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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,450
- You're an idiot.
- No, you're an idiot.
2
00:00:01,550 --> 00:00:05,310
- I called you it first, so...
- I called you it second, so...
3
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:08,550
Apart from my son being born, getting this
interview has been the biggest event of my life.
4
00:00:08,570 --> 00:00:10,930
I got it! I got it!
5
00:00:10,990 --> 00:00:13,070
Word on the street is
business is bad.
6
00:00:13,071 --> 00:00:16,590
We got stiffs coming at us from all
over South Wales, haven't we, Daddy?
7
00:00:16,770 --> 00:00:19,330
- You've sold it, then?
- Moving in tomorrow.
8
00:00:19,331 --> 00:00:22,050
- Oh, what?!
- Oh, God. Not you!
9
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:33,649
And then she smiles
10
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:38,830
And my heart starts beating
I go weak inside...
11
12
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:51,470
(DOG BARKING)
13
00:00:53,730 --> 00:00:56,269
(DOGS BARKING)
14
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:58,130
Shut up!
15
00:01:00,630 --> 00:01:02,809
Oh, shut up!
16
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:05,230
Shut up!
(BARKING)
17
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:15,030
(BARKING)
18
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,270
Oh, for God's sake!
19
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:21,250
(SIGHS)
(WHINES)
20
00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:25,710
Mam! I can't find my straighteners.
21
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:29,330
In the dirty linen basket!
22
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,750
What they doing there?! I hid them from Jack.
Jack was playing with them.
23
00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:37,470
You starting early today, presh? Well,
people need pizza 24 hours a day, Mam.
24
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:40,590
- It's the seventh emergency service.
- Gross.
25
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:44,429
Ben! Little Alan! You awake yet?
26
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:47,090
She never stops nagging.
It's cos she's on the menopause.
27
00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:49,276
- Why do you smoke?
- Stress.
28
00:01:49,802 --> 00:01:52,155
STELLA:
Don't make me come up there, good boy!
29
00:01:56,790 --> 00:01:58,830
Ben!
(COUGHS)
30
00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:02,350
Ben!!
Oh! Ow!
31
00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:07,869
Morning.
(WHINING)
32
00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:10,550
Come on, then.
33
00:02:13,230 --> 00:02:16,110
- Why didn't you answer me?
- I did.
34
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:20,690
- You've been smoking!
- No, I haven't!
35
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:26,450
Ben, don't insult my bloody
intelligence! I can smell it!
36
00:02:27,970 --> 00:02:30,990
- Go on - tell her.
- Tell her what?!
37
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:33,389
- It was Little Al.
- What? No, it wasn't!
38
00:02:33,390 --> 00:02:37,070
- Serious? - No point denying it, mate.
He's on ten a day.
39
00:02:37,170 --> 00:02:39,629
- Oh, shut up! No, I'm not!
- Little Al! I don't believe it!
40
00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:42,030
- Stella, I don't smoke, honestly.
- He's stressed he is, Mam.
41
00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:46,830
Cos of his dad and that. He was
crying earlier and then he lit up.
42
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:52,750
Oh, look,
your dad is strong as an egg.
43
00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:57,869
It's only a little health scare. They'll
be letting him out today, you watch.
44
00:02:57,870 --> 00:03:00,049
But smoking is not the answer.
45
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:03,470
You've got to knock it on the head,
presh, before you get addicted.
46
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,030
- You used to smoke.
- Yeah, but I don't any more do I?
47
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:08,969
Because it's stupid and disgusting.
48
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:12,230
(DOORBELL) (EMMA) Will someone get that?
It'll be Jag, it will.
49
00:03:12,231 --> 00:03:15,790
Oh, this family...
50
00:03:18,010 --> 00:03:19,470
Coming!
51
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,990
Cheers, Little Al. I owe you one.
52
00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:27,010
(DOORBELL)
53
00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:32,849
- Hiya!
- Howdy, howdy.
54
00:03:32,850 --> 00:03:35,800
- You coming in? - No, no. My
niece arrived last night.
55
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,090
We've left her in
charge of the shop.
56
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:40,270
- God help us.
- How's Emma Scissorhands doing?
57
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,970
- He's only made that joke four times
already today. - Three times.
58
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,430
Ah, excited she is.
59
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:47,789
Eh, I saw Sunny the other day
on a ward round.
60
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:50,110
He's proper on the way now,
isn't he, to becoming a doctor!
61
00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:55,470
- Yes. We're very proud.
- Yeah. Me, too. Proud of Emma, like.
62
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,850
Yes. Oh, come off it, Stella.
63
00:03:57,870 --> 00:04:00,270
You can't compare being a doctor
with being a hairdresser.
64
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,360
Right, let's go shall we, Abhra?
65
00:04:02,361 --> 00:04:06,970
People are always going to need medical attention.
We can all survive without haircuts.
66
00:04:06,971 --> 00:04:08,050
Oh, I don't know, Tan.
67
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,509
Them split ends
are looking a bit dangerous.
68
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,270
Bye, Abs!
69
00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:14,190
That's it.
70
00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:21,250
Aunty Brenda! Jag. Tan. Abs.
71
00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:29,390
Now, remember - we keep ourselves to ourselves.
Head down, straight to the car.
72
00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:32,250
If we encounter any natives,
don't look them in the eye. Come on.
73
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:36,190
Coo-ee! How are you settling in?
All right?
74
00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:40,370
Not really, no. I was kept awake
all night by someone's dog barking.
75
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:43,469
Well, don't look at me.
How do you know it was my dog?
76
00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:45,389
Some people can recognise birdsong.
77
00:04:45,390 --> 00:04:48,750
I can identify the bark
of over 23 different types of canine
78
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:52,590
and that bark came from
a Parson Jack Russell male.
79
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:56,490
Bet you're a fun night out. I have owned dogs
all my life and there's one thing I know.
80
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:58,670
A noisy dog is not a happy dog.
81
00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:01,410
If it happens again,
I'll be informing the RSPCA.
82
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:03,930
Good day.
83
00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:08,430
- Wish me luck!
- Ah, good luck, presh!
84
00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:10,830
- Good luck, kid!
- Thanks.
85
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:16,310
(YAPS) Oh, hush now, or Mr Jolly
Chops'll have you arrested.
86
00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:28,830
Mr Williams? Dr Hugh Llechwen-Rees ap
Lloyd Machynlleth.
87
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:32,270
- Sorry? - Dr Hugh Llechwen-Rees
ap Lloyd Machynlleth.
88
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:35,590
- All right. - Well, the good news is
you'll be going home later today.
89
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:38,450
Great. What's the bad news?
90
00:05:38,510 --> 00:05:41,294
You're severely and dangerously overweight.
91
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,449
- Am I?
- Yes.
92
00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:46,350
But panic not!
I've got you a leaflet!
93
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,590
(CROWD SHOUTING)
94
00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:06,029
Eh, I couldn't get in the front.
There's a massive queue!
95
00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:08,730
I know. Well, that's a good thing,
isn't it?
96
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:12,070
- Don't that mean the special offer've
taken off? - Exactly!
97
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:14,830
It've taken off, flown away
and spiralled out of control.
98
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:19,890
They're all in there now, grasping their
leaflets and clamouring to be served!
99
00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:21,870
I've left Daddy on his own
amidst the throng.
100
00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:26,430
- What am I gonna do, Stell? - Bobs, you just
got a glut on at the moment, that's all.
101
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:30,450
It'll pass! And remember there's always
some poor bugger worse off than you.
102
00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:33,070
Look at me! I got a horrible bloke
moved in next door.
103
00:06:33,270 --> 00:06:35,469
Right narky, sarky sod.
104
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,710
- Have he got a spare room?
- What for?
105
00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:40,110
Cos I'm looking for somewhere
to stick a few stiffs.
106
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:44,910
(SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)
107
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,189
- Well, I'm sorry, Daddy,
but I can't face it! - Yes, you can.
108
00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:53,550
Daddy, you get back in there
and you stem the flow.
109
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,770
Bobs'll be with you
now in a minute.
110
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,869
Now, listen here, Bobby Gittins.
111
00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:02,189
You are made of stronger stuff
than this. You can do it.
112
00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:04,990
You just pull yourself up by your
G-strings, you get back in there
113
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:08,830
and you undertake like you have never
undertaken before. D'you hear me?
114
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:11,730
- Yes. Thank you, Stell.
- Mm.
115
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:14,670
- And you still owe me five quid
for these. - Oh!
116
00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,130
- So long!
- So long.
117
00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:24,110
The till system is
pretty complicated
118
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:26,210
and we don't want to frighten
you off on your first day,
119
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:29,930
so for now you can start where every
great hairdresser starts their career -
120
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,750
with a brush in their hand.
121
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,530
Get sweeping!
122
00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:37,490
Oh, and Emma?
123
00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:39,990
No fucking swearing
on the shop floor, OK?
124
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:48,269
And so, when you are accompanying
Doctor on his or her ward round,
125
00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:50,490
you speak when spoken to
126
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:55,470
and you do your utmost
to accommodate his or her requests.
127
00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:58,350
You are the nurse.
He or she is the doctor.
128
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:01,230
'Twas ever thus be told.
129
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,710
Now. Can anyone tell me what the hospital
protocol is when addressing a surgeon?
130
00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:12,370
(SHOUTING)
If everyone could just calm down,
131
00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:14,670
we guarantee you will be seen!
132
00:08:14,850 --> 00:08:17,390
I've got a dead uncle, 93,
and a maiden aunt who's on the wane.
133
00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,630
This two for one '
what's the sell-by date?
134
00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:20,970
Er, there is no sell by date.
135
00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:23,730
(SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)
No, there isn't!
136
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:27,629
We at Simpson's promise to pick up
where Garrick's have of left off
137
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:31,150
and to honour all their previous
customer commitments,
138
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,749
as well as our own special offers.
(PHONE)
139
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,170
Excuse me.
140
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:41,010
Barry, love! I been meaning to phone but things
have gone mentalistic since Garrick's went under.
141
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,990
You been very quiet, Bobs.
142
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:46,170
Me and Rhys and me been
feeling a bit abandoned!
143
00:08:46,370 --> 00:08:49,621
- Is the deal still on, Bobby Jean?
- Well, yes, sirree!
144
00:08:49,647 --> 00:08:50,995
The deal is still on!
145
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:54,029
Just let me get through this lot
and I'll be over to pick them up.
146
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:57,850
- Half a dozen you said, wasn't it?
- No, no. Six we said. Six!
147
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,190
Have you got the room?
Of course we've got the room!
148
00:09:01,230 --> 00:09:03,150
I'll be in touch!
149
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,650
Oh!
150
00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:08,730
(SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)
So, help me, Daddy,
151
00:09:08,930 --> 00:09:11,949
if you say demand outstripping supply one
more time I won't be liable for my actions.
152
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:13,670
Right. Who's next?
(SHOUTING)
153
00:09:13,671 --> 00:09:16,689
Hang on! Back off!
I'm still queuing...
154
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,030
(CROWD SHOUTING)
155
00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:24,490
- Blubber Busters? - Aye.
Five pound a week I've got to lose.
156
00:09:24,590 --> 00:09:26,609
- Who said?
- Doctor.
157
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:29,970
Llechwen-Rees ap Lloyd Machynlleth I
think he said he thought his name was.
158
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:33,869
- Oh, I know him. - Anyway, there's
a class tonight up the Brachy.
159
00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:35,789
I thought I'd try it, then see
if Little Al will come with me.
160
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:39,550
Oh, Christ, you know
who runs this don't you? Nadine!
161
00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:42,509
- Nadine?
- She do make a fortune apparently.
162
00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:44,890
Look, I don't care who runs it.
The party's over, Stell.
163
00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:48,269
I've got to get healthy.
Starting with my food.
164
00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:50,510
Pizza for Williams?
165
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:54,990
A Weetabix they give me
for breakfast. A single Weetabix.
166
00:10:03,899 --> 00:10:07,239
Morning. Michael Jackson,
solicitor. Here to see Lenny Mack.
167
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:11,005
Straight up. Who I was when
I come in here,
168
00:10:11,031 --> 00:10:13,098
ain't the person who'll be walking
out of here next month.
169
00:10:13,299 --> 00:10:16,599
I've changed, Mike. It's Michael
170
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:19,379
and at the risk of sounding like
a hardened old cynic,
171
00:10:19,579 --> 00:10:21,699
I'm afraid I've heard that
a thousand times before.
172
00:10:23,699 --> 00:10:27,219
I've been going to meetings
in here. AA, NA, CA.
173
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,119
I won't ask you
what the C stands for.
174
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:32,239
Anyway, it's changed
the way I see things, you know?
175
00:10:32,339 --> 00:10:36,019
Don't tell me. You've found God.
I've found something.
176
00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:40,479
I want Zoe to visit me.
So's I can make my amends to her.
177
00:10:41,919 --> 00:10:44,759
- I was an arsehole
and I know that now. - No comment.
178
00:10:46,239 --> 00:10:48,158
Her mobile's on there
and the address.
179
00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:51,139
Pen-Y-Gorlan Street she lives.
Number 23.
180
00:10:51,199 --> 00:10:54,079
- Number 23?
- Yeah.
181
00:10:54,259 --> 00:10:57,779
And I want her to bring the kid and
all, so's I can make amends to him.
182
00:11:27,139 --> 00:11:29,299
Pepe's Pizzas.
183
00:11:36,859 --> 00:11:40,999
Right, that's er... ?18.75,
please, boys. Who's paying?
184
00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:46,959
- Well, look who it is. Pukey Lukey.
- Keckers.
185
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,559
- Did you order these? Who's paying?
- Stick 'em on the table.
186
00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:54,719
- Not till you pay me. - Bonner, stop
twatting about and give him the cash.
187
00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:57,979
- Stay out of it, knob head.
- All right, keep your cock on.
188
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,989
Oops. I dropped it.
189
00:12:06,169 --> 00:12:08,589
Are you going to pick it up?
190
00:12:13,849 --> 00:12:16,099
Thought I recognised you, Lukey boy.
191
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,959
You and me have got a mutual friend
who's getting out soon
192
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,849
and he's really looking forward
to seeing you again.
193
00:12:23,989 --> 00:12:26,169
Now jump back on
your bumboy scooter
194
00:12:26,349 --> 00:12:28,589
and fuck off home to your missus.
195
00:12:29,829 --> 00:12:32,889
Or should I say, his missus.
196
00:13:01,369 --> 00:13:05,048
Sorry. What, for bumping into me
or for sleeping with my wife?
197
00:13:05,049 --> 00:13:08,549
Look, this isn't ideal
but we've got to work together,
198
00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:11,629
so can we just try and behave
like grown-ups and get on?
199
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:14,969
Like you've been "getting on" with Jan
for the past 18 months behind my back?
200
00:13:15,149 --> 00:13:17,849
- Well, that's not very grown up.
- I don't feel very grown up, Andy!
201
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:21,049
Look, it's hard for her, too,
you know. The guilt...
202
00:13:21,529 --> 00:13:23,469
And the shame.
203
00:13:27,929 --> 00:13:30,425
(PHONE) The person you're calling
is unable to take your call.
204
00:13:30,451 --> 00:13:32,114
Please leave your
message after the tone.
205
00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:35,528
(BLEEP) Hello, erm...
206
00:13:35,529 --> 00:13:38,328
Zoe!
Er, this is Michael Jackson here.
207
00:13:38,329 --> 00:13:39,669
Hee-heee!
208
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:42,489
Sorry, I always do that
when I first introduce myself.
209
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,049
Gets rid of the whole
name embarrassment thing...
210
00:13:46,269 --> 00:13:51,128
Anyhoo, erm, I'm Lenny's solicitor
and, erm, I visited him this morning.
211
00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:54,169
(SIGHS)
And as you may or may not know,
212
00:13:54,369 --> 00:13:59,328
he's due for release shortly and he's asked
if you would go visit him before he gets out.
213
00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:07,329
Perhaps you can give me a ring on
368368 or my mobile, 07700900736,
214
00:14:07,609 --> 00:14:09,109
and we can have a chat.
215
00:14:09,209 --> 00:14:12,408
And you're gonna find this out
soon enough
216
00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:14,789
but you and I are actually
next-door neighbours, so...
217
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:18,649
- Hi, Dad.
- Erm, anyway, give me a call. Bye.
218
00:14:18,749 --> 00:14:22,209
- Katie-bear! - Shut up!
Don't call me that in public!
219
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,408
What are you doing here?
220
00:14:24,409 --> 00:14:27,469
- Nothing wrong is there?
- Nope. Just missing you, that's all.
221
00:14:28,249 --> 00:14:30,329
Oh. Right.
222
00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:38,968
Now, look, sweetheart,
this thing between me and your mum.
223
00:14:38,969 --> 00:14:41,688
You can say it, Dad.
The word is divorce.
224
00:14:41,689 --> 00:14:43,289
Sorry, I just erm...
225
00:14:43,489 --> 00:14:48,219
Now, you know we love you very much,
don't you? And it's not your fault?
226
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,949
You've been reading that book again,
haven't you?
227
00:14:51,149 --> 00:14:53,049
Broken Home, Broken Heart.
228
00:14:53,129 --> 00:14:56,088
How To Tell Your Kids You Hate Each Other Now
But It's Not Because Of Anything They Did.
229
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,809
So cynical for one so young.
230
00:14:58,989 --> 00:15:00,408
Sandwich?
231
00:15:00,409 --> 00:15:03,289
I thought we could eat together,
then you can drop me back at school.
232
00:15:03,489 --> 00:15:05,208
What an utterly splendid idea.
233
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,609
(DOOR OPENING)
Michael, is it true that K...
234
00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:11,448
- Oh.
- Hi, Mum.
235
00:15:11,449 --> 00:15:14,009
Why aren't you at school? If you're
absent without permission...
236
00:15:14,209 --> 00:15:16,249
Er, Jan!
Calm down, there's a good egg.
237
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,009
She's come to visit her old man, OK?
238
00:15:25,709 --> 00:15:27,769
That was easy-peasy lemon squeezy.
239
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,329
Speak for yourself.
I thought it was rock.
240
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,529
Oh, I loves it when you talks
all olde worlde. What you on about?
241
00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,069
You know, like they did in
the '50s when you was growing up.
242
00:15:36,129 --> 00:15:37,529
Rock. Rock hard.
243
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:41,369
Tom, I did not grow up
in the bloody '50s! I'm 44!
244
00:15:41,469 --> 00:15:43,208
I know! It's amazing!
245
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,629
And because I know your memory
ain't so good,
246
00:15:45,669 --> 00:15:47,909
I'll teach you
my learning technique, if you like.
247
00:15:47,929 --> 00:15:51,009
What it is, I get a list of things I've
got to learn and I put them to music.
248
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,349
So like say today now
with lung conditions,
249
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,909
I go,
Asthma, influenza
250
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:57,369
Pneumonic tuberculosis or TB...
251
00:15:57,549 --> 00:15:59,089
And that way it sticks
in my head, like.
252
00:15:59,109 --> 00:16:01,929
- Yeah, really catchy tune that, presh.
- Yeah, thanks.
253
00:16:02,009 --> 00:16:05,688
All right, Stell?
Chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease!
254
00:16:05,689 --> 00:16:07,529
If Cheryl asks where I am,
cover for me.
255
00:16:07,609 --> 00:16:09,839
I've got to nip home
and put a couple of washes on.
256
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:14,129
- I'm well behind with the ironing.
- But I haven't finished my song yet.
257
00:16:14,169 --> 00:16:15,789
I got a whole entire verse
about inhalers!
258
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,589
Right, sit in the chair
and look ill.
259
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:22,489
- I don't need a chair.
- No, but I need an excuse. Come on.
260
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:34,969
Thing is, Bobs, these bodies are
going like hotcakes
261
00:16:35,069 --> 00:16:38,328
and if you can't take them today,
then I know another undertaker,
262
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:41,529
not a million miles from me,
who'd snap them up in a...
263
00:16:41,589 --> 00:16:42,669
One of them.
264
00:16:42,689 --> 00:16:46,309
I presume you're talking about Gwyn Thomas
from Thomas, Thomas, Evans and Thomas.
265
00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:48,888
- And Thomas.
- The very same. - And Evans.
266
00:16:48,889 --> 00:16:53,089
Sorry, Bob, but it's a cut-throat
business, as you know.
267
00:16:55,149 --> 00:16:56,728
Oh!
268
00:16:56,729 --> 00:16:58,509
Fine. I'll take them back
with me now. Load them up.
269
00:16:58,510 --> 00:17:01,949
- Load 'em up.
- Load 'em up!
270
00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:08,089
You know who you want to ask to go
Blubber Busters with you? Dai Davies.
271
00:17:08,189 --> 00:17:10,329
Cos he could do
with shifting a few pound.
272
00:17:10,509 --> 00:17:12,408
I was hoping you might consider
coming.
273
00:17:12,409 --> 00:17:17,049
Oh, I'm putting on weight, aren't I?
It's this bloody HRT it is.
274
00:17:17,229 --> 00:17:20,089
- Gives you the horn as well,
don't it? - How do you know that?
275
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:22,509
I know quite a lot about
the female anatomy, as it goes.
276
00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:25,109
- Oh! You're disgusting!
- Stella, mun! Stop it!!!
277
00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:27,769
Stella Morris!
278
00:17:28,729 --> 00:17:31,609
Question. Do you actually want
to be a nurse?
279
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:34,148
Yeah! Course I do! I love nursing.
280
00:17:34,149 --> 00:17:36,629
It's just I got so many other things
I got to get sorted and...
281
00:17:38,649 --> 00:17:41,209
You've had two yellow cards today
already.
282
00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:42,969
Don't make me give you a third.
283
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,129
Actually, you can't have
three yellow cards.
284
00:17:45,209 --> 00:17:47,329
Back on the ward. Poncho!
285
00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:13,369
(VOICE-MAIL ALERT)
286
00:18:13,549 --> 00:18:16,609
(PHONE) You have one new message.
287
00:18:16,749 --> 00:18:20,109
'Zoe, this is Michael Jackson here.
288
00:18:20,129 --> 00:18:23,129
'
Hee-heee!
Sorry, erm, I always do
that when I first introduce myself.
289
00:18:23,329 --> 00:18:26,328
'Gets rid of the whole
name embarrassment thing.
290
00:18:26,329 --> 00:18:30,929
'Anyhoo, erm, I'm Lenny's solicitor
and I visited him this morning
291
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:32,949
'and as you may or may not know,
292
00:18:33,049 --> 00:18:34,689
'he's due for release shortly...'
(DOOR OPENING)
293
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:36,989
Zo? '..and he's asked
if you'd go see him...'
294
00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:40,719
You're early.
What are you doing back?
295
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,088
I've packed it in, babe.
Can't stand it no more, mun.
296
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,009
- The job's a joke.
- Oh, come here.
297
00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:53,199
Still got a few things
to do to the house
298
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,589
- but once it's up and running,
come visit. - Yeah. Cool.
299
00:18:55,609 --> 00:18:56,869
It's really nice.
300
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:59,739
Neighbours are a bit weird
but, you know, the house itself...
301
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:03,749
Well, it's more of a cottage, really.
You know - like a miner's cottage.
302
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:06,949
Mum said it's a pokey little terrace
but I'm not to mock.
303
00:19:06,969 --> 00:19:11,129
- Oh, I nearly forgot. I downloaded
you some tracks. - Thank you.
304
00:19:11,329 --> 00:19:12,469
It's all old people's stuff,
305
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:15,129
you know - Neil Young,
Cat Stevens, Pink Floyd.
306
00:19:15,329 --> 00:19:18,389
- That was really thoughtful.
Thank... - See you! Bye!
307
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:29,289
"Wild World" - Cat Stevens
308
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,989
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
309
00:19:34,809 --> 00:19:38,869
I'll always remember you
like a child, girl...
310
00:19:40,589 --> 00:19:43,969
Slightly dubious those lyrics, Tess,
if you think about it.
311
00:19:44,109 --> 00:19:48,929
I'm literally picking up my laptop. Do you want to
stay in the car or come in with me? Your choice?
312
00:19:49,869 --> 00:19:51,269
OK.
313
00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:59,128
- You got yourself a visitor, Mike.
- Mr Jackson? - Who are you?
314
00:19:59,129 --> 00:20:02,939
We've been authorised to reclaim your
car by the official owner, Mrs...
315
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,248
- Jan Jackson.
- What?
316
00:20:04,249 --> 00:20:06,648
If you could remove any property
from the vehicle, sir.
317
00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:08,088
Such as the spaniel.
(WHINES)
318
00:20:08,089 --> 00:20:10,169
All right, Pete.
Take her away!
319
00:20:10,969 --> 00:20:14,329
Capitalist scum!
Make you sick, don't they, Mike?
320
00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:20,309
Oh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world...
321
00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:28,389
So I enter that figure there...
322
00:20:28,589 --> 00:20:33,669
You see? And then voila! It gives me
the gross profit for the month.
323
00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:36,229
Yeah. Can I go on Facebook now?
324
00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:38,729
Parvadi, this isn't a holiday!
325
00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:41,349
You are supposed to be learning
about the retail industry.
326
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:45,189
- Now, we promised your father
that I... - Come on, Uncle, lighten up!
327
00:20:45,389 --> 00:20:48,969
You have to admit it's as boring
as feck, isn't it? All of this?
328
00:20:49,029 --> 00:20:53,229
I mean, hand on heart, wouldn't you
prefer to do something else?
329
00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:56,369
- No, he wouldn't.
- And do you know why?
330
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,749
Because I have a passion for it,
Parvadi. In here.
331
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,348
For selling milk and fags and shite?
332
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:07,669
I do not sell shite.
333
00:21:09,889 --> 00:21:13,839
All right? We're off to feed
the ducks, aren't we, Abhra?
334
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,388
Well, you do what you can, Tan.
335
00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:18,929
But at the end of the day,
he's a child from a broken home
336
00:21:18,949 --> 00:21:21,329
and Christ knows what impact
that'll have on him in later life.
337
00:21:21,349 --> 00:21:23,509
I mean, look at my Vivienne.
338
00:21:23,589 --> 00:21:27,549
Me and her father split up when she was ten
and she've been a road accident ever since.
339
00:21:27,550 --> 00:21:29,229
Hey, I'll see you, kid.
340
00:21:34,149 --> 00:21:37,308
Aunty Brenda!
Biscuits I'm after, Jag.
341
00:21:37,309 --> 00:21:39,589
The higher the fat content
the better.
342
00:21:39,749 --> 00:21:41,829
I got my big business meeting today
with Dai.
343
00:21:41,929 --> 00:21:45,269
- Dai Davies or Dai Kosh?
- Dai Davies. - Dai Davies, mun.
344
00:21:45,349 --> 00:21:48,509
- Kosh've gone to Tenerife!
- Let me introduce my niece to you.
345
00:21:48,549 --> 00:21:51,969
This is Parvadi. I've been teaching her
the ways of running a small business.
346
00:21:52,249 --> 00:21:54,269
And it's as boring as feck,
Mrs Aunty Brenda.
347
00:21:54,309 --> 00:21:56,229
Someone shoot me, please.
348
00:21:58,749 --> 00:22:01,169
- Alan!
- All right?
349
00:22:01,189 --> 00:22:05,519
How good to see you, my friend!
Back safe from the jaws of death.
350
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,109
Parvadi, get up off the floor,
please.
351
00:22:07,309 --> 00:22:11,588
Aye, well, I wasn't surprised
when I heard, Al.
352
00:22:11,589 --> 00:22:15,108
You were a heart attack
waiting to happen, if you ask me.
353
00:22:15,109 --> 00:22:18,089
Actually, it wasn't a heart attack,
Aunty Brenda. Just a health scare.
354
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,859
And today is the first day
of the rest of my life.
355
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:24,549
- I'm going Blubber Busters tonight!
- Lena Lloyd do do Blubber Busters.
356
00:22:24,669 --> 00:22:27,508
- Seven stone she lost.
- Really? Yeah.
357
00:22:27,509 --> 00:22:31,029
I mean, she've put it all back on
now but it definitely do work.
358
00:22:37,549 --> 00:22:41,029
I'm not being funny but it's what you've asked
for and that's the nearest I can get it.
359
00:22:41,209 --> 00:22:43,329
- But I don't look nothing like her!
- Exactly!
360
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:47,268
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Face transplant?
361
00:22:47,269 --> 00:22:49,369
Hair up just don't suit everyone.
362
00:22:49,389 --> 00:22:50,929
It's just one of them things.
363
00:22:50,949 --> 00:22:53,689
But if you do this...
364
00:22:56,909 --> 00:23:01,788
See? You got a lovely face and
this way your hair frames it better.
365
00:23:01,789 --> 00:23:04,849
Oh, yes. Clever girl.
366
00:23:08,069 --> 00:23:11,309
You're wasted as a hairdresser.
You should work for the UN.
367
00:23:12,249 --> 00:23:14,929
Everyone!
Can I have your attention, please?
368
00:23:14,949 --> 00:23:20,229
Turn off your driers a mo.
I've just had some fantastic news.
369
00:23:20,429 --> 00:23:24,559
The South Wales Valleys Hairdresser
of the Year Awards have announced
370
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,029
that we have been nominated
for Salon of the Year!
371
00:23:28,149 --> 00:23:30,308
But, but, but better than that,
372
00:23:30,309 --> 00:23:33,668
our very own Marcus Jensen '
my clever husband '
373
00:23:33,669 --> 00:23:36,548
has also been nominated
for Hairdresser of the Year.
374
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:41,829
The awards will take place next week.
All staff will be expected to attend.
375
00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:44,209
Yes, even you, Emma!
376
00:23:48,069 --> 00:23:50,829
(DAI) Thank you very much.
All the best.
377
00:23:59,349 --> 00:24:03,269
Aunty Brenda.
Let's me and you talk, Dai Davies.
378
00:24:03,449 --> 00:24:06,549
Cracks in the pavement
underneath my shoe
379
00:24:06,629 --> 00:24:12,948
I care less and less about
And less about you
380
00:24:12,949 --> 00:24:16,669
No-one else around to look
at me...
381
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:25,829
Look around you, Dai. Pontyberry is
crying out for a private bus firm.
382
00:24:26,009 --> 00:24:30,308
I got a list of potential customers
long as my neck.
383
00:24:30,309 --> 00:24:35,589
Since Jimmy Buck went under he've left
a gaping hool and I intend to fill it.
384
00:24:38,469 --> 00:24:41,349
- Orange squash?
- Go on, then.
385
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:47,089
It's a gold mine waiting to be happen,
Dai, you can surely see that.
386
00:24:47,109 --> 00:24:51,969
Maybe. But why should I just
hand over my vehicle willy nilly?
387
00:24:53,029 --> 00:24:56,329
Wake up, mun. You got
three twenty-seaters out there.
388
00:24:56,389 --> 00:24:58,289
How long you been trying
to shift 'em?
389
00:24:58,290 --> 00:25:01,159
- The market's a bit slow
at the moment. - Codswallop.
390
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,909
Give me your buses,
I'll give you my knowledge.
391
00:25:04,009 --> 00:25:08,329
What I don't know about the coach hire
trade simply ain't worth knowing.
392
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:12,349
You're a difficult woman
to turn down, Aunty Brenda.
393
00:25:12,389 --> 00:25:14,369
Come on, Dai ' what do you say?
394
00:25:14,469 --> 00:25:16,388
Between us, you and me,
395
00:25:16,389 --> 00:25:20,029
we'll transport this town
all over the town.
396
00:25:24,469 --> 00:25:27,149
- I'll give it a six-month trial.
- Yes!
397
00:25:28,709 --> 00:25:31,309
Brenda's Buses here we come!
398
00:25:35,589 --> 00:25:38,848
(SPEAKS VERY QUIETLY
AND INDISTINCTLY)
399
00:25:38,849 --> 00:25:44,169
Sorry? The Connaught.
Straight off the coffin catwalk.
400
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:49,668
(WHISTLES) Them's Cardiff prices,
Mr Mason.
401
00:25:49,669 --> 00:25:52,649
I can't see the Pontyberry clientele
forking out for a Connaught,
402
00:25:52,709 --> 00:25:53,869
even if it is de rigueur.
403
00:25:53,870 --> 00:25:55,849
Very wise, Bobby Jean.
404
00:25:56,809 --> 00:26:00,068
And considering Simpson's is into
mass burials these days,
405
00:26:00,069 --> 00:26:03,909
you won't be wanting to waste money on
something as classy as a Connaught.
406
00:26:04,109 --> 00:26:06,628
I'll take half a dozen
when you've got a mo. Thanks, Perry.
407
00:26:06,629 --> 00:26:09,659
Actually, I hadn't actually made
my mind up.
408
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:12,068
But you've done it for me.
Mr Mason, we'll take ten.
409
00:26:12,069 --> 00:26:15,289
(SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)
Make it twelve.
410
00:26:15,309 --> 00:26:17,669
(GASPS) Very well.
411
00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:19,769
And I know you won't regret it.
412
00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:22,628
Oh, speak up, for pity's sake!
413
00:26:22,629 --> 00:26:27,109
Everyone's worrying about you, BJ.
Get your hands off me!
414
00:26:27,769 --> 00:26:30,529
If you feel you've bitten off
more than you can chew,
415
00:26:30,629 --> 00:26:33,229
you know where I am.
416
00:26:37,509 --> 00:26:39,428
(LITTLE AL)
Right, I've saved my pocket money.
417
00:26:39,429 --> 00:26:42,829
I'm doing beef Wellington followed
by a damson crumble.
418
00:26:43,889 --> 00:26:46,149
Little Al, you and me need to have
a little chat.
419
00:26:46,349 --> 00:26:48,889
Did Stella tell you I was smoking?
What are you talking about?
420
00:26:48,890 --> 00:26:51,569
- The only thing I've ever smoked
is a kipper! - Listen.
421
00:26:51,570 --> 00:26:54,279
The doctor have told me
I've got to lose weight,
422
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,228
so tonight I'm going to
this slimming thing.
423
00:26:56,229 --> 00:26:59,749
- I don't have to come, do I?
- The thing is...
424
00:26:59,929 --> 00:27:04,529
Little Alan, you have to lose weight,
too. The court have said.
425
00:27:04,549 --> 00:27:06,889
- Or they'll send me to jail?
- What? No!
426
00:27:06,949 --> 00:27:09,189
But they might send you back
to your mother.
427
00:27:12,969 --> 00:27:16,229
Don't take my food away from me,
Dad. I do love eating.
428
00:27:18,729 --> 00:27:21,449
(BRAYING)
429
00:27:25,229 --> 00:27:28,269
Aw! He've arrived then?
Yeah, came just after lunch.
430
00:27:28,409 --> 00:27:31,769
You're lovely, isn't you?
Very intelligent, Stell.
431
00:27:31,770 --> 00:27:36,848
- And very polite. - Oh, aye. Don't
want to be no trouble see, Stell.
432
00:27:36,849 --> 00:27:40,469
That's what comes from living
in a sanctuary. Low self-esteem.
433
00:27:40,549 --> 00:27:43,649
But he loves his new room,
don't he, Glen?
434
00:27:43,749 --> 00:27:45,029
Taken to it like a duck.
435
00:27:45,229 --> 00:27:48,549
Ah. Well, it's very nice
to meet you...
436
00:27:48,749 --> 00:27:50,669
- Donkey.
- Donkey!
437
00:27:52,449 --> 00:27:54,989
Of course he's called Donkey.
438
00:27:57,189 --> 00:27:59,229
(SIGHS)
439
00:28:00,269 --> 00:28:02,769
Ben! Put your bloody stuff away,
will you?!
440
00:28:04,869 --> 00:28:06,368
Ben?!
441
00:28:06,369 --> 00:28:09,349
"Wreckin' Bar" - The Vaccines
442
00:28:09,449 --> 00:28:11,809
Pretty girl wreckin' bar
443
00:28:11,909 --> 00:28:14,249
Ra ra ra ra yeah, you are
444
00:28:14,309 --> 00:28:16,849
Growing up I'm twice the man
445
00:28:16,869 --> 00:28:19,648
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, I am
446
00:28:19,649 --> 00:28:22,469
The angel's game,
F Scott Fitzgerald...
447
00:28:24,169 --> 00:28:25,509
Class is about to start, Alan.
448
00:28:25,709 --> 00:28:29,429
It's essential that you don't miss
the weigh-in. Come on!
449
00:28:29,689 --> 00:28:32,949
Dai! Where the hell are you, mun?
I'm not walking in there on my own.
450
00:28:35,749 --> 00:28:38,909
Aunty Brenda! All right.
Not joining up, are you?
451
00:28:38,949 --> 00:28:41,089
Yeah, you've inspired me,
you have, Al.
452
00:28:41,189 --> 00:28:42,929
I know you're looking at me
thinking,
453
00:28:43,149 --> 00:28:46,309
"What in Christ's name do Aunty
Brenda need to lose weight for?"
454
00:28:46,489 --> 00:28:50,469
But I'm just feeling it creeping on
and whatyercall.
455
00:28:50,669 --> 00:28:53,348
Talking of which '
howdy, partner!
456
00:28:53,349 --> 00:28:55,868
Sorry, Al. Car wouldn't start.
457
00:28:55,869 --> 00:28:57,529
Right. Come on.
458
00:29:24,489 --> 00:29:26,629
I knew it!
459
00:29:47,589 --> 00:29:49,089
Take a seat then, Aunty Brenda.
460
00:29:49,369 --> 00:29:51,909
Now, I will now in a minute.
Going to wait for Al, I am.
461
00:29:54,989 --> 00:29:56,709
Big Alan?
462
00:30:00,309 --> 00:30:03,349
I weighed these clothes beforehand.
They total six pound all told.
463
00:30:03,429 --> 00:30:07,268
Well, the scales don't lie, Al,
and nor will I.
464
00:30:07,269 --> 00:30:09,668
We're going on a journey,
you and me,
465
00:30:09,669 --> 00:30:13,529
and a journey of a thousand miles
begins with the first nine hundred.
466
00:30:13,530 --> 00:30:16,389
That's very deep, that.
Yeah, deeply stupid.
467
00:30:18,169 --> 00:30:22,069
Right. Step aboard, young man!
Let the journey commence.
468
00:30:27,289 --> 00:30:30,389
Phew! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
469
00:30:33,989 --> 00:30:36,729
OK. We're not going to panic.
470
00:30:38,309 --> 00:30:40,249
Cos this is why we're here!
471
00:30:45,849 --> 00:30:48,249
Well, that was a revelation.
472
00:30:48,269 --> 00:30:52,068
Clinically obese!
Count your lucky stars.
473
00:30:52,069 --> 00:30:53,629
At least you're not morbidly obese.
474
00:30:53,669 --> 00:30:56,009
I never realised things
had got so bad.
475
00:30:56,069 --> 00:30:59,409
If you ask me, them scales
she was using were on the blink.
476
00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:03,229
The whatyermacall was funny on them
cos there's no way I'm that heavy.
477
00:31:05,369 --> 00:31:08,969
Can I just say, I know how much courage
it took for you all to come here tonight.
478
00:31:09,029 --> 00:31:11,269
- Thanks. - When Karl got that job
in the Middle East,
479
00:31:11,449 --> 00:31:12,889
I thought my whole world had ended.
480
00:31:12,890 --> 00:31:15,429
But I found a reason to live again.
481
00:31:15,629 --> 00:31:17,449
And it's helping fat people like you
lose weight.
482
00:31:17,509 --> 00:31:20,549
Christ knows it ain't easy. But
it've given me a purpose in life.
483
00:31:20,729 --> 00:31:23,429
Keeps me going
till Karl do come home again.
484
00:31:23,629 --> 00:31:26,948
And I want to thank you for that.
All of you, yeah?
485
00:31:26,949 --> 00:31:28,669
Well, I'm going to give it a go.
486
00:31:33,829 --> 00:31:35,429
Clinically obese, my arse.
487
00:31:35,529 --> 00:31:37,509
It's not just your arse, Dai.
488
00:31:37,589 --> 00:31:40,229
It'll be your stomach and all.
And your legs.
489
00:31:48,069 --> 00:31:50,409
Mam?
490
00:32:04,889 --> 00:32:06,309
Is this what you're looking for?
491
00:32:09,949 --> 00:32:13,028
- You are so grounded, good boy.
- Till when?
492
00:32:13,029 --> 00:32:14,249
Till 2023!
493
00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:25,031
Mr Ross?
494
00:32:27,181 --> 00:32:31,600
- All the other nurses are well jel.
- Are they now? - Oh, yeah.
495
00:32:31,601 --> 00:32:35,461
It's not every day we get a big
celebrity like you in St Catherine's!
496
00:32:35,501 --> 00:32:37,361
Although I did meet
Neil Kinnock once.
497
00:32:37,421 --> 00:32:40,301
I'm bigger than Kinnock!
Oh, yeah, course you are.
498
00:32:42,021 --> 00:32:45,061
Now then...
499
00:32:46,121 --> 00:32:49,041
- Are you wearing the stockings?
- Yes.
500
00:32:49,261 --> 00:32:54,821
- And the suspenders?
- Oh, yes. I got it all going on, presh.
501
00:32:55,001 --> 00:32:56,801
I am absolutely gagging for it.
502
00:33:01,801 --> 00:33:03,741
(DOORBELL ECHOES)
503
00:33:06,161 --> 00:33:09,161
Mam! Alan's here!
504
00:33:09,221 --> 00:33:10,981
Yeah. OK!
505
00:33:17,101 --> 00:33:18,721
Rrow-row!
Yap-yap-yap!
506
00:33:19,001 --> 00:33:20,341
Grr-row! Yap-yap-yap!
507
00:33:20,421 --> 00:33:25,221
Rrrow! Yap! Rrrow!
Yap-yap-yap!
508
00:33:25,321 --> 00:33:29,601
My little Chihuahua's been
a good little doggy.
509
00:33:29,701 --> 00:33:31,221
Yap yap yap!!!
Rrrow! Rrrow!
510
00:33:31,481 --> 00:33:34,340
Naughty doggy man! Get down! Yap!
511
00:33:34,341 --> 00:33:37,441
(BARKING AND YAPPING)
Oh, now, look! I'm not having this!
512
00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:41,061
If you two are going to paw and maul
at the drop of a hat,
513
00:33:41,261 --> 00:33:43,621
you can get out
and do it on the pavement!
514
00:33:43,821 --> 00:33:47,181
Vivienne, I meant what I said
about you moving out.
515
00:33:47,182 --> 00:33:49,201
I've got this new business now
516
00:33:49,202 --> 00:33:51,841
and I can't have you messing things
up with yer whatyercall!
517
00:33:51,941 --> 00:33:55,561
Stop harassing me, Mam!
I've got to find my feet.
518
00:33:55,621 --> 00:33:58,961
Well, you can find them sharpish
and start paying your way
519
00:33:58,981 --> 00:34:02,361
and you can do that
by working the buses with me.
520
00:34:02,381 --> 00:34:03,780
No can do. Sorry, Mam.
521
00:34:03,781 --> 00:34:06,261
Oh, I tell you something
and there's no mistaking.
522
00:34:06,341 --> 00:34:09,860
You are your father's daughter,
good girl!
523
00:34:09,861 --> 00:34:11,940
As lazy as a log
and twice as thick!
524
00:34:11,941 --> 00:34:14,501
Don't you talk about my father
like that.
525
00:34:14,681 --> 00:34:17,521
He was a fucking hero
and I miss him, OK?
526
00:34:18,661 --> 00:34:20,561
Christ, I miss him.
527
00:34:22,021 --> 00:34:25,321
Well, I don't know why you talking
like he's dead all of a sudden!
528
00:34:25,381 --> 00:34:27,741
He's still alive
and living in Newport!
529
00:34:27,781 --> 00:34:32,241
Hey, Aunty Bren. I don't suppose you're looking
for no drivers for your buses, are you?
530
00:34:35,141 --> 00:34:36,500
I'm going over Benson's.
531
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:39,361
- I heard they're looking for casuals.
- All right, presh. - Good luck butt!
532
00:34:39,461 --> 00:34:43,220
Oh, bless him.
D'you want a bit?
533
00:34:43,221 --> 00:34:44,900
No, thank you.
534
00:34:44,901 --> 00:34:49,001
I had my 25g portion of bran this
morning with 200ml of skimmed milk
535
00:34:49,061 --> 00:34:51,060
- and a melon slice.
- Mm.
536
00:34:51,061 --> 00:34:52,901
How you feeling?
Absolutely starving.
537
00:34:53,961 --> 00:34:57,060
Enjoyed last night, did you?
Well, I wouldn't say enjoyed
538
00:34:57,061 --> 00:34:58,500
but it's a real eye opener,
you know?
539
00:34:58,501 --> 00:35:03,301
- You ought to give it a go, Stell.
- Yeah. I know I'm putting on.
540
00:35:03,401 --> 00:35:06,181
And I tell you something else.
541
00:35:06,361 --> 00:35:08,221
You were right about the, you know.
542
00:35:09,061 --> 00:35:11,921
- I keep having
all these horny dreams. - Oh!
543
00:35:11,922 --> 00:35:15,761
Last night I had sex with
Jonathan Ross in a hospital bed.
544
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:18,941
Oh, fair play,
I do like Jonathan Ross.
545
00:35:18,961 --> 00:35:20,581
You wouldn't think he was gay, mind,
would you?
546
00:35:20,781 --> 00:35:24,161
- Jonathan Ross isn't gay!
- Yes, he is! - No, he's not!
547
00:35:24,261 --> 00:35:27,501
And I should bloody know! Huh!
548
00:35:29,501 --> 00:35:31,441
(MICHAEL) Could it be
any more humiliating?
549
00:35:31,442 --> 00:35:35,661
- They just took it away in front of my bare eyes!
- Calm down. - I mean it!
550
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:39,300
You know how much that car means to me!
It's the only decent thing I own.
551
00:35:39,301 --> 00:35:40,901
Well, that and the Gibson 12-string.
552
00:35:41,041 --> 00:35:44,421
What's going on?!
Jesus! Everyone can hear you!
553
00:35:44,481 --> 00:35:48,361
Andy, d'you know what? Why don't you
take your squash-playing,
554
00:35:48,421 --> 00:35:50,821
polo-shirt-wearing,
football-supporting,
555
00:35:51,021 --> 00:35:52,740
beer-swilling,
paintball-playing,
556
00:35:52,741 --> 00:35:56,221
wife-stealing arse back down
the corridor and fuck off?
557
00:35:56,441 --> 00:35:57,981
You're going to have to get a grip,
mate.
558
00:35:58,021 --> 00:36:00,421
Michael, your twelve o'clock's here,
Zoe Stewart?
559
00:36:02,221 --> 00:36:03,881
Yes! Yes, erm, thank you.
560
00:36:10,761 --> 00:36:12,981
I don't swill beer, Jan.
561
00:36:16,581 --> 00:36:18,181
Please have a seat.
562
00:36:25,861 --> 00:36:28,841
OK, first things first.
The next-door neighbour thing...
563
00:36:28,881 --> 00:36:31,300
- Luke doesn't know I'm here.
- No.
564
00:36:31,301 --> 00:36:34,021
And I can assure you that any contact
we have regarding Lenny
565
00:36:34,221 --> 00:36:37,461
will be treated with the utmost
confidentiality and professionalism.
566
00:36:37,541 --> 00:36:41,021
I only come here to tell you
I ain't seeing him. Never.
567
00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:45,101
He's very keen to put things right,
Zoe.
568
00:36:45,102 --> 00:36:49,481
- You're wasting your time.
- So I've got you a visitor's pass.
569
00:36:55,781 --> 00:37:00,361
OK, nursing can sometimes involve
managing distress.
570
00:37:00,421 --> 00:37:04,040
And it's up to you to help patients
and families
571
00:37:04,041 --> 00:37:06,500
come through their crisis-isses.
572
00:37:06,501 --> 00:37:08,621
Now Mrs Wong by here, have agreed
to be in a crisis.
573
00:37:08,622 --> 00:37:12,101
Yes! And I am gonna show you how to
manage your basic patient distress.
574
00:37:12,301 --> 00:37:15,321
Right. Start crying.
575
00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:19,620
(WEEPS UNCONVINCINGLY)
OK. So she's crying.
576
00:37:19,621 --> 00:37:21,540
I've noticed, I'm over.
577
00:37:21,541 --> 00:37:24,321
I'm on the bed,
I'm putting the arm around
578
00:37:24,421 --> 00:37:28,260
and I'm making the following three
points with a clear and calm delivery.
579
00:37:28,261 --> 00:37:30,861
Number one, do not be alarmed.
(WEEPING CONTINUES)
580
00:37:31,001 --> 00:37:32,921
Number two...
Hush a minute now.
581
00:37:34,841 --> 00:37:37,441
Number two, is there anyone
we can call?
582
00:37:37,641 --> 00:37:42,201
Number three, are your personal items
safely locked away in your bedside locker?
583
00:37:42,202 --> 00:37:45,561
As distress is a perfect
pick-pocketing opportunity
584
00:37:45,581 --> 00:37:47,721
for any passing
opportunist pick-pocket-ers.
585
00:37:47,761 --> 00:37:49,741
(MOBILE)
586
00:37:50,941 --> 00:37:53,181
Sorry.
587
00:37:53,221 --> 00:37:54,901
Oh, I've got to take this.
It's the school.
588
00:37:56,621 --> 00:37:59,461
- Mobile phones... - Hello?
- ..are strictly forbidden on the wards.
589
00:37:59,661 --> 00:38:02,881
- Mobile phones... - Why? What's he done?
- ..are strictly forbidden
590
00:38:02,981 --> 00:38:04,261
during training.
591
00:38:04,441 --> 00:38:07,141
You leave me no option
than to give you a yellow card.
592
00:38:07,261 --> 00:38:10,341
All right. Sorry, Mr Palmer.
I'll have a word with him tonight.
593
00:38:11,621 --> 00:38:13,861
So. Where were we?
594
00:38:18,821 --> 00:38:22,020
I know I'm grounded but how far does
the boundary line stretch like?
595
00:38:22,021 --> 00:38:26,121
Why? Cos Glen's bringing Donkey out
in a minute. Can I go and see him?
596
00:38:26,761 --> 00:38:28,841
- Five minutes.
- Yes!
597
00:38:29,081 --> 00:38:32,111
And then you can tell me
what I'm meant to say to Mr Palmer,
598
00:38:32,112 --> 00:38:34,221
who informs me
you've been doing graffiti!
599
00:38:34,361 --> 00:38:36,741
It's called tagging!
Stop nagging!
600
00:38:36,861 --> 00:38:39,781
Bloody rap artist now
all of a sudden, are you?
601
00:38:41,421 --> 00:38:44,261
Er... What d'you think you're doing?
602
00:38:44,321 --> 00:38:46,341
- You talking to me?
- That bin is mine.
603
00:38:46,521 --> 00:38:49,801
- It's for my rubbish.
- Don't be ridiculous. It's a bin.
604
00:38:50,821 --> 00:38:53,681
And what does it say on the bin?
Number 24.
605
00:38:53,682 --> 00:38:56,861
Therefore the rubbish that goes
in there comes from number 24.
606
00:38:56,862 --> 00:39:00,061
You're number 23. So technically,
you've just committed a burglary.
607
00:39:00,281 --> 00:39:03,781
- What, I burgled a bin?
- Yes.
608
00:39:06,341 --> 00:39:08,101
- Are you serious?
- Perfectly.
609
00:39:21,101 --> 00:39:24,281
(GLEN) Here he is.
- Aw! Hello again! Come on, come on.
610
00:39:24,282 --> 00:39:28,960
- What the hell...?
- Come on, come on.
611
00:39:28,961 --> 00:39:32,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
612
00:39:33,541 --> 00:39:39,080
Excuse me, please tell me
I didn't just see what I just saw?
613
00:39:39,081 --> 00:39:41,041
What's that butt?
614
00:39:41,241 --> 00:39:44,201
Well has that...? Has that donkey
been living inside your house?!
615
00:39:45,541 --> 00:39:48,840
- Aye.
- You got a problem with that, Mike?
616
00:39:48,841 --> 00:39:51,361
Yes! Of course I've got a problem
with that! It's a bloody donkey!!!
617
00:39:51,461 --> 00:39:54,001
Marj and Glen have always had horses
in the house.
618
00:39:54,021 --> 00:39:57,941
But to be fair, Donkey's a donkey,
not a horse.
619
00:39:58,021 --> 00:40:03,141
Donkey, horse - it's... it's illegal,
it's insanitary and inhumane...
620
00:40:03,341 --> 00:40:06,821
- Well, it's just downright insane!
- Oh, get over yourself, mun!
621
00:40:08,581 --> 00:40:10,080
Jesus. It's...
622
00:40:10,081 --> 00:40:13,860
It's like living in some drug-induced
production of Under Milk Wood.
623
00:40:13,861 --> 00:40:16,101
(LAUGHS)
624
00:40:24,801 --> 00:40:27,761
(DONKEY BRAYING)
625
00:40:28,101 --> 00:40:31,041
(MUSIC COMING THROUGH THE WALL)
(LUKE) Zo?
626
00:40:33,861 --> 00:40:36,621
- I ran you a bath.
- Aw, thanks, babe.
627
00:40:37,381 --> 00:40:40,741
- You all right?
- Yeah ' just stuff.
628
00:40:42,341 --> 00:40:45,540
I will get a job, you know.
I'm not a total loser.
629
00:40:45,541 --> 00:40:49,380
Oh, God! What's he like next door?
630
00:40:49,381 --> 00:40:51,461
Can't hear myself think
with that blaring!
631
00:40:51,641 --> 00:40:54,001
Well, Jack's out for the count.
632
00:40:54,021 --> 00:40:56,781
He'd sleep through
a thrash metal concert, he would.
633
00:41:00,421 --> 00:41:06,501
Zo... I saw this mate of Lenny's
yesterday.
634
00:41:06,601 --> 00:41:09,541
He'll be coming out soon.
635
00:41:09,741 --> 00:41:11,041
Will he?
636
00:41:12,141 --> 00:41:14,501
You know I'll protect you from him,
don't you? And Jack.
637
00:41:18,061 --> 00:41:19,681
You're lovely, you are.
638
00:41:26,381 --> 00:41:29,980
Now, hurry up.
Your water's getting cold.
639
00:41:29,981 --> 00:41:31,881
"Make Me Smile" - Steve Harley
(MICHAEL)
Ooohh
640
00:41:31,941 --> 00:41:33,881
La la-la
641
00:41:33,901 --> 00:41:35,841
Ooohh
642
00:41:35,941 --> 00:41:36,901
La la lah
643
00:41:39,781 --> 00:41:47,141
Oh, come up and see me
Make me smile
644
00:41:47,241 --> 00:41:50,120
Or do what you want
Run on wild...
645
00:41:50,121 --> 00:41:51,301
Not picking up, Jan?
646
00:41:51,481 --> 00:41:55,261
I expect you're out partying,
aren't you, with Andy Wanker Pandy,
647
00:41:55,301 --> 00:41:56,521
seeing as he's younger than me
648
00:41:56,561 --> 00:41:59,460
and has more stamina than me.
(DOORBELL)
649
00:41:59,461 --> 00:42:01,061
Anyway...
(DOORBELL)
650
00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:10,341
Oh, what now? We have got two
small children living at our house.
651
00:42:10,541 --> 00:42:13,511
Only two?
That's very modest for round here.
652
00:42:13,512 --> 00:42:16,001
I'd have thought you could get
at least eight in there.
653
00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:18,021
- Why are you so unpleasant?
- Sorry?
654
00:42:18,081 --> 00:42:20,641
Did your mother not give you
enough attention as a child?
655
00:42:20,921 --> 00:42:22,501
Oh, you're a psychologist?
656
00:42:22,601 --> 00:42:26,521
Oh, God! Really drew the short
straw, getting you as a neighbour.
657
00:42:26,522 --> 00:42:28,321
Not as short as my straw.
658
00:42:28,421 --> 00:42:30,181
Whatever. Getting you.
659
00:42:30,281 --> 00:42:33,060
Look, let's start again, shall we?
660
00:42:33,061 --> 00:42:35,121
Hi, I'm Stella. Stella Morris.
661
00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:37,701
- So?
- And you are?
662
00:42:37,881 --> 00:42:42,181
- None of your bloody business.
- Oh, God, this is hard work!
663
00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:46,801
OK. Michael. Michael Jackson.
664
00:42:48,621 --> 00:42:51,780
- Your name's Michael Jackson?
- Oh, yeah. Hilarious!
665
00:42:51,781 --> 00:42:54,821
And I bet you think you're the first person
in the entire world to think it's funny.
666
00:42:55,021 --> 00:42:56,561
Well, you're not!
667
00:42:58,821 --> 00:43:00,881
Turn your bloody music down!
668
00:43:04,461 --> 00:43:05,941
What? The woman's clearly a doughnut.
669
00:43:08,421 --> 00:43:10,720
The bloke's a doughnut.
(SNORTS)
670
00:43:10,721 --> 00:43:13,541
(BRAYS)
671
00:43:16,741 --> 00:43:20,640
You want to slide down my pole,
don't you? Mam? What?
672
00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:22,821
Stop it, you two!
You're behaving like children!
673
00:43:23,021 --> 00:43:26,781
Ow! He is my next door neighbour
and we seriously don't get on.
674
00:43:26,821 --> 00:43:29,021
Stop right there!
675
00:43:29,061 --> 00:43:30,661
Lighten my load?
676
00:43:30,841 --> 00:43:33,360
Over my dead bodies!
677
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,421
For God's sake!
Give me mouth to mouth, mun!
678
00:43:37,081 --> 00:43:39,241
I'll take this one for the team.
679
00:43:39,301 --> 00:43:43,840
680
00:43:43,890 --> 00:43:48,440
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