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*SOUTH PARK*
Season 23 Episode 08
Episode Title :"Turd Burglars"
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00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:09,959
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:10,047 --> 00:00:13,389
It's one for the ladies!
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00:00:13,493 --> 00:00:17,560
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:24,295
♪ Headin' down to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:31,898
♪ So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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When I look out
across this room,
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00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:39,484
I see the backbone
of our community.
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00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:43,132
The women of this town
need to stand together!
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00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:46,171
We are here,
and we're proud.
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00:00:46,304 --> 00:00:48,720
And it is time
to let everyone know
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00:00:48,807 --> 00:00:51,398
that the women of South Park
should be treated
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00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,667
the same as the men!
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00:00:53,843 --> 00:00:55,764
Oh! Aaaaah.
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00:00:57,939 --> 00:00:59,171
Oh, God!
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Ohhh, sorry.
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00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:05,655
Oh‐kay.
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00:01:05,743 --> 00:01:07,124
I'm alright.
19
00:01:07,613 --> 00:01:09,206
Oh!
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00:01:15,429 --> 00:01:16,593
Hello, boys.
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00:01:16,818 --> 00:01:19,093
Your mommy has
a bacterial infection
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00:01:19,189 --> 00:01:20,437
called C. diff.
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00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:22,155
It's very contagious.
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00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:24,756
A bacterial infection?
In her stomach?
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00:01:25,046 --> 00:01:27,763
All of us have trillions
of microscopic critters
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00:01:27,851 --> 00:01:29,766
that grow on
and inside our bodies,
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00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:31,060
just like your mom.
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00:01:31,148 --> 00:01:33,631
There's tiny creatures
which live in your mom's skin,
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00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,600
on her eyelashes,
in her vagina.
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00:01:35,688 --> 00:01:37,693
But the good bacteria
in your mommy's tummy
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are being overrun
by bad bacteria.
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00:01:40,237 --> 00:01:42,152
We can't use antibiotics
because that will
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00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,443
kill all the good
bacteria, too.
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00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:46,263
So, what can
you do for her?
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00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:49,180
We need to take
a healthy person's microbiome
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00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:51,529
and start to grow it
inside your mother.
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00:01:51,617 --> 00:01:53,899
We do this with
a fecal transplant.
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00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:56,386
We'll get a donor's feces,
mix it with water,
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00:01:56,474 --> 00:01:58,154
and put it up
your mom's anus.
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00:01:58,242 --> 00:01:59,557
Ewwww!
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00:01:59,789 --> 00:02:01,336
Your mom is tough, kids.
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00:02:01,446 --> 00:02:03,170
We're gonna do
the very best we can.
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00:02:03,258 --> 00:02:05,007
Try not to worry.
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00:02:05,779 --> 00:02:08,298
Ike, if mom lives...
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we can't let anyone
ever know about this.
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♪ I am shopping ♪
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♪ I'm grocery shopping ♪
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♪ I'm buying food
for the people I love ♪
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00:02:24,651 --> 00:02:25,765
Sheila?
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00:02:25,853 --> 00:02:27,267
Oh! Hi, Laura!
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00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,498
My goodness, look at you!
I thought you were sick!
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00:02:30,586 --> 00:02:33,669
I was, but I had
an amazing procedure!
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00:02:33,757 --> 00:02:35,438
No, no, no, Mommy.
No, no, no, no!
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I had a fecal transplant.
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00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:40,405
- Oh! God damn it!
- You had a what?
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00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:42,499
A fecal transplant.
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00:02:42,587 --> 00:02:45,084
It's when they take
the feces of a healthy donor
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00:02:45,172 --> 00:02:46,826
and place it in your anus.
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00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:49,029
I feel like
a million dollars!
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00:02:49,141 --> 00:02:51,841
Sheila, is that you?
I thought you were sick!
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00:02:51,936 --> 00:02:54,849
I was,
but I had a fecal transplant.
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00:02:54,937 --> 00:02:56,085
Aaaaah!
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00:02:56,265 --> 00:02:57,480
I'm telling you girls,
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00:02:57,568 --> 00:02:59,552
it solved every problem
I've ever had!
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00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,633
I've lost weight!
I have more energy!
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00:03:01,721 --> 00:03:04,685
I even think my arthritis
is clearing up!
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00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,149
Well,
that certainly is...
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00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:08,452
interesting.
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00:03:08,593 --> 00:03:10,474
Looking great, Sheila!
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00:03:10,539 --> 00:03:14,013
Thanks, Janice!
Fecal transplant!
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00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:30,060
If you're watching this video,
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00:03:30,148 --> 00:03:32,763
then your mom probably had
a fecal transplant.
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00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:35,826
And the one question on
your mind is most likely,
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00:03:36,019 --> 00:03:39,013
"How do I keep my friends
from ripping on me?"
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00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,269
Yes!
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00:03:40,357 --> 00:03:42,872
People make fun of
what they don't understand.
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00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:46,549
So, let's learn why your mom
had a fecal transplant.
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00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:49,365
It was to replace
her microbiome.
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00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:52,202
Germs, bugs,
thousand of organisms
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00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,982
are all around you
all the time.
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00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:55,885
That remote control
your holding...
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00:03:55,973 --> 00:03:57,287
It's teaming with life...
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00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,521
- bacteria and other organisms.
- Eugh!
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00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,271
They also live on
your clothes...
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00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:05,099
- Eesh!
- Small organisms are everywhere.
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00:04:05,231 --> 00:04:07,279
Now, scratch your balls.
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00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:08,841
Go on.
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00:04:09,384 --> 00:04:10,521
If you don't have balls,
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00:04:10,645 --> 00:04:13,365
scratch whatever else
might be down there.
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00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,115
Now smell your fingers.
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00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,506
That smell is millions
of living organisms
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00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:24,404
that you've just scraped
from your crotch
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00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:26,857
and are now going up
inside your nostrils...
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00:04:26,945 --> 00:04:28,660
your microbiome.
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00:04:29,097 --> 00:04:30,300
Ewwwww!
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00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,089
Creatures live in your teeth.
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00:04:32,262 --> 00:04:35,261
They live on your eyelashes,
on your skin.
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00:04:35,349 --> 00:04:38,573
And trillions and trillions
live inside your body.
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00:04:38,661 --> 00:04:40,943
In fact,
of all the cells in your body
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00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:43,219
only half are human cells.
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00:04:43,447 --> 00:04:47,519
The other half are all
microscopic organisms!
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00:04:47,607 --> 00:04:48,821
Aaaaaaah!
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00:04:50,845 --> 00:04:52,362
How is your salmon, Sheila?
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00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:53,542
Oh, it's amazing.
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00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:55,362
You know, I could never
eat like this before.
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00:04:55,449 --> 00:04:57,997
My allergy to shellfish
has literally gone away.
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00:04:58,085 --> 00:05:00,535
Oh, my gosh.
That's so wonderful!
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00:05:00,707 --> 00:05:03,723
Oh,
that reminds me.
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00:05:03,794 --> 00:05:05,141
So, Sheila,
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00:05:05,229 --> 00:05:07,355
um, the girls and I
were talking...
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00:05:07,443 --> 00:05:09,972
Well, you seem so great,
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00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,823
and we thought how nice
it would be for us...
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00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:15,605
to have a little bit
of your poop.
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00:05:16,932 --> 00:05:17,979
What?
115
00:05:18,144 --> 00:05:20,503
Well, thing is,
we asked our doctors
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00:05:20,591 --> 00:05:22,354
about getting
fecal transplants, too,
117
00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:25,588
and they said they only do them
for "medical reasons."
118
00:05:25,676 --> 00:05:27,542
So, we have to
do them on our own.
119
00:05:27,630 --> 00:05:29,512
Oh, well...
120
00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:32,010
You know, girls, if the doctor
doesn't think it's safe,
121
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:35,280
you probably shouldn't be doing
DIY transplants.
122
00:05:35,446 --> 00:05:37,721
No, that's very true,
isn't it?
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00:05:37,809 --> 00:05:39,123
We were just
thinking that...
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00:05:39,356 --> 00:05:41,706
your microbiome is
so healthy now,
125
00:05:41,794 --> 00:05:43,448
it would be nice
to share a little.
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00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:45,141
Yeah. Uh...
Uh, I mean...
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00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,517
It's not that
I don't want
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00:05:46,605 --> 00:05:48,049
to share everything
with my friends.
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00:05:48,144 --> 00:05:49,859
It's just,
you know... uh...
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00:05:49,954 --> 00:05:52,463
I'm sorry
it just doesn't seem right.
131
00:05:52,551 --> 00:05:54,356
And that is
totally fine!
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00:05:54,444 --> 00:05:56,825
If it doesn't feel right,
then it probably isn't right!
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00:05:58,869 --> 00:06:01,917
Oh, this is Kyle.
Sorry, girls, let me take this.
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00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,667
‐Oh, okay!
‐Okay.
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00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,923
That ****
I told you she'd say no.
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00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,792
How much of a bitch can you be?
Won't share your feces?
137
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,253
Talk about anal retentive.
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00:06:11,341 --> 00:06:12,432
**** her.
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00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,776
**** her.
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00:06:22,439 --> 00:06:24,651
Half the cells in my body...
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00:06:24,739 --> 00:06:26,019
half...
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00:06:26,107 --> 00:06:28,518
They're inside me
right now,
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00:06:28,690 --> 00:06:29,760
alive...
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00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,323
all over me...
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00:06:31,906 --> 00:06:33,393
The bookcase...
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00:06:33,730 --> 00:06:34,956
The bookcase!
147
00:06:37,323 --> 00:06:39,448
Do you guys have any idea
what I'm saying?
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00:06:39,658 --> 00:06:41,643
Half the cells in our bodies
aren't human.
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00:06:41,731 --> 00:06:43,338
Right now,
there are alive creatures
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00:06:43,426 --> 00:06:45,370
in your eyelashes
and in your teeth!
151
00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:47,088
So...?
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00:06:47,176 --> 00:06:48,189
"So"?!
153
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,635
Right now, that straw
has a bunch of little bugs
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00:06:50,723 --> 00:06:51,949
and they're...
they're going into your mouth
155
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:53,683
and mixing with trillions
of other little bugs
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00:06:53,770 --> 00:06:55,245
that are alive
inside you.
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00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:56,714
You aren't even
totally you!
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00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:59,292
Dude, Kyle why are you talking
about all this?
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00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:02,190
Okay, guys.
Listen.
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00:07:02,549 --> 00:07:04,807
My mom had
a fecal transplant.
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00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:06,080
Ha!
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00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:12,348
Fecal transplant! Ha Ha!
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00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:16,862
Hi, Kyle. I'm Harriet.
Henrietta and Bradley's mommy?
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00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:19,065
I've been looking
all over town for you!
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00:07:19,153 --> 00:07:20,159
Why?
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00:07:20,247 --> 00:07:22,378
Well, I went
to the video game store,
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00:07:22,466 --> 00:07:26,149
and I bought this...
"Jedi Fallen Order."
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00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:28,846
It's getting great reviews...
thought you might want it.
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00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:31,058
Whaaat?
Yeah! He wants it!
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00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:34,315
Great! Could you just do
one little thing for me, Kyle?
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00:07:34,403 --> 00:07:35,883
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:39,469
When you go back home,
could you find a way to get
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00:07:39,557 --> 00:07:43,338
a little of your mom's poop
and put it in this jar?
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00:07:43,869 --> 00:07:45,051
What?! Ew!
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00:07:45,139 --> 00:07:46,642
- No!
- Yes!
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00:07:46,738 --> 00:07:47,870
I don't need much.
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00:07:47,958 --> 00:07:49,850
I'm sure you can find a way
to sneak it from her.
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00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,410
You do that,
and the game is all yours!
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00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,722
That is disgusting!
Absolutely not.
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00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:55,847
Kyle.
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00:07:55,945 --> 00:07:57,582
Oh, well.
Think about it.
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00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:58,984
The offer stands.
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00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:03,363
I heard you can customize
your own light saber.
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00:08:04,743 --> 00:08:06,019
What is your problem?
185
00:08:06,107 --> 00:08:07,426
What is my problem?!
186
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,707
I'm not gonna go
steal my mom's shit.
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00:08:09,795 --> 00:08:10,816
Dude, you realize
188
00:08:10,904 --> 00:08:11,919
we won't get that game
till Christmas.
189
00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:13,246
We could be
playing it tomorrow.
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00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,840
Mrph rmh mhm!
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00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,511
I said no,
and that's final!
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00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:31,737
She's in!
193
00:08:31,825 --> 00:08:33,441
Kyle's mom just squatted
on the toilet!
194
00:08:33,529 --> 00:08:34,757
Okay.
We've got contact.
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00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:36,168
You ready with the bucket,
Kenny?
196
00:08:36,256 --> 00:08:37,269
Mrph mhm!
197
00:08:37,364 --> 00:08:39,308
Place it directly under
this pipe.
198
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:42,812
Alright.
That should just about do it.
199
00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:44,051
Now we just wait...
200
00:08:44,139 --> 00:08:45,480
for the flush.
201
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,145
Mrph rmh mhm!
202
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:53,746
That's good
she's not flushing yet.
203
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,527
That means she's got
more serious business,
204
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,325
and serious business
is just what we're after.
205
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,003
You think she'll poop
a big enough log?
206
00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:00,406
You see how fat
Kyle's mom is?
207
00:09:00,494 --> 00:09:02,127
That bitch must poop
at least 2 pounders.
208
00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:03,730
The ****
are you doing?
209
00:09:03,818 --> 00:09:05,567
Oh, hey, Kyle.
What's goin' on?
210
00:09:05,691 --> 00:09:08,472
You are not stealing
my mom's shit!
211
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,522
Kyle, this is the world
we are living in, okay?
212
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,879
People are finding new and
exciting ways to get healthy,
213
00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:15,649
and who are we
to stand in their way?
214
00:09:19,815 --> 00:09:21,964
It just freaks
me out, Doc.
215
00:09:22,052 --> 00:09:25,034
We all have these...
things living inside our bodies,
216
00:09:25,174 --> 00:09:26,856
and everyone
just seems fine with it.
217
00:09:26,944 --> 00:09:29,493
It's like as soon as people
learn they have microbiomes,
218
00:09:29,581 --> 00:09:31,697
the first thing they want to do
is start swapping them!
219
00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:33,168
Well, young man,
the truth is,
220
00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:35,543
we still don't know
a lot about the microbiome.
221
00:09:35,631 --> 00:09:37,769
But you shouldn't let it
freak you out.
222
00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:39,568
But where does
it stop?!
223
00:09:39,617 --> 00:09:41,139
Then are people
just gonna start wanting
224
00:09:41,226 --> 00:09:43,019
skinny people's microbiomes
to be skinny
225
00:09:43,107 --> 00:09:46,105
or an athletes' microbiome to
feel athletic and young again?
226
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:48,636
Yes, it's possible,
but we don't know enough.
227
00:09:48,808 --> 00:09:50,426
There is no
"super feces,"
228
00:09:50,535 --> 00:09:52,249
which can make you
athletic and young.
229
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:55,277
Well, like...
what about Tom Brady's poop?
230
00:09:57,895 --> 00:09:59,242
The spice...
231
00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:01,519
He knows about the spice.
232
00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:03,379
I‐I'm just saying
that Tom Brady seems
233
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,833
to work really hard
on his diet and stuff.
234
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,267
His shit must be
pretty good.
235
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,043
More than pretty good.
236
00:10:08,152 --> 00:10:10,879
The Spice Melange.
237
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:14,277
What?
238
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:16,238
Nothing.
239
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:17,808
It's unobtainable.
240
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,441
The Spice.
241
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,660
But could he be the one
to bring it here?
242
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,988
And now back to
"One For the Ladies"!
243
00:10:30,582 --> 00:10:32,337
Have you been in
that store at all?
244
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,041
No, I think it's new,
isn't it?
245
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,222
It used to be
that watch store.
246
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,566
Oh, my God!
Harriet?
247
00:10:38,745 --> 00:10:41,168
Oh! Hi, girls!
What's new?
248
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,283
My goodness!
Look at you!
249
00:10:43,371 --> 00:10:45,441
You look great!
What happened?
250
00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:47,863
Fecal transplant.
It's true what they say.
251
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,496
I feel 20 years younger.
252
00:10:50,255 --> 00:10:51,902
Lookin' good, Mrs. B!
253
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:55,207
Fecal transplant, Damon!
Keep your eyes on the road!
254
00:10:55,495 --> 00:10:56,743
Harriet?
255
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,142
Oh. Hey, Sheila.
256
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,168
You're looking
chipper today.
257
00:11:01,256 --> 00:11:03,168
Yeah, I had a little
procedure done.
258
00:11:03,256 --> 00:11:04,604
Fecal transplant.
259
00:11:04,972 --> 00:11:06,533
I thought the doctor
wouldn't give you
260
00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,777
a fecal transplant,
Harriet.
261
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:12,449
No, I... did it myself.
With a turkey baster.
262
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,561
Where did you
get the feces?
263
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:16,563
Well, it's really none
of your business, Sheila.
264
00:11:16,650 --> 00:11:18,566
It's a private matter,
a fecal transplant.
265
00:11:18,676 --> 00:11:20,308
I'd really rather not
talk about it.
266
00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:23,036
- See ya, girls.
- Bye, Harriet!
267
00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:24,729
Two faced bitch!
268
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,469
You know what
she said about you at lunch?
269
00:11:26,557 --> 00:11:28,980
- What?
- She called you the C‐word.
270
00:11:29,082 --> 00:11:31,254
- You're joking!
- Oh, no!
271
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,088
Clearly, she couldn't stand
that you were
272
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:35,355
the only one in town
who's shit didn't stink.
273
00:11:35,622 --> 00:11:36,832
**** her.
274
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,009
**** her..
275
00:11:40,285 --> 00:11:41,720
Boys, I brought you in here
276
00:11:41,808 --> 00:11:45,324
because some rumors are floating
around the school, mkay.
277
00:11:45,513 --> 00:11:48,128
These rumors are
that you three
278
00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:51,543
somehow stole feces
from Kyle's mom, mkay,
279
00:11:51,631 --> 00:11:53,098
and gave it to Mrs. Biggle
280
00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:55,386
in return for
"Jedi Fallen" Order."
281
00:11:55,551 --> 00:11:57,638
That is 100% untrue.
282
00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:01,066
Mkay, well, someone in this
school is a little turd burglar,
283
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,504
and I want some answers.
284
00:12:02,686 --> 00:12:04,901
How can we answer that to which
we have no knowledge?
285
00:12:05,027 --> 00:12:06,428
Very nice. Very nice.
286
00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:09,386
It must be hard...
287
00:12:09,737 --> 00:12:12,543
having to take turns playing
"Jedi Fallen Order."
288
00:12:12,683 --> 00:12:15,099
It's a single player game,
I believe.
289
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:16,754
Wouldn't know.
290
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:21,161
Oh, because I could get you
each your own copy.
291
00:12:21,248 --> 00:12:23,222
That would be a lot a fun,
wouldn't it?
292
00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:25,699
You guys stole the poop.
293
00:12:26,659 --> 00:12:28,371
Could you do it again?
294
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,170
You want us to steal
295
00:12:30,257 --> 00:12:31,816
some of Kyle's mom's poop
for you?
296
00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:33,684
Not Kyle's mom's.
297
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:35,019
Someone else's.
298
00:12:35,292 --> 00:12:36,707
Whose?
299
00:12:36,902 --> 00:12:38,980
The Spice.
300
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:40,894
I must have it.
301
00:12:41,113 --> 00:12:44,574
The Spice Melange.
302
00:12:47,386 --> 00:12:50,056
Alright. Alright.
Um, proud of our team today.
303
00:12:50,143 --> 00:12:51,215
It was, uh...
304
00:12:51,308 --> 00:12:52,341
You know, I thought the defense
305
00:12:52,428 --> 00:12:54,144
did a great job
keeping us in the game.
306
00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:55,693
And, again, I think
the offense has
307
00:12:55,781 --> 00:12:56,863
a lot of room for improvement
308
00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:58,727
and all that
starts with me.
309
00:12:58,889 --> 00:13:00,636
Questions?
Yeah.
310
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,386
Can we have
your poop?
311
00:13:02,652 --> 00:13:06,406
No, guys, I'm not gonna take
any requests for my microbiome.
312
00:13:06,493 --> 00:13:07,988
I just wanna focus
on the team.
313
00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:09,496
We're 10‐1 now, you know?
314
00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:11,293
But we can't let up.
Yeah?
315
00:13:11,522 --> 00:13:13,779
- Please, can we have your poop.
- Okay, I'm not...
316
00:13:13,867 --> 00:13:15,770
I'm not gonna stay out here.
You guys. It's just...
317
00:13:15,857 --> 00:13:17,543
Does anyone have
a real question?
318
00:13:17,688 --> 00:13:18,802
Tom, after you
leave here,
319
00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:20,476
are you gonna go
eat somewhere
320
00:13:20,564 --> 00:13:22,688
- or go right home and...
- No, no. See?
321
00:13:22,776 --> 00:13:24,632
I'm not gonna tell you guys
where I'm doing
322
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,752
because then
you're all gonna try
323
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,249
and follow me
into the bathroom.
324
00:13:27,337 --> 00:13:28,629
You're not taking my feces,
325
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,136
so unless you have
a football question,
326
00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:31,294
we're done here.
327
00:13:31,712 --> 00:13:33,079
Can we buy your poop?
328
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:38,134
Microbiome...
329
00:13:38,244 --> 00:13:39,853
Inside me...
330
00:13:43,302 --> 00:13:44,681
They are inside me.
331
00:13:46,355 --> 00:13:48,017
Are they a part of me?
332
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,142
When I eat, they eat.
333
00:13:50,314 --> 00:13:51,540
When I die,
334
00:13:51,628 --> 00:13:54,486
they consume me
and continue to live.
335
00:13:54,915 --> 00:13:58,290
Am I just an Airbnb
in Santa Clarita?
336
00:13:58,783 --> 00:14:00,314
They're not a part of me.
337
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:02,486
They are me.
338
00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:06,900
The bookcase.
339
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:09,829
The bookcase!
340
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,095
You have to understand,
341
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:14,626
a lot of people
want things from Tom Brady.
342
00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:17,204
He has to be
a little protective.
343
00:14:17,364 --> 00:14:19,322
Yes, we do understand.
We just...
344
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:21,453
Well, since you're his publicist
we thought that...
345
00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:23,216
You could give Mr. Brady
our message‐
346
00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,985
It's alright Stan.
Don't cry.
347
00:14:25,118 --> 00:14:27,821
You see, ma'am, our friend
little Kenny here is dying.
348
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,064
And he's... He's just the biggest
Patriots fan.
349
00:14:31,478 --> 00:14:33,126
You know, I can call him,
350
00:14:33,213 --> 00:14:35,720
but he's very busy right now
with the season.
351
00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,757
Well, if Mr. Brady
could just, you know,
352
00:14:37,845 --> 00:14:39,933
have Kenny stay over
at his house for a night.
353
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:41,892
Kind of like a Michael Jackson
kind of thing.
354
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,845
Ohhghghgh!
355
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,009
Oh, gosh,
we're losing him!
356
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:46,814
We need to make this happen
quickly, ma'am.
357
00:14:47,628 --> 00:14:50,884
They want the spice.
Just like the rest.
358
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,282
Perhaps they are
the ones...
359
00:14:54,148 --> 00:14:55,509
Uh, ma'am?
360
00:14:55,735 --> 00:14:58,525
A chance. Perhaps.
361
00:14:58,672 --> 00:15:02,251
They could actually obtain
the Spice Melange...
362
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:05,556
Let me...
see what I can do.
363
00:15:07,447 --> 00:15:11,097
Girls, can I just say...
you both look fantastic.
364
00:15:11,184 --> 00:15:12,666
Oh, thanks girlfriend.
365
00:15:12,753 --> 00:15:14,712
We've been working out
and dieting, you know...
366
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:17,069
not cheating, like
that bitch Harriot.
367
00:15:17,157 --> 00:15:19,272
Well, it's great you guys
are doing it the natural way
368
00:15:19,359 --> 00:15:21,556
and we don't have to deal
with Harriot anymore.
369
00:15:22,099 --> 00:15:24,900
There you are,
you Goddamn bitch!
370
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,150
I will take you to court,
fat whore!
371
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,103
Harriot,
I do not like your tone...
372
00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:31,183
You knew I was going to
steal your poo,
373
00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:33,025
and so you tainted it,
didn't you?!
374
00:15:33,173 --> 00:15:34,773
What are you
talking about?
375
00:15:34,861 --> 00:15:37,389
I have been shitting
and throwing up all day!
376
00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:39,626
It has to be
from your feces!
377
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:42,395
So, you did take my poo,
huh, Harriot?
378
00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:44,624
That's besides
the point now!
379
00:15:44,712 --> 00:15:46,525
Oh, IS it?
'Cause the girls told me
380
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,241
you called me the C word
the other day!
381
00:15:48,388 --> 00:15:51,271
Oh, you're all
backstabbing bitches now!
382
00:15:51,358 --> 00:15:52,861
**** you, Harriot!
383
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,155
Uhhh... Okay, ladies.
Come on...
384
00:15:55,243 --> 00:15:57,544
Just admit it!
I can't stop puking and shitting
385
00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,034
because of what
you did to me!
386
00:16:04,018 --> 00:16:05,199
What the ****?
387
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:07,188
You thought you were
such hot shit, Harriot.
388
00:16:07,307 --> 00:16:09,255
We took the leftover feces
from your house,
389
00:16:09,342 --> 00:16:11,665
and put it up our asses
with a Turkey baster!
390
00:16:11,812 --> 00:16:13,486
Oh. Oh, God.
391
00:16:26,603 --> 00:16:30,743
We now return to
"One for the Ladies."
392
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,040
Hello, ma'am.
We are the darling children
393
00:17:00,128 --> 00:17:02,323
who's dying friend is all set
to meet Tom Brady.
394
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:07,563
I am Mabel Gonzales,
the housekeeper.
395
00:17:07,946 --> 00:17:10,173
They're here
for the spice.
396
00:17:10,302 --> 00:17:12,407
I can sense it.
397
00:17:13,352 --> 00:17:16,032
I wonder why everyone
keeps taking really long pauses
398
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,743
after they talk?
399
00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:20,069
People just keep
looking at me
400
00:17:20,157 --> 00:17:21,829
like I'm supposed
to say something.
401
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:24,470
Why did I agree to this?
402
00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:27,173
I don't even have a machine
to play Fallen Order on.
403
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,642
Come on in.
404
00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:31,923
Mr. Brady is just
using the bathroom.
405
00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:36,439
Music to your ears,
I suppose.
406
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:44,665
We've got more sick incoming.
Try and make some more room.
407
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,595
We have a major epidemic,
here, detective.
408
00:17:47,851 --> 00:17:49,782
C‐diff has spread
to half the town.
409
00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:52,535
We don't have enough staff or
enough supplies to keep up with it.
410
00:17:52,622 --> 00:17:53,870
How did this happen?!
411
00:17:53,986 --> 00:17:55,976
Apparently, the outbreak
started at a restaurant,
412
00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:57,782
when some women
got sick on everybody.
413
00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,405
The women contracted C‐diff
414
00:17:59,493 --> 00:18:02,109
by giving themselves
DIY fecal transplants.
415
00:18:02,197 --> 00:18:04,681
So, they got sick from
another woman's feces?
416
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,954
No. They got sick
from using this...
417
00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:09,030
a common household
turkey baster.
418
00:18:09,118 --> 00:18:11,254
It's a thing most people
only use once a year,
419
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:12,509
around Thanksgiving.
420
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:14,291
The rest of the year,
it just sits in a drawer,
421
00:18:14,378 --> 00:18:15,487
collecting bacteria.
422
00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:18,124
And then, the ladies went
and stuck it up their asses.
423
00:18:18,447 --> 00:18:20,057
Oh, those ladies!
424
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,190
It gets worse.
425
00:18:21,294 --> 00:18:23,235
We're completely out
of healthy donor feces.
426
00:18:23,323 --> 00:18:25,502
Even if we found a donor at this
point it wouldn't be enough
427
00:18:25,589 --> 00:18:27,065
to give everyone
transplants.
428
00:18:27,223 --> 00:18:28,505
So what happens next?
429
00:18:28,592 --> 00:18:31,393
With how contagious C‐diff is,
and how deadly,
430
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:34,151
Half of South Park
is going to die.
431
00:18:34,764 --> 00:18:35,940
Jesus.
432
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:38,745
What have those
rascally ladies done?
433
00:18:41,605 --> 00:18:44,097
So... You're all here
to meet Tom Brady, too?
434
00:18:44,265 --> 00:18:45,852
Yeah.
I'm a sports writer.
435
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:47,565
Getting
a little interview.
436
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,104
A little interview,
and hopefully more.
437
00:18:51,417 --> 00:18:53,004
Yes, and we are here
with our little girl
438
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:54,706
who's dying,
just like your friend.
439
00:18:54,794 --> 00:18:55,941
I'm dying, Mommy?
440
00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:57,277
Shut up, Theresa!
441
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,114
The Spice Melange.
442
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,034
It is here
in this house.
443
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:05,628
Everyone, the honorable
Thomas Brady.
444
00:19:06,029 --> 00:19:07,411
Hey, everybody.
445
00:19:07,592 --> 00:19:08,806
The rest of you,
stand back!
446
00:19:08,909 --> 00:19:10,682
They all deceive you,
Mr. Brady!
447
00:19:10,839 --> 00:19:13,003
They only want to get to
the Spice Melange!
448
00:19:13,091 --> 00:19:16,707
Oh, God, not again.
Alright, everybody out.
449
00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:18,358
Come on. Let's go.
450
00:19:18,453 --> 00:19:20,589
Mr. Brady, can we just see
your basement really fast?
451
00:19:20,677 --> 00:19:22,048
Nope. Nope.
That's all.
452
00:19:22,136 --> 00:19:23,977
If you people want
a healthy microbiome,
453
00:19:24,065 --> 00:19:26,173
then proper diet
and healthy choices, alright?
454
00:19:26,261 --> 00:19:28,917
That's it.
You are all being ridiculous.
455
00:19:37,022 --> 00:19:39,491
Kyle? Dude,
what are you doing here?
456
00:19:41,631 --> 00:19:44,526
You don't get to be part
of Turd Burglars now, Kyle.
457
00:19:48,919 --> 00:19:50,655
The Bookcase.
458
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,376
Okay, look,
I got sick of people
459
00:20:06,464 --> 00:20:08,871
going to my basement
and screwing with my plumbing.
460
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,708
The spice.
So much of it.
461
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:15,812
Enough for everyone.
Enough to bring peace to all.
462
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,386
I stopped flushing them
because people kept breaking
463
00:20:18,474 --> 00:20:19,755
my pipes to get them.
464
00:20:19,936 --> 00:20:22,652
Never, in my wildest dreams,
did I believe
465
00:20:22,739 --> 00:20:24,854
so much
could be obtained.
466
00:20:24,941 --> 00:20:28,057
This is enough for
all the universe.
467
00:20:28,206 --> 00:20:29,687
I mean, you'd all
do the same thing
468
00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:32,057
if people were always trying
to steal your shit.
469
00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:52,855
That's good. Stay still.
Almost there.
470
00:20:52,943 --> 00:20:56,852
Oh, Sheila, I'm so sorry
for stealing your feces.
471
00:20:56,940 --> 00:21:00,082
And we're sorry for stealing
it from you, Harriot.
472
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:01,925
Girls this was
all my fault.
473
00:21:02,019 --> 00:21:03,693
I think I got
a little carried away
474
00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:05,828
bragging about
my fecal transplant.
475
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,558
I hope we can all
be besties again.
476
00:21:08,785 --> 00:21:10,700
You ladies
are pretty lucky.
477
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,324
If it hadn't been for these
little turd burglars, here,
478
00:21:13,412 --> 00:21:15,582
you'd be dead...
and also responsible
479
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,504
for the deaths
of countless others.
480
00:21:17,724 --> 00:21:19,183
Kyle, how did you do it?
481
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:21,911
I mean, how did you even know
what was going on?
482
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:24,281
I didn't know.
My microbiome did.
483
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,294
All along, they were trying
to tell me something.
484
00:21:26,381 --> 00:21:28,220
I've really learned that
I'm not just me.
485
00:21:28,308 --> 00:21:30,086
I'm also all the creatures
inside of me.
486
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,754
From now on, I'm gonna trust
my gut a little more.
487
00:21:33,076 --> 00:21:35,592
Well, I think we've all
learned something.
488
00:21:35,707 --> 00:21:39,222
"One for the Ladies" is one
too many for the ladies.
489
00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:44,623
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36145
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