432
00:27:08,030 --> 00:27:11,189
Just so you know, this reformed
character act don't wash with me...
433
00:27:11,190 --> 00:27:14,099
Something's obviously upsetting
you, why don't we get a pint...
434
00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:16,329
It don't fool me and get this,
all right?
435
00:27:16,330 --> 00:27:18,559
Zoe don't want you. She never did.
436
00:27:18,579 --> 00:27:21,719
I asked her to marry me
the other night and she said yes.
437
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:26,739
I ain't afraid of you, Len.
So be my guest, do you worst,
438
00:27:26,919 --> 00:27:30,099
because if you come anywhere near
my family... Sorry, whose family?!
439
00:27:30,199 --> 00:27:33,938
Don't threaten me here, Luke.
There's a lot of witnesses here.
440
00:27:33,939 --> 00:27:36,338
The thing is,
you lay one finger on me,
441
00:27:36,339 --> 00:27:39,138
I'll have my brief get you done
for GBH.
442
00:27:39,139 --> 00:27:43,260
And then who'll look after Zoe
when you're inside, hmm?
443
00:27:49,079 --> 00:27:50,739
Same again, please.
444
00:27:59,059 --> 00:28:01,439
She'll be here now, man. You watch.
445
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,339
I thought she'd come to her senses.
Can't say I blame the woman.
446
00:28:04,459 --> 00:28:06,729
Best to just give it up
as a bad job
447
00:28:06,730 --> 00:28:09,458
and make the most of
that complimentary Prosecco.
448
00:28:09,459 --> 00:28:15,219
Get me a flute, will you?
I'll wait here. Actually, get two. Two.
449
00:28:25,659 --> 00:28:29,618
Well, what a coincidence.
Isn't it?
450
00:28:29,619 --> 00:28:33,239
You look incredible, I'm not going
to be able to keep my hands off you.
451
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,359
So don't.
452
00:28:38,099 --> 00:28:41,919
Ladies and gentleman,
tonight's charity dinner
453
00:28:42,119 --> 00:28:45,499
courtesy of Jackson, Marsh
and Jackson is about to commence.
454
00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:47,859
Please take your seats.
455
00:28:50,179 --> 00:28:52,539
Sorry I'm late.
456
00:28:54,099 --> 00:28:56,179
You came!
You invited me.
457
00:28:56,379 --> 00:29:00,499
I've been so looking forward to it.
Me too.
458
00:29:08,019 --> 00:29:11,978
There you are, I've been texting.
459
00:29:11,979 --> 00:29:14,678
Your phone been off or what?
460
00:29:14,679 --> 00:29:17,739
No.
What's wrong?
461
00:29:19,239 --> 00:29:22,418
OK, so this marriage, you and me.
462
00:29:22,419 --> 00:29:24,339
It's only going to work
463
00:29:24,539 --> 00:29:26,738
if we're both completely honest
with each other.
464
00:29:26,739 --> 00:29:28,978
I know.
465
00:29:28,979 --> 00:29:32,599
So go on then, what have you done?
466
00:29:36,479 --> 00:29:39,399
Who gave this to Jack?
467
00:29:43,619 --> 00:29:46,419
I wanted to tell you, honest I did,
468
00:29:46,539 --> 00:29:50,959
but then we went away,
and you proposed, and...
469
00:29:53,159 --> 00:29:55,539
..I didn't want to spoil it all.
470
00:29:57,459 --> 00:29:59,058
No secrets, Zo.
471
00:29:59,059 --> 00:30:01,199
If Lenny thinks
we keep things from each other,
472
00:30:01,219 --> 00:30:02,959
he'll use it
and he'll come between us.
473
00:30:12,339 --> 00:30:15,679
Oh! That trifle was fantastic.
474
00:30:15,699 --> 00:30:18,439
Gosh, you were hungry, weren't you?
475
00:30:18,459 --> 00:30:20,498
I've been looking forward to that
all day.
476
00:30:20,499 --> 00:30:22,419
Who chose the menu?
477
00:30:22,599 --> 00:30:26,078
Andy. He's been very clever,
haven't you, darling?
478
00:30:26,079 --> 00:30:28,719
I couldn't have done any of it
without you, boo.
479
00:30:30,539 --> 00:30:32,979
Oh, for God's sake!
480
00:30:33,159 --> 00:30:34,859
So Marcus, how's business for you?
481
00:30:34,899 --> 00:30:37,299
Do you still think of yourself
as incomer to Pontybury?
482
00:30:37,479 --> 00:30:38,958
Pontyberry.
483
00:30:38,959 --> 00:30:42,119
Well, no, we've been here
a few years now.
484
00:30:42,139 --> 00:30:45,619
Still got your accent though,
haven't started saying "boyo" yet!
485
00:30:47,899 --> 00:30:52,119
No, and my wife's Irish, so...
Are you?! But you sound so Welsh?
486
00:30:52,179 --> 00:30:55,379
She's not my wife. We just know
each to other from work, like.
487
00:30:55,559 --> 00:30:59,859
Yeah, Emma's my daughter, isn't she?
488
00:31:02,699 --> 00:31:04,658
'Waffer' thin mint, anyone?
489
00:31:04,659 --> 00:31:08,079
Ah, no, better not.
Meant to be on a diet.
490
00:31:08,179 --> 00:31:12,098
What for? Honestly, I think
you reach a certain age,
491
00:31:12,099 --> 00:31:15,439
you may as well just accept
your body and eat what you like.
492
00:31:15,539 --> 00:31:19,058
Anyway, I was saying to Andy,
you've got such a pretty face.
493
00:31:19,059 --> 00:31:23,139
You could be one of
those plus-size models!
494
00:31:24,439 --> 00:31:26,299
Thanks, Jan!
495
00:31:31,249 --> 00:31:35,089
Right, time for me to do my thang!
496
00:31:39,449 --> 00:31:41,889
Oi! Make that a spritzer
and you'll half your pints.
497
00:31:41,969 --> 00:31:44,688
Look, what I was saying was this.
498
00:31:44,689 --> 00:31:49,289
The small businesses of Pontyberry
need to stick together.
499
00:31:49,329 --> 00:31:51,569
Lidl's are shit dead.
500
00:31:51,769 --> 00:31:55,029
That's rich coming from you
Mrs Johnny-Come-Lately,
501
00:31:55,089 --> 00:31:57,009
with your two-bit no good bus firm
502
00:31:57,010 --> 00:31:59,509
making out you know everything
about how a business is run.
503
00:31:59,549 --> 00:32:02,429
That's right, you tell her!
Well said, Dai.
504
00:32:02,430 --> 00:32:04,369
Please let's keep things civil.
505
00:32:04,549 --> 00:32:07,729
Your two-bit buses, Dai Davies!
And if it weren't for me
506
00:32:07,829 --> 00:32:10,769
they'd still be sitting on
your forecourt gathering dust.
507
00:32:10,949 --> 00:32:14,069
Brenda's Buses have put
Brenda's Buses on the map!
508
00:32:14,109 --> 00:32:16,609
And don't you forget it, good boy.
509
00:32:16,689 --> 00:32:21,389
Ladies and gentleman, if I could
just have your attention.
510
00:32:21,489 --> 00:32:25,489
Don't worry, I'll be brief,
because I am one.
511
00:32:27,529 --> 00:32:29,889
Jan and I... And Michael...
And Michael...
512
00:32:29,969 --> 00:32:33,488
In fact, all of us at Jackson,
Marsh and Jackson
513
00:32:33,489 --> 00:32:35,869
would like to thank you for coming
here tonight.
514
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:38,928
I think you'll all agree that
that meal was second-to-none,
515
00:32:38,929 --> 00:32:41,069
top notch and fandabbydozy!
516
00:32:41,169 --> 00:32:43,409
And it doesn't stop there.
517
00:32:43,609 --> 00:32:46,629
Oh, no. We got loads more
coming right at ya.
518
00:32:46,630 --> 00:32:50,208
We got dancing, karaoke, raffle...
519
00:32:50,209 --> 00:32:52,369
Bollocks, I forgot the raffle.
520
00:32:52,529 --> 00:32:55,409
You didn't? Oh, for God's sake,
you idiot.
521
00:32:55,589 --> 00:32:57,228
I'm sorry, OK?
522
00:32:57,229 --> 00:33:01,649
Oops! Sorry, everyone. No raffle.
523
00:33:02,809 --> 00:33:06,369
Our bad, what can I say?
Someone forgot to arrange it.
524
00:33:06,629 --> 00:33:09,369
Oh, what a pity.
Well, that is a shame.
525
00:33:09,370 --> 00:33:12,608
He's winding you up!
Sorry?
526
00:33:12,609 --> 00:33:16,529
Yeah, it's true, Michael hasn't
done a raffle, but that's because..
527
00:33:16,649 --> 00:33:21,029
he's done... an auction of promises
instead.
528
00:33:22,609 --> 00:33:24,809
Haven't you?
529
00:33:24,849 --> 00:33:27,308
Yes, that's right.
530
00:33:27,309 --> 00:33:30,768
Be back in a minute.
531
00:33:30,769 --> 00:33:35,569
Well, like I say, thanks for coming
and, er, have a great night.
532
00:33:37,369 --> 00:33:39,769
Sorry, I've got to take this.
533
00:33:51,729 --> 00:33:54,149
Is that all you donated?!
534
00:33:54,169 --> 00:33:56,999
Two chamois leathers
and a free car wash!
535
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,169
What do you expect me to do?
Give away a bloody car?
536
00:33:59,429 --> 00:34:01,469
They're all death traps anyway.
537
00:34:01,470 --> 00:34:03,349
Damn sight safer than
one of your day trips!
538
00:34:03,350 --> 00:34:06,108
How many passengers you lost now?
539
00:34:06,109 --> 00:34:07,668
Where are you going?
540
00:34:07,669 --> 00:34:10,129
Just to stretch my legs,
if that's all right with you.
541
00:34:10,329 --> 00:34:12,509
Right! What've you got for me?
542
00:34:12,529 --> 00:34:15,329
Six months membership
to Blubber Busters, Stell.
543
00:34:15,409 --> 00:34:18,509
And Christ knows there's a lot
of people here who need it.
544
00:34:18,609 --> 00:34:20,949
Wow, well, thanks everyone!
545
00:34:21,009 --> 00:34:24,829
Don't get your hopes up.
Some of them prizes are right whatsanames!
546
00:34:24,849 --> 00:34:28,689
Especically Dai Davies' is!
Oh, put a sock in it!
547
00:34:28,869 --> 00:34:32,209
Changed my mind?
You're the who's changing mind...
548
00:34:32,409 --> 00:34:34,489
Collette, why you being like this?
549
00:34:34,490 --> 00:34:36,749
We agreed that's how we'd do it.
550
00:34:36,849 --> 00:34:40,528
Sorry about them lot,
they don't get out very often.
551
00:34:40,529 --> 00:34:43,028
Don't apologise.
552
00:34:43,029 --> 00:34:46,589
Tonight's not quite what I hoped
it would be, to be honest.
553
00:34:46,609 --> 00:34:50,649
Well, wait until the karaoke
kicks in. That gets everyone going.
554
00:34:50,650 --> 00:34:52,428
Come on.
555
00:34:52,429 --> 00:34:54,709
Don't hang up, don't hang up!
556
00:34:54,729 --> 00:34:56,669
Collette?
557
00:34:58,889 --> 00:35:01,509
Shall we get some fresh air?
558
00:35:03,889 --> 00:35:06,528
Excuse us, hello? Hey!
559
00:35:06,529 --> 00:35:09,739
Ladies and gentleman,
I would like to introduce you
560
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:12,369
to my lovely assistant -
Mr Michael Jackson!
561
00:35:16,369 --> 00:35:18,769
Not the real one, sorry folks!
562
00:35:18,949 --> 00:35:23,088
Can you moonwalk?
No, no, sorry.
563
00:35:23,089 --> 00:35:26,749
How can you be called Michael
Jackson and not be able to moonwalk?
564
00:35:26,769 --> 00:35:28,489
Go on, give it a go!
No!
565
00:35:28,529 --> 00:35:33,669
MOONWALK! MOONWALK!
566
00:35:45,689 --> 00:35:48,049
Now you've humiliated me
in front of everyone,
567
00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:50,489
shall we get on with the auction?
Yes, why not?
568
00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:52,789
And so our first lot is...
569
00:35:54,389 --> 00:35:57,589
I hate the way Collette bosses
you around all the time.
570
00:35:57,590 --> 00:36:02,509
If I was married to you,
I'd be lovely to you all the time.
571
00:36:02,609 --> 00:36:05,088
It's not Collette's fault.
572
00:36:05,089 --> 00:36:07,089
She's tried really hard
573
00:36:07,289 --> 00:36:09,489
but I don't think she ever
got over what happened.
574
00:36:09,669 --> 00:36:13,549
Your affair? It wasn't even
an affair, just some stupid fling.
575
00:36:13,649 --> 00:36:17,889
So is that what I am?
Just some stupid fling?
576
00:36:27,369 --> 00:36:30,768
?55, going once, going twice...
577
00:36:30,769 --> 00:36:34,269
Our last item of the night,
sold for ?55!
578
00:36:36,689 --> 00:36:38,128
Two tickets on Brenda's Buses
579
00:36:38,129 --> 00:36:40,469
for a magical, mystery tour
to Port Talbot!
580
00:36:40,470 --> 00:36:45,169
Whey! Thanks very much!
Thanks everyone! Next up, karaoke!
581
00:36:51,069 --> 00:36:53,469
And here they are! Ant and Dec.
582
00:36:53,489 --> 00:36:57,108
Ah, wasn't that brilliant?
Fantastic.
583
00:36:57,109 --> 00:37:00,409
As long as everyone pays up.
Of course they will, why wouldn't they?
584
00:37:00,410 --> 00:37:02,189
Andy, brandy?
Yeah.
585
00:37:02,289 --> 00:37:05,789
Andy, brandy?!
586
00:37:05,809 --> 00:37:10,249
I'll say one thing for your ex-wife,
she's got very poor taste in men.
587
00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:14,028
That doesn't make sense, actually.
She married me.
588
00:37:14,029 --> 00:37:17,049
Oh, yeah.
589
00:37:19,309 --> 00:37:25,168
Now I've had the time of my life
Woo!
590
00:37:25,169 --> 00:37:28,949
I've never felt this way before
591
00:37:30,029 --> 00:37:33,168
And I swear, it's the truth...
Mum!
592
00:37:33,169 --> 00:37:35,088
I'm going to head off now.
593
00:37:35,089 --> 00:37:37,949
Why, it's only early?
Yeah, but I'm knackered.
594
00:37:37,969 --> 00:37:41,319
Marcus has offered to give me
a lift home. Have you?
595
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,889
Thanks for a brilliant night.
Pleasure.
596
00:37:44,069 --> 00:37:46,449
Ta-ra!
597
00:37:50,449 --> 00:37:54,149
So, in for a penny,
how do you feel about dancing?
598
00:37:54,169 --> 00:37:56,168
Why not?
599
00:37:56,169 --> 00:38:00,209
I've been waiting for so long,
but I've finally found someone...
600
00:38:25,089 --> 00:38:29,569
See, I'm nothing but a big, fat,
fraud really, Daddy.
601
00:39:17,109 --> 00:39:19,729
Right, should we make a move?
602
00:39:19,909 --> 00:39:24,108
Right, OK, erm...
603
00:39:24,109 --> 00:39:27,469
I'll call us a cab and get them
to drop you off first.
604
00:39:27,569 --> 00:39:29,289
You could do that...
605
00:39:30,629 --> 00:39:33,369
..or you could just get them
to take us both back to yours.
606
00:39:33,370 --> 00:39:35,329
What?
607
00:39:35,409 --> 00:39:38,189
You said you had the place
to yourself tonight.
608
00:39:39,269 --> 00:39:40,848
Oh, I do, I do.
609
00:39:40,849 --> 00:39:43,409
Well, go on then!
610
00:40:06,769 --> 00:40:09,369
You can do this.
611
00:40:12,289 --> 00:40:16,429
I'll be over at ten, I told you
time and again that you're late
612
00:40:16,529 --> 00:40:19,129
I wait around and then...
613
00:40:33,349 --> 00:40:34,909
Can't do this.
614
00:40:51,889 --> 00:40:53,549
What is it about the Welsh?
615
00:40:53,649 --> 00:40:56,909
I mean, how can they all sing so
well? Is it something in your diet?
616
00:40:56,989 --> 00:40:59,929
Well, apparently, it's to do with
our jaw.
617
00:40:59,930 --> 00:41:02,129
What?
Yeah, the jaw. Look.
618
00:41:03,429 --> 00:41:05,669
Right.
619
00:41:06,669 --> 00:41:09,149
Thank you for tonight. Really.
620
00:41:09,169 --> 00:41:11,408
It's a pleasure.
621
00:41:11,409 --> 00:41:14,469
Best fake date I've had
in a long time. Me too.
622
00:41:14,470 --> 00:41:18,368
So good, I forget it was fake.
623
00:41:18,369 --> 00:41:19,829
Yeah.
624
00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:35,089
Can I walk you home?
625
00:41:35,169 --> 00:41:37,269
Only if it's not out of your way.
626
00:41:37,329 --> 00:41:40,369
I'm a good guy, I can take a detour.
627
00:41:46,129 --> 00:41:49,968
Emma, this is insane. I mean,
where did it come from?
628
00:41:49,969 --> 00:41:52,368
I was happily minding my own...
629
00:41:52,369 --> 00:41:53,969
But you weren't happy though,
were you?
630
00:41:54,169 --> 00:41:56,289
..getting on with my life,
and then you...
631
00:41:58,029 --> 00:42:02,509
I feel like... I'm running
down this really steep hill,
632
00:42:02,789 --> 00:42:04,368
really fast.
633
00:42:04,369 --> 00:42:06,449
And I know I'm going to fall
over any minute
634
00:42:06,549 --> 00:42:09,409
and really fucking hurt myself.
635
00:42:09,669 --> 00:42:12,539
But it feels out of this world
at the moment,
636
00:42:12,540 --> 00:42:14,928
and I can't stop what I'm doing.
I don't want to stop.
637
00:42:14,929 --> 00:42:16,449
Me neither.
638
00:42:16,529 --> 00:42:19,649
I love you, Marcus.
639
00:42:22,929 --> 00:42:25,089
I love you.
640
00:43:01,289 --> 00:43:04,688
We are actually doing this,
aren't we?
641
00:43:04,689 --> 00:43:07,089
We actually are.
642
00:43:07,189 --> 00:43:09,509
Keep it down though,
these walls are paper-thin,
643
00:43:09,529 --> 00:43:11,389
we don't want our neighbours
to hear.
644
00:43:11,409 --> 00:43:13,409
Oh, you're all right.
645
00:43:13,489 --> 00:43:16,369
I happen to know she's not in.
646
00:43:28,049 --> 00:43:31,169
Just because you've chosen to shack
up with a bit of Valley's rough
647
00:43:31,249 --> 00:43:33,749
doesn't mean Katy has to be dragged
into the gutter with you.
648
00:43:33,789 --> 00:43:35,769
Now you're talking demented.
649
00:43:35,909 --> 00:43:37,989
We are teenagers, Ben.
It's our job to be demented.
650
00:43:37,990 --> 00:43:41,808
As of today, I am putting
an embargo on sex. What?
651
00:43:41,809 --> 00:43:43,828
This is a hostage situation.
652
00:43:43,829 --> 00:43:46,229
Not Steve Wright on a Sunday.
653
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:48,629
Stay where you are, son.
654
00:43:48,646 --> 00:44:19,178
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655
00:44:19,228 --> 00:44:23,778
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