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1
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,306
What a great way to endan incredible week.
2
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,874
The movie was terrific.
3
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,810
That was the longest
you've ever let me
use the armrest.
4
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,490
You did eat some
of my milk duds.
5
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,429
Oh, I love
this time of day.
6
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,865
Yeah, it's pretty.
7
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,367
You know, you can say what
you want about the sulfides
from the paper mill,
8
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,870
But it sure makes for
a beautiful sunset.
9
00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:42,508
Have I thanked you enough
for helping me get that
job in Chicago?
10
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:43,709
Yes, David.
11
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:47,146
And we got a great
apartment, right?
12
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:50,449
- i'm so psyched to see it.
- oh, you're going to love
your room.
13
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,886
Except i'm going to have
to get in there every morning
to brush my teeth.
14
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,390
Well, there's so much
to think about.
15
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,693
I mean, should we each
buy our own food?
16
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,127
Should we split
the utilities?
17
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,729
Should we have separate
phone lines?
18
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,532
You know, um...
19
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,968
Or we could
just get married.
20
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,037
( chuckles )
yeah right.
21
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:14,573
To who?
22
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:19,845
No, I mean, come on.
There's a lot advantages
to being married, right?
23
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,014
Oh, I get it.
24
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,917
You mean so we can get
all the gifts and money
from our friends.
25
00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:30,189
Our friends?
The only thing we'd get
from them is beer and mono.
26
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,760
David.
27
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,364
You're serious about this,
aren't you?
28
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:41,800
Yeah, I am.
29
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,003
Oh my god.
30
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:54,380
Wait a minute.
Ha ha, okay.
31
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,081
Now you're going
to tell me you're
kidding, right?
32
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,017
Nope, now i'm gonna
tell you i'm pregnant.
33
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,287
( theme music playing )
34
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,662
( Roseanne laughing )
35
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,270
Pregnant?
36
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:53,472
You mean, like...
37
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,641
Pregnant?
38
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,110
Yes, David.
You've knocked me up.
39
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,447
How? When?
40
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,885
When?
Disneyworld.
41
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:09,288
Oh my god.
42
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,023
You mean that night
after the fireworks?
43
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,626
Well, either that or it
truly is a magic kingdom.
44
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,136
Wow.
45
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,139
- what are we gonna do?
- oh, don't worry.
46
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,209
You know, getting married
and having a baby can't
change things that much.
47
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,645
I kind of wanted
a dog first.
48
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,850
Oh, it'll be okay.
49
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,685
I'm still gonna
finish school
50
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:42,121
And by getting married
I can get on your
health coverage.
51
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,889
Our car insurance
will go down.
52
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,791
We'll be in line for
married-student housing.
53
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,292
I mean, it just makes
sense, you know?
54
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:52,131
It wouldn't have
to be a big dog.
55
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,768
Come on, let's go
tell everybody inside
and get this over with.
56
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,569
Whoa whoa,
slow down.
57
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,372
You mean tell
everyone in there?
58
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,475
Darlene, couldn't
we wait a few months?
59
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,678
I mean, then they would
just think you were
getting fat.
60
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,780
They gotta be
expecting that.
61
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,381
So then when
we do tell them,
62
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:12,818
They'll just go,
"oh good, she's not
getting fat."
63
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,654
All right,
we don't have
to tell them yet.
64
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,990
Now take a deep breath
and try not to look
so pasty.
65
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,591
We'll just--
66
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,895
We'll tell them
the movie we just saw
affected me profoundly.
67
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,832
Okay, let's go inside.
You ready?
68
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,101
( chuckles )
69
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,237
- after you... Daddy.
- ( groans )
70
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,142
What the hell are those?
71
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,015
They're cornish
game hens.
72
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,817
I bought them
off this guy
73
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,618
That was selling them
off the back of his truck
74
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,421
Down at the gas station
parking lot.
75
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,957
It's the very same guy
76
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,661
That I bought
our stereo speakers
from last week.
77
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,130
Hey, you guys are
just in time for dinner.
78
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,632
Grab a plate.
Sit down here, David.
79
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,067
Next to you?
80
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,470
Yeah.
81
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,905
Come tell me
about your new job
82
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,774
As a graphic artist there.
83
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:12,478
David, congratulations
on the job.
84
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,747
Is it on computer
or do you just draw
by hand?
85
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:18,350
Uh, thanks,
i'm fine.
86
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:21,353
( chuckles )
87
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:25,290
I guess you're
pretty excited about
moving to Chicago, huh?
88
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:28,260
Uh, uh-huh.
89
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,429
Of course,
that means i'll have
to move to Chicago.
90
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:36,001
Uh, i'm confused.
91
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,370
They're some kind
of tiny chicken.
92
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,272
We didn't know
what they were either.
93
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,476
No, I don't think
that's it, d.J.
94
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,211
David's just
a little excited
95
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,647
About his new job.
Isn't that right, David?
96
00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:52,051
The movie affected
me profoundly.
97
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,590
David, why don't you
let me sit there?
98
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,993
- you've been
hogging mom long enough.
- okay good, here.
99
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,100
Uh, but you should
sit somewhere, you know?
100
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,077
What's up?
101
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,279
I smell fear.
102
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,349
I love that smell,
but what's up?
103
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,351
Nothing's up.
God.
104
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,119
Hey d.J.,
that's a great shirt.
Where'd you get it?
105
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,154
My closet.
106
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,559
Oh, now I think
something is up.
107
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,929
Yeah, i've seen enough
of that "murder she wrote"
108
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,131
To figure that out.
109
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,368
Let's see here.
David is pale
110
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,703
And kind of weak-kneed
and all nervous,
111
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,705
So there's
no clues there.
112
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:52,511
But Darlene wants
to sit next to me
113
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,513
And she said something nice
to her brother.
114
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,548
Ooh, I wonder.
115
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,752
I know.
You're pregnant!
116
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,754
( all laughing )
117
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,608
That was my joke guess!
118
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,012
We're also
getting married.
119
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,681
( silverware clatters )
120
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,529
Well...
121
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:55,374
I'm-- i'm--
122
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,543
I'm excited for you guys.
I think it's great.
123
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,812
Dan!
124
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,281
We're gonna be grandparents.
Isn't that great?
125
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,383
I'm getting one of those
sweatshirts that says
126
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,785
"world's greatest grandma"
on it, you know?
127
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,620
And you can go out
and get yourself,
I don't know,
128
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,789
Like a cane
or something.
129
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,492
Yeah.
130
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,461
Oh, boy.
131
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,696
Good good
good good good.
132
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,265
( chuckles )
wow.
133
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,934
Well, thanks,
Mrs. Conner.
134
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,269
Really wasn't the reaction
I was expecting.
135
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,938
Yeah, me neither.
136
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,141
Guess you peed
your pants for nothing.
137
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,847
Dan?
138
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,483
- Dan!
- what?
139
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:41,020
Oh, i'm just trying
to figure out how to go
about eating this thing.
140
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,523
Well, I think it's good...
141
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,633
That Darlene
is getting pregnant,
142
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,902
'cause-- getting married
'cause she--
143
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,571
She's pregnant.
144
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,473
And that's
just what I did.
145
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,813
D.J., stop staring at me.
146
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:11,250
( groans )
babies having babies.
147
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,190
Well, i'm nauseous.
I was wondering when
that would hit me.
148
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,396
- what the hell
is wrong with you?
- what do you mean?
149
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,699
Roseanne, Darlene says
150
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,168
That she has to get married
because she's pregnant
151
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,071
And all you can say
is that you're happy?
Are you insane?
152
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,408
Jackie, d.J....
153
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,977
Maybe it would be best
if you left now.
154
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,779
Okey-doke.
155
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,217
What about
my little chicken?
He's gonna get cold.
156
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,952
We're eating them
in the car.
157
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,794
What are you going
to say to me, Dan?
158
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:59,398
Well, the only reason
I didn't start yelling
159
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,967
Is 'cause I was waiting for you
and you didn't start yelling.
160
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,470
And it's too late now.
161
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,340
Well, that's
'cause it's happened
162
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,442
And there is nothing
we can do about it.
163
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,645
Yeah, so what?
164
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:17,249
Let's be happy?
Why not?
165
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,152
Our daughter's
throwing her life away.
166
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,887
Well no, actually,
167
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:24,356
I think we're making a little
progress in this family.
168
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,126
Becky got married
when she was 17.
169
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,794
I was only 18.
170
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,130
At last, a conner woman
is mature enough
171
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,099
To put it off until
she's 19 years old.
172
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,769
No way are they ready
to have a baby.
173
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,604
No way.
174
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,808
Well, I don't know.
175
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,111
I can't think
of a better mother
for a child...
176
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,347
Than David.
177
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,853
I can't believe it.
You're not even shocked
by this.
178
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,356
I mean, what is it
with this family?
179
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,626
Nothing could ever be easy.
Nothing ever goes the way
it's supposed to.
180
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,661
I think you'd better
just calm down.
181
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,930
No, why should I
calm down, damn it?
182
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,366
Because we can be angry
183
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,668
And that will have
no effect whatsoever,
184
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,136
Or we can be happy
185
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,173
And that will have
no effect whatsoever either.
186
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,608
So why don't
we just be parents
and support them?
187
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:25,617
Well, there goes
$5 worth
188
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,686
Of fancy hens
down the drain.
189
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,000
Tv announcer:
66, the bulls...
190
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,610
You're pretty mad at me,
aren't you?
191
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,779
Nope.
192
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,215
Well, you're chewing
like you're mad.
193
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,583
Sorry.
194
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,119
I'll try
to chew happier.
195
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,598
Mr. Conner, I know this whole
me-and-Darlene thing
196
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,233
Is very very weird,
197
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,869
Especially after
all you've been through
with Mark and Becky, but--
198
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:20,506
But you want
it to be different.
Fine, okay, whatever.
199
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:23,842
( tv announcer talking )
200
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,752
So how mad are you?
201
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,621
I'm pretty damn mad.
202
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:39,124
From now on,
people are eating
straight out of the pan.
203
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,994
So you're okay
about this whole
me-and-Darlene thing?
204
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,996
I mean, I know
you said you were,
but so did Mr. Conner
205
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,731
And he's obviously not.
206
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,833
Yeah, pretty weird, huh?
207
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,202
Ever since
I had that baby,
I don't know,
208
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,605
Things don't
bother me as much.
I'm just happier.
209
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,308
You're a lucky
lucky boy, David.
210
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,044
- thanks, Mrs. Conner.
- yeah.
211
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,213
I'll tell you how
to handle Mr. Conner.
212
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,916
You just stay
on his right side.
That's his blind spot.
213
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,488
So how are you
doing, David?
214
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,624
Okay I guess.
215
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,560
It's kind of interesting
216
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,596
Having all of your
major life changes
happen in one day.
217
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,566
Yeah, I think I can
pretty much relate to that.
218
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,402
I remember
this one Tuesday,
219
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,071
They canceled
"card sharks"
220
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,974
And they introduced
221
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,243
The chocolate chip
cookie dough ice cream
222
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,979
The very same day.
223
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,348
Whoa.
224
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,585
You worried
about the baby?
225
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,389
Actually, i'm more worried
about me and Darlene.
226
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,693
Something's just--
227
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,965
I don't know.
When she asked me
to marry her--
228
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,366
Oh, she asked you?
229
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,036
That's cute.
230
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,873
No, Mrs. Conner,
it wasn't cute.
231
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:04,743
I felt like she was
proposing some sort of
business deal or something.
232
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,680
It had nothing
to do with love.
233
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,182
Well, then i'm impressed.
234
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,619
That means Darlene
knows what marriage
is really all about.
235
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,422
Oh, David, come on.
236
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,357
You know she loves you.
237
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:23,062
Maybe it's just that
I pictured it different.
238
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,665
I mean, I thought
I would tell Darlene I had
a big surprise for her
239
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,667
And we would hop
in the car
240
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,036
And drive down
to that underpass
near route 10
241
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,038
Where we first--
242
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:41,280
I'm just-- i'm not sure
that this is how we should
be starting a marriage.
243
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,515
Oh, David.
244
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,351
( sighs )
245
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,887
You know, this is--
granted, it's a lot
to handle,
246
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,757
You know,
all at once.
247
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:55,661
But i'm sure Darlene
has got a lot of things
248
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,062
Going through
her mind too.
249
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,199
And you guys are gonna
work it all out.
250
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,868
Everything will
be okay, David.
251
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,614
- hey.
- hey, how are
you doing?
252
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,784
Pregnant,
how about you?
253
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,219
You wanting
something to eat?
254
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,555
Can I make you a peanut butter
and frito sandwich?
255
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,925
That's okay, mom.
I'm not really craving
weird pregnancy food yet.
256
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,261
No, I was making
it for me.
257
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,296
You want one?
258
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:33,432
Sure.
259
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,634
Here, have this one.
260
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,077
You're staring.
261
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,547
It's so bizarre
that you're going
to be a mother.
262
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:51,283
Yeah well,
it won't be official until
I chew through the cord.
263
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,891
You aren't gonna believe
the stuff it's gonna do
to your body.
264
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,994
Of course, you know,
i'm gonna be there beside
you the whole time
265
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:05,130
Laughing and pointing.
266
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,307
No, but you really
are not gonna believe
267
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,776
The way everything's
gonna change, you know?
268
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,979
The way stuff smells,
even the way it tastes.
269
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,548
Like, when I was
pregnant with Becky
270
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,783
I had a craving
to eat dirt.
271
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,852
Get out.
272
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,721
Then when I was
pregnant with you
273
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,057
I couldn't get enough
of your dad's smell--
274
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,526
That intoxicating blend
275
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,795
Of motor oil,
aqua velva,
276
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,764
And corn nuts.
277
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,900
Way too much detail.
278
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,008
So i'm assuming
that you have considered
279
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,943
All the options
open to you,
280
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:53,712
You know, having to do
with the pregnancy
and everything.
281
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,715
Yeah, I know the options.
282
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,951
And?
283
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:01,854
And I want the baby.
284
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,822
I want it more than
i've ever wanted anything.
285
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,290
Is that so hard
to believe?
286
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,594
Well yeah,
a little bit.
287
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,362
I mean, I remember
when you were eight
288
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,331
And you wanted
to get a vasectomy.
289
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,436
And then even after
we told you what it was
290
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,905
You still wanted one.
291
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,474
Yeah, well i'm not
eight anymore
292
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,510
And I want the baby.
So let's just drop it, okay?
293
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,812
Okay, fine.
294
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,048
You're having a baby
and you're getting married.
295
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,383
Cool. I'm not gonna say
another thing about it.
296
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,823
Do you have any idea
what a mega amount of crap
297
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,459
That's gonna be
to deal with, Darlene?
Are you ready for that?
298
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,695
Mom, why are you
doing this to me?
299
00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:45,230
I mean, do you think
there's a single thing
that you could say
300
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,066
That I haven't thought about,
like, 1000 times?
301
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,234
Well, you know,
you'll have to
excuse me.
302
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,737
I might be
in a little bit
of shock here.
303
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,806
I know.
I know everybody
is looking at me
304
00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:56,375
And thinking,
like, "oh, darlene's
getting married?
305
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,876
Darlene's gonna
have a baby?"
306
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,878
I mean, hell,
even I said it.
307
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,881
But you know,
when I found out
308
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,451
That there was,
like, this life
going through me...
309
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,320
I don't know,
I just feel, like...
310
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,590
Different.
Happier.
311
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,528
Yeah, well, I know all about
that euphoria thing.
312
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,064
I've had four children.
313
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,101
I felt that three times.
314
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,803
Well, I mean,
remember when I was
in high school
315
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:28,307
And I had that, like,
dark depressed funk
that I was in?
316
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,109
By the way,
sorry about that.
317
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:35,114
I don't know,
it's just, like,
318
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,716
Life is not as hard
as I made it out to be.
319
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:41,453
Yeah, well...
320
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,655
Having a baby
is really hard
321
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:46,258
Under the very best
of circumstances,
Darlene.
322
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,761
You've got a really
tough road ahead of you.
323
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:51,330
I know that.
And that's why i'm
preparing for it now.
324
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:54,166
With summer school
I can still graduate
on time.
325
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,235
And david's got
a full-time job,
326
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,270
So the baby
will be covered
on his insurance.
327
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,305
And I just put in
for a copywriting job
328
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,341
That I can do
part-time at home.
329
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,713
Hmm.
330
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,449
Sounds like
you're more prepared
than I ever was.
331
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,551
Yeah, and to be honest,
332
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,553
I couldn't do
any of this if we weren't
getting married.
333
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,156
And there's a lot of benefits
that come with that.
334
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,324
Besides, you know,
I love David, so it's
not like there's--
335
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,361
Whoa whoa whoa.
Okay, you know, that last
little part there
336
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,663
About you love David,
you know?
337
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,068
You'd better go find him
and tell him that.
338
00:19:29,069 --> 00:19:31,503
David knows
that I love him.
339
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,073
No, Darlene,
I was talking to him
340
00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:38,043
And he really needs
to hear that, okay?
341
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,745
Okay.
342
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,382
Hey, I want you to know
something else too.
343
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,287
You know, I am...
344
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,856
You know,
totally happy for you.
345
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:54,360
And i'm gonna
be here for you.
346
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,595
Do not start to cry.
347
00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,165
Well, I mean,
it is pretty cool
348
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,934
To see my little baby
349
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:04,036
A grown-up
and responsible woman.
350
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:15,514
So go find your fiance.
351
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,384
Whew.
352
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,252
( theme music playing )
353
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,328
So I figure
it was on the tram
354
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,997
Somewhere between
the dumbo ride
355
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,533
And the alien encounter.
356
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,435
Not funny, Roseanne.
357
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:40,272
Oh, come on, Dan.
Our daughter got pregnant
at disneyworld.
358
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,676
When else do you get
the chance to put that in
your christmas newsletter?
359
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,314
You know, I always figured
that Darlene was gonna
make it, Rosie.
360
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,150
You know?
361
00:20:51,151 --> 00:20:54,086
I thought Darlene
was gonna be the one.
362
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,488
It's her last year
of college--
363
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,924
All these big job offers
and now this.
364
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,492
She's still gonna
make it, Dan.
365
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,728
She'll just have
big bags under her eyes
366
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,930
And cheerios
in her hair.
367
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,032
It's not what
she planned, honey.
368
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:10,102
It's not what she wanted.
It's not what I wanted for her.
369
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,971
Okay, well I was out there
talking to her, you know?
370
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,873
And she, like, totally
blew my mind, Dan.
371
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,675
She's thought
it all through.
372
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,610
She's got it
all planned out.
373
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,814
Yeah, I know,
but they're not ready
to have kids.
374
00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:23,716
Couldn't they have
waited until they had
some more money?
375
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:26,085
Until they had
any money?
376
00:21:26,086 --> 00:21:28,921
Well, if we would
have waited until
we had money,
377
00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,856
We never would
have had any kids.
378
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,994
And then who would
we have sent to the store
to buy our cigarettes?
379
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:41,467
Yeah, we also never
would have had a daughter
who derailed her life
380
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,168
Because she did
something stupid.
381
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,070
She's not stupid, Dan.
382
00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:47,639
She's human
and we finally have
some proof of that.
383
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,809
Oh, stop it, Roseanne.
Our daughter is pregnant
and is getting married.
384
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:54,780
I just can't sit back
and do nothing about it.
385
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,650
Okay, well, why don't you
start screaming and throwing
furniture around
386
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,285
Like you did
when Becky eloped?
387
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:02,821
And then we won't see her
for a year and a half too.
388
00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:07,126
Yeah, well...
389
00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:09,461
She's gonna make it, Dan.
390
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,230
She's fine.
391
00:22:11,231 --> 00:22:13,232
We're gonna be there.
We're gonna help
her through it.
392
00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:15,734
We're all gonna make it.
393
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,470
We are good parents, Dan.
394
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:22,107
( sighs )
395
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:24,443
Check this out.
396
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:29,248
Not only--
397
00:22:29,249 --> 00:22:31,550
Not only are we gonna
have a grandchild
398
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,253
Who is roughly the same age
as our own child,
399
00:22:34,254 --> 00:22:37,556
But our daughter
is marrying
400
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,958
The boy we consider
to be our son.
401
00:22:45,498 --> 00:22:47,766
I think that means
that we are now
402
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:52,137
Officially the white-
trashiest family
403
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:54,873
In all the land!
404
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:02,247
Yee-haw!
41610
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