All language subtitles for R4E3

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,880 BELL DINGS 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,240 Hmm. 3 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,800 You're taking crude commercial advantage of me. 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,960 You look great. 5 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,360 I look like a banana. 6 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,760 You look as though you're born to be a banana. 7 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:30,040 Look, what we're doing here is we are creating customer interest. 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,320 You say "we," but look who's wearing this thing. 9 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,640 You're playing the lead in this production. 10 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:41,640 Oh, well, I am flattered that you think I've got the emotional range 11 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,880 to be a convincing banana. 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:49,240 Listen, today a banana, and tomorrow, who knows? 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,600 Hey, I've got this image of a stick of celery. 14 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,360 Oh! 15 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,440 Oh! 16 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,520 CASH REGISTER RINGS 17 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,040 COINS JINGLE 18 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,560 Come on. 19 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,080 HE LAUGHS 20 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,720 Come on. 21 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,200 Oh! Wait, wait for it. 22 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,400 You may. 23 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,160 Go on. 24 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,600 Oh! 25 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,800 All right, Arkwright, don't get overexcited. 26 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,640 Let's try and keep it civilised, hey? 27 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:12,040 It too early to be civilised. 28 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,400 It's only half past barbarian. 29 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:18,240 You, you should be jumping out of bed in the morning 30 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,440 thirsting to get to grips with your first customer. 31 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,080 Yesterday that was Mrs Lewis. 32 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,920 Oh, right, I take your point. 33 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,280 Anyway, Leroy, you're not showing enough keenness. 34 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:36,120 Just remember that one day all of this will be yours. 35 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,760 You're going to leave all of this to a banana? 36 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,760 Stop moaning. It worked, though, didn't it? 37 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,040 Yeah, for you. All I got was greenfly! 38 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,240 BELL DINGS 39 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,520 I suppose we ought to be grateful it's not a four by four. 40 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,040 We can't leave it outside, it'll get nicked. 41 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:03,560 To you this is just a tandem, but to us, she's... Well, she's family. 42 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,240 She shares our pain. 43 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:09,280 You know, I've always thought the best way to ease pain is a bit of 44 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,440 therapeutic spending. 45 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,720 Messrs Arkwright and Son extend a warm welcome 46 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,120 to practising members of the consumer society. 47 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:21,480 Didn't you used to be a banana? 48 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,480 I'm trying to forget. 49 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,440 Would you mind telling me what you come in for, 50 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,840 - and get that thing out of here. - We want energy snacks. 51 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,760 Healthy bites for athlete reaching for the limits. 52 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,000 Aye, something to see us through the agony. 53 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,240 Well, I've got granary bars. 54 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,160 Sugar-free whole-wheat crunches. 55 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,640 Bacon buttys. 56 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,400 Thought you'd never ask. 57 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,960 Oh, nice job, Gastric. 58 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,280 I'm not usually that sure about anything. 59 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,760 Oh, I knew you'd like it. She'll find fault. 60 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,040 Did you wipe the floor mats? 61 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,280 Both sides. You could eat a meal off them. 62 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:19,080 So that's how you learned your table manners. 63 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,200 I've been thinking, Madge... 64 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,640 Don't strain yourself for me. 65 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,680 Close your clacker a minute and listen to what he's got to say. 66 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,880 We should go out for a meal sometime, I'd get dressed up, 67 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,000 - you wouldn't know me. - I don't know you. 68 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,680 You ought to get out more, Madge, get a life. 69 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,200 A meal with him? 70 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,240 I've seen him at work on a sandwich. 71 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,760 It'll be all right if I stay off things that splash. 72 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,960 You could splash walnuts. 73 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:55,600 - Don't give up. - No way, I'm making progress. She used to ignore me. 74 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,720 Now she insults me to my face. 75 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,480 THEY LAUGH 76 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,360 Is this loaf fresh? 77 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,080 This crust is dry. 78 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:15,960 Dry, hard, and a specially designed by our leading brain scientists 79 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,880 to keep out the crumb fly. 80 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,800 That's a new one on me, crumb fly. 81 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,280 But you've seen the trail that it leaves, haven't you? 82 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,320 You know, the crumbs everywhere. 83 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,520 We all find crumbs. 84 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,640 And I bet you've scolded your husband, haven't you, 85 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,960 for leaving crumbs about when all the time it's been the crumb fly? 86 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,000 I wouldn't say scold. 87 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,040 I make him clean them up. 88 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,200 And I suspect he hasn't heard of crumb fly, either. 89 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,960 He will have heard of the saying, "Oh, crumbs," 90 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:54,800 which dates back to the great plague of the crumb fly in 1460 something 91 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,040 or other, when they had to evacuate Birmingham. 92 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,200 Well, I've never seen one. 93 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,280 Well, of course, you won't, Madame, will you? Because it... 94 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,840 Pardon me. ..takes a professional. 95 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,800 But you're sure there's none in this loaf? 96 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,560 Well, how about I give it another run through my crumb fly detective 97 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,200 - for you? - I'd feel better. 98 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,400 Yeah. Won't be a moment. 99 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,240 Excuse me. 100 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,320 SQUEAKING 101 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,680 There we are. 102 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,280 Guaranteed crumb fly free. 103 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:33,440 That'll be 10p, but worth it just for the peace of mind, 104 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,280 - don't you think? - How do these flies manage to stay unseen? 105 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:42,080 You never know that they've been, because they work in gangs. 106 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,280 See, they come along and they send one of the gang into the bread, 107 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,440 and he's in there, sorting it out, 108 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,360 and he's throwing the crumbs out, like that, 109 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,960 to his mates that are on the outside. 110 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,560 They're very organised. 111 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:04,240 You're looking at the insect equivalent of five O-levels. 112 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,120 Anyway, that's £1.50, plus 10p for the test. 113 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,520 When do I get to ride in front? 114 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:30,240 When you're ready for that amount of responsibility. 115 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,520 I'm ready to change this saddle. 116 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,800 This thing's got attitude. 117 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,200 Well, it's no picnic in the hot seat. 118 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,200 It's me who takes the full impact of any collision. 119 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,760 Then, I recommend we don't have one. 120 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,280 You'll be safe behind me, while I'm out on a limb here, 121 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,800 on top of which I had to the navigating. 122 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,040 - Wait! What are you...what are you playing at?! - Argh! 123 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,600 Argh! 124 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,400 Get off me. 125 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,160 Oh! 126 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,880 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 127 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,720 What happens when I go brown and start turning to mush? 128 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,720 There's nothing looks worse than yesterday's banana. 129 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,600 Why are you wearing dark glasses? 130 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,000 - You think I want to be recognised? - Come along, man up. 131 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,240 We don't want to be known as people who are selling bananas of low 132 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,720 self-esteem, do we? 133 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,320 What's your worst nightmare? 134 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:34,480 - You know that, it's the black widow. - Good luck for mashed bananas. 135 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,120 No, no, let me, you let me in, you swine, you... 136 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:39,960 BELL RINGS 137 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,360 Was that a banana I saw you with, Granville? 138 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:48,560 Stick to your own kind, we peel just as easily. 139 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,080 - How is Mr Newbold? - Beating a path to my door. 140 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,400 Sometimes he overwhelms me. How long before he gets his 141 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,240 forceful, masculine way? 142 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:03,000 I can't see you being overwhelmed, Mrs Featherstone. 143 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,240 I saw you frightening a policeman. 144 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,360 A perfect stranger and he told me I was speeding. 145 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:13,040 No, no, Granville, there is a timid female inside here waiting for 146 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,920 someone who has the nerve to explore. 147 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,800 Grab me, Granville, before its too late. 148 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,840 Oh, oh, excuse me, I've got to check my reserve stock. 149 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,720 Oh, oh, you've got a wicked way with words. 150 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:32,920 Secure me now, before Mr Newbold becomes the fourth Mr Featherstone. 151 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:37,840 He's a good man. He deserves to be happy, 152 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,160 but you should marry him anyway. 153 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,520 Well, don't think you could have me as a bit on the side if I marry. 154 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,720 Although, I would recommend that you check that decision periodically. 155 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,320 Why? Why do they want to go round Britain by tandem? 156 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:01,520 They're blood brothers. It's a symbol of their male bonding. 157 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:06,960 Two spirits, joined as one, in search of action and adventure. 158 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,200 THEY LAUGH 159 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,280 - I think it's great. - You thought him you married was great. 160 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,800 I didn't like to contradict him. 161 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,440 Well, no wonder your marriage failed. 162 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,160 Did you try being nasty? That gets far better results. 163 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,400 - Hey, we're not all as gifted as you. - I don't do so badly. 164 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:29,800 - Ask anybody. - Ask gastric. You're rotten to him. 165 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,720 Gastric was designed for punishment. 166 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,480 I always thought you got more by being nice. 167 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,800 So, what did I get? 168 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,960 - Pregnant. - There's nice and there's nice. 169 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,960 I know that now! 170 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,000 I always found being unpleasant was the best form of contraception. 171 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:51,360 I used to fake a runny nose and sniffle a lot. 172 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,720 - That worked for me. - I thought you were poorly. 173 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,480 I know, I was good, wasn't I? 174 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,520 You don't need any tricks, you just say no. 175 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,360 - Don't they sulk? - Of course they sulk, get used to it. 176 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:07,160 It's all right for you, you've got somebody amiable. 177 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,680 I always used to settle for well-trained. 178 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:13,920 You'd have been fast tracked for promotion in the SS. 179 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,840 I applied, but they had no vacancies. 180 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,840 Mine looked really good on our wedding pictures. 181 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,520 Really happy. 182 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,160 Thanks to the best man. 183 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,360 Oh, you thought it was your husband's best friend. 184 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,560 I did. Especially when he ran off with him. 185 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,200 Are you going to read those or are they just so you can come in, 186 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,800 - and annoy me? - Bit of both. 187 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,160 When are we going out for a meal? 188 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,240 Never. 189 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:02,040 Oh, as soon as that, better wash my hair. 190 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,560 "The Handbook Of Western Philosophy." 191 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:07,200 I was going to wait for the movie, but... 192 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,560 All right. 193 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:28,200 - Hello, Mavis. - Hello, Granville. 194 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,880 Alone at last. 195 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,120 Not for long, I bet. 196 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,760 You're just in time to see my collection of Victorian cheese slices. 197 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,000 You certainly know how to tempt a person. 198 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,080 I wonder how many girls have gone wrong 199 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,160 falling for an invitation like that. 200 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,000 I can't imagine. 201 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,720 But let's see if we can add one. 202 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,520 They warn you against everything but cheese slices. 203 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,520 I have an admission to make. 204 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,800 I don't actually have a collection of Victorian cheese slices. 205 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,640 So I've been tricked and misled? 206 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,760 Oh, well, 207 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,160 feels all right so far. 208 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,720 And it could get better. 209 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,120 You'd talk me into anything. 210 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,000 I've forgotten what I came in for now. 211 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,080 You see, I now have a dilemma. 212 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:22,000 Because I don't have a collection of Victorian cheese slices, 213 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,480 I wonder what it is we're going to do. 214 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,040 Don't ask me. 215 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,240 You know what I'm like at decisions. 216 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,560 Fortunately, I do have an idea. 217 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,280 Is this the idea that's just getting interesting, 218 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,920 and somebody comes into the shop? 219 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:46,040 That's the one. And then I serve them like lightning. 220 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,160 And I'm straight back. 221 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,520 BELL RINGS 222 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,600 DOOR CLOSES 223 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,520 Don't go away. 224 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,720 Yes, yes, Mr Newbold, what can I get you? 225 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,960 - Very quickly. - I'm here with a sizeable order. 226 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,720 - I've made a list. - Right, OK, leave it with me, off you go, 227 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,440 and I'll get it sent round to you. 228 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:18,240 No. No, I need it now, I want to take it with me. 229 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:22,280 But, you see, I've got certain logistical problems that require my 230 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,520 attention in the warehouse. 231 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,360 Can't you attend to me first? Can't they wait? 232 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,440 Well, they do depend on the size of your, you know, 233 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,600 your list. All right. 234 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,760 Have a look. 235 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,560 Three, four... 236 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,920 Oh! 237 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,200 Erm... 238 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,800 Oh. 239 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,600 Oh, hello, Mavis, are being attended to? 240 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,000 The short answer is no. 241 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,720 - Me, neither. - He said he'd be straight back. 242 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,920 I think I'm in love with a librarian. 243 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,440 Is that wise? 244 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,920 They probably read in bed. 245 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,360 I'm never going to find out. 246 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,440 She won't look at me because I eat meat. 247 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,880 Only at mealtimes. 248 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,440 Emergency rations, Granville. 249 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,720 That's why all the tinned stuff. 250 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,960 My door's going to be firmly locked against allcomers. 251 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,280 I shall be unavailable. 252 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,200 Locking yourself in with Mrs Featherstone. 253 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,760 Sealing off your little love nest. 254 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,400 Way to go, Mr Newbold. 255 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,360 Locking her in? I'm looking her out. 256 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,720 A man's house is his castle, and I'm pulling up the drawbridge. 257 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,560 I'm barricading me in. 258 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,320 I was coming back from town. 259 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,680 They passed me on the tandem, wobbling. 260 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,920 It's what they do best. 261 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,000 You have to admire their ambition, though. 262 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:08,320 Also, I do feel obliged to point out some wives might find the magic 263 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,560 returning at the sight of their husbands 264 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,560 dressed head to toe in Lycra. 265 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,760 I must have missed it. 266 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,640 DOOR CLOSES 267 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,680 Oh! Get me a chair. 268 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,760 With a cushion on it. 269 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,960 Where's the other idiot? 270 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,560 Coming. He'll need a cushion, honey. 271 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,800 Two cushions. 272 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,120 BELL RINGS 273 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,920 Hey, I've had three good rollickings 274 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,000 from that Madge today already. 275 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,640 I'm really getting her attention now. 276 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,200 Hey? 277 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,680 Hello? Is there anybody there? 278 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,640 Nod once for yes. 279 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,520 Mrs Featherstone. 280 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,880 No, the way you can tell is I'm not in a frock. 281 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:08,040 No, but I can tell you what I mean, trouble. 282 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,640 You were so far gone, I could have shoplifted anything. 283 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,560 - You what? - You were miles away. 284 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:20,520 Yeah, not enough miles between me and the threat I'm under. 285 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,840 The weights and measures been checking you again? 286 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,440 No, no, it's worse than that. 287 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,200 It's the black widow. 288 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,280 I've got to get her and Mr Newbold back together again. 289 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,320 Do you think he fancies her? 290 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,440 Of course he fancies her. 291 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,160 It's just that he doesn't know that yet. 292 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,800 But watch this space. 293 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,400 Careless. Has he forgotten I'm coming? 294 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,920 Black mark, Newbold, this won't do. 295 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,880 KNOCKING ON DOOR 296 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,720 Is he going deaf? 297 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,960 Is he concealing it from me? 298 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,080 You see how they suck you in, pretending they're fit for purpose. 299 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,720 Why didn't you tell me? 300 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,680 What other little disabilities are you going to spring on me? 301 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,800 Is this why you have never sprung on me? 302 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:42,360 Oh, men! Who can you trust? 303 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,080 Shame on you, Newbold! 304 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,720 Ooh. 305 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,480 Wait a minute. 306 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,040 This is not the Newbold I know and can turn to jelly. 307 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,920 I see what it is. 308 00:18:55,920 --> 00:19:00,600 He's afraid to tell me in case...in case it drives me away. 309 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,680 Oh, bless him. 310 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,920 All is forgiven. 311 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,160 Unless it's something very unsightly. 312 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,920 It is I, Wilburn, your Delphine. 313 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,880 You know what Mr Newbold's problem is, don't you? 314 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:32,280 Well, he sees Mrs Featherstone as a tough old bat. 315 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,280 That could be because she is a tough old bat. 316 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,760 Yes, on the surface. But does he know what lies beneath? 317 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,240 Does he know that she was once an exotic dancer, 318 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:48,240 who went by the name of Roxy Thong? 319 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,080 Mrs Featherstone? 320 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,640 - Yeah. - Get over. 321 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,200 She performed mainly in Europe. 322 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,280 That's why we don't know about her here. 323 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,400 She drove them mad in Germany, you know. 324 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,600 She did things with three balloons that you could not believe. 325 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,880 HE GRUNTS AND STRUGGLES 326 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,480 Right, I've got you. 327 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:26,320 There. Who did that? That's Leroy. 328 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,880 BELL RINGS 329 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,320 DOOR CLOSES 330 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,720 Right, stay there, don't go away. 331 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,960 Good day to you, Mrs Thong. 332 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,000 - "Thong"? - Featherstone. 333 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,720 You said "Thong." 334 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,520 Did I say? Why did I say "Thong"? 335 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,560 Perhaps we could go to a quieter place, 336 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,120 and tease out the roots of that Freudian slip. 337 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,600 How is Mr Newbold? 338 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,080 He's dead. 339 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,640 "Dead"? What? 340 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,240 - He can't be dead. - I went round to his house. 341 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,600 I called and I called, there was no reply, he must be dead. 342 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,200 Well, he was in here this morning. He looked perfectly well. 343 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,440 They go fast at his age. 344 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,800 So, there's just you and me now, Granville. 345 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,120 Oh! I'll give him a call. 346 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,120 Well, what's the point if he's dead? 347 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:27,360 - He's not dead. - No, well, he better be if he's not answering my calls. 348 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:29,400 PHONE RINGS 349 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,800 Hexthorpe Gasworks. 350 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:45,440 You're not the Hexthorpe Gasworks. It's you, Newbold, isn't it? 351 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,320 I thought you were dead. 352 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,680 Why didn't I think of that? 353 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,080 Why are you masquerading as the Hexthorpe Gasworks? 354 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,760 It's a fantasy. Do you mind? 355 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,160 I've always wanted to be the Hexthorpe Gasworks. 356 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,840 - Wait there, I'm coming round. - No. 357 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,720 - "No"? - No, it's dangerous. I've got spots, I'm contagious. 358 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,840 Ah! Oh, well... 359 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,840 Not dead, just unhygienic. 360 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,280 There's a window of opportunity for you here, Granville, 361 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,320 until spots disappear. 362 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,400 Oh, yes. Right, no, hang on, 363 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:35,760 hang on, look, sorry, we've just got to get rid of that. 364 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,280 You can't have that on your continental sausage. 365 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:40,960 What is it? 366 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960 It's, it's... 367 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:47,080 Hold on, there it is. It's the bratwurst beetle. 368 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:50,120 There are terrible little breeders, they are. 369 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,600 I mean, you get two of these together, 370 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,120 and the next thing you know, you've got a colony. 371 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:59,040 Hold on, there it is. Hold on, then it goes. 372 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,320 You stay there. 373 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,520 Get out. There he is. 374 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,040 THUD 375 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,600 That'll tie a knot in his prospects. 376 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,040 As I was saying, Granville, a window of opportunity. 377 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,880 Argh! 378 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,160 Sorry, you were saying? 379 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,760 Not now, can't stop, must fly! 380 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,360 BELL RINGS 381 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,480 - Who's got spots? - Seems like everyone. 382 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,920 Did you know that Granville had spots? 383 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,200 Just the one near his... 384 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,360 PHONE RINGS 385 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:55,840 - Hello? - IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT: Would this be the Herr Newbold mit 386 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,960 whom I am speaking? 387 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,840 This is Mr Newbold, yes. 388 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,640 The one who Frau Featherstone calls Smoochy? 389 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,560 I have never been called Smoochy. 390 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:11,640 But also known as Foxy Fingers, ja? 391 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,280 - Never. - Well, to business. 392 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:20,160 We understand that you may have the number of Frau Featherstone. 393 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,040 Oh, yes, I've got her number all right. 394 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,440 You see, I'm speaking on behalf of the Monchengladbach 395 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,400 over 60s Frauline Roxy Thong fan club. 396 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,080 Ein question, Herr Newbold, does she still do the balloons? 397 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,680 And would she do them for us one more time? 398 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:45,360 I'm sorry, but I heff...have no connection with Frau Featherstone. 399 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:50,760 But we are told that you are the lover of the former Roxy Thong. 400 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,040 Oh! Those balloons! 401 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:58,120 I can assure you that I'm not a lover of Frau Featherstone. 402 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:03,000 Then I can only conclude that you have never seen the balloons. 403 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,280 Forget the balloons. 404 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,920 Believe me, I try. 405 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,080 For many years I'm seeking to forget the balloons, 406 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,840 but under my skin she gets. 407 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,840 I'm sorry, but I can't help you. 408 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,560 What I am saying is... 409 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,240 help yourself. 410 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,880 She was the toast of Europe. 411 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:29,080 Are you telling me that the woman I know as Mrs Featherstone was once an 412 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,760 exotic dancer who went by the name of... 413 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,000 Miss Roxy Thong? 414 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,840 Yup. So, who's the lucky boy, then? Ja, ja, ja! 415 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,680 HE LAUGHS 416 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,520 Will you get out of here? You'll get me sacked. 417 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,320 I wanted you to know I'm suitable for vegetarians. 418 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,800 I've come to mop your fevered brow. 419 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,040 It's been a funny day. 420 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,280 I had to let the banana go early. 421 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,920 I hope he's not getting overripe. 422 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:52,320 I was barely half a cheese slicer away from that Mavis 423 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,200 when my instinct for avarice took over. 424 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:06,960 Miss Roxy Thong, I wonder what she actually did with those balloons. 425 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,880 Must have gone with a bang. 32147

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.