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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,438 Mac: So what if I didn't go to college? 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,440 John mcclane didn't go to college. 3 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,552 He defeats the bad guys using street smarts, and I got street 4 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,677 smarts. 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,688 Dennis: Mac, you do realize John mcclane's a fictional 6 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:15,183 character who's voicing lines written by screenwriters who 7 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,185 almost certainly went to college. 8 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,196 Dee: Yeah, but Bruce Willis dropped out of college, and that 9 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,188 supports Mac's argument. 10 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,021 Yeah! 11 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,156 Uh, no it doesn't, Dee. 12 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,134 And the fact that you can't understand that leads me to 13 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,236 believe that you are complete and total dum-dum, and therefore 14 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,563 are not going to get selected for this intelligence 15 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:30,764 experiment. 16 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,143 Welcome, everybody, and thank you for volunteering in this 17 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,536 intelligence experiment. 18 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:39,473 I'm afraid, however, that we can only use one test subject. 19 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,576 I-I'm sorry, before you continue, um, I noticed you said 20 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,379 "volunteering," which implies a lack of compensation. 21 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,714 Volunteering's for suckers. 22 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,150 Yes, the selected subject will receive $1,000 in 23 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,151 compensation. 24 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,152 Dee: There you go. 25 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,229 That's what we're talking! 26 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,363 Hey. That's more like it. 27 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,232 Okay, and listen, when it comes to intelligence, I think 28 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,400 you'll find that I am your man. 29 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,460 Or perhaps a man is not what you're looking for at all. 30 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,430 I'm afraid my friend Dennis confuses book learning with 31 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:03,431 brainpower. 32 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,433 But you and me, we know different, huh? 33 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,434 Uh, "you and I." 34 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,068 What? No, not you and I. 35 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,337 Him and I, idiot. 36 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,681 In case I was being unclear, nerds, I will bang one or both 37 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,906 of you. 38 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,152 Dee, this man is smart enough to know to avoid a proposition 39 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,420 like that from someone like you. 40 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,079 To be clear, we're not looking for a subject with 41 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,348 superior intelligence. 42 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:23,784 In fact, the complete opposite would be, um, uh, preferable. 43 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:24,818 Excuse me for a minute. 44 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,120 I'm sorry, wait, wait! 45 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,288 That's a... sorry. 46 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,456 What are you doing? 47 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,500 Charlie: I was gonna bash your rat and take care of your 48 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,725 rat problem. 49 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,262 Oh, no, no, no, no, please, please, this is, this is our lab 50 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,363 rat. 51 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,165 His name's armitage shanks. 52 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:40,334 If he solves the maze, he gets the cheese. 53 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:43,204 And since we've been feeding armitage a cerebral enhancement 54 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:46,374 formula, he's been solving these mazes seven times faster. 55 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,278 We'd like to try a formula out on a human subject. 56 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,681 What would you think about something like that? 57 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,684 A pill that could make you seven times smarter. 58 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,320 (Armitage shanks squeaking) 59 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,122 Cheese, huh? 60 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,292 Yeah, all right. 61 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,294 (Buzzer sounds) Ow! Shit! 62 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,828 What's your name, young man? 63 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:08,796 It's Charlie. 64 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,340 Hold up, dude, I want to get this cheese here. 65 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,900 (Buzzer sounds) Aah! Shit! 66 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:17,338 Why don't you try the cheese under the green light, Charlie? 67 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,139 I want this cheese. 68 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,308 (Buzzer sounds) 69 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,809 Aah! 70 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,645 Ladies and gentlemen, we have found our test subject. 71 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:32,678 Thank you all very much for coming. 72 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:42,722 Thank you all very much for coming. 73 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,908 Aw, frank, you're intruding upon my education. 74 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,344 This is crazy, Charlie. 75 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,378 That's crazy. 76 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,512 Aw, shut up. 77 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,913 Whoa, what the hell is this? 78 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,282 What are you doing, man? 79 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,360 Well, I'm trying to learn mandarin and listen to Beethoven 80 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,585 at the same time. 81 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,696 You see, I just realized that i have two ears, so it's a waste 82 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,422 to only listen to one thing. 83 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,423 Let me guess this straight. 84 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,424 You just realized that you have 85 00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:11,559 two ears? 86 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,437 Taking a pill is not gonna make you smarter, Charlie. 87 00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,296 I don't know about that, frank. 88 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,541 I've listened to five books on tape already this morning, five. 89 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,609 Charlie, come on, any idiot can listen to books on tape. 90 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,611 You're only doing that because you can't read, all right? 91 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,613 Trust me, if you're feeling any smarter, it's just a classic 92 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:24,605 case... 93 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,474 Both: of the placebo effect. 94 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,942 I considered that, but i don't think that's it, Dennis. 95 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,545 Whatever, you don't even know what the word placebo... 96 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,557 Placebo means from the Latin "placebo," meaning "i shall 97 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:34,515 please." 98 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,450 I listened to a chapter on that this morning. 99 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,451 This is... 100 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:38,452 Such bullshit? 101 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,720 I wasn't gonna say... 102 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,322 Gonna say that? 103 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,891 Dude, just because you're finishing our sentences, doesn't 104 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:44,992 make you s-s-s... 105 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:45,993 Both: Intelligent. 106 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:46,994 Oh! 107 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,830 (Charlie laughs) Guys, guys, we've got a huge 108 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:50,998 problem back there. 109 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,842 Ugh, big rat, like the biggest ever in the back office. 110 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,911 Uh, that sounds like Charlie work, so, Charlie, why don't you 111 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,904 hop on that, and be smart about it. 112 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,439 Good pleasantry, cute. 113 00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,840 How about no? 114 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:00,908 What do you mean "no"? 115 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,175 How about you kill the rat? 116 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,288 You know what, that might occupy you guys for about a week or so, 117 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,590 and that'll give me some time to continue my education in peace. 118 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:07,815 That be nice. Let's do that. 119 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:08,816 What are you talking about? 120 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,917 A week? To kill a rat? 121 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,453 Wh-wh-what kind of a genius rat are we talking about? 122 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,464 You have to be a real moron to get outsmarted by a rat, 123 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,656 dude. 124 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,659 Well, bonjours, killing the the rat, my friends. 125 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,961 * >> oh, and then I realized, 126 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:28,001 tang-see, that these so-called friends of mine have been 127 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,870 exploiting my labor for years. 128 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,772 An astute observation. 129 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,942 Conforms with marxist theories about the exploitation of the 130 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,777 proletariat. 131 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,780 It completely conforms when you think about it. 132 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:43,384 Ah, tang-see, these-these pills are having quite 133 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,552 an effect on me. 134 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,663 And the combination with my readings is really leading me 135 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,622 into some rather large ideas. 136 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,359 I think I could be on the verge of something groundbreaking. 137 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,493 Yes. 138 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,028 The work you're proposing will revolutionize the field. 139 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,630 Exactly, right? 140 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,699 Now, tang-see, let's-let's talk for a second. 141 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,401 What do you think my IQ is now? 142 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,469 And be honest. 143 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,804 Well, what do you think it is? 144 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,573 175? 145 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,807 Wow. 146 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,041 You know. Probably, yeah. 147 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,320 Now, I'm thinking if I were to double the dosage, I could break 148 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,413 200 easily. 149 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,482 You have to be careful, Charlie. 150 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,049 This is uncharted waters here. 151 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,819 Have you been having any side effects? 152 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,654 Yes. Okay, yes. 153 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:23,357 There's-there's been a-a slight ringing in my ears. 154 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,759 My-my legs grow numb from time to time. 155 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,761 I ache all over if I'm being honest, but... 156 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,763 (Door opens) I got Mongolian barbecue and 157 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,933 police academy: Mission to Moscow. 158 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,569 Frank, frank, frank, frank, i got to stop you. 159 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,614 Uh, tonight is really not the best night for that, so I'm 160 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,606 sorry, man. 161 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,842 But, Charlie, it's gruesome twosome Tuesday. 162 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,712 Yeah, uh, I know it is, pal, but... 163 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:45,879 What? 164 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,891 I'm-I'm on the verge of something really groundbreaking 165 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,926 here and i-i really shouldn't be playing these childish games 166 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,051 anymore, nor should you. 167 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,052 We're the gruesome twosome. 168 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,054 You don't have to keep saying that, I know... 169 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,923 (Frank grunting) The sound effects won't 170 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:56,790 help you. 171 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:57,791 The gruesome twosome. 172 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,693 (Frank grunting) They don't further your 173 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,694 argument in any way. 174 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,864 (Frank grunting) (Speaking mandarin) 175 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,032 You speak mandarin? 176 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,535 Well, I do think I'm getting it a little bit. 177 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,870 (Both speaking mandarin) (Both laughing) 178 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:17,077 (Both speaking mandarin) (Rat squeaking) 179 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:27,488 Hey, Mac, Mac, I've located him... he's right near the hole. 180 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,722 Oh, good, let me bash him! 181 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,891 No, no, no... (Shushes) Oh, goddamn it. 182 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,092 He scurried away. 183 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,903 All right, well, when he comes back, I'm gonna smash him 184 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:34,895 up good. 185 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:35,896 No, no, Mac, come on. 186 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,097 We're smarter than that. 187 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,567 That's just gonna spread rat blood and disease all over the 188 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,568 place. 189 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,769 It's not about brute force. 190 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,171 It's about seduction. 191 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,574 See, I'm gonna place some enticing tunes for the little 192 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,775 guy. 193 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:55,415 And then I'm gonna bait this glue trap with some brie cheese. 194 00:06:55,449 --> 00:07:00,120 * and I want you here with me 195 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:05,493 * from tonight until the end of time 196 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:10,598 you should know... * hey, you guys catch that rat 197 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,599 yet? 198 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:12,833 Any minute now, Dee. 199 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,936 I'm telling you, glue traps are barbaric and messy. 200 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,540 I have come up with the intelligent solution. 201 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,841 Ultrasonic rodent repellant. 202 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,119 It emits a high-pitched sound that obliterates their teeny rat 203 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,111 eardrums. 204 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,112 Stupid rats. 205 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,114 Uh, those things don't work, Dee. 206 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,148 Oh, no? 207 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,450 Okay, how about we do a little wager. 208 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:33,153 The rat gets trapped to your glue trap and you win. 209 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,656 The rat scurries away and never comes back again, then I am 210 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,858 crowned the smartest in the... 211 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,126 Oh, god, gross. 212 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,161 Is that cheese? 213 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,462 Get it off me! 214 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,065 Get it off, I'm St... I'm stuck to your glue! 215 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,266 You guys! 216 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,836 You've trapped yourself on a trap that was designed for a 217 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,838 rodent with a brain the size of a walnut. 218 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,849 Now a normal-size woman would probably just be able to slide 219 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,851 her hand right out, but with those giant man hands... 220 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,710 Yeah, you really don't stand a chance, Dee. 221 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:57,711 Okay, I get it. 222 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,713 (Rat squeaking) Do you hear that? 223 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,715 I hear it... oh, god, it's coming! 224 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,983 It's coming to eat its cheese. 225 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,151 You guys, help! 226 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,995 Odd that it hasn't been repelled by your supersonic rat 227 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:06,987 scarer, Dee. 228 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:07,988 Guys! It's on me! 229 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:08,989 It's on my hand! 230 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,991 Oh, it's climbing up my hand to eat the cheese. 231 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,493 Now, where this gets interesting is when the rat 232 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:14,762 finishes the cheese. 233 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,898 Ooh, yes, maybe it'll nibble her hand down to a tiny, bloody 234 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,900 stump, then she could just slide it right out. 235 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:20,901 Hey. 236 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,703 Ah, goddamn it, it's gone. 237 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,072 It ate its cheese and then it ran away. 238 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,282 It didn't get stuck to the glue. 239 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,051 Huh, maybe this rat is a little bit smarter than we gave 240 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:28,842 it credit for, Mac. 241 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,111 Hmm. 242 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:39,219 He is whatever, I mean, is he okay? Sure. 243 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,220 Is he fine? 244 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,421 He's fine. 245 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,725 All I'm saying is that Stephen Hawking is much more of a lady 246 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,928 gaga than, you know, Johann Sebastian bach. 247 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,039 He-he's not, he's a pop culture figure like the Kardashians, you 248 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,031 know? 249 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:51,865 Hmm. 250 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,601 (High-pitched ringing) God. 251 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,602 Are you all right? 252 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,604 Yes, that's the shooting pain in the eye. 253 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:57,738 Jot that down, please. 254 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,874 (Speaking mandarin) Huh? 255 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:01,875 Yes, I heard-heard the words. 256 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:02,876 I'm learning mandarin. 257 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:03,877 It means "you got that right." 258 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,879 Yes, frank, I got what right, though? 259 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:06,880 The thing about the cripple. 260 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:07,715 What cripple? 261 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,582 Why are you speaking? 262 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,783 Stephen Hawking. 263 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,260 Dear god, we were talking about that like ten minutes ago. 264 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,253 But I didn't know what I was gonna say. 265 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,387 I had to look it up. 266 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,265 You never know what you're gonna say, and that's the 267 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,257 problem, isn't it? 268 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,259 (Speaking mandarin) Say that again? 269 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,962 (Charlie speaking mandarin) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 270 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,740 whoa, whoa, you're going too fast, I can't... 271 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,564 Go slower. 272 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,566 Frank, I cannot go slower for you! 273 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,567 Checkmate, tang-see, wake up. 274 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,568 Open your eyes, listen. 275 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:29,770 I cannot go slower. 276 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,848 Frank, I am thinking on the physical level, the metaphysical 277 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,073 level, the pataphysical level. 278 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,909 Every time you open your mouth, you drag me down into the mud, 279 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,078 and-and really, my-my... 280 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,248 (High-pitched ringing) (Groaning) 281 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,349 What? 282 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,583 You got a pain? 283 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:44,618 Charlie, I'm telling you. 284 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,619 Those pills are no good for you. 285 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,621 They're hurting you, those pills. 286 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,957 They're turning you into someone you're not. 287 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,660 (Tang-see speaking mandarin) Shut up! 288 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,127 (Laughing): Okay, okay. 289 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:58,031 Don't get cute, tang-see, you're not much smarter than he is. 290 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:01,201 Checkmate. 291 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:05,806 Well, you know, it-it, uh... hmm... 292 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,340 Try jerking it again. 293 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,609 Jerked it, I mean, I've jerked it so many times. 294 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,611 I've jerked and squirmed and squiggled. 295 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,612 This is crazy. 296 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,614 I mean, we should be able to figure this out. 297 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,615 Ooh, oh! 298 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,817 What about gasoline? 299 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,795 Pour a little bit of gasoline on there, dissolve some of the 300 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:19,787 glue. 301 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,030 You are a brilliant man, yes! 302 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,122 Try it. 303 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,623 Yeah, gasoline is a solvent. 304 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,658 That's basic chemistry. 305 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,126 Smart, Mac, smart, go grab some. 306 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,294 Oh. Yeah. 307 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,138 Yeah, all right. Oh, we got to be careful though because 308 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,240 gasoline is volatile and highly combustible so let's use extreme 309 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,299 caution. 310 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,668 Of course, only an idiot would just use gasoline 311 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:35,669 Willy-nilly. 312 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,670 It's gonna work. 313 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,805 Okay. 314 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,649 And in the interest of safety, I'm gonna go ahead and 315 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,651 just make sure that this is, in fact, gasoline because Charlie 316 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,310 likes to keep booze in here sometimes. 317 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,311 That's true, he does do that. 318 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,312 Mm-hmm. 319 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,314 (Sniffs) Yeah! 320 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,648 Yeah, yeah, that's definitely... 321 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,317 (Whoops) Let me double check because, 322 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,328 you know, you're sense of smell has always been pretty stupid. 323 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,186 You want to...? 324 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,188 Yeah, yeah, let me just check it out. 325 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,190 (Sniffs) Oh, oh, Christ, that's good 326 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,234 stuff... that's high-test. 327 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,226 Can I get a toot down here? 328 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,228 Yeah, yeah, go for it, go for it. 329 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,997 (Sniffs) Ooh, guys, yes. 330 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,166 Are you sure it's gasoline though? 331 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,167 I should just try it again. 332 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,737 (Dee whoops) Jesus, Jesus! 333 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,004 That's gasoline. 334 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,405 All right, let's blast off. 335 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,841 Engage thrusters, captain. 336 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,852 Oh, all right, well, ground control, I'll take some. 337 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,844 Holy shit. 338 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,845 As long as we're blasting. 339 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,046 You know what? 340 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,724 Let's pop off on this shit a little bit, then let's get back 341 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,381 to business. 342 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,382 Yeah, okay. 343 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:23,383 This is making me feel... 344 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,684 Oh, shit, there he goes. 345 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,887 (Rat squeaking) Oh, he's a squirrely little 346 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,921 bastard, isn't he? 347 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:28,956 You son of a bitch. 348 00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,091 He's making I and you look dumb. 349 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,125 Yeah... uh... 350 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,695 "I and you." No, me and you, me, you, me, I. 351 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,064 It was you and I? 352 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,131 You and I... 353 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,933 Me and you look dumb. 354 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:40,934 (Laughs) Dumb. 355 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:41,935 It's got to be... 356 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:42,936 Dumb is a funny word. 357 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,938 Me and... dumb is a funny word. 358 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:45,806 Dumb. 359 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,473 Dumb. 360 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:47,374 Pass the gas. 361 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,375 Dumb. 362 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,209 Pass it, pass it. 363 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,210 Pass the gas. 364 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,212 (All laughing) (Charlie speaks quietly) 365 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,419 (Scoffs) (Laughs) 366 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,888 Oh, yeah, you're reading now? 367 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,790 Since when do you read? 368 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,124 Oh, hello, hello. 369 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,960 Uh, well, I was just glancing at war and peace and let me 370 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:11,064 tell you, I side with Shakespeare on brevity. 371 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,766 "Brevity is the soul of wit." 372 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,067 Which, uh... 373 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,079 Do I have to put on training wheels for this conversation or 374 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,337 is, uh... what is this? 375 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,338 What are you doing? 376 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,339 I'm having dinner with you. 377 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,741 I see, you've lifted the restraining order? 378 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,010 Oh, no, no, no. 379 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,188 I'm not lifting the restraining order, but frank paid me $500 to 380 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,414 be here, and so I'm having dinner with you. 381 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,416 Ah, I see. 382 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,984 Do you? 'Cause I don't. 383 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,095 I didn't ask questions though. 384 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,130 Well, it's all rather transparent really, isn't it? 385 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,424 Frank and I have always been very close as you know, uh, but 386 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:41,461 I've turned a corner, if you will, with my life recently. 387 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:45,098 I have new, more substantial interests, new friends, better 388 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,543 suited for those interests, so understandably frank is feeling 389 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,203 somewhat marginalized. 390 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:54,207 Now, he's gone out of his way to enlist your aid, uh, in hopes 391 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,811 that my deep infatuation with you will, uh, perhaps pull me 392 00:12:57,845 --> 00:13:00,380 away from those people and those pursuits that have, in turn, 393 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,984 been pulling me away from frank as of late. 394 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,118 What now? 395 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,120 Frank's using you to get to me. 396 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,121 How are you? Never mind. 397 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,522 Moving on. Beaujolais? 398 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,558 Why don't you have a little bit, loosen up. 399 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:15,028 That'll get rid of that uninviting edge. 400 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,130 So, uh, tell me about yourself. 401 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,832 Are you quite well these days? 402 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:22,903 Well, uh, actually, I'm, like, okay because my boss, 403 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,906 like, at the restaurant, he, like, totally doesn't get me. 404 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,341 I mean, he thinks that being a waitress is, like, what I am, 405 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,377 and I'm like, "that doesn't define me, dude, okay? 406 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,913 (High-pitched ringing) Like, I'm saving up to open 407 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,147 my own nail salon." 408 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,884 (Distantly): And I have come up with all of these great names 409 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,018 for a nail salon. 410 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,229 Um, some of them are, like, the hand whisperer or finger 411 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,089 fantasy. 412 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,562 And I've been watching tabatha takes over a lot because it's a 413 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,326 show that takes place in salons. 414 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,427 Finger fantasy. 415 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:48,661 Finger fantasy. 416 00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,840 I've been watching this show called tabatha takes over... 417 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,866 Tabatha takes over, tabatha takes over. 418 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,936 And I have been watching tabatha takes over a lot, because it's 419 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,337 a show that takes place in... 420 00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:05,178 (Jaunty music plays) (Cat yowls) 421 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,013 Yeah, see? 422 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,080 The mouse always wins. 423 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,382 There's... there's, like, no winning with mices. 424 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,383 Cat keeps getting hurt. 425 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,251 He gets hurt. 426 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,086 Well, it's dangerous, yeah. 427 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,122 What the hell are you guys doing? 428 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,200 We're trying to watch cat and mouse cartoons to find out how 429 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,359 kitty cats deal with their rat issues. 430 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,862 If Charlie was still around, none of this would be happening. 431 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:27,300 He's distracted with that damn literature and science crap. 432 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,203 (TV switches off) Charlie is our foundation. 433 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,906 Where does a foundation belong? 434 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:33,573 Yes. 435 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:34,441 On top. 436 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,308 On the bottom. 437 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,209 Oh. 438 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,410 On the bottom. 439 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,055 We gotta go grab Charlie and drag him back down into the 440 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,047 sewer where he belongs. 441 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:40,981 Oh... 442 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,215 Well, well... 443 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,952 I can't, see, I've been outsmarted by a rat and right 444 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,553 now I'm stuck on its glue trap. 445 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,455 Did you try the gasoline, loosening it? 446 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,422 All over it. 447 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,167 That didn't work, but you know what does work? 448 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,225 Breathing it in. 449 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,961 (Laughs) Deandra, are you holding onto 450 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:54,627 the trap? 451 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,064 No. 452 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,565 Oh, I don't... I don't know. 453 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,433 Let go of the trap. 454 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:05,338 (Trap clatters to floor) (Laughing) 455 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,975 No... 456 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,276 No. 457 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,477 That's so stupid. 458 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,344 All right, come on. 459 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:12,245 We gotta go get Charlie. 460 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,080 Uh, no, no. 461 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,147 We'll do it. We'll... 462 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,182 Let's do it tomorrow. 463 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,349 We'll nap first. 464 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,650 I'm gonna go to sleep. 465 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,319 Could you turn the TV back on? 466 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,288 Tomorrow's good. 467 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,195 * ladies and gentlemen, you're 468 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:31,999 about to see the results of a bold experiment in human 469 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,500 intelligence. 470 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,667 He's totally different. 471 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,269 Totally different person. 472 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,106 We'll bring our test subject out now, and I think you'll find 473 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:42,042 him a rather incredible specimen. 474 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,344 Tang-see. 475 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,646 (Whirring) (Raspy): Ah... 476 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,554 What is happening? 477 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,532 (British accent): Thank you, tang-see, my-my dear, 478 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:57,324 dear friend. 479 00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:01,995 (Clears throat) A simple pill... 480 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:07,667 Ingested by a man who received a simple idea, a simple thought 481 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:11,638 so clear and sharp that it cut through his mind like a soft 482 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:16,476 cheese and led him to an invention. 483 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,644 Is he doing an accent? 484 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:18,845 Yeah. 485 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:23,216 Every now and then, there are new modalities, new ways of 486 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:26,186 being and understanding our world. 487 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:33,193 This invention... my invention... Will change everything. 488 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,363 For the better, one hopes. 489 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:41,068 But the good of the scorpion is not the good of the frog, yes? 490 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:47,174 (Laughing) (Coughing) 491 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,676 You must excuse me. 492 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,444 I've grown quite weary. 493 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,213 Come on. 494 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:56,783 Finally, my friends, at long last the day has come. 495 00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:02,689 We have the means, the understanding, the technology... 496 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:06,759 To allow spiders to talk with cats! 497 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:11,531 (Audience gasps, exclaims) (Murmuring) 498 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:15,702 (Cat meows) Our exploration into the 499 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:20,240 effect of environment upon intelligence was, alas, a 500 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,742 complete failure. 501 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:27,547 Self-confidence instilled by a placebo "intelligence pill" and 502 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,317 consistently reinforced by my assistant tang-see did not, in 503 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:35,054 fact, make the test subject smarter. 504 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:38,458 It did, however, yield fascinating results. 505 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,829 Uh, the most measurable effect was a sharp uptick in arrogance. 506 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,832 The subject was perfectly ready to believe he had learned 507 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,401 mandarin in two days. 508 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,736 Tang-see! 509 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,969 (Speaking mandarin gibberish) Again, this is complete 510 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,311 gibberish. 511 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:02,149 The subject believed himself to be a mathematical wizard. 512 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,252 Plus nine equals box. 513 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,253 All right? 514 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,787 That's where the cat goes. 515 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,424 And in the space of an hour, the subject has lost all 516 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:15,695 interest in a woman with whom he had been in love for years, 517 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:20,500 because of her perceived stupidity relative to himself. 518 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:24,103 Perhaps the most interesting were the series of side effects 519 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,539 that he believed himself to be having. 520 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,775 Uh, debilitating aches and pains. 521 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,811 It was all-all in his mind. 522 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,646 Huh. 523 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,683 Yeah, I guess I do feel kind of better, so... 524 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:41,321 I believe I was having the "plecebe" effect. 525 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,522 Placebo. 526 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,790 Pla-ce-Bo. 527 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,226 (Chuckles) Which is, of course, a... 528 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,460 A funny-sounding word. 529 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,328 That is a funny word. 530 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,296 It's pretty funny, yeah. 531 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,363 "Placebo." 532 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,364 "Placebe." 533 00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:53,233 Placido domingo. 534 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,702 (Laughing) Police academy. 535 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,637 (Laughs) Which is a good movie, frank. 536 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,572 It is a good movie, Charlie. 537 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,374 You want to go back and watch it? 538 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,475 With all my heart. 539 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,644 Please, can you not interrupt the lecture? 540 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:05,778 We're still, uh... 541 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,490 What is the point of this stupid, dumb-ass experiment 542 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,481 anyway? 543 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,750 Yeah, like, was he smart or not? 544 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:11,651 I don't even get it. 545 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,519 Uh, I don't think so. 546 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:13,386 Was I smart, sir? 547 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,554 No. 548 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,332 Again, um... if you could let us finish the lecture, and... 549 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,234 You stupid science bitches couldn't even make my friends 550 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,726 more smarter. 551 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,261 (Laughs) Hey, you're right! 552 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,272 Stupid science bitch couldn't even make I more smarter. 553 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:26,065 All right, let's get out of here. 554 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,934 Hey, Charlie! 555 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:28,935 Police academy. 556 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,737 Police academ is an awesome movie. 557 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,571 Mahoney! 558 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,572 Mahoney's my favorite character. 559 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,575 Captioned by media access group at wgbh 560 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,845 access.Wgbh.Org (Trio chanting backwards) 40463

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