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Interview commenced at 3pm
on Wednesday the 12th of March
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in meeting room four.
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00:00:05,484 --> 00:00:08,201
- Please state your names.
- Sure. I'm Marcus Gallo.
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- Jason Brindisi.
- Grumio.
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DS Attica Mars, conducting.
Also present is Officer Leo Vedrix.
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So, boys, I've invited you here today
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in connection with a missing
persons investigation.
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00:00:19,604 --> 00:00:21,877
- Don't you mean "missing people"?
- Excuse me?
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00:00:21,943 --> 00:00:25,294
Well, the plural of person is
people, but you just said "persons".
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- I know. That's just what we say.
- Huh! Interesting.
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00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,061
- Why is that?
- We just do.
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Look, can we not get bogged down?
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- Have you got any snacks?
- No!
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So, the missing person is Daedalus
Greco, Head of Archaeology
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at the Ancient History Museum.
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Disappeared 48 hours ago,
as did his vehicle.
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- I wondered if you knew anything about it.
- No. Never heard of him.
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Oh, you wouldn't catch us
at a museum anyway.
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We hate, you know, the past
and being told not to touch stuff.
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Right.
Well, that's odd.
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Because the last names
in his appointments book
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appear to be yours.
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Three days ago.
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That Daedalus Greco! Yes.
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That's right, we did meet him,
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at the Ancient History Museum, remember?
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Oh, the Ancient History Museum!
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I thought you said, "The History Museum."
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Yeah, yeah, we went there.
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Right.
I can see this is gonna take a while.
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You might as well make yourselves
comfortable.
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- I'm all over it, babe.
- Now... how about them snacks?
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Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
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Maybe start by telling me about
the day you met Professor Greco.
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Well, it started off like any other, really.
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I rolled out of bed,
had a stretch, had a scratch
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and then headed to the bar
for my morning poo.
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- Yeah, I don't need to hear about that.
- You do, actually.
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This weren't any old poo.
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This one were highly unusual.
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- I've just had a highly unusual poo.
- Oh, we don't need to hear about that.
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Unusual, how? Was it green?
Did it come out pebbly?
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It were neither the shade nor the shape
that were unusual this time.
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It's what I found while I were doing it.
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A ladies' brooch.
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And in the gents.
Highly unusual.
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Maybe I can give it to Gloria
and pretend that I bought it.
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Piss off! Finders, keepers.
I'm gonna use it to jazz up my tunic.
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Gloria's not gonna want that anyway, is she?
It's all knackered and covered in dirt.
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- That is dirt, isn't it?
- Yeah, from where I dug it up.
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You dug it?
Why did you dig it?
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Cos it was wedged in the ground.
It's buried treasure.
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Is it? Give it here.
Maybe it's worth something.
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As if! It's well old.
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Exactly, might be antique.
We should get it valued.
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- What happened to giving it to Gloria?
- Yeah, fuck that, obviously.
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And what happened to
"finders, keepers", more to the point?
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It's not a legally binding phrase, Grumio.
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He's right about that.
I don't see why you should get it either.
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Well, I own the bar where it was
found, and I also own him.
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You own...
Sorry, this is your slave?
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The guy stuffing his face
with his feet on the table?
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I'm not saying he's a good slave.
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So, in the end,
we agreed to split the broach, 50/50.
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And then, 50, 50, 50,
cos I own the bar, too.
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So, that's when we went to see
your geeky boffin.
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Extraordinary.
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And you spotted this in the toilet, you say?
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It's where I do my best work.
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Well, I can confirm it's
an Etruscan filigree brooch,
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originally part of a set.
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Exquisitely made.
Extremely rare.
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Rare, as in valuable?
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Of course! It's over 700 years old.
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From an academic perspective,
it's absolutely priceless.
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Great. That is old.
And how about from a money perspective?
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Yes, that too, don't worry.
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Of course, it would be worth far more
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if it was reunited with
the other items of the set.
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They were grave goods, you see.
Offerings to the afterlife.
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You don't know if there's a burial
tomb under your toilet, I take it?
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It does smell like there might be.
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I could have a poke around
next time I'm having a clear out.
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00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:49,093
If you'd prefer a more
professional approach,
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I could arrange a dig for you
with trained archaeologists.
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Really? That'll be great.
Yes, please.
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And any artefacts uncovered
would be split between yourselves
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and the museum, 50/50.
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00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:02,748
No, that's not ideal,
cos we're already splitting it 50, 50, 50,
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00:04:02,814 --> 00:04:04,844
so we can't split it 50, 50, 50, 50.
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00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,288
That's not gonna work.
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00:04:06,354 --> 00:04:07,758
Not mathematically, no.
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00:04:07,824 --> 00:04:09,253
We'll do it ourselves, thanks.
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You most certainly will not.
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The city doesn't allow amateurs
to conduct excavations.
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Without a licence,
you'd be arrested and imprisoned.
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I see, and where do we get a licence from?
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00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:22,765
Me. So, would you like my help or not?
What do you say?
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00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:25,838
- And what did you say?
- We said, "No, thank you."
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00:04:25,904 --> 00:04:28,977
We didn't want him digging up our
bar and making a mess of the place.
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- And you didn't begin your own unlicensed dig?
- What?
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Absolutely not. No, that'd have
been illegal, and that's not us.
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- No way.
- No.
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We forgot all about it and went back
to our bland, law-abiding lives.
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Okay, look for stuff to dig with.
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00:04:48,266 --> 00:04:50,003
I can ladle up some earth, I guess.
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- Big time! Bagsy spatula.
- I'll have the whisk.
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What are you gonna do with a whisk?
Make a pancake, obviously.
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I'm not digging on an empty stomach.
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And is it just you three,
then, that work in the bar?
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00:04:59,992 --> 00:05:01,721
- Yep, just us.
- And Aurelius.
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00:05:01,924 --> 00:05:04,534
- Aurelius.
- But don't worry about him. He's irrelevant.
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- And a knobhead.
- He's an irrelevant knobhead.
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And he wasn't even there that night, so...
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No!
No, stop it!
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- Stop trying to grab my bell.
- It's closing time. Just ring it!
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Not yet it's not.
There's at least 40 minutes to go.
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I need these straggly goons
to drink up and leave, though.
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Amazing.
The one time you actually get customers,
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and you want to close early.
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Worst businessman ever!
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Wrong, actually.
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- I'm planning something pretty huge.
- Oh, yeah?
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What's that? Putting your feet up
and necking all your stock?
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Really clever.
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00:05:33,676 --> 00:05:35,644
No, we're doing a secret dig
for buried treasure,
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00:05:35,709 --> 00:05:38,744
so we can't have punters here
in case they dob us in.
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00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:41,327
So, yeah, it is pretty clever, actually.
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- In your face!
- So, hang on...
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Could I dob you in?
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You can head home if you want, buddy.
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As a reward for your hard work.
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- We'll close up.
- Nice try, "buddy".
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But you can't get rid of me that easily.
I know all about your little dig.
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And I want a cut of what you find,
or I'm telling.
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Oh, fine!
But that is it now.
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Just the four of us.
We cannot have anyone else getting in on this.
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- Fine by me.
- Hit it, then, bell boy.
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Time, gentlemen, please.
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Down your drinks and up the stairs.
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Bell man.
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Now I think about it, Aurelius
wasn't even in that whole week.
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- Is this gonna take much longer?
- Why?
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Somewhere you'd rather be?
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No, I'm clean out of biccies.
I need more if we're pushing on.
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How have you scoffed them already?
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- I know, welcome to my world.
- They were only diddy.
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Go on, fetch us some more, you big meany!
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They weren't free, mate.
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00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,269
I bought them from the canteen with
my own money, cos I'm so bloody nice.
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00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,951
If you want more,
you can pay for 'em yourself.
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Fine.
Marcus?
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You heard the lady.
Give her some cash.
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Another pack of biscuits, Vedrix.
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This time, maybe some with nuts in.
Or raisins.
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In fact, you know what, Vedrix, surprise me.
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So, I was sitting here, considering what to
have for my brekkie, when I...
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00:06:58,037 --> 00:07:02,420
Oh, no, Grumio, when I said, "Re-enact
what happened," I did not mean all of it.
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00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:04,086
Sorry, it's muscle memory.
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00:07:04,152 --> 00:07:07,054
- The brooch were over there.
- Oh, gross out!
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Is he genuinely pooing in front of us?
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- It's fine. Ignore him. Let's dig!
- Well, hang on.
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- We need to establish some ground rules.
- Ooh, bonus, an old coin!
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00:07:14,329 --> 00:07:17,054
That's not fair. You can't just pocket stuff.
Marcus, tell him.
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00:07:17,119 --> 00:07:18,785
He is right.
This is why we need rules.
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00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:21,284
One, we declare everything we find.
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00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:24,708
Two, we dig in pairs
to avoid accusations of snaffling.
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00:07:24,774 --> 00:07:28,821
And three, we put everything on a
designated finds table in the bar.
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Thank you.
Let the dig commence.
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00:07:43,053 --> 00:07:44,758
Okay, well, this isn't gonna work.
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This soil is hard as dicks.
It's gonna take months with this stuff.
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00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:51,619
And we don't have months. We've got precisely
until opening time tomorrow morning.
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00:07:51,685 --> 00:07:54,033
I suggest we get hold
of some big-boy tools, pronto.
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00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:57,593
Right, and you know some big-boy tool
shops, do you, that are open at midnight?
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00:07:57,659 --> 00:07:59,709
There is somewhere I can try, yeah.
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Just as soon as I've wrapped this up.
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00:08:03,902 --> 00:08:07,136
Does the name Ambrosius Boobo
mean anything to you?
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00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:11,245
No. But it probably means a lifetime
of bullying for him, whoever he is.
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00:08:11,311 --> 00:08:13,639
He's a significant player
in the Roman underworld.
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00:08:13,705 --> 00:08:17,534
A convicted smuggler, drug dealer,
kidnapper and a pimp.
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00:08:17,599 --> 00:08:19,731
From your home address,
I see he's also your landlord.
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- Landlord, really?!
- What's his name, Ambrose what?
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00:08:22,365 --> 00:08:24,082
Ambrosius Boobo.
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00:08:25,799 --> 00:08:28,534
That is awesome.
Thank you for telling us that.
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00:08:28,599 --> 00:08:31,350
He's gonna be well cheesed off
when we pull that out the bag.
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00:08:31,416 --> 00:08:34,015
You're friends with this
well-known felon, then, are you?
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00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,894
- No. No.
- No.
188
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:37,246
We barely know him.
189
00:08:37,312 --> 00:08:39,245
Only see him to hand over the rent, really.
190
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:42,238
We don't know his name,
and he don't know ours.
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00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:44,952
Oh, salve, Grumio.
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00:08:45,018 --> 00:08:47,163
All right, Landlord?
Bit of a favour to ask.
193
00:08:47,229 --> 00:08:48,350
Oh, yeah, what you got?
194
00:08:48,416 --> 00:08:51,669
We need some big-boy digging tools,
and we need 'em now.
195
00:08:51,735 --> 00:08:53,233
Emergency burial, is it?
196
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:57,146
I offer a full clean-up and alibi
service for a mere 500 dennies.
197
00:08:57,212 --> 00:09:00,672
What? No, nothing like that.
It's more of an emergency unburial.
198
00:09:00,738 --> 00:09:03,330
See, it turns out the bar
is a bit of a gold mine.
199
00:09:03,396 --> 00:09:06,047
Result!
Well, I'll happily provide
200
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,899
my specialist gardening gear,
in that case...
201
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,534
Magic!
I knew you'd help out.
202
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:11,534
for a share of the spoils, obviously.
203
00:09:12,722 --> 00:09:16,677
Cos we're already splitting it four ways,
and Marcus don't want it going up to five.
204
00:09:16,743 --> 00:09:18,842
It won't.
It's going up to six.
205
00:09:18,908 --> 00:09:20,726
Six? What?
How come?
206
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:24,191
You can't have my specialist gardening gear
without my specialist gardener!
207
00:09:24,269 --> 00:09:28,101
Mum, grab your tools!
We're going on a treasure hunt.
208
00:09:34,984 --> 00:09:36,534
Your biscuits.
209
00:09:36,599 --> 00:09:38,476
With ginger chunks this time.
210
00:09:38,599 --> 00:09:41,084
Oh, Vedrix, you're spoiling us!
211
00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:43,534
So, I have three more questions
and then you can go.
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00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,841
- How does that sound?
- That sounds great.
213
00:09:45,907 --> 00:09:48,084
- Is that one of them?
- No, it's not.
214
00:09:48,279 --> 00:09:51,275
Firstly, can you confirm that
your meeting with Professor Greco
215
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,399
at the museum was the last time you saw him?
216
00:09:53,442 --> 00:09:54,656
We can indeed, yes.
217
00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:58,677
Secondly, do you categorically deny
you began an unlicensed dig in your bar?
218
00:09:58,814 --> 00:10:00,829
Categorically and unequivocally.
219
00:10:00,895 --> 00:10:03,054
In which case, lastly,
could you tell me why,
220
00:10:03,119 --> 00:10:05,351
amongst the coins you just gave me,
221
00:10:05,417 --> 00:10:08,284
there was an old Sulla Denarius
from 60 years ago,
222
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,534
coated with fresh...
223
00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:12,180
slightly faecal, mud.
224
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:16,392
You sly bastard! You said,
"Put everything on the finds table."
225
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:18,229
I mean...
226
00:10:20,213 --> 00:10:22,420
I might need to keep you boys
a little longer.
227
00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:24,922
My list of questions has just grown.
228
00:10:24,988 --> 00:10:27,055
You take as long as you like, love.
229
00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:37,879
So, let me get this straight...
230
00:10:37,945 --> 00:10:40,088
You found an antique brooch in the ground,
231
00:10:40,154 --> 00:10:43,346
showed it to Professor Greco at the museum,
went back to the bar,
232
00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:46,138
where you did start an
archaeological dig in the toilets?
233
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:49,894
Which sort of spread to the main area.
Yeah, we did.
234
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,631
But, and this is a fairly big but,
235
00:10:51,697 --> 00:10:55,622
the dig very quickly stopped being
archaeological and became more...
236
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:56,907
architectural.
237
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:59,233
Architectural?
How do you mean?
238
00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:02,281
That is quite a hole you dug there, Landlady.
239
00:11:02,347 --> 00:11:06,127
Yeah, well, you don't get petunias like mine
without a bit of elbow grease.
240
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,828
I found a spoon. Look.
Do you think it's Etruscan?
241
00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:13,778
I suspect it's the one from the kitchen
I was using to dig with, so, no.
242
00:11:14,154 --> 00:11:15,857
I'll put it on the finds table anyway.
243
00:11:15,923 --> 00:11:17,239
Right...
244
00:11:17,305 --> 00:11:20,183
So far tonight, we have found
a button, some bits of plate,
245
00:11:20,249 --> 00:11:22,476
a dead rat, and one of our own spoons.
246
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,412
Not an amazing haul, it must be said.
247
00:11:24,478 --> 00:11:26,654
No, more of a "fuck-haul".
248
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,108
- This old brooch is rather nice, mind.
- I've had better digs up my nostril.
249
00:11:30,463 --> 00:11:32,357
'Ello. 'Ello.
250
00:11:32,423 --> 00:11:35,198
- There's something down here.
- Oh, that does sound different!
251
00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:37,613
- It's, like, a lid for summat.
- The tomb.
252
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,265
- The professor mentioned a tomb.
- Yeah, sure, why not?
253
00:11:40,339 --> 00:11:42,480
Treasure!
We found the bloody treasure!
254
00:11:43,624 --> 00:11:45,978
Thank Joe for that.
I was getting bored out my tits!
255
00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:48,024
Go on, crack it open, then, Landlady.
Let's get stuck in.
256
00:11:48,089 --> 00:11:51,006
Yeah, son, pass me the widowmaker.
257
00:11:51,072 --> 00:11:54,666
Stand back, everybody.
This thing is bloody pointy.
258
00:11:54,732 --> 00:11:56,854
Ancient Etruscan gods,
whatever ye be called,
259
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,695
we pray unto you this day
to make us fucking minted!
260
00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:07,499
Now, that...
261
00:12:07,777 --> 00:12:09,471
is a sewage pipe.
262
00:12:13,113 --> 00:12:15,414
- You idiots.
- Yes, obviously.
263
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:19,420
- But we bunged the pipe up with a dead rat.
- And a tea towel.
264
00:12:19,685 --> 00:12:21,174
So you fixed it?
265
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,420
Sort of.
In the bar, anyway.
266
00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:28,420
And I come in this morning and find
the soil pipe pumping liquid faeces
267
00:12:28,485 --> 00:12:30,301
all over the folded laundry.
268
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:33,628
Oh, no!
That is bad luck.
269
00:12:33,694 --> 00:12:37,055
Oh, it's luck, is it?
It's luck the pipe suddenly burst?
270
00:12:37,121 --> 00:12:38,420
What?
Are you...?
271
00:12:38,485 --> 00:12:40,653
Why would you think this had
anything to do with me?
272
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:43,639
Let's see, shall we?
You're never usually in this early,
273
00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:46,191
there were banging noises
coming from the bar all night,
274
00:12:46,257 --> 00:12:48,260
and, er, your hands are covered in shit.
275
00:12:48,325 --> 00:12:50,355
Call it an educated guess.
276
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:53,537
Yes, fair point.
We might be responsible somewhat.
277
00:12:53,603 --> 00:12:56,504
Well, then, I will need to be
compensated somewhat.
278
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:59,302
I've lost a day's worth of takings,
thanks to you.
279
00:12:59,368 --> 00:13:02,420
And so, what's the nature of your
relationship with this Gloria?
280
00:13:02,485 --> 00:13:05,122
Oh, don't!
I wish I knew. We're dating.
281
00:13:05,188 --> 00:13:06,983
Well, we've been on a few dates.
282
00:13:07,049 --> 00:13:09,836
Some kissing, with tongues, and fondling.
283
00:13:09,902 --> 00:13:12,487
No intercourse as yet.
Hoping that's on the cards.
284
00:13:12,553 --> 00:13:16,337
We're not official, but I think we are
exclusive. Does that answer your question?
285
00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:18,086
I just meant, is she your neighbour?
286
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:21,383
Oh, yes. Sorry.
She's our neighbour.
287
00:13:21,449 --> 00:13:25,249
Thank you. Got there eventually.
Carry on, then, what happened next?
288
00:13:25,315 --> 00:13:29,024
Nothing. That was it.
We decided to pack it in, call it a day.
289
00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:30,371
End of.
290
00:13:30,806 --> 00:13:33,952
Hey, no, hang on a minute...
We're splitting it seven ways now?
291
00:13:34,018 --> 00:13:37,663
Yeah, Marcus didn't tell me about the
huge number of shareholders either.
292
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,089
I'm sorry, but your pipe is fucked.
293
00:13:40,370 --> 00:13:43,346
It's gonna take 200 denarii
for me to fix it.
294
00:13:43,412 --> 00:13:47,188
Right. And would you accept
payment in buried treasure?
295
00:13:47,254 --> 00:13:49,343
- Yes, okay.
- Make that eight ways.
296
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,201
The plumber's in now?
Seriously?!
297
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,708
No. If we get up to ten,
the maths will be way easier.
298
00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:55,465
Okay, no, this is bullshit.
299
00:13:55,531 --> 00:13:59,024
New system. Every man for himself.
No more splitting. Finders, keepers.
300
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,528
Like I've been saying all along.
301
00:14:00,594 --> 00:14:02,245
- No, hang on...
- Yeah, I like it. Let's do it.
302
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:05,702
But, no, we should work together.
All right, fine, let's dig.
303
00:14:05,768 --> 00:14:07,372
Let the dig begin...
304
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:08,936
again!
305
00:14:10,699 --> 00:14:12,984
Yeah, we just turned in, went to bed,
306
00:14:13,049 --> 00:14:17,256
having learnt some valuable lessons
about archaeology and plumbing.
307
00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:20,195
And, most importantly,
that crime doesn't pay.
308
00:14:20,261 --> 00:14:22,545
A story with a moral.
Excellent.
309
00:14:22,624 --> 00:14:26,900
Yeah, so, seeing as there's no more
dirt to dig, as it were,
310
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,940
are we free to go?
311
00:14:29,624 --> 00:14:31,559
Not quite yet, I'm afraid.
312
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:33,636
I've brought your colleague, Aurelius,
313
00:14:33,702 --> 00:14:34,930
in for a quick chat first.
314
00:14:34,996 --> 00:14:37,239
Aurelius? No, no.
315
00:14:37,304 --> 00:14:40,862
He's a gimp and a chump.
Don't talk to him.
316
00:14:40,928 --> 00:14:42,928
Well, I'll tell him you said hi.
317
00:14:48,216 --> 00:14:49,623
I want to speak to my lawyer.
318
00:14:49,818 --> 00:14:52,559
- Do you have a lawyer?
- Touche.
319
00:14:52,624 --> 00:14:54,559
Okay, forget that, but you listen to me.
320
00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:57,558
If you think I'm gonna rat out
my best buds, you're dreaming.
321
00:14:57,624 --> 00:14:59,656
I'd die for those guys.
Not the little one.
322
00:14:59,722 --> 00:15:01,048
Sure, he's odd.
323
00:15:01,114 --> 00:15:03,099
But Marcus and Jason
are like brothers to me.
324
00:15:03,165 --> 00:15:05,559
Oh, really? The same Marcus
and Jason who describe you as,
325
00:15:05,624 --> 00:15:08,329
"An irrelevant knobhead,
a gimp and a chump"?
326
00:15:09,378 --> 00:15:11,644
All right, I'll talk,
but you need to protect me.
327
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,443
We're talking new job,
new wife, new haircut.
328
00:15:14,509 --> 00:15:17,662
- I mean, you don't need us for that one.
- New house, then.
329
00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:20,269
Just tell me what happened
after you fixed the pipe.
330
00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:24,224
Well, it's safe to say
it was complete and utter chaos.
331
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:30,674
Stop flinging your dirt in my hole.
332
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:32,914
Well, it's gotta go somewhere, hasn't it?
333
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:35,290
Shove it in your gob, then.
I'm ladling for two, here.
334
00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:37,326
- Get your hands off my pile!
- Your pile?
335
00:15:37,392 --> 00:15:39,082
Everything east of the handle is mine.
336
00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:41,315
This is some crap compensation!
337
00:15:41,381 --> 00:15:43,913
Yes, from now on, I'm cash in hand only.
338
00:15:43,979 --> 00:15:46,733
I made no guarantees.
You both knew the risk when you signed up.
339
00:15:46,798 --> 00:15:48,559
All I've found so far is a bit of old bread.
340
00:15:48,624 --> 00:15:50,399
Go on, then, pass it here.
341
00:15:50,806 --> 00:15:52,329
Oh, gross!
342
00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:55,155
Stale, but not unpleasantly so.
343
00:15:57,358 --> 00:15:59,305
Bloody hell.
What time is it?
344
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:03,399
- We can't open up like this.
- Hello there! Anybody in?
345
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,993
No!
And we're closed anyway.
346
00:16:06,071 --> 00:16:10,221
I'm not a customer.
It's Daedalus Greco from the museum.
347
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:16,026
Hang on, he came to the bar?
348
00:16:16,092 --> 00:16:18,541
Oh, you didn't know that.
349
00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:20,264
Well, well, well...
350
00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:22,772
If you want any more out of me,
let's talk relocation.
351
00:16:22,838 --> 00:16:25,155
Have you had any thoughts
about where you might...
352
00:16:25,221 --> 00:16:27,559
Sicily. Where I'd like to run
a fish stand on the beach
353
00:16:27,624 --> 00:16:30,645
with my olive-skinned wife.
I just sell the fish, I'm not catching it.
354
00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:33,371
Maybe I'm in a loose partnership
with a fisherman, I don't know.
355
00:16:33,436 --> 00:16:36,414
That's for you to figure out.
Oh, and I'm changing my name to Raoul.
356
00:16:37,303 --> 00:16:40,156
Raoul. R-A...
O...
357
00:16:40,222 --> 00:16:41,535
O...
358
00:16:42,658 --> 00:16:45,491
So you did see Daedalus again.
359
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,255
- Don't listen to Aurelius.
- He's confused.
360
00:16:48,321 --> 00:16:51,044
- And lying.
- And probably a paedo, let's be honest.
361
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,559
Maybe.
But he's gonna sing like a canary
362
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:56,710
as soon as I agree to his bizarre
witness protection demands.
363
00:16:56,776 --> 00:16:59,256
So why don't you make life easier
for all of us
364
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,928
and come clean right now?
365
00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:03,822
All right, fair do's.
We'll fess up.
366
00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:06,021
What? Hang on...
Will we?
367
00:17:06,087 --> 00:17:08,931
So we did see the geeky boffin again.
368
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:12,618
Hello there!
Anybody in?
369
00:17:12,684 --> 00:17:15,116
No!
And we're are closed anyway.
370
00:17:15,182 --> 00:17:19,397
I'm not a customer.
It's Daedalus Greco from the museum.
371
00:17:24,887 --> 00:17:27,616
Hello, Professor Greco.
What a lovely surprise!
372
00:17:27,682 --> 00:17:31,109
I'm sorry to barge in, but I have
some information about your find.
373
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,354
Fantastic.
Can we discuss it outside, maybe?
374
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,559
- You're digging...
- No, no.
375
00:17:35,624 --> 00:17:37,080
without a licence!
376
00:17:37,146 --> 00:17:39,414
No!
We're not digging.
377
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,528
This is an early morning, underground,
378
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,588
soil therapy programme.
379
00:17:45,109 --> 00:17:46,559
No, okay, we are digging.
380
00:17:46,624 --> 00:17:49,180
Well, it's not only illegal,
it's also utterly pointless.
381
00:17:49,246 --> 00:17:51,027
Pointless?
Why is it pointless?
382
00:17:51,093 --> 00:17:53,420
The rest of the set
to which this brooch belongs
383
00:17:53,486 --> 00:17:56,114
has been traced to a dig
on the far side of the city.
384
00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:58,322
Evidently, it was stolen from there,
385
00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:01,406
then dropped by the thief in your bar.
386
00:18:01,472 --> 00:18:04,423
There's no tomb down there, I'm afraid.
387
00:18:05,843 --> 00:18:09,239
Terrific! Thank you.
We must do this again, sometime
388
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,978
And given that it's stolen property,
389
00:18:12,044 --> 00:18:15,709
- the brooch is no longer rightfully yours.
- But, finders, keepers.
390
00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:18,790
- Oh, now you're into it!
- I'm taking it with me, I'm afraid.
391
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:20,174
Marcus, stop him.
392
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,068
Get your hands off it,
you old git, it's ours!
393
00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:24,033
And that's when shit turned nasty.
394
00:18:24,099 --> 00:18:25,964
Nasty?
In what way?
395
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:28,391
Well, the boffin whooped
his arse, didn't he?
396
00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:31,375
Strong as an ox, he were,
probably from a lifetime of digging.
397
00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:33,875
He knocked him to the floor.
Spat on his face.
398
00:18:33,941 --> 00:18:36,166
Stamped on his balls, and Marcus were like,
399
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:39,395
"No, please, help!
I'm so very weedy."
400
00:18:39,559 --> 00:18:41,358
He whooped your arse, did he?
401
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,739
This 70-year-old history professor?
402
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:49,688
He whooped my arse good.
It was an old-school arse-whooping.
403
00:18:50,133 --> 00:18:53,975
Then he picked up the brooch, sorta
cackled like a baddie, and said,
404
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:57,639
"I'm gonna flog it somewhere far off,
like Egypt or summat.
405
00:18:57,705 --> 00:19:01,884
"And if you ever breathe a word of this,
I'll come back and gut you in your beds."
406
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,969
That's why we ain't told you till now.
407
00:19:04,234 --> 00:19:05,652
And you concur with this?
408
00:19:06,004 --> 00:19:09,262
I can. I can-cur.
What's "cur" mean?
409
00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:12,053
- You confirm that this is what happened.
- I can.
410
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:13,919
Yeah.
I can-firm that.
411
00:19:14,465 --> 00:19:16,391
Okay.
Wait here.
412
00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:18,977
I need to report this to my Super.
413
00:19:21,412 --> 00:19:23,509
I'm taking it with me, I'm afraid.
414
00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:24,833
Marcus, stop him.
415
00:19:24,899 --> 00:19:26,653
Get your hands off it,
you old git, it's ours!
416
00:19:26,718 --> 00:19:28,790
No, please, it belongs in a museum!
417
00:19:28,856 --> 00:19:31,858
Future generations
need to learn about the past!
418
00:19:31,924 --> 00:19:34,474
- Of course they fucking don't!
- Just...
419
00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:43,968
You all right mate?
420
00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:46,866
I doubt it.
Bastard's dead.
421
00:19:48,632 --> 00:19:50,005
Dead-i-lus.
422
00:19:55,252 --> 00:19:57,586
Amazingly, your story checks out.
423
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,184
It...
Does it?
424
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:02,306
I mean, yeah.
Oh, it would, seeing as it's true.
425
00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:06,016
We got a positive ID on a vehicle
belonging to Professor Greco,
426
00:20:06,082 --> 00:20:07,722
parked by the port of Ostia.
427
00:20:07,788 --> 00:20:10,026
And there was a boat ticket
bought in his name
428
00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:12,073
first thing this morning to Egypt.
429
00:20:12,139 --> 00:20:13,627
We'll try and catch up with him.
430
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:16,611
Bring him to justice, but the
brooch'll be long gone by then.
431
00:20:16,677 --> 00:20:19,559
Oh, that's a shame.
It were a lovely bit of bling, that.
432
00:20:19,624 --> 00:20:22,970
His colleagues insist he's
a selfless, passionate, historian.
433
00:20:23,036 --> 00:20:26,227
Well, I guess he fooled us all.
Anyway, you're free to go.
434
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,797
I'll let the unlicensed dig fly
this time, but don't do it again.
435
00:20:29,863 --> 00:20:31,449
No, no!
Definitely not.
436
00:20:31,515 --> 00:20:33,883
And you can take your
shitty old coin with you.
437
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,422
And we never talk about this
ever again, okay?
438
00:20:42,488 --> 00:20:44,094
We might not talk again, full stop.
439
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,081
And I was tucked up in my bed
all night, weren't I, son?
440
00:20:47,147 --> 00:20:50,147
Of course you were, Mum.
I'm just a plumber.
441
00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:54,796
I mean, he was wrong about there
not being a tomb down there.
442
00:21:00,068 --> 00:21:03,056
I wasn't serious about the witness
protection thing, by the way, guys.
443
00:21:03,121 --> 00:21:05,722
I mean, for one thing, my life here
is just too damn sweet to give up.
444
00:21:05,787 --> 00:21:08,784
So, obvious question, but what
the fuck just happened in there?
445
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,446
I know!
How lucky was that?
446
00:21:10,512 --> 00:21:14,819
That his cart was by the port and he
got a boat to Egypt after he died.
447
00:21:15,077 --> 00:21:17,925
- That's pretty weird, actually.
- Yeah, I sorted it.
448
00:21:17,991 --> 00:21:20,704
What? What do you mean, you "sorted it"?
449
00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:23,812
I figured we'd need a cover story,
so I let Landlord keep the brooch
450
00:21:23,878 --> 00:21:25,559
in exchange for his clean-up service.
451
00:21:25,624 --> 00:21:27,869
Moving the boffin's cart,
buying a ticket, what have you.
452
00:21:27,934 --> 00:21:30,559
Oh, nice one!
That is pretty good thinking.
453
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:33,559
So, hang on, you've been sitting on
that story all along?
454
00:21:33,624 --> 00:21:35,360
Yeah.
What's your point?
455
00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:37,559
Well, why didn't you tell her right away,
456
00:21:37,624 --> 00:21:40,559
rather than letting us get
interrogated for hours on end?
457
00:21:40,624 --> 00:21:42,096
I were enjoying the biscuits.
458
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:53,224
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
38356
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