All language subtitles for Carols.Second.Act.S01E07.720p.HDTV.x264-AVS+SVA

So the cardiac stress test
shows a large perfusion defect,

which means the patient needs

an angiogram and a cardiology consult.

Excellent job, Dr. Kenney.

I'm impressed.

You were prepared, focused

and clean.

You three, however, were a disgrace.

Tomorrow at rounds, I
want to see a higher level

of professionalism, preparation and...

I cannot stress this
enough... basic hygiene.

Did you see the look Dr. Jacobs gave me

when I mispronounced "thrombocytopenia"?

It's the look she normally gives Carol.

You? How about when I
said "arthrocentesis"

instead of "paracentesis"
like a four-year-old?

I'm sorry, am I hallucinating
because I haven't slept

in two days, or are there teddy
bears dancing on your scrubs?

I haven't had time to wash mine

so I stole these from Pediatrics.

Oh, I like them.

Look, they're having a picnic.

Oh! That one's got
his hand stuck in a jam jar.

Carol, how is it that you
just killed it on rounds,

and you don't even
seem a little bit tired?

If you're on drugs, you
should really buy enough

to share with the group.

I'm not taking anything.

Oh, except my daily Centrum Silver.

You guys are welcome to try
them, but I have to warn you,

it's a big hit of calcium.

Does being short require less energy?

No.

The sleep deprivation
thing just isn't new to me.

I was a working mom with two babies,

then two toddlers, then two
children, then two teenagers.

You had eight kids?

Sorry, I'm so tired.

You know, if you guys want,
I can help you figure out

a better work-life balance.

I'd just like to find
time to take a real shower.

You know, helping you
guys is helping me,

'cause your deterioration has
begun to spread to the lounge.

What are you talking about?

That's what I'm talking about.

Could we burn this one
down and start over?

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Okay, to get your lives back on track,

we're gonna work together to clean up,

like a family.

Can I be the dad that
goes out for cigarettes

and never comes back?

So your solution to us being
overworked is more work?

Yeah, is this some Karate
Kid, wax on, wax off thing?

I am not waxing anything.

I didn't do it for my ex,
and I'm not doing it for you.

Okay, fine. Don't accept my help.

Just keep wallowing in your
filth and messing up rounds,

and someday I'll call you
when I need a chiropractor.

No! I'm too pretty to be a chiropractor.

- Tell us what to do.
- That's the spirit.

Look, once the kitchen is
clean, we can eat healthier.

Once the couch is free of old
banana peels, we can nap on it.

Once our books don't stick
to the table, we can...

Nap on it!

Study on it.

Maybe it won't be that much work.

I mean, it's not so bad in here.

Hey, Mom, I brought you some...

Oh, my God, what is that?

Did someone microwave fish,

then microwave broccoli, then die?

Maybe.

We're not in here every
second of the day, Jenny.

Wow. Okay, I have a big
meeting with Dr. Frost today,

and I do not want this smell on me.

Seriously, guys,

it's the kind of smell
that could come alive.

It has a weight to it.

- Yep, we're in.
- Great.

It's simple. If you see something

that needs doing, do it.

For instance, I will start
with replacing this thing.

Caleb will start by
replacing this thing.

Oh.

Dennis, I need to be pumped up today.

Do you still have that
inspirational quotes calendar?

Shh. You know I don't
like people to know

I have a softer side.

"Though we cannot control the wind,

we can adjust our sails
as to use it wisely".

What am I supposed to do with that?

What am I, a sea captain?

Apply yourself and you can
be anything you want to be.

That was from yesterday.

I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous.

I'm pitching drugs to Dr. Frost today.

He's the only doctor in this hospital

I've never been able to sell to.

He's my Red Lobster.

You mean white whale?

No, I mean Red Lobster.

I've always wanted to go
there, but I can never find one.

Well, he just thinks pharma reps
are a bad influence on medicine.

You know, because of
the bribes and sexiness.

Uh, that is so unfair.

I mean, sure, some pharma
reps are all about bribes,

but I'm about honesty and patient care.

I can't help with the
sexiness; it's who I am.

Same.

Wow. This is looking better already.

Look, we can see the couch.

Remember the couch?

And I got the TV remote to work again.

Who knew grape jelly and Cheeto
dust could form such a paste?

It's the human hair
that really binds it.

Well, we're working together
and our lives are improving.

Well, your lives are improving.

I don't want to say it's
because of me, but...

Carol, of course it's because of you.

Your words, not mine.

No, no, no, no, no! Don't go in there.

I had some hummus the other day.

Turned out to be really old yogurt.

And there are mushrooms in there,

but no one bought mushrooms.

But I'm hungry.

Ah, it's hard to be a
good vegan in a hospital.

Actually, it's hard to
be a good vegan anywhere.

That's what makes it so admirable.

Oh.

I got to take my tri-gem
patient to get an MRI in ten.

Uh, I can start
cleaning the fridge or...

Look, I'll take care of this.

You use that extra ten minutes

to get yourself
something healthy to eat.

You cannot doctor on an empty stomach.

So much gratefulness, Carol.

A Matcha, Camu Camu,
Ashwagandha smoothie

sounds so good right now.

So much you're welcome-ness.

Go drink your weird juice.

Hey, Lexie, is my clipboard over there?

I need to write out my patient notes.

Lexie?

Okay. I will finish this,

and you just take a little nap.

Aw, thanks, Carol. You're my hero.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

The real heroes are mothers,
teachers and doctors.

My, my, my.

Guess I'm a triple threat.

I'm also a triple threat.

Looks, brains... looks.

Daniel, there's a sink full
of dishes with your name on it.

My patient with a bowel
obstruction just threw up on me.

Is it too gross to wash
this with the dishes?

I'll do the dishes. You go shower.

Thanks, Carol. You're the best.

Oh, if you say so.

I'm just sharing some
hard-earned wisdom.

Wisdom learned as a mother,
a teacher and a doctor.

Okay, fridge.

Let's dance.

All right, Jennifer.

Our quarterly tête-à-tête
is upon us again.

I'm confident there's
nothing you're pitching

I'm willing to prescribe,

but I look forward to watching you try.

I have an effective new
topical treatment for psoriasis

that people are really talking about.

Mostly people with psoriasis.

I see this is a cream.

You know I prefer a gel.

I do.

It also comes in a gel.

Touché, Ms. Kenney.

However, this supposed gel
appears to be oil-based,

which technically makes it an ointment.

And you know how I feel about ointment.

It rhymes with "disappointment".

Precisely.

Oh, I do hope that's not all you have.

I've found this less of a tête-à-tête

and more of a tête-à-nyet.

Of course that's not all I have.

That was just the opening gambit.

This is my end game.

This is a cholesterol
medication I already prescribe.

Mm, precisely.

It's proven effective and now comes in

this extended release formula.

That is intriguing.

However...

the current formulation we
have is working just fine.

But what if you could
do better than just fine?

Jennifer, I admire your chutzpah,

but we have different motivations.

Yours is to push your products.

Mine is to serve my patients and staff.

Ah, would you look at that.

The lungs have arrived.

Caleb, next patient on
rounds: room 419. Symptoms?

Abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting.

- Diagnosis?
- Acute pancreatitis.

Confirmed by history of smoking.

- Treatment?
- Begin with fluids

and monitor for cholecystectomy, baby.

Oh, are you guys prepping for rounds?

I was just about to do that.
You sound sharp.

We just finished. It is
amazing what sleep can do.

And being clean.

I love being clean.

And washing with water.

Hand sanitizer really burns in places.

Plus, we're using the "Carol
study method" you taught us.

Oh, I see that.

I like the look of those
color-coded note cards.

I use it all the time,

for studying, lesson
planning, scheduling.

You know, back when I was a teacher,

the principal accused me of having OCD.

And I said, "Organized Carol Disorder?

I'll take it!"

Carol, don't open that.

It's okay.

I stayed after a few hours
last night cleaning it.

The great news is I was ready
when the grocery store opened

'cause I got up super
early to learn more about

hemoglobinopathies for
my thalassemia patient.

It's a blood disorder, so guess
what color note cards I used.

Blue!

Ha. Gotcha.

Carol, you have a little
coffee this morning?

Maybe a pot or three.

- So that's your secret.
- Well, that's part of it,

but it's really about
effective time management,

which I am modeling for you.

For instance,

I've allotted one hour this morning

to study up on my new
patients for rounds,

right after I finish
unloading the groceries.

Rounds. Let's move.

I-I thought rounds were at 8:00.

406 coded and went to surgery.

We got two new admits to
the ER, so now they're now.

Does that work for
your schedule, Doctor?

Yes, of course. I just
thought I'd have more time.

So did 406.

Okay, well, I'm starting to crash,

so I'm just gonna get a cup of coffee.

- Now.
- Okay.

Blood work, sputum culture
and chest X-ray all confirm

the diagnosis of community
acquired pneumonia.

The recommended course of treatment is

empiric ceftriaxone and azithromycin.

Excellent work.

You three have certainly stepped it up,

both in medicine and odor.

Dr. Kenney, your patient.

Uh, yes.

Well, um, as you can see, uh,

this patient presents as, uh, male.

Um...

Now, you'll all notice that his illness

is not visible to the naked eye.

And that's why they call us internists,

Because the medicine is inside.

Let's skip past the definition
of internal medicine.

That's smart. Yeah, okay.

Um, you know what?

I am not gonna "doctor-splain"
this patient's illness to him.

Sir, why don't you just fill us in.

Me?

Yeah. Just take ownership of
your health care experience.

Well, um,

I had a... hemorrhoid,

and it burst.

Then it got infected

because I didn't get it looked at,

because I was too
embarrassed to talk about it.

Right. Hemorrhoid Henry.

Dr. Kenney!

Um, oh, the-the blood
panel revealed leukocytosis,

indicating an infection and...

Enough, Dr. Kenney.

Dr. Kutcher?

Recommended course of treatment
for his perirectal abscess

is ciprofloxacin, a sitz
bath and a topical steroid.

Dr. Kutcher, this is now your patient.

W-Wait. I-I know this case.

I-I didn't just... I didn't
have a chance to review.

I am so sorry I called
you Hemorrhoid Henry.

It's a mnemonic device.

I'd like to go to a different hospital.

Oh, sweet. Mile High Crew is on.

It's this reality show
about flight crew members

who hook up on a private jet.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Flying private is terrible
for the environment.

This show's so stupid.

I love it.

Looks like the trays
aren't the only things

in the upright position.

Okay, guys, guys, can
you turn that down?

If you remember,
I had a patient taken away.

I need to review.

Just a little treat
since we crushed it today.

Oh, sorry. I mean, "we".

Oh, but thanks again, Carol.
We were rested and sharp.

It was like, "Foom-foom-foom!
Doctor-doctor-doctor!"

Again, I'm glad you did
well, but I have to work.

How could I forget hemorrhoids?

I've had them.

Ew.

Why are you eating junk
from the vending machine?

I just stocked the fridge
with healthy groceries.

That peanut butter you
bought is all oily on top.

So stir it.

That seems like a whole thing.

Can you all just please keep it down?

Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry.

Angelique is in the galley.

Oh, but Boris is also in the galley.

Boris is also in the galley.

Oh... !

- No!
- Okay, that's it! I've had it!

Whoa, what is up her butt?

Hemorrhoids, apparently.

What is up my butt?

I will tell you what's up my butt.

I made a fool of myself

on rounds because I spent
the entire day helping you.

And here you are, eating junk food

and watching soft-core porn.

I'm the only one who
does anything around here.

I give and give and give,

and you take and take and take.

And you don't even do me the courtesy

of shutting up for five minutes!

So here's what's going to happen.

No more TV!

You just unplugged the coffee maker.

Damn it!

No more coffee or TV!

And you won't get any
more coffee or TV until...

Um, Mom, I heard
yelling. What is going on?

Jenny, I am so glad
you are here to witness

this parade of

lazy... filth people!

Mom, come with me.

You can tell me all about
the lazy filth people.

What did you do to her?

I cleaned that lounge,

I helped them with
their work-life balance,

and all they did was eat junk food

and giggle at the word "cockpit".

Sorry.

But come on.

They knew it when they named it.

Can we focus?

We can.

Just help me understand
what we're focusing on.

Did they ask you for help?

No, I offered.

But I had to. Those kids
can't take care of themselves.

Their lives were
falling apart without me.

But I can't do everything for them.

I mean, what am I, their mother?

Kind of sounds like it.

And it kind of sounds like
it's affecting your work.

Okay. Maybe I have been
taking on more than I need to,

but I've always taken on a lot,

and I've never struggled
like this before.

But you've never been a doctor before.

Being a high school science teacher

isn't quite as demanding.

I don't care what anyone says.

Teaching the sexual reproduction cycle

to a bunch of hormonal 14-year-olds

is the hardest thing that anyone can do.

But you have a point.

And I know your interns
seem young and helpless,

but they're not your
kids or your students.

They're your peers.

Yesterday, one of my peers

had his shirt tucked
into his underpants.

Everyone learns at their own pace.

They're not your responsibility.

Okay, I'll stop mom-ing my coworkers.

But I can't stop cold
turkey, so just give me a fix.

How was your day, sweetie?

Not great.

I just don't think I'll
ever sell to Dr. Frost.

He doesn't take me seriously.

Oh, don't take that personally.

He's a doctors' doctor.

He only listens to other
medical professionals.

That's exactly right.

Thank you. I got to go.

Wait, is that it? Do you need money?

Do you have a sweater?
I'm so proud of you, honey!

Dr. Frost, I'm leaving to
see Dr. Cooke at St. Francis.

Last chance to order my cholesterol med.

No, thank you.

Oh, tell ol' Cooke that his backhand

is as frightening as his ponytail.

I will not.

But before I go, I do
have a few more questions.

- Ask away.
- Not for you.

Dennis, as a medical professional,

how much of your day is spent

administering medication to patients?

Too much.

And how much time is spent

readministering that same
med because it's worn off?

Oh, it cuts into my bathroom breaks.

It's how I got that UTI.

That was a doozy.

So what if I told you there's
an extended release option

of your most popular
cholesterol medication?

I'd say, uh, give it to me now.

So a medication with a
longer duration of action

would help both the nursing
staff and your patients.

That is true.

Hey, I-I'm not playing.

You both make excellent points.

Which, incidentally, is
what the two triangles

said to each other.

Jennifer...

... check and mate.

I will give it a chance.

Thank you, Dr. Frost.

Very impressive.

You couldn't change the
direction of the wind,

but you adjusted your
sails to use it wisely.

You read the calendar, too?

Jennifer, I wrote the calendar.

Oh. There you are.

Don't pull any cords around here.

People could die.

I want to apologize.

I shouldn't have yelled

and called you lazy filth people.

That was hurtful but,
in retrospect, accurate.

We didn't mean to take advantage of you.

It was just nice being
taken care of for a second.

You're a good mom.

Oh. Well, old habits die hard.

And like actual motherhood, it
got tiring and had consequences.

We get it. You have hemorrhoids.

Well, from now on,
my only responsibility

is to my patients.

Speaking of which, I
need to prep for rounds.

Actually, uh, we made you
something to say sorry.

What's this?

We did your pre-rounds.

You have a patient
with COPD exacerbation.

Those cards have everything
you need to know about COPD.

We left out the patient's gender though,

'cause we know you're really
good at diagnosing that.

Aw, thanks.

And I know exactly how I'm
gonna use my extra time.

Resetting the clock
on the coffee machine?

No. I want to watch that show

with all the dimwits on the airplane.

I'm gonna need you guys
to walk me through it.

Is everyone bisexual or just some?

Oh, Carol. You've come
to the right place.

Oh!

- Oh, no!
- Ladies and gentShe did it!

But Angelique is married.

Yeah, but her husband's terrible.

And in the sky, it doesn't count.

I still don't approve.

Wow, that is a sturdy drink cart.

You've got to see it during turbulence.

What on earth do you guy...

Oh, God, she's back with Boris? Mm.

Never mind. Let's move.