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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,236 ( harmonica wails ) 2 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:06,205 Hi, can I borrow some sugar? 3 00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:10,009 No, I only have 21 and a half bags left. 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,144 Well, we can't stay long anyway 5 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,246 'cause we're off to see the... 6 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:18,083 P-e-d-I-a... 7 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,591 "atrician." 8 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:29,862 Why are you going to the foot doctor? 9 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,132 We're gonna have a little talk about andy's verbal skills. 10 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,435 Oh, why? Is he still tankin' all his job interviews? 11 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,438 I'm just worried about the way he's saying his words. 12 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,707 Like, he won't say "triangle." 13 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,676 He says "tri-an-gle." 14 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,878 Or "hel-lo." 15 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,883 Pauly shore makes millions of dollars saying that. 16 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,556 So they're just gonna run some tests, 17 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,259 Check his palette, make sure his hearing's all right. 18 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,861 I'm gonna borrow your book on child development, okay? 19 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,596 Yeah, but it's really old. 20 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:08,434 You probably should ignore that chapter on the heartbreak of polio. 21 00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,504 Hi, andy. 22 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,239 What you got here? This is cool. 23 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,041 Let me push this thing. 24 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:17,576 Toy: hel-lo. 25 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:21,246 Can you find the tri-an-gle? 26 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,357 Jackie! 27 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,927 ( theme music playing ) 28 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,567 ( Roseanne laughs ) 29 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,875 A toast, my dear, 30 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,177 To my six-months'-scheduled 31 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:28,714 Cost-of-living- 50�-an-hour pay increase. 32 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,349 Ding. 33 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,685 The joke's on them 'cause your cost of living 34 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:35,254 Only went up 40� an hour. 35 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,655 You proud of me? 36 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:40,459 What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. 37 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,361 ( knock on door ) 38 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,631 - hey, Dan. - Chuck, bob. 39 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,499 What are youse guys up to? 40 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,702 Um, you know. 41 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,437 Nothin'. 42 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:54,440 Um, just, um... You know. 43 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,144 Well, now that we caught up, 44 00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:02,247 I guess we'll see you later. 45 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,284 We kind of wanted to talk to Dan about something, 46 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,618 - Rosie. - yeah. 47 00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,253 It's kind of a guy thing. 48 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,988 Oh, really? 49 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:14,927 Oh, no wonder i'm starting to feel all shy and giggly. 50 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,599 Uh, Dan? Have you heard about the minimum-security prison 51 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,334 They're building outside of town? 52 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,803 They're building a prison in Lanford? 53 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:28,407 No wonder the beauty parlor's been so crowded lately. 54 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:37,082 Um, well, they're-- they're spending millions on this thing. 55 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,451 And we were wondering if maybe 56 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,954 You'd be interested in getting the old crew together 57 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,856 And putting a bid in on the drywalling? 58 00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,824 Look, I know you got it good at the garage, 59 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,527 But this'd be a chance to make a pretty good chunk of dough. 60 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:50,195 ( sighs ) 61 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,398 Look, guys, I appreciate you thinking of me, 62 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,966 But i'm pretty happy where I am. 63 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,901 And he's not kidding. 64 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,772 That couch under him has hardly even faded. 65 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,006 Are you sure, Dan? 66 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,742 I mean, it's gonna be a bundle. 67 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,478 - everyone in this town's gonna get rich. - really? 68 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:10,115 Great, that gives us an excuse to leave. 69 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:13,686 - look, guys, i'm sorry. - hey, man, it's all right. It's all right. 70 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,422 Yeah, maybe i'll apply to be a guard. 71 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,190 Picture me as a guard? 72 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,362 I can picture you as a hostage. 73 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,567 Well, if you change your mind, let us know, okay? 74 00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:30,569 - come on, bob. - yeah, okay. 75 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:35,407 Boy, you know, I always wondered what that canadian beer tastes like. 76 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,710 - really? - yeah. 77 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,714 It's really good. 78 00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,722 Thanks. 79 00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,759 One less thing to wonder about. 80 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,563 ( foreign accent ) now, my dear... 81 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,868 I believe we were celebrating. 82 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:06,071 What shall it be first, the sex or the violence? 83 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:10,309 If you're any good at the sex, I won't need to use the violence. 84 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:19,451 He's almost got our new computer all hooked up. 85 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,521 I'm gonna learn how to do the bookkeeping for the diner on that. 86 00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,990 Somehow. ( laughs ) 87 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,192 And you're gonna have fun on that too, honey. 88 00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,927 You're not gonna need that old thing anymore, 89 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,497 'cause that magic box sings and talks 90 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,232 And plays music. 91 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,168 It's kind of like grandma after her second manhattan. 92 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,339 Okay, i've got you all set up here. 93 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,376 All right, just show me the instruction pamphlet and away I go. 94 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,250 Dear god, what have I done? 95 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,820 It's not that hard. You can do this. 96 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,255 Don't be frightened. 97 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,057 - oh. - come here, little man. 98 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,259 Now, are-- 99 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:03,028 Aren't these supposed to give out some sort of a death ray? 100 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,533 Not unless you press "control-alt-death ray." 101 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,468 Take it back. 102 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,471 It's not that hard. 103 00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,973 Here's that a-b-c software I was telling you about. 104 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:18,143 - ( beeps ) - and this one here will teach little andy how to count. 105 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,845 Is that big bird? 106 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,113 That's him. 107 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,048 Well that-- well, okay. 108 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,184 This can't be that bad, huh? 109 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,020 I also set you up at america online. 110 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,156 Just click click and you're on the internet. 111 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,257 ( modem dialing ) 112 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,294 ( clicking, buzzing ) 113 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,329 ( giggling ) 114 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,101 You can get news, you can talk to people, it's really cool. 115 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,671 Hey, can this thing play pong? 116 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,375 Okay, uh... 117 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,143 I gotta get going to work, 118 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:54,279 So have fun and if you have any problems, just give me a call. 119 00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,552 A.O.L. Voice: welcome. 120 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:01,954 You've got mail. 121 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,794 Hello? 122 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,677 Dan: gee! D'oh! 123 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,245 Who put that there--? 124 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,614 ( crashes ) oh! 125 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,149 Who put that there? 126 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,488 Why don't you just turn on the light? 127 00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,357 I didn't want to wake you. 128 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,561 It's this whole prison drywall thing. 129 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,929 I can't get it out of my mind. 130 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,364 Am I crazy, Roseanne? 131 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,765 Should I go for it? 132 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,000 Yes. 133 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,868 You gave that no thought at all. 134 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,537 Now should I do it? 135 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,105 No. 136 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,573 Roseanne! 137 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:57,576 Do you think we could talk about this later, Dan? 138 00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:00,679 Come on now, you're ruining our quality time together. 139 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,850 I'm serious, honey. 140 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,585 Well, you already told 'em no. 141 00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,255 What happened to the i've-got-a-great-job- at-the-garage thing? 142 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,791 Is-- is it such a great job? 143 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:17,196 Well yeah, I mean it's the first steady money we've ever had coming in. 144 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:20,532 Except for that coupon scam we ran in the '70s. 145 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,667 ( knock at door ) 146 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:22,835 What? 147 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,303 Just a reminder. 148 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,472 My bedroom's right above yours. 149 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,440 Well yeah, sorry we woke you. 150 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,509 But now that you're up, go mow the lawn. 151 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,880 Now let's just look at the pros and cons. 152 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,416 Now it's true, the garage is steady. 153 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,418 And even if I got this prison job, 154 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:42,087 That doesn't mean there's another job around the corner. 155 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,523 So work slow. 156 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,059 But the garage is boring. 157 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,562 It fries my mind. I come home every night, i'm like a zombie. 158 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:54,099 Yeah, not like when you were doing the drywall 159 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,503 And you came home and you'd put on all those puppet shows. 160 00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:01,707 You'd wear those straw hats and strum that ukulele. 161 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,743 - ( pounds ) - what? 162 00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:08,047 Yes, we know. Your bedroom is beneath ours. 163 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,749 No, not that. I was getting something to drink 164 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,651 And the word ukulele caught my ear. 165 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,820 I love the ukulele. Do you have a ukulele? 166 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,455 Night. 167 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,723 Night. 168 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,024 Good night. 169 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,364 Now i'll lose all my city benefits if I quit. 170 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,266 But i'd be making twice as much money 171 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,701 Working for the prison. 172 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,770 But it's a gamble, and should we be gambling 173 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,105 With a new baby? 174 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,607 Yeah, Dan, you know... 175 00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:39,511 When conners gamble, conners lose. 176 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,146 Of course, 177 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,116 There was that time at the state fair 178 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,820 Where you made that frog land on that lily pad. 179 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,388 No. 180 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:53,192 Plus we got the diner. We got two mortgages. 181 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,894 Yeah, and the diner needs new wallpaper 182 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,429 And appliances 183 00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,299 And some of them golden arches. 184 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,302 Okay, well, it's settled. That's it. 185 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,670 I'm sticking where I am. 186 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,305 Hallelujah. 187 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,415 Hey, Dan? 188 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,617 Yeah? 189 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,286 Since you woke me up, I just want you to know 190 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,123 That i'm gonna have some trouble getting back to sleep. 191 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,290 So? 192 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,393 So that means you are too. 193 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,397 I knew that. 194 00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,403 - Dan? - yeah. 195 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,004 Just checking. 196 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:47,713 My name is mommy and I will be your waitress tonight. 197 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,349 We have specials on the menu 198 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,718 Including tender sweet peas, 199 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,853 Turkey in its own broth, 200 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,389 And peaches. 201 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,692 I know these are good 'cause me and your dad 202 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,927 Make peach daiquiris out of them. 203 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,366 How long have I been a waitress? 204 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,068 Well, not very long. 205 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,470 And i'm just doing it 206 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,572 Till an acting job opens up. 207 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,443 And your dad fixes trucks for the city 208 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,645 And he's only doing that 209 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,413 Till another one breaks. 210 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,953 The best thing about your dad's job is that it's secure. 211 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,455 You know? 212 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:32,424 Because the last big risk we took 213 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:35,327 Was having you and that was a very big risk, 214 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,831 But that's just the kind of people we are. 215 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,733 Or were. 216 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,403 I know what you're thinking. 217 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,706 You're thinking, "well, since you took such a big risk with me... 218 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,778 And that turned out so good, 219 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,713 How come you're playing it safe now?" 220 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,417 Quit grilling me. 221 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,554 Because, 222 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,057 See, 223 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,627 Risks are for younger people, 224 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,295 Not us. 225 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,366 See, when you get to be me and your dad's age, 226 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,302 You want to know that you can do the same thing over and over again, 227 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:21,373 You know, till you die. 228 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,581 Okay, so let's just hypothetically say 229 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,117 That your dad does take this job at the prison, right? 230 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:35,387 And what about when that job's over? 231 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,989 Then what is he gonna do? 232 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,625 'course, the way this country's going now, 233 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:43,228 I think they're always gonna be building new prisons. 234 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,365 Yeah, 'cause, you know, 235 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,435 The way people hardly have to pay for what they do at all, 236 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,471 It kind of makes crime look like a really good thing to get into. 237 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,973 So a lot more people are gonna be doing it, you know? 238 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,277 And just by the sheer odds, a lot more of them are gonna get caught. 239 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,447 So I think they're gonna be building a lot of prisons, man. 240 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,717 I think those things are gonna start going up faster than starbucks. 241 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,022 Yeah, and then, like, the people in these prisons 242 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,024 You know, they're gonna need to eat. 243 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,259 So me and Jackie, maybe we get in on the ground floor 244 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:17,062 - with some catering kind of business, you know? - ( door closes ) 245 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,631 And pretty soon convicts from all over the world 246 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,735 Will be coming to eat loose meat in Lanford, Illinois. 247 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,605 Dan? 248 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,675 That's it. You're quitting that boring job at the city, 249 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,677 And you're gonna apply for that construction bid. 250 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,879 Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What? 251 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,647 No, i've really been thinking about this 252 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,317 For, you know, the last couple of minutes, 253 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,620 And this is a big opportunity here 254 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,722 And I think we should take it. 255 00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:47,659 Roseanne, is this your way of telling me that you drank all my beer? 256 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,828 No, I was just sitting here, 257 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,864 And I was talking to the baby and-- 258 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:54,633 Okay, this sounds pretty grounded already. 259 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,736 No, Dan, he made me realize 260 00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,105 That the thing that was always so great about us 261 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,841 Is that we always took a chance, you know? 262 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,744 And this is a chance. 263 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:09,615 Honey, you're going awful fast here. Slow down a minute. 264 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,784 You know you want to do this. 265 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,318 Let's take the risk. 266 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,921 Look at him, Dan. 267 00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,923 He is just the greatest success 268 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,658 We have ever had. 269 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,894 Something's in the air. 270 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:25,397 I mean, look it, Darlene gets offered all these really great jobs 271 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,333 And becky's applying to colleges 272 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,435 And everything's changing, Dan. It's like 273 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,670 We're on some huge cosmic roll now. 274 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,505 I guess. 275 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,709 Maybe we should go for it. All right, let's go for it. 276 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,110 Yeah! 277 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,879 All right, here. Take over. 278 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,849 'cause this is my last day as a city employee's wife, 279 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,085 So, fedco, here I come. 280 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,093 Just brought over some more software for andy. 281 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,828 Hey, you're on the internet. 282 00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:58,430 Looks like you really got the hang of that thing, huh? 283 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,799 I've just been playing around with it a little bit. 284 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,735 I brought over "treasure math storm." 285 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,371 It's a little old, but let me put it in. 286 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,439 No, David! David, 287 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,942 I'm just right in the middle of something here. 288 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,410 Sorry. 289 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:16,248 Jackie, aren't those the same clothes you had on yesterday? 290 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,153 I don't know, maybe. Clothes are clothes. What's your point? 291 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,422 Are you all right? 292 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,025 God, have you even left this thing since I last saw you? 293 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:29,595 David, i'm fine. I'm sorry, i'm just a little distracted. 294 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,644 So how's school? 295 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:53,952 I graduated last spring. You were there. 296 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,389 Good good, so you got finals coming up then? 297 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,527 Jackie, are you even listening to me? 298 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,228 I'm fine. 299 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,902 Oh my god, you haven't left this thing. 300 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,637 You're addicted to the internet. 301 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,138 - no, i'm not. - yes, you are. 302 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,474 I've seen this before. I lost two friends to this. 303 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,976 They were weak. They were weak, I am strong. 304 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,912 - where's andy? - he's fine. 305 00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,648 He's in his room with his toys. I've got him on the monitor. 306 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,384 Okay, Jackie. I think it's time to turn off the computer-- 307 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,786 No no, not now, David. I'm learning useful things. 308 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,688 I'm growing as a person. 309 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,224 You're in the "urkel" chat room. 310 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,362 What? 311 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,496 What are you doing? 312 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,931 I'm gonna unplug you, Jackie. 313 00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,132 David, get away from that right now... 314 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,734 This is for your own good, Jackie. 315 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:44,169 Wait a second, dav-- oh god! 316 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,908 You can't treat me like this! 317 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,677 Plug me back in. 318 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,279 I'll quit tomorrow, I promise. 319 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,851 Don't take it from me now, man! 320 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,722 I need it. Just five more minutes. 321 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,896 I hate you! 322 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:14,133 Jackie, look at yourself. 323 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,404 ( moans ) 324 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,340 What time is it? 325 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,343 Okay, um, come on. 326 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,845 Let's go in the kitchen. I'll fix us both some tea, okay? 327 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,480 - okay. - come on. 328 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,649 ( moans ) 329 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,634 - she's here. - she's here. 330 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,304 - did you get it? - we don't know. 331 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,506 We were waiting till you got here to open the envelope. 332 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,974 You'd better have got it, 333 00:17:55,975 --> 00:18:00,012 'cause I had to sleep with the architect and the warden. 334 00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,181 Long wait's over, boys. 335 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,283 Rejection or selection, this is it. 336 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:08,120 Wow. I've never gotten anything in a big brown envelope 337 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,056 That I could open in front of other people. 338 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,897 I'm-- i'm sort of afraid to open it. 339 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,767 So? Who's gonna do it? 340 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,169 People say luck is a lady. 341 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,006 So you want me to go find you a lady? 342 00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,173 Come on, Roseanne! 343 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,042 Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, all right. 344 00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:36,048 - oh jeez. - what what what what? 345 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:39,284 I can't get that song, "afternoon delight" out of my head. 346 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,786 Roseanne! 347 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,524 You got it. 348 00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,404 This will get me out of debt 349 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,773 And I can take that vacation to the bahamas. 350 00:19:00,774 --> 00:19:04,309 Oh man, this is a big-screen tv, a new truck, a pair of cowboy boots. 351 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,679 I'll take the rest on a gift certificate. 352 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:12,518 Dan, we hit it so big, I can't believe it. 353 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,654 We're gonna be able to pay off the house and the cars. 354 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,023 And you know what we're gonna end up with, Dan? 355 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,859 A crappy house and two crappy cars. 356 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:25,397 Well, I guess my reputation in the construction industry 357 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,299 Is still top-notch. 358 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,034 I hate to blow my own horn. 359 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,403 Oh come on, honey, for me, please. 360 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,639 Woooo! 361 00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:39,244 Thanks for standing behind me on this one, honey. 362 00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:41,780 Yeah well, I was back there making faces anyway. 363 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,217 "please be available to get together, blah blah blah... 364 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,020 Complete list of employees, blah blah blah... 365 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,089 Please inform us of any ownership changes 366 00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,624 As this decision is partially based 367 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,960 On your minority-owned status." 368 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,266 I don't get it. 369 00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,235 ( cackles ) 370 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,475 I do. 371 00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:13,245 Hold it. Hold it. 372 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,083 We got this job because you're black. 373 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,520 Well, I mean, god, does that mean 374 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,288 That we're not the best men for the job? 375 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,859 No, bob, we're the best. 376 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,695 And we know we're the best and we got the stuff to back it up. 377 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,196 We just got a break. 378 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,232 And damn, it's good to finally get one. 379 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,200 I've been working so many years, man, 380 00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:38,337 And watching other guys somehow get all the breaks. 381 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,206 Well, now I got one and I earned it. 382 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,374 We all earned it. 383 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,709 Nice going, partner. 384 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,444 Couldn't have done it without you. 385 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,813 Well actually, I guess I could have. 386 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,918 I'm gonna call up my old lady. 387 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,887 Yeah. And i'm gonna call... 388 00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:58,524 No, i'm gonna get one of them canadian beers. 389 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,862 Well, honey, guess what i'm getting you for valentine's day? 390 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:06,865 You know what they say, a gal can never have too many cans 391 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:09,668 Of 3-in-1 oil. 392 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,704 I'm gonna give you some of that prison money 393 00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,272 - to fix up the diner. - thank you. 394 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,575 We're really gonna do good with this money too, Dan. 395 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,477 We're gonna really really do good 396 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,347 'cause I figured out how rich people stay rich. 397 00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:23,649 - how's that? - lottery tickets. 398 00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:33,158 ( theme music playing ) 399 00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,666 ( Roseanne laughs ) 40969

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