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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,335
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,972
$5.
3
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:08,607
( laughs )
4
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,676
What are you,
a wimp?
5
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,178
Put your money
where your mouth is.
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,047
All right, $10.
7
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,082
You're a sucker.
You're gonna lose.
8
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,684
Get your turtle.
9
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:26,558
( groaning )
oh god.
10
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,961
Okay, on the count
of three. Ready?
11
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,397
Both:
one, two, three.
12
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:32,798
Come on,
lightning.
13
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:33,966
Go down, jerry.
14
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,535
- come on, lightning
- jerry, check it out.
15
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,537
Come on, lightning.
Come on, lightning.
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,206
Come on, jerry, crawl.
Crawl like the wind.
17
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,509
What are
you doing?
18
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,312
Baby vs. Turtle,
sport of kings.
19
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,881
Come on, jerry.
20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,551
You're using our
baby brother for sport?
That is sick.
21
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,287
When he was asleep
we were using him
for third base.
22
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:58,290
You're gonna
traumatize this kid.
23
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,593
No, growing up in
this household is gonna
traumatize the kid.
24
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:04,997
Beating the turtle is his only
shot at self-esteem.
25
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,799
Come on, jerry.
26
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,635
You're lucky,
Darlene, the kid
was gonna lose.
27
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,738
He didn't stand a chance
against lightning.
28
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,341
As ridiculous
as this is, d.J.,
29
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,643
Jerry clearly could've
beaten that turtle.
30
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:21,246
Yeah, maybe
in a distance race,
but not in a sprint.
31
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,948
My baby brother
32
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,317
Could mop the floor
with that reptile.
33
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:28,687
Yeah, well I
got 10 bucks that
says otherwise.
34
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,725
You're on.
35
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,727
Come on, lightning.
Come on.
36
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,228
Come on, jerry.
37
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,963
Crawl, damn it!
38
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,799
Crawl like the wind.Come on, jerry.
39
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,435
( door shuts )
40
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,039
Give me five
on the turtle.
41
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,942
- come on, jerry!
- come on, lightning!
42
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,478
( theme music playing )
43
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,720
( Roseanne laughing )
44
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,463
D.J., d.J., what the
heck are you doing?
45
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,166
The picture's all screwy.
I'm just trying to fix it.
46
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,635
Never never
punch a tv, son.
47
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,304
There are tools for
situations like this.
48
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,411
Hey, everyone,
guess what?
Guess what?
49
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,148
You cracked 5'4".
50
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,951
I got a job.
I got a really great job.
51
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:09,621
Call a mover.
Call a really great mover.
52
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,256
I don't think
you need a mover
53
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:14,593
For five sweatsocks
and a tear stained diary.
54
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,628
Congratulations.
55
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,598
Now nothing in
this world can
hold you back
56
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,635
Except your association
with this family.
57
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,072
I'm really proud of you, pal.
If you save up for
a couple of months
58
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,074
You can get that studio
apartment you had your eye on.
59
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:30,676
No, I don't even need
it anymore.
60
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,144
That's the best part
of the job.
61
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,414
I have to work weekends,
but they provide meals
and housing.
62
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:38,917
David, you've
become a priest.
63
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,955
No, it's even
better than that.
64
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:46,658
I am going to be
working at edelweiss
gardens amusement park.
65
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:50,162
Oh, wow!
That's like the coolest
place in the whole state.
66
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,464
Last year a whole family
got crushed to death
67
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,401
On one of those
twirling beer steins.
68
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,537
That's how
I want to go.
69
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,440
I met the recruiter
today at the mall.
70
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:02,975
They interviewed
me on the spot
71
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,311
And said that I
was perfect edelweiss
gardens material.
72
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,214
Rock on, liebchen.
73
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,517
Remember how sad
we were last week
74
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,252
When we had to
leave disneyworld?
75
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,988
Now it's gonna be
like I get to live
in an amusement park.
76
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,956
You get to wear
shorts and knee socks.
77
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:21,160
You won't look
like too much of a fem.
78
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,167
No, actually they
said they can probably
find a place for me
79
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:31,570
In their art department.
I'm gonna go call Darlene
80
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,106
And then i'm
gonna leave notice
at the pizza place.
81
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,975
Hey, don't forget
your severance pizzas.
82
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:50,022
Nice room, David.
83
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,291
No windows
to wash.
84
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,760
Kind of like
living in an empty
swimming pool.
85
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,363
Yeah, with no
pesky distractions.
86
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,131
Is it night?
Is it day?
87
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,567
Did I miss spring?
88
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,736
It used to
be a days inn.
89
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,805
Wow, they really
fixed this place up.
90
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,841
Don't these
banks and banks
91
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,076
Of fluorescent lights
drain your energy?
92
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,312
I think they
give you energy.
93
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,385
Hi, everybody, i'm doug.
I'll be david's roommate.
94
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,120
You must be David.
95
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,421
Yeah, hi.
96
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,957
My my my, what
a fun looking group.
97
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,929
It's not even noon
yet and the kid's
plastered.
98
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:34,333
This is Mr.
And Mrs. Conner,
and this is Jackie.
99
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,902
Hi, everyone.
It's great to have
you here.
100
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,437
But you should
know in the future
101
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,539
There are no
visitors allowed in
the men's residence.
102
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,475
You don't have to
worry about that.
103
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,210
David's not
very popular.
104
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,046
( all laugh )
105
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,048
Okay.
106
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,949
Well...
107
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,853
I'll get your "welcome
to edelweiss" packet from
Mr. Schlosser's office.
108
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,188
Who's Mr. Schlosser?
109
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,457
He's our
chief instructor.
110
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,894
He's terrific.
And i'm not just saying
that 'cause I have to.
111
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,066
Man, if he's not
employee of the week,
112
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,634
I'd like to
see who is.
113
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,102
Hey, look--
114
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,737
The guy who
founded the joint.
115
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,641
I heard he had
himself frozen
after he died.
116
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:19,645
Remind me not to
eat the snow cones
around here.
117
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,947
You're going to
be busy, David.
118
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,817
You got breakfast at 6:00,
calisthenics at 7:00,
119
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,653
Animatronics
repair class at 8:00.
120
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:31,023
You're gonna do more
before 9:00 a.M. Than
most people do all day.
121
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,791
Sounds pretty
grueling, bud.
122
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,761
You sure you
just don't want
to get married?
123
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,930
Here you go, David,
everything you'll need.
124
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,632
Doug, I was looking
at your itinerary there.
I got to tell you--
125
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:43,235
You shouldn't
read things on the wall
in here, Jackie.
126
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,608
Say goodbye now, David.
127
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,378
Smile practice
in 15 minutes,
128
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,314
Where you learn
to be friendly to
the customers.
129
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,053
Wow, it's amazing.
130
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,489
It's like he's
got one regular
smile, you know,
131
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,291
And then
there's that one.
132
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,827
Man, David,
you're gonna be a
busy boy around here.
133
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,530
( laughing )
David can handle it.
134
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,899
He's one of us now.
135
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,869
There it is again.
136
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:20,406
Well... I guess we ought
to get out of your hair.
137
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,108
Yeah, you guys
probably want to
take some time,
138
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,610
Get acquainted,
you know...
139
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,946
Talk about your
girlfriends back
in the states.
140
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:31,050
Well, thanks
for helping me
move in here.
141
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,887
And thanks for,
you know, everything.
142
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,790
We're still gonna
be seeing you all
the time, David.
143
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,291
Jackie:
well, yeah.
144
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,661
Yeah, now that
you can get us into
the park for free.
145
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:46,298
Ha ha! Or--
or even if we
have to pay.
146
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:50,202
You know, 'cause
that would be darn
well worth it.
147
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,271
We should go.
148
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:57,009
You're gonna be
okay here, right, David?
149
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,278
Oh yeah, sure.
150
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,982
Uh, well...
151
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,386
Remember to
write us every day.
152
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:10,656
And don't forget
to include a photo
of yourself
153
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,992
Holding up that
day's newspaper.
154
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,341
How did you get used
to these ties?
155
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,343
Getting up
so early?
156
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,412
( chuckles )
one sets one's
mind to it--
157
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:37,149
Simply a matter of
dominating the will.
158
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,619
Oh, see, i'm usually
the dominatee.
159
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,089
Good morning.
160
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,691
All:
morning, Mr. Schlosser.
161
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,427
Good morning,
Mr. Schlosser.
162
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,629
Are you fresh
to our ranks?
163
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,164
Yes, sir.David healy.
164
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:55,134
Uh... Ahoy.
165
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,769
Sir.
166
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,837
And how are
we fitting in?
167
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,939
Oh, pretty good.
Pretty good.
168
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,409
Nice people.
I've already
met some of you.
169
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,479
Couldn't tell you
which ones, but...
170
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,517
Thank you,
Mr. Healy.
171
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:15,421
Today's topic is
character assimilation.
172
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,357
This is where
you learn not
just to play
173
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:22,227
But to be the park's
signature mascot
174
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,797
Hans the hare.
175
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,733
( laughing )
176
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,869
Sorry.
177
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:34,239
It's just that button nose,
I couldn't help myself.
178
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,643
Yes, hans
is very funny.
179
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,645
( all laughing )
180
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,416
But remember, hans is not
purely a comedian
181
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,453
Like a stan laurel
or a sinbad;
182
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:51,023
Hans is an all-around
entertainer.
183
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,326
He sings, he dances,
he has a fitness video.
184
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:59,298
It's a full-body workout.
It's wonderful.
185
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,470
Now that you've
read your "hans
the hare" manual
186
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:07,072
Tell me...
187
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,575
What is this hans
188
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,044
Doing wrong?
189
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,014
Hans does not
wave constantly,
but intermittently.
190
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,649
Good!
191
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,853
Hans only
spins clockwise.
192
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,055
Excellent!
193
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,090
David healy...
194
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,726
What is hans
doing wrong now?
195
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:31,597
Uh, his ears
aren't pointing to
10:00 and 2:00?
196
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,303
Look, i'm sorry.
197
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,639
I didn't have time to read
my manual last night.
198
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,375
I was so tired after those
wind sprints.
199
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,446
Class, help
Mr. Healy.
200
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,082
All:
hans doesn't sit.
201
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,986
"a sitting bunny
is an invitation
to mayhem."
202
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,590
Listen,
Mr. Schlosser,
203
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,860
I'm not sure i'm
supposed to be here learning
about how to play hans.
204
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:05,497
I draw, I paint.
I was told I was going to be
in the art department.
205
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,965
How many
of you here
206
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,668
Are on the waiting list
for the art department?
207
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,238
Mr. Healy,
208
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:17,142
If you're having second
thoughts about joining
the edelweiss family
209
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,212
Then by all
means vacate your
room and leave.
210
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,215
Vacate my room?
211
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,720
No no, Mr. Schlosser,
i'll stay.
212
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,588
I'll stay and i'll be
the best damn--
213
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,756
( all gasp )
214
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:34,560
Darn hans the hare
there ever was.
215
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,072
I thought I was done
filling out forms when
we got this prison job.
216
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,874
Every day they
send me something new.
217
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,743
- i'm getting writer's cramp.
- ( knocking on door )
218
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:54,513
See if they
got any forms
for workman's comp.
219
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,782
Hey, I heard
something on the news
220
00:11:56,783 --> 00:12:00,386
About these government
contractors getting all these
kickbacks, you know?
221
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,655
Find out
how that works.
222
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,092
Hi, Mrs. Conner.
May I come in?
223
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:10,896
I'm sorry, but we
already subscribe
to "the watchtower."
224
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,831
What the hell are
you knocking for?
225
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,867
I haven't lived here
for two whole weeks.
226
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,969
I don't want
to be impolite.
227
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,574
May I remind
you where you
are, young man?
228
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,611
I'm just trying
to be nice.
229
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,380
At edelweiss
we're supposed to be
nice all the time.
230
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,616
Guess it just
kind of stuck with me.
231
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,985
So how is everyone?
232
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,320
Oh, everyone
is just fine.
233
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,424
But I won't be
till you take off
that stupid tie.
234
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,393
I need it so
I can shoot up.
235
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,395
I'd really
rather keep it on.
236
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,297
Besides, I like
looking nice.
237
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,266
We have this little
hans the hare motto:
238
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,568
"my teeth brushed white,
clothes wrinkle-free,
239
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,905
I'm hans the hare,
and I love me."
240
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,710
Then we kind of
hop around a little.
241
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:00,746
You won't be
doing that here.
242
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,549
What other stuff
they got you doing there?
243
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:07,519
Well, first they had me
on the crusades adventure
244
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,422
But soon I might be working
on the fortress of fun
245
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,991
Or maybe even
das glass-bottom boot.
246
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,862
Have they got
any adventures
247
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:19,231
That don't have something
to do with war?
248
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,200
You know, like
something happy
249
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,936
Like little
bears or elves
250
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,872
Or-- you know, this
is out of my area,
but you know what I mean.
251
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,575
I'm sure there
are other rides,
252
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,610
But I don't know
the whole park yet.
253
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,346
You'd better not let
hans the hare find
out about that.
254
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,814
He'll give you
some demerits.
255
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,783
How did you know
about the demerits?
256
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,852
You've got to
be kidding me.
257
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,654
No, all it takes
is six demerits and
then they send you
258
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,157
To the edelweiss
correction school
for a month.
259
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,527
Correction school?
What's that, some kind
of brainwashing camp?
260
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,529
No, it says right on
the brochure
261
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,364
"this is not
a brainwashing camp."
262
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,700
Yeah and I put
the correct weight
263
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,869
On my driver's license.
264
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,405
Mrs. Conner,
this might not
mean much to you
265
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,307
But it's very
important to me that
I make this job work.
266
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,511
Hey, David,
looking good.
267
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:09,882
I'm going to go
comb my hair.
268
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,951
I'm feeling a
little unkempt.
269
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:16,388
Thank you for
the compliment,
Mr. Conner.
270
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,693
Would you
look at that?
271
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,227
Our david's
turning into a man.
272
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,362
No he's not.
273
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,330
He's turning
into some kind of
274
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,200
Buttoned down corporate
rabbit robot.
275
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,769
And the really
scary thing is, did
you see that tie?
276
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,138
It's not
even a clip-on.
277
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,941
Come on, Roseanne,
he's just trying to
be part of a team.
278
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,310
Team sports made
me what I am today.
279
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,979
( scoffs )
280
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,816
You made me
what I am today.
281
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,718
But team sports
got me ready for you.
282
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,620
We've got to
help him, Dan.
283
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,889
No, we've got to let go.
He's over 18.
284
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,193
Remember, as much
as we love David he's
not really our son.
285
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:57,429
Well, not according to
our last tax returns.
286
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,675
Pardon me, hans.
287
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,844
Oh, hi.
You can call me David.
288
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,612
That's all right, hans.
289
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,415
You know, i've
always had a thing
for hans the hare.
290
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,318
I often dream that i'm
even married to hans.
291
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,653
I know that's silly.
292
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:25,157
Or is it?
293
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,563
Team leader
in the room.
294
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,900
All right, everyone,
we're expecting a full
park today
295
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,670
And I want to see
a lot of children
with happy faces
296
00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:39,672
Because a
happy face is...
297
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:42,274
All:
a repeat customer.
298
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,276
People...
299
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,913
Today ends the two-
week probation period
300
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:51,417
Of our newest
hans the hare.
301
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,053
And in keeping
with the grand
302
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,523
Edelweiss gardens
tradition...
303
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:01,460
Hans, today your head
will be placed on
304
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:05,197
By none other than
the very first ever
hans the hare.
305
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,542
Never do anything to
disgrace the bunny.
306
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,752
Where's David healy?
307
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,357
How did you get past
the security goats?
308
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,462
Well, actually
I had no problem at all.
309
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,830
Perhaps it was my...
310
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,132
Lucky rabbit's foot.
311
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:44,470
Ma'am i'm going to
have to ask you to leave
the magic rabbit hole.
312
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,805
Pal, i'm gonna have to
ask you to kiss my ass.
313
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:54,046
Which one of you
is David healy?
314
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,715
They have no identity.
315
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,352
They won't answer
to any name except the
one we've given them.
316
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,955
David healy:
317
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,158
The kid who
secretly hates animals;
318
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,762
The kid who
told me the buffalo
got what they deserved.
319
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:12,331
Which one of you
is David now?
320
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,303
Hans! Put your
head back on.
321
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,638
Don't do it, David.
322
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,441
Once the head
is on it does
not come off.
323
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,109
David, no.
324
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,578
You don't know
how many pimply-
faced teenagers
325
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,914
Have put their
heads in there.
326
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,650
( intoning )
hans, follow
your training.
327
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,219
I trained you
first, David.
328
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,555
Here, sniff my
hand to remember.
329
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,758
Mrs. Conner, why
are you doing this?
330
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,560
Why are you trying
to make me go home?
331
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,328
( sighs )
five words, David:
332
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:45,698
You're dressed
like a rabbit.
333
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:48,467
They're giving me
a job, a place to stay.
334
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,802
I've been at
your house too long.
335
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,603
But David, you don't
have to sell out
336
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,406
Everything you
believe in just
to pay the rent.
337
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,808
I like it here.
338
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,409
No you don't, David.
339
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,378
You just think you do
because it's so easy.
340
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,879
They do all your
thinking for you.
341
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,682
They make all your
decisions for you.
342
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,085
They say "hop" and
you say "how high?"
343
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,488
Three inches.
344
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,256
Wake up, David.
345
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,525
This place wants
to be disneyworld,
346
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,961
But it's just some
creepy fascist copy.
347
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,897
Today it's, "hi,
i'm hans the hare.
Welcome to the park."
348
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:22,501
But tomorrow it's, "I was
only following orders."
349
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,737
I don't know
what to do.
350
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:27,339
Well, I do.
You're gonna go
home with me now.
351
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,642
That is if--
if they let you.
352
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:34,079
Of course, Mr. Healy
is free to leave.
353
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,050
All edelweiss
gardens employees
have complete freedom.
354
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,353
You say they
have freedom,
355
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,722
But do they really?
356
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,892
Are they free
after work to go
sit and have a beer
357
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,695
And trash their
boss like you can
on any other job?
358
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,463
No!
359
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,265
And yet this place claims
360
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,367
To represent
what america stands for.
361
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,972
Well, my america
stands for more
362
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,409
Than $5 to park,
$30 to get in,
363
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:07,046
And $5 tasteless
bunny-shaped hamburgers.
364
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,049
Now if you
will excuse us,
365
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:12,718
David and I are going
to get in my crappy car,
366
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,320
Drive along that
polluted river
367
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,557
Where we could get
carjacked or forced
off the road by drunks,
368
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,694
Pull up in front of
our house and run in
before we are robbed.
369
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,296
Because that, mister,
is my america
370
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,466
And I thank god
we're free to enjoy it.
371
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,234
Come on, David.
372
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:41,647
No, Mrs. Conner,
I want to go back
to edelweiss gardens
373
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:45,050
So I can help people
have fun again.
374
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:48,754
All right, let's
go over this
375
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,723
One more time:
376
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:56,128
Your name
is David healy.
377
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,897
You frown,
you're introspective
378
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,599
And you mope.
379
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,036
I'm not listening.
I'm not listening.
I'm not listening.
380
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,405
Listen to me, David.
381
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,942
We don't whistle
while we work.
382
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,879
We grumble
and complain
383
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,949
And encourage others
to do likewise.
384
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,550
No no no!
385
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,219
- no no no no!
- yes yes yes!
386
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,722
Let me tell you a
little something about your
edelweiss gardens, David.
387
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,558
It's mediocre food
388
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,294
And mediocre
fun at best.
389
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,963
And you know why
I know that, David?
390
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:34,767
Because I am an expert
on what is mediocre.
391
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,702
( panting )
392
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,339
That's good.
393
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,307
You hate me now,
don't you, David?
Admit it.
394
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:45,177
You're feeling hate.
You hate me right now,
don't you?
395
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:46,712
No. No, I don't.
396
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:50,315
You're a paying
customer and I respect
and admire you.
397
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:54,520
Liar!
398
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,724
Break, damn you, break.
399
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,626
Listen to me, David.
400
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:04,229
Rabbits and geese and goats
are not people.
401
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,267
They don't sing and dance.
402
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,902
They're food!
403
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:13,472
No!
404
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,841
( sobbing )
405
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:18,310
( sighs )
406
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:25,517
There, there.
407
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,319
Welcome home, son.
43125
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