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1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:03,836
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,139
The Conners'
annual seance
3
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:11,043
To reach the spirit world
is about to begin.
4
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,712
Eeny meeny
chili beanie,
5
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:16,548
The spirits are
about to speak.
6
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,550
Hey, the table's
taking off!
7
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:22,221
Mark, Mark, relax.
Mr. Conner is doing it.
He does it every year.
8
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,191
Spirits, speak.
Now is the time.
9
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,794
It's getting hard
to make things rhyme.
10
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,730
If it does not fit,
you must acquit.
11
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,371
� well, since
my baby left me �
12
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,373
� i've found
a new place to dwell �
13
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,876
- � it's down at the end
of lonely street... �
- Roseanne: elvis!
14
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,145
� ...At heartbreak hotel. �
thank you very much.
15
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,713
Now i'd like to
do one for my mama.
16
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,082
Elvis?
Elvis?
17
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,216
Yeah?
18
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,353
Lisa marie married
michael jackson.
19
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:05,431
But now we must make
an offering to the spirits.
20
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:08,400
Mrs. Conner, you're
not gonna open those
eggs, are you?
21
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,569
Yeah, honey,
they've been sitting there
for like seven years.
22
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,071
It must be done,
I cannot stop,
23
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,773
I'm being controlled
from the other side.
24
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:16,408
Ugh!
25
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,077
You know what?
26
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,346
Holidays here
are just wrong.
27
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:24,316
Hey, D.J.,
28
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,019
You stay on lighted streets
and be home by 10:00.
29
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,024
Hi.
30
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,532
( theme musicplaying )
31
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,040
( laughs )
32
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,280
( cackling )
33
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:33,152
Greetings, it is I,
the wicked witch of
the midwest.
34
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,422
Oh yeah?
35
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:40,626
Well, I am Sofia,
queen of the gypsies,
36
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,928
Consort of wizards,
37
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,463
Seer of souls.
38
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:48,267
But I can fly on a broom
and I can turn children
into stone
39
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,770
And I can put
a spell on you.
40
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,706
No one can put
a spell on sofia,
41
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,842
I'm wearing my
anti-spell repellent.
42
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,577
Oh, but I can,
43
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:02,081
Because paper covers rock
and witch beats gypsy.
44
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,349
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
45
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,719
Well, I know
what beats witch!
46
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,388
- i'm melting.
- ( mimics water spraying )
47
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:13,392
I'm melting.
48
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:16,562
But you have
underestimated my arsenal.
49
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,997
I will select the...
50
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,933
Cheese ray!
51
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,236
Too bad for you I have
a cheese-ray deflector!
52
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,472
Drat!
53
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,074
Enough of this
childish nonsense.
54
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,445
Arm yourself.
55
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,315
En garde!
56
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:40,452
Join me and rule with me
on the dark side, luke.
57
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,321
Never!
58
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,024
( both mimicking
lightsabers )
59
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,300
Ah! Ha!
60
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:58,337
( laughing )
61
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,539
Ah!
62
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,476
( screams )
63
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,378
( yelling )
64
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,822
Remember me, Jackie?
65
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,328
Not Mrs. Butterworth?
66
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,898
Remember how when you
were a little girl,
67
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,767
Your sister Roseanne
told you how I came to life
68
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,369
- at night in the cupboard?
- don't do it.
69
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,537
Roseanne,
don't do it.
70
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,038
- remember how I used to...
- stop it.
71
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,740
...Chase you around even
though I have no legs?
72
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,575
Stop it, Roseanne,
stop it.
73
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:40,212
Well, i'm back and all
I want is one more
little sticky kiss.
74
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,814
( screaming )
75
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,184
( organ playing )
76
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,023
Bow down, all of you.
77
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,426
Bow down to the
power of the ouija.
78
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,197
Focus all energy
on this magical conduit,
79
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:02,034
Its board derived
from ancient goatskin
stretched taut
80
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,370
In the
mesopotamian sun,
81
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:08,073
Its pointer
hewn from diamonds.
82
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,509
It says "made by
parker brothers."
83
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,146
All hail
brothers parker!
84
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,915
All hail
brothers parker!
85
00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:19,084
All right, that's it.
I mean this is stupid.
86
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:21,320
Seances,
the ouija board--
87
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,888
I mean,
what's the point?
88
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,656
The point?
89
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:28,494
The point is that
on this one special night
90
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,362
- of the year...
- ( humming )
91
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,731
...The veil is liftedbetween the living
92
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,333
And the dead.
93
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,602
- and only
on this one night...
- ( Dan imitates wind )
94
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:39,138
...Can we contact those
in the other world
95
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,340
And summon them here.
96
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,908
( howling )
97
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:45,044
- ( Roseanne laughing )
- i've got homework!
98
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:49,348
( doorbell rings )
99
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,789
Kids:
� trick or treat,
smell my feet �
100
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,191
� give me something
good to eat. �
101
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,127
Hi. Oh my god.
102
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:04,863
This house is
so warm and cozy!
103
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,532
I love it.
104
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,735
Oh, thank you so much.
You are nice nice nice.
105
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:15,240
Hey, this is like
deja vu all over again.
106
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,509
Bye-bye.
107
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,511
Both:
bye, happy Halloween.
108
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:20,713
Bye.
109
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,289
Gee, I wish we had
a daughter that sweet.
110
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:35,060
Just wasn't
in the cards, honey.
111
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,863
Look at this.
This is all pure sugar.
112
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,899
Nuh-uh, there's chemicals
in there too.
113
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,868
Keeps it nice
and fresh.
114
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,436
It's disgusting.
115
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,072
Come on, we should
be giving children
what their bodies need.
116
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,008
Here.
They need this.
117
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,610
- what the hell is that?
- Dan: wait a minute, honey.
118
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,179
I've seen this
before.
119
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:58,517
It-- it's food that
doesn't come in wrappers.
120
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:01,587
- that's unsanitary.
- ( doorbell rings )
121
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,358
All:
trick or treat.
122
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,627
Hey, guys.
Now who wants the plum?
123
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,496
Here.
124
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,033
Apple for you.
125
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,068
And a nectarine,
okay.
126
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,636
Happy Halloween,
you guys.
127
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,773
David? David,
you want to close
that door real fast.
128
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,374
Why?
129
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,919
- Dan: stupid. ( blows raspberry )
- ( doorbell rings )
130
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,189
Halloween rush hour!
131
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:41,460
Oh, what a cute
little hot dog.
132
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,463
Hold on, lady.
Sign this.
133
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,133
"candy provider
is fully liable
for any dental damage
134
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,269
Caused by aforementioned
confections."
135
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,471
I'm not signing that.
136
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,842
I'm gonna sue you so
fast that you're gonna
need johnny... Cockson
137
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,610
To...
138
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,415
Hold on, lady!
Sign-- whoops.
139
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,784
Sign this.
140
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:12,891
I'm gonna sue you so
fast that you're gonna
need johnny cochran to...
141
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,838
That's the scariest
costume all night.
142
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,007
( doorbell rings )
143
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,916
Who are you
supposed to be?
144
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,119
Who am I?
145
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,620
I'm Ed mcmahon.
146
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,989
You won our special
Halloween jackpot.
147
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,824
Okay.
148
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:50,462
What is a refrigerator,
a poolside dressing room
149
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,930
And Ed mcmahon?
150
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,668
"a refrigerator,
a poolside dressing room
151
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,803
And Ed mcmahon?"
152
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:02,541
What is an amana,
a cabana and a famous
second banana?
153
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,613
( doorbell rings )
154
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,286
- ( screams )
- what is it?
155
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:17,056
It's hideous.
It's so scary.
156
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,727
( both scream )
157
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,168
- very funny, everyone.
- ( doorbell rings )
158
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,370
I'm surprised
all that screaming
159
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,773
Didn't scare off
this gale of children
coming up after me.
160
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,742
Hey, you've got
a whole gaggle out there?
161
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,310
David, come on,
it's showtime.
162
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:42,081
Oh goodie!
I'm just in time
for the fun and frolic.
163
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,616
What's the trick?
What's the trick?
164
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:47,853
Don't ask.
Just let the fun
carry you away.
165
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,355
Oh.
166
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,958
This is just
like mummenschanz!
167
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,660
( Dan chuckles )
168
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,930
Kids: wow!
169
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,065
Awesome, cool!
170
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,935
- that's awesome.
- wow!
171
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,204
- awesome.
- that's cool!
172
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,806
Wow!
173
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,208
Cool!
174
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,276
Bev:
oh what fun!I'm wearing black.
175
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,178
Let me try!
176
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,481
( makes eerie sounds )
177
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,583
( kids all laughing )
178
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,423
( Dan laughing )
179
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,325
Bev:
oh what silly fun!
180
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:29,828
But why did
all those children
run away so quickly?
181
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,064
Oh, i'm guessing
you took
182
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,767
Their sears
catalogue experience
to the next level.
183
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,303
Want a soda?
184
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,407
Okay! But make
mine sprite
185
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,143
Because that's
what I am!
186
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:48,347
Cool. Alone at last.
187
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,850
Just you, me
and the spirits
of the netherworld.
188
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,420
Two people unafraid
to discover the
hidden answers
189
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,855
To the world's most
terrifying questions.
190
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:59,324
Let's ask it something
very important.
191
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,160
Oh, spirits...
192
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,696
Roseanne, don't move it.
You haven't even asked
it a question yet.
193
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,799
- i'm not moving it.
- i'm not moving it.
194
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,703
Roseanne:
oh my god.It's going by itself.
195
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:13,672
"t-h...
196
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,775
E-d." "thed."
197
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,344
What's "thed"?
198
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,212
Wait, there's more.
T-h-e-d...
199
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,115
E-a-d.
200
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,586
It stopped.
( gasps )
201
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,422
"thede ad."
202
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,292
It's telling us
"thede ad"!
203
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,697
No no, it's spelling
"the dead."
204
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,265
( gasps )
205
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,735
Oh, dead-- if it's
okay to call you that--
206
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,070
Speak to us, tell us
your message.
207
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,572
Ask it a question.
208
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:47,873
Okay.
209
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,842
Um...
210
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,277
When am I gonna
have my baby?
211
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,582
N...
212
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,883
O...
213
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,284
Jackie:
November!
214
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,686
W!
215
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,088
Now-vember.
You're having it
in now-vember.
216
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,860
No, Jackie, no.
217
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:11,930
I'm-- i'm having it...
Now!
218
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,677
( monitor beeping )
219
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,147
Hmm, looks like
this baby's in a hurry.
220
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,748
You're already at 6cm.
221
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:36,321
Whoa!
What's going on here?
222
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,490
It's just
a skeleton costume.
223
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,959
We're having a little
Halloween party for some
of the patients.
224
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,728
This is the problem
with hmos,
225
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,097
You can never pick
your own doctor.
226
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,603
( sighs )
227
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,678
Oh my god,
it's a turtle.
228
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,847
Just focus
on your breathing.
229
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:04,016
Roseanne's voice:
okay, focus.
230
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,584
( exhales )
231
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,086
It's justa Halloween party.
232
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:10,089
It's justa Halloween party.
233
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,462
Hey.
234
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,598
You must have won
best costume.
235
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,401
She must be hallucinating
from the demerol.
236
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,936
Roseanne's voice:
that's it.
237
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,405
I'm hallucinatingor something.
238
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,107
A human doctor...
239
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,476
Oh relax, lady.
I'm a bear.
240
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,878
I just dress
like a human
for Halloween.
241
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,417
All right, people,
let's go!
242
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,420
Masks, gloves,
shin guards.
243
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,523
Okay, lady.
Hum it in here, baby.
244
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,928
Roseanne's voice:
come on, I can dobetter than this.
245
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:52,798
I've had betterhallucinations aftertoo much m.S.G.
246
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:10,215
Don't eventhink about doing thedisappearing-quarter bit.
247
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,752
Ow.
248
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,889
Okay, concentrate.
249
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,323
Breathe.
250
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,926
What am I supposedto do now?
251
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:24,596
Oh. Oh yeah.Focus on my happy place.
252
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,598
Where's my happy place?
253
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,535
My happiest place...
254
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,905
My happiest place.
255
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,606
Halloween.
256
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:39,478
( deep raspy voice )
welcome to the tunnel
of terror.
257
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,979
( laughs )
258
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,615
Please, join us.
259
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,288
Good evening.
I'm et cetera,
260
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,658
Your tour guide through
the tunnel of terror.
261
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,993
This is
the master's laboratory,
262
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:57,329
Where he does
his research.
263
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,531
Ah! There's
the master now
264
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,835
Or is that just one
of his experiments?
265
00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:05,537
Got an aspirin?
266
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,574
I've got a splitting
headache! Ah!
267
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,476
- ( kids scream )
- run!
268
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,479
I wouldn't go too near
the chef if I was you.
269
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,515
- you might end up being
the main course!
- ( yelling )
270
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:24,123
Would you like to try
some of our delicious
271
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,358
- intestinal stew?
- down!
272
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:30,262
Down!
Let go! Let go!
273
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,864
Follow me!
274
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,198
� da-da da-da
da da! �
275
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,267
� well, I come
from six feet under �
276
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,169
� with a dead guy
on my knee �
277
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,004
� i'm heading down
to hades �
278
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,173
� for to spend
eternity �
279
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:44,877
� hey there, dead guy,
I think it's plain to see �
280
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:49,782
� we bought a cardboard
casket and the worms
have eaten me. �
281
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,285
Darlene, you're not
even ready.
282
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,254
We're gonna be
leaving any minute.
283
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,023
I don't feel
so good.
284
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:00,392
- well, what's wrong?
- it's my stomach.
285
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,563
Oh, oh my god!
No! Ah!
286
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,498
( imitates baby crying )
287
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:12,638
So what, do you want
some pepto-bismol
or something?
288
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,506
Has anybody
got a light?
289
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:18,544
So, uh,
this the whole thing?
290
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,612
This is what
we've been waiting for?
291
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:24,416
Oh no, Dan, no.
292
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,419
This is what
you've been waiting for.
293
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,922
( fire alarm ringing )
294
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:34,059
( all scream )
295
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,328
Happy Halloween!
296
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,531
( laughing )
297
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:43,802
Well, old danny boy's
not falling for the old
Fred-is-gay prank.
298
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,138
You did a lot better
when you got that doctor
299
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,073
To tell your mom she only
had a week to live.
300
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,576
Dan, that is not
my prank
301
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,978
Because this
is my prank.
302
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,584
Wow, good prank,
Roseanne.
303
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:02,087
Mrs. Conner,
can I get down now?
I can't feel my toes.
304
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,659
Oh my god!
305
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,472
Go away! Go away!
306
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,942
Leave us alone.
We are as god made us.
307
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:27,813
Okay, I propose
a toast to the all-time
greatest prank
308
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,548
In the history
of the universe.
309
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,719
I'm just so ashamed.
I have nothing to
top that with.
310
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,554
Oh, except...
311
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,489
For...
312
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,342
Roseanne's voice:
skeletons, rosesand bears,
313
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,710
Oh my.
314
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,249
The ouija boardwasn't sending mea message from the dead.
315
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:07,553
It was sending mea message from...
316
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,254
Hello, Roseanne.
317
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,859
"the dead."
318
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,327
I get it now.
319
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,162
It's jerry garcia.
320
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,997
That's right,
Roseanne.
321
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:22,701
I'm glad you're here.
I was really sad
when you died.
322
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,470
No need to be sad.
323
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,473
Up here in the clouds,
well...
324
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:31,477
It's even better
than the clouds at home
over my audience.
325
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,879
Why'd you come here?
326
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,547
I have a message
for you.
327
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,649
From god?
328
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,152
No, from me.
329
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,855
Oh. Well,
that's okay too.
330
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,523
The message is:
331
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,226
What we need is magic
and bliss
332
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,129
And myth and celebration
and religion.
333
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:53,265
We need
spiritual connection
to each other.
334
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,300
Well,
335
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,302
That's great.
Thanks, jerry.
336
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,371
Bye, Roseanne.
337
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:03,575
See you later.
I mean, a lot later,
I hope.
338
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,310
Oh wait, one more thing.
339
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,681
Why do I have
this 25-lb baby?
340
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,951
You're still dreaming,
Roseanne.
341
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,120
But hey,
go with it.
342
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,855
( "my sistersand brothers" playing )
343
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:20,726
� I want to say tomy sisters and my brothers �
344
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,529
� keep the faith �
345
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:27,800
� when the storm fliesand the wind blows �
346
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:31,103
� go onat a steady pace �
347
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:35,107
� when the battle is foughtand the victory is won �
348
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:38,911
� we can all shout together,"we have overcome" �
349
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:40,879
� we'll talkto the father �
350
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,815
� and the son �
351
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:46,051
� when we make itto the promised land �
352
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:52,124
� when we walk togetherlittle children �
353
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:55,361
� we don't everhave to worry �
354
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:59,365
� through this worldof trouble �
355
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:03,035
� we've got tolove one another �
356
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,637
� then let's takeour fellow man �
357
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,306
� by the hand �
358
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,309
� try to help himto understand �
359
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,045
� we can allbe together... �
360
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,214
- Dan?
- you okay, honey?
361
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,616
You were out of it there
for a while, Rosie,
362
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,585
But you did real good.
363
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,721
Oh, he's gorgeous.
364
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,724
Hello there.
I'm your mommy
365
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,726
And I love you.
366
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,864
I didn't call you
any horrible names
back there, did I?
367
00:20:31,865 --> 00:20:33,966
No more
than usual.
368
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,868
Cool.
369
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:37,503
You know what, Dan?
370
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,673
I want to name him
jerry garcia conner.
371
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,775
- ( baby coos )
- cool.
372
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,812
� ...Our bible reads �
373
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:50,215
� "thou shall notbe afraid �
374
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:54,219
� of the terrorby night �
375
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,590
� nor the arrowthat flies by day �
376
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:02,094
� nor forthe pestilence �
377
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,497
� that walkethin the darkness �
378
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:09,201
� nor forthe destruction �
379
00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:12,438
� that waitethin the noonday hour." �
380
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,675
Well, thank you
very much for coming
to the show tonight.
381
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,711
Anybody have
any questions?
382
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,381
I have a question,
Roseanne.
383
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:24,450
What the hell was
this episode about?
384
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,618
Who are you?
You look familiar.
385
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,287
I'm one
of the writers.
386
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:33,392
Not anymore.
Get out.
387
00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:41,433
Well, it was
a mixture of traditional
Halloween legend,
388
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:44,036
The music and message
of the late '60s
389
00:21:44,037 --> 00:21:45,704
And jungian symbolism.
390
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,742
Next question.
391
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:50,876
Yes?
392
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,044
- hi, Roseanne.
- hi.
393
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:54,346
I thought your character
was gonna have a girl?
394
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,516
Well, as it turns out,
the amnio was wrong,
395
00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,651
And, uh...
396
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,420
The kid we got
works for nothing.
397
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,322
Okay.
398
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,928
You know, I became
pregnant on the show
long before I became--
399
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,630
Well, about
three months earlier
400
00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:13,532
Than I became pregnant
in real life,
401
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,068
So we said "girl"
before we knew,
402
00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:19,605
And I decided I was gonna
keep it exactly how it is
in my family.
403
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:21,340
Yes?
404
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,642
Roseanne, would you
do the Tarzan yell?
405
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:27,079
( all laugh )
406
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,348
I think I did
when I sang the anthem,
407
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,016
- but...
- ( all laughing )
408
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:36,355
Yeah, i'll try to
do the Tarzan yell.
409
00:22:43,296 --> 00:22:45,297
( audience applauding )
410
00:22:45,298 --> 00:22:47,232
( theme music playing )
41442
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