Original subtitles

Did you enjoy your stay in the hospital, Heimlich?

Not funny.

No more spying on the neighbors, ja?

You see what kind of trouble it gets you into.

Ja, first it's the poor old lady in the shoe.

Well, l thought l saw something.

You called the police on that poor woman. And for what?

She was forcing those children to make shoes. l saw!

They live in a shoe! They were fixing their roof!

But do you learn? No!

Ja, no! Then you are bothering the children, Jack und Jill.

- They looked suspicious! - Ja, ja, ja. So you still don't learn.

Next, you are climbing up on the roof to see something.

l tell you l see something, und l think it's a UFO!

Ja, it was only the cow jumping over the moon.

Ja, so why is the dish running away with the spoon?

lt's like talking to the brick house.

Ooh, what is going on over there? When did we get the new neighbor?

- Wait! Wait! l thought l saw something! - Nein!

No more of this snoopy-spy nonsense.

You're going to sit right here und not bother the neighbors.

Now you behave,ja? Ja.

Nein. l will behave. This little piggy is all good.

Tell me l am not seeing things. l know what l see.

Very suspicious.

lf l have to sit here all night, l will see something.

l have the eye of the eagle. l miss nothing.

What is that?!

Heimlich, are you crazy?

There's something going on in that house!

See for yourself and then call me crazy.

Hi.

- Ja, you are crazy. - What? Give me that!

- He is a maniac! - Halt! Enough!

We are going over there und we will prove, once and for all,

to this little piggy there's nothing going on!

Ja, und when we return we will make with the ''l told you so.''

Horst! Horst, look out!

Look behind you! Oh, Gott!

Oh, my stars, another little piggy!

What do you want from me?

l want you for dinner.

Buckle up, buttercup.

Why is it always the screaming with you?

Oh, are you going to eat this?

- What's going on here? - Dinner.

Oh,ja. The fr�ulein makes the best everything.

But what about...

You guys didn't see me doing anything weird, did you?

You were acting like the cuckoo without the clock.

You buried a box of knives in the ground.

You turned into this big fat lady and cooked us food.

Yeah, that one. You guys better get out of here.

- But everything is so delicious. - Ja.

- Ja. - No, trust me.

You guys don't wanna be here for...

...my main course, stuffed piggies in a blanket!

- l told you l saw something! - Come back!

l'm really sorry that...

...you can't stay for dinner!

- Wait for me, you swine! - Move faster, Heimi!

This is just awkward.

Come back!

Keep running.

Come back!

Just keep running.

Greetings, fellow Halloweeners.

l just said ''weeners.''

B.O.B.!

l just said ''weeners.''

Tonight's story is a tale so scary,

so horrifying, so shocking,

so, so... so full of vegetables...

- B.O.B., stick to the script! - Oh, right.

lt all started with a spooky spaceship,

mutant pumpkins and monsters saving the day!

But that was only the beginning.

So sit back and get ready for a story

that is guaranteed to give you nightmares.

OK, wrap it up.

Come on, kids! Time for the costume contest.

The winner gets their weight in candy!

Avast ye, scallywags. That booty shall be mine!

Now it's booty time!

Hey!

Me timbers being shivered.

Come on, B.O.B., that candy was for the contest.

But it all tastes so good.

But it all tastes so...

Hello?

Hello...

Who's there?

l've got a Nutter Buddy Butter Bar, and l'm not afraid to use it!

Carrot!

Whoa, kid, that is one scary costume.

For a minute there, l thought you were a real carrot.

And carrots really creep me out.

Like that! That was creepy.

You are a shoo-in to win that costume contest.

Kids today and their papier-m�ch�.

Hello.

- Mr. Murphy? - That carrot made Carl a zombie!

Creepy carrot! Danger! Danger!

- lt's alive! lt's a living carrot. - l know, right?

- l totally freaked out the same way. - Giddyap!

Kid, you are killing with that costume.

- l'm getting out of here! - Doc, how could you do this?

Worst party ever!

- He was... He was just a... - Mutant zombie carrot.

lt must've been contaminated by one of the alien pumpkins.

No!

And apparently the curse can be broken by eliminating the infected carrot.

And that one carrot could've infected our brains and transformed us all

into slack-jawed walking vegetables.

- Doc? - Whoa!

- Kind of like that. - Everyone, run!

Oh, man. l don't wanna be a zombie. What are we gonna do?

Well, we definitely know that we shouldn't blast them with this scanner.

l definitely just blasted you with this scanner! l love this thing!

Back! Stay back.

- B.O.B.! - Thank me later!

- No! - Bang, bang, bang!

Doc! We're completely surrounded!

No, we're not.

Now we're completely surrounded.

lt's Monger!

Lock and load, cowboys. The cavalry has arrived.

Nobody told me they can leap.

Quickly, now. Create a barricade.

There's a jet-packing zombie general with an army of carrots out there...

The more that l shoot them, there's more of them, and l don't like carrots...

B.O.B., calm down! Talk slowly.

Zombie general, army of carrots...

B.O.B., just get the back door!

l'm on it.

- Where do you want it? - Oh, dear.

Give me that.

Well, well. lf it ain't the gruesome twosome.

Now go on. Get out and stay out!

Hey, Link.

B.O.B., time to go!

l forgot the pickle.

Cotton candy, bubblegum! Go, team, go, and beat those bums!

Yeah!

All right!

B.O.B., focus. Zombie problem.

Oh, no! B.O.B. l can already see it.

The vacant, lifeless expression. They've already infected your brain.

But hear this, zombies, you may take my brain,

but you will never take my dignity!

Come on, pull yourself together.

l know this is scary, but we're gonna get through this.

And when we do, here is my number.

Call me.

Of course! B.O.B., how can a zombie infect your brain

when you don't even have one to infect?

- What? - B.O.B., you're immune!

Zombie carrot!

Hold still, Doc! l'll get it.

And if you're immune, you can save us all.

There's only one way to stop the zombies and save your friends.

You must eat all... carrots!

- What was that last part? - You must eat all the carrots!

No!

Don't cry, little monster.

Uncle Monger's got enough carrot puree to feed you your entire life.

Jerry, bring over the feed hose, ASAP. The boy's hungry!

Eat the carrots, save your friends. Eat the carrots, save your friends.

You know what? lt's easier if l just make new friends.

Here are four new friends already.

Quick, to the rooftop, where we'll get a great view of our new future together.

Eat the carrots, save your friends.

Excuse me, son. That's my girl.

Not this time, amigo.

l can't do it!

Oh, yes l can.

You guys are going down.

Right down into my belly.

'Cause l'm gonna eat you.

l did it. l ate all my vegetables!

And now it's time for dessert.

What?! But l ate all the carrots. The curse should be broken.

l don't understand. Why are you guys still zombies?

l ate every single carrot.

- You! - You...

Come on, guys. l only missed one carrot.

Hey, that's my Nutter Buddy Butter Bar.

You wouldn't dare.

You just crossed the line.

Wow, chocolate-covered carrot.

Still disgusting.

Whoa!

Well done, B.O.B., you broke the curse!

- You guys! lt worked! - l knew you could do it!

Not so hard, really full.

And so, there you have it.

l saved the day because those silly little carrots

had absolutely no effect on me.

Unlike you. Right, Bubbles?

So, remember, kids:

Eat your veggies or they just might eat you.

- That's a dead end. - Come on, Shrek.

Who needs a map when you've got animal instinct?

- Darn bugs. Stupid map. - Hey, what the...

- Come on! - Shrek, a little help here!

All right. Will you...

l say we take the 10 to the 305 and get off at Fairy Tale Falls.

- What are you talking about? - Or we could fly there.

ls there an off button on you?

What's wrong, Princess?

You shouldn't be this unhappy until years into the marriage.

lt's the happiest day of my life.

Let me guess. You're overwhelmed by love?

No! l mean, yes. But that's not why...

The shrimp platter was bad?

- No, Donkey! l'm just... - Wait! Wait! l got it! l got it!

You always wanted a puppy, but all you got was toasters!

No, l'm sitting in an onion!

This carriage is one big onion.

Why didn't you say so? l'll turn on the air.

- Much better. - Noble steed at your service.

Would you look at that? Donkey! l found a shortcut.

- Are you crazy? - Jumping Jiminy, that's a big one.

What? Hey, man, l hate spiders!

Stop that, would you? Where'd he go?

You are too easy to scare. Come on.

That forest could be hexed or voodooed or anything!

l ain't going in there.

Listen, l'm an ogre. l'm the one that does the scaring.

What is there to be scared of?

- That! - Thelonius!

- Hey, what are you doing? - Sorry, Princess, honeymoon's over.

- Let go! - Shrek!

- Fiona! - Shrek!

- Fiona! - Let me go!

- To the carriage! - Shrek!

We got a donkey driving a carriage made from an onion.

lt's dark and our horses are wearing sunglasses.

Cut to the chase, Donkey! Just cut to the chase.

Hit it, boys!

- Fiona! - Shrek!

Help!

All done. Oh, no. No!

No!

You're gonna get an elbow to the groin!

- That was close. - Now that's sweet.

- Shrek? Shrek! - Watch out!

Licorice?

Hey, Shrek! l hope you're insured!

That house cost me a lot of dough!

- ls there a doctor in the house? - Hey, sorry about that, Gingy!

That's gross.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

l can see! l can see!

Never mind.

Fiona!

Shrek, this isn't another one of those shortcuts, is it?

Just get a move on.

- Okay. l'm not afraid. - Fiona!

l can do this. l'm a noble steed.

lt's all right. lt's just a park with no children and no playground.

Shrek! Shrek!

l feel dead people.

Are you getting the willies? The trembles?

The shakes? The heebie-jeebies?

Stop messing with me, Shrek. This place is already creeping me out.

Don't tell me you're afraid of ghosts.

l'm not afraid.

What a crack-up!

Shrek? Shrek! Wait up!

Talk about rewriting history.

Well, looks like Farquaad's still trying to compensate for something.

l wonder what that could be.

l don't know. This is just plain freaky.

l wonder if he's behind all this.

That's just crazy talk.

Now l'm seeing things. Can we get out of here? Please?

Sure. Of course.

Now, you wouldn't happen to have

another carriage in your pocket, would you?

Donkeys don't have pockets.

But some of us do have wings!

- Wrong dragon! - Wrong whistle.

- Farquaad? - What have you done with my wife?

Your wife? Don't you mean your widow?

l know l seen you die in the first movie!

You fools! This time it's your turn to be the entr�e!

Okay, my sweet, take care of them! Bon app�tit.

Will you stop that?

Shut it!

- You can go first. l'll be the dessert. - Great.

That's my girl!

Hey, baby, l was hoping you'd show up!

- Princess at three o'clock. - Shrek!

- Hi, Princess! - Fiona!

Oh, no. Shrek!

Oops. Sorry.

Coming in!

- Dive! Dive! - Got it. Dive! Dive!

This is Red Dragon. We're going in.

Evasive action!

Lock and load!

Stay on target. Stay on target! Stay on target! And fire now!

On my mark, retract wings! Now!

Turn and burn!

Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

Like l always say, behind every successful donkey,

there's a fire-breathing dragon.

You might as well stop struggling, Princess.

Soon you and l will be together forever.

With you as my Spirit Queen, l'll be King of the Underworld!

Over my dead body!

Exactly. Over she goes, Thelonius.

- Thelonius? - Sorry, Princess.

No, you nitwit! Not with you on it!

What?

Deserved that. And that, too.

No, you numbskull!

- Sorry, Thelonius. - Oh, well, never mind him.

- See you on the other side, Princess. - Never!

Stop playing hard to get.

- Stop it! - You know l'm irresistible.

- Fiona! - Shrek!

lmpossible! l thought they were dragon food!

We'll save you!

- Are you okay? - l think so.

l don't think so!

Splendid! They all fall for me sooner or later.

- Fiona! - Yes, Shrek!

My short, furry life is flashing before my eyes!

- l love you! - l love you, too!

Fiona? My ghostly queen? Where are you?

Right over here, sweetie.

Oh, my angel.

Oh, no. Not again!

- We've got a loaded dragon here. - And we're not afraid to use it.

lt was just a joke. Stay away from me!

- Fire! - No! No!

Thanks, Dragon.

And thank you, Donkey. You truly are a noble steed.

Look at you, Donkey, all covered in fur. l love you!

Shucks. l think l'm gonna cry.

Come on, baby, let's go home.

Let's go home and make some waffles!

Waffles?

lt's a long story.

Finally, we're alone.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Let the honeymoon begin!