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1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,938
(grunting)
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00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:09,274
Man Seeking Woman.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:30.
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00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,709
On FXX.
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,415
FXX presents It's Always
Sunny in Philadelphia.
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00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:23,455
CHARLIE: First of all,
I'd like to say I-I personally
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00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,623
didn't think any of us
would be standing
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in front of you here today.
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00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,226
No, no, I mean...
Shit, no.
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00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,527
I thought we were going
straight to hell. Yeah.
10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,396
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right, well...
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00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,865
But that being said... I mean,
we're good people. Oh, yeah.
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00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,700
I did what I did.
You don't like it,
13
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,402
you can kiss my ass.
Oh, oh.
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00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,370
Easy, easy. Hey, could we
be judged individually?
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'Cause I don't want
to be lumped in with him.
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00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,707
Look, I know
you're gonna judge us.
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00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,876
But before that
cruise ship went down,
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00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,644
we prayed. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
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00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,913
I mean, like, sure, we've
done some bad things,
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00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,249
you know, but-but we've
changed, I promise.
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00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,817
I'm gonna walk you through how.
Mm-hmm.
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00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,219
So please just reserve
your judgment, okay?
23
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,721
Because once we're finished,
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00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,723
I'm sure you will
judge us accordingly.
25
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,658
Mm-hmm.
(chuckles softly)
26
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,785
Goddamn, this ship is the tits!
27
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,287
Frank, Frank, watch
your language. You know?
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This is a Christian cruise.
29
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,624
Yeah, and I got to say, winning
raffles, going on cruises...
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00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,293
I like this new church
of yours, Mac.
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00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,961
I think you found the right one.
Yeah.
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00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,764
Oh, I didn't find them.
They found me. Ah.
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00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,866
And it's all, of course,
a part of God's plan.
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00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,468
It's also a part of God's plan
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00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,770
that we all get closer
to him through fellowship.
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00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,105
Hey, Mac, is God
gonna be able to protect
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00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,773
against the ship sinking?
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00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,943
God protects all things,
Charlie. He is an awesome god.
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00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:54,480
The only way this ship is gonna
sink is if the captain's drunk.
40
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,548
Guys, we don't have to worry
about drunk captains,
41
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,983
'cause this is the
dry cruise, remember?
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00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,052
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
And about that, um,
43
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,721
where exactly does God stand
on that dry thing?
44
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,290
Is that a hard, fast rule or
is there some wiggle room?
45
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,659
Look, this cruise is an
opportunity for us to get away
46
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,962
from the sins of everyday life.
That being said,
47
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,898
we will each have to have a half
a cap of mouthwash every day.
48
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,000
You know, just to stave off
the shakes.
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00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,136
Smart, smart. Don't want to get sick.
Yeah. Oh, thank God.
50
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:20,405
Okay, guys, I am gonna head up
to Bible study right now. Oh.
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00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,641
Oh, right now. Uh, this is our suite.
Yeah, you guys can check in or whatever.
52
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,976
But the... Do you want
to meet me there?
53
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,177
Do we?
Yeah, yeah,
54
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,478
we'll, we'll...
We got to...
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00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,579
set our bags down
and then, uh...
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00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,081
Yeah, we... I have to
unpack, I always do.
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00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,415
All right. Peace
be with you.
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00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,750
All right. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
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00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,252
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
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00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,187
You're supposed to say,
"And also with you."
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00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,089
Why is that?
Would you say...
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00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,490
I'm not gonna say that. Uh,
you know what, I'll say it,
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00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,192
if it's gonna help you
get out of here
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00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,027
and go to your Bible study.
But I'm not gonna mean it.
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00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,095
Oh, you don't have to mean it.
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00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,163
Yeah, you just have to say it.
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00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:45,697
Okay. And also with you. Bye.
68
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,666
Guys, this is gonna be the best
cruise ever. And also with you.
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00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,201
Yeah.
I'm not saying it.
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00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,836
Take care.
I'm not saying that.
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00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,104
Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh.
You don't have to mean it.
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00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:55,674
Mmm.
Yeah.
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00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,844
Oh, shit.
(rumbling growl)
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00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,345
Yeah.
I needed that.
75
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,347
Man, and the beer calms
my nerves, too, you know
76
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,183
what I mean? I feel like I could
drink that whole suitcase. Oh, God,
77
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:05,884
me, too. But let's not, okay?
78
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,519
'Cause this is the only
alcohol on the entire ship.
79
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,221
Ooh, yeah.
Yeah. All right, okay.
80
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,056
That'd be bad.
But it's time to suit up now,
81
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,958
so we can get into some nonsense.
What do mean, suit up?
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00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:13,959
Did you bring costumes?
83
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,060
Yeah. Yeah.
84
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,361
I'm gonna be the captain.
85
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,796
Charlie's gonna
be the first mate.
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00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,864
No, no, no, I-I'm putting
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00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:19,898
a stop to this right now.
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,533
No costumes, no high jinks.
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00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,235
Okay? Can we just... Guys,
can we take a vacation
90
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,903
from our usual bullshit?
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00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,572
You know, I'm not saying
we got to do the God stuff,
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00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,706
but let's not...
Let's not do a bunch
93
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,708
of anti-God stuff either, okay?
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00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,210
So don't be gluttonous.
95
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,078
Okay? You...
No wrath.
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00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,048
No lust for me. You know,
which is gonna be difficult,
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00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,883
given the implications
of being on a boat.
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00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,585
All right, well, I'm taking
a vacation from you guys, okay?
99
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,720
I'm tired of getting shit on.
All right.
100
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,055
That's what I'm talking about,
Dee. Nobody's gonna shit on you.
101
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,057
Nobody's gonna call you a bird.
102
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,726
I agree. But first, I got to
take the cross off Oh, yeah.
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:51,496
That Mac gave us. This thing is
burning me to shit. Yeah, yeah.
104
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:52,564
There. Look at that.
Oh! DENNIS: Oh.
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00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,999
DEE:
Oh! Goddamn, Frank.
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00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,167
Oh, my God.
107
00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:56,568
You might actually be the devil.
108
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,569
Jesus, I'm gonna
take mine off, too.
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00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,738
I could be Satan.
(laughs)
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00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,906
Screw God!
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00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,442
(thunderous horn blows)
112
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,411
Whoa, whoa, what-what was that?
Did-did God do that?
113
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,081
No, no, no. Don't go crazy
on the God stuff, all right?
114
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,917
That being said, the timing
of that big boat noise was...
115
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,419
pretty suspect, so, Frank,
maybe don't push his buttons?
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00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,587
Yeah. I get that. Yeah.
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00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,869
All right, I'll leave him alone.
118
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,358
Hey, Mac.
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00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,027
We are about ready to get
started. You feeling okay?
120
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,462
Yeah, David. It's good.
I-I just, uh,
121
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,464
was waiting on my friends.
122
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:29,201
They said they were gonna be
here and they're not here yet.
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00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,770
I should have taken on
a missionary position with them.
124
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,472
You know?
They need salvation.
125
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,940
Especially my one friend, Frank.
126
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,942
I even started putting
battery acid on the back
127
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,111
of his cross necklace
to burn through his skin.
128
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,379
Why?
129
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,647
Oh, to subtly send the message
130
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:42,781
that he might be a demon.
131
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,151
Oh, well, yikes.
132
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,720
Uh, listen, when your friends
are ready, they'll come.
133
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,722
Right, yeah. You know, we
should just get started.
134
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,157
Scott, you ready to go?
Yup, yup. All right,
135
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,458
everybody, why don't
we gather around.
136
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,660
Why don't we, uh...
137
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,961
Well, let's just...
138
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,162
We'll sing through it once
139
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,664
and we'll get it on its feet.
140
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,666
(upbeat tune playing)
141
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,068
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
142
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,469
guys...
what's that song?
143
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,305
I-I'm not familiar
with that hymn.
144
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,839
Uh, the song's "Sit Down,
You're Rockin' the Boat"
145
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,741
from Guys and Dolls.
146
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,009
It's for the talent show.
We do it every year
147
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,811
on this cruise.
It's fun.
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00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,647
Fun? No, no, the songs
aren't supposed to be fun,
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00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,816
they're supposed to
be bleak and dreary,
150
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,751
so we can focus on
how bad we are.
151
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,154
Yeah. We need to
punish our ears
152
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,523
to pay for the original
sin of being born.
153
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,591
Mac, look, uh, I know
it can be difficult
154
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,193
transitioning into a new church.
155
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,762
All we ask is that
you try to keep an open mind.
156
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,764
Okay, I... Maybe
I can do that.
157
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:35,167
I... But, guys, I can
almost guarantee you
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00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,869
that I'm not gonna like this.
159
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,604
♪ Said to myself sit down ♪
160
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,606
♪ Sit down,
you're rockin' the boat ♪
161
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,709
♪ And the devil
will drag you under ♪
162
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,677
♪ With a soul so heavy
you wouldn't float ♪
163
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,879
♪ Sit down, sit down, sit down,
sit down, sit down ♪
164
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:51,116
♪ You're rockin' the boat! ♪
165
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,951
Yes!
166
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,019
Yes!
167
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,022
Yes! Yes!
168
00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:00,025
I feel like I've been waiting
for this my entire life.
169
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,860
Good.
We're glad you had fun.
170
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,528
Yes, yeah.
I'm ready to go again.
171
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,863
Well, you've already gone twice.
We're sort of
172
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,198
taking turns...
We're gonna go
173
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,367
from the top. Five,
six, seven, eight...
174
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,469
These winter coats were a good
idea... it is chilly. Yeah.
175
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,870
Come in handy.
You don't want...
176
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,372
They're cranking
the air conditioning.
177
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,539
Yeah, you don't
want to be sick on a boat.
178
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,875
Whoa, look at this place.
179
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,410
I think we died
and went to heaven, Frank.
180
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,379
Oh. Dude.
181
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,913
I thought you said they
didn't have alcohol.
182
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,215
Look, they-they
got screwdrivers.
183
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,416
Oh, no, Charlie.
184
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,318
That's just orange juice.
185
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,886
There's no alcohol. Just
orange juice, like the mixer?
186
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,721
Yeah.
Yeah, people drink it.
187
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,323
People drink it. Yeah.
That's crazy to me.
188
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:33,392
When was the last time
you drank straight mixer?
189
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,394
Oh, I had a diet cola mixer
a while ago.
190
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,495
Oh, did you?
(burps)
191
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,662
Was it any good?
192
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:39,664
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Whoa. (sniffs)
193
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,266
What?
Dude.
194
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,934
You drinking a beer right now?
195
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,570
What? Get out of town.
196
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,239
You can lie, but that burp
told me the whole story.
197
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,507
You holding?
What you got?
198
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,075
You smell the beer?
You holding beer?
199
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,510
Come on, man.
200
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,778
Bingo!
(laughs)
201
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,079
MAN:
Excuse me.
202
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,914
You can't have alcohol
on the ship.
203
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,082
Oh, this, uh, this is an empty.
204
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,850
That-that was
an empty can.
205
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,419
A pelican dropped it and we...
Yeah, we picked it up.
206
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:01,453
Yeah, it was, like...
Do you have
207
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,454
any more on you, sir?
208
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,122
No, not a bit.
Yeah.
209
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,458
What's going on here?
Uh, uh, Captain.
210
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,959
Do you have any more
alcohol on you?
211
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,127
Uh, not a bit.
212
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,630
If you'll excuse me. Yup.
213
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,198
Whoa!
214
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,699
What the hell is that, Frank?
215
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,268
Well, I don't want
to run back and forth
216
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,036
to the cabin all the time,
it's so far away.
217
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,438
Son of a bitch!
218
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,306
And you...
You have any beer on you?
219
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,608
Aah!
220
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,976
Charlie, you lied to me.
221
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,645
Uh, well, you lied first, man!
222
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,647
Is that the rest of it?
Yeah, that's all of it.
223
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,482
We have to confiscate all
these beers from you. Okay.
224
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,850
Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it.
225
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,293
DEE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, no.
226
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,661
That's my seat, bitch.
227
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,129
Excuse me.
228
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,897
Sorry. Got a little worked up.
229
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,666
Uh, not quite
in vacation mode yet.
230
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,067
Let me try again.
231
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,803
Um, please get your shit
off my seat.
232
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,139
I don't see your magazine
or towel on it,
233
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,974
and I got here first,
234
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,711
so I don't feel like
it's really your seat.
235
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,153
I'm sitting with you. Thought you
were taking a vacation from us.
236
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,322
Yeah, I was trying,
but this is the only seat open,
237
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,690
so can you try not to shit on me
238
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,091
for, like, the next hour
or so, please?
239
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,493
I'm trying to relax.
Dee, relax.
240
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,027
I'm not gonna shit on you.
241
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,829
Okay? Nobody's
shitting on you.
242
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,664
How's it going
with the wrath thing?
243
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,266
You, uh, staying away from that?
244
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,667
Well, yeah, you know,
I was trying,
245
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,102
but there are certain
"see you next Tuesdays"
246
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,004
on this ship that are making it
very difficult.
247
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,506
Well, yeah, I
feel you. I'm...
248
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,107
I'm already struggling
with the lust thing.
249
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,010
See this, uh,
flaxen-haired seductress
250
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,512
across the pool over here?
251
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,547
Dennis, she looks like
she's 12 years old.
252
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,549
No, she's of age.
I checked.
253
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,519
Well, she's gallivanting
around, you know,
254
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,120
flaunting it for me,
and she knows how easy
255
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,722
it would be for me
to have her, too,
256
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,190
because of the implication.
257
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,625
Not that you would understand.
258
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,393
It's not what you think it is.
259
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,195
No, I think I get it. We're out
in the middle of the ocean.
260
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,030
She's stuck on a boat.
She couldn't possibly say no,
261
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,033
'cause something might go wrong
for her if she did.
262
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,635
That's... that's
exactly what it is.
263
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,370
How did you get that so fast?
264
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,706
It's like
when I'm alone with a guy,
265
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,709
and we're messing around, and he
gets all skittish about banging.
266
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:08,213
So then I insinuate
that it would be a shame
267
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,049
if my account of what happened
was different from his
268
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,918
and then he ended up getting
a call from the sheriff.
269
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,553
You know what I mean?
270
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,155
And then, boom. We plow.
271
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,425
Okay. Yeah. No,
I-I think I get it.
272
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,327
Yeah, right? Right, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
273
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,728
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
274
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,830
Oh, a bird shit on me!
Oh.
275
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:26,898
A bird shit in my mouth!
276
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,400
A bird shit inside of my mouth!
277
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,834
(muttering gibberish)
278
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,236
I'm literally getting shit on.
279
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,904
I'm literally getting shit on!
280
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,507
Hit it! Hit it! Hit it! Whoa!
281
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:38,176
Oh, yeah!
Hey.
282
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,078
Hey, fellowship was fun.
Yeah, see?
283
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,347
It doesn't have to be all dour
and penitent to praise God.
284
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,015
Is it my turn? Absolutely.
Step up.
285
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,450
Okay.
286
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,086
Aah! No!
287
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,121
I failed!
It's okay.
288
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,590
I failed. I failed you. Nah.
289
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,091
No.
I failed God.
290
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,127
All right, get me good.
Whoa.
291
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,596
Hello.
What is...?
292
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,264
I brought my cat-o'-nine-tails.
Yeah.
293
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,765
You know, so, flagellate me.
Three-three lashes for missing.
294
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,535
Why would you want me
to do that?
295
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,604
So I could be a better boy.
296
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,439
Mac, it isn't a sin to miss,
okay? That's...
297
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,040
We don't punish ourselves
for that.
298
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,709
You don't punish yourselves?
299
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,777
Then how do you become
closer to God?
300
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:16,648
By just appreciating the game
and the wonderful day.
301
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,450
Well, sure, yeah,
it's a wonderful day now,
302
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,118
but look at that storm coming.
303
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,786
(thunderclap) That's
impending doom right there.
304
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,656
He-he probably sent that storm
because I keep failing him.
305
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:27,158
Look, just relax, try it again,
306
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,794
and this time, hey, no guilt.
307
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,796
No guilt?
308
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,698
Okay.
309
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,134
Oh, my.
Yes!
310
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,969
I did it! I did it!
All right.
311
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,638
In your face!
I beat your asses.
312
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,073
(thunder rumbles)
Whoa. Gay. Gay.
313
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,475
Gay, gay, gay, gay.
314
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,176
What are you doing?
Why are you two kissing?
315
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,146
Uh, because he's my husband,
and we love each other.
316
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,748
What's going on?
317
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,316
What-what about God?
You-you heard him.
318
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,986
He clapped and said, "No! Boom!"
319
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,989
You think thunder
is God clapping?
320
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,524
Oh, no.
321
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,093
Oh, no.
(thunder rumbling)
322
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,035
FRANK: You think there's gonna
be anybody here with talent?
323
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,503
I mean,
this is a Christian cruise.
324
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,004
This is gonna be boring as shit.
325
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,173
I'm anticipating a boring show.
326
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,541
Yeah, yeah.
327
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,009
Oh, there she is.
Hmm.
328
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,711
Sitting by me again, huh?
Shut up.
329
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,680
I need something to wash the
bird shit taste out of my mouth.
330
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:23,381
Oh, yeah. I saw you guys.
Where are the beers?
331
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,883
In the captain's stomach.
332
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,284
Yeah. CHARLIE: Yeah, it's, uh...
333
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,519
We kind of got, like,
334
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,853
you know, caught with them.
335
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:29,888
All of them?
336
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,356
Yup.
Pretty much, yeah.
337
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,358
I knew you couldn't stop
from being gluttonous.
338
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,859
Oh, you guys. Uh, all right, fine...
It was a mistake, man.
339
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,195
Give me the mouthwash.
I need the mouthwash then.
340
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,030
That's gone, too. I kind of drank...
all of it.
341
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,865
Charlie drank it. He needed to calm down.
You serious?
342
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,068
Goddamn it!
(thunder rumbles)
343
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,569
It doesn't do... Oh.
(electrical buzzing)
344
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,037
Whoa. Whoa. See. Oh!
345
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,906
See, I don't like
the storm, man.
346
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,374
The storm's starting to freak
me out. You know what I mean?
347
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,543
Yeah, WTF? Yes, yes, the
storm is intensifying.
348
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,878
And yet I remain calm
in spite of the fact that this
349
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,480
one here is dressed like this.
350
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,981
Uh... That's just crazy.
Yeah, it is weird.
351
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,050
This girl in the sweater?
He's been doing it all day.
352
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,885
You think that's...? Can you just...
can you just drop it?
353
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,087
Well, I would if she wouldn't
always be sitting in my eyeline.
354
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,723
Then again, that
is what she does.
355
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,224
She wants me
looking at her at all times.
356
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,393
She's driving me nuts,
I'll tell you.
357
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,395
Maybe I'll send her
a drink or something.
358
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,931
A virgin daiquiri for the virgin?
MAC: Guys, guys, guys, guys,
359
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,400
guys, guys, guys, guys, I've got
news, I've got terrible news.
360
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,902
Oh, see this is exactly what I wanted a
vacation from. CHARLIE: Of course you do.
361
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,938
There are two guys in this church...
DENNIS: Yeah.
362
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,339
...that are gay.
363
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,607
Who's the other guy?
364
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:25,844
(laughter)
365
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,747
I don't get the joke.
(overlapping chatter)
366
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:32,417
What's wrong with that? So what? Well,
guys, being gay is not Christian.
367
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,252
(electrical buzzing) DENNIS: Oh!
368
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,521
Oh, see? That's...
that's freaking me out.
369
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,256
That's the big man! That's the big man.
I don't know what it is,
370
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,859
but I don't like it.
Let's go find our beer, man.
371
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,428
We're gonna go snoop around, see if we can
find our beer. Let's look for some alcohol.
372
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,029
Recover that beer
and bring some back.
373
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:47,031
Yeah. Don't take 'em all.
And why is...?
374
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,767
MAN:
Ladies and gents,
375
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,769
it's talent show time.
Please welcome
376
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,104
Marlene, the magician.
377
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,874
That's the bitch
who stole my chair!
378
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,943
Magic? The dark arts?
Are you guys serious?
379
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,546
First the queers.
Then sorcery?
380
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,782
This cruise is going
straight to hell. Okay.
381
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,317
I'm out of here!
All right. See ya.
382
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,452
Peace be with you.
383
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,887
We're not saying that other bit.
No.
384
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,388
Aah!
385
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,790
For my first trick tonight,
386
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,224
I'm going to need a volunteer.
387
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:18,129
Hmm. Hey, you, bird girl.
388
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,899
Come on up. Can you
believe this bitch?
389
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,300
(laughs)
Go. Go up.
390
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,968
I don't...
Bird girl.
391
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,805
Yes, we call her bird.
We also call her a bird.
392
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,907
(thunderclaps)
393
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:32,177
Oh, baby. See? These costumes
are a great idea, Frank.
394
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,745
(laughs) So we can go anywhere
we want on the ship now.
395
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,647
Anywhere we want.
And nobody's gonna know.
396
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,816
That's not exactly the first
mate's costume I had in mind.
397
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,484
Hey, man, you said "first
mate." That's gonna do.
398
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,419
I was, like, Gilligan.
That's the only guy I know.
399
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,821
Yeah, no.
It's good. It's good.
400
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,422
All right, so what do you think?
401
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,824
We find the captain's quarters,
402
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,325
kick down the door, find our beer.
Oh, no.
403
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,693
Strangle the guy or something.
Oh, no, no.
404
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,361
That beer? That beer
is long gone.
405
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,863
No, we don't want to do that.
Drank it, huh?
406
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,431
Oh, the party is
right down here.
407
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,933
And right down here below deck.
This is the party?
408
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,334
That's right. This is it.
I don't hear anything.
409
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,702
All I see is a bunch of pipes.
410
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:58,937
How is this a party?
The pipes are the party.
411
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,105
The pipes are the party?
Yeah.
412
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,340
What are you talking about? Well, all
the booze we're ever gonna need is
413
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,175
running through these pipes.
414
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,544
So, what? Wait, wait. We're just
gonna drink straight boat fuel?
415
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,113
No. We're gonna cut it.
416
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,181
With what?
417
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,683
Mixers.
418
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,852
Hmm?
Mmm.
419
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,689
(chuckles) Oh, good. Yeah,
you got one of those.
420
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:21,459
(clang)
Lord, hear my prayer!
421
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,962
The only reason I went to
this church in the first place
422
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,798
was to become closer to you!
423
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:31,202
Well, that and the other church
was getting super Vietnamese.
424
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,205
I just need to know my purpose!
425
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,375
I-I used to think it was worship
426
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,410
and then song and dance!
427
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,880
I got to be honest,
I've really taken to it,
428
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,548
and I think musicals
are gonna become
429
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,217
a huge part of my life
moving forward!
430
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,152
But now
with these gay Christians,
431
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:50,555
I don't know!
432
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,724
I need you to show me a sign
433
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,726
to tell me my purpose here!
434
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,094
Maybe some lightning!
435
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,930
Maybe some thunder?
436
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,432
No?
437
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,168
Should I have stuck
with the Vietnamese?
438
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,237
Is this your card?
439
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,173
(applause)
440
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,909
DEE: Can I... can I
have the deck, please?
441
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,411
I-I got a trick that'll blow
you guys out of the water.
442
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,747
Wait, I'm confused. Is that a
challenge or a terrorist threat
443
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,415
to the ship? (laughs) (rimshot)
444
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,349
(Dee laughs mockingly)
445
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,084
Give me the goddamn deck.
446
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,619
By all means.
447
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,088
Pick a card, any card.
448
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,924
Hmm...
449
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,027
Now take a good look
at that card, please.
450
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,962
You might want to bring
it a little bit closer,
451
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,431
just so you can see it well.
A little bit closer. Great.
452
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,634
Now, tell me, what
suit is your card?
453
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:39,938
Spades.
Spades. Ooh. All right.
454
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,640
Now watch while I turn
455
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,710
these spades into stars.
Oh!
456
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,145
(gasping) DEE: Oh, shit!
457
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,947
Who's getting shit on now,
bitch?
458
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,214
MARLENE:
What is wrong with you?
459
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,617
You knocked out my tooth!
460
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,787
(booing) Did I? That wasn't the plan.
I didn't mean to... I-I'm sorry.
461
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,155
I didn't mean to do that.
462
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,957
Get off the stage, bird girl!
463
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,459
She stole my chair at the pool,
and I got so hot about it.
464
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,628
Hey, hey. What?
No, no, no, no, no!
465
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,297
Yeah!
466
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,967
What? No. Aw, no, come on!
467
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,970
Well, what is this, boat jail?
468
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:15,139
I'm not
a goddamn Somali pirate, okay?
469
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,908
No, wait, wait! Ah...
470
00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,376
Goddamn it.
471
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,085
MAN (over radio): ...thunderstorms,
capable of producing gale-force winds...
472
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,420
The storm's worsening,
Captain. What should we do?
473
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,755
FRANK:
Fire the torpedoes!
474
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:34,492
What?
Full steam ahead!
475
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,861
Christ, not you again! CHARLIE:
Frank, I think I found
476
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,696
where he's hiding the beer!
What do you got, Charlie?
477
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:42,000
No, no, it's just, like, wires and stuff.
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
478
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,668
Put these men in the brig.
479
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,105
Charlie. Ah, get your hands off...
Wait, wait.
480
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,273
I'll dispose of those.
481
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:51,542
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know where...
No, no, don't let him drink that!
482
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,945
Don't let him drink
our torpedo juice!
483
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,948
(sighs)
484
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,384
Dee?
485
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,185
What'd you get thrown in for?
486
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,522
I couldn't control my wrath.
You? Yeah.
487
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,524
Gluttony.
Yeah.
488
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,193
Been drinking boat fuel and shit.
Oh, sure.
489
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,195
Sure.
Yeah.
490
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,464
Oh... hello.
491
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,299
(thunder rumbles)
492
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:18,936
Wow. I'm sorry.
Didn't mean to scare you there.
493
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,809
Anyway, I, um... I should have
introduced myself earlier.
494
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,744
I'm the daiquiri man,
495
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,213
but I suspect you already knew
that, didn't you?
496
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,481
(chuckles softly)
497
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,051
Was it good? Was it sweet?
498
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,585
I guess.
499
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,255
Well, it either was
or it wasn't.
500
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,257
Yeah.
Yeah. Of course.
501
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,659
Yeah. No, I had one, too.
It was... it was sweet.
502
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,494
You seem sweet.
503
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,264
I've been watching you
504
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,399
and following you, of sorts.
505
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,401
You know, in a good way.
506
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,604
So how'd you like
that magic show?
507
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,073
Do you enjoy magic?
508
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,576
You know, I-I can
do magic. Whoop.
509
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,745
Uh, how did you get that?
Get your license?
510
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,280
Don't worry about it.
511
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:05,516
1996, though. That's good.
That makes the cutoff.
512
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,286
There you go. I
wasn't gonna steal it.
513
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,288
(clears throat)
Um...
514
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:13,291
So, how about this storm, huh?
515
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,259
I think it's kind
of cool, you know?
516
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,528
Here we are on a boat, you know,
out in the middle of...
517
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,198
out in the middle of nowhere,
and nobody would ever hear
518
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,433
our screams in this wind,
you know.
519
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,635
Oh.
(chuckles)
520
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,472
The thunder's really... It's
throwing this whole thing off.
521
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,474
It's making everything
I say seem sinister,
522
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,876
which it's not intended to
be, you know what I mean?
523
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,945
What's up?
I-I'm sorry. I have to go.
524
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,447
No, no, no, no,
no. No. Sorry, no.
525
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,016
It's... There's nowhere to go.
(chuckles)
526
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,719
There's really nowhere to go.
527
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,121
You know? So...
528
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:46,057
why don't I, uh,
come in your room?
529
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:49,627
(chuckles) "Come in your room."
That's not what I meant.
530
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,630
I would like to go in your room.
531
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,466
Um, and I suspect that maybe...
532
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,135
you might say no, and yet...
533
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,804
I also feel like maybe...
534
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,507
you wouldn't dare.
535
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,575
(screams)
536
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,980
Well, that's not supposed
to happen.
537
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,015
Guys, come on, come on!
It was a misunderstanding!
538
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,651
The storm made it seem
way worse than it is.
539
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:17,488
She was never in any danger.
540
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,489
Lust?
541
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,559
Yeah.
542
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,099
Oh, my God, Mac.
543
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:29,600
You're soaking wet.
Are you okay?
544
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,202
Yeah.
I was out in the rain
545
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,670
looking for a sign from God.
546
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,038
I never got the timing right,
547
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,339
but doesn't matter.
548
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,841
The point is,
I thought I was here
549
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,709
for you guys to open my mind.
550
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,280
But now I realized
I'm here to close yours!
551
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,681
I'm sorry, what?
552
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,450
Guys, I'm here to convert you.
553
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,953
From being gay.
554
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,355
You want to convert us?
Yeah!
555
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,724
You realize
how insulting that is?
556
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:56,360
How would you like it
if I tried to convert you?
557
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,562
Uh... I wouldn't care.
558
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,564
'Cause that's, like, impossible.
559
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,866
There's no way you guys could
convert me to your lifestyle.
560
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,202
Let's give it a shot.
561
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,806
Well...
562
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,908
I'm gay.
563
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,577
Yeah.
No shit.
564
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,645
Oh, you guys knew this already?
565
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,147
That you were gay?
From the day we met.
566
00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:17,415
Oh, my God, I've been trying...
Yeah, always.
567
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,649
Whoa, really?
But what's going on?
568
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,418
Did you just get tossed in here?
569
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,820
Or, like, why are you in here? Oh,
no, I just walked in on my own.
570
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,889
What?! You let the door
close behind you?!
571
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,324
I couldn't find you guys.
I wanted to hang out.
572
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,758
I had something
important to tell you.
573
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,161
What is it?
There is no God.
574
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,896
Well, what?! What is
happening right now?
575
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,064
Why, where are you getting this from?
Yeah, why...
576
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,565
I was like...
(sighs) Okay.
577
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,000
If there was a God,
there's no way
578
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,435
that he would make me queer,
right?
579
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,337
I can't, I can't
listen to this anymore.
580
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,571
I got to get out of here.
I can't be around you.
581
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,506
I've got to get out of here!
582
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:43,741
Got to get out of here!
583
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:44,775
What are you squawking about?
584
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,677
Let me out of here!
585
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,745
Honestly,
what's the point anyway?
586
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,113
There's no meaning to any of it.
587
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,514
There's no God,
there's no heaven,
588
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:51,849
there's no hell.
Wrong!
589
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,417
Oh, I just wanted
a couple of days.
590
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,785
Just a couple of days
away from you guys.
591
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,087
But I can't escape you!
592
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,588
You know where hell is, Mac?
593
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,589
You know where hell is?
It's right here.
594
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,258
It's right now.
595
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,927
We are in hell!
596
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,429
(yells)
Oh, Jesus.
597
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,932
(horn blaring)
598
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,368
What the shit was that?
599
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,906
(trumpet plays off-key fanfare)
600
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,341
Brown.
601
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:55,746
You ready?
Yeah!
602
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,015
Wednesdays,
the all-new season.
603
00:21:58,017 --> 00:21:59,450
- (screams)
- Here we go.
604
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:00,651
- Five!
- (cackles)
605
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,987
- My head is fine.
- Oh, my God!
606
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:05,122
- Four! -You can't have
alcohol on the ship.
607
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,624
Aaah!
608
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,259
- Three!
- Hello!
609
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:09,860
(squawking)
610
00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,495
- Two!
- Still got it.
611
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,198
- (laughing hysterically)
- One!
612
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,867
Have you been drinking paint?
No.
613
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,469
Let me see your tongue.
614
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:20,004
- Oh, my God, dude!
- ANNOUNCER: Sunny.
615
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,039
All new,
Wednesdays at 10:00.
616
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:24,075
Only on FXX.
617
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,143
(gasps)
No.
618
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:28,179
(laughing)
619
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:30,881
(grunts)
620
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:36,804
(thuds)
(groans)
621
00:22:36,805 --> 00:22:38,955
Man Seeking Woman.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:30.
622
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,224
On FXX.
623
00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:44,729
♪ (woman singing in French)
624
00:22:49,302 --> 00:22:51,068
(bull bellows)
(needle scratches record)
625
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:53,003
(scattered applause)
626
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,905
Baskets. All new,Thursdays at 10:00.
627
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,140
Only on FX.
628
00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:58,843
ANNOUNCER: This spring...
629
00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:01,379
How awesome is it to be back
doing what we're best at?
630
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,147
- (slurping)
- (burps)
631
00:23:03,149 --> 00:23:05,916
- I'm starving. -Please. The only
thing you eat is cocktail onions.
632
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,318
ANNOUNCER: Archer.
(Pam laughing)
633
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,854
(grunting)
Pam!
634
00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:12,490
I will stop,
but I will not apologize.
635
00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:15,559
ANNOUNCER: The all new season
starts Thursday, March 31.
636
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,294
Only on FX.
637
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:22,233
This could be the most high-profile
criminal case in the world.
638
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,903
WOMAN:
I'm not a public personality.
639
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,005
I don't know how to do this.
640
00:23:28,007 --> 00:23:30,040
MAN: Do not kill yourself
in Kimmy's bedroom.
641
00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:31,976
Give me the gun.
Give me the gun!
642
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:35,446
I think that we
should cut a deal.
643
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:40,316
I ain't trying to be respectful.
I'm trying to win.
644
00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:43,287
MAN:
I deserve to get hurt.
645
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:45,556
ANNOUNCER:
The People v. O.J. Simpson.
646
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:48,125
All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
647
00:23:54,367 --> 00:23:55,933
(silenced gunshots)
48493
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