All language subtitles for S8E14-Becky Howser, M.D

( harmonica wails )

Hey, David, you still
looking for an apartment?

Remember, if you
find one with a stove,

You're gonna have to
learn how to cook.

Oh, that's not
necessarily true, Mark.

As I recall, your trailer
has a reading lamp.

All these apartments
are much much too expensive.

I'm gonna have to find
a better job than busboy.

( scoffs )
this is Lanford, David.

Unless the pin setter
at the bowling alley dies,

You've got
the best job in town.

You could get
a trailer like becky's

And then just
hook it up to your truck

And haul it
wherever the crops
are ready for pickin'.

- hey, don't start
with me, Darlene.
- yeah.

Yeah, the trailer
stays parked.

That's why it's called
a "trailer park."

- now, what's wrong
with Lanford?
- well, for one thing,

Becky's neighborhood
is leaking transmission fluid

Into the water supply.

Why get a job anyway?

Why don't you have
miss hotshot here

Set you up
in a fancy apartment

In some great city? Huh?

Where are you going to
after you graduate,
Darlene?

New york?
Paris? London?

Ooh, somebody's been
reading hard rock t-shirts.

Look, she's a little bit
bummed about Darlene

Getting that
big job offer.

I think she feels
like she's in a rut.

( scoffs )
sorry if i'm doing okay

While her life is
a miserable failure.

All right, all right,
i'll go downstairs

And try and think
of something positive
to say about her life.

If you don't hear
from me till christmas,

Buy yourselves
something nice.

You gotta understand, Mark,

Becky was always
the big achiever
in the family.

Yeah, but she's
got to understand

That we've
achieved a lot too.

I mean, we've got
our own place now,
we've got a car,

We've got a cd player.

And i'm sure there's stuff
i'm not even remembering.

( sighs )

- I just had
a great idea.
- really?

You remember it?

Why don't you guys
come down to the trailer
for a party tomorrow?

A whole bunch of us
all together?

Wouldn't that
attract coyotes?

No, it'll be great.

You can say how nice
she's fixed up the trailer.

You can
compliment her a lot.

It's just
what she needs.

- hey, i'll buy some beers.
- well...

Usually, I don't drink
during the week unless--

Well, actually,
there are no restrictions.

Hey, come on,
it'll be great.

Believe me, this is
just what she needs.

Hey-- hey, wait a minute.

I think I found
something I can afford

With the money
i'm making right now.
Listen to this:

Basement apartment,
fully furnished,
$125 a month.

Wow. See if there's
a phone number.

Mrs. Conner was just
seeing if there was
any interest out there.

Really, there's
no rush, David.

( theme music playing )

( Roseanne laughs )

Is somebody coming over?

What? No.
Tonight? No.

I mean,
you never know, right?

But no, uh...

There are three bowls
of peanuts set out.

Who's coming over, Mark?

Nobody. God,
don't be so suspicious.

I mean, i'm not
the one on trial here.

Roseanne:
surprise!

Hey...

You should have seen
the look on your face!

- is the whole family coming?
- yeah, and they invited some
people from the trailer park.

Oh, so that's why
they were running

That can of deodorant
back and forth out there.

Art and karen are letting us
use their trailer for coats.

Come on, Deej.

Well, I better
go change out of
my work clothes.

Excuse me, mom.

Sorry, dad.

She didn't exactly
seem too thrilled
about us being here.

Maybe we should
just go home.

Oh, no way.
Becky feels like crap
about her life right now,

But she's not gonna do
anything to change it

Till we light
a fire under her.

So tonight,
we are going to pounce

Like sharks
on a cramping swimmer.

It'll be fun!

You have a sickness.

Obviously, the evil
little guy in your head

Finally beat up
the good little guy

And chucked him
out the ear hole.

Woman, Dan!
Evil little woman

In my head!

Bev:
yoo-hoo! Is this the one?

All these tin traps
look the same!

And just to make sure
that Becky will end up

Feeling really crappy
about her life,

- I invited mom too.
- ( whistles )

Come on in!

Find me an empty lap,
fellas, bev's here.

Okay, now listen.
This is the plan:

We're gonna try to make Becky
feel really really good

About her life, okay?

So think of some really great
things to say about the place.

Well, it must be nice
to vacuum the entire house

And never have
to change outlets.

Yeah! That's great, mom.

But save it. Wait till
Becky gets back here.

Hi, grandma.

You've never been
to my place before, have you?

No, and it's lovely.

It proves
you can do a lot

With very very
very little.

Bev, can I get you a drink?

We got wine, beer--

Beer.

Beer?

I'm in a.A.

And besides,
I never drank beer.

When I drank,
it was wine.

And I miss it.

I'll have a glass
of red wine,
thank you, Dan.

No problem.

Only 12 steps away.

I'll be very careful
not to spill, dear.

I don't think they make
this kind of carpet anymore.

All right.

I've been thinking all day
of nice, uplifting things

I can say to Becky.

Oh, great.
Can I buy one off ya?

Darlene, where should
I put this beer?

Oh, go ahead
and put it in the kitchen.

Unless, of course,
we're already in the kitchen.

Hey, come on in, everyone!

( all chattering )

- excuse me.
- sorry.

Mark! You said
a couple of people.

Yeah, but that's only
a couple of people

By the true definition
of the word "people."

Well, maybe you and your
girlfriend should come over
and have dinner sometime.

Are you a jew?

- no.
- catholic?

- no.
- queer?

- no.
- maybe you
and your girlfriend

Should come over
for dinner some night.

Hey, mom, why don't
you tell Becky how much
you like her curtains?

Mm, the curtains.

Oh, how fun!

Most people are
not creative enough

Except to use them
in the shower.

Hey, would you stop
flirting with me?

I'm a married woman.

I'm-- i'm sorry, you guys.

This isn't exactly the best
place to have a party.

Hey, i'm having
a great time.

I just wonder what the poor
people are doing tonight.

Mark, your toilet's
overflowing!

Damn it! That only
happens because people
put too much paper in here!

- ( Mark gags )
- the water's
coming this way!

You better stop it before it
gets to the carpet in here.

Why doesn't everybody
in the kitchen

Take their shoes off
and sop it up with their socks?

- that's a good idea.
- Mark!

Uh, you're right.
Bad idea.

I better, uh... Jack up
this end of the trailer.

Well, Becky, cheer up.

You've still
got friends.

- a toast to Becky!
- Becky!

The richest woman
in Lanford!

I'd like to thank you
all for being here

On the worst
night of my life.

( crying )
excuse me.

Pardon me.

- dad, sorry.
- ( Dan grunts )

- yeah.
- ( thuds )

Well, becky's certainly

Got her knickers
in a twist.

Yeah. And it's all
your fault, mom,

Because you're such
a passive-aggressive witch.

I owe you a brunch.

Excuse me.
Excuse me!

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

- here, take him.
- mm-hmm.

Hi, baby.

- Roseanne: move!
- ( thuds )

How did I
end up like this?

This isn't exactly where
I expected to be at 21.

I know.

Well, it's all
mark's fault!

If he hadn't wasted
the last four years of my life

I'd be the one getting
big job offers.

Sure wouldn't be living
in this hellhole.

You can't go blaming all
the problems you got on Mark.

I mean, true,
they started
when you met him.

And they have continued

The whole time
you've been with him.

And he was too dumb to know
that the party tonight

Would totally
embarrass you
like it did, but...

Where was I
going with this?

- that it isn't
mark's fault.
- exactly.

Well, it's your fault!

Why didn't you stop me
from marrying him?

Hey, you eloped, remember?

We did what we could
to stop you.

And besides,
that was the night

That the season premiere
of "cop rock" was on.

( sighs )
what am I gonna do, mom?

Oh, Becky. You still
have a lot of time

To figure out what it is
that's gonna make you happy,

Figure out how to do it,

And then go ahead
and do it, you know?

Don't waste
what you got like I did.

You know, it's--
it's too late for me,

But, you know,
you're still young, Becky.

Well, i'm already 21.
I'm too old.

( sighs )
to marry jerry seinfeld, yes.

But...

...To do anything
else on earth, no.

You know, Becky,
we'll be there

And we'll support
you and help you,
whatever we can do,

But you're the one
that's gonna have to--

You know,
make the change yourself.

Thanks, mom.

- ( rattling, shaking )
- oh my god!

I can't believe he's actually
jacking up the trailer.

Why don't you
just tell him

To pull that cork out
of the hole in the floor?

You threw
a nice party, Mark.

Oh, well, you looked
a little bit bummed out lately.

I thought it would
cheer you up.

Thanks, it did.

( tv chattering )

Mark...

Oh, sorry.

Mark, this is something
i've never shown to you.

It's from
the university of Illinois,

I applied there
when I was a senior.

Man, the post office sucks.

- ( tv turns off )
- well, I was accepted, Mark.

But we got married
and moved to minneapolis

And now sometimes I wonder
what would have happened

If I had gone
to college instead.

Well, I can tell you
what would've happened.

It would have taken
us four years longer
to get where we are today!

Look.

I want to go
to college, Mark.

I want to be a--
a paramedic

Or a physical therapist or--

Wait, wait, you want
to be like a doctor?

Yeah!

Yeah, well...
Maybe, I don't know.

I don't know,
the sky's the limit.

Becky, this is crazy.

You're talking about a lot
of money here, and moving.

Hey, look,
I know it'll be hard,

But it'll be exciting.

Where's this coming from
all of a sudden?

- what about the plans we had?
- we never had plans, Mark.

You go to work,
I go to work,

We go to my parents
on sundays.

Every week is
the same and will be
for the rest of our lives.

What about our plans
to start a family?

Or have you forgotten
that we've been trying
like hell to have a kid.

Actually, Mark, I want
to go back on the pill.

( stammers )
what?

But it was loads
of fun trying, big guy.

I can't believe all
that sex was for nothing!

- come on, Mark.
- no, Becky.

You don't want to have a baby
and you hate your life.
What's going on?

Nothing! I've just been
thinking about things

And I got to talking to mom
tonight, and you know--

I knew it!
I knew your mother had
something to do with this.

Man, she is playing us
like a fine wine!

Well, she has a point, Mark.

I mean, what if
I was pregnant?

I'd be trapped
just like her.

And I don't want to spent
the rest of my life

Raising kids
in a trailer park!

It's a mobile home community.

Hey, i'm sorry

If I sprang this
on you too suddenly.

But do you have any idea
what this will mean for us?

Yep. Yep.

I know what it means,
all right.

( baby voice )
who's got the
cutest little face

In this whole
family? Huh?

Who's got da prettiest,
cutest wittle face
in dis whole family?

( adult voice )
you do, mother.

( baby voice )
well, thank you very much!

- ( Roseanne cooing )
- hey, can I talk
to you for a minute?

( baby voice )
what you wanna
talk about, Mark?

I just have
one thing to say to you:

Get the hell out
of our lives! You got it?

Pretty gutsy there, Mark.

But you know that
David and goliath

Was just a story they
made up to sell bibles.

You have no right
to tell Becky

That she should do stuff
to change her life.

Why?

She's pretty well wasted it
up till now, don't you think?

Maybe it hasn't
been perfect, okay?

But it's been pretty good.

There's no reason
for her to go to college

To become a physical
therapist or a doctor
or... Something.

Doctor, huh?

Wow, way to go, Becky.

Now, all I have to do
is to create a lawyer

And a union plumber

And I shall
control the world!

It's gonna ruin everything.

How, Mark? How is having
a successful wife
who is a doctor

Gonna ruin everything?

Well, she's talking about me
quitting my job already

And us moving
out of Lanford.

Well, no need to fear, Mark.

I'm sure that your
mcdonald's game pieces

Are negotiable
in other states.

And we were gonna
start having a family.

Now all of a sudden
she wants to wait.

And she decides
all this without
even talking to me.

- you mean, she didn't talk
to you about any of that?
- no no.

She just went ahead
and made all these
ridiculous plans without me.

And let me ask you this:

How's she gonna
go to college,
go to work,

And still
have time for me?

I don't know. She's
a real strong person, Mark.

- i'm sure if anybody
can do it, she can.
- mm.

Do you think
she can do it alone?

Oh, alone?
Why, Mark?

Are you gonna
leave her over this?

I would not leave
your daughter for anything.

So, what? Are you scared
that she's gonna leave you?

Well, she's been cutting me
out of everything else!

( sighs )
don't worry about it, Mark.

It's just the usual Becky
selfishness. I'll go over
there and talk to her.

No no no!
That's the whole point!

I came over here to tell you
to butt out of our lives

And to leave us alone!

- hey.
- hey, what are
you doing here?

Well, I just thought I--
you know, wanted to
talk to you about...

More stuff.

That's not necessary, mom.

I'm way ahead of you.

Look, I figure
i'm a lock at u of I

Because they
accepted me before.

Now for grad school,
i'm thinking maybe

University of Chicago
or northwestern.

What do you think?

- well, I think it's
fantastic, but--
- yeah, me too.

- and i'm also
thinking of--
- but!

What's the "but"?

Mark is the "but."

( sighs )

No, I must keep going
with my point.

Mark is totally
freaking out

Because you haven't
even consulted him

In all these plans
you've been making.

He talked to you?

No, it's more than that.

He came over
and he, uh...

Actually
stood up to me.

But luckily for him
I had already eaten.

What are you
getting at, mom?

I think you're being a little
selfish here, Becky.

And I think,
you know, maybe you're
gonna mess up your marriage.

Oh, please, mother.

My marriage is
gonna be just fine.

Well, then how come
Mark has this feeling

Like he's gonna
be left behind?

Mark's not gonna
be left anywhere.

- okay, so--
- you don't know what
you're talking about.

So you're totally
determined that you're
gonna stay with Mark, then?

I asked you a question.

Oh my god.

So in your head
it's already over?

No.

I don't know.

Hey, you're the one
who got me going
to change my life.

Yeah, but I didn't
mean that you should

Throw out all these
other parts of your life

Just because you get
a new idea, Becky!

You gotta give Mark
a chance, at least.

I mean, marriage is
a big deal, you know?

Mark really loves you.

You don't want
to mess this up.

Hey, trust me.
Everything's gonna be okay.

- you know, it's
one thing to say that--
- mom!

Everything's gonna be okay.

Now i'm gonna go
to the office supply store.

You need anything?

An office.

( door opens )

- hey.
- hey.

- where you going?
- i'm going to get some
envelopes and stamps

For those college
applications.

I'll be right back.

What are you
doing here?

I thought I told you
to butt out.

Now I find you here
and she's gone off to
get more college stuff.

Okay, but you're
totally wrong

About Becky, Mark.

Because she has no plans
to leave you at all.

She wants to do
all this with you.

Mrs. Conner,
let me ask you this:

How many mechanics
do you know

That are married to doctors?

Congratulations,
Mrs. Conner.

You've really worked
this out pretty well
for yourself, haven't you?

You get a doctor
in the family,

And you finally
get rid of me.

Deep down, don't tell me
you're not happy about it.

Now I gotta work
in the morning.

( theme music playing )

Hi, i'm David healy.

You've been assigned
to be my employment counselor,

- Mr., uh...
- parkin.

I've been reviewing
your file...

Hey, Mr. Parkin!

You're the guy Mrs. Conner
got fired from the buy-and-bag.

Conner?

You know Roseanne c-- conner?

I-- I thought you worked
at that restaurant that
we ate at last week.

I did! But thanks
to your ms. Conner

I was fired from there too!

She got me so upset I...
Broke a glass.

You got fired
for breaking a glass?

Into her salad.

Well, uh...

That-- that won't affect
our relationship, will it?

You listen to me,
you snot-nosed little bastard!

You're associated
with the conners?

( yelping )

There's no jobs here
for you! Get out!

Parkin, what the hell
is wrong with you?

He's one of them.
He's a conner!

I don't care who he is,
you are fired.

Of course I am.

This isn't over.

This is far
far from over.

Could you hand me
my nameplate, please?

( theme song playing )