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1
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:05,043
[ Mac ] Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,964
It's been one week
since my last confession.
3
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,804
Okay, my son.
4
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,920
In the name of the Father, Son and
Holy Spirit, what is your confession?
5
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,484
I'm fat.
6
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:46,687
C) great and angry God, I command
thee to smite my friends!
7
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,288
Now, calm down, son! Calm down.
Let's try and remain composed.
8
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,443
Okay, Father, I'll try, but I can't promise
anything 'cause I'm pretty excitable.
9
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,921
Also, I'm super-pissed
because my friends made me fat.
10
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:01,130
How did your friends make you fat?
Were they force-feeding you?
11
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,282
Well, no, not exactly.
12
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,046
This whole thing started because
we became incredibly successful,
13
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,250
and then they became monsters,
which in turn made them make me fat.
14
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,608
So, really, I'd like to confess on them,
because they're sinners and pricks.
15
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:20,409
[Chuckling ] Son, I don't think you
understand the purpose of confession.
16
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,165
Right. All right. Sorry, Father.
You need the context.
17
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,163
Let me start
at the beginning.
18
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,449
My friends and I own and
operate a bar in South Philly,
19
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,922
and a few weeks ago, we became more
successful than we ever have before.
20
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,889
It was insane.
21
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,764
Oh, oh, oh!
[ Chattering ]
22
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,923
Look who's back!
[Laughs]
23
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,321
I scored
a shitload of fireworks.
24
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,811
Out of my way, Frank.
25
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,611
Oh. Hey. [ Clears Throat ] Whoa.
26
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,684
North Carolina.
What a hell of a state.
27
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,286
Not now, Frank.
We're packed.
28
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,364
What the shit
is going on around here?
29
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,884
[ Charlie ] I really don't get it. I
don't see how we're so popular now.
30
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,725
I just can't wrap my head around this.
Were we doing anything different?
31
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,241
- Guys, we may have tipped.
- Uh-oh.
32
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,767
No, this is a good thing. This is what
happens with success in business.
33
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,566
Hmm? Okay, if you keep making
the right decisions over time,
34
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:18,850
eventually you will get to a point where
you tip and you become successful.
35
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,844
- It's like that book, The Tipping Point.
- I totally buy that!
36
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,527
Like, check out this decision. I keep a
very clean bar every day, very tidy.
37
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,489
I think people
respond to that.
38
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,490
They say, “What was that clean bar I was at
the other week?” And then they show up again.
39
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,490
And then someone says, “Hey, did you
see that clean bar? Let's go there.”
40
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,040
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my comedy, you know.
41
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,521
All my- All my funny jokes
and stuff that I throw out.
42
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,080
You know, I'm like the
cute, funny waitress...
43
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,245
who has all these one-liners and
hilarious jabs I throw at the customers,
44
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,766
and I add all that charm
to the place.
45
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,446
That's-
That's probably doing it.
46
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,364
Yeah, good-looking guy like myself,
takes pride in his personal appearance,
47
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,046
takes pride in his personal
hygiene, has great hair.
48
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,522
You put a guy like that behind the bar, and
people will eventually flock to this man.
49
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,649
That-That's what you're saying, yeah.
That's what you're saying.
50
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,610
- Sort of.
- I didn't think it was-
51
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,604
Look, the point is that we gotta
keep doing what it is that we do.
52
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,365
No matter how psychotically
vain- Right.
53
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,843
- Or needy and pathetic or, I
mean, just plain sad. - Right.
54
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,322
Let's not put labels on it, 'c:ause we don't
know which one is the one that is the most-
55
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,370
If we keep doing all of it,
then we will keep tipping up.
56
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,488
- Yes.
- Nice!
57
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:27,086
In order to maintain this success, I do
think though we need to get some rest.
58
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,768
Let's do the right thing here for once in our
lives, go home and get a good night's sleep.
59
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,320
[ Mac ] Bu! that sleep
would ne ver come, Father,
60
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,602
because success was about
to change everything.
61
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,365
Hey, Charlie,
you asleep?
62
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,323
Charlie. Are you asleep? No- No!
63
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,522
I had a great idea.
I don't want to hear it.
64
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,523
Frank, I'm a successful man now.
Okay?
65
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,523
I need to maintain
a certain level of excellence,
66
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,602
so I can't have you telling me
terrible ideas all night,
67
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,603
'cause that brings me
off my excellence, okay?
68
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,927
Okay, but this is a great idea.
I don't want to-
69
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,321
We take the M-80's
that I have...
70
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,971
and we stick 'em
in some lamb.
71
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,566
And “pa-chow!”
We blow it up!
72
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:07,362
Wh-What are you looking to do?
Flash-cook a- a gyro sandwich?
73
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,761
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
74
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,121
Flash-cook a sandwich.
Oh, my God. Do you-
75
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,850
Cook the meat
immediately.
76
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,242
What y0u're talking about is just a meat
bomb. That's a waste of a good lamb.
77
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,762
So if you're done with coming up with terrible
ideas, um, I'm going to go back to bed.
78
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,565
A meat bomb! Y-Y-Y-You blow it up.
[Groaning]
79
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,524
I mean, like, just take the
thing and stick it- [Yelling ]
80
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,689
[ Imitates Bleating ]
Aah!
81
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,521
I'm going to the crevice! No, no, no, no!
Charlie! Don't go in the crevice.
82
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,211
Charlie, don't go in the crevice.
I'm going in the crevice, Frank.
83
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,329
Don't go in the crevice.
Oh, come on, man.
84
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,124
[Si h
[Phone Ringing] g S]
85
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,770
Oh, my God!
86
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,091
Yell0. Hey-o. /z"s Mac.
I/I/hafis up?
87
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,363
Hey-d. "Sup? Yeah, I'm
gonna go out and rage.
88
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,966
ls Charl/e there ? Hey, it's Mac.
He wants to go rage.
89
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,247
I don't care.
I'm in the crevice.
90
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,051
He's in the crevice. Shit.
He's in the are vice ?
91
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,721
I'll come out with you. We'll go together,
have a ball. [ L ine Clicks, Dial Tone j
92
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,564
Hello?
93
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,644
I-I'm not seeing how this
relates to your weight gain.
94
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,449
Uh, I'm telling a story, Father.
[Scoffs]
95
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,807
Frank's not a guy that
usually comes up with plans.
96
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,281
You want to know all the key players
and how success affected them, right?
97
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,523
Well, I think your time could be better
spent if you focused more on yourself.
98
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,922
But I haven't done
very much wrong.
99
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,241
You know what, Father?
I'm just going to plow ahead.
100
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,243
Because I'm sensing
some resistance.
101
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:28,763
Dennis always tells me, never let someones
resistance stop you from getting what you want.
102
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,366
So, the bar's success continued.
103
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:35,001
But Dee's inflated ego about her comedy
was keeping her from doing her job.
104
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,448
Kids these days, they have so many more
choices than we had when we were little.
105
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,807
Am I right? I mean, it's like- Excuse me?
Excuse me.
106
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,287
Do you want to watch Kung Fu
Panda on Blu-ray- Excuse me.
107
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,687
Oh, my God. Yeah? We are still
waiting on those beers.
108
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,525
Yeah! I know.
[ Scoffs ]
109
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,843
Right in the middle of a joke.
And now where was I with it?
110
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,651
Can, um, we get those margaritas
that we ordered a while ago as well?
111
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,524
That'd be great. Yeah.
Can I finish the joke?
112
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,683
'Cause the funny part comes at the end,
so you're going to miss it if you don't-
113
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,366
- You keep trying to tell jokes- - Well, you
keep interrupting me, and that's why I'm not-
114
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:03,885
They're not really landing.
115
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,883
They're not landing because I'm
not getting to the punch line,
116
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,724
so if you could just be patient
and let me get it out.
117
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,486
- Kids these days have so many more
choices- - Don't try to finish the joke.
118
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,047
- I'm not gonna even listen. I just want
my margarita. - Do you want Kung Fu Panda-
119
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,561
You're not getting your margarita.
Thanks.
120
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,608
Why do we have this?
What is this?
121
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,047
Dude, where the hell
have you been?
122
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,849
Uh, slept in.
123
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,083
You slept in? it's almost the middle of
the night, man. Why were you sleeping in?
124
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,891
Oh, God. Well, because I drank
three bottles of champagne...
125
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,042
and hung out with a stray dog
all night under a bridge, okay?
126
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,810
It was sweet.
127
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,168
Can I please get, like, 2O margaritas so
this bitch will listen to my kid joke?
128
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,163
Okay, first of all, yourjokes never land.
All right?
129
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,608
So please don't concentrate on your comedy
anymore. 'Cause it's terrible, all right?
130
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,126
I'm sorry. I said it. Look, can
we just do what we normally do?
131
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,089
I shouldn't even
be bartending.
132
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,891
I'm in over my head, I'm yelling at customers
'c:ause I'm getting a little agitated here.
133
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,042
Can Dennis please come here and do this?
Where is Dennis?
134
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,088
Dennis is in the bathroom, and he's
been there for, like, an hour!
135
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,811
Okay, company meeting in the bathroom.
Okay, guys?
136
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,211
Company meeting.
Let's go.
137
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,966
Dennis! Where are you, bud?
Company meeting!
138
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,209
Uh, I'm in here. Good, man. Hop on out.
Company meeting.
139
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,688
- I don't want to.
- You have to. it's a company meeting.
140
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,245
No. What's going on in there?
141
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,845
I'm bashing it.
I'm bashing it!
142
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,844
Oh, no. No, no, don't bash.
l-l-I'll come out.
143
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,082
- Oh!
- [All Gasping, Exclaiming ]
144
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:22,121
Uh, I saw a couple gray hairs, and I was,
like, “I'll eradicate those,” and then-
145
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,771
- With black paint? - Well, just go
easy on me. Don't make fun of me.
146
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,531
I feel very sensitive right now.
It's hard to maintain all this.
147
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,090
You look like Superman.
148
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,811
Oh, cool. Yeah, right on.
Well, he was the original, right? So-
149
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,968
The original what?
S-Superhero.
150
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,208
He was, like- Is that
what you're going for?
151
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,169
- No.
- Dude, come on!
152
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,562
It wouldn't be that obvious if you didn't know
me. You'd be, “Shit. Maybe that's Superman.”
153
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,291
No, you wouldn't! Everyone knows who
Superman is, and they know it's not you!
154
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,925
- Shit. Right.
- Guys, come on!
155
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,367
Clearly, success is starting
to get to all of us!
156
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:49,805
We can't be Superman!
157
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,281
Yeah, no shit. I'm running
around like an animal out there.
158
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,930
All I'm doing
is serving drinks!
159
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,923
You're supposed to serve drinks.
You're a waitress.
160
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,685
People need their drinks, and we need
a waitress to serve those drinks!
161
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,649
Guys, don't change now.
All right?
162
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,247
We have a certain chemistry that got us
here to begin with. We don't need to start-
163
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,529
Aw, that's terrible! Let's just get back
out there and step it up a little bit.
164
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:12,242
Please? Let's just get back to work,
man, and do what we do. Okay?
165
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,971
“Back to work.
Back to work, everybody.
166
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,203
I'm Charlie, and I'm in
charge all of a sudden.”
167
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,089
Are you eating in there?
168
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,765
Uh,yeah.
169
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,320
I got some doughnuts and some
M&M's and some, uh, chips.
170
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,851
I could pass them through
if you want some.
171
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,082
You aren't allowed
to eat in here!
172
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,083
I'm sorry, Father.
I have enough.
173
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,730
If you want a doughnut,
I could give you one.
174
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,361
You better put that away or
come back when you're finished.
175
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,330
Okay.
I-I'm done. Done.
176
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,051
Uh, so Charlie
was up all night working,
177
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,761
and Frank kept coming up with
plans, and they were not good.
178
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,409
Oh, shit.
179
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,404
Oh, my God.
it's morning already, huh?
180
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,562
[Yawning 1
181
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,291
Ow! [Laughs] Hey, that's good.
182
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,767
You wanna do that to people? What is that?
What are you doing?
183
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,888
It's a plan. We'll do it to people.
We'll go around-
184
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,645
Look at that. Look at the look
on your face. That's so good!
185
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,848
Frank, I don't even think
you know what a plan is, dude.
186
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,049
All right, I got something else I've been
working on all night. Come with me. Lock up.
187
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,083
Don't hit me with the stick again.
Come with me.
188
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,611
Oh, my God.
189
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,524
Okay, Charlie?
All right, look at this now.
190
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,166
I put two extra stop signs.
Yeah.
191
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,805
Now there's four stop signs.
All right.
192
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,929
So no cars can go.
[ Laughing ]
193
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,405
Frank, you've just created
a four-way intersection.
194
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,403
If anything, you've made
this intersection safer.
195
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,721
No shit.
196
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,404
Oh.
197
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,609
Look, dude, I don't have time for these
shenanigans. All right? I need sleep.
198
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,569
I'm a success now.
I'm trying so hard not to tip.
199
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:48,966
Ow!
You need sleep?
200
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,003
Stop hitting me with the stick, dude.
This is the plan.
201
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,084
This is the one we should have done.
That was the one.
202
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,571
You little bitch!
203
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,008
And Charlie was, like, “I'm gonna
jam that stick up your ass!”
204
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,282
And then Frank was, like, “Come here,
you little bitch! Goddamn it!”
205
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,886
You don't need to repeat
all of the obscene language.
206
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,729
Oh. I'm sorry, Father.
207
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,121
I got lost in the moment
because I'm a natural storyteller.
208
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,885
- [ Groans]
- Anyway, I was being super prudent.
209
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,885
I was mapping out my successful
lifestyle- you know, champagne, sailing.
210
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,361
I've always wanted to sail.
211
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,802
I was really the only one who was handling the
success with class, to be honest with you,
212
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:27,169
when Dee interrupted me with some
lazy plan to get out of working.
213
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,322
- Lazy's a sin, right?
- Uh, you mean sloth?
214
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,205
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dee is guilty of sloth.
215
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,691
And she's pro-abortion.
216
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,566
Hey.
Okay, listen to this.
217
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,324
One sec.
218
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,607
Just picking out the places I want to
avoid when I sail across the world.
219
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,007
No. No Africa for you, huh?
220
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,969
I don't want to go to any
poor places, you know.
221
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,004
Successful guy like myself, I'll
have a target on my back. Right.
222
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,885
So,lguess that's,uh- (Dkay;VVeH-
223
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,970
And, uh, too cold.
Yeah.
224
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,481
Ugh. Too violent. Yeah,
it's hot down there.
225
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,120
Too angry.
Oh, the whole thing.
226
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,521
Just gonna sail around the United States
is what it looks like. That's all-
227
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:13,049
Uh, well, I probably
want to avoid, like, this.
228
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,487
Yeah. I don't blame
you for that.
229
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,967
And I don't know what happens out here.
Okay, I tell you what.
230
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,522
While you were planning all of this,
I came up with an amazing idea...
231
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,523
that's gonna
save everything for us.
232
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,649
You ready for this? We get
ourselves replacements.
233
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,922
That's not a very good idea.
Well, stay with me.
234
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,451
They're not just
any replacements.
235
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,205
They'll be the total embodiment
of us in looks and personality,
236
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,851
so that we maintain the same group
chemistry and avoid tipping.
237
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,248
So they'll be like our avatars?
Sure, if that helps you.
238
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,362
Let's tell Dennis.
Okay, yeah.
239
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,688
Hey, hey, hey, Dennis,
wake up.
240
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,565
- I'm not sleeping. - What are you doing?
Why are you hiding under the covers?
241
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,130
Mmm.
242
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,602
' Klee Q -
243
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,808
Do I look foolish?
244
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,326
Well, what in God's name
have you done to your face?
245
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,765
I got a chemical peel.
246
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,649
You look like
a monster, dude.
247
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,451
I was just trying to live up to
all of your expectations of me.
248
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:06,965
What expectations?
249
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,411
Physical perfection.
250
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,369
What?
251
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,649
Clearly, the success of the bar has proved
that I have achieved physical perfection.
252
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,371
And now there's nowhere else for
me to go but down from here.
253
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,807
So now I'm hanging on
by a thread.
254
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:23,090
Why don't you lay off the
skin treatments for a while?
255
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,491
Yeah, yeah.
256
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,882
Oh. You don't think I should
mess with my face anymore?
257
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,567
Well, right now it looks like you're
wearing a mask of yourself over your face.
258
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,244
- Uh-huh.
- Not a good one?
259
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,482
- Not a nice mask of myself?
- Not a good one.
260
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,881
Do you guys think that a normal
mask of me would look good?
261
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,440
- Oh, my God.
- And if there was, would you guys wear it?
262
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,325
What is happening?
I'm very confused.
263
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,402
I'm going to be alone.
264
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,731
Okay.
265
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,086
[ Mac ] And without Dennis to shit
all 0 ver Dee's ideas with me,
266
00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:00,451
I was lured into her very lazy,
slothy, sinful avatar plan.
267
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,491
Mmm. I got to say,
I like what I'm seeing here.
268
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,722
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, let me, uh-
269
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,963
Let me just fill you in
on what we're doing here.
270
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,520
See, Mac and I run the
hottest bar in Philadelphia,
271
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,570
and we are looking for a couple of
employees to fill our shoes, literally.
272
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,564
Mmm. That said, there's a set of
dumbbells to your feet there.
273
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,042
I'd like you to lift those and curl
them, but don't do it in a normal way.
274
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,283
- Now, this is for a bartending job, right?
- Yeah.
275
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,165
Yeah, this is all part of it.
Now, get to work, beefcake. Okay.
276
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,925
Guess I can fire off
a couple reverse curls.
277
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,321
[ Chuckles ] He said
“fire off.” I like that.
278
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,210
- Yeah, I heard him.
- I like that. Look at that. Excellent!
279
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,802
Oh, man! He executed those perfectly.
[Sighs]
280
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,763
Knows exactly
what I'm talking about.
281
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,969
I'd like to fast-track him, Dee.
He's perfect. What? For you?
282
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,323
Yeah, of course. What do-
He looks nothing like you.
283
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,887
Well, no. Since we've been working, I've been
neglecting my fitness regimen. He understands.
284
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,249
No,no,no,no. You never, ever once
in your life have looked like that.
285
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,682
When I leave the gym, and
I have a full pump- Yeah?
286
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,524
[ Mac ]
Dee was right though.
287
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,843
For me to use that gorgeous
muscle monster as my avatar,
288
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,843
I had to put on
some serious bulk.
289
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,763
So did you go to the gym?
290
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,729
The gym?
[ Scoffs ]
291
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,208
Father, when Peter did the statue of David,
he wasn't just hammering at pebbles.
292
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,124
First, he ordered the Jews
to bring him a massive slab of marble.
293
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,806
Okay.
Let's wrap this up.
294
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,844
Right. Okay, so Charlie
was working his ass off.
295
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,969
But the customers were getting
just as frustrated as he was.
296
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,964
Clearly, the pressures of success
were cracking both he and Dennis.
297
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,362
Hang on a second. I got this guy.
I got my man right here.
298
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,206
You're the one who wanted the, uh, two
Coors Lights and the gin and tonic. Right?
299
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,726
No. I've been waiting half an hour
for a Jack and Coke.
300
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,041
You've been waiting half an hour?
Half an hour?
301
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,088
Well, with an attitude like that, you
can wait another half an hour, buddy.
302
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,969
Hey, this drink
tastes like bleach.
303
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,771
Because I'm dipping them in bleach
so that I can clean them faster.
304
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,683
I don't have time
to wash every single glass.
305
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,444
I dip it in bleach!
Then it's clean!
306
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,569
- I'm not drinking bleach. - Then get
out of my bar! Get out of my bar!
307
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,325
- I don't want to see you! Is that your buddy?
Go with him! - No. I don't even know him.
308
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,563
You don't even know him! Okay, well,
become friends on your walk home!
309
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,484
Get out!
[ Shrieks ]
310
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,126
Unbelievable.
What's going on, man?
311
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,567
What's going on, dude, is that
I'm completely overwhelmed.
312
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,246
I suck at bartending! I'm going crazy!
Everyone's yelling at me!
313
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,766
They're getting all pissed off!
Why is your face shiny?
314
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,763
I had my skin peeled off
with chemicals.
315
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,569
- Yeah?
- Want to know why?
316
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,246
- Not really.
- Well, it's just, uh,
317
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,130
you know, I've created a level
of success for myself that, uh-
318
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,441
I just don't know if I can
live up to it anymore, man.
319
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,887
My level of excellence is so high
that I'm feeling the pressures, man.
320
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,884
Dude, I'm operating at such an
excellent level. lfsinsane.
321
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,962
You know, I'm running at
a 1O of excellence,
322
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,407
and I'm used to being
at whatever number.
323
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,562
L-I don't even want to be at, like,
somewhere lower. But whatever.
324
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,325
The point is that I'm not
going to let the bar down.
325
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,563
Hey, being on the tipping point
is about working hard...
326
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,610
and caring about that work
and really giving it your all.
327
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,409
Let's get high
in the back office.
328
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,522
Let's get high and drop
all this, right? Yeah.
329
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,208
♪♪ [ Up-tempo Dance]
330
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,248
♪♪ [ Continues ]
331
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,402
[ Gasps ]
332
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,608
[Sniffs]
333
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,083
[Sniffs]
334
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:27,449
Deandra, you got to- All you
have to do is hold the pigeon.
335
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,251
I stick the M-8O under its wing.
I blow it up.
336
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,607
No, Frank. I'm not gonna
help you detonate a pigeon.
337
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,961
That would be terrible publicity
for a young comedienne.
338
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,963
Well, you don't
have to do anything.
339
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,929
We stick the pigeon
in there, we run,
340
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,691
the flock blows up, we got a lot
of tasty meat. Hold on, hold on.
341
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,127
Shut up!Shut up! What's going on?
Where is everyone?
342
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,130
I have all kinds of new bits
and no audience. Oh, shit.
343
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,450
Maybe we tipped too soon. No. No! I was
just starting to get a taste of success.
344
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,170
I need more.
♪♪ [ Continues]
345
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,651
What's that?
Music.
346
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,808
Coming from in the back.
Back here?
347
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,167
♪♪ [ Continues ]
348
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,851
What? Hey! What the hell are
you dick bags doing back here?
349
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,331
The bar
is completely empty!
350
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,961
I'm watching Charlie do his
thing, and it's good, man.
351
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,485
It's, like, good.
352
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,166
It looks like
we did tip, Deandra.
353
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,129
We might as well sin
and get high.
354
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,607
I mean, I'm a sinner too, right?
[ Chuckles ]
355
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,121
[Sniffs]
356
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,561
Oh, Mads the best! isn't he?
Oh, I love him.
357
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,769
Also, I'm pro-abortion, so I'm
probably going straight to hell.
358
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,923
Ho-ho! And I got fat.
I'm much fatter than Mac!
359
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,008
You're so fat, and,uh-
Oh, big, fat, big, fat.
360
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,401
[ Frank ] Big, fat titties.
Big, fat ass.
361
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:35,121
You got big, fat titties. And I
like to kill babies. Unborn babies.
362
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:39,569
I'm not exactly sure how that conversation
went, but I imagine it was along those lines.
363
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,849
The point is, six weeks later,
they dropped a bomb on me.
364
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,684
[ Explosion ]
365
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,764
We're not idiots. Of course I'm going to
take the precaution of boiling the blood...
366
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,127
before I use it. That
goes without saying.
367
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,328
It doesn't matter
if you boil it, Charlie.
368
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,724
You can't replace Frank's blood with bags
of blood that you found behind a hospital.
369
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,171
But wait, wait-
It just won't work.
370
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,242
Dennis, he's not going
to replace my blood.
371
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,921
He's going to add to it to make me
more virile. I'm just pumping more in.
372
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,048
So you're just gonna be bursting
at the seams with blood?
373
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,770
Yeah! [ Dee ] Oh, yeah.
374
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,763
Hey-o!
What's up, bitches?
375
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,763
I did it.
I'm 200 pounds.
376
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,411
- I'm as big as my avatar.
- What's an avatar?
377
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,290
You know, the avatar that we're going
to get to do all of our work for us,
378
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,601
so I can go sailing and Dee
can tell her stupid jokes...
379
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,126
and Dennis can pour
more acid on his face.
380
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,283
Are we still doing that? No. We gave
that plan up a really long time ago.
381
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,488
Is that why you've been stuffing
your face for six weeks?
382
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,564
Yeah! I've been trying to get as
big as my avatar, so we don't tip.
383
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,120
Dude, that was, like,
a million plans ago.
384
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,929
All of us,
including you,
385
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,123
we've been engaged in many other plans and
schemes since then. Wh-Where have you been?
386
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,971
You guys dropped the tipping point?
[ Dee ] Yeah.
387
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,486
I thought we were just putting it on
the back burner until I hit two hundo.
388
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,331
Why do you think we've been
calling you fat this entire time?
389
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,768
Wh-Why wouldn't somebody tell
me that we dropped the plan?
390
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:54,249
Stop chewing on food and start thinking about
what's going on in the bar and in your life!
391
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,805
D-Don't make fun
of me, okay?
392
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,929
I'm busting my ass out there
trying to do the avatar plan,
393
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,923
a-and now you guys
are laughing at me!
394
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,163
- But you have candy coming out
of your pocket! - [All Laughing]
395
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,562
I was hungry! I was hungry!
Don't laugh at me!
396
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,001
Don't laugh at me! [ Mocking
] “Don't laugh at me!”
397
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,849
[Grunting] [ Dee ]
He can't do it!
398
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,128
What are you doing? Is he
trying to rip his shirt off'?
399
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,966
You guys are going to hell! Okay?
You guys are going to hell!
400
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,362
- Don't laugh at me! - [
Mocking ] Don't laugh at me!
401
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,762
And that's it.
So now you understand.
402
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,490
I understand none of it.
403
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,331
Father,
my friends totally boned me.
404
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,971
They became successful,
egotistical monsters.
405
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,408
They forced me into this avatar thing,
and now they're totally ditching the plan.
406
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,881
But it's all about the avatar.
The beefcake avatar.
407
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,442
But you weren't gonna understand that
unless I told you the whole story.
408
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,010
L-I'm going to be perfectly honest.
409
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,686
I still don't know
what you want me to do.
410
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,082
Okay, urn, let me start at the beginning,
because clearly you didn't understand it.
411
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,004
No,no,no!No,no,no.
That won't be necessary.
412
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,005
L-if, uh- If I smite your friends
and absolve you, will you leave?
413
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,203
Yeah. You're absolved, and
your friends are smited.
414
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,726
In the name of the Father, Son
and Holy Spirit. Please leave.
415
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,122
[ Laughing ] Okay, great. Oh, urn,
when should I see the results?
416
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,090
- What are you talking about?
- When does the spell kick in?
417
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,561
Wh-When is God gonna shed
some of this weight for me?
418
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,041
- Six weeks.
- Great.
419
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,770
Not hard.
Perfect.
420
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,968
Uh, glory unto you,
ghost man in the sky...
421
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,168
that created us all
and predetermines everything.
422
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,324
[ Chuckles ] I'll see you in six weeks.
[ Priest Groans]
423
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,370
[ Voices Speaking Backwards]
424
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,241
English - US - PSDH
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