All language subtitles for NCIS.S17E09.HDTV.x264-SVA

Yo, Em.
It's after 8:00.

You should be
finishing homework.

This is where I get into
bad zombie nonsense...

Emma?

L1477,

thank you so much
for your six-month sub.

I appreciate you.

Em.

What are you doing down here?

Maintaining a full
A.P. course load.

What are you
doing down here?

We talked about
playing video games

and using your brain.

You can't do both
at the same time.

Rude. And I'm not
playing video games.

I'm watching them.

Don't get cute with me.

I just got out
of a nine-hour surgery

Haven't even showered yet.

Gross.

And I'm not being cute.

I'm livestreaming.

The zombie horde is back...

People record themselves
playing video games

and broadcast it
live on the Internet.

You've heard
of the Internet, right?

I put this on in the background.

It's calming.

All I see
is zombie homicide.

Oh, and a strange man
in my little girl's room.

And hey, if you're
just tuning in,

make sure to hit
that follow button.

You know this guy?

Not personally. I'm just
one of his thousands of subs.

Whatever happened to listening
to music while you study?

Mom, don't be old.

Hey.

See?

These games are just
getting so realistic.

Mom, I just told you

that's not part of the game.

That's him
in real life.

Oh, my God.

♪ NCIS 17x09 ♪
IRL
Original Air Date on November 26, 2019

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

♪♪

Right, so I packed Phineas'
toiletries and his pajamas

for tonight and a change
of clothes for tomorrow,

including his favorite
Iron Man boxer shorts.

Mom, that's personal business.

Well, it's Agent Gibbs'
business now.

He needs to make sure you wear
clean undies to school tomorrow.

Oh, Mom.
Thank you,

again, for
watching him.

This trip is last minute,

but I hate to pull
Phineas out of school.

And since we arrived, I
haven't found a reliable sitter.

Sure, no problem.

Not to mention,
Phineas doesn't know

about my custody battle
with his father and I...

I don't want him to.

I have full maternal custody,
and yet I'm the one

who has to appear
in a courthouse in New York.

Go.
Do what you got to do.

Here I am, talking
about being maternal.

I'm about to leave my son
with a strange man

who lives across the street.

No offense.

Phineas will be safe.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Phineas.

Come give me a hug.

Be good.

And I'll be back
by tomorrow night.

Yeah? I love you.

I love you,
too, Mom.

Right.

Okay, remember,
school by 8:00,

bed by 9:00,
and no screens.

You really have
to watch kids these days.

What?

You heard her.

No screens.

Yeah.

Come on, that's all I got.

You're still holding.

Ah.

Ah.

I thought staying here
was supposed to be fun.

What do you mean?

This is fun.

Come on, we're late.
What?

Time for school.
Grab your gear.

Why?

It's too early.

Well, if you're
not early...

you're late.

Morning, men.

Morning.

What's this?
It's for drinking.

Gibbs called in late,
so I had time to stop.

My treat.

Oh, thank you.
Yeah, still listening.

You know, this is
the third time this month

we beat Gibbs to the office.

Yeah, and he's been
leaving early, too.

I know, it's almost as if...

he developed a life
outside of work.

Nah.
Doesn't sound right.

Well, I am not complaining,
because the less he's here,

the less we are.

Well, not today.

What, we got a body?

That's what we got
to find out.

Just got off the phone
with NCIS Cyber

about a possible murder
on a gamer livestream.

Uh, McGee?

Translate.

Live TV for video games.

911 operators
all over the country

are getting calls about
an online shooting.

Make sure to hit
that follow button.

Thanky-panky.

Hey.

Damn.

Whoa.
Is this real?

Thousands of followers
were watching live

when it happened,
then the feed

went dead.

I mean, that's got
to be fake, right?

Yeah, a stunt to
attract followers?

Wh-Why call us?

Well, 911 had no ID
for the supposed victim.

They called NCIS

because the guy's
screen name was "NAVYgamer-Z."

Cyber did
some digging.

Traced the username to

Petty Officer First
Class Ian Rojas.

His apartment
is in Bethesda.

He's Navy and
he's local.

Well, this video game nerd
is about to get

a visit from the cool kids.

Plus McGee.

Uh...

No offense.

None taken.

Petty Officer Rojas?

NCIS. Open the door.

Lock is broken.

Ready?
Yeah.

Clear.

Well, no body.

Lots of blood.

And it doesn't look like corn
syrup with red food coloring.

Uh, yo.

We got a body.

I think we found
our petty officer.

What do you mean,
"you think"?

Oh. Okay.

Uh, what are
we looking at?

Well, let's confirm
who we're looking at.

Oh...

Yeah, that's our petty officer.

And that's a lot
of gold glitter.

Hey, McGee, translate.

Don't look at me.

Hey.

Judging by the video,

the shooter was standing

right about... here.

Well, the victim had no direct
line of sight to the front door.

He was probably so into
the game he never heard

the killer break the lock.

Talked to the neighbors.

They thought the gunshots
were from more video games.

Well, this guy
was into everything from

zombie shooters to RPGs.

You know, there is nothing

like video game binging.

I mean, it's just you,

junk food and your gaming rig.

Those were the days.

Were?

Yeah, well, I-I, you know,
I've got kids now,

- Ah.
so my free time is at a premium.

But I still got my finger

on the pulse
of the video game world.

It's why Gibbs
calls me Elf Lord.

- He does. - Prove it.
- What do we know?

Well, boss, thanks
to our webcam video,

we've got cause
and time of death.

Three gunshots at 8:17 p.m.

Camera see who did this?
No.

Our killer cut the feed.

I'd check the
computer for more,

but it's completely wiped.

Whoever did this
was techy enough

to cover their tracks.

Body?

After the shooting,

the body was moved
to the bathroom...

which is where
it gets a little weird.

Glitter.

This stuff
gets everywhere.

I swear, Victoria
uses it on one craft

project, and I'm picking out of
my hair for the next two weeks.

This guy got it worse, though.

Yeah, in
addition

to pouring glitter
all over his face,

someone dumped even more

directly down his throat.

Oh, that is the stuff
of daddy nightmares.

Glitter was postmortem.
Yes.

The, uh, three gunshot wounds

to the chest likely killed
Petty Officer Rojas instantly.

Everything that
followed was

strictly for show.

The glitter,
the teddy bear mask--

this looks personal.

Prints?
Nothing on the mask,

but the name Rojas
is written inside.

Belongs to our victim.
Yep.

Hey, listen,
it could be a sex thing.

People are
into that.

Yeah, they're called furries.

I've heard.

It's not a sex thing.

That's our teddy bear.

And it's shooting
gold glitter.

The video game Killing

with Kindness 3. You play as
teddy bears who kill each other

using glitter guns
and rainbow grenades.

That actually
sounds kind of fun.

I had three older brothers.

You know, I didn't get much

Nintendo time in.
Mm.

KwK3 is a less-violent
third-person shooter

that's more about world building
and social interaction.

Here's a silly
question.

Adults play this?

This is one of the biggest
video games in the world.

And I had no idea
it even existed.

Well, you did say you don't
play that much these days.

Well, yeah, but I had no idea

I was this far out of the loop.

I mean,
this is terrible.

So is murder, Tim.
Go. Victim.

Uh, Petty Officer
First Class Rojas.

Yeah, he was living two
different lives.

One in the real world
and the other online.

Start with real world.

Rojas was
employed aboard

the U.S.S. Gray
as a hull technician.

Metal worker--
that's a tough duty assignment.

Nothing but good things from
his shipmates and his CO.

All right,
what about his other life?

Online, uh, when Rojas

wasn't welding ships
halfway around the world,

he was NAVYgamer-Z
on his livestreaming channel.

It means he played

video games for money online.

Yeah, our petty officer
made more gaming

than he did working
for Uncle Sam.

What?
How the hell does that work?

Oh, believe me,
I've asked the same thing.

Well, some of the money
comes from online ad revenue,

like commercials.

Some of it comes from
subscribers that donate.

The point is our victim's
civilian life

was spent entirely online.

I mean, he rarely
left the house.

Our body was dressed up
as a video game.

So our killer

could be a fellow gamer.

Well, find out.

Boss, his hard drive
was completely wiped clean.

We'd have to subpoena records
from CyberVid Streaming.

Well, do it.
If you need me, call.

Wh... Are you leaving? Again?

Why did the colonists throw tea
into the Boston Harbor

instead of stealing it?

Good question.
Look it up.

They could have sold it
on the black market.

Why not get King George's
attention and make money?

I meant look it up
in the textbook.

That's not American history.

I'm sorry.

Everybody at school

is talking about this video.

And I love NAVYgamer's channel.

And he plays KwK3,
which is my favorite game.

Your mom said no screens.

Please don't tell her.

Promise me you
won't tell her.

It's all my fault.

No, no, no, no, no.
Slow down.

What do you mean
it's your fault?

The reason Mom had to leave.

Right?

It's because of me.

That's why you two
were whispering.

I'm the problem.

Phineas.

Hey.

Your mom does not think
that you are a problem.

Then why is she so scared?

Is my dad gonna take me away?

Good morning, Kasie.

I have bullets and I have
glitter from the victim's body.

Ugh, I will never look at
teddy bears the same way again.

Those little suckers
are violent.

Oh, Killing
with Kindness.

You play?

Uh, no. I watched.

And what started
as a little case research

quickly turned
into an all-night binge.

I play my fair share
of video games, but...

is watching them
really all that interesting?

Hell no.

At least, not at first.

But then once I figured out
what was going on,

I just... couldn't stop.

You didn't sleep, did you?

No.

That makes two of us.

I decided to

dip my toe
into the waters of KwK3.

What started as a little
case research turned into...

All-night binge.

Got it.

I'm good, though.

I'm a finely-tuned
gaming machine,

so...

Kasie, you got an update?

Yes. Because my sleep
deprivation was not in vain.

After sifting

through hours
of our victim's

past gaming videos,
I found his best friend.

FloridaCOW82.

Our murdered petty officer
and FloridaCOW

chatted online and
played KwK3 together

all the time.

You got an ID?

No real name yet,
but FloridaCOW

is livestreaming as we speak.

Unfortunately,
no visual.

This gamer
doesn't use a webcam.

Oh, we can trace his IP address.

Hey, easy there,
Donkey Kong.

I already did that.

Mm.
FloridaCOW is currently using

a computer in Reston.
Oh, Virginia.

That's less than 40 minutes
from our crime scene.

Which means the online BFF
could also be the killer.

Our suspect--
where is he?

Kasie traced
the IP address

to a computer
in this building.

Gated community
with a private clubhouse.

You know, I'm not really sure
what I expected

from a gamer
named FloridaCOW82.

Well, not this.

I mean, a juice bar,
a sports lounge

and a pool with a lazy river.

Video gamers make enough money
to live here?

It's a brave new world.

And if you're
talking video games,

you must be looking for Jesse.

Uh, well, that depends.

Does Jesse go
by the screen name FloridaCOW82?

Oh, I'm retired.

I do puzzles, not the Interwebs.

But the computer room
is right through there.

It was supposed to be
for business use,

but Jesse turned it
into an arcade.

He and his little friends
are in there now.

Ha-ha!

Suck my glitter!

Look out!

Behind you, bro!

Frag that teddy bear, Jesse!

Frag him!

Yeah, that's it!

You got to be
kidding me.

Excuse us.

You'll have to
wait your turn.

FloridaCOW is on

a massive kill spree.

Damn right I am.

Die, you plush suckers. Die.

Ian's death has me
in a pretty bad place.

It's everywhere,
and it's...

it's awful.

You and Petty Officer Rojas

were friends online, right?

Where you play...

video games.

Tell you the truth,

video games saved my life.

When my wife passed last year,
I was a mess.

Sad and lonely.

And then I met Ian
in a military chat group online.

Are you Navy, too?

Retired 1982.

Stood duty as chief of the watch
on the USS Florida.

Explains the username.

Florida C-O-W.

Ian's idea.

I hadn't played a video game
in my life until I met him.

Ian showed me the ropes
and got me hooked.

Gaming keeps me sharp
and social.

Not to mention,
it's a total blast.

You-you should
definitely try it.

Have you two ever met

in person?

No.
I mean, uh,

I know Ian lives in Maryland,

but we never felt the need
to meet up in real life.

Ian didn't have
much family.

He called me his gaming grandpa.

Records show the last time
you two gamed together

was the night of his death.
Yeah.

We talked on the phone, too.

What time was the call?

A little after 7:00 p.m.

You had a conversation
with the victim

an hour before someone
went to his home and shot him?

Yeah.

I didn't realize.

But it's not like I did it.

I mean,
our-our phone call was friendly.

Can you prove that?

Hey, Elmer, sorry to interrupt.
You got a minute?

Well, make it fast.
I'm in the zone.

Would you please tell these
NCIS agents

where I was two nights ago?

How would I know that?

Because you witnessed a phone
call I had, right over there.

You were doing your puzzles
around 7:00.

I asked the person
on the other end

to fix our clubhouse WiFi,
because it's been so glitchy.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

My phone still has a wire
attached to the wall.

But if this has
anything to do with

clubhouse equipment,
it has to

go through the HOA.
It's in the dues handbook.

Yes. That's exactly what you
told me when I hung up.

Remember now?

Elmer, please.

Yeah, I-I do remember.

Thank you.

See, the call was harmless.

'Cause then you
ran out of here

in a big old hurry.

On second thought, don't
listen to Elmer. He's old.

I heard that.

I was hurrying home.

I got lost in the game
and forgot to let my dog out.

I swear, I didn't
kill my friend.

Any idea who did?

Well, now that you mention it,

I-I might.

How much do you know about mice?

He meant computer mice.

Specifically the Splendifida XRM
gaming mouse.

Uses lasers for better response.

Better response means better
game play across the board.

All right, chill out, McGee.

You don't have to prove your
video game street cred to us.

Even though we just met
grandparents who are way more

- plugged-in than you are.
- Hey...

I'm not young enough
to have free time,

and I'm not old enough
to retire.

You're in video game purgatory.

Yes, I know.

Really hurts, huh?

Hey, McGee.

Use that hurt.

Tell us how that
super-laser mouse

can help us find
our killer.

Server data came back
from the streaming service.

I found private messages
sent to our petty officer.

Well, it's all been redacted. How
are we supposed to read this?

Well, I removed all the language
that wasn't safe for work.

That's like the whole
damn thing.

In summary, the sender
threatened to kill

Petty Officer Rojas for ruining
his sponsorship deal.

Sponsorship?

Is that like Nike
and Lebron?

Well, athletes advertise
shoes and-and sports drinks.

Gamers get paid
to promote computer equipment.

Such as laser mice.
Exactly.

Meet DirtybirdD220.

Dirtybird's another
popular livestreamer

who used to have a sponsorship
deal with Splendifida.

Used to?
What happened?

he got caught
harassing women online.

Oh, a misogynist
on the Internet.

Well, knock me over
with a feather.

Our petty officer
reported it,

and Dirtybird lost his deal,
along with $75,000,

75,000 reasons
for murder.

Now all we got to do
is ID Dirtybird.

So... what do you think?

Aw.
I think you won first place

at the science fair.

Yeah. And?

And I can't believe
you never told me about Phineas.

Does the rest
of the team know?

Jack, I called you.

Right.
About his little breakdown.

Listen, kids are perceptive.

Phineas knows there's something
going on with his mom.

Yeah, but she asked me
not to talk about it.

Tell me.

How do I help Phin?

Help Phin do what?

I don't know.
Feel better.

You are.

Well, whatever
I did last night

didn't work.
All right?

After he stopped crying,

all we did is talk about
damn video games

until he fell asleep.

That's perfect.

Oh, come on, Jack.

You do not
need any help.

You are already
doing everything right.

Baseball, volcanoes,
even talking about video games.

You are present and engaged.

Just keep engaging.
That's all Phin really needs.

And I think it's sweet

that you're worried.

You're a good man, Gibbs,

and you're good for this kid.

We're done here.

And Phineas
is good for you, too.

Change is good.

Ooh, yeah. Boom!

Go glitter all over
your dead-ass face.

Think you're gonna get away,
huh? Oh, uh-huh.

Hell, no. Boom! Head shot.

Well, at least
DirtybirdD220's livestreaming.

That the guy who threatened
our petty officer?

Yeah.

Over losing
75 grand.

Sounds like motive to me.
Bring him in.

Boss, we will
absolutely do that.

Once we figure out who he is.

And where he is.

He's right there.

Well, uh, technically, yes,
boss, but we need an actual

physical location.
See, he's masked

his IP address with a VPN,

so we can't trace him
like we did before.

We don't even
have a real name.

Dirtybird is an anonymous
Internet troll.

He's an expert
at hiding his true identity.

But I can see him.

We put out a BOLO
on his webcam image,

but that's a long shot.

Kasie, you got
to give me something.

There is one way we might

be able to locate this guy.

Yeah. But?
But...

it's nearly impossible,
and it's profoundly geeky.

Geeky-er.

Let me hear it.

We join Dirtybird's clan.

The clan is a group of gamers
that plays together online.

Point is if we can
convince Dirtybird

to host us on his
private network,

we might be able
to track his location.

Yeah, join the bird thing.

Well, that's not
the geeky part, boss.

In order to get
a squad invitation,

you have to be good.
Like, really, really good.

Meaning we need
a KwK3 gamer

with a rating
of at least 250.

Well, fine.
What's your score?

Well, after, uh,
binging last night,

I'm a...

I'm a 14.

So, uh, it might as well
be a dead end,

unless we know someone
that's really good

at shooting teddy bears.

I may have a guy.

So, what exactly did Gibbs mean
by he "has a guy"?

I don't know.
I mean, I'm his guy.

Unless he's got a new guy.

But why would he do that?

You had kids.

You got sloppy.

Hey, listen up.
This is Phineas.

Phineas, this is McGee,
this is Bishop.

Torres. Phineas.

Uh, Th-this is your guy?

But he's, like, four.

Dude, I'm nine.

It's nice to meet you, Phineas.

So, um, how do you guys
know each other?

Jethro Gibbs lives
across the street from me.

I slept over last night.

Why?

Were you being punished?

Stick to the case.

Oh, you mean the case
where we get to catch a bad guy

using video games?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, boss, like I said,

we're gonna need a gamer
with at least

a rating of 250 in order to get
our suspect's attention.

Yeah, well, Phineas'
rating is 322.

That good enough, McGee?

Wow. Okay.
Phineas, here.

Come with me.
We got a...

we got a new computer
here from Cyber.

It's got an upgraded GPU, CPU.

And I've installed
the latest map expansion pack.

Cool.
How's the Internet speed?

Is it fast?

Well, it's a-it's a
government building,

so, uh, speeds
may, uh, may vary.

Eh, that's putting it nicely.

The Internet here sucks, kid.

Glitches are bad for gamers.

We need a connection
with zero lag.

You heard him, McGee.

Zero lag.

Well, boss, to do that
we're gonna need

a private data tunnel
with a dedicated server.

Well, and there's only one room

at NCIS with those
specs, so...

Oh, yeah, this is sick!

Uh-oh!

Nice.

Right there.

Huh.

Video games in MTAC?

Wasn't exactly what I meant

when I said keep
engaging Phineas.

Does his mother
know about this?

I left a message.

She said no screens,
so you gave him

the biggest screen
in the building?

It's about the case, Jack.

Where a man was killed
live on the Internet.

He's playing video games, Jack,

with teddy bears.

I'm just saying.

Okay, operation "Catch the
Dirtybird" is in full effect.

We sent a request to join the
murder suspect's gaming clan.

All we got to do now is wait for
him to notice how good we are.

We?

Well, Phineas.
And, boy, is he good, boss.

I have-I have never seen
so many dead teddy bears

in all my life.

Does his mother know about this?

Just make it work, Tim.

On it, boss.

What?

There you are.

Why'd you call me out here?
It's... outside.

Okay.
Whatcha doing?

Just soaking up the vitamin D.

You know,
appreciating the outdoors.

Mm-hmm.

Found a leaf.

Nature's full of wonder.

Had enough video games, huh?

Eh, we're just tired
of the screens.

Yeah, we want
something real.

Shh.
Is that a bird?

Well, I guess I can give you
my case update

right here.

Ooh, would you do that?

I processed the glitter
from our dead body.

Dead end.

Turned out it belonged
to our petty officer.

Glitter came from
a video game T-shirt

promotional giveaway.

What about the bullets?

Much more helpful.

I found heavy oxidation
in the bullet striations.

Rust?

Meaning the murder weapon is

a .45-caliber pistol
that had not been fired

in a dangerously long time.

And I really want to
show you pictures

of .45-caliber weapons
on my screen,

but I am fighting the urge.

Mm, God bless you, Kasie.

Suffice it to say
if you can find the gun,

I can match it.

We have to find
the killer first.

Yeah. Let's just hope this video
game thing actually works.

It's taking too long.
It's not working.

McGee, is this working?

Absolutely, boss.

We're on it.

Don't lie to Jethro Gibbs.

You'll get in trouble.

Kid, you're preaching
to the choir, okay?

But if this plan doesn't work,
I'm in even bigger trouble.

So change the plan,
Agent McGee.

Instead of waiting
for Dirtybird to reply to us,

we go after him.

What do you mean by "go after"?

Trash talk.

Exactly, Jethro Gibbs.

Wait, wh-what are we doing?

Taunting him.

He's a bully, right?

Well, yeah, but...

You ever get pushed
into a locker?

You kidding?
I was a tap dancer.

Then you know
you got to push back.

Jethro Gibbs taught me that.

Oh, wow, he's already
messaging us back.

Yup.
And he's challenging me

to a one-on-one
death match.

What's that mean?

Means it's working, boss.

So what do I do?

Do I accept?
Yes, yes, hit "accept".

You join his network,
I can track his location.

All right, now, this may
take some time, Phineas.

I need you to try
and stay alive

for as long as
you possibly can, okay?

On it, boss.

If that's my mom,

tell her I want to stay longer.

So this is where

our Dirtybird lives?
Mm-hmm.

He's online
in the second-floor loft

rented to
Dustin Vanderschmitt.

Time to bust some heads.

We're not busting heads, we're
bringing him in for questioning.

Have you seen what this creep
says about women?

Okay, maybe we'll bust heads
a little bit.

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, hold up.

Here's our Dirtybird now.

Thank you,
Phineas.

Sorry about the
broken call box.

You know I would have
buzzed you up.

Please sign the receipt, sir.

You can still come
upstairs if you want.

You know, I accidentally
left your tip in my apartment.

Thanks, I'll wait here.

That's a smart move.
I wouldn't go anywhere

with this guy.

Whoa, bitch.

Who the hell are you?

Your worst nightmare.
A woman with authority.

Oh, this day
keeps getting better.

Hey.

Where are you going?

Hopefully upstairs
to get my tip.

Don't do it, man. This ain't
one of your video games.

Screw you.

Aah!

Oh, no. Oh...

Aah!

I don't think you're gonna
be getting that tip.

Oh, forget it, that was
worth every penny right there.

Dustin Vanderschmitt.

You are a hard troll to find.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Then why run, Super Mario?

Hey, I-I had
nothing to do with that.

I'm not a violent person.

"All these feminists online,

shut up and go have my baby."

"Rape occurs in many species.

It's natural."

No, that's just science.

And none of this is illegal.

Free speech.

"You cost me $75,000.
I'm gonna blank you up."

Death threats are illegal.

Especially when you
follow through.

No, no, I...

The murder happened
two nights ago, right?

I was busy.

So what does a sexist troll do
on a Wednesday night, huh?

Typical female overreaction.

See, Th-this
is why I ran.

And why I don't want
to tell you where I was.

You're just gonna spread
these lies about me

to the other parents.

Other parents?

You have a child?

Yes. She lives with my ex.

But I don't want to bring my
little girl into all of this.

You rather
she visit you in prison?

Fine.

I coach her basketball team
at the community center.

I was at practice
two nights ago.

You coach little girls.

This is a whole lot
of messed up.

Oh, whatever.

My lady Tigers are undefeated.

I can prove it.

Hey.

How's it going in there?

Oh, that bad, huh?

Do you need something, Jack?

Uh, Sarah came
to pick up Phineas.

I have them
in the squad room.

Then Agent McGee

showed me the cyber basement
and that was awesome.

And then I got to put
on a bulletproof vest

and that was awesome.

They're even going to get me
an official NCIS badge.

That's awesome, right, Mom?

So awesome, love.

Agent Gibbs.

Sounds like you two
had quite a day.

Jack, maybe you could take, uh,
Phineas by the break room,

grab a snack
for the ride home?

Good idea. Yeah.
Nothing sugary, please.

Sure.
No problem.

Come on.

What the hell were you thinking?

You took Phineas out of his
after-school enrichment class

to play video games?

Wasn't about games.

Phineas has real talent.

He caught a murder suspect.

I said no screens.

I didn't realize I had to say
no murder investigations.

I made a judgment call.

He is a really smart kid.

Don't tell me about my son.

Agent Gibbs,
this was

clearly a mistake,
and one that won't happen again.

I think it's best if Phineas
doesn't see you anymore.

Well, our Dirtybird
was telling the truth.

He's not our killer.
Oh.

So he's just
a Internet creep

who coaches little girls.

Well, he's about
to lose that job.

Wait, you told
the other parents

about him being
a woman-hating scumbag?

It's not a lie.

Nice.
Mm-hmm.

It's a small victory,

because we're back
to square one.

Well, hopefully not for long.

Hey, McGee,
where have you been?

Trying to save my job.
Okay.

For the last time, Gibbs
is not replacing you.

It's not about that anymore.

I think my video game plan
may have cost Gibbs his new BFF.

Phineas?

Yeah.
His mother got upset

and won't let him hang out
with Gibbs anymore.

Aw, that's kinda sad.

Which is why I'm reexamining
this case from top to bottom.

And you solved it.

Well, no.

But I found something
pretty unusual.

Well, you got something,
let's hear it. Go.

Mm. That fancy gated community.

Yeah, where we met
Grandpa Gamer.

Yeah, I re-checked
his alibi.

He said he called our victim
about a glitchy Internet.

- Was he lying?
- No.

No, I hacked into
the community network

and it is very glitchy.

Reason being
all the malicious

code and spyware.

There's been 19 identity thefts
in this neighborhood alone.

Who are we looking for?

Well, that's
the problem, boss.

I have no idea.

I have no idea if this
even connects to our murder.

Rule 39.

No such thing
as coincidence.

I agree.

But right now,
that's the only lead I've got.

Why is it disappearing?

Well, I'm not doing that.

Someone else must be logged
into the network.

And they're deleting code.

Deleting evidence.

Uh, boss, whoever it is,
they're not using a VPN.

I can track 'em.

Do it, Elf Lord.

Federal agents!

Put your hands up.

Elmer?

Not the grandpa
we were expecting.

Wh... Where am I?

Get your hands up.

Hey. I already said,

I'm on this whole cocktail
of heart meds.

Uh, they make me loopy.

I must've wandered into
the computer room by accident.

Logging into the network
and deleting evidence--

was that an accident, too?

That razzle-dazzle tech crapola
is for kids.

I don't do the Interwebs.

Just puzzles.
Right?

I'm old.

I'm retired.

Convincing story.

Except you retired

from SwiftCast Communications,
where you were

senior vice president

of network
technologies.

That's why you can afford
to live in a gated community.

Except you can't
afford it anymore.

'Cause you are broke.

Stock market's

pretty fickle.
Plus,

those HOA dues'll get you.

Well, what's this
even prove, huh?

Proves you're a murderer.

N-Now wait.

I thought we were talking
about computers and networks.

Now, how does that
connect me to a murder?

We caught you deleting bad code.

Your code.

Code that was
put there

to steal private information
from residents.

Well, even if that were true,

that's hacking.
That's not murder.

Until Grandpa Jesse started
complaining about glitches.

And glitches are bad news
for gamers.

Yes, they are.

So Jesse called in his Navy
buddy to start looking into it.

You witnessed
that phone call.

Petty Officer
Rojas

was digging into the network.

Chances are he already
found your code.

You looked him up,

found his apartment,
shot him.

Agent Gibbs, do you even know
what any of this means?

Node ID?

DNS? DHCP?

No, I didn't think so.

So how are you gonna
get a prosecutor or a jury

to understand
this technobabble theory?

We don't need to.

While we've been talking,

our forensic scientist

has been processing
the .45-caliber handgun

that we found
hidden in your garage.

Ballistics came back.

This is the murder weapon.

I'm sure a jury
can understand that.

Game over.

So much for Vitamin D, huh?

Ah, they make
lamps for that.

Huh.

If my brothers
could see me now.

Ha-ha!

Ha.
Suck my glitter.

Whoa, potty mouth.

I got more snacks.

My turn now.

Mm-mmm.

Not yet, leaf boy.

Mama's about to mow down
the Teddy Bear King...

...and save the princess.

Ha!

Yes.

Ooh.

It's open.

Agent Gibbs.

Everything's here.

Thanks.

Okay.

Listen, I-I should probably
explain about yesterday.

No, there's no need.

You set the rules.

I broke 'em.

Yes, you did.

In pretty spectacular fashion.

So spectacular that Phin
can't stop talking about it.

Apparently, you gave him

the "most totally awesome-est,

best day ever."

Phineas had
such a great day

that we had

a really good talk.

He opened up about...
everything.

Like you said, he's...

a smart kid.

Yeah, he's a smart kid.

Loves Mom.

And I don't want to lose him.

Hey.

You all right?

Honestly, I don't know.

Turns out my ex is
going to fight the ruling.

More lawyers and money
than I'll ever have.

So...

maybe you could keep

Phin's overnight bag.
You know...

you know, for next time?

Well, I mean,
you know,

until I find a sitter, and...

If you're still willing.

I may not have seen it
at first, but...

...you're good for Phin.

Well...

that works both ways.

Thank you, Agent Gibbs.

Jethro.

Call me Jethro.

Okay.

Thank you, Jethro.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man