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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,691
I'm turning into a dirty old woman,
lusting after every fella I see.
2
00:00:03,763 --> 00:00:06,209
- I love you, Marcus. I do, man.
- Oh, God!
3
00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:09,690
- Does Luke know you're here?
- What do you think?
4
00:00:09,803 --> 00:00:11,214
If you report me, I'll report you!
5
00:00:11,363 --> 00:00:12,364
Who to?
6
00:00:12,443 --> 00:00:13,569
Environmental Health.
7
00:00:13,643 --> 00:00:15,850
It's like living next door
to a bloody refugee camp!
8
00:00:16,458 --> 00:00:41,514
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
9
00:00:47,403 --> 00:00:48,814
Muscle Man here.
10
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,045
How horny are you?
11
00:00:51,123 --> 00:00:53,125
Well, quite a lot, actually.
12
00:00:53,177 --> 00:00:55,018
In fact, it's getting
a bit ridiculous. Like...
13
00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:58,013
- Every man I look at...
- Is that Stella Morris?
14
00:00:58,603 --> 00:01:00,014
What? No!
15
00:01:00,083 --> 00:01:02,051
It's Malcolm Tippins, it is!
Megan's brother
16
00:01:02,123 --> 00:01:05,093
I thought it was you. We used to
go to Pontyberry Juniors together ..
17
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:13,328
Oh...
18
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:39,128
Well, Tess,
19
00:01:39,203 --> 00:01:42,412
Maybe Pontyberry isn't
such a shit-hole after all.
20
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,764
Tessa!
21
00:02:17,683 --> 00:02:18,969
What?
22
00:02:21,323 --> 00:02:22,484
What's going on?
23
00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:24,885
Pipes are down. For two days.
24
00:02:24,963 --> 00:02:27,933
From your house
right round up to number 46.
25
00:02:28,803 --> 00:02:29,884
Sequential engineering.
26
00:02:30,098 --> 00:02:31,778
- Oh, brilliant.
- Isn't that right, Stell?
27
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,567
- What's that?
- Water's off.
28
00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,327
No, not in my house, it isn't.
29
00:02:35,643 --> 00:02:37,805
Oh, God, did I say house?
30
00:02:38,643 --> 00:02:40,486
Refugee camp, I meant.
31
00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:41,934
For God's sake.
32
00:02:42,683 --> 00:02:45,926
Don't bother me, Mike.
I didn't wash for two months in 'Nam.
33
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:48,131
Two days won't even scratch the surface.
34
00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:49,204
Great!
35
00:02:50,483 --> 00:02:52,929
Stupid bloody shit-hole of a place. Ow!
36
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,454
How do, Stell? What brings you here?
37
00:03:00,523 --> 00:03:03,333
- Looking to trade up?
- Oh, you're joking, aren't you?
38
00:03:03,403 --> 00:03:05,292
- No, what it is...
- Looking to trade down, then,
39
00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:06,694
- now you're doing the nursing, is it?
- No...
40
00:03:06,763 --> 00:03:08,208
I got just the thing.
41
00:03:08,283 --> 00:03:10,604
- Edna Meredith's Mini.
- No, what it...
42
00:03:10,683 --> 00:03:12,367
Vintage, virtually.
43
00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:15,686
She's lingering on but her son said
he'll text me the moment she goes.
44
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,448
- Yeah...
- Every inch spells excitement.
45
00:03:18,523 --> 00:03:20,412
Well, the car, that is.
Not Mrs Meredith.
46
00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:22,292
No, it's about Luke, it is.
47
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,371
You know he never got
the driving job last week?
48
00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:25,923
Yeah, as I say, I'm sorry about that.
49
00:03:26,163 --> 00:03:28,006
- How sorry?
- Hey?
50
00:03:28,203 --> 00:03:30,524
Sorry enough to find him something else?
51
00:03:30,963 --> 00:03:33,728
You got a lot of cars
to sell here, Dai Davies.
52
00:03:33,803 --> 00:03:36,124
Maybe my Luke could help you out?
53
00:03:37,523 --> 00:03:40,732
Interesting. Tell him to pop and see me.
I'll have a little think.
54
00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:44,770
You are a star.
55
00:03:45,283 --> 00:03:46,569
Can't stop!
56
00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:49,045
Yoo-hoo, Dai, love!
57
00:03:49,123 --> 00:03:51,285
- Aunty Brenda.
- Have you got a min?
58
00:03:54,283 --> 00:03:56,411
Now, you won't believe it
to look at her
59
00:03:56,483 --> 00:04:00,807
but apparently Nadine Bevan
do do a lot with the Petunia Trust.
60
00:04:00,883 --> 00:04:03,170
- For the special needs kiddies?
- Does she?
61
00:04:03,283 --> 00:04:04,444
Yeah! I know!
62
00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:07,686
But she's just been on to me now
about providing transport
63
00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:10,243
for their trip
to Castell Coch on Saturday.
64
00:04:10,323 --> 00:04:13,004
- She've been let down by Sid Lloyd.
- Well, she won't be the first.
65
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,932
He's gone to pot
since he split up with Lena.
66
00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:17,847
Yeah. Anyway, I said yes.
67
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:18,970
Did you?
68
00:04:19,403 --> 00:04:22,168
Well, as a partner in the business,
I would've said a definite no.
69
00:04:23,323 --> 00:04:25,724
- You what?
- Them buses are like new, Aunty Brenda,
70
00:04:25,803 --> 00:04:26,804
and kids is messy.
71
00:04:26,883 --> 00:04:29,966
And furthermore, I've pencilled in
the Pontyberry Pensioners.
72
00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:33,132
They're on hold for a trip to
the retail outlet on the A470.
73
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,814
Well, I'm sorry,
74
00:04:35,883 --> 00:04:38,727
but I think we should take a leaf
out of Whitney Houston's book,
75
00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:41,374
God rest her tortured,
bloated, drug-addled soul.
76
00:04:41,443 --> 00:04:43,093
It's the children are the what-yer-call.
77
00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:47,407
And anyway, all this is by the by
'cause Nadine have paid up front. So...
78
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,647
120 over 80. Perfect.
79
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:53,368
Anyone like a go?
80
00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:55,445
All yours, Stella Morris.
81
00:05:11,883 --> 00:05:14,045
That's a very firm pump
you've got there.
82
00:05:14,683 --> 00:05:16,526
You like it hard, don't you?
83
00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:18,404
Oh, I love it!
84
00:05:19,283 --> 00:05:22,127
Argh! Enough of the pumping already.
85
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,686
- She's a patient, not a push bike!
- Sorry.
86
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:32,489
Oh, I tell you what,
these pills are doing my head in.
87
00:05:32,563 --> 00:05:34,850
Hey, nice wrist action, mind.
88
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:38,733
Oh, I got to take this.
89
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:42,606
Hiya, presh.
Did you get my message about Dai Davies?
90
00:05:42,683 --> 00:05:45,368
Yeah, sounds brilliant.
What is it, a car salesman?
91
00:05:45,443 --> 00:05:47,571
Is that a personal call, Stella Morris?
92
00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:49,054
On the ward?
93
00:05:49,123 --> 00:05:50,204
Mam?
94
00:05:50,843 --> 00:05:51,890
No.
95
00:05:52,723 --> 00:05:53,804
Mam?
96
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:57,169
Yellow card. Yellow card. Yellow card.
97
00:06:06,763 --> 00:06:07,810
Late night?
98
00:06:07,963 --> 00:06:10,045
- No, actually, my water...
- Look, buddy.
99
00:06:10,123 --> 00:06:11,887
Break-ups are hard, yeah?
100
00:06:11,963 --> 00:06:13,806
Different people
react in different ways.
101
00:06:13,883 --> 00:06:16,045
Jan's blooming and...
102
00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:17,329
And you've taken a hit.
103
00:06:17,403 --> 00:06:20,054
But you can't
let yourself go like this, yeah?
104
00:06:21,723 --> 00:06:23,054
Be strong.
105
00:06:26,643 --> 00:06:28,293
Look, my water's been cut off.
106
00:06:28,363 --> 00:06:30,286
That's why I look and smell like this.
107
00:06:30,363 --> 00:06:32,365
Well, Andy wasn't to know, was he?
108
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,289
Well if the smug git had let me
get a word in edgeways...
109
00:06:35,363 --> 00:06:37,252
Michael, you're getting aggressive.
110
00:06:37,323 --> 00:06:38,973
Sorry. I'm sorry.
111
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:42,092
Look, can I just please just use our...
I mean, your shower tonight?
112
00:06:42,163 --> 00:06:43,324
Please?
113
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,134
No! I've got my book group coming over.
114
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:47,884
What would they think?
115
00:06:47,963 --> 00:06:49,533
Tomorrow, then? Please?
116
00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:52,732
Look, I'm meeting the Wilson Associates
for dinner, I can't go like this!
117
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:54,928
I want you out of there by 7:00.
118
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,129
Fine.
119
00:07:00,257 --> 00:07:03,018
I just never thought of you as having
the gift of the gab, that's all.
120
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:05,171
Ah, see, but it's not
just about the chopsing.
121
00:07:05,243 --> 00:07:07,849
- It's about the mind games.
- Shut up.
122
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:11,570
You got to look at your potential buyer
and find their weak spot.
123
00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:13,771
Flatter them,
tell them what they want to hear,
124
00:07:13,843 --> 00:07:16,005
big 'em up, but do it subtle, like.
125
00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:18,370
Then, bam!
You got 'em in the palm of your hand.
126
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,612
I get it, that's how you
got me into bed, was it?
127
00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:23,014
Exactly!
128
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,326
Right, wish me luck.
129
00:07:31,443 --> 00:07:32,854
Just my mam.
130
00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:35,614
Good luck.
131
00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:37,968
I love you.
132
00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:39,644
See you later, Jack.
133
00:07:39,723 --> 00:07:42,329
But still, a beaut of a vehicle, mind.
134
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,169
How many horsepower?
135
00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:46,927
Now you're asking.
136
00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:49,087
Let me find out.
137
00:07:49,443 --> 00:07:52,253
- Luke! I've been expecting you.
- All right, Dai?
138
00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:53,973
My mam told me
you might have a job going.
139
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:55,807
Well, yeah, there is, as it goes.
140
00:07:55,883 --> 00:07:56,884
Great!
141
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,132
So, uh, when do you want me to start?
142
00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:00,250
Well, now's good.
143
00:08:00,403 --> 00:08:02,292
Though you might be a bit overdressed.
144
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:03,929
Really?
145
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:08,092
I thought you had to look smart
to sell cars, like?
146
00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:11,214
Well, no, I wasn't looking for someone
to sell cars, son.
147
00:08:11,803 --> 00:08:13,851
I was looking for someone to, uh...
148
00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:18,693
To wash 'em.
149
00:08:35,363 --> 00:08:37,650
That car should carry
a public health warning.
150
00:08:38,443 --> 00:08:40,571
Oh, mind, don't forget to lock it,
will you?
151
00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:43,129
'Cause you know what us lot are like
round here. Someone might steal it!
152
00:08:43,203 --> 00:08:45,365
Well, my day couldn't really
get much worse, so here,
153
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:46,774
feel free.
154
00:08:47,003 --> 00:08:48,289
I don't bloody want it!
155
00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:50,332
It's an even bigger scrapheap
than mine!
156
00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:58,924
Sorry.
157
00:08:59,003 --> 00:09:01,324
- That was really childish of me.
- Oh, forget it.
158
00:09:01,403 --> 00:09:03,974
No. I'm stressed, I am.
159
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,045
'Cause I've got to stand on
a weighing scales in a minute
160
00:09:06,123 --> 00:09:09,605
and have my ex-husband's beautiful,
skinny girlfriend tell me how fat I am.
161
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,492
- What?
- Doesn't matter.
162
00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:16,164
And look, I'm sorry about last week,
calling you an English bastard.
163
00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:17,928
Well, I am English.
164
00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,688
And about Ben breaking in and all that.
165
00:09:21,363 --> 00:09:22,444
Anyway.
166
00:09:22,523 --> 00:09:24,844
He's been grounded now
till he's at least 45.
167
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,091
It's fine, I... I overreacted.
168
00:09:28,163 --> 00:09:30,291
It was quite inventive of him, really.
169
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,052
Truce, then, Mr Jackson?
170
00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:37,253
Truce, then, Mrs Morris.
171
00:09:41,443 --> 00:09:43,571
You, in. Now!
172
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,004
Thoroughbred of a man, that, Stell.
173
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:53,084
What?
174
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:55,848
Well, I would.
If I were three years younger!
175
00:10:04,643 --> 00:10:08,887
Well, I reckon you've done yourself
a favour making friends with him.
176
00:10:08,963 --> 00:10:12,524
Hang on, I didn't say
we were friends per such, just...
177
00:10:12,603 --> 00:10:14,651
you know, on friendly terms.
178
00:10:16,163 --> 00:10:17,927
Anyway, I thought you didn't like him?
179
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:20,893
Yeah, but I'm not the one
that's living next door to him, am I?
180
00:10:20,963 --> 00:10:22,931
I mean, the last thing you want to be
is in a permanent hoo-hah
181
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,289
with the bloke next door.
182
00:10:24,363 --> 00:10:25,524
Happened to a cousin of mine.
183
00:10:25,603 --> 00:10:27,970
Oh, terrible trouble
with a woman over the road.
184
00:10:28,043 --> 00:10:30,364
Neighbour from hell, she was.
In a documentary and everything.
185
00:10:30,443 --> 00:10:31,888
- What, about neighbours from hell?
- No, no.
186
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:33,203
Diabetes or something.
187
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:39,212
Right, let's go and bust some blubber.
188
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:45,889
Where you been going wrong
189
00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:48,773
is you've been saying yes
to any old Tom, Dick and Larry
190
00:10:48,843 --> 00:10:50,607
instead of being selective.
191
00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:53,851
Have you gone totally cracker barrel?
192
00:10:53,923 --> 00:10:56,529
- You're suggesting we turn work down?
- Hear me out.
193
00:10:56,603 --> 00:10:58,571
If we go for the classier stiffs...
194
00:10:58,683 --> 00:11:02,768
I'm talking doctors,
dentists, solicitors, celebs...
195
00:11:02,843 --> 00:11:07,451
Then we can charge their families
three times as much as an Aldi assistant
196
00:11:07,523 --> 00:11:09,446
from Atlee Way!
197
00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:11,407
Making more money...
198
00:11:12,763 --> 00:11:14,527
for less work!
199
00:11:19,323 --> 00:11:20,449
Exactly!
200
00:11:20,523 --> 00:11:24,130
So, how do we attract this...
this new clientele, pray tell?
201
00:11:24,203 --> 00:11:25,614
By making...
202
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,530
a little promotional video.
203
00:11:31,803 --> 00:11:35,171
Now, remember, I want all of you
to come back here next week
204
00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:37,564
with an active hobby, okay?
205
00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:39,732
See you in seven days!
206
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,129
Made it this week, then?
207
00:11:44,363 --> 00:11:45,410
On time.
208
00:11:45,483 --> 00:11:47,212
Who are you? The speaking clock?
209
00:11:47,483 --> 00:11:50,724
- No, I just meant it's nice to see you.
- I know what you meant, you daft bugger.
210
00:11:50,963 --> 00:11:52,249
See you next week.
211
00:11:52,603 --> 00:11:53,684
Hmm.
212
00:11:53,883 --> 00:11:55,726
She's an odd fish!
213
00:11:55,803 --> 00:11:56,804
Yeah.
214
00:11:57,803 --> 00:11:58,964
Hey, Aunty Brenda...
215
00:11:59,323 --> 00:12:02,645
Before I forget, thanks ever so much
for making me the lead bus driver
216
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:03,770
on the Castell Coch trip.
217
00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:05,049
It means a lot.
218
00:12:05,123 --> 00:12:06,966
Who said you was lead bus driver?
219
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,044
Dai Davies.
220
00:12:08,283 --> 00:12:10,763
Oh, did he, now? Excuse me.
221
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:14,007
Who died and made you God of the buses,
I want to know?
222
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:16,485
- Sorry?
- Aye, you want to be!
223
00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:18,327
Telling Alan Williams he's lead driver
224
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:20,212
on the what-yer-call
without consulting me!
225
00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:22,854
- Sorry, I didn't mean to start nothing.
- You haven't, son.
226
00:12:22,923 --> 00:12:24,603
- This is business.
- Hey, what's going on?
227
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,853
I don't see why there's a problem.
228
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,887
You never bothered consulting me
before you took on them kids.
229
00:12:29,963 --> 00:12:31,852
You just booked it with Nadine.
230
00:12:31,963 --> 00:12:36,048
That's because
it's my business, buddy boy!
231
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:39,047
It's called Brenda's Buses!
232
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:41,091
And I'm Brenda!
233
00:12:41,163 --> 00:12:42,972
Yeah, I think we all know that,
Aunty Brenda.
234
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:45,649
- Let's just calm down, is it?
- Leave it, Stell!
235
00:12:45,738 --> 00:12:47,858
There's a lot of low blood sugar
in this room tonight,
236
00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:49,328
so tempers are rife.
237
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:50,928
Sometimes a fight's the only answer.
238
00:12:51,363 --> 00:12:52,888
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
239
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:55,930
Yeah?
240
00:12:56,003 --> 00:12:57,129
Yeah.
241
00:12:57,283 --> 00:12:58,694
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
242
00:13:01,843 --> 00:13:04,608
Ben, I swear to God!
Don't make me come up there!
243
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,845
All right, coming. Two more.
244
00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:13,333
Aw, you looked so nice
in your suit and all.
245
00:13:13,723 --> 00:13:15,532
I thought you preferred a bit of rough.
246
00:13:15,603 --> 00:13:18,607
There's nothing rough about you,
Luke Morgan.
247
00:13:18,883 --> 00:13:21,045
Well, sometimes there is...
248
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,018
So, you going to your mam's again today,
are you?
249
00:13:29,043 --> 00:13:32,013
Whilst I slave over
a load of soapy cars.
250
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:33,529
Yeah.
251
00:13:34,163 --> 00:13:36,043
You're all right about that, though,
aren't you?
252
00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:37,852
Yeah, of course I am.
253
00:13:44,243 --> 00:13:46,610
Give me that ball.
254
00:13:46,963 --> 00:13:48,647
- Oh, Mam!
- Give it!
255
00:13:50,243 --> 00:13:51,608
If you are not careful, good boy,
256
00:13:51,683 --> 00:13:54,254
I am sending you
on a one-way flight to Abu Dhabi
257
00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:56,087
and you can go and live
with your bloody father!
258
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:59,207
What am I supposed to do?
You've grounded me!
259
00:13:59,283 --> 00:14:02,207
I got to have some entertainment.
It's like being a prisoner!
260
00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:05,332
Yeah, Ben, it's exactly
like being a prisoner.
261
00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:07,931
Get to school!
262
00:14:15,203 --> 00:14:17,126
That ain't going to fill
a fella your size.
263
00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:19,126
- Won't even touch your side.
- Tell me about it.
264
00:14:19,203 --> 00:14:21,604
There is always surgery, Alan.
265
00:14:22,563 --> 00:14:27,046
My Aunty Esha had five stone of body fat
removed from her abdomen and thighs.
266
00:14:27,323 --> 00:14:28,927
Really? How's she now?
267
00:14:29,563 --> 00:14:30,974
- Dead.
- Dead.
268
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,894
Well, we did all warn her
not to go to Estonia to get it done.
269
00:14:34,283 --> 00:14:35,808
But she was a stubborn old witch.
270
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:37,487
Ah, Parvadi. Please!
271
00:14:37,563 --> 00:14:39,327
She wasn't that old.
272
00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:46,364
Don't tell me.
273
00:14:46,443 --> 00:14:49,333
You're advertising all your old dresses,
now the weight's dropping off you like?
274
00:14:49,403 --> 00:14:50,404
No.
275
00:14:50,483 --> 00:14:53,009
I reached my target weight
two years ago, actually.
276
00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:55,129
Sorry, I didn't mean anything...
277
00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:57,809
I only go to Blubber Busters
so I can maintain my weight.
278
00:14:57,883 --> 00:14:59,009
I don't need to lose any more.
279
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:02,212
No, no, I wasn't saying...
Just, you know, so...
280
00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:04,572
Did you used to be...
281
00:15:04,923 --> 00:15:06,413
- you know...
- Fat?
282
00:15:06,483 --> 00:15:08,565
- Yeah.
- 16 stone, at one point.
283
00:15:08,643 --> 00:15:10,884
Good God, I can't imagine that! Hoo!
284
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:12,573
Had a big double-chin, the lot.
285
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:15,965
Sleep apnea, borderline diabetic
and I couldn't cross my legs.
286
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,448
Piano for sale, eh?
287
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:27,127
Yeah. My son's.
288
00:15:27,203 --> 00:15:28,773
Got bored of it, did he?
289
00:15:28,843 --> 00:15:31,528
- Something like that.
- Yeah. Kids, eh?
290
00:15:33,283 --> 00:15:35,604
Sorry, it's none of my business.
291
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:41,324
You know, funny thing is
292
00:15:41,403 --> 00:15:43,053
I've been thinking
about getting a piano.
293
00:15:43,883 --> 00:15:45,089
Really?
294
00:15:48,283 --> 00:15:50,809
Can anyone tell me what this is?
295
00:15:51,563 --> 00:15:53,327
- A glove.
- Wrong.
296
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:55,446
- A hand?
- Uh-uh.
297
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,933
This is a serious oh-my-God-her-face-
have-swollen-up-like-a-balloon-
298
00:15:59,003 --> 00:16:01,210
and-her-tongue's-going-blue-
and-she's-asphyxiating
299
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,570
life-and-death-situation hazard!
300
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,965
'Cause Mrs Wong by here's
allergic to latex.
301
00:16:08,643 --> 00:16:11,044
One tickle from me wearing this
302
00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:13,603
and she's as dead
as your Aunt Fanny Andrews.
303
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:16,084
Always check for allergies.
304
00:16:16,203 --> 00:16:17,967
Aspirin, penicillin.
305
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,727
Stella, allergies?
306
00:16:19,843 --> 00:16:20,969
Cats.
307
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:29,929
You seen my hands?
308
00:16:30,003 --> 00:16:31,767
They do look like my nan's,
they're so shrivelled.
309
00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:33,925
She's had me washing hair all week,
the bitch.
310
00:16:34,363 --> 00:16:35,444
Yeah, well,
311
00:16:35,523 --> 00:16:38,049
you shouldn't have got your tits out
at the awards, then, should you?
312
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,204
Or tried to snog her husband.
313
00:16:39,283 --> 00:16:41,411
Well, what does she care?
She wasn't even there.
314
00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:42,934
We all know why.
315
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,050
No, we don't.
316
00:16:44,123 --> 00:16:47,445
I heard they had a big row just before
they left the house. She refused to go.
317
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:49,810
She dug her heels in,
had a massive strop.
318
00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:51,494
Who told you that?
319
00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:53,486
My cousin knows
their babysitter's boyfriend.
320
00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:54,724
Heard everything.
321
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:57,204
Apparently Collette
can be a right princess
322
00:16:57,323 --> 00:16:59,485
and Marcus
just does everything she tells him.
323
00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:00,724
Idiot.
324
00:17:01,123 --> 00:17:03,364
He should leave her
and run away with me!
325
00:17:03,443 --> 00:17:04,444
Problem, Amy?
326
00:17:04,643 --> 00:17:05,843
No, I was just telling Emma...
327
00:17:05,883 --> 00:17:07,294
Let's not forget
you're still on a warning.
328
00:17:07,363 --> 00:17:10,606
The only reason you still have your job
is because Marcus fought your corner.
329
00:17:10,683 --> 00:17:12,492
And he's going to be teaching you
tonight on his own,
330
00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:14,565
so try to keep your hands off him.
331
00:17:14,643 --> 00:17:16,452
'Cause one false move and you're out.
332
00:17:16,523 --> 00:17:17,604
Right.
333
00:17:21,363 --> 00:17:23,092
So, this training night,
334
00:17:23,163 --> 00:17:24,767
it's 100% non-gratis?
335
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,687
Look out, crazy's about!
336
00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:27,924
For real? No hidden costs?
337
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,574
None at all. The whole point is
the clients don't pay
338
00:17:30,643 --> 00:17:32,054
'cause the junior staff are training.
339
00:17:32,123 --> 00:17:34,285
And I'll definitely get
my actual hair washed, will I?
340
00:17:34,363 --> 00:17:36,684
- Er, yeah.
- You're a life-saver, Marco.
341
00:17:37,163 --> 00:17:39,086
Water's still off at ours, you see.
342
00:17:39,163 --> 00:17:40,369
Oh, right.
343
00:17:40,443 --> 00:17:41,649
Oh, don't get me wrong...
344
00:17:41,723 --> 00:17:43,612
I'm fine with a bit of body odour
345
00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:47,051
but I spent two hours on a hookah pipe
in Aberbeeg last night
346
00:17:47,123 --> 00:17:49,854
and it clings to your mane
like a Lebanese Saadoon monkey.
347
00:17:57,883 --> 00:17:59,453
What do you think?
348
00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:00,968
Lovely photo of you, that.
349
00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,132
You look like a young Patsy Kensit.
350
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,092
Erm, of the piano?
351
00:18:05,963 --> 00:18:07,727
Oh, yes, of course, right.
352
00:18:07,803 --> 00:18:08,964
Well, let's see...
353
00:18:09,203 --> 00:18:10,204
Keys.
354
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:11,604
Lid.
355
00:18:12,403 --> 00:18:14,326
Foot pump. Very, uh...
356
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,492
Very well-equipped.
357
00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:21,170
I can't see the likeness myself.
358
00:18:21,243 --> 00:18:22,847
Are you kidding?
359
00:18:23,003 --> 00:18:25,210
Straight out of Absolute Beginners,
that is.
360
00:18:25,283 --> 00:18:29,129
All you need is David Bowie by you
and you'd be sorted, eh?
361
00:18:29,243 --> 00:18:30,608
Thanks. I think.
362
00:18:33,243 --> 00:18:35,405
That's a handsome lad, too.
363
00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:36,969
Uh, yeah.
364
00:18:37,763 --> 00:18:39,208
Yeah, he is...
365
00:18:40,723 --> 00:18:42,566
Eddie Goggles wouldn't lend me
his ski rack.
366
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:46,132
But George the Butcher
gave me a few of his meat hooks.
367
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,406
You think they'll keep
the piano secure, like?
368
00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:23,172
Zoe Stewart with Jack,
Lenny Mack's son.
369
00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:29,653
Is it okay if we search the baby?
370
00:19:29,883 --> 00:19:32,409
What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
371
00:19:45,603 --> 00:19:47,014
Actually, I've changed my mind.
372
00:19:47,203 --> 00:19:48,568
Oh, we'll be really careful, love.
373
00:19:48,643 --> 00:19:50,805
No, it's not that, I just...
374
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:54,088
I don't want to see him.
Tell him I don't want to see him.
375
00:19:54,163 --> 00:19:56,165
Tell him it's better this way.
376
00:19:59,243 --> 00:20:00,768
I would definitely use Simpson's
377
00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:02,493
if I was wanting to
book myself a funeral
378
00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:04,804
You can't go wrong with them.
They got flair, dignity.
379
00:20:04,883 --> 00:20:06,248
And what-yer-call Top class.
380
00:20:06,323 --> 00:20:08,291
Right I got to go,
I got customers waiting.
381
00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:13,971
Daddy Simpson,
he's a fantastic funeral director
382
00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:16,125
He could direct a piss-up in a brewery.
383
00:20:16,203 --> 00:20:17,807
That's disgusting.
384
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,092
Without... Without him, this whole town
would be dead
385
00:20:23,203 --> 00:20:25,251
- We are, of course...
- Impartial at all times...
386
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:26,404
But we'd just like to say..
387
00:20:26,483 --> 00:20:28,087
That Daddy Simpson
and his team give a...
388
00:20:28,163 --> 00:20:29,653
Far better send-off than...
389
00:20:29,723 --> 00:20:30,804
- Thomas. Evans.
- Thomas. Evans.
390
00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:32,044
- And Thomas
- And Evans.
391
00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,568
- Any day of the...
- Week
392
00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:34,849
Or day
393
00:20:36,523 --> 00:20:37,854
Is that it?
394
00:20:38,523 --> 00:20:42,687
What?
395
00:20:42,857 --> 00:20:44,458
How can you
take your name off it, Daddy?
396
00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:45,928
It's not even on there yet!
397
00:20:46,003 --> 00:20:47,573
Er, you should have come to me.
398
00:20:47,643 --> 00:20:48,929
You should have asked for my help.
399
00:20:49,003 --> 00:20:51,244
- Why?
- Uh, because
400
00:20:51,323 --> 00:20:54,372
I'd have told you exactly who we need
to help us put Simpson's on the map.
401
00:20:54,443 --> 00:20:56,571
Our happiest customer to date
402
00:20:56,683 --> 00:20:59,004
and Simpson's most glitziest funeral
to date.
403
00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:03,814
Thai Dai?
404
00:21:04,243 --> 00:21:06,894
What do Thai Dai
know about glitzy funerals?
405
00:21:07,243 --> 00:21:08,449
Everything!
406
00:21:08,523 --> 00:21:10,412
He was married to
Su-Su Chong, for a start-off.
407
00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,614
Pontyberry's first karaoke bar owner?
408
00:21:13,683 --> 00:21:16,289
Yeah, they met out in Bangkok
when he was cage-fighting.
409
00:21:16,883 --> 00:21:19,363
Now, I'm not saying he bought her,
410
00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:22,089
but he definitely remortgaged
his semi when he came home.
411
00:21:22,163 --> 00:21:23,369
Oh!
412
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:27,849
Yeah, they were very, very happy.
Till she died in a Subaru.
413
00:21:28,003 --> 00:21:30,005
Oh. Is that like a tsunami?
414
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:32,290
No, it's a car, you daft clot.
415
00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:34,604
- Oh.
- Oh, it was tragic.
416
00:21:36,123 --> 00:21:39,093
But her funeral was to die for!
417
00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:42,687
If we can get him to
recommend us on tape, we'll be sorted.
418
00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:47,730
Result! Let's get this show on the road.
419
00:21:58,723 --> 00:22:00,964
Great. Right.
420
00:22:01,043 --> 00:22:02,852
Pleasure doing business with you.
421
00:22:02,923 --> 00:22:04,129
I'm not surprised.
422
00:22:04,203 --> 00:22:06,604
That's daylight robbery, that,
for a hundred pound.
423
00:22:08,083 --> 00:22:09,209
Oh.
424
00:22:09,403 --> 00:22:11,644
I don't know what he wants
a chunky old thing like that
425
00:22:11,723 --> 00:22:13,566
in the house for, anyway, Mrs B.
426
00:22:13,643 --> 00:22:15,930
Can't swing a rat in his place,
I'm telling you.
427
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:17,448
I need it, man.
428
00:22:17,523 --> 00:22:19,924
We've all got to get an active hobby
this week, haven't we Celia?
429
00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:21,414
Yeah, and...
430
00:22:21,803 --> 00:22:24,044
Well, you get a lot of finger exercise
playing the piano.
431
00:22:25,403 --> 00:22:27,292
And lower arm movement.
432
00:22:27,363 --> 00:22:28,410
Don't you?
433
00:22:28,963 --> 00:22:30,567
Course you do.
434
00:22:30,723 --> 00:22:32,532
Thanks a lot. See you.
435
00:22:35,803 --> 00:22:37,214
"Swing a rat."
436
00:22:39,123 --> 00:22:41,285
Well you're dirty and sweet...
437
00:22:41,363 --> 00:22:43,047
Hello, how are you?
438
00:22:48,603 --> 00:22:51,607
I used to call her
my Asian Zeta-Jones, I did.
439
00:22:52,243 --> 00:22:53,768
'Cause of the age difference?
440
00:22:54,683 --> 00:22:56,651
'Cause she had a glorious voice!
441
00:23:02,643 --> 00:23:03,849
Uh, pizzazz.
442
00:23:04,443 --> 00:23:06,013
Just tell us in your own words
443
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:08,131
what was so good about Su-Su's send-off.
444
00:23:09,483 --> 00:23:10,609
Well, I met...
445
00:23:10,683 --> 00:23:13,163
And if you could face the camera,
that'd be great.
446
00:23:14,443 --> 00:23:16,889
For God's sake,
I don't see what the problem is!
447
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:19,330
You agreed! It's a 10-minute shower
in my own house!
448
00:23:19,403 --> 00:23:23,010
My house! And the problem is
that Andy's now coming over
449
00:23:23,083 --> 00:23:26,610
so I can hardly have my idiot of an
ex-husband showering upstairs, can I?
450
00:23:26,683 --> 00:23:28,606
If I had any bloody money,
I'd book into a hotel!
451
00:23:35,163 --> 00:23:38,326
Jan, you definitely had a heart once.
See if you can find it again, yeah?
452
00:23:41,123 --> 00:23:42,773
- See you tomorrow, darling.
- Bye.
453
00:23:42,883 --> 00:23:45,454
She can't stay here,
I don't have any bloody water!
454
00:23:45,763 --> 00:23:48,243
She's a child.
They go weeks without washing.
455
00:23:48,323 --> 00:23:50,052
Don't mind me.
456
00:23:50,363 --> 00:23:51,808
I was just leaving.
457
00:24:02,243 --> 00:24:03,654
I was lucky.
458
00:24:04,323 --> 00:24:07,372
When me and Karl split up,
he was too guilty to be mean.
459
00:24:07,443 --> 00:24:08,683
And I was too tired.
460
00:24:08,763 --> 00:24:10,527
Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see that.
461
00:24:10,603 --> 00:24:13,368
I'm a little bit agitated, shall we say.
462
00:24:13,923 --> 00:24:17,245
That's what smelling like a bin
does to you, I suppose.
463
00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:18,484
Look...
464
00:24:18,563 --> 00:24:20,327
Why don't you shower at mine?
465
00:24:20,403 --> 00:24:22,451
If you're desperate, like?
466
00:24:22,883 --> 00:24:24,089
Really?
467
00:24:24,203 --> 00:24:25,773
Yeah. Why not?
468
00:24:27,963 --> 00:24:29,124
Thank you.
469
00:24:36,337 --> 00:24:39,018
You've got to be very careful
with the timing of a bubble perm, Amy.
470
00:24:39,043 --> 00:24:40,454
Okey donkey.
471
00:24:40,523 --> 00:24:43,208
Leave it two minutes too long
and you're looking at a very tight curl.
472
00:24:43,283 --> 00:24:44,489
Right.
473
00:24:44,563 --> 00:24:46,292
Are you sure about this, Verv?
474
00:24:46,523 --> 00:24:48,571
Perm reversal can be
a very lengthy process.
475
00:24:48,643 --> 00:24:51,931
Deffo. I've got
a gut feeling about curls, Marcus.
476
00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:53,887
They're intrinsic to my power animal.
477
00:24:55,683 --> 00:24:57,253
My spiritual animal guide.
478
00:24:57,483 --> 00:24:59,406
We've all got one, they walk with us.
479
00:24:59,883 --> 00:25:01,851
Mine's a La Mancha goat.
480
00:25:01,923 --> 00:25:03,129
It's stood right by there.
481
00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:06,851
Okay, great. Well, uh...
482
00:25:07,203 --> 00:25:09,046
I'll let you get on.
483
00:25:09,203 --> 00:25:11,285
Does that mean
I got an animal too, then, Verv?
484
00:25:11,363 --> 00:25:12,649
Oh, yeah.
485
00:25:12,723 --> 00:25:14,805
My third eye is seeing
a parakeet on your shoulder.
486
00:25:15,003 --> 00:25:16,209
Or a cockatiel.
487
00:25:17,443 --> 00:25:19,047
Stop encouraging her!
488
00:25:24,483 --> 00:25:25,689
Hectic, right?
489
00:25:25,763 --> 00:25:28,369
- Shit!
- Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
490
00:25:28,483 --> 00:25:29,723
You playing hooky, too?
491
00:25:29,803 --> 00:25:32,613
Sort of. My cousin's doing my head in.
492
00:25:32,963 --> 00:25:34,613
- She's hilarious.
- She's not.
493
00:25:34,683 --> 00:25:38,404
She thinks she's so well-travelled
and different and spiritual.
494
00:25:38,483 --> 00:25:40,167
But really, she's just a weirdo.
495
00:25:40,643 --> 00:25:41,974
She's all right.
496
00:25:42,043 --> 00:25:44,363
There's no way you two are
from the same gene pool, though.
497
00:25:46,683 --> 00:25:48,685
So, you settling in all right, then,
are you?
498
00:25:48,763 --> 00:25:50,765
Yeah! Yeah, I'm loving it.
499
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,648
Every day's different
and I'm just learning so much.
500
00:25:53,723 --> 00:25:55,134
Oh, I'm glad to hear it.
501
00:25:55,203 --> 00:25:56,967
You're happy with
what I'm doing, aren't you?
502
00:25:57,123 --> 00:25:58,204
I mean, you would say, wouldn't you,
503
00:25:58,283 --> 00:26:00,092
if there was something
I was doing wrong
504
00:26:00,163 --> 00:26:03,451
- or where I can improve and that?
- It's all good, Ems.
505
00:26:04,363 --> 00:26:07,412
It's funny, that. You calling me Ems.
506
00:26:07,963 --> 00:26:09,727
It's what my family call me.
507
00:26:09,803 --> 00:26:11,243
Oh, would you prefer it if I didn't?
508
00:26:11,443 --> 00:26:12,490
No.
509
00:26:13,163 --> 00:26:14,403
I like it.
510
00:26:25,683 --> 00:26:27,333
I'm sorry the lock don't work.
511
00:26:27,523 --> 00:26:29,093
It's something to do with the hinge.
512
00:26:29,483 --> 00:26:32,726
Oh, and you'll have to pull
the shower curtain all the way round
513
00:26:32,803 --> 00:26:34,532
or it'll be swimming in there.
514
00:26:36,883 --> 00:26:38,612
Ben, behave!
515
00:26:41,123 --> 00:26:44,013
Oh, and the hot is actually the cold
516
00:26:44,163 --> 00:26:47,929
'cause we had Gerry the plumber fix it
from Twynabery and he's dyslexic.
517
00:26:48,363 --> 00:26:49,569
Got it.
518
00:26:56,203 --> 00:26:57,693
What's that thudding noise?
519
00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,653
Ben, seriously,
520
00:26:59,723 --> 00:27:00,929
you are doing my head in.
521
00:27:01,003 --> 00:27:03,244
You are a horrible, selfish teenager.
522
00:27:05,243 --> 00:27:06,733
- Oi!
- Oh, shit.
523
00:27:07,723 --> 00:27:09,771
- What the f...
- Oh, my God!
524
00:27:10,923 --> 00:27:12,812
I am going to bloody kill you!
525
00:27:14,123 --> 00:27:16,444
He's wrecked it! He's wrecked it!
526
00:27:16,523 --> 00:27:20,528
- Who are you? Norman Bates?
- I'm not even bloody insured.
527
00:27:20,603 --> 00:27:23,049
- Are you all right?
- Do I look all right?
528
00:27:26,883 --> 00:27:28,009
Excuse me.
529
00:27:28,083 --> 00:27:30,529
Do you want me to finish you off?
Do you want to finish off?
530
00:27:31,203 --> 00:27:33,092
Can you pass me the towel, please?
531
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:36,209
Yeah.
532
00:27:42,323 --> 00:27:45,452
- I am really sorry.
- It's fine, it's fine.
533
00:27:51,883 --> 00:27:54,693
- Castles are boring.
- Can we go to Barry Island?
534
00:27:54,763 --> 00:27:57,334
- Or shopping.
- Shopping?
535
00:27:57,403 --> 00:28:00,088
Look, Castell Coch's where we're going
and that's that.
536
00:28:00,163 --> 00:28:02,484
Now, don't stress me out, Lucy.
537
00:28:03,283 --> 00:28:06,207
- Why's the red bus in front, though?
- It's completely out of my hands.
538
00:28:06,283 --> 00:28:09,730
But... Hang on, just a minute.
I thought I was the lead bus driver?
539
00:28:09,803 --> 00:28:12,044
I promised Ffion here
she could be the co-pilot.
540
00:28:12,123 --> 00:28:14,285
Yeah and I'm going to read the map.
541
00:28:14,363 --> 00:28:16,934
- She's reading the map.
- Well, she still can.
542
00:28:17,003 --> 00:28:19,734
But you'll be following,
not leading, love.
543
00:28:19,803 --> 00:28:22,693
- Why'd you change your mind?
- To put me in my place.
544
00:28:22,763 --> 00:28:27,246
Actually, as Managing Director,
I had to make an executive decision.
545
00:28:27,323 --> 00:28:29,974
And I feel that Yanto here
could do with the challenge.
546
00:28:30,203 --> 00:28:31,807
He can't even read a map, man.
547
00:28:32,763 --> 00:28:36,210
Here's a list of directions, Yant.
Guard them with your life.
548
00:28:36,283 --> 00:28:38,604
Any probs, I'll be on the CB radio.
549
00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:40,014
I'll be fine, Bren.
550
00:28:40,083 --> 00:28:43,451
I go to my sister's down Cardiff
all the time, no trouble.
551
00:28:43,523 --> 00:28:44,649
Yeah... on the train.
552
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,249
Doggy Man!
You forgot your Scooby snacks.
553
00:28:47,323 --> 00:28:48,768
Aw, thanks, babes.
554
00:28:49,123 --> 00:28:51,490
Hey, don't she look stunning?
555
00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:55,051
I know what you're thinking, Al.
Poodle in human form.
556
00:28:56,843 --> 00:28:59,130
It's disgusting keeping these kiddies
waiting like this!
557
00:28:59,203 --> 00:29:01,404
Don't you think they been through enough
in their lives?
558
00:29:01,443 --> 00:29:03,332
They've had their hearts set
on this trip for weeks.
559
00:29:03,403 --> 00:29:04,893
- No! We want to go Barry Island.
- No, we haven't...
560
00:29:04,963 --> 00:29:07,125
Right, hang on...
561
00:29:07,683 --> 00:29:08,889
Right, enough!
562
00:29:09,483 --> 00:29:11,406
- On the bus, you lot.
- Come on, kids.
563
00:29:12,203 --> 00:29:13,204
Come on.
564
00:29:25,563 --> 00:29:27,531
- Oh, hello.
- Just came to give you this,
565
00:29:27,603 --> 00:29:29,605
to say thank you
for the use of the facilities.
566
00:29:29,683 --> 00:29:31,447
Oh, seriously, it was no biggie.
567
00:29:32,363 --> 00:29:35,526
And I wasn't referring to, you know...
What I meant was...
568
00:29:35,603 --> 00:29:39,767
Well, about that, I'm sorry you had
to see me in flagrante delicto.
569
00:29:39,843 --> 00:29:41,004
Come again?
570
00:29:41,083 --> 00:29:43,211
Un... Unclothed.
571
00:29:43,523 --> 00:29:44,684
Oh, don't be daft.
572
00:29:44,763 --> 00:29:47,084
It's like water off
a ducks doo-dah in this house,
573
00:29:47,163 --> 00:29:50,770
if it's not Luke in his birthday suit,
it's Ben or Jack or Abs.
574
00:29:51,603 --> 00:29:54,254
No, tinkle-tonkles are part
of the scenery round here.
575
00:29:54,323 --> 00:29:56,087
Anyway, that's... That's for you.
576
00:29:56,163 --> 00:29:58,564
Oh, mmm, shouldn't have.
577
00:30:00,563 --> 00:30:02,088
Lambrusco Bianco.
578
00:30:02,283 --> 00:30:05,969
Wow, Dad, I didn't realise
it was still 1985.
579
00:30:06,043 --> 00:30:08,045
Well, I didn't know if you'd prefer
wine because, well...
580
00:30:08,123 --> 00:30:09,409
I'm from Pontyberry.
581
00:30:11,123 --> 00:30:13,091
Oi! Where do you think you're going?
582
00:30:13,163 --> 00:30:16,485
- It's Saturday.
- So? The grounding still applies.
583
00:30:16,563 --> 00:30:18,645
Just to the end of the road
where you can see me.
584
00:30:18,723 --> 00:30:21,488
As per the bail conditions
of the aforementioned grounding.
585
00:30:22,417 --> 00:30:24,258
A solicitor in the making,
by the sounds of it.
586
00:30:24,283 --> 00:30:26,331
Hmm. Or a convict.
587
00:30:27,323 --> 00:30:29,325
- Anyway, cheers for this.
- Pleasure.
588
00:30:35,243 --> 00:30:36,369
Right, come on.
589
00:30:36,443 --> 00:30:39,367
I reckon we've got 40 minutes
before she notices I'm not here.
590
00:30:49,963 --> 00:30:53,206
Okay, now. That's it, now.
Keep calm, everybody.
591
00:30:53,283 --> 00:30:55,172
Ah! That just hit me in the head.
592
00:30:55,243 --> 00:30:56,847
Right, everyone, calm down!
593
00:30:56,923 --> 00:30:59,449
Ten-four, ten-four.
Yanto, do you read me?
594
00:31:02,123 --> 00:31:04,285
- Watch the bloody road, you.
- Sorry, Nadine.
595
00:31:06,763 --> 00:31:09,733
Er, yep, Yanto here.
596
00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,568
Over and out, like.
597
00:31:13,203 --> 00:31:15,524
Now, do you know where you're going?
598
00:31:15,923 --> 00:31:17,049
Yant!
599
00:31:18,323 --> 00:31:20,610
- I think so.
- What do you mean, you think so?
600
00:31:20,683 --> 00:31:22,606
Where's the directions I gave you?
601
00:31:24,203 --> 00:31:26,046
Right... I'm covered in bread now.
602
00:31:26,123 --> 00:31:28,603
This is absolutely ridiculous!
Right, who keeps throwing that?
603
00:31:28,683 --> 00:31:32,768
Seventy-eight green bottles
hanging on the wall
604
00:31:32,843 --> 00:31:36,643
Seventy-eight green bottles
hanging on the wall
605
00:31:36,723 --> 00:31:40,523
And if one green bottle
should accidently fall...
606
00:31:42,363 --> 00:31:43,853
He's going the wrong way.
607
00:31:43,923 --> 00:31:46,243
What do you mean he's going
the wrong way? How do you know?
608
00:31:48,883 --> 00:31:50,885
Where'd you get that from?
609
00:31:57,083 --> 00:32:00,485
Seventy-seven green bottles
hanging on the wall
610
00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:04,204
And if one green bottle
should accidently fall...
611
00:32:04,843 --> 00:32:07,164
He's a dick.
But he sells dodgy designer gear.
612
00:32:07,243 --> 00:32:08,972
It's stolen or fake, I don't know.
613
00:32:09,043 --> 00:32:10,533
But I'm going to ask him
to cut us in on the action.
614
00:32:10,603 --> 00:32:13,891
"Action"? Hello, Jason Statham!
615
00:32:14,443 --> 00:32:16,525
And why would Keckers cut us in?
616
00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:20,329
Access to the school market, innit?
We can sell in school but he can't.
617
00:32:20,403 --> 00:32:22,485
That's hundreds of buyers
we could get to.
618
00:32:23,003 --> 00:32:24,448
Oh, Keckers!
619
00:32:30,803 --> 00:32:31,804
All right?
620
00:32:32,443 --> 00:32:33,490
All right?
621
00:32:33,563 --> 00:32:36,169
- I'm all right, you all right?
- I'm all right.
622
00:32:37,803 --> 00:32:40,010
Great. We've established
everyone's all right,
623
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:41,812
now let's see what you've got.
624
00:32:43,763 --> 00:32:46,130
Okay, starting with the watches.
625
00:32:46,483 --> 00:32:52,013
I got D&G, Gucci, TAG, Disney.
I got tops, too, and trainers. The lot.
626
00:32:53,538 --> 00:32:56,378
Don't you want to go and explore
the castle with the rest of your mates?
627
00:32:56,403 --> 00:32:58,405
Nah. It's just, like, old.
628
00:32:58,803 --> 00:33:00,646
It's not old, it's historical, man.
629
00:33:02,363 --> 00:33:05,094
Which, in fairness, is probably
just another word for...
630
00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:07,164
Old.
631
00:33:09,243 --> 00:33:10,244
You're it.
632
00:33:18,323 --> 00:33:20,644
One, two, three... it. Go!
633
00:33:35,243 --> 00:33:36,244
Whoa!
634
00:33:39,323 --> 00:33:42,008
One, two, three, British bulldogs!
635
00:33:55,003 --> 00:33:57,404
I'm loving that side fringe
on you, Mrs Dougan.
636
00:33:57,483 --> 00:33:59,292
He's a genius, isn't he, my husband?
637
00:33:59,363 --> 00:34:01,127
Yeah, yeah, what are you
buttering me up for now?
638
00:34:01,203 --> 00:34:02,443
Me? As if.
639
00:34:02,763 --> 00:34:04,333
God, she is so annoying.
640
00:34:04,683 --> 00:34:06,606
Listen, I'm going to finish
early again tonight.
641
00:34:06,683 --> 00:34:09,163
Lisa's had a big row with Paul,
she needs a shoulder to cry on.
642
00:34:09,243 --> 00:34:10,529
But you went out last night.
643
00:34:10,603 --> 00:34:12,446
I didn't realise
there was a weekly limit.
644
00:34:12,523 --> 00:34:14,730
I didn't mean it like that,
I just mean it's Saturday, isn't it?
645
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:16,931
- I thought we might do something.
- Well, Lisa needs me.
646
00:34:17,003 --> 00:34:18,368
Yeah, and so do I.
647
00:34:21,523 --> 00:34:23,605
Emma, you can help Marcus
close up tonight.
648
00:34:24,243 --> 00:34:26,371
And don't worry.
We'll pay you overtime.
649
00:34:27,243 --> 00:34:28,483
Okay.
650
00:34:33,163 --> 00:34:35,894
Yeah, we've had a fantastic time,
Aunty Bren.
651
00:34:35,963 --> 00:34:37,931
One... two...
652
00:34:38,003 --> 00:34:41,405
I know, I know. It's just a shame
that you didn't follow Yanto.
653
00:34:41,483 --> 00:34:44,885
- His kiddies had a grand time.
- You what? I thought he got lost?
654
00:34:44,963 --> 00:34:46,249
Five... six...
655
00:34:46,323 --> 00:34:49,611
He did, but he sold it
as a mystery what-yer-call.
656
00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:53,126
Eleven. Yeah, well,
I tell you, all 11 of my kiddies
657
00:34:53,203 --> 00:34:54,932
had a grand time, too,
for your information.
658
00:34:55,003 --> 00:34:57,051
- Twelve.
- No, 11, I just counted.
659
00:34:57,123 --> 00:34:58,170
12.
660
00:34:58,243 --> 00:35:01,133
- There should be 12 of us.
- What?
661
00:35:01,723 --> 00:35:02,963
Problem, Al?
662
00:35:05,643 --> 00:35:07,771
Oh! More Lambrusco?
663
00:35:07,843 --> 00:35:10,653
Erm, not quite.
664
00:35:13,003 --> 00:35:14,687
How about we share this one?
665
00:35:14,763 --> 00:35:17,812
I'm partial to a bit of fizz,
aren't you?
666
00:35:27,523 --> 00:35:29,252
- Oh, Stella.
- Oh, Michael.
667
00:35:29,323 --> 00:35:30,973
- Oh, Stella.
- Oh, Michael.
668
00:35:31,763 --> 00:35:33,447
Oh... Michael.
669
00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:46,327
- Freaky.
- What?
670
00:35:46,563 --> 00:35:48,691
- Nothing.
- You're not going to believe this.
671
00:35:48,763 --> 00:35:50,492
They've turned
my bloody water off again.
672
00:35:50,883 --> 00:35:53,284
Oh, right, it's fine, er...
Go and grab your towel.
673
00:35:53,337 --> 00:35:55,578
No, you see, it's only going to be off
for an hour or so.
674
00:35:55,603 --> 00:35:57,412
I was just wondering
if I could fill up my kettle?
675
00:35:57,483 --> 00:35:59,451
And have you got any teabags?
I've run out of those too.
676
00:35:59,523 --> 00:36:01,048
Oh, you're bloody useless, you are!
677
00:36:01,443 --> 00:36:03,764
You may as well come in
and I'll make you the damn thing.
678
00:36:04,843 --> 00:36:05,969
Are you sure?
679
00:36:11,603 --> 00:36:13,128
Visitor for you.
680
00:36:17,123 --> 00:36:18,329
Everything all right?
681
00:36:20,363 --> 00:36:21,444
Oh, sorry...
682
00:36:21,523 --> 00:36:23,366
You look like you've got
the world on your shoulders, Alan.
683
00:36:23,443 --> 00:36:24,524
- He lost a child.
- What?
684
00:36:24,603 --> 00:36:25,729
On a day trip.
685
00:36:25,843 --> 00:36:27,607
I misplaced him, I didn't lose him.
686
00:36:27,683 --> 00:36:30,084
- But you found him again?
- Ebbw Vale market.
687
00:36:30,723 --> 00:36:33,772
Though no one knows quite how
he travelled the 36 miles there.
688
00:36:33,843 --> 00:36:36,449
Or how he was selling
secondhand mobiles on a stall.
689
00:36:36,523 --> 00:36:38,173
Dad's worried he might get sued.
690
00:36:38,843 --> 00:36:41,574
- By Nadine.
- Nadine? From the slimming?
691
00:36:41,643 --> 00:36:43,805
She couldn't sue her way
out of a paper bag.
692
00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:47,810
And anyway, if she tries,
she'll have me to deal with.
693
00:36:48,723 --> 00:36:51,852
I don't mean to be rude
but, uh, what are you doing here?
694
00:36:52,083 --> 00:36:56,168
Oh, right, yes sorry, erm...
I found these tunes, if you want them.
695
00:36:56,683 --> 00:36:59,334
That is if you're actually going
to use the piano.
696
00:37:03,443 --> 00:37:05,366
What, can you actually play?
697
00:37:23,923 --> 00:37:26,688
I remember when rock was young...
698
00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:29,563
Mmm. Takes you back, doesn't it?
699
00:37:30,443 --> 00:37:32,969
Not really.
Don't think I've ever tried it before.
700
00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:34,886
Oh, you haven't lived.
701
00:37:36,403 --> 00:37:39,566
Must've been a bit of a culture shock
for you, mind, moving here.
702
00:37:39,723 --> 00:37:42,408
Er, yeah, and I don't think
I handled it very well.
703
00:37:42,883 --> 00:37:44,965
I certainly didn't behave
very well, did I?
704
00:37:45,083 --> 00:37:47,768
You talking about the antisocial
miserable old bugger routine?
705
00:37:47,843 --> 00:37:51,052
Yeah. I think the whole divorce thing
really got to me.
706
00:37:51,163 --> 00:37:54,884
Gets to everyone, presh.
Believe me, I been there.
707
00:37:54,963 --> 00:37:58,524
Me and Karl, we bought the t-shirt,
the mug and the novelty sun visor.
708
00:37:58,603 --> 00:38:01,523
You must have been married young,
though, with Luke being in his twenties.
709
00:38:01,563 --> 00:38:03,611
Oh no, Karl's not Luke's dad.
710
00:38:03,683 --> 00:38:07,733
That was Rob, that was. And we
weren't married, we were... Anyway.
711
00:38:09,483 --> 00:38:11,363
Relationships.
They're a minefield, aren't they?
712
00:38:11,683 --> 00:38:12,684
Yep.
713
00:38:14,923 --> 00:38:17,972
You know, it's not a bad place to live,
round here.
714
00:38:18,843 --> 00:38:20,174
Bit mental, like.
715
00:38:20,723 --> 00:38:22,725
What, like the donkey thing?
716
00:38:22,803 --> 00:38:24,487
And bin-burgling is rife.
717
00:38:27,243 --> 00:38:31,248
I tell you what, how do you
fancy integrating yourself
718
00:38:31,323 --> 00:38:32,734
into the community a bit?
719
00:38:32,803 --> 00:38:34,532
Sounds ominous.
720
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:36,526
- What did you have in mind?
- Hmm...
721
00:38:42,643 --> 00:38:44,771
Hello, ladies and gents,
girls and boys!
722
00:38:44,843 --> 00:38:47,767
Firstly I want to say a big
thank you all for coming
723
00:38:48,163 --> 00:38:51,645
and I sincerely hope we'll be burying
one or more of you in the future.
724
00:38:53,763 --> 00:38:55,845
Distant future, obviously.
725
00:39:00,883 --> 00:39:02,169
Honoured, I'm sure.
726
00:39:02,883 --> 00:39:07,525
And lastly, a special shoutout to
Nadine Bevan for the delicious nibbles.
727
00:39:08,083 --> 00:39:10,165
I do call 'em
Celery Snaps, I do.
728
00:39:10,243 --> 00:39:12,723
You do burn more calories
chewing 'em than eating 'em.
729
00:39:12,803 --> 00:39:14,851
- Oh!
- She don't say.
730
00:39:14,923 --> 00:39:17,369
- I'll have yours.
- You bloody won't.
731
00:39:17,443 --> 00:39:21,892
Now, without further to-do,
I give you the all-new Simpson's.
732
00:39:21,963 --> 00:39:23,806
Roll the tape, Daddy!
733
00:39:27,163 --> 00:39:31,168
Everybody's looking
for that something...
734
00:39:33,469 --> 00:39:36,279
Loved one just died?
Don't know where to turn?
735
00:39:36,349 --> 00:39:37,760
Then look no further
736
00:39:37,829 --> 00:39:38,910
'Cause Simpson's are here
737
00:39:38,989 --> 00:39:41,595
to make the whole process smooth
and elegant and ..
738
00:39:43,549 --> 00:39:44,914
...and beautiful
739
00:39:52,309 --> 00:39:53,959
Meet Thai Dai
740
00:39:54,669 --> 00:39:58,594
Thai Dai lost his lovely wife Su-Su
in a tragic accident.
741
00:40:01,229 --> 00:40:06,269
But here at Simpson's, we made sure
Su-Su met her maker in style.
742
00:40:09,829 --> 00:40:12,435
We even went that extra mile for Su-Su,
743
00:40:12,509 --> 00:40:16,355
so she could be buried with her
vast collection of football trophies.
744
00:40:16,829 --> 00:40:19,878
She may have become a dainty.
little songbird in her later years
745
00:40:19,949 --> 00:40:21,439
but having been born a bloke,
746
00:40:21,509 --> 00:40:23,637
she was a devil of a mid-fielder
in her teens.
747
00:40:25,749 --> 00:40:27,478
...with our brochure, lovely colour
748
00:40:27,709 --> 00:40:30,633
- When the hell did you edit that in?
- Last night.
749
00:40:30,709 --> 00:40:34,031
I just thought it added to the
bespokeyness of it, et cetera.
750
00:40:34,109 --> 00:40:35,869
Everyone knew he was
a she-male, didn't they?
751
00:40:44,229 --> 00:40:45,276
I'll kill you!
752
00:40:52,429 --> 00:40:53,954
Come here, butt!
753
00:40:54,309 --> 00:40:56,038
Come here!
754
00:40:58,749 --> 00:41:00,717
Welcome to Pontyberry, presh.
755
00:41:04,109 --> 00:41:05,998
I've left them towels to soak.
756
00:41:06,629 --> 00:41:07,790
Okay.
757
00:41:07,869 --> 00:41:09,917
Oh, and I re-stocked the coffee.
758
00:41:10,029 --> 00:41:11,997
We're running a bit low, to be honest.
759
00:41:16,509 --> 00:41:18,511
Are you all right? You seem a bit...
760
00:41:19,709 --> 00:41:22,679
I don't know, down, like.
761
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,913
I'm fine.
762
00:41:26,989 --> 00:41:28,798
Is it Collette?
763
00:41:28,869 --> 00:41:30,678
What makes you say that?
764
00:41:30,749 --> 00:41:32,274
Amy said you had
a big row the other night.
765
00:41:32,349 --> 00:41:35,000
- You know, before the awards.
- How did she know that?
766
00:41:35,909 --> 00:41:38,150
And that things are a bit difficult
between you.
767
00:41:38,229 --> 00:41:39,754
Amy's job's already in the balance.
768
00:41:39,829 --> 00:41:42,673
She'd do well not to go gossiping
about her boss like that.
769
00:41:42,749 --> 00:41:43,750
I know.
770
00:41:45,149 --> 00:41:47,880
And you probably think
you can't trust me, but you can.
771
00:41:48,709 --> 00:41:49,915
I'm not like Amy.
772
00:41:50,389 --> 00:41:52,790
I've had to keep loads of secrets
in the past.
773
00:41:53,029 --> 00:41:55,600
I'm really good at it.
774
00:41:56,869 --> 00:41:58,109
I'm sure that you are.
775
00:42:03,429 --> 00:42:07,354
So come on, Marcus Jensen.
Tell me what's on your mind.
776
00:42:08,909 --> 00:42:11,560
You really don't want to know
what's on my mind right now, Emma.
777
00:42:12,149 --> 00:42:14,117
I think I've got a pretty good idea.
778
00:42:32,829 --> 00:42:35,116
Yeah. I thought it was that.
779
00:42:42,509 --> 00:42:45,638
I'm sorry, Em.
That was really stupid of me.
780
00:42:46,029 --> 00:42:47,997
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, it was.
781
00:42:49,229 --> 00:42:51,994
I think you should go home right now.
782
00:42:53,509 --> 00:42:55,637
I'll finish up here.
783
00:42:57,429 --> 00:42:59,079
Okay.
784
00:43:19,349 --> 00:43:22,478
You've definitely flooded the engine
and your manifold's cracked.
785
00:43:22,549 --> 00:43:23,994
- Jesus Christ!
- Oh!
786
00:43:24,509 --> 00:43:27,670
Actually, I was wondering if you'd like
to come out for dinner with me sometime?
787
00:43:28,109 --> 00:43:29,918
- Ooh!
- No, I would not.
788
00:43:30,309 --> 00:43:33,040
Oh my God, there he is! That's Rylan!
789
00:43:33,709 --> 00:43:34,710
Is it?
790
00:43:35,069 --> 00:43:37,356
I know you're not happy, Marcus.
791
00:43:38,730 --> 00:44:09,920
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792
00:44:09,970 --> 00:44:14,520
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