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1
00:00:01,070 --> 00:00:02,269
Come on, man. It's Eddie.
2
00:00:02,208 --> 00:00:03,108
Your little Edwin.
3
00:00:03,062 --> 00:00:04,560
You owe me one.
4
00:00:04,483 --> 00:00:06,315
Well, that's not my fault.
5
00:00:06,220 --> 00:00:07,220
Ok. I can hang on.
6
00:00:07,169 --> 00:00:09,367
Hey, Eddie, don't you
have a phone at your house?
7
00:00:09,254 --> 00:00:13,087
There are certain calls I'd prefer
not to originate at my house.
8
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:13,788
Oh, great. Ok.
9
00:00:13,742 --> 00:00:15,373
Feed my kids when
I'm in prison, all right?
10
00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:17,788
I'm making this call for
your daughter, bubba Jay.
11
00:00:17,659 --> 00:00:19,959
Don't call me bubba Jay.
12
00:00:20,282 --> 00:00:23,681
Yeah. You got 'em?
You got the tickets?
13
00:00:23,505 --> 00:00:26,537
Good. Good. Rock on.
14
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:28,546
I got 'em.
15
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:28,967
No.
16
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:31,706
Yeah. The no doubt tickets?
17
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,028
Yeah.
18
00:00:32,952 --> 00:00:33,918
No.
19
00:00:33,869 --> 00:00:34,669
I'm tellin' you, yeah.
20
00:00:34,628 --> 00:00:37,693
Aah! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
21
00:00:37,535 --> 00:00:39,867
You are the best uncle
in the whole world.
22
00:00:39,746 --> 00:00:40,846
Ok. Get off me.
23
00:00:41,199 --> 00:00:44,098
I brought the snake.
Which drain is clogged?
24
00:00:43,948 --> 00:00:45,414
Great, dad. Give it here.
Walt: No, no.
25
00:00:45,339 --> 00:00:47,905
This is a finely-tuned
piece of equipment.
26
00:00:47,772 --> 00:00:48,904
You don't know how to use it.
27
00:00:48,846 --> 00:00:49,646
Dad, I'm an electrician.
28
00:00:49,606 --> 00:00:51,204
You think I don't know
how to use a drill?
29
00:00:51,122 --> 00:00:53,221
When you hook
a drill up to a snake,
30
00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:55,644
it's a whole different animal.
31
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,279
Now, what did you clog
the sink with, anyway?
32
00:00:58,136 --> 00:00:59,636
Nothing.
33
00:00:59,969 --> 00:01:03,502
Henry, don't wear
a hat in the house.
34
00:01:03,319 --> 00:01:05,185
Ok.
35
00:01:11,028 --> 00:01:14,594
Oh, dear lord. Put it back on.
Put it back on.
36
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:16,875
Dad, wait. He got a
not-so-great haircut.
37
00:01:16,748 --> 00:01:18,614
What's the big deal?
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,979
Hey, check out the back.
39
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:25,101
You can see my skull.
40
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:43,586
So, who did that
to Henry's hair?
41
00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:49,575
Aw, you took him to one of those
places in the village, didn't you?
42
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:53,024
Where they all dress in black
and nobody talks to you.
43
00:01:52,832 --> 00:01:55,765
No, no. No. I took him to Tony.
44
00:01:55,613 --> 00:01:57,312
Tony? He's not capable of that.
45
00:01:57,225 --> 00:02:01,157
Oh, come on, Walt. Do not defend
that butcher in this house.
46
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:02,085
He is incompetent.
47
00:02:02,027 --> 00:02:04,260
But Sean had a nice
little talk with him.
48
00:02:04,145 --> 00:02:06,277
I'm yellin' at you
because I'm an ass!
49
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,466
I came by yesterday with my son!
50
00:02:08,347 --> 00:02:10,347
Get out of here.
51
00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:16,451
You screamed at Tony?
52
00:02:16,341 --> 00:02:19,774
The man has been cuttin'
my hair for 30 years.
53
00:02:19,596 --> 00:02:22,896
Same haircut,
flawless every time.
54
00:02:23,135 --> 00:02:25,334
Maybe it's time
for old Tony to retire.
55
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:27,653
You know what, guys?
It's just a haircut.
56
00:02:27,527 --> 00:02:29,893
Yeah. You're right, buddy.
57
00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:31,203
It's ok, right?
58
00:02:31,129 --> 00:02:32,262
Oh, yeah. It'll grow out.
59
00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:33,703
Sure. Eventually.
60
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,692
It's just hair.
61
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:41,327
Jimmy, you gotta relax, or
you're gonna give us all away.
62
00:02:41,146 --> 00:02:41,646
Dad, I can't.
63
00:02:41,621 --> 00:02:45,020
I feel like I'm getting
an ulcer or something.
64
00:02:45,127 --> 00:02:48,959
Jimmy, at your age, it's probably
just intestinal parasites.
65
00:02:48,761 --> 00:02:52,960
Oh, ok. What's goin' on?
66
00:02:52,742 --> 00:02:53,309
Look. Look, ok?
67
00:02:53,281 --> 00:02:55,512
This whole thing started when
Claudia got it in her head
68
00:02:55,397 --> 00:02:57,263
that I don't carry my share.
69
00:02:57,166 --> 00:03:01,899
All right? And you know
how condescending she can be.
70
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:04,456
So you're gonna get Henry
his haircut today, right?
71
00:03:04,339 --> 00:03:06,271
Yeah. Yeah. Go back further.
72
00:03:06,172 --> 00:03:08,238
You're not gonna
forget, are you?
73
00:03:08,131 --> 00:03:09,931
No.
74
00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:14,402
Claudia: Sean, listen.
It's for his choir recital.
75
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:17,094
Please don't forget.
He's got a solo.
76
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,279
We'll actually get to
see him this time,
77
00:03:19,159 --> 00:03:20,291
and he really needs a haircut.
78
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:23,132
I know, I know, I know, ok?
79
00:03:22,982 --> 00:03:24,181
I'm not gonna forget.
80
00:03:24,119 --> 00:03:26,285
'Cause you never
forget anything, right?
81
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:30,273
Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
82
00:03:31,608 --> 00:03:33,674
You did pick up Jimmy?
83
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:36,134
Yeah. Of course.
84
00:03:36,854 --> 00:03:40,986
Oh, god. You know,
that was like one time.
85
00:03:40,772 --> 00:03:42,204
Yo, elway. Chuck it.
86
00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:44,463
One time? No. It's all the time.
87
00:03:44,343 --> 00:03:48,108
It's the garbage that
doesn't get taken out
88
00:03:47,913 --> 00:03:49,546
and the dog that
doesn't get washed.
89
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,261
The Halloween decorations
don't get taken down.
90
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:53,681
Whoa. What are you
talkin' about?
91
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,700
There's a witch
on our door, sweetie.
92
00:03:58,544 --> 00:04:00,000
Oh, ok. That's so insulting.
93
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,867
Well, come on. What?
94
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:04,921
That's so unfair for you to
sit here on your high hor...
95
00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:06,408
You know, how dare you?
96
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:07,552
How dare I?
97
00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:08,888
Yes, how dare you,
98
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:12,048
laying this trip on me like
I'm some irresponsible boob
99
00:04:11,881 --> 00:04:13,947
who doesn't take care
of his family.
100
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:14,807
Eddie: Yo, Sean.
101
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,956
No, no, no. You and I might have
different priorities, Claudia, ok?
102
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:20,189
But I am a good father
and a good husband
103
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,797
and if something needs
doin' around here, ok,
104
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,674
I ultimately
get around and do it,
105
00:04:24,521 --> 00:04:27,053
and I would appreciate, ok,
106
00:04:26,922 --> 00:04:27,589
a little bit of thanks
107
00:04:27,555 --> 00:04:30,719
and just some kind of acknowledgment
of that every once in a while.
108
00:04:30,555 --> 00:04:32,289
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
109
00:04:37,096 --> 00:04:39,662
Very stirring speech!
110
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,529
Well, it needed to be said!
111
00:04:47,082 --> 00:04:48,714
Hey, lil, check it out.
112
00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:49,197
The tickets.
113
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,832
Yes! Who's cooler than
your uncle Edwin?
114
00:04:51,694 --> 00:04:53,660
Thank you so much.
115
00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:54,891
How did you get them?
116
00:04:54,823 --> 00:04:55,757
I know a guy.
117
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,173
You always know a guy.
118
00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:58,864
How many guys do you know?
119
00:04:58,773 --> 00:05:01,440
I know about 75 guys.
120
00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:04,130
This is so far beyond cool.
121
00:05:04,018 --> 00:05:04,652
Claudia: What is?
122
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:08,184
Eddie got me 4 tickets
to the no doubt concert.
123
00:05:07,999 --> 00:05:08,999
Oh, that's great.
124
00:05:08,948 --> 00:05:11,480
No. You don't understand.
125
00:05:11,349 --> 00:05:12,182
It's amazing.
126
00:05:12,140 --> 00:05:14,971
It's totally sold out,
and it's in a tiny club.
127
00:05:14,824 --> 00:05:16,757
It'll be like
they're in our house.
128
00:05:16,658 --> 00:05:18,423
That is amazing.
129
00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,123
No. You don't understand.
130
00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:21,794
It's incredible.
131
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:25,287
It's a benefit concert,
only 300 people will be there,
132
00:05:25,104 --> 00:05:28,169
and me and my friends
will be four of them.
133
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,277
That's incredible.
134
00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:31,378
No. It's genius.
135
00:05:31,266 --> 00:05:32,032
I know.
136
00:05:31,993 --> 00:05:35,758
Oh, forget it.
You'll never understand.
137
00:05:36,151 --> 00:05:37,317
Oh, I understand.
138
00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,522
It's really, really,
really, really great.
139
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,105
I get it.
140
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,703
You're not getting this at all.
141
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,209
Hey, dad, I was gonna
get him the haircut,
142
00:05:45,148 --> 00:05:46,765
but I wasn't gonna blow a whole
Saturday on it, all right?
143
00:05:46,766 --> 00:05:48,265
So I took him to the movies.
144
00:05:48,188 --> 00:05:49,720
Dude, where's my coke?
145
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,307
Dude, where's my shoe?
146
00:05:51,221 --> 00:05:52,587
Dude, where's my butt?
147
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:53,782
Dude, where's my dude?
148
00:05:53,717 --> 00:05:54,284
Ok, that's enough.
149
00:05:54,256 --> 00:05:55,854
Come on. We gotta
get to the barbershop.
150
00:05:55,771 --> 00:05:56,604
Let's go, guys.
151
00:05:56,562 --> 00:05:58,260
How long was the movie?
152
00:05:58,173 --> 00:06:02,840
Well, it wasn't just the movie.
153
00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:06,174
Let me try the very very Berry.
154
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:09,638
Look, you can't taste
every flavor in the store.
155
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:13,819
Oh, no. Actually, we better
get going to the barbershop.
156
00:06:13,593 --> 00:06:15,060
Sorry.
157
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,678
And then you went
to the barbershop.
158
00:06:21,524 --> 00:06:24,156
Yeah, well... Uh, well,
159
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:28,286
yeah, not straight there.
160
00:06:28,065 --> 00:06:31,297
We... Yeah.
161
00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:32,730
No.
162
00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:34,279
Come on.
163
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,292
Push the button already.
164
00:06:36,185 --> 00:06:37,584
Uh, dad?
165
00:06:37,512 --> 00:06:39,711
You know, we're in
front of the tape.
166
00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:41,297
Are you sure that it's safe?
167
00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:42,975
Jimmy, the set the tape
way far back.
168
00:06:42,884 --> 00:06:43,816
It's for insurance.
169
00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:44,469
It's like milk.
170
00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:47,198
You can drink it weeks after
that date they put on it.
171
00:06:47,055 --> 00:06:48,221
Sean: All right!
172
00:06:48,162 --> 00:06:52,095
Showtime. Whoo!
173
00:06:55,713 --> 00:06:57,246
Awesome.
174
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:57,867
Check out the dust cloud.
175
00:06:57,832 --> 00:07:02,896
Dad, are you sure that it's safe
to be in front of the line?
176
00:07:02,633 --> 00:07:04,732
Yeah.
177
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,158
Run!
178
00:07:12,315 --> 00:07:14,128
I think I may have black lung.
179
00:07:14,429 --> 00:07:17,661
I think I've got blown-up
pieces of rat on me.
180
00:07:17,494 --> 00:07:20,793
They put that yellow
line way too close.
181
00:07:20,622 --> 00:07:23,122
Oh, no.
182
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,366
So you frittered away
a whole day?
183
00:07:26,244 --> 00:07:28,309
We were having fun, and
then we got to this place,
184
00:07:28,202 --> 00:07:29,735
and the barbershop was closed,
185
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,856
and you know Claudia.
186
00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:32,159
I knew how much
she was freaking out
187
00:07:32,089 --> 00:07:34,188
about Henry getting
his hair cut for the recital,
188
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,879
and then I thought,
you know what?
189
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,819
How hard could it be?
190
00:07:37,714 --> 00:07:40,280
Huh? Huh?
191
00:07:42,264 --> 00:07:43,296
All right.
192
00:07:43,243 --> 00:07:44,275
Oh, wow.
193
00:07:44,223 --> 00:07:45,022
What, wow?
194
00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:45,815
That was a big clump.
195
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:49,705
I'm gonna do the same
thing to the other side.
196
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,008
Voila.
197
00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,332
How does it look?
198
00:07:56,262 --> 00:07:57,295
Eddie: Uh-oh.
199
00:07:57,242 --> 00:07:58,175
What, uh-oh?
200
00:07:58,127 --> 00:07:59,158
Why did you do that?
201
00:07:59,105 --> 00:07:59,939
What are you talking about?
202
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,229
That's not
what I would have done.
203
00:08:02,297 --> 00:08:04,363
Isn't it easier to
cut it if it's wet?
204
00:08:04,257 --> 00:08:05,922
Yes. Good point. Yes. Wet.
205
00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:08,769
Hey, hand me that spray
bottle right there.
206
00:08:08,617 --> 00:08:11,482
That's good. Good deal.
207
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:12,234
Aah! Ow!
208
00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:13,786
That's windex.
209
00:08:13,704 --> 00:08:17,504
Oh, god! Oh! Sorry, Henry.
210
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,440
Ok. Ok. Looking good.
211
00:08:22,299 --> 00:08:24,065
Lookin' crooked.
212
00:08:23,974 --> 00:08:27,073
You have to use the ears
to calibrate.
213
00:08:26,912 --> 00:08:27,912
I'm using the ears.
214
00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:29,192
It doesn't look like
you're using the ears.
215
00:08:29,124 --> 00:08:31,623
Look, if anything, I'm
over-relying on the ears.
216
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:33,926
Just put the scissors down
and walk away.
217
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,634
I can't. I can't.
218
00:09:01,261 --> 00:09:02,293
You know what?
219
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,507
I gotta fluff.
I just gotta fluff.
220
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,829
Ok. We got some body.
221
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:11,932
What the hell
did you do right here?
222
00:09:11,769 --> 00:09:13,335
Where?
223
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,520
Jimmy: He's got a bald spot.
224
00:09:15,403 --> 00:09:18,002
Hey, it's good, Henry.
225
00:09:17,868 --> 00:09:19,633
It makes you look older.
226
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:22,675
So you just dumped the hair
down the disposal?
227
00:09:22,513 --> 00:09:25,612
Well, I figured if Claudia
couldn't find the evidence,
228
00:09:25,451 --> 00:09:26,284
then, you know,
229
00:09:26,242 --> 00:09:27,373
she would never know.
230
00:09:27,315 --> 00:09:29,849
She could look at his head.
231
00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,816
Yeah. Yeah, and she did.
232
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:37,632
In my hand no price I bring
233
00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:42,426
Simply to thy cross I cling
234
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:44,098
Rock of ages
235
00:09:43,999 --> 00:09:45,798
Cleft to me
236
00:09:45,705 --> 00:09:49,404
Let me hide myself in thee
237
00:09:49,212 --> 00:09:53,011
Oh, my god. What happened
to Henry's hair?
238
00:09:52,815 --> 00:09:53,415
Uh...
239
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,617
Tony the barber was drunk.
240
00:09:56,859 --> 00:09:58,025
Yeah.
241
00:09:57,966 --> 00:10:01,565
Be of sin the double cure
242
00:10:01,378 --> 00:10:06,277
Save from wrath
and make me pure
243
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:13,856
Save from wrath
and make me pure
244
00:10:15,029 --> 00:10:18,128
So, jimbo came through
with an excellent story,
245
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,766
and I was off the hook.
246
00:10:19,674 --> 00:10:21,807
What a proud day.
247
00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:25,837
Dad, listen. I can't
keep lying like this.
248
00:10:25,646 --> 00:10:26,911
I want to tell the truth.
249
00:10:26,846 --> 00:10:30,012
Hey, hey, hey. Jimmy,
we're in this together, ok?
250
00:10:29,848 --> 00:10:32,180
So if I go down, you go down.
251
00:10:32,059 --> 00:10:34,492
Why? I didn't cut Henry's hair.
252
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,000
You didn't stop us.
253
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,400
That makes you an
accessory after the fact.
254
00:10:41,002 --> 00:10:47,554
Hey, Kristina. Whatcha
doin' Saturday night?
255
00:10:47,555 --> 00:10:49,721
You're never gonna
guess what I got.
256
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:53,408
Yeah. Something totally
beyond cool just happened.
257
00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:54,944
I got...
258
00:10:55,929 --> 00:10:58,462
See, I got...
259
00:10:58,804 --> 00:11:01,471
I gotta go.
260
00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:05,093
Why didn't you ask
her to the concert?
261
00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,965
I'm not going to ask her.
262
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:08,861
Kristina is your best friend.
263
00:11:08,758 --> 00:11:10,890
Exactly. She already likes me.
264
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:13,847
What do I have to gain
by inviting her?
265
00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:15,874
It would just be
a waste of a ticket.
266
00:11:15,804 --> 00:11:18,170
I mean, these things
could be my key
267
00:11:18,048 --> 00:11:19,680
to popularity forever,
268
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:23,495
and I almost blew one
on my friend.
269
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:25,992
Hey, lil.
We need to talk about...
270
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:29,252
Whoa. What is it, Jimmy?
271
00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:29,981
What?
272
00:11:29,961 --> 00:11:32,192
Ha ha. There's a softener
sheet on your back,
273
00:11:32,077 --> 00:11:34,543
which means you've been in the dryer,
which means you've been hiding from me,
274
00:11:34,416 --> 00:11:37,849
which mean you're keeping
something from me. What is it?
275
00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:39,534
Nothing.
276
00:11:39,471 --> 00:11:41,938
Are you lyin'?
277
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:45,250
Yes. Mm-hmm.
278
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:48,916
Ok, uncle Eddie,
you got me into this,
279
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,591
so you've got to help me out.
280
00:11:50,499 --> 00:11:51,033
What?
281
00:11:51,006 --> 00:11:52,270
All right. These are the names
282
00:11:52,205 --> 00:11:54,871
of everybody I could possibly
invite to the concert.
283
00:11:54,733 --> 00:11:56,099
The blue people are
my actual friends,
284
00:11:56,029 --> 00:11:58,528
the red people are popular
people who kinda know me,
285
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:03,232
and the green people are popular
people who don't like me.
286
00:12:03,644 --> 00:12:04,177
Ok.
287
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,915
All right. Now, if I invite
more than one green,
288
00:12:06,772 --> 00:12:07,838
they'll just talk to each other,
289
00:12:07,783 --> 00:12:09,215
and I'll end up with
a blue or a red.
290
00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:11,741
And the red would probably
just go over to the green,
291
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:12,274
so that won't work.
292
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,438
But if I invite an extra
blue for insurance,
293
00:12:14,324 --> 00:12:15,756
the green person
won't even come,
294
00:12:15,683 --> 00:12:16,882
so I might as well
not even risk it
295
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,852
and just invite blues
and reds and no Greens,
296
00:12:18,747 --> 00:12:21,313
but that would be such
a waste, wouldn't it?
297
00:12:21,181 --> 00:12:24,381
Who's green again?
298
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:27,496
Popular people
who don't like me.
299
00:12:27,342 --> 00:12:30,041
Ok. Why don't you just...
300
00:12:29,902 --> 00:12:31,234
Wait a minute. Who's blue?
301
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:35,166
Oh! You are useless!
302
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,709
Rub it in, why don't you?
303
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,166
I should have known
he gave Henry that haircut.
304
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:43,002
It should have been obvious.
305
00:12:42,951 --> 00:12:46,549
Well, you, you lying to me,
that's what threw me off.
306
00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:49,395
Mom, I really didn't want to,
307
00:12:49,238 --> 00:12:53,270
but dad told me it was
the right thing to do.
308
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:54,394
Ok. That looks ok, right?
309
00:12:54,326 --> 00:12:54,759
Jimmy: No.
310
00:12:54,737 --> 00:12:58,302
Lily, give me that hat.
Come on. Come on.
311
00:12:58,117 --> 00:12:58,483
Why?
312
00:12:58,465 --> 00:13:01,998
'Cause Henry need to
borrow it, that's why.
313
00:13:02,478 --> 00:13:06,177
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That doesn't
look stupid at all.
314
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,484
Where's a mirror?
315
00:13:07,407 --> 00:13:09,839
Oh! Um... Oh.
316
00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:11,146
Mom is gonna freak out.
317
00:13:11,072 --> 00:13:14,505
Look, not if she doesn't find
out how it happened, ok?
318
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,359
All right. All right, guys.
319
00:13:15,307 --> 00:13:17,106
Little life lesson, all right?
320
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:17,846
There are certain situations,
321
00:13:17,803 --> 00:13:19,735
and this is a perfect
example of one of them, ok,
322
00:13:19,636 --> 00:13:21,468
where the best bet
for everybody involved
323
00:13:21,373 --> 00:13:25,105
is that what we do is,
we... Uh, we lie.
324
00:13:24,912 --> 00:13:27,011
But you always
tell us not to lie.
325
00:13:26,903 --> 00:13:28,969
You yell at us when we lie.
326
00:13:28,862 --> 00:13:30,428
Ok, but this is
a white lie, all right,
327
00:13:30,348 --> 00:13:31,213
and that's the kind of lie
328
00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:32,069
where you spare
someone's feeling,
329
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,755
and we're sparing
your mother's feelings.
330
00:13:33,665 --> 00:13:34,830
How? Well, we're keeping her
331
00:13:34,771 --> 00:13:36,704
from feeling bad that
she married an idiot.
332
00:13:36,604 --> 00:13:39,203
Not lying's like a commandment.
333
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:41,468
Yeah? Well, so is
honoring thy father, ok?
334
00:13:41,344 --> 00:13:44,276
And that's, like, much higher,
335
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,923
ok? So, look.
336
00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:47,596
Are you guys with me
on this one?
337
00:13:47,505 --> 00:13:48,405
I don't know.
338
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,491
Oh, come on. Jimmy,
339
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:50,499
Jimmy, Jimmy, listen to me.
340
00:13:50,444 --> 00:13:51,776
You gotta understand something.
341
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:53,874
Your mother is a woman, ok,
342
00:13:53,762 --> 00:13:55,661
and she keeps score
every time I screw up,
343
00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:58,995
and this afternoon, I lobbed a
big meatball across the plate,
344
00:13:58,817 --> 00:14:01,616
so I have to ask one
thing of you, son, ok?
345
00:14:01,471 --> 00:14:03,938
Just don't freak out on me!
346
00:14:04,915 --> 00:14:07,214
And he thought I wasn't
gonna figure that out?
347
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,762
You didn't figure it out.
I told you.
348
00:14:10,572 --> 00:14:12,371
Well, he doesn't
have to know that.
349
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:15,077
See? Now you're making me lie.
350
00:14:14,932 --> 00:14:16,398
No, no, no. It's ok, Jimmy,
351
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:19,122
'cause I'm asking you
to lie about a lie.
352
00:14:18,977 --> 00:14:19,877
It just cancels it out.
353
00:14:19,831 --> 00:14:24,162
Your dad, though, asked you
to lie about the truth,
354
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:25,970
and that is just wrong.
355
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:30,431
For that, he will suffer.
356
00:14:30,194 --> 00:14:33,526
Ok, uncle Eddie.
I've got it figured out.
357
00:14:33,354 --> 00:14:35,453
You ready?
358
00:14:35,344 --> 00:14:35,911
Ok. Ok.
359
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:37,781
So I invite Julie and Lauren.
360
00:14:37,683 --> 00:14:39,749
Now, Julie hates Lauren,
so she won't go,
361
00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:41,641
but I'll still
get points for asking.
362
00:14:41,538 --> 00:14:42,603
Now, kim will go,
363
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,282
but she'll want to bring
her boyfriend Brandon,
364
00:14:44,193 --> 00:14:46,825
but that's ok, 'cause he's
captain of the basketball team.
365
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,699
Now, he doesn't go anywhere
without Jason and David,
366
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,510
and they each have
girlfriends, which is fine,
367
00:14:52,409 --> 00:14:53,908
'cause once I'm in with
that crowd, I'm set.
368
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:57,530
So I get Lauren, Kim, Brandon,
Jason, David, Allison, marilee,
369
00:14:57,338 --> 00:15:00,103
her little sister, and her
sister's friends, Gail and Tracy,
370
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:03,660
and all I need from you
is 7 more tickets.
371
00:15:04,858 --> 00:15:07,390
I can't get 7 more tickets.
372
00:15:07,259 --> 00:15:08,558
I can work with 5.
373
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,091
I can't get any more tickets.
374
00:15:10,956 --> 00:15:14,122
3? No. None. Zero.
375
00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:15,358
Aah!
376
00:15:15,286 --> 00:15:17,252
Yeah. Tell me about it.
377
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:20,715
It's so funny. Two days ago,
that drain was working fine.
378
00:15:20,531 --> 00:15:24,730
It sure will be interesting to see
what's clogged down there, won't it?
379
00:15:24,512 --> 00:15:25,045
You know what?
380
00:15:25,018 --> 00:15:25,984
You got so much stuff
to do, Claudia.
381
00:15:25,935 --> 00:15:29,833
You don't want to hang out and
watch us unclog the drain.
382
00:15:29,631 --> 00:15:30,797
No. I'm interested.
383
00:15:30,737 --> 00:15:33,136
You know, I think
I know what it is.
384
00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:34,144
Yeah. Lily,
385
00:15:34,086 --> 00:15:35,519
she puts paper towels
down there all the time.
386
00:15:35,446 --> 00:15:39,845
I'm gonna go give that girl
a piece of my mind.
387
00:15:39,617 --> 00:15:40,350
Uh...
388
00:15:40,312 --> 00:15:42,210
Uh... don't... uh...
Don't... uh... don't...
389
00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:43,046
You know, don't do that,
390
00:15:42,998 --> 00:15:45,630
because, uh, well,
it wasn't her.
391
00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:47,326
How do you know?
392
00:15:47,231 --> 00:15:47,864
Well, because,
393
00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:51,464
you know, I was... I just so
happened to be watching her,
394
00:15:51,276 --> 00:15:52,375
ok, before,
395
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,619
and she wasn't doing that.
396
00:15:56,079 --> 00:15:56,646
You know?
397
00:15:56,617 --> 00:15:58,648
So you've been
guarding the drain?
398
00:15:58,543 --> 00:16:01,909
Ha ha! You mean like... no.
399
00:16:01,735 --> 00:16:03,034
No. No.
400
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:03,667
I was... no.
401
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:07,663
If it's not paper towels, I don't
know what it could possibly be,
402
00:16:07,454 --> 00:16:09,387
unless it was Henry's hair
that you cut yourself
403
00:16:09,287 --> 00:16:12,087
and then tried to flush
down the disposal.
404
00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,512
You're right.
405
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:20,385
It was Lily and
those damn paper towels.
406
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,682
It was not
Lily's damn paper towels.
407
00:16:21,611 --> 00:16:23,443
See, I knew you were gonna
make a big deal about this.
408
00:16:23,348 --> 00:16:26,080
How could I not make
a big deal about this?
409
00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:28,672
You're the one who said,
"how dare you?
410
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:30,730
How dare you question
my competence?"
411
00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,981
Oh, there's no way
I said, "how dare you."
412
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,258
Oh, I think you did.
413
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,266
How dare you!
414
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,297
Here, Eddie.
415
00:16:42,363 --> 00:16:44,695
I didn't say it like that.
416
00:16:44,574 --> 00:16:45,607
You're amazing, Sean.
417
00:16:45,554 --> 00:16:49,186
And 2 hours ago, given the choice
of just telling me the truth
418
00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:50,297
or yelling at poor old Tony,
419
00:16:50,231 --> 00:16:51,131
you yelled at Tony.
420
00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,650
Ok. That might
not have gone down
421
00:16:53,517 --> 00:16:56,982
exactly the way you may
have perceived it to have.
422
00:16:56,803 --> 00:16:59,236
Claud. Claud.
What are you doin'?
423
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:00,642
I'm going to Tony's.
424
00:17:00,563 --> 00:17:00,896
Why?
425
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,978
I'm gonna plunge his
scissors into his neck.
426
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:04,936
Oh, no, claud.
Claudia, don't do this.
427
00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:06,628
After that haircut
he gave Henry?
428
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,634
No, no. Come on. Come on.
Let me talk to him.
429
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:10,258
You don't even care.
430
00:17:10,169 --> 00:17:12,435
I care. Then why
aren't you angry?
431
00:17:12,318 --> 00:17:12,818
Oh, I'm angry.
432
00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:14,558
I want to go in there
and tear him a new one.
433
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,266
I want to go tear him
two new ones.
434
00:17:16,173 --> 00:17:17,805
Just let me do it, ok?
435
00:17:17,721 --> 00:17:20,088
Ok. Ok.
436
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:23,049
Tony.
437
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:23,398
Sean.
438
00:17:23,378 --> 00:17:26,009
Listen, you've done nothin'
wrong, you understand me?
439
00:17:25,873 --> 00:17:26,773
Nothin' at all.
440
00:17:26,727 --> 00:17:28,225
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah,
441
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,081
and I came by yesterday
442
00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:30,232
with my boy to get a haircut
443
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:31,036
but you were closed,
444
00:17:30,992 --> 00:17:31,792
so I gave him a haircut,
445
00:17:31,752 --> 00:17:33,050
and it was the worst
freakin' haircut
446
00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:34,749
in the history of
haircuts... the worst!
447
00:17:34,658 --> 00:17:36,423
Well, what are you
yellin' at me for?
448
00:17:36,332 --> 00:17:37,465
Why am I yellin' at you?
449
00:17:37,407 --> 00:17:38,307
Because I'm an ass,
450
00:17:38,261 --> 00:17:39,559
and I'm tryin' to save my butt,
451
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,758
and you see that
woman out there?
452
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:41,693
She's married to me, ok,
453
00:17:41,642 --> 00:17:43,774
so you let me yell at you
for just a minute longer,
454
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:44,895
she might not kill me!
455
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:45,864
Do you understand me,
456
00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:48,378
you perfectly nice
son of a bitch?
457
00:17:48,245 --> 00:17:50,277
Please, get the hell
out of here.
458
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:51,639
You...
459
00:17:55,196 --> 00:17:58,996
And I'll pay for that
next time I'm in!
460
00:18:04,803 --> 00:18:06,835
What were you thinking?
461
00:18:06,730 --> 00:18:07,330
Well, I was thinking
462
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,098
I'd rather have a barber
mad at me than my wife.
463
00:18:09,953 --> 00:18:11,885
Yeah. Of course you would.
464
00:18:11,785 --> 00:18:17,285
You only get one haircut a
year, you dirty hippie.
465
00:18:17,757 --> 00:18:21,756
Ok. Here's the hairball.
466
00:18:21,549 --> 00:18:24,548
It looks like a dead squirrel.
467
00:18:24,393 --> 00:18:26,526
Yeah, it does.
468
00:18:26,416 --> 00:18:27,981
Can I have it?
469
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,233
No! No, no.
470
00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:30,697
But it came off of me.
471
00:18:30,618 --> 00:18:32,218
No, Henry. No.
472
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:33,601
Oh!
473
00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:40,058
It was like mom could see right
into the center of my soul...
474
00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:44,489
And what she saw there
was this hard evil,
475
00:18:44,242 --> 00:18:48,309
and it burned
my insides like fire.
476
00:18:48,413 --> 00:18:51,646
Yeah, but you get used to it.
477
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:55,110
How could you do this to me?
478
00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,854
Do what to you?
479
00:18:56,755 --> 00:18:58,854
Give me 4 tickets.
480
00:18:58,745 --> 00:19:01,944
Uh, you begged for them?
481
00:19:01,779 --> 00:19:04,245
Think, uncle Eddie. 4 tickets.
482
00:19:04,117 --> 00:19:05,283
The math doesn't work.
483
00:19:05,224 --> 00:19:06,323
Sure, I get 3 new friends,
484
00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:08,865
but what happens when
everybody else finds out?
485
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:09,264
I'll be ruined.
486
00:19:09,237 --> 00:19:12,002
Hey, do you know what I had to
go through to get those tickets?
487
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,724
Major favors were called in.
488
00:19:13,628 --> 00:19:16,427
A fed ex employee
risked his job.
489
00:19:16,282 --> 00:19:22,048
2 strippers had to make a
late night trip to Jersey.
490
00:19:21,749 --> 00:19:22,781
Do not ask me why.
491
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:25,961
Why does it always have to
be about you, uncle Eddie?
492
00:19:25,794 --> 00:19:27,694
What about me?
493
00:19:29,681 --> 00:19:31,514
She's weird.
494
00:19:32,303 --> 00:19:33,103
You said it.
495
00:19:33,062 --> 00:19:35,027
Hey, you want to go scalp these?
496
00:19:34,926 --> 00:19:35,559
Sure.
497
00:19:35,527 --> 00:19:36,825
All right. Put a jacket on
498
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,958
and some shoes you can run in.
499
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,292
Sean: Claud. Claud.
500
00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:42,000
Claudia. Claudia.
Claudia, I'm sorry.
501
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:43,274
I don't want you to be sorry.
502
00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:43,904
Well, what do you want?
503
00:19:43,868 --> 00:19:46,300
I just want you to do
the stuff I want you to do.
504
00:19:46,175 --> 00:19:47,240
Yeah. I want to do those things.
505
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,518
Really. I would
love to be the guy
506
00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:49,782
that wants to do those things,
507
00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:50,580
but I just can't,
508
00:19:50,536 --> 00:19:52,667
ok, because I'm
not good at them.
509
00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:53,989
I'm just not programmed
that way, you know?
510
00:19:53,916 --> 00:19:56,682
If someone's bleedin',
I'm right there.
511
00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:57,306
Fix a bicycle, sure.
512
00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:00,131
You know, pick something
heavy up off the ground
513
00:19:59,983 --> 00:20:02,182
and put it somewhere. That's me,
514
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,101
ok? Because those are
the things I'm good at,
515
00:20:04,944 --> 00:20:05,777
but the terrific thing is,
516
00:20:05,735 --> 00:20:07,866
is that you're great
at the other things,
517
00:20:07,756 --> 00:20:09,689
and that's why I'm
such a lucky guy.
518
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:11,688
It's like the
yin-Yang, you know?
519
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,712
You and the things that you do,
520
00:20:13,602 --> 00:20:15,468
you hold this family together,
521
00:20:15,372 --> 00:20:17,504
like remembering birthdays
522
00:20:17,393 --> 00:20:19,359
or buying clothes
523
00:20:19,258 --> 00:20:25,223
or making those tasty,
balanced lunches
524
00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:25,581
for our little ones,
525
00:20:25,547 --> 00:20:27,878
and that's why I'm
such a lucky guy,
526
00:20:27,757 --> 00:20:29,256
and I'm in awe of you
527
00:20:29,179 --> 00:20:30,545
because you're amazing.
528
00:20:30,475 --> 00:20:35,075
You don't really think I'm
buying any of this crap, do you?
529
00:20:36,226 --> 00:20:38,359
Yeah. Ok.
530
00:20:43,262 --> 00:20:44,461
So, what do you think,
Tony? Can you fix it?
531
00:20:44,399 --> 00:20:47,098
Of course he can fix it.
He's the king.
532
00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:48,758
I don't know.
This is a train wreck.
533
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,030
Aw, come on, guys.
It's not that bad.
534
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,626
There's nothin'
to work with on the sides.
535
00:20:52,488 --> 00:20:53,388
Mohawk.
536
00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:55,007
Yeah. Mohawk.
537
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,886
Yeah. Mohawks are back big-time.
538
00:20:56,785 --> 00:20:57,618
No, they're not.
539
00:20:57,576 --> 00:20:58,576
Tony: I gotta be
honest with you.
540
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:01,455
We might as well shave him
bald and start fresh.
541
00:21:01,304 --> 00:21:03,203
I want to be bald.
542
00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:05,037
Whoa. I'm not paying
you to make him bald.
543
00:21:04,937 --> 00:21:06,303
I can make him bald.
544
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:07,200
Don't touch that.
545
00:21:07,151 --> 00:21:08,916
Sean, put that down.
546
00:21:09,677 --> 00:21:11,611
Now.
547
00:21:11,661 --> 00:21:16,211
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