Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,469
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:09,708
...Two.
3
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:15,781
Th...
4
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,783
Three.
5
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:26,125
- hi.
- shh.
6
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,460
Choppers, radar?
7
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:29,995
Okay, good,
it's quiet.
8
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,997
I've been driving andy
around in the car.
9
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:34,400
It took me 45 minutes
to finally get him to nap.
10
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,069
The motion of the car
lulls him to sleep.
11
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:40,072
Yeah, we used to go
for drives when our
kids couldn't sleep too.
12
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:43,042
Of course, we never
wrecked it by bringing
them with us.
13
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:47,479
Just trying to make your
babysitting job a little
easier, Roseanne.
14
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,683
Okay, a couple things.
15
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:53,152
Oh great, the list.
16
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,888
At least i'll have
something to look at
while i'm on hold
17
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,390
With the poison
control center.
18
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,760
You can see
i've divided things
into three categories:
19
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,562
Food, sleep
and recreation.
20
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:06,265
Jackie, food and sleep
are recreation.
21
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:08,767
Okay, first under "food,"
andy is not allowed
22
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:11,203
To have cheese,
preservatives,
fat or sugar.
23
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,906
I wasn't planning
on cooking for the kid.
24
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,543
So i've got celery sticks,
carrot sticks and rice cakes,
25
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,546
And if you just stick
to this diet, then he's
not gonna fuss.
26
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,748
He doesn't need all
this fiber, Jackie.
27
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,850
He's barely got a colon.
28
00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:29,488
Bye-bye, sweetie.
I'd better go.
29
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,024
If he wakes up early,
you wanna get him back
to sleep,
30
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,527
Then you can either say,
"moomie wuvs boo-boo"
31
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:38,864
Or you say,
"boo-boo, tickie
tickie tickie."
32
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,335
Well, she's gone.
You can quit faking it.
33
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:46,939
- ( coos )
- I thought so.
34
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,509
Tickie tickie,
that's all you're
getting, kid.
35
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,614
Here, I know
what you want.
36
00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:00,119
No no no.
Wait a minute.
37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,588
Yeah.
38
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:04,656
Here you go.
39
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,002
Well, it doesn't say
anything about fondue.
40
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,171
( theme music playing )
41
00:02:58,611 --> 00:03:01,280
( Roseanne laughs )
42
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,824
Hi hi, "tout la monde."
43
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,259
Especially you,
snickle fritz.
44
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,462
I purchased
some glorious fabric
45
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,297
For the nursery windows.
46
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:21,100
It took me all morning.
Goodness, i'm practically
winded.
47
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,936
You just can't get
good quality fabric
48
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,637
Since the war.
49
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:27,006
Well, I guess for me,
50
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,309
It's curtains.
( laughing )
51
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,980
You know, it's kind of like
living near the airport.
52
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,282
After a while, you just
don't hear it anymore.
53
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,253
Hi.
54
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,689
Jeez, Deej, whatever it is
you got in your jacket,
55
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,991
I hope it's not that
virus-infected monkey
56
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,594
- the whole town's
been looking for.
- leave me alone.
57
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,929
Yeah, what's under
there, huh?
58
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:53,932
Mom doesn't have you
defrosting a roast
again, does she?
59
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,534
I'm not gonna
show you what it is.
60
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,236
You're just gonna
make fun of me.
61
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,906
Son, they're already
making fun of you.
62
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,408
Okay.
63
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,377
Hey, it's your pictures
from photography club.
64
00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:07,146
Look at this.
We're all in here.
65
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,716
Yeah, we were supposed
to capture the true essence
of our subjects.
66
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,752
- hey, what's this one?
- that's darlene's fist.
67
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,188
Oh yeah, you can
see the scabs
68
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:20,693
Where the knuckles have
dragged on the ground.
69
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:24,363
Jeez, d.J., it's really
rude to take a picture
of someone's butt.
70
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,398
Oh, i'm sorry.
That's becky's face.
71
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:31,570
Here's a good shot
of you, Mr. Conner,
sitting in your chair
72
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,939
In front of the tv
with a cold beer in your hand.
73
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,848
No empties on the floor...
Must have just started.
74
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:49,254
Hey, Roseanne,
come on in and look at
d.J.'s photo album.
75
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:51,990
- it's really good.
- Roseanne: bring it
in the kitchen.
76
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,659
No, you come in here.
77
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:57,062
Come on, Dan, just thisonce do it my way.
78
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,064
Come on, I had
a long shift today.
79
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,834
- i'm pregnant.
- i'm tired.
80
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,670
Do you really want meto come in there?
81
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:19,418
( coughs )
good thing I needed
another beer.
82
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,590
Here, check it out.
83
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,728
Oh, i've always wanted
pictures of the family.
84
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,564
Hand me a pen there.
Mustache time.
85
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,267
There I am.
86
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,369
Pretty nice shot, huh?
87
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:40,339
You're just
kind of sitting like
a lump in your chair
88
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,874
- with a beer.
- yep.
89
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,009
Just like
in the high-school yearbook.
90
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:48,080
Let's see what other
action poses he's got me in.
91
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,616
Well, it looks like
that's it.
92
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,752
Guess you haven't given him
much opportunity
for a photo shoot
93
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:57,189
Ever since
your synchronized-swimming
group broke up.
94
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,292
I'm sure there must be
some others.
95
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:03,295
He was supposed to capture
the essence of his subject.
96
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,131
Well, now here you are
in your chair
with a beer.
97
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,200
I think that
about covers it.
98
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,537
I don't get it.
Is this all he
thinks of me?
99
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,807
He's got two pictures
of the mailman in here.
100
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:18,310
Well yeah.
Well, the mailman has
two sides, you know?
101
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:22,247
Here he is delivering
the mail and then here
he is picking up the mail.
102
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:25,884
It's not funny.
D.J. Thinks i'm a lump.
103
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,821
Well, then do something
about it.
104
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:32,024
- like what?
- do I have to put on
a harry chapin album
105
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:34,860
For you, Dan?
Spend time with him.
106
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,829
Yeah, maybe.
107
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,997
Couldn't hurt to spend
some time with the boy,
108
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,266
Show him i'm every bit
as complex as the mailman.
109
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,802
D.J., get in here.
110
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:46,505
What boy wouldn't want
to learn what his dad's
all about?
111
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,842
I don't know--
little skippy hitler.
112
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,846
Buddy, you and I
are gonna have some fun.
113
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,982
Ow! How many of those
has he had?
114
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,754
Guess what?
We're spending
the afternoon together.
115
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,756
Why, what did
I do wrong?
116
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:07,026
- what are you guys up to?
- we're gonna throw the old ball
around a little bit.
117
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,395
Thought i'd show d.J.
What made the old man
118
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,463
Third team all-state.
119
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,165
Help me.
120
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,334
Yeah, so grab
the ball there,
bottom shelf.
121
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,536
I'll show you how
to throw a perfect spiral.
122
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:24,209
And you're ready to go.
123
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,479
- are we through?
- no, we're going to the store.
We're gonna buy a ball.
124
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,648
- do we have to?
- yes, it'll be fun.
125
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,817
- but I don't want to go--
- get in the car!
126
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,486
All right, just don't
hit me again.
127
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:38,524
How's my little andy?
How's my babe?
128
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,726
Have you been
goody good?
129
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:45,664
Yes, all except for
that one little incident
with the matchy matches.
130
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,300
Oh, baby.
131
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,537
( sniffing )
my god.
132
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,340
Honey--
Roseanne...
133
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,443
My child has oreo breath.
134
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,548
Well, relax. That's just
'cause we were drinking
135
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:05,384
An oreo-flavored liqueur.
136
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,520
You gave him oreos?
137
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,756
Roseanne,
what about my list?
138
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:14,293
I specifically asked you
not to feed him
any junk food.
139
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,562
Hey, you could spit
and you could swear
140
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,098
And you can even take
the lord's name in vain,
141
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,735
But you will not come
in my house and refer
to oreos as junk food.
142
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,806
I am serious,
Roseanne.
143
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,242
How would you feel
if you left instructions
144
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,543
For the care
of your child,
145
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,846
And somebody
just ignored 'em?
146
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,783
If I had never raised a kid,
and I left him with somebody
who had raised three,
147
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,886
- i'd feel pretty
damn good about it.
- well, somehow I don't.
148
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,888
Hey, you're getting him
back alive,
149
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:45,224
And that wasn't
even on your list.
150
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,562
I don't care about
andy being alive.
151
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,301
Calm down, Jackie.
I used to do stuff like that
152
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,303
And give my kids
cookies all the time.
153
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,140
Maybe that's the reason
your kids turned out
the way they did.
154
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,908
What the hell's wrong
with my kids?
155
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:06,412
Nothing if you're trying
to reverse the process
of evolution.
156
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,616
If that's the way
you feel about it,
157
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,152
Maybe you shouldn't
bring your kid around
here anymore.
158
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,654
Maybe that is fine with me.
Maybe I don't want my kid
159
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,957
Turning out the way
yours did-- like smart-ass
high-school-dropout
160
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,193
Trailer-trash
161
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,295
Dark-clothes-wearing
162
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,264
Boyfriends-
in-the-basement
163
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,700
Too-soon-sex-doing
164
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,436
Four-letter-wording
hoodlum oreo eaters.
165
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,705
That's what you are,
the whole family.
166
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:36,108
The whole lot of you,
oreo eaters.
And you--
167
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,445
You are
the oreo-iest.
168
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,429
Hi, guys.
How's it going?
169
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:01,300
Hey,
thanks for the ride.
170
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:06,338
- how are things at home?
- i'll pick you up at 7:00.
171
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,840
How's mom doing?
Is she okay?
172
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,608
'cause, you know,
I was just wondering.
173
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:13,445
Hey, 7:00's great.
Maybe we can catch a movie.
174
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,481
Okay okay,
I see your point.
175
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:18,450
I see exactly
what's going on here.
176
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,886
Okay,
what's going on here?
177
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:24,056
We heard what you said
to mom about us yesterday.
178
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,458
Oh, god.
I've got this voice
179
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,028
That carries.
180
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,996
What's wrong with andy
turning out like us?
181
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:34,833
Come on, guys,
you gotta know
I didn't mean that, right?
182
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,268
Guys!
183
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,771
Look, you really hurt us,
okay?
184
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:42,307
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I meant to hurt your mom.
185
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,145
But you've taken
something really beautiful
186
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,181
Like hurting our mom
and turned it into
something ugly.
187
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:52,317
( laughs )
188
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,752
Good one, Darlene.
189
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,288
So I can see that
you're not really
that upset with me
190
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,490
'cause you're still
joking with me, right?
191
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,694
Actually, i'm still
a little upset.
192
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,997
I mean, I don't know
how i'm gonna be at
waiting on customers.
193
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,000
Becky, you say no more
because i'm gonna take
over your shift.
194
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,602
Now you two get on
out of here and go
have some fun.
195
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,573
I was kind of counting
on that money.
196
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,308
Fine, you can
have my tips.
197
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,978
Well, gee, I mean,
that'll make Becky
feel better, I guess.
198
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,085
It's... $26.
199
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,886
- it's all I got.
- cool, bye.
200
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,722
- see ya.
- okay okay.
201
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,324
I love you guys.
I love you two.
202
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:35,494
Oh my god,
I hope andy doesn't
turn out like them.
203
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,769
This is where
it all happens, d.J.
204
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:46,739
This is the hub
of the Lanford
transportation department.
205
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,074
If you see me sitting
in that chair at home,
206
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,077
It's because
i've spent a long day here
working diligently.
207
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:55,981
- hey, that lady
on that calendar's naked.
- well...
208
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:59,385
Can't blame her, d.J.
August is the hottest
month.
209
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,288
D.J., where'd you
get the shiner?
210
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,859
- dad threw a ball at me.
- to you, to you.
211
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,995
Hey, how about it, Deej?
212
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:13,132
Why don't you climb up
in an official city vehicle?
213
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,601
Dad, I ride in one
of these every day.
214
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,736
You're kidding.
Where do you go?
215
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,276
Hey, I bet you've
never seen this
part of the bus.
216
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:27,112
Whoa, this stuff is huge.
You fix this?
217
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,181
Better yet,
i'm the supervisor.
218
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,816
I got seven guys
under me,
219
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,951
And they better do
what I say or else.
220
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,620
I'll write 'em up
221
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,222
And 18 infractions later,
there'll be a hearing.
222
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,794
So you just sit in a chair
and watch guys fix stuff?
223
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:45,297
Well yeah, the way
a king sits on his throne
224
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,499
And watches his knights
225
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,601
Fix stuff.
226
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,906
Mark, what are
you doing?
227
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,042
I'm making a sugar trail
for the ants, and they're
going for it,
228
00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:00,145
The stupid bastards.
229
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,581
That's like 50 feet
of ants. Can I try?
230
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,851
Mark, don't you have
something better to do?
231
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,754
I guess I could
go shoot staples
into a spider web.
232
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,524
- i'm coming with.
- hold on, boy,
you're here with me.
233
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:15,260
And you haven't seen
how we get around
those e.P.A. Rules
234
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,030
On the disposal
of toxic materials.
235
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:21,300
- do I have to?
- yeah, come on,
it'll be great.
236
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,801
Go on outside.
237
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,838
The water out there
has all the colors
of the rainbow.
238
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,341
I wanna go back
to school.
239
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:33,012
- do you want a root beer?
How about a root beer?
- yeah, I guess.
240
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,181
Heads up.
241
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,183
- ( thuds )
- ow!
242
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,853
That was your good eye,
wasn't it?
243
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,894
And I also found
the most delightful
wallpaper
244
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:52,297
- for the nursery.
- no, mom, you always
do this.
245
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,233
We only wanted you
to do the curtains.
246
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,969
Piff-bibble.
I couldn't help myself.
247
00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:00,806
I just fell in love
with these jolly
jolly clowns.
248
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,675
They're so antic,
249
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,477
Like they just
came tumbling out
of a little tiny car.
250
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:08,280
It's something the baby
can remember me by.
251
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,349
She'll remember you
every Saturday
252
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,751
When the whole family goes
dancing on your grave.
253
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,790
That doesn't
bother me, dear.
254
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,727
I know those are
just your pregnancy
hormones talking.
255
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,264
My hormones actually
wanna kill you, mom.
256
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,300
And they're out
in the front yard right now
looking for a big stick.
257
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,970
Water off a duck's back.
Quack quack quack.
258
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,342
- the coast clear? Is she gone?
- when did you come in?
259
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,778
About 40 minutes ago.
I was just waiting
till mom left.
260
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:43,615
Well, if you're looking
for my kids, the girls
are turning tricks
261
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,785
At the trailer court.
262
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:50,122
And d.J.'s out back
skinning rabbits.
263
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,791
Roseanne, wait,
264
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,361
I came over here
to apologize.
265
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,529
I was way over the line
about your kids.
266
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,132
I think they're terrific,
267
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:03,435
And I also think that
you're a really good mom.
268
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,238
Really? Oh.
269
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,043
Well, maybe my kids
are a little screwed up.
270
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:14,780
I mean,
i'll admit that.
271
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,416
But if they are,
it's all dan's fault,
you know?
272
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,720
Did you know he hit
d.J. With a ball?
273
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,756
So I just wanted you
to know
274
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,824
That I was sorry.
275
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,360
Yeah well,
i'm sorry too.
276
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,063
I really should have
followed your list.
277
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:34,500
Thanks for saying that,
Roseanne. See, that makes
me feel so much better.
278
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,702
It's like you respect
my mothering.
279
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,837
Yeah, I mean,
he's your kid.
280
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,540
If you tell me to put him
in a pink dress
and tap shoes,
281
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,042
I should do it.
282
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,277
Well, no, I mean,
that would be
a silly thing.
283
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,179
The things on my list
aren't silly.
284
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,882
Those are serious
parenting issues
that i've researched
285
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,617
And feel strongly about.
286
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,920
Whatever.
287
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,256
If it's on the list,
I oughta do it.
288
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,826
No, 'cause there's
this odd tone
289
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,696
In your voice there that
seems to be belittling
the list,
290
00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:06,632
Like there's something
keeps getting caught
in your throat
291
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,068
That is most likely
holding back laughter
292
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,836
Inside the rest of you.
293
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,105
No, that's not laughter
back there, Jackie.
294
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,674
That's a little
piece of oreo.
295
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,912
I was right
about the oreo.
296
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,217
No, you weren't.
You are totally totally
going overboard about this.
297
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:29,054
It's one crummy cookie
and I already had ate
the middle out of it.
298
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,256
Oh!
299
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:34,193
It is symptomatic
of something more
serious, Roseanne.
300
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,795
You substitute
cookies and candy
301
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,697
And junk for love.
302
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,466
- oh, please.
- you do.
303
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,901
I am willing to admit
I have got a lot to learn
304
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,870
About being a mother,
but so do you.
305
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,806
I had a lot to learn.
306
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,275
And I learned it
and now i'm done.
307
00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:56,315
That is such a...
308
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:59,585
Ha!
That's what that is.
309
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,887
A "ha!"
310
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,289
Jackie, stop it.
Stop this instant.
311
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,593
Stay out of it,
old woman.
312
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,596
I will not have you
upsetting Roseanne
313
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:13,132
When she's
in this fragile state.
314
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,900
You tell her, mom,
315
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,136
And she keeps looking
at me too.
316
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,639
Just get out of here,
Jackie,
317
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,343
With all your
hatred and anger.
Shoo! Shoo!
318
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:28,147
Don't touch me, mom!
319
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,382
Accidents happen.
320
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:37,389
I can't understand
why she's doing that.
321
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,392
Now you just get
all comfy,
322
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:44,063
And mother will
make it all better.
323
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:47,366
She's not one of us, mom.
She never was.
324
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,001
Are we done,
325
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,603
Or is there a bag
of nails you'd like
to show me?
326
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:56,141
No, son, you're free.
Go run with the ants.
327
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,245
He hates me.
I couldn't be duller.
328
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,881
You could golf.
329
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,317
Going to the garage
was a huge disaster.
330
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,019
So I tried taking him
to other places
331
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,655
That might capture
my essence--
332
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,491
The bowling alley,
the lobo.
333
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,060
I even took him
to the quarry where
I used to go swimming.
334
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:18,130
You never used to swim
at the quarry.
335
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,933
At that point
I was making stuff up.
336
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,603
It's a lost cause.
337
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,705
I'm giving up.
338
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,774
I'm just gonna relax
and grab a beer...
339
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,710
Mother:
ding ding ding.It's the good-humor woman.
340
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,946
In canada.
341
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,749
- ice cream, yay!
- I have to admit it.
342
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:39,184
I kinda like it
when you and Jackie
have a tiff.
343
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:42,388
It gives me a chance
to do some mothering
of my own.
344
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,990
I almost forgot--
345
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:48,193
A crumbled cookie
on top.
346
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,729
When you were
a little girl,
347
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:54,099
This would always
comfort you when
you were upset.
348
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,908
So tell me, mom...
349
00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:06,612
Did you ever
try any other ways
350
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,248
To comfort me?
351
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,750
You know how it is
with kids.
352
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:15,220
When you find
something that works,
you stick with it.
353
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:18,057
Yeah, so why try
anything else?
354
00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:20,559
Right, mom?
355
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,632
If i'm cooking dinner,
356
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,734
I'd better go
to the store.
357
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,569
Ta-ta.
358
00:19:49,723 --> 00:19:52,324
Hello, Jackie,
I know you're not home yet.
359
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:56,261
I just wanted to say
i'm sorry about
the oreo stuff.
360
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:59,331
I was wrong.
361
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,866
Maybe i'm not
a perfect mother.
362
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,336
Maybe I still have a whole
bunch of stuff to learn.
363
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,406
Bye.
364
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:43,909
( orchestral musicplaying on tv )
365
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,342
( sighs )
366
00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:22,548
So your eye still hurt?
367
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:26,051
No, not all the time.
Just when I look at stuff.
368
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,361
Well, I guess
i'll go outside
369
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,363
And clean the shovels.
370
00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:39,565
A man's nothing
without clean shovels.
371
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:45,771
Oh, not pepe le pew.
372
00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,073
Hey, come on, son.
Don't knock pepe le pew.
373
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:50,442
- I wanted road runner.
- I can understand that.
374
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:53,345
The road runner's
done some fine work,
375
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:55,314
But he's more
for the masses.
376
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,783
Le pew, on the other hand,
demands more from his
audience.
377
00:21:59,219 --> 00:22:01,186
- really?
- oh, absolutely.
378
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:04,823
For instance,
the discerning viewer
will always ask himself,
379
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:08,761
"how will the black cat
get the white stripe
down her back this time?"
380
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:14,733
- hmm.
- well, don't just watch,
think.
381
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:17,970
Something's gonna scare her
and part of her fur's
gonna turn white.
382
00:22:17,971 --> 00:22:21,707
Ah-ah-ah, you failed
to notice those workmen
painting that stripe
383
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,710
Down the middle
of the street.
384
00:22:24,711 --> 00:22:26,478
You're good, dad.
385
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:28,514
( french accent )
but of course.
386
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:34,586
Aren't you
gonna sit down?
387
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,957
Well yeah,
maybe for a couple cartoons,
388
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:41,393
But if that news comes on,
i'm out of here.
389
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,001
( cans hiss )
390
00:22:50,337 --> 00:22:52,271
( theme music playing )
41732
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.