All language subtitles for S8E22-Ballroom Blitz

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,906 Man, there's just so much to do to prepare for this wedding. 2 00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:09,775 We still have to get flowers, 3 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,443 Hors d'oeuvres, a church. 4 00:00:11,444 --> 00:00:13,479 Well, maybe you should ask Darlene to do some of it 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,181 If you weren't so damn whipped. 6 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,984 Well, I think the first order of business-- 7 00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:21,186 Mom, you're only allowed one suggestion per hour. 8 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,890 And your last one counted as two, because it went on for too long. 9 00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:27,826 Mom, some guy just delivered this for you. 10 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:30,229 Well, I didn't order that. Did you give him any money? 11 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,897 - no. - oh, okay. 12 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,499 Well, put it down there. 13 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:38,604 Saw your commentary on tv 14 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,440 About how hard it is to find a descent wedding cake. 15 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,576 Sincerely, albano's bakery, third and main. 16 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,880 - feel free to mention us on your show. - ( chuckles ) 17 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,249 Man, that's just out-and-out bribery. 18 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,385 It's totally unethical and chocolaty. 19 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,354 That cake won't last until the wedding. 20 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:57,956 That cake won't last till dinner. 21 00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:01,627 So just because you mentioned wedding cakes on television 22 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,128 Someone sent you a free one? 23 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,365 Yeah, and they say tv only adds 10 lbs. 24 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:10,169 Whoa, I can see my next commentary 25 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,870 Appearing before my eyes-- 26 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:14,239 I was wrong about bakeries. 27 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,676 Albano's on third and main is a great one. 28 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,713 And I wonder where I can get a descent wedding dress 29 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,381 Or hors d'oeuvres, 30 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:25,050 Or a candy-apple red pump 31 00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:27,853 In a size 7 1/2 with a low heel. 32 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:31,290 That's it. My divorce is final-- 33 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:34,593 Signed, sealed, delivered. I'm alone, 34 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:38,063 Legally forever single till death do I part. 35 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,834 Hey, Jackie, a guy in a long robe 36 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,870 Carrying a big sickle was by here looking for you. 37 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:48,140 Go ahead and joke. You're not the one facing a life of solitude, 38 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:50,876 Or uneven mattress wear. 39 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,712 Come one, Jackie. You'll find someone. 40 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:55,447 Who wouldn't want to go out with you? 41 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,217 That's easy for you to say, you little frizzy-haired pollyanna. 42 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,889 You talk to me after a year of marriage, 43 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,758 After you've taken up smoking 44 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,595 Just to shave a couple of years off your miserable life. 45 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:12,398 I got to go 46 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,267 Work on this seating chart now. 47 00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:18,804 Yeah, make sure you put me between the priest and the florist. 48 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,839 Hey hey, don't count out that priest. 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,076 - times have changed. - Jackie, I have just the tonic. 50 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,711 Why don't you come with me Saturday night 51 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,513 To my ballroom dance class? 52 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,515 Why didn't I think of that? 53 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:32,184 Mom, that's a great idea. 54 00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,887 I'm sure that the man of my dreams is sitting at home right now 55 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,923 Clipping on his bow tie and strapping on his truss. 56 00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,758 ( laughing ) 57 00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:42,795 It's not just for seniors. 58 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,297 There's plenty of cultured 59 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,233 And delightful gentlemen of all ages there. 60 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,735 I may be desperate, 61 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,471 But I haven't sunk that low. 62 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,707 Oh really? 63 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,976 Hey, I cannot believe that I am agreeing with mom here. 64 00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,978 You really should go. 65 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:01,613 I was reading this big article 66 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:04,817 About how ballroom dancing is making a big old comeback. 67 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:08,153 So you really don't think it would be a huge waste of time? 68 00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:10,055 No more than your marriage. 69 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,460 All right, i'll go. All right. 70 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,061 I'm gonna feel really stupid. 71 00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:19,431 Oh, goody! And i'll help you pick out an outfit. 72 00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:22,301 Plus perhaps we can tease that hair 73 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,936 Into something presentable. 74 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,606 Why don't you try to tease it into a nice set of boobs? 75 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:34,013 Roseanne, you might like to come along too. 76 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,181 Dance is good exercise. 77 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,350 Hey, I am not divorced, 78 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,719 Single, desperate, or lonely. 79 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,355 What the hell do I need to exercise for? 80 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,457 ( theme music playing ) 81 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,299 ( Roseanne laughs ) 82 00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:37,776 - hey. - hey. 83 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,278 Mark, what happened to your hand? 84 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,281 He was working the saw and he almost cut it off again. 85 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,984 Mark, what an idiot. 86 00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,820 What do you mean an idiot? Didn't you hear him? 87 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,289 Almost. 88 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,424 Unbelievable. 89 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:55,627 Shouldn't you be sewing up your wedding dress, mary? 90 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,566 Is he the dumbest guy you've ever known? 91 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,267 I work at a construction business, David. 92 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:04,970 I would have to see a list. 93 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:08,040 Mr. Conner, do you know anything about wedding tuxes? 94 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,075 I mean, do you have to wear underwear, 95 00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,078 Or are they built into the pants like in bathing suits? 96 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,047 Oh, David, I don't know. 97 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,716 I don't feel like talking about wedding stuff right now. 98 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,785 You're still kind of angry 99 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,054 About this whole pregnancy-wedding thing aren't you? 100 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,289 I am making great strides 101 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,592 In my acceptance of this difficult situation. 102 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,330 Well good, 103 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,966 Because... 104 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:37,670 I really think you're the greatest guy in the world, Mr. Conner, 105 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,539 And I want you to be my best man. 106 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:44,209 Oh, I don't know. 107 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,011 Well, I know it's weird. 108 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,280 So don't answer now. Just think about it, all right? 109 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,649 Yeah, i'll get back to you. 110 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,152 You're gonna love me again one day, Mr. Conner. 111 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,454 You'll see. 112 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,423 I'll get back to you about that too. 113 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,730 Here we are. 114 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:06,432 - hello, agnes! - hello, dear. 115 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,667 When we start dancing, if you get confused, 116 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,602 Just follow her-- the left leg. 117 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,805 The right one she just drags. 118 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,907 Oh, this isn't bad. 119 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,109 - there's people my age. - I told you there would be. 120 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,945 - now let me introduce you around. - mother, stay. 121 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,817 Hi, i'm Jackie. I'm new. 122 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,919 - hi, i'm roger. - roger. 123 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,855 Hi, so nice to meet a man who likes to dance 124 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:33,392 And who isn't, like, a total troll. 125 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,729 Well, my fiancee and I are taking dancing lessons for our wedding. 126 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,764 In fact, that's why a lot of people are here. 127 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,400 Oh, really? Who exactly? 128 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,602 Well, our whole group. 129 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:47,006 Uh-huh, so... 130 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,675 That would be basically 131 00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,845 Everyone under 90. So, okay, well, 132 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,446 Gotta get back to my mom. 133 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:57,116 So you and your fiancee have a nice life. 134 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,318 You know, I was once you. 135 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,020 And now i'm me. 136 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,522 So I will just leave you with that. 137 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:09,828 Mother, every man here is engaged. 138 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,697 Really? Why, that's lovely. 139 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:13,732 Lovely? Listen, old woman, 140 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,935 I washed these hose out in the sink and put them on wet 141 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,672 Because you told me that there were going to be guys here. Liar. 142 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:23,509 - liar! - shh, here he comes. 143 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,278 ( samba music playing ) 144 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:33,318 - hi, gang. - hi, hal. 145 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,925 - buenos noches. - buenos noches. 146 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:43,462 - oh, hal. - oh, Beverly, is that a new scarf? 147 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,199 Oh, yes. I knew we were going to do the samba tonight 148 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,102 So I wanted to wear something bold. 149 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,171 You saucy little thing you. 150 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,707 - ( both laughing ) - oh, stop it. 151 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:58,444 - hal is flirting with bev again. - what else is new? 152 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:01,213 Well, of course i'm flirting with her. Do you know why? 153 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,482 It's because it makes you girls jealous. 154 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,918 And when you get jealous, your passions come out 155 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,287 And you dance like tigresses. ( growls ) 156 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,156 ( both growling ) 157 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,193 ( chuckles ) wonderful. 158 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,861 Okay, everybody, get ready. 159 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,430 We're going to do the samba! 160 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,232 Hey! 161 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,669 ( samba music playing ) 162 00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,977 ( laughs ) 163 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:38,283 Hi there, i'm hal. 164 00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:41,453 - i'm Jackie. - all right, let's move those hips around, 165 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,689 Loosen them up. That's good. 166 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:47,459 Oh, that's hot. That is good. 167 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,328 All right, come on, honey. 168 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,929 - you wanna try a turn? - a turn? 169 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,331 - no, I couldn't possibly-- - yeah, sure. 170 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,966 - come on, do a turn. - oh my. 171 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:57,136 That's wonderful. Come on, let's do a dip. 172 00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,205 ( laughing ) 173 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,341 You're wonderful. What a natural you are. 174 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,909 - thank you. - yeah, really. 175 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:07,680 Tell me, are you gonna be one of my new pupils? 176 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:11,483 Oh, hal, I don't think so. I'm not engaged 177 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:14,820 And i'm not decrepit. 178 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,355 Oh, don't say that to me. 179 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:19,758 If you had a dagger, you could plunge it into my heart. 180 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,594 You are a big flirt. 181 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,564 With those big beautiful brown eyes, I could be anybody you want. 182 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,666 ( both laughing ) 183 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,704 Since you're not going to be my student, 184 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,872 Maybe we can have dinner together. 185 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,974 Uh, sure. 186 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,743 - what do you say, tonight? - yeah yeah. 187 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,178 - after class? - yes. 188 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,480 - a little bistro that I know. - all right. 189 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,950 Wonderful. Excuse me for a minute. 190 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,585 That's it. That's it. 191 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,121 That's it. One, two. 192 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,056 Is this it, hal? 193 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,661 Where did Beverly go, huh? 194 00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,730 That's beverly's scarf, 195 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,565 But you're not Beverly. 196 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,534 No no, you're carmen on the beach 197 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,404 Of ipanema. Whoa, hey! 198 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,046 Man, look at all this free stuff. 199 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,950 This tv scam is the greatest thing I ever thought of. 200 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,718 � da da da da da � 201 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,588 � the stores! � 202 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,824 Yes, I think at least six of everything 203 00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:29,228 You shamelessly mentioned on the air has been delivered. 204 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,629 That is not true. 205 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,599 I did not get the bagel slicer, the fry baby, 206 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,135 Or the 24-cubic-foot frigidaire. 207 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,504 Which is almost enough 208 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,606 To hold the conner family supply 209 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,975 Of breakfast meats. 210 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,144 So where is the stuff you said you got for the diner? 211 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,912 Oh man, you wouldn't believe it. The whole kitchen 212 00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,148 Is full of free hors d'oeuvres. 213 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,650 I figure the stuff we recognize we'll sell for a buck, 214 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,186 And other stuff two bucks. 215 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:57,222 ( yawns ) 216 00:10:57,223 --> 00:11:00,159 How come you're so tired? 217 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,929 Are you having that dream about that giant monkey again? 218 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,231 No, I happen to have been 219 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,133 Out dancing all night. 220 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,903 Oh really? So you met a guy at mom's thing? 221 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,405 I was right. Yeah, well, so who is he? What's he like? 222 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,708 Well, he's... 223 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:19,345 He's a guy that likes to dance. You know the type. 224 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,580 You know, he's got shoes 225 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:24,249 And that's who he is. 226 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:28,087 Well, aside from the likes-to-dance part, sounds just like Dan. 227 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,757 There she is. You shameless hussy! 228 00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:34,493 You stole my man! 229 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,901 Stole your man? What are you talking about? 230 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:46,972 Are you gonna deny that you went out with hal after class? 231 00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,508 He asked me out, so I went out with him. What's the big deal? 232 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:52,378 So you just stole him from your own mother? 233 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,114 You trollop! 234 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,583 My sister and my mother 235 00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,586 Are fighting over the same guy? 236 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:04,390 The only thing left for this family is cannibalism. 237 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,459 I didn't steal anybody from her. 238 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,328 The old bat's out of her mind. 239 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,131 Floozy! Jezebel! 240 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,033 Little miss round heels! 241 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:19,471 Gee, Jackie, doesn't that remind you of your sweet-16 party? 242 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,006 So you think this is funny? 243 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:24,576 Oh, I think everybody's gonna think this is funny. 244 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,945 - ( car honks ) - damn. 245 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:30,182 There's that sample limo. 246 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,284 Well, I hope you guys can keep this up 247 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,720 Till I get back from my free hot-air-balloon ride. 248 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,024 You do know 249 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,727 That you and hal look ridiculous together. 250 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:45,030 Mother, i'm not even going to talk to you about this. 251 00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:48,233 What's wrong, Jackie? Been out of circulation too long? 252 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,703 Too scared to date a man your own age? 253 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,971 I'm not scared of anything. 254 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:56,275 Okay, there's the rabbits. 255 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,210 Mom-- well, maybe a part of it 256 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,413 Is that I haven't been out there in a number of years, 257 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,615 But so hal is a really nice guy. 258 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,517 He's safe, you know? What's wrong with that? 259 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,753 Well, you're not serious about him. 260 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,823 - you're taking advantage of him. - mom! 261 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:13,792 You've been going down there for two years. You've never been out with him. 262 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:17,629 I've cleverly paced myself. 263 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,567 And he was about to make his move. 264 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:25,237 Last week, instead of calling me bev, 265 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,640 He accidentally called me "bed." 266 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,812 Well, there you are. 267 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:38,484 Mother, that's not exactly a relationship. 268 00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,388 You don't know anything about hal. 269 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,256 Did you know he was one 270 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:47,659 Of the original June taylor dancers? 271 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,629 Look, mom, I know you like him, 272 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,332 But listen to me. You weren't seeing him. 273 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,168 I was seeing him every Saturday night 274 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,637 For the last two years! 275 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,806 And it's been wonderful. 276 00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:03,442 We danced together. We chatted. 277 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,844 And oh, how we laughed. 278 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,713 You can still do all that. 279 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,848 No, I can't. 280 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,850 It's ruined. 281 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,786 From now on, 282 00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,221 I guess i'll just spend Saturday nights 283 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:19,491 - looking at television alone. - mom. 284 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:23,162 I'll go down this week and tell the gals. 285 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,331 And then my dancing days are through. 286 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,467 Thank you, Jackie, 287 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,670 For spoiling everything. 288 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:34,373 ( door slams ) 289 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,409 You stole your mother's boyfriend, huh? 290 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,511 Been there. 291 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,854 Almost cutting my hand off the other day really got me thinking about a lot of stuff. 292 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,023 Oh, yeah? Like what? 293 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,325 Like what it'd be like if I didn't have a hand. 294 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,700 Shouldn't he be getting ready for his wedding? 295 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,570 - I mean, is he even thinking about it? - sure he is. 296 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,839 He's helping Darlene with stuff. 297 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,742 He asked me to be his best man. He's on top of things. 298 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,313 He asked you to be his best man, huh? 299 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,784 Oh, did I say "best man"? 300 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,652 I'm sorry, I got it wrong. 301 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,321 He asked me to be his main man. 302 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,060 Whatever, it's-- 303 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:34,933 David, David! 304 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,303 I've made up my mind about being your best man, and the answer's no. 305 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,974 I understand. You hate me. 306 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:45,144 No, I don't hate you. 307 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:48,147 I mean, it's very nice that you asked me. 308 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,482 I just think it would be better if you asked your brother. 309 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,418 Mark? 310 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:55,421 I don't like Mark. 311 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:58,023 That's it. We just don't get along. 312 00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:00,759 Aren't you supposed to pick a best man you like and get along with? 313 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,662 That's not even true about the person you marry. 314 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,200 Now go on. He's your brother. Ask him. 315 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,536 Fine. 316 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,105 ( groans ) I can just hear his toast now. 317 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,507 "chicks are weird. Let's chug!" 318 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,012 There you go. 319 00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:23,115 Mark. 320 00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,050 Hey. 321 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,389 So i've been thinking about it, 322 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,392 And I want you to be my best man. 323 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,394 Look, don't do me any favors, okay? 324 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,663 I'm not doing you a favor. 325 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,799 Look, you asked Dan first instead of me. 326 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,468 Why? 327 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,503 Why? 328 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,139 Do you really wanna know why? 329 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,575 - yeah, that's why i'm asking. - okay. 330 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,711 All right, fine, Mark. 331 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,980 You tormented me my whole life. 332 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,583 You know, my first memory 333 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,719 Is of you stuffing me in a piano when I was three years old. 334 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,456 You stole my allowance. 335 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,392 You bent the spokes on my bike. 336 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,094 You told every girl I had a crush on that I had fleas. 337 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,163 You did. 338 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,832 That one summer. 339 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,468 Face it, Mark, 340 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,137 You viciously bullied me 341 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,073 Until I was old enough to figure out how to just avoid you all together, 342 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,042 Which is why we are the way we are today. 343 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,779 And you wonder why I don't ask you to be my best man? 344 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,615 Yeah, why not? 345 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,450 I just told you, Mark. 346 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,552 It doesn't matter. I don't wanna be your best man anyway. 347 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,055 - fine, then just say no. - oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 348 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,490 Oh, you're driving me crazy! 349 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,626 Mark, come here. 350 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,696 Just say you'll be my best man and shut up! 351 00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:47,066 Look at this! You can't even ask me nicely! 352 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,867 All right, fine, Mark. 353 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,436 Don't be my best man, all right? 354 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,404 Just kill me and put me out of my misery. 355 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,440 Look, if you're that miserable, 356 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,475 I'll be your best man. 357 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,243 - will that make you happy? - yes. 358 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,851 It's good. It's a good start. 359 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,854 Yeah, I mean, we are brothers. 360 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,423 Yeah. 361 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,659 No way am I letting you stuff that cake in my face though. 362 00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:24,403 You can't leave us, bev. 363 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:27,139 You're the sparkplug for our little ensemble. 364 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,409 Please, ladies, allow me to do this with dignity. 365 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:32,745 I don't wanna end up like ginger rogers 366 00:18:32,746 --> 00:18:34,947 Dancing past my prime. 367 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:38,884 Well, ladies of the chorus, 368 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:41,754 Adieu. 369 00:18:41,755 --> 00:18:44,790 And where do you think you're going, Beverly? 370 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:48,527 I just-- i'm quitting the class, hal. 371 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,129 - quitting? - yes. 372 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,697 You can't quit. 373 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,133 We need you. I need you. 374 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:57,936 - you're like a willow by a lake. - excuse me? 375 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:01,807 You're like a raindrop dancing on a windowpane 376 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,843 On a warm hot summer night in August. 377 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:08,480 Oh, hal, that's what jeff chandler said to mamie van doren 378 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,050 - in "surrender in September." - oh. 379 00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:14,153 You were so wonderful in that. What was your line? 380 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,289 "i'll pull the car around." 381 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,626 But this isn't a movie, hal. 382 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,595 It's my life, and it's time for me to get on with it. 383 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:26,799 No no, you can't leave, bevvy. You can't. 384 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,535 You're my favorite student. 385 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,071 You're not going to leave me alone here with all these old ladies. 386 00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:34,907 - please don't. - Jackie isn't old, hal. 387 00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,976 Oh, her. Well no, you raised a very charming woman. 388 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,478 I mean, very very nice, 389 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,979 And I like her, but there's-- 390 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,082 What are you saying? You're not interested in her? 391 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:46,151 Why should I settle for a pale copy 392 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,053 Of the original? 393 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:51,523 Oh, hal, please. Really? 394 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,859 Why drink grape juice, 395 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,428 When you could have vintage bordeaux? 396 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,531 Oh, no. 397 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,900 I can't have you disparaging my daughter. 398 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,069 She's a fine young woman and mother. 399 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,806 And i'm sure her credit rating will be restored within the year. 400 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,009 Please, you must stay. 401 00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:12,444 Should I? Oh, I don't know. I just don't know. 402 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,380 I'm not starting this class without you. 403 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:17,149 My capezios are in the car. 404 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,785 I'll be back in a trice. 405 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,554 ( chuckles ) wonderful. 406 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,824 All right, everybody, tonight we're going to do the rumba. 407 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,027 I'll be back in five-- 408 00:20:28,028 --> 00:20:31,363 Quicker than you can say "xavier cugat." 409 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,767 Oh, hal, thank you. Thanks. 410 00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:38,203 - thanks, hal, for doing that. - she's such a sweet kid. 411 00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:39,938 And I wanted to thank you also 412 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,840 For the time that we spent together, you know? 413 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,642 I haven't been dating for quite a while now 414 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,779 And it was very sweet of you to help me get back there in the game. 415 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:49,014 Are you kidding? You're a beautiful woman. 416 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,550 Guys are gonna be lining up. 417 00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:54,586 You're like a willow by a lake. 418 00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,826 You're like a drop of rain dancing on a windowpane 419 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:04,029 After a hot warm summer August night. 420 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,330 Oh, hal. 421 00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:09,234 And you-- well, you are like... 422 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:12,338 The last piece of pizza... 423 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:19,244 That everyone wants and no one will take 424 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:22,247 Because who knows 425 00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:25,084 How long it's been sitting there? 426 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,524 Sure, kid. Anything you say. 427 00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:36,328 Oh, and, hal, I just wanted to ask one other thing. 428 00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,664 You know, when we were out dancing the other night, 429 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:42,201 And I don't know, I just wanted to know, am I any good? 430 00:21:42,202 --> 00:21:44,303 You suck, baby. 431 00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:49,041 ( theme music playing ) 432 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:56,782 Which is port and which is starboard? 433 00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:59,651 Well, that depends. That depends on whether you're coming or going. 434 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:03,255 I mean, normally the aft is on the other side of the stern. 435 00:22:03,256 --> 00:22:05,124 And that's the bridge 436 00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,926 So that you can get from one side of the boat to the other. 437 00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:10,329 Would you like a glass of champagne? 438 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:13,032 Love it. Which way? 439 00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:17,269 Here we are. It isn't very much. 440 00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:20,105 After all, it's only a yacht. 441 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:28,313 Do you wanna see the ashtray I stole from the white house? 442 00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:31,283 ( theme music playing ) 47033

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.