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1
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("That's How Much I Love
You" by Frank Sinatra)
2
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- No I know but you're
not understanding me.
3
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Put it there.
4
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It goes there right now so
I can make it on the way.
5
00:00:08,228 --> 00:00:09,218
But I gotta get going.
6
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I gotta do this stuff, okay.
7
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I gotta go.
8
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I gotta go.
9
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I'll call you back.
10
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- I know.
11
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That's why I'm like oh no,
12
00:00:15,984 --> 00:00:17,984
now I'm head of the PTA.
13
00:00:19,539 --> 00:00:22,529
You have a problem with that Nancy?
14
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Tell it to my friends jab and upper cut.
15
00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:28,591
- Next time,
16
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add the words senile bitch.
17
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,578
It's more apropos to the situation.
18
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- Yeah, I like that.
19
00:00:35,841 --> 00:00:36,671
- Or...
20
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you look her dead in the eye
21
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and mouth
22
00:00:44,285 --> 00:00:45,785
I will murder you.
23
00:00:46,701 --> 00:00:47,701
- Copy that.
24
00:00:49,824 --> 00:00:51,554
- Practice.
25
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,392
- Okay.
26
00:01:15,506 --> 00:01:17,336
- All right everybody.
27
00:01:18,623 --> 00:01:20,123
B-Real, that's me.
28
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:21,977
Just-n-Time,
29
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D-cup.
30
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- In the flesh babe.
31
00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:29,330
- [B-Real] Ryan Keenan.
32
00:01:29,329 --> 00:01:30,609
- Here.
33
00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:32,019
- [B-Real] Harmony.
34
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- Existing.
35
00:01:34,062 --> 00:01:36,112
- [B-Real] Adam, aka A-Town.
36
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- [A-Town] Here.
37
00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:39,582
- Um, excuse me.
38
00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:40,612
- [B-Real] Dog train.
39
00:01:40,610 --> 00:01:43,520
- Choo choo, and I brought cookies.
40
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,900
- Welcome back.
41
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Sandbag.
42
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All right.
43
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,039
- Excuse me.
44
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,062
- [B-Real] J-Rod.
45
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- [J-Rod] Here.
46
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- [B-Real] Loh-kee-dah.
47
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Black Magik.
48
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- Deuces.
49
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- Excuse me, excuse me.
50
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Hello, hello.
51
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:04,750
Are these the meetings for douchery?
52
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(dramatic orchestral music)
53
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(door closing)
54
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- You want to share?
55
00:03:16,714 --> 00:03:17,884
- Yes yes yes.
56
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,958
I have a brilliant tale for you all.
57
00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:23,494
I'm ofe with the policies
58
00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:26,930
but my name is Wilhemina Van Bloom
59
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:29,514
and I'm the heiress of
the Van Bloom dynasty.
60
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,180
- Well Bob's your fuckin' uncle.
61
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,164
- About a fortnight back I received
62
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a late night phone call
from Thadius Abner the third
63
00:03:38,153 --> 00:03:39,743
from Kensington
64
00:03:39,744 --> 00:03:43,984
to ascertain my attendance
and requesting my courtship.
65
00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:45,971
Now, my eldest brother
66
00:03:45,974 --> 00:03:48,884
and Mr. Abner were
schoolmates at university.
67
00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:51,519
And he knew I'd be at the
Gala next week in Paris.
68
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:54,603
Twas the annual Gala for the
Feed the Children Foundation.
69
00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:58,193
I was not in a mind for serious suitors.
70
00:03:58,191 --> 00:04:00,221
I'm concentrating on my masters
71
00:04:00,221 --> 00:04:02,061
but he had caught me quite off guard.
72
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,420
Quite honestly I thought he might be
73
00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:05,841
taking the piss out of me.
74
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:06,990
- Wait, who pissed on who?
75
00:04:06,993 --> 00:04:08,133
- I don't know, did he piss on her?
76
00:04:08,131 --> 00:04:09,881
- [Ryan] Did he piss on you?
77
00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:12,051
- No no, he was asking
if he'd pissed on her.
78
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:13,521
- Did she piss on him?
79
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,711
- I don't know who pissed on whom.
80
00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:16,248
- [Ryan] You want to
take the piss out of me?
81
00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:18,051
- To provide you all
with the proper context,
82
00:04:18,052 --> 00:04:19,772
my eldest brother Cornelius
83
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,530
for lack of a better word
84
00:04:21,534 --> 00:04:25,034
can be quite apoplectic
when it comes to his niece.
85
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:27,834
Basically I knew I'd receive
a right old bollicking
86
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,304
and a load of old tosh
for my entire family
87
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,223
as the Abners are quite well to do.
88
00:04:35,159 --> 00:04:39,459
Mr. Abner himself is on the
pleasant side looks-wise.
89
00:04:39,462 --> 00:04:41,482
And the French restaurant
he suggested to me
90
00:04:41,478 --> 00:04:44,228
was one I'd been dying to attend.
91
00:04:45,099 --> 00:04:46,419
- So you agreed, we get it.
92
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,206
Move the plot forward sweetheart.
93
00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:49,962
Way too dialog heavy.
94
00:04:50,902 --> 00:04:51,832
- Yeah.
95
00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:52,970
We know you're suspect.
96
00:04:52,969 --> 00:04:54,789
Just spill the fucking
beans, your highness.
97
00:04:54,787 --> 00:04:56,587
- I digress.
98
00:04:56,591 --> 00:04:58,501
The food was peccant.
99
00:04:58,495 --> 00:05:01,045
The boul en bas and the beef bourguignon
100
00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:02,542
were to die for.
101
00:05:02,543 --> 00:05:06,123
(light orchestral music)
102
00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,712
The service was hunky dory but not great.
103
00:05:08,710 --> 00:05:10,200
The waiter at one point
104
00:05:10,201 --> 00:05:11,831
walked straight past us
105
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:14,765
and my water was clearly due a refill.
106
00:05:14,765 --> 00:05:17,925
Thadius had been a complete gentleman.
107
00:05:20,630 --> 00:05:23,990
Though at one point he used a salad fork
108
00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:25,786
for his main course.
109
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:29,962
(laughing) I couldn't dare
tell him it was faux pas.
110
00:05:30,953 --> 00:05:34,263
As a modern woman and to
keep things on the up and up
111
00:05:34,262 --> 00:05:38,792
I took the extra measure
and paid for dinner.
112
00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:42,213
The problem lay in the fact
that I was in French restaurant
113
00:05:42,205 --> 00:05:43,035
in Paris.
114
00:05:44,390 --> 00:05:47,770
There was a 12.5% service charge,
115
00:05:47,772 --> 00:05:49,292
which I believe was the tip,
116
00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:53,301
as the etiquette in New
Zealand is not to tip.
117
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,900
In Australia it's 10%-15%,
118
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as you all know in London
it's 10%-12.5% service charge.
119
00:05:59,894 --> 00:06:01,964
But it's customary to tip 10%.
120
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,850
In Canada or in America 15%-20%,
121
00:06:04,845 --> 00:06:06,365
Greece 5%-10%,
122
00:06:06,371 --> 00:06:07,631
Italy 7%-10%,
123
00:06:07,631 --> 00:06:10,671
and obviously Spain 7%-13%.
124
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,234
I didn't want to cause a kerfuffle
125
00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:14,722
because the food was scrummy.
126
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,340
The foie gras,
127
00:06:16,344 --> 00:06:17,504
though he mainly treats it,
128
00:06:17,497 --> 00:06:21,317
lacks that unique flavor
it truly deserved.
129
00:06:21,316 --> 00:06:22,776
The ratatouille on the other hand,
130
00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:25,001
our carrot dries is far too salty.
131
00:06:25,002 --> 00:06:28,752
- Wait, the animated
rat restaurant is real?
132
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:31,250
- Oh no, sweetie, it's a dish.
133
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- Oh mother fucker.
134
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- I was in a quandary.
135
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,740
Now remember, I did have to ask monsieur,
136
00:06:39,742 --> 00:06:42,082
may I please have a glass of water?
137
00:06:42,082 --> 00:06:43,432
When what I really wanted to say was
138
00:06:43,427 --> 00:06:45,317
oye bruv 'av a butcher's look,
139
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,931
me glass ain't gonna fill itself.
140
00:06:46,927 --> 00:06:49,797
You don't want to get
me all Barney Rubble.
141
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,630
He apologized profusely of course.
142
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,995
But then he served me on the right
143
00:06:56,004 --> 00:06:58,944
when it is customary
to serve from the left
144
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,114
and remove from the right.
145
00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:05,616
I attributed that to the fact
146
00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:09,433
that Mr. Abner improperly
placed his silverware.
147
00:07:09,433 --> 00:07:11,953
Clearly crossed means
you have more to eat.
148
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,913
When the 11 to 5 placement
149
00:07:13,913 --> 00:07:15,793
with the napkin on the table
150
00:07:15,789 --> 00:07:18,619
is the clear sign for your waiter.
151
00:07:23,905 --> 00:07:28,065
So in the end, I guess that
was Mr. Abner's own undoing.
152
00:07:41,403 --> 00:07:42,823
At the restaurant
153
00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:47,467
and our courtship.
154
00:07:47,473 --> 00:07:48,353
- Where's the sex?
155
00:07:48,351 --> 00:07:49,221
- Where's the violence?
156
00:07:49,223 --> 00:07:50,573
- So did you dine and dash?
157
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,041
- And then did you throw it up after?
158
00:07:52,042 --> 00:07:53,182
- Did anybody get pissed on?
159
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,191
- Nobody pissed on anybody.
160
00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:55,093
- How much did you eat?
161
00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,779
- So there's no rat restaurants?
162
00:07:56,783 --> 00:07:59,033
- Did anybody bang anybody?
163
00:08:00,511 --> 00:08:03,431
- Did you at least bang the waiter?
164
00:08:04,362 --> 00:08:06,062
- In the end,
165
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:09,811
I said monsieur, it has
been a lovely evening
166
00:08:11,362 --> 00:08:14,602
though most of the dishes
were quite underwhelming.
167
00:08:14,601 --> 00:08:18,101
I did enjoy the majority of our dinner.
168
00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:19,131
So to be very safe,
169
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,382
I tipped 30% and I went on my way.
170
00:08:26,309 --> 00:08:29,639
Mr. Abner I allowed a kiss on the cheek.
171
00:08:40,081 --> 00:08:42,581
And we parted ways as friends.
172
00:08:43,669 --> 00:08:45,999
(whooshing)
173
00:08:54,358 --> 00:08:55,188
- Get out.
174
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,519
- Get the fuck out of here!
175
00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:02,462
- Cheerio and shit you Jane Austin bitch!
176
00:09:02,461 --> 00:09:04,091
- Get out!
- Get out!
177
00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:07,247
- Get out!
(screaming)
178
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,093
(door slamming)
179
00:09:26,472 --> 00:09:29,712
- I made cookies for everyone.
180
00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:32,461
I know Mr. S-Town, you are vegan.
181
00:09:33,837 --> 00:09:37,757
And I know you two are gluten intolerant.
182
00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:40,507
And I cooked up a special cookies
183
00:09:40,509 --> 00:09:43,079
for D-cup and Harmony.
184
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:46,751
The are a hybrid blend
of indica and sativa.
185
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:51,232
I choo choo-ed those mother fuckers.
186
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:52,483
Choo choo choo.
187
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:59,431
("That's How Much I Love
You" by Frank Sinatra)
188
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:08,503
- This is the circle of trust.
189
00:10:11,851 --> 00:10:13,771
We all fall down alone.
190
00:10:16,172 --> 00:10:19,672
- [Group] But we all get back up together.
191
00:10:20,737 --> 00:10:23,487
We all get back up together.
192
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,819
We all get back up together.
193
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:29,559
We all get back up together.
194
00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:32,671
We all get back up together.
195
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,013
We all get back up together.
196
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,037
- So, who else wants to share?
13433
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