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1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,409
Hey, we can't all be
like you and Dai,
2
00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:08,099
most people aren't at it
three times a week. Six.
3
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:11,049
Do I look 42 or do I look younger?
4
00:00:11,050 --> 00:00:12,010
I don't know, do I?
5
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,720
You're my mother,
you look like all the other mothers.
6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,649
Whoa, easy tiger.
7
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:20,339
Just thought I was
in with a chance, that's all.
8
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:23,030
Alright?
Morning.
9
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,480
You're going to be a nana.
10
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,959
And then she smiles
11
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,850
And my heart stops beating,
I go weak inside
12
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:58,259
Remember Suzie Locke,
she was a granny at 33,
13
00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:00,230
so you're ancient by her standards.
14
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,639
Sorry.
15
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,809
I was just trying to look on the...
There isn't a bright side.
16
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,500
12 weeks, mind.
17
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:13,190
I thought she was looking
a bit porky.
18
00:01:13,191 --> 00:01:15,879
How's she gonna pay for it,
where are they gonna live?
19
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,580
The whole thing is bloody ridiculous.
20
00:01:17,581 --> 00:01:20,530
It's not what your mum
said to you though, is it? No.
21
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,909
Look, no-one else knows yet.
22
00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:28,839
Let the dust settle,
she might even change her mind.
23
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,030
She's definitely keeping it.
OK.
24
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,700
So you've got a few months
to get used to it then.
25
00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,909
Got to be happy for her, Stel.
26
00:01:37,910 --> 00:01:41,080
Emma's your daughter.
Them's the rules.
27
00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:43,760
Yeah.
28
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:50,869
It'll be alright, won't it?
29
00:01:50,870 --> 00:01:54,039
Of course it will, you idiot.
30
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,260
What...
31
00:01:56,990 --> 00:01:58,210
Is that a tail?
32
00:01:58,211 --> 00:02:01,620
Yeah, me and Dai were...
I don't want to know.
33
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,590
No.
34
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,709
This is meant to be milk, isn't it?
It's not, flour and egg.
35
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,729
I've seen Nana Meg do it.
36
00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:12,879
Look.
37
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,829
That's gross, that is.
No, it's not.
38
00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,049
Hello?
39
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:19,499
Hiya.
Why you up so early for?
40
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,269
Mum, Emma's having a baby.
41
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:24,129
Emma!
42
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:33,439
Yeah.
43
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,129
Can I flip it over now?
No, it's not ready.
44
00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:39,059
Leave that a minute, is it?
I want to tell you something.
45
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,269
OK.
46
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:44,200
Right, wait till it's gone brown.
OK.
47
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:52,039
OK, well, I've had a think
and I've talked to your Auntie Paula
48
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,969
and the most important thing
for now is that we don't panic.
49
00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:57,899
I'm not panicking.
There's nothing to be scared about.
50
00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:02,080
I'm not scared, I'm excited.
Yeah?
51
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,019
Right.
52
00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:07,209
Well, the next
most importantest thing...
53
00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:09,400
Most important.
Shush, Ben.
54
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,039
The other important thing
is that we keep it to ourselves.
55
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,959
We don't need no-one else
to know about it for the time being.
56
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,159
Don't tell your father,
certainly don't tell Nadine
57
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,839
and don't breathe a word of it
to Nana Meg or Gumpa.
58
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,049
Ben knows and Auntie Paula knows.
59
00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:28,239
That's not the point...
(DOORBELL RINGS)
60
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,460
Hang on.
61
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:35,339
Fucking hell, Stel.
Can you believe it?
62
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,029
Where is she?
Where's my clever little girl?
63
00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:40,719
I'm not wearing no make-up,
I look bleak as a sheep.
64
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,678
But as soon as we heard,
we had to come over.
65
00:03:42,679 --> 00:03:44,150
I just feel so emotional.
66
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:50,510
Ta-da!
Oh, my God. Hiya.
67
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,659
I had to, he's my father.
68
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,870
I knew you was at it.
I said you were, didn't I?
69
00:03:56,871 --> 00:03:59,559
Yeah, he did.
But we never thought you'd catch.
70
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,759
Catch?
She takes after my sister, she does.
71
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,970
She caught first time
with all four of hers.
72
00:04:03,971 --> 00:04:06,899
How could she take after your sister?
You're not related.
73
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:09,589
Like hamster, she is.
(BEN) Mum, do you want a pancake?
74
00:04:09,590 --> 00:04:10,570
Not now, Ben.
75
00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:13,019
Karl, don't you think
we should talk about this?
76
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,229
She's still at school.
Not for much longer.
77
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:16,448
That's the beauty of it.
78
00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:18,638
Solves all that shit
with college and shit.
79
00:04:18,639 --> 00:04:20,840
Gonna be a mummy now, isn't she?
Job in itself.
80
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:23,769
You always say that yourself.
What are you gonna call it?
81
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:26,959
By rights, you should call him Karl,
he'll be the first grandchild.
82
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,429
(DOORBELL RINGS)
83
00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:32,659
Oh, my God. I'm gonna be a granddad.
84
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:34,790
That's stunning, that is!
85
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,739
Congratulations
Great.
86
00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,679
And jubilations
87
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,599
I want the world to know...
You must be over the moon, love.
88
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,059
Where is she?
89
00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,789
Well done, kid.
90
00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:50,199
We're thrilled to bits,
all three of us.
91
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,420
Thanks.
92
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:57,059
Where to did you get them balloons?
Your nana blew them herself.
93
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,509
"To hell with the emphysema,"
she said.
94
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:01,209
(KARL) Have you got a corkscrew?
95
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:03,180
Don't need a corkscrew
for champagne.
96
00:05:03,181 --> 00:05:04,399
Alright.
97
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,809
It's a Sunday morning.
Come on, bit over the top, isn't it?
98
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:10,259
Don't listen to her, Karl,
I'll have one.
99
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,749
And me.
100
00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:14,199
You're not having one,
you're pregnant.
101
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,879
Lighten up, man. Not every day
you get to be a granny.
102
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,829
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it.
103
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:21,039
These pancakes taste like envelope.
104
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,239
Gonna have an house full,
isn't she, Karl?
105
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,190
They'll be welcome over ours
any time.
106
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,879
If we have two, we'll move
the sunbed into the shed,
107
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,320
I'd do that for them in a heartbeat.
Here's Sunil!
108
00:05:30,321 --> 00:05:31,629
Congratulations, boy.
109
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,519
Yes!
110
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:37,909
Who's the daddy, who's the daddy?
Shut up, Karl.
111
00:05:37,910 --> 00:05:40,119
What's the matter?
It's my parents.
112
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,309
They went proper mental.
His mum was wailing and everything.
113
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,769
Wailing?
114
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:47,939
Yeah, well,
it's a big shock for us all.
115
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,908
It's gonna take time
to get used to it.
116
00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:52,358
I know, he's gonna have
to stay here for a bit.
117
00:05:52,359 --> 00:05:54,800
Till they calm down.
Is that alright with you?
118
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,879
Yeah, I suppose so.
(KARL) Stunning.
119
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,839
I'll have to pump up the lilo.
(KARL) What?
120
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,749
(ALL LAUGH)
121
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,200
He's not going on the lilo,
he'll be in with me.
122
00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:14,869
I'm sorry, I'm not happy with that.
123
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:17,049
Stable door and horse, love.
124
00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,540
(KARL) Let's get on it.
125
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,349
Morning, Ben. Wednesday today.
126
00:06:27,350 --> 00:06:30,280
On for training tonight?
Little Al's coming, isn't he?
127
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,429
Ben! Sandwiches.
128
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:35,649
Oh, thanks.
129
00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:39,319
I hear congratulations
are in order, Mrs Morris.
130
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,049
Who told you?
131
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,759
How long is Sunil gonna stay?
132
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,700
He ate all the Coco Pops
this morning.
133
00:06:44,701 --> 00:06:47,649
Just a few days, I expect.
He's fallen out with his mother.
134
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:50,339
Whole family has stopped
talking to him, so Nadine says.
135
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,039
Nadine can mind her own business.
136
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,490
I've been having a think
about your situation.
137
00:06:54,491 --> 00:06:57,439
I'm fine, honest.
I've decided to offer you some work.
138
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,888
Bit of ironing.
Won't be much but it all helps.
139
00:06:59,889 --> 00:07:02,320
Extra mouths to feed
with Sunil living there.
140
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:05,749
He hasn't actually moved in.
Then the baby. That's another mouth.
141
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:08,199
Really kind of you,
but we're alright...
142
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,399
Tonight would be good,
before rugby.
143
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,870
I'll have it ready for you.
144
00:07:11,871 --> 00:07:13,570
Just a couple of shirts, it is.
145
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,419
Alright, Rhi?
Hiya, Stel.
146
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:24,589
God, fantastic cocking news
about you and Emma.
147
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:27,039
Made up for you I was when I heard.
148
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,479
Yeah, well, early days.
149
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,689
She's strong as a cocking ox, love.
150
00:07:31,690 --> 00:07:34,379
That's the good thing
about starting them young, see.
151
00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:36,319
Healthy as, like my Lady G.
152
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,549
Lady G?
153
00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:39,519
My middle one, Lady Gaga.
154
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,439
She didn't like Britney no more
so she cocking changed it.
155
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,889
21, she is now, Stel.
Them three are hers.
156
00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:48,080
The rest are Darren's.
Right.
157
00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,999
Tell you what,
you are gonna love being a nana.
158
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,279
There's nothing cocking like it.
159
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,449
Oi, Callum! Get back bastard here!
160
00:07:57,450 --> 00:08:00,560
Nana's talking to her friend!
161
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,250
Right, I'd better get
this lot off to school.
162
00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:05,700
Learn them some cocking sums.
163
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:07,910
Oh, God.
164
00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,510
Hello again.
Alright?
165
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:23,559
Now, are you sure
you can get this done in time?
166
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,229
I must have them back Friday by six.
I got nine people coming to dinner.
167
00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:29,919
They'll need to be starched.
OK.
168
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,839
I hear your daughter's expecting.
What?!
169
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,290
You people, honestly.
170
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:41,650
Lovely, isn't she?
171
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,620
(SIGHS)
172
00:08:47,050 --> 00:08:49,239
Oh, here she is.
173
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,679
Old granny Morris.
Yeah, you're hilarious(!)
174
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,169
Sorry, presh.
175
00:08:53,170 --> 00:08:55,859
You know the whole bloody town
knows about it, don't you?
176
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,320
It's exciting, that's why.
177
00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:59,029
She in?
Aye.
178
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:01,000
Door's on the latch.
179
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:03,920
Mrs Boyce?
180
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,339
Bopa Boyce?
181
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,519
It's Stella, the ironing girl.
182
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,490
I got your sheets and things, love.
183
00:09:12,491 --> 00:09:14,699
(BUZZING)
What's that?
184
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,869
I've got your washing,
all nice and ironed.
185
00:09:17,870 --> 00:09:19,599
What's that?
186
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,539
It's your ironing!
187
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,750
Take it away, not interested.
188
00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:30,350
Bopa Boyce, is this my money?
189
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,260
By the way, police have been on.
190
00:09:34,261 --> 00:09:37,209
They found the hearse.
Bringing it back this arvo.
191
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,619
That's a bit of good news at least.
Where to did they find it?
192
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:42,830
Porthcawl apparently.
On the seafront.
193
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,480
It's a voucher for anti-freeze.
194
00:09:49,430 --> 00:09:52,620
Dai, when did my life get so shit?
195
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,731
Can anyone tell me
what the word 'legitimate' means?
196
00:09:58,421 --> 00:09:59,411
Not stolen?
197
00:09:59,412 --> 00:10:01,110
No, Alex Rhys.
198
00:10:01,111 --> 00:10:05,290
If you are legitimate,
it means your parents are married.
199
00:10:05,291 --> 00:10:07,070
Not that anyone cares these days.
200
00:10:07,071 --> 00:10:09,440
But back in Henry VIII's day,
201
00:10:09,441 --> 00:10:13,110
it was very important that
the heir to the throne was not...
202
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:15,800
A bastard, Miss?
(CLASS LAUGHS)
203
00:10:15,801 --> 00:10:18,250
Illegitimate, Ben Morris.
204
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,689
My sister says
my brother Luke was a bastard
205
00:10:20,690 --> 00:10:22,641
cos his dad didn't marry my mother.
206
00:10:22,642 --> 00:10:25,590
My mum says my dad's a bastard,
Miss.
207
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,290
That's why she married Keith.
208
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:32,670
Well, Ben, why don't you come up here
and tell us all about your family.
209
00:10:32,671 --> 00:10:35,121
Then we can put
the information into a family tree.
210
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:37,091
"I Need A Dollar" - Aloe Blacc
211
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:08,890
It will want to change the oil
and replace the fan belt.
212
00:11:08,891 --> 00:11:11,571
If it's not that,
then you're knackered.
213
00:11:13,301 --> 00:11:14,531
Thanks, Marj.
214
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:29,190
Why aren't you in school?
He's revising, I'm helping him.
215
00:11:29,191 --> 00:11:31,640
Doing an A-level
in Jeremy Kyle now, are you?
216
00:11:31,641 --> 00:11:33,850
Hey, we're watching that!
217
00:11:33,851 --> 00:11:36,290
Spoken to your parents yet,
it's been four days.
218
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,741
Don't talk to him like that.
They're really upset.
219
00:11:38,742 --> 00:11:41,190
We're going round there,
sort this out proper.
220
00:11:41,191 --> 00:11:43,370
No way.
Yes way, I've had enough.
221
00:11:43,371 --> 00:11:44,861
You don't understand.
Don't.
222
00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:47,310
We already been back to see them.
223
00:11:47,311 --> 00:11:50,720
They want us to get married.
Don't be ridiculous.
224
00:11:50,721 --> 00:11:53,410
You're not getting married.
I knew you'd be like this.
225
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:54,631
That's why I had to say no.
226
00:11:54,632 --> 00:11:57,820
If it wasn't for me, you'd say yes?
Maybe.
227
00:11:57,821 --> 00:11:59,291
I don't know.
228
00:12:00,271 --> 00:12:03,440
But they said if we did, they'll
give us the flat over the shop.
229
00:12:03,441 --> 00:12:04,419
A whole flat, Mum.
230
00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,869
They just use it
for storing stuff at the moment.
231
00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:09,321
Once we decorate it,
it will be really nice.
232
00:12:09,322 --> 00:12:13,470
Listen to you both, it's not a game.
It's not Ken and Barbie.
233
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,920
Having a baby is massive enough,
234
00:12:15,921 --> 00:12:18,370
getting married on top of that
is just mental.
235
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:21,560
It's too much, you're too young.
Tanisha said it'd be better for us.
236
00:12:21,561 --> 00:12:23,501
It would make us stronger.
Did she now?
237
00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:26,450
Yeah, and she said
I could become a Hindu if I wanted.
238
00:12:26,451 --> 00:12:27,681
Let's get this straight,
239
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,610
you're not getting married
and you're not turning Hindu.
240
00:12:30,611 --> 00:12:32,571
Racist!
Childish!
241
00:12:34,761 --> 00:12:38,431
Got any more Coco Pops, Stel?
I'm not a racist, alright?
242
00:12:40,161 --> 00:12:42,610
Now, Ben is gonna be an uncle.
243
00:12:42,611 --> 00:12:45,290
That means
Ben's sister Emma is...
244
00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:47,980
A slapper.
(CLASS LAUGHS)
245
00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:51,410
No, Ben's sister Emma
is having a baby.
246
00:12:51,411 --> 00:12:54,820
That means the family tree
gets a new branch.
247
00:12:54,821 --> 00:12:56,790
That's right.
248
00:12:56,791 --> 00:13:00,700
But, Ben also has
a half brother Luke who is...
249
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:01,770
In prison.
250
00:13:01,771 --> 00:13:03,630
No, single.
251
00:13:03,631 --> 00:13:05,359
We don't know that for definite,
252
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,541
one of the other prisoners
might be his bitch.
253
00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:08,771
(CLASS LAUGHS)
254
00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:13,660
Bloody surfers.
255
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:16,610
There is simply
no respect for the dead any more.
256
00:13:16,611 --> 00:13:18,080
(MUMBLES)
257
00:13:18,081 --> 00:13:21,490
Like a knife to his heart, Paula.
I heard him.
258
00:13:21,491 --> 00:13:24,680
I do like it, I do.
It looks ridiculous.
259
00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:28,110
Got some proper oomph now.
You don't need oomph in a hearse.
260
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:31,781
Goes four bloody miles an hour.
(MUMBLES)
261
00:13:33,011 --> 00:13:35,450
It's happening
all over these days, Daddy.
262
00:13:35,451 --> 00:13:38,860
The only chance half these kids
get to drive something decent.
263
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:42,290
The real deal, aren't they?
Your Daimlers and your Mercs.
264
00:13:42,291 --> 00:13:45,220
It's not a Merc,
it's a Ford Granada.
265
00:13:45,221 --> 00:13:47,430
Give Dai a hand,
get it back shipshape.
266
00:13:47,431 --> 00:13:50,620
I got a home visit to do.
(MUMBLES)
267
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,310
Yeah, that's him. Wife died Tuesday.
268
00:13:53,311 --> 00:13:55,759
Tell you what we'll do,
get rid of the wave.
269
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,941
I wouldn't mind keeping hold
of the exhaust.
270
00:13:57,942 --> 00:13:59,431
And the wetsuits.
271
00:14:05,051 --> 00:14:07,250
I get you, it's a family tree.
272
00:14:07,251 --> 00:14:09,461
But you've got to
make it interesting, is it?
273
00:14:09,462 --> 00:14:12,630
Yeah, I was thinking of putting
Banjo on there.
274
00:14:12,631 --> 00:14:14,841
I know who the father is, definite.
275
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:21,200
That little Jack Russell
from Llinfy Street.
276
00:14:21,201 --> 00:14:25,110
That dog has had more strays than
your Auntie Paula had lager tops.
277
00:14:25,111 --> 00:14:28,541
He's been with every bitch
this side of Treorchy.
278
00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:37,591
Mrs Morris.
279
00:14:39,051 --> 00:14:41,980
I think getting married
would be a big mistake.
280
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,191
Well, yes. I have a wife already.
281
00:14:46,881 --> 00:14:48,850
I'll put the kettle on.
282
00:14:48,851 --> 00:14:51,530
What?
You actually played rugby for Wales?
283
00:14:51,531 --> 00:14:53,740
Aye, back in the day.
284
00:14:53,741 --> 00:14:57,150
I was there
when the mine collapsed, of course.
285
00:14:57,151 --> 00:14:59,360
Were you.
Yep.
286
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,570
Ask your nana.
287
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,530
I rescued three men.
288
00:15:03,531 --> 00:15:06,700
Scrabbled through the coal, I did,
with my own bare hands.
289
00:15:06,701 --> 00:15:11,360
Gumpa, they're not expecting big,
exciting stories in this project.
290
00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:13,060
Carried them to safety.
291
00:15:13,061 --> 00:15:15,990
I've just got to say who was who's
father and mother and that.
292
00:15:15,991 --> 00:15:17,721
And what they did for a job.
Aye.
293
00:15:17,722 --> 00:15:20,170
You can tell them about the rescue.
294
00:15:20,171 --> 00:15:23,331
I got a medal for it and all.
Right.
295
00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:26,021
Come on, boy.
296
00:15:30,441 --> 00:15:32,381
It's not the baby that's a problem.
297
00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:35,810
I'm quite excited now at the
thought of being a grandparent.
298
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:38,500
Really? I could have waited
a bit longer to be honest.
299
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:39,569
Yes, me too.
300
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:40,951
But now it's happened,
301
00:15:40,952 --> 00:15:43,640
we need to make the best
of a bad situation.
302
00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:44,860
Great.
303
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,050
We have got high hopes
for Sunil, you see.
304
00:15:48,051 --> 00:15:52,450
Jasminder is a bit of a lost soul.
(BOTH SPEAK HINDI)
305
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,400
What you on about,
she's a lovely girl.
306
00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:57,100
40 king-size, mate?
307
00:15:57,101 --> 00:16:00,290
Aye, go on, and give me one of
those scratchcards, will you?
308
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:02,481
One with the bullfighter on.
No offence, like.
309
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:05,670
Jasminder is
only interested in boys.
310
00:16:05,671 --> 00:16:07,610
Sunil has got brains.
311
00:16:07,611 --> 00:16:09,820
He's going to be a doctor,
for God's sake.
312
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:11,790
Give us our pension.
313
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:14,480
Then your daughter goes
and traps him into fatherhood.
314
00:16:14,481 --> 00:16:17,410
Easy now, good girl.
Takes two to warm the chestnuts.
315
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,851
Of course it does, Tanisha.
Thank you, mate.
316
00:16:19,852 --> 00:16:23,770
Look, we're very fond of Emma.
She's pretty.
317
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:25,230
She loves our son.
318
00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:29,410
Yeah, that's not all she's got going
for her, she's a bright girl.
319
00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:31,110
Is she?
Yes!
320
00:16:31,111 --> 00:16:32,840
Alright over that step, love?
321
00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:35,770
Aye, don't cocking worry,
I've got it.
322
00:16:35,771 --> 00:16:37,470
Alright, Stel?
Hiya.
323
00:16:37,471 --> 00:16:38,930
Got any plasters?
324
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,380
Husband's cut
his cocking wrist again.
325
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:42,851
Blood bastard everywhere.
326
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:44,571
By the cat food.
327
00:16:47,501 --> 00:16:50,930
We just think it's better
morally and practically,
328
00:16:50,931 --> 00:16:53,140
for them to get married.
(BOTH SPEAK HINDI)
329
00:16:53,141 --> 00:16:55,591
Then she can support him
through medical school.
330
00:16:55,592 --> 00:16:58,760
Be at home with the baby,
be a proper wife.
331
00:16:58,761 --> 00:16:59,981
My Emma? You serious?
332
00:16:59,982 --> 00:17:05,120
Of course, we'd help them out.
In ways that you never could.
333
00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:08,550
We'd be happy to give them
the flat upstairs, for instance.
334
00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:10,489
You'll only do that
if they get married?
335
00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:11,721
That's the deal.
336
00:17:13,931 --> 00:17:19,060
Right, well, thanks for the offer.
And the tea.
337
00:17:19,061 --> 00:17:22,730
But I think the best thing
is for you to take your deal
338
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:26,651
and to stick up right up your arse
because my daughter is not for sale.
339
00:17:32,771 --> 00:17:36,441
Oh, I love these bastards.
340
00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:44,020
You actually said the word "arse?"
Yeah.
341
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,470
To Sunil's mother?
Both of them.
342
00:17:46,471 --> 00:17:49,900
I said, "right up your arse."
343
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,830
Emma is gonna kill you.
Why?
344
00:17:52,831 --> 00:17:56,020
It's a good thing I done,
she'll thank me one day, I tell you.
345
00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:58,710
You were gonna marry my dad at 16.
17.
346
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,171
I didn't in the end, did I?
347
00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,340
Only because
he buggered off to Canada.
348
00:18:03,341 --> 00:18:04,829
I'm just saying, that's all.
349
00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:06,291
If he'd have stayed here,
350
00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:09,730
you would have done exactly what
you're stopping Emma from doing now.
351
00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:12,151
Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, clever clogs.
352
00:18:13,131 --> 00:18:17,051
Aw, I can't wait
for you to come home.
353
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,480
Don't know where
you're gonna sleep, mind.
354
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:24,150
Only three months now though.
I'm counting the hours.
355
00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:27,820
When you come home, you will...
What?
356
00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:28,811
Stay?
357
00:18:30,991 --> 00:18:33,940
Don't go getting into trouble,
don't come back here again,
358
00:18:33,941 --> 00:18:35,171
I couldn't bear it.
359
00:18:35,172 --> 00:18:38,840
Mum, I only stole a car.
Five cars.
360
00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:40,300
And a lorry.
361
00:18:40,301 --> 00:18:42,750
No hearses.
(CHUCKLES)
362
00:18:42,751 --> 00:18:45,921
True. No hearses.
363
00:18:47,651 --> 00:18:51,561
"You had six brothers and sisters?"
"There abouts, aye."
364
00:18:52,781 --> 00:18:57,681
Henry VIII had six wives.
Well, your uncle Barry had four.
365
00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:02,810
Nana, did Gumpa
really play rugby for Wales?
366
00:19:02,811 --> 00:19:06,490
Hiya.
In by here, Stel.
367
00:19:06,491 --> 00:19:10,880
Hiya, presh. Good day?
You look worn out. How's Luke?
368
00:19:10,881 --> 00:19:13,330
Excited, he is.
He would be.
369
00:19:13,331 --> 00:19:15,289
A history project.
Let's have a look.
370
00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:17,481
When he gets back,
the reality will hit home.
371
00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:19,690
He might need psychotherapy,
you know.
372
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:22,610
Mum, I told you not to say nothing
373
00:19:22,611 --> 00:19:24,579
but you had to interfere,
didn't you?
374
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,551
Calm down.
Tanisha's really upset.
375
00:19:26,552 --> 00:19:29,480
And his dad. I'm so embarrassed.
Who's Tanisha? Sunil's mum.
376
00:19:29,481 --> 00:19:30,940
You should be grateful.
377
00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:32,651
Only reason
they want you to get married
378
00:19:32,652 --> 00:19:35,360
is so you can make his tea
and bring up his kids
379
00:19:35,361 --> 00:19:36,321
that's not you want?
380
00:19:36,322 --> 00:19:39,510
She's not getting married, is she?
Hush a minute, mum.
381
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,731
Yes, it is actually.
382
00:19:40,732 --> 00:19:43,420
That's what I'm gonna do
and you can't stop me.
383
00:19:43,421 --> 00:19:45,390
She can, you're not 18.
384
00:19:45,391 --> 00:19:48,800
You could run away to Gretna Green
if you want. Shut up, Ben.
385
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:50,260
Good God.
386
00:19:50,261 --> 00:19:53,450
I don't know what your grandpa
is gonna say about all of this.
387
00:19:53,451 --> 00:19:55,421
He'll probably say
he's very happy for me.
388
00:19:55,422 --> 00:19:59,070
And he'll probably say he's coming
to our engagement party on Friday.
389
00:19:59,071 --> 00:20:01,520
You're not serious?
What engagement party?
390
00:20:01,521 --> 00:20:03,970
You're invited to it,
and you are, Ben.
391
00:20:03,971 --> 00:20:06,411
In fact, everyone is, except her.
392
00:20:08,621 --> 00:20:12,291
You can stop me getting married but
you won't stop me getting engaged.
393
00:20:12,771 --> 00:20:14,501
I'm moving out.
394
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:21,101
Can I have her room?
395
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,700
(DOORBELL RINGS)
396
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:52,550
Stella.
397
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:57,419
I presume Melissa
took the ironing board?
398
00:20:57,420 --> 00:21:00,380
Yes. Actually, yes.
399
00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:06,500
Come in.
400
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:20,920
Hiya, Little Alan.
Hi.
401
00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:24,350
Haven't seen you up the club much
watching Ben.
402
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,559
Turning into a right little dynamo,
he is.
403
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,209
Well, I've had a few things
on my plate, Alan.
404
00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:33,639
My daughter leaving home,
threatening to get married.
405
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,589
No doubt you're going, are you?
To this engagement party.
406
00:21:36,590 --> 00:21:38,059
Seems rude not to.
407
00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:40,238
We'll be having a curry anyway
on a Friday night
408
00:21:40,239 --> 00:21:41,728
so it'll save me a few pounds.
409
00:21:41,729 --> 00:21:43,670
There will be a curry there,
I take it?
410
00:21:43,671 --> 00:21:44,900
I've no idea.
411
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,569
Right, what do you want me to do?
412
00:21:48,570 --> 00:21:50,269
What ironing do you want me to do?
413
00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:51,499
Oh, yeah.
414
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:54,449
Al, change out of
your marrow costume, will you?
415
00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,390
But I like it.
Stella wants to iron it.
416
00:21:56,391 --> 00:21:57,380
What?
417
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,289
Won't be a sec.
OK.
418
00:22:01,290 --> 00:22:04,219
Got it all ready.
419
00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:05,939
Here we go.
420
00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:07,409
Is that it?
421
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:11,559
You got me over here for two shirts?
Where's your lollipop costume?
422
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,989
It's not a costume, it's a coat.
And it doesn't need ironing.
423
00:22:14,990 --> 00:22:18,420
I might have some pants upstairs.
Don't do pants. Health and safety.
424
00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:23,799
Oh, is that your family tree,
Little Alan?
425
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,770
Let's have a look.
I've finished it.
426
00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:33,590
Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan.
427
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:36,280
Alan.
428
00:22:38,970 --> 00:22:41,419
Almost everyone in your family's
called Alan.
429
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:42,879
Yes.
430
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,100
Traditional.
431
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:46,069
I'm Little Alan.
For now, yes.
432
00:22:46,070 --> 00:22:48,519
But I bet even your dad
was Little Alan once.
433
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,690
No, I've always been Big Alan.
434
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:56,819
Cockle?
435
00:22:56,820 --> 00:22:57,810
Nice.
436
00:23:04,410 --> 00:23:06,620
(TV BLARES)
437
00:23:09,060 --> 00:23:11,750
Do you want me to test you?
Nah.
438
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,489
Shall we go to your room?
439
00:23:23,490 --> 00:23:25,459
We can't.
440
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:28,649
My mum's in the kitchen.
So?
441
00:23:28,650 --> 00:23:30,589
We're engaged, remember?
442
00:23:30,590 --> 00:23:32,799
She won't mind.
Yes, she will.
443
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,250
Shut up. I'm revising.
444
00:23:35,970 --> 00:23:37,699
Boring.
445
00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:39,640
Jasminder's home in a bit,
isn't she?
446
00:23:39,641 --> 00:23:41,369
Emma, if you've nothing to do,
447
00:23:41,370 --> 00:23:44,059
you can help me stuff some samosas
for the party.
448
00:23:44,060 --> 00:23:46,980
No, you're alright.
Terrible cook, me.
449
00:23:49,430 --> 00:23:52,359
Look at this, proper pretty,
isn't it?
450
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,169
I might wear it tomorrow night.
451
00:23:54,170 --> 00:23:57,020
"Surfin' USA" - The Beach Boys
452
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:06,809
(AMERICAN ACCENT) I like the way
you ride the wave, Tracey Lee.
453
00:24:06,810 --> 00:24:09,499
You ride it hard
and you ride it fast.
454
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:12,689
(AMERICAN ACCENT) You bet
your bottom dollar, Bradley Joe.
455
00:24:12,690 --> 00:24:14,630
No, Fuckly, we said.
Hell yeah, Fuckly!
456
00:24:14,631 --> 00:24:16,099
(DOORBELL RINGS)
457
00:24:16,100 --> 00:24:17,559
Sorry.
458
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,509
Alright, not doing it for me,
this one.
459
00:24:20,510 --> 00:24:21,979
Suit's a bit tight.
460
00:24:21,980 --> 00:24:23,198
It's your mother.
461
00:24:23,199 --> 00:24:24,660
I'm coming down now, Meg!
462
00:24:24,661 --> 00:24:27,110
It'll be
the bloody engagement party.
463
00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:32,009
Right.
464
00:24:32,010 --> 00:24:36,399
?5.80 is minimum wage now?
We didn't quite do the hour.
465
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,589
In fact, you were only here
25 minutes all told.
466
00:24:39,590 --> 00:24:42,280
So, let's call that four pounds.
467
00:24:44,490 --> 00:24:46,939
That's really generous of you.
468
00:24:46,940 --> 00:24:49,139
Don't mention it.
469
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:52,789
See you at the party then?
Not going, Al.
470
00:24:52,790 --> 00:24:53,780
Not invited.
471
00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:09,930
(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)
472
00:25:17,270 --> 00:25:19,220
(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)
473
00:25:22,890 --> 00:25:24,110
(SIGHS)
474
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,529
Well, it's a terrible position
to be in,
475
00:25:28,530 --> 00:25:30,230
do we stand by Stella and not go
476
00:25:30,231 --> 00:25:32,679
and then offend Emma
and the Chowlys.
477
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:33,660
Chaudhrys.
478
00:25:33,661 --> 00:25:37,579
Or do we go to keep Emma happy?
What does Dad say?
479
00:25:37,580 --> 00:25:39,540
Oh, can't get any sense out of him.
480
00:25:39,541 --> 00:25:42,949
Too wrapped up with Ben
and his family tree.
481
00:25:42,950 --> 00:25:44,500
What about you? Are you gonna go?
482
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:46,139
You know what the answer is,
483
00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:48,590
get Stella to go
then we'll all be one happy family.
484
00:25:48,591 --> 00:25:51,759
She won't though, will she?
Emma's just as bad.
485
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,218
Won't have her near the place.
486
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:55,028
Honest to God, who'd have girls?
487
00:25:55,029 --> 00:25:56,180
Boys are much easier.
488
00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:59,849
You were no trouble, Dai.
Little angel, you were.
489
00:25:59,850 --> 00:26:01,070
Still is sometimes.
490
00:26:01,071 --> 00:26:04,739
So you taking up this proper,
the surfing and what have you?
491
00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:06,929
They look nice on, the suits.
492
00:26:06,930 --> 00:26:09,380
Yeah, they were left
in the back of the hearse.
493
00:26:09,381 --> 00:26:11,579
I tried surfing once.
494
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:14,030
Down Langland Bay.
495
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:27,499
Maybe if you let me steer, Alan,
you push.
496
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,959
No point.
497
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,410
Not much between us weight-wise,
you and me.
498
00:26:31,411 --> 00:26:32,869
Oh, charming.
499
00:26:32,870 --> 00:26:34,580
Hang on, there's Emma and Jasminder.
500
00:26:34,581 --> 00:26:36,619
Emma! Emma!
501
00:26:36,620 --> 00:26:38,749
Emma!
502
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:40,699
Alright, calm down!
503
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:43,379
Do you need a hand?
What do you think, stupid?
504
00:26:43,380 --> 00:26:45,349
Don't look at me, I'm pregnant.
505
00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:47,559
Let's try again.
506
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,010
(ALL STRAIN)
Come on.
507
00:26:52,460 --> 00:26:53,679
That's it.
508
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,139
Right.
509
00:26:55,140 --> 00:26:58,069
Ran out of petrol, has it?
No.
510
00:26:58,070 --> 00:27:01,259
What is it then?
I don't know, I'm not a mechanic.
511
00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:04,189
Don't get arsy with me,
I'm the one making conversation here
512
00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:05,420
unlike some people.
513
00:27:05,421 --> 00:27:07,619
Making progress
now you're in your stride.
514
00:27:07,620 --> 00:27:09,568
You gonna sign
this letter of consent
515
00:27:09,569 --> 00:27:12,020
so me and Sunny can get married?
You know I'm not.
516
00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:14,939
Why not? It's not fair.
517
00:27:14,940 --> 00:27:18,139
This isn't some school trip
you want to go on.
518
00:27:18,140 --> 00:27:20,339
Or a pair of designer jeans
you want to buy.
519
00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:24,019
I'm not saying no to be mean,
I'm saying no cos it's a stupid idea.
520
00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:26,200
No-one else thinks so.
Dad doesn't think so.
521
00:27:26,201 --> 00:27:28,409
Because your Dad's
a stupid bloody man.
522
00:27:28,410 --> 00:27:31,099
Why do you think I left him?
I thought he left you.
523
00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:33,859
That's it. Push!
524
00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:36,979
Hey, Em. Taste of things to come.
525
00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:38,679
(CHUCKLES)
526
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:42,349
I'm not changing my mind,
there's no point talking about it.
527
00:27:42,350 --> 00:27:45,039
You spoil everything, you do.
I don't. You do.
528
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,990
I hate you.
No, you don't.
529
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,740
That's it. Whoa!
530
00:28:01,940 --> 00:28:04,379
As soon as I'm 18,
we can marry anyway.
531
00:28:04,380 --> 00:28:08,780
Great, so wait till you're 18 then.
Come on, Jas, let's go.
532
00:28:10,740 --> 00:28:11,970
Oh!
533
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,049
It's OK! I'm alright!
534
00:28:19,050 --> 00:28:22,000
Little Al, Daddy's alive.
535
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,149
(RADIO) "Good morning,
you're listening to The Big One."
536
00:28:26,150 --> 00:28:28,360
"I don't know
what you've got planned today
537
00:28:28,361 --> 00:28:31,290
but it is a fantastic day outside,
the sun is shining."
538
00:28:43,530 --> 00:28:44,510
(TANISHA) Emma?
539
00:28:44,511 --> 00:28:45,739
Yeah?
540
00:28:45,740 --> 00:28:48,180
Come on,
we've got a lot to do today.
541
00:28:56,570 --> 00:28:57,709
Alan.
542
00:28:57,710 --> 00:28:59,919
I've solved your problem.
Which one?
543
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,859
Emma or the car?
The last one.
544
00:29:01,860 --> 00:29:05,299
Or the fact I'm up to my eyes in debt
with no real means of paying it off?
545
00:29:05,300 --> 00:29:08,219
The last one, the car one.
Oh, you can pay to get it fixed?
546
00:29:08,220 --> 00:29:12,160
No, but I've got
the next best thing. Ta-da!
547
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,089
It was my uncle's.
548
00:29:15,090 --> 00:29:17,539
Still works good as new.
549
00:29:17,540 --> 00:29:19,740
You can stick the ironing
in the back here.
550
00:29:19,741 --> 00:29:22,669
Look, and wait for it...
551
00:29:22,670 --> 00:29:24,139
(HONKS HORN)
552
00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:25,360
See?
553
00:29:28,790 --> 00:29:31,479
I really don't know what say.
554
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,940
"Fat Bottomed Girls" - Queen
555
00:29:32,941 --> 00:29:37,179
Are you gonna take me home tonight?
556
00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:42,499
Oh, down beside that red fire light
557
00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:46,649
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
558
00:29:46,650 --> 00:29:50,799
Fat bottomed girls,
You make the rocking world go round
559
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,020
Road hog!
560
00:29:54,470 --> 00:29:55,940
Hey!
561
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,579
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
562
00:30:01,580 --> 00:30:06,469
But I knew life
before I left my nursery
563
00:30:06,470 --> 00:30:11,849
Left alone with big fat Fanny,
She was such a naughty nanny...
564
00:30:11,850 --> 00:30:15,279
Mum, you know tonight?
Yeah.
565
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,949
Is it OK if I go to Emma's party?
It's up to you, babes.
566
00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:21,639
But is that a real
"it's up to you" or a sulky one?
567
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,100
Like when we have to decide
568
00:30:23,101 --> 00:30:25,789
whether to go to Dad and Nadine's
for Christmas dinner?
569
00:30:25,790 --> 00:30:29,459
Look, Emma's cross with me, not you.
570
00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:32,899
I really want you to go
if you want to go.
571
00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:35,339
Now wish me luck.
572
00:30:35,340 --> 00:30:38,269
I've got to get
to Mrs Barclay's on this thing.
573
00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:39,499
Bye, mum.
574
00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:44,869
Are you gonna take me home tonight?
575
00:30:44,870 --> 00:30:50,509
Oh, down beside that red firelight
Way to go, Stella, way to go.
576
00:30:50,510 --> 00:30:55,139
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
577
00:30:55,140 --> 00:31:00,300
Fat bottomed girls,
you make the rocking world go round
578
00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:03,709
See that face?
Yeah?
579
00:31:03,710 --> 00:31:06,399
That's the colour
I want to do the bathroom.
580
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,370
Alright?
Get on your bikes and ride
581
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,709
Oooh, yeah
582
00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:17,179
Oh, yeah!
583
00:31:17,180 --> 00:31:21,089
Fat bottomed girls
584
00:31:21,090 --> 00:31:22,309
Yeah
585
00:31:22,310 --> 00:31:24,839
Yeah, yeah
586
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,729
Come on.
587
00:31:26,730 --> 00:31:27,930
Come on!
588
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:42,860
(PANTS)
589
00:31:54,620 --> 00:31:56,320
Oh, bollocks.
590
00:32:00,295 --> 00:32:02,504
Mrs Barclay,
I've had a terrible accident.
591
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:05,194
Obviously, I'll pay for any damage.
592
00:32:05,195 --> 00:32:07,404
Hello.
She's out.
593
00:32:07,405 --> 00:32:09,855
She's gone to pick up
a chocolate fountain.
594
00:32:09,856 --> 00:32:12,294
A chocolate fountain?
You cycle up that hill?
595
00:32:12,295 --> 00:32:13,524
Yeah.
596
00:32:13,525 --> 00:32:15,975
I'm not much of a judge
when it comes to ironing
597
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:20,124
but that looks a bit crap.
It is.
598
00:32:20,125 --> 00:32:22,815
Right, you're coming with me.
599
00:32:55,355 --> 00:32:59,024
Still not dry.
Don't worry.
600
00:32:59,025 --> 00:33:00,734
Blimey.
601
00:33:00,735 --> 00:33:03,414
Well, when it's what you do
day in day out...
602
00:33:03,415 --> 00:33:05,143
I'll drop this off for you
if you like?
603
00:33:05,144 --> 00:33:06,615
Back to the dragon's lair.
604
00:33:06,616 --> 00:33:10,014
She do fancy you, Mrs Barclay do.
No, she's just after my money.
605
00:33:10,015 --> 00:33:12,465
Ha!
Mum, where's my camera?
606
00:33:14,275 --> 00:33:15,414
Top shelf.
607
00:33:15,415 --> 00:33:17,624
Don't know where he gets
the energy from.
608
00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:18,824
Oh, hello.
609
00:33:18,825 --> 00:33:22,254
I had an accident on the tricycle
and this is...
610
00:33:22,255 --> 00:33:24,705
Oh, my God, I don't know your name.
611
00:33:26,015 --> 00:33:27,634
It's Sean.
612
00:33:27,635 --> 00:33:29,364
Hiya, I'm Stella.
Alright?
613
00:33:29,365 --> 00:33:32,294
Haven't got jet lag, have you?
Need to get that checked out.
614
00:33:32,295 --> 00:33:34,494
She means whiplash,
she gets them mixed up.
615
00:33:34,495 --> 00:33:36,445
This is my mother, Meg.
Hiya, alright?
616
00:33:36,446 --> 00:33:37,934
How do you do?
617
00:33:37,935 --> 00:33:40,614
You laugh about it
but Cheryl Cleaver's mother had it,
618
00:33:40,615 --> 00:33:43,784
never see her out of a neck brace.
That's cos she's on the fiddle.
619
00:33:43,785 --> 00:33:45,015
Ben... Mum, I'm alright.
620
00:33:45,016 --> 00:33:48,204
Ben, this is Sean. He's got a Harley.
621
00:33:48,205 --> 00:33:50,414
How many CC's?
1,500.
622
00:33:50,415 --> 00:33:53,094
Cool.
Right, well...
623
00:33:53,095 --> 00:33:55,544
We better get off.
624
00:33:55,545 --> 00:33:59,214
Is this alright?
Yeah.
625
00:33:59,215 --> 00:34:02,624
We're going for Emma, alright?
626
00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:03,615
I know.
627
00:34:05,075 --> 00:34:08,744
Enjoy yourselves. Really.
628
00:34:08,745 --> 00:34:10,955
OK. See you later.
629
00:34:12,895 --> 00:34:15,345
Nice to meet you, Sean.
You too.
630
00:34:16,575 --> 00:34:19,284
So I get the feeling
you're meant to be somewhere else.
631
00:34:19,285 --> 00:34:20,484
Long story.
632
00:34:20,485 --> 00:34:23,195
Well, that washing's got
at least 20 minutes left.
633
00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:35,175
Oh, my God.
634
00:34:36,395 --> 00:34:39,084
That's mint, that is.
I'll take that as a complement.
635
00:34:39,085 --> 00:34:42,754
It's really, really nice.
It's proper Indian and that.
636
00:34:42,755 --> 00:34:44,964
That's because we are Indian.
637
00:34:44,965 --> 00:34:47,654
You did know that, didn't you?
638
00:34:47,655 --> 00:34:51,084
Come on, you've got to get changed.
(SPEAKS HINDI ANGRILY)
639
00:34:51,085 --> 00:34:52,545
I'm coming.
640
00:34:55,975 --> 00:34:58,425
Sunny, it's so...
641
00:34:59,385 --> 00:35:01,114
I can't believe it.
642
00:35:01,115 --> 00:35:02,335
Come on.
643
00:35:02,815 --> 00:35:05,025
She wanted to make it nice for us.
644
00:35:07,715 --> 00:35:10,164
Let me give your mum a call.
645
00:35:10,165 --> 00:35:12,615
It's not too late.
Yes, it is.
646
00:35:15,055 --> 00:35:17,745
Yeah, it is too late, like.
647
00:35:20,435 --> 00:35:22,645
Come on, let's try the music out.
648
00:35:25,095 --> 00:35:28,524
So your eldest, Luke, is it?
Luke, yeah.
649
00:35:28,525 --> 00:35:32,434
What would you have said
if your mother had told you
650
00:35:32,435 --> 00:35:35,844
that you had to have him adopted,
would you have listened to her?
651
00:35:35,845 --> 00:35:38,794
I know what this is
and you're very convincing and that.
652
00:35:38,795 --> 00:35:41,964
But the end of the day,
Emma's making a big mistake.
653
00:35:41,965 --> 00:35:43,183
Maybe she is.
654
00:35:43,184 --> 00:35:45,155
But it's her mistake to make,
isn't it?
655
00:35:45,156 --> 00:35:48,404
So, you got any kids, then... Sean?
656
00:35:48,405 --> 00:35:51,015
Not yet... Stella.
657
00:35:51,995 --> 00:35:54,444
(BELL DINGS)
All done.
658
00:35:54,445 --> 00:35:56,655
Better get cracking then.
659
00:35:59,335 --> 00:36:03,494
None of my business, but Emma
might be your only ever daughter
660
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:06,685
and this might be
her only ever engagement party.
661
00:36:10,595 --> 00:36:14,505
Seems a shame to miss it,
don't you think?
662
00:36:17,035 --> 00:36:19,885
(INDIAN MUSIC)
663
00:36:27,735 --> 00:36:31,484
Karl, it's better the Ponty panto.
664
00:36:31,485 --> 00:36:33,824
Welcome to you both.
665
00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:38,244
I'm Karl, I am. Emma's dad.
Good to meet you properly.
666
00:36:38,245 --> 00:36:40,455
I know, I buy my wank mags
from you most weeks
667
00:36:40,456 --> 00:36:43,134
but I don't even know your name.
668
00:36:43,135 --> 00:36:45,344
Jagadeesh.
Nice one.
669
00:36:45,345 --> 00:36:49,734
The jagged edge, is it?
No, it's Jagadeesh.
670
00:36:49,735 --> 00:36:52,184
So, granddads together?
671
00:36:52,185 --> 00:36:55,614
We should go for a pint some time.
Don't be ignorant, Karl.
672
00:36:55,615 --> 00:36:58,304
He don't drink, he's a Muslim.
673
00:36:58,305 --> 00:37:00,514
I'm not a Muslim actually.
674
00:37:00,515 --> 00:37:02,215
You're something though,
aren't you?
675
00:37:02,216 --> 00:37:05,654
Yeah, I'm definitely something.
I'm Nadine, Emma's step mum.
676
00:37:05,655 --> 00:37:09,054
Pleased to meet you.
I'm Tanisha, you must be Nardinay.
677
00:37:09,055 --> 00:37:10,784
No, it's Nadine.
678
00:37:10,785 --> 00:37:14,214
Actually though,
I quite like that, Nardinay.
679
00:37:14,215 --> 00:37:15,684
Like Chardonnay.
680
00:37:15,685 --> 00:37:19,094
Nadine, you gotta try these pasties,
they are stunning.
681
00:37:19,095 --> 00:37:21,534
Actually it's Nardinay,
I've changed it.
682
00:37:21,535 --> 00:37:22,525
Since when?
683
00:37:22,526 --> 00:37:24,735
(INDIAN MUSIC)
684
00:37:39,155 --> 00:37:43,065
You alright?
Yeah, I'm great. Really.
685
00:37:44,055 --> 00:37:47,724
Alright, bro?
What are you wearing?
686
00:37:47,725 --> 00:37:49,934
Salwar Kameez.
Awesome.
687
00:37:49,935 --> 00:37:53,364
You look like a Quality Street.
Oi!
688
00:37:53,365 --> 00:37:58,254
Ben, look what I found today
in the shed.
689
00:37:58,255 --> 00:38:00,444
It's your Granddad's bravery medal.
690
00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:03,134
When he rescued those people
from the mine.
691
00:38:03,135 --> 00:38:05,334
Bet he never told you about that,
did he?
692
00:38:05,335 --> 00:38:07,544
Yeah, sort of.
693
00:38:07,545 --> 00:38:09,754
It was in the papers and everything,
it was.
694
00:38:09,755 --> 00:38:10,975
There you go.
695
00:38:19,045 --> 00:38:21,735
I've got to get this on my phone,
put it on YouTube.
696
00:38:24,685 --> 00:38:27,374
It all looks ever so exotic,
doesn't it, Karl?
697
00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:30,534
Shall we be Hindus?
I'd quite fancy it.
698
00:38:30,535 --> 00:38:32,745
I thought you wanted to do
ballroom dancing?
699
00:38:32,746 --> 00:38:35,674
Oh, yeah.
You can't do both.
700
00:38:35,675 --> 00:38:36,655
What's it to be?
701
00:38:36,656 --> 00:38:40,334
I think the dresses are more nicer
with the ballroom, to be honest.
702
00:38:40,335 --> 00:38:41,794
More flattering.
703
00:38:41,795 --> 00:38:44,484
Yeah, let's stick to ballroom.
704
00:38:44,485 --> 00:38:48,155
Tell me again.
Which bit?
705
00:38:49,375 --> 00:38:56,964
The bit where the big hairy miner,
all sweating and rough,
706
00:38:56,965 --> 00:39:00,154
rescues the poor, vulnerable people
707
00:39:00,155 --> 00:39:03,824
trapped deep, deep
in the deep, dark mine.
708
00:39:03,825 --> 00:39:05,534
All alone.
709
00:39:05,535 --> 00:39:07,734
Defenceless.
710
00:39:07,735 --> 00:39:08,965
Waiting.
711
00:39:09,445 --> 00:39:10,904
Yeah.
712
00:39:10,905 --> 00:39:11,895
That bit.
713
00:39:12,875 --> 00:39:15,084
Right, you get home,
get down the cellar,
714
00:39:15,085 --> 00:39:18,015
hide under the broken chair,
I'll come and rescue you.
715
00:39:18,995 --> 00:39:20,455
Give me ten minutes.
716
00:39:34,405 --> 00:39:36,614
Sorry, excuse me.
717
00:39:36,615 --> 00:39:39,054
Are you Emma?
Yeah?
718
00:39:39,055 --> 00:39:41,005
Someone outside wants to see you.
719
00:39:43,455 --> 00:39:47,364
That's Sean, he's got a Harley.
Has he now?
720
00:39:47,365 --> 00:39:49,814
I had a Harley once.
Whoa!
721
00:39:49,815 --> 00:39:52,014
How fast did you go on it?
722
00:39:52,015 --> 00:39:55,184
Don't be daft, kid, only joking.
723
00:39:55,185 --> 00:39:57,894
Imagine your old gumpa
on a motorbike.
724
00:39:57,895 --> 00:39:59,605
I'd be the laughing stock.
725
00:40:10,455 --> 00:40:12,325
Mum, I'm really sorry.
726
00:40:13,785 --> 00:40:14,775
Me too.
727
00:40:16,975 --> 00:40:19,425
I'm, such a dick.
And me.
728
00:40:34,355 --> 00:40:38,024
I suppose I just feel
that getting married is so final.
729
00:40:38,025 --> 00:40:40,954
It's not as final
as having his baby.
730
00:40:40,955 --> 00:40:42,974
True.
731
00:40:42,975 --> 00:40:45,345
Look what he got me.
732
00:40:47,075 --> 00:40:50,484
Oh, Em.
I proper love him, Mum.
733
00:40:50,485 --> 00:40:52,455
I know you proper do.
734
00:40:54,415 --> 00:40:57,825
Right, here's the deal.
735
00:40:59,055 --> 00:41:02,004
You can have this baby...
Oh, thank you very much(!)
736
00:41:02,005 --> 00:41:04,934
And you can get married.
Thank you very much.
737
00:41:04,935 --> 00:41:06,634
But before you do any of that,
738
00:41:06,635 --> 00:41:10,305
I want you to stay on at school
and do your bloody exams.
739
00:41:13,255 --> 00:41:14,215
OK.
740
00:41:16,905 --> 00:41:20,094
That wasn't very difficult.
You're right though, aren't you?
741
00:41:20,095 --> 00:41:22,784
I'm gonna be bored out of my bog
sitting at home all day.
742
00:41:22,785 --> 00:41:26,694
May as well do some poxy GCSEs.
743
00:41:26,695 --> 00:41:28,905
Deal then?
Deal.
744
00:41:31,355 --> 00:41:34,044
Stel, you haven't come
to spoil things, have you?
745
00:41:34,045 --> 00:41:36,493
Don't want trouble.
We're having a lovely time.
746
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:37,475
It's not the Hindu way.
747
00:41:37,476 --> 00:41:40,644
Mum has given us her blessing.
(KARL) Stunning.
748
00:41:40,645 --> 00:41:43,334
This means such a lot to us.
Yeah.
749
00:41:43,335 --> 00:41:48,494
Well, I'm sorry for telling you
to stick your deal up your...
750
00:41:48,495 --> 00:41:49,954
(ALL) Arse.
751
00:41:49,955 --> 00:41:51,654
Don't give it another thought.
752
00:41:51,655 --> 00:41:56,314
Sometimes I have a mouth so filthy
I make my husband weep.
753
00:41:56,315 --> 00:41:58,014
(ALL LAUGH)
754
00:41:58,015 --> 00:42:01,695
"I Don't Feel Like Dancing"
The Scissor Sisters
755
00:42:22,975 --> 00:42:26,894
My boy is coming home in a month
and that will make me smile.
756
00:42:26,895 --> 00:42:28,594
So, what do you reckon?
757
00:42:28,595 --> 00:42:32,264
Can you give Dick a funeral
he'll never forget?
758
00:42:32,265 --> 00:42:34,954
Seeing such a good turn out today
759
00:42:34,955 --> 00:42:37,664
would have made Dick
a very proud Dick.
760
00:42:37,665 --> 00:42:40,594
A Dick tickled pink.
761
00:42:40,595 --> 00:42:43,524
You're not helping.
In fact, you're freaking me out.
762
00:42:43,525 --> 00:42:46,714
Mum, I think we got a problem.
763
00:42:46,715 --> 00:42:49,404
I'm gonna kill him!
No, listen!
764
00:42:49,405 --> 00:42:51,345
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765
00:42:51,395 --> 00:42:55,945
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