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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,008 --> 00:00:02,743 This is your main living space-cum-dining area, 2 00:00:02,808 --> 00:00:06,743 which as you can see, boasts original period features, 3 00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:11,274 like these distressed wooden beams, mismatched lighting fixtures... 4 00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:14,452 - It's a bit pokey, innit? - It is cosy, yes, and flexible, 5 00:00:14,518 --> 00:00:15,995 so you can use it however you want. 6 00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:18,462 - One at a time, probably. - Yeah, exactly. 7 00:00:18,528 --> 00:00:22,452 - So, through here is your master bedroom. - Bagsy that one. 8 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,673 The slave doesn't get the master bedroom, Grumio, 9 00:00:24,739 --> 00:00:27,547 - that goes to the master, famously. - So where's the slave bedroom? 10 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:30,228 There's a handy cupboard here, look. If you can sleep standing up. 11 00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:31,865 What, like a fucking owl? 12 00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:35,270 Stop moaning. We're being evicted, we can't afford to be fussy. 13 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,944 If you're not feeling it, lads, I can see what else is out there. 14 00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:40,923 But at 350 a week, this is a terrific option for your budget. 15 00:00:40,989 --> 00:00:43,743 - There's ants in the cupboard. - The landlord might accept 340. 16 00:00:43,808 --> 00:00:45,743 - Is that mouse shit? - Or even 335. 17 00:00:45,808 --> 00:00:46,778 Rat! 18 00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:49,134 There's a rat, there's a great bastard rat in here! 19 00:00:52,172 --> 00:00:54,210 Maybe we can be a bit fussy. 20 00:00:55,177 --> 00:00:59,777 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 21 00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:12,664 Is there any way we can have more time? 22 00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:15,341 Amazingly, it turns out you're not the worst landlord in Rome. 23 00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:17,890 Thank you, I am touched, but if you're not out by next week, 24 00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:20,747 - I'll get an earful from Linda. - Linda? Who's Linda? 25 00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:23,746 Linda. Makes her own honey, sells it down the farmers' market. 26 00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:27,733 - Oh, yeah, I've enjoyed her samples. - As have I, in all senses. 27 00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:30,042 And now she's keen to move in with me. 28 00:01:30,108 --> 00:01:31,733 So what's that got to do with us? 29 00:01:31,798 --> 00:01:34,204 Well, I'm slightly less keen, so we're compromising, 30 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:37,390 she's moving in upstairs. As in your place. 31 00:01:37,456 --> 00:01:40,304 So we're being evicted cos you've got commitment issues? 32 00:01:40,370 --> 00:01:42,686 Pretty much, yeah. I mean, I'll lend you my storage unit 33 00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:44,279 so you can start moving your crap out. 34 00:01:44,344 --> 00:01:46,733 So what do we do if we can't find anywhere we want to rent? 35 00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:48,992 I guess find somewhere you want to buy. 36 00:01:49,058 --> 00:01:51,538 That's what I did. Be lucky. 37 00:01:52,758 --> 00:01:55,955 I mean, he is right, annoyingly, renting is a mug's game. 38 00:01:56,021 --> 00:01:58,677 Things would be way less shit if we could get on the property ladder. 39 00:01:58,742 --> 00:02:00,932 Yeah, but we can barely afford an actual ladder. 40 00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:04,488 I know, but okay, look, my parents are coming this weekend 41 00:02:04,554 --> 00:02:06,817 and they've got some savings put aside for a rainy day. 42 00:02:06,882 --> 00:02:09,116 Why would they give them to you? It's not even raining. 43 00:02:09,181 --> 00:02:12,415 Because they love me. And because I know how to manipulate them. 44 00:02:12,481 --> 00:02:14,487 Right, and I'll go and see that estate agent geezer, 45 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,908 see if he's got any new rentals. Just for when that don't work. 46 00:02:16,973 --> 00:02:18,253 Oh, it'll work, mate. 47 00:02:18,318 --> 00:02:20,111 I'll pull their strings like a couple of puppets. 48 00:02:20,176 --> 00:02:21,464 Divide and rule. 49 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:24,733 And if it doesn't, I'll just throw one of my mega tantrums. 50 00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:28,238 That'll make for a cracking weekend. Can't bloody wait. 51 00:02:31,328 --> 00:02:34,842 This one just in. Modern conversion, on at 300 a week. 52 00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:38,733 - I like the arty red walls. - I know. Funky, right? 53 00:02:38,798 --> 00:02:40,883 I should say, it did used to be an abattoir. 54 00:02:40,948 --> 00:02:43,118 Okay, I've stopped liking them now. What else you got? 55 00:02:43,184 --> 00:02:46,840 Try this one. Historic stone building, bit of a fixer-upper. 56 00:02:46,906 --> 00:02:49,328 Amazing skylight, 360-degree views. 57 00:02:49,394 --> 00:02:50,899 Is this a ruin? 58 00:02:50,965 --> 00:02:53,025 Technically, it is. Were you looking for more... 59 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,962 Walls and a roof, yeah. Come on, mate, help me out. 60 00:02:56,028 --> 00:02:59,256 Surely you've got a few plush pads tucked away in your back pouch. 61 00:02:59,322 --> 00:03:01,654 - I do have more sought-after properties. - Nice. 62 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,692 For more sought-after clients, though. 63 00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:06,214 Landlords are looking for professional couples these days. 64 00:03:06,279 --> 00:03:08,597 We're professional. Me and Marcus are well profesh. 65 00:03:08,663 --> 00:03:11,526 And we can pretend to be a couple. Within reason. Kissing's fine. 66 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,288 They don't want slaves either. Lowers the tone, apparently. 67 00:03:14,354 --> 00:03:16,253 Grumio's not a slave, he's basically a dog. 68 00:03:16,318 --> 00:03:18,839 - Or dogs. - Not a dog, then, like a hamster. 69 00:03:19,346 --> 00:03:22,249 Nice try. You're a bit of a smooth talker, aren't you? 70 00:03:22,315 --> 00:03:24,933 Hey, I'm smooth all over, you should feel my tush. 71 00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:27,329 Have you ever considered becoming an estate agent? 72 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,369 Journey was a nightmare, stuck in traffic the whole way. 73 00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:35,368 Only because he refused to pay for the toll road. 74 00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:37,550 I am not shelling out on a road, Sylvia, 75 00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,142 I don't care how straight it is. 76 00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,652 Quite right, Dad, you keep the money for important stuff. 77 00:03:41,717 --> 00:03:44,267 Like taking you out for dinner, if there's anywhere you've... 78 00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:46,516 - All-you-can-eat Chinese. - Great, do we need to book or... 79 00:03:46,581 --> 00:03:48,733 - Already done it. - That would be such a blessing, 80 00:03:48,798 --> 00:03:51,733 we've not been able to eat properly for a while now. Money wise... 81 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,733 And we're gonna see this wine bar of yours as well. 82 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,478 - Course, Mum. Costs of living... - And I'm gonna buy a boat. 83 00:03:56,544 --> 00:03:58,410 Sorry, what? A boat? 84 00:03:58,476 --> 00:04:01,168 Yep, there's one in town I've got my beady little eye on. 85 00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:02,823 Yeah, he's blowing our savings on it. 86 00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:07,292 - Not all of your savings, surely? - Well, it's a bloody big boat. 87 00:04:13,608 --> 00:04:17,600 It's a gaff-rigged, two-berth, lapstrake frigate. 88 00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:20,463 I don't want any of that means, Lepi, but it sounds wicked. 89 00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,237 Sounds more like a midlife crisis to me. 90 00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:24,308 - I think it's incredible. - Thank you, Marcus. 91 00:04:24,373 --> 00:04:27,297 Incredible that your generation can enjoy the luxuries 92 00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:30,772 of gaff-rigged pleasure cruises while mine scrabbles around to survive. 93 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,861 Scrabbles? You're not scrabbling, are you? 94 00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:35,836 - Course he's not scrabbling. - I am, actually. I am scrabbling. 95 00:04:35,902 --> 00:04:38,495 - We're being evicted this week. - No, what have you done now? 96 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,470 I committed the crime of being young in Rome. 97 00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,387 We're putting our stuff into storage and then we're out on the streets. 98 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,387 - You're gonna be homeless? - Yep. 99 00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:49,458 Sort of. I mean, not literally on the street, no, 100 00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:51,733 but we will have to move to a slightly worse area 101 00:04:51,798 --> 00:04:55,308 - and a significantly smaller flat. - So? A lot easier to clean. 102 00:04:55,374 --> 00:04:58,506 And we'll still be at the mercy of violent bloodsucking landlords. 103 00:04:58,572 --> 00:05:00,858 I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope, Mum. 104 00:05:00,924 --> 00:05:03,351 Marcus, you poor little love. 105 00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:05,302 Well, you could always come home with us. 106 00:05:05,368 --> 00:05:07,509 Yeah, no, I meant, I don't know how I'm gonna cope 107 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,296 whilst staying in the city. 108 00:05:09,362 --> 00:05:13,229 I guess, maybe, is this a crazy idea? 109 00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:16,035 - What, what is it? - He wants you to buy him a flat. 110 00:05:16,101 --> 00:05:17,676 Or house. Depending on the budget. 111 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,073 You're a hoot, you are, son. 112 00:05:20,139 --> 00:05:21,675 Buy you a flat? 113 00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:24,461 Rent is not that bad, you drama queen. 114 00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:27,030 Now... I need a drink. 115 00:05:27,233 --> 00:05:30,592 Let's see this swanky wine bar that you own. 116 00:05:33,485 --> 00:05:36,985 Everyone, meet Jason, the newest member of our lettings team. 117 00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,978 Can we have the keys to 20 Arcadia Villas, please, Verity? 118 00:05:40,044 --> 00:05:42,120 - Yes, of course. - Right, am I starting right away? 119 00:05:42,185 --> 00:05:43,413 Do I not need training? 120 00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:45,532 Can you unlock a door and lead people through it? 121 00:05:45,597 --> 00:05:47,733 - I think so. - Then you're good to go. 122 00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:51,220 Sweet! Oh, can I ask, do I get a free flat with the job? 123 00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:54,363 It's just that when I worked at the wine bar, I got free wine, so... 124 00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:56,871 No, you don't get a free flat. 125 00:05:56,937 --> 00:05:59,450 But use that smooth tongue of yours and rack up commissions, 126 00:05:59,515 --> 00:06:02,696 you'll soon be able to afford an extremely sick pad. 127 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,162 He'll need a clipboard. 128 00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:08,860 - And the hair gel too, please, Verity. - Oh, yes. 129 00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:16,388 You see? It's really not swanky at all, it's more of a dive. 130 00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:19,459 - Looks like a perfectly good bar to me. - What a fascinating smell. 131 00:06:19,525 --> 00:06:20,733 It used to be a toilet. 132 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,881 Still is, basically. Hence why we hardly ever get any customers. 133 00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:26,733 Welcome. Care for a glass of vino, Mr Gallo? 134 00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:28,530 - Oh, yes. - And one for you, madam? 135 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,840 Sorry, are you Marcus's mother or sister? 136 00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:32,698 Oh! Silly. 137 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,288 What charming staff you have, Marcus. 138 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,733 Ah, mums love me. 139 00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:40,141 - You must be so proud of how well he's doing. - We are. 140 00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:42,614 Well, you shouldn't be, cos I'm not doing well at all. 141 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,491 You should be ashamed and-or concerned. 142 00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:46,997 To Marcus. And his cushy life. 143 00:06:47,063 --> 00:06:48,798 To Marcus. 144 00:06:49,938 --> 00:06:51,823 That's coming out of your wages. 145 00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:56,828 - You want me to do what, sorry? - Beat me up, lightly. 146 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:59,238 - Right. Come on, then. - Wait, not now, though. 147 00:06:59,304 --> 00:07:02,983 Later, in front of my parents. And say I owe you rent. 148 00:07:03,049 --> 00:07:04,788 Yeah, but for once, you don't owe me rent. 149 00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:06,599 So, okay, lie. 150 00:07:06,665 --> 00:07:09,806 That shouldn't be too difficult for you, and then hit me. A bit. 151 00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:11,093 Not in the face, ideally. 152 00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:13,092 See, that was the main draw for me, though. 153 00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:16,666 Okay, well, a little in the face, and maybe two in the gut. 154 00:07:16,732 --> 00:07:19,132 Two in the face, one in the gut, and you've got a deal. 155 00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:21,209 - All right, fine. - Lovely. 156 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,635 And thanks so much for thinking of me for this. 157 00:07:28,196 --> 00:07:31,733 Oh, I can't wait. You and me out on the open sea, 158 00:07:31,798 --> 00:07:34,733 dolphins razzing by, no-one asking me 159 00:07:34,798 --> 00:07:37,890 why I've not put up those shelves or taken the bins out. 160 00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:41,066 No-one telling me to stop eating nuts or guffing. 161 00:07:41,132 --> 00:07:44,409 That's what ships are for, every deck can be the poop deck. 162 00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:48,733 Oh, you guff away, Grumio. Or should I say, "first mate"? 163 00:07:48,798 --> 00:07:50,058 Aye, aye, Captain. 164 00:07:51,273 --> 00:07:53,219 We're gonna make a hell of a team. 165 00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,798 I am now stuck, by the way. 166 00:07:58,364 --> 00:07:59,963 Yeah, it's a cracking property. 167 00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:04,328 It's got all the walls, floors and that. Doors. 168 00:08:05,073 --> 00:08:08,093 Very soft bed, and dry, crucially. 169 00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,650 Lovely view here. Look. 170 00:08:11,176 --> 00:08:13,111 And that does come with the flat. 171 00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:16,112 Two bedrooms, so an extra room to put all your crap in. 172 00:08:16,178 --> 00:08:18,676 Or put a baby in. If you decide to have kids. 173 00:08:18,742 --> 00:08:21,132 I mean, you're both so hot, it'd be rude not to. 174 00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:26,373 And there's no restriction on the all-you-can-eat element? 175 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,399 No, no, they don't fuck about like that, the Chinese. 176 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:32,054 Where you going? It's down this way, I can smell it. 177 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,479 This is a shortcut. 178 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:35,464 Come on. 179 00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,423 There you are, you jizz hound. 180 00:08:37,489 --> 00:08:39,630 - Oh, no, please. - Marcus, what's going on? 181 00:08:39,696 --> 00:08:41,653 You owe me rent. Where is it? 182 00:08:41,719 --> 00:08:43,343 Bloody hell. Calm down, landlord. 183 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:45,548 - I don't have it, I'm sorry. - You will be... 184 00:08:45,614 --> 00:08:48,347 Let go of my son. Or I will fucking kill you! 185 00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:50,384 Is that a blade? Has your mum got a blade? 186 00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:53,189 - Yeah, Mum, put the knife down. - Let him go, right now! 187 00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:56,072 Easy, darling, I was just messing. 188 00:08:56,138 --> 00:08:57,948 He told me to do it. 189 00:08:58,198 --> 00:09:00,300 I didn't sign up for this, Marcus. 190 00:09:00,394 --> 00:09:03,793 Sorry, Mrs G. I hope you enjoy your visit. 191 00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,060 Thank you. 192 00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:09,217 So that's why you brought us this way? 193 00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,579 You shady, shady bastard. 194 00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:13,811 Dinner, then? 195 00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:22,105 But, yeah, it is a banger, this one. 196 00:09:22,184 --> 00:09:24,433 Available now. Vacant. 197 00:09:24,499 --> 00:09:28,465 Has been for three months. Imagine that. 198 00:09:28,571 --> 00:09:32,205 Sweet pad like this, just sat here, empty. 199 00:09:46,492 --> 00:09:50,468 - Sorry, that was bad of me. - Yes, it was. 200 00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:53,783 - You should be ashamed of yourself. - Well, you can talk, you ran away. 201 00:09:53,849 --> 00:09:56,814 - No, I was looking for help. - What, behind a cart? 202 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,843 And if I'd known you were carrying a sword in your handbag, Sylvia, I would've stayed put. 203 00:10:00,909 --> 00:10:03,398 Well, someone has to be ready to protect our family. 204 00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:05,207 Only from people Marcus has hired. 205 00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:08,032 Yes, thank you, Grumio, shut up and eat your spring rolls. 206 00:10:08,098 --> 00:10:10,027 And I only did that because I'm desperate. 207 00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,524 In what way are you desperate? 208 00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:15,654 I'm desperate to get on the property ladder so I can stop throwing money away on rent. 209 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,542 - Oh, it's a sort of desperation. - But I can't do that 210 00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:22,009 because you're spunking all our savings on some floating penis extension. 211 00:10:22,075 --> 00:10:23,470 What do you mean, "our savings"? 212 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,733 He's done 40 years hard graft on the farm, mate, 213 00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:29,089 - if he wants a penis boat, let him have one. - It's not hard graft! 214 00:10:29,155 --> 00:10:31,424 He's mainly sitting around waiting for plants to grow. 215 00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,971 He's right. The money should go to Marcus. 216 00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:36,733 - Thanks, Mum. You're the best. - No! No way. 217 00:10:36,798 --> 00:10:39,269 I am sick to death of you putting yourself first, Lepidus. 218 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,952 Why are you always taking his side? 219 00:10:41,018 --> 00:10:42,601 - He's manipulating you. - I am not. 220 00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,447 - He is not. - Mum and I just have a special bond, 221 00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:47,699 - and you don't understand. - Exactly, he's my baby boy, Lepidus. 222 00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:50,961 And I say he needs his own flat more than you need your dinghy. 223 00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:53,733 It's a gaff-rigged two-berth lapstrake frigate! 224 00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:56,147 And if I can't have it, Sylvia, by Jove, it's over! 225 00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:58,591 Well, then, I guess it's over. 226 00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:00,526 - Well, hang on. - Fine. Come on, Grumio. 227 00:11:00,592 --> 00:11:03,142 We're not leaving now, are we? I'm only on my third plate. 228 00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:04,998 No, we're just moving tables. 229 00:11:22,227 --> 00:11:24,162 Sorry, you're an estate agent now? 230 00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:26,234 That wasn't quite the plan when you set off yesterday. 231 00:11:26,299 --> 00:11:29,953 I know! It's my dream job. I mooch around a sweet pad chatting shit, 232 00:11:30,019 --> 00:11:32,162 and at the end of the day I get to sleep in it. 233 00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:35,162 You get to sleep in it or you illegally sleep in it? 234 00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,434 Yeah, that one. 235 00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:38,777 I could ask Magnus if he's got a job going for you. 236 00:11:38,842 --> 00:11:41,715 No need. My parents are buying me a flat. 237 00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:44,395 Nice! The old "divide and rule" worked, then? 238 00:11:44,461 --> 00:11:48,162 It worked. A bit too well, if anything. They kind of split up. 239 00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:50,164 Oh, shit. That sucks. 240 00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:52,387 Yeah, but I do get my own flat, 241 00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:55,051 so on balance I think it's probably worth it. 242 00:11:55,117 --> 00:11:58,375 Speaking as an estate agent, I can assure you it is. 243 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,162 - Morning, Grumio. - All right, Lepi. 244 00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,703 Turns out I can sleep standing up after all. 245 00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,874 - Did you manage to get some shut-eye? - Just about. 246 00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,162 Used a sack of onions for a pillow. 247 00:12:15,227 --> 00:12:18,106 I dreamt I was sailing on my boat. 248 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:21,162 Then I woke up and remembered some little bastard had sunk it. 249 00:12:21,227 --> 00:12:23,850 I'm sorry your son's such a massive bellend. 250 00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:25,120 To be honest, Grumio, 251 00:12:25,186 --> 00:12:28,145 I think I was just trying to put miles of water between me and Sylvia. 252 00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:29,635 Finally get some peace. 253 00:12:29,701 --> 00:12:32,711 - Now we've split up, I can get that anyway. - Totally. 254 00:12:32,777 --> 00:12:35,015 I'm mainly pumped about shaking off Marcus. 255 00:12:35,081 --> 00:12:37,978 I mean, he'll never let me eat raw onions, for example. 256 00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:40,042 Well, there you go. 257 00:12:40,108 --> 00:12:42,430 We can do what we want now, son, boat or no boat. 258 00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:45,070 I can leave my clothes lying around, drink before noon, 259 00:12:45,136 --> 00:12:46,972 pick the dead skin off my feet. 260 00:12:47,379 --> 00:12:50,227 - All the fun stuff. - Cheers to that. 261 00:12:53,688 --> 00:12:55,023 Tangy. 262 00:12:58,926 --> 00:13:01,948 - Morning, all. - Ah, here he is! 263 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:05,906 All hail King Jason! Do the honours, Verity. 264 00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:08,331 Oh, cool! Thanks. 265 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,161 And why am I king, please? 266 00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:13,010 It's just a little thing we do when someone rents their first flat. 267 00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:15,684 A couple came in just now and took Arcadia Villas! 268 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:18,598 Oh, no way? Wicked. 269 00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,897 - I'm so pleased... - They said you were great. 270 00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:24,903 You'll be surprised to hear that praise for an estate agent is actually pretty rare. 271 00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:27,858 - So, I can't go back there? - Not unless you're moving in with them. 272 00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:29,647 So, hand over those keys. 273 00:13:29,713 --> 00:13:31,852 But I mean, where do I go now? 274 00:13:31,918 --> 00:13:34,729 You go to a new property and rent that out. That's how the job works. 275 00:13:34,794 --> 00:13:39,162 Okay, fine. So, actually, can I try a swankier pad this time? 276 00:13:39,227 --> 00:13:40,522 You know, for the challenge. 277 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,873 Ambitious, love it. Course you can. 278 00:13:42,939 --> 00:13:46,081 Maybe with a wet room and a balcony. South-facing, ideally. 279 00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:48,202 You take your pick. I've got to run to a viewing. 280 00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:52,328 Verity, show Jason the luxury range. 281 00:13:57,227 --> 00:14:00,842 Now, this is more like it. And with fewer rodents, I notice. 282 00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,643 Well, your budget's a lot healthier. 283 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,779 I mean, you can afford to buy, for one thing. 284 00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:07,807 Mum came to the rescue. She's the best. 285 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,015 Good old bank of mum and dad. 286 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,403 Well, the money did come from us, yes, but me and his dad 287 00:14:12,468 --> 00:14:16,107 - are actually in the process of separating. - He doesn't need to know that. 288 00:14:16,173 --> 00:14:19,077 - Good size second bedroom through here. - Great. 289 00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:21,750 Grumio can finally wallow in his own den of filth. 290 00:14:21,816 --> 00:14:24,548 Or he can keep wallowing with you and someone else could live here. 291 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,022 What, like a lodger? 292 00:14:26,088 --> 00:14:29,460 - More like a mother. - Right. Really? 293 00:14:29,526 --> 00:14:31,273 But don't you already live somewhere? 294 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,977 I can't go back to the farm now I've ditched that selfish git. 295 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:35,653 And I'm young enough to start again. 296 00:14:35,719 --> 00:14:38,162 Well, that's debatable, but even so, 297 00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:40,492 would you have to start again quite so close to me? 298 00:14:40,558 --> 00:14:42,688 Where else would I be than with my baby boy? 299 00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:45,181 You said it yourself, we've got a special bond. 300 00:14:45,604 --> 00:14:47,162 Yeah, of course we do. 301 00:14:47,227 --> 00:14:48,491 It'll be heavenly. 302 00:14:48,557 --> 00:14:51,396 We can eat our meals together, have a snuggle on the sofa. 303 00:14:51,462 --> 00:14:52,683 Go out on double dates. 304 00:14:52,749 --> 00:14:56,007 Heavenly indeed. I've got the paperwork here if you want to sign. 305 00:14:56,073 --> 00:14:59,073 No, let's not with the paperwork quite yet. 306 00:15:08,612 --> 00:15:10,162 You should buy the boat! 307 00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,626 Look who's come to poop on the party. 308 00:15:12,692 --> 00:15:14,733 I don't want a flat any more. You should get back with mum 309 00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,295 and buy your frigging great frigate. 310 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,560 You've changed your tune. 311 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,627 I searched my heart and saw that your needs were greater than mine. 312 00:15:20,692 --> 00:15:22,627 - Horse shit. - All right, fine. 313 00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:25,004 Mum wants to move in with me and snuggle on the sofa. 314 00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,961 Sounds cosy. Careful she doesn't smother you to death. 315 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,554 So you'll do it? Patch things up and take her home. 316 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,966 - No way, I'm living the dream here. - What, 317 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:36,881 - drinking cherry wine in a storage unit? - And eating onions. 318 00:15:36,947 --> 00:15:40,443 Enjoying our time upon the good ship Do As We Please. 319 00:15:40,509 --> 00:15:43,778 - Which is technically a storage unit, yes. - Come on, Dad. 320 00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:46,972 Don't throw 30 years of marriage overboard. Go and fight for her! 321 00:15:47,038 --> 00:15:50,031 Fight for her? I'm a selfish coward, Marcus, haven't you heard? 322 00:15:50,097 --> 00:15:52,038 I've moved on, mate. I'm over her. 323 00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:55,187 But what about me? Can't you stay together for the sake of the child? 324 00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:58,370 You've made your bed, son, now you've got to lie in it. 325 00:15:58,436 --> 00:16:00,377 With your mother. 326 00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:10,606 It is spacious. Very airy. 327 00:16:10,672 --> 00:16:13,127 It's a lovely gaff, it really is. 328 00:16:13,193 --> 00:16:17,128 Nicely kitted out. I mean, on first viewings you can't even tell. 329 00:16:17,819 --> 00:16:19,463 - Tell what? - Sorry? 330 00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:22,838 You said on first viewing you can't even tell. 331 00:16:22,904 --> 00:16:25,231 - Did I? - Yes. You definitely did. 332 00:16:25,297 --> 00:16:28,657 Well, I shouldn't have, all right? Cos I work on commission, you see. So... 333 00:16:29,265 --> 00:16:30,510 Naughty. 334 00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:34,128 I mean, we are now gonna need to know what you mean by that. 335 00:16:34,612 --> 00:16:36,057 Okay, fine. 336 00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:39,730 Someone died here. Quite horribly and mysteriously. 337 00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:44,238 So everyone that moves in is like, "It's haunted and creepy!" 338 00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:46,215 It's probably bollocks, though. 339 00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:48,579 Should we go and see the cellar? 340 00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:52,765 - Yes, good... - Come on. 341 00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:58,531 It's called an Aurelius special. 342 00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:00,561 Gosh, it's very strong. 343 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:04,621 Sorry, Mum, I have to work late now my head barman is an estate agent 344 00:17:04,687 --> 00:17:06,764 so I can't go curtain shopping with you. 345 00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:09,312 Don't worry, darling. Aurelius is taking me out 346 00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:10,842 once he's finished his shift. 347 00:17:10,908 --> 00:17:14,847 Great, thanks, Aurelius. Hang on, sorry, taking you out on a date? 348 00:17:14,913 --> 00:17:16,720 Well, I wasn't so bold as to specify. 349 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,903 - We'll just play it by ear. - No, we won't. 350 00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,257 We won't play it by any part of the body, thank you. 351 00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:25,250 Excuse me, I am single for the first time in over 30 years, Marcus, 352 00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:27,284 and I intend to make the most of it. 353 00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:30,192 That is not making the most of it! He is the absolute least. 354 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:33,444 You cannot tell me who I may or may not step out with, Marcus. 355 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,112 You are not the boss of me. 356 00:17:35,135 --> 00:17:36,759 Right, well, I am the boss of you, 357 00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:39,759 so step out with my mum and you are fired. 358 00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:43,351 No, I'm not. It's illegal to dismiss someone for their sexual preferences. 359 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,960 - What sexual preferences? - Well, for yummy mummies. 360 00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,661 Aw, you think I'm a yummy mummy? 361 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,078 - I think you're an absolutely scrummy mummy. - Fuck's sake! 362 00:17:52,979 --> 00:17:55,024 Stay here where I can keep an eye on you, then. 363 00:17:56,955 --> 00:17:58,260 Cheers. 364 00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:03,750 If this isn't living, I don't know what is. 365 00:18:06,512 --> 00:18:09,070 - Salve, Grumio. - All right, landlord. 366 00:18:09,136 --> 00:18:12,205 - What's going on here, then? - We put ourselves into storage. 367 00:18:12,271 --> 00:18:14,750 Right, well, I don't want to evict you for a second time, 368 00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:16,847 but Linda's now set for the move. 369 00:18:16,913 --> 00:18:19,375 And her honey-making gubbins needs storing. 370 00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:21,818 That's all right. We can cope with some gubbins, can't we? 371 00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,537 Absolutely. We're very adaptable. 372 00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:25,644 Suit yourselves. 373 00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:02,909 Underfloor heating throughout, his and hers vanity unit, 374 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,110 plunge pool through here... 375 00:19:05,684 --> 00:19:09,539 - Hey, Magnus! What are you doing here? - Conducting a viewing. 376 00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:12,200 I wanted you to do it, but you never came back to the office. 377 00:19:12,265 --> 00:19:14,383 How come you're here? And wet? 378 00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:16,871 I'm also conducting a viewing. 379 00:19:16,937 --> 00:19:19,249 I was just demonstrating the plunge pool to my... 380 00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:21,069 Where have my clients gone? 381 00:19:21,135 --> 00:19:23,858 - Must have just left. Weird. - That is weird. 382 00:19:23,924 --> 00:19:27,510 Weird, I didn't see them when I came in. I did see some others, though, 383 00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:30,234 who said you told them the place was haunted. It isn't. 384 00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,952 Well, it might be. Just cos it's not in our brochure... 385 00:19:33,018 --> 00:19:35,534 - Are you living here, Jason? - No. Not yet, anyway. 386 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,183 - Tonight'll be my first night. - No, it won't. You're fired. 387 00:19:38,248 --> 00:19:41,116 Hand over your keys and get out. Right now. 388 00:19:41,728 --> 00:19:45,442 Yeah, sure. Just give me 20 mins to pack up my shit. 389 00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,735 Sorry. Excuse me. 390 00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:01,231 This morning I was King Jason. Now I'm homeless Jason. 391 00:20:01,297 --> 00:20:04,748 Well, you can always crash at my place where I live with my mother. 392 00:20:04,814 --> 00:20:07,188 And possibly Aurelius, depending on how tonight goes. 393 00:20:07,254 --> 00:20:08,671 How did it come to this? 394 00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:12,547 Evening, traitor. Quick glass of wine for the road, please. 395 00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,663 You're leaving? What happened to the storage unit? 396 00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:18,447 It's full of bees. We're headed back to the farm. Live in peace up there. 397 00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:20,933 Tell the old girl we said goodbye, won't you? 398 00:20:20,999 --> 00:20:22,863 Tell her yourself. She's just over there. 399 00:20:23,416 --> 00:20:25,401 What's she doing with your noncy barman? 400 00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:27,521 I think they're on a date, actually. 401 00:20:27,587 --> 00:20:29,786 A date? We only split up yesterday! 402 00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:31,752 What do you care? I thought you'd moved on. 403 00:20:31,818 --> 00:20:33,445 I know. I have. 404 00:20:35,563 --> 00:20:36,926 I haven't! 405 00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:39,588 Get your sticky hands off her! 406 00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:41,355 Lepidus, what are you doing here? 407 00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:44,136 Now, sir, she's a single woman, she can do whatever... 408 00:20:44,863 --> 00:20:47,450 No, please! Don't fight over me. 409 00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:49,143 Come on, Sylvia. 410 00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:51,594 Let's continue our evening away from this angry farmer. 411 00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:54,380 Stop touching my wife! 412 00:20:55,293 --> 00:20:57,556 Holy fuck, he stabbed me! 413 00:20:57,622 --> 00:20:58,833 Dad, that's insane! 414 00:20:58,899 --> 00:21:01,087 Yes, love it. Stab him again, Lepi! 415 00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:03,037 I've been a selfish old fool. 416 00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:05,541 Oh, Lepidus, I've been so hard on you. 417 00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:08,791 Don't ever change. I'm lost without you, Sylv'. 418 00:21:09,384 --> 00:21:10,936 No, no, leave it... 419 00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,783 - So we can stay? - Yeah. 420 00:21:27,861 --> 00:21:31,595 Linda went right off the area after she witnessed that brutal stabbing. 421 00:21:32,169 --> 00:21:33,448 Sorry about that. 422 00:21:33,728 --> 00:21:36,459 You bailed me out. Things were moving too fast for me anyway. 423 00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:38,088 So your pops did us all a favour. 424 00:21:38,154 --> 00:21:40,666 Oh, yeah. Apart from Aurelius. 425 00:21:43,728 --> 00:21:46,367 I'm just chuffed them two are back together. 426 00:21:47,452 --> 00:21:49,663 I think I'll sleep in here tonight. 427 00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:56,226 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 36346

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