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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Gentlemen! My fellow whites!
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Let's raise a glass to
this pyramid of money.
4
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The foundation of which was
built upon our favorite pastime.
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Fucking the poor!
6
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Party's over, ya pieces of shit!
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This is my money now
so back the fuck off!
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Harley Quinn?
9
00:00:47,822 --> 00:00:51,089
I mean, you think we're
afraid of the Joker's girlfriend?
10
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So, here's the deal...
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Are ya gonna shut the
fuck up so I can talk?
12
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I'm in a lot of pain!
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Oh, just give it a minute,
you'll go into shock.
14
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Yeah, there it is.
So, as I was saying...
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You made a big mistake coming alone.
16
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She's not exactly alone.
17
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She brought a plus one!
18
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It's me, Joker!
19
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Apologies, but your friend, Rupert,
20
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just couldn't face coming out here.
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I'm so sad. Where's my body?
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Puddin'? What the fuck are ya doing?
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You're not supposed to take his
face off yet. I had this covered.
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Yes, but I thought
up that great "plus one" line.
25
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And then I'm not going
to not puppeteer his face.
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All right, fine. Do your thing.
27
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So, listen up motherfuckers!
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Ya better jump in the harbor right now,
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or I'm gonna kill...
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God, really? You just did it again.
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That's because I
forgot I had the acid bomb.
32
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But we agreed I'm the
muscle! I do the hitting!
33
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You know, you're great, you're great.
34
00:02:01,093 --> 00:02:02,994
You do your thing, I do my thing.
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You're the appetizer. I'm the entree.
36
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I can't spend my whole
life just bashin' goons.
37
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When Gothamites hear
the name "Harley Quinn",
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I want 'em to piss 'emselves!
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I want a taste of that.
40
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You want a taste of... piss?
41
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No, you know what I meant.
God, listen, puddin',
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can't you just see me
in the Legion of Doom?
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That is just... You don't want that.
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Besides, no,
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the Legion of Doom doesn't
give memberships to sidekicks.
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- You have to be...
- Partners.
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Oh, fuck me.
48
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I wanna be your partner
in crime. For reals.
49
00:02:38,964 --> 00:02:41,634
- Can we talk about this later?
- If not now, when?
50
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I don't know, tomorrow? I've
kinda got my hands full right now.
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Joke's on you, Joker.
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Jesus, this guy.
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You'll never take us alive, Bats!
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Love that fighting spirit, Harley.
55
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But in this fight, I'm afraid I have to
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take a dive.
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Uh, dontcha mean "we"?
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You know I'd love to take you, puddin',
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but I'd never deny you the pleasure
of buying me time to escape.
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Hey, but what if I get sent to Arkham?
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Then you won't spend
even a single night!
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I'll break you out, my love. I swear.
63
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Or actually, uh, I
have something tonight,
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but I'll definitely get
you out before breakfast.
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Love ya!
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Ow.
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Oh, ain't he cute when he's escapin'?
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No.
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You're a cancer, Quinn.
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Spreading from Gotham's
lymph nodes into its spleen.
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And God help us if you
get to Gotham's bladder!
72
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But I'm the chemo.
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How long's he gonna keep doin' this?
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You're a festering
boil, Quinn. A bedsore.
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A tapeworm that sets up
shop in Gotham's lower...
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- Jim.
- All right.
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Where's the Joker?
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I'll never give up my puddin'!
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Why are you protecting a psychotic
clown who treats you like garbage?
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Asks the guy who fucks bats.
81
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He doesn't do that!
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- Jim.
- Sorry.
83
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I'm not tellin' ya shit!
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What me and Mistah J have is real love.
85
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In fact, not too long ago, we
were on a rooftop just like this.
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That's when Mistah J proposed.
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Till death do us part.
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Ooh! Told ya!
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After we get married, we'll
take a cruise to Barbados,
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00:04:23,907 --> 00:04:25,604
or maybe a resort that's all-inclusive.
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00:04:25,605 --> 00:04:27,705
They say they're all-inclusive,
but that's bullshit!
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They charge you for the towels! Soap!
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- Jim.
- Top shelf liquor!
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- Jim!
- Right, right.
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Give up the Joker, Quinn,
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or you're going to Arkham for life.
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Why are we laughing?
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'Cause you said "for life"!
99
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- And, as sure as I am that he fucks bats...
- Okay.
100
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... I know my man'll
break me out of Arkham
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before I spend a single night.
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_
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Oh! Mistah J?
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- Hmm?
- Oh, sorry, my bad.
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I mean, ya looked a little like him.
106
00:05:05,812 --> 00:05:08,110
I don't know why you bother comin' here.
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He's never showing up.
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- Fuck off!
- Yeah, fuck off!
109
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But for the record,
he does have a point.
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Just give me 15 more minutes.
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Joker's probably still fightin' Batman.
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I don't know, hon.
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It's, you know, most superhero
fights, they're not like, eh...
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Calendar Man, how long
has she been in here?
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Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days!
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Oh, sure. You remember the incarceration
date of Porn Clown over here
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but not your own son's birthday!
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For the last time, I'm sorry, Debbie!
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Come on! I know it's June-ish.
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It's okay, Daddy. I brought you
this cactus to keep you comp...
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Plant!
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There ain't no plant life within
50 yards of Poison Ivy, ya moron!
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No wonder your dad doesn't
remember your birthday!
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_
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All I'm saying is, is that you
can do way better than Joker.
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I mean, you're smart, you're strong...
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You're in control of your own destiny.
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Leave Joker for who?
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00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:03,172
Some reliable square
who thinks he's "quirky"
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00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:04,902
for playin' on a dodgeball team
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00:06:04,903 --> 00:06:06,636
and calls himself a "beer nerd"?
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00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:07,972
Hmm.
133
00:06:07,973 --> 00:06:09,566
Okay, I know you're talking about Dan.
134
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,112
It was my first year at Sarah Lawrence,
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there were very slim pickings.
136
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I'm just sayin' the Joker's excitin'.
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He's challenging.
138
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He's psychotic.
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00:06:19,953 --> 00:06:22,085
He threw you into a vat of chemicals.
140
00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:24,258
You know, I prefer
to think of it as a...
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As a vat of freedom sauce!
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He literally made me who I am today.
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Aw...
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_
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Babe, let's, let's just be honest.
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This isn't the first
time that Joker's...
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... left you here to rot.
148
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He does not love you.
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Ya have to leave him.
150
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:48,479
- And don't say...
- You don't know him like I do!
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00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,847
Harley! Riddle me this.
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What did Nadia Comaneci do
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00:06:52,485 --> 00:06:55,053
when she scored a perfect
ten on the uneven bars
154
00:06:55,054 --> 00:06:57,621
during the 1976 Montreal Games?
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- Win a medal?
- Not menstruate till her 20s?
156
00:06:59,512 --> 00:07:00,561
- Ew.
- She broke a record!
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00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:01,926
Which is what you sound like!
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A broken record. He's not coming!
159
00:07:05,096 --> 00:07:07,498
That is just one person's opinion.
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He's not coming!
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Aw, the fuck do you know?
You're all fuckin' insane.
162
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Or maybe I'm the crazy one.
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Mistah J?
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Mistah J!
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I knew you'd...
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Uh, hola.
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Oh, it's you.
168
00:07:29,054 --> 00:07:31,756
How did you get a plant?
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I ate an orange and shit out a seed!
170
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- Thanks, Ivy!
- Okay, let's go.
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No! 'Cause I'm waitin'!
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- For...
- Joker, yeah, I got it.
173
00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:42,267
You know how long you been saying that?
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00:07:42,268 --> 00:07:45,770
- Calendar Man?
- Oh, hi! Exactly one year today, Ivy.
175
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One year! Happy Arkham
Anniversary, Harls.
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Here's your present.
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Uh...
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00:08:01,786 --> 00:08:03,245
Where am I?
179
00:08:03,246 --> 00:08:06,090
I did not ask for a fuckin' roommate.
180
00:08:06,091 --> 00:08:08,760
Uh, when you pay rent you
can make decisions, Frank.
181
00:08:08,761 --> 00:08:12,830
Ugh, look what all those months
in Arkham did to my poor babies.
182
00:08:12,831 --> 00:08:14,631
And where is that stupid neighbor kid
183
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I hired to water them, for fuck's sake?
184
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:19,535
Uh, he quit after a
week. Very unprofes...
185
00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:24,038
Really, Frank? What if his
parents come to look for him?
186
00:08:24,039 --> 00:08:26,410
Unlikely.
187
00:08:26,411 --> 00:08:28,279
What am I doing here?
188
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,080
The Joker's gonna go crazy with worry
189
00:08:30,081 --> 00:08:31,416
when he tries to break me out of Arkham
190
00:08:31,417 --> 00:08:32,617
and sees I'm not there!
191
00:08:32,618 --> 00:08:34,156
He does not care!
192
00:08:34,157 --> 00:08:36,887
Our escape was all over the news
and he has not come to see you.
193
00:08:36,888 --> 00:08:38,458
Oh, my God. You're right.
194
00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:40,959
Somethin' terrible must
have happened to him!
195
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,426
I hope he's okay!
196
00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:44,228
Oh, my God!
197
00:08:44,229 --> 00:08:47,413
What do I have to do to prove
that Joker does not love you?
198
00:08:47,414 --> 00:08:50,401
Uh, ya can't. I am outta here!
199
00:08:50,402 --> 00:08:52,670
For once you're gonna listen.
200
00:08:52,671 --> 00:08:55,055
You were a genius psychiatrist.
201
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,008
Do you remember how you diagnosed me?
202
00:08:57,009 --> 00:08:59,743
Sure. A classic misanthrope
with abandonment issues
203
00:08:59,744 --> 00:09:02,079
who befriends plants
to avoid human intimacy.
204
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,415
- Nailed it!
- Frank.
205
00:09:03,416 --> 00:09:05,617
You helped me.
206
00:09:05,618 --> 00:09:07,418
I can be around people now.
207
00:09:07,419 --> 00:09:11,108
You know, I mean, I hate it,
but I can do it without vomiting.
208
00:09:11,109 --> 00:09:13,892
Harleen Quinzel was the only doctor
209
00:09:13,893 --> 00:09:15,759
who ever got through to me.
210
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,064
What do you think that
she would say to you?
211
00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:20,897
Why are you always tied up?
212
00:09:20,898 --> 00:09:23,935
Oh. Look how square and boring I look.
213
00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:25,370
Yeah. You look way better now.
214
00:09:25,371 --> 00:09:27,305
Look, I need some help with a patient.
215
00:09:27,306 --> 00:09:28,540
Oh. Then, sure. Shoot.
216
00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:29,772
I'm gonna... I'm gonna take a guess
217
00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:31,339
that the picture is talking to you?
218
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:34,212
Tell her yes, but to stay out of it
because we are making progress.
219
00:09:34,213 --> 00:09:36,581
The picture says stay out of
it 'cause it's making progress.
220
00:09:36,582 --> 00:09:38,521
So, this patient of mine,
221
00:09:38,522 --> 00:09:40,752
she's fixated on a murderous psychopath
222
00:09:40,753 --> 00:09:42,320
and won't end their relationship
223
00:09:42,321 --> 00:09:44,122
no matter how terribly he treats her.
224
00:09:44,123 --> 00:09:47,158
Oh, easy. Classic abusive codependency.
225
00:09:47,159 --> 00:09:49,360
You just gotta show her
there's no future with him
226
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,598
and she needs to end it and find
her own identity and...
227
00:09:52,599 --> 00:09:55,465
Oh. I see. You're smart.
228
00:09:55,466 --> 00:09:57,317
I know. I'm you.
229
00:09:57,318 --> 00:09:59,102
The authorities are still on the hunt
230
00:09:59,103 --> 00:10:00,597
for escaped Arkham inmates
231
00:10:00,598 --> 00:10:04,743
Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Gotham's
funniest villain, The Rid...
232
00:10:06,277 --> 00:10:07,711
Screw that guy!
233
00:10:07,712 --> 00:10:10,514
Name someone funnier than me, Stan.
234
00:10:10,515 --> 00:10:13,383
- Harley?
- What? No! Sta...
235
00:10:13,384 --> 00:10:15,185
Women aren't funny!
236
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,923
She's standing behind you.
237
00:10:18,924 --> 00:10:21,124
Oh, hey, Harley.
238
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:22,162
Ragweed.
239
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,762
That's it? Just "Hey, Harley"?
240
00:10:24,763 --> 00:10:26,764
You left me in Arkham for a year!
241
00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:28,867
You abandoned me, you lied to me!
242
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,316
But this is the last time.
243
00:10:30,317 --> 00:10:31,569
I am here to break up with you!
244
00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:33,904
Oh, shit! She's dumpin' you.
245
00:10:33,905 --> 00:10:36,541
No, she's not! She
doesn't call the shots!
246
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,642
Yeah, 'cause I'm callin' a cab.
247
00:10:38,643 --> 00:10:39,676
See ya never.
248
00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:40,711
Oh, shit.
249
00:10:40,712 --> 00:10:42,974
Oh, uh, thank goodness.
250
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,477
She's finally doing exactly
what I prayed she would.
251
00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:48,113
- What?
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
252
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,181
Much as it destroys
me to say it, Harley,
253
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:52,283
I was going to insist on breaking up,
254
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,652
because it's the only
way to keep you safe.
255
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:56,320
What the hell are you talkin' about?
256
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,256
Yes, no, please continue
with your bullshit.
257
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:01,560
The world's gone mad since
you've been in Arkham.
258
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,729
Have you seen Commissioner
Gordon? He's lost it.
259
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:08,533
He wants revenge because I
"paralyzed" his "partner".
260
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:12,137
He and Batman are hell-bent on
destroying everyone I care about.
261
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:13,705
That's why you didn't come get me?
262
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,306
Keeping you away from me
263
00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,345
was the only way to protect you.
264
00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:18,380
And still is.
265
00:11:18,381 --> 00:11:20,081
So, I'm afraid, my dear, this is a...
266
00:11:20,082 --> 00:11:22,050
Oh, it's a heartbreaking goodbye.
267
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:24,553
- Uh, no, no wait!
- No! No "wait".
268
00:11:24,554 --> 00:11:26,455
- This is what you wanted, Harley!
- Is it?
269
00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:28,923
It is, yes. You came here to do this.
270
00:11:28,924 --> 00:11:31,591
Yes! Listen to your awful friend.
271
00:11:31,592 --> 00:11:33,229
So, this is really the end?
272
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,929
- Yep. This is it. Let's go.
- Unless...
273
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,030
Unless what?
274
00:11:36,031 --> 00:11:38,824
Unless our love is so powerful
275
00:11:38,825 --> 00:11:42,170
even the threat of death
can't keep us apart.
276
00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:44,740
Oh, screw it! I'll die for you any day.
277
00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:47,141
- I'm in!
- Really? Me too!
278
00:11:47,142 --> 00:11:48,942
Mwah!
279
00:11:48,943 --> 00:11:51,379
What the fuck just happened?
280
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,014
We're gonna need some privacy, Ive.
281
00:11:53,015 --> 00:11:56,018
Sorry, but it's gonna get
real gross, real quick.
282
00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:04,125
On and off.
283
00:12:04,126 --> 00:12:05,893
And on and off.
284
00:12:05,894 --> 00:12:07,894
Everything lives and everything dies.
285
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,264
- Jim?
- I wasn't playing with it.
286
00:12:09,265 --> 00:12:10,999
It's the Riddler.
287
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,134
We hear he's got a riddle so funny
288
00:12:12,135 --> 00:12:13,500
it makes people's brains explode.
289
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:15,769
And he plans to broadcast it on live TV.
290
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:18,995
- Not if I solve it first.
- Oh, and hey, I was thinking about
291
00:12:18,996 --> 00:12:21,020
having some friends over to
the house for a barbecue if...
292
00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:22,543
- No.
- All right.
293
00:12:22,544 --> 00:12:26,148
And they say it's so funny it
makes people's brains explode!
294
00:12:26,149 --> 00:12:27,982
Let me take your mind off the Riddler.
295
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:30,686
I made some bread
puddin' for my puddin'.
296
00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:35,057
Okay. You're
not grasping the impact of this.
297
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:37,024
Funny is my thing
298
00:12:37,025 --> 00:12:40,894
and this asshole's trying
to steal it on live TV!
299
00:12:40,895 --> 00:12:42,864
Also, are those raisins?
300
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,112
I mean, why?
301
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:47,735
They're chocolate chips.
302
00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:50,739
Sorry. I do love chocolate chips.
303
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,106
I apologize, puddin'.
304
00:12:52,107 --> 00:12:55,040
It just seems like
every time I turn around,
305
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,144
someone's gushing over the Riddler.
306
00:12:57,145 --> 00:12:58,476
I mean, seriously,
307
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:02,083
his whole schtick is being the
world's most indirect asshole!
308
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:03,136
Okay, how about this?
309
00:13:03,137 --> 00:13:04,640
If I kill the Riddler in the next hour,
310
00:13:04,641 --> 00:13:05,794
can we still have date night?
311
00:13:05,795 --> 00:13:08,622
I got a Reese Witherspoon movie
I was thinkin' we could watch.
312
00:13:08,623 --> 00:13:10,891
Well, I do love my Reese.
313
00:13:10,892 --> 00:13:12,260
All right. Kill him.
314
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:13,995
But it's Legally Blonde or I'm out!
315
00:13:13,996 --> 00:13:15,596
It's Sweet Home Alabama.
316
00:13:15,597 --> 00:13:19,500
This day... sucks!
317
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,437
Wow, how do they not find these lairs?
318
00:13:21,438 --> 00:13:26,508
And we're murdering everyone
in Gotham in three, two...
319
00:13:26,509 --> 00:13:27,827
Citizens of Gotham,
320
00:13:27,828 --> 00:13:31,812
Riddler here with a riddle
so hilarious...
321
00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:33,348
... you'll die laughing!
322
00:13:33,349 --> 00:13:36,617
Hey, Riddler. I got
some notes on your show.
323
00:13:36,618 --> 00:13:37,852
It's over, Riddler...
324
00:13:37,853 --> 00:13:39,975
- Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
- Buzz off, Batsie,
325
00:13:39,976 --> 00:13:41,577
I'm in the middle of
doing a "notes" bit!
326
00:13:45,462 --> 00:13:46,994
Riddle me this, you two.
327
00:13:46,995 --> 00:13:49,030
What is cold but still burns?
328
00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:52,201
What will eat you if
you drink it? What...
329
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:53,436
- Acid.
- It's acid.
330
00:13:53,437 --> 00:13:55,538
I am not done. What is... Wait...
331
00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:57,672
Did I say the thing about
cold but it still burns?
332
00:13:57,673 --> 00:13:58,740
- Yes.
- Right.
333
00:13:58,741 --> 00:14:00,308
- No!
- Because it's acid.
334
00:14:00,309 --> 00:14:02,796
Okay, it's acid. I'm dropping
you in a pool of acid.
335
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,651
You're makin' a big mistake,
336
00:14:09,652 --> 00:14:13,048
'cause when my man hears about
this, he's gonna come runnin'.
337
00:14:13,049 --> 00:14:14,890
Precisely what I'm counting on.
338
00:14:14,891 --> 00:14:20,062
Why don't I invite him over
right now for a little game night?
339
00:14:20,063 --> 00:14:22,581
So you don't have a riddle so funny
340
00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:24,434
- it makes people's brains explode?
- No.
341
00:14:24,435 --> 00:14:26,434
- I knew it!
- You won't get away with this, Riddler.
342
00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:28,136
If there's no riddle, why are we here?
343
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:30,205
To play a little game.
344
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:33,107
Choose one to live and one to die
345
00:14:33,108 --> 00:14:35,850
and in the acid, the loser will fry.
346
00:14:35,851 --> 00:14:38,080
Is it the good kind of acid
that gives you super powers?
347
00:14:38,081 --> 00:14:39,747
- No. Choose!
- Aw...
348
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,484
Go ahead. Tell him, Mistah J!
349
00:14:41,485 --> 00:14:44,126
- Deep fry that bat.
- Yes, well, yes, yes.
350
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:47,855
It would seem an easy choice,
Harley, but...
351
00:14:51,459 --> 00:14:52,459
Puddin'?
352
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:55,129
Even for you that's a
lot of maniacal giggling.
353
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:56,999
Sorry, my little strung-up pheasant,
354
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,085
but I couldn't possibly let
this punctuation prick...
355
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,739
- Hey!
- ... get credit for killing Batman,
356
00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:06,975
now, could I? Free the
bat, drop the broad.
357
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:28,730
Till death do us part.
358
00:15:28,731 --> 00:15:31,499
But that's not what
really happened, is it?
359
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,468
Aw, shit. What are
you doin' in my memory?
360
00:15:33,469 --> 00:15:35,269
It's my memory, too, dummy.
361
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,939
First of all, those weren't violinists.
362
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:41,109
And you weren't dancing with Joker.
363
00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:43,511
And it wasn't an engagement ring.
364
00:15:43,512 --> 00:15:46,526
But, if all that's true,
then why'd he say...
365
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:48,616
Till death do us part.
366
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:51,789
Because he didn't say it to you.
367
00:16:00,128 --> 00:16:03,231
It was him all along, wasn't it?
368
00:16:03,232 --> 00:16:04,654
It's always been him.
369
00:16:11,607 --> 00:16:15,843
Joker never loved
me. He only loves Batman.
370
00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:25,819
Ivy!
371
00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:27,422
You saved me from the acid!
372
00:16:27,423 --> 00:16:29,691
It's actually just margarita mix.
373
00:16:29,692 --> 00:16:30,811
It's still kinda stingy.
374
00:16:30,812 --> 00:16:32,627
Okay, I did my part,
375
00:16:32,628 --> 00:16:35,530
so we're square for you
breaking me out of Arkham?
376
00:16:35,531 --> 00:16:38,040
His... His part?
What's he talking about?
377
00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:39,768
So don't go all Harley on me, okay?
378
00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:42,071
But I did set this whole thing up.
379
00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:44,356
I've been telling you forever
that the Joker's no good for you
380
00:16:44,357 --> 00:16:47,442
but it seemed like such a hard
concept for you to understand,
381
00:16:47,443 --> 00:16:50,238
so I decided to let
you see it for yourself.
382
00:16:50,239 --> 00:16:54,282
I just wanna crawl
back into that acid and die.
383
00:16:54,283 --> 00:16:55,702
Again, it's margarita mix,
384
00:16:55,703 --> 00:16:57,873
so that doesn't apply.
But look, chin up.
385
00:16:57,874 --> 00:17:01,711
You know, you still got me.
And I care about you so much
386
00:17:01,712 --> 00:17:04,011
that I spent my entire
Saturday setting up
387
00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:05,826
something this fucking stupid.
388
00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,595
That's true. I bet it wasn't easy.
389
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:09,365
Eh, you know, the
biggest pain in the ass
390
00:17:09,366 --> 00:17:11,400
was just finding 150
gallons of this shit.
391
00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:13,669
I told you to get a Costco card.
392
00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:16,104
And I told you I only
go there once a year,
393
00:17:16,105 --> 00:17:18,039
so it doesn't pay for itself, chief!
394
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,800
I can't believe
I wasted years of my life
395
00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:22,108
on that idiot clown!
396
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,517
Oh, boo-fuckin'-hoo.
397
00:17:24,518 --> 00:17:26,581
I spent ten years in a dog park.
398
00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:30,518
Come talk to me after a St.
Bernard shits on your face!
399
00:17:30,519 --> 00:17:32,488
Frank, Jesus.
400
00:17:32,489 --> 00:17:34,954
Harley, I love you in...
401
00:17:34,955 --> 00:17:38,827
In a very odd, hard-to-articulate way.
402
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:41,430
And if you just stopped
sabotaging yourself...
403
00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:42,764
- Unlikely.
- Right.
404
00:17:42,765 --> 00:17:46,366
But if you did, the
world would be yours.
405
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:49,571
And you could be any
kind of... I don't know,
406
00:17:49,572 --> 00:17:51,574
circus performer you want.
407
00:17:51,575 --> 00:17:53,782
Yeah. You know, why am I
still wearing this thing?
408
00:17:53,783 --> 00:17:56,778
I do not know.
409
00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:57,980
Joker-gram!
410
00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:00,548
"Knew you'd make it out.
Let's forget the past.
411
00:18:00,549 --> 00:18:02,917
I sent this idiot to
shout, let's have a bla..."
412
00:18:04,118 --> 00:18:06,756
Uh...
413
00:18:06,757 --> 00:18:09,490
Just to be clear. You don't
find this charming, right?
414
00:18:09,491 --> 00:18:11,727
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, cool.
415
00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:14,288
I mean, look, you know, there's
obviously something super romantic
416
00:18:14,289 --> 00:18:15,919
about a man who explodes...
417
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,499
- Right.
- ... another man for you.
418
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,665
But, but no. No, I'm
totally finished with him.
419
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:20,970
Oh, finally!
420
00:18:20,971 --> 00:18:22,738
Yeah, yeah! You know, I
am so gonna show the world
421
00:18:22,739 --> 00:18:25,106
I am more than just Joker's girlfriend!
422
00:18:25,107 --> 00:18:26,674
- There ya go! There ya go!
- Mmm-hmm!
423
00:18:26,675 --> 00:18:28,778
- I'm gonna have my own capers!
- Goddamn right you are!
424
00:18:28,779 --> 00:18:31,512
Like, like, like, I'll kidnap
the mayor of Gotham
425
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:32,914
and I'll put him in a missile
426
00:18:32,915 --> 00:18:34,616
and I'll just, like,
shoot it at the moon
427
00:18:34,617 --> 00:18:37,621
unless he names a highway after me, huh?
428
00:18:37,622 --> 00:18:40,476
- Uh, um, okay?
- I'm actually still workshopping that.
429
00:18:40,477 --> 00:18:42,256
- Yeah.
- But me and the Joker, we are so through!
430
00:18:42,257 --> 00:18:44,397
Okay, cool, yeah. No, for sure.
431
00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,532
Huh?
432
00:18:53,568 --> 00:18:55,537
Oh, come on.
433
00:18:55,538 --> 00:18:59,206
Hey, does anyone know
our damn Wi-Fi password?
434
00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:02,143
Harley? Oh. Is that you?
435
00:19:02,144 --> 00:19:03,436
It's me, dickhead.
436
00:19:03,437 --> 00:19:05,446
Uh, by the way, that's
also the Wi-Fi password.
437
00:19:05,447 --> 00:19:08,850
What is? "It's-me-dickhead?"
or just "me-dickhead"?
438
00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:11,766
Ah, it doesn't matter.
You look fantastic.
439
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,066
Is that new lipstick, or...
440
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:15,088
- Ya treated me bad.
- What?
441
00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:16,423
- Ya lied to me.
- Aw.
442
00:19:16,424 --> 00:19:18,192
- Ya never loved me.
- Come on.
443
00:19:18,193 --> 00:19:19,284
I know that now.
444
00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:21,562
Well, well, heh, that's
nonsense, puddin'.
445
00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:25,400
My motives are never clear!
I'm an agent of chaos!
446
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,669
That's what you love about me!
447
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:28,568
Not anymore. We're through.
448
00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:32,240
Oh, yeah, this again? Look,
let me make this clear.
449
00:19:32,241 --> 00:19:34,343
You don't ever break up with me!
450
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:36,592
I'm the top supervillain in Gotham.
451
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:39,514
Not for long. 'Cause you're
lookin' at your replacement.
452
00:19:39,515 --> 00:19:42,951
You? Replace me?
453
00:19:42,952 --> 00:19:44,346
I created you!
454
00:19:44,347 --> 00:19:47,909
You won't even get out of this
building alive unless I let you.
455
00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:02,037
Bring it, bitch.
456
00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:18,385
Ooh! Ah!
457
00:20:28,632 --> 00:20:30,965
Just say the word and I'll call it off.
458
00:20:33,135 --> 00:20:35,636
Till death do us part.
459
00:20:35,637 --> 00:20:38,489
Oh, fine. Kill her.
460
00:20:50,117 --> 00:20:53,422
Ooh!
461
00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:05,566
Hell yeah!
462
00:21:45,607 --> 00:21:47,878
Hey, I was just gonna
see if you need any help,
463
00:21:47,879 --> 00:21:49,144
but you seem good.
464
00:21:49,145 --> 00:21:50,268
Love the new look.
465
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:52,413
Gonna go pick up some Thai
food. Text me what you want?
466
00:21:52,414 --> 00:21:54,115
Oh wait, I'll have a green potato curry.
467
00:21:54,116 --> 00:21:56,007
Yeah, but I said... Just text it to me.
468
00:21:56,008 --> 00:21:57,720
- But you're right here.
- Yeah, but, I'm not gonna remember it.
469
00:21:57,721 --> 00:21:58,809
And then you won't like what I get you
470
00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:00,654
and you're gonna want some of mine.
471
00:22:00,655 --> 00:22:02,789
Just, just fuckin' text it.
472
00:22:02,790 --> 00:22:06,528
Oh, what?
473
00:22:06,529 --> 00:22:08,262
You gonna kill me now?
474
00:22:08,263 --> 00:22:12,165
No, I want you alive so I
can see the look on your face
475
00:22:12,166 --> 00:22:16,218
when I'm runnin' this town.
35208
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