Original subtitles

# And here's a hand, my trusty fiere

# And gie's a hand o' thine

# We'll tak' a cup o' kindness now

# For auld lang syne

Brothers, Sons of the Desert.

We are all familiar with the business of this special meeting.

This oasis must meet the situation with determination.

Oooh!

Thank you.

I repeat. This oasis must face the situation with determination.

Every man must be accounted for.

Every man must do his part. There must be no weaklings in our midst.

We must put our very hearts and souls into this great undertaking.

There must be no thought of failure. We must stand shoulder to shoulder.

We must work, we must sacrifice.

The weak must be helped by the strong.

For gentlemen, this, the oldest lodge in the Great Order of the Sons of the Desert

must be represented 100% at our annual convention in Chicago next week.

We will now take the oath.

And remember: once taken, this oath has never been broken by any man,

down through the centuries of time, in the history of this fraternal organisation.

If any member is doubtful of his strength to keep this solemn pledge,

he will please be seated.

Get up!

- I don't want to... - Shh!

Place yourself in position to receive the oath.

Do you all swear to be present at our 87th annual convention in Chicago?

I do!

Me, too.

Wholeheartedly unanimous.

# We are the Sons of the Desert

# Having the time of our lives

# Marching along 10,000 strong

# Ta ta, my sweetheart and wife, God bless them

# Tramp, tramp, tramp the boys are marching

# As a unit melody

# The Sons of the Desert are we.

- Why didn't you want to take the oath? - I was afraid.

Afraid of what?

I was afraid that if I took the oath to go to the convention, maybe my wife wouldn't let me go.

Of course she'll let you go. Why, she'll have to let you go.

- You took an oath! - I know. That's what I'm worrying about.

The Exhausted Ruler said that if you took an oath,

it would have to be broken for generations of centuries of hundreds of years.

- My wife wouldn't... - Do you have to ask your wife everything?

If I didn't ask her, I wouldn't know what she wanted me to do.

- Hm! - I didn't want...

I never realised that such a deplorable condition existed in your home.

Why don't you pattern your life after mine?

I go places and do things and then tell my wife.

Every man should be the king in his own castle!

Now, buck up. Go in and tell her that you're going to the convention.

Be a man. I'll see you in the morning.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Ollie, dear. - Yes, sugar?

- Is Stanley with you? - He just went in the house.

You'd better tell him that Betty went duck-hunting and won't get back until late.

Alrighty.

- Oliver? - Yes, baby?

Please close the door. There's an awful draught in here.

What do you want?

How did you get in there?

I was looking for Betty and came in the back way. I thought...

Betty has gone duck-hunting and won't be home until late.

- Oh. Well, good night. - Good night.

What?

Do you realise that you have locked me out?

Why don't you ring the bell? She'll let you in.

Don't get nervous. She'll be here in a minute.

Where do you think I live?

What do you think this is? Halloween? Come in here, you bad boy.

Come on!

- What do you want? - I've locked myself out.

- Oh, sugar? - Yes?

Do you mind if Stanley stays with us until Betty comes home?

- He's locked out. - Oh, alright.

What are you eating?

- An apple. - Where did you get it?

- In there. - Why, that's not real fruit! It's imitation!

It's made of wax!

What has he been doing now?

He's been eating that phoney fruit.

Oh, so that'swhere it's been going! That's the third apple I've missed this week!

- What's new, sugar? - Oh, nothing much. What's new with you?

- Oh, nothing to speak of. - Yes, there is.

You didn't tell her about going to the convention.

What convention?

That's right. I'm glad you reminded me.

The Sons of the Desert are giving their annual convention in Chicago next week

and Stan and I are going.

- Oh, you are? - We thought that the trip would do us good.

Besides being good for us in a business way.

You see, we'll meet new friends and... see a lot of new faces

and the change of climate will be good for us in a good many ways.

And besides, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Jack who?

I hope you have a nice time, dear.

- Thank you, sugar. - Ha, Ha!

- What's that for? - Just this: you are not going.

- What do you mean I'm not going? - Just that!

You're not going to the convention. You're going to the mountains with me.

But he can't go to the mountains. He took an oath.

- The Exhausted Ruler said that... - Now, listen, dodo! You keep out of this!

Wait a minute, sugar. There's no use getting excited.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Certainly, life isn't short enough.

- Are you going? - Huh?

- I said, ''Are you going?'' - Yes, sugar... Mrs Hardy.

- Who said so? - Him.

Oh... Well, you can do as you please,

but you're going to the mountains with me!

Now, wait a minute! You listen to this.

I want this understood once and for all!

I'm not going to the convention, I'm going to the mountains.

That's just what I said: that you're not going to the mountains,

that you're going to the... that you're going to the mountains!

- Why don't you compromise? - What do you mean, ''compromise''?

- He means... - Shut up!

If you think you're gallivanting off with a lot of hoodlums,

to any convention whenever you want to... Not for a minute, you're not!

Here I am, slaving day after day, washing and ironing 'til my fingers bleed.

- Do you appreciate it? Do you? - Well, you don't...

Oh, shut up! Don't talk back to me!

Just because I'm an unselfish, what does it get me? Working for you and your interests!

I've planned a vacation for you in the mountains, at a nice resort

where they play bridge and have lectures on art.

I fight crowds in department stores, dying of the heat,

killing myself trying to get a nice mountain outfit together! Why? Why?!

- Why? - You keep out of this!

I'll tell you why. So you won't be ashamed of me.

And do you appreciate it? Do you? Ha, ha!

You want to run off to the convention.

Convention! You'll go to the convention over my dead body.

I'll put you in jail first. And you, too!

With the rest of the Sons of the... oh, the Sons of the Desert!

Ooohh!

Oh...

- What do you think? - Oh, don't pay any attention to her.

She's only clowning. She'll snap out of it.

Ohh!

- Are you going to stand for that? - You're darned right I won't stand for it.

I'm the boss in this house, and when I say I'm going to the convention, I'm going...

- Oh, Lottie! - Hello, Betty. Come on in.

- I didn't have very good luck. Here's a couple. - Thanks, Betty.

- What's the matter, Lottie? You look worried. - I just had a run-in with my barnacle.

- Stanley's in there, too. - Oh...

And furthermore, you're making a big mistake.

What do you mean?

If you're not careful she'll get the upper hand of you, mark my words.

The upper hand of me? Hm, impossible!

Alright, have it your own way.

I may not be king of my castle, but I certainly wouldn't allow my wife to wear any pants.

I'd like to see my old woman throwing things around.

It's disgraceful. I never heard of such goings-off... on.

If my ball and chain ever talked to me... If she even dared to raise her...

- Do you know what I would say? - What?

I'd say... Hello, honey.

I...

Well, you think it over. I'll see you in the morning.

Ooohh, ooohh...

There, now. There. That's better.

I wonder what could be the matter with me.

It looks to me like a severe nervous breakdown.

You've gone all to pieces! And it happened so suddenly.

Probably that terrible argument we had the other night caused it all.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

- Where's Stanley? - He's gone out.

Where did he go?

He didn't want me to tell you, but he's awfully worried about you

and he thought you ought to have a doctor.

Why did you let him do that? You know I don't like doctors.

Now, now. Don't get all upset. I know what's good for you.

You're going to have a doctor, and you're going to do just what the doctor says.

Alright, sweetheart. You always know what's best.

Uuhh! Uuhh!

Listen, darling. I'll get you some aspirin. Oh, and I'll get you some more hot water.

Hey.

- Did you get the doctor? - He'll be here in a few minutes.

Good. Did you fix it with him to tell me that I have to go to Honolulu for my nerves?

- Our plan is working out great. - It sure is. I've got it all fixed.

But why do you want to go to Honolulu?

Don't you understand that this is only a subterfuge?

To throw the wives off the track so that we can go to the convention.

Oh, then you're not going to the mountains?

Of course not.

We're supposed to go there so that the wives will think that we...

Not you!

- Stan, did you get a doctor? - Yes, ma'am. The best in town.

Oh, fine. Here, darling. Here's your aspirin. Now, take your feet out.

There. Now try that.

Aaargh!

Oh, you poor dear! I'll get you some cold water.

- What are you doing? - I've lost the aspirin. Can you move over a bit?

Move over a bit more, I can't find it.

Aargh!

Up, out you go! Oh, you poor thing! Oh, my goodness!

- Oh, you poor darling. - Get that thing out of there!

Come here, dear. Sit down there.

Why... Aargh!

Get me out of here!

Oh, my boiled little sugar bunny!

I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so sorry.

Ooh!

Get that thing out of here! Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.

- Oh, darling. You sit down. - Alright.

I think I'd better go and get some dry clothes on.

Will you get out of my way?

You wax-eater!

Oh...

You're perspiring. Maybe you have got a fever.

I do feel hot. You'd better take my temperature.

Get that thermometer.

- The what? - Thermometer. You'll find it on the shelf.

Oh...

What does it say?

''Wet and windy.''

That's a barometer!

Why did you get a veterinarian?

I didn't think his religion would make any difference.

This way, Doctor.

- This is Mr Hardy. - Hello, Doctor.

Doctor, I'm so glad you're here. My husband's been suffering terribly.

What seems to be the trouble?

I think he's suffering from a nervous shakedown.

Oh.

O-ho...

Aha...

Aha...

My, my, my...

- What is it, Doctor? - It looks like a bad case of canis deliris.

- As bad as that? - Even worse.

It might be double canis deliris.

- If it's that bad, you should give him something. - Oh, Doctor! You must give him something.

Now there, darling, you be quiet. Oh, my poor little lambkin.

He's going to be alright. Yes, he is.

Sit up, sit up.

Open up your mouth.

There, darling. Everything is going to be alright.

- Do you think I'd better put him to bed? - No, no.

What he really needs is a long ocean voyage with plenty of tropical air and sun.

I suggest a trip to... a trip to...

..Honolulu.

But Doctor, wouldn't the mountains do as well?

I'm a very bad sailor and I can't stand the water.

No. I'm sorry, Mrs Hardy.

A voyage to Honolulu is the only cure for your husband.

I won't go to Honolulu.

If you can't go, sugar, I'lljust stay at home and suffer.

You'll do nothing of the kind. If the doctor says you must go to Honolulu,

you'll do just as the doctor says.

But I can't go to Honolulu alone. I've got to have someone to take care of me.

Maybe Stanley will be kind enough to go with you.

Well, I never thought of that. Will you go, Stanley?

- Where? - To Honolulu!

- I can't go to Honolulu. - Why?

I'm going to the convention.

What do you mean you're going to the convention?

I forgot to tell you. I asked Betty and she said that I could go.

That settles it. I'm not going to Honolulu.

Oh, yes, you are. You're going to Honolulu if you have to go alone!

If I have to go to Honolulu alone, he's going with me!

Hey! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Boo, boo, boo, boo!

Hey! Isn't she a ''Dob''?

- Texas 97! - Texas 93!

- New York 43! - Washington 27!

Texas 97!

Hey! Oh, no, no, no... That's still going to go on the floor.

- Well, well, well... California, eh? - 19.

Hey, I bet you don't grow flowers there that smell like this.

That's a ''Dob'', isn't it, boy?

Can you take it? Say, boys, come on!

Come over to my table and have a drink.

Oh boy, oh boy! Right, sit down.

Sit down!

Hey, waiter! A bottle of champagne!

Oh, boy! Ha, ha, ha!

Have a cigarette.

Have a cigarette.

You guys are killing me!

Great gag, huh? Great gag.

# Down on a South Sea island

# Underneath the beauty of the stars

# I strayed upon some maidens who were strumming on their guitars

# A hula maid was dancing and I knew I'd found my paradise

# So this is what I told her as I gazed into her eyes

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# And the dark complexion I just idolise?

# Honolulu baby where did you get that style

# And those pretty red lips and that sunny smile?

# When you start to dance your hula hooping dance

# Then you shake it up and down

# You shake a little here you shake a little there

# When you've got the boys going to town

# Honolulu Baby you know your stuff

# Honolulu Baby gonna call your bluff

# Di, di, di...

You see? We're killing two birds with one stone.

We're seeing as much here as we could've seen in Honolulu.

Hey, what's the laugh? I don't get it.

Shall we tell him?

Our wives think that we're in Honolulu for my health.

You're pulling a fast one, huh?

Oh, boy!

What did I tell you? We've been to the convention, had a swell time,

we're going home in the morning and nobody's any the wiser.

By the way, what part of California are you fellows from?

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles? What a small world, what a small world!

I've got a sister who lives out there.

No kidding. I haven't laid eyes on her since I got out of reform school!

I've got a great idea for a gag. Know what I'll do?

I'm going to call her up long-distance and disguise my voice so she won't know who it is!

Oh, that's a ''Dob''!

Hey, waiter! Another bottle of bubble water. I'll be right back!

Hello? Hello?

- Here's your long-distance call. - Oh, swell!

Hello? Hello? Hello?

I'll bet you can't guess who this is!

Alright, who is it?

It's your little brother Charlie.

Well, for goodness' sake! It's my brother Charlie.

Where are you?

I'm in Chicago. They're throwing a convention for me.

Well, fancy hearing from you after all these years. I haven't seen you since you sang in the choir.

And you used to pump the organ, remember? You little organ pumper, you!

Listen, I want you to talk to a fellow from Los Angeles. A swell guy.

Wait a minute. Here, go ahead.

Hello? So this is Charlie's sweet little sister.

I feeljust like I know you.

Charlie tells me you're from Los Angeles. What part?

All of me!

What did she say?

She asked me if I was from Los Angeles and I said, ''Yes''.

Then she said, ''What part?'' and I said, ''All of me!''

Wasn't that a ''Dob''?

You little jokester. When you get back to town, drop in and see me.

I'd just love to have you meet my husband.

I sure will! What's the address?

Write this down.

2-2-2-2 Fairview Avenue.

2-2...

Eh... Goodbye, sugar.

- What did you hang up for? - We had a bad connection.

- But isn't she a swell gal? - She sure is.

- Uh-oh. - What's the matter, Lottie?

If I didn't know that Oliver was in Honolulu, I'd swear that was him on the phone.

They're in Honolulu, alright. But Stanley wouldn't dare lie to me.

I'd hate to think what would happen if he ever did.

Let these fellows have a chance. Come on!

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- Jack, how are you? - Glad to see you.

- Am I glad to see you! - Aahh!

Do you know that's my wife?

Texas 97!

New York 43!

New York 47!

Extra paper! Get your evening paper!

Honolulu liner sinking! Extra!

Lottie, Lottie! Look!

I just read it. What are we going to do?

I'll telephone the steamship company and ask if they've got a list of survivors.

No! No, we go down there. Go on, get your hat!

Alright, I'll meet you outside.

Quiet, please! Mr Ruthbert has a radiogram he wishes to read.

This is the latest wireless report.

''Honolulu Steamship Company, Los Angeles.''

''The survivors of the ill-fated liner have been transferred to the rescue ship.''

''A list of the casualties will be made known as soon as a complete check-up is made.''

''Expect to arrive in port in 36 hours.'' Signed, Captain John Zilo.

Oh, Betty. I do hope the boys are safe. The suspense is just killing me!

Have courage, Lottie. Let's not think of the worst.

Well, I try not to, but... I'm so worried about Oliver.

You know how unselfish he always was.

He wouldn't leave that ship until everybody was saved.

Well, if they're safe, Oliver certainly deserves a medal.

- You know, Stanley can't swim a stroke. - Oh, I never thought of that!

Here you are, old man. Just keep the change.

# Honolulu Baby

# Where did you get those eyes

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# and your dark complexion that I idolise?

Maybe they're in Betty's house.

# Honolulu Baby

# Where did you get those eyes

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# Honolulu Baby...

Aloha! Baby's here!

Aloha! Baby's here!

Aloha!

Get that thing out of the way!

Aloha!

Aloha!

Baby's home, sugar!

Get out of my way!

Aahh!

- I wonder where she is. - Maybe she went out.