Original subtitles

I know she went out, but what I'd like to know is where did she go!

- Maybe she went to the mountains with Betty. - That's probably just where she is.

She makes me sick!

She knew we were coming today. Why did she go to the mountains?

Well, if she didn't go to the mountains, Mohammed would have to come here.

What has Mohammed got to do with my wife?

''Notes from the clubs''.

- Ooohh! - What's the matter?

''Honolulu liner sinking. Foundering in typhoon.''

''Passengers and crew on SS Muana in panic as wireless fails.''

''Sister ship Leuana reaches scene of disaster in 90 mile gale.''

''Rescue ship due back in Los Angeles harbour tomorrow.''

- Oh... - Oh!

Can you beat that? I'm sure glad we didn't go.

If we had...

Ooohh! What are we going to do?

We've got to get out of here. We'll spend the night in a hotel.

Put that paper down and let's go!

Get that!

Pick that up so they won't know that we've been here.

- Betty, let me... - No, I'll pay.

Take everything!

Aaahhh!

We'll hide. No, not there! Get up!

- Come on, get... - Ooohh!

Oh! Get...

- Betty, did you hear that? - I certainly did.

There's no one in there.

Betty, I could have sworn I heard that door close.

It's probably our imagination. We're both so nervous and upset.

Oh, Betty! Do you really think that they're safe?

Don't worry, dear. Let's think for the best.

Oh...

Alright. Ooh!

I have the strangest feeling. I...

I feel as if they were hovering right over me!

Don't talk that way! You give me the jitters!

I'm just going all to pieces!

- If you're going to act that way, I'm going. - Don't leave me, Betty! Don't leave me here!

We've got to face this situation with determination.

I know, I'm doing the best I can.

- Do you think they saw us? - Of course not!

If they had, they'd be up here. To catch a Hardy they have to get up very early in the morning.

- What time? - About half past... What time!

Shh!

Be careful! Do you want them to hear us?

How are we going to get to a hotel?

Simple. We'll go down through Betty's house.

Locked.

- It looks like we're here for the night. - We can't sit up here all night.

We are not going to sit up all night.

We'll fix ourselves a nice bed and be just as comfortable as two peas in a pod.

Ooh!

Oh...

Give me a hand with the spring.

- Shh! - Don't shush me!

- Shh! - Shh!

Hold this while I get some rope.

Don't sit there looking at me. Do something to help me! Get me some rope.

- What are you going to do with it? - None of your business. Do as I tell you!

- Shh! - It serves you right!

No, Betty. Now I wish I'd let him go to the convention.

He could be having such a good time instead of being in that awful shipwreck.

It's all my fault!

Don't worry, Lottie. Maybe they're not as bad off as we think.

Oh, Betty. If I could only see him once more.

I can't believe it!

Just wait 'til you get back home, you inflated tadpole.

- Sit down! - Shut up!

- Lottie! - So Stan wouldn't dare lie to you?

Don't you worry about it.

- Can you imagine them going to that convention? - I don't mind that so much.

It's the idea of them making a sucker out of me. That's what burns me up.

- Sit down, Lottie. You make me nervous. - Oh, shut up!

Stanley wouldn't dare lie to you... Ha, ha, ha!

It's the first time he ever did, and if it wasn't for your husband's bad influence

this wouldn't have happened.

Oh, is that so?

Are you trying to infer that my husband alone was the cause of this?

- I certainly am. - That wax-eater of yours is no different.

He had just as much to do with it as my Oliver did.

I admit that he lied, but there is one thing that I do know.

When he gets back home and I ask him, he'll confess and tell me everything.

- Ha, ha, ha. - That's more than that blimp of yours will do.

Just wait 'til I get back home and I'll show youwho the truthful one is.

- I'll show you that my Oliver is upright. - Oh, skip it.

There you are. Fit for a king!

We'll have a good night's sleep, go down in the morning,

tell them about the shipwreck, and nobody will be any the wiser.

- I've got to hand it to you. - For what?

For the meticulous care with which you have executed your finely formulated machinations

in extricating us from this devastating dilemma.

Then, on the other hand...

- Get in bed. - Huh?

''Meticulous''...

Now hold it for me.

- Now, isn't this nice? - It sure is.

We're just like two peas in a pot.

Not ''pot''. ''Pod''.

Po-d!

Po-d.

Good night, I'll run along. If they come here first, give me a call.

I'm dyingto hear Oliver's story.

- Oh, Betty! What was that? - I'll find out.

Wait!

They are probably asleep and didn't hear it.

We sure were lucky.

Oh, Betty! Do be careful. It might be a burglar.

Don't worry about me. I've got my gun and I've never missed yet.

- Ohh! - Quick! Let's get on the roof! Come on!

There's something very strange going on.

- I'll call the police. - That's a fine idea.

- Now what are we going to do? - What do you think?

I'm not going to sit here all night and catch pneumonia.

We'll ride down the drainpipe, put our clothes on in the garage and go to a hotel.

You can do what you like, but I'm going home.

- What are you going to tell Betty? - I'll tell her everything.

- So, you're turning yellow. - Huh?

You're yellow.

- It must be the lightning. - You little double-crosser!

If you go downstairs and spill the beans,

I'll tell Betty that I caught you smoking a cigarette.

Alright, go ahead and tell her. What do you think..?

- Would you tell her that? - I certainly would.

- Would you? - I would.

You know what we'll do? We'll climb down the garage and change our clothes in the drainpipe.

Then we'll go to a hotel and we'll be just as comfortable as two peas in a po-d.

Go on. Get down. Go on.

You'll have me catching ammonia... pneumonia!

Spread your legs!

- Why did you tell me to spread my legs? - I didn't want you to get your feet wet.

Help me get out of here!

Don't tell him anything.

- What's going on here? - Nothing, Officer.

- Where do you live? - I'd rather not say.

- So you don't want to talk? - Well, it's just...

- Where do you live? - Huh?

- Where do you live? - Next door to him.

- Where does he live? - In there.

Quit your kidding! Where does he live?

I'm not kidding! If you don't believe me, go in and ask them.

Such a good idea! Come on!

Come on! Get going! Hurry up!

- Is this the house? - Yes, sir.

Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

What do we tell them?

- You think up your story, I've got mine. - I can't think of any.

Hey, here they are now! Where's that gun?

Wait a minute, calm yourself! Let's hear their story first.

Don't forget, you and I have a little argument to settle. After that, you can do as you please.

Alright, I'll show you.

Thank you, Officer.

Oh, Oliver! What's happened, where are your clothes?

- Wait 'til I get my second wind. - Stanley, whatever happened?

You tell your story, Ollie.

On our way back from Honolulu we were in a terrible shipwreck.

You see. If you'd let me go to the convention,

I wouldn't have gone through this horrible experience.

Oh, tell us all about it, please!

Alright, alright.

We were sailing along in clear weather when all of a sudden a terrible storm came up.

- Didn't it, Stanley? - Yeah, and then we floundered in a typhoid.

Not ''typhoid''. He means ''typhoon'', sugar.

The ship started to sink and we both dived overboard.

- Didn't we, Stanley? - Just as the boat went down for the third time.

- And here we are. - Aren't you glad we got back home safe?

Well, what's new, sugar?

Well, the rescue ship with the survivors doesn't get in until tomorrow.

- The rescue... - Oh.

- It must have got there after we left. - Yes, it must have got there after we left.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Well, how did you get here?

- Why... Err... - Oh, we ship-hiked.

That's right, we...

We ship-hiked.

- Ship-hiked? - Yes, we thumbed our way.

What do you mean, thumbed your way?

Well... Stan and I would be swimming along, we'd see a boat coming our way,

we'd go like that, and they'd pick us up.

- Wouldn't they? - Yeah.

- That is, if they were going our way. - Certainly.

You see, Betty? He's no different from the rest!

They're both like two peas in a pod.

- Po-d. - Shut up!

- Have you anything else to say? - Why, no.

That's all there is. There isn't any more. Is there, Stanley?

No, that's our story and we're stuck with it... in it.

- Oliver. - What, sugar?

Oliver, I want you to be big. Bigger than you've ever been before.

Are you telling me the truth?

What do you mean, am I telling you the truth?

Do you think a story like that could come from my mind if it wasn't the truth? It's ridiculous!

- It's absurd! - It's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

Well, it certainly is. It's too far-fetched not to be the truth.

- Isn't it, Stanley? - It's imposterous.

- Stanley? - What?

Stanley?

Honest confession is good for the soul. Is Oliver telling the truth?

Go ahead and tell her.

Is he?

No! We went to the convention. We didn't go to Honolulu at all!

He told me to tell you we were sinking in that shipwreck.

We were up on the roof.

We slept in the attic.

Come on, Stanley.

Come on, Stanley.

How about you and me going to the mountains?

You're not moving out tonight are you, sugar?

Why don't you wait 'til tomorrow morning so that we can talk it over?

See, Stanley? Honesty is the best policy.

Help, help, help!

I'll show you, you Son of the Desert. Go to a convention, will you? Ha, ha!

Come in.

- What did she say? - Never mind what she said. What did Betty say?

Betty said that honesty was the best politics.

Look.

# Honolulu Baby won't you close those eyes...