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1
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:14,000
2
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Good morning, Tom.
3
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Twelve is our number.
4
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It's the number of games my husband Tomcoaches at Lincoln College every season.
5
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:24,949
It's the number of times we zero out ourbank account each year to make ends meet.
6
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:28,613
And it's the number of kidswe try to keep track of.
7
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,787
- Hey. Good run?
8
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,661
Oh, yeah.
9
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:42,200
You need a paramedic?
10
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:45,567
No, just a pair of knees.
You finish?
11
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:49,335
Still proofing, but I'm sending it
to Diane today.
12
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,741
Look at this.
New, clean cover...
13
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:54,371
no peanut butter stains...
yet.
14
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,712
- Hey, baby?
- Baby?
15
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,810
You know, on the run,
you know what I was thinking?
16
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,378
What?
17
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,550
Well, we've been married,
what, five years?
18
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,256
- Twenty-three.
- Twenty-three. Sorry.
19
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:14,562
And I think we could use
a little change around here...
20
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,693
like-like this
lumpy old mattress.
21
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,465
- Maybe we should just,
you know, get rid of it.
22
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:22,872
Don't be ridiculous, honey. You know you
can just pound the lumps out of a mattress.
23
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:26,400
What-What do you mean? You can just
pound the lumps out of a mattress?
24
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,811
Yeah, just randomly
start swatting away.
25
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,816
- And it goes flat?
- Yes, yes.
26
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,614
Just start-- You just randomly
start swatting--
27
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:40,025
28
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,061
Careful.
29
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,399
-I got a dog on me!
- Twelve's an insane number of kids...
30
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:51,904
but having a small familywas never an option for us.
31
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:56,601
See, Tom loved growing upwith seven brothers and sisters.
32
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,837
And after my sister died,l spent most of my time...
33
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:02,177
wishing I hadseven brothers and sisters.
34
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,411
Tom and I met atIllinois Polytechnic University.
35
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:09,114
He was a senior dreaming of becomingthe head football coach there.
36
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,249
l was a freshman dreamingof becoming a sports reporter.
37
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:15,624
He wanted eight kids,l wanted eight kids. Bam.
38
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,062
An hour after I met him,l knew he was the one.
39
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,100
We just had familyat the wedding.
40
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,692
Oh, and Shake Maguire,Tom's best man.
41
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,796
What a hot dog.
42
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,433
A year later,we had our first-- Nora.
43
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,637
I loved taking herto work with me.
44
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,681
After Charlie and Lorraine were born, werealized our dream of living in the city...
45
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:39,377
- and having eight kids andtwo careers wasn't gonna work.
46
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,910
As much as we wanted our big careers,we wanted our big family more.
47
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:46,322
So Tom settled for a Division lllcoaching job at Lincoln...
48
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,953
l quit writing for the Tribune,
and we moved to the country.
49
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:51,963
Tom and I got busywhen we moved to Midland.
50
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:56,263
We had Henry, Sarah,Jake and Markin consecutive years.
51
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,861
Then we went for magic number eight,and instead...
52
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:02,601
we got the first setof fraternal twins--Jessica and Kim.
53
00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,269
- Nine kids.
- Come on, you guys. Come on.
54
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,279
Wave! Hi!
55
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,281
56
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:12,807
With each child, Tom and I got furtherfrom our big career dreams.
57
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,819
But we didn't think about that.
58
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:19,119
- Yeah!
59
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,387
Oh. Sorry, Coach.
60
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:30,425
We had our hands full with nine.We were happy, and we were done.
61
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,971
Then we went to a party celebratingShake Maguire's appointment...
62
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,973
to athletic directorat our alma mater.
63
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:38,670
And, well, too many beers and ninemonths later, we had Mike.
64
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,612
After that,Tom got a vasectomy.
65
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,979
But he didn't hear the doctor saythat it would be a few weeks...
66
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,814
before the procedurebecame effective.
67
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:51,448
In '98, Nigel and Kyle got usto that crazy number 12.
68
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,982
But by then, Tom and lwere experts at managing chaos.
69
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,626
- Let's move, gang.
Come on, come on, come on!
70
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:04,864
- Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!
- Charlie missed his curfew again
last night. Take care of that.
71
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,405
Hey.
72
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,203
You can only put on
so much lip gloss, princess!
73
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,938
- You blew my concentration!
- Temper, Sarah.
74
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:15,572
Now I get to start
all over again.
75
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,048
- Wrap it up, Lorraine!
- Okay, Daddy.!
76
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,176
- Have you seen my frog, Dad?
77
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,244
Sorry, Charlie.
Uh, Nigel. Kyle.
78
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,723
- It's Mark.
- I knew that.
79
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:31,520
Hey, teenager. You got caught
on Mom radar last night.
80
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:33,531
You're not gonna get that scholarship
if you're out late with Beth...
81
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,533
the night before a big game.
82
00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:38,695
Well, I'm not so sure
l even want to go to college.
83
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,900
Since when?
84
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:46,103
Since Beth's mom offered me
a job at the auto shop.
85
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,113
Hmm. Sounds exciting.
86
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,014
Well, we'll talk about that
after you get your full ride.
87
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,951
And, meanwhile, in by 1 0:00
on school nights. Clear?
88
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,581
- Got it.
- Anything else you wanna talk about?
89
00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,455
Did I mention
l don't like you very much?
90
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,893
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Then I'm good.
91
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:08,059
- Okay, me too.
92
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,730
Dude, two words:
need new skates.
93
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:15,001
Dude, three words:
paper route.
94
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:19,306
''Hi. Can't make dinner. Hank and l
are moving into our new apartment.
95
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,313
Love, Nora.''
96
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,350
- Have you seen Beans, Mom?
- Mm-mm.
97
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,677
- Here you go, Gunner.
- You hungry, boy?
98
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,019
99
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,977
Here you go, Gunner.
Are you hungry?
100
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:01,747
Look, I am totally aware that
this family doesn't value...
101
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,449
self-presentation in the same
obsessive way thatIdo.
102
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,823
Fine. Whatever.But one of my life goals...
103
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,885
aside from being, like,
a fashion guru...
104
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,987
is to indicate to
the local community that...
105
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:14,362
the Baker family
actually owns a bar of soap.
106
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,767
So, as self-appointed in-houserep of style and hygiene...
107
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,738
I think I should be allotted at least five
extra minutes in front of the mirror.
108
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,399
- Three.
- Done.
109
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:25,171
Now help your sister
butter the toast.
110
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:28,839
Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse
for excessive force has been lifted.
111
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,975
So you're going today. Henry,you have band practice, all right?
112
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:35,350
l cleaned your clarinet. Please don't
play with food in your mouth again.
113
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,981
Kim and Jessica, your teacher called
and has made a request...
114
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,048
that you do not correct her
in front of the class.
115
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,390
Mike, you have show-and-tell today.And, please, honey...
116
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,589
remember that body parts
do not count.
117
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,757
Kyle and Nigel, you have
a dentist's appointment at 3:00.
You're goin' to work with Dad.
118
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,233
Yeah!
119
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,396
120
00:07:56,742 --> 00:08:00,269
- And we're shooting
our Christmas card today.
121
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:04,248
- What time's Nora coming over?
- Uh, she may not make it.
122
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,548
She hardly ever comes home since
she started dating that doorknob.
123
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:11,249
- He's not a doorknob.
- The man irons his jeans, Mom.
124
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,417
- Yeah, that's weird.
- Never mind.
125
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,393
l'll shoot it without her.
l'll Photoshop her in.
126
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,952
Honey, could you take 1 0 pounds
off me with that Photoshop thing?
127
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,260
- Can I be Photoshopped in?
- Wait. If Sarah's bein' Photoshopped in...
128
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,358
- then I'm definitely
gonna get Photoshopped in.
- Why don't we all be--
129
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:25,927
Nobody gets Photoshopped in but Nora.
Everybody be here by 4:00.
130
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,870
Why do we always do
our Christmas cards in May anyway?
131
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:31,103
Because the earlier we get it done,
the bigger discount we get at the printer.
132
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,112
- Now, let's eat.!
133
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,205
Here you go.
Look alive.
134
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:40,650
135
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,559
136
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,299
No, Mark!
137
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,100
138
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:02,766
Get him!
139
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,833
140
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:10,648
- Come on.! Get him, Charlie.!
- He's headed for the waffles.!
141
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,184
- l got him, Charlie ! I got him !
- Come to Daddy.! Come on.!
142
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,751
Mike, stick!
143
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:24,762
- Mark, net!
- I got the door covered!
144
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,457
l got the net!
145
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,295
- Whoa!
- Ooh!
146
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,798
147
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,052
148
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,715
149
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:54,089
150
00:09:56,562 --> 00:10:00,191
Uh-oh. Busted.
151
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:07,299
Put Beans in his cage...
152
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:09,841
now.
153
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,009
154
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,316
ls everything broken?
155
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,858
Teacup with
the flower on it broken?
156
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,895
Nice move, FedEx.
157
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:43,397
Okay, here we go,everyone. School. Let's go.
158
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,573
Hey.
159
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:57,150
Much cooler.
160
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,157
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Henry, here you go.
- Thanks, Mom.
161
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,591
For the record, I am so over Nora's
hand-me-downs.
162
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:05,597
All right, well, you look gorgeous
in anything, Lorraine.
163
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,133
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's goin' on?
What's wrong with you, mister?
164
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,533
Everybody says
the FedEx guy dropped me off...
165
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,731
'cause I don't fit in
with this family.
166
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,434
You fit.
You fit right here.
167
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,740
- Like that.
- l called shotgun.!
168
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,575
- No,Idid!
-Idid!
169
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,581
-Idid!
- All right, that's it.!
170
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,049
Hey, you two,
knock it off!.
171
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:28,313
Mom's losing it!
I'm losing it!
172
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:31,550
All right. All right. Come on.
Break it up. Break it up.
173
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,787
Here we go. Are you okay?l'll give you candy.
174
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:40,127
- Nigel, Kyle, chill or be chilled.
- Sure. Listen to him.
175
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,963
Mark? Oh.
176
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,771
177
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,776
- So Nora's not coming?
- Well, not exactly. Here.
178
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,678
That is so Nora. We tell 'em
they can't sleep together...
179
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,943
when they visit,
so she moves in with him.
180
00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,951
Honey, she's just trying
to have her own life.
181
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:01,953
- She's too young to have her own life.
- She's 22.
182
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:05,457
The same age I was
when I was pregnant with her.
183
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,458
Five minutes ago, she was
sitting on my shoulders...
184
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,790
pointing at cows
in Munger's Field.
185
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,796
- And then you blinked.
- Yeah.
186
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:14,560
- Enough with the blinking.
No more blinking.
- All right.
187
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,305
You were checking me out,
weren't you?
188
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:23,967
Yes, I was.
You got a problem with that?
189
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:27,171
Twelve kids later,
and we still got the heat.
190
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,371
Whoo!
191
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,983
192
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:44,489
193
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,422
Come on.! Hit it.!
194
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,628
Faster, faster, faster.!
195
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,171
- ls that as fast as you can go?
- ls that all you got?
196
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,298
Pump 'em high!
Pump 'em high! Let's go!
197
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,399
- Pump it up!
- That's good! That's good!
198
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:03,605
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Way to go, Marcus.
199
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:07,140
- Way to go, boys.!
- Nice passes.
200
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,916
- Right here.
- Nice job!
201
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,927
Man, you're gettin'
old and ugly.
202
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,564
Shake.
203
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,294
Hey.
204
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,302
Hey, what are you
doin' here?
205
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:28,500
What, are you still too busy
bein' the pansy house-husband
to read the newspapers?
206
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,268
That coach was 5-3.
207
00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:35,540
That's doesn't cut it.
I'm trying to grow a program.
208
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:40,017
Hey, guys. Remember Shake?
We played college ball together.
209
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,280
Yeah, the hot dog.
210
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,083
Mom said it first.
211
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,420
We're having
adult time here, boys.
212
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,722
No idea what that means.
213
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:51,228
Well, it's this crazy thingwhere grown-ups...
214
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:54,095
actually get to have a conversation
without being interrupted by kids.
215
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,566
- Sounds wicked boring.
- It is.
216
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,933
So why don't you run along?
217
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,700
Mom's right.
He is a wiener.
218
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,436
Sorry about that. Kate likes you.It's just that, you know...
219
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,637
she had to have the biggest
stud on the team.
220
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,146
So she, uh, chose
the third-string receiver...
221
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,410
and got all this.
222
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,542
Yeah.
223
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:15,917
So, are you gonna
tell me why you're here?
224
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,614
Lincoln's a winning machine.
225
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,160
You think you can make
our old team a champion again?
226
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,927
- You mean coach?
- Coach.
227
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:34,502
- Tom, what is it? Just tell me.
228
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,598
-Just--
- Okay. Wait.
229
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:42,013
- Dad's covering with the machines.
230
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,515
- To the chute!
- Go, go, go!
231
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,913
My, this is big.
232
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,285
Shake Maguire wants me
to coach the Stallions.
233
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,018
- Get out!
- He offered me...
234
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:56,528
a fat five-year contract, housing
allowance, moving expenses.
235
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:59,155
Kate, we can finally get new furniture.
We can get a new car.
236
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,962
And get this. University employees
can send their kids to school for free.
237
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,095
Wow.
238
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,575
Oh. I don't know, honey.
A Division L coaching job...
239
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,771
that's a lot of pressure
and a lot more hours.
240
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,304
Yeah, but with all the kids in school next
year, we could handle more job pressure.
241
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:21,114
Yeah, but, honey, Midland is our home.
l mean, the kids' lives are here.
242
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,417
Midland has been great
for raising our kids...
243
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:28,619
but I never expected 'em
to sacrifice the way thatIdid.
244
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,855
You loved your childhood.
245
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,864
Yeah.
246
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,833
Except for this part--
the raggedy, hand-me-down part.
247
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,165
The Stallions head coach.
248
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,967
It's your dream job,
isn't it, honey?
249
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,968
l want this one, Kate.
250
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,012
Let's talk to the kids.
251
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:49,411
How do you think
they'll handle it?
252
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:52,541
- We're gonna move!
253
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,178
254
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:57,188
Okay, everybody,
you know the drill.
255
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,315
On ''three,''
you give me a big ''cheese.''
256
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,192
257
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:05,753
Jake, do you have
to wear black?
258
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,823
Black works, Mom.Jesus, like,
has his funeral on Christmas.
259
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,597
- He died on Easter, Barbie.
- Whatever.
260
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,865
He was resurrected
on Easter, moron.
261
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,930
- Be quiet.
- Don't touch me.!
262
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:20,172
- Hey, hey, hey!
What's all the fighting about?
263
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,043
Exactly when did you plan
on telling us about moving?
264
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:26,414
- I'm not moving!
- Yeah, because I'm not moving, all right?
265
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:30,444
266
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,389
- I'm not moving.
- Charlie, Evanston is only four hours away.
267
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,791
- Beth can come and visit.
- This isn't just about Beth, Mom.
268
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:40,195
- My whole life is here at Midland.
269
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,392
- Hello?
- Hi, Mom.
270
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:46,302
- Hi, Nora. You're on speaker.
- Hi, everybody.
271
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:50,900
Hank says hi too. So, you guys
are thinking about moving up here?
272
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,536
Yeah. You got room in that new
apartment for your big old family?
273
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:57,548
Just big enough for two, Dad.
How's your book going, Mom?
274
00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:00,710
Actually, I just sent it to a friend
who's in publishing, so we'll see.
275
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,619
- Could we stay on subject, please?
- Beans's mother's buried here.
276
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,953
I'm not splitting them up.
They're family.
277
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,892
We can build a fancy new memorial
to Pork in our new yard.
278
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,260
- Yeah, like we could afford that.
- Actually, we can.
279
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:16,165
l'll be making enough money to do that,
get you out of hand-me-downs...
280
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:19,671
getJake those new skates, and getthat new car we've been saving for.
281
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:23,265
- But I have friends here!
- Honey, you'll keep in touch.
And you can make new friends.
282
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:25,469
283
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,641
Quiet!
284
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,980
Now, look,
l know you're all scared.
285
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,579
Moving is a big deal. We're
very comfortable here. I get that.
286
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:39,988
And that's why I turned down a lot of
other coaching offers through the years.
287
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,127
But this is a job
l wanted since we left Chicago.
288
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:48,223
And, in fact,
it's more than a job to me.
289
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,768
Um, this is my team...
290
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,930
and it's my colorsand it's, um...
291
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,372
the Stallions.
292
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,536
And they're finally
calling my number.
293
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:03,672
And I want you to take this riskwith me, because if you do...
294
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,910
l promise you, we will be...
295
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:09,351
a happier and stronger family.
296
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:13,790
- You promise?
-Ipromise.
297
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:17,522
-I would feel happier and
stronger if we vote on it.
- Yeah, definitely.
298
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,530
- We should vote.
299
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,623
That's the only way to make it fair.It's the only way to do it.
300
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,964
All right, we can vote.
301
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:27,005
But in the end, your mother and I are gonna
do what we think is best for the family.
302
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:30,007
- What's the point of even voting?
- I'm out.
303
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,636
- Let's get out of here.
It's not even worth it.
- Come on, guys.
304
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:41,183
Hello? Still here.
305
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:45,246
All right, eight noes...
306
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:48,225
three yes's
and three maybes.
307
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,557
Not exactly a mandate.
308
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,189
Give me a pen.
I'm gonna change some of these.
309
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,697
Here we go.
310
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:59,168
- What?
- ''What''?
311
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,172
Let's review, shall we?
312
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,038
Here we go.
313
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,772
I'm so glad I found someone
whose dreams are as big as mine.
314
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:10,041
l love you. Kate.''
315
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:15,083
l always loved the way
you go for things, Tom.
316
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,645
Pedal to the metal, full-on,
all of it or none of it.
317
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,714
So we're doing this.
318
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,818
We're gonna do this.
319
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,567
We're doing it.
320
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:35,073
Yeah. And by the time we move,
the kids'll get used to the idea.
321
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,622
Say good-byeto your mother, Beans.
322
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,234
Gunner, to the car.!
323
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,236
- Come on!
324
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,397
I'm you.
Gunner, to the car!
325
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,566
- I'm Gunner. Gunner, to the car!
326
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:15,141
Hey, Charlie. Do me a favorand drive the Cutlass?
327
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,012
Thanks for ruining my life.
328
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:20,813
l don't wanna move.!
329
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,615
- You know what?
Everybody's going with us.
330
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:25,486
We're taking all your toys.
Okay.
331
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:29,653
Well, whoever said expressing
emotion is a good thing, l'd like to see.
332
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,094
333
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,332
Hey, this is our street.
334
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,893
335
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,837
Are you sure we're gonna
fit in here, Dad?
336
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,969
You'll have friends here
in no time, guys.
337
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,225
Here we are.We are here. Everybody out.
338
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,284
l want everybody out.
339
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,723
- Hey, slow down there, Gunner!
340
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:45,031
- Wait up!
- Hey, Kyle, check this place out!
341
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,936
- Cool!
342
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:50,372
There it is-- a 1920s classic.
343
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,376
What, did the Munsters
give you a good price?
344
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:55,572
All right, the twins share, buteverybody else gets their own room.
345
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:59,515
- Now, go kill each other for the best one!
- That's great.
346
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,456
Hey, Charlie.
347
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:09,290
You're gonna need a car to visit Beth.
The Olds is yours now.
348
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:17,133
You trying to bribe me?
349
00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:19,193
ls it working?
350
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,463
Little bit.
351
00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:27,935
Come on.
352
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:39,613
Welcome home, Kate.
353
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,757
- It's gonna be great, Tom.
- Mmm.
354
00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:45,763
Jessica, come here.!Check this out.!
355
00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:47,765
- This room is huge.!
- Can I see this one?
356
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,767
Whoa-ho!
Back it up, FedEx.
357
00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:52,429
If anyone gets the room
across from me, it's Charlie.
358
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:55,098
- And are you Charlie? No.
- Dude, I call this room.
359
00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:57,698
- Nobody else gets it, okay?
- Look at the view from here.!
360
00:22:57,776 --> 00:23:00,506
- It's spectacular.!
- Can I share with you?
361
00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:36,078
Oh, God.
They're fast-food people.
362
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:39,045
- Hello?
363
00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:40,778
People are here!
364
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:44,083
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Tina Shenk.
365
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,147
This is my husband Bill
and our son Dylan.
366
00:23:46,224 --> 00:23:48,385
- How do you do?
- We, uh, live across the street.
367
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:51,554
- Thank you. This is lovely.
I'm Kate. This is Tom.
- Hi.
368
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,291
- We're the Bakers.
- Oh!
369
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,060
- Gunner! Gunner!
-I am so sorry.
370
00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:57,829
- Sorry.
- Are you hiding a cheeseburger
anywhere on your person?
371
00:23:57,903 --> 00:24:01,566
- l-l don't eat meat.
372
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,871
-Jake?
- Dude! Two words: manners.
373
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:08,174
- What's up? Wanna help me unpack?
- Sure.
374
00:24:08,246 --> 00:24:10,680
- Put your sweater on, sweetie.
- He's inside, dear.
375
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,740
Don't start, okay?
376
00:24:14,753 --> 00:24:16,812
377
00:24:16,888 --> 00:24:19,015
So, uh, is Jake
your only child?
378
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:21,058
No. We have 1 2.
379
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,357
l couldn't
keep her off me.
380
00:24:26,832 --> 00:24:29,232
- Heads up!
- Oh!
381
00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:32,893
- Little less wrist, Mike.
- Got it.
382
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:36,168
- Game on.!
- Uh, they're playing hockey in the house?
383
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,210
Well, if the game gets bigger
than three-on-three, then
they have to take it outside.
384
00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:45,215
Uh, Dylan doesn't really
care for rough play.
385
00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:49,685
Uh, you're gonna wanna
stop now, dude.
386
00:24:49,754 --> 00:24:52,689
- Oh, my God!
387
00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:54,918
- Hang on, buddy!
- A little help here!
388
00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:58,053
-I got him! I got him!
- Save my baby!
389
00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:00,723
Don't worry, Dylan. I swing
from the chandelier all the time.
390
00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:03,461
- Cool!
- All right.
391
00:25:03,535 --> 00:25:06,800
Aah! I got him! l--
Oh! I don't got him!
392
00:25:06,872 --> 00:25:10,364
- Oh, my God!
393
00:25:12,811 --> 00:25:14,802
So, Dylan,
know any good restaurants?
394
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,974
l've got you, Dylan.!Don't worry, honey.!
395
00:25:20,952 --> 00:25:25,082
- You can let go, Dylan.
l think she's got you.
396
00:25:25,156 --> 00:25:28,250
- Spin him this way so I can--
- Oh, my God.!
397
00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:34,824
- Oh, sweetie, are you all right?
- I'm fine, Mom.
398
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:38,893
- Oh, dear.
- You know, for the entire
minute and a half we lived here...
399
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,904
l really hated
that chandelier.
400
00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:42,564
- Here we go.
401
00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:45,405
Okay. We, uh-- We better go.
It's time for your chess lesson.
402
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,411
l don't have
a chess lesson, Mom.
403
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:49,413
Well, then, you need to practice
for your chess lesson.
404
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,449
Come over anytime, dude.
405
00:25:51,516 --> 00:25:54,076
Uh, we'll, uh, we'll call,
schedule a play date.
406
00:25:54,152 --> 00:25:56,313
No need.
Just come by anytime.
407
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,982
Oh, no, we'll call.
408
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:02,618
- You're all invited to my birthday.
- Oh-ho. That'll be fun.
409
00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:04,924
Hey, Charlie, come on down
and help me with this, okay?
410
00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:07,692
Careful, honey.There's glass everywhere.
411
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:10,200
412
00:26:10,268 --> 00:26:13,066
-I got it, Mom.
- Okay, well, l'll help you.
413
00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:15,766
- Hey, Shake, what's up?
- You okay?
414
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,435
Really?
415
00:26:19,511 --> 00:26:21,877
Okay, well,
l'll see you there.
416
00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:26,350
Hey! Hey, guess what? Fox Sports
wants to interview me on TV!
417
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:29,819
- Okay, well, we got this.
- Dad's gotta earn a living!
418
00:26:29,888 --> 00:26:32,356
Twelve kids.That's the throwback.
419
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:34,358
Irresponsible is what is is.
420
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,553
How come we didn't
have more kids?
421
00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:38,562
Because we wanted
one perfect child...
422
00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:40,655
and that's what we got.
423
00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:00,645
424
00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,881
425
00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,689
Cool.
426
00:27:10,762 --> 00:27:13,492
Honey, I'm gonna be home latetonight. I got another press conference.
427
00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,829
Come on. Whatever happenedto that stud...
428
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:18,130
who sat across from me
at dinner every night?
429
00:27:18,203 --> 00:27:20,433
He got his dream job,
remember?
430
00:27:24,075 --> 00:27:26,009
431
00:27:26,077 --> 00:27:28,944
432
00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:33,411
- Good-bye, Dad.
- See ya, buddy.
433
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:47,397
Tell the masseuse I'm running
about 1 5 minutes late.
434
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:51,367
- Day 14 on the alien planet.
- Where you goin'?
435
00:27:51,436 --> 00:27:55,930
To sign up for football.
And, no, you can't come.
436
00:27:57,776 --> 00:28:00,176
Could this place beany more boring?
437
00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:03,976
- There's, like, nothing to do around here.
-I could give you a makeover.
438
00:28:06,284 --> 00:28:08,479
All righty, then.
439
00:28:08,553 --> 00:28:11,716
440
00:28:17,929 --> 00:28:21,296
Hi.
I'm Charlie Baker.
441
00:28:21,366 --> 00:28:23,300
Oh, yeah, Tom Baker's boy.
442
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:27,099
Read where his old buddy Shake
threw him a bone.
443
00:28:27,172 --> 00:28:29,106
Offense or defense?
444
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:35,069
I'm a quarterback.
445
00:28:35,146 --> 00:28:37,410
Yeah, well,
maybe in Cowpie, Illinois.
446
00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:40,940
This is 4-A, Skippy.The bigs.
447
00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:43,579
Put him on defense.
Cornerback.
448
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:49,827
By the way, when you show upfor practice, don't be wearing that hat.
449
00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:58,502
Okay, uh, let's see.Who's next? Yes?
450
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:02,802
It's been reported that you liketo blast music in your locker room. Why?
451
00:29:02,874 --> 00:29:05,240
Uh, well,
it loosens up the players...
452
00:29:05,310 --> 00:29:07,073
and, uh,
gets 'em psyched.
453
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:10,046
Unless, of course, I start dancing.
Then they just get nauseous.
454
00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:11,878
455
00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:13,884
At least we get
to see him on TV.
456
00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:15,886
Coach,how do you manage a family of 12...
457
00:29:15,954 --> 00:29:18,047
and a football team?
458
00:29:18,123 --> 00:29:20,057
Well, l've got
a great team here...
459
00:29:20,125 --> 00:29:22,787
and a solid support system
at home.
460
00:29:22,861 --> 00:29:25,955
- Go to bed, kids.
- Okay, you heard the coach.
461
00:29:26,030 --> 00:29:27,964
- Off to bed. Here we go.
462
00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:31,126
In Midland, we were a family.
Now we're a support system?
463
00:29:31,202 --> 00:29:34,069
- A family is a support system, Butch.
464
00:29:34,139 --> 00:29:36,869
465
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:41,310
Hello? Who's this?
466
00:29:41,379 --> 00:29:43,939
- Somebody from something something.
- Okay. Shh.
467
00:29:44,015 --> 00:29:47,712
Hello? Yeah, hi, Diane.
468
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:59,988
This is business. Salmonsand pinks are so homemaker.
469
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:02,259
All right, focus on
your navies and your grays.
470
00:30:02,333 --> 00:30:06,167
Navy is muscle, gray is smarts. Choose
either, and you'll rule the boardroom.
471
00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:09,502
- What's going on?
- Guess what?
472
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:13,010
Diane Phillips called.
My book's getting published.
473
00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:15,011
Did I tell you
we're gonna have it all?
474
00:30:15,079 --> 00:30:18,446
- You've never said that.
- I'm tellin' you now, baby! Whoo!
475
00:30:18,516 --> 00:30:20,746
- Oh-oh.
- Oh!
476
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:22,616
- Oh.! Whoa.!
- Mmm.!
477
00:30:22,687 --> 00:30:24,416
Ooh!
478
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:28,687
Oh, my God! Can you guys just please
wait till I leave the room?
479
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,694
Can you hurry?
480
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:32,229
481
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:34,231
- All right, there's one thing.
- What?
482
00:30:34,299 --> 00:30:36,961
They asked me to go
to New York for a few days.
483
00:30:39,804 --> 00:30:42,272
- Oh.
- ''Oh''?
484
00:30:42,340 --> 00:30:45,537
That was a good ''oh,''
as in ''okay.''
485
00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:48,135
Yes, it's notthe best timing in the world.
486
00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:50,875
- But you're going to New York.
l can handle this.
- You'll manage.
487
00:30:50,949 --> 00:30:52,439
Yeah.
488
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,543
Well, you haven't been home much,
Tom, since we moved here.
489
00:30:57,488 --> 00:31:00,719
And you're gonna have to, you know,
shop for school supplies...
490
00:31:00,792 --> 00:31:02,987
get 'em dressed
and-and bathed so they're clean...
491
00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:05,655
- and put 'em to bed at night, walk Gunner--
- Been there. Done all that.
492
00:31:07,398 --> 00:31:10,299
- You're considering this?
- I'm not considering it.
493
00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:13,098
You're going. Nora can help me out
around the house.
494
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,842
New York. Wow.
495
00:31:17,909 --> 00:31:20,400
Yeah. Wow.
496
00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:37,319
It totally sucks. I miss you too...
497
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:39,329
but, I mean, I gotta get a job.
498
00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:41,331
Hi, Lorraine.
499
00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:43,560
Okay, l'll try
and be there, honey.
500
00:31:43,635 --> 00:31:48,038
Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I know I haven't
been very friendly recently.
501
00:31:48,106 --> 00:31:49,937
They are pulling me in again!
502
00:31:50,008 --> 00:31:52,977
-Just tell 'em you can't do it.
- Can you guys hold on a second?
503
00:31:53,044 --> 00:31:56,172
That's easy for you to say.
You're an only child.
504
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,646
It might be fun
to babysit together.
505
00:32:04,722 --> 00:32:06,883
No! Whoa, no!
506
00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,188
No. You know what happened
last time we visited.
507
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:13,196
- They were welcoming you into the family.
- They set me on fire!
508
00:32:13,264 --> 00:32:16,165
Just your pants.
509
00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:19,897
Honey, I am an actor, okay? And, sure,
last time it was just my pants.
510
00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:22,565
But what if next time
it's my face?
511
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,905
This is the moneymaker.
I'm not that good of an actor.
512
00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:27,968
This is how I get the jobs.
l know that.
513
00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:30,310
I'm man enough to admit it.
514
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:32,508
Please?
515
00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:35,313
- Don't look at me like that.
Don't look at me like that!
- Please, please, please, please?
516
00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:38,253
You always do that to me.
Fine, fine. You know what? We'll go.
517
00:32:38,323 --> 00:32:40,518
But l'll tell you what.
One thing happens, and I'm gone.
518
00:32:40,591 --> 00:32:44,493
And no fires.
And we sleep in the same room.
519
00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:46,496
Kimmy, put Dad on.
520
00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:50,665
She says she'll help us out if
they can stay in the same room.
521
00:32:50,735 --> 00:32:53,397
No. No way.
522
00:32:53,471 --> 00:32:56,565
No, she knows the rules. She wants
to have her own room when she's here.
523
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:59,508
Isn't that sweet? No.
524
00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:04,207
Okay, look, why don't you just come over
on Sunday, and we'll talk logistics.
525
00:33:04,282 --> 00:33:07,740
- All right. Bye.
- Tell me Doorknob Man
isn't babysitting too.
526
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:10,219
Yes, he very well
might be, young lady.
527
00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:12,347
And do not set
his pants on fire again.
528
00:33:12,423 --> 00:33:13,890
- Yes.
- Classic.
529
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,261
It was just his pants.
530
00:33:18,329 --> 00:33:21,196
ls anybody besides me thinking
our happier and stronger life...
531
00:33:21,265 --> 00:33:23,563
was actually code
for ''nastier and suckier''?
532
00:33:23,634 --> 00:33:26,228
First, Dad forces us
to move.
533
00:33:26,304 --> 00:33:29,535
Then Mom decides to become a career
person and, like, travel the globe.
534
00:33:29,607 --> 00:33:32,132
Now we have to take orders
from Hank, the model/actor?
535
00:33:32,210 --> 00:33:35,702
- And he hates kids too.
- Ow!
536
00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:39,443
Nora's blind to his evil. We have
no choice but to intervene.
537
00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:43,146
We've got 48 hours.
Let's work a plan.
538
00:33:44,155 --> 00:33:46,680
539
00:33:48,526 --> 00:33:52,087
All right, Appleschmear seasonis officially open.!
540
00:33:52,163 --> 00:33:54,631
541
00:33:54,699 --> 00:33:56,462
The president of the United States,
Sarah Baker...
542
00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,468
will throw out the first apple.
543
00:33:58,536 --> 00:34:01,027
544
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:05,471
Come on. Bring on the chin music, baby.
Let's go. Let's go.
545
00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:09,172
Let's go. Oh, yes !
546
00:34:10,248 --> 00:34:13,012
Ho, it's an apple!
And now it's sauce.
547
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,750
And that's a beauty!
Mmm! Mmm!
548
00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:24,361
- Whoa!
549
00:34:24,429 --> 00:34:29,366
Appleschmear. It's the game my
Great-Grandma Gilbreth invented.
550
00:34:29,434 --> 00:34:31,629
- Neat.
551
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,069
Time out.
Nora's here.
552
00:34:35,139 --> 00:34:37,937
553
00:34:38,009 --> 00:34:41,137
- Nora! Nora!
- No! No, no, no, no!
554
00:34:41,212 --> 00:34:44,045
Kids, please do not touchthe LeBaron.Just had it detailed.
555
00:34:44,115 --> 00:34:46,879
Hey, whoa, Tom.
Tom, can we please, uh...
556
00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:49,715
ask the kids to respect
the perimeter around the LeBaron?
557
00:34:49,787 --> 00:34:52,017
Hey, hey, respect the perimeter, kids.
Come on. Respect--
558
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,854
Back up. Back up.
Nora. Nora, welcome.
559
00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:57,895
- Come on.
- It's a luxury automobile, kids.
560
00:34:57,962 --> 00:35:00,430
- Not your daddy's Oldsmobile.
- This is for you. Congratulations.
561
00:35:00,498 --> 00:35:02,363
- Come on.
-I wanna hear all about it.
562
00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:04,401
- It's very fancy.
- Now, about the babysitting.
563
00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:06,369
Battle stations.
564
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:39,535
Heads up, Hank!
565
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,108
Yo, Hank.!
566
00:35:44,175 --> 00:35:46,735
567
00:35:48,846 --> 00:35:50,780
568
00:35:50,848 --> 00:35:53,908
Phase one complete.
569
00:36:06,464 --> 00:36:09,695
Sorry about your clothes, Hank.
We'll have 'em dry in no time.
570
00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:13,794
''Sorry about your clothes, Hank.
We'll have 'em dry in no time.''
571
00:36:23,047 --> 00:36:26,448
What is with the staring?
Just stop looking at me.
572
00:36:29,820 --> 00:36:32,220
Chopsticks.
573
00:36:44,969 --> 00:36:47,096
Open meat bucket.
574
00:36:49,273 --> 00:36:52,174
Oh!
575
00:36:52,243 --> 00:36:55,406
Begin underwear soaking.
576
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:05,147
So, um, how's the acting
career going, Hank?
577
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:08,488
If it was goin' any better,
there'd have to be two of me.
578
00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:11,255
Yeah, we saw you in the commercial
with the gargling-- the mouthwash ad.
579
00:37:11,329 --> 00:37:13,388
You know, the remarkable thing
about my career is...
580
00:37:13,464 --> 00:37:15,932
l only started acting, uh,
a month ago...
581
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,934
and, uh,
I'm already on TV.
582
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:22,439
It's the real deal. The careeris white hot, Tom. It's on fire.
583
00:37:22,506 --> 00:37:25,634
l read that most actors end up
in the food service industry.
584
00:37:28,813 --> 00:37:31,373
That's not gonna happen
to Hank, Kim.
585
00:37:31,449 --> 00:37:34,043
Candidly,l, uh, think Nora's right.
586
00:37:34,118 --> 00:37:36,712
It's really-- It's gettin' so as I can
hardly go out in public anymore.
587
00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:40,883
l mean, really, with--between theautograph hounds and the paparazzis--
588
00:37:40,958 --> 00:37:43,449
Autographs and everything?
I mean, just the one commercial...
589
00:37:43,527 --> 00:37:45,461
and you have paparazzi?
590
00:37:45,529 --> 00:37:48,191
Yeah. I've-I've actually--
I've never actually seen them...
591
00:37:48,266 --> 00:37:52,032
but, you know, they hide
in the bush and they get their shot.
592
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:57,507
The crazy thing is that now we're tryingto sit at home like regular joes--
593
00:37:57,575 --> 00:38:00,305
Yeah, well, honey, it's--
And we're watching TV, right?
594
00:38:00,378 --> 00:38:03,176
And, boom, comes on a commercial,and, bam, there's me.
595
00:38:03,247 --> 00:38:05,181
It's, like, you expect to see yourself
in the mirror...
596
00:38:05,249 --> 00:38:07,740
you know, and you expect
to be lookin' at the handsome devil...
597
00:38:07,818 --> 00:38:10,150
but not on--
not on the TV like it is.
598
00:38:10,221 --> 00:38:12,314
It's, like, bam.! Bam.! You turnthe channel. You're tryin' to...
599
00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:15,723
you know, get it out,and it's--it just keeps poppin' up.
600
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:18,557
It's like I can run from me,
but I can't hide from me.
601
00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:21,788
What a nightmare!
602
00:38:23,334 --> 00:38:25,325
Yeah.
603
00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:29,837
Nora, honey, you wanna
help me in the kitchen?
604
00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:34,240
Nora, stop!
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
605
00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:37,509
Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie,
look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary?
606
00:38:37,581 --> 00:38:40,550
- Come on, kids. Here we go.Everybody out.
- l'll be back.
607
00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:49,018
Tommy.
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.
608
00:38:54,432 --> 00:38:58,095
- Gunner!
609
00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,864
610
00:38:59,937 --> 00:39:03,134
- Save it, boy.
611
00:39:04,675 --> 00:39:05,642
- Hey!
- Hey.
612
00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:07,644
There you go.
You look as good as new.
613
00:39:07,712 --> 00:39:11,375
- Yeah. Not as good as you, chief.
- Yeah, anywhere.
614
00:39:11,449 --> 00:39:13,713
615
00:39:13,784 --> 00:39:16,548
- How sweet.
- You know what you want?
616
00:39:16,620 --> 00:39:19,646
Kate, is this-- is this
orange juice freshly squeezed?
617
00:39:19,724 --> 00:39:22,249
Nora and I are on
a bit of an organic diet...
618
00:39:22,326 --> 00:39:24,226
and we're only goin' with
the organic freshly squeezed...
619
00:39:24,295 --> 00:39:26,763
and it tastes a bit
like Tropicana.
620
00:39:26,831 --> 00:39:29,322
He's a winner.
621
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,164
- Gunner, no!
622
00:39:32,236 --> 00:39:33,999
Release the hound.
623
00:39:34,071 --> 00:39:35,561
All right, charge!
624
00:39:35,639 --> 00:39:38,608
You guys poppin' out
another one any time soon?
625
00:39:40,411 --> 00:39:42,811
Just... curiosity.
626
00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:47,743
627
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:52,981
628
00:39:54,558 --> 00:39:56,355
- Gunner!
629
00:39:56,427 --> 00:39:58,292
- Gunner!
- Gunner!
630
00:39:58,362 --> 00:40:00,091
It's Gunner.
631
00:40:00,164 --> 00:40:03,190
Honey, he's--
he's really digging in.
632
00:40:03,267 --> 00:40:06,100
Sorry, babe.
Gunner, stop! Sit-Sit down!
633
00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:07,660
- He's attacking.!
- Stop it, Gunner.
634
00:40:07,738 --> 00:40:09,501
635
00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:12,167
- Oh, my. Well, he's hungry.
- Stop it, Gunner.!
636
00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:15,841
637
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,677
- Gunner!
638
00:40:18,749 --> 00:40:21,980
Get him off!.
Get him off!.
639
00:40:22,052 --> 00:40:24,350
640
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:26,014
641
00:40:33,197 --> 00:40:35,222
642
00:40:35,299 --> 00:40:37,290
643
00:40:39,036 --> 00:40:41,470
644
00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:51,376
Nora! Nora, we didn't
want you to go.
645
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:53,383
Look, let's just get
something clear.
646
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:56,511
Even though you guys live
near me now, I have my own life.
647
00:40:56,587 --> 00:40:59,613
It's mine.
Not ours-- mine.
648
00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:03,023
Nora.! Would you pleaseget in the LeBaron?
649
00:41:03,093 --> 00:41:07,120
- l beg of you.!
- My loyalty is to Hank now...
650
00:41:07,198 --> 00:41:10,190
and that's the way
it's gonna be.
651
00:41:10,267 --> 00:41:13,293
In the living room,
now!
652
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,406
Let's go!
653
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:20,035
654
00:41:20,110 --> 00:41:23,375
Your neighborhood canines have
completely ruined the LeBaron's paint job.
655
00:41:23,447 --> 00:41:25,438
I'm sure my family
will pay to repaint it.
656
00:41:25,516 --> 00:41:27,848
Good, 'cause I'm sure
payin' for your family.
657
00:41:27,918 --> 00:41:30,785
- What's that supposed to mean?
-I think you know what it means.
658
00:41:30,855 --> 00:41:36,293
You soaked his underwear
in meat.
659
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,887
That is so wrong.
660
00:41:40,965 --> 00:41:44,765
Funny, but wrong.
661
00:41:46,036 --> 00:41:49,528
Now, who was
the mastermind...
662
00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:52,474
in the meat-soaking plot
against Hank?
663
00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:02,449
You were the masterminds?
664
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,753
Step back, please.
665
00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:19,569
666
00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:26,073
667
00:42:26,143 --> 00:42:28,077
668
00:42:28,145 --> 00:42:32,605
669
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:40,156
You have a dark gift,
Sarah Baker.
670
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:42,351
But it's going to cost
everyone a month's allowance.
671
00:42:42,426 --> 00:42:45,691
- Do you wanna make it two?
672
00:42:47,698 --> 00:42:50,428
Now, when your motherleaves tomorrow...
673
00:42:50,501 --> 00:42:52,628
I'm gonna need everyoneto pull their own weight.
674
00:42:52,703 --> 00:42:55,069
Now, go upstairs
and go to your rooms!
675
00:43:01,078 --> 00:43:03,376
Soaking his underwear in meat?
676
00:43:03,447 --> 00:43:05,540
l mean,
how do they come up with that?
677
00:43:05,616 --> 00:43:09,609
If I could just harness that ingenuity and
channel it into something constructive.
678
00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:12,315
Yeah, like getting somebody
to help you out while I'm gone.
679
00:43:12,389 --> 00:43:15,552
l can handle it, even without
the better half of the tag team.
680
00:43:15,626 --> 00:43:17,958
l know, honey. I'm just worried.
l've never left the kids--
681
00:43:18,028 --> 00:43:20,997
- Honey, it's three days!
- l know.
682
00:43:21,065 --> 00:43:23,158
I'm just--
I'm gonna miss 'em.
683
00:43:23,233 --> 00:43:25,929
Okay, I froze some dinners. Andmake sure they get to school on time.
684
00:43:26,003 --> 00:43:28,437
It's their first day, so you know
how nervous they're gonna be, all right?
685
00:43:28,505 --> 00:43:31,167
And, kids, don't worry.
Mom can be back from New York
in two hours if something happens.
686
00:43:31,241 --> 00:43:33,573
Really, it's only one hour
with the time difference.
687
00:43:33,644 --> 00:43:36,670
All right, I hugged everybody.
l love you all. One more hug,
and you guys pass it on.
688
00:43:36,747 --> 00:43:38,874
All right? All right,
thank you, sweetheart.
689
00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:40,883
-I love you.
-I love you too.
690
00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:44,114
- Okay. All right. Do I have everything?
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
691
00:43:44,188 --> 00:43:46,213
All right.
692
00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,349
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.
693
00:43:48,425 --> 00:43:50,689
- I love you.
- Yeah, yeah.
694
00:43:50,761 --> 00:43:53,491
Have a safe flight.
695
00:43:53,564 --> 00:43:56,863
Got the whole neighborhood
out to say good-bye, huh?
696
00:43:58,102 --> 00:44:00,662
Bye, Mom!
697
00:44:04,208 --> 00:44:06,676
Little vampires,
my plan worked.
698
00:44:06,744 --> 00:44:09,941
She's gone. Now I can raise
you children the way I want to!
699
00:44:10,014 --> 00:44:13,415
700
00:44:14,918 --> 00:44:16,886
Come on. It's gonna be fun.
l mean, your dream has come true.
701
00:44:16,954 --> 00:44:18,888
Mom's gone.
Weak old Dad is here.
702
00:44:18,956 --> 00:44:21,550
You can get away with murder.
You can do anything you want.
703
00:44:22,593 --> 00:44:24,527
Dylan's birthday party
is coming up.
704
00:44:24,595 --> 00:44:29,897
You can get all hopped up on ice cream
and sugar and cake and go crazy.
705
00:44:34,705 --> 00:44:37,435
You kids are gonna
do great today, I promise.
706
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,561
What is that?
707
00:45:02,499 --> 00:45:04,660
Moo!
708
00:45:04,735 --> 00:45:06,965
709
00:45:07,037 --> 00:45:09,972
l guess he's the funniest guy
in the herd.
710
00:45:11,041 --> 00:45:12,975
711
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:15,477
712
00:45:24,822 --> 00:45:27,916
Walk much?
713
00:45:27,991 --> 00:45:30,926
714
00:45:48,812 --> 00:45:50,439
- Hi!
- Hey!
715
00:45:50,514 --> 00:45:54,450
- Look at you, Diane.
- Look at you. You did not have 1 2 kids.
716
00:45:54,518 --> 00:45:56,713
- Yes,Idid.
- Girl, I can't even manage a boyfriend.
717
00:45:56,787 --> 00:45:59,517
- Well, who can? Look at this room!
- Oh, it's great.
718
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:03,424
- Isn't it great?
- Listen, we've got big plans for the book.
719
00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:05,485
- Really? I'm so--
- Ta-da!
720
00:46:05,562 --> 00:46:07,462
Oh, come on!
Look at it!
721
00:46:07,531 --> 00:46:10,989
- Isn't it great?
- It's fantastic. I love it. Look at this.
722
00:46:11,068 --> 00:46:13,559
The company wants it
in stores by Christmas.
723
00:46:13,637 --> 00:46:15,571
- Christmas?
- Yes. So, tomorrow...
724
00:46:15,639 --> 00:46:18,073
the marketing people will bring you
up to speed on the book tour.
725
00:46:19,276 --> 00:46:22,109
- A-A book tour?
- Yes. We've got talk shows...
726
00:46:22,179 --> 00:46:24,204
book signings,
personal appearances.
727
00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:26,249
And it's only gonna take
a couple of weeks.
728
00:46:26,316 --> 00:46:30,514
Couple of weeks? Oh, no.
l can't be away from the kids that long.
729
00:46:31,822 --> 00:46:35,588
Well, if there's no book tour,
then there's no book.
730
00:46:37,394 --> 00:46:39,328
- Two weeks?
- Kate...
731
00:46:39,396 --> 00:46:42,297
you've been the primary caregiver
for, what, 22 years?
732
00:46:42,366 --> 00:46:44,664
Can't Tom handle the kids
for a while?
733
00:46:44,735 --> 00:46:47,465
734
00:46:57,815 --> 00:47:00,010
They're all going to end up
on milk cartons.
735
00:47:12,529 --> 00:47:15,054
Gil-- Gil, Decker and Rico
are playing too loose at the corners.
736
00:47:15,132 --> 00:47:17,066
- We need to pull them in.
737
00:47:17,134 --> 00:47:20,626
Sarah, dishwasher! I'll-lI'll come by tomorrow
after I drop the kids off at school...
738
00:47:20,704 --> 00:47:22,865
and we can talk out
some offense variations.
739
00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:24,669
All right. No, I gotta go.
l gotta go.
740
00:47:24,741 --> 00:47:29,576
Dad, Nigel hit Kim with a dart,andIassume he will be punished.
741
00:47:29,646 --> 00:47:31,614
Uh,Jake, get me a Band-Aid, okay?
Here, here.
742
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:33,616
Go stir. You like to stir.
Here, let's take a look at it.
743
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,618
Let's take a look, see if it's okay.
744
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:38,883
- Oh, no, I'm just kidding.
It's actually not - Uh, Dad?
745
00:47:38,956 --> 00:47:41,151
- Yeah?
- This goo's on fire.
746
00:47:41,225 --> 00:47:45,719
Oh, no, no. That's the way Daddy likes it!
Likes it hot and nice and spicy!
747
00:47:45,796 --> 00:47:49,994
Yeah. Here we go.
There we go. Got it. All right.
748
00:47:50,067 --> 00:47:52,729
- Hey, Dad.
- Oh, good. Can you get a Band-Aid?
749
00:47:52,803 --> 00:47:56,102
- No need to say hello.
- Not one other kid in
this neighborhood does chores.
750
00:47:56,173 --> 00:47:58,505
Well, we're not like any
other family in the neighborhood.
751
00:47:58,575 --> 00:48:01,476
Right. So,
why do we live here?
752
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:03,308
Dishwasher, now!
753
00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:07,077
Jessica, can you get these plates
and put 'em on the table, please?
754
00:48:07,150 --> 00:48:11,086
Oh, God. What the--
Mike's athletic cup?
755
00:48:11,154 --> 00:48:13,088
Ow!
756
00:48:13,156 --> 00:48:17,149
Oh!
Pasta de la Crotch.
757
00:48:22,499 --> 00:48:25,491
- ls that blood?
- No, it's just a--
758
00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:28,094
759
00:48:28,171 --> 00:48:33,609
Oh! Clean-up on aisle 1 2!
Anybody?
760
00:48:33,677 --> 00:48:36,805
You need help
cleaning up, Dad?
761
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:40,179
- I'm in puke!
- Are you all right?
762
00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:44,277
- Still need help cleaning up?
- No, you mopped it up
enough with your back.
763
00:48:44,354 --> 00:48:46,288
764
00:48:46,356 --> 00:48:50,349
Oh, disgusting!
Where's the Band-Aid?
765
00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:54,124
- Dad, it still hurts.
- Oh, here, let me look. Let me look.
766
00:48:54,197 --> 00:48:56,461
Nora, where's that Band--
767
00:48:56,533 --> 00:48:59,058
Jake put a bucket on Jessica's head,
and it's stuck.
768
00:48:59,136 --> 00:49:01,036
And when they have a free moment,
let my parents know that...
769
00:49:01,104 --> 00:49:03,732
l came by to tell 'em
l got a job today at an ad agency.
770
00:49:03,807 --> 00:49:07,004
Nora-- Nora!
771
00:49:09,079 --> 00:49:12,071
- Dad, a little help here.!
- Nora!
772
00:49:12,149 --> 00:49:14,379
- Nora.!
773
00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:16,919
774
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,055
- Are you all right?
775
00:49:20,123 --> 00:49:22,683
- You are in over your head, mister!
- I'm so sorry.
776
00:49:22,759 --> 00:49:25,284
l mean, I will--I will call--
It's just my wife is out of town.
777
00:49:25,362 --> 00:49:27,489
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come here. Come here.
778
00:49:27,564 --> 00:49:31,523
- Dad, can I kill Jake now?
- No, you finish washing the car first.
779
00:49:31,601 --> 00:49:34,195
- Dad, can you get this Band-Aid on me?
- Yes, yes. Come on. Come on.
780
00:49:34,271 --> 00:49:37,104
- Let's go. Okay, come on.
Everything will be all right.
- Oh,Jake?
781
00:49:37,174 --> 00:49:40,007
- Give me the Band-Aid.
- That's the last time you puta bucket on my head.!
782
00:49:40,077 --> 00:49:42,045
- Does that hurt? Okay, good.
783
00:49:42,112 --> 00:49:45,047
- There it is. All right, good. Good.
784
00:49:45,115 --> 00:49:47,276
Hey, Nigel, wanna play darts?
785
00:49:47,351 --> 00:49:50,115
No! No playing darts!
l told you that!
786
00:49:51,355 --> 00:49:53,619
- Hello?
- Hi. How's it goin'?
787
00:49:53,690 --> 00:49:56,090
Oh, everything's fine. I'm just, uh--
I'm just here. I'm just, uh, making dinner.
788
00:49:56,159 --> 00:49:58,855
- Yeah.
- Dad, check me out.!
789
00:49:58,929 --> 00:50:02,729
- Isn't this awesome?
- How are you?
790
00:50:02,799 --> 00:50:04,699
- Good, I guess.
- Sorry, Dad.!
791
00:50:04,768 --> 00:50:06,895
l mean, it's kind of weird
having all this free time.
792
00:50:06,970 --> 00:50:10,497
- You sure everything's all right, honey?
- Oh, honey, everything's fine.
793
00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:12,940
- I can handle it.
794
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,877
All right, you know, I'm just used to
tag-teaming to manage the mob.
795
00:50:15,946 --> 00:50:18,437
- So I thought--
- Oh, no. They're like kittens.
796
00:50:18,515 --> 00:50:20,574
- Whoa!
- Sorry, Dad.!
797
00:50:20,650 --> 00:50:24,381
Uh, well, this might be a good time then
to talk about me staying a few extra days.
798
00:50:24,454 --> 00:50:29,221
- What? A few extra days?
- Uh, 1 4, give or take.
799
00:50:29,292 --> 00:50:32,056
What did I say about throwing darts?
800
00:50:32,129 --> 00:50:34,597
That's a lot of days, Kate,
and a couple of key games.
801
00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:37,929
All right, but I have a plan.
If we just take it one day at a time...
802
00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,128
and if you start to get overwhelmed
or the kids stage a coup...
803
00:50:40,203 --> 00:50:42,137
you call me up, I'm home,
end of trip.
804
00:50:42,205 --> 00:50:45,641
Well, uh, s-s-sounds good.
Sounds good.
805
00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:47,643
- Got him in the face!
806
00:50:47,711 --> 00:50:51,272
Okay, honey, thanks for doin' this.
Give me someone.
807
00:50:51,348 --> 00:50:54,943
Oh. Hey, uh, you know what?
They're doing homework right now...
808
00:50:55,018 --> 00:50:59,785
and it's that math, uh, trig--
''trigadronomy'' thing that you
and I just aren't very good at.
809
00:50:59,856 --> 00:51:03,656
And it's the sweetest thing.
They formed a little study group...
810
00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:07,322
and they're helping each other,
and, uh, it's like a little mini, uh...
811
00:51:07,397 --> 00:51:11,197
- think tank thing.
812
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:13,395
And l'd just hate
to break that up.
813
00:51:13,470 --> 00:51:17,201
Well, give everyone my love, and
you call me right after dinner, okay?
814
00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:19,208
- Okay. Will do.
- Bye.
815
00:51:19,276 --> 00:51:22,074
- Bye.
- Come on, Dad.Don't hide in the closet.
816
00:51:22,145 --> 00:51:24,272
Take it like a man.!
817
00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:26,281
Two weeks'll go by in
no time, guys. You'll see.
818
00:51:26,349 --> 00:51:28,909
Yeah, right.!
819
00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:31,385
Yeah, right.
820
00:51:33,056 --> 00:51:35,786
- Yeah?
821
00:51:35,859 --> 00:51:37,451
- Hey.
- What's up?
822
00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,654
- Okay?
- Come in.
823
00:51:40,931 --> 00:51:42,865
824
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:46,391
Look, your mom's not coming homefor a couple of weeks.
825
00:51:48,738 --> 00:51:51,434
What?
826
00:51:51,508 --> 00:51:54,272
Okay. Up till now,
l've been, like, mellow...
827
00:51:54,344 --> 00:51:58,303
about this whole having-it-all lifestyle
that you and Mom are currently into...
828
00:51:58,381 --> 00:52:01,509
''A,'' because Sarah has the drama
queen role totally covered...
829
00:52:01,585 --> 00:52:04,986
and ''B,'' because l've benefited
from your salary spike...
830
00:52:05,055 --> 00:52:08,286
in various shallow
but nonetheless pleasing ways.
831
00:52:08,358 --> 00:52:12,727
But, Dad, check it out. This afternoon,
Mike was repelling from the roof...
832
00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:14,525
Nigel was using Kimas a human dartboard...
833
00:52:14,598 --> 00:52:17,260
and you employed your sonas a vomit mop.
834
00:52:17,334 --> 00:52:21,737
Call me crazy, Pops, but things are getting
pretty twisted around here.
835
00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:24,433
l need to hire some help.
836
00:52:24,508 --> 00:52:27,875
As in a babysitter? Okay,
that is so not happening.
837
00:52:27,944 --> 00:52:30,606
Dad, just call Mom and tell her
we need her back home.
838
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,171
l just can't do that right now,
not with all the work she's done.
839
00:52:33,250 --> 00:52:35,184
It just wouldn't be fair.
840
00:52:35,252 --> 00:52:38,551
Well, then why don't you
spend more time at home?
841
00:52:38,622 --> 00:52:41,216
Honey, that's just not
an option right now.
842
00:52:41,291 --> 00:52:44,055
l've got a big job,a job that I love.
843
00:52:44,127 --> 00:52:46,425
I'm gonna have to
call in some backup.
844
00:52:54,104 --> 00:52:55,935
Hello.
845
00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:59,840
Uh, my name is Tom Baker, and I'm
interested in hiring a domestic helper.
846
00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:03,869
Um, I have 12 children.
847
00:53:05,215 --> 00:53:07,149
Actually, I'm serious.
848
00:53:07,217 --> 00:53:09,583
-Just 1 2.
- Twelve.
849
00:53:09,653 --> 00:53:12,121
There's only two.
Oh, plus 1 0.
850
00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:15,590
How many kids? Well, uh, when
you get here we can just count 'em up.
851
00:53:15,659 --> 00:53:17,627
Well, there's 1 2.
But one doesn't live with me...
852
00:53:17,694 --> 00:53:19,628
and one you never see
'cause he's so mad.
853
00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:21,163
Uh, a dozen?
854
00:53:31,274 --> 00:53:34,732
Just-Just-Just 1 2.
855
00:53:34,811 --> 00:53:38,076
Hello. l'll just hang up on myself.
856
00:53:40,483 --> 00:53:42,781
857
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,899
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Mike. What's up?
858
00:54:05,976 --> 00:54:09,104
- It's Mark.
- Right. Mark. What's up?
859
00:54:09,179 --> 00:54:11,147
l don't get this math homework.
860
00:54:12,716 --> 00:54:15,708
Hey, you know what? l've got a game
I'm not nearly prepared for.
861
00:54:15,785 --> 00:54:17,719
Could you go ask one
of your sisters to help you?
862
00:54:17,787 --> 00:54:20,950
Yeah. Okay.
863
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:31,090
Forget it.
864
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:38,401
Hello. Yeah,
could you do me a favor...
865
00:54:38,475 --> 00:54:43,811
and send up 1 2 pillows
to 504?
866
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,814
Yes.
867
00:54:45,882 --> 00:54:48,009
Thank you.
868
00:54:48,084 --> 00:54:50,382
Mmm.
That'll be good.
869
00:54:55,158 --> 00:54:58,184
''Hey, kids,
l had to get to work.
870
00:54:58,261 --> 00:55:00,195
''Lorraine and Kim,
you're in charge of breakfast.
871
00:55:00,263 --> 00:55:05,200
Henry and Jake, lunches.
Charlie, handle drop-offs.''
872
00:55:05,268 --> 00:55:08,032
- Come on, Charlie. We're gonna be late.
873
00:55:08,104 --> 00:55:11,096
Cute car seats, Baker.
874
00:55:11,174 --> 00:55:13,369
You know, we had to take
our little brothers to nursery school...
875
00:55:13,443 --> 00:55:15,434
if that's okay with you.
876
00:55:15,512 --> 00:55:18,072
What happened? Did-Did Mommy
and Daddy go back to the farm?
877
00:55:18,148 --> 00:55:21,413
You know what? This whole ''harass
the hick'' thing's getting pretty old.
878
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,543
Actually, I'm just
gettin' started.
879
00:55:23,620 --> 00:55:25,212
- Yeah? What else you got?
- Yeah.
880
00:55:25,288 --> 00:55:27,222
- You don't wanna know, man.
- Oh, I wanna know.
881
00:55:27,290 --> 00:55:30,259
Charlie!
Charlie, Charlie, stop.
882
00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:32,591
Stop.Just let it go,
okay? Please.
883
00:55:32,662 --> 00:55:35,222
Yeah, Charlie.
Let it go, and go...
884
00:55:35,298 --> 00:55:37,493
- all the way back to Podunk.
885
00:55:37,567 --> 00:55:40,661
- Charlie, go.
- Go.
886
00:55:40,737 --> 00:55:43,297
887
00:55:43,373 --> 00:55:46,103
Hey, Gil, I got
a real shot with this team.
888
00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:48,440
They're 2-0. They're rising in
the national standings...
889
00:55:48,511 --> 00:55:50,445
and they're taking
nothing for granted.
890
00:55:50,513 --> 00:55:55,041
- Hey, Coach.
- Hey, teenager, what's up?
891
00:55:55,118 --> 00:55:57,678
- We need to talk.
- Sure.
892
00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:03,386
- Look, Dad, um--
- Hey, guys, knock it off!.
893
00:56:03,460 --> 00:56:05,451
All right, Coach.!
894
00:56:06,996 --> 00:56:10,363
l know you're all lit up
about this new job...
895
00:56:10,433 --> 00:56:12,731
- but my new school--
- The press is waiting, Bake!
896
00:56:12,802 --> 00:56:16,397
- They're out there now?
- Yeah. Come on. Get dressed.
- Hey, can we do this later?
897
00:56:39,362 --> 00:56:41,557
Hey, kids.
How was your day at school?
898
00:56:41,631 --> 00:56:45,931
l'd say the high point was that you're
only 45 minutes late picking us up.
899
00:56:46,002 --> 00:56:48,835
Hey, you know what? There was
a pep rally at school today.
900
00:56:48,905 --> 00:56:52,204
There were 20,000 people in the stands,
and I just couldn't leave.
901
00:56:52,275 --> 00:56:55,642
- Here.
- Hey, you did a drawing.
902
00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:59,146
''My favorite place
in the world--''
903
00:57:01,618 --> 00:57:03,483
ls that the Midland house?
904
00:57:16,332 --> 00:57:18,562
President Gerhard and I have been
waiting for a half an hour.
905
00:57:18,635 --> 00:57:20,569
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
l had to--
906
00:57:20,637 --> 00:57:22,628
l know you have responsibilities
at home, Bake, but this is it.
907
00:57:22,705 --> 00:57:25,071
This is your shot,
your moment, not theirs.
908
00:57:25,141 --> 00:57:28,008
What's the matter with you?What are you doing?
909
00:57:28,077 --> 00:57:30,545
You've wanted this
for as long as l've known you.
910
00:57:30,613 --> 00:57:33,047
l just don't want to
see you blow it.
911
00:57:34,617 --> 00:57:36,551
l'll work something out.
912
00:57:36,619 --> 00:57:40,248
It's hard to believe someone as
staggeringly beautiful as you...
913
00:57:40,323 --> 00:57:44,089
could deliver 1 2 children andstill look as yummy as you do.
914
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,822
Oh, that's so sweet.
915
00:57:46,896 --> 00:57:49,228
l guess the camera
can't see my hips.
916
00:57:49,299 --> 00:57:52,200
Tell us,did you have them conventionally?
917
00:57:52,268 --> 00:57:54,566
918
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:58,907
919
00:57:58,975 --> 00:58:02,069
Well, uh, after the sixth one,
they just kind of walked out.
920
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:05,876
- Why don't you read us a little
something from your book?
921
00:58:05,949 --> 00:58:09,282
Oh, I don't know. No. People
can just buy it and then read it.
922
00:58:09,352 --> 00:58:12,321
- Oh, come on.
- The audience wants it.
923
00:58:12,388 --> 00:58:15,186
- Oh, all right. Okay.
924
00:58:15,258 --> 00:58:17,419
''Some, uh, call me a mom.
925
00:58:17,494 --> 00:58:19,758
''Others call me
a primary caregiver.
926
00:58:19,829 --> 00:58:22,297
But they both mean
the same thing: chauffeur.''
927
00:58:22,365 --> 00:58:25,425
You know, it sounds like you
and your husband have things
under control at home.
928
00:58:25,502 --> 00:58:28,130
Oh, well, I'm lucky
to have him. We sure do.
929
00:58:28,204 --> 00:58:30,934
Kids, on the carpet! Now!
930
00:58:36,079 --> 00:58:38,980
Dad!
931
00:58:39,048 --> 00:58:42,779
College guys?
932
00:58:42,852 --> 00:58:45,821
- What's goin' on here?
- Where's Charlie?
933
00:58:45,889 --> 00:58:49,655
-He went to Midland for the day.
-Midland? It's a school day.
934
00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:53,162
- He hates school.
- 'Course you couldn't know that
'cause you're never home.
935
00:58:54,664 --> 00:58:56,962
Well, that is about
to change, Sarah Baker.
936
00:58:57,033 --> 00:59:00,127
Because since I can't go to work
without you guys getting in trouble...
937
00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:03,263
and since I can't stay home
without Shake bugging me...
938
00:59:03,339 --> 00:59:05,364
l have brought my work
home with me.
939
00:59:05,441 --> 00:59:07,432
Guys, meet the family.
Family, meet the team.
940
00:59:07,510 --> 00:59:09,740
- 'Sup, boys?
- What's up?
941
00:59:09,812 --> 00:59:12,747
Okay, we will be in the living room.
We got a lot of work to do.
942
00:59:12,815 --> 00:59:15,807
l don't want any interruptions
unless it's an emergency. Clear?
943
00:59:17,053 --> 00:59:19,954
Okay. Now go do your homework.
Let's go, guys.
944
00:59:25,528 --> 00:59:28,861
All right, first team, line up.!
945
00:59:28,932 --> 00:59:31,025
946
00:59:31,100 --> 00:59:33,227
Good. Good. Good.
947
00:59:33,303 --> 00:59:37,239
But you hit 'em too high.
You wanna hit 'em low.
948
00:59:37,307 --> 00:59:41,767
949
00:59:41,844 --> 00:59:44,312
Twenty-four.
950
00:59:49,953 --> 00:59:54,890
Dad, come on!
951
00:59:54,958 --> 00:59:58,223
Hey, how's New York?
952
01:00:03,299 --> 01:00:05,961
Hi.
953
01:00:06,035 --> 01:00:08,902
Okay, l've gotta go now.
954
01:00:11,874 --> 01:00:14,809
l love you.
955
01:00:25,822 --> 01:00:29,053
956
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:33,687
957
01:00:37,233 --> 01:00:40,760
958
01:00:40,837 --> 01:00:43,101
959
01:00:55,251 --> 01:00:59,381
960
01:01:03,626 --> 01:01:05,890
Step off, missy!
961
01:01:05,962 --> 01:01:09,090
You don't talk that way
unless it's with humor!
962
01:01:12,168 --> 01:01:15,604
Something tells me you had an unpleasant
interaction with those boys, Mark.
963
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:18,106
They knocked my glasses off.
964
01:01:23,813 --> 01:01:25,713
l heard you were
dissing my family.
965
01:01:25,782 --> 01:01:27,716
l don't even know
your family, loser.
966
01:01:27,784 --> 01:01:30,617
- You do now.
- My latte!
967
01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:34,384
968
01:01:38,795 --> 01:01:43,289
Coach, give us a quote.
969
01:01:51,340 --> 01:01:55,071
Violence begets violence.
970
01:02:02,752 --> 01:02:04,947
All right, enough is enough.
971
01:02:05,021 --> 01:02:08,616
You're slacking on your chores.You're fighting at school.Things are out of control.
972
01:02:08,691 --> 01:02:11,956
As of this moment,
you are all grounded.
973
01:02:12,028 --> 01:02:14,997
- What's ''grounded''?
- ''What's grounded?''
974
01:02:15,064 --> 01:02:18,830
l'll tell you what grounded is.
Except for attending games...
975
01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,529
you go to school;
you come home from school;
976
01:02:21,604 --> 01:02:23,765
you do your homework;
you do your chores;
977
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:25,808
you go to bed;
and that's it.
978
01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:28,935
- But that--
- Oh, yes, Sarah, I know. That sucks.
979
01:02:29,011 --> 01:02:32,606
- But that's the way it is.
- Does this mean we can't go
to Dylan's birthday party?
980
01:02:32,682 --> 01:02:36,709
-That's exactly what it means.
-We bought his presents already.
981
01:02:36,786 --> 01:02:38,981
You are going to miss it!
982
01:02:41,023 --> 01:02:43,014
Now, go to bed!
983
01:03:16,425 --> 01:03:20,885
Hey, Gunner. Wanna get
up on the bed, buddy? Huh?
984
01:03:20,963 --> 01:03:23,261
- Come on.
985
01:03:26,002 --> 01:03:27,526
Come on.
986
01:04:01,637 --> 01:04:04,367
987
01:04:05,942 --> 01:04:10,572
- Hello.
- Next year, let's book the
Mormon Tabernacle Choir too.
988
01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:14,548
Whatever happened to
pin the tail on the donkey?
989
01:04:14,617 --> 01:04:18,246
And on the end around, the guard pulls.
That means you, Buttler.
990
01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:21,381
991
01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:42,644
I'm going to Dylan's
birthday party. Who's with me?
992
01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:44,976
Yeah!
993
01:05:04,700 --> 01:05:06,600
Hi-- Oh.
994
01:05:13,709 --> 01:05:17,110
Brazilian mud viper.
She gets one live rat a week.
995
01:05:22,051 --> 01:05:24,884
Hey, Dylan. Wanna play catchwith the football I got you?
996
01:05:24,954 --> 01:05:28,151
Uh, my nanny'd have to
check with my dad...
997
01:05:28,224 --> 01:05:32,126
who'd have to check with my mom
who would say it was an
inappropriate use of free time.
998
01:05:32,194 --> 01:05:35,493
Hmm. Sounds like a ''yes'' to me.
Go get it, Mike.
999
01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:48,839
And, O'Neal, you gotta crack
the first guy that shows outside.
1000
01:05:48,911 --> 01:05:51,345
Run, Billy.! Run.!
1001
01:05:51,414 --> 01:05:54,349
1002
01:05:54,417 --> 01:05:57,682
1003
01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:05,155
Kids?
1004
01:06:05,227 --> 01:06:07,787
1005
01:06:10,733 --> 01:06:13,827
1006
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:22,204
1007
01:06:22,278 --> 01:06:24,576
Get my kids.
l'll meet you at the house.
1008
01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:27,343
- Ready!
- Break!
1009
01:06:30,753 --> 01:06:34,280
1010
01:06:40,129 --> 01:06:42,859
Sarah Baker, off, now!
1011
01:06:42,932 --> 01:06:45,560
- No way!
- Don't make me come up there!
1012
01:06:57,446 --> 01:07:01,280
1013
01:07:10,393 --> 01:07:13,328
Oh, my God!
It's gonna blow!
1014
01:07:13,396 --> 01:07:16,229
1015
01:07:16,298 --> 01:07:18,892
1016
01:07:18,968 --> 01:07:22,096
1017
01:07:26,809 --> 01:07:30,074
- Aaaah!
1018
01:07:30,146 --> 01:07:33,115
It was my best birthday
ever, Coach.
1019
01:07:33,182 --> 01:07:35,912
Your children are never
playing with Dylan again!
1020
01:07:35,985 --> 01:07:38,681
- Sorry about your arm, Dylan.
1021
01:07:38,754 --> 01:07:41,245
- Hello, Shake.
1022
01:07:41,323 --> 01:07:43,917
Any idea what this could do
to my program? Don't speak. Listen.
1023
01:07:43,993 --> 01:07:47,121
I don't want the players
at your house, and I don't want
your kids in the department.
1024
01:07:47,196 --> 01:07:51,360
- There he is.!
- Coach! Coach! How will this
impact Saturday's game?
1025
01:07:51,434 --> 01:07:55,666
Coach, what do you have to say
to reports that you're simply
spreading yourself too thin?
1026
01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:59,697
- ls this child care or football?
- Sarah from Evanston,
you're on with Kate Baker.
1027
01:07:59,775 --> 01:08:02,073
Mom, it's Sarah.
1028
01:08:02,144 --> 01:08:04,772
Hi, Sarah.
ls everything okay?
1029
01:08:04,847 --> 01:08:07,680
- Come home immediately.
-I wanna talk to her!
1030
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:10,480
- No! Guys!
1031
01:08:10,553 --> 01:08:13,681
- l wanna talk to her.!
- Guys, stop!
1032
01:08:14,723 --> 01:08:17,385
- Hello?
1033
01:08:17,460 --> 01:08:19,792
Now look what you did.
1034
01:08:28,437 --> 01:08:30,837
- Dad?
- Oh, Nora.
1035
01:08:30,906 --> 01:08:33,807
Thanks for coming. Thank you,
thank you. I appreciate it.
1036
01:08:33,876 --> 01:08:37,539
- You seemed kind of desperate on the phone.
- Yeah. They're... everywhere.
1037
01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:42,008
You guys?
1038
01:08:58,067 --> 01:09:01,127
1039
01:09:01,203 --> 01:09:04,331
- Hi.
- I just talked to the kids.
1040
01:09:04,406 --> 01:09:07,034
Yes , I know everything.
Dylan's in the hospital.
1041
01:09:07,109 --> 01:09:10,670
Charlie's about to be expelled.And Nora taking time off fromher first job to babysit?
1042
01:09:10,746 --> 01:09:13,408
- Can we do this later, Kate?
- No, Tom.
1043
01:09:13,482 --> 01:09:16,781
You promised me that you would
let me know if you couldn't handle it.
1044
01:09:16,852 --> 01:09:20,413
I'm doing the best I can.
Please, let's talk later.
1045
01:09:20,489 --> 01:09:22,957
Bye.
1046
01:09:26,996 --> 01:09:31,092
- What's the matter?
- The book tour's over
for me. I'm going home.
1047
01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:34,102
1048
01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:37,537
Get a move on, guys.We gotta get dinner on the table.
1049
01:09:39,041 --> 01:09:41,407
1050
01:09:41,477 --> 01:09:44,412
Hi. It's me.
Okay, I'm coming home.
1051
01:09:44,480 --> 01:09:46,641
Now, I know this
is gonna be a big strain.
1052
01:09:46,715 --> 01:09:50,207
The publishing company arrangedfor the Oprah Winfrey Show
to tape at our house tomorrow...
1053
01:09:50,286 --> 01:09:53,221
which is, you know, great, butI'm really gonna need your help.
1054
01:09:53,289 --> 01:09:57,123
We're talking Bakers full force. Boys,you clean up the outside,;girls, the inside.
1055
01:09:57,193 --> 01:09:59,252
l want everybodyin fancy, nice, clean clothes.
1056
01:09:59,328 --> 01:10:03,765
And, Tom, if you could please supervise thisone last thing, I would really appreciate it.
1057
01:10:03,832 --> 01:10:06,266
- Okay? All right. Bye.
1058
01:10:06,335 --> 01:10:08,895
Sounds like somebody
got his jimmy whipped.
1059
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:14,734
Jimmy whipped!
1060
01:10:14,810 --> 01:10:18,803
1061
01:10:20,082 --> 01:10:22,312
Mommy!
1062
01:10:24,053 --> 01:10:26,146
1063
01:10:34,163 --> 01:10:38,190
1064
01:11:22,978 --> 01:11:25,606
1065
01:11:25,681 --> 01:11:28,650
Beans, you okay?
1066
01:11:32,021 --> 01:11:34,717
1067
01:11:34,790 --> 01:11:38,021
- Go get dressed, guys.
1068
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:43,288
- Hello.
1069
01:11:43,365 --> 01:11:46,129
Oh, it's me. Yeah. My flight
was delayed. They lost my luggage.
1070
01:11:46,201 --> 01:11:48,328
I'm gettin' there
as soon as I can. Sorry.
1071
01:11:48,404 --> 01:11:51,771
Okay. Those are
for Oprah's people!
1072
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:55,207
- ls the house clean?
- We're working on it, Kate.
1073
01:11:55,277 --> 01:11:58,735
- Okay. l'll see you when I see you.
1074
01:12:00,382 --> 01:12:02,907
Okay, guys, good job!
Go inside and get cleaned up.
1075
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:05,920
Come on! Hustle up!
Hustle up! Let's go!
1076
01:12:13,028 --> 01:12:15,087
1077
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:17,724
Camera truck's here.!
1078
01:12:24,707 --> 01:12:28,370
l need warm water!
Look out, Dad!
1079
01:12:28,444 --> 01:12:31,641
Don't make a mess
in the kitchen!
1080
01:12:31,714 --> 01:12:34,581
- Hello? Uh, Baker house?
1081
01:12:34,650 --> 01:12:36,641
- Yeah. You guys from Oprah?
- Yes, sir.
1082
01:12:36,719 --> 01:12:39,085
- She's really gonna be here?
- Any time now.
1083
01:12:39,154 --> 01:12:42,123
Okay, well, just, you know,
set up anywhere.
1084
01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:44,625
- Will do.
- Let's go, guys.
1085
01:12:46,729 --> 01:12:49,960
All right.Let's set up over here, guys.
1086
01:12:54,503 --> 01:12:57,768
- Knock much?
- You got kicked off the team.
1087
01:12:57,840 --> 01:13:00,638
Well, look who decided
to be a parent!
1088
01:13:00,709 --> 01:13:03,337
Let's check
that attitude, Charlie.
1089
01:13:03,412 --> 01:13:07,280
l don't fit in this town, Dad.
I'm going back to Midland.
1090
01:13:07,349 --> 01:13:11,445
You are not dropping out of school,
and you are not walking out on this family.
1091
01:13:11,520 --> 01:13:13,454
What family?
1092
01:13:13,522 --> 01:13:17,481
Since we moved here, everybody's
been looking out for number one,
especially you and Mom.
1093
01:13:17,559 --> 01:13:20,460
Your mother and I are doing
what we think is best for everyone.
1094
01:13:20,529 --> 01:13:23,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did not
take this coaching job for us.
1095
01:13:24,032 --> 01:13:28,093
You took this because you were a loser
in college while Shake was being a superstar.
1096
01:13:28,170 --> 01:13:32,607
If you want your shot at glory, if you wanna
have it all, you do what you gotta do.
1097
01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:36,110
But quit feeding us this line about being
a happier and stronger family.
1098
01:13:36,178 --> 01:13:40,478
This move was about you!
And you know what?
1099
01:13:40,549 --> 01:13:45,680
l don't have to sit here and pay the price
for your life choices. I'm leaving.
1100
01:13:48,357 --> 01:13:50,484
You're staying.
1101
01:13:50,559 --> 01:13:52,618
Are you gonna make me?
1102
01:13:54,730 --> 01:13:58,222
Charlie, I love you.
1103
01:13:58,300 --> 01:14:01,895
l want you to have
the best life you can have.
1104
01:14:01,970 --> 01:14:04,837
And that means you're
getting a diploma.
1105
01:14:07,476 --> 01:14:11,139
When I graduate, I'm gone.
1106
01:14:16,218 --> 01:14:20,382
Hey, Charlie, am I lookingokay for national TV?
1107
01:14:21,924 --> 01:14:25,553
You know, you turned into
a jerk when we moved here!
1108
01:14:25,627 --> 01:14:29,529
- Everybody turned into a jerk
when we moved here.
1109
01:14:36,104 --> 01:14:38,197
1110
01:14:42,110 --> 01:14:44,704
Charlie?
1111
01:14:46,381 --> 01:14:48,747
Mom's home.!
1112
01:14:48,817 --> 01:14:50,785
- Mommy!
- Mommy!
1113
01:14:53,288 --> 01:14:55,882
- Mommy! Never go away again!
- Hi.
1114
01:14:55,958 --> 01:14:58,392
- Mom, listen up. Here's the sizzle.
-I missed you, honey.
1115
01:14:58,460 --> 01:15:01,293
Okay, Dad is stressed to the point
of a total meltdown.
1116
01:15:01,363 --> 01:15:04,059
Charlie's like a half a step away
from juvie, and Mark's--
1117
01:15:04,132 --> 01:15:06,896
Okay. Oprah's coming.
We'll talk about it later. Here we go.
1118
01:15:06,969 --> 01:15:09,870
- Whatever.
- I just wanna get everything ready.
1119
01:15:09,938 --> 01:15:12,202
- What's the deal with Charlie?
- Fine, thanks. How are you?
1120
01:15:12,274 --> 01:15:15,766
- I'm sorry. Hi.
- Hi. Charlie got kicked off the football team.
1121
01:15:15,844 --> 01:15:18,244
- What?
- Don't worry. I'm handling it.
1122
01:15:18,313 --> 01:15:21,771
1123
01:15:21,850 --> 01:15:25,718
Shake. President Gerhard.
1124
01:15:25,787 --> 01:15:27,721
- Tom.
- Tom, we need a minute.
1125
01:15:27,789 --> 01:15:32,419
- Please don't die, Beans.
1126
01:15:32,494 --> 01:15:36,590
The university is prepared to make
an investment in the program...
1127
01:15:36,665 --> 01:15:38,599
but we want some assurances.
1128
01:15:38,667 --> 01:15:42,125
- What does that mean?
- We wanna know you're committed
to the football program.
1129
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:46,664
You have to decide who's makingthe bacon and who's cooking it.
1130
01:15:46,742 --> 01:15:49,267
So what's it gonna be, Tom?
1131
01:15:49,344 --> 01:15:51,437
Tom, didn't you pick upmy dry cleaning?
1132
01:15:51,513 --> 01:15:54,107
Yes, dear.
It's in the front closet.
1133
01:15:54,182 --> 01:15:57,447
Well, I guess the wife
just answered our question.
1134
01:15:57,519 --> 01:16:00,682
The wife's name
is Kate, Shake.
1135
01:16:02,057 --> 01:16:04,958
What a wiener.
1136
01:16:06,862 --> 01:16:10,423
We want an answer by Monday,Tom. This meeting's over.
1137
01:16:20,108 --> 01:16:22,440
1138
01:16:22,511 --> 01:16:24,911
I'm all right.
1139
01:16:27,983 --> 01:16:30,383
l love you.
1140
01:16:30,452 --> 01:16:33,148
I'm gonna go get ready.
1141
01:16:33,221 --> 01:16:36,156
- Sorry, Dad.
1142
01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:46,429
What's this?
1143
01:16:46,501 --> 01:16:49,163
Hank slept over.
Do you have a problem with that?
1144
01:16:49,237 --> 01:16:52,638
Yes, I have a problem with that!
This house is G-rated.
1145
01:16:52,708 --> 01:16:55,677
Whoa, chief.
Look, Nora's a big girl.
1146
01:16:55,744 --> 01:16:58,736
Now would be
an excellent time...
1147
01:16:58,814 --> 01:17:02,682
for you to be
very, very quiet...
1148
01:17:02,751 --> 01:17:04,685
chief.
1149
01:17:06,088 --> 01:17:08,886
Now, get dressed
and get downstairs.
1150
01:17:10,092 --> 01:17:12,026
Whoa.
1151
01:17:14,963 --> 01:17:18,091
I just--I can't believe you let
things get this bad around here.
1152
01:17:18,166 --> 01:17:20,259
- l can't believe it.
- What can I say?
1153
01:17:20,335 --> 01:17:23,031
You didn't pick the perfect
moment to have a career.
1154
01:17:23,105 --> 01:17:25,573
Oh, okay, yeah. I'm not even
gonna touch that hypocrisy.
1155
01:17:25,641 --> 01:17:28,439
You told me to go to New York.
Mr.ICan Handle It.
1156
01:17:28,510 --> 01:17:31,445
''Everything'll be okay.
Go, Kate!'' Help me, would you?
1157
01:17:31,513 --> 01:17:34,846
So you're telling me you didn't
want to go to New York?
1158
01:17:34,916 --> 01:17:37,680
No. I want a lot of things.
So do you.
1159
01:17:37,753 --> 01:17:41,348
- That's the problem.
- This isn't working.
1160
01:17:41,423 --> 01:17:45,450
- Yeah. That's my point.
- I meant the zipper.
1161
01:17:50,699 --> 01:17:53,634
Let's just get through
the next hour, okay?
1162
01:17:53,702 --> 01:17:56,102
- Fine.
- Fine.
1163
01:17:57,639 --> 01:18:00,574
Okay, everybody.l know it's been a difficult day...
1164
01:18:00,642 --> 01:18:04,874
but I need all of you, and I would appreciate
it if you could just put on happy faces.
1165
01:18:04,946 --> 01:18:07,437
Everything's great.
We're a big, happy family.
1166
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:10,451
If you can remember the lines
I told you to say to Oprah.
1167
01:18:10,519 --> 01:18:14,216
If you can't remember, don't say
anything. Big smiles. Let me see 'em.
1168
01:18:14,289 --> 01:18:17,486
Mom, Beans is dead.
1169
01:18:17,559 --> 01:18:19,823
Nobody cares
about your stupid frog, FedEx.
1170
01:18:19,895 --> 01:18:22,295
Stop calling me that!
1171
01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:26,926
- Don't you dare call him that.!
1172
01:18:27,002 --> 01:18:29,971
1173
01:18:30,038 --> 01:18:32,802
- All right.! Hey.!
- Stop it! Stop it!
1174
01:18:32,874 --> 01:18:35,240
What's the name
of this segment again?
1175
01:18:35,310 --> 01:18:37,676
Uh, ''One Big Happy Family.''
1176
01:18:37,746 --> 01:18:40,340
Okay, I'm calling
Oprah's people right now.
1177
01:18:40,415 --> 01:18:43,680
All I'm saying is,
families are inevitable.
1178
01:18:43,752 --> 01:18:46,277
It's like death or taxes.
1179
01:18:46,354 --> 01:18:48,754
Does that mean
you don't want children?
1180
01:18:48,824 --> 01:18:51,156
- Leave him alone.!
- Hello!
1181
01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:53,956
Look at these--
They're monsters!
1182
01:18:54,029 --> 01:18:58,864
- Honey, you can't want this.
That's why you're with me.
1183
01:19:01,002 --> 01:19:03,971
Nora.! Come on.!We need you down here.!
1184
01:19:04,039 --> 01:19:06,269
You're stepping on me.! Stop.!
1185
01:19:06,341 --> 01:19:09,333
Nigel, get offyour brother's head.!
1186
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:12,346
Get off me!
Nobody cares about me!
1187
01:19:12,414 --> 01:19:15,076
- Nobody cares about me!
- Mark, what's going on?
1188
01:19:15,150 --> 01:19:17,880
- Mark.! Mark.!
- What are you talking about?
1189
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:21,855
- I'm perfect! l've never done
anything like this before!
- No! None of that!
1190
01:19:21,923 --> 01:19:26,019
- Hey! Hey!
- No, you do not want to come down here.
1191
01:19:26,094 --> 01:19:28,892
No, it's the farthest thing
from a happy family.
1192
01:19:28,964 --> 01:19:30,898
1193
01:19:30,966 --> 01:19:33,332
Why am I the only normal
person in the family?
1194
01:20:07,002 --> 01:20:09,232
Feel free to sleep
on the couch.
1195
01:20:09,304 --> 01:20:11,932
You read my mind.
1196
01:20:12,007 --> 01:20:16,239
Daddy, are you and Mommy
gonna get a divorce?
1197
01:20:19,281 --> 01:20:23,183
Come here.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1198
01:20:23,251 --> 01:20:25,185
Mark's gone.
1199
01:20:29,357 --> 01:20:31,348
1200
01:20:31,426 --> 01:20:33,417
- Mark's gone.
- What?
1201
01:20:33,495 --> 01:20:36,396
Hey, Dad.
1202
01:20:36,464 --> 01:20:39,456
What I said before--
l was out of line.
1203
01:20:39,534 --> 01:20:41,764
Forget it.
1204
01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:44,772
You were right.
1205
01:20:47,275 --> 01:20:51,336
- Mark!
1206
01:20:59,955 --> 01:21:03,288
- Hello.
1207
01:21:03,358 --> 01:21:06,122
Hey, Mark ran away.
ls he with you?
1208
01:21:06,194 --> 01:21:08,924
No. We'll come
help you look.
1209
01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:16,633
There's me! Oh.
1210
01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:19,936
- Mark's missing.
- Oh.
1211
01:21:20,008 --> 01:21:23,000
Take it to the max. Tommy Max.
1212
01:21:23,078 --> 01:21:25,273
Let's go.
1213
01:21:25,347 --> 01:21:27,747
l look great.
1214
01:21:27,816 --> 01:21:30,785
Did you not hear me?
My brother is missing!
1215
01:21:30,852 --> 01:21:33,286
No. Did you not hear me?
I'm on TV!
1216
01:21:39,928 --> 01:21:41,862
What was that for?
1217
01:21:45,166 --> 01:21:47,100
Oh. What do you want?
1218
01:21:47,168 --> 01:21:50,331
My son Mark ran away.
He's not here, is he?
1219
01:21:50,405 --> 01:21:53,602
l always knew one of your kids
would land on a milk carton.
1220
01:21:53,675 --> 01:21:56,303
Twelve is just
too big a number.
1221
01:21:56,378 --> 01:22:00,314
- We'll help you look for him.
- It's-It's past Dylan's bedtime.
1222
01:22:00,382 --> 01:22:03,283
We're gonna
look for him, Tina.
1223
01:22:03,351 --> 01:22:05,114
- Thank you.
- Sure.
1224
01:22:06,621 --> 01:22:10,079
Let the police handle it!
You'll never find him!
1225
01:22:10,158 --> 01:22:13,889
Oh, we'll find him. Like you said,
1 2's a big number.
1226
01:22:13,962 --> 01:22:17,898
- Mark! Mark!
- Mark.!
1227
01:22:17,966 --> 01:22:20,799
He's about, about--
about that high.
1228
01:22:20,869 --> 01:22:24,600
He's got red hair and glasses.
There's a photo, and you can keep that.
1229
01:22:24,673 --> 01:22:27,608
No luck.
l've been everywhere.
1230
01:22:28,910 --> 01:22:30,878
Thanks for looking.
1231
01:22:30,946 --> 01:22:34,712
- Where's Hank?
- He's not gonna make the cut.
1232
01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:37,217
l hope the family
isn't to blame.
1233
01:22:39,521 --> 01:22:41,751
They're totally to blame.
1234
01:22:45,460 --> 01:22:48,293
l'll have officers check
the train and bus stations.
1235
01:22:48,363 --> 01:22:51,264
- He wouldn't get on a train or a bus.
- He might've.
1236
01:22:51,333 --> 01:22:54,791
Those times whenIran away from Midland,
l was gonna go to Chicago.
1237
01:22:54,869 --> 01:22:57,030
My favorite place in the world.
1238
01:22:59,541 --> 01:23:01,702
Your favorite place in the world.
1239
01:23:01,776 --> 01:23:04,768
1240
01:23:04,846 --> 01:23:07,576
1241
01:23:11,486 --> 01:23:14,114
1242
01:23:53,128 --> 01:23:58,327
You said we'd be happier.
You didn't keep your promise.
1243
01:23:58,400 --> 01:24:01,528
l know. I'm sorry.
1244
01:24:04,839 --> 01:24:07,603
1245
01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:56,250
Mom.!
1246
01:24:56,324 --> 01:25:00,055
Oh, honey! Oh!
1247
01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:03,757
Oh, we missed you, sweetheart.
1248
01:25:03,832 --> 01:25:06,960
Do that again, I'm going
to have to pound you.
1249
01:25:07,035 --> 01:25:10,664
- But I thought I was FedEx.
- Your eccentricities and vision problems...
1250
01:25:10,738 --> 01:25:15,175
are genetic traits that could be attributedto any number of the Baker ancestors.
1251
01:25:15,243 --> 01:25:19,009
Yeah. Without you, we wouldn't
be the 1 2 Bakers anymore.
1252
01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:22,538
We'd be, like, 1 1 .
1253
01:25:22,617 --> 01:25:26,348
l figured everybody hated me like Sarahand Lorraine hate each other.
1254
01:25:26,421 --> 01:25:29,913
There are times when
l want to kill Sarah...
1255
01:25:29,991 --> 01:25:34,257
but l'd kill for her
all the time.
1256
01:25:34,329 --> 01:25:37,594
- Come here, cutie.
1257
01:25:47,609 --> 01:25:51,443
Tom? You wanna say
something? A few words?
1258
01:25:51,513 --> 01:25:53,572
Sure.
1259
01:25:54,849 --> 01:25:57,545
Beans was a good frog.
1260
01:26:01,990 --> 01:26:06,120
He was, uh, not like
a lot of the bad frogs...
1261
01:26:06,194 --> 01:26:09,630
you hear about today,
all hopped up.
1262
01:26:09,697 --> 01:26:14,031
- He was lovable. He was almost human.
1263
01:26:14,102 --> 01:26:16,969
He was like, uh,
one of the family.
1264
01:26:17,038 --> 01:26:21,202
Except that, of course,he was green and he ate flies.
1265
01:26:22,710 --> 01:26:25,440
But he was a hopper.
1266
01:26:25,513 --> 01:26:29,950
He hipped and he hopped.
1267
01:26:31,619 --> 01:26:33,780
He loved hip-hop.
1268
01:26:37,192 --> 01:26:40,753
Mark, why don't you--I think
you should say something.
1269
01:26:40,828 --> 01:26:45,162
For a long time, you were
the only person I could talk to.
1270
01:26:45,233 --> 01:26:47,633
That's different now.
1271
01:26:47,702 --> 01:26:50,000
But you're the one
who got me through.
1272
01:26:50,071 --> 01:26:52,505
Thanks.
1273
01:27:36,150 --> 01:27:38,345
I'm resigning after
the season, Shake.
1274
01:27:41,656 --> 01:27:43,886
Giving up the dream, huh?
1275
01:27:43,958 --> 01:27:46,290
Just going
with a different one.
1276
01:27:46,361 --> 01:27:47,988
No regrets?
1277
01:27:48,062 --> 01:27:50,929
If I screw up
raising my kids...
1278
01:27:50,999 --> 01:27:52,990
nothing I achieve
will matter much.
1279
01:27:55,603 --> 01:27:57,298
Thank you.
1280
01:27:59,674 --> 01:28:02,199
We'll make an announcement
at the end of the week.
1281
01:28:06,881 --> 01:28:10,612
Come on. Keep the assembly line
up here. We gotta get this done.
1282
01:28:10,685 --> 01:28:13,654
- Where's Dad?
- He went to the game.
1283
01:28:13,721 --> 01:28:16,246
Why didn't he
ask us to go?
1284
01:28:16,324 --> 01:28:20,886
Because... he didn't want you to be there
on the day that he quits his job.
1285
01:28:20,962 --> 01:28:23,556
- He's quitting his job?
- Mm-hmm.
1286
01:28:23,631 --> 01:28:27,260
- What would we have to do
so he wouldn't quit?
- l'll give up clarinet lessons.
1287
01:28:27,335 --> 01:28:31,999
- l'll go back to hand-me-downs.
1288
01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:34,371
Okay, ease up.
Everybody listen.
1289
01:28:34,442 --> 01:28:37,570
Dad's a big boy, andhe makes his own decisions...
1290
01:28:37,645 --> 01:28:41,012
and he's doing this
because it's what he wants.
1291
01:28:41,082 --> 01:28:44,711
In that case, I totally take back
what I said about the hand-me-downs.
1292
01:28:44,786 --> 01:28:48,187
l thought so. Anybody else
wanna take back their offer?
1293
01:28:48,256 --> 01:28:52,124
Yeah, there we go.
1294
01:30:21,682 --> 01:30:24,776
l guess you could saythat when Tom and I left Midland...
1295
01:30:24,852 --> 01:30:27,844
we had a mess of theoriesabout how to raise children.
1296
01:30:27,922 --> 01:30:31,255
We still have a messof children, but no theories.
1297
01:30:34,662 --> 01:30:36,687
Sure, 1 2 is still our number.
1298
01:30:38,466 --> 01:30:42,835
It's the number of monthsmy book was on the best-seller list.
1299
01:30:42,904 --> 01:30:47,739
It's the number of job offers Tom turneddown before we found one close to home.
1300
01:30:47,809 --> 01:30:50,607
- Hike!
1301
01:30:54,882 --> 01:30:59,683
And each day, it's the number of timesI'm thankful there's such a thing as family.
1302
01:31:02,623 --> 01:31:05,421
1303
01:31:56,110 --> 01:31:58,806
1304
01:32:01,582 --> 01:32:04,210
What happened to you?
1305
01:32:04,285 --> 01:32:06,480
Oh, my God!
1306
01:32:06,554 --> 01:32:09,887
1307
01:32:09,957 --> 01:32:12,323
Save the eggs!
1308
01:32:15,730 --> 01:32:20,030
Yeah, you got room for all your big
old family in that new apartment?
1309
01:32:20,101 --> 01:32:22,501
- You're on camera, Steve.
- Sorry. I am.
1310
01:32:22,570 --> 01:32:24,834
You idiot.
1311
01:32:24,906 --> 01:32:28,865
Yeah, you got room in your
new apartment for that--
1312
01:32:28,943 --> 01:32:30,968
Battle ax
of a wife of mine?
1313
01:32:31,045 --> 01:32:32,979
You got--
1314
01:32:33,047 --> 01:32:34,981
Act angry, not grumpy.
1315
01:32:35,049 --> 01:32:37,347
-I really am grumpy.
- Well, that's good.
1316
01:32:37,418 --> 01:32:39,352
Two times?
1317
01:32:39,420 --> 01:32:41,445
- Two times. Ready?
- Then going outside?
1318
01:32:41,522 --> 01:32:44,116
Yeah. Actually, we'realmost done, so let's do it.
1319
01:32:44,191 --> 01:32:46,125
On your mark, get set, go.!
1320
01:32:46,193 --> 01:32:48,718
l don't wanna move!
l don't wanna move!
1321
01:32:48,796 --> 01:32:51,196
Cut. Goodjob. Okay?
1322
01:32:51,265 --> 01:32:55,292
l listened--
l listened the ''goodest.''
1323
01:32:56,938 --> 01:32:59,304
l don't wanna do it anymore.
1324
01:32:59,373 --> 01:33:02,103
- One more time.
- Last one and you're outta here.
1325
01:33:03,744 --> 01:33:06,440
- Cut! Cut! Cut!
1326
01:33:06,514 --> 01:33:08,812
Somebody help me!
Help me!
1327
01:33:08,883 --> 01:33:11,750
- Whoa!
-Just for the record, Mom--
1328
01:33:11,819 --> 01:33:14,754
Be careful, pally.
Slow down on that stuff.
1329
01:33:14,822 --> 01:33:18,986
You're not gonna remember a damn thing
in school if you suck 'em back likeIdo.
1330
01:33:19,060 --> 01:33:21,790
Now, on the end around
the guard pulls.
1331
01:33:21,862 --> 01:33:25,093
That means you, Buttler.
Whoa.
1332
01:33:25,166 --> 01:33:28,329
- Cut.!
1333
01:33:29,370 --> 01:33:31,304
- Action.!
- Frankly, I'm concerned.
1334
01:33:31,372 --> 01:33:34,102
l go around those kids,
they start beatin' on me.
1335
01:33:34,175 --> 01:33:36,302
What if I get a black eye?
1336
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:40,643
Frankly, I'm concerned, honey.
The kids set me on fire, they beat me.
1337
01:33:40,715 --> 01:33:43,912
They're abusive.
1338
01:33:43,985 --> 01:33:46,613
This is how I get jobs,
right here!
1339
01:33:46,687 --> 01:33:49,417
I'm sorry. I looked
at myself in the camera.
1340
01:33:49,490 --> 01:33:51,754
I'm so-- good-looking.
They set me on fire!
1341
01:33:51,826 --> 01:33:54,818
- Sounds good to me.
- All the kids wrapped in duct tape.
1342
01:33:54,895 --> 01:33:57,728
Maybe we can just roll,
roll ourselves in duct tape...
1343
01:33:57,798 --> 01:34:00,289
and then I can just
roll you across the floor.
1344
01:34:00,368 --> 01:34:02,427
Together, maybe.
1345
01:34:02,503 --> 01:34:04,869
1346
01:34:07,575 --> 01:34:10,043
Ow!107516
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