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No.
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Man Seeking Woman.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:30.
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On FXX.
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FXX presents It's Always
Sunny in Philadelphia.
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- Hey, guys. Here we go.
- I'm ordering it.
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Drop the bluff, Dee.
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No one believes
you're in an actual movie.
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You guys are gonna feel
hella stupid when you see me
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acting in a feature film. "Hella."
Are we saying "hella" now?
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'Cause I like it. No, we're
not saying "hella," okay?
11
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,337
No. Nobody's saying
"hella" anymore.
12
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I never really got to say it.
"Hella" came and went. Me, neither.
13
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,840
Dee, can we watch
something else?
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Can we watch, like,
a superhero movie or something?
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This is such a waste of our...
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Oh, that's a nice opening shot.
Symmetrical vista.
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It's beautiful.
18
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,084
Directed by
Pedro Vyes. Who's he?
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He's, like, this foreign
art house director.
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Oh. Ooh... Foreign director.
Very impressive.
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00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,190
Okay, you guys, be quiet.
This is my scene.
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Pretty early for a whiskey.
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Or pretty late.
24
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,196
Why don't you make it a double.
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00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:07,399
Oh, yeah? A little hair
of the dog that bit you?
26
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,168
Yeah, Dee,
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I got to hand it to you.
Y-You've been talking
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about doing this for years,
and... Is that Richard Grieco?
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Hi.
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Aw, Grieco. I love that
guy. Where's he been?
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Richard Grieco
is in an art house movie?
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That seems odd. That's a little strange.
Yeah, it's a little stra...
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But, you know, they-they always
got to get some kind of a name
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in order to finance the mo... Oh,
now he's being blown. Right.
35
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,861
Okay. Now-now this makes sense.
36
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So, Dee, you clearly made a porn.
This is a porno!
37
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What? No? It's not
a porn. You guys,
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the-the foreigners, they have
a much more evolved view of sex.
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This is... this is art.
40
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,741
Dee, what channel
did you order this from?
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Cinemax.
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Cinemax?!
43
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Cinemax doesn't make art.
44
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:57,716
You guys, Pedro is-is
an edgy, foreign director.
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Where's he from?
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Puerto Rico.
Oh!
47
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Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico?
Puerto Rico!
48
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,622
Oh, man...
49
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,425
Dee, you made a Skinemax flick
with a Puerto Rican pervert.
50
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,727
Congratulations. Good thing
you got us all together.
51
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,230
Listen, hey, I did
not make a smut film.
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Gobble that cock.
53
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,859
Now, why is Grieco
resorting to Skinemax?
54
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,528
He's got a great career.
He's doing fine.
55
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:43,962
Actually, it makes sense.
I mean,
56
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,864
erotic films
are very, very in right now.
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00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,699
I mean, Grieco probably didn't
realize he was doing a porn.
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00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,034
I think he thought
he was doing the next.
59
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,469
Fifty Shadesof Grey or whatever.
60
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,470
I mean, it's a...
it's a fine line
61
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,871
these days between art and smut.
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It really is.
Art's a tricky thing.
63
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,275
The whole art world
is bullshit nowadays.
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00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,677
I mean, like, anything can be
considered art. I'll bet you.
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00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,446
Charlie's doodlings could be
considered art by some people.
66
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,883
Well, that's 'cause my drawings
are art.
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You're not an artist, dude.
You're drawing with chalk.
68
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,488
No, I'm drawing with marker
and, like, pen and stuff.
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00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,722
I'm just eating the chalk.
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Charlie, don't eat chalk.
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Well, it settles my stomach.
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00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,293
My stomach's a little...
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If your stomach hurts,
eat a Tums.
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What's the difference?
One is chalk!
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Well, I don't like wasting Tums.
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Tums is very good to draw with.
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This maniac is an artist?
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I'll bet you if I hung one
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00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,469
of Charlie's doodles
in a modern art gallery,
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00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,704
people would not know
the difference.
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00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,472
Mm. No. No, I disagree.
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00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,708
No, art has to come
from a more meaningful place.
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It can't just be silly nonsense.
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00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,644
I mean, take my erotic memoirs,
85
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,646
for example.
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00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,182
Now, that was art.
That was smut.
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00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,084
No, dude, what I do is art.
And you know what else?
88
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,253
I think I should film it.
Yeah.
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00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:44,089
I mean, guys, I'd be a fool not
to ride this erotic tidal wave
90
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,924
our culture seems to be on,
film it,
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00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,427
do the next Fifty Shadesof Grey, my style, you know?
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00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,529
My film would be real,
it would be tasteful,
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00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,164
it would be...
it would be subtle.
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00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,932
It wouldn't be some goddamn
Puerto Rican smut.
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00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:57,069
I'm down to try this, like,
art gallery idea of yours.
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00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,171
What do you think
Grieco would do?
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He wouldn't eat chalk.
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00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,949
Yes, but I just don't understand
why you're choosing
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to dress like Richard Grieco.
100
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,053
Well, because he's a cool bro
and I'm a cool bro.
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I just want to do a Grieco
thing. I'm vibing with it.
102
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,057
I'm vibing with it, man. Stop saying
that you're vibing and "bro."
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00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,726
You know what, why don't you go
mingle, and Frank and I
104
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,394
will handle this. Thank you.
All right, you do it.
105
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All right, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Leave him alone.
106
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Look, here's a spot. Here's a spot.
What?
107
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,533
Yeah.
Just keep... keep an eye out.
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00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,137
Okay.
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00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,872
That's good. That's good.
Mmm.
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Oh, yeah. Looks perfect.
111
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,443
Oh, wow. I like this one.
Oh.
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00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,725
That's art. That's art. I like that piece.
Yes, that's...
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She's going for it.
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00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,256
She loves it.
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00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:54,059
She loves it.
She's going for it.
116
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,128
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the
hell are you doing? Whoa. Hey, lady. Lady.
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00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,063
You can't throw
art in the trash.
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00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,165
Oh, that wasn't art.
It was garbage.
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00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,100
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Wait a second.
120
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,102
I mean, how-how is that art
121
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,405
and this is trash?
I mean, who's to say, really?
122
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Well, I'm to say.
It's my gallery.
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00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,342
Okay. Then please explain to me
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00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,677
how that is art
125
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and this is garbage.
126
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,080
Well, it's all about context.
127
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:18,083
The story behind each piece
is part of what endows it
128
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,118
with meaning.
For example, this artist
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00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,987
worked for 30 years
130
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,323
before finally finding
his voice.
131
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,758
He left his home
when he was a boy
132
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,195
to escape the Nazis,
fled to Paris,
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00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,198
and painted the poor children
he saw in the streets.
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00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,667
♪ ♪
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The ambiguity he
uses to paint children
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00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:42,641
and animals.
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00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,776
His work provokes.
138
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,112
It raises questions.
139
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,480
Are we children?
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00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,482
Are we animals?
141
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:55,354
Are children animals?
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00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,725
♪ ♪
143
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,531
If it's context
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00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,533
you want... Context. Okay.
145
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,304
Well, the artist that did this,
his life is, like, total shit.
146
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,506
I mean, like, way worse
than this Nazi painter.
147
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,508
Oh. Hey, Charlie?
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00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,510
Yeah, uh... What-what
are you doing, man?
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00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:21,213
What's up, bro?
Hey, uh,
150
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,049
this is Charlie. He's the,
uh... he's the artist.
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00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,718
C-Could you tell the lady
how your... Don't do that.
152
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,354
Okay, can you just explain to
her how your life is garbage
153
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,356
so that she... It's not sw... Oh,
my life's pretty sweet, bro.
154
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,258
Hang out at a bar all day
with my bros.
155
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,694
You know? Go on lots of
adventures. I'm really kind of
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00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,729
a sweet businessman
when I think about it.
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00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,500
He's an illiterate janitor whose
mother tried to abort him in...
158
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,503
Frank, Frank, tell her, please.
Huh?
159
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,604
What is it?
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00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,939
What-what is it?
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00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,442
It's-it's what we discussed. It's
what we've been discussing. Oh.
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00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,878
Tell her that Charlie's life
is a piece of shit. Please.
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00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,880
Thank you. I've got one of
those hella sweet lives...
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00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,114
Stop saying "hella"!
He doesn't...
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00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,549
he doesn't normally
say "hella."
166
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,217
I don't know where
he picked this up.
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00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,753
I'm sorry. I'm just not interested.
Okay,
168
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,188
well, wait, wait, we just need to take
one... I'm not interested, either.
169
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,790
I go for more
of the Pam Anderson type,
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00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,858
you know what I mean?
Oh, my God. Okay, look...
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00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,928
I'm not interested. Goddamn it.
Why did I even bring you two?
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00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,534
"A man enters.
173
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:19,237
"The room wouldn't be the
only thing he'd enter that day.
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His name was Dennis."
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00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,042
I'm-I'm sorry...
What is happening?
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"Silence."
Okay.
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00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,212
"He said. 'A woman's mouth
178
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,047
"'is not for the exiting
of words
179
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:32,851
"but for the entrance
of a man's... dick.'
180
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,621
"And then he did
put it in there.
181
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,657
In her mouth, I mean."
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00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,292
Okay.
183
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,061
And then they-they have sex
all over the library.
184
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,264
Okay, I, uh,
185
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,166
I-I'm sorry, I don't know
what's happening here.
186
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,835
You must think
I'm somebody else.
187
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:52,137
Look, look. Sure, I could
leave here right now,
188
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,473
I could take this to Frank
and he would finance it.
189
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,074
But he's gross, you know?
190
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,443
He's basically, like,
the Cinemax of humans.
191
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,946
Okay, I think I'm catching up
here. So you want to make a film
192
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,948
based on the pornographic book
you're reading from.
193
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,518
Look... this is my
Fifty Shades of Grey, lady.
194
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,120
All right? Was the guy
who wrote that gross?
195
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,388
It was written by a woman.
196
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,525
Na... You... no, I know.
197
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,160
That it was written by a woman.
198
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,828
Everybody knows that.
199
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,697
Yeah, but that's why you needed
to let me get to the...
200
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,132
This was also written
by a woman. Yeah.
201
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,935
Writ-Written and to be
directed by...
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00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,737
my sister.
203
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,107
What do you think?
204
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,211
Hey, Dee.
205
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,547
Dee, you're not doing
anything that matters, right?
206
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,549
You know, I think I'm
finally figuring out
207
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,218
this editing software, and I
have to say I put together
208
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,487
a pretty prime-time
acting reel here.
209
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,623
I doubt it.
Don't show it to me. I don't...
210
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,691
♪ ♪
211
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,696
Pretty early for a whiskey.
212
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,899
A little hair of the dog
that bit you?
213
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,667
Using a multi-tiered distribu...
214
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:56,735
Multi-level marketi...
215
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:57,969
The Invigaron system.
216
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,237
♪ ♪
217
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,506
Brains.
218
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,642
♪ ♪
219
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,076
It i...
220
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,244
it's missing something,
isn't it?
221
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,712
Nah, it's great.
222
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,980
Uh, Dee, you know what I think
223
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,248
the real problem, though,
224
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,917
with the acting business is?
Uh-huh?
225
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,219
Every actor these days
is a multi-hyphenate.
226
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,554
They're doing everything...
They're writing,
227
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,922
they're directing, you know.
228
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,190
Mm.
So here's a thought I just had.
229
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,493
How would you like to, um,
230
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:23,528
direct my erotic memoirs?
231
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,163
I've always wanted to direct.
232
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,398
And you want me to do it?
233
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,766
Yeah, yeah.
Smart.
234
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,068
Smart. You bring
a female perspective in.
235
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,103
Mm-hmm. It's a very interesting layer.
I like that.
236
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,905
Yeah, it's-it's a good layer.
That's really smart of you.
237
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,373
Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll do that for you.
238
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,075
Okay, so, um... great.
239
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,411
So you'll do that, and, um...
Yeah, yeah.
240
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:43,014
Now we just need a star that we
can attach on-on short notice.
241
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,151
Don't worry, I got... I got
an idea. I got a lot of ideas.
242
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,465
All right, what about
this one? You know,
243
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:04,135
I had a dream about, um,
you know, boiled eggs.
244
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:07,939
So, I, uh... Okay. What do the...
what do the eggs represent?
245
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,442
Eggs, you know? Like,
uh... from a chicken.
246
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:13,378
Just eggs? No.
Charlie, you're not getting it.
247
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,114
I need you to draw something
that's profound, you know?
248
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,049
That comes from someplace deep.
249
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,785
But is also childlike
and stupid, to prove my point.
250
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,921
Hey, bro, uh, maybe stop telling
me what to do all the time,
251
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,256
you know? 'Cause if you tell
me what to do, then, like,
252
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,092
you know, that's, like,
I got, like, a lame,
253
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,460
kind of square dude telling me
254
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,095
what to do, you
know? And that's
255
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,896
not really where art comes from.
Okay, you...
256
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,099
And so I'm gonna draw eggs
that represent eggs, bro.
257
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,001
And it's gonna... it's
gonna be hella cool, man.
258
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,435
You're gonna like these eggs.
259
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,470
Can I ask you a question?
Do you... do you
260
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,771
want to sell this art or not?
261
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,072
Bro, is this about
making money for you
262
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,574
or is it about
proving your point?
263
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:44,175
Like, I don't even
know what it is, man.
264
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,410
It's becoming about both
for me. I don't know
265
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,411
what it's becoming for you.
266
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:47,479
Come on, man.
267
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,913
I'm ripping this up.
268
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:49,981
I'm ripping this up.
That's it.
269
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:50,982
Bro, stop ripping up
my art, man!
270
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,917
Get in there!
Okay.
271
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,853
You stink!
Ugh.
272
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,455
I found him turning tricks
in the scrap metal yard.
273
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,491
Good news, Charlie. We're
gonna use Cricket now.
274
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,627
Oh. Use me how?
Use what part of me?
275
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,463
Relax. You are gonna be
the face of Charlie's art.
276
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,298
What? Why, man?
277
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,000
Because he's got, like,
the worst life imaginable,
278
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,802
and that's clearly
what those people want.
279
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,671
That's true, I do have
the worst life.
280
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,005
You know what, Cricks, why
don't you come over here,
281
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,041
why don't you tell Charlie
what to draw.
282
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,776
Okay. Tell me wh... I don't
want to draw his drawings.
283
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,778
No, Charlie,
this is gonna work, all right?
284
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,713
Just jump on board,
jump on board. Okay, go ahead.
285
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,982
All right, bro... bro.
286
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,351
Oh, all right, fine.
287
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,020
Talk to me, brother.
288
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,255
What's up?
289
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,024
What is he doing?
290
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,559
He's doing, like,
a Grieco thing.
291
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,827
Okay. Uh, all right.
292
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,495
Well, what do you
want to hear about?
293
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,230
You want to hear
about a... dog orgy
294
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,899
or when a cat bit off my toe?
295
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,033
Dog orgy, brother.
296
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,134
Dog orgy. Okay.
297
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,569
This is going great.
298
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,304
Okay, now, Frank, I need you
299
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,406
to go talk to that gallery
owner. Convince her to come
300
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,675
to Paddy's for an art opening
that we're gonna have here.
301
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,711
Oh. You know? Flash
a little cash.
302
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,547
Pretend you're, like,
a high-society art type.
303
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,717
Oh, I got this. I-I used to hang
with an art crowd in the '70s.
304
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,652
I know these people.
305
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,489
O-Okay. All right. But-but...
play it subtle, all right?
306
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,324
Subtle. Yeah.
307
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,661
Frank. Play it subtle.
308
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:12,230
Subtle.
309
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,333
Hello!
Hello?
310
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,403
Ango Gablogian,
the art collector.
311
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,371
Charmed, I'm sure.
312
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,907
Yes.
I'm gonna invite you to a show.
313
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,542
Okay.
But first...
314
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,278
allow me to destroy your gallery.
Oh.
315
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,847
Bullshit.
316
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,750
Bullshit.
317
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:34,252
Derivative.
318
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,921
That... I love.
319
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,891
I absolutely love.
320
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,727
Um, that's just
the air conditioner.
321
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,229
I want it.
322
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:45,730
It's everything.
323
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,632
I mean, look at us.
324
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,301
We're just air conditioners.
I mean, after all,
325
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,304
we're just walking around
on the planet, breathing,
326
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,373
conditioning the air.
Right.
327
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,642
I condition it hot,
328
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,811
that conditions it cold.
329
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,147
I mean, it's symbiotic, no?
330
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,382
No, it is. I mean, we're
just the air conditioners
331
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,917
walking around on this planet,
332
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,119
screwing each
other's brains out.
333
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,755
So true. I never
thought of it like that.
334
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,291
♪ ♪
335
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,828
Oh... hello, you.
336
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,137
This room won't be
the only thing
337
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,605
that I'll be entering today.
338
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,073
- Hey, teach.
- Cut!
339
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:33,011
A woman's mouth is not
for exiting of words,
340
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,847
but for the entrance
of a man's penis.
341
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,149
Cut! Grieco, Grieco,
Grieco, come on, man.
342
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,285
Shoot her tits. I need some...
I need a couple... Just...
343
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,954
Get mostly tits on this
one. Lots of emotion.
344
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,490
And I want to feel
a little bit of, uh,
345
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:49,360
of sadness coming from
your tits. And, action.
346
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,696
- A woman's mouth...
- Cut!
347
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,632
"Not for the exiting of words,
it's for the entrance..."
348
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,267
Dee, can you just let him...
Is there really...
349
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,969
is there really a frigging
difference between "exiting"
350
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,305
and "entering"? Hey! Excuse me, every...
You know what?
351
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,307
Is there a difference between
"exiting" and "entering"?
352
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,943
I know there is, but is there...
but words exit.
353
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,512
Okay, okay, you know what?
I-I need a seaweed break.
354
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,380
Grieco, you've had 15
packages of seaweed today.
355
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,782
Guys, Richard needs
a seaweed five.
356
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,183
Another...?
Oh, goddamn it!
357
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,618
Can we just get
the scene, please?
358
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,853
Just like it was in high school?
359
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,287
You know, about that.
360
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,822
What exactly happened
in high school?
361
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,824
'Cause it sounds like
you had sex with a teacher.
362
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,292
Uh, well, no, she
wasn't a teacher.
363
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,694
She was a hot young librarian.
364
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,362
Are you talking about Ms.
Klinsky? Yeah.
365
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,464
She was like 50. Yeah, she
looked good for her age.
366
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,899
She looked like Rick Moranis.
367
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,500
Moranis was always in
pretty good shape, yeah.
368
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,402
Plus, when she took
her hair out of the bun,
369
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,304
she went from Moranis to Alanis.
370
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,806
Gross. You were 14.
371
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,708
So, technically, you were raped.
372
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,477
It wasn't rape. Can't rape a guy.
Huh?
373
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,246
You can't rape...
I was... I was willing.
374
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,214
You know, you can't
rape... I mean, it's cool.
375
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,083
Like, I bedded an older
woman. That's cool.
376
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,352
Right, Grieco?
You know what?
377
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:50,021
Let me use your pain in the scene.
What are you talking about?
378
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,522
You can't use somebody
else's pain, Grieco.
379
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,991
Do you know how acting works?
380
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,392
Look...
381
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,828
Touch my finger...
382
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,731
and transfer your pain into me.
Mm-hmm, it's a good idea.
383
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,532
Touch... touch my finger. I'm
not touching your finger, man.
384
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,401
I'm not touching your finger!
Dennis.
385
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,070
Seriously, touch my finger. What
the hell is...? You know what?
386
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,273
Why don't you just shoot
me doing the goddamn scene?
387
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,041
I'll seduce the librarian.
388
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,343
You know what? That seaweed's
making me a little sick.
389
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,179
Uh, can I get a chalk break or
something like that? Uh-oh.
390
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:16,648
♪ ♪
391
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,423
I call this one
"Dog Three-Way."
392
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,192
'Cause I was recently
in a dog three-way.
393
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,461
Actually, four with
me, so, four-way.
394
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,063
I was in a dog orgy.
395
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,399
God, he's making a mockery
of my art, bro.
396
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,867
- Oh.
- Well,
397
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:37,402
the shoot was a total disaster.
398
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,437
Dee's incompetent
and a bitch, which we all knew.
399
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,872
But, I mean, Richard Grieco.
400
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,640
The man is obsessed
with seaweed. It's...
401
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,876
Pump your brakes.
You met Grieco?
402
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,277
Yeah, I met Grieco.
Yeah, he-he was in my movie,
403
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,812
but, uh, it didn't go very well.
404
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,948
What-what are you doing?
Are you doing a Grieco thing?
405
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,050
Yeah, I'm doing a Grieco thing,
'cause-'cause Grieco's the man.
406
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:54,319
You know, is he the man?
No, not really.
407
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,954
Ah, he's not the man?
No, he's, he's... yeah, no.
408
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,057
Hello, boys.
409
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,326
Is that how you played it?
That is way over the top.
410
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,962
What are you talking about? This
is it. This is the way they are.
411
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:08,433
Frank, did you buy an air conditioner?
Yes, and I bought a painting for $35K.
412
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,602
Why? Because I liked it,
and that's what it cost.
413
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,404
Is nobody understanding
what we're trying to do?
414
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,073
I am trying to prove
that this is all bullshit,
415
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,474
and you guys are all
buying into it.
416
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,142
Oh. Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Oh, hi.
417
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,979
Hi.
Here's the darling.
418
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,314
Oh.
That sold me...
419
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,116
not a painting.
420
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,918
Mm.
A revelation.
421
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,020
Oh. Hi, Ango.
Oh, oh.
422
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,455
Mm.
Oh. Oh, great.
423
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,990
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Ango.
424
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,691
Yes. Thank you very much.
425
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,660
And thank you for coming.
Oh. Oh, my pleasure.
426
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,195
Yes, we have... we
have many paintings by
427
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,130
our featured artist,
Rickety Cricket. Ah...
428
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,832
Okay, well, Ango
clearly has a great eye.
429
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,433
I do have a great eye.
430
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,335
So I'm excited
to see what you have.
431
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,337
Yes, yes. Well, here
we have a Cricket.
432
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,506
Oh.
433
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,275
Yes, yes, and, uh, here
we have another Cricket.
434
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,944
Uh-huh.
And, uh...
435
00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:55,046
Oh, here we have
the artist himself.
436
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,448
This is Rickety Cricket.
Hey-o.
437
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,885
Wow. Yeah, he literally has
the worst life imaginable.
438
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,353
He ain't lying.
439
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,788
So now you got some perspective
440
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,523
and some context.
Uh-huh.
441
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,859
And like a story or whatever
it is that you people need,
442
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,360
so...
Uh-huh.
443
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,962
We don't have
to talk numbers right now,
444
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,697
- but I feel like it should be...
- Hey, guys.
445
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,500
I figured this art opening
would be the perfect place
446
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,569
to premiere
my directorial debut.
447
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,038
No, Dee, absolutely not.
448
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,073
- That's a hard "no."
- Yeah.
449
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,193
Oh, come on. There were...
450
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,062
No, Dee.
This is ridiculous.
451
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,497
♪ ♪
452
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,753
Hey, hoser, remember when
I raped you in the library?
453
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:12,623
Hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser,
hoser, hoser, hoser...
454
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,759
Okay, thank you. Thank you very
much. I'm sorry. That was, uh...
455
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,794
That's not part
of the, uh, whole thing.
456
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,863
It's very disturbing.
It's very avant-garde.
457
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,532
Mm-hmm. What do you
think it's all worth?
458
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,701
Good question.
Ango, what do you think?
459
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,636
Millions.
460
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,972
I'd trade my limbs for it.
461
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:31,742
Well, the market is dictated
by what people will pay, so...
462
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,445
Well, right, but how much
are you willing to pay for it?
463
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,047
Me?
Yeah.
464
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:38,149
Oh, no, no.
465
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:41,219
I'm really not interested
in buying anything.
466
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,787
But you own an art gallery.
467
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,255
Oh, no. Oh.
468
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,823
I rent an art gallery,
469
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,126
or more accurately,
my parents rent one for me.
470
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,261
What?!
471
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,730
So that painting I bought
from you was worthless?
472
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,132
Of course not.
473
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,666
It meant something to you.
474
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,935
It's worth
exactly what you paid.
475
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,304
I want to sell it back. Okay.
476
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,106
In that exchange,
it would only be worth
477
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:05,643
what I would pay for it,
which is, again, um, nothing.
478
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,078
I-I don't get it.
479
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,579
When is stuff art?
480
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,349
Uh, hey, guys,
guys, um, if I may,
481
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,818
I think I can sum this all up.
482
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,186
You see, art
483
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,355
is an ambiguous thing, yeah?
484
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,857
Yeah, just because you make
some art, it doesn't mean
485
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,926
that you're an artist.
486
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,595
But, also, it does mean
you're an artist.
487
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,631
But does it mean that that art
488
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,033
is good art?
489
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:32,870
Is art good just because
the right people say it's good?
490
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,339
Yes. Yes.
491
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,141
That's-that's how it works.
492
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,010
Yeah, but keep in mind,
you know,
493
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,845
a lot of modern art is...
is trash.
494
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,346
I mean, it's shitty.
It's not...
495
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,881
You know, it's not good.
It's terrible.
496
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,850
You know? And yet,
it's a fine line
497
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,153
between Van Gogh and Van Damme,
498
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,122
you know,
between Depp and Grieco,
499
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,991
between Banksy and Charlie,
500
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,494
that makes it very difficult to
determine what's good art.
501
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,895
You know, what's high art?
502
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,564
What has worth?
What has meaning?
503
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,065
Yeah?
504
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,900
But if one thing
505
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,969
has become abundantly clear
to me today...
506
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:08,339
And it should be to all of you,
as well...
507
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:12,310
Is that I wasn't raped.
508
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:16,314
We had a good time, she and I.
509
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,217
Yeah. It was a...
it was a two-way road.
510
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,786
The whole thing was... mutual.
511
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:27,225
And the woman in no way
looked like Rick Moranis.
512
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,193
You know?
513
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:32,496
She totally did. I remember her.
Remember her? Yeah.
514
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,818
Um... Real dog. I wouldn't
even sleep with her.
515
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:13,638
Brown.
516
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,720
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
517
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,945
♪
518
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,748
♪
519
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:27,218
♪
520
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:37,161
Man Seeking Woman.
All new, Wednesdays at 10:30.
521
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,629
On FXX.
522
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,033
♪
523
00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:49,573
Very nice, but maybe
something simpler, monsieur?
524
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,413
Can I try the, uh,
Allegro Rainbow, please?
525
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,849
It's beautiful.
526
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,686
What size is this?
This is a three.
527
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:04,255
Is it a European cut?
Well, of course, monsieur.
528
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,127
Yep. I'll take this one.
529
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,363
Should I box it up, monsieur?
530
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:15,266
I'll just wear it out.
Very well.
531
00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:17,368
♪
532
00:22:20,273 --> 00:22:23,174
Baskets. All new,Thursdays at 10:00.
533
00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:24,742
Only on FX.
534
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,715
Archer. An all new season.
535
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:07,218
Thursday, March 31 on FX.
40506
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